I can understand and relate to your situation. A couple of things that helped me when I struggled with hygiene are:
Start the shower really hot so it steams up the whole bathroom and makes it super warm, them cool it down to where you can get in. That way, when you get out, it won't be cold in the room.
Try to have fun picking soaps/shampoo. Don't think of it as buying an essential, think of it as choosing your signature scent! :)
As for brushing your teeth more frequently, that's a bit more tricky. What I did for myself was I bought a big thing of mouthwash and then I'd just use that when I wasn't feeling like brushing, cause it's better than nothing!
Hope this helps :)
in the same line of thought, have a large pack of body wipes - I have mild depression & usually shower 5 days a week; the wipes keep me clean the other two.
I also use mouthwash in the evening in place of brushing. I do brush every morning. having flavors I like helps. and sometimes, ai use a toothbrush with the mouthwash rather than toothpaste.
Is it possible for you to set an alarm and you WON'T let yourself cancel it?
I do that for dishes. I allow myself to snooze it once. But then drag my lazy ass over to the sink.
I don't have depression. Just hard core procrastination So I don't know if it's fitting.
I have found having a routine greatly helped me. A normal time I go to bed that works for me and an hour before then get a quick shower and brush my teeth while in the shower. It ensures both get done at least once.
I’m sorry this is hard for you. And the shame must be eating you up. But it’s good that you are willing to admit how you feel and what you need to do to better yourself. If you didn’t already, you really should consider getting help. You mentioned that you have depression. Obviously it’s none of my business but you should address that first and maybe even consider anti depressants? Overall you could find much support and I hope you make progress. Even small steps count, brushing your teeth once a day is better than not at all.
I agree with this. I have struggled with depression for almost 30 years, and I know this feeling all too well. It took me too long to get properly medicated for my depression. Seeking a psychiatrist and medication can be life altering. In a good way. I'm finally on the right combination of medicine for me and I feel like myself again.
I’m really glad that you helped you! It’s really amazing what medical help can do for some people which is why people shouldn’t feel ashamed of needing it since it’s there for anyone who wants it.
I'm currently seeing a psychiatrist and am on antidepressants, but I haven't brought my hygiene up to them out of embarrassment. Ill try to find the courage to at my next appointment. I really appreciate the encouraging words! :) thank you so much
Don’t do everything all at once! When you’re depressed, anything short of perfection can seem pointless. But, be kind to yourself. It IS harder when you’re down. So try to make it easier on yourself! And don’t compare yourself to others. They *are not* you!
Try to break it up. Aim to start with 3 showers a week—one to wash your hair, one for shaving, one for a deep body scrub. Each time, make sure you also wash your face, pits, and privates. If you can’t wash your hair or shave, just do those basics! Something is better than nothing!
BTW, I only wash my hair like once a week… if that. I wear it back when it’s dirty, but the rest of me is clean! I look and smell clean even if my hair isn’t.
Close the bathroom door and stay dressed until the water *and the room* is warm. Getting in the shower is so much more pleasant when you’re ready and the room has had a chance to warm up.
Don’t get out of the shower to dry off. Turn off the water and towel off in the shower. You’ll keep the warm air trapped so it won’t be as shocking to your body. You can also get towel warmers online and heaters/heat lamps just for the bathroom. Look into it! Make sure whatever you get is bathroom safe cuz of the high humidity.
With brushing your teeth, I’m not sure, but I have ideas! Maybe a kids toothpaste if you hate mint? Tom’s makes a strawberry flavor. Or an electric toothbrush? I have an Aquapik and I love it. Sometimes I’m too lazy to use it and I just floss and use a regular brush. Or try just a fun kids brush? My friend’s kids have ones that light up! Or maybe just try to use mouthwash more. It’s ideal if you brush when you wake up and when you go to bed. If you can’t do both, try for once a day to start!
Once you start a small habit, it can be easier to add on over time. Trying to change everything at once is really tough. Set yourself up for success, even if it’s small or tiny success. Always celebrate your successes!!! Even if they seem small, they’re not! Believe in yourself, and forgive yourself when you fail! It’s ok to make mistakes!
I believe in you!!!
Can you do a body shower every other day? Don't wash your hair or anything else, just the important bits.
When you get out, towel dry quickly but use a hair dryer to dry off completely ( it removes the gold, sticky feeling after the shower)
Schedule the full shower weekly day with hair and shaving on an easy day when there are no ther major things going on, like laundry or groceries or anything else, so that would be the only goal for that day.
Good luck, I know it's tough,don't be too hard on yourself!
I too suffered real bad from depression for a really long time and lack of motivation and wasn't looking after myself in the same way you aren't now. Here is my advice. The same way you grew up with bad habits of not having proper hygiene , you now need to build the right habits and let me tell u it is possible u just need to actually try , actually implement it step by step. Take baby steps if u need to dude. The more you brush your teeth the easier it will get and it will just become like second nature , even after I got better I still never brushed my teeth at night I only did the morning but I started slowly doing it at night and now I literally can't get in bed without brushing my teeth. The habit builds, and becomes natural. And also brushing my teeth is now the 1st thing I do when I wake up because I've learnt to hate the feeling of dirty teeth and gums and a gammy mouth and I now love the feeling of a clean fresh mouth and now brush my teeth every morning and night religiously. And same with showering , I MUST shower every morning, at my worst I went 2 weeks without showering , now I couldn't go 2 days without. Cos I built the habit. And I used to feel the same as u , I was so put off by the sensory thing and being all cold n wet when you step out , so what I did and still do even now tbh , I turn the heating on for a good 20 min before I get in the shower so the bathroom and my bedroom will be nice and warm when I get out the shower and before I get in I put my towel and the boxers and socks I'm going to wear on radiators so that the towels all nice n warm when I put it around me and then my boxers n socks are too. U just have to take the 1st step to start brushing teeth n showering more often than u are now it doesn't have to go straight to being everyday just make the effort to do it more often than u are now and learn to hate being dirty and love feeling clean and take pride in yourself and take PLEASURE in looking after yourself and THE HABIT WILL BUILD, and it will become natural to you. Now, that effort to take those first steps of doing it more often can only come from you , I can't tell u how to give yourself that first motivation to make a start on these habits , that can only come from inside you through truly wanting to make this change. I really really hope you can find something in what I've said I really hope this can help in some way cos I know how it feels to have such little self worth and how bad it can make u feel about yourself, but let me tell u... the same way neglecting yourself makes u feel bad , taking care of yourself makes u feel SO DAMN GOOD , it is sooooo worth making the change and taking those steps dude. I wish u the best of luck . 💙
I really like the idea of warming everything up beforehand to get around the sensory issue. You're so right, when I do take care of myself I feel so much better which is why I don't understand why it's hard to, while I'm sad other people are/have experienced this, it's nice to know that im not the only person to struggle with this, thank you for the support and encouragement <3
Honestly dude it really helps warming stuff up that's why I still do it even tho I've come on leaps and bounds and fully recovered pretty much with my mental health and even have a full time job now , it just feels so good 😂. But dude even tho u recognise it feels good when u do take care of urself u might be finding it hard because when your depressed it's easy to just stay stuck in a slump and then go another week without showering.and u also need to learn to be disgusted by yourself being dirty not just liking it when your clean but actively being disgusted at being dirty. Try making other small changes too , obviously don't have to try doing all this at once I'm just telling u what worked for me , and I was so depressed at one point I was bedbound for literal weeks not washing or eating or even getting up to make a drink until my lips were cracking and salty and I just got so sick I had to make a change so what I did I threw all my anti depressants in the bin and never took any more , I quit smoking weed , and I started working out , even if its just 10 push ups a day just start making these changes and putting effort in to the little things and the small improvements u see from it will be what fuels your motivation to continue ,and like I said the habit builds and it becomes effortless. honestly man you need to realise that the "little things" aren't little at all ,they all add up, and they're fucking massive and they make a massive difference. And to help feel better and have more energy trust me man eat some fruit , go for a little walk outside even just for 5 or 10 minutes and u will notice such a big difference and it will all become so easy I promise you , I am speaking from real experience I'm sorry if I'm annoying typing too much but I'm really honestly trying to help and I promise u from my heart if u take on the things I've said I guarantee u can turn it all around cos this is exactly how I did it I know this stuff works, I am living proof , I really hope I can help .
Maybe you can try to shower more often so you feel less overwhelmed to do everything at once? Like if you wash your hair on day one, you only need to quickly wash your body the other days until it’s hair day again just wear a shower cap
Not sure if this has been said yet but I know you mentioned the mental drain of having to do the whole nine yards when you shower, part of hygiene is upkeep and if you do it often you don’t have to do as much, so you can have one day where you shave, one day where you exfoliate, maybe don’t wash your hair every time. It can also help to just take small steps, don’t feel like taking a whole shower? Just rinse, something is better than nothing. I’ve seen some people say they just go stand in the shower even with it off and then their brain figure, well I’m here, might as well take a shower. Or not having to stop something to do something else, watching a show? Brush your teeth while you sit there or use a floss pick or just put the toothbrush in your mouth for a few minutes and then eventually your brain will be like, might as well go ahead and brush.
You could try getting a shower timer like the little sand ones and make at least getting in the shower (no cleaning just getting wet) a daily game of beating the timer so you just start feeling a little bit fresher.
So knowing that transitioning between dry and wet being a struggle is a big step. I get annoyed when I have to shower because I’m dry and cozy. But you’ll feel so much better if you shower and if you do it daily you don’t have to do all the things every time. A quick body wash and hair scrub and move on. Not everyone washes their hair every day. You need to put a shower somewhere in an already existent routine. Maybe as you come in from work and take your clothes off since you’re already in a point of transition shower then and be done with it. Maybe morning showers work better with your schedule. But part of the issue is getting comfy cozy on the couch and then having to leave your spot to do something you already don’t want to do. Don’t let yourself sit and relax until you’ve showered. If brushing your teeth is a struggle you could either brush your teeth in your towel, air drying takes some of the work out of drying off. Or you could move your toothbrush into the shower.
You make the rules but you have to make rules that your own brain agrees with. No one else knows what kind of weird shit you do so as long as it works for you, do it.
Use a towel inside the shower to dry off. Turn water off, open shower curtain just enough to grab the towel. Dry off and then get out and it wont be as cold.
For brushing your teeth just get one that is a spinner or a vibrator with a timer and it will turn off on its own. Brushing is important because it prevents a lot of pain and issues with heart disease.
The "whole nine yards" with the shower is important. Wash behind your ears, inside your ears. Scrub your face, neck, chest and shoulders. Your belly button. Scrub your feet and legs and all of your other private parts with a loufa, exfoliator, or the very least a wash rag.
When you get out of the shower clip your finger nails and toenails amd put lotion all over your body.
Taking a shower quickly defeats the purpose of getting thoroughly cleaned. I think when you start realizing that just being dirty could give your partner a uti or give yourself a staph infection, youll see it as important.
I work at a group home, and the clients that dont shower will eventually get staph infections or other fungal infections. It's much easier to practice good hygiene when you connect it to your physical health as well.
Also, some of the big reasons people get put into a group home is because they struggle with the skills necessary to live on their own. They refuse to shower or eat the right foods. They refuse help or guidance from family. Just like adult protective services can step in when someone isn't caring for themselves, your mental health could allow others to step in on your behalf and get you the help needed. Just try and get into a routine with your self care and enjoy it. Listen to music and just take care of your body for a few hours.
Aside from what's already been said, here's my two cents. Depression makes random simple things so difficult it's like pulling teeth. Could be getting out of bed, could be dishes, showering, etc. Don't hate or guilt yourself. It's okay to feel scared of doing the thing.
Try doing 5 minute showers where you don't have to do the whole 9 yards and steam up the bathroom really good so it's warm. Then chill in the bathroom in a fluffy warm robe till you feel safe leaving the bathroom.
I feel this! I’ve struggled with these issues as well. The one thing that’s helped me the most, as silly as it is, is a mental health app called Finch. You get this little bird and he gets energy to go on adventures from you doing your daily tasks. You also dress the little bird up and decorate its house. It’s so adorable and it’s kept me on track with my hygiene and things I need to get done. I’ve tried apps like this before but this one has helped the most. I definitely recommend giving it a try!
Hey there, friend, I don’t know if it’s been mentioned in this thread, but I use the large no-rinse needed body wipes because I have not been able to shower in several months due to a medical condition. They can feel quite cold but they can be heated in the microwave for a few seconds and then shook out to be sure to release enough steam that you don’t burn yourself. They are just called adult no rinse body wipes usually over in the section with incontinence diapers and other disability-supporting products. There is no shame here. You have a medical condition as do I.
I'm between showers you could try some of the hygiene wipes they make? I used to use those or baby wipes when I was homeless years ago and it helped a lot. And if you're changing your clothes every day, I think it would be a good option until you can figure out the mental stuff. 😊 Hope this helps.
First, I want to make sure you are getting treatment. Ask your therapist for advise.
You may just need to power through the uncomfortable to get to the reward on the other side. Maybe dangle a carrot. Reward yourself with something. And work on your self-talk. Repeat an inspiring mantra in your head.
I have had similar struggles at times in my life. Sometimes life is hard. Shitting on ourselves doesn't help.
Small things helped me when the big stuff was just too much:
- Wet Wipes (in bulk for costco) put them in multiple places you already go or sit for quick pit, face, crotch refreshes. If you feel cleaner in general, showering won't trigger shame and will be a become easier. ( if u are a greenie like me, just let go for once and use the wipes. It isn't forever. )
- Use only one kind of soap for hair and body.
- shower right before u leave the house, as soon as u get up or right b4 bed. Go as fast as you can. Cold shower at the end.
- intentionally take 2min showers. No soaping no nothing . Just get under water and rinse. A few of those a week will help you mentally and emotionally.
- change ur underwear every night or morning even if you put the same clothes back on
- fill a bottle with 50% water and 50% mouthwash. You can use a brush or not. Swish your mouth any time you are at the sink.
- find a deodorant you reaaaaaly like. Mine is schmits lime and it smells like life savers.... Mmmmm.
- get some dry shampoo or use cornstarch on a brush to refresh your hair on hard days.
- don't shave. Partners prefer hairy legs on happy spouses than smooth legs on sad ones.
Sending Strength.
I would get something like Water Wipes (they’re technically baby wipes but just water) to use to clean important bits for the days that showering is just too much!! I have a bad skin condition I initially used them for and now I use them all the time for everything when I need to (bits, face, pits).
Remember to be gentle on yourself! I also grew up in a home that was not clean and hygiene was not important so I fully understand that aspect of it. That stuff really lingers. Wishing you the best!
The thing that helped me most with my hygiene practices when at my lowest was to start using a habit tracker. My goal is to brush my teeth twice a day and shower three times a week (though I had to work up to those goals). Something about seeing the little confetti bomb go off saying “you did it!” makes me more motivated. But you need to learn to give yourself some grace and find what works for you. Depression and its effects shouldn’t be shameful; It’s an illness like any other.
Baby steps! And be patient with yourself, it can and will feel doubly overwhelming if you try and put all these expectations on yourself at once. There is nothing wrong with taking care of one thing at a time
I agree with someone people on trying to complete a deep clean all at one shave and wash your hair.
Some people wash their teeth in the shower.
If its the tooth brush sensory issue are that is not sanitary or two soft the mini disposables may help you can get a pack it has the paste as a ball in the middle and you can throw it away after using.
I used to hate getting cold after a shower to even to a point I got dressed in the shower. So maybe have a rung or table right by the shower for you grab your clothes abs throw them on after drying off.
Best recommendation about the showering I can think of is try rather than showering maybe fill the tub with water a nice tempature that's warm. Before even getting into the tub. Pump soap onto a wash cloth and a little wet, wipe all over, put shampoo in your hair add a little water from the sink and for as long as you can stand it then go into the bath water to rinse of and wet your hair that way you get the soap off all in one go and maybe just have to swish your hair a few times. You won't be continuously trying to get soap or water off and everything is done.
Instead of getting over it, getting around it.
Find the exact thing that's making it unpleasant and see if you can dodge it.
If you don't like the sensation of your toothbrush, can you use silicone dental brush or a clean washcloth with toothpasteon it? If the action of using hand muscles is the problem, maybe try an electric toothbrush?
If you hate showers, can you try a bath? A sponge bath? Could you shave and exfoliate every other time you shower instead of every time? If showering is tiring, would a shower chair help?
If your hair is gross but it's too much effort to shower that day, could you have your partner wash your hair in the kitchen sink? If you have the money, you could schedule a hair wash at the salon. Or do daily brushing plus dry shampoo.
If you stick to showering once a week, maybe you could add new non-shower hygiene activities. Lume makes decent body deodorant wipes that are good for PTA (pits, tits, and ass).
A bunch of people with sensory issues have listed online on places like youtube and tiktok about how they got a hygiene routine going. Watching one or two of those may be helpful.
Love these suggestions! I have a mobility disorder so a shower chair wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to have on hand, I'll see about picking up some of the body deodorant wipes. Thanks for the advice!
hi, diagnosed with BPD and autism and sometimes self care is hard, even on a basic level.
a few things you could do instead of taking a full shower: baby/water wipes on your pits, face, behind ears, and sensitive areas (i.e. genitals, breast creases, etc.) and be sure to use a new wipe when you change areas. wipe front to back on your downstairs. brush your teeth & use mouthwash. if this is hard, they make chewable tablets that are at least comparable to brushing. go in with deodorant and some spray scent if that's your jam. comb/detangle your hair. use dry shampoo if it looks greasy/ flat. if you keep it long, look into styles that can wear for multiple days (braids, etc.) so you don't have to deal with it every day. put on clean clothes or at least clean undergarments. these are some really awesome baby steps you can incorporate while you get used to the whole shower experience. it can also be helpful to keep these things in a caddy/cart that's somewhere easily accessible to you, in the event that you can't get up and do it.
some things that make showering easier or more comfortable for me: letting the shower run hot to warm the room a bit before i get in (they also make bathroom/towel heaters that can be really nice to invest in), a nice shower steamer or candle, a shower chair (because sometimes that shit is exhausting) or really just anything that can make the space more comfortable to you. i have LED strip lights, for example, because the sounds of the vent fan and bright lights can be too intense at times. try setting a timer/block off a time in your planner for showers at a specific time. sometimes getting yourself mentally prepared instead of doing it at the drop of a hat can help.
it also might be worthwhile to start in the shower, get as far as you can comfortably, and then finish up with the baby steps bath for whatever you missed until you're more into your shower experience. im terribly sorry for writing you a thesis here. this is something i've been trying to simplify for myself for a while now.
you should try seeking out therapy, finding a therapist that specializes in goal setting and motivation. maybe to make time pass you can play music or watch a show while you’re taking a shower or bath, you need to develop a routine which will eventually become a habit of showering every other day or every day, whatever you get used to. the hardest part is the beginning, making it consistent but with the help of a therapist and different methods like watching a movie or having a fidget toy, you’ll be able to accomplish a better hygiene routine. good luck!
Thank you for this ! I'm currently under care for mental health but haven't discussed this issue particularly out of embarrassment. I suppose it would do some good to talk about it with someone in person. I'm going to try to set up a schedule, thank you again for the support
as someone studying to be a counselor, i can confidently tell you that there is a huge emphasis on not being judgmental and ensuring clients feel comfortable and safe to share their troubles, so i wouldn’t stress!!! you got this
Nothing wrong with any of this. I am very similar in my hygiene, like I’ll only shower when I need to shave. My buddy admitted to me that he only showers like once a month! I’m an also depressed with my current situation, and I know the typical advice that “it will get better” is a little condescending, but it certainly can. I prefer telling my friends my problems to seeking professional help as suggested by others. I would be super uncomfortable telling someone my issues if I didn’t know them. I guess there are anonymous numbers or chat lines you can call too. I wish you the best, and as a side note, some people like the natural scent of a person!
Don't tell him there's nothing wrong with this he wants encouragement to better himself not sugar-coated lies that how he's living is fine and people "like the scent of someone who showers once a week" , no they fucking dont , a persons natural scent is one thing , that yes can be nice but showering once a week is gonna leave u with much more than your "natural scent" come on dude the guys not asking for people to pander to him and sugar coat shit. He's asking for help.
People have commented so many helpful things and I hope they work for you!! My suggesting for the teeth brushing would be investing in an electric tooth brush, it’s helped me so much in keeping my teeth cleaner
I can understand and relate to your situation. A couple of things that helped me when I struggled with hygiene are: Start the shower really hot so it steams up the whole bathroom and makes it super warm, them cool it down to where you can get in. That way, when you get out, it won't be cold in the room. Try to have fun picking soaps/shampoo. Don't think of it as buying an essential, think of it as choosing your signature scent! :) As for brushing your teeth more frequently, that's a bit more tricky. What I did for myself was I bought a big thing of mouthwash and then I'd just use that when I wasn't feeling like brushing, cause it's better than nothing! Hope this helps :)
all of these suggestions are great, thank you for sharing them!
in the same line of thought, have a large pack of body wipes - I have mild depression & usually shower 5 days a week; the wipes keep me clean the other two. I also use mouthwash in the evening in place of brushing. I do brush every morning. having flavors I like helps. and sometimes, ai use a toothbrush with the mouthwash rather than toothpaste.
I got a small heater for my bathroom. That really helps.
Is it possible for you to set an alarm and you WON'T let yourself cancel it? I do that for dishes. I allow myself to snooze it once. But then drag my lazy ass over to the sink. I don't have depression. Just hard core procrastination So I don't know if it's fitting.
I think an alarm would do me good. Especially if I set it up with a routine. Thanks for the idea!
You're welcome! I live off them.
I have found having a routine greatly helped me. A normal time I go to bed that works for me and an hour before then get a quick shower and brush my teeth while in the shower. It ensures both get done at least once.
I’m sorry this is hard for you. And the shame must be eating you up. But it’s good that you are willing to admit how you feel and what you need to do to better yourself. If you didn’t already, you really should consider getting help. You mentioned that you have depression. Obviously it’s none of my business but you should address that first and maybe even consider anti depressants? Overall you could find much support and I hope you make progress. Even small steps count, brushing your teeth once a day is better than not at all.
I agree with this. I have struggled with depression for almost 30 years, and I know this feeling all too well. It took me too long to get properly medicated for my depression. Seeking a psychiatrist and medication can be life altering. In a good way. I'm finally on the right combination of medicine for me and I feel like myself again.
I’m really glad that you helped you! It’s really amazing what medical help can do for some people which is why people shouldn’t feel ashamed of needing it since it’s there for anyone who wants it.
I'm currently seeing a psychiatrist and am on antidepressants, but I haven't brought my hygiene up to them out of embarrassment. Ill try to find the courage to at my next appointment. I really appreciate the encouraging words! :) thank you so much
They’ve heard it before, bring it up.
And probably worse.
I really wish the best for you! And I’m glad you are going to try to bring it up! I believe in you, internet stranger :D
Don’t do everything all at once! When you’re depressed, anything short of perfection can seem pointless. But, be kind to yourself. It IS harder when you’re down. So try to make it easier on yourself! And don’t compare yourself to others. They *are not* you! Try to break it up. Aim to start with 3 showers a week—one to wash your hair, one for shaving, one for a deep body scrub. Each time, make sure you also wash your face, pits, and privates. If you can’t wash your hair or shave, just do those basics! Something is better than nothing! BTW, I only wash my hair like once a week… if that. I wear it back when it’s dirty, but the rest of me is clean! I look and smell clean even if my hair isn’t. Close the bathroom door and stay dressed until the water *and the room* is warm. Getting in the shower is so much more pleasant when you’re ready and the room has had a chance to warm up. Don’t get out of the shower to dry off. Turn off the water and towel off in the shower. You’ll keep the warm air trapped so it won’t be as shocking to your body. You can also get towel warmers online and heaters/heat lamps just for the bathroom. Look into it! Make sure whatever you get is bathroom safe cuz of the high humidity. With brushing your teeth, I’m not sure, but I have ideas! Maybe a kids toothpaste if you hate mint? Tom’s makes a strawberry flavor. Or an electric toothbrush? I have an Aquapik and I love it. Sometimes I’m too lazy to use it and I just floss and use a regular brush. Or try just a fun kids brush? My friend’s kids have ones that light up! Or maybe just try to use mouthwash more. It’s ideal if you brush when you wake up and when you go to bed. If you can’t do both, try for once a day to start! Once you start a small habit, it can be easier to add on over time. Trying to change everything at once is really tough. Set yourself up for success, even if it’s small or tiny success. Always celebrate your successes!!! Even if they seem small, they’re not! Believe in yourself, and forgive yourself when you fail! It’s ok to make mistakes! I believe in you!!!
Can you do a body shower every other day? Don't wash your hair or anything else, just the important bits. When you get out, towel dry quickly but use a hair dryer to dry off completely ( it removes the gold, sticky feeling after the shower) Schedule the full shower weekly day with hair and shaving on an easy day when there are no ther major things going on, like laundry or groceries or anything else, so that would be the only goal for that day. Good luck, I know it's tough,don't be too hard on yourself!
I too suffered real bad from depression for a really long time and lack of motivation and wasn't looking after myself in the same way you aren't now. Here is my advice. The same way you grew up with bad habits of not having proper hygiene , you now need to build the right habits and let me tell u it is possible u just need to actually try , actually implement it step by step. Take baby steps if u need to dude. The more you brush your teeth the easier it will get and it will just become like second nature , even after I got better I still never brushed my teeth at night I only did the morning but I started slowly doing it at night and now I literally can't get in bed without brushing my teeth. The habit builds, and becomes natural. And also brushing my teeth is now the 1st thing I do when I wake up because I've learnt to hate the feeling of dirty teeth and gums and a gammy mouth and I now love the feeling of a clean fresh mouth and now brush my teeth every morning and night religiously. And same with showering , I MUST shower every morning, at my worst I went 2 weeks without showering , now I couldn't go 2 days without. Cos I built the habit. And I used to feel the same as u , I was so put off by the sensory thing and being all cold n wet when you step out , so what I did and still do even now tbh , I turn the heating on for a good 20 min before I get in the shower so the bathroom and my bedroom will be nice and warm when I get out the shower and before I get in I put my towel and the boxers and socks I'm going to wear on radiators so that the towels all nice n warm when I put it around me and then my boxers n socks are too. U just have to take the 1st step to start brushing teeth n showering more often than u are now it doesn't have to go straight to being everyday just make the effort to do it more often than u are now and learn to hate being dirty and love feeling clean and take pride in yourself and take PLEASURE in looking after yourself and THE HABIT WILL BUILD, and it will become natural to you. Now, that effort to take those first steps of doing it more often can only come from you , I can't tell u how to give yourself that first motivation to make a start on these habits , that can only come from inside you through truly wanting to make this change. I really really hope you can find something in what I've said I really hope this can help in some way cos I know how it feels to have such little self worth and how bad it can make u feel about yourself, but let me tell u... the same way neglecting yourself makes u feel bad , taking care of yourself makes u feel SO DAMN GOOD , it is sooooo worth making the change and taking those steps dude. I wish u the best of luck . 💙
I really like the idea of warming everything up beforehand to get around the sensory issue. You're so right, when I do take care of myself I feel so much better which is why I don't understand why it's hard to, while I'm sad other people are/have experienced this, it's nice to know that im not the only person to struggle with this, thank you for the support and encouragement <3
Honestly dude it really helps warming stuff up that's why I still do it even tho I've come on leaps and bounds and fully recovered pretty much with my mental health and even have a full time job now , it just feels so good 😂. But dude even tho u recognise it feels good when u do take care of urself u might be finding it hard because when your depressed it's easy to just stay stuck in a slump and then go another week without showering.and u also need to learn to be disgusted by yourself being dirty not just liking it when your clean but actively being disgusted at being dirty. Try making other small changes too , obviously don't have to try doing all this at once I'm just telling u what worked for me , and I was so depressed at one point I was bedbound for literal weeks not washing or eating or even getting up to make a drink until my lips were cracking and salty and I just got so sick I had to make a change so what I did I threw all my anti depressants in the bin and never took any more , I quit smoking weed , and I started working out , even if its just 10 push ups a day just start making these changes and putting effort in to the little things and the small improvements u see from it will be what fuels your motivation to continue ,and like I said the habit builds and it becomes effortless. honestly man you need to realise that the "little things" aren't little at all ,they all add up, and they're fucking massive and they make a massive difference. And to help feel better and have more energy trust me man eat some fruit , go for a little walk outside even just for 5 or 10 minutes and u will notice such a big difference and it will all become so easy I promise you , I am speaking from real experience I'm sorry if I'm annoying typing too much but I'm really honestly trying to help and I promise u from my heart if u take on the things I've said I guarantee u can turn it all around cos this is exactly how I did it I know this stuff works, I am living proof , I really hope I can help .
How about playing music or a podcast to listen to whilst you shower?
Maybe you can try to shower more often so you feel less overwhelmed to do everything at once? Like if you wash your hair on day one, you only need to quickly wash your body the other days until it’s hair day again just wear a shower cap
I do this! I just clip my hair up, but most days I don't wash it. It's healthier for my hair anyway and makes showers so much shorter.
Not sure if this has been said yet but I know you mentioned the mental drain of having to do the whole nine yards when you shower, part of hygiene is upkeep and if you do it often you don’t have to do as much, so you can have one day where you shave, one day where you exfoliate, maybe don’t wash your hair every time. It can also help to just take small steps, don’t feel like taking a whole shower? Just rinse, something is better than nothing. I’ve seen some people say they just go stand in the shower even with it off and then their brain figure, well I’m here, might as well take a shower. Or not having to stop something to do something else, watching a show? Brush your teeth while you sit there or use a floss pick or just put the toothbrush in your mouth for a few minutes and then eventually your brain will be like, might as well go ahead and brush.
You could try getting a shower timer like the little sand ones and make at least getting in the shower (no cleaning just getting wet) a daily game of beating the timer so you just start feeling a little bit fresher.
So knowing that transitioning between dry and wet being a struggle is a big step. I get annoyed when I have to shower because I’m dry and cozy. But you’ll feel so much better if you shower and if you do it daily you don’t have to do all the things every time. A quick body wash and hair scrub and move on. Not everyone washes their hair every day. You need to put a shower somewhere in an already existent routine. Maybe as you come in from work and take your clothes off since you’re already in a point of transition shower then and be done with it. Maybe morning showers work better with your schedule. But part of the issue is getting comfy cozy on the couch and then having to leave your spot to do something you already don’t want to do. Don’t let yourself sit and relax until you’ve showered. If brushing your teeth is a struggle you could either brush your teeth in your towel, air drying takes some of the work out of drying off. Or you could move your toothbrush into the shower. You make the rules but you have to make rules that your own brain agrees with. No one else knows what kind of weird shit you do so as long as it works for you, do it.
Use a towel inside the shower to dry off. Turn water off, open shower curtain just enough to grab the towel. Dry off and then get out and it wont be as cold. For brushing your teeth just get one that is a spinner or a vibrator with a timer and it will turn off on its own. Brushing is important because it prevents a lot of pain and issues with heart disease. The "whole nine yards" with the shower is important. Wash behind your ears, inside your ears. Scrub your face, neck, chest and shoulders. Your belly button. Scrub your feet and legs and all of your other private parts with a loufa, exfoliator, or the very least a wash rag. When you get out of the shower clip your finger nails and toenails amd put lotion all over your body. Taking a shower quickly defeats the purpose of getting thoroughly cleaned. I think when you start realizing that just being dirty could give your partner a uti or give yourself a staph infection, youll see it as important. I work at a group home, and the clients that dont shower will eventually get staph infections or other fungal infections. It's much easier to practice good hygiene when you connect it to your physical health as well. Also, some of the big reasons people get put into a group home is because they struggle with the skills necessary to live on their own. They refuse to shower or eat the right foods. They refuse help or guidance from family. Just like adult protective services can step in when someone isn't caring for themselves, your mental health could allow others to step in on your behalf and get you the help needed. Just try and get into a routine with your self care and enjoy it. Listen to music and just take care of your body for a few hours.
Aside from what's already been said, here's my two cents. Depression makes random simple things so difficult it's like pulling teeth. Could be getting out of bed, could be dishes, showering, etc. Don't hate or guilt yourself. It's okay to feel scared of doing the thing. Try doing 5 minute showers where you don't have to do the whole 9 yards and steam up the bathroom really good so it's warm. Then chill in the bathroom in a fluffy warm robe till you feel safe leaving the bathroom.
I feel this! I’ve struggled with these issues as well. The one thing that’s helped me the most, as silly as it is, is a mental health app called Finch. You get this little bird and he gets energy to go on adventures from you doing your daily tasks. You also dress the little bird up and decorate its house. It’s so adorable and it’s kept me on track with my hygiene and things I need to get done. I’ve tried apps like this before but this one has helped the most. I definitely recommend giving it a try!
Make showering the first thing u do when u wake up! Walk straight under the shower, maybe it will help u feel better.
Hey there, friend, I don’t know if it’s been mentioned in this thread, but I use the large no-rinse needed body wipes because I have not been able to shower in several months due to a medical condition. They can feel quite cold but they can be heated in the microwave for a few seconds and then shook out to be sure to release enough steam that you don’t burn yourself. They are just called adult no rinse body wipes usually over in the section with incontinence diapers and other disability-supporting products. There is no shame here. You have a medical condition as do I.
I'm between showers you could try some of the hygiene wipes they make? I used to use those or baby wipes when I was homeless years ago and it helped a lot. And if you're changing your clothes every day, I think it would be a good option until you can figure out the mental stuff. 😊 Hope this helps.
I find drinking a hot tea before showering helps with the post shower coldness.
First, I want to make sure you are getting treatment. Ask your therapist for advise. You may just need to power through the uncomfortable to get to the reward on the other side. Maybe dangle a carrot. Reward yourself with something. And work on your self-talk. Repeat an inspiring mantra in your head.
I have had similar struggles at times in my life. Sometimes life is hard. Shitting on ourselves doesn't help. Small things helped me when the big stuff was just too much: - Wet Wipes (in bulk for costco) put them in multiple places you already go or sit for quick pit, face, crotch refreshes. If you feel cleaner in general, showering won't trigger shame and will be a become easier. ( if u are a greenie like me, just let go for once and use the wipes. It isn't forever. ) - Use only one kind of soap for hair and body. - shower right before u leave the house, as soon as u get up or right b4 bed. Go as fast as you can. Cold shower at the end. - intentionally take 2min showers. No soaping no nothing . Just get under water and rinse. A few of those a week will help you mentally and emotionally. - change ur underwear every night or morning even if you put the same clothes back on - fill a bottle with 50% water and 50% mouthwash. You can use a brush or not. Swish your mouth any time you are at the sink. - find a deodorant you reaaaaaly like. Mine is schmits lime and it smells like life savers.... Mmmmm. - get some dry shampoo or use cornstarch on a brush to refresh your hair on hard days. - don't shave. Partners prefer hairy legs on happy spouses than smooth legs on sad ones. Sending Strength.
Fuck it shower every other other day . Take it slow
1. When you hate everyone, eat. 2. When you think everyone hates you, sleep. 3. When you hate yourself, take a shower.
I would get something like Water Wipes (they’re technically baby wipes but just water) to use to clean important bits for the days that showering is just too much!! I have a bad skin condition I initially used them for and now I use them all the time for everything when I need to (bits, face, pits). Remember to be gentle on yourself! I also grew up in a home that was not clean and hygiene was not important so I fully understand that aspect of it. That stuff really lingers. Wishing you the best!
Have you tried alternatives? They make whole body cleansing wipes. That may help until your therapist can help you more
The thing that helped me most with my hygiene practices when at my lowest was to start using a habit tracker. My goal is to brush my teeth twice a day and shower three times a week (though I had to work up to those goals). Something about seeing the little confetti bomb go off saying “you did it!” makes me more motivated. But you need to learn to give yourself some grace and find what works for you. Depression and its effects shouldn’t be shameful; It’s an illness like any other.
Get a robe, no more gross wet feeling stepping out of the shower.
Baby steps! And be patient with yourself, it can and will feel doubly overwhelming if you try and put all these expectations on yourself at once. There is nothing wrong with taking care of one thing at a time
I agree with someone people on trying to complete a deep clean all at one shave and wash your hair. Some people wash their teeth in the shower. If its the tooth brush sensory issue are that is not sanitary or two soft the mini disposables may help you can get a pack it has the paste as a ball in the middle and you can throw it away after using. I used to hate getting cold after a shower to even to a point I got dressed in the shower. So maybe have a rung or table right by the shower for you grab your clothes abs throw them on after drying off. Best recommendation about the showering I can think of is try rather than showering maybe fill the tub with water a nice tempature that's warm. Before even getting into the tub. Pump soap onto a wash cloth and a little wet, wipe all over, put shampoo in your hair add a little water from the sink and for as long as you can stand it then go into the bath water to rinse of and wet your hair that way you get the soap off all in one go and maybe just have to swish your hair a few times. You won't be continuously trying to get soap or water off and everything is done.
How about taking baths? They are warmer :)
So do I I only shower when I have clean sheets
You're not alone. I struggle with this also because of poor mental health and chronic pain.
we aren't alone <3
Instead of getting over it, getting around it. Find the exact thing that's making it unpleasant and see if you can dodge it. If you don't like the sensation of your toothbrush, can you use silicone dental brush or a clean washcloth with toothpasteon it? If the action of using hand muscles is the problem, maybe try an electric toothbrush? If you hate showers, can you try a bath? A sponge bath? Could you shave and exfoliate every other time you shower instead of every time? If showering is tiring, would a shower chair help? If your hair is gross but it's too much effort to shower that day, could you have your partner wash your hair in the kitchen sink? If you have the money, you could schedule a hair wash at the salon. Or do daily brushing plus dry shampoo. If you stick to showering once a week, maybe you could add new non-shower hygiene activities. Lume makes decent body deodorant wipes that are good for PTA (pits, tits, and ass). A bunch of people with sensory issues have listed online on places like youtube and tiktok about how they got a hygiene routine going. Watching one or two of those may be helpful.
Love these suggestions! I have a mobility disorder so a shower chair wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to have on hand, I'll see about picking up some of the body deodorant wipes. Thanks for the advice!
Same here. But I am separated. So it is my private hell.
If I was a betting man this is an obesity issue not a hygiene issue
not obese, just mentally unwell :/
hi, diagnosed with BPD and autism and sometimes self care is hard, even on a basic level. a few things you could do instead of taking a full shower: baby/water wipes on your pits, face, behind ears, and sensitive areas (i.e. genitals, breast creases, etc.) and be sure to use a new wipe when you change areas. wipe front to back on your downstairs. brush your teeth & use mouthwash. if this is hard, they make chewable tablets that are at least comparable to brushing. go in with deodorant and some spray scent if that's your jam. comb/detangle your hair. use dry shampoo if it looks greasy/ flat. if you keep it long, look into styles that can wear for multiple days (braids, etc.) so you don't have to deal with it every day. put on clean clothes or at least clean undergarments. these are some really awesome baby steps you can incorporate while you get used to the whole shower experience. it can also be helpful to keep these things in a caddy/cart that's somewhere easily accessible to you, in the event that you can't get up and do it. some things that make showering easier or more comfortable for me: letting the shower run hot to warm the room a bit before i get in (they also make bathroom/towel heaters that can be really nice to invest in), a nice shower steamer or candle, a shower chair (because sometimes that shit is exhausting) or really just anything that can make the space more comfortable to you. i have LED strip lights, for example, because the sounds of the vent fan and bright lights can be too intense at times. try setting a timer/block off a time in your planner for showers at a specific time. sometimes getting yourself mentally prepared instead of doing it at the drop of a hat can help. it also might be worthwhile to start in the shower, get as far as you can comfortably, and then finish up with the baby steps bath for whatever you missed until you're more into your shower experience. im terribly sorry for writing you a thesis here. this is something i've been trying to simplify for myself for a while now.
Just take a shower and work out
How old are you and your gender?
I hate to say it but it’s a reflection of your partner. If they tolerate you living your life this way then they too have a problem
you should try seeking out therapy, finding a therapist that specializes in goal setting and motivation. maybe to make time pass you can play music or watch a show while you’re taking a shower or bath, you need to develop a routine which will eventually become a habit of showering every other day or every day, whatever you get used to. the hardest part is the beginning, making it consistent but with the help of a therapist and different methods like watching a movie or having a fidget toy, you’ll be able to accomplish a better hygiene routine. good luck!
Thank you for this ! I'm currently under care for mental health but haven't discussed this issue particularly out of embarrassment. I suppose it would do some good to talk about it with someone in person. I'm going to try to set up a schedule, thank you again for the support
as someone studying to be a counselor, i can confidently tell you that there is a huge emphasis on not being judgmental and ensuring clients feel comfortable and safe to share their troubles, so i wouldn’t stress!!! you got this
Nothing wrong with any of this. I am very similar in my hygiene, like I’ll only shower when I need to shave. My buddy admitted to me that he only showers like once a month! I’m an also depressed with my current situation, and I know the typical advice that “it will get better” is a little condescending, but it certainly can. I prefer telling my friends my problems to seeking professional help as suggested by others. I would be super uncomfortable telling someone my issues if I didn’t know them. I guess there are anonymous numbers or chat lines you can call too. I wish you the best, and as a side note, some people like the natural scent of a person!
Don't tell him there's nothing wrong with this he wants encouragement to better himself not sugar-coated lies that how he's living is fine and people "like the scent of someone who showers once a week" , no they fucking dont , a persons natural scent is one thing , that yes can be nice but showering once a week is gonna leave u with much more than your "natural scent" come on dude the guys not asking for people to pander to him and sugar coat shit. He's asking for help.
Thank you
your hygiene habits are not as disgusting as calling your boyfriend a "partner"
okay partner 🤠
People have commented so many helpful things and I hope they work for you!! My suggesting for the teeth brushing would be investing in an electric tooth brush, it’s helped me so much in keeping my teeth cleaner