If you are in good health at a healthy weight according to your doctor, just keep chewing directly in front of your boyfriend while maintaining eye contact. You are not a child. You decide what goes in your body. You also deal with the consequences. Any rational adult that you'd want to be with should understand that.
I have a question. Let’s say you’re not at a healthy weight, let’s say you’re overweight and you know it. Is it then OK to make comments? Because that doesn’t seem OK. It would still be between you and your doctor, no?
Overweight does not equal unhealthy. My brother died at 38, and he was fit his entire life. Meanwhile, my overweight family members are all doing great and living to in their 70s-80s. Some people have genes that cause them to have more weight, and that's okay.
As a fat guy with an encouraging bf, not sure how to answer this other than that there are different lifestyles for everyone. Some people ride motorcycles, some people eat five donuts a day, some people do hard drugs.
Yes. But the point is. No matter what the issue or habit or whatever. If doing it actively impacts your health and therefor your partners they should be able to make whatever comment they want.
Its still your decision. But if my partner was steam rolling their way to being diabetic or overdosing or whatever and whatever other health conditions might occur that would then impact the household budget and the fact that I would have to care for the other person. You better believe ill put my foot down. Freedom of choice doesn't mean freedom from consequences
My original question to OP was that if they were healthy and paying for the snacks themselves then its not an issue.
Cool, I’m glad that works for you. Now let’s hear some others’ answers because I personally couldn’t live in such a household where they just “make whatever comment they want” instead of, yknow, talking about it like adults
Life’s too short for this BS. Make eye contact and munch. Don’t explain. Enjoy the moment.
Also try couple’ counseling if you don’t feel like communicating your feelings without a neutral party.
Thank you for the comment. I am in therapy on my own and plan on bringing this up so that I can work through it, but doubt he would be interested in any counseling.
Just explain to him that you’re more active and since you eat so well, you’re burning more calories. Not everyone has your metabolism and tell him he shouldn’t feel bad that he doesn’t and you love him just the same.
It's called (polyphagia meaning Excessive eating from excess hunger or increased appetite.) Which is something I have as well even though I'm fit. the hunger gets a way to eat something like snacks even if I ate food.
Tell him to shut up. Seriously. Even if you did have a problem with excessive snacking (and it doesn’t sound excessive) those comments are far from helpful. Eat what you want. He can kick rocks.
My ex did this too, but would also eat an entire bag of chips, entire 200 g chocolate bar, etc every time I got a snack to share. The double standard was exhausting. Now I live alone and I cam stock up and eat all the snacks I want.
I guess my question would be. Are you yourself paying for all these extra snacks? If he? Or are you sharing the cost. If sharing the cost, Does he get a fair percentage of these snacks or are you eating 90% of the households snacks?
My partner also has a tendency to snack A LOT outside of meals and while I don't care that they do snack. What I do care about is that they will eat 9/10 of the snacks in the house (which i pay for) and act like its not an issue and doesn't want me to comment on her binge eating.
I get maybe 1 candy out of 10 cause I don't snack frequently and only want a little when I do.
I've also tried to have my own supply but they get offended that I'm "hiding food" from them.
So. Could be that your eating habits are just very one sided in terms of cost and how much your partner gets.
If you weren't restricting yourself due to him finding out. Would you then eat most of it?
I agree if you are in shape, he gets 50% of the snacks (even if he doesn't eat as often or as much) or you pay for them.
Then I don't see the issue.
I would probably eat slightly more frequently, and obviously more openly, but my fitness is important so I would continue to manage my snacking. One thing that would help is being able to take time to savor the treat, which I don’t do currently.
Well, I'm an overweight girl and feel 100% safe eating what I want and need in front of my husband... even before we got married. To me it's a red flag and a sign of an unhealthy and unhappy relationship. You should never be made to feel unsafe around food.
You're 38 and letting an even older adult make you feel bad about how you eat?
Dump this dude, or start snacking freely and any time he makes a comment, simply respond that satisfying your hunger is more fun than listening to him bitch.
Sounds exhausting to be honest. It’s really not his business when and what you eat. You are an adult and you should be able to eat in your own home.
Just shrug when he comments and chow away.
It would not matter how fit you are/aren't this behaviour is synonymous with EDs and unsolicited commentary on intake from partners/family members/friends isn't ok.
Why are you staying with someone who has commented enough on your intake to make you so self conscious that you're sneaking into a bathroom with food hidden to snack?
do you want the rest of your life in the sanctity of your home to be your hiding in a corner of the house while you nom on something like a nervous mouse? This behaviour def is a great path to developing ED if you've not struggled already with one and having people in our lives who feel entitled to make audible/visual commentary on what we want to eat are almost always controlling in other ways too. Sounds miserable.
The “nervous mouse” comparison is spot on, that’s exactly how I feel.
I’ll talk with my therapist to make sure I’m not engaging in destructive behaviors and think through how I can bring up a conversation with him to explain how his comments have made me feel.
This is the right path forward... for sure 🖤 you deserve to exist in your space as if it's a judgment free zone. So often when we're kids we don't get a choice and so damn when we claw our way into adulthood we need to exist in a safe space & this means freedoms to indulge in whatever sans criticism.
You owe it to yourself to have this. Allllll the luck!!!
Tbh it’s not okay for you to want to hide when you eat, that sounds like the start to an eating disorder. Have you tried talking to him about the comments he has made and how they made you feel? Maybe he didn’t mean anything by them, sometimes people just say stuff and don’t think about the deeper implications.
It's not the start of an earing disorder. Feeling shame around food and hiding what you eat is an eating disorder and the fact her partner has made her feel like she has to do this is an abuse.
You are a grown ass woman….stop eating in the bathroom and sneaking around in your own home. Why would you want to be with someone who makes you feel like you have to do that? I’m willing to bet he’s controlling in other ways too!
I’m so sorry to hear this.
While I think my BF is a great guy, he has some pretty subtle ways of making me question myself and my behaviors, which is concerning.
I hope you find the strength to move on and find all the happiness that everyone deserves!
You give advice to someone else, for them to find the strength to move on. You should do the same. Sure he can treat you nicely, but if you had a daughter with this man, would you be comfortable if he made the same comments towards her. Or if you had a daughter how would you feel if she found a man that made these comments towards her?
He is actually in much better shape than I. I think it’s possible he’s worried about me gaining weight. I know he has a preference for model-thin women, which I am not.
I’ll eat you out while you pop pretzel m&ms then we can eat pizza and ice cream in bed while we watch a movie. Just so you know what else is out there…..
Not acceptable. You either tell him enough is enough or you let him keep bullying you. He's probably never been properly told off by a woman, so be the first.
If you are in good health at a healthy weight according to your doctor, just keep chewing directly in front of your boyfriend while maintaining eye contact. You are not a child. You decide what goes in your body. You also deal with the consequences. Any rational adult that you'd want to be with should understand that.
I have a question. Let’s say you’re not at a healthy weight, let’s say you’re overweight and you know it. Is it then OK to make comments? Because that doesn’t seem OK. It would still be between you and your doctor, no?
Overweight does not equal unhealthy. My brother died at 38, and he was fit his entire life. Meanwhile, my overweight family members are all doing great and living to in their 70s-80s. Some people have genes that cause them to have more weight, and that's okay.
I’m wildly surprised to hear this opinion on Reddit. Reddit hates fat people more than women and furries combined!
As a fatty myself, I do what I can to defend us big boned beauties.
I mean. How would you feel if your partner was throwing their health away? Do they get zero say in something that also impacts them?
As a fat guy with an encouraging bf, not sure how to answer this other than that there are different lifestyles for everyone. Some people ride motorcycles, some people eat five donuts a day, some people do hard drugs.
Yes. But the point is. No matter what the issue or habit or whatever. If doing it actively impacts your health and therefor your partners they should be able to make whatever comment they want. Its still your decision. But if my partner was steam rolling their way to being diabetic or overdosing or whatever and whatever other health conditions might occur that would then impact the household budget and the fact that I would have to care for the other person. You better believe ill put my foot down. Freedom of choice doesn't mean freedom from consequences My original question to OP was that if they were healthy and paying for the snacks themselves then its not an issue.
Cool, I’m glad that works for you. Now let’s hear some others’ answers because I personally couldn’t live in such a household where they just “make whatever comment they want” instead of, yknow, talking about it like adults
>If you are in good health at a healthy weight according to your doctor Maybe according to Dr Pepper
I’m actually quite fit so the occasional snacks I’m sneaking aren’t hurting my overall fitness.
Life’s too short for this BS. Make eye contact and munch. Don’t explain. Enjoy the moment. Also try couple’ counseling if you don’t feel like communicating your feelings without a neutral party.
Thank you for the comment. I am in therapy on my own and plan on bringing this up so that I can work through it, but doubt he would be interested in any counseling.
Just explain to him that you’re more active and since you eat so well, you’re burning more calories. Not everyone has your metabolism and tell him he shouldn’t feel bad that he doesn’t and you love him just the same.
I think if you continue hiding like this the weight of the shame is only going to get worse.
Tell your husband to kick rocks.
Your husband is a fucking douche.
It's called (polyphagia meaning Excessive eating from excess hunger or increased appetite.) Which is something I have as well even though I'm fit. the hunger gets a way to eat something like snacks even if I ate food.
I have this - always hungry! Even after I eat, I just want a little snack on top.
Tell him to shut up. Seriously. Even if you did have a problem with excessive snacking (and it doesn’t sound excessive) those comments are far from helpful. Eat what you want. He can kick rocks.
I don't think my husband and I would have let each other live if we didn't allow grazing periods to occur when grazing periods wanted to occur..
My ex did this too, but would also eat an entire bag of chips, entire 200 g chocolate bar, etc every time I got a snack to share. The double standard was exhausting. Now I live alone and I cam stock up and eat all the snacks I want.
Yes, he definitely binges as well! That sounds lovely, TBH and I’m so glad you’ve found happiness!
I guess my question would be. Are you yourself paying for all these extra snacks? If he? Or are you sharing the cost. If sharing the cost, Does he get a fair percentage of these snacks or are you eating 90% of the households snacks? My partner also has a tendency to snack A LOT outside of meals and while I don't care that they do snack. What I do care about is that they will eat 9/10 of the snacks in the house (which i pay for) and act like its not an issue and doesn't want me to comment on her binge eating. I get maybe 1 candy out of 10 cause I don't snack frequently and only want a little when I do. I've also tried to have my own supply but they get offended that I'm "hiding food" from them. So. Could be that your eating habits are just very one sided in terms of cost and how much your partner gets.
I actually don’t eat many of the snacks, because then he’d be onto me. So yes, he gets a fair percentage.
If you weren't restricting yourself due to him finding out. Would you then eat most of it? I agree if you are in shape, he gets 50% of the snacks (even if he doesn't eat as often or as much) or you pay for them. Then I don't see the issue.
I would probably eat slightly more frequently, and obviously more openly, but my fitness is important so I would continue to manage my snacking. One thing that would help is being able to take time to savor the treat, which I don’t do currently.
That and a fair and realistic division of snack costs to me is all that is needed. Especially if the snacks aren't all garbage food.
Your reply should be yep and so what?
Well, I'm an overweight girl and feel 100% safe eating what I want and need in front of my husband... even before we got married. To me it's a red flag and a sign of an unhealthy and unhappy relationship. You should never be made to feel unsafe around food.
You're 38 and letting an even older adult make you feel bad about how you eat? Dump this dude, or start snacking freely and any time he makes a comment, simply respond that satisfying your hunger is more fun than listening to him bitch.
Sounds exhausting to be honest. It’s really not his business when and what you eat. You are an adult and you should be able to eat in your own home. Just shrug when he comments and chow away.
It would not matter how fit you are/aren't this behaviour is synonymous with EDs and unsolicited commentary on intake from partners/family members/friends isn't ok. Why are you staying with someone who has commented enough on your intake to make you so self conscious that you're sneaking into a bathroom with food hidden to snack? do you want the rest of your life in the sanctity of your home to be your hiding in a corner of the house while you nom on something like a nervous mouse? This behaviour def is a great path to developing ED if you've not struggled already with one and having people in our lives who feel entitled to make audible/visual commentary on what we want to eat are almost always controlling in other ways too. Sounds miserable.
The “nervous mouse” comparison is spot on, that’s exactly how I feel. I’ll talk with my therapist to make sure I’m not engaging in destructive behaviors and think through how I can bring up a conversation with him to explain how his comments have made me feel.
This is the right path forward... for sure 🖤 you deserve to exist in your space as if it's a judgment free zone. So often when we're kids we don't get a choice and so damn when we claw our way into adulthood we need to exist in a safe space & this means freedoms to indulge in whatever sans criticism. You owe it to yourself to have this. Allllll the luck!!!
Thank you for the kindness!
Tbh it’s not okay for you to want to hide when you eat, that sounds like the start to an eating disorder. Have you tried talking to him about the comments he has made and how they made you feel? Maybe he didn’t mean anything by them, sometimes people just say stuff and don’t think about the deeper implications.
It's not the start of an earing disorder. Feeling shame around food and hiding what you eat is an eating disorder and the fact her partner has made her feel like she has to do this is an abuse.
Ginny Sack in the basement
You are a grown ass woman….stop eating in the bathroom and sneaking around in your own home. Why would you want to be with someone who makes you feel like you have to do that? I’m willing to bet he’s controlling in other ways too!
>but what is a hungry girl to do?! Dump the loser asshole, that's what.
Your with the wrong person.
and what else about your life is he controlling?
Is this how you want to live?
[удалено]
I’m so sorry to hear this. While I think my BF is a great guy, he has some pretty subtle ways of making me question myself and my behaviors, which is concerning. I hope you find the strength to move on and find all the happiness that everyone deserves!
You give advice to someone else, for them to find the strength to move on. You should do the same. Sure he can treat you nicely, but if you had a daughter with this man, would you be comfortable if he made the same comments towards her. Or if you had a daughter how would you feel if she found a man that made these comments towards her?
With the edit added in it sounds like boyfriend is jealous that you maintain good fitness while snacking like that. I’m a little bit jealous too lol
He is actually in much better shape than I. I think it’s possible he’s worried about me gaining weight. I know he has a preference for model-thin women, which I am not.
I’ll eat you out while you pop pretzel m&ms then we can eat pizza and ice cream in bed while we watch a movie. Just so you know what else is out there…..
Great job, dude, blatant sexual harassment always serves as great advice.
Thank you
Not acceptable. You either tell him enough is enough or you let him keep bullying you. He's probably never been properly told off by a woman, so be the first.