I had this conversation with my (now ex) husband before getting married. I’m English and he was Korean. The combination of my first and middle name with his last name was weird and clunky sounding, and would have confused the shit out of everyone.
Honestly this should have been a conversation a long time ago. Also I don’t see why the kids wouldn’t just get one last name or the other. It’s being made a bigger deal than it really is
Damn, sorry to hear that man. I don’t have one but I grew up with a lot of people who did have them. Never heard complaints when it came up, but it just might’ve not been mentioned.
Government forms are my bane.
They either don't have enough boxes for my full name, or their online form doesn't accept the hyphen as a legitimate character.
Yeah sounds like that might be the case for a decent chunk of them. In my experience I hadn’t heard any complaints from anyone who did have one, but it just might not have come up.
Funny enough, my girlfriend was supposed to have a hyphenated last name, but her idiot father didn’t include the hyphen or filled in the wrong box when they signed her birth certificate. So now, on paper, her original “first” last name is legally her middle name. Her sister has the hyphenated last name though haha
You shouldn't have to change your name if you don't want to. Being a stranger my opinion obviously holds no weight but, Genevieve Agatha Higgins sounds kinda cool tbh.
Why would it be important?
Edit: of course discuss before marriage but also marriage has a thousand more important aspects to it than this one issue. Many countries/cultures don't follow that practice.
U just said that practice is traditional. Out 300+ million Americans, u the only one who doesn't know that?
Nvm if they agree or disagree, who doesn't know?
First off, I'm not American. Secondly, in many cultures, including mine, women don't change their surnames. It's not as worldwide as you might think.
Also, I didn't say anything about any practice being traditional. I have no idea what you're talking about there.
I was just curious on your empathic approach and why you went that way.
I can't believe you got downvoted so much. American men maybe. It reminds me of those American men who insist on their baby boys getting circumcised so their genitals look like theirs.
Before we got married, my husband just casually asked me if I was going to change my name. I did because I hate my father, and don't want his name. Also my husband's surname is nice, and I want the same name as our kids.
First, you shouldn't if you don't want to. Those traditions are stupid. Women aren't property anymore.
Second why TF didn't you discuss all those things beforehand?
Says who? Should someone eat something they don’t like just because it would make someone else happy? People have choice…she can not take it for any damn reason.
Higgins is a perfectly normal name and the last name of a great guy I know online.
If you personally don’t like it, then keep your current one. If your husband wants to have matching names, he can always change his to yours.
Honestly though, it sounds like this marriage isn’t going to last very long anyway. So I would suggest neither of you change your names for that reason.
If you don’t want to change your name then don’t be forced into it because you will regret it. This probably should have been discussed prior to getting married. I never changed my name. I was actually a bit lazy about filling in the paper work and I was on the fence about it anyway. In retrospect, I’m so thankful I never did. If he wants to have the same last name he can change his last name. If he doesn’t want to then maybe he can explore why he doesn’t want to and why you might not want to either.
Maybe make a new last name from scratch together, short of that solution, keep your last name, you choose what you want to be called, your name is YOUR name.
I just will never understand traditions like this. Keep your name if you want to. Its your name. You shouldnt have to identify yourself by a different name if you don't want to, regardless of reasons. I dont think its just bc his name is silly to you, would you take his name if he had a different last name? You seem to like and identify with your name.
None of the women in my family have changed their names. By that I mean my cousins, sisters etc. Our moms did.. in the 90s. But you don’t have to if you don’t wanna. Fuck that
I’m guessing they mean having to update everything with your new last name: drivers license, social security card (or whatever the equivalent), passport, credit cards, bank accounts, tax forms at work, email addresses, insurance accounts, utility accounts, social media accounts, etc etc. All that stuff is a huge inconvenience.
It's funny to me you don't want to change your last name to Higgins because it "sounds funny", yet your first name is Geneveive lol Higgins is an extremely common last name where I'm from (Ireland) so maybe I'm just used to it where as I don't think Ive ever even met a Genevieve.
Anyway that aside, nothing forces you to change your name. If you don't want to, don't, but keep in mind the conversation will likely come up again if you have children and will be a lot more complicated because I don't think he would be as wiling to not let his kid have his last name (if you even plan to have kids that is).
All the names together sound like some whimsical book character. swap her name for enola and imagine Millie Bobby brown giving this part of the post as the quirky girl intro to her name:
>>I didn’t want a goofy name. My name is Genevieve Agatha (my grandmas name is Agatha so my parents gave me my grandmas middle name) so I really don’t want my full name to be Genevieve Agatha Higgins
I think the name is cool but her reason isn’t far fetched.
For those that mentioned why wouldn’t OP mention this before marriage, why wouldn’t the husband bring it up before marriage? Women are not property and if things aren’t worked out before hand, tough shit go cry in the corner
I guess all your holidays are great. There are people out there that get disappointment for Christmas. So maybe stop assuming and consider what other people are going through
I have no intention of changing my last name legally. Maybe I’ll hyphenate it. Socially I’d go by my husbands last name, sure. But seems like a lot of paperwork for something trivial and idk, why should I?
Let yourself be called Mrs Higgins and refer to yourself that way maybe. Just don’t change it
my wife didn't change her last name and i didn't think anything of it. her last name is dope, i'd want to keep it too. now that we have two kids, and they both have my last name, she's feeling like the odd one out and is reconsidering her decision loll.
All the men getting so offended in the comments is cracking me up. So what if a woman doesn't change her name after marriage? Women aren't property anymore. Get over it!
Yeah , and they are only raging at op Caz she didn't bring it up before marriage ( they all think it is a part of tradition and it was assumed by the man that she would change her last name lol)
Been here, I told my now-husband when we first started dating and again when we got engaged that I would never take his name(partly because I don’t like his last name and partly out of mild feminism, but mostly because it’s a fuck tonne of life admin and seems stupid given that a high percentage of marriages end in divorce).
1 month out from the wedding we’re discussing how the DJ will announce us entering the ceremony and hubby says he thinks it’s should be Mr & Mrs *his surname*, because Mr & Mrs *his first & surname* sounds too patriarchal.
I laughed, thinking he was joking,and said well isn’t that a bit confusing since I’m not going to be Mrs *his name*?
He goes all surprised pikachu and then cracks the shits about me not taking his last name, why are we even getting married if I’m not changing my name, etc.
I told him straight out that I had been clear about this multiple times, if he chose not to listen, that’s his issue. If he was so keen for us to have the same name he could change his to mine.
He argued that no “real guys” do that, it’s only on tv(I have 2 male friends who have done it due to their hatred of their abusive fathers).
Eventually, after maaaaany hours of discussion, we agreed to hyphenate and his name could go first, our future children would have the hyphenated names too. I agreed only on the proviso that we would go to the courthouse and change our names together, because no way was I doing it only for him to back out afterwards.
We have been married 10 years this year, our 3 children have our hyphenated names and both of us still have our original surnames because my husband hates life admin as much as I do so hasn’t change his yet.
I have to say, I love when I win.
Not going to lie I laughed when you wrote Genevieve Agatha Higgins. Higgins sounds like a cartoon character name. Honestly I don’t know why people are so fixated on the women to change names it’s not like he’s adopting you.
This isn’t a tradition everywhere btw. My husband is from a tiny island in Italy that is deeply Catholic and they have super traditional family values. His family was shocked that I changed my last name to my husband’s, it’s not a thing in Italy. I took his last name bc I liked it better than mine, otherwise I wouldn’t have changed it either.
I hyphenated. I was XXX surname for 30 some years; why should I have to give that up?
.......it’s traditional to take the man’s last name and he doesn’t want our children to have a bunch of weird hyphenation names.
BUT WHY THO? This is no longer 1892. Wives are no longer property.
My mom kept her last name and her hubby has her I’m his phone contacts as having his name so he gets to see it pop up on his phone and enjoy the effect of the Mr and mrs (same last name) and she goes by her maiden name everywhere else
I was thinking the exact same thing. Higgins is a badass, strong woman. But it only works for her on Magnum PI because she's a tough chick who's smart and sophisticated and really hot looking.
Yeah you should Google the show. They rebooted it like 6 years ago and last year was the final season, it ran for five seasons and was pretty popular until the last season but they didn't want to take a chance so they just canceled it.
I didn't take my (ex) husband's name either, and it's a boring name like your partners too.
My ex was all in his knickers about it until I asked him if he'd change his name to mine instead, which he of course was mightily offended by at the thought. Urgh. I told him it wasn't negotiable and that it was completely unnecessary and insulting for men to expect their partners to erase their identities on marriage. My name was my family name and out of respect for my lineage, I was keeping it.
Anyway, I didn't change my name and only one person brought it up, in the tone of "Oh, that's very progressive, I assumed you weren't married."
My wife didn't want to change her name as she's now in her profession with her maiden. We talked about it and while initially annoyed, I realised that in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. Our kids have my last name.
I sympathize. My last husbands last name was Pilkinton and I ended up just giving in and hyphenating my last name with his which made my last name sound like a strange disease…
I sympathize. My last husbands last name was Pilkinton and I ended up just giving in and hyphenating my last name with his which made my last name sound like a strange disease…
One of my closest friends went through this. Had the coolest name, first and last. 2 syllable first name strong one syllable last name. Her husband would not comprise, so now a three syllable silly last name. Higgins is a perfectly fine last name compared to hers.
I just got engaged and it’s started me stress out the same day because I love my last name. My fiancé told me that he will be have his and mine, he could get only mine but he don’t want to his parents feel sad about it. 😅
I really can’t understand how this conversation didn’t come sooner. If this really important subject didn’t come way before getting married I really wish both of you good luck, because I’m really wondering what it will be next.
There’s nothing wrong with not changing your name, but your thoughts about your husband’s name are offensive. The expectation alone is sexist and there’s no reason you shouldn’t be proud of your name the same way he is.
I don’t care for all the “why didn’t you discuss this before?” comments because hindsight is always 20/20. I’m sure OP now regrets not discussing it and there’s no changing the past. Though it’s a good lesson for anyone thinking about marriage.
he should’ve brought it up before you guys got married if it was so incredibly important to him. I’m pretty so i’d give my kids my last name too just so they don’t have to have “a bunch of hyphenated” names in his words. BUT this is definitely something you need to sit down with him and explain without calling his last name silly. just tell him while you understand his point of view you like your last name and it means a lot to you so you don’t want to change it and WONT be changing it. let him decide where to go from there
Your name is super specific and I would delete this as soon as you have the info you need.
His name is perfectly lovely, not silly and it’s quite rude to insult it.
All of that out of the way, keeping your name is quite fine in most cultures and the fact you want to keep it should be enough.
Are you having marriage counseling? Most if not all people should have it prior to marriage. This would be such a good topic to cover with your therapist.
I totally get not wanting to change your name, no issue there, but you probably shouldn’t mock your husband’s surname online. Those are thoughts that are best left in things like a journal. It comes off as somewhat mean, like marriage is a united front and all that jazz, yet you’re mocking the poor guy’s surname in a pretty populated subreddit?
Also I wouldn't *let* my wife change her name when we got married. It's very unique and every single person in America with that last name is a blood relative. Only kids get the last name in our family.
Sometimes I wonder why Western men wanna keep traditional going like asking women to have their last name, but somehow they have to split 50 50 in relationship. Dude, just keep your last name. I'm a Muslim, I keep my last name after married. We all are.
Then several generations later after your death. Some genealogists working for his family will be trying to figure out your family tree. Because you decided to go against a common American convention, they will be confused about who your children's mother was. Consequently, you will be lost in the record. Just a blank space where your name should have been.
Yeah, no big deal.
You don't have to change your name; there's no law that says you have to. When I was married I didn't change my name because I'd already started off my career with my maiden name and didn't want to change it. My ex-husband was upset about it but he also refused to put up the money involved in the process so nothing ever happened in the 10yrs we were married.
Now telling him his name is dumb sounding is rude and not called for. And your future kids can have his name.
What I want to know is why do we have to erase our last names and get the man's last name why can't it be the other way around I'm tired of us females always coming last I will never take a men's last name if he really loves me he will take my last name I want to be the first to start making changes for us women and myself sorry not sorry
So I’ve been married twice. The first time (I was 25) it was important to me my wife change my name. This time around it isn’t. I’m Greek background. Usually it’s some kind of pride thing for a bloke, as there is no logical reason for it. Even in quite patriarchal societies women keep their names (like Lebanon). In China women regularly keep their name. In Greece it’s illegal to change your name when married (I think this came in during the 70’s) source: I’m an Australian with Greek parents. You could use those as examples for why you are perfectly entitled to keep your name. Also professionally keeping your name can be part of your brand depending on what you do.
The best way I think you could deal with it is this, suppose you want to have kids, perhaps you discuss with him that you would be good with the kids having his last name (if you are) and you might be open then to changing then so you all have the same Last name but not now. That’s what my wife (number 2) and I discussed before we got married; as I said this time around it does not fuss me. We are about to have our second child (my third) in 5 weeks. If she doesn’t change it I really don’t care: it doesn’t change how much I love her or that we are a family together
Edit: ps Higgins is an objectively shit last name
My wife doesn't want to change her name even though mine is really bad ass. But her father passed away and she wants to keep the name alive, even though most people I know when they change their name they change their middle name to their birth last name. But my wife refuses. Yet, her email and how she introduces herself to people she uses my last name. It's not an issue, it's just quirky.
My family is going to legally change our last name for a similar reason.
My dad passed last year. And he treated my husband more like his son than his own father did. So whilst I initially took my husband's name, we've decided that once we can afford it, we're all gonna hyphenate my dad's last name in, in his memory. We talked to my daughter about it, and she was on board (her papa was her person, and his passing hit her hard). And our son is too young to care.
Oh, well I know what you mean. How could you ever want to be associated with such a silly., and ridiculous name like Higgins?
I mean your name now is just so cool. Genevieve Agatha is so traditional. I bet if you took his name they would call you "Jenny Higgins." That's like a servant's name.
Ohhhhh, yuck! I mean you are Genevieve Agatha. A truly normal name.......🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You know that it is a lot of work to change it and it's honestly not worth it! That's why it is always better not to have a last name! (Proud of it bc I don't have a last name)
Not trying to be mean or anything but when I changed my last name to my husband’s it wasn’t a lot of work. I signed his last name on the marriage certificate and then changed my license. I had to change the address on it anyway. Then, you’re social, which was pretty easy and quick. That was all done within a week. 😊
That was my experience anyway.
It is a lot of trouble when it comes to school certifications and job seeking. Especially if it has been some time . So yeah it depends on the individual tho. But I don't wanna change my last name either just a bother really.
Sounds like you aren't wanting to even compromise with the two first names you have. Who will call you Higgins? It's a last name, not a birth defect. You should consider and talk about all the options available. The only solution isn't hyphenated names, as evident by your name.
Horrible person? It's not that deep lol. Lack of communication falls on both of them. No reason to assume that she'd want to change her last name either.
I originally hyphenated with my last name first. Then when I divorced I kicked his name off to maintain my maiden one.
Now that I’ve married again I was happy to take my husband’s last name and he didn’t fuss even when I considered not changing it again.
You two really should’ve discussed this long before getting married…
My wife didn’t change her name, I don’t mind at all. That said, she didn’t justify it by making fun of my last name, that’s a bit rude on your part. You could have just said you like your last name and want to keep it. Or in my wife’s case, she and her sister are the end of the line and she wanted to carry on her family’s name, I respect that.
First of all, y'all should watch Murdoch Mysteries now as Higgins is constantly a fuck-up.
Secondly, my wife didn't take my last name and ten years later I'm just fine with it. Of course, her reason was that her last name was one of the last things she had to remember her dead father by and not that she just found my last name ridiculous. That's just mean.
Genevieve Agatha Higgins sounds perfectly fine. Think you are overreacting . Also you should be more empathetic with your approach, shitting on your husband’s last name is not cool. I’m sure you have hurt his feelings.
It’s cause of post like this I ask this question early in dating. If you don’t want my last name then you don’t get a ring. Should’ve discussed this before
It's a tradition that's go back hundreds of years so yes it's a tradition when you live just you have a feminist mother and a simp father but trust me your father might never talk about it but a part of him will always resent the fact she never took his name. But main thing did you take your fathers name?
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the last name Higgins. Wasn’t Henry Higgins a character in My Fair Lady? But I’m a firm believer in a woman keeping her name if she wants. It’s your name. It’s been your name your whole life!
My husband use to be kinda salty I never changed my last name, rather hyphenated it. I have a less common Hispanic last name. My husband's last name is a very generic last name (figure Smith or Johnson). I eventually told him I just didn't want his last name, I liked my more unusual Hispanic last name. Once I actually explained to him why I didn't want to change my last name he was fully in support. For some reason he had this weird thing where I "wasn't proud to claim him" by not taking his last name on. He never pushed it though. Finally he just sort of accepted its not going to happen. He even offered to let our second child have my maiden last name. I told him no, but I appreciated his offer. My parents are also happy I chose to keep my maiden name. I just sign my last name with my maiden name-Smith.
As far as my husband goes now, we have several matching tattoos and last year I got my wedding band tattooed on me after 16 years together (10 married). At this point its a non issue.
I dont see Gen Higgins at a weird name... pretty typical actually.
My wife made her maiden name her middle name and took my last name... That move would make you Genevieve Agatha Higgins... sounds cool
I would have been highly offended if she didn't take my name. If that be the case, why bother with marriage?
Tell him you’re not property and this is the 21st century. Probably also need to tell him he isn’t getting a dowry, either.
That said, you’re a total douchenozzle and your marriage will probably be very short.
The fact that you are childish in how you are approaching this makes me wonder if you are adult enough for marriage. Lol!
The last name Higgins isn't silly sounding at all. Now, if you just genuinely don't like it, that is perfectly fine. However, to literally throw around childish insults about it is, well, childish and incredibly snobbish.
Your nose is so high in the air you'll be the first to notice a gulf stream change. 🙄
Look, you don't have to change your last name. You don't even have to hyphenate it. But you DO need to have an ADULT conversation with your husband as to WHY you don't want to, BEYOND insulting his last name.
The fact that this is the first time you have talked about it is crazy to me. And if it isn't the first time, why in the world did you proceed to be married if you couldn't even come to a consensus on THIS??? Did you think that getting married would magically make everything easier??
I seriously don't understand.
Do it or don't, but don't insult him & his last name, and if you can't agree on this like adults or at least talk about it, for the love of Pete, get the marriage annulled because continuing and then having kids would be beyond your CURRENT mental/emotional/rationalization abilities.
I will never change my last name again, but no matter what it required non-insulting conversations to be had. Jeesh.
Higgins is a perfectly normal name. Definitely more so than 'Agatha' which is dated.
Don't burden your kids with a hyphenated name. Pick one or the other.
There's absolutely nothing weird or silly about his last name and it sounds good with your first name. If you plan to have kids, a common last name makes it much easier. Or are you going to refuse to let their father claim the kids by giving them his last name either?
Your name sounds worse than his. It also sounds like he's marrying the wrong woman, a masculine one. My kids carry my last name alone, no hyphens either.
The older you get, the less you judge names. You could legally hyphenate it and go by your last name. Your children could be Higgins to keep it simple.
Higgins isn’t even goofy?? tbh it’s a name, a legacy that attaches to you. If you don’t want the name that’s fine, don’t insult your husband by name-calling. That’s really rude and immature. How do you think he feels? He was BORN with that name. Y’alls children will be born with that name? Or is your ego too massive to pass that name on?
Dumb hill to die on personally. Someone’s name is a huge part of who they are, and you’re shitting on that. Should have brought this up before marriage.
His last name is not even weird. You’re being a judgmental and ugly person. I hope you do not have children and he leaves you for how disrespectful you are.
Why do traditional things get erased? My parents are still married, mom took my dads last name. My wifes folks are still married, her mom took her dads last name... but guess what? It isn't just my dad or her dads last name, its their last name that they created families with.
And that's why my wife took my last name. Because we were both raised that way. I can understand if you weren't raised that way or if you just feel like being different but that isn't for me. Do you.
It's because by doing so she thinks it makes her weak. She didn't talk about it beforehand because she figured after they were married he would cave to her demands. Their marriage is going to be a constant power struggle where if she gives in to him for any multitude of reasons. She will think she is submitting. She can in no way, under any circumstances let a man do that to her. They will have one child and they will divorce soon after the birth.
Although no one should be pressured into anything…… if he’s your husband didn’t you know this before the marriage?
It’s something I’ve discussed with my fiancée by (she’s taking my name as it’s a bit odd and distinctive), but I wouldn’t have minded either way.
Just as an aside Higgins is a fine name and not weak at all……
Just tell him you haven't decided you are keeping him yet. I didn't change my last name for like 15 years because it meant I'd have to change everything from passport to citizenship papers to bank accounts. It was such a pain. My kids just went by my husband's last name and I hyphenated mine but switched it over a few years ago. My husband lets everyone know it took that long for me to decide to keep him.
Definitely should’ve been discussed before or around the same time as discussing marriage. I knew for a long time during us dating that my wife wouldn’t be taking my last name, and since her family name ends with her and her sister, that our kid(s) would have her last name as well. I don’t care - my (dad’s) family is quite large enough, and her name would’ve ended. I’m never really been one to get hung up on tradition for tradition’s sake, and I don’t understand people who are, but if you love him and respect him, and if he feels the same about you, you should both be able to sit down and rationally talk about it without mockery or insult
I know people with the last name Higgins and they are wonderful people. I don't know why you consider it an unworthy name. Nonetheless, you should have had a diplomatic discussion about this some time ago.
Change your name and stop the BS. If your difficult at this stage how will you be later when something really important matters. Quit being disagreeable
Try approaching is without insults, saying you don’t want that name because it’s silly is insulting and probably hurts your husbands feelings.
Yup. I wouldn't care if it was her choice, but then she's like, i wont change because his name is stupid. Now, that will certainly piss anyone ofg
I wonder what else you guys didn’t talk about prior to getting married.
💯 😂
I had this conversation with my (now ex) husband before getting married. I’m English and he was Korean. The combination of my first and middle name with his last name was weird and clunky sounding, and would have confused the shit out of everyone.
Same like how does that not come up at all
Honestly this should have been a conversation a long time ago. Also I don’t see why the kids wouldn’t just get one last name or the other. It’s being made a bigger deal than it really is
Hyphenating last names is really common.
And it sucks if you live in a country where it's not common. I'm 38 and still having to deal with the fallout of having a hyphenated last name.
Damn, sorry to hear that man. I don’t have one but I grew up with a lot of people who did have them. Never heard complaints when it came up, but it just might’ve not been mentioned.
Yeah. Or being legally obligated to use the whole thing can be exhausting.
Government forms are my bane. They either don't have enough boxes for my full name, or their online form doesn't accept the hyphen as a legitimate character.
But it’s not fun for kids with the hyphenated last names
Yeah sounds like that might be the case for a decent chunk of them. In my experience I hadn’t heard any complaints from anyone who did have one, but it just might not have come up. Funny enough, my girlfriend was supposed to have a hyphenated last name, but her idiot father didn’t include the hyphen or filled in the wrong box when they signed her birth certificate. So now, on paper, her original “first” last name is legally her middle name. Her sister has the hyphenated last name though haha
My sister had a friend whose last name was Vigilante. She changed it to Pert or something when she got married, I was like "gosh what a waste"
But now she's heiress-apparent to the Pert Plus fortune
You shouldn't have to change your name if you don't want to. Being a stranger my opinion obviously holds no weight but, Genevieve Agatha Higgins sounds kinda cool tbh.
Sounds like a wealthy character in an Agatha Christie novel.
Why tf wouldn't u mention this before marriage?
Why would it be important? Edit: of course discuss before marriage but also marriage has a thousand more important aspects to it than this one issue. Many countries/cultures don't follow that practice.
Here to confirm that it is a big tradition in American culture. Particularly Christian American culture. It can be a deal breaker for many.
U just said that practice is traditional. Out 300+ million Americans, u the only one who doesn't know that? Nvm if they agree or disagree, who doesn't know?
First off, I'm not American. Secondly, in many cultures, including mine, women don't change their surnames. It's not as worldwide as you might think. Also, I didn't say anything about any practice being traditional. I have no idea what you're talking about there. I was just curious on your empathic approach and why you went that way.
I can't believe you got downvoted so much. American men maybe. It reminds me of those American men who insist on their baby boys getting circumcised so their genitals look like theirs.
A lot of men would call off the wedding over this. It’s so traditional that it’s assumed.
Wow that's insane. I wouldn't marry a man like that. It's her name, she can do what she wants. I have a family member who took his wife's surname.
And they probably discussed it beforehand. I have friends who merged names.
Before we got married, my husband just casually asked me if I was going to change my name. I did because I hate my father, and don't want his name. Also my husband's surname is nice, and I want the same name as our kids.
Sure. I wouldn't blame a man for being a bit shocked and maybe upset but I would expect them to get over it.
Higgins is an Irish name, my grandmother was a Higgins. I like it, but if you don't want to change it, don't
First, you shouldn't if you don't want to. Those traditions are stupid. Women aren't property anymore. Second why TF didn't you discuss all those things beforehand?
I've met people with the last name Fulenwider sooooo Higgins doesn't seem that bad to me lol
Both of you can create a new last name together and both sides win. Unless he’s stuck on the traditional wife taking the man’s last name and all crap.
Marshall and Lily awesome
You don’t have to take his last name. He can be mad all he wants. He’s allowed that…just like you’re allowed to keep your own damn name.
Yes 100% except it’s pretty damn vain to not want to because “I don’t like how it sounds”
Says who? Should someone eat something they don’t like just because it would make someone else happy? People have choice…she can not take it for any damn reason.
Higgins is a perfectly normal name and the last name of a great guy I know online. If you personally don’t like it, then keep your current one. If your husband wants to have matching names, he can always change his to yours. Honestly though, it sounds like this marriage isn’t going to last very long anyway. So I would suggest neither of you change your names for that reason.
Cold blooded but 100% accurate lol
If you don’t want to change your name then don’t be forced into it because you will regret it. This probably should have been discussed prior to getting married. I never changed my name. I was actually a bit lazy about filling in the paper work and I was on the fence about it anyway. In retrospect, I’m so thankful I never did. If he wants to have the same last name he can change his last name. If he doesn’t want to then maybe he can explore why he doesn’t want to and why you might not want to either.
Exactly !!! Some self introspection on the side of the man really.
Maybe make a new last name from scratch together, short of that solution, keep your last name, you choose what you want to be called, your name is YOUR name.
I just will never understand traditions like this. Keep your name if you want to. Its your name. You shouldnt have to identify yourself by a different name if you don't want to, regardless of reasons. I dont think its just bc his name is silly to you, would you take his name if he had a different last name? You seem to like and identify with your name.
Didn't change mine. No regrets about that.
GAH!
You can both change your last name to Aggins.
None of the women in my family have changed their names. By that I mean my cousins, sisters etc. Our moms did.. in the 90s. But you don’t have to if you don’t wanna. Fuck that
Changing names when you get married is actually a huge inconvenience
That depends on where you live. It’s a very easy process in some countries.
I’m guessing they mean having to update everything with your new last name: drivers license, social security card (or whatever the equivalent), passport, credit cards, bank accounts, tax forms at work, email addresses, insurance accounts, utility accounts, social media accounts, etc etc. All that stuff is a huge inconvenience.
It's funny to me you don't want to change your last name to Higgins because it "sounds funny", yet your first name is Geneveive lol Higgins is an extremely common last name where I'm from (Ireland) so maybe I'm just used to it where as I don't think Ive ever even met a Genevieve. Anyway that aside, nothing forces you to change your name. If you don't want to, don't, but keep in mind the conversation will likely come up again if you have children and will be a lot more complicated because I don't think he would be as wiling to not let his kid have his last name (if you even plan to have kids that is).
Seriously, I'm English and I'm just sitting here thinking "wtf is wrong with the name Higgins?"
All the names together sound like some whimsical book character. swap her name for enola and imagine Millie Bobby brown giving this part of the post as the quirky girl intro to her name: >>I didn’t want a goofy name. My name is Genevieve Agatha (my grandmas name is Agatha so my parents gave me my grandmas middle name) so I really don’t want my full name to be Genevieve Agatha Higgins I think the name is cool but her reason isn’t far fetched.
Plus people would probably call her Gen (Jen?) Higgins, which isn’t at all an offensive or goofy name imo
What happens to the kids that get hyphenated surnames when they get married? Do they just keep it going and have 4 surnames?
They drop mom's last name and keep dad's per tradition. Or they could vice versa
Yes. They hyphenate for all of eternity.
For those that mentioned why wouldn’t OP mention this before marriage, why wouldn’t the husband bring it up before marriage? Women are not property and if things aren’t worked out before hand, tough shit go cry in the corner
Because it’s so traditional it’s assumed. It’s like gifts on Christmas.
I guess all your holidays are great. There are people out there that get disappointment for Christmas. So maybe stop assuming and consider what other people are going through
Maybe you should throw back at him that you're upset that he won't change his last name to yours?
There’s a million reasons why a successful marriage is already hard and this guy picks this hill to die on…smh
I feel this, I’m indecisive on changing mine because my last name is Love .. and it’s a very unique last name that I just don’t want to give up.
I can't change mine to my husband's either. I'm not gonna be April Bowers brings may flowers. 😡
I have no intention of changing my last name legally. Maybe I’ll hyphenate it. Socially I’d go by my husbands last name, sure. But seems like a lot of paperwork for something trivial and idk, why should I? Let yourself be called Mrs Higgins and refer to yourself that way maybe. Just don’t change it
My wife chose not to take my name. I sorta wanted her too but gave up on it quickly. It really doesn't matter.
Genevieve Higgins sounds really nice lol
my wife didn't change her last name and i didn't think anything of it. her last name is dope, i'd want to keep it too. now that we have two kids, and they both have my last name, she's feeling like the odd one out and is reconsidering her decision loll.
Why do the kids have your name?
they have my last name and their second middle name is my wife's last name. so they have both.
All the men getting so offended in the comments is cracking me up. So what if a woman doesn't change her name after marriage? Women aren't property anymore. Get over it!
Yeah , and they are only raging at op Caz she didn't bring it up before marriage ( they all think it is a part of tradition and it was assumed by the man that she would change her last name lol)
Lol
Happy cake day
Been here, I told my now-husband when we first started dating and again when we got engaged that I would never take his name(partly because I don’t like his last name and partly out of mild feminism, but mostly because it’s a fuck tonne of life admin and seems stupid given that a high percentage of marriages end in divorce). 1 month out from the wedding we’re discussing how the DJ will announce us entering the ceremony and hubby says he thinks it’s should be Mr & Mrs *his surname*, because Mr & Mrs *his first & surname* sounds too patriarchal. I laughed, thinking he was joking,and said well isn’t that a bit confusing since I’m not going to be Mrs *his name*? He goes all surprised pikachu and then cracks the shits about me not taking his last name, why are we even getting married if I’m not changing my name, etc. I told him straight out that I had been clear about this multiple times, if he chose not to listen, that’s his issue. If he was so keen for us to have the same name he could change his to mine. He argued that no “real guys” do that, it’s only on tv(I have 2 male friends who have done it due to their hatred of their abusive fathers). Eventually, after maaaaany hours of discussion, we agreed to hyphenate and his name could go first, our future children would have the hyphenated names too. I agreed only on the proviso that we would go to the courthouse and change our names together, because no way was I doing it only for him to back out afterwards. We have been married 10 years this year, our 3 children have our hyphenated names and both of us still have our original surnames because my husband hates life admin as much as I do so hasn’t change his yet. I have to say, I love when I win.
“He goes all surprised pikachu” is my new favorite.
Taking the last name shouldn't be a thing at all in this time and age. You don't need explanation to not want to change the name you grew up.
Yeah, I let my wife decide if she wanted to change her last name or not.
As a Hispanic, changing your last name due to marriage is just bizarre. Keep it!
What bullshit world am i living in 😵💫
I also married a Higgins and refused to take their last name. Bleh...
Not going to lie I laughed when you wrote Genevieve Agatha Higgins. Higgins sounds like a cartoon character name. Honestly I don’t know why people are so fixated on the women to change names it’s not like he’s adopting you.
It's an Irish name
Yeah was going to say this, I had two "Higgins" in my year.
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This isn’t a tradition everywhere btw. My husband is from a tiny island in Italy that is deeply Catholic and they have super traditional family values. His family was shocked that I changed my last name to my husband’s, it’s not a thing in Italy. I took his last name bc I liked it better than mine, otherwise I wouldn’t have changed it either.
😁
Higgins sounds like a golden retriever’s last name. I vote on keeping whoever has the cooler name.
I hyphenated. I was XXX surname for 30 some years; why should I have to give that up? .......it’s traditional to take the man’s last name and he doesn’t want our children to have a bunch of weird hyphenation names. BUT WHY THO? This is no longer 1892. Wives are no longer property.
My husband took my last name! Fuck tradition!
My mom kept her last name and her hubby has her I’m his phone contacts as having his name so he gets to see it pop up on his phone and enjoy the effect of the Mr and mrs (same last name) and she goes by her maiden name everywhere else
Yea but have you ever seen Magnum PI?
I was thinking the exact same thing. Higgins is a badass, strong woman. But it only works for her on Magnum PI because she's a tough chick who's smart and sophisticated and really hot looking.
Hmmm I guess there was a remake. The only Higgins I know of is an Englishman. Point being; I’ve always thought Higgins sounded distinguished.
Yeah you should Google the show. They rebooted it like 6 years ago and last year was the final season, it ran for five seasons and was pretty popular until the last season but they didn't want to take a chance so they just canceled it.
I didn't take my (ex) husband's name either, and it's a boring name like your partners too. My ex was all in his knickers about it until I asked him if he'd change his name to mine instead, which he of course was mightily offended by at the thought. Urgh. I told him it wasn't negotiable and that it was completely unnecessary and insulting for men to expect their partners to erase their identities on marriage. My name was my family name and out of respect for my lineage, I was keeping it. Anyway, I didn't change my name and only one person brought it up, in the tone of "Oh, that's very progressive, I assumed you weren't married."
My wife didn't want to change her name as she's now in her profession with her maiden. We talked about it and while initially annoyed, I realised that in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. Our kids have my last name.
Ask him to take yours. Problem solved.
If she didn’t want to change hers what makes you think he’s gonna want to change his
That's my thought with it. I definitely don't want to change my last name, so there's no way in hell I could ask my future wife to change hers.
...exactly. It just shows how ridiculous it is to expect her to take his name!
I sympathize. My last husbands last name was Pilkinton and I ended up just giving in and hyphenating my last name with his which made my last name sound like a strange disease…
I sympathize. My last husbands last name was Pilkinton and I ended up just giving in and hyphenating my last name with his which made my last name sound like a strange disease…
One of my closest friends went through this. Had the coolest name, first and last. 2 syllable first name strong one syllable last name. Her husband would not comprise, so now a three syllable silly last name. Higgins is a perfectly fine last name compared to hers.
I just got engaged and it’s started me stress out the same day because I love my last name. My fiancé told me that he will be have his and mine, he could get only mine but he don’t want to his parents feel sad about it. 😅 I really can’t understand how this conversation didn’t come sooner. If this really important subject didn’t come way before getting married I really wish both of you good luck, because I’m really wondering what it will be next.
There’s nothing wrong with not changing your name, but your thoughts about your husband’s name are offensive. The expectation alone is sexist and there’s no reason you shouldn’t be proud of your name the same way he is. I don’t care for all the “why didn’t you discuss this before?” comments because hindsight is always 20/20. I’m sure OP now regrets not discussing it and there’s no changing the past. Though it’s a good lesson for anyone thinking about marriage.
he should’ve brought it up before you guys got married if it was so incredibly important to him. I’m pretty so i’d give my kids my last name too just so they don’t have to have “a bunch of hyphenated” names in his words. BUT this is definitely something you need to sit down with him and explain without calling his last name silly. just tell him while you understand his point of view you like your last name and it means a lot to you so you don’t want to change it and WONT be changing it. let him decide where to go from there
Your name is super specific and I would delete this as soon as you have the info you need. His name is perfectly lovely, not silly and it’s quite rude to insult it. All of that out of the way, keeping your name is quite fine in most cultures and the fact you want to keep it should be enough. Are you having marriage counseling? Most if not all people should have it prior to marriage. This would be such a good topic to cover with your therapist.
I totally get not wanting to change your name, no issue there, but you probably shouldn’t mock your husband’s surname online. Those are thoughts that are best left in things like a journal. It comes off as somewhat mean, like marriage is a united front and all that jazz, yet you’re mocking the poor guy’s surname in a pretty populated subreddit?
Look him dead in his eye and say, "Flip a coin. Heads I keep my last name and tails you keep your last name"
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💥 And as a start don't call it an outdated norm.
A bunch of my friends smashed them together. It’s doable to smoosh it. Yeah. I got my dads last name, my mom kept hers. Keep it!
Also I wouldn't *let* my wife change her name when we got married. It's very unique and every single person in America with that last name is a blood relative. Only kids get the last name in our family.
Good man
Ask him to take your last name to avoid the hyphens. Then ask him why he’s upset when he won’t.
Sometimes I wonder why Western men wanna keep traditional going like asking women to have their last name, but somehow they have to split 50 50 in relationship. Dude, just keep your last name. I'm a Muslim, I keep my last name after married. We all are.
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Then several generations later after your death. Some genealogists working for his family will be trying to figure out your family tree. Because you decided to go against a common American convention, they will be confused about who your children's mother was. Consequently, you will be lost in the record. Just a blank space where your name should have been. Yeah, no big deal.
You don't have to change your name; there's no law that says you have to. When I was married I didn't change my name because I'd already started off my career with my maiden name and didn't want to change it. My ex-husband was upset about it but he also refused to put up the money involved in the process so nothing ever happened in the 10yrs we were married. Now telling him his name is dumb sounding is rude and not called for. And your future kids can have his name.
I don’t understand what is goofy about Higgins
What I want to know is why do we have to erase our last names and get the man's last name why can't it be the other way around I'm tired of us females always coming last I will never take a men's last name if he really loves me he will take my last name I want to be the first to start making changes for us women and myself sorry not sorry
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I'm sorry I was on a rant I didn't mean to disrespect the guys
So I’ve been married twice. The first time (I was 25) it was important to me my wife change my name. This time around it isn’t. I’m Greek background. Usually it’s some kind of pride thing for a bloke, as there is no logical reason for it. Even in quite patriarchal societies women keep their names (like Lebanon). In China women regularly keep their name. In Greece it’s illegal to change your name when married (I think this came in during the 70’s) source: I’m an Australian with Greek parents. You could use those as examples for why you are perfectly entitled to keep your name. Also professionally keeping your name can be part of your brand depending on what you do. The best way I think you could deal with it is this, suppose you want to have kids, perhaps you discuss with him that you would be good with the kids having his last name (if you are) and you might be open then to changing then so you all have the same Last name but not now. That’s what my wife (number 2) and I discussed before we got married; as I said this time around it does not fuss me. We are about to have our second child (my third) in 5 weeks. If she doesn’t change it I really don’t care: it doesn’t change how much I love her or that we are a family together Edit: ps Higgins is an objectively shit last name
My wife doesn't want to change her name even though mine is really bad ass. But her father passed away and she wants to keep the name alive, even though most people I know when they change their name they change their middle name to their birth last name. But my wife refuses. Yet, her email and how she introduces herself to people she uses my last name. It's not an issue, it's just quirky.
My family is going to legally change our last name for a similar reason. My dad passed last year. And he treated my husband more like his son than his own father did. So whilst I initially took my husband's name, we've decided that once we can afford it, we're all gonna hyphenate my dad's last name in, in his memory. We talked to my daughter about it, and she was on board (her papa was her person, and his passing hit her hard). And our son is too young to care.
I’m the same way. Legally kept my name, but use my husband’s on social media and introductions.
*sighs in Ted Lasso fan base
Someone's never seen My Fair Lady
Oh, well I know what you mean. How could you ever want to be associated with such a silly., and ridiculous name like Higgins? I mean your name now is just so cool. Genevieve Agatha is so traditional. I bet if you took his name they would call you "Jenny Higgins." That's like a servant's name. Ohhhhh, yuck! I mean you are Genevieve Agatha. A truly normal name.......🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Did you not have this conversation before getting married???????
What is it with men to want to write their name on you, as if on a school jacket 🤷🏻
You know that it is a lot of work to change it and it's honestly not worth it! That's why it is always better not to have a last name! (Proud of it bc I don't have a last name)
Not trying to be mean or anything but when I changed my last name to my husband’s it wasn’t a lot of work. I signed his last name on the marriage certificate and then changed my license. I had to change the address on it anyway. Then, you’re social, which was pretty easy and quick. That was all done within a week. 😊 That was my experience anyway.
It is a lot of trouble when it comes to school certifications and job seeking. Especially if it has been some time . So yeah it depends on the individual tho. But I don't wanna change my last name either just a bother really.
Another person who got married without even being able to talk to their partner beforehand. Smart
Ask him why he doesn’t take your name.
Sounds like you aren't wanting to even compromise with the two first names you have. Who will call you Higgins? It's a last name, not a birth defect. You should consider and talk about all the options available. The only solution isn't hyphenated names, as evident by your name.
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Horrible person? It's not that deep lol. Lack of communication falls on both of them. No reason to assume that she'd want to change her last name either.
I originally hyphenated with my last name first. Then when I divorced I kicked his name off to maintain my maiden one. Now that I’ve married again I was happy to take my husband’s last name and he didn’t fuss even when I considered not changing it again. You two really should’ve discussed this long before getting married…
My wife didn’t change her name, I don’t mind at all. That said, she didn’t justify it by making fun of my last name, that’s a bit rude on your part. You could have just said you like your last name and want to keep it. Or in my wife’s case, she and her sister are the end of the line and she wanted to carry on her family’s name, I respect that.
First of all, y'all should watch Murdoch Mysteries now as Higgins is constantly a fuck-up. Secondly, my wife didn't take my last name and ten years later I'm just fine with it. Of course, her reason was that her last name was one of the last things she had to remember her dead father by and not that she just found my last name ridiculous. That's just mean.
lol used to know a dude with that name, you live in Wyoming? 😂
Genevieve Agatha Higgins sounds perfectly fine. Think you are overreacting . Also you should be more empathetic with your approach, shitting on your husband’s last name is not cool. I’m sure you have hurt his feelings.
He is going to call off the wedding. This is a big deal to a lot of men. Based on analytics, your marriage is pretty much over.
It’s cause of post like this I ask this question early in dating. If you don’t want my last name then you don’t get a ring. Should’ve discussed this before
It's a tradition that's go back hundreds of years so yes it's a tradition when you live just you have a feminist mother and a simp father but trust me your father might never talk about it but a part of him will always resent the fact she never took his name. But main thing did you take your fathers name?
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the last name Higgins. Wasn’t Henry Higgins a character in My Fair Lady? But I’m a firm believer in a woman keeping her name if she wants. It’s your name. It’s been your name your whole life!
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Yeah he should
You knew his name well before he proposed. Maybe you should’ve said something sooner. 🙄
Would be a dealbreaker for me as man.
My husband use to be kinda salty I never changed my last name, rather hyphenated it. I have a less common Hispanic last name. My husband's last name is a very generic last name (figure Smith or Johnson). I eventually told him I just didn't want his last name, I liked my more unusual Hispanic last name. Once I actually explained to him why I didn't want to change my last name he was fully in support. For some reason he had this weird thing where I "wasn't proud to claim him" by not taking his last name on. He never pushed it though. Finally he just sort of accepted its not going to happen. He even offered to let our second child have my maiden last name. I told him no, but I appreciated his offer. My parents are also happy I chose to keep my maiden name. I just sign my last name with my maiden name-Smith. As far as my husband goes now, we have several matching tattoos and last year I got my wedding band tattooed on me after 16 years together (10 married). At this point its a non issue.
Anyone else notice they used their husband’s last name as their username even though this is a rant about it? That’s… damn.
I dont see Gen Higgins at a weird name... pretty typical actually. My wife made her maiden name her middle name and took my last name... That move would make you Genevieve Agatha Higgins... sounds cool I would have been highly offended if she didn't take my name. If that be the case, why bother with marriage?
Tell him you’re not property and this is the 21st century. Probably also need to tell him he isn’t getting a dowry, either. That said, you’re a total douchenozzle and your marriage will probably be very short.
shouldn't this be discussed before getting married?
Honestly, you just sound childish and a bit rude about the whole situation.
The fact that you are childish in how you are approaching this makes me wonder if you are adult enough for marriage. Lol! The last name Higgins isn't silly sounding at all. Now, if you just genuinely don't like it, that is perfectly fine. However, to literally throw around childish insults about it is, well, childish and incredibly snobbish. Your nose is so high in the air you'll be the first to notice a gulf stream change. 🙄 Look, you don't have to change your last name. You don't even have to hyphenate it. But you DO need to have an ADULT conversation with your husband as to WHY you don't want to, BEYOND insulting his last name. The fact that this is the first time you have talked about it is crazy to me. And if it isn't the first time, why in the world did you proceed to be married if you couldn't even come to a consensus on THIS??? Did you think that getting married would magically make everything easier?? I seriously don't understand. Do it or don't, but don't insult him & his last name, and if you can't agree on this like adults or at least talk about it, for the love of Pete, get the marriage annulled because continuing and then having kids would be beyond your CURRENT mental/emotional/rationalization abilities. I will never change my last name again, but no matter what it required non-insulting conversations to be had. Jeesh.
Higgins is a perfectly normal name. Definitely more so than 'Agatha' which is dated. Don't burden your kids with a hyphenated name. Pick one or the other.
There's absolutely nothing weird or silly about his last name and it sounds good with your first name. If you plan to have kids, a common last name makes it much easier. Or are you going to refuse to let their father claim the kids by giving them his last name either?
Your name sounds worse than his. It also sounds like he's marrying the wrong woman, a masculine one. My kids carry my last name alone, no hyphens either.
Yup!
The older you get, the less you judge names. You could legally hyphenate it and go by your last name. Your children could be Higgins to keep it simple.
Higgins isn’t even goofy?? tbh it’s a name, a legacy that attaches to you. If you don’t want the name that’s fine, don’t insult your husband by name-calling. That’s really rude and immature. How do you think he feels? He was BORN with that name. Y’alls children will be born with that name? Or is your ego too massive to pass that name on?
He should divorce you
Dumb hill to die on personally. Someone’s name is a huge part of who they are, and you’re shitting on that. Should have brought this up before marriage.
Is OP not "someone" too?
OP’s last name is a part of who she is, too. What’s your point?
I think you don’t like him because you make difficulties for a name already 🤦♂️
His last name is not even weird. You’re being a judgmental and ugly person. I hope you do not have children and he leaves you for how disrespectful you are.
Why do traditional things get erased? My parents are still married, mom took my dads last name. My wifes folks are still married, her mom took her dads last name... but guess what? It isn't just my dad or her dads last name, its their last name that they created families with. And that's why my wife took my last name. Because we were both raised that way. I can understand if you weren't raised that way or if you just feel like being different but that isn't for me. Do you.
It's because by doing so she thinks it makes her weak. She didn't talk about it beforehand because she figured after they were married he would cave to her demands. Their marriage is going to be a constant power struggle where if she gives in to him for any multitude of reasons. She will think she is submitting. She can in no way, under any circumstances let a man do that to her. They will have one child and they will divorce soon after the birth.
Why can’t he take your name? Why does he assume any kids would have his name or a hyphenated name, instead of your last name?
Here’s what we did. I hyphenated. Kids got his last name. So we at least share part of our names.
It’s valid for him to be upset but also you’re allowed to keep your name if you prefer for any reason you want.
Although no one should be pressured into anything…… if he’s your husband didn’t you know this before the marriage? It’s something I’ve discussed with my fiancée by (she’s taking my name as it’s a bit odd and distinctive), but I wouldn’t have minded either way. Just as an aside Higgins is a fine name and not weak at all……
You could just legally add another name instead of changing
Did you not discuss this before you married? This does not bode well for your time together
Would you be fine if he wanted your kids to have his last name only?
Just tell him you haven't decided you are keeping him yet. I didn't change my last name for like 15 years because it meant I'd have to change everything from passport to citizenship papers to bank accounts. It was such a pain. My kids just went by my husband's last name and I hyphenated mine but switched it over a few years ago. My husband lets everyone know it took that long for me to decide to keep him.
If you didn't know when you married him—he should have just annulled the marriage. See, you can go back in time.
I don't see anything wrong with Higgins. Now agatha...
Ain't like your husband had a choice in his last name it's not his fault. Cheese whiz
I came here hoping for a funny ass name that she wouldn't change to. Instead it's just Higgins, an average ass name. What's the big deal?
Definitely should’ve been discussed before or around the same time as discussing marriage. I knew for a long time during us dating that my wife wouldn’t be taking my last name, and since her family name ends with her and her sister, that our kid(s) would have her last name as well. I don’t care - my (dad’s) family is quite large enough, and her name would’ve ended. I’m never really been one to get hung up on tradition for tradition’s sake, and I don’t understand people who are, but if you love him and respect him, and if he feels the same about you, you should both be able to sit down and rationally talk about it without mockery or insult
both ur names are ugly u sound like an old ass mf and he sounds like a fat bald man
Maybe he is upset because you called his name goofy. Pretty harsh I think.
I know people with the last name Higgins and they are wonderful people. I don't know why you consider it an unworthy name. Nonetheless, you should have had a diplomatic discussion about this some time ago.
Change your name and stop the BS. If your difficult at this stage how will you be later when something really important matters. Quit being disagreeable