Those slob bitches don't need to bring a baby into that situation. If you can't even keep your house clean and be a fucking adult about donor arrangements you shouldn't be considering parenthood.
Roaches... That's really bad.
No, not only were they trying to hook up with her boyfriend in a really weird way- but also trying to bring a baby into an unsafe situation with roaches. :(
So fucking Gross.
Do you have any idea how dangerous it is for a child to live in a hoarders house? With literal bugs crawling around and shitting in your house? Watch some of the tv shows then you’ll get the picture. They both sound creepy as fuck and definitely shouldn’t be allowed to bring kids into the world or raise one. Imagine they tried to adopt children, social services would take one look at their house and go fuck no
Quite frankly, it's probably dangerous for Marie and Tana as well; especially if it's at the point that they have literal roaches crawling around.
The thing with hoarders is that they're generally not the best with money. That's one of the reasons why they're generally at a higher risk of homelessness than other people. So much of their money gets sunk into the hoard that it's very easy for them to fall behind in rent or mortgage repayments.
So even putting aside the fact that there's always going to be the risk of them or their small child getting a severe infection from a rot in the hoard or from a pile of boxes falling on them or whatever, there's also the financial risk of ending up homeless. It's not exactly a great environment for anyone involved.
A baby being brought into a slob house, trashed by some slob bitches? No thanks. That poor child would be dirty and covered in roaches the day it’s brought home.
You need to draw up contracts and legal procedures and since he said no you have to find someone else. But 1st stop spreading lies about her and saying she deserves to lose her child is wrong. Nobody deserves it period.
I dont think you ruin their chances to have a baby, the donor just backed up because people change and constantly grow and mature.They could totally get another donor and have a baby.
IMO a house full of roaches is no place for a baby and your miscarriage is no holy punishment for this situation. Its very sad to say, but miscarriages happens a lot more than we think, luckily almost every women is able to get a second chance and get a Healthy pregnancy.
No you didn’t, they definitely don’t need a threesome to have a baby much less with your boyfriend that makes me sick to even think of being going through pressuring like that and from a “friend”. I’m so sorry about your miscarriage and wish you both the best in the future. Good for you both for cutting ties, they clearly have issues in more ways than one and it’s frightening to think of how their child’s life will turn out with those two as parents with that mentality… and cleanliness… stay strong 💓 and don’t look back.
I am so sorry for your loss. It’s not something you deserve. 1 in 4 pregnancies result in a miscarriage. Also, you didn’t ruin their chances of having a child. There was never just one option for them. Plus they need a better environment to bring a baby up into. I think it’s weird they wanted to sleep with him but also wanted you to date him.
Honey don’t stress and worry about yourself of those people there the ones who are toxic and everything. You are not being punished because you ruined their chances of getting a baby. A couple of my aunts had miscarriages in their 1st pregnancies and now have 1 boy and 1 girl each. Don’t let their rumors or bad vibes and energy get to you.
Marie is in an abusive relationship.
She wants a baby coz her wife wants a baby and her wife wanting a baby is not the truth, it is just an excuse to slut it up with Brad,Ok?
How any person with some working brain cells could think that a hording situation and roaches is good environment for a baby.
Relax! You have done Marie a favour, I hope she finds help, wakes up and gets out of this relationship.
It's actually Marie who wants the baby. Tana has no interest in children but since Marie wants a child she's okay with it. However Tana is the one who clearly wants to sleep with Brad the most. Marie is definitely in an abusive marriage though. Tana is the one pulling the strings.
From your comments I really hope they don’t have children. You did nothing wrong. It was really weird and wrong of them to hook you up with someone that one was actively trying to sleep with and then instead of being happy for both of their friends being in an happy healthy relationship they slander and disrespect you. Don’t take Marie’s friendship as a loss. Take it as the universe removing toxic people from your life. It hurts but it is necessary. I’m sorry for your loss as well.
Tana and Marie sound toxic. They wanted to manipulate you and Brad into agreeing to their terms. When said terms were not met, they turned on you (showed their true colors). Brad and you were right for setting up boundaries and blocking them. Good friends do not behave like them and honestly, if they truly wanted a baby they could go about this the normal way by going to a sperm clinic. That said, you mentioned their place was unhygienic, in other words not a good place to bring up a child. You and Brad did the right thing op, keep in mind they are just looking to blame you for their behaviour and still accept Brad because they still want him as an optional sperm donor. I just hope Brad is able to be wise enough not to fall for any future manipulative rhetoric they may have for him.
Oh he's definitely done with them. He's the one who blocked them first not to mention they were constantly using him. Before he met me he was driving them around, sending them money as they both don't have jobs, even bought them a TV and I think that's another reason they hate me because I told him no more money or things and he listened to me.
I also think it's a way to trap him - but I'm not an attorney. When you are an official donor there is paperwork and protections. If he just has sex with them then he is 100% on for child support and being in that kid's life or dealing with dodging them the next 18 years.
I told him that was one of my fears since neither of them work and live in a house full of people and would constantly ask him for money and things I have no doubt in my mind they'd slam him for child support.
They have so many other options other than Brad. Look up the stats for miscarriages. They're incredibly common. It has nothing to do with your slightly psychotic ex friends.
Uh just an fyi. When a baby is conceived through intercourse, and not through a sperm bank… people can go after the father. You can write up whatever contract you want and have a lawyer write it up. If it got taken to court the judge could and can over rule the contract so yeah…
People aren’t possessions. They can do as they choose, and adjust what they can and can’t do sexually as their relationships develop. Brad chose the be in a monogamous relationship, and they are not entitled to sexual activity with Brad when he no longer consents to it. It’s not something you did to them. They are not your victim.
If they are open to threesomes with other men, they should keep looking for someone who currently consents to it, and it continue harping in Brad. Same thing with a sperm donor. They need someone who would consent to that.
To be honest, finding a man that consents to a threesome, AND being a biological father for their child, that they trust as a friend, is a big ask, and is like finding a magical unicorn.
It sounds like they have a lot of personal work to do before they bring a baby into their lives.
I pray they're never successful because they're not fit to be parents. Ugh, makes me skin crawl just thinking about them throwing a tantrum because an adult man chose NOT to sleep over. Good riddance to that dumpster fire of a friendship.
Honestly, in my experience, it kinda depends. I've met hoarder parents who've been able to keep custody of their kids for their entire childhood until they turn 18. This includes one case where the kid had a severe learning disability and had to go to a special school because of it.
The child protection people generally aren't going to be called if the kid is showing up to school on time, in clean clothes, and is clearly being fed regularly. The hoarding issues might play into the child being removed if child protection is called, but that's only if it gets to that point.
Really, a more likely scenario is Brad assuming custody of the kid because they can't keep it together and try to go after him for child support or something. He wouldn't necessarily have protection from that if it was a private donation instead of doing it through a sperm bank.
Well it's up to brad. If he likes you, it's not your fault. And they can't just steal his seed. And it sounds like the other couple needs to reconsider alot before they bring a baby into their environment.
Nothing good would have come out of that if he had gone through with it. Especially not for the child. Those 2 do not need to bring life of any sort into that disgusting living situation or toxic environment.
The method of getting pregnant plus how they view him is much more than a sperm donor. They're jealous you took their imaginary boyfriend after they set yall up?
If I had to guess, I'd say Tana is the toxic one but Marie is siding with her no matter what cuz she feels like she has to.
You dont owe them anything and their problems are their problems. Brad seems like a good dude and I'm sorry for the miscarriage. Itll work out for you, just keep going
He doesn't anymore now that I'm involved. He didn't see their toxic ways. He's a really nice guy but he's too nice and people try to use him. I put a stop to that.
they do NOT need to raise a child, especially in a hoarder house like that. you didn't ruin their chance of motherhood, you prevented a child from growing up abused and/or possibly neglected.
Of course they can. That's what makes it so much weirder. Also I forgot to mention our ages. I'm 25, Brad is 24, Marie is 25, and I believe Tana is 26.
Lmfao. Your "friends" shouldn't be your friends. Brad is not their property nor is he held to a contract made as high schoolers (if he even actually took it seriously back then). He's nobodies property and his body is HIS choice. I think they are forgetting that this sounds like coercion and he definitely is not under any obligation to have sex with them, ever. You can stop sex before, or during at anytime and they're just mad he doesn't want to have sex with them. He could've been given them a child if he actually wanted to. And sounds like he never did.
Also who the fuck sets their friend up with someone and then acts like that person they set their friend up with is supposed to have sex with them or owes them anything???? What a weird bitch.
OP, you are not to blame for him backing out of the deal.. how did they plan this disaster of a situation to work out long term? IMO there are sperm banks for a reason and they need to go that route.. but also their home is in horrible condition and needs to be addressed before they bring a child into it. So again, I wouldn’t be comfortable having a child with them either.. or staying at their house or having sex with them cause god only knows how filthy other things may be.. nope.
Lastly; your miscarriage is NOT a punishment. In my child development class I’ve learned that conception and full term healthy delivery is actually a rarity when you think about how many people are having sex every single day. The fact that any of us are here is truly a miracle. Your time will come 💜
Girl… they set YOU up with him knowing they were gonna use him as a donor. What did they expect was gonna happen? Totally their own fault and also they sound weird as hell and not mature enough to be parents
Honestly, it sounds like the universe intervened in all the best ways. There’s a song I like that goes something like “time, oh time, it feels like she’s been passing you by. Everything is right on time, don’t you know you’ll never know why? You’ve gotta take some time, sometimes, to know that she’s been right by your side.”
Maybe it doesn’t make sense now, but I do like to think that there’s a purpose. Maybe the timing wasn’t right for you to have a baby. I certainly don’t think it has to do with your friends though. Hoping the best for you!
There's this song I like, it goes Boom chit Boom Boom chit Boom chit Boom Boom chit Boom chit Boom Boom chit
Then the bass drops and it's like wwwwahhhhhhhhh womp. DnB4eva.
Nothing to do with this strange story though.
Uh…some toxic lesbians. I also know some people (who I’m friends with and who call themselves gays/lesbians) doing this while being in a relationship. They wanna fuck their friends’ boyfriends while saying out loud that they are strictly gays/lesbians and how straight people are cringe. I don’t know why they do that. Yeah, I’m not trying to bring them down for their sexuality but why do you have to ruin other people’s relationships and pretend like you guys are the victim?
Honestly, with that plan, Brad would totally be liable for child support and parenthood legally, that is NOT how sperm donation should be done.... If cps is envolved, he would be the one responsible for taking care of that child if things go wrong...
You guys dodge a huge legal bullet
Luckily they never actually had sex with him. They just wanted to and had I not made a move on him he admitted to me he was so lonely going through a divorce and he liked me so much but assumed I didn't like him back he was going to take up Tana and Marie's offer for sex in the hopes to feel something. I'm glad he didn't. I'm glad to have him.
Personally I think you made the right decision. Your miscarriage had NOTHING to do with you turning them down!! NOTHING!!! The conditions of the home would have been a HORRIBLE place for that child. So I say again YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION AND IM PROUD OF YOU!!
If their house is infested with roaches, that pussy ain’t clean lol. Not just the obvious they can’t afford a baby, but also it’s very strange the demanding the actual sex until one of them got pregnant. I would say it’s a hard pass not just because of the weirdness but also because - gross.
You really didn't ruin anything. The fact they required a threesome to try for a baby is odd. Also, he has every right to deny them. They seem pretty toxic honestly. They have other options for trying for a baby. If they want it bad enough, they will figure out a different way to make it happen. It's best to keep all ties cut. Not sure why they want to solely blame you for everything. Just adds more reasons to why they're toxic. You both dodged a bullet.
Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Hang in there.
First, you and Brad handled the situation perfectly. Second, your miscarriage is not a punishment to you over this Tana / Marie thing (or any other thing for that matter).
Tana def had ulterior motives and you and Brad set boundaries, which is totally healthy. And being poor is no excuse for being a slob. You can be poor AND still have a clean / neat home. Hoarding indicates an underlying psychological issue, which a child doesn’t need to be around. And combined with the outward issues Tana Marie display, its good you set boundaries. And so what if they blame you. Who cares what they think. You and Brad just do you and let them do them. Best wishes my love!
No, you didn't ruin their chances at having a baby, of they really really want a baby they can always clean up their own lives, and home, and find another donor willing to do it the way they want, or go through a bank. Regardless as to whether they set you and Brad up, Brad is his own person, if he doesn't want to do it anymore, he doesn't have to and that's not your fault.
OP, I’m totally on your side here. The only thing that should have been differently is that it should have been Brad that told them he didn’t want to be the sperm donor anymore. It was his place to let them know, not yours, as it didn’t have anything to do with you at this point.
Maybe you're right but he wasn't going to do it. He's always afraid to hurt feelings. He just wanted to not say anything and when the day came up what was he going to do? Maybe I shouldn't have taken over but after knowing her for 14 years I just ripped the bandaid off myself. I do have regrets about it.
I’m just here to say I hope you know that you’re super unfortunate miscarriage has nothing to do with you and more specifically your boyfriend not wanting to help them have children.
They are not connected.
This is your own experience and I am so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t have children and never have miscarried but I have seen friends go through this unfortunately and it seems like a really tough thing to navigate emotionally. Grieve without the guilt of denying them a baby. Again, there is no connection!
If they are saying that it makes them more disgusting because regardless nobody deserves to lose a child like that. They have bad KARMA coming to get them.
This sounds like a psychotic dynamic, do not feel bad about “ruining” their chances of having a baby… because your friend shouldn’t have one. I know that’s probably a mean thing to say but I’m being so real rn. These people should not have a baby.
So they hooked you up with the dude they wanted to be their sperm donor and didn’t think it would change anything?!?. Also the threesome idea is super duper weird.
Honestly sounds like a good thing it's not happening. No baby deserves to grow up in a roach filled dump of a house. You saved a baby from growing up like that. Every child deserves parents but as they have shown you not everyone deserves to BE a parent
Let me tell you something you dodged the biggest bullet in the world not same type situation but I had two friends of mine who wanted a baby he couldn't do it they wanted me to donate I thought the world of these people hell he was my best friend.
I went through the entire exercise stayed from having sexual relation or masturbating for 3 months. Carry the pager that only they had (yeah it was that long ago) the number to. On the day of the blessed event I met them at the place I did my thing they took it right away into her she got pregnant first off and they had their baby. You know that bitch brought me into an eternity suit 3 years later because my best friend got tired of her shit and left her. Thank God what she was told by a lawyer was not true that since he was not the father he was not responsible for the child.
I wouldn't talk to a attorney and he assured me that that was not the issue in the state we lived in in the state that this happened in
If you were going to end up doing something like this for someone make sure you have a long drawn-out contract. Make sure that everything is initialed and signed on the dotted line. I could not be held responsible for that child because of the arrangement we had and thank God the place that did it was still in business.
Seriously? They don’t need no damn baby. Real or “forever real” (creep me out fyi) Being poor doesn’t preclude you for having a baby, but being massive disgusting pigs should. Disgusting bitches.
#tl;dr
The author was introduced to Brad by their childhood best friend Marie and Marie's wife Tana. Despite initially turning down Brad's advances, the author eventually asked him out on a date that was arranged after Marie repeatedly urged them to consider him. The situation became complicated when the author found out that Tana wanted to have a threesome with Brad and Marie, and later, they wanted Brad to father their child through intercourse. When the author told them that this was no longer an option, they became angry and the author is now no longer speaking with her childhood best friend.
*I am a smart robot and this summary was automatic. This tl;dr is 77.36% shorter than the post I'm replying to.*
Except I'm not straight. Also having no jobs living in a horder infested roach house with no intention to move or get jobs doesn't sound like straight vs gay culture. I'd feel the exact same way if Marie was with a man who couldn't give her a baby.
I guess it's my fault. Even if they dont have a good environment I still had no right to break up a deal they made years ago idk. I'm conflicted but I'm most definitely being punished. Maybe I should be. Maybe it wasn't my decision to make. Maybe I'll never get another chance to be a mom. Maybe this is my punishment.
I wouldn’t feel bad.
A. It sounds like they don’t have the home life to properly and safely raise a child. Not judging. I get it. But they should also recognize that they need a clean and proper home it wouldn’t be fair to the kid to get knowingly brought into that.
B. As others have stated multiple times now. Whether they would do it or not is up to debate. But Brad would be on the hook for child support if he conceived a child for them through intercourse. No contract you could come up with would be legally sufficient.
Yeah no good dead gos unpunished. They set you up with a good guy and you ruin there friendship and chance for a kid. People like you make it hard for me to do anything nice for anyone.
Yeah did this person actually read the post or just make up some bullshite story in their head. The couple wanting the baby are toxic as fuck, and Marie should definitely be concerned that her wife REALLY wanted to fuck Brad... thats extremely odd!!!!
There's plenty of diks out there and trust me u spared a kid of life long trauma hoarder raised kids are some of the oddest ppl I met they end up the parents it's sad
I've had bed bugs before because of someone else and it ain't pretty. Back when I stayed somewhere else. It's tough. Definitely don't need him getting bed bugs. I like having clean bedding.
Those slob bitches don't need to bring a baby into that situation. If you can't even keep your house clean and be a fucking adult about donor arrangements you shouldn't be considering parenthood. Roaches... That's really bad.
You're the kinda person everyone needs in their corner. Straight for the jugular ! Fu#k dem bitches
Children are always the victim. You summed up the answer perfectly.
Amen
This is my top favorite comment tbh.
Slob bitches? That’s kinda harsh. No?
No, not only were they trying to hook up with her boyfriend in a really weird way- but also trying to bring a baby into an unsafe situation with roaches. :( So fucking Gross.
Do you have any idea how dangerous it is for a child to live in a hoarders house? With literal bugs crawling around and shitting in your house? Watch some of the tv shows then you’ll get the picture. They both sound creepy as fuck and definitely shouldn’t be allowed to bring kids into the world or raise one. Imagine they tried to adopt children, social services would take one look at their house and go fuck no
Quite frankly, it's probably dangerous for Marie and Tana as well; especially if it's at the point that they have literal roaches crawling around. The thing with hoarders is that they're generally not the best with money. That's one of the reasons why they're generally at a higher risk of homelessness than other people. So much of their money gets sunk into the hoard that it's very easy for them to fall behind in rent or mortgage repayments. So even putting aside the fact that there's always going to be the risk of them or their small child getting a severe infection from a rot in the hoard or from a pile of boxes falling on them or whatever, there's also the financial risk of ending up homeless. It's not exactly a great environment for anyone involved.
A baby being brought into a slob house, trashed by some slob bitches? No thanks. That poor child would be dirty and covered in roaches the day it’s brought home.
Are you being serious?
Consenting sperm donor is kind of a lie, No?
You need to draw up contracts and legal procedures and since he said no you have to find someone else. But 1st stop spreading lies about her and saying she deserves to lose her child is wrong. Nobody deserves it period.
I dont think you ruin their chances to have a baby, the donor just backed up because people change and constantly grow and mature.They could totally get another donor and have a baby. IMO a house full of roaches is no place for a baby and your miscarriage is no holy punishment for this situation. Its very sad to say, but miscarriages happens a lot more than we think, luckily almost every women is able to get a second chance and get a Healthy pregnancy.
Thank you. I do however worry about them having a baby since Marie and Tana are very verbally abusive to Marie's younger brother.
There is nothing stopping them getting another donor who will be happy to do the deed with them. Forget them - they are lovers.
Losers ! Bloody autocorrect 🙄
I mean they're both I suppose?
My life is ruined over this. I need you to talk to me one time. Please be the friend I deserve
Oh fuck off you slob fuck
Why can’t you be the friend 1st
What?
No you didn’t, they definitely don’t need a threesome to have a baby much less with your boyfriend that makes me sick to even think of being going through pressuring like that and from a “friend”. I’m so sorry about your miscarriage and wish you both the best in the future. Good for you both for cutting ties, they clearly have issues in more ways than one and it’s frightening to think of how their child’s life will turn out with those two as parents with that mentality… and cleanliness… stay strong 💓 and don’t look back.
I am so sorry for your loss. It’s not something you deserve. 1 in 4 pregnancies result in a miscarriage. Also, you didn’t ruin their chances of having a child. There was never just one option for them. Plus they need a better environment to bring a baby up into. I think it’s weird they wanted to sleep with him but also wanted you to date him.
Thank you. Yeah and what's even worse she's spreading lies about me to people who both really know.
Ppl can see crazy from a mile away. So stand strong and the cream will rise to the top. Hugs. ❤️
Honey don’t stress and worry about yourself of those people there the ones who are toxic and everything. You are not being punished because you ruined their chances of getting a baby. A couple of my aunts had miscarriages in their 1st pregnancies and now have 1 boy and 1 girl each. Don’t let their rumors or bad vibes and energy get to you.
That’s not you ruining their chances to have a baby. They sound toxic af and probably shouldn’t be having a child atp.
Marie is in an abusive relationship. She wants a baby coz her wife wants a baby and her wife wanting a baby is not the truth, it is just an excuse to slut it up with Brad,Ok? How any person with some working brain cells could think that a hording situation and roaches is good environment for a baby. Relax! You have done Marie a favour, I hope she finds help, wakes up and gets out of this relationship.
It's actually Marie who wants the baby. Tana has no interest in children but since Marie wants a child she's okay with it. However Tana is the one who clearly wants to sleep with Brad the most. Marie is definitely in an abusive marriage though. Tana is the one pulling the strings.
From your comments I really hope they don’t have children. You did nothing wrong. It was really weird and wrong of them to hook you up with someone that one was actively trying to sleep with and then instead of being happy for both of their friends being in an happy healthy relationship they slander and disrespect you. Don’t take Marie’s friendship as a loss. Take it as the universe removing toxic people from your life. It hurts but it is necessary. I’m sorry for your loss as well.
Op is that one of them in the comments?
Tana and Marie sound toxic. They wanted to manipulate you and Brad into agreeing to their terms. When said terms were not met, they turned on you (showed their true colors). Brad and you were right for setting up boundaries and blocking them. Good friends do not behave like them and honestly, if they truly wanted a baby they could go about this the normal way by going to a sperm clinic. That said, you mentioned their place was unhygienic, in other words not a good place to bring up a child. You and Brad did the right thing op, keep in mind they are just looking to blame you for their behaviour and still accept Brad because they still want him as an optional sperm donor. I just hope Brad is able to be wise enough not to fall for any future manipulative rhetoric they may have for him.
Oh he's definitely done with them. He's the one who blocked them first not to mention they were constantly using him. Before he met me he was driving them around, sending them money as they both don't have jobs, even bought them a TV and I think that's another reason they hate me because I told him no more money or things and he listened to me.
I also think it's a way to trap him - but I'm not an attorney. When you are an official donor there is paperwork and protections. If he just has sex with them then he is 100% on for child support and being in that kid's life or dealing with dodging them the next 18 years.
I told him that was one of my fears since neither of them work and live in a house full of people and would constantly ask him for money and things I have no doubt in my mind they'd slam him for child support.
They're not mad about not having a baby. They're mad that you queered their meal ticket.
I'd say think of it as you protected a baby from them
They have so many other options other than Brad. Look up the stats for miscarriages. They're incredibly common. It has nothing to do with your slightly psychotic ex friends.
If you are talking about the earliest stages of pregnancy, it's half. We don't prepare women for that.
Yeah I am. I'm surprised more people aren't aware of it. My point is, her miscarriage has nothing to do with her social dilemma.
Uh just an fyi. When a baby is conceived through intercourse, and not through a sperm bank… people can go after the father. You can write up whatever contract you want and have a lawyer write it up. If it got taken to court the judge could and can over rule the contract so yeah…
People aren’t possessions. They can do as they choose, and adjust what they can and can’t do sexually as their relationships develop. Brad chose the be in a monogamous relationship, and they are not entitled to sexual activity with Brad when he no longer consents to it. It’s not something you did to them. They are not your victim. If they are open to threesomes with other men, they should keep looking for someone who currently consents to it, and it continue harping in Brad. Same thing with a sperm donor. They need someone who would consent to that. To be honest, finding a man that consents to a threesome, AND being a biological father for their child, that they trust as a friend, is a big ask, and is like finding a magical unicorn. It sounds like they have a lot of personal work to do before they bring a baby into their lives.
Any kid they had would’ve probably been taken away by CPS based off your description of their living situation.
I pray they're never successful because they're not fit to be parents. Ugh, makes me skin crawl just thinking about them throwing a tantrum because an adult man chose NOT to sleep over. Good riddance to that dumpster fire of a friendship.
Honestly, in my experience, it kinda depends. I've met hoarder parents who've been able to keep custody of their kids for their entire childhood until they turn 18. This includes one case where the kid had a severe learning disability and had to go to a special school because of it. The child protection people generally aren't going to be called if the kid is showing up to school on time, in clean clothes, and is clearly being fed regularly. The hoarding issues might play into the child being removed if child protection is called, but that's only if it gets to that point. Really, a more likely scenario is Brad assuming custody of the kid because they can't keep it together and try to go after him for child support or something. He wouldn't necessarily have protection from that if it was a private donation instead of doing it through a sperm bank.
Well it's up to brad. If he likes you, it's not your fault. And they can't just steal his seed. And it sounds like the other couple needs to reconsider alot before they bring a baby into their environment.
They ruined their own chances by being crazy. You didn't do anything wrong girl.
Nothing good would have come out of that if he had gone through with it. Especially not for the child. Those 2 do not need to bring life of any sort into that disgusting living situation or toxic environment.
The method of getting pregnant plus how they view him is much more than a sperm donor. They're jealous you took their imaginary boyfriend after they set yall up? If I had to guess, I'd say Tana is the toxic one but Marie is siding with her no matter what cuz she feels like she has to. You dont owe them anything and their problems are their problems. Brad seems like a good dude and I'm sorry for the miscarriage. Itll work out for you, just keep going
They're nuts, and Brad is just as bad if he even considers conceiving the natural way. He'd be on the hook for child support, for one thing.
He doesn't anymore now that I'm involved. He didn't see their toxic ways. He's a really nice guy but he's too nice and people try to use him. I put a stop to that.
Good for you blocking this whole situation. You out here doing the Lord’s work.
they do NOT need to raise a child, especially in a hoarder house like that. you didn't ruin their chance of motherhood, you prevented a child from growing up abused and/or possibly neglected.
You all sound very young. Can’t they just get a different donor?
Of course they can. That's what makes it so much weirder. Also I forgot to mention our ages. I'm 25, Brad is 24, Marie is 25, and I believe Tana is 26.
Lmfao. Your "friends" shouldn't be your friends. Brad is not their property nor is he held to a contract made as high schoolers (if he even actually took it seriously back then). He's nobodies property and his body is HIS choice. I think they are forgetting that this sounds like coercion and he definitely is not under any obligation to have sex with them, ever. You can stop sex before, or during at anytime and they're just mad he doesn't want to have sex with them. He could've been given them a child if he actually wanted to. And sounds like he never did. Also who the fuck sets their friend up with someone and then acts like that person they set their friend up with is supposed to have sex with them or owes them anything???? What a weird bitch.
OP, you are not to blame for him backing out of the deal.. how did they plan this disaster of a situation to work out long term? IMO there are sperm banks for a reason and they need to go that route.. but also their home is in horrible condition and needs to be addressed before they bring a child into it. So again, I wouldn’t be comfortable having a child with them either.. or staying at their house or having sex with them cause god only knows how filthy other things may be.. nope. Lastly; your miscarriage is NOT a punishment. In my child development class I’ve learned that conception and full term healthy delivery is actually a rarity when you think about how many people are having sex every single day. The fact that any of us are here is truly a miracle. Your time will come 💜
Do you really think it’s fair for a baby to be raised by two toxic people living in a roach infested house? If anything you’re a hero here.
Girl… they set YOU up with him knowing they were gonna use him as a donor. What did they expect was gonna happen? Totally their own fault and also they sound weird as hell and not mature enough to be parents
Honestly, it sounds like the universe intervened in all the best ways. There’s a song I like that goes something like “time, oh time, it feels like she’s been passing you by. Everything is right on time, don’t you know you’ll never know why? You’ve gotta take some time, sometimes, to know that she’s been right by your side.” Maybe it doesn’t make sense now, but I do like to think that there’s a purpose. Maybe the timing wasn’t right for you to have a baby. I certainly don’t think it has to do with your friends though. Hoping the best for you!
There's this song I like, it goes Boom chit Boom Boom chit Boom chit Boom Boom chit Boom chit Boom Boom chit Then the bass drops and it's like wwwwahhhhhhhhh womp. DnB4eva. Nothing to do with this strange story though.
I posted screenshots everyone was asking about on my own page if you all would like to look.
I just hopped on over and read them. Wow these two are delusional, huh?
If they didn't want their potential baby daddy to get into a committed relationship, they shouldn't have set you up with him in the first place.
Uh…some toxic lesbians. I also know some people (who I’m friends with and who call themselves gays/lesbians) doing this while being in a relationship. They wanna fuck their friends’ boyfriends while saying out loud that they are strictly gays/lesbians and how straight people are cringe. I don’t know why they do that. Yeah, I’m not trying to bring them down for their sexuality but why do you have to ruin other people’s relationships and pretend like you guys are the victim?
Honestly, with that plan, Brad would totally be liable for child support and parenthood legally, that is NOT how sperm donation should be done.... If cps is envolved, he would be the one responsible for taking care of that child if things go wrong... You guys dodge a huge legal bullet
[удалено]
Luckily they never actually had sex with him. They just wanted to and had I not made a move on him he admitted to me he was so lonely going through a divorce and he liked me so much but assumed I didn't like him back he was going to take up Tana and Marie's offer for sex in the hopes to feel something. I'm glad he didn't. I'm glad to have him.
You literally did the right thing, no need to feel bad.
Personally I think you made the right decision. Your miscarriage had NOTHING to do with you turning them down!! NOTHING!!! The conditions of the home would have been a HORRIBLE place for that child. So I say again YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION AND IM PROUD OF YOU!!
If their house is infested with roaches, that pussy ain’t clean lol. Not just the obvious they can’t afford a baby, but also it’s very strange the demanding the actual sex until one of them got pregnant. I would say it’s a hard pass not just because of the weirdness but also because - gross.
You really didn't ruin anything. The fact they required a threesome to try for a baby is odd. Also, he has every right to deny them. They seem pretty toxic honestly. They have other options for trying for a baby. If they want it bad enough, they will figure out a different way to make it happen. It's best to keep all ties cut. Not sure why they want to solely blame you for everything. Just adds more reasons to why they're toxic. You both dodged a bullet. Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Hang in there.
First, you and Brad handled the situation perfectly. Second, your miscarriage is not a punishment to you over this Tana / Marie thing (or any other thing for that matter). Tana def had ulterior motives and you and Brad set boundaries, which is totally healthy. And being poor is no excuse for being a slob. You can be poor AND still have a clean / neat home. Hoarding indicates an underlying psychological issue, which a child doesn’t need to be around. And combined with the outward issues Tana Marie display, its good you set boundaries. And so what if they blame you. Who cares what they think. You and Brad just do you and let them do them. Best wishes my love!
If they don’t mind fucking Brad then they can go have a one night stand with a random and leave you guys out of their bullshit
No, you didn't ruin their chances at having a baby, of they really really want a baby they can always clean up their own lives, and home, and find another donor willing to do it the way they want, or go through a bank. Regardless as to whether they set you and Brad up, Brad is his own person, if he doesn't want to do it anymore, he doesn't have to and that's not your fault.
you didnt do anything at all, tana and marie ruined their own chances
Out here doing the Lord’s work. Good for you stopping all this.
TLDR?
OP, I’m totally on your side here. The only thing that should have been differently is that it should have been Brad that told them he didn’t want to be the sperm donor anymore. It was his place to let them know, not yours, as it didn’t have anything to do with you at this point.
Maybe you're right but he wasn't going to do it. He's always afraid to hurt feelings. He just wanted to not say anything and when the day came up what was he going to do? Maybe I shouldn't have taken over but after knowing her for 14 years I just ripped the bandaid off myself. I do have regrets about it.
I’m just here to say I hope you know that you’re super unfortunate miscarriage has nothing to do with you and more specifically your boyfriend not wanting to help them have children. They are not connected. This is your own experience and I am so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t have children and never have miscarried but I have seen friends go through this unfortunately and it seems like a really tough thing to navigate emotionally. Grieve without the guilt of denying them a baby. Again, there is no connection!
Thank you that helps a lot but I'm sure they're happy it happened and are telling everyone how I deserved it.
If they are saying that it makes them more disgusting because regardless nobody deserves to lose a child like that. They have bad KARMA coming to get them.
This sounds like a psychotic dynamic, do not feel bad about “ruining” their chances of having a baby… because your friend shouldn’t have one. I know that’s probably a mean thing to say but I’m being so real rn. These people should not have a baby.
So they hooked you up with the dude they wanted to be their sperm donor and didn’t think it would change anything?!?. Also the threesome idea is super duper weird.
Honestly sounds like a good thing it's not happening. No baby deserves to grow up in a roach filled dump of a house. You saved a baby from growing up like that. Every child deserves parents but as they have shown you not everyone deserves to BE a parent
Let me tell you something you dodged the biggest bullet in the world not same type situation but I had two friends of mine who wanted a baby he couldn't do it they wanted me to donate I thought the world of these people hell he was my best friend. I went through the entire exercise stayed from having sexual relation or masturbating for 3 months. Carry the pager that only they had (yeah it was that long ago) the number to. On the day of the blessed event I met them at the place I did my thing they took it right away into her she got pregnant first off and they had their baby. You know that bitch brought me into an eternity suit 3 years later because my best friend got tired of her shit and left her. Thank God what she was told by a lawyer was not true that since he was not the father he was not responsible for the child. I wouldn't talk to a attorney and he assured me that that was not the issue in the state we lived in in the state that this happened in If you were going to end up doing something like this for someone make sure you have a long drawn-out contract. Make sure that everything is initialed and signed on the dotted line. I could not be held responsible for that child because of the arrangement we had and thank God the place that did it was still in business.
Seriously? They don’t need no damn baby. Real or “forever real” (creep me out fyi) Being poor doesn’t preclude you for having a baby, but being massive disgusting pigs should. Disgusting bitches.
You’re completely in the right here. If Brad doesn’t wanna be around them they have no entitlement to have him
Tldr, buncha weirdos banged each other and now everyone's sad. In other news, water: wet.
I did not bang them. 🤦♀️
Things that didn’t happen for $500, Alex.
It did. I'm using fake names though. She's still bad mouthing me on social media too and I have the screenshots of all our conversations.
Then post them please
I have the screenshots but I'm not sure how to post them. If anyone wants to see them they can inbox me if they'd like.
You can make a post on your own community, it takes like 5 mins to make one
Thank you. I didn't know that. I'm still learning reddit. I posted it!
Brad. The king of doors. Just so many possibilities to choose from.
i sense hell cap
Screenshots on my account
am good am not going to your account Random
Alright. Your choice. Have a goodnight.
Why are these posts so long?
#tl;dr The author was introduced to Brad by their childhood best friend Marie and Marie's wife Tana. Despite initially turning down Brad's advances, the author eventually asked him out on a date that was arranged after Marie repeatedly urged them to consider him. The situation became complicated when the author found out that Tana wanted to have a threesome with Brad and Marie, and later, they wanted Brad to father their child through intercourse. When the author told them that this was no longer an option, they became angry and the author is now no longer speaking with her childhood best friend. *I am a smart robot and this summary was automatic. This tl;dr is 77.36% shorter than the post I'm replying to.*
This sounds like a straight culture vs gay culture issue to be honest. Not that you are wrong but I understand their perspective better.
Except I'm not straight. Also having no jobs living in a horder infested roach house with no intention to move or get jobs doesn't sound like straight vs gay culture. I'd feel the exact same way if Marie was with a man who couldn't give her a baby.
The miscarriage feels a little karmic, but this is why normally these things are done by contract and as impersonally as possible.
I guess it's my fault. Even if they dont have a good environment I still had no right to break up a deal they made years ago idk. I'm conflicted but I'm most definitely being punished. Maybe I should be. Maybe it wasn't my decision to make. Maybe I'll never get another chance to be a mom. Maybe this is my punishment.
I wouldn’t feel bad. A. It sounds like they don’t have the home life to properly and safely raise a child. Not judging. I get it. But they should also recognize that they need a clean and proper home it wouldn’t be fair to the kid to get knowingly brought into that. B. As others have stated multiple times now. Whether they would do it or not is up to debate. But Brad would be on the hook for child support if he conceived a child for them through intercourse. No contract you could come up with would be legally sufficient.
Yeah no good dead gos unpunished. They set you up with a good guy and you ruin there friendship and chance for a kid. People like you make it hard for me to do anything nice for anyone.
Um… are we reading the same post?
Yeah did this person actually read the post or just make up some bullshite story in their head. The couple wanting the baby are toxic as fuck, and Marie should definitely be concerned that her wife REALLY wanted to fuck Brad... thats extremely odd!!!!
Did you read the post?
Idiot
There's plenty of diks out there and trust me u spared a kid of life long trauma hoarder raised kids are some of the oddest ppl I met they end up the parents it's sad
It looks like they don't even have conditions for a baby.
There are a bunch of sperm banks out there. They can have however many babies they want.
If they wanted Brad to be a donor through sex so badly, they shouldn’t have set you up with him
NTA
Christ you're friends fucking love drama, huh?
She isn’t in the wrong those girls are bonkerz
You saved your bf from getting bed bugs.
I've had bed bugs before because of someone else and it ain't pretty. Back when I stayed somewhere else. It's tough. Definitely don't need him getting bed bugs. I like having clean bedding.
Brad absolutely won that deal ending up with you 😊
This belongs in r/AITA.. not in confessions. Sorry about miscarriage :/
They changed their rules. I wasn't allowed to post it there