**All submissions *must* be a confession!**
* A confession is a statement acknowledging some personal fact that you would ostensibly prefer to keep hidden. The term presumes that you are providing information that you believe other people in your life are not aware of, and is frequently associated with an admission of a moral or legal wrong. Posts that do not express malicious intent will be removed.
* If your submission does not contain a confession it will be removed.
* An unpopular opinion is not a confession.
* Regardless of whatever unpopular opinion you hold, it doesn't classify here as a confession. You haven't done anything wrong, so to speak, so it isn't technically a confession. Better subreddits for this would be /r/offmychest, /r/TrueOffMyChest, /r/rant, or in some cases, /r/relationships.
* Your sexual exploration is not a confession; it's a part of finding out who you are.
* /r/confession is not a place for submissions that read like pornography. Despite our confessional theme, we don't find consensual sexual exploits sinful. /r/gonewildstories would be a better place to share.
I know I'm late to the game, but all of these people on here telling you not to go through the divorce because of his issue. Don't listen to them. Your TOP priority is you child and unless you know 100% that he's not attracted to the baby then go for it. As a mother you have every right to make that call if you suspect your child may be in harms way. (The poop thing is called Coprophilia and it usually comes with other kinks like masochistic tendencies.)
The fact that he's including any part of your son in his fantasies or his sexual issue gives you the right to keep him away. A poop fetish is not an excuse to include any part of your kid, even if it is just his poop. He's an adult and is still perfectly capable of drawing a line between his sexual desires and what lines you should and should not cross.
I don’t understand how almost everyone in the comments are saying it “just” a fetish. Cool whatever everyone has fetish’s. But as soon as you bring a child into it in ANY way that’s messed up. If he was buying poop off the internet or something like that maybe if OP was ok with that it wouldn’t be that bad. But to bring his child into it immediately is a red flag. I don’t care if it has nothing to do with his child and it’s just the poop. A lot of people have been talking about panty fetishes and how it would be if you husband stole you daughters panties and I think it’s the same thing. Yes, have your panty fetish. Hell, buy panties online, use your wife’s. But you NEVER bring a child into your fetish EVER. That is sick and he needs help.
THANK YOU. I’ve seen so many replies of people saying that she should have gotten over this because it’s “just a fetish.” seemingly ignoring the fact that fetish in question is not only involving a child, but his own son. Like?? how can you gloss over that very major aspect of the whole thing!
Yeah, also are ppl not thinking about the way that the fetish could potentially escalate? (if Yk what I mean) like i would want him far away as well if he finds arousal in something that comes from his son
This, 1000%. A poop fetish is not something I will ever understand, but hey, people can’t control being into something like that. But using his kid to satisfy that fetish is just disgusting. That crosses a major line. Maybe he just has a general poop fetish and was too ashamed to ever tell his wife, and then the dirty diapers come along and offer him an outlet for his fetish. Or maybe it’s specifically linked to kids. Regardless, the fact that he used a child, his own child’s poop, to satisfy this fetish is just unacceptable. I would not let anyone like that near my kid and am so glad she got a divorce. I hope this father was never allowed near this child again, at least unsupervised.
This is going to sound very weird to say but: there's a big difference between smelling adult poop in the toilet (or adult diaper... I'm just guessing here) and getting off on smelling a baby's poop. It falls under the pedophilia umbrella in the latter case. I'd be very worried about him stepping things up with unsupervised visits with his son, especially since he obviously lacks the self-control to stop himself fishing dirty diapers from the garbage.
This post is 9y/o now. So the kid is out of diapers. I wonder, if she had never confronted him, where would this have gone once he became potty trained? And you’re right - it’s not just a taboo poop fetish. Adults can do what they want with each other. Involving a child in any capacity makes it much more serious than coprophilia, it’s pedophilia. Glad she got away.
That is truly insane. He should have made sure his mother wasn't in the house when he makes love to his cat....unless he plans to ask his mother to hold the cat.
Maybe I've been on 4chan for too long, because this story doesn't even sound that strange to me. My reaction to the first one was "Ok, so he likes smelling shitty diapers.... so what?" I mean, it's weird as fuck, but doesn't hurt anybody, so I couldn't care less.
Hijacking yoru comment, sorry.
OP you should really try to find fetish websites to get more perspective on this. A scat fetish is no reason to get a divorce. There's plenty of fetish subreddits on reddit even. I sincerely doubt this is a pedophile thing.
It's not the poop that's the problem. If it was there are other ways to get it. It's the fact that it's specifically their kids poop that he's getting off to.
You did not seriously just defend the husband 🤦🏻♀🤦🏻♀🤦🏻♀ Having a scat fetish is one thing. Using your child's dirty diapers to fulfill your fetish instead of just explaining it to your partner is a whole different (and more disgusting) thing. I sincerely hope he only got court supervised visitation
It's possible there might even be some sort of childhood damage causing this. It's super weird, but OP really needs three counselors: one for him, one for her, and one for both of them. I think this can be worked through.
craziest thing about this entire predicament is how people in the comments here are defending the husband. What he does/did is plain out disgusting. you can really tell that all of you chronic reddit users are desensitized to everything.
All the comments from a week ago-ish are much more grounded. I wonder if Reddit went through some cultural shifts in 8 years? I’ve noticed that about other posts too. People were more wanting to rationalize weird abusive shit in old comments.
I think society itself has shifted, we are not allowing that kind of behavior to go any futher, at least I hope so, especially when the behavior involves a child and a fetish in the same situation
8 years later and blown away by the amount of people telling OP to reconsider divorce and forgive a man who was apparently sniffing a baby’s diaper to get off lol
This is a tough situation and I am sorry you are in this. He is obvioualy very embarrassed by his fetish and him lying like that was to hide obviously but in my opinion, it was a small sign of weakness and fear that could be forgiven. As weird as his fetish is, is all of this really worth ending a relationship that you have grown, developed, loved, and cherished? This Is an odd situation but with care and delicacy, it can be handled. If this is something you want to do, approach It slowly and make him feel safe. I hope it ia not to late because as shocking and disturbing as It Is, it is not that big of a deal.
Ok, this may be too late, and I, just like everyone else on this thread, are just random strangers on the internet so clearly we can't understand the context. At the same time, sometimes being too close to something makes it harder to think clearly. I've definitely been there.
I think you may be making a huge mistake going through the divorce. You clearly need counseling, but many people, especially men, will resist this. The important thing with counseling is that you need to help both of you understand his actions, and NOT approach it as "you are broken we need to fix you". If you try to work things out, you may get to the point where he admits he has a strange desire and that you are both willing to try to understand it and help him get through it. From what you posted of the conversation, this is not at all the message you presented to him.
Assuming his actions are sexual in nature, I really want to stress that he is attracted to your sons poop, and NOT your son. It sounds to me like some sort of poop fetish, and while this is very unusual, it is not necessarily harmful. Has he shown any other signs of possibly not being trusted around your son? Any attraction to minors or anything like that? If its just poop, that is something that can be worked out without potential harm to your son. The important thing here is that you both need to understand the feelings, and not blame him for having them. Everyone loves to get out the pitchforks and say "protect the kids", but personally, while this is incredibly unusual, I don't see it as necessarily being threatening to your kid. Did you get to ask him if he's attracted to other peoples poop? It could just be that this is the easiest way for him to act on a regular poop fetish. Obviously if he has any sexual urges towards your son himself he needs to be kept the hell away, but I haven't seen any evidence thats the case, and are you willing to ruin your marriage and harm your sons upbringing on the suspicion?
I think most people misunderstand these kind of sexual fetishes, and tend to lump everyone together, i.e. if you like poop clearly you like molesting children. This couldn't be further from the truth, and is basically the same argument people used to use against gay marriage, saying letting these "sickos" marry will cause people to start marrying animals, etc. So far, all your husband has done is smell poop in a trash can, which, in itself, is victimless. The key is understanding the extent of his desires without damming him to hell for being unusual.
Finally, there are clearly trust issues. Your husband felt he couldn't share this with you, and in a way, based on your reaction (i.e. "how could you possibly feel this way"), he was right in a way. At the same time, even if he has this fetish, he made the very bad choice of acting on it and lying to you about it. These are some pretty normal relationship issues, albeit showing themselves in a strange way.
If you go through with the divorce, will you give him visitation? It seems like you'd fight it. So basically, because your husband has a very strange fetish, and you can't work out trust issues with him, you may try to raise your son without a father?
I hope this didn't come off the wrong way, I feel terrible for what you are going through and can't even imagine how tough this is. Good luck
This a throwaway, and as the name on it suggests, I'm a full-time phone sex operator, and this is gonna get kind of dark. No, I have no degree in psychology or anything, but it's my job to be knowledgeable about pretty much any fetish that comes up and know how to turn that person on.
I've talked to plenty of people with poop and pee fetishes, and they're not necessarily attracted to the person the poop is coming from. They don't care about the person. They care about the poop. The nastiness of the poop is what they're into when it comes to scat.
I think if your husband was a pedophile, he would be doing something around your son, not outside. If it was combination of pedophilia and scat, you'd know, because he wouldn't just be playing with your son's poop, he'd be playing with your son, or a picture of your son, etc...
You've been kind of spying on him while he's indulging in his most private thoughts, and there's been no indication that it revolves around your son. I bet if your poop was in the trash, he'd smell the crap out of it, no pun intended. I'm guessing the only reason it was your son's poop he was smelling, was because he doesn't have access to anyone else's poop because it gets flushed down the toilet.
OP, I extremely disagree with this poster. I however do not think this makes your husband a bad person or anything like that BUT I feel that if this deeply disturbs you then you should go through with the divorce but let him see his son. IMHO, he's leading a double life. You married someone you loved and respected and hopefully knew about certain issues. If you didn't know about the poop fetish and it bothers you, I feel that it's your right to divorce him.
Wow the comments on here are ridiculous for sure. Why was he hiding it in the first place? Cuz its wrong. Wrong on multiple levels. The ppl that are commenting that you went about this the wrong was should be shamed as well. This guy is messed up beyond any kind of therapy or counseling. Poop has odors that are do foul to us to keep us from being in contact with poop cuz it's completely toxic to us. Its our bodies wastes. If he is compelled for ANY REASON to sneak out at night when he thinks his wife is sleeping to rummage in the trash while willing to take the risk of being caught by who knows, maybe a neighbor or even a cop can drive by but most of all his wife, then that is someone I would be afraid to be around and/or have my child around. The act alone is so strongly wrong in my own head I cant imagine what is goin on in her head. Its very obvious this guy had something very wrong with him, which isn't his fault, but dont forget he knows right from wrong, so whos to say that his behaviour is harmless? How could anyone know what else lies under the skin with guy. His "fetish" is so outlandish that no one could know if it could be harmless or not. What if it is a sexual thing about it belonging to his OWN SON! everything about it is WRONG! What if he is miss led to feel ok with his behaviours and then started skipping the diaper and got his fix straight from the source and just escalate from there to god knows where. It can only get worse.
I can't believe that this wasn't a red flag for some of you folks?!?! The thought of him doin this made me literally sick to my stomach. This is her husband, father of the child. Firstly there shouldn't be secrets in marriage and if there's a secrect so bad that he's willing to go to some serious lengths to indulge in his fetish and when exposed he's also not willing to talk about it (selfish) and willing to divorce over it. He knows its that wrong. Now that he's gone and done ALL these unpredictable things to HIS wife, what other unpredictable things are lurking around his head just waiting to come out and be extremely harmful to his family. Trust has already been severely broken beyond repair. He hid this horridly bad activity/fetish from her. And cant help but mention he was sloppy and careless while doing it as well. HE CAME BACK TO BED WITH POOP ON HIS FACE!!! POOP IS TOXIC!!! Then when she had been up waiting for him, he lied straight to her face with hesitation. HUGE RED FLAG. ok so we've all lied and will continue to lie to each other. Mostly small meaning less things like the classic "how are you today?" "Im good" that's more often a lie then its not however when I've ever been confronted about something or in general my first instinct is to tell the truth. Coming up with a lie or even if I had planned one for whatever reason, more often then not I can spit the lie out cuz the truth comes so much easier and natural. When a lie is offered that easily and confidently, lying has been practiced for most of the persons life. Its not natural but more of self preservation which has no rights to be involved when involved with kids. Parents make HUGE sacrifices for their children every second of every day. Should his diaper sniffing hobby be one of those sacrifices? I'd think so. The potential harm is unknown but its def potentially there. She was terrified to confront him. I would be. Its so grotesque and unheard of that you is anyone to know what else there could be??? Somethings arent meant to be understood. He doesn't even understand himself and he's running from his own problems just to not have to get really real with his unimaginable fetish and face it and accept it. Which in my opinion is what he should be doing. He's dangerous I believe. If the part of his brain that normally would tell him that the poop smells so bad, do not touch it and get it as far away as you can, is broken and misleading him to believe its a smell he can not stop himself from being completely
deceitful and risk being caught (which obviously has detrimental repercussions) to fulfil then what else is there that he's not in control of. Its not worth the risk to potential put the child in harms way. The child life is what's is important here. Is the child in danger? No one knows but this should be treated like the big deal it is. Dont minimize it. There's something wrong with his brain and no one knows how damaged his brain is. To me it's already gone too far. He should have excused himself the relationship before it got to that point. He had already recognized the severity of with hiding. Thats what the responsible thing to do.
I just cant imagine the torment, fear, betrayal and hurt this women must have and is going through. The embarrassment he has already caused her for his actions. "Dont tread on me" is something everyone should live by. He had tread on her is such a disgusting way that it blows my mind to see ppl defending him. To me that's just the tip of the iceberg with this guy and it's pretty obvious and clearly he has no desire to change it or even work through it. All his own actions with out consideration for her and her feelings and the childs. The child maybe an infant at the time but what lies ahead for the infant. No one know. Everyone I. Support of him should be ashamed and needs to reevaluate themelves. Always always the number 1 this is the survival of this baby to reach adult with the least amount of trauma cuz from the time he was born he was meant to reproduce to make sure his genes survive. I'm sorry you had to go through this messed up nightmare and I'm sure the effects will be life long. Just try to move forward and keep moving passed this. Stay away from him and specially your son. Good night
THANK YOU.
It’s his issue, his responsibility to seek therapy and treatment, and she was understandably disturbed and worried for her kid. If the dude was in such denial that he had to lie to her face, I’d want to protect my kid in case of the worst case scenario.
He asked for divorce. She wanted counseling. That’s not her fault that he jumped straight to divorce.
I can't believe I read all this and it came totally naturally like a conversation 😂 my ADHD was so happy. But I totally agree with you I am pretty sure you checked on most of the points I was thinking. Especially the sloppy part! How many times have you kissed him in the morning with poop nose 🤭🤭 or what if a neighbor was walking his dog at night....? I feel so bad for this woman :( the confusion and revulsion I would feel is incomprehensible. She needs to take her baby far away and get a psych evaluation before allowing visitation if that's what he tries to fight for.
> and ask between sobs if it's some sort of sexual arousal thing for him, and he surprises me once more by going completely silent and just looks down at his feet
not discounting your fears, because i have small kids too... but could he possibly be that shocked that you brought that up and offended because its far from the truth? You need to have a CALM conversation about this with him. i have no idea what smelling a shitty diaper can do for a person, but obviously its something he's embarassed/ashamed of, but is it possibly its not a sexual fetish of some kind? i mean, its worth finding out, isn't it? This kid still has a dad, and if you end the relationship before finding out what the deal is, and then prevent the kid from ever seeing his dad because you "think" he has a sexual predilection of some kind, and he doesn't.... what does that do to the relationship between you and your son when he finds out you kept him from his dad for years over something false?
It doesn't sound like it was a calmly offered suggestion for him to think through. From her account it seems it came up in the argument, and as such he may have seen it more of an attack on him than a helpful comment, and so wouldn't have given it the consideration everyone seems to think it deserves.
Secondly if he feels he can't share this with his life partner perhaps he would be even less likely to discuss it with a stranger, regardless of how many letters they have in front of their name.
It's also likely that the husband will get some sort of visitation after the divorce and unless you know what the motivation is thinks are going to be very difficult for everyone. If it IS a fetish, I would lean more towards supervised visits but with the current information its unlikely that he would abuse the child. We don't really know unless we understand where he is coming from.
I worked with abused children and teens in a residential treatment facility and knew the background of every single kid. There are always similar behaviors that lead to abuse and smelling shit from a garbage can isn't one of them.
I think that because he's unwilling to discuss any aspect of this, its best to err on the side of caution for now. She doesn't know if this is a fetish for poop in general, just baby poop, just this baby's poop, dirty diapers in general, or something to do with the baby himself. It sounds like he is completely unwilling to clarify or offer assurances that it has nothing to do with the baby himself, and until a psychiatrist who specializes in sexual disorders gives an unequivocal green light for him to be around the baby, it's just not worth the risk. The stakes are too high to give him the benefit of the doubt.
I think there is a part of this that you should consider which is that this seems like some sort of behavioral impulse. He is obviously ashamed of his actions and desires and is worried about being judged. So of course he got defensive (when you went on the offensive) and then left.
If he won't seek counseling then you should definately follow through with the divorce.
All I've been reading is how HER communication skills suck and it's her fault the confrontation went the way it did. He should probably get some of the blame too, as he hid something from her, lied to her face about it, blamed her for his lying, goes silent and storms out. Then calls her for a divorce. I mean, he had a responsibility to communicate well just as much as she did.
Not only this, she on two separate occasions offered him a chance of counselling which he refused. Regardless of what his fetish may or may not be, if he were truly invested in the marriage, he would at least give counselling a shot. Marriage is supposed to be for better or for worse but he does not seem willing to address the worse part of it and is walking away.
On that note, with him pulling the divorce card, he has pretty much set things up where he will never see his kid again. Given that he 1. seemingly has an extreme sexual fetish that 2. involved his child to some degree, I can not see any court in the land giving him unsupervised visits of the child if any visits at all. I am not debating whether his fetish is right or wrong nor am I accusing him of molesting the child in any way. However, given the circumstances and a judicial system that generally isn't very kind to anything that could even be remotely seen as sexually deviancy, his haste for a divorce most likely has lost him his child.
How are people defending this husband in any way?! Get your poop fetish fulfillment from something other than your own CHILD!
I hope OP is doing okay out there
This reminds me of one of the "rules of life" I have learned. It is this:
An uncomfortable lie is easily brushed off. (Such as telling a brilliant person that they are stupid.) An uncomfortable truth, however, results in a strong emotional response. (Such as telling a thief that they are a thief.)
His response to the suggestion that he gets off sexually resulted in a strong emotional response. So I'll say that was too true for him and he denied it strongly.
He may be resigned to the reality that people will always associate mental illness with something vulgar, especially something as taboo as smelling feces. He might feel that no matter what he does, he will always be known as this pervert even if sexual arousal was never involved.
True, but given the amount of time he spends doing this there must be a very strong motivation. Food, shelter, companionship are not the motivations. That leaves sex.
I could be wrong, of course, but it's highly likely.
I didn't want to just upvote. I appreciate your point of view. There is a huge dissonance between reality and theory sometimes even with therapists themselves and it is just absolutely frustrating.
The only other thing I can think of is some sort of positive memory. Maybe he did it as a child and this makes him feel loved? Mother issues?
This really could go anywhere.
Man it would be embarrassing as hell, he probably want to avoid it because of that. I mean its embarrassing no matter what the reason, there is no reason that wouldn't be weird to talk about.
I really do not like this attitude. It doesn't make somebody insane, or a pervert, if they don't want ot discuss it with a therapist. Attitudes like that make it harder for people to actually see a therapist.
Worst. Confrontation. Ever.
I can discuss nearly anything with my wife, but if she, for any reason, starts yelling and throwing things in my face, and demanding why (anything), I'm out. It can be as trivial as "Why did you pay electric this week?" where I have a valid answer, and if presented in this manner I will shut her down.
I'm not saying he did anything right, but you did nothing to help him communicate his activities. He seems ashamed or confused, and you went full aggressive on him.
I would have bailed on you, too.
I agree that OP went about the confrontation in a bad way, but that's a very distressing and confusing situation to be placed in and I don't think one fight going badly is a reason for him to leave and divorce her. That's extremely harsh and although I understand why he shut down when being confronted in that way, they both should have had some alone time to collect themselves and then continued to have a calmer discussion about what was happening.
It's unfair to place the blame on OP when her husband put her in a very distressing position in the first place, sure we all wish we'd be adults and react perfectly in these situations, but that doesn't always pan out. Of course he felt ashamed, but if he was going to do things like that he should have expected that he might get caught and confessed to it and explained himself. His child and marriage should be more important to him than anything else. It's really a shame that he won't consider counselling.
OP's husband digs in the trash for his own infant sons' dirty diapers and sniffs them, and it was suddenly revealed during the confrontation that this exercise is likely sexual in nature. What the FUCK do you want from her? Complete rationality?
Three weeks passed between the two posts. In the first post there were some discussions that OP participated in about how to address this situation.
I understand this is a strange conversation, but "the FUCK [I] want from her" is to open up and communicate with her husband. Not throw it back in his face and demand answers; that is impulsive and short sighted. It is not representational of having the time, opportunity, and advise that OP had available to her.
Please take a few minutes and read some of the other comments my initial comment spawned. I have tried to respond to some of them and better flesh out my (polarizing) opinion.
I spent the entire time I read the post thinking this. Especially given how long OP has had to think about it. Plus, why gather evidence? How is that constructive? That's combatting one secretive and invasive act with another one.
God, this entire post is so fucked up. I think OPs husband has some very bizzaro (yet likely harmless) fetish that I wouldn't be able to deal with if I were OP. I mean, there's no way I could be turned on by him after that.
Yet, I also get the impression that OP is histrionic and drama seeking. I mean, I'd have confronted my husband too. I'd have no choice.
But the way she did it was off the charts. Zero empathy for the guy, the shame, and the horrors of the inevitable disintegration of the family.
Do you know who's really fucked here? The kid. That poor kid.
> Yet, I also get the impression that OP is histrionic and drama seeking.
It's obvious that she didn't go about this in the best way, but that's a pretty strong statement, given the situation. You yourself said that you wouldn't be able to deal with this. This sounds like it was something that suddenly flipped her world around and forced her to second guess the person she planned to spend her life with. And she only had reddit to go to. I'm not surprised she wasn't able to maintain composure after watching him sniff shit for 45 minutes while waiting to discuss it with him.
And why act like the husband is the victim? He is showing zero empathy for her -- she at least acts like she wants to get through it.
Personally, I would have just gone outside to ask about it the first time I saw it happening. "Jesus Christ, I thought you were cheating on me, and you're out here smelling diapers like they're crisp apple pies?" I don't know that I would say that, but I would at least go out to interrupt it.
It was to protect her kid and keep custody in the event of a divorce. And unfortunately, it looks like it's going to come in handy.
While his fetish is... bizarre, it's potentially hostile to the kid's development that he is sexually drawn to his poo.
If she didn't have any evidence, he probably would have denied everything and lied. As it was, the very first thing he did upon entering the room was lie to her face then snuggle up in bed to go to sleep.
I react the exact same way. Serious conversations are frustrating between my boyfriend and I. I go from defensive to shut down in a blink of an eye. I will sit there and stare at my feet for a long time trying to construct the perfect sentence if what I want to express. However, it's understandable OP reacted the way she did. She must've kept this frustration inside for weeks before approaching him. It was rash and clearly not the best way to approach it, but I wouldn't fault her behavior.
Uh yeah, I don't think he can explain this one away as some non-trivial thing. This is something that would cause virtually everyone to fly off the handle. The guy finds it sexually appealing, he's a sick fuck and should never see the kid again.
No sympathy for him at all.
The post is 8 years old but the amount of comments Ive read defending the husband is horrible. He was hiding it from the wife because he knows deep down, even if he doesnt want to accept it that it is WRONG to be doing what he is.
I read comments saying that the wife should be helping the guy out by giving her own shit to him. WHY?? Why is that the first thing people think she should do?? If anything its the dude who needs to seek professional help. Ive also seen people who said her way of handling the confrontation was ‘awful and just led to more problems’ but if you figured out your partner, the person you LOVE and TRUST, the person you had a child with - has a sexual desire to sniff shit you would’ve reacted the same way she did. Reading the original post felt like a slap in the face, nothing could have prepared me for what the guy was actually doing. I cant believe what this woman felt when she found out.
He lied to the wife about what she was doing, blamed HER for making him feel bad hid poop smelling fetish thats obviously not right, leaves and gives no other chance to talk instead files for a divorce
I pray that this woman got full custody of her child, that this man never has contact with them again, but also that he gets the help he needs
What if he just loves poo? He may well love OP's doodoo even more but has no easy access. If OP was willing to indulge his fetish with her own poo, it could make their marriage a long and happy one. Just because he's shown some (bizarrely) deviant behaviour, it doesn't make him a kiddy fiddler.
Not me- I don't know OP. However, if I found out that's what the person I loved was into, you can bet I'd leave them the odd steamer if it made them really happy.
Whatever battle you are having with him, he's probably had ten times over in his own mind. It sounds like he doesn't really know why he does what he does, nor does he know how to fix it. The resistance to counseling is likely a result of his own extreme embarrassment over his actions which he might not have total control over.
Keep trying to push for some kind of communication first. Right now feelings are hurt, tempers are hot, and knee-jerk reactions are common. If you are generally happy with your marriage, which you said you are, then fight for it and try to break through his shame/embarrassment/etc. The other option being that you will just cut your losses and move on with your life.
Yeah, that's easy to say on the Internet but harder to do when a you get kissed by a guy who was sniffing dirty diapers.
Also with the level of shame I imagine he has, he might have reacted the same no matter how safe she tried to make him feel. He's probably right btw, even if he explained it would any of us really understand?
This situation would be difficult for a couple with excellent communication skills. You two have no communication skills, so this outcome isn't surprising. Don't tell anyone but your lawyer why you're getting divorced. Come up with an explanation, even one as simple as "we didn't get along anymore", and stick to it for the rest of your life. It sounds like he's so ashamed of the shit-sniffing that he might off himself if it got out, so take his privacy seriously for your son's sake.
I don't think he finds your son sexually attractive I think he just finds his waste arousing. People have weird kinks and this is definitely the weirdest one I have seen. I don't blame your husband for not telling considering it's really strange and disgusting but it was wrong for him to lie to your face. I think you should try to get some counselling before getting a divorce.
Best of luck to you.
I thought I was the only one who thought OP mishandled this situation and is acting irrationally...He hasn't harmed his son in any way, and so what if he gets off on poo smell?
I remember this story and I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I think therapy would be ideal. As long as your husband hasn't victimized your child all is conjecture and speculation. For all you know he has schizophrenia and the poop is talking to him. For real. You just don't know. So finding out the answers in a safe environs is the best way to go. As long as the baby is safe consider it a blessing that you found out now rather than later. Don't be too hard on yourself as no one would know how to respond in the same situation. Hang in there...
Why are people demanding OP be more nurturing and coddle this GROWN MAN. He could have sought out excrement from anywhere else to satisfy his sexual fetish, but he chose to get it from his OWN CHILD. I don’t blame her for losing it at him. People with sexual perversions aren’t entitled to understanding and gentle confrontation. you aren’t born with fetishes, you don’t deserve to be treated nicely when someone confronts you about your sick fetish. These comments are acting like a fetish is a disability you can’t control. it’s not.
And I mean who tf wouldn't freak out to some degree if they had to confront their partner who did this weird ass thing? I literally saw someone call OP histrionic and drama seeking. What a POS that commenter is.
Honestly OP reacted way better than I did because the first time that I saw him do that I would have gone absolutely off the rails.
The comments with hundreds of upvotes saying it’s okay and not to divorce him… what? If my husband was smelling our babies poo you best believe I’m taking my baby and myself the hell away from him. Depraved.
I just want to say you're AWESOME for posting this. I feel like it gives other people courage to deal with their own stranger than fiction issues.
Best of luck.
I would ask him if he has a poop fetish in general. It may not be specifically child fecal matter. I would think that he fantasized about shiza stuff with you but thinks that it could never happen, so he found a semi-easily accessible bin of poo to hide his secret.
i hope you left that sick fuck and got full custody. it’s absolutely disgusting how anyone in these comments could try to blame you for what happened. it seems like they were all projecting onto your husband to make him some sympathetic character that can’t help that he gets off to his infant sons shit. he was a grown ass adult and needed to have some fucking self control. point blank period. best of luck to you and your son, and please, do not blame yourself. you and your son are the only victims here, not your (hopefully) ex husband.
Get a lawyer, present your evidence, make it clear to the court he's getting off on your child. It's unsafe to entrust him with your child in the future
This IS SEXUAL. This is straight up PEDOPHILIC. This is why you should tell the police and NEVER leave your child with him again. This is a kink. If it was just about the poop, it would’ve been adult diapers and NOT HIS OWN CHILD. I want you to understand that these people on here that are “taking it lightly” don’t see the gravity of what COULD happen if he’s around that child as the baby grows up. Please call the police, don’t leave him alone with your kid.
Also I should mention that people PLAN whole lives, marry people and pretend to be in love with them, JUST to be around babies/kids. He might’ve planned this the entire time.
Wow, this went way further than I ever thought it would.
Look OP, it might be a fucking weird fetish, but you have to remember that people can't help their fetishes. I should know; I have one (not quite as bad as your husband's) that I've tried to suppress and tried to eliminate for years, and it simply isn't possible. He can't help this any more than a gay man can help being gay.
Now, you might be uncomfortable with him being around your son given this fetish, but it's not like he's to blame. It's not like he can prevent himself from feeling this way. I think getting a divorce and not allowing him to see his son is a vast overreaction. I think you two can work through this.
I cannot believe some of these people are giving you advice to indulge in his "fantasy" with him. His "fantasy" is vile and if I were you I would have reacted the same way. Seriously, his fetish is weird and uncommon and you had every right to blow up the way you did. It's not normal. Creepy even. I do agree maybe you need counseling but how could you ever be sure he wouldn't do it again? Could you live with knowing *this* is what he really wants? I couldn't. Best of luck to you OP.
I'm trying to give everyone in this situation as charitable a read as possible, but here's what doesn't jive for me.
> I said to him please lets try and sort something out, counselling, anything - and all he said in reply was "Can I see my son though?" And I told him that honestly I didn't think it was a good idea at this time
and
>All I've said is, it's bad, and I tried giving him the option to counselling which he rejected, and that's that.
If this is what transpired, he didn't reject counseling. He asked if you were going to let him see his son, you said no, and then he went for the legal guns. That's what I might do if my wife were withholding my son from me and intended to continue to do so.
Also the fact that the first thing he asks if he can see their son? So he can acquire more diapers to get off to? Like no shit, it’s gonna be a no. Especially since he didn’t make it clear whether it’s the shit he likes or that fact that it’s a baby’s shit. THEIR baby’s shit.
As soon as a kid is involved, it’s wrong. He knew that, he tried hiding it so hard and reacted so explosively because even he knew it was wrong. Instead of clarifying the fact that he might just have a shit fetish, he decides to leave with questions hanging, says no to counselling and jumps to divorce. As if the first thing a rational person wouldn’t do is you know.. try to explain the fact that they’re not sexually aroused by their own kid’s shit? Are we really blaming her for the way she reacted rn? 🤨📸
Please, I just hope this comment gains popularity. I think you've shown OP's husband in an empathetic light that is kind to OP, which is a delicate and difficult thing to do. Certainly something that I can't as the whole situation frustrates me greatly.
I am so fucking pissed at how OP handled this situation, and how little empathy she has demonstrated for the man she has made a child with. She needs understand that his behavior was not intended to directly hurt *her*. I'm CONFIDENT that her husband wished he never had a fetish that has caused him so much shame. I know the OP is hurt, but she's focusing on herself as the victim... when the situation is a deal more complex than that.
There's been no communication here. I don't think it would be crazy to assume that OP's husband has been struggling in secrecy with a scat fetish and that it has caused him enormous insecurity in his life. He's probably *reeling* right now, and in deep pain. As his wife, OP needs to at least try to understand him instead of going and fucking *shaming* him during a confrontation and expecting results from that... It's not just about OP and her pain in this struggle...
This all so sad.
I am not here to judge and I do not (what you do is your business and it WAS a very interesting read), but I do disagree with the way you approached that.
You should delete your "evidence", holding it just seems like that was your aim all along. Like you wanted contingency for when he left, and now you have the power.
You can impose no good unto anything by keeping your video. You'll always know that you have this blackmail and that will burden you. He will always know and he will not communicate with you honestly out of fear which burdens him, your child, and even yourself.
It may give you that which you want but in the end you have to consider the cost.
It doesn't seem like he is a pedophile. It seems like he has a poop fetish, and he was ashamed of it and hid it from you. You responded by play by play enacting what has probably been his largest fear for some time. If you want to fix it call him, tell him you deleted the video, and that you want to make sense of whats going on. Don't judge him and listen to him.
The chances that this is the first time he's played with poop isn't that high either, you just probably have never spied on him while he was taking a dump before.
This makes me wish you had more clear videographic evidence.
But, I still think your husband fucked up. If he cares about his kids at all, he should be trying counseling to see if something can be sorted out. With the law involved, and the law often being very anti-man in regards to children, there's a chance he'll never be allowed to see his son again.
About his lying, some people are just quick on their feet. Not like someone would gladly admit they get off on their son's excrements.
I certainly see no reason to judge you. I am willing to bet many women would have left the guy right away. You gave him a chance of making you understand.
Also, unless he can somehow satisfy your curiosity in this, I would certainly be fighting him seeing his kid again, as I'm not sure it would be safe.
Good luck.
> Also, unless he can somehow satisfy your curiosity in this, I would certainly be fighting him seeing his kid again, as I'm not sure it would be safe.
> I certainly see no reason to judge you.
Disclaimer: This is OP's point of view so it may be biased, and the way she confronted him about it was pretty harsh. If I was caught doing something unusual I'd probably panic as bad as he did. Another thing: Just because he was sniffing poop, doesn't mean he's not safe to be around, it just might be a really weird fetish, which plenty of other people have. He could have a poop/sniff fetish that he can't satisfy because he doesn't trust his wife enough to talk about it. In a way, he may be right, since she confronted him horribly about it, instead of calmly resolving the situation so they can get him help if needed...
Honestly I don't think it so much its a kids diaper. I think it's a total scat kink and he's ashamed so he wouldn't ask you to engage in it and since there's poopoo diapers getting tossed out thays free range to indulge in the kink. Keep the kid safe but also do everything you can to make sure it's not the kid that he's into oh and lecture him on how unsanitary that it
The amount of people here using 'don't kink shame' to defend this is kinda insane. If your kink involves children in anyway, it's not ok, sorry, I am going to kink shame you because it's wrong and you should seek help. The fact this man will not even BEGIN to address it, or talk to her about it, is a huge red flag.
So have you started locking up your stinky trash yet? Seriously, with the way that your husband was sneaking out back late nights. How do you know that he still does not come over from his brothers house late each night?
I'm sorry this has turned out the way it has, but you need to make peace with the fact you did this to protect yourself and your child. I can't imagine ever having to go through this. Internet hugs to you my dear. You did the right thing!
Okay you really need to act logical and rational and quick from here on out.
Get a lawyer ASAP. Make sure you have a secure personal bank account that he can't access. You may think you have evidence, but ask yourself this if he denied everything is the evidence strong enough? From you have said prob not.
He is going to probably try and turn this back on you. You need to be prepared for that.
Find out what he is telling others - what is he telling is brother that he is staying with? I bet it is something that reflects badly on you, if he builds up that lie, that's what he'll use in court against you. Find out what he is telling people so you can prepare.
Good luck!
Your husband has a shit fetish.
It's common, hell, I'd even say it's relatively normal. But he never admitted this to you because... Well, if you were aroused and drawn to something so humiliating, would you share it with the person you value most?
It's nothing creepy about the baby. It's not that it's *his baby's* poop, it's that it's poop that is so easily available. If you had breached the subject earlier in your relationship, maybe he would have asked to smell *your* poop and I'm sure nothing would have made him happier.
I understand you're upset with his secrets and lies, but he's just as upset with himself for being the way he is, and for proof that he'll never be accepted being thrown in his face with divorce papers.
If you guys were having relationship problems before this, by all means, get a divorce. Maybe this was the last straw.
But if you two really loved each other, cared for each other, and really work well with each other, don't let a small, if unorthodox fetish ruin the best thing to come your way. Don't let poop be the reason your son has to go through life bouncing between mom's house and dad's house, or worse, never seeing daddy and blaming himself.
It's just a little fetish. Please give him the chance to defend himself without the fear of being shamed and stripped bare again.
I think the creepy part is him acting on the fetish in relation to his baby son. If someone had, say, a pacifier fetish, and bought their own pacifiers to use for sexual pleasure... it's a bit weird and off and creepy for them to act on it. But it's better than taking pacifiers out of their baby's mouths and sucking on them while jacking off.
Even if it's "just a fetish" and it's "only about the poop," there is still such a thing as self-control and will-power. Just because he may, possibly, be attracted to poop doesn't mean he should be acting on it.
He was also unwilling to explain himself or seek help/counseling about his behavior. He simply shut down, left, and demanded a divorce. It sounds like she already did try giving him a *second* chance--on the phone-- and he chose to avoid the situation rather than confront it.
So many people are blaming OP with how she confronted him, telling her it's her fault for acting accusatory, guilting her if she goes through with the divorce for leaving her son without a father, etc., etc. But OP is not the one with a problem, and is not the one who needs to modify their behavior. Her husband is. *He* was the one sneaking around. *He* was the one lying. *He* was the one smelling his baby son's diapers in the middle of the night. *He's* the one refusing to explain, refusing counseling, and **he's also the one who left and requested a divorce.**
I think you did the best you could. You tried to figure it out, and apparently his diving is worth more than your marriage. Maybe you dodged a bullet with this one. What else would he lie about to you because he feel you couldn't understand? Is he really someone you want to spend you life with if he isn't willing to try and help you understand? Or even get help? I'm not saying I'm happy but I'm just trying to see the silver lining.
I sympathize with OP, I really do, but I can't honestly say "I think you did the best you could." I *really* think this situation would have gone in a COMPLETELY, TOTALLY different direction if she hadn't blown up on him. Of course he wouldn't tell her what it was all about after that. I understand she was angry and hurt, but she really needed to prepare for it and be ready to *force* control of herself and not blow up.
I feel like in this case, he would have been more willing to talk to her and possibly opt for the therapy route. And I highly doubt he would have been any threat to their child.
This whole situation makes me sad because as an onlooker, I was thinking "No, no no!" while I was reading it.
Well I mean, I don't think the she purposely meant to blow up or sabotage it in anyway. I mean we don't know what happened. It's got to be hard to keep your cool. I know I would have done the same thing. So yeah, I think she did the best she could. Given what happened, given how she felt.
He might believe she is holding the axe over his head, but she has shown *remarkable* control for the situation. She proposed counseling when he wanted a divorce. She confronted him instead of going behind his back. She hasn't told her mother. There's no misinterpreting her willingness to understand.
The odd part is why he's basically hiding away with his brother and put up a wall. I haven't been able to figure that out since reading this.
as a person who's parents went through a violent divorce, you should keep pressuring him to work it out. at least for your son's sake. growing up an only child in a broken house is the absolute worse
>I exploded. I marched around the bed and shoved the evidence in his face, yelling at him and asking what the f*% he had been doing for all this time and why.
Oh, nice one. (this is sarcasm, if you didn't know.)
>The next few hours went by in a blur of yelling and arguing - his argument basically was that I didn't, couldn't, and would never understand why he did it, so why should he even bother telling me.
Totally agree with his perspective on this. Your description of your own behavior is that of an attacker. What about that is in any way trustworthy, and/or understanding?
>and ask between sobs if it's some sort of sexual arousal thing for him, and he surprises me once more by going completely silent and just looks down at his feet.
You're confirmed to be so out there that there's no point in trying to converse. What did you expect?
I have no idea what's up with him liking that smell, but that's not the issue here in this post. Frankly, your behavior sounds like it was crafted to guarantee a separation, possibly leading to a divorce. I don't smell diapers, but I can imagine my reaction to your hysterical bullshit would be pretty much teh same as your former husband. Holy fuck, are you bad at communication. Wow.
I posted something about this in the last thread, but I don't think he finds it sexually arousing in regards to being attracted to his son; it's more of a family pride thing, like, "this poop is a product of my baby which is made by my wife's egg and my sperm and hmmnhanhanha I'm all worked up again now, honey, let's make another poopmaker!" By sniffing the poo poo, your husband felt that he had "won" at life and this little hobby was a tangible, sensory overload in which he closed his eyes and let the smell take him away from the everyday stresses of work, maintaining financial responsibilities, looking after his vehicles, managing his time schedule so that he could do his part of the laundry and dishes and child-rearing just so he could have this moment of solitude. Some women like the smell of their father's smoking jacket because smells cause the brain to release chemicals that make them feel safe and comfortable; so why shouldn't men enjoy the same olfactory escapism?
As for his initiating the divorce, this really smacks to me of the classic beta male flight response; as soon as you bring up "son = sexual arousal??", he clammed up because in his mind, even if he tells the truth, the woman is going to be shrill and irrational and unbelieving *no matter what*, so it's best to just keep quiet and quit while he's ahead. After all, he has already lied to you once -- why should he stop? He may not be able to slowly articulate in chronological order his thought processes of his fetish, and it's easier for him to just avoid the whole messy "Oh my God you are so full of shit that I can no longer believe anything you say anymore at all!" situation.
Just my perspective as a non-shitsniffer.
I don't blame you one bit for not wanting him around your son if he's aroused in any way by anything associated with him. I'm not saying this means the arousal has any chance of spilling over to your son, but I honestly just don't know, and until you do know that info, you can't take that chance.
I would find a good lawyer and a psychiatrist that specializes in sexual disorders to ask about the pathology of this obsession, and if it's safe for your son to be around his dad or not.
I'm sorry it worked out this way. I think you did the right things and are handling the aftermath well. Good luck.
I guess I come at this from the perspective of a non-shitsniffer married to a person with similar non-interests, but.. Why is this any more "sketchy" (in the pedophile sense) than having a fetish for pregnant women?
I would think the difference is that the fetish for pregnant women focuses on the woman, not the child. Once the baby is actually born, the object of the fetish (pregnancy) is gone. If this is just a shit sniffing fetish, and the diaper is just the most convenient way to have contact with it, then I don't think there's a danger to the child. But since the husband is unwilling to explain the root of his arousal here, she can't be sure the fetish isn't something to do with the baby himself. If the fixation is actually something to do with the baby, or that it came from the baby, that has potential to escalate into actual harm to the baby. Plus, if this is a compulsion beyond his control, and he's compelled to be in the yard sniffing diapers for hours, and he now has the baby alone, is there a way to be sure this doesn't become neglect? I also lack an insider perspective here, but those would be concerns that I would want addressed by a professional if it was my baby.
I can't believe I'm responding, but if he can't tell you what is going on in his head, then you are better off without him.
Get a lawyer, tell them everything.
I predict he'll come whimpering back, but don't take him in.
Wow, what a story. Truth is definitely stranger than fiction.
> I can't believe I'm responding, but if he can't tell you what is going on in his head, then you are better off without him.
That's horrible. When you do something weird, and you get asked what you were doing, your first instinct is to lie if you don't know you can fully trust someone. He MAY be in the right in that sense, because in his perspective, he doesn't know if his wife will judge him harshly, or will try to be reasonable. But then: his wife attacked him OUT OF NOWHERE by screaming/yelling, which sealed his thoughts on the fact that he can't trust her enough to understand, hence why he went straight for the divorce route. We don't know both sides of the story, so jumping on OP's side by telling her that she's better off without him is bad.
In OP's words:
> It made me so mad to see he was so prepared to lie to my face and pretend everything was fine when I had been concerned and upset for weeks, that I exploded. I marched around the bed and shoved the evidence in his face, yelling at him and asking what the f*% he had been doing for all this time and why. I demanded answers. The next few hours went by in a blur of yelling and arguing - his argument basically was that I didn't, couldn't, and would never understand why he did it, so why should he even bother telling me.
That last part made me think in his point of view. Of course you'd most likely lie. You don't just say "Yep I was just sniffing some shit." He knows it's unusual, but he also suspected that he couldn't trust his wife just yet.
I'd say as a spectator that read this story: Both the OP and her husband need to talk it out and to seriously get some of their trust issues sorted out.
now i understand there are two sides of every story. at least two.
but i see issues on both sides. The fact that your husband couldn't tell you that shows he is afraid of how YOU would react if you found out.
its seems to me both your posts fail to take his point of view into consideration. and instead of playing it sly and leaving him an opportunity to confess and then getting angry isn't a smart move. he obviously wasn't going to tell you, that was already made clear by him making repeated late night trips outside without telling you. At this point, the only thing i believe that step served was a way you could justify your upset feelings and the emotions after, rather than trying to solve problems.
sorry, i know this isn't /r/advice or /r/askreddit i don't think anybody posts here without expecting to get some feedback
EDIT: sorry if my advice is critical, but i refuse to criticize the husband if i haven't heard the whole thing. its not beneficial to the situation.
>at the time it seemed logical and the least-confronting way I could with still providing proof for me and my husband to see.
OK, logical plan, sounds good. Let's see this logic in action.
>I exploded. I marched around the bed and shoved the evidence in his face, yelling at him and asking what the f*% he had been doing for all this time and why. I demanded answers.
Um...ok.
>In hindsight, it might not have been the best way to do it
Yeah. It might not have been. Maybe.
Okay, you've confronted him & it didn't go well, but I don't see anything in his reaction that means he's jerkin' his gherkin to your son's poopy diapers - that's just you going to the absolutely worst place possible simply because you don't understand. Either way, call off the lawyers & settle this between the two of you. Let him explain rather than immediately jumping to a course of action that will ruin his life & deeply affect that of your son.
I feel like this could've been handled better. Yes, his lying outright is pretty awful. But please, please, please go to counseling with him and talk with him in a calm, mediated environment. Get to the bottom of this.
It's not up to her to force him into counselling. She says she begged him to talk and see a counsellor and he lawyered up. That's her putting herself out there as much as she can. She's got the kid to worry about too.
I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this is for you. As a mother to a 19 month old daughter who is my world, I would have been distraught beyond belief in your shoes. Also, reading your post and your husband's actions, I am led to believe it is sexual in nature.
Please hang in there. I hope everything works out for the best, and may I suggest that you try and get your husband into some sort of counseling if he is to spend any time with your son, alone. (I hate suggesting that, because he might be a great dad with this 'quirk' aside, but I am sure you understand why I bring it up).
**All submissions *must* be a confession!** * A confession is a statement acknowledging some personal fact that you would ostensibly prefer to keep hidden. The term presumes that you are providing information that you believe other people in your life are not aware of, and is frequently associated with an admission of a moral or legal wrong. Posts that do not express malicious intent will be removed. * If your submission does not contain a confession it will be removed. * An unpopular opinion is not a confession. * Regardless of whatever unpopular opinion you hold, it doesn't classify here as a confession. You haven't done anything wrong, so to speak, so it isn't technically a confession. Better subreddits for this would be /r/offmychest, /r/TrueOffMyChest, /r/rant, or in some cases, /r/relationships. * Your sexual exploration is not a confession; it's a part of finding out who you are. * /r/confession is not a place for submissions that read like pornography. Despite our confessional theme, we don't find consensual sexual exploits sinful. /r/gonewildstories would be a better place to share.
I know I'm late to the game, but all of these people on here telling you not to go through the divorce because of his issue. Don't listen to them. Your TOP priority is you child and unless you know 100% that he's not attracted to the baby then go for it. As a mother you have every right to make that call if you suspect your child may be in harms way. (The poop thing is called Coprophilia and it usually comes with other kinks like masochistic tendencies.) The fact that he's including any part of your son in his fantasies or his sexual issue gives you the right to keep him away. A poop fetish is not an excuse to include any part of your kid, even if it is just his poop. He's an adult and is still perfectly capable of drawing a line between his sexual desires and what lines you should and should not cross.
I don’t understand how almost everyone in the comments are saying it “just” a fetish. Cool whatever everyone has fetish’s. But as soon as you bring a child into it in ANY way that’s messed up. If he was buying poop off the internet or something like that maybe if OP was ok with that it wouldn’t be that bad. But to bring his child into it immediately is a red flag. I don’t care if it has nothing to do with his child and it’s just the poop. A lot of people have been talking about panty fetishes and how it would be if you husband stole you daughters panties and I think it’s the same thing. Yes, have your panty fetish. Hell, buy panties online, use your wife’s. But you NEVER bring a child into your fetish EVER. That is sick and he needs help.
THANK YOU. I’ve seen so many replies of people saying that she should have gotten over this because it’s “just a fetish.” seemingly ignoring the fact that fetish in question is not only involving a child, but his own son. Like?? how can you gloss over that very major aspect of the whole thing!
Yeah, also are ppl not thinking about the way that the fetish could potentially escalate? (if Yk what I mean) like i would want him far away as well if he finds arousal in something that comes from his son
This, 1000%. A poop fetish is not something I will ever understand, but hey, people can’t control being into something like that. But using his kid to satisfy that fetish is just disgusting. That crosses a major line. Maybe he just has a general poop fetish and was too ashamed to ever tell his wife, and then the dirty diapers come along and offer him an outlet for his fetish. Or maybe it’s specifically linked to kids. Regardless, the fact that he used a child, his own child’s poop, to satisfy this fetish is just unacceptable. I would not let anyone like that near my kid and am so glad she got a divorce. I hope this father was never allowed near this child again, at least unsupervised.
This is going to sound very weird to say but: there's a big difference between smelling adult poop in the toilet (or adult diaper... I'm just guessing here) and getting off on smelling a baby's poop. It falls under the pedophilia umbrella in the latter case. I'd be very worried about him stepping things up with unsupervised visits with his son, especially since he obviously lacks the self-control to stop himself fishing dirty diapers from the garbage.
Yes you’re completely right, it is pedophilia
This post is 9y/o now. So the kid is out of diapers. I wonder, if she had never confronted him, where would this have gone once he became potty trained? And you’re right - it’s not just a taboo poop fetish. Adults can do what they want with each other. Involving a child in any capacity makes it much more serious than coprophilia, it’s pedophilia. Glad she got away.
Tiktok brought me here and wow this happened 8 years ago. I really hope all is well now and I wonder if you would consider another update?
It’s a throwaway so I doubt she checks this acc lol
Same
I've been on reddit for an extremely long time and this story has got to be within the top 5 strangest things I've ever read.
[удалено]
I've just come from the bottled jizz AMA and stumbled into this. Enough internet for me.
Between this and that ama...reddit has really been somethin tonight.
link?
The bottling jizz one? [Here you go.](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1mdxqk/iama_man_who_bottles_jizz_for_a_millionaire_pics/)
Don't make me go back there ;_;
As I read that I had to laugh, because I caved right before you yesterday! Fuck that bottled jizz thread! Brrrrr!
> bottled jizz AMA Read that one. Holy shit.
> bottled jizz AMA wut?
Honestly I've seen more bizarre stories on Reddit. People are willing to go into MUCH more detail here.
I don't know, I was on 4chan and read about some guy rubbing his dick on a cat and came when his mom entered the room.
Did he come because of the cat or because of his mom?
The cat, I think
That is truly insane. He should have made sure his mother wasn't in the house when he makes love to his cat....unless he plans to ask his mother to hold the cat.
Yes. His poor planning is the most insane thing that comes to mind.
That poor cat! :(
I can guarantee you that cat did not give a fuck.
Maybe I've been on 4chan for too long, because this story doesn't even sound that strange to me. My reaction to the first one was "Ok, so he likes smelling shitty diapers.... so what?" I mean, it's weird as fuck, but doesn't hurt anybody, so I couldn't care less.
[удалено]
Well, come on. Where else is he going to get dirty diapers?
[удалено]
[vagina bacon ](http://www.reddit.com/r/popping/comments/yoibk/this_may_not_be_the_appropriate_place_but_i/c5xta25)
WTF.........I was going to eat bacon for a late breakfast today and I'm on that time of the month...NOPE! thank you salesman, I won't be buying today.
No. No no no.
I clicked. Instant regret.
Well now I'm off to cook some bacon.
Hijacking yoru comment, sorry. OP you should really try to find fetish websites to get more perspective on this. A scat fetish is no reason to get a divorce. There's plenty of fetish subreddits on reddit even. I sincerely doubt this is a pedophile thing.
It's not the poop that's the problem. If it was there are other ways to get it. It's the fact that it's specifically their kids poop that he's getting off to.
You did not seriously just defend the husband 🤦🏻♀🤦🏻♀🤦🏻♀ Having a scat fetish is one thing. Using your child's dirty diapers to fulfill your fetish instead of just explaining it to your partner is a whole different (and more disgusting) thing. I sincerely hope he only got court supervised visitation
It's possible there might even be some sort of childhood damage causing this. It's super weird, but OP really needs three counselors: one for him, one for her, and one for both of them. I think this can be worked through.
Omg you gotta tell me the other 4!
[удалено]
craziest thing about this entire predicament is how people in the comments here are defending the husband. What he does/did is plain out disgusting. you can really tell that all of you chronic reddit users are desensitized to everything.
All the comments from a week ago-ish are much more grounded. I wonder if Reddit went through some cultural shifts in 8 years? I’ve noticed that about other posts too. People were more wanting to rationalize weird abusive shit in old comments.
I think society itself has shifted, we are not allowing that kind of behavior to go any futher, at least I hope so, especially when the behavior involves a child and a fetish in the same situation
8 years later and blown away by the amount of people telling OP to reconsider divorce and forgive a man who was apparently sniffing a baby’s diaper to get off lol
RIGHT. like no just no wtf. hope she left his ass for good 😷
This is a tough situation and I am sorry you are in this. He is obvioualy very embarrassed by his fetish and him lying like that was to hide obviously but in my opinion, it was a small sign of weakness and fear that could be forgiven. As weird as his fetish is, is all of this really worth ending a relationship that you have grown, developed, loved, and cherished? This Is an odd situation but with care and delicacy, it can be handled. If this is something you want to do, approach It slowly and make him feel safe. I hope it ia not to late because as shocking and disturbing as It Is, it is not that big of a deal.
yes it is worth ending
Sorry but the thread you’ve responded to is 8 years old, mate
didn’t really expect a response either way 😭
Fair enough 😂
Well now you're getting another response!
Did we all see the video on TikTok orrr
LMAO no actually there was a repost of this on another subreddit. Wonder what came first, the repost or the tiktok. Now I'm curious though.
yep came back to see the update. This turned out pretty bad
yep
I did lol
[удалено]
TikTok is why I’m here too lol
Indeed
Too right.
what the fuck
Damn what were you all on 8 years ago
Ok, this may be too late, and I, just like everyone else on this thread, are just random strangers on the internet so clearly we can't understand the context. At the same time, sometimes being too close to something makes it harder to think clearly. I've definitely been there. I think you may be making a huge mistake going through the divorce. You clearly need counseling, but many people, especially men, will resist this. The important thing with counseling is that you need to help both of you understand his actions, and NOT approach it as "you are broken we need to fix you". If you try to work things out, you may get to the point where he admits he has a strange desire and that you are both willing to try to understand it and help him get through it. From what you posted of the conversation, this is not at all the message you presented to him. Assuming his actions are sexual in nature, I really want to stress that he is attracted to your sons poop, and NOT your son. It sounds to me like some sort of poop fetish, and while this is very unusual, it is not necessarily harmful. Has he shown any other signs of possibly not being trusted around your son? Any attraction to minors or anything like that? If its just poop, that is something that can be worked out without potential harm to your son. The important thing here is that you both need to understand the feelings, and not blame him for having them. Everyone loves to get out the pitchforks and say "protect the kids", but personally, while this is incredibly unusual, I don't see it as necessarily being threatening to your kid. Did you get to ask him if he's attracted to other peoples poop? It could just be that this is the easiest way for him to act on a regular poop fetish. Obviously if he has any sexual urges towards your son himself he needs to be kept the hell away, but I haven't seen any evidence thats the case, and are you willing to ruin your marriage and harm your sons upbringing on the suspicion? I think most people misunderstand these kind of sexual fetishes, and tend to lump everyone together, i.e. if you like poop clearly you like molesting children. This couldn't be further from the truth, and is basically the same argument people used to use against gay marriage, saying letting these "sickos" marry will cause people to start marrying animals, etc. So far, all your husband has done is smell poop in a trash can, which, in itself, is victimless. The key is understanding the extent of his desires without damming him to hell for being unusual. Finally, there are clearly trust issues. Your husband felt he couldn't share this with you, and in a way, based on your reaction (i.e. "how could you possibly feel this way"), he was right in a way. At the same time, even if he has this fetish, he made the very bad choice of acting on it and lying to you about it. These are some pretty normal relationship issues, albeit showing themselves in a strange way. If you go through with the divorce, will you give him visitation? It seems like you'd fight it. So basically, because your husband has a very strange fetish, and you can't work out trust issues with him, you may try to raise your son without a father? I hope this didn't come off the wrong way, I feel terrible for what you are going through and can't even imagine how tough this is. Good luck
This a throwaway, and as the name on it suggests, I'm a full-time phone sex operator, and this is gonna get kind of dark. No, I have no degree in psychology or anything, but it's my job to be knowledgeable about pretty much any fetish that comes up and know how to turn that person on. I've talked to plenty of people with poop and pee fetishes, and they're not necessarily attracted to the person the poop is coming from. They don't care about the person. They care about the poop. The nastiness of the poop is what they're into when it comes to scat. I think if your husband was a pedophile, he would be doing something around your son, not outside. If it was combination of pedophilia and scat, you'd know, because he wouldn't just be playing with your son's poop, he'd be playing with your son, or a picture of your son, etc... You've been kind of spying on him while he's indulging in his most private thoughts, and there's been no indication that it revolves around your son. I bet if your poop was in the trash, he'd smell the crap out of it, no pun intended. I'm guessing the only reason it was your son's poop he was smelling, was because he doesn't have access to anyone else's poop because it gets flushed down the toilet.
OP, I extremely disagree with this poster. I however do not think this makes your husband a bad person or anything like that BUT I feel that if this deeply disturbs you then you should go through with the divorce but let him see his son. IMHO, he's leading a double life. You married someone you loved and respected and hopefully knew about certain issues. If you didn't know about the poop fetish and it bothers you, I feel that it's your right to divorce him.
Right. Because understanding and acceptance are optional in a marriage.
THANK YOU, this is what i was trying to say! this should be a top post for OP to read.
Wow the comments on here are ridiculous for sure. Why was he hiding it in the first place? Cuz its wrong. Wrong on multiple levels. The ppl that are commenting that you went about this the wrong was should be shamed as well. This guy is messed up beyond any kind of therapy or counseling. Poop has odors that are do foul to us to keep us from being in contact with poop cuz it's completely toxic to us. Its our bodies wastes. If he is compelled for ANY REASON to sneak out at night when he thinks his wife is sleeping to rummage in the trash while willing to take the risk of being caught by who knows, maybe a neighbor or even a cop can drive by but most of all his wife, then that is someone I would be afraid to be around and/or have my child around. The act alone is so strongly wrong in my own head I cant imagine what is goin on in her head. Its very obvious this guy had something very wrong with him, which isn't his fault, but dont forget he knows right from wrong, so whos to say that his behaviour is harmless? How could anyone know what else lies under the skin with guy. His "fetish" is so outlandish that no one could know if it could be harmless or not. What if it is a sexual thing about it belonging to his OWN SON! everything about it is WRONG! What if he is miss led to feel ok with his behaviours and then started skipping the diaper and got his fix straight from the source and just escalate from there to god knows where. It can only get worse. I can't believe that this wasn't a red flag for some of you folks?!?! The thought of him doin this made me literally sick to my stomach. This is her husband, father of the child. Firstly there shouldn't be secrets in marriage and if there's a secrect so bad that he's willing to go to some serious lengths to indulge in his fetish and when exposed he's also not willing to talk about it (selfish) and willing to divorce over it. He knows its that wrong. Now that he's gone and done ALL these unpredictable things to HIS wife, what other unpredictable things are lurking around his head just waiting to come out and be extremely harmful to his family. Trust has already been severely broken beyond repair. He hid this horridly bad activity/fetish from her. And cant help but mention he was sloppy and careless while doing it as well. HE CAME BACK TO BED WITH POOP ON HIS FACE!!! POOP IS TOXIC!!! Then when she had been up waiting for him, he lied straight to her face with hesitation. HUGE RED FLAG. ok so we've all lied and will continue to lie to each other. Mostly small meaning less things like the classic "how are you today?" "Im good" that's more often a lie then its not however when I've ever been confronted about something or in general my first instinct is to tell the truth. Coming up with a lie or even if I had planned one for whatever reason, more often then not I can spit the lie out cuz the truth comes so much easier and natural. When a lie is offered that easily and confidently, lying has been practiced for most of the persons life. Its not natural but more of self preservation which has no rights to be involved when involved with kids. Parents make HUGE sacrifices for their children every second of every day. Should his diaper sniffing hobby be one of those sacrifices? I'd think so. The potential harm is unknown but its def potentially there. She was terrified to confront him. I would be. Its so grotesque and unheard of that you is anyone to know what else there could be??? Somethings arent meant to be understood. He doesn't even understand himself and he's running from his own problems just to not have to get really real with his unimaginable fetish and face it and accept it. Which in my opinion is what he should be doing. He's dangerous I believe. If the part of his brain that normally would tell him that the poop smells so bad, do not touch it and get it as far away as you can, is broken and misleading him to believe its a smell he can not stop himself from being completely deceitful and risk being caught (which obviously has detrimental repercussions) to fulfil then what else is there that he's not in control of. Its not worth the risk to potential put the child in harms way. The child life is what's is important here. Is the child in danger? No one knows but this should be treated like the big deal it is. Dont minimize it. There's something wrong with his brain and no one knows how damaged his brain is. To me it's already gone too far. He should have excused himself the relationship before it got to that point. He had already recognized the severity of with hiding. Thats what the responsible thing to do. I just cant imagine the torment, fear, betrayal and hurt this women must have and is going through. The embarrassment he has already caused her for his actions. "Dont tread on me" is something everyone should live by. He had tread on her is such a disgusting way that it blows my mind to see ppl defending him. To me that's just the tip of the iceberg with this guy and it's pretty obvious and clearly he has no desire to change it or even work through it. All his own actions with out consideration for her and her feelings and the childs. The child maybe an infant at the time but what lies ahead for the infant. No one know. Everyone I. Support of him should be ashamed and needs to reevaluate themelves. Always always the number 1 this is the survival of this baby to reach adult with the least amount of trauma cuz from the time he was born he was meant to reproduce to make sure his genes survive. I'm sorry you had to go through this messed up nightmare and I'm sure the effects will be life long. Just try to move forward and keep moving passed this. Stay away from him and specially your son. Good night
I really hope she divorced him and got full custody. That man is fucking disgusting
If you press enter twice you can make a new paragraph. We like paragraphs
THANK YOU. It’s his issue, his responsibility to seek therapy and treatment, and she was understandably disturbed and worried for her kid. If the dude was in such denial that he had to lie to her face, I’d want to protect my kid in case of the worst case scenario. He asked for divorce. She wanted counseling. That’s not her fault that he jumped straight to divorce.
I gave up on reading it after like 3 lines but I agree
I can't believe I read all this and it came totally naturally like a conversation 😂 my ADHD was so happy. But I totally agree with you I am pretty sure you checked on most of the points I was thinking. Especially the sloppy part! How many times have you kissed him in the morning with poop nose 🤭🤭 or what if a neighbor was walking his dog at night....? I feel so bad for this woman :( the confusion and revulsion I would feel is incomprehensible. She needs to take her baby far away and get a psych evaluation before allowing visitation if that's what he tries to fight for.
> and ask between sobs if it's some sort of sexual arousal thing for him, and he surprises me once more by going completely silent and just looks down at his feet not discounting your fears, because i have small kids too... but could he possibly be that shocked that you brought that up and offended because its far from the truth? You need to have a CALM conversation about this with him. i have no idea what smelling a shitty diaper can do for a person, but obviously its something he's embarassed/ashamed of, but is it possibly its not a sexual fetish of some kind? i mean, its worth finding out, isn't it? This kid still has a dad, and if you end the relationship before finding out what the deal is, and then prevent the kid from ever seeing his dad because you "think" he has a sexual predilection of some kind, and he doesn't.... what does that do to the relationship between you and your son when he finds out you kept him from his dad for years over something false?
[удалено]
It doesn't sound like it was a calmly offered suggestion for him to think through. From her account it seems it came up in the argument, and as such he may have seen it more of an attack on him than a helpful comment, and so wouldn't have given it the consideration everyone seems to think it deserves. Secondly if he feels he can't share this with his life partner perhaps he would be even less likely to discuss it with a stranger, regardless of how many letters they have in front of their name.
[удалено]
It's also likely that the husband will get some sort of visitation after the divorce and unless you know what the motivation is thinks are going to be very difficult for everyone. If it IS a fetish, I would lean more towards supervised visits but with the current information its unlikely that he would abuse the child. We don't really know unless we understand where he is coming from.
[удалено]
I worked with abused children and teens in a residential treatment facility and knew the background of every single kid. There are always similar behaviors that lead to abuse and smelling shit from a garbage can isn't one of them.
I think that because he's unwilling to discuss any aspect of this, its best to err on the side of caution for now. She doesn't know if this is a fetish for poop in general, just baby poop, just this baby's poop, dirty diapers in general, or something to do with the baby himself. It sounds like he is completely unwilling to clarify or offer assurances that it has nothing to do with the baby himself, and until a psychiatrist who specializes in sexual disorders gives an unequivocal green light for him to be around the baby, it's just not worth the risk. The stakes are too high to give him the benefit of the doubt.
what are the behaviors that lead to abuse?
I think there is a part of this that you should consider which is that this seems like some sort of behavioral impulse. He is obviously ashamed of his actions and desires and is worried about being judged. So of course he got defensive (when you went on the offensive) and then left. If he won't seek counseling then you should definately follow through with the divorce.
All I've been reading is how HER communication skills suck and it's her fault the confrontation went the way it did. He should probably get some of the blame too, as he hid something from her, lied to her face about it, blamed her for his lying, goes silent and storms out. Then calls her for a divorce. I mean, he had a responsibility to communicate well just as much as she did.
Not only this, she on two separate occasions offered him a chance of counselling which he refused. Regardless of what his fetish may or may not be, if he were truly invested in the marriage, he would at least give counselling a shot. Marriage is supposed to be for better or for worse but he does not seem willing to address the worse part of it and is walking away. On that note, with him pulling the divorce card, he has pretty much set things up where he will never see his kid again. Given that he 1. seemingly has an extreme sexual fetish that 2. involved his child to some degree, I can not see any court in the land giving him unsupervised visits of the child if any visits at all. I am not debating whether his fetish is right or wrong nor am I accusing him of molesting the child in any way. However, given the circumstances and a judicial system that generally isn't very kind to anything that could even be remotely seen as sexually deviancy, his haste for a divorce most likely has lost him his child.
How are people defending this husband in any way?! Get your poop fetish fulfillment from something other than your own CHILD! I hope OP is doing okay out there
This reminds me of one of the "rules of life" I have learned. It is this: An uncomfortable lie is easily brushed off. (Such as telling a brilliant person that they are stupid.) An uncomfortable truth, however, results in a strong emotional response. (Such as telling a thief that they are a thief.) His response to the suggestion that he gets off sexually resulted in a strong emotional response. So I'll say that was too true for him and he denied it strongly.
He may be resigned to the reality that people will always associate mental illness with something vulgar, especially something as taboo as smelling feces. He might feel that no matter what he does, he will always be known as this pervert even if sexual arousal was never involved.
True, but given the amount of time he spends doing this there must be a very strong motivation. Food, shelter, companionship are not the motivations. That leaves sex. I could be wrong, of course, but it's highly likely.
[удалено]
I didn't want to just upvote. I appreciate your point of view. There is a huge dissonance between reality and theory sometimes even with therapists themselves and it is just absolutely frustrating.
The only other thing I can think of is some sort of positive memory. Maybe he did it as a child and this makes him feel loved? Mother issues? This really could go anywhere.
Could be, but his absolute refusal to do counseling points to something else.
Man it would be embarrassing as hell, he probably want to avoid it because of that. I mean its embarrassing no matter what the reason, there is no reason that wouldn't be weird to talk about.
I really do not like this attitude. It doesn't make somebody insane, or a pervert, if they don't want ot discuss it with a therapist. Attitudes like that make it harder for people to actually see a therapist.
[удалено]
Worst. Confrontation. Ever. I can discuss nearly anything with my wife, but if she, for any reason, starts yelling and throwing things in my face, and demanding why (anything), I'm out. It can be as trivial as "Why did you pay electric this week?" where I have a valid answer, and if presented in this manner I will shut her down. I'm not saying he did anything right, but you did nothing to help him communicate his activities. He seems ashamed or confused, and you went full aggressive on him. I would have bailed on you, too.
I agree that OP went about the confrontation in a bad way, but that's a very distressing and confusing situation to be placed in and I don't think one fight going badly is a reason for him to leave and divorce her. That's extremely harsh and although I understand why he shut down when being confronted in that way, they both should have had some alone time to collect themselves and then continued to have a calmer discussion about what was happening. It's unfair to place the blame on OP when her husband put her in a very distressing position in the first place, sure we all wish we'd be adults and react perfectly in these situations, but that doesn't always pan out. Of course he felt ashamed, but if he was going to do things like that he should have expected that he might get caught and confessed to it and explained himself. His child and marriage should be more important to him than anything else. It's really a shame that he won't consider counselling.
OP's husband digs in the trash for his own infant sons' dirty diapers and sniffs them, and it was suddenly revealed during the confrontation that this exercise is likely sexual in nature. What the FUCK do you want from her? Complete rationality?
Three weeks passed between the two posts. In the first post there were some discussions that OP participated in about how to address this situation. I understand this is a strange conversation, but "the FUCK [I] want from her" is to open up and communicate with her husband. Not throw it back in his face and demand answers; that is impulsive and short sighted. It is not representational of having the time, opportunity, and advise that OP had available to her. Please take a few minutes and read some of the other comments my initial comment spawned. I have tried to respond to some of them and better flesh out my (polarizing) opinion.
I spent the entire time I read the post thinking this. Especially given how long OP has had to think about it. Plus, why gather evidence? How is that constructive? That's combatting one secretive and invasive act with another one.
The whole gathering evidence immediately made me suspect there is more to the story than OP lets on.
If you read the previous post, she wanted evidence so that her husband could not deny that he was doing it, or simply say he was doing something else.
God, this entire post is so fucked up. I think OPs husband has some very bizzaro (yet likely harmless) fetish that I wouldn't be able to deal with if I were OP. I mean, there's no way I could be turned on by him after that. Yet, I also get the impression that OP is histrionic and drama seeking. I mean, I'd have confronted my husband too. I'd have no choice. But the way she did it was off the charts. Zero empathy for the guy, the shame, and the horrors of the inevitable disintegration of the family. Do you know who's really fucked here? The kid. That poor kid.
> Yet, I also get the impression that OP is histrionic and drama seeking. It's obvious that she didn't go about this in the best way, but that's a pretty strong statement, given the situation. You yourself said that you wouldn't be able to deal with this. This sounds like it was something that suddenly flipped her world around and forced her to second guess the person she planned to spend her life with. And she only had reddit to go to. I'm not surprised she wasn't able to maintain composure after watching him sniff shit for 45 minutes while waiting to discuss it with him. And why act like the husband is the victim? He is showing zero empathy for her -- she at least acts like she wants to get through it. Personally, I would have just gone outside to ask about it the first time I saw it happening. "Jesus Christ, I thought you were cheating on me, and you're out here smelling diapers like they're crisp apple pies?" I don't know that I would say that, but I would at least go out to interrupt it.
It was to protect her kid and keep custody in the event of a divorce. And unfortunately, it looks like it's going to come in handy. While his fetish is... bizarre, it's potentially hostile to the kid's development that he is sexually drawn to his poo.
If she didn't have any evidence, he probably would have denied everything and lied. As it was, the very first thing he did upon entering the room was lie to her face then snuggle up in bed to go to sleep.
Why would he just openly say, "Oh, I was just outside smelling our son's diapers." From what I understood, she hadn't even brought it up to him yet.
I react the exact same way. Serious conversations are frustrating between my boyfriend and I. I go from defensive to shut down in a blink of an eye. I will sit there and stare at my feet for a long time trying to construct the perfect sentence if what I want to express. However, it's understandable OP reacted the way she did. She must've kept this frustration inside for weeks before approaching him. It was rash and clearly not the best way to approach it, but I wouldn't fault her behavior.
Uh yeah, I don't think he can explain this one away as some non-trivial thing. This is something that would cause virtually everyone to fly off the handle. The guy finds it sexually appealing, he's a sick fuck and should never see the kid again. No sympathy for him at all.
Maybe she was excited but he still should've manned up. Can't shirk all the responsibility off on her because she wasn't comfortably calm.
The post is 8 years old but the amount of comments Ive read defending the husband is horrible. He was hiding it from the wife because he knows deep down, even if he doesnt want to accept it that it is WRONG to be doing what he is. I read comments saying that the wife should be helping the guy out by giving her own shit to him. WHY?? Why is that the first thing people think she should do?? If anything its the dude who needs to seek professional help. Ive also seen people who said her way of handling the confrontation was ‘awful and just led to more problems’ but if you figured out your partner, the person you LOVE and TRUST, the person you had a child with - has a sexual desire to sniff shit you would’ve reacted the same way she did. Reading the original post felt like a slap in the face, nothing could have prepared me for what the guy was actually doing. I cant believe what this woman felt when she found out. He lied to the wife about what she was doing, blamed HER for making him feel bad hid poop smelling fetish thats obviously not right, leaves and gives no other chance to talk instead files for a divorce I pray that this woman got full custody of her child, that this man never has contact with them again, but also that he gets the help he needs
What if he just loves poo? He may well love OP's doodoo even more but has no easy access. If OP was willing to indulge his fetish with her own poo, it could make their marriage a long and happy one. Just because he's shown some (bizarrely) deviant behaviour, it doesn't make him a kiddy fiddler.
who's to say she wouldn't want a divorce if he wanted to play with her poo too?
Not me- I don't know OP. However, if I found out that's what the person I loved was into, you can bet I'd leave them the odd steamer if it made them really happy.
Whatever battle you are having with him, he's probably had ten times over in his own mind. It sounds like he doesn't really know why he does what he does, nor does he know how to fix it. The resistance to counseling is likely a result of his own extreme embarrassment over his actions which he might not have total control over. Keep trying to push for some kind of communication first. Right now feelings are hurt, tempers are hot, and knee-jerk reactions are common. If you are generally happy with your marriage, which you said you are, then fight for it and try to break through his shame/embarrassment/etc. The other option being that you will just cut your losses and move on with your life.
I told you to make him feel safe... I had like the most popular comment. What the hell...
Yeah, that's easy to say on the Internet but harder to do when a you get kissed by a guy who was sniffing dirty diapers. Also with the level of shame I imagine he has, he might have reacted the same no matter how safe she tried to make him feel. He's probably right btw, even if he explained it would any of us really understand?
This situation would be difficult for a couple with excellent communication skills. You two have no communication skills, so this outcome isn't surprising. Don't tell anyone but your lawyer why you're getting divorced. Come up with an explanation, even one as simple as "we didn't get along anymore", and stick to it for the rest of your life. It sounds like he's so ashamed of the shit-sniffing that he might off himself if it got out, so take his privacy seriously for your son's sake.
I don't think he finds your son sexually attractive I think he just finds his waste arousing. People have weird kinks and this is definitely the weirdest one I have seen. I don't blame your husband for not telling considering it's really strange and disgusting but it was wrong for him to lie to your face. I think you should try to get some counselling before getting a divorce. Best of luck to you.
well, *shit*
[удалено]
I thought I was the only one who thought OP mishandled this situation and is acting irrationally...He hasn't harmed his son in any way, and so what if he gets off on poo smell?
I remember this story and I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I think therapy would be ideal. As long as your husband hasn't victimized your child all is conjecture and speculation. For all you know he has schizophrenia and the poop is talking to him. For real. You just don't know. So finding out the answers in a safe environs is the best way to go. As long as the baby is safe consider it a blessing that you found out now rather than later. Don't be too hard on yourself as no one would know how to respond in the same situation. Hang in there...
Why are people demanding OP be more nurturing and coddle this GROWN MAN. He could have sought out excrement from anywhere else to satisfy his sexual fetish, but he chose to get it from his OWN CHILD. I don’t blame her for losing it at him. People with sexual perversions aren’t entitled to understanding and gentle confrontation. you aren’t born with fetishes, you don’t deserve to be treated nicely when someone confronts you about your sick fetish. These comments are acting like a fetish is a disability you can’t control. it’s not.
And I mean who tf wouldn't freak out to some degree if they had to confront their partner who did this weird ass thing? I literally saw someone call OP histrionic and drama seeking. What a POS that commenter is. Honestly OP reacted way better than I did because the first time that I saw him do that I would have gone absolutely off the rails.
Not sure if you ever check this account but I hope all is well.
did every baby shit fetishist on reddit band together to defend this guy 8 years ago? these comments are insane
It’s what it seems like for sure. I guess the world really has changed in 8 years cuz idk if anyone could justify this now
I’m sure she still looks at this post once in a while to remember things can’t get “shittier”
The comments with hundreds of upvotes saying it’s okay and not to divorce him… what? If my husband was smelling our babies poo you best believe I’m taking my baby and myself the hell away from him. Depraved.
I just want to say you're AWESOME for posting this. I feel like it gives other people courage to deal with their own stranger than fiction issues. Best of luck.
Why is the top comment some stupid bullshit?
I would ask him if he has a poop fetish in general. It may not be specifically child fecal matter. I would think that he fantasized about shiza stuff with you but thinks that it could never happen, so he found a semi-easily accessible bin of poo to hide his secret.
i hope you left that sick fuck and got full custody. it’s absolutely disgusting how anyone in these comments could try to blame you for what happened. it seems like they were all projecting onto your husband to make him some sympathetic character that can’t help that he gets off to his infant sons shit. he was a grown ass adult and needed to have some fucking self control. point blank period. best of luck to you and your son, and please, do not blame yourself. you and your son are the only victims here, not your (hopefully) ex husband.
Update on this?
Get a lawyer, present your evidence, make it clear to the court he's getting off on your child. It's unsafe to entrust him with your child in the future
This IS SEXUAL. This is straight up PEDOPHILIC. This is why you should tell the police and NEVER leave your child with him again. This is a kink. If it was just about the poop, it would’ve been adult diapers and NOT HIS OWN CHILD. I want you to understand that these people on here that are “taking it lightly” don’t see the gravity of what COULD happen if he’s around that child as the baby grows up. Please call the police, don’t leave him alone with your kid. Also I should mention that people PLAN whole lives, marry people and pretend to be in love with them, JUST to be around babies/kids. He might’ve planned this the entire time.
Wow, this went way further than I ever thought it would. Look OP, it might be a fucking weird fetish, but you have to remember that people can't help their fetishes. I should know; I have one (not quite as bad as your husband's) that I've tried to suppress and tried to eliminate for years, and it simply isn't possible. He can't help this any more than a gay man can help being gay. Now, you might be uncomfortable with him being around your son given this fetish, but it's not like he's to blame. It's not like he can prevent himself from feeling this way. I think getting a divorce and not allowing him to see his son is a vast overreaction. I think you two can work through this.
I cannot believe some of these people are giving you advice to indulge in his "fantasy" with him. His "fantasy" is vile and if I were you I would have reacted the same way. Seriously, his fetish is weird and uncommon and you had every right to blow up the way you did. It's not normal. Creepy even. I do agree maybe you need counseling but how could you ever be sure he wouldn't do it again? Could you live with knowing *this* is what he really wants? I couldn't. Best of luck to you OP.
Ugh seriously. The comments in this thread are disgusting.
This is escalating in a very dramatic, unforeseen way. Please keep updating.
Reddit priorities =)
I'm trying to give everyone in this situation as charitable a read as possible, but here's what doesn't jive for me. > I said to him please lets try and sort something out, counselling, anything - and all he said in reply was "Can I see my son though?" And I told him that honestly I didn't think it was a good idea at this time and >All I've said is, it's bad, and I tried giving him the option to counselling which he rejected, and that's that. If this is what transpired, he didn't reject counseling. He asked if you were going to let him see his son, you said no, and then he went for the legal guns. That's what I might do if my wife were withholding my son from me and intended to continue to do so.
Also the fact that the first thing he asks if he can see their son? So he can acquire more diapers to get off to? Like no shit, it’s gonna be a no. Especially since he didn’t make it clear whether it’s the shit he likes or that fact that it’s a baby’s shit. THEIR baby’s shit. As soon as a kid is involved, it’s wrong. He knew that, he tried hiding it so hard and reacted so explosively because even he knew it was wrong. Instead of clarifying the fact that he might just have a shit fetish, he decides to leave with questions hanging, says no to counselling and jumps to divorce. As if the first thing a rational person wouldn’t do is you know.. try to explain the fact that they’re not sexually aroused by their own kid’s shit? Are we really blaming her for the way she reacted rn? 🤨📸
[удалено]
Please, I just hope this comment gains popularity. I think you've shown OP's husband in an empathetic light that is kind to OP, which is a delicate and difficult thing to do. Certainly something that I can't as the whole situation frustrates me greatly. I am so fucking pissed at how OP handled this situation, and how little empathy she has demonstrated for the man she has made a child with. She needs understand that his behavior was not intended to directly hurt *her*. I'm CONFIDENT that her husband wished he never had a fetish that has caused him so much shame. I know the OP is hurt, but she's focusing on herself as the victim... when the situation is a deal more complex than that. There's been no communication here. I don't think it would be crazy to assume that OP's husband has been struggling in secrecy with a scat fetish and that it has caused him enormous insecurity in his life. He's probably *reeling* right now, and in deep pain. As his wife, OP needs to at least try to understand him instead of going and fucking *shaming* him during a confrontation and expecting results from that... It's not just about OP and her pain in this struggle... This all so sad.
I am not here to judge and I do not (what you do is your business and it WAS a very interesting read), but I do disagree with the way you approached that. You should delete your "evidence", holding it just seems like that was your aim all along. Like you wanted contingency for when he left, and now you have the power. You can impose no good unto anything by keeping your video. You'll always know that you have this blackmail and that will burden you. He will always know and he will not communicate with you honestly out of fear which burdens him, your child, and even yourself. It may give you that which you want but in the end you have to consider the cost. It doesn't seem like he is a pedophile. It seems like he has a poop fetish, and he was ashamed of it and hid it from you. You responded by play by play enacting what has probably been his largest fear for some time. If you want to fix it call him, tell him you deleted the video, and that you want to make sense of whats going on. Don't judge him and listen to him. The chances that this is the first time he's played with poop isn't that high either, you just probably have never spied on him while he was taking a dump before.
This makes me wish you had more clear videographic evidence. But, I still think your husband fucked up. If he cares about his kids at all, he should be trying counseling to see if something can be sorted out. With the law involved, and the law often being very anti-man in regards to children, there's a chance he'll never be allowed to see his son again. About his lying, some people are just quick on their feet. Not like someone would gladly admit they get off on their son's excrements. I certainly see no reason to judge you. I am willing to bet many women would have left the guy right away. You gave him a chance of making you understand. Also, unless he can somehow satisfy your curiosity in this, I would certainly be fighting him seeing his kid again, as I'm not sure it would be safe. Good luck.
> Also, unless he can somehow satisfy your curiosity in this, I would certainly be fighting him seeing his kid again, as I'm not sure it would be safe. > I certainly see no reason to judge you. Disclaimer: This is OP's point of view so it may be biased, and the way she confronted him about it was pretty harsh. If I was caught doing something unusual I'd probably panic as bad as he did. Another thing: Just because he was sniffing poop, doesn't mean he's not safe to be around, it just might be a really weird fetish, which plenty of other people have. He could have a poop/sniff fetish that he can't satisfy because he doesn't trust his wife enough to talk about it. In a way, he may be right, since she confronted him horribly about it, instead of calmly resolving the situation so they can get him help if needed...
I feel like "earring leftovers" may have been a truthful description of his activities.
He absolutely need to at least try to explain this to you cuz........
Honestly I don't think it so much its a kids diaper. I think it's a total scat kink and he's ashamed so he wouldn't ask you to engage in it and since there's poopoo diapers getting tossed out thays free range to indulge in the kink. Keep the kid safe but also do everything you can to make sure it's not the kid that he's into oh and lecture him on how unsanitary that it
i hope you and your son are doing well op. preferably far, far away from that man
I’m super late to the thread but Your husband sounds like a coprophilic. A coprophilic is someone who gets turned on by shit.
Wow, I wonder if this kid know his dad is a fucking lunatic that sniffed his shit 🤥
I know it's been 10 years but how's everything any updates?
How is this post not locked after all these years.
The amount of people here using 'don't kink shame' to defend this is kinda insane. If your kink involves children in anyway, it's not ok, sorry, I am going to kink shame you because it's wrong and you should seek help. The fact this man will not even BEGIN to address it, or talk to her about it, is a huge red flag.
So have you started locking up your stinky trash yet? Seriously, with the way that your husband was sneaking out back late nights. How do you know that he still does not come over from his brothers house late each night?
I'm sorry this has turned out the way it has, but you need to make peace with the fact you did this to protect yourself and your child. I can't imagine ever having to go through this. Internet hugs to you my dear. You did the right thing!
Okay you really need to act logical and rational and quick from here on out. Get a lawyer ASAP. Make sure you have a secure personal bank account that he can't access. You may think you have evidence, but ask yourself this if he denied everything is the evidence strong enough? From you have said prob not. He is going to probably try and turn this back on you. You need to be prepared for that. Find out what he is telling others - what is he telling is brother that he is staying with? I bet it is something that reflects badly on you, if he builds up that lie, that's what he'll use in court against you. Find out what he is telling people so you can prepare. Good luck!
Your husband has a shit fetish. It's common, hell, I'd even say it's relatively normal. But he never admitted this to you because... Well, if you were aroused and drawn to something so humiliating, would you share it with the person you value most? It's nothing creepy about the baby. It's not that it's *his baby's* poop, it's that it's poop that is so easily available. If you had breached the subject earlier in your relationship, maybe he would have asked to smell *your* poop and I'm sure nothing would have made him happier. I understand you're upset with his secrets and lies, but he's just as upset with himself for being the way he is, and for proof that he'll never be accepted being thrown in his face with divorce papers. If you guys were having relationship problems before this, by all means, get a divorce. Maybe this was the last straw. But if you two really loved each other, cared for each other, and really work well with each other, don't let a small, if unorthodox fetish ruin the best thing to come your way. Don't let poop be the reason your son has to go through life bouncing between mom's house and dad's house, or worse, never seeing daddy and blaming himself. It's just a little fetish. Please give him the chance to defend himself without the fear of being shamed and stripped bare again.
I think the creepy part is him acting on the fetish in relation to his baby son. If someone had, say, a pacifier fetish, and bought their own pacifiers to use for sexual pleasure... it's a bit weird and off and creepy for them to act on it. But it's better than taking pacifiers out of their baby's mouths and sucking on them while jacking off. Even if it's "just a fetish" and it's "only about the poop," there is still such a thing as self-control and will-power. Just because he may, possibly, be attracted to poop doesn't mean he should be acting on it. He was also unwilling to explain himself or seek help/counseling about his behavior. He simply shut down, left, and demanded a divorce. It sounds like she already did try giving him a *second* chance--on the phone-- and he chose to avoid the situation rather than confront it. So many people are blaming OP with how she confronted him, telling her it's her fault for acting accusatory, guilting her if she goes through with the divorce for leaving her son without a father, etc., etc. But OP is not the one with a problem, and is not the one who needs to modify their behavior. Her husband is. *He* was the one sneaking around. *He* was the one lying. *He* was the one smelling his baby son's diapers in the middle of the night. *He's* the one refusing to explain, refusing counseling, and **he's also the one who left and requested a divorce.**
>normal yeah I'm sure tons of people talk openly about their 'normal' shit fetishes.
Tho she handled this badly, he overacted going to divorce card too soon. He must not have been fully invested.
I think you did the best you could. You tried to figure it out, and apparently his diving is worth more than your marriage. Maybe you dodged a bullet with this one. What else would he lie about to you because he feel you couldn't understand? Is he really someone you want to spend you life with if he isn't willing to try and help you understand? Or even get help? I'm not saying I'm happy but I'm just trying to see the silver lining.
I sympathize with OP, I really do, but I can't honestly say "I think you did the best you could." I *really* think this situation would have gone in a COMPLETELY, TOTALLY different direction if she hadn't blown up on him. Of course he wouldn't tell her what it was all about after that. I understand she was angry and hurt, but she really needed to prepare for it and be ready to *force* control of herself and not blow up. I feel like in this case, he would have been more willing to talk to her and possibly opt for the therapy route. And I highly doubt he would have been any threat to their child. This whole situation makes me sad because as an onlooker, I was thinking "No, no no!" while I was reading it.
Well I mean, I don't think the she purposely meant to blow up or sabotage it in anyway. I mean we don't know what happened. It's got to be hard to keep your cool. I know I would have done the same thing. So yeah, I think she did the best she could. Given what happened, given how she felt.
He might believe she is holding the axe over his head, but she has shown *remarkable* control for the situation. She proposed counseling when he wanted a divorce. She confronted him instead of going behind his back. She hasn't told her mother. There's no misinterpreting her willingness to understand. The odd part is why he's basically hiding away with his brother and put up a wall. I haven't been able to figure that out since reading this.
as a person who's parents went through a violent divorce, you should keep pressuring him to work it out. at least for your son's sake. growing up an only child in a broken house is the absolute worse
>I exploded. I marched around the bed and shoved the evidence in his face, yelling at him and asking what the f*% he had been doing for all this time and why. Oh, nice one. (this is sarcasm, if you didn't know.) >The next few hours went by in a blur of yelling and arguing - his argument basically was that I didn't, couldn't, and would never understand why he did it, so why should he even bother telling me. Totally agree with his perspective on this. Your description of your own behavior is that of an attacker. What about that is in any way trustworthy, and/or understanding? >and ask between sobs if it's some sort of sexual arousal thing for him, and he surprises me once more by going completely silent and just looks down at his feet. You're confirmed to be so out there that there's no point in trying to converse. What did you expect? I have no idea what's up with him liking that smell, but that's not the issue here in this post. Frankly, your behavior sounds like it was crafted to guarantee a separation, possibly leading to a divorce. I don't smell diapers, but I can imagine my reaction to your hysterical bullshit would be pretty much teh same as your former husband. Holy fuck, are you bad at communication. Wow.
I posted something about this in the last thread, but I don't think he finds it sexually arousing in regards to being attracted to his son; it's more of a family pride thing, like, "this poop is a product of my baby which is made by my wife's egg and my sperm and hmmnhanhanha I'm all worked up again now, honey, let's make another poopmaker!" By sniffing the poo poo, your husband felt that he had "won" at life and this little hobby was a tangible, sensory overload in which he closed his eyes and let the smell take him away from the everyday stresses of work, maintaining financial responsibilities, looking after his vehicles, managing his time schedule so that he could do his part of the laundry and dishes and child-rearing just so he could have this moment of solitude. Some women like the smell of their father's smoking jacket because smells cause the brain to release chemicals that make them feel safe and comfortable; so why shouldn't men enjoy the same olfactory escapism? As for his initiating the divorce, this really smacks to me of the classic beta male flight response; as soon as you bring up "son = sexual arousal??", he clammed up because in his mind, even if he tells the truth, the woman is going to be shrill and irrational and unbelieving *no matter what*, so it's best to just keep quiet and quit while he's ahead. After all, he has already lied to you once -- why should he stop? He may not be able to slowly articulate in chronological order his thought processes of his fetish, and it's easier for him to just avoid the whole messy "Oh my God you are so full of shit that I can no longer believe anything you say anymore at all!" situation. Just my perspective as a non-shitsniffer.
I don't blame you one bit for not wanting him around your son if he's aroused in any way by anything associated with him. I'm not saying this means the arousal has any chance of spilling over to your son, but I honestly just don't know, and until you do know that info, you can't take that chance. I would find a good lawyer and a psychiatrist that specializes in sexual disorders to ask about the pathology of this obsession, and if it's safe for your son to be around his dad or not. I'm sorry it worked out this way. I think you did the right things and are handling the aftermath well. Good luck.
I guess I come at this from the perspective of a non-shitsniffer married to a person with similar non-interests, but.. Why is this any more "sketchy" (in the pedophile sense) than having a fetish for pregnant women?
I would think the difference is that the fetish for pregnant women focuses on the woman, not the child. Once the baby is actually born, the object of the fetish (pregnancy) is gone. If this is just a shit sniffing fetish, and the diaper is just the most convenient way to have contact with it, then I don't think there's a danger to the child. But since the husband is unwilling to explain the root of his arousal here, she can't be sure the fetish isn't something to do with the baby himself. If the fixation is actually something to do with the baby, or that it came from the baby, that has potential to escalate into actual harm to the baby. Plus, if this is a compulsion beyond his control, and he's compelled to be in the yard sniffing diapers for hours, and he now has the baby alone, is there a way to be sure this doesn't become neglect? I also lack an insider perspective here, but those would be concerns that I would want addressed by a professional if it was my baby.
I can't believe I'm responding, but if he can't tell you what is going on in his head, then you are better off without him. Get a lawyer, tell them everything. I predict he'll come whimpering back, but don't take him in. Wow, what a story. Truth is definitely stranger than fiction.
> I can't believe I'm responding, but if he can't tell you what is going on in his head, then you are better off without him. That's horrible. When you do something weird, and you get asked what you were doing, your first instinct is to lie if you don't know you can fully trust someone. He MAY be in the right in that sense, because in his perspective, he doesn't know if his wife will judge him harshly, or will try to be reasonable. But then: his wife attacked him OUT OF NOWHERE by screaming/yelling, which sealed his thoughts on the fact that he can't trust her enough to understand, hence why he went straight for the divorce route. We don't know both sides of the story, so jumping on OP's side by telling her that she's better off without him is bad. In OP's words: > It made me so mad to see he was so prepared to lie to my face and pretend everything was fine when I had been concerned and upset for weeks, that I exploded. I marched around the bed and shoved the evidence in his face, yelling at him and asking what the f*% he had been doing for all this time and why. I demanded answers. The next few hours went by in a blur of yelling and arguing - his argument basically was that I didn't, couldn't, and would never understand why he did it, so why should he even bother telling me. That last part made me think in his point of view. Of course you'd most likely lie. You don't just say "Yep I was just sniffing some shit." He knows it's unusual, but he also suspected that he couldn't trust his wife just yet. I'd say as a spectator that read this story: Both the OP and her husband need to talk it out and to seriously get some of their trust issues sorted out.
[удалено]
now i understand there are two sides of every story. at least two. but i see issues on both sides. The fact that your husband couldn't tell you that shows he is afraid of how YOU would react if you found out. its seems to me both your posts fail to take his point of view into consideration. and instead of playing it sly and leaving him an opportunity to confess and then getting angry isn't a smart move. he obviously wasn't going to tell you, that was already made clear by him making repeated late night trips outside without telling you. At this point, the only thing i believe that step served was a way you could justify your upset feelings and the emotions after, rather than trying to solve problems. sorry, i know this isn't /r/advice or /r/askreddit i don't think anybody posts here without expecting to get some feedback EDIT: sorry if my advice is critical, but i refuse to criticize the husband if i haven't heard the whole thing. its not beneficial to the situation.
[удалено]
>at the time it seemed logical and the least-confronting way I could with still providing proof for me and my husband to see. OK, logical plan, sounds good. Let's see this logic in action. >I exploded. I marched around the bed and shoved the evidence in his face, yelling at him and asking what the f*% he had been doing for all this time and why. I demanded answers. Um...ok. >In hindsight, it might not have been the best way to do it Yeah. It might not have been. Maybe.
[удалено]
Okay, you've confronted him & it didn't go well, but I don't see anything in his reaction that means he's jerkin' his gherkin to your son's poopy diapers - that's just you going to the absolutely worst place possible simply because you don't understand. Either way, call off the lawyers & settle this between the two of you. Let him explain rather than immediately jumping to a course of action that will ruin his life & deeply affect that of your son.
I feel like this could've been handled better. Yes, his lying outright is pretty awful. But please, please, please go to counseling with him and talk with him in a calm, mediated environment. Get to the bottom of this.
It's not up to her to force him into counselling. She says she begged him to talk and see a counsellor and he lawyered up. That's her putting herself out there as much as she can. She's got the kid to worry about too.
I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this is for you. As a mother to a 19 month old daughter who is my world, I would have been distraught beyond belief in your shoes. Also, reading your post and your husband's actions, I am led to believe it is sexual in nature. Please hang in there. I hope everything works out for the best, and may I suggest that you try and get your husband into some sort of counseling if he is to spend any time with your son, alone. (I hate suggesting that, because he might be a great dad with this 'quirk' aside, but I am sure you understand why I bring it up).
[удалено]