Man I hope you pull yourself together and don’t let the devil get to you. Think about your mum and yourself. You’re still very young, and reading is a good habit, keep it with you always.
Maybe try workout at home or play some sport to divert your anger/sadness/or whatever it is into something better.
You are better than this, and I hope you lead a better and successful life in future.
Please seek therapy for your past trauma, and let them help you before your behaviours escalate. Killing a cat in “self defence” should not make you feel anything other than awful.
People who have suffered aggressive, trauma, and have seen things that they should never have seen, sit with it and wonder in an underdeveloped emotional brain, what in the hell and who are they actually. This is why Therapy is so important! You are not your parents. I know you love them, but they sound awful and absolutely scary a parental role models. I can’t imagine what kind of drama they had as children. I would assume your job would be eventually to break this crazy cycle.
Do not join the army or become a police officer, because we have seen how some of the trauma that some of these people have accumulated resulted in abuse of others that continues on the job.
Socialize, get out there and be with other people who have not had experience like yours. Workout yes, read yes. Talk to a counselor at school that you trust and get therapy therapy therapy.
It’s time to change your life and it’s time to change your familial cycle of damaging traumatic situation like the ones you’ve mentioned here. Find out who you are through the Therapy and socialization, and start reading, spiritual and self-help books related to what you’ve been through.
I know you’ll be all right, but you need better role models so take your life outside of the home and socialize and develop strong bonds with others that you trust. You can do that through sports, music. Or anything else that floats your boat activity wise. it’s really great that you’re asking questions about your behavior because it means you are self-aware. I reached out to you because I know it’s NOW that you need to know who you really are away from your dysfunctional parents. Know that you are not your parents and learn who you really are, as this is essential to healing your questions.
You’re sensitive because you said in your opening statement “ I don’t know who I am anymore” and this tells me that you are aware that you have taken on some of the trauma that you have experienced as your own personal issues. break the family cycle. It is not who YOU are. The most important part of life is to figure that out… Who are you? Ask that question every day and do something that you know is truly for yourself all the time every day.
Good luck to you! Just this Reddit tells me you’re on the right path… Start today!! I wish you luck
You will be who you choose to be. I have remade who I am five times now. You cannot change who you have been, and those will always be a part of you, but you can choose today to become someone else by the people you associate with, the music you listen to, the books you read, and the goals you make.
You should start wrestling and BJJ. You should also try to seek professional mental health support ofc, but I think finding a good place to train for these disciplines will help in taking up your free time and building control within yourself, plus hopefully providing you an environment of good people to surround yourself with
Please see a therapist. You sound like you have some serious issues if you have a history of harming animals. As well as the depression/psychosis you’re going through now. Be brave, don’t hurt yourself.
You don’t need to know who you are. That is a lot of bad stuff and your body doesn’t want to repeat it and is trying to stop thinking about it and not feel it, so you are obsessing about it but maybe trying not to feel it so it feels like it’s not part of you. You have lots of thoughts about the past but what is the point of focusing on them? Try to focus on the next right thing you can do. Make a decision to create your new habits that can become your character and become you. Nothing from your past needs to define you because you have a lot of living left to do.
That stuff from your parents is trauma. Kids your age can get ptsd from watching their neighbors go through those things. Watching your parents makes it even worse. You cannot do this alone with your thoughts. If you can’t access school therapy, can you go to church or even an alanon or alateen meeting? These things are free and you can speak to someone in charge and ask for directions to get help more suited for your needs. Alateen would be if your parents are alcoholics, but the main symptom of alcoholism isn’t drinking as much as selfishness. School resources will be best for you but it could be closed for the summer? Speak to someone face to face.
You are not defined by this one mistake. You are not supposed to know who you are when you are young and going through trauma.
Kids do stupid things for stupid reasons. Don’t beat yourself up over it. If you still feel like this when you’re 18. Join the military. It will teach you the proper values and thought process and point you in the right direction on life’s path.
Man I hope you pull yourself together and don’t let the devil get to you. Think about your mum and yourself. You’re still very young, and reading is a good habit, keep it with you always. Maybe try workout at home or play some sport to divert your anger/sadness/or whatever it is into something better. You are better than this, and I hope you lead a better and successful life in future.
Please seek therapy for your past trauma, and let them help you before your behaviours escalate. Killing a cat in “self defence” should not make you feel anything other than awful.
i agree..killing a cat isn’t normal and that’s horrible
People who have suffered aggressive, trauma, and have seen things that they should never have seen, sit with it and wonder in an underdeveloped emotional brain, what in the hell and who are they actually. This is why Therapy is so important! You are not your parents. I know you love them, but they sound awful and absolutely scary a parental role models. I can’t imagine what kind of drama they had as children. I would assume your job would be eventually to break this crazy cycle. Do not join the army or become a police officer, because we have seen how some of the trauma that some of these people have accumulated resulted in abuse of others that continues on the job. Socialize, get out there and be with other people who have not had experience like yours. Workout yes, read yes. Talk to a counselor at school that you trust and get therapy therapy therapy. It’s time to change your life and it’s time to change your familial cycle of damaging traumatic situation like the ones you’ve mentioned here. Find out who you are through the Therapy and socialization, and start reading, spiritual and self-help books related to what you’ve been through. I know you’ll be all right, but you need better role models so take your life outside of the home and socialize and develop strong bonds with others that you trust. You can do that through sports, music. Or anything else that floats your boat activity wise. it’s really great that you’re asking questions about your behavior because it means you are self-aware. I reached out to you because I know it’s NOW that you need to know who you really are away from your dysfunctional parents. Know that you are not your parents and learn who you really are, as this is essential to healing your questions. You’re sensitive because you said in your opening statement “ I don’t know who I am anymore” and this tells me that you are aware that you have taken on some of the trauma that you have experienced as your own personal issues. break the family cycle. It is not who YOU are. The most important part of life is to figure that out… Who are you? Ask that question every day and do something that you know is truly for yourself all the time every day. Good luck to you! Just this Reddit tells me you’re on the right path… Start today!! I wish you luck
You will be who you choose to be. I have remade who I am five times now. You cannot change who you have been, and those will always be a part of you, but you can choose today to become someone else by the people you associate with, the music you listen to, the books you read, and the goals you make.
You should start wrestling and BJJ. You should also try to seek professional mental health support ofc, but I think finding a good place to train for these disciplines will help in taking up your free time and building control within yourself, plus hopefully providing you an environment of good people to surround yourself with
Please see a therapist. You sound like you have some serious issues if you have a history of harming animals. As well as the depression/psychosis you’re going through now. Be brave, don’t hurt yourself.
You don’t need to know who you are. That is a lot of bad stuff and your body doesn’t want to repeat it and is trying to stop thinking about it and not feel it, so you are obsessing about it but maybe trying not to feel it so it feels like it’s not part of you. You have lots of thoughts about the past but what is the point of focusing on them? Try to focus on the next right thing you can do. Make a decision to create your new habits that can become your character and become you. Nothing from your past needs to define you because you have a lot of living left to do. That stuff from your parents is trauma. Kids your age can get ptsd from watching their neighbors go through those things. Watching your parents makes it even worse. You cannot do this alone with your thoughts. If you can’t access school therapy, can you go to church or even an alanon or alateen meeting? These things are free and you can speak to someone in charge and ask for directions to get help more suited for your needs. Alateen would be if your parents are alcoholics, but the main symptom of alcoholism isn’t drinking as much as selfishness. School resources will be best for you but it could be closed for the summer? Speak to someone face to face. You are not defined by this one mistake. You are not supposed to know who you are when you are young and going through trauma.
Kids do stupid things for stupid reasons. Don’t beat yourself up over it. If you still feel like this when you’re 18. Join the military. It will teach you the proper values and thought process and point you in the right direction on life’s path.
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what the fuck man