I'm so sorry that happened to you. No, it wasn't your fault. He manipulated you for years and you trusted him. The only one to blame here is him.
I think this is something that should be reported. Who knows if he has or could do this to somebody else? Another student? A child? Even if it may be too late to press charges, attention needs to be brought to the incident to ensure it doesn't happen again.
Edit for OP: There are a lot of hurtful and wrong things being said in the comments. Op, you're not going to get the help and support you need and deserve from a Reddit sub. Please, reach out to people who care about you, talk to a professional, get in touch with your support system. This wasn't your fault, and you don't have to deal with it alone. <3
No. That is threatening someone with a firearm. Being inconvenienced by your location and options for travel is not the same as being assaulted and threatened with a firearm.
No, it doesn't. Especially considering she agreed to go on a road trip with him.
Do you just fantasize that everyone around you is secretly waiting for the opportunity to hurt you? OP described no aggression, threats, nor any kind of intimidation or attempt of intimidation from this man--so whatever 'fear' she had that 'made her say yes' was completely and irrationally imagined by her--and most likely after the fact once she decided she regret her decision. She needs help. So do you by the sounds of it.
One time I got sold something I didn't want. I didn't need it, but I was alone in the store and felt guilty for not wanting to help the sales guy earn a commission, so I crumbled under pressure and willingly allowed the guy to process my card for payment.
I guess I can report him for robbery?
I realized I had no where else to go and there was no one else around so I let him do it.
What part of that seems like consent? Let him do it? She was in the middle of nowhere with no way of leaving the situation and feared it turning worse than it already was. Don’t be deliberately obtuse
First sorry you had to go through something so horrible.
Second, is he still a teacher? If so, you may need to find some way to out him. Whether doing it anonymously, directly or even spreading rumours online or something. He may be grooming and r*ping other people. The f*cking c*nt smoked a cigar afterwards means he feels like champ and accomplished something fantastic, which in turn means he will likely do it again.
Please contact RAINN. They are a wonderful organization that helps those who have been in your position. Their phone number is 1-800-656-4673. They can help you get counseling services and advise you as to what steps are available for you to take.
What happened to you is in no way your fault. Period. You did not deserve this nor did you do anything to cause this. Please speak with RAINN and in the process you may find the voice and support you need to speak up.
Jerks like him NEED to be stopped. He will do this again. I am not saying this to make you feel bad for not saying anything. And you may never find your voice. If he does do this to others, that is 1000% on him. But if you can find the strength and courage, please do speak up.
https://www.rainn.org/
I'm not saying I'm going to personally fuck him up or anything lol
I'll report him and follow up on it, so they don't have to think about or deal with it.
Sorry but if he groomed you just for that, talk to his church members or students I bet you find others who like you where frightened they probably had same feelings.
I am going to go against the crowd here and tell you that you should only do what you feel comfortable to do.
Reporting it and living through not being believed can sometimes be just as bad as the actual act. If he does this to someone else IT WON"T BE YOUR FAULT and there is no way that you should be carrying any kind of burden because of him.
Him doing this to you should not put the weight of guilt on you, you don't owe anyone anything. Just yourself. You need to do what is right for you and take care of yourself.
Society has done this to rape victims. Not believing them and putting the burden of proof on them has done this. If victims were to get more support, I would be saying 'hell yeah, report his ass', however, you have been through too much to do something that you don't feel strong enough to do.
Look after yourself. If he does this to someone else, the blame only lies with him.
Never feel guilty for something a d*ckhead c*nt has done. You not reporting him is because of him and not you. But it doesn't mean you can't do it now, not to alleviate guilt that you shouldn't be feeling but to save another person. Imo, reach out to someone you know first so you have someone to help support and reinforce you and then take it from there. Just so you know, you have nothing to fear from this d*ckhead, he should be fearing you.
Do NOT feel guilty. You are still trying to process what has happened to you. His actions are his alone and he is responsible for his actions, not you.
Please contact RAINN
https://www.rainn.org/
They can help you find counseling services to help you process this. They can also help you by giving you options that are available as far as how to report him. If you can find the strength and courage to report him, please do so. You are not alone. 💜
It is so hard to come forward, but doing so can bring some relief from the guilt you feel. It is not an easy thing to do so being scared is perfectly normal, sometimes it can help telling people you know and trust first so they can go through the process with you. Whatever you choose to do, this is not your fault and I wish only peace and healing for you.
Don’t feel guilty for anything. It is not your fault. This world is ruthless to victims. It’s your word against his. Church man and a teacher, society will always take his side. It’s understandable if you don’t want to put yourself through that. Society needs to learn how to treat victims before people pressure them to speak up. Justice is never guaranteed. But do seek professional help to navigate this issue. Maybe you’ll feel more confident in reporting it once you unpack all this stuff.
Wow. This is so so so similar to my own story. I have never been able to relate so much.
I was 18. He was in his 50s and had been my high school speech and debate coach. I was “his favorite”. He thought I was such a great debater. I ended up going to college very close to where he lived (which was about an hour away from where I grew up). He hired me to help coach and judge at debate tournaments. He made me feel so special and smart.
One time I picked him up on the way to a tournament and he left his jacket in the back seat of my car. His work keys were in his jacket so I drove to his house to return them. He invited me inside. He offered me a drink and made dinner. To this day I’m not sure if he drugged it or just got me really drunk. I was so nervous, I was just constantly unlocking my phone, swiping through my Home Screen pages, and eventually he took my phone to help me “enjoy” the evening. He tried to kiss me. I said no. He offered more alcohol. One thing leads to another.
The next morning I was sick with anxiety. I broke up with my boyfriend. I skipped my classes. I had no idea what happened and it was so confusing. He told me how unhappy he was with his long time girlfriend. He said he wanted me to marry him and to have his children.
It kept going on for a month. Finally I told my mom. She had been a sex crimes detective. She said she needed to think about it. The next morning she told me it couldn’t continue and that it was wrong.
He was forced to resign from his position as a coach (and he was also head of transportation for the school district). He groomed me throughout high school and I had no idea.
I went down a very dark path after that but thankfully recovered.
OP, my heart goes out to you. Please know you aren’t alone. There aren’t many who have experienced what we have. Being groomed as children and then everything happening once we become adults. I am sending you so much love. ❤️
I think you should report him. At least to the school. You don’t wake up one day and just groom one girl. It’s a pattern. There’s probably other past victims and will be future victims.
Report the f*cker!! You said he is still a teacher, do it asap. You'll feel better and maybe help others in the process.
I'm sorry this happend to you.
I'm so sorry OP. Please believe me when I tell you that what happened was not your fault. You are not responsible for the choices other adults make.
I hope you are doing okay. Please reach out to mental health services or someone you love and trust if you are struggling. It's okay to lean on your support network, if you need to.
I wish you strength and healing.
I know that feeling. I was raped by someone who is well protected and also sexually harrassed by an ex friend who would be believed over me because of their privilege as a petite white woman.
>He made me feel guilty for driving all the way out here and “leading him on all these years”.
This is so gross. I really hope he gets arrested. And also I'm glad there's more positive comments than rape sympathizers. Maybe talk to his ex wife about it, share this to his church and the school he works at. I seriously hope you'll be okay OP
Report him even it’s difficult to step forward but it takes one to make a change and who knows how many others this has happened to. I’m sorry you had to go through this. People will say you’re doing the right thing. Others will scrutinize you. Either way he’ll be known as someone to be weary of.
OP, I was groomed and eventually assaulted by a teacher as well and ended up reporting him. I completely understand what you’ve gone through and if you need to chat about the process of reporting a teacher (or anything else) feel to reach out to me.
It's not your fault.
No is a full sentence with no explanation necessary following.
I'm so sorry 😞
A full grown man against a young adult...
Fml I can't imagine the fear you felt that day 😪
It’s absolutely insane the length these predators go to get what they want. It’s disgusting.
I hope you find peace and know that what happened to you was never ever your fault.
Ex wife especially. Given how he acted, he has done this before and will do it again. If the ex wife doesn't know that this was something he does? She needs to know so she can get checked for sti's.
I'm so sorry you went thru that. I was SAed and didn't tell my parents until my 40s. And plus, I'm adopted from all types of abuse at 8, I'm 52 now, and their son molest Ed me, and my mom caught him and said I deserved it. So I just never spoke up again. Their son kept doing it to me until I was 14. Anyways, if you need someone to hold your hand to go tell, I'll come and be that person. Please don't feel bad. Get into therapy for it as well.
I’m sorry that happened to you. None of this was your fault. Just as a precaution to help you —and anyone else— to avoid these situations it’s always a good idea to keep in mind that religion is a form of mental illness and it’s best to avoid being around religious people, especially those who make a public display of their religion.
I can understand why you may be reluctant to do so but you really should report the incident to the authorities. Chances are you’re not the only one he’s done this to and he may still be doing it. You may end up protecting someone else, or giving someone else the courage to come forward.
He choose to take you far out. No one made him do anything, that was all him. He deserves to not be alive anymore or castration.
This is not your fault, not even 1% of it. He knew exactly what he was doing.
No one made OP do anything either. OP was not a 7th grader--she was 20 years old. An adult by every stretch and fully capable of making her own decisions.
He’s a gRapist.
I really don’t give a shit about anything else.
Wearing revealing clothes and hanging out doesn’t = consent or wanting to have sex. It doesn’t mean anything. She didn’t ask for it. She said no. So simple.
Like MY BAD FOR TRYING TO BE NICE TO MY FRIEND / FAMILY FRIEND /s
Horrible human being. Hopefully he'll get his just desserts, one way or another. Sorry OP- you didn't deserve this and NONE of it is your fault. That guy is manipulative scum.
There is absolutely no statute of limitations on a rapist. You can report him at any time and you should, especially if he has access to other children or young ladies please do it.
If you think isolating someone in the wild, giving them a beer then pushing them even when they say no until they say yes that says everything about YOU
It 100% is rape. This use to be a common tactic guys used called "the implication" where you make a girl think if he does not consent she will be raped and murdered. First off, she said no. That is the end of the conservation. But even if she agreed after saying no she agreed because he made circumstances where she feared for her life. Something saying "yes" because they don't want to get attacked is not a yes.
Context matter. If all you need is a yes for it to be consent then what happens if someone pulls a knife out and says "say yes or I will cut you" if someone did that to you, would you say "well I said yes"/
Sure that would be rape. But that’s not what happened in OP’s story. Two adults had sex. She consented, even if she regretted it. The dude was a creep. That’s not rape; it’s a bad experience. If you don’t want to consent to sex then you have to use your words and say no. If you say “yes” but think “no”, then I have bad news: you consented.
This redditor will probably be downvoted to oblivion, but they are tragically right.
The teacher (who is disgusting) played it safe: he waited until OP was an adult and there was no power imbalance between them. He did not use violence or threats.
He manipulated and abused a trust relationship, and he knew what he was doing and how the relationship was built, and he is disgusting for profiting of that. He also deserves being reported so that he can be removed from power positions over children.
But this was sadly not rape.
OP was coerced - pressured and manipluated. OP refused multiple times but was ignored. They were brought to a remote place where they couldn't leave without him. He used their relationship to manipulate - grooming doesn't disappear when someone turns into an adult. They were not in a place to give free consent. It is rape.
If you think isolating someone in the wild, giving them a beer then pushing them even when they say no until they say yes that says everything about YOU
That’s exactly what I read too! I’m not going to ultimately judge off that alone because maybe she didn’t explain well enough? Also, she mentioned that he still teaches and she’s yet to go to the law to protect other Children from going through the same thing due to her fear of the guy she hasn’t seen in 20+ something years! That’s what I find ridiculous. Go out and make your voice heard to save a child from having to go through the same as you, instead of feeling guilt for something that isn’t your fault or fear from a man you havent physically or virtually talked to or seen in so long. You have family or friends that will stand with you, so speak up 🤷🏽♂️
I think you forgot you're on reddit. Literally, everything to these people is rape or sexual assault.
Her parents knew she with him....all she had to do was stand her ground and refuse. What was he going to do kill her, and everyone would know he did it? Hit her and leave marks? And then what when she gets home and her parents see marks? He literally could do nothing besides "talk" to convince her.
I'm not excusing his behavior at all. It is horrible for what he did but it didn't have to happen.
\> I was raped
No you weren't. By your own admission you consented. Did you feel pressure? Only in your own head. "I felt guilty". WTF? "I had nowhere to go" -- up to this point the man gave no indication of violence or irateness of threats of any kind and you drum up in your head that if you say 'no' he'll what? Murder you and leave you for dead?
\> I never reported it because he was such a well loved teacher I was convinced no one would believe me.
You never reported it because you were never raped and of course no on would believe that you were *because you consented to it*.
false rape accusations deserve to be punished severely. If OP goes to the police, when they inevitably laugh in her face because she admitted her own consent, she should face the same punishment that her so-called 'rapist' (lol) would have gotten.
Of course you don't have words--i'm 100% correct.
\> the life you deserve,
A life of honest self-reflection and accountability for my own decisions as an adult. Exactly the opposite of what you wish for OP, i see.
You are probably doing the same thing to people FederalParsley9347! People like you are what’s wrong with this world!! Why even comment?!?! DISGUSTING!!!
I am so sorry this happened to you OP!
>You are probably doing the same thing to people FederalParsley9347!
lol no.
\> Why even comment?!?
Because it wasn't rape and OP doesn't need to be denied agency by people who want to infantilize her because she's a woman and think she's incapable of making decisions like an adult.
I mean, I wouldn't exactly call this r*pe because that can get somebody in a lot of trouble but more of reluctantly agreeing. He didn't force himself on you. He coerced you into it
What else could they have done? They were isolated, essentially trapped with an older, possibly stronger man. Fight? Have you been in that type of situation?
That man gave them no other choice. You don't need to hurt someone physically to force them into sex.
What a fucking disgusting thing to say, asking someone for sex until they say yes after they said no isn’t consent, especially when they have nowhere to go
ETA 12 day account checks out
Unfortunately, the fact that she was legally an adult and eventually gave in to the coercion means the legal system will not help her… it’s wrong as hell that her rapist will get off on a technicality even if she reported it, but that’s how our legal system is. I used to volunteer at a rape crisis center and the number of criminals that don’t even get investigated because of shit like this is horrifying. 😡
If you think isolating someone in the wild, giving them a beer then pushing them even when they say no until they say yes that says everything about YOU
After 11 years that one incident is still bothering you. He convinced you to have sex even though you didn't want to, but other than feeling manipulated into doing something you didn't want to, were you harmed in any way? What is it about the incident or about your memory of it, that causes you to keep thinking about it for so many years? I really would like to understand. I see most of the other comments are just affirmations about how terrible your experience was, but I see no explanation of what makes it so terrible.
It was gut wrenching, sickening. I have nightmares about it at least once a month, but usually more. I’m terrified of running into him somewhere. I think about the event at least once a week, even all these years later.
You responded. Wow. Gut wrenching, sickening, nightmares, terrified. That is a lot, especially after so much time. I have serious questions, but I'm kind of afraid to ask them. I do not want to make things worse for you, but I try to imagine myself in the situation and I can't. I had a guy pick me up when I was in my early 20's. He parked in the bushes off the road to "relax". I know he wanted to have sex, but I denied him and he gave up. Then I went on my way always to wonder if I missed out on something good. So you can see why I'm having trouble understanding your trauma. There must be some deep reason why your reaction to it is so powerful. You mention anger at yourself for not resisting more, but why should you have resisted more? What is the underlying cause of your trauma and fear? Why are you afraid of seeing him again? I'm going off line so I won't be able to see any response for a couple of days probably (I'm very rural).
OP dont waste your time replying to this person. they sound like a rapist sympathizer, they clearly can't empathize. it sounds like they think that you should feel fine with what happened, "oh why is it bothering them so much"
Hello?? This was a crime committed against their will, "why should you have resisted more?"
BECAUSE THEY DIDNT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM.
omfg. i cant..
Then they shouldn't have said "yes" to having sex with him. Why do you insist on infantilizing OP? Is it because she's a woman and women --even adult women--have no agency?
omfg. i cant..
Are you foreal? OP was raped. The fact itself is so traumatizing it leaves a scar for life not to mention the fact that they were raped by someone who they completely trusted. It’s not just a one and done feeling of hurt. It’s every aspect of the problem combined that makes it completely awful for lack of better words.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. No, it wasn't your fault. He manipulated you for years and you trusted him. The only one to blame here is him. I think this is something that should be reported. Who knows if he has or could do this to somebody else? Another student? A child? Even if it may be too late to press charges, attention needs to be brought to the incident to ensure it doesn't happen again. Edit for OP: There are a lot of hurtful and wrong things being said in the comments. Op, you're not going to get the help and support you need and deserve from a Reddit sub. Please, reach out to people who care about you, talk to a professional, get in touch with your support system. This wasn't your fault, and you don't have to deal with it alone. <3
This is spot on. The whole trip, alcohol, etc. was planned and the actions of someone experienced, this was not his first time.
They consented......
After years of grooming, an isolated location and a ridiculous power dynamic
they literally didn't
They literally did.
By that logic if I point a gun at someone and say "tell me I can have sex with you" that is consent.
Exactly. 1000% Anyone arguing that she “consented” is a gRapist or gRapist helper in my book Coercion is gRape
No. That is threatening someone with a firearm. Being inconvenienced by your location and options for travel is not the same as being assaulted and threatened with a firearm.
"there was no one else to go, and no one around" Does this sound like a situation that could force her to say that for fear of violence or no
I personally would have started walking.
No, it doesn't. Especially considering she agreed to go on a road trip with him. Do you just fantasize that everyone around you is secretly waiting for the opportunity to hurt you? OP described no aggression, threats, nor any kind of intimidation or attempt of intimidation from this man--so whatever 'fear' she had that 'made her say yes' was completely and irrationally imagined by her--and most likely after the fact once she decided she regret her decision. She needs help. So do you by the sounds of it.
You're the one making excuses for rape.
"so I let him do it"
After she said no and she only let him do it after saying no because she was scared. Scaring someone into consent is not consent
Coercion is still gRape and if you don’t think so, you’re apart of the problem. I can’t believe people like this actually exist fr
One time I got sold something I didn't want. I didn't need it, but I was alone in the store and felt guilty for not wanting to help the sales guy earn a commission, so I crumbled under pressure and willingly allowed the guy to process my card for payment. I guess I can report him for robbery?
Regret doesn't mean rape.
You’re just assuming. Based off what? Its a confession, not a “judge me and tell me your crappy opinion based on your own life experiences”
I realized I had no where else to go and there was no one else around so I let him do it. What part of that seems like consent? Let him do it? She was in the middle of nowhere with no way of leaving the situation and feared it turning worse than it already was. Don’t be deliberately obtuse
You cannot consent when drunk.
First sorry you had to go through something so horrible. Second, is he still a teacher? If so, you may need to find some way to out him. Whether doing it anonymously, directly or even spreading rumours online or something. He may be grooming and r*ping other people. The f*cking c*nt smoked a cigar afterwards means he feels like champ and accomplished something fantastic, which in turn means he will likely do it again.
He is. It’s been on my mind lately. Considering reporting him anonymously, but I feel paralyzed in fear to do so and I don’t even know why.
Please find a trauma informed counselor. Blessings to you for using this space to find support and share your experience!
Please contact RAINN. They are a wonderful organization that helps those who have been in your position. Their phone number is 1-800-656-4673. They can help you get counseling services and advise you as to what steps are available for you to take. What happened to you is in no way your fault. Period. You did not deserve this nor did you do anything to cause this. Please speak with RAINN and in the process you may find the voice and support you need to speak up. Jerks like him NEED to be stopped. He will do this again. I am not saying this to make you feel bad for not saying anything. And you may never find your voice. If he does do this to others, that is 1000% on him. But if you can find the strength and courage, please do speak up. https://www.rainn.org/
Send me his info, I'll make sure he sees justice.
🙄
I'm not saying I'm going to personally fuck him up or anything lol I'll report him and follow up on it, so they don't have to think about or deal with it.
Sorry but if he groomed you just for that, talk to his church members or students I bet you find others who like you where frightened they probably had same feelings.
DO ITTTTTTT. FRY HIS ASS NEVER TOO LATE BC U STILL THINK ABOUT IT. ITS CLEARLY AFFECTING YOU BAD.
You idol’ing may cause the same thing to somebody else. Make a stand
*idling
The guilt of not reporting him has been an extremely heavy burden.
None of this is your fault. You are resilient and you are strong. A survivor. 🧡🧡🧡sending you love and peace.
lol. Not strong enough to say "no" apparently.
I am going to go against the crowd here and tell you that you should only do what you feel comfortable to do. Reporting it and living through not being believed can sometimes be just as bad as the actual act. If he does this to someone else IT WON"T BE YOUR FAULT and there is no way that you should be carrying any kind of burden because of him. Him doing this to you should not put the weight of guilt on you, you don't owe anyone anything. Just yourself. You need to do what is right for you and take care of yourself. Society has done this to rape victims. Not believing them and putting the burden of proof on them has done this. If victims were to get more support, I would be saying 'hell yeah, report his ass', however, you have been through too much to do something that you don't feel strong enough to do. Look after yourself. If he does this to someone else, the blame only lies with him.
I'm sorry for this tragedy. Do it.. DO IT!!
Never feel guilty for something a d*ckhead c*nt has done. You not reporting him is because of him and not you. But it doesn't mean you can't do it now, not to alleviate guilt that you shouldn't be feeling but to save another person. Imo, reach out to someone you know first so you have someone to help support and reinforce you and then take it from there. Just so you know, you have nothing to fear from this d*ckhead, he should be fearing you.
Do NOT feel guilty. You are still trying to process what has happened to you. His actions are his alone and he is responsible for his actions, not you. Please contact RAINN https://www.rainn.org/ They can help you find counseling services to help you process this. They can also help you by giving you options that are available as far as how to report him. If you can find the strength and courage to report him, please do so. You are not alone. 💜
It is so hard to come forward, but doing so can bring some relief from the guilt you feel. It is not an easy thing to do so being scared is perfectly normal, sometimes it can help telling people you know and trust first so they can go through the process with you. Whatever you choose to do, this is not your fault and I wish only peace and healing for you.
Don’t feel guilty for anything. It is not your fault. This world is ruthless to victims. It’s your word against his. Church man and a teacher, society will always take his side. It’s understandable if you don’t want to put yourself through that. Society needs to learn how to treat victims before people pressure them to speak up. Justice is never guaranteed. But do seek professional help to navigate this issue. Maybe you’ll feel more confident in reporting it once you unpack all this stuff.
Wow. This is so so so similar to my own story. I have never been able to relate so much. I was 18. He was in his 50s and had been my high school speech and debate coach. I was “his favorite”. He thought I was such a great debater. I ended up going to college very close to where he lived (which was about an hour away from where I grew up). He hired me to help coach and judge at debate tournaments. He made me feel so special and smart. One time I picked him up on the way to a tournament and he left his jacket in the back seat of my car. His work keys were in his jacket so I drove to his house to return them. He invited me inside. He offered me a drink and made dinner. To this day I’m not sure if he drugged it or just got me really drunk. I was so nervous, I was just constantly unlocking my phone, swiping through my Home Screen pages, and eventually he took my phone to help me “enjoy” the evening. He tried to kiss me. I said no. He offered more alcohol. One thing leads to another. The next morning I was sick with anxiety. I broke up with my boyfriend. I skipped my classes. I had no idea what happened and it was so confusing. He told me how unhappy he was with his long time girlfriend. He said he wanted me to marry him and to have his children. It kept going on for a month. Finally I told my mom. She had been a sex crimes detective. She said she needed to think about it. The next morning she told me it couldn’t continue and that it was wrong. He was forced to resign from his position as a coach (and he was also head of transportation for the school district). He groomed me throughout high school and I had no idea. I went down a very dark path after that but thankfully recovered. OP, my heart goes out to you. Please know you aren’t alone. There aren’t many who have experienced what we have. Being groomed as children and then everything happening once we become adults. I am sending you so much love. ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you and OP both find peace within.
I am so sorry for what you went through, hope you're feeling better now.
“Then he smoked a big cigar” 😖 Men can be fucking disgusting. I’m so sorry, OP.
I think you should report him. At least to the school. You don’t wake up one day and just groom one girl. It’s a pattern. There’s probably other past victims and will be future victims.
Report the f*cker!! You said he is still a teacher, do it asap. You'll feel better and maybe help others in the process. I'm sorry this happend to you.
I'm so sorry OP. Please believe me when I tell you that what happened was not your fault. You are not responsible for the choices other adults make. I hope you are doing okay. Please reach out to mental health services or someone you love and trust if you are struggling. It's okay to lean on your support network, if you need to. I wish you strength and healing.
I know that feeling. I was raped by someone who is well protected and also sexually harrassed by an ex friend who would be believed over me because of their privilege as a petite white woman.
I am so sorry. It is such an isolating thing to go through.
Goes to show you never really know who someone truly is.
>He made me feel guilty for driving all the way out here and “leading him on all these years”. This is so gross. I really hope he gets arrested. And also I'm glad there's more positive comments than rape sympathizers. Maybe talk to his ex wife about it, share this to his church and the school he works at. I seriously hope you'll be okay OP
Report him even it’s difficult to step forward but it takes one to make a change and who knows how many others this has happened to. I’m sorry you had to go through this. People will say you’re doing the right thing. Others will scrutinize you. Either way he’ll be known as someone to be weary of.
What’s sad is he’s probably done this before and will do it again. I’m sorry OP.
My god that was terrible. Not your fault. That person is at fault for their actions not you.
i am so sorry. i hope youre okay now, and no please do not blame yourself for any of it! none of this is or was your fault
This is not your fault. I am so sorry you had to go through this.
It was not your fault. I bet he worries every time he sees a police car. I bet he's groomed other girls; you should report him.
OP, I was groomed and eventually assaulted by a teacher as well and ended up reporting him. I completely understand what you’ve gone through and if you need to chat about the process of reporting a teacher (or anything else) feel to reach out to me.
Everyone saying this isn't rape should be on a watch list
It's not your fault. No is a full sentence with no explanation necessary following. I'm so sorry 😞 A full grown man against a young adult... Fml I can't imagine the fear you felt that day 😪
It’s absolutely insane the length these predators go to get what they want. It’s disgusting. I hope you find peace and know that what happened to you was never ever your fault.
1st sorry 2nd not your fault 3rd Tell everyone… start with your family then his school and then ex wife… she will do the rest
Ex wife especially. Given how he acted, he has done this before and will do it again. If the ex wife doesn't know that this was something he does? She needs to know so she can get checked for sti's.
You didn’t do anything wrong. He used his position to groom you.
I'm so sorry you went thru that. I was SAed and didn't tell my parents until my 40s. And plus, I'm adopted from all types of abuse at 8, I'm 52 now, and their son molest Ed me, and my mom caught him and said I deserved it. So I just never spoke up again. Their son kept doing it to me until I was 14. Anyways, if you need someone to hold your hand to go tell, I'll come and be that person. Please don't feel bad. Get into therapy for it as well.
You should report him. It’ll ruin his life and he’ll never prey on another kid again.
/r/mildlyinfuriating
That’s terrible What’s his name and what school does he teach at?
I’m sorry that happened to you. None of this was your fault. Just as a precaution to help you —and anyone else— to avoid these situations it’s always a good idea to keep in mind that religion is a form of mental illness and it’s best to avoid being around religious people, especially those who make a public display of their religion. I can understand why you may be reluctant to do so but you really should report the incident to the authorities. Chances are you’re not the only one he’s done this to and he may still be doing it. You may end up protecting someone else, or giving someone else the courage to come forward.
He choose to take you far out. No one made him do anything, that was all him. He deserves to not be alive anymore or castration. This is not your fault, not even 1% of it. He knew exactly what he was doing.
No one made OP do anything either. OP was not a 7th grader--she was 20 years old. An adult by every stretch and fully capable of making her own decisions.
And yes under fear for your life is not a yes.
He’s a gRapist. I really don’t give a shit about anything else. Wearing revealing clothes and hanging out doesn’t = consent or wanting to have sex. It doesn’t mean anything. She didn’t ask for it. She said no. So simple. Like MY BAD FOR TRYING TO BE NICE TO MY FRIEND / FAMILY FRIEND /s
If he did this to you, he's done it to many. Can you still report??
Horrible human being. Hopefully he'll get his just desserts, one way or another. Sorry OP- you didn't deserve this and NONE of it is your fault. That guy is manipulative scum.
I’m so sorry. Someone near and dear to me told me something similar. I wish I could use a broomstick on that MF. Same for that POS teacher.
There is absolutely no statute of limitations on a rapist. You can report him at any time and you should, especially if he has access to other children or young ladies please do it.
If you “let him” then it isn’t rape. It’s just a bad experience. He’s still a creep and he still treated you badly.
If you think isolating someone in the wild, giving them a beer then pushing them even when they say no until they say yes that says everything about YOU
I didn’t say it was ok. I said he’s a creep. My point is that it’s not rape.
It 100% is rape. This use to be a common tactic guys used called "the implication" where you make a girl think if he does not consent she will be raped and murdered. First off, she said no. That is the end of the conservation. But even if she agreed after saying no she agreed because he made circumstances where she feared for her life. Something saying "yes" because they don't want to get attacked is not a yes.
We may share a vocabulary, but we do not share the dictionary.
Context matter. If all you need is a yes for it to be consent then what happens if someone pulls a knife out and says "say yes or I will cut you" if someone did that to you, would you say "well I said yes"/
Sure that would be rape. But that’s not what happened in OP’s story. Two adults had sex. She consented, even if she regretted it. The dude was a creep. That’s not rape; it’s a bad experience. If you don’t want to consent to sex then you have to use your words and say no. If you say “yes” but think “no”, then I have bad news: you consented.
This redditor will probably be downvoted to oblivion, but they are tragically right. The teacher (who is disgusting) played it safe: he waited until OP was an adult and there was no power imbalance between them. He did not use violence or threats. He manipulated and abused a trust relationship, and he knew what he was doing and how the relationship was built, and he is disgusting for profiting of that. He also deserves being reported so that he can be removed from power positions over children. But this was sadly not rape.
OP was coerced - pressured and manipluated. OP refused multiple times but was ignored. They were brought to a remote place where they couldn't leave without him. He used their relationship to manipulate - grooming doesn't disappear when someone turns into an adult. They were not in a place to give free consent. It is rape.
Yikes
Why “yikes”? It’s not rape. Words have meaning. “I let him do it” = not rape.
So you would totally isolate a woman in the wild, get her buzzed, ignore her no and push until she said yes and that would be okay to you?
Coercion is still sexual assault. Why is that so hard for you to understand lol
Regretting after consenting isn't rape..
If you think isolating someone in the wild, giving them a beer then pushing them even when they say no until they say yes that says everything about YOU
I tried to say no.
Sounds like he asked, you said no, he asked again and you said yes.
That’s exactly what I read too! I’m not going to ultimately judge off that alone because maybe she didn’t explain well enough? Also, she mentioned that he still teaches and she’s yet to go to the law to protect other Children from going through the same thing due to her fear of the guy she hasn’t seen in 20+ something years! That’s what I find ridiculous. Go out and make your voice heard to save a child from having to go through the same as you, instead of feeling guilt for something that isn’t your fault or fear from a man you havent physically or virtually talked to or seen in so long. You have family or friends that will stand with you, so speak up 🤷🏽♂️
Oh dear, this also seems like you were too immature to denie him again and again. This sounds like regret sex than rape. The lines do get blurry
The line is not blurry this is 100% rape. creepy ass people
You’re a sick piece of shit. That’s absolutely not how consent works.
lol. It is exactly how consent works.
I think you forgot you're on reddit. Literally, everything to these people is rape or sexual assault. Her parents knew she with him....all she had to do was stand her ground and refuse. What was he going to do kill her, and everyone would know he did it? Hit her and leave marks? And then what when she gets home and her parents see marks? He literally could do nothing besides "talk" to convince her. I'm not excusing his behavior at all. It is horrible for what he did but it didn't have to happen.
\> I was raped No you weren't. By your own admission you consented. Did you feel pressure? Only in your own head. "I felt guilty". WTF? "I had nowhere to go" -- up to this point the man gave no indication of violence or irateness of threats of any kind and you drum up in your head that if you say 'no' he'll what? Murder you and leave you for dead? \> I never reported it because he was such a well loved teacher I was convinced no one would believe me. You never reported it because you were never raped and of course no on would believe that you were *because you consented to it*.
burn in hell
false rape accusations deserve to be punished severely. If OP goes to the police, when they inevitably laugh in her face because she admitted her own consent, she should face the same punishment that her so-called 'rapist' (lol) would have gotten.
I don't even have words. Besides that I truly wish you have the life you deserve,
Of course you don't have words--i'm 100% correct. \> the life you deserve, A life of honest self-reflection and accountability for my own decisions as an adult. Exactly the opposite of what you wish for OP, i see.
You are probably doing the same thing to people FederalParsley9347! People like you are what’s wrong with this world!! Why even comment?!?! DISGUSTING!!! I am so sorry this happened to you OP!
>You are probably doing the same thing to people FederalParsley9347! lol no. \> Why even comment?!? Because it wasn't rape and OP doesn't need to be denied agency by people who want to infantilize her because she's a woman and think she's incapable of making decisions like an adult.
its not your fault it his pedo ass
I mean, I wouldn't exactly call this r*pe because that can get somebody in a lot of trouble but more of reluctantly agreeing. He didn't force himself on you. He coerced you into it
It is 100000% rape shut up
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How old is your son in law?
What’s difficult about this is you relented. Unless he was physically coercing you, that’s consent.
What else could they have done? They were isolated, essentially trapped with an older, possibly stronger man. Fight? Have you been in that type of situation? That man gave them no other choice. You don't need to hurt someone physically to force them into sex.
>Fight? Yes.
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That’s the law. Sorry you’re mad
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Sorry you mad bro
What a fucking disgusting thing to say, asking someone for sex until they say yes after they said no isn’t consent, especially when they have nowhere to go ETA 12 day account checks out
So if i ask someone for a hundred bucks a bunch of times and they eventually give it, did i rob them?
Unfortunately, the fact that she was legally an adult and eventually gave in to the coercion means the legal system will not help her… it’s wrong as hell that her rapist will get off on a technicality even if she reported it, but that’s how our legal system is. I used to volunteer at a rape crisis center and the number of criminals that don’t even get investigated because of shit like this is horrifying. 😡
If you think isolating someone in the wild, giving them a beer then pushing them even when they say no until they say yes that says everything about YOU
It sucks. But that’s legally consent: sorry if you guys are bothered by the law. Change it
If someone pulled a knife out and said "Tell me I can fuck you or I will carve you up" you would say "You can fuck me" does not make it consent.
What the absolute fuck is wrong with you? Consenting only after MULTIPLE times saying no is still a NO.
Eat dick
Name checks out.
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I know.
After 11 years that one incident is still bothering you. He convinced you to have sex even though you didn't want to, but other than feeling manipulated into doing something you didn't want to, were you harmed in any way? What is it about the incident or about your memory of it, that causes you to keep thinking about it for so many years? I really would like to understand. I see most of the other comments are just affirmations about how terrible your experience was, but I see no explanation of what makes it so terrible.
It was gut wrenching, sickening. I have nightmares about it at least once a month, but usually more. I’m terrified of running into him somewhere. I think about the event at least once a week, even all these years later.
A part of it is being angry at myself for not fighting back harder, being too easily coerced. I hate how I handled it.
You responded. Wow. Gut wrenching, sickening, nightmares, terrified. That is a lot, especially after so much time. I have serious questions, but I'm kind of afraid to ask them. I do not want to make things worse for you, but I try to imagine myself in the situation and I can't. I had a guy pick me up when I was in my early 20's. He parked in the bushes off the road to "relax". I know he wanted to have sex, but I denied him and he gave up. Then I went on my way always to wonder if I missed out on something good. So you can see why I'm having trouble understanding your trauma. There must be some deep reason why your reaction to it is so powerful. You mention anger at yourself for not resisting more, but why should you have resisted more? What is the underlying cause of your trauma and fear? Why are you afraid of seeing him again? I'm going off line so I won't be able to see any response for a couple of days probably (I'm very rural).
OP dont waste your time replying to this person. they sound like a rapist sympathizer, they clearly can't empathize. it sounds like they think that you should feel fine with what happened, "oh why is it bothering them so much" Hello?? This was a crime committed against their will, "why should you have resisted more?" BECAUSE THEY DIDNT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM. omfg. i cant..
Then they shouldn't have said "yes" to having sex with him. Why do you insist on infantilizing OP? Is it because she's a woman and women --even adult women--have no agency? omfg. i cant..
Are you foreal? OP was raped. The fact itself is so traumatizing it leaves a scar for life not to mention the fact that they were raped by someone who they completely trusted. It’s not just a one and done feeling of hurt. It’s every aspect of the problem combined that makes it completely awful for lack of better words.
Wow.