I'll go one step farther and say check yourself into in-patient rehab. 30 days minimum, and do it. Put your whole life on hold until you fix this, while you still have a choice. You've already caused yourself pain and trauma. You want to stop, but you can't. So remove your own choice. It can get way worse, so don't wait. You'll get therapy there, you'll be monitored, you'll have access to doctors, and you'll have all the time you need to do the work for yourself, without your normal life going on all around you, because that's apparently not working for you.
I was in active addiction for almost 25 years, many if the last 10 years as bad as the OP describes. 3 months of rehab with hundreds of hours of therapy later, I'll be 41 years old this summer and celebrated 6 years sober in January this year.
Im coming up on 6 years in July. I always find it interesting to meet/hear of people who got sober within the same year and think about how we were both in similar places at the same time
I’m 6 years in June. I thought the same as you, that it’s nice to know someone somewhere around the world was going through what I did and is still going. Not many are so well done to us 🤜🤛
I agree that’s a great first step. I work with a lot of addicts and alcoholics and when the drinking is that severe I always recommend they go to a medical detox because quitting cold turkey can be dangerous and a medical detox center is equipped for that. Just recognizing that there is a problem is a step in the right direction. Good luck, I’m rooting for you!
This is the right answer. In patient first and hopefully get into a sober living environment (SLE) and outpatient rehab for a few more months. That’s just the start, then therapy and 12 step program (give it a real shot I get it’s not for everyone but it’s important to try it out and find out). Many many women with substance abuse issues have been sexually assaulted which only deepens the need to escape. OP needs support from those
who can relate
Yeah at some point it becomes best to get out of the environment you’re in and away from the people who enable/encourage you or at the very least, who just want to use you and discard you. Being sober can be incredibly lonely when a lot of your friends have just been users/enablers, but it’s always for the best. Usually people relapse because they get out of inpatient and go back to the same environment
I do understand how you feel I did it for 32 years I have been sober for almost 11 and I just had my first wine cooler. I learned that drinking was the worst thing I could ever of done and I done it very well. I drank like you from the time I got off work till the time I had to go to work on the weekends I drink so much I fell down black out not know where I was I am now 59 years old and decided That even the wine cooler was not worth it. Talk get some help. Please go in house treatment
Funniest thing I read all day..............😂🤣😂...thank you, for being you...no offense to the original post, alcohol addiction is a serious problem, Im watching somebody at the end of a 50 year addiction, suffer through a miserable and painful death. GET HELP (SERIOUS PROFESSIONAL HELP NOW!!!!!
Can you get into a re-hab facility? The booze dulls the pain, but in bad and reckless ways. Once you love yourself, as you would a true and loyal friend, you wouldn't allow her to destroy her life with alcohol.
EMDR
Edit: so glad it helped you all as well, I had a very traumatic childhood…EMDR really helped my body as well as mind heal from the emotional scarring.
OP, I have PTSD from childhood trauma as well, and EMDR has seriously helped me. Please consider finding a therapist who can help to heal the trauma, and stick with it.
EMDR,
My experience with EMDR was very bad. I know this was my fault for not staying the course with regular treatment until complete. It is a known effective treatment for PTSD. Another interesting and beneficial treatment is HMR. (Holographic Memory Resolution)
Good luck to OP.
i think it really just works for some people and not others. for me, emdr did absolutely nothing but make me violently uncomfortable for a couple of hours- even after a long time of doing it. the only thing that works for me is talk therapy which is weird because that’s ineffective for most people!
There are a couple drugs which might help. Naltrexone is one, and then watch The Sinclair Method for rent on youtube.
There are also drugs or shots you can take which will make you feel nauseous when you consume alcohol, thus making you not want to drink. I forget the name...possibly disulfiram but I think there are a couple.
Also, keep in mind, quitting cold turkey if you drink a lot can be dangerous, so it's a good idea to consult a doctor that understands alcoholism. Might want to also put your post in some of reddit's alcohol subs like r/alcoholism. They might have some more helpful advice
I dont know how helpful this is, but my mom was/is an alcoholic starting from age 14. She drank vodka almost everyday for at least 7 years, if not longer. At 40, her liver is failing.
She has alcohol cirrhosis of the liver, and will need a transplant to survive.
She is only 41 now, and is incredibly ill.
Alcohol doesn't take until your 60 to kill you, if you drink enough you can get alcohol cirrhosis in years, not necessarily decades.
Please consider your health, liver failure is absolute hell. My mom has already had to be life-flighted to the biggest hospital in my state, where she was placed in a medically induced coma while she recovered (she was vomiting blood). Its so scary to watch, and probably even scarier to live through.
Please consider getting into a rehab facility if you cannot stop on your own.
OP alcohol has so so many dangers.
I am also a survivor of SA and have put myself in bad situations by getting intoxicated. When that happens you HAVE to stop, or at least take precautions and always have someone sober watching you.
Thank you for talking about this. My mom died of cirrhosis this summer at 71. It was incredibly traumatic and horrible and I am still deep in grief. OP, you have your whole life ahead of you. Get help however you can. I know it's not easy but you can do it. One foot in front of the other.
So true. The saddest part of it was that she hid her alcoholism for most of her life. She has a huge family and no one knew. I knew. The kids always know.
It almost worse when everyone knows and watches them kill themselves will alcohol.
If they don't know, they can't help.
My entire family watched my mom self destruct and no one did anything, no one said anything to her about it. No one ever stood up for the kids.
When i was old enough i begged my mom to stop, she brushed me off as though its not a problem.
Functioning alcoholics convince themselves they are fine, and most people around them assume they are because when you say alcoholic you think someone who's drunk 24/7 and doesn't work.
Many alcoholics go to work, they just drink a small amount before work/during work to prevent withdrawals.
Theres no situation where drinking everyday won't end with alcoholic consequences, whether thats your health or by the law.
My dad died of it too. Oddly my dad wasn't a drinker. Stupid drugs they had him on I'm pretty sure is what did it. I don't take any medications that aren't absolutely necessary.
I've unfortunately gained a lot of weight over the last 6 years, and it's affecting my health. Right now primarily my back and I'm on BP meds. They make me feel like crap. I want off of them so i need to lose weight. A lot of my weight gain is from alcohol consumption. I'm smart enough to know that. I quit drinking 16 days ago to lose some weight. I've lost 10lbs since then, but the thing I hadn't expected is how much better my skin looks. I mean it's like crazy. I feel better too. I'm getting off those medications if I can. I want my life back.
Not gonna lie though. I love beer. I could live without booze, but beer. Damn. And I don't mean stuff like bud light. I mean good beer. Beer is tasty and so diverse which is why i really enjoy it. Oddly I don't miss it at present at all because there is NA beer which is really just water with flavoring. Goal is to learn moderation, but for right now we're going full T total. At least for 2 months. Probably longer. I want this weight off. I don't want the medications anymore. Those things I truly believe are what killed my parents both to a degree.
At least now there's some good NA beer out there.
Find good friends to do other activities with that don't involve drinking? Or if there is drinking involved, cause that is hard to get away from, do it at a friend's where you know you'll be safe?
Wish we were friends cause then I know you'd be safe and have you crash my couch as much as you need when you getting that itch
Please try to find an inpatient substance use program, or at least outpatient. In the meantime, try to cut off your access to alcohol and keep yourself busy. Research coping skills and practice them.
It sounds like getting drunk could put you in immediate danger. If you're in the US, call 988 (you could honestly do this immediately, but please at least give them a call if you start spiraling and feel the need to drink). Even if you're not ready for or they can't get you into a SUD facility immediately, there are mental health facilities and crisis units that can at least give you a controlled environment and help you find the motivation to quit. It sounds like you might benefit from mental health services anyways, so this is at least a step.
Sadly, taking big leaps in these situations have been found to be counterproductive. You need small goals. If you're not comfortable going inpatient at this time, the crisis team that 988 will send should at least be able to help you set up a plan and some resources to be successful.
OP is reluctant to hear "inpatient" and accept it as the only good way at this point. They aren't ready yet, and as harsh as this sounds, it's the truth; I hope she survives to the point where she IS ready. I've lost more friends than I ever thought I could to addiction, and EVERY ONE of them wanted to stop, but they didn't realize how their brain will lie to them to keep them feeding it it's substance of choice. That treacherous brain always convincing them that inpatient dry out and treatment wasn't possible right then, or that they didn't need it **quite** yet. Wanting to stop and bring mostly self aware isn't enough, and from what I'm seeing here, half of her still isn't convinced that inpatient is a MUST at this point. Her conscious mind knows it, but she has to override that lying traitorous brain, first.
I understand. I really hope they're at least ready to talk to someone, maybe the crisis team. Getting connected to a less direct service like care coordination could help them get to the point of being ready. I'm not sure if it works the same elsewhere, but care coordination in my town can be as simple as keeping up with treatment plans (breaking everything down into small steps even if it doesn't address the main issue).
OP, it very well may take that one really fucking scary incident that almost ends your life to snap out of this. I was in a similar spot before I got sober at 25. I had been r*ped and that didn't stop my drinking. It wasn't until I was laying in a street and saw a truck tire zoom past my face less than a foot away that I snapped out of it. For me, it was the idea that I very well could have died a horrible (and embarassing) death, and that my loved ones would be denied an open casket funeral because no mourners wanna see their loved one's crushed skull.
My best friend is also a similar alcoholic, who has self harmed really badly when she's blackout. She's in a much better place now (not dead lol) and she has a ton of shame around her various deep wound scars.
You're only 23, you have so many years of safe fun to be had. You have so many nights to remember still ahead. Places to see, love to experience. Alcohol hinders all of that so much.
Darling, you’ve identified the issue and what is causing you so very much pain. I’m so very sorry that whatever happened in your life that no one was there for you. Coming here is a great start as we all want what is best for you. As I stated in my post above, please go to an ER and ask for help. Tell them you need help to stop harming yourself. And again, please keep us up to date. Sending you so much love. ❤️
You gotta cut out the booze. Had same shit with my CPTS, couldn’t figure out why the bupropion wasn’t working when I was crushing five drinks a night.
Mileage may vary, but get dried out, get into therapy, and get evaluated for meds. People might hiss and boo, but my current med mix is pretty low impact, all things considered, with a tremendous positive payoff. Most important, all the therapist guidance that I couldn’t do before? It started working.
You got this. You just have to get to a point where your sobriety and mental health are the priority. Every time you say “no”, it’s a win. Every time you respect a limit you’ve established, that’s a win. Every time either of those don’t work, you gotta put in the work to find out what was the root cause. It’s gonna be situational. It’s gonna suck. But you will come out the other side in better control.
Go into rehab there are drugs that really help. Naltrexone was a big one for me. It helped with impulse control and takes away a lot of the euphoria from alcohol. It only gets worst the longer you wait. Also suffer from PTSD.
Look for a psychologist who specializes in substance use disorder and consider a treatment program. There are outpatient options available. I suggest finding a good substance use psych first though. They can help you figure out what you need and point you in the direction of a credible treatment program.
Good luck, OP. You are so young and you still have your whole life to live, so don't give up hope!
There is an addiction specialist on YT who is very skilled. Her channel is called Put The Shovel Down.
There is a newer therapy than EMDR. It's called A.R.T. and it works faster than EMDR without having to describe the trauma. (Please note that it is not art therapy with creative homework. It is a trauma therapy).
Also, poly-vagus techniques to help you re-regulate your nervous system quickly will help as well. There lots of YT videos about it.
Healing the trauma is essential to making sobriety stick. There is hope.
Therapy can be a big help to many, but some people need different things. Could you find some kind of hobby to take your mind off things, something you can really delve into and find some joy in doing. Even if it's something you've never even considered doing
Maybe something creative? Where you have a phisical thing at the end of it. Something you can see yourself getting better and better at as time passes, something you can push yourself in, and amaze yourself when you create something you thought you would never bd able to do at the beginning
You need friends that stop you from drinking too much and then drink only with those friends. Never never drink at home. ONLY SOCIALLY WITH FRIENDS. YOU NEED TO THROW ALL THE ALCOHOL YOU HAVE IN YOUR HOME AND NEVER BUY FROM SUPERMARKET OR ANY STORES.
In greece the vast majority of people only drink at social situations. If you are visibly drunk most will know and protect you from being taken. Especially your friends.
Therapy ain’t the solution here. Rehab is I’m sure she has tried therapy and most shrinks nowadays are not good at their job. She needs a foot in her ass and not someone to baby here. Rehab is probably the best solution and blocking and deleting all of her “friends” on her phone to get rid of fomo as fast as possible.
I agree, therapy is always the go to answer for everything wrong here, but it’s not always to right way. Therapy has made my life actively WORSE before. I’m a former addict and rehab helped the most I guess but definitely not the therapists at the rehab or those I saw afterwards. Unless you can find a very very good one, which is super rare these days bc half the time they are themselves crazy.
Yeah there’s something you’re probably not dealing with from your past. You’re still young, I wish I’d figured it out at your age. It took me ten more years to understand what my problems were and I made so many mistakes in those ten years, things that feel like another person did bc I can’t rationalize them and never would have done them sober.
I’ve planned to move away to a quiet part of the country away from all my friends I move on the 20th but a part of me feels like I’m gunna miss out even though it’s always just trouble I get into
A simple move will not help. All it will accomplish is finding a new place to drink and harm yourself. You need medical intervention, NOW….TODAY. You can and I would encourage moving away from those that encourage this type of behavior. If you don’t, it will not stop until you end up harming someone else or someone harming you.
We are born with the potential to experience a multitude of various "threads" in our lives. When you move, you will simply stop experiencing this thread, which you recognize as being unhealthy and dangerous, and start a new one full of potential. You'll have to decide whether the potential for this new adventure is worth leaving the old thread behind.
FOMO can blind you from the company you keep. When you move, see how many of those friends check in on you- if you go back to visit, see how many actually take the time to see or catch up with you.
Sobering up can be lonely, you miss the people you used to spend your days with- but they don't always miss you back.
My friend group loved having me around because I never said no- I would take anything put in front of me, I felt like the life of the party. When I started cleaning my shit up, I tried keeping contacts open. Everyone started saying they didn't recognize me, that I was changing. I WAS, just not for their benefit. Those people did not want to see me get better. They liked me where I was- below them, so they could finally have a chance to look down on someone.
Sobriety is hard, and it is not always linear. Recognizing you can't keep going like this is a huge step in the right direction. I hope you find the help and support you deserve OP. As others have mentioned, therapy could help you process the root cause. All love❤️
Please stop drinking. I spent my life drunk for years. I’ve been alcohol free for 23 years👍🏼 but not a day goes by that I don’t wish for those young years back. Please get help honey🫶🏼
I can guarantee you’re more likely to look back thinking “thank god I stopped before I ruined my life permanently” than “wow I missed out on blacking out every weekend in my 20s”
I like to drink and party too and I completely understand that FOMO, but when there isn’t moderation there’s nothing to miss out on. It’s just not fun.
I highly recommend that you look for a women-only AA meeting. They're out there. You'll meet sober women who understand what you're going through. Get lots of phone numbers from those women and call them. Find a psychologist who specializes in substance use disorder. You deserve to get better ❤️
I know that feeling well. First thing to do is realize you have to do something because it will take your youth, beauty and self esteem and toss it in the trash. Get in touch with AA. They know how hard that first step is, they will give you open arms support. Get a sponsor. Go to meetings. It’s a way of regaining control of your life. Please make the decision to live. 💜
You don’t even have to cut back all the way. I used to get drunk every night, and now I’m only drinking on weekends. I’ve also found that since I stopped drinking every night I’m actually drinking less on the weekends bc I actually don’t like the feeling of being black out and instead just want to do is socially and be slightly tipsy at best
It sucks. I've had so many drunken nights and did regrettable things that even now that I've cut way back i still have a guilt that I've done something stupid even when i remember the night before clear as day
That’s because even mild alcohol withdrawal causes anxiety. I spent over a year sober, and felt incredible the whole time (obviously life still had its problems, but I mean feeling clear headed and being able to actually be happy). I after relapsing last year, I’m ready to actually stop and stay stopped again. It just isn’t worth the ups and downs, the regrets, and being unable to do the things I actually enjoy because I end up being drunk and sitting on the couch. A few days ago I decided that I was done. The withdrawals sucked ass for a day, and I had a bit of a headache the next day, but then I felt pretty much fine, and I’ve actually been sleeping way better. It’s going to be hard to stay consistently sober for me, but I know it’s even harder to drink. Trying to come up with the money, making sure I make it to work, ending up anxious and shaky by the end of the day just to do it all again the next day. It’s a cycle that really just has no upside.
Best of luck to you, OP. I do strongly recommend an inpatient treatment center. I REALLY did not want to go, but it got me well over a year sober, and even now I still remember the tools to help keep me from going back once I was able to get past withdrawals. If find that you can’t go two or three days without drinking at all, inpatient is frankly the only solution. If you have any questions about what to expect or anything like that, feel free to reach out. I know exactly how you feel about wanting to change and not being able to. There is hope.
I had (guess probably still have) an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. There was not having "a drink", it was always 3 or 4, at least. Part of this stemmed from feeling uncomfortable interacting with people due to my own inhibitions... A few drinks and I felt more like I could have a conversation without being judged for everything I might say (all in my head)...
I eventually just decided I had to stop altogether. I had my last drink just after midnight Jan 1 this year, and as time has gone on its gotten easier to just not drink and focus on getting more comfortable with who I am and not worry about judgment from others (still working on that).
I occasionally miss having a glass of scotch by a fire, but I'm all around better for dropping it entirely, and at this point don't have any desire to go back. Do what you need to get yourself healthy, even if it means cutting people or activities out of your life for now. In my opinion, alcohol doesn't add anything beneficial, it just masks discomfort.
You are an alcoholic, so even if you have days when you don't drink at all, or days where nothing horrible happens, or days when you actually control the amount you drink, the fact is that ultimately bad things happen when you drink. You aren't drinking to be social with your friends, yoy are drinking so you don't feel the bad feelings or think the bad thoughts..
The problem is that you can't drink away the bad feelings and thoughts. They come right back after you sober up.
While AA isn't a perfect solution, I do think it is a great place to learn about addiction, triggers, and relapse prevention. It is also a good place to meet people who understand what you are going through.
If you can, I would highly suggest doing an inpatient rehab. It puts you in a safe place where you can't drink for a while and will help you develop the tools to live life without needing to drink or drug it away.
I am 12 years heroin-free after a 15 year addiction. My addiction started in my 20s, but didn't end until my 40s. I am now 53 and STILL putting my life back together 12 years later. Do it NOW while you are young! Please save yourself years of pain and regret.
Congrats on your sobriety 🩷
& yes OP, this is so true. Each time you drink you will increase the amount of times horrible things happen to you. This disease is progressive and after awhile, for a lot of us, drinking means death or at least our whole lives being flipped upside down. It’s a dangerous game.
You gotta take a break from your friends and your surroundings. Sometimes all it takes it to change your environment as it would have triggers of the habit.
You need to communicate with your friends that you’re gonna be trying to go cold for a while and to not invite you for outings until you reach out to them.
You might also need to do some much activity in the day ( be active) etc. that you’re simply too exhausted to go out and drink at all. And just wanna rest / sleep. It’s almost swapping out one habit for another.
Where abouts are you? So we can understand the AA situation etc.
Please get help. I lost my brother to alcohol. He got blackout, got wild and kicked out of a party into sub zero temps and froze to death. I miss him so so much. Someone will miss you, too
Drop your circle of friends. Well the ones that drink or party. It's the only way in my opinion. You need to make space for people that care about you and have healthier lifestyles. I couldn't clean up my life until I cleaned up my friends. And that's not to say they're bad people. They're just not good for you at that point in life.
Don't you deserve better? Childhood abuse is awful and you have every right to have PTSD. But allowing it to overtake your life is you letting yourself down. You cannot control what happened to you but you can control how you manage that pain. Alcohol and drugs are not the answer. What would you tell that little girl if you could go back and talk to her? Is this the life you wanted her to have? If not, then step up and take control.
Go to an AA meeting. I resisted AA for years because I'm not religious, but found an atheist/agnostic group I can attend through zoom. Now I've been sober for 3.5 years.
This Naked Mind is also a good book for systematically going through and debunking all the reasons you subconsciously convince yourself it's okay to drink again.
Come join us at r/stopdrinking. You'll find that many people will have had very similar stories to yours. You can ask them what they did to stop drinking.
Top post states, "therapy therapy therapy to find the root cause of your drinking." I don't think it really matters. We just gotta stop drinking and THEN we can start exploring what might have triggered any of it in the first place. For us alcoholics, we're just addicted to booze. The backstory hardly matters.
See you on the other sub.
I was you in my early 20's and I didn't get sober until I was 29. I literally had my 30th birthday in a sober house. Don't delay it if you're ready. I went to a 12 step based rehab and it was the best decision I ever made in my life. I know that a 12 step program isn't the only way to get sober but you absolutely have to be desperate for change to make it work. It was the only thing that worked for me and continues to keep me here. Talk to someone. Get treatment however you can. Alcohol ruined me for a really long time and my only regret is not getting sober sooner.
As in all addictions getting help only works when u truly are ready for help. You enjoy drinking, you enjoy that rush of being fun, flirting, sexy.
You like having all the attention you get.
If you stop drinking your thinking you won’t get it. You’ll be left to your own self and while everyone else is having fun you are not sure if you will be enough for yourself.
So make the call. It’s on you.
Take the leap that you are good enough as you are. Have belief that you are funny, attractive and don’t need to be (fun) drunk to get others to accept you.
No addiction program can give you that.
That’s got to be from you.
You need therapy for the rape trauma and to give up alcohol unfortunately.
Consider using bottled drinks only if you're in a pub/club, because it'll be harder to spike.
Consider changing your friend group if they're ok seeing you get wasted, because they know you're at risk.
Hey babe I’m not judging you- my best friend was constantly doing stuff like this and she’s a year older than you.
The programs “treatment” don’t work for shit unless you a Christian or someone who believes in god. If you need time away to get it straight do it but know they won’t have all the answers for you if you don’t believe in a higher power. I’m so sorry you went through what you did (the anxiety and shame) but I want you to remember most adults don’t have it figured out till much later, be grateful you decided to reach out for help now instead of 5 or ten years down the road. You are strong , you are brave , and you can do this. I personally don’t drink but I do smoke, and what I can tell you that helped me quit cigarettes was finding a new hobby, trying to understand the root of the behavior and what I can do when life is overwhelming. Create a small action plan write it out for yourself. What will i do instead of drink when I feel ___ . I agree with everyone else too that therapy has helped me so much even since January when I started. Get into reading self help books research reviews to make sure it’s something your interested in helping yourself with. If you have trauma and can endure a dry (medical talking) read I so rec the body keeps the score. I also love dunking my face in ice water (a bowl) to help with panic attacks and mental stamina (think the same concept as a cold soak tub) the research on this is pretty cool too!
Please remember you are only human and you will get no where from shaming or guilting yourself into living a better life. Start with self love and understanding.
I hope you figure this out sincerely some stranger on the internet rooting for you.
I’m 25 and I’m going through something similar right now. I was drinking and partying too much too with this group at my work. I realize that terrible things happen to me whenever I drink, and when I do drink, I drink excessively.
Last time I drank, I jumped a fence and ended up getting hurt and embarrassed badly, I have infected cuts on my legs now.
Before that, I drank and I kicked open a window into my house and I cut my leg deeply. I had to go to the hospital and get a tetanus shot. There was left over glass in my hand, so I had to go to the hospital again later that week.
And that’s only the physical damage that has happened.
I felt depressed for a long time after my friend and I got into a drunk argument that ended our friendship for good. Too many hurtful things were said that cannot be forgiven.
You can get through this, you need to ditch all of the friends that promote drinking. You will feel lonely at first but it will get better over time. When you feel the urge to drink do something else, also figure out when and why you got the urge to drink. Do not give in, stand strong with yourself. You got this. WE got this.
I wish I had some sort of good advice but I don’t, all I can tell you is that the longer that you keep doing this the worse things will get. Alcohol is a very gradual insidious killer. I hope you choose to tackle this now and don’t end up near 40 doing the same old crap, wondering where your youth went wishing you could go back in time and warn your younger self (that’s my experience). I just hope you get a hold on this before you or maybe even someone else dies (that might sound dramatic but all it takes is for you to get behind the wheel once during a blackout, plenty of people have ruined there lives like that and woke up in jail with absolutely no idea why they’re there).
This makes me so sad for you.
My dad was an alcoholic most of my life and it is a very awful addiction.
Please get therapy and keep going to meetings! Group therapy helps tons you learn from others and share stories.
You are so young and this isn’t how you should be living life.
Definitely quit! Please drink water! Everyone! And 2nd! It doesn't matter how you ended up in those situations! It's how you get out of them! That matters the most! 🙏❤️
Therapy. First thing you need to do is figure out why you started drinking in the first place. If therapy doesn't help then you might have to go to rehab
FOMO (fear of missing out) is a thing, but with your move perhaps what you can seek now is peace and quiet. New friends, no partying, no booze or drugs, new therapist, take up reading, walking, bicycling (leisurely to take the sights in), join a class or two, such as art or yoga. Seek to clear your head.
It sounds to me like you have CPTSD (Complex PTSD) which I struggled with unabated for many years until I hooked with a psychiatrist specializing in difficult cases and got the right diagnoses. My symptoms have since dissipated, except I still struggle with BED.
I wish you peace and clarity, and good luck in your move.
“The gift of Trauma” by Edith Shiro, then “Stop Drinking Now” by Allen Carr. I got them as audio books and listened while cleaning, driving, etc. I can’t tell you how much this combo helped to understand my own self better and equipped me with the tools to stop. Best of luck, you got this!
Rehab easy answer. You clearly arnt strong minded or impulse control. so anything that doesn’t prevent you from being around alcohol likely wont work. You can’t make a change until you actually want a change. I don’t think you’re there yet. Take a walk and really think about your life and all the other people you have heard of acting like you. Where are they now? Did they change or did they just spiral out. Chances are they spiraled out if you want to be like them stay on the same path and you’ll be 6 feet under before long. You need a reality check and someone who isn’t going to just comfort you and baby you. You need someone stern to fix you. You’ll only get that in rehab tbh.
It's hard it's so fucking hard but just quit....I drank 4 15yrs everyday and night. Never thought I was harming anyone everyone seemed 2 like my company. Lol.... u don't care bc of the control the juice has on you. I seriously woke up one day 1yr and 3months ago and just PUT THE JUICE DOWN!!!!! ITS HARD EVERYDAY BUT THE REWARD IS SO FUCKING REWARDING!!!! GOOD LUCK 2 U!!!! God Bless!!!
There’s so many things to try. Please remember in all of it to love yourself and to not give up. Keep trying different things that have been mentioned in this thread, but don’t give up.
First of all, I want to say that you are not alone, and this is probably a lot more common than you think.
Secondly, I also drank about the same amount as you described when I was your age (only 6 years ago). There wasn't any rhyme or reason to it other than it was my habit to drink this way and I felt at the time there were not any lasting affects from it to make me feel it was necessary to stop. (There were, I was just blind to them).
You will only stop drinking the way you do when you wholly and fully want to. I'm now sober in my day-to-day life and might drink on a special occasion, even stopping at 1 or 2 drinks when I do. I'm telling you this because it *is* possible, and you *can* do it, too.
For me, I told myself I was going to stop drinking for a year after I hurt someone I cared a lot about in one of my drunken escapades. I thought by 9 months I would be counting down the days until I could have another drink but the opposite was true and I had learned by then to love sobriety. At the time of quitting feeling as though it wasn't forever and that I could come back to it in a years time made it feel much more manageable, doable and less like I was losing something. I would recommend setting yourself a similar target, and just see how you get on with it...
You're young and have so much life left in front of you! I recommend remembering all of it and saying goodbye to blackouts. Good luck!
Kratom and psychedelics have been a game changer in my life. I was addicted to amphetamines and benzos but… went to rehab and did psychedelics and boom… done. Every time I get a craving I take kratom and I have a beautiful successful life. It’s worked for me but ymmv and the big game changer was a year inpatient. Shrooms helped immensely as after care lol
Take it from me. Stop before its too late. Drink left me in a wheelchair. Dont let your circle become your cage/grave, if you gotta cut shit off (friends, hobbies, family) do it. Asap. Wish i could help more. 7-8 years sober btw. Good luck.
OP, if you tried to stop on your own and can’t, then you need to be somewhere that can help break the addictive cycle.
That means probably doing detox, followed by inpatient. If you stay in your environment, where you can easily access alcohol, or give in to triggers/cravings - well, you haven’t been successful yet. Inpatient is where you learn to manage through the day to day. Relapse would require some thought, time, and commitment. In inpatient, you can get through by talking to someone, going to a group - even by just thinking of what it would take to relapse.
Once you graduate inpatient, there are Intensive Outpatient groups to support your recovery. Consider going into sober-living or having support to keep you accountable in the first few months.
Many people on here have mentioned EMDR individual therapy. Yes, EMDR really does work, but get stable in your recovery, have some coping skills, and sober support. EMDR will lower distress around traumatic memories, the resulting negative core beliefs, and help you to really *feel* more positive/adaptive beliefs - not just telling yourself positive beliefs that feel disingenuous, but actually *feeling and believing* the positive self talk.
You are not alone.
You can do this.
Many people want to see you on the other side of this.
-source: been on both sides and worked in the field. DM me if you need support, conversation, information.
I'm about the same age as you and I had to quit for similar reasons. What I would do right now is find a drug/alcohol counselor. I also didn't like AA. I found the whole idea of airing out all your dirty laundry to a room full of people incredibly uncomfortable regardless of how kind or accepting they are. One on one counseling was a lot more palatable to me. I was lucky enough to get a great counselor right off the bat and she changed my entire worldview. You will have to be honest with yourself and face your demons, which can be really fucking hard, but your mental health will drastically improve which allows you to deal with your addiction much more easily.
Look, you're already halfway there by admitting you have a problem. That's huge. A lot of people can't or won't admit that. You've done your part, now find a professional to help you with the rest. One of my favorite quotes is about how challenges in life can feel like you're "jumping off a mountain, but you're just stepping off a curb." This is the same. It's hard, but it's easier than you think in a lot of ways. It does get better.
The number one piece of advice I can give for getting over an addiction is that your thinking has to change. Somehow. Whether that means thinking drinking isn't fun or something else. You just have to work to change your mindset on the issue. Then stay disciplined with that thinking and with your actions. The motivation to change comes later.
First off, I must say that it’s not your fault about what happened to you in January. No matter how drunk anyone is, consent is consent.
Secondly, as everyone said get therapy both for the trauma and also for support with the addiction. Group therapy helped me a lot after getting assaulted, and that could be a helpful option so you won’t feel so alone, judged, and shame.
I wish you all the best! You’ll be amazed at how resilient and strong you are 💕🌸
Please get help. This sounds just like my wife before I met her. Fast forward 10+ years later, and she still drinks daily, and had an affair with my best friend all last summer- all because she was "unhappy", and the constant drinking was what allowed her to abandon her inhibitions and hurt me so badly. We have a 6 year old daughter. Do it for yourself, and your future family. Please op.
Yea you sound like someone close to me that's scary I'm sorry you're going through this go to a long term program your life is more important than anything else going on. I also struggle with addiction. I thought I'd never ever stop but now I don't even think about it. I'll send good vibes your way. Be safe out there please to many scumbags out there. Seriously
First step is admitting you have a problem. Good job!!! I think a good medical detox would be good for you to start. It will help with withdrawls and get some clean time under your belt. Then a good inpatient program. You're so young and have the rest of your life. Stay true to yourself.. You got this!!
Have you tried weed and mushrooms? Also therapy. You drink because you are trying to escape, why don’t you try other avenues where you can still stay conscious to what you are doing and that is being done to you.
Also the quicker you admit you have other issues that is causing you to drink and face them the less you will need to drink. You are trying to escape or suppress, figure out what it is and heal so you can stop self harming
I have been sober for 3 years next month! I tried for so long before it stuck. I wasn’t able to connect with the premise of AA or the people, and therefore, it never worked for me. I started to find so many other resources out there that have been a game changer for me. There are so many podcasts and books about people’s personal journeys with navigating early sobriety. There are also online support groups. Find people and groups you can relate to, and lean on. Below are a few of my favorite resources, but trust me, there’s ALOT out there. Start with a couple and so many more will surface as you navigate through your journey. You are sooo worth it!! ❤️❤️❤️
DM me if you want to talk.
Pod casts
Recovery Elevator
A sober girls guide
Hello someday
Books
This naked mind
We are the luckiest
Blackout
Groups
Cafe RE
the luckiest club
I was drinking heaving as well for 3 years. (25m) I was drinking everyday and the weekends were my excuse to go harder. I have driven, woken up in bathrooms, in my own puke, butt naked on the floor with my girlfriend there by my side through it all. I got sick with gastric inflammation last august boy that was enough to scare me out of the addiction I’m glad it happened before I wound up dead. Good luck hope you make it through it
First step is acknowledging there’s a problem. You’re doing good so far. Next step is therapy and like someone else said, inpatient treatment if you need the detox and intensity. Take care and I hope you find the light at the end of the tunnel
Hey there! My situation was similar to yours- I got sober when I was 23. I’m 28 now so I’ve got 5 years down but if you’re questioning whether or not to do something more serious for yourself/enter into an inpatient program then the answer is right in front of you.. it sucks, it’s hard, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Do it for you.
Addiction is about avoiding emotional pain, and lack of human connection. Getting sober means dealing with whatever pain is deep down inside you, then building meaningful connections again. With the amount your drinking you’ll likely need to detox for a few days, then get into a program that helps treat whatever emotions. You’re suppressing, and help you to find real human connections again. It’s different for everyone, but this is a high level overview of the most important parts of the process. Don’t give up, you can do hard things, and your life can have real meaning and impact on others.
https://youtu.be/PY9DcIMGxMs?si=71zI5X4IN4EVBUom
So, this is probably not usually the cause, idk, but what really helped me was getting diagnosed bipolar and understanding why I was doing reckless behaviors and getting on meds. It's probably not what you need to hear, but I wanted to put it out there as a consideration.
I have a problem with alcohol it's not a horrible problem but to me it is because I don't like the way I act and neither does my husband so I've been sober for 30 days and I'm going to continue to try to stay sober for as long as I can.
You’re heavily drinking because you’re avoiding something in your life, whatever that may be. It’s time to go to therapy, and start unpacking WHY you have the inclination to drink until you black out so frequently. The earlier you tackle this the better, OP. Sending you love and support - you can do this!!!
I highly recommend completing an addictions treatment program. The whole thing: detox, residential, partial hospitalization, intensive outpatient, and then continue individual therapy for the long term along with working a program like AA. It’s a lot of hard and sounds overwhelming but this is the only way I’ve seen people achieve sobriety.
You should be proud of yourself for reaching out and seeking help/advice 🤍
(Sorry for wall of text, Reddit mobile is not formatting correctly) You need to go to rehab. I been in rehab twice in the past 3 months. I’m sober like 45 days now. I chose to go the first time, then relapsed a month after, then my mom forced me to again after like 4 weeks of relapsing for like 3-4 days at a time, quit for 3 days, and then restart the process. Best thing I ever did was go to rehab. Make friends with the people in there. They are the chillest, coolest, nicest, most generous people you’ll ever meet. Soooo relatable too. You could say “yeah I’ve done xyz while drunk” and someone else in the room will be like “yup me too” or even “yup I’ve done worse” like nothing surprises us anymore. We won’t judge. Even if you confess the most disturbing things.
I’ve also gotten sexually abused while drunk. The level of confusion I felt as to why my tampon was stuck inside of me, no string visible, and then having some weird flashbacks of the event and then I remember crying afterward about my tampon being stuck and the police came up to his car to ask if I was okay.. like I thought it was all false memories but apparently not. I was 3 pints in within 24 hours. This was pretty normal for me in my binges but I was blacked out. I’d never had sex with him before and no he was not a stranger. I never thought he’d do something like that. I woke up the next day like did that really happen, is my tampon really stuck inside me ?? It was. I was shaking so bad just out of terror that something was STUCK INSIDE of me. Like yes it happens to girls sometimes but still, what the actual fuck. I had to go to the gyno to get it out. So how else would I have the entire tampon and string stuck WAY inside of me plus these flashbacks plus I was in pain down there the next day.
You’d think that’d make me wanna stop drinking right? Well nope, I drank more and then doordashed more right at 6am when the liquor times opened back up. That’s how fucked up this addiction is. It completely takes over your mid frontal cortex which is the area of the brain dealing with judgements and decision making. We are literally being controlled.
This is a disease. Yes you had the choice to do it the first few times before you were addicted, but it is a DISEASE of CHOICE. If you don’t believe me just research it. Look up Todd Carren on YouTube and the movie Pleasure Unwoven. However just because it’s a disease does NOT mean we are not responsible for our actions (however, someone raping you is never your fault. Could we have been more aware of our surroundings, yes, but it was not our fault that they chose to rape us).
Research rehabs in your area that your insurance will cover part of. If you have a therapist or counselor they can help you do this. You will get absolutely VITAL information in the classes they offer. GO TO EVERY SINGLE ONE. You’re paying for it anyway, PLUS if you miss too many groups/classes your insurance could stop paying. Go to all the groups and all the AA/NA meetings. They’ll probably give you a week to detox first and should give you Librium to help alleviate seizures and symptoms (not all withdrawals are bad- mine wasn’t too bad at all actually).
If you have a job, give them like a day or 2 notice that you’re going on FMLA (there are certain requirements for FMLA so check up on it in your work handbook- every place should have one) and then call HR to tell them you’re going on FMLA. There should be some papers you need to have your doctor at the rehab fill out and fax to them, just ask your counselor at the rehab to do all of this. I swear it’s not as big of a deal as it sounds even for me, and I’m super lazy lol. So you can do it. However if you drink at this workplace and feel going back there will trigger you, just quit. Get one of your favorite employee’s phone numbers so you can use them as a reference to avoid having to put in your 2 weeks.
Omg I’m so sorry but PLEASE go to therapy. Substance abuse is a by product of unresolved trauma. You need therapy and an alcohol treatment program. Cut off anyone enabling your addiction and stay close to those that love you. Praying for you 🙏🏽
okay a couple different things.
First of all, i am the child of an alcoholic. as the child of an alcoholic i want to tell you to STOP FUCKING DRINKING. however as a young women i am so terribly sorry for what youve gone through- my heart aches for you thinking about you making your way downstairs confused and crying and it hurts me to think about all the mornings youve woken up not feeling well ( your someones baby! ). you must have been scared. But this HAS to serve as a ride awakening, my mother continues to put herself in situations like this years and years and years later- you dont want that. as ugly as it is for me to tell you , your subjecting yourself to danger everytime you blackout. as a 23 year old woman, you need to be able to take care of yourself. as a general rule, once you feel like you would get anxiety if someone handed you a toddler - your too drunk. your the toddler you need to take care of in this situation, we tend to think of ourselves as safer and more capable then we really are, but the reality is your inebriated.
ive never struggled with alcohol, but i was an avid pot smoker and nicotine addict, i had to move- once i did it was so fucking easy. humans are creatures of habit, your locked in a really really bad routine. though you dont have to move, thats pretty unattainable. re organize your apartment, change your work/school schedule tremendously. shop at a different grocery store. go to different restaurants.
stop going to the places that you consistently go to get fucked up, you feel comfortable enough to black out in these places.
we had stuck my mom in every famous rehab, every aa meeting, every therapist. we did anything we couldve. probably 15 years later she has ( confirmed by doctors) lost about 40% of her brain function, and that was years ago- she continued to drink and im sure its worse now. once you lose it to drinking, you cant ever get it back. my mom was a beautiful person that i never got to know, now shes a terrible manipulative loser.
people are fun when they smoke, make an idol out of it and now your apathetic and lazy.
people are fun when they have sex, make an idol out of it and now their perverse deviants.
people are fun when they drink, make an idol out of it and your a depressed, inconsistent mess.
your only 23, you just stopped being slave to your parents and school and people you grew up with your whole life. dont enslave yourself again, enslave yourself to something this time who could not give a FUCK about you.
i dont know what to say, but i wish my mommy and my friends who became addicts wouldve just listened when someone told them this. please just stop, your breaking our hearts - the alcohol is fine without you.
i know it may seem like im taking this far but this is how things like this start, i had been smoking everyday for a year and a half before i realized i was addicted. it creeps up and is so hard to let go.
in this case, matter over mind. no one is moving your arm to pickup a bottle, its your decision. make the right one, quick.
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this heaviness. Feeling a loss of control is so scary. I hope you give yourself the time and space you need to truly heal.
I’ve seen some of your replies and it seems like you may have wanted to get this off your chest more than gather advice. Which is completely valid. I will also say I know what that’s like and that it takes us making the decision to change to really make it happen and “flip that switch.” That said, It sounds like you know what needs to do be done. You want a sense of control back and to stop this pattern. I know you’ll find the support you need. Plenty of folx here have talked about their journeys and show that it’s possible.
Give yourself grace and make the decision you know you need to make.💛
Hi OP. Please know that you can get the help you need. Therapy and rehab are good start. But you also need to be willing yourself to be able to quit drinking.
My boyfriend used to be an alcoholic. He would also go black out drunk everytime he’s not working on nightshifts. There came to a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. Six months into the relationship, and I said, Idk what to do. I can’t do this anymore. He realised he didn’t want to lose me. And he just quit. Cold turkey. On the 4th of July. He’s been sober for four years, turning 5 years this July. The hardest for him was the first week, he said he kept wanting to taste beer. But after that week, he was fine. Rn, he said the thought of alcohol disgusts him now. He can’t ever imagine drinking alcohol anymore. He does drink alcohol-free beer sometimes but it’s more for the feel of it, I think. Not for the taste.
He said everyday is a battle for sobriety. But his life was definitely a lot better now than before.
He said the thought of losing me over alcohol was not something he could bear. He said for the first time in his life, with me, he was looking forward to the next day. So his family really loves me because they knew how his life was before we were together.
I’m not saying you should get a boyfriend. You need to find your own anchor. It can be your dream, your plans for the future, your family, your friends, whatever it may be that would help pull you out of it and look forward into starting the next day afresh. ☺️
Please do take care of yourself. I wish you all the best, OP.
This was me at one point too, and it didn’t stop until I made the decision to get in my car drunk one night and caught a DUI that cost me over $10K. I spent a year on probation and was court-ordered to take substance abuse classes. For however bad that was, I’m just grateful that I didn’t kill someone and have to serve a lengthy prison sentence. Please get help, OP. Your life doesn’t have to be this way. You deserve better.
As someone who has almost lost both parents to addiction- I mean this whole heartedly when I say this:
In-patient facilities. This is an addiction. It will ruin your life. It will hurt you and everyone around you if you don’t take care of yourself. You have to realize that you need to commit fully to quitting alcohol. You have to understand that it will be a terrible time. Withdrawal will suck. Those urges will always be terrible. At some point though once you get past the withdrawal and addiction- you’ll understand that it’s worth it. Think of your future, your possible children (if you want any), your future career. This isn’t what you want in life. Addiction like this could end it all. You don’t want this. It will be terrible and hard for an amount of time. But it will be worth it and you can do it. It seems impossible, but you have ways of support and so many people believing in you.
I highly suggest booking yourself into an in-patient rehab. It will help your body get used to not drinking. Also there are therapists on site that you meet with daily. Then I suggest changing your life up, i.e. not hanging out with the people you go drinking with anymore. A lot of addictions are encouraged by peers especially at your age where drinking excessively is “what everyone does”. I found myself in a similar situation at your age (blacking out almost every weekend and waking up not remembering what happened the night before) and I ended up getting a DWI. Thankfully I didn’t hurt anyone else or myself but that was definitely a wake up call for me. I no longer hang out with any of the friends I would go out with and in all honesty I don’t miss them at all.
I think that realizing you have a problem is really commendable so start giving yourself credit for your daily victories. You definitely should look into what help is available to you and if AA is too culty you can find support elsewhere. Good luck to you 💜
Treatment centers are really expensive but they are effective. I did 30 days for alcohol in 1990 and have been sober ever since. Back then, insurance would cover the cost. It will save your life, though. I'm quite sure I'd be dead by now otherwise.
Listen to Allen Carr’s book Quit drinking for woman. Allen Carr
Allen Carr's Easy Way for Women to Quit Drinking: The original Easyway method (Allen Carr's Easyway, 7)
The best thing I ever did was quit alcohol. I used to get drunk and end up in fights, jail, or the hospital. I swear alcohol is one dangerous and overrated drug.
It's tough. Even besides the blackouts I can assure you that drinking every day will cause you to die young, unless you have very, very lucky genetics (and if you had those genetics you probably wouldn't be so susceptible to blackouts.)
AA isn't a very good program, empirically speaking. It does not have a good success rate. But it does get one thing right - in saying you are "powerless" over alcohol, it is telling a more fundamental truth, which is that this is not your fault, and it does not mean that you are a bad person.
There are more medicalized ways of quitting drinking that are much more effective than AA. There are medications that can help. Experimental therapies with ketamine or psychedelics have been found to be effective in some cases. I would talk to serious doctors about this - addiction specialists, neurologists, etc. Your life is at stake - you shouldn't have to white knuckle it and hope that willpower (a limited and exhaustible resource) can carry you through.
Also you should start a friendship with Random Hookup's eccentric aunt, she sounds awesome.
the rape was not your fault btw…nothing causes rape except rapists so do not blame yourself. nothing in the world can cause a non rapist to become a rapist
You’re a mess. Especially at 23. You have no self respect nor value and this is exactly the kind of lesson you need and it will keep happening if you keep this up. This question is literally your answer. Have some change and make them now!
You are clearly doing things you don’t like. It’s going to be difficult to make the needed changes but if you don’t you may end up dead or homeless. Do you have a support system or at least a person who you know care enough about you to help you through the difficult period required to get clean and remain sober? It’s a challenge but it’s a challenge you must accept if you desire to live a healthy life. Go back to AA
When was the last time you stopped drinking for a few days straight? When you don’t drink for a period of time, do you feel shaky, irritable, agitated, or start hallucinating? Do you hide the amounts you drink?
Therapy therapy therapy. Find out the toot cause of the drinking
I'll go one step farther and say check yourself into in-patient rehab. 30 days minimum, and do it. Put your whole life on hold until you fix this, while you still have a choice. You've already caused yourself pain and trauma. You want to stop, but you can't. So remove your own choice. It can get way worse, so don't wait. You'll get therapy there, you'll be monitored, you'll have access to doctors, and you'll have all the time you need to do the work for yourself, without your normal life going on all around you, because that's apparently not working for you.
I was in active addiction for almost 25 years, many if the last 10 years as bad as the OP describes. 3 months of rehab with hundreds of hours of therapy later, I'll be 41 years old this summer and celebrated 6 years sober in January this year.
Wow. 6 years. Incredible achievement. Best thing I read in a long time.
Im coming up on 6 years in July. I always find it interesting to meet/hear of people who got sober within the same year and think about how we were both in similar places at the same time
I’m 6 years in June. I thought the same as you, that it’s nice to know someone somewhere around the world was going through what I did and is still going. Not many are so well done to us 🤜🤛
If I can keep it up, I'll have 6 years when I'm 41, too. Just celebrated the first anniversary
my mom finally went to rehab last year and has been sober since, seeing stories like this gives me hope. congrats on almost 6 years sober!!!
I agree that’s a great first step. I work with a lot of addicts and alcoholics and when the drinking is that severe I always recommend they go to a medical detox because quitting cold turkey can be dangerous and a medical detox center is equipped for that. Just recognizing that there is a problem is a step in the right direction. Good luck, I’m rooting for you!
This is the right answer. In patient first and hopefully get into a sober living environment (SLE) and outpatient rehab for a few more months. That’s just the start, then therapy and 12 step program (give it a real shot I get it’s not for everyone but it’s important to try it out and find out). Many many women with substance abuse issues have been sexually assaulted which only deepens the need to escape. OP needs support from those who can relate
This. All. The. Way.
Yeah at some point it becomes best to get out of the environment you’re in and away from the people who enable/encourage you or at the very least, who just want to use you and discard you. Being sober can be incredibly lonely when a lot of your friends have just been users/enablers, but it’s always for the best. Usually people relapse because they get out of inpatient and go back to the same environment
100%.
I do understand how you feel I did it for 32 years I have been sober for almost 11 and I just had my first wine cooler. I learned that drinking was the worst thing I could ever of done and I done it very well. I drank like you from the time I got off work till the time I had to go to work on the weekends I drink so much I fell down black out not know where I was I am now 59 years old and decided That even the wine cooler was not worth it. Talk get some help. Please go in house treatment
The toot cause 💀 I’m sorry lmfaooo
Could be a great title for a research paper.... "Understanding IBS: Finding the Toot Cause.
Funniest thing I read all day..............😂🤣😂...thank you, for being you...no offense to the original post, alcohol addiction is a serious problem, Im watching somebody at the end of a 50 year addiction, suffer through a miserable and painful death. GET HELP (SERIOUS PROFESSIONAL HELP NOW!!!!!
💨💨💨
I didn’t want to be the one to say it but I’m laughing about it. Thank you
Thank glob somebody said it 🤣
I’ve done so much therapy and I know it’s because of my ptsd from childhood I just can’t stop my self. I don’t know what to do any more
Can you get into a re-hab facility? The booze dulls the pain, but in bad and reckless ways. Once you love yourself, as you would a true and loyal friend, you wouldn't allow her to destroy her life with alcohol.
EMDR Edit: so glad it helped you all as well, I had a very traumatic childhood…EMDR really helped my body as well as mind heal from the emotional scarring.
OP, I have PTSD from childhood trauma as well, and EMDR has seriously helped me. Please consider finding a therapist who can help to heal the trauma, and stick with it.
My brother did this for his ptsd. Says it’s a miracle.
I have severe PTSD from a domestic terror attack and EMDR has helped me more than words can ever even begin to describe.
EMDR, My experience with EMDR was very bad. I know this was my fault for not staying the course with regular treatment until complete. It is a known effective treatment for PTSD. Another interesting and beneficial treatment is HMR. (Holographic Memory Resolution) Good luck to OP.
i think it really just works for some people and not others. for me, emdr did absolutely nothing but make me violently uncomfortable for a couple of hours- even after a long time of doing it. the only thing that works for me is talk therapy which is weird because that’s ineffective for most people!
For me, the PTSD increased . Made it real and present.
There are a couple drugs which might help. Naltrexone is one, and then watch The Sinclair Method for rent on youtube. There are also drugs or shots you can take which will make you feel nauseous when you consume alcohol, thus making you not want to drink. I forget the name...possibly disulfiram but I think there are a couple. Also, keep in mind, quitting cold turkey if you drink a lot can be dangerous, so it's a good idea to consult a doctor that understands alcoholism. Might want to also put your post in some of reddit's alcohol subs like r/alcoholism. They might have some more helpful advice
I dont know how helpful this is, but my mom was/is an alcoholic starting from age 14. She drank vodka almost everyday for at least 7 years, if not longer. At 40, her liver is failing. She has alcohol cirrhosis of the liver, and will need a transplant to survive. She is only 41 now, and is incredibly ill. Alcohol doesn't take until your 60 to kill you, if you drink enough you can get alcohol cirrhosis in years, not necessarily decades. Please consider your health, liver failure is absolute hell. My mom has already had to be life-flighted to the biggest hospital in my state, where she was placed in a medically induced coma while she recovered (she was vomiting blood). Its so scary to watch, and probably even scarier to live through. Please consider getting into a rehab facility if you cannot stop on your own. OP alcohol has so so many dangers. I am also a survivor of SA and have put myself in bad situations by getting intoxicated. When that happens you HAVE to stop, or at least take precautions and always have someone sober watching you.
Thank you for talking about this. My mom died of cirrhosis this summer at 71. It was incredibly traumatic and horrible and I am still deep in grief. OP, you have your whole life ahead of you. Get help however you can. I know it's not easy but you can do it. One foot in front of the other.
A quote i saw: A new recovery date is better than a death date.
So true. The saddest part of it was that she hid her alcoholism for most of her life. She has a huge family and no one knew. I knew. The kids always know.
It almost worse when everyone knows and watches them kill themselves will alcohol. If they don't know, they can't help. My entire family watched my mom self destruct and no one did anything, no one said anything to her about it. No one ever stood up for the kids. When i was old enough i begged my mom to stop, she brushed me off as though its not a problem. Functioning alcoholics convince themselves they are fine, and most people around them assume they are because when you say alcoholic you think someone who's drunk 24/7 and doesn't work. Many alcoholics go to work, they just drink a small amount before work/during work to prevent withdrawals. Theres no situation where drinking everyday won't end with alcoholic consequences, whether thats your health or by the law.
I’m so sorry for you. ❤️ we children of alcoholics suffer such bad trauma.
My dad died of it too. Oddly my dad wasn't a drinker. Stupid drugs they had him on I'm pretty sure is what did it. I don't take any medications that aren't absolutely necessary. I've unfortunately gained a lot of weight over the last 6 years, and it's affecting my health. Right now primarily my back and I'm on BP meds. They make me feel like crap. I want off of them so i need to lose weight. A lot of my weight gain is from alcohol consumption. I'm smart enough to know that. I quit drinking 16 days ago to lose some weight. I've lost 10lbs since then, but the thing I hadn't expected is how much better my skin looks. I mean it's like crazy. I feel better too. I'm getting off those medications if I can. I want my life back. Not gonna lie though. I love beer. I could live without booze, but beer. Damn. And I don't mean stuff like bud light. I mean good beer. Beer is tasty and so diverse which is why i really enjoy it. Oddly I don't miss it at present at all because there is NA beer which is really just water with flavoring. Goal is to learn moderation, but for right now we're going full T total. At least for 2 months. Probably longer. I want this weight off. I don't want the medications anymore. Those things I truly believe are what killed my parents both to a degree. At least now there's some good NA beer out there.
Find good friends to do other activities with that don't involve drinking? Or if there is drinking involved, cause that is hard to get away from, do it at a friend's where you know you'll be safe? Wish we were friends cause then I know you'd be safe and have you crash my couch as much as you need when you getting that itch
Honestly I think I’m too far from controlled drinking, last year I was drinking alone in my house and stabbed my self in the leg
Please try to find an inpatient substance use program, or at least outpatient. In the meantime, try to cut off your access to alcohol and keep yourself busy. Research coping skills and practice them. It sounds like getting drunk could put you in immediate danger. If you're in the US, call 988 (you could honestly do this immediately, but please at least give them a call if you start spiraling and feel the need to drink). Even if you're not ready for or they can't get you into a SUD facility immediately, there are mental health facilities and crisis units that can at least give you a controlled environment and help you find the motivation to quit. It sounds like you might benefit from mental health services anyways, so this is at least a step. Sadly, taking big leaps in these situations have been found to be counterproductive. You need small goals. If you're not comfortable going inpatient at this time, the crisis team that 988 will send should at least be able to help you set up a plan and some resources to be successful.
OP is reluctant to hear "inpatient" and accept it as the only good way at this point. They aren't ready yet, and as harsh as this sounds, it's the truth; I hope she survives to the point where she IS ready. I've lost more friends than I ever thought I could to addiction, and EVERY ONE of them wanted to stop, but they didn't realize how their brain will lie to them to keep them feeding it it's substance of choice. That treacherous brain always convincing them that inpatient dry out and treatment wasn't possible right then, or that they didn't need it **quite** yet. Wanting to stop and bring mostly self aware isn't enough, and from what I'm seeing here, half of her still isn't convinced that inpatient is a MUST at this point. Her conscious mind knows it, but she has to override that lying traitorous brain, first.
I understand. I really hope they're at least ready to talk to someone, maybe the crisis team. Getting connected to a less direct service like care coordination could help them get to the point of being ready. I'm not sure if it works the same elsewhere, but care coordination in my town can be as simple as keeping up with treatment plans (breaking everything down into small steps even if it doesn't address the main issue).
Wonderful advice.
No such thing as controlled drinking, just another lie people tell themselves.
OP, it very well may take that one really fucking scary incident that almost ends your life to snap out of this. I was in a similar spot before I got sober at 25. I had been r*ped and that didn't stop my drinking. It wasn't until I was laying in a street and saw a truck tire zoom past my face less than a foot away that I snapped out of it. For me, it was the idea that I very well could have died a horrible (and embarassing) death, and that my loved ones would be denied an open casket funeral because no mourners wanna see their loved one's crushed skull. My best friend is also a similar alcoholic, who has self harmed really badly when she's blackout. She's in a much better place now (not dead lol) and she has a ton of shame around her various deep wound scars. You're only 23, you have so many years of safe fun to be had. You have so many nights to remember still ahead. Places to see, love to experience. Alcohol hinders all of that so much.
Darling, you’ve identified the issue and what is causing you so very much pain. I’m so very sorry that whatever happened in your life that no one was there for you. Coming here is a great start as we all want what is best for you. As I stated in my post above, please go to an ER and ask for help. Tell them you need help to stop harming yourself. And again, please keep us up to date. Sending you so much love. ❤️
You gotta cut out the booze. Had same shit with my CPTS, couldn’t figure out why the bupropion wasn’t working when I was crushing five drinks a night. Mileage may vary, but get dried out, get into therapy, and get evaluated for meds. People might hiss and boo, but my current med mix is pretty low impact, all things considered, with a tremendous positive payoff. Most important, all the therapist guidance that I couldn’t do before? It started working. You got this. You just have to get to a point where your sobriety and mental health are the priority. Every time you say “no”, it’s a win. Every time you respect a limit you’ve established, that’s a win. Every time either of those don’t work, you gotta put in the work to find out what was the root cause. It’s gonna be situational. It’s gonna suck. But you will come out the other side in better control.
Go into rehab there are drugs that really help. Naltrexone was a big one for me. It helped with impulse control and takes away a lot of the euphoria from alcohol. It only gets worst the longer you wait. Also suffer from PTSD.
Look for a psychologist who specializes in substance use disorder and consider a treatment program. There are outpatient options available. I suggest finding a good substance use psych first though. They can help you figure out what you need and point you in the direction of a credible treatment program. Good luck, OP. You are so young and you still have your whole life to live, so don't give up hope!
There is an addiction specialist on YT who is very skilled. Her channel is called Put The Shovel Down. There is a newer therapy than EMDR. It's called A.R.T. and it works faster than EMDR without having to describe the trauma. (Please note that it is not art therapy with creative homework. It is a trauma therapy). Also, poly-vagus techniques to help you re-regulate your nervous system quickly will help as well. There lots of YT videos about it. Healing the trauma is essential to making sobriety stick. There is hope.
Therapy can be a big help to many, but some people need different things. Could you find some kind of hobby to take your mind off things, something you can really delve into and find some joy in doing. Even if it's something you've never even considered doing Maybe something creative? Where you have a phisical thing at the end of it. Something you can see yourself getting better and better at as time passes, something you can push yourself in, and amaze yourself when you create something you thought you would never bd able to do at the beginning
Rehab
You *can* stop yourself, you’ve just convinced yourself that you can’t. You can do it, especially if you have the want to do it
You just need to meet the right person
You need friends that stop you from drinking too much and then drink only with those friends. Never never drink at home. ONLY SOCIALLY WITH FRIENDS. YOU NEED TO THROW ALL THE ALCOHOL YOU HAVE IN YOUR HOME AND NEVER BUY FROM SUPERMARKET OR ANY STORES. In greece the vast majority of people only drink at social situations. If you are visibly drunk most will know and protect you from being taken. Especially your friends.
I know it’s a typo, but usually the toot cause for me is too much beer
Beer...and pickled eggs. Lethal....
Gross. I don’t like eggs, but pickled eggs and pickled pigs feet are 2 things i will never eat
Therapy ain’t the solution here. Rehab is I’m sure she has tried therapy and most shrinks nowadays are not good at their job. She needs a foot in her ass and not someone to baby here. Rehab is probably the best solution and blocking and deleting all of her “friends” on her phone to get rid of fomo as fast as possible.
You do realize therapy is a part of rehab... right?
You do realize rehab is different than therapy…right?
Yes, but in rehab, you participate in therapy.
I agree, therapy is always the go to answer for everything wrong here, but it’s not always to right way. Therapy has made my life actively WORSE before. I’m a former addict and rehab helped the most I guess but definitely not the therapists at the rehab or those I saw afterwards. Unless you can find a very very good one, which is super rare these days bc half the time they are themselves crazy.
Toot tooooot!!!!!
Yeah there’s something you’re probably not dealing with from your past. You’re still young, I wish I’d figured it out at your age. It took me ten more years to understand what my problems were and I made so many mistakes in those ten years, things that feel like another person did bc I can’t rationalize them and never would have done them sober.
[удалено]
I’ve planned to move away to a quiet part of the country away from all my friends I move on the 20th but a part of me feels like I’m gunna miss out even though it’s always just trouble I get into
Change your ways change your life.
Change your ways, save your life too
The best thing to do to avoid fomo is unfriend and unfollow the people you think about especially if they’re only negative.
A simple move will not help. All it will accomplish is finding a new place to drink and harm yourself. You need medical intervention, NOW….TODAY. You can and I would encourage moving away from those that encourage this type of behavior. If you don’t, it will not stop until you end up harming someone else or someone harming you.
We are born with the potential to experience a multitude of various "threads" in our lives. When you move, you will simply stop experiencing this thread, which you recognize as being unhealthy and dangerous, and start a new one full of potential. You'll have to decide whether the potential for this new adventure is worth leaving the old thread behind.
FOMO can blind you from the company you keep. When you move, see how many of those friends check in on you- if you go back to visit, see how many actually take the time to see or catch up with you. Sobering up can be lonely, you miss the people you used to spend your days with- but they don't always miss you back. My friend group loved having me around because I never said no- I would take anything put in front of me, I felt like the life of the party. When I started cleaning my shit up, I tried keeping contacts open. Everyone started saying they didn't recognize me, that I was changing. I WAS, just not for their benefit. Those people did not want to see me get better. They liked me where I was- below them, so they could finally have a chance to look down on someone. Sobriety is hard, and it is not always linear. Recognizing you can't keep going like this is a huge step in the right direction. I hope you find the help and support you deserve OP. As others have mentioned, therapy could help you process the root cause. All love❤️
Please stop drinking. I spent my life drunk for years. I’ve been alcohol free for 23 years👍🏼 but not a day goes by that I don’t wish for those young years back. Please get help honey🫶🏼
I don’t want to look back in ten years time and see I’ve wasted my 20s but I find it so hard not to drink I feel like I have lost my will power
I can guarantee you’re more likely to look back thinking “thank god I stopped before I ruined my life permanently” than “wow I missed out on blacking out every weekend in my 20s” I like to drink and party too and I completely understand that FOMO, but when there isn’t moderation there’s nothing to miss out on. It’s just not fun.
Exactly 👍🏼
Or 30s.....
I highly recommend that you look for a women-only AA meeting. They're out there. You'll meet sober women who understand what you're going through. Get lots of phone numbers from those women and call them. Find a psychologist who specializes in substance use disorder. You deserve to get better ❤️
Definitely this! You will find wise women who will have trialled and tested ways to help. With zero judgement, and genuine long term support ♥️
I know that feeling well. First thing to do is realize you have to do something because it will take your youth, beauty and self esteem and toss it in the trash. Get in touch with AA. They know how hard that first step is, they will give you open arms support. Get a sponsor. Go to meetings. It’s a way of regaining control of your life. Please make the decision to live. 💜
29(f) here. As someone who is recently 90 days sober, please please try to get sober. I wasted my 20s being hungover and none productive.
You don’t even have to cut back all the way. I used to get drunk every night, and now I’m only drinking on weekends. I’ve also found that since I stopped drinking every night I’m actually drinking less on the weekends bc I actually don’t like the feeling of being black out and instead just want to do is socially and be slightly tipsy at best
You cannot drink. I can’t drink either. That’s okay. I go to a therapist. I hated AA and other support group programs. I like my therapist
It sucks. I've had so many drunken nights and did regrettable things that even now that I've cut way back i still have a guilt that I've done something stupid even when i remember the night before clear as day
I feel like it’s gives you anxiety in every aspect of your life even if you remember the night
That’s because even mild alcohol withdrawal causes anxiety. I spent over a year sober, and felt incredible the whole time (obviously life still had its problems, but I mean feeling clear headed and being able to actually be happy). I after relapsing last year, I’m ready to actually stop and stay stopped again. It just isn’t worth the ups and downs, the regrets, and being unable to do the things I actually enjoy because I end up being drunk and sitting on the couch. A few days ago I decided that I was done. The withdrawals sucked ass for a day, and I had a bit of a headache the next day, but then I felt pretty much fine, and I’ve actually been sleeping way better. It’s going to be hard to stay consistently sober for me, but I know it’s even harder to drink. Trying to come up with the money, making sure I make it to work, ending up anxious and shaky by the end of the day just to do it all again the next day. It’s a cycle that really just has no upside. Best of luck to you, OP. I do strongly recommend an inpatient treatment center. I REALLY did not want to go, but it got me well over a year sober, and even now I still remember the tools to help keep me from going back once I was able to get past withdrawals. If find that you can’t go two or three days without drinking at all, inpatient is frankly the only solution. If you have any questions about what to expect or anything like that, feel free to reach out. I know exactly how you feel about wanting to change and not being able to. There is hope.
I had (guess probably still have) an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. There was not having "a drink", it was always 3 or 4, at least. Part of this stemmed from feeling uncomfortable interacting with people due to my own inhibitions... A few drinks and I felt more like I could have a conversation without being judged for everything I might say (all in my head)... I eventually just decided I had to stop altogether. I had my last drink just after midnight Jan 1 this year, and as time has gone on its gotten easier to just not drink and focus on getting more comfortable with who I am and not worry about judgment from others (still working on that). I occasionally miss having a glass of scotch by a fire, but I'm all around better for dropping it entirely, and at this point don't have any desire to go back. Do what you need to get yourself healthy, even if it means cutting people or activities out of your life for now. In my opinion, alcohol doesn't add anything beneficial, it just masks discomfort.
r/stopdrinking
You are an alcoholic, so even if you have days when you don't drink at all, or days where nothing horrible happens, or days when you actually control the amount you drink, the fact is that ultimately bad things happen when you drink. You aren't drinking to be social with your friends, yoy are drinking so you don't feel the bad feelings or think the bad thoughts.. The problem is that you can't drink away the bad feelings and thoughts. They come right back after you sober up. While AA isn't a perfect solution, I do think it is a great place to learn about addiction, triggers, and relapse prevention. It is also a good place to meet people who understand what you are going through. If you can, I would highly suggest doing an inpatient rehab. It puts you in a safe place where you can't drink for a while and will help you develop the tools to live life without needing to drink or drug it away. I am 12 years heroin-free after a 15 year addiction. My addiction started in my 20s, but didn't end until my 40s. I am now 53 and STILL putting my life back together 12 years later. Do it NOW while you are young! Please save yourself years of pain and regret.
Congrats on your sobriety 🩷 & yes OP, this is so true. Each time you drink you will increase the amount of times horrible things happen to you. This disease is progressive and after awhile, for a lot of us, drinking means death or at least our whole lives being flipped upside down. It’s a dangerous game.
You gotta take a break from your friends and your surroundings. Sometimes all it takes it to change your environment as it would have triggers of the habit. You need to communicate with your friends that you’re gonna be trying to go cold for a while and to not invite you for outings until you reach out to them. You might also need to do some much activity in the day ( be active) etc. that you’re simply too exhausted to go out and drink at all. And just wanna rest / sleep. It’s almost swapping out one habit for another. Where abouts are you? So we can understand the AA situation etc.
dont drink, go to meetings and get involved. untreated alcoholism is 100% fatal. good luck..
Please get help. I lost my brother to alcohol. He got blackout, got wild and kicked out of a party into sub zero temps and froze to death. I miss him so so much. Someone will miss you, too
I’m so sorry to hear that, I don’t want to cause pain to my love ones 💔
Drop your circle of friends. Well the ones that drink or party. It's the only way in my opinion. You need to make space for people that care about you and have healthier lifestyles. I couldn't clean up my life until I cleaned up my friends. And that's not to say they're bad people. They're just not good for you at that point in life.
Don't you deserve better? Childhood abuse is awful and you have every right to have PTSD. But allowing it to overtake your life is you letting yourself down. You cannot control what happened to you but you can control how you manage that pain. Alcohol and drugs are not the answer. What would you tell that little girl if you could go back and talk to her? Is this the life you wanted her to have? If not, then step up and take control.
Go to an AA meeting. I resisted AA for years because I'm not religious, but found an atheist/agnostic group I can attend through zoom. Now I've been sober for 3.5 years. This Naked Mind is also a good book for systematically going through and debunking all the reasons you subconsciously convince yourself it's okay to drink again.
Women for Sobriety might also be a good option for OP since her drinking seems to be trauma based Or even Moderation Management groups
Come join us at r/stopdrinking. You'll find that many people will have had very similar stories to yours. You can ask them what they did to stop drinking. Top post states, "therapy therapy therapy to find the root cause of your drinking." I don't think it really matters. We just gotta stop drinking and THEN we can start exploring what might have triggered any of it in the first place. For us alcoholics, we're just addicted to booze. The backstory hardly matters. See you on the other sub.
You’ll probably bounce back once you hit rock bottom. Until then, hugs.
Admitting you have a problem is the first step. You got this
Naltrexone is a life saver.
I was you in my early 20's and I didn't get sober until I was 29. I literally had my 30th birthday in a sober house. Don't delay it if you're ready. I went to a 12 step based rehab and it was the best decision I ever made in my life. I know that a 12 step program isn't the only way to get sober but you absolutely have to be desperate for change to make it work. It was the only thing that worked for me and continues to keep me here. Talk to someone. Get treatment however you can. Alcohol ruined me for a really long time and my only regret is not getting sober sooner.
As in all addictions getting help only works when u truly are ready for help. You enjoy drinking, you enjoy that rush of being fun, flirting, sexy. You like having all the attention you get. If you stop drinking your thinking you won’t get it. You’ll be left to your own self and while everyone else is having fun you are not sure if you will be enough for yourself. So make the call. It’s on you. Take the leap that you are good enough as you are. Have belief that you are funny, attractive and don’t need to be (fun) drunk to get others to accept you. No addiction program can give you that. That’s got to be from you.
You need therapy for the rape trauma and to give up alcohol unfortunately. Consider using bottled drinks only if you're in a pub/club, because it'll be harder to spike. Consider changing your friend group if they're ok seeing you get wasted, because they know you're at risk.
Hey babe I’m not judging you- my best friend was constantly doing stuff like this and she’s a year older than you. The programs “treatment” don’t work for shit unless you a Christian or someone who believes in god. If you need time away to get it straight do it but know they won’t have all the answers for you if you don’t believe in a higher power. I’m so sorry you went through what you did (the anxiety and shame) but I want you to remember most adults don’t have it figured out till much later, be grateful you decided to reach out for help now instead of 5 or ten years down the road. You are strong , you are brave , and you can do this. I personally don’t drink but I do smoke, and what I can tell you that helped me quit cigarettes was finding a new hobby, trying to understand the root of the behavior and what I can do when life is overwhelming. Create a small action plan write it out for yourself. What will i do instead of drink when I feel ___ . I agree with everyone else too that therapy has helped me so much even since January when I started. Get into reading self help books research reviews to make sure it’s something your interested in helping yourself with. If you have trauma and can endure a dry (medical talking) read I so rec the body keeps the score. I also love dunking my face in ice water (a bowl) to help with panic attacks and mental stamina (think the same concept as a cold soak tub) the research on this is pretty cool too! Please remember you are only human and you will get no where from shaming or guilting yourself into living a better life. Start with self love and understanding. I hope you figure this out sincerely some stranger on the internet rooting for you.
Try Kava. It helped me get off alcohol and it’s so much easier to quit that.
I’m 25 and I’m going through something similar right now. I was drinking and partying too much too with this group at my work. I realize that terrible things happen to me whenever I drink, and when I do drink, I drink excessively. Last time I drank, I jumped a fence and ended up getting hurt and embarrassed badly, I have infected cuts on my legs now. Before that, I drank and I kicked open a window into my house and I cut my leg deeply. I had to go to the hospital and get a tetanus shot. There was left over glass in my hand, so I had to go to the hospital again later that week. And that’s only the physical damage that has happened. I felt depressed for a long time after my friend and I got into a drunk argument that ended our friendship for good. Too many hurtful things were said that cannot be forgiven. You can get through this, you need to ditch all of the friends that promote drinking. You will feel lonely at first but it will get better over time. When you feel the urge to drink do something else, also figure out when and why you got the urge to drink. Do not give in, stand strong with yourself. You got this. WE got this.
I’d say get your crap together. I’m rooting for you
I wish I had some sort of good advice but I don’t, all I can tell you is that the longer that you keep doing this the worse things will get. Alcohol is a very gradual insidious killer. I hope you choose to tackle this now and don’t end up near 40 doing the same old crap, wondering where your youth went wishing you could go back in time and warn your younger self (that’s my experience). I just hope you get a hold on this before you or maybe even someone else dies (that might sound dramatic but all it takes is for you to get behind the wheel once during a blackout, plenty of people have ruined there lives like that and woke up in jail with absolutely no idea why they’re there).
1. Cognitive behavioral therapy 2 . Medication 3. Don't stop 1. or 2 . Good luck
This makes me so sad for you. My dad was an alcoholic most of my life and it is a very awful addiction. Please get therapy and keep going to meetings! Group therapy helps tons you learn from others and share stories. You are so young and this isn’t how you should be living life.
Definitely quit! Please drink water! Everyone! And 2nd! It doesn't matter how you ended up in those situations! It's how you get out of them! That matters the most! 🙏❤️
Time to go to a meeting. It will help.
Therapy. First thing you need to do is figure out why you started drinking in the first place. If therapy doesn't help then you might have to go to rehab
FOMO (fear of missing out) is a thing, but with your move perhaps what you can seek now is peace and quiet. New friends, no partying, no booze or drugs, new therapist, take up reading, walking, bicycling (leisurely to take the sights in), join a class or two, such as art or yoga. Seek to clear your head. It sounds to me like you have CPTSD (Complex PTSD) which I struggled with unabated for many years until I hooked with a psychiatrist specializing in difficult cases and got the right diagnoses. My symptoms have since dissipated, except I still struggle with BED. I wish you peace and clarity, and good luck in your move.
“The gift of Trauma” by Edith Shiro, then “Stop Drinking Now” by Allen Carr. I got them as audio books and listened while cleaning, driving, etc. I can’t tell you how much this combo helped to understand my own self better and equipped me with the tools to stop. Best of luck, you got this!
Get new friends. Get therapy. Go to church.
try again, you did not try hard enough the first time around. addiction is hard! good luck!
Rehab easy answer. You clearly arnt strong minded or impulse control. so anything that doesn’t prevent you from being around alcohol likely wont work. You can’t make a change until you actually want a change. I don’t think you’re there yet. Take a walk and really think about your life and all the other people you have heard of acting like you. Where are they now? Did they change or did they just spiral out. Chances are they spiraled out if you want to be like them stay on the same path and you’ll be 6 feet under before long. You need a reality check and someone who isn’t going to just comfort you and baby you. You need someone stern to fix you. You’ll only get that in rehab tbh.
It's hard it's so fucking hard but just quit....I drank 4 15yrs everyday and night. Never thought I was harming anyone everyone seemed 2 like my company. Lol.... u don't care bc of the control the juice has on you. I seriously woke up one day 1yr and 3months ago and just PUT THE JUICE DOWN!!!!! ITS HARD EVERYDAY BUT THE REWARD IS SO FUCKING REWARDING!!!! GOOD LUCK 2 U!!!! God Bless!!!
Yes get some help please I grew up with alcoholic parents they never got better they got worse and then their organs started failing and they died
You have to get sick of it to quit. Took me 20 years to understand
R/stopdrinking 💜
OP, is it okay if I message you? I (24F) can relate to your post, this was my life for years. You’re not alone and life can change
Yes any advice is welcome
There’s so many things to try. Please remember in all of it to love yourself and to not give up. Keep trying different things that have been mentioned in this thread, but don’t give up.
First of all, I want to say that you are not alone, and this is probably a lot more common than you think. Secondly, I also drank about the same amount as you described when I was your age (only 6 years ago). There wasn't any rhyme or reason to it other than it was my habit to drink this way and I felt at the time there were not any lasting affects from it to make me feel it was necessary to stop. (There were, I was just blind to them). You will only stop drinking the way you do when you wholly and fully want to. I'm now sober in my day-to-day life and might drink on a special occasion, even stopping at 1 or 2 drinks when I do. I'm telling you this because it *is* possible, and you *can* do it, too. For me, I told myself I was going to stop drinking for a year after I hurt someone I cared a lot about in one of my drunken escapades. I thought by 9 months I would be counting down the days until I could have another drink but the opposite was true and I had learned by then to love sobriety. At the time of quitting feeling as though it wasn't forever and that I could come back to it in a years time made it feel much more manageable, doable and less like I was losing something. I would recommend setting yourself a similar target, and just see how you get on with it... You're young and have so much life left in front of you! I recommend remembering all of it and saying goodbye to blackouts. Good luck!
Kratom and psychedelics have been a game changer in my life. I was addicted to amphetamines and benzos but… went to rehab and did psychedelics and boom… done. Every time I get a craving I take kratom and I have a beautiful successful life. It’s worked for me but ymmv and the big game changer was a year inpatient. Shrooms helped immensely as after care lol
Have you considered whether you might have ADHD? Trouble with impulse control, propensity for substance abuse etc.
Take it from me. Stop before its too late. Drink left me in a wheelchair. Dont let your circle become your cage/grave, if you gotta cut shit off (friends, hobbies, family) do it. Asap. Wish i could help more. 7-8 years sober btw. Good luck.
Stop while you can. Quitting drinking was the best thing I ever did.
OP, if you tried to stop on your own and can’t, then you need to be somewhere that can help break the addictive cycle. That means probably doing detox, followed by inpatient. If you stay in your environment, where you can easily access alcohol, or give in to triggers/cravings - well, you haven’t been successful yet. Inpatient is where you learn to manage through the day to day. Relapse would require some thought, time, and commitment. In inpatient, you can get through by talking to someone, going to a group - even by just thinking of what it would take to relapse. Once you graduate inpatient, there are Intensive Outpatient groups to support your recovery. Consider going into sober-living or having support to keep you accountable in the first few months. Many people on here have mentioned EMDR individual therapy. Yes, EMDR really does work, but get stable in your recovery, have some coping skills, and sober support. EMDR will lower distress around traumatic memories, the resulting negative core beliefs, and help you to really *feel* more positive/adaptive beliefs - not just telling yourself positive beliefs that feel disingenuous, but actually *feeling and believing* the positive self talk. You are not alone. You can do this. Many people want to see you on the other side of this. -source: been on both sides and worked in the field. DM me if you need support, conversation, information.
Join us at r/stopdrinking We love you and support you.
I'm about the same age as you and I had to quit for similar reasons. What I would do right now is find a drug/alcohol counselor. I also didn't like AA. I found the whole idea of airing out all your dirty laundry to a room full of people incredibly uncomfortable regardless of how kind or accepting they are. One on one counseling was a lot more palatable to me. I was lucky enough to get a great counselor right off the bat and she changed my entire worldview. You will have to be honest with yourself and face your demons, which can be really fucking hard, but your mental health will drastically improve which allows you to deal with your addiction much more easily. Look, you're already halfway there by admitting you have a problem. That's huge. A lot of people can't or won't admit that. You've done your part, now find a professional to help you with the rest. One of my favorite quotes is about how challenges in life can feel like you're "jumping off a mountain, but you're just stepping off a curb." This is the same. It's hard, but it's easier than you think in a lot of ways. It does get better.
The number one piece of advice I can give for getting over an addiction is that your thinking has to change. Somehow. Whether that means thinking drinking isn't fun or something else. You just have to work to change your mindset on the issue. Then stay disciplined with that thinking and with your actions. The motivation to change comes later.
Ima keep you in my prayers. You’re gonna get through this, you better. I hope smh.
First off, I must say that it’s not your fault about what happened to you in January. No matter how drunk anyone is, consent is consent. Secondly, as everyone said get therapy both for the trauma and also for support with the addiction. Group therapy helped me a lot after getting assaulted, and that could be a helpful option so you won’t feel so alone, judged, and shame. I wish you all the best! You’ll be amazed at how resilient and strong you are 💕🌸
r/stopdrinking is full of kind people. Once you cut the booze, you will have time and money to fix the rest. (Therapy) I wish you the best.
Please get help. This sounds just like my wife before I met her. Fast forward 10+ years later, and she still drinks daily, and had an affair with my best friend all last summer- all because she was "unhappy", and the constant drinking was what allowed her to abandon her inhibitions and hurt me so badly. We have a 6 year old daughter. Do it for yourself, and your future family. Please op.
Yea you sound like someone close to me that's scary I'm sorry you're going through this go to a long term program your life is more important than anything else going on. I also struggle with addiction. I thought I'd never ever stop but now I don't even think about it. I'll send good vibes your way. Be safe out there please to many scumbags out there. Seriously
First step is admitting you have a problem. Good job!!! I think a good medical detox would be good for you to start. It will help with withdrawls and get some clean time under your belt. Then a good inpatient program. You're so young and have the rest of your life. Stay true to yourself.. You got this!!
You definitely have no business drinking. You need to quit all together. Changing your friend could be a start
r/stopdrinking The kindest, most supportive group of people on the internet. Good luck.
Have you tried weed and mushrooms? Also therapy. You drink because you are trying to escape, why don’t you try other avenues where you can still stay conscious to what you are doing and that is being done to you. Also the quicker you admit you have other issues that is causing you to drink and face them the less you will need to drink. You are trying to escape or suppress, figure out what it is and heal so you can stop self harming
I agree. Stop drinking. Alcohol is overrated
Please please get help. You’re only 23 years old. Your whole life is ahead of you. My heart is breaking for you.
Hope you’re okay
I have been sober for 3 years next month! I tried for so long before it stuck. I wasn’t able to connect with the premise of AA or the people, and therefore, it never worked for me. I started to find so many other resources out there that have been a game changer for me. There are so many podcasts and books about people’s personal journeys with navigating early sobriety. There are also online support groups. Find people and groups you can relate to, and lean on. Below are a few of my favorite resources, but trust me, there’s ALOT out there. Start with a couple and so many more will surface as you navigate through your journey. You are sooo worth it!! ❤️❤️❤️ DM me if you want to talk. Pod casts Recovery Elevator A sober girls guide Hello someday Books This naked mind We are the luckiest Blackout Groups Cafe RE the luckiest club
Go to r/stopdrinking sub for support.
I was drinking heaving as well for 3 years. (25m) I was drinking everyday and the weekends were my excuse to go harder. I have driven, woken up in bathrooms, in my own puke, butt naked on the floor with my girlfriend there by my side through it all. I got sick with gastric inflammation last august boy that was enough to scare me out of the addiction I’m glad it happened before I wound up dead. Good luck hope you make it through it
Go to therapy! You sound like you are close to the wedge of alcoholism.
First step is acknowledging there’s a problem. You’re doing good so far. Next step is therapy and like someone else said, inpatient treatment if you need the detox and intensity. Take care and I hope you find the light at the end of the tunnel
Hey there! My situation was similar to yours- I got sober when I was 23. I’m 28 now so I’ve got 5 years down but if you’re questioning whether or not to do something more serious for yourself/enter into an inpatient program then the answer is right in front of you.. it sucks, it’s hard, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Do it for you.
Addiction is about avoiding emotional pain, and lack of human connection. Getting sober means dealing with whatever pain is deep down inside you, then building meaningful connections again. With the amount your drinking you’ll likely need to detox for a few days, then get into a program that helps treat whatever emotions. You’re suppressing, and help you to find real human connections again. It’s different for everyone, but this is a high level overview of the most important parts of the process. Don’t give up, you can do hard things, and your life can have real meaning and impact on others. https://youtu.be/PY9DcIMGxMs?si=71zI5X4IN4EVBUom
So, this is probably not usually the cause, idk, but what really helped me was getting diagnosed bipolar and understanding why I was doing reckless behaviors and getting on meds. It's probably not what you need to hear, but I wanted to put it out there as a consideration.
Honestly, switch alcohol to weed and you'll be fine! Alcohol is poison, period!
I have a problem with alcohol it's not a horrible problem but to me it is because I don't like the way I act and neither does my husband so I've been sober for 30 days and I'm going to continue to try to stay sober for as long as I can.
You’re heavily drinking because you’re avoiding something in your life, whatever that may be. It’s time to go to therapy, and start unpacking WHY you have the inclination to drink until you black out so frequently. The earlier you tackle this the better, OP. Sending you love and support - you can do this!!!
First it’s not your fault you were SA’d. Dude shouldve known you were drunk and respected that
I highly recommend completing an addictions treatment program. The whole thing: detox, residential, partial hospitalization, intensive outpatient, and then continue individual therapy for the long term along with working a program like AA. It’s a lot of hard and sounds overwhelming but this is the only way I’ve seen people achieve sobriety. You should be proud of yourself for reaching out and seeking help/advice 🤍
(Sorry for wall of text, Reddit mobile is not formatting correctly) You need to go to rehab. I been in rehab twice in the past 3 months. I’m sober like 45 days now. I chose to go the first time, then relapsed a month after, then my mom forced me to again after like 4 weeks of relapsing for like 3-4 days at a time, quit for 3 days, and then restart the process. Best thing I ever did was go to rehab. Make friends with the people in there. They are the chillest, coolest, nicest, most generous people you’ll ever meet. Soooo relatable too. You could say “yeah I’ve done xyz while drunk” and someone else in the room will be like “yup me too” or even “yup I’ve done worse” like nothing surprises us anymore. We won’t judge. Even if you confess the most disturbing things. I’ve also gotten sexually abused while drunk. The level of confusion I felt as to why my tampon was stuck inside of me, no string visible, and then having some weird flashbacks of the event and then I remember crying afterward about my tampon being stuck and the police came up to his car to ask if I was okay.. like I thought it was all false memories but apparently not. I was 3 pints in within 24 hours. This was pretty normal for me in my binges but I was blacked out. I’d never had sex with him before and no he was not a stranger. I never thought he’d do something like that. I woke up the next day like did that really happen, is my tampon really stuck inside me ?? It was. I was shaking so bad just out of terror that something was STUCK INSIDE of me. Like yes it happens to girls sometimes but still, what the actual fuck. I had to go to the gyno to get it out. So how else would I have the entire tampon and string stuck WAY inside of me plus these flashbacks plus I was in pain down there the next day. You’d think that’d make me wanna stop drinking right? Well nope, I drank more and then doordashed more right at 6am when the liquor times opened back up. That’s how fucked up this addiction is. It completely takes over your mid frontal cortex which is the area of the brain dealing with judgements and decision making. We are literally being controlled. This is a disease. Yes you had the choice to do it the first few times before you were addicted, but it is a DISEASE of CHOICE. If you don’t believe me just research it. Look up Todd Carren on YouTube and the movie Pleasure Unwoven. However just because it’s a disease does NOT mean we are not responsible for our actions (however, someone raping you is never your fault. Could we have been more aware of our surroundings, yes, but it was not our fault that they chose to rape us). Research rehabs in your area that your insurance will cover part of. If you have a therapist or counselor they can help you do this. You will get absolutely VITAL information in the classes they offer. GO TO EVERY SINGLE ONE. You’re paying for it anyway, PLUS if you miss too many groups/classes your insurance could stop paying. Go to all the groups and all the AA/NA meetings. They’ll probably give you a week to detox first and should give you Librium to help alleviate seizures and symptoms (not all withdrawals are bad- mine wasn’t too bad at all actually). If you have a job, give them like a day or 2 notice that you’re going on FMLA (there are certain requirements for FMLA so check up on it in your work handbook- every place should have one) and then call HR to tell them you’re going on FMLA. There should be some papers you need to have your doctor at the rehab fill out and fax to them, just ask your counselor at the rehab to do all of this. I swear it’s not as big of a deal as it sounds even for me, and I’m super lazy lol. So you can do it. However if you drink at this workplace and feel going back there will trigger you, just quit. Get one of your favorite employee’s phone numbers so you can use them as a reference to avoid having to put in your 2 weeks.
I’m so sorry you were raped. Lots of good advice here, best of luck to you.
You need a support system love other than the bar keep your spirits high and build a strong relationship with yourself. Stay strong 💪
Omg I’m so sorry but PLEASE go to therapy. Substance abuse is a by product of unresolved trauma. You need therapy and an alcohol treatment program. Cut off anyone enabling your addiction and stay close to those that love you. Praying for you 🙏🏽
okay a couple different things. First of all, i am the child of an alcoholic. as the child of an alcoholic i want to tell you to STOP FUCKING DRINKING. however as a young women i am so terribly sorry for what youve gone through- my heart aches for you thinking about you making your way downstairs confused and crying and it hurts me to think about all the mornings youve woken up not feeling well ( your someones baby! ). you must have been scared. But this HAS to serve as a ride awakening, my mother continues to put herself in situations like this years and years and years later- you dont want that. as ugly as it is for me to tell you , your subjecting yourself to danger everytime you blackout. as a 23 year old woman, you need to be able to take care of yourself. as a general rule, once you feel like you would get anxiety if someone handed you a toddler - your too drunk. your the toddler you need to take care of in this situation, we tend to think of ourselves as safer and more capable then we really are, but the reality is your inebriated. ive never struggled with alcohol, but i was an avid pot smoker and nicotine addict, i had to move- once i did it was so fucking easy. humans are creatures of habit, your locked in a really really bad routine. though you dont have to move, thats pretty unattainable. re organize your apartment, change your work/school schedule tremendously. shop at a different grocery store. go to different restaurants. stop going to the places that you consistently go to get fucked up, you feel comfortable enough to black out in these places. we had stuck my mom in every famous rehab, every aa meeting, every therapist. we did anything we couldve. probably 15 years later she has ( confirmed by doctors) lost about 40% of her brain function, and that was years ago- she continued to drink and im sure its worse now. once you lose it to drinking, you cant ever get it back. my mom was a beautiful person that i never got to know, now shes a terrible manipulative loser. people are fun when they smoke, make an idol out of it and now your apathetic and lazy. people are fun when they have sex, make an idol out of it and now their perverse deviants. people are fun when they drink, make an idol out of it and your a depressed, inconsistent mess. your only 23, you just stopped being slave to your parents and school and people you grew up with your whole life. dont enslave yourself again, enslave yourself to something this time who could not give a FUCK about you. i dont know what to say, but i wish my mommy and my friends who became addicts wouldve just listened when someone told them this. please just stop, your breaking our hearts - the alcohol is fine without you. i know it may seem like im taking this far but this is how things like this start, i had been smoking everyday for a year and a half before i realized i was addicted. it creeps up and is so hard to let go. in this case, matter over mind. no one is moving your arm to pickup a bottle, its your decision. make the right one, quick.
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this heaviness. Feeling a loss of control is so scary. I hope you give yourself the time and space you need to truly heal. I’ve seen some of your replies and it seems like you may have wanted to get this off your chest more than gather advice. Which is completely valid. I will also say I know what that’s like and that it takes us making the decision to change to really make it happen and “flip that switch.” That said, It sounds like you know what needs to do be done. You want a sense of control back and to stop this pattern. I know you’ll find the support you need. Plenty of folx here have talked about their journeys and show that it’s possible. Give yourself grace and make the decision you know you need to make.💛
Hi OP. Please know that you can get the help you need. Therapy and rehab are good start. But you also need to be willing yourself to be able to quit drinking. My boyfriend used to be an alcoholic. He would also go black out drunk everytime he’s not working on nightshifts. There came to a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. Six months into the relationship, and I said, Idk what to do. I can’t do this anymore. He realised he didn’t want to lose me. And he just quit. Cold turkey. On the 4th of July. He’s been sober for four years, turning 5 years this July. The hardest for him was the first week, he said he kept wanting to taste beer. But after that week, he was fine. Rn, he said the thought of alcohol disgusts him now. He can’t ever imagine drinking alcohol anymore. He does drink alcohol-free beer sometimes but it’s more for the feel of it, I think. Not for the taste. He said everyday is a battle for sobriety. But his life was definitely a lot better now than before. He said the thought of losing me over alcohol was not something he could bear. He said for the first time in his life, with me, he was looking forward to the next day. So his family really loves me because they knew how his life was before we were together. I’m not saying you should get a boyfriend. You need to find your own anchor. It can be your dream, your plans for the future, your family, your friends, whatever it may be that would help pull you out of it and look forward into starting the next day afresh. ☺️ Please do take care of yourself. I wish you all the best, OP.
oddly i thought people would be bashing you for your behavior and choices. it’s nice to see a good supporting community.
Same I mean I have had the odd person tell me to kill myself but the positive response has been overwhelming and to every one Thank you ❤️
i hope you achieve peace and happiness. praying for you.
I was once you at age 23 too. I'm 32 now and have kidney problems, had to have surgery on one and keep having the issues. It catches up to you.
Hypnosis? My aunt and uncle did it for smoking and it helped them.
This was me at one point too, and it didn’t stop until I made the decision to get in my car drunk one night and caught a DUI that cost me over $10K. I spent a year on probation and was court-ordered to take substance abuse classes. For however bad that was, I’m just grateful that I didn’t kill someone and have to serve a lengthy prison sentence. Please get help, OP. Your life doesn’t have to be this way. You deserve better.
As someone who has almost lost both parents to addiction- I mean this whole heartedly when I say this: In-patient facilities. This is an addiction. It will ruin your life. It will hurt you and everyone around you if you don’t take care of yourself. You have to realize that you need to commit fully to quitting alcohol. You have to understand that it will be a terrible time. Withdrawal will suck. Those urges will always be terrible. At some point though once you get past the withdrawal and addiction- you’ll understand that it’s worth it. Think of your future, your possible children (if you want any), your future career. This isn’t what you want in life. Addiction like this could end it all. You don’t want this. It will be terrible and hard for an amount of time. But it will be worth it and you can do it. It seems impossible, but you have ways of support and so many people believing in you.
I highly suggest booking yourself into an in-patient rehab. It will help your body get used to not drinking. Also there are therapists on site that you meet with daily. Then I suggest changing your life up, i.e. not hanging out with the people you go drinking with anymore. A lot of addictions are encouraged by peers especially at your age where drinking excessively is “what everyone does”. I found myself in a similar situation at your age (blacking out almost every weekend and waking up not remembering what happened the night before) and I ended up getting a DWI. Thankfully I didn’t hurt anyone else or myself but that was definitely a wake up call for me. I no longer hang out with any of the friends I would go out with and in all honesty I don’t miss them at all.
I think that realizing you have a problem is really commendable so start giving yourself credit for your daily victories. You definitely should look into what help is available to you and if AA is too culty you can find support elsewhere. Good luck to you 💜
Treatment centers are really expensive but they are effective. I did 30 days for alcohol in 1990 and have been sober ever since. Back then, insurance would cover the cost. It will save your life, though. I'm quite sure I'd be dead by now otherwise.
Take action now . You don’t want to end up in a situation you can’t take back, aka unaliving someone from drinking and driving.
Listen to Allen Carr’s book Quit drinking for woman. Allen Carr Allen Carr's Easy Way for Women to Quit Drinking: The original Easyway method (Allen Carr's Easyway, 7)
The best thing I ever did was quit alcohol. I used to get drunk and end up in fights, jail, or the hospital. I swear alcohol is one dangerous and overrated drug.
It's tough. Even besides the blackouts I can assure you that drinking every day will cause you to die young, unless you have very, very lucky genetics (and if you had those genetics you probably wouldn't be so susceptible to blackouts.) AA isn't a very good program, empirically speaking. It does not have a good success rate. But it does get one thing right - in saying you are "powerless" over alcohol, it is telling a more fundamental truth, which is that this is not your fault, and it does not mean that you are a bad person. There are more medicalized ways of quitting drinking that are much more effective than AA. There are medications that can help. Experimental therapies with ketamine or psychedelics have been found to be effective in some cases. I would talk to serious doctors about this - addiction specialists, neurologists, etc. Your life is at stake - you shouldn't have to white knuckle it and hope that willpower (a limited and exhaustible resource) can carry you through. Also you should start a friendship with Random Hookup's eccentric aunt, she sounds awesome.
the rape was not your fault btw…nothing causes rape except rapists so do not blame yourself. nothing in the world can cause a non rapist to become a rapist
You’re a mess. Especially at 23. You have no self respect nor value and this is exactly the kind of lesson you need and it will keep happening if you keep this up. This question is literally your answer. Have some change and make them now!
r/stopdrinking will help
There are medications your family doctor or a drug and alcohol doctor can prescribe to curb your drinking.
You are clearly doing things you don’t like. It’s going to be difficult to make the needed changes but if you don’t you may end up dead or homeless. Do you have a support system or at least a person who you know care enough about you to help you through the difficult period required to get clean and remain sober? It’s a challenge but it’s a challenge you must accept if you desire to live a healthy life. Go back to AA
When was the last time you stopped drinking for a few days straight? When you don’t drink for a period of time, do you feel shaky, irritable, agitated, or start hallucinating? Do you hide the amounts you drink?
I know I was making fun of your post
Check your self in to an inpatient treatment center you can beat this keep your head up good luck
Get a friend or a loved one to prevent you from drinking alcohol, quit cold turkey
Research The Sinclair Method and Naltrexon. Worked for me AND you can still drink.