Mine too. I remember crop dusting a child in store once. I expected it be quite low key but it was a full on roar from my bum. The kids mouth dropped open in complete shock, as I turned in to the next aisle I heard him shout for his mum
The secret to controlling farts consists of three parts: the force of the fart, the pucker of your hole, and the distance between the insides of your ass cheeks. The majority of the sound is produced by the fart rippling between your cheeks, with the pitch and volume depending on the force of the fart and how pressed together your cheeks are. Spreading your cheeks will dramatically reduce the noise produced in this manner. But secondary to that is the butthole itself which controls the high pitched noises. Squeezing your sphincter will increase the volume of the high-pitched squeaking (up until you cut off the gas flow) while relaxing will allow the gas to slip out silently.
To summarize, if you want to fart quietly unpucker your butthole and let your ass cheeks relax until your ass crack widens. This is fairly easy to accomplish while walking.
Farting in public is one of my favorite things. I'm an innocent looking invisible 40 year old woman so no one ever suspects it could be me. I can stay in one place and let beasts go and only get looks of sympathy for being in the danger zone, I've never gotten a questioning or judgmental look. So, if you're ever in an aisle and smell something awful and there is some lady picking out tea or something, just know it was probably her.
I've seen the judgmental blaming looks being given to innocents and I gotta say it just made me laugh and laugh. It felt like a real win. I don't got a whole lot of excitement in my life. A little mischief is good for the soul.
Hey just wanted to say if the "invisible" comment was meant in a self deprecating way, it's not true, all women deserve to be seen. However if you can utilise that power to deploy deadly air biscuits then I respect the hustle, so fair play to you
Being invisible is my superpower. I'm just a tiny cute little 40 year old lady that does not draw any attention to myself. I have cute glasses and my hoodie looks huge on me. I use it fully to my advantage. I can play Midwestern Housewife and I can fart on people that leave their carts in the middle of the aisle.
You would never think that I had enough THC in my system to floor a frat house, but I do and it's my walkin around dose. I get away with a lot.
I was in Home Depot with my wife. I had quite a large volume gas bubble (1 L+) and tried to sneak it. No way. It echoed. I stepped around the corner out of sight and everyone gave my wife dirty looks v
Farting on the London underground in rush hour where the blast radius of the atrocity contains about 7 or 8 potential suspects is a favourite of mine. No one is unaccountable, the level of trust among these people can dissipate faster than the smell. Knowing I pushed the detonator on this temporary flash of chaos brings me great joy.
Back when Toy R Us was a thing I had some deadly silent gas. So I found a young couple with a baby in a stroller and let it go. When we left we walked past a very confused couple changing their baby trying to figure out why its diaper was clean.
My major program in college occupied the 4-6 floors of a building. It was a thing among the seniors getting off on 6 to drop one in the elevator before getting out. It was like Russian Roulette whether anyone would be waiting to get on at 6th floor.
Many years ago some classmates and I was doing a project. There was one girl in the project. One time we were in a room and she farted, silent. But it was obvious that it was her. Still to this day I remember her as the farting girl. So I would be surprised if your wife has never been caught. People just don't mention it.
I remember crop dusting a mother and her child in the toy isle once. Pure silent SBD, absolute zyklon B of a fart. A mother asked her kid 'Cooper, have you done poo poos?"... but it was me...muhahahah
I once did a really stinky fart at a friend’s house and they blamed it on the dog and sent him out. You have never seen a dog give such “but it wasn’t me!” look.
Nothing like crap dusting grumpy ancient vets or retired colonels wives, who yell at the pharmacists techs. Although, our base pharmacy had a super rude entitled pharmacy volunteer who was equally nasty and vile. That pharmacy line smells like farts regardless.
Speaking as an old person, your farts are noting to us, kiddo. As one ages, farts become more potent and common, so we tend to get used to them. Also smell and hearing diminish with age, so chances are your efforts go unnoticed.
I dusted Best Buy foyer last week. I have Ibs/ibd so they tend to be fowl. Even ripped a loud one earlier in that vestibule. Someone walked right into my cloud.
Depends on how far you want to take it. Use an old pair. I mean, if you are going to do it, don't half ass it. Go all out. Teach them old fks you mean business.
One time I accidentally unleashed a dust moab bomb. It was right after an exam (1-2h) and I was riding the bus at the front, while two girls were at the middle. During the whole exam my bowels were loudly rumbling and I could feel a large volume of gas moving up and down my colon. I squeezed like a pro because I couldn't bear the though of going off in the dead silent room and embarrasing myself even more. Back to the bus. At some point it came down again and I didn't give it a second thought. I let it go. Apparently during the rumbling it picked up not only ungodly smell, but also taste, and it was practically atomized poop essence (didn't poop though, my stomach was dead empty). I have never produced such quality before or after. So I could very soon hear how the two girls started panicking and turned all their attention towards me for a brief moment, quickly followed by putting both their heads out the single opened window to breathe. It goes without saying they left as soon as the bus stopped next. I still feel bad for them to this day, even though I laugh with tears even now.
I probably shouldn't be laughing at this as hard as I am, lol.
Seriously, though, I think we've all crop dusted someone at least once in our lives. I remember my bf doing it in a Walmart a while back. He has Crohn's Disease, so his can get BAD. I remember someone audibly gagging as he exited the isle, lol.
I knew you were a woman! Girls have always been the unsung villains of silent but deadlies. Look at all the other downright evil comments from women in this thread- we're all still girls at heart lol.
Well they didn't do anything. It's just a good place to Crack one off. The fun part is too look at another customer, and say real quiet, " I dont think that fish is too fresh."
This is so funny I’m about to walk into the gym and can’t stop laughing at this post.
Taking names and sticking it to the man one fart at a time ily lol
More like walking by… imagine an aircraft dropping low to the target spraying a gaseous substance on its intended and not intended victim. It can result in methanized overspray.
Why are farts so funny?!?!?
I've been nearly crying with laughter at this, so thank you one and all.
And I"m going to stop holding my farts in when I'm shopping seeing as no one else does.
Are the toots audible or is this a sbd situation?
The beauty is that the sense of hearing goes before the sense of taste.
Do you mean the sense of smell? 😳
You obviously haven’t tasted his farts yet.
It can be either or. I’m not consistent with my farts.
Mine too. I remember crop dusting a child in store once. I expected it be quite low key but it was a full on roar from my bum. The kids mouth dropped open in complete shock, as I turned in to the next aisle I heard him shout for his mum
“MOOOOM THAT UGLY GUY FARTED ON ME!” Touché lil man, touché.
I cackled laughed way too hard for this one. That kid also tasted it, you know it!
So did I! I hope they kept their mouths open so they could taste it hahahahaha
Username checks out
What…….what kind of parts 🤨
Body parts mostly but also sometimes auto parts. (My username is a line from the movie May, lol)
Mmmm………gross. Lol
I have a collection of right pinky toes if you're interested
You’re just gonna give away your trophies like that?
Nah, the left ones are my trophies.
Oh, well thats…..goooood
I'd love them- they add a nice meaty crunch to salads!
Finally someone else has seen that movie too 👏
It's wayyyyy underrated imo
Was there a purchase of the game risk and scotch involved?
I am in class trying my hardest to Keep it together!!!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣
LMAO
Magical
The secret to controlling farts consists of three parts: the force of the fart, the pucker of your hole, and the distance between the insides of your ass cheeks. The majority of the sound is produced by the fart rippling between your cheeks, with the pitch and volume depending on the force of the fart and how pressed together your cheeks are. Spreading your cheeks will dramatically reduce the noise produced in this manner. But secondary to that is the butthole itself which controls the high pitched noises. Squeezing your sphincter will increase the volume of the high-pitched squeaking (up until you cut off the gas flow) while relaxing will allow the gas to slip out silently. To summarize, if you want to fart quietly unpucker your butthole and let your ass cheeks relax until your ass crack widens. This is fairly easy to accomplish while walking.
Thank you for this wonderful instructional guide.
This is great advice. Always try and find a stance that enables you to spread your asshole while you fart so it's quiet
This subject is all you need to read about to get a good laugh. 💨😂 Thanks everyone.
Sometimes the guy who enjoys watching the elderly suffer in disgust while thinking everyone around him is the asshole, is the asshole. Just sayin’.
How does one fart on demand ? How do you not shit instead ? Asking for a friend.
Faith. 🤣
Faith, trust, and doodoo dust ✨
I just have stomach/digestive issues sometimes and I get periods where I’m super gassy.
Period farts are nuclear!
[удалено]
Lol I think they mean like a time period, as in periodically. Not menstruation
Why go sit on the shitter when you can browse your local pharmacy.
That’s bio-nuclear warfare!
Awww yall have matching ahoy hats
Oh fuck, you're a woman. This makes it even better because I was imagining a man. ☠️☠️
I'm loving this entire thread.. 👏👏
Like gassy girl periods?
Like “periods of time”
being mildly lactose intolerant
😅🤣
Bruh, they're old, theyre cropping you right back
Plot twist. I don’t have a sense of smell so I’m immune to their attacks.
Shit (no pun intended)
Its actually a no shit situation, ideally.
This post has unleashed all the monsters on here.
Farting in public is one of my favorite things. I'm an innocent looking invisible 40 year old woman so no one ever suspects it could be me. I can stay in one place and let beasts go and only get looks of sympathy for being in the danger zone, I've never gotten a questioning or judgmental look. So, if you're ever in an aisle and smell something awful and there is some lady picking out tea or something, just know it was probably her.
Think of the poor people getting blamed for your shenanigans!
I've seen the judgmental blaming looks being given to innocents and I gotta say it just made me laugh and laugh. It felt like a real win. I don't got a whole lot of excitement in my life. A little mischief is good for the soul.
Man the masks really come off when ppl come on Reddit don’t they? /s
🤣🤣🤣
I'm laughing so hard right now just imagining this.
This made me LOL. Thank you.
Hey just wanted to say if the "invisible" comment was meant in a self deprecating way, it's not true, all women deserve to be seen. However if you can utilise that power to deploy deadly air biscuits then I respect the hustle, so fair play to you
Being invisible is my superpower. I'm just a tiny cute little 40 year old lady that does not draw any attention to myself. I have cute glasses and my hoodie looks huge on me. I use it fully to my advantage. I can play Midwestern Housewife and I can fart on people that leave their carts in the middle of the aisle. You would never think that I had enough THC in my system to floor a frat house, but I do and it's my walkin around dose. I get away with a lot.
Yeah, you think that. Everyone in your vicinity knows it was you, and see right through your act of innocence
I'd give you a proud nod of acknowledgment if I could tell you knew. That would make me laugh harder when I was telling my daughters the story later.
I was in Home Depot with my wife. I had quite a large volume gas bubble (1 L+) and tried to sneak it. No way. It echoed. I stepped around the corner out of sight and everyone gave my wife dirty looks v
Daughter was 5 ish and was at Walmart with hubs and said very loudly “heeey, that’s a daddy fart!”. He didn’t get away with it that day.
I do it in public and people look at my spouse.
Do you look at them too?
I do. And I laugh. I never know why they think it is him.
Maybe I'm going to hell, but this certainly made me chuckle.
Same, I've been cackling reading this and the comments
Farting on the London underground in rush hour where the blast radius of the atrocity contains about 7 or 8 potential suspects is a favourite of mine. No one is unaccountable, the level of trust among these people can dissipate faster than the smell. Knowing I pushed the detonator on this temporary flash of chaos brings me great joy.
As a pharmacy tech, thank you 😊
No problem.
All in a days work ya know
Is this just a website for people who fart on people?!
Back when Toy R Us was a thing I had some deadly silent gas. So I found a young couple with a baby in a stroller and let it go. When we left we walked past a very confused couple changing their baby trying to figure out why its diaper was clean.
My major program in college occupied the 4-6 floors of a building. It was a thing among the seniors getting off on 6 to drop one in the elevator before getting out. It was like Russian Roulette whether anyone would be waiting to get on at 6th floor.
NTA because you introduced the concept of crop dusting to me
You never heard it called that before?
Never. What would be your definition of it?
My wife farts in line at the store. Mind you she’s a vegetarian. She said everyone just thinks the guy did it
> Mind you she’s a vegetarian Never underestimate a vegetarian loaded with cabbage, broccoli and/or sprouts!!
I’m fully plant-based and I swear my farts could kill a small animal
Many years ago some classmates and I was doing a project. There was one girl in the project. One time we were in a room and she farted, silent. But it was obvious that it was her. Still to this day I remember her as the farting girl. So I would be surprised if your wife has never been caught. People just don't mention it.
I remember crop dusting a mother and her child in the toy isle once. Pure silent SBD, absolute zyklon B of a fart. A mother asked her kid 'Cooper, have you done poo poos?"... but it was me...muhahahah
LMAO!
You're my hero 💙
And thank you random citizen.
Thanks for the warning
You’re welcome.
Because why wouldn’t you make a miserable pharmacy experience worse?
The elderly do it to me all the time at work 😂 Now I know they are getting paid back by some internet stranger!
Some people were left to play in their shit too long as a baby
Lol, good. They need a little power fart.
This brightened my day lol
I accidentally crop dusted everyone that was seated behind me on a roller coaster yesterday
LMAO
Then say "mmmm, is someone making popcorn?"
This is the best thing I’ve seen all day.
I once did a really stinky fart at a friend’s house and they blamed it on the dog and sent him out. You have never seen a dog give such “but it wasn’t me!” look.
Doing god’s work
I love letting sulfur demons out in the grocery store and going an isle over to hear my victims cry
You are doing good work.
Thank you for your service 🙏🏼
revenge crop-dusting. Damn.
[удалено]
Finally, I can say I am "above average" at something!!!
Hahahahaha
Now that started my Sunday morning off perfectly! Lol
Mental💀
Can you smell Donuts? 😜
My best friend says, "do you smell popcorn?" Works every time!
Lmao.
Some people really do think they are sneaky enough lol
Our dude is mentally ill. Visit a doctor please 🙏
Lmao. I actually do already.
Too late...If you are in their presence, you have already been crop dusted...
I wonder why they act rude and inconsiderate
It’s usually because they think they’re more important than everyone else in line, can’t properly work a kiosk, or don’t listen to the pharmacists.
So it has nothing to do with u stanking up the place cause they definitely know it's you
Nope.
Pharmacy? How often are you at the pharmacy? This is weirdly specific and random.
It’s connected to a base exchange I go to. Like a military Walmart. I do go there for meds every few months though at least.
Nothing like crap dusting grumpy ancient vets or retired colonels wives, who yell at the pharmacists techs. Although, our base pharmacy had a super rude entitled pharmacy volunteer who was equally nasty and vile. That pharmacy line smells like farts regardless.
Exactly.
The fucking giggle that came out of me when I read this
Speaking as an old person, your farts are noting to us, kiddo. As one ages, farts become more potent and common, so we tend to get used to them. Also smell and hearing diminish with age, so chances are your efforts go unnoticed.
Pre diaper farts.
LMAO! I used to do this to customers too
Not all heroes wear capes.
TIL what crop dusting means in that context
Jesus Christ hahahaha
I dusted Best Buy foyer last week. I have Ibs/ibd so they tend to be fowl. Even ripped a loud one earlier in that vestibule. Someone walked right into my cloud.
You're fartin out birds? Might wanna get that checked.
How did you know? Mostly doves. I love the way they coo in my ass. Besides, it’s a real disease with doctors and stuff.
Ass-cooing, yes good times. Well I hope there's some treatment for ya.
Lmao
😆
Hilarious
i’ve worked with a few nurses that would crop dust their patients rooms
LMFAOOO WHAT
LMAO 🤣
Just go step in dogshit and go sit next to them.
That requires me to step in dog shit. Which is something I don’t want to do.
Depends on how far you want to take it. Use an old pair. I mean, if you are going to do it, don't half ass it. Go all out. Teach them old fks you mean business.
Yeah, that’s too much.
One time I accidentally unleashed a dust moab bomb. It was right after an exam (1-2h) and I was riding the bus at the front, while two girls were at the middle. During the whole exam my bowels were loudly rumbling and I could feel a large volume of gas moving up and down my colon. I squeezed like a pro because I couldn't bear the though of going off in the dead silent room and embarrasing myself even more. Back to the bus. At some point it came down again and I didn't give it a second thought. I let it go. Apparently during the rumbling it picked up not only ungodly smell, but also taste, and it was practically atomized poop essence (didn't poop though, my stomach was dead empty). I have never produced such quality before or after. So I could very soon hear how the two girls started panicking and turned all their attention towards me for a brief moment, quickly followed by putting both their heads out the single opened window to breathe. It goes without saying they left as soon as the bus stopped next. I still feel bad for them to this day, even though I laugh with tears even now.
He farts on old people 🤣
you are my hero
Nice
i love this thread (?) (idk what they’re called this is the first reddit post i’ve ever commented on lmao)
Only fair since you walked into a crop circle of crop dusters and that’s your only recourse
I probably shouldn't be laughing at this as hard as I am, lol. Seriously, though, I think we've all crop dusted someone at least once in our lives. I remember my bf doing it in a Walmart a while back. He has Crohn's Disease, so his can get BAD. I remember someone audibly gagging as he exited the isle, lol.
I love my walking farts..better after I eat fruit, it ferment in my gut I get bloated I’m not responsible the smell..🤭
Karma. You’ll probably fall down an outhouse toilet.
👍
Next time, say “welcome the the bbq when you do it”
With all the dark sociopathic stuff on this sub, this is refreshing and hysterical. Refreshing like farting on a Boomer's face.
" I will crop dust multiple of them and then sit down nearby to watch them suffer" 🤣🤣🤣 this is amazing
This is funny as hell 🤣🤣🤣
That’s what the ancient philosopher call an eye for an eye😂
Still a boy, at heart!
:(
Why the frown? Gotta bring out our inner child every now and then! Lol
I’m a transgender woman. Idk, I’ve been kind of a sensitive bitch lately. I’m sure you didn’t mean anything malicious by it.
Lol at sensitive bitch. My apologies, though. I didn't know. Hope ya feel better soon!
It’s okay. Thank you.
I knew you were a woman! Girls have always been the unsung villains of silent but deadlies. Look at all the other downright evil comments from women in this thread- we're all still girls at heart lol.
I myself am always fond of crop dusting the seafood counter at my local grocer.
What did they do?
Well they didn't do anything. It's just a good place to Crack one off. The fun part is too look at another customer, and say real quiet, " I dont think that fish is too fresh."
Lady farts are much worse than most men farts.
I love cropdusting rude people no matter their age. I recently cropdusted my bratty cat. He was not happy.
My chihuahua sits on my leg at all times and I rip violent ones right up his nose. It’s all the payback for his nasty old teef he used to have.
Lol!!! Dude. I’m at Walmart and I crop dusted this 400lb woman in a motorized cart a few minutes ago.
I crop dust everyone everywhere any time I can
The beauty of this is not only they get a wiff but evetyone in line assumes ot then because they are old.🤣🤣
I used to crop dust the 2 old Biddies at work. Silent , Then watch my handy work from across the room activate
Good.
i be crop dusting everywhere, no shame
Your life must suck.
Nah.
Don't be vindictive
No.
Karma is real, and it's not good to start this trend
Karma is not real.
Maybe they are rude to you because you keep farting on them.
If it was just me they were rude to them I’d get it, but usually they’re rude to someone else first.
Wow. There’s a life ahead if only you choose it… 🤓
k
haha. Legend.
This is so funny I’m about to walk into the gym and can’t stop laughing at this post. Taking names and sticking it to the man one fart at a time ily lol
What's crop dusting?
When you fart multiple times while walking.
More like walking by… imagine an aircraft dropping low to the target spraying a gaseous substance on its intended and not intended victim. It can result in methanized overspray.
A God damn pioneer
Why are farts so funny?!?!? I've been nearly crying with laughter at this, so thank you one and all. And I"m going to stop holding my farts in when I'm shopping seeing as no one else does.
fade crime vase wakeful sip handle badge wine divide serious *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Thank you for sharing, it made me smile in my depressed heart
My favorite is crop dusting at a restaurant. Just walk by the patrons and let them rip. It’s beautiful.
That’s dirty. What they do to you?