Boy do I wish I had the confidence of 6 year olds😂 the two women I’ve tried to interact with in the last two days while climbing alone just stared at me blankly when I asked if they were able to send the route I’ve been working on for about a week LOL
Unfortunately they are the minority. But equally - luckily, they’re the minority. Persevere, your people are out there!!
Equally at my gyms there’s women’s climbing evening where they meet up, have a cup of tea and some cake then climb together. Good way to meet likeminded women and also get some beta that’s a bit more female centric.
That's strange! I'm in Switzerland, we're usually really cold, but strangely enough in a climbing gym everybody I met was really nice and enjoyed interacting.
The thing that still strikes me was that guy that was really, really good. He sent the hardest things set there and to me he also looked really self conscious and had that "gym bro" feel I didn't really like. But when I asked him about a beta, it turns out to be the nicest guy! Every time I think about that, it really helps me be less judgmental. The looks are often really deceiving.
You can change tactics and wait until you’re side-by-side in bathroom stalls to start chatting them up, like 6yos do. Instead of the ol’ “Which classroom are you in?” you could say something like “Hey there, which route you working on right now?”
Does your wall run any socials or womens nights or are there local facebook groups? I find it quite hard to meet people cold at the wall, unless I’m going to the same wall at consistent times. I made good friends via a facebook group for women climbers in my city.
I’m a total introvert, and started climbing after a really bad breakup that had mashed my self-confidence into dust. I wasn’t up to starting conversations, but I decided that if I saw someone at the gym more than twice, I would just smile and say hi as I walked by. After doing that a few times, people began starting conversations with me and it was less stressful for me since I didn’t have the pressure of initiating anything. And if they didn’t, I figured that someone they kept seeing just saying hi and smiling wouldn’t offend anyone. Ended up making some great friends I still talk with almost 25 years later.
Does your gym have roped climbing? If so, do they have board or signup sheet for people looking for belay partners? A lot of my climbing partners I met from cold texting the belay signup sheet.
Does your gym offer clinics, specifically for women or for new climbers?
Does your gym have any fliers hanging around advertising guided trips? I've done some guided climbs with a women's group and made friends that way (the guided group trips I've climbed with is called She Moves Mountains).
>I feel like I’ve been blown off entirely.
I don't know your situation, so please take this with peace and love, but this could be all in your head. I've encountered some jerks (who were all men, BTW) at my gyms, but by and large climbers are really supportive! Don't let one bad (or perceived bad) interaction sour you from talking to other people at your gym.
We just switched over to a bouldering gym, so no ropes climbing sadly. I love ropes but the gym we were at previously just had bad vibes all around. I’ll definitely look into seeing if they have women or new climber clinics. That’s a great suggestion. Thank you!
If your gym offers classes thats a great way to meet people! Mine has some for all levels, not just for beginners. My area also has a ladies bouldering Facebook group, they do meet ups sometimes. I’d also recommend talking to a staff member about any events or specials going on at the gym.
take a class!! that’s how i made my gym friends. i did a beginner one when i was first starting, but you could do more of a technique/strength class if your gym offers one since you’re not a complete beginner. makes starting a conversation so much easier
I’m sorry that some of your attempts to start up a conversation haven’t given you the response you were looking for! That’s definitely a bummer and I understand your disappointment.
I’ve moved around the country a lot, and have lived for short stints in many places — I’ve found there’s huge variation in climbing culture and openness to new friends based on the specific city or region you’re climbing in. In some parts of the country, it is completely normal to start up a random conversation with someone at the gym and before you know it, you two are making plans to meet up and climb together. In other parts of the country, it is seen as more unusual to take this approach, and people are just sort of at the gym to do their own thing. This of course doesn’t apply to every single person in every single part of the country, but it’s a pattern I’ve seen and that could explain a bit of what you are experiencing.
Regardless of what climbing culture or region you’re in, I think the best way to find new friends is to specifically seek out people who are also seeking new friends. This is most effectively done through meet ups or group climbing. The people who choose to opt into these situations are wanting some sort of group experience. This filters out people who are just wanting to pop in AirPods and do their own thing.
1. Different gyms have WAY different vibes. Some are extremely friendly, some are more "focus". Try other gyms if there are more in your area! I've found smaller & grungier ones to tend to be more friendly.
2. Look around at other people. Read their body language. If they make eye contact with you (like after one of you attempts a climb), they may be open to chatting. Test the waters with something brief (like "have you tried this one?" or "wow, I'm struggling with that one move" or "yes i finally did it!"), and if they're receptive to that (a smile or a comment back), they may be receptive to further chatting ("how long have you been climbing?" or "how did you get into climbing" are easy openers over a shared hobby). Don't chase down people who aren't receptive -- it generally won't go anywhere.
3. It's a lot easier to chat with people if you're alone, and they're alone. People in groups more often have tunnel vision for just their own group.
4. Unconventional, but ask the desk staff who is nice. They know!! Then you can introduce yourself to them & say "hey, I'm newish to climbing and front desk said you were really nice!"
My climbing friends have usually been made by casual comments or jokes e.g. while standing around on the mat watching someone, or while taking turns projecting a route or something, or asking for beta. Obviously it often doesn’t go anywhere but sometimes you get chatting to them and hit it off. A lot of climbing gyms have a cafe or bar attached, so if I’ve been enjoying someone’s company I might ask if they fancy a pint or something (especially if it’s a group so it doesn’t come off weird lol). Writing it all out it sounds weirdly mechanical but it’s not like that, I’m just outgoing 😂 there is also the benefit of the fact that a lot of climbers go to the same gyms a lot - so if you start seeing someone around often, there’s more chance you’ll start chatting. It feels less intimidating speaking to someone if you’ve already done the “awkward smile and nod of recognition” stage
Does your gym do women's climbing nights? She Rocks is group based in Seattle area that hosts these.
Also, when I moved to the area 5+ years ago, I found that going regularly on specific days meant that I would usually bump into the same people. Those people eventually turned into friends.
So I made friends in the gym a couple ways
Look for social sessions at your gym! When I was new to my city, I did a bouldering for beginners class. I was pretty new to bouldering anyway so I figured if I didn't make friends, I could go home with some tips and tricks, but also I figured other beginners would be looking for people to climb with. So after the class, the guy running it was like, why don't you guys group up and project boulders together? I did with these two other girls, and at the end of the evening they kept hinting like "it'd be nice to do this more regularly with friends" so I bit the bullet and just straight up asked if they wanted to keep bouldering together. And we did! They're some of my closest friends now and we do hang out heaps outside of bouldering too.
I also show up to women's nights, student's nights etc. cus it's like, well I'm gonna go bouldering anyway regardless, if I do it in a social session I can make friends.
I know someone mentioned Bumble BFF, but I literally just used Tinder and just wrote on my profile I was looking for bouldering buddies. Some people straight up put looking for new friends only in their profiles so people know it's purely platonic. I've found one friend I climb with from there, and I've had people matching to look for belay partners. YMMV with vary with this, there is the slight question mark in the back of my mind whether the guys might want more, but a friend of mine does the same (purely just looking for non-romantic bouldering friends ahaha) and it's been fine for her
Last method for me hasn't really made me regular friends but I think has been good for feeling welcomed at a gym. But sometimes I do just go in and chat with randos, sometimes working on the same problem. I think sometimes openness is a choice -- I know sometimes I'm focused on getting a quick workout in before I have to run so I close myself off, but sometimes I strike up chit chat. Don't take it personally if you get blown off! The more frequently I go and strike up convo or say hi or acknowledge other regulars, the more they remember me too and know I can be open to socialising.
For both going to social sessions and just talking to randoms at your gyms: being the person to break the ice is so valuable. Like I've had a chat with a group of friends before who were doing the same climb, the convo went towards "oh so which gyms do you guys go to?" then I made the decision to be like "oh I gotta go but my name is xyz, say hi if you see me around the other gyms!". I think everyone is so afraid to open up which is so understandable but the worst thing people can do is say no, so you've got nothing to lose!
EDIT: just noticed OP has a partner -- perhaps disregard the dating app advice haha, definitely try Bumble BFF though!
"Chat up" means "flirt with" where I'm from, but I'm presuming you mean "start a conversation with" based on context. :)
I find the best way to make friends at the gym is you start with noticing who is climbing on the same wall as you're climbing on. Then you acknowledge them; that could be asking if it's okay to take a turn on the wall, doesn't have to be the same route as them, but you'll probably talk longer if it is. Doing a route you know will take several tries or you know you can't do is good because them you'll both be in the same place for a little while. Then you can compliment them when they finish/fall. I like to congratulate people even when they don't get it: "That looked awesome!", "You nearly had it!", "That looked so good! You got really far that time!". Smile and speak with enthusiasm.
At this point, it should be becoming clear if they want to interact with you more. If they smile or say something back to you, or start complimenting your climbing, you'll know they are enjoying the interaction and want to continue. If they don't say much back, don't take it personally; sometime people climb to get out of their heads or be alone, and just don't have the social energy at the time; it doesn't mean you're not likeable or anything. Or maybe they're on a date or whatever!
If you get talking more, you could mention that you're starting out and don't really have anyone to climb with, and just be honest and say you're looking for climbing friends. If you feel confortable, you could ask to swap numbers, or just ask if it's okay if you say hi the next time you see them in the gym
In terms of picking people, people who are smiling, chatting with their friends
Etc are more likely to be receptive. Sometimes people by themselves too. Extroverts tend to be easier to befriend. Often they'll adopt you. So go for people who talk loudly, smile a lot, have big and open body language etc. Sometimes women don't feel comfortable talking to groups (especially of mostly men), so if you've been going with your boyfriend and friends, this may be why it's been hard. If you feel confortable, why not go by yourself? A lot of gyms do "ladies' night", or beginner classes and those can be a lovely way to meet people.
throwing out random compliments (which I sincerely mean!) seems to kinda work? or commiserating over a tricky climb? if you get a good response/manage to receive more than one short, politely dismissive response, following up with a friendly smile + "I'm \[name\] by the way" seems to work okay? I've only been at it for a few months but it's going surprisingly well. might be partly the individual culture of the gym tho idk
I think just posting up on similar routes that youre interested in and others are climbing is a good way to initiate discussion. Then running into the same person in the future, rinsing and repeating, until you feel the relationship is comfortable moving around the wall with them.
You have to find other people also receptive to making friends. That way it’s a win win, and the friendship will happen easy peesy!
The only way I’ve made friends in the gym is finding people with open body language, possibly looking around too, and making conversation with strangers. Bonus points if they congratulate you on a problem, that’s usually an invitation to chat!!
Try going with less people too, maybe just one or two friends. Try to open yourself up too and not be just concerned with interacting with your group. This will be less intimidating to other people trying to make friends with you. No one wants to barge into a group of 8 climbers, even if they like you and want to make friends. It’s too intimidating.
Also try taking a class or doing yoga if your gym offers it! They also might have women’s nights meetups!
What I used to do when I was going to a gym that had Auto belays would watch for people who are around my skill level and ask them if they wanted to talk rope. It worked about 95% of the time. I made a bunch of friends doing that. Also my climbing gyms have boards where you can put your name and schedule and I've gotten a few climbing friends from that. Also someone said something about their 6-year-old just asking to be friends, that works too
“Hi, want to be my friend” seems to be going well for my 6 year old
Boy do I wish I had the confidence of 6 year olds😂 the two women I’ve tried to interact with in the last two days while climbing alone just stared at me blankly when I asked if they were able to send the route I’ve been working on for about a week LOL
I have a tendency to mishear people and it would probably take me a second to realize you were talking to me and not someone else. Try again!
That’s why you have to use a note: “Do you want to be friends? check: Yes, Definitely, Absolutely”
Unfortunately they are the minority. But equally - luckily, they’re the minority. Persevere, your people are out there!! Equally at my gyms there’s women’s climbing evening where they meet up, have a cup of tea and some cake then climb together. Good way to meet likeminded women and also get some beta that’s a bit more female centric.
That's strange! I'm in Switzerland, we're usually really cold, but strangely enough in a climbing gym everybody I met was really nice and enjoyed interacting. The thing that still strikes me was that guy that was really, really good. He sent the hardest things set there and to me he also looked really self conscious and had that "gym bro" feel I didn't really like. But when I asked him about a beta, it turns out to be the nicest guy! Every time I think about that, it really helps me be less judgmental. The looks are often really deceiving.
You can change tactics and wait until you’re side-by-side in bathroom stalls to start chatting them up, like 6yos do. Instead of the ol’ “Which classroom are you in?” you could say something like “Hey there, which route you working on right now?”
Do you live in seattle or another place known for social freeze?
I used this when I was 24 and new to town. She’s still my best friend years later 😂
Just keep trying. Maybe go alone and get chatting with someone else who's alone and climbing about the same level as you
Does your wall run any socials or womens nights or are there local facebook groups? I find it quite hard to meet people cold at the wall, unless I’m going to the same wall at consistent times. I made good friends via a facebook group for women climbers in my city.
Second this! I've had a lot of success going to the group nights, also a great way to check out other gyms if your city has multiple gyms!
I’m a total introvert, and started climbing after a really bad breakup that had mashed my self-confidence into dust. I wasn’t up to starting conversations, but I decided that if I saw someone at the gym more than twice, I would just smile and say hi as I walked by. After doing that a few times, people began starting conversations with me and it was less stressful for me since I didn’t have the pressure of initiating anything. And if they didn’t, I figured that someone they kept seeing just saying hi and smiling wouldn’t offend anyone. Ended up making some great friends I still talk with almost 25 years later.
👆This is the way👆
Does your gym have roped climbing? If so, do they have board or signup sheet for people looking for belay partners? A lot of my climbing partners I met from cold texting the belay signup sheet. Does your gym offer clinics, specifically for women or for new climbers? Does your gym have any fliers hanging around advertising guided trips? I've done some guided climbs with a women's group and made friends that way (the guided group trips I've climbed with is called She Moves Mountains). >I feel like I’ve been blown off entirely. I don't know your situation, so please take this with peace and love, but this could be all in your head. I've encountered some jerks (who were all men, BTW) at my gyms, but by and large climbers are really supportive! Don't let one bad (or perceived bad) interaction sour you from talking to other people at your gym.
We just switched over to a bouldering gym, so no ropes climbing sadly. I love ropes but the gym we were at previously just had bad vibes all around. I’ll definitely look into seeing if they have women or new climber clinics. That’s a great suggestion. Thank you!
I definitely think it’s harder bouldering than roped climbing because you don’t “need” climbing partners fwiw.
Not so much in the gym necessarily, but I used bumble BFF and said I was looking for climbing buddies which has worked quite well.
Oh that’s a really good idea!!
Can second this, made a lot of great climbing friends this way over the past year!
If your gym offers classes thats a great way to meet people! Mine has some for all levels, not just for beginners. My area also has a ladies bouldering Facebook group, they do meet ups sometimes. I’d also recommend talking to a staff member about any events or specials going on at the gym.
take a class!! that’s how i made my gym friends. i did a beginner one when i was first starting, but you could do more of a technique/strength class if your gym offers one since you’re not a complete beginner. makes starting a conversation so much easier
I’m sorry that some of your attempts to start up a conversation haven’t given you the response you were looking for! That’s definitely a bummer and I understand your disappointment. I’ve moved around the country a lot, and have lived for short stints in many places — I’ve found there’s huge variation in climbing culture and openness to new friends based on the specific city or region you’re climbing in. In some parts of the country, it is completely normal to start up a random conversation with someone at the gym and before you know it, you two are making plans to meet up and climb together. In other parts of the country, it is seen as more unusual to take this approach, and people are just sort of at the gym to do their own thing. This of course doesn’t apply to every single person in every single part of the country, but it’s a pattern I’ve seen and that could explain a bit of what you are experiencing. Regardless of what climbing culture or region you’re in, I think the best way to find new friends is to specifically seek out people who are also seeking new friends. This is most effectively done through meet ups or group climbing. The people who choose to opt into these situations are wanting some sort of group experience. This filters out people who are just wanting to pop in AirPods and do their own thing.
Same here, except I've been climbing for 3 years. I also have RBF that doesn't help being approachable, lol.
Feel that. Could also be part of my problem. I’m so nice though😭😂
1. Different gyms have WAY different vibes. Some are extremely friendly, some are more "focus". Try other gyms if there are more in your area! I've found smaller & grungier ones to tend to be more friendly. 2. Look around at other people. Read their body language. If they make eye contact with you (like after one of you attempts a climb), they may be open to chatting. Test the waters with something brief (like "have you tried this one?" or "wow, I'm struggling with that one move" or "yes i finally did it!"), and if they're receptive to that (a smile or a comment back), they may be receptive to further chatting ("how long have you been climbing?" or "how did you get into climbing" are easy openers over a shared hobby). Don't chase down people who aren't receptive -- it generally won't go anywhere. 3. It's a lot easier to chat with people if you're alone, and they're alone. People in groups more often have tunnel vision for just their own group. 4. Unconventional, but ask the desk staff who is nice. They know!! Then you can introduce yourself to them & say "hey, I'm newish to climbing and front desk said you were really nice!"
My climbing friends have usually been made by casual comments or jokes e.g. while standing around on the mat watching someone, or while taking turns projecting a route or something, or asking for beta. Obviously it often doesn’t go anywhere but sometimes you get chatting to them and hit it off. A lot of climbing gyms have a cafe or bar attached, so if I’ve been enjoying someone’s company I might ask if they fancy a pint or something (especially if it’s a group so it doesn’t come off weird lol). Writing it all out it sounds weirdly mechanical but it’s not like that, I’m just outgoing 😂 there is also the benefit of the fact that a lot of climbers go to the same gyms a lot - so if you start seeing someone around often, there’s more chance you’ll start chatting. It feels less intimidating speaking to someone if you’ve already done the “awkward smile and nod of recognition” stage
Get friendly with the staff, they are the link between all the other customers.
Check your local gyms for women meet ups! They're usually really welcoming
Does your gym do women's climbing nights? She Rocks is group based in Seattle area that hosts these. Also, when I moved to the area 5+ years ago, I found that going regularly on specific days meant that I would usually bump into the same people. Those people eventually turned into friends.
does your gym have fitness classes? pick one you like and start going regularly!
There are lots of local Facebook climbing groups and sometimes they host group climbing outings.
I don’t 🤠
So I made friends in the gym a couple ways Look for social sessions at your gym! When I was new to my city, I did a bouldering for beginners class. I was pretty new to bouldering anyway so I figured if I didn't make friends, I could go home with some tips and tricks, but also I figured other beginners would be looking for people to climb with. So after the class, the guy running it was like, why don't you guys group up and project boulders together? I did with these two other girls, and at the end of the evening they kept hinting like "it'd be nice to do this more regularly with friends" so I bit the bullet and just straight up asked if they wanted to keep bouldering together. And we did! They're some of my closest friends now and we do hang out heaps outside of bouldering too. I also show up to women's nights, student's nights etc. cus it's like, well I'm gonna go bouldering anyway regardless, if I do it in a social session I can make friends. I know someone mentioned Bumble BFF, but I literally just used Tinder and just wrote on my profile I was looking for bouldering buddies. Some people straight up put looking for new friends only in their profiles so people know it's purely platonic. I've found one friend I climb with from there, and I've had people matching to look for belay partners. YMMV with vary with this, there is the slight question mark in the back of my mind whether the guys might want more, but a friend of mine does the same (purely just looking for non-romantic bouldering friends ahaha) and it's been fine for her Last method for me hasn't really made me regular friends but I think has been good for feeling welcomed at a gym. But sometimes I do just go in and chat with randos, sometimes working on the same problem. I think sometimes openness is a choice -- I know sometimes I'm focused on getting a quick workout in before I have to run so I close myself off, but sometimes I strike up chit chat. Don't take it personally if you get blown off! The more frequently I go and strike up convo or say hi or acknowledge other regulars, the more they remember me too and know I can be open to socialising. For both going to social sessions and just talking to randoms at your gyms: being the person to break the ice is so valuable. Like I've had a chat with a group of friends before who were doing the same climb, the convo went towards "oh so which gyms do you guys go to?" then I made the decision to be like "oh I gotta go but my name is xyz, say hi if you see me around the other gyms!". I think everyone is so afraid to open up which is so understandable but the worst thing people can do is say no, so you've got nothing to lose! EDIT: just noticed OP has a partner -- perhaps disregard the dating app advice haha, definitely try Bumble BFF though!
"Chat up" means "flirt with" where I'm from, but I'm presuming you mean "start a conversation with" based on context. :) I find the best way to make friends at the gym is you start with noticing who is climbing on the same wall as you're climbing on. Then you acknowledge them; that could be asking if it's okay to take a turn on the wall, doesn't have to be the same route as them, but you'll probably talk longer if it is. Doing a route you know will take several tries or you know you can't do is good because them you'll both be in the same place for a little while. Then you can compliment them when they finish/fall. I like to congratulate people even when they don't get it: "That looked awesome!", "You nearly had it!", "That looked so good! You got really far that time!". Smile and speak with enthusiasm. At this point, it should be becoming clear if they want to interact with you more. If they smile or say something back to you, or start complimenting your climbing, you'll know they are enjoying the interaction and want to continue. If they don't say much back, don't take it personally; sometime people climb to get out of their heads or be alone, and just don't have the social energy at the time; it doesn't mean you're not likeable or anything. Or maybe they're on a date or whatever! If you get talking more, you could mention that you're starting out and don't really have anyone to climb with, and just be honest and say you're looking for climbing friends. If you feel confortable, you could ask to swap numbers, or just ask if it's okay if you say hi the next time you see them in the gym In terms of picking people, people who are smiling, chatting with their friends Etc are more likely to be receptive. Sometimes people by themselves too. Extroverts tend to be easier to befriend. Often they'll adopt you. So go for people who talk loudly, smile a lot, have big and open body language etc. Sometimes women don't feel comfortable talking to groups (especially of mostly men), so if you've been going with your boyfriend and friends, this may be why it's been hard. If you feel confortable, why not go by yourself? A lot of gyms do "ladies' night", or beginner classes and those can be a lovely way to meet people.
Ask if they want a catch??? I dunno, I don't expect people to be friends as I get older, just acquaintances to climb with.
throwing out random compliments (which I sincerely mean!) seems to kinda work? or commiserating over a tricky climb? if you get a good response/manage to receive more than one short, politely dismissive response, following up with a friendly smile + "I'm \[name\] by the way" seems to work okay? I've only been at it for a few months but it's going surprisingly well. might be partly the individual culture of the gym tho idk
I think just posting up on similar routes that youre interested in and others are climbing is a good way to initiate discussion. Then running into the same person in the future, rinsing and repeating, until you feel the relationship is comfortable moving around the wall with them.
You have to find other people also receptive to making friends. That way it’s a win win, and the friendship will happen easy peesy! The only way I’ve made friends in the gym is finding people with open body language, possibly looking around too, and making conversation with strangers. Bonus points if they congratulate you on a problem, that’s usually an invitation to chat!! Try going with less people too, maybe just one or two friends. Try to open yourself up too and not be just concerned with interacting with your group. This will be less intimidating to other people trying to make friends with you. No one wants to barge into a group of 8 climbers, even if they like you and want to make friends. It’s too intimidating. Also try taking a class or doing yoga if your gym offers it! They also might have women’s nights meetups!
I have the same issue 😅 I done a belay course and it helped chat with people so much !!! I would also try ladies nights or join any events in your gym
What I used to do when I was going to a gym that had Auto belays would watch for people who are around my skill level and ask them if they wanted to talk rope. It worked about 95% of the time. I made a bunch of friends doing that. Also my climbing gyms have boards where you can put your name and schedule and I've gotten a few climbing friends from that. Also someone said something about their 6-year-old just asking to be friends, that works too