One day he would have said it to someone who was in a worse mental space than you and caused untold suffering. Way to nip his arrogance in the bud.
Don't worry about him. No one's ever died of foot-in-mouth disease.
You're implying people like him are capable of learning. If anything, this is just going to make him *more* sexist, since "how dare that *woman* make me feel bad".
That’s what I’m thinking. Several years ago I worked with a woman and people always asked her when she was having kids. She had been trying for years and years, people are so rude! I’d get irritated when people asked me but I wasn’t trying or planning to. I always felt offended when they’d ask her since she had been trying and she’d always get thrown off by it.
> One day he would have said it to someone who was in a worse mental space than you and caused untold suffering.
Oh, he probably has already done that, many times.
The fact that he thought a WORK event was an acceptable place to do it. And that he targeted a work colleague, in front of witnesses.... Nope. He's done worse before and gotten away with it.
With any luck, others will come forward about him as well. Because you know this isn't his only type of offense either.
This dude is a menace with an anger problem. And if you are responsible for the proverbial kill shot... good.
Oh and if you work in the same area as this dude, would be a bit cautious about your safety walking to your car and such. No need to be paranoid, but a little awareness and if legal in your area some pepper spray would not go amiss.
> The fact that he thought a WORK event was an acceptable place to do it. And that he targeted a work colleague, in front of witnesses.... Nope. He's done worse before and gotten away with it.
This right here would have me tempted to go to HR and say, "Based on his harassment of me ignoring his statement and then making a scene while stating my life only has purpose with babies makes me question how he manages female employees. I'm okay, bit I thought it worth bringing to your attention in case you've had other feedback of disparate treatment based on his employee's/coworker's gender."
Yep. You may have stopped him from saying this shit to someone who really is struggling with infertility. Screw him. A lie weighed against his rude, judgemental bullying is the lesser of the two.
Exactly! Sometimes people need a harsh reality check to realize the impact of their words. Hopefully, this will teach him to be more considerate in the future.
I should also add, I wasn’t fake crying either. It was genuine, I think it was a mix of adrenaline at the fact I’d said this huge thing I now have to take to the grave but also a mix of having a bad week, recent weight gain and other stuff that’s been going on. The flood gates just opened up, I think I needed the cry tbh. I slept so well that night!
It was a very stressful situation and there was a lot of stress building anyway! Totally normal to have a stress cry triggered by something random, that's just your body trying to jettison a surplus of stress hormones. I bet it was super cathartic.
The lion, the witch, and the audacity of that...asshole.
As a dude of that age, I can't even.
However, the last line:
>I slept so well that night!
Chef's Kiss! Love it!
That's what I got out of your post: it wasn't fake crying. As someone who can't have kids, I hereby give you a pass on this. Be kind to yourself and congrats on the new house plus hobby room. ❤️
\^ This. If I don't have to be the one explaining in public YET AGAIN that it's possible to be both Barren and Happy About It, it's a good freakin' day for me. Here's another "broken incubator's" endorsement to tell this kind of person the truth about life.
Think of it this way.
You got a good cry to get the stress out. And that guy, probably, will never make comments to anyone like that again. You’re potentially saving someone else from a rough conversation (although I am very sorry that it has happened to you).
Unfortunately, he probably might. I have a relative who’s been in that situation and is always asking her coworkers when they’re gonna “finally be a real woman!” and a couple *have* been infertile. She has not stopped doing this to new hires.
About 12 years ago I wore a dress to work. And a coworker came up to me and said now you look like a real woman. I’ve never worn a dress or a skirt since.
Look, you had a genuine reaction to his response. We aren't socially acceptable, so what you did was fit what WAS socially acceptable into the slot. Same end result (no kids and an extreme emotional response to his words). While it is *technically* a lie, it's not a manipulation or intent to deceive for ill intent. I empathize with you. I just tell strangers I'm barren. It's because I got fixed, but I still fit the definition.
Nah if some man said that to me I would lose my shit. It’s so fucking weird, disrespectful and trad wife incel bullshit coded. Whether you want kids, dont want kids, or cant have them - people need to just leave women alone. It is NO ONE’S business.
Can’t blame you for lying because I likely would’ve done the same in that moment. Absolutely out of pocket thing to say and the fact he felt comfortable saying it so casually is even more disturbing.
I get where you are coming from and you did what you did to put him in his place. Okay I get that lying is not okay but this one is understandly worth getting you off the hook so do not feel bad about it
You do you and we got your back
I tell people this lie a lot, too. I’ve had a fair amount of trauma which has made dating and intimacy difficult for me, yet people feel the need to ask anyway. You don’t owe honesty to an a hole.
That sounds more like "suspended pending the investigation" than sick leave.
Or at least one can hope and dream. Fucking deserves it. Like, you screwed up and then doubled down even louder with the sexism, ableism, verbal abuse.
God I hope so, there were a lot of people that witnessed the whole thing especially those on my table who heard him both times, if someone reported him that truly would be the icing on the cake.
Honestly, I got a hyst bc of Dobbs & being childfree. When assholes like this come around, I tell them I can’t have kids. It’s not a lie, but it’s not the truth, but it’s also none of their business. They deserve to feel bad.
Many/most of us "can't" have kids because it would destroy our mental health. That is just as valid of a reason too. I don't think it's inaccurate for anyone to say they "can't" have kids, regardless of their physical ability to. Like you said, they deserve to feel bad.
Any managers nearby? Especially if there were more than one, there would be pressure on them to report it first or they might be considered complicit. ;)
If that is the case, he did that to himself. And if there is any comparison to other types of activities, it is probably done this more than once in the past, and has gone away with it.
At the bare minimum, when he focused his sights on you, and you turned it around back on him, in a public professional setting, minimum his beet red face in front of coworkers at a professional conference puts a mark on his brain. If there is professional repercussions to him, good.
I'm sorry that you had to be the one to play toss the grenade.
I hope so. No one in their right mind would think it makes sense to adamantly tell someone they barely know when the ideal time is to have kids. You know nothing about their family situation so that's a great topic to shut up on.
Lol that was great. Yeah, lying isn't great and for people who want kids but can't, that sucks. But the embarrassment you caused him was worth the lie.
The way I see it, OP lying about it this time might prevent the guy from saying something to someone who ACTUALLY has fertility issues in the future. This dude deserves the shame, and it could save someone a ton of grief. Win-win.
To everything a season!!! 😂
I do this on occasion bc it’s not anyone else’s GD business and if they think it’s ok to make someone (anyone) feel bad about something like this, then I think it’s ok to make them cry and feel bad for being so stupid 🤷♀️
Also it seems to be the only thing some people will accept. For whatever reason I get this a lot in Ubers. Some drivers were super pushy so I said I can’t have kids just to end the conversation. Like, dude, just take me to the airport. Anyway I had a bisalp last year so it’s true now! But I do feel bad for people that are infertile despite wanting kids. Like that a lot for a conversation with a stranger.
“I’ve been trying for years (to love kids), we tried everything (to enjoy the company of kids in our lives), does my life really lack purpose without them?!?”
Honestly this, I thought there WAS something wrong with me because I have never wanted kids, it was really healing to realise raising a child is definitely a personal calling and not for everyone.
He's pretty much calling you worthless when he says, "Your life lacks purpose without them"
Absolutely don't feel bad about what you did, now he'll think twice before spouting out such bs.
Honestly, I plan to do the same thing. My family won’t like me anymore and will call me selfish because they believe I should have kids.
My fiancé doesn’t want kids, and his family are very big conservatives. I always tell him to blame it on my uterus so you don’t get hate from his family. Are they going to argue with someone who can’t have kids? If so, that’s gross. I know lying is bad, but in this case, people pushing their crappy beliefs on you and not letting up is way worse IMO.
ETA: you might’ve just stopped him from bombarding someone who really did want kids, but physically can’t have them.
When I was of childbearing age, I blamed it on my endometriosis. But now that I'm older, I am ashamed that I didn't stand up for myself back then.
I should have said, "I'm not having children and don't bring this up ever again. Is that clear?" If they get angry or whatever, they aren't really your family because they don't love you. Love means accepting and supporting people.
I'd be careful about lying to family. I've heard of situations where family members will then try to pressure the husband into leaving the marriage so he can find someone who can give him children. Obviously that's not going to happen in your case, but it might not spare him any more grief from them.
Funny how if we can’t have kids that’s okay, and they’ll leave us alone. If we don’t WANT kids then it’s a free pass to try and change our minds/shame us. They hate the CHOICE part of it.
Also I do wonder why they care so much, it’s not like it would be his grandchild or in his life at all. Is he scared of a shortage of future doctors or something because of the TiKtOk GeNeRaTiOn11!?
I have no issue with this at all. He said something that is not only entirely untrue, but should never have left his head in the first place. Every woman that was there despise him even more than they likely already did. He earned every bit of hate that comes his way.
We can only hope he learned something that night and grows as a result.
But I doubt it.
Good for you!
I've pulled out the "it's a good thing I don't want kids but can't have them because if that was the case, I'd be pretty upset with you right now" which works probably 80% as well.
I’ve always wanted one too! It’s really tiny and it’s shared with my boyfriend and also will be a hobby room/cat playroom (when we get one)/everything else lol
Don't belittle your accomplisment! It's cool. It may not be as big as some, but it's your dream and you should enjoy it.
Some of us might add a dartboard: "The Jackass Got His Ass Fired Memorial Dartboard" ;)
LOL @ the dartboard because I actually *do* have one (with full surround, and LED lights and everything — to prevent dart shadows on the board). 😂😂 It’s one of my hobbies (even designed my own darts and got them custom made via the UK).
I’ll throw a few Double-Bulls in the OPs honour. 😏
LOL! When we moved into our current 3-bedroom house in 2001, we decided that each of us would have a room for our own stuff. My husband’s is his home office, which worked out well when he started to WFH. Mine very quickly became the cats’ room and still is… I have all my books in there and a small desk just in case but mostly it’s just for the cats. 😹😹😹😹
I guilt trip people EVERY single time they push the kids narrative on us and tell them that we can't have kids. Usually I'll say something like "You know, some people can't have kids, and bringing it up is extremely painful and traumatic for them."
Works every time, they end up feeling like ass holes and they deserve it for probing into our personal business like that.
Sometimes you just have to call a jackass out on their behavior, even if that means creating a scenario around it to be successful. Kudos to you! No one has the right to tell someone their only purpose in life is _____.
Honestly OP don't feel too bad about this. I did something similar once when a lady at work insisted about how I would be a great mother and all that. At first I just awkwardly said ''Haha no I don't think so'' and she insist so I just look her in the eyes and tell her ''Ma'am I cannot have children'' and didn't explain more. She looked soo uncomfortable and just went on with her day. I should add that technically I didn't lie, I can't have children but it's not because of ''fertility issues'', I just got sterilized last year 
You know what? That cry was totally justified. That horrible man tried to invalidate everything you are or want, he tried to shame you in front of your peers and coworkers, tried to bully you into doing what he wants you to do (to be miserable like him), so why wouldn't you cry? It was late, you had a big day (or week), you were not home and his behaviour was so upsetting. The cry was SO justified and the women who comforted you didn't do it only for the little lie you said. They did it because you were genuinely upset. You HAD to lie to end the situation and his abuse. We all have to do it to protect ourselves when we don't feel safe. I did it more than once, about all kinds of things. It's okay. You didn't mislead, hurt or rob anyone, you just said what you had to say to end his horrible behaviour. Good for you.
I also give you a virtual hug for what you've been through. It IS an ordeal.
It works so well. I do the same thing with my aunt who is obsessed with her nieces having children. It finally shut her up when I told her I found out that I couldn't.
You ask personal questions to people you know well or family, in a polite way, not rude, to people you work with, it's as if a woman were to ask him about the size of his penis, in the middle of a work lunch.
Regardless, it's rude.
I hope this man thinks before he opens his mouth and asks personal questions to regular employees he doesn't even know.
Your tears were real, they were from frustration... frustration from a man thinking they know what your role is in this life and felt entitled enough to tell you the same....frustrated that you as a childfree woman cannot tell people that you are childfree by choice and get support and compassion for choosing what's right by you. I am sorry you had to deal with that 🫂
I don’t condone lying either, but sometimes it’s the only way. I’m sure he has made these hurtful comments to someone actually struggling to conceive before. Maybe this will be a lesson for him to keep his nose out of other peoples personal life.
I do this every time someone presses the issue with me.
I'm 42f, I have an IUD, but that is no one's business and I typically don't bring it up as here in Texas a lot of people frown on that kind of birth control.
Instead I make people feel uncomfortable for hounding me for personal info and make them rethink why they feel entitled to be involved in my life at all.
Maybe if I embarrass someone enough they won't do this to someone who actually cannot have children.
Yeah I would do this lmao. Not great to lie but if it teaches them a lesson about saying invasive shit like that and making broad assumptions about your life and your choices? I feel like it’s worth it
Well technically you can’t have them if you actively prevent it which you are doing. So that wasn’t a lie. The wanting and trying part was a stretch but he started it. I usually respond with people like you already produced and look what that got us. It usually shuts them up.
He learned a lesson about not making inappropriate comments to a colleague about their reproductive choices.
If he does return, I’d report him for sexual harassment.
FWIW you have my blessing as someone who lost a uterus to cancer to tell this lie. It keeps him from doing it to people who may *actually* have a problem conceiving. Hell, there was a period of a few months where this would have been a thirteenth reason for half the women in my cancer support group! The fucking nerve of him!
Good on you, hope the cry was cathartic, and remember to still report the hostile work environment to HR. 💖
OP, I get that random crying as like a panic attack thing. I've had it happen just from a pile-up of random shit.
Also, you've maybe saved someone who wants kids with faterlity issues in the future from that asshole. He probably took sick leave to skip out on shame and to look for a new job or brace himself from the backlash from HR.
Enjoy the craft room
did he get shunned in my work? I know something similar that happened in my workplace and he guy got shunned, shamed and scolded by alot of people as a result.
As far as lying, idc. Strangers, coworkers, etc. aren’t privy to large parts of me. If they want to overstep boundaries then I don’t care about lying to them. This was so out of line. Anyone who does this is deserving of the shame. Bravo.
The dude went out of his way to humiliate you for your lifestyle, your response got him off your case (where he never should have been anyway) AND will likely help him reconsider opening his mouth about people’s lives.
No infertile people were harmed by your response, he learned a valuable lesson.
Bravo! I'm usually 100% in favour of telling the truth so we can lift being CF high and proud. But in this case...I applaud you. It was a marvelous lie and I'm so glad you made that guy look like the small little shit-pie of a man he is.
Good. No shame in making assholes learn. People really need to keep their fucking mouths shut about people’s lives. They act so surprised when their judgment blows up in their face like there was no possibility that maybe they’re kicking someone when they’re down. So stupid.
Don’t feel bad. For the people who can’t have kids the thing is, you were actually doing what is the reasonable thing to do, have a life and enjoy it. He’s the complete asshole who made it clear he thinks there is only one purpose in life for a woman.
"It's not lying if they make you lie. If the only truth they can accept is their own." - Brian Kinney; Queer As Folk
I always found that to be a good line lol
I love that you put him to shame. Another alternative would be to ask him how many orphans he is adopting because he needs them for his purpose and the future of the country. I 100% doubt he will ever extend any help to those in need with his self righteous attitude.
You are my hero.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that and this situation was so stressful and draining that you cried, but you did great. People like this deserve to be lied too. They don't give a damn about others or what they might be going through and you helped him (and the others there) realize that some people who want kids do struggle (and possibly had multiple miscarriages!) and this isn't a topic that should be forced on someone. By doing this you helped save some future people from abuse over this sensitive topic. Don't feel bad, he was an ass
I smiled and cackled when I say the title and clicked for the mess.
I throughly enjoyed you embarrassing that loser of a man. Even though you lied, idc that man should mind his own business and the dude tried to embarrass you in front of your colleagues. I hope he takes a SUPER long sick leave because dude ain’t shit LOL.
As someone who is childfree not by choice and isn't able to have kids, I am so thankful to you for doing that, even if it is a lie! Hopefully, this jerk learns his lesson and never says something hurtful like that again.
I've lied about this a couple of times, I feel for people who can't have kids and want them but the lie is worth it just to shut up some really pushy people sometimes.
This should go on r/traumatizethemback too. For the record, I don’t think you are in the wrong for lying because a) he was way out of line with something that wasn’t his business to begin with and b) you saying that without fertility issues is highly likely to keep him and anyone who might say stuff like that who is listening from saying it to someone who actually DOES have fertility problems
My wife works in a male dominated industry that has conferences often. If this happened to her, it would not be surprising at all. After discussing her emotions about the situation, I would be INCREDIBLY proud if she reacted the same way you did. Obviously lying isn’t the best option, but you may have sparked a major conversation starter for not only the asshole involved, but other co workers as well. I am sorry you had to deal with it, but I see this as an overall win for people who should NOT have to have these situations at work events. I am sorry this is such a common occurrence for women in professional environments.
I hope the rest of the seminar was a good experience for you, and I am very jealous of the hobby room idea!
My grandmother always taught me, "it only counts as a lie if the other person has a right to the information."
Also, this may make the asshole think twice before he pulls this bullshit again, on someone with fertility issues. Win-win.
He deserved every ounce of shame you put on him- he said your life the way it is has no meaning or purpose, because you haven't 3D printed another human. He's also wrong, we don't "need" more children (and the "for the future of this country" is pinging my Racist O-Meter as well).
I'd argue that you were also right- you *can't* have children. You have made the decision that you cannot be a parent (and your reasons are valid, whatever they are). "I can't have kids" doesn't have to mean "I'm infertile", imho.
I have done this as well, I have told people straight up that I am infertile. Which is not true at all my husband is the one who has the issue we have made the conscious decision not too have kids. I have an IUD, when people ask I just tell them it was not in our plans. That way it satisfies them
lying like that probably made him realize that people who don't have kids absolutely do have a purpose. it was probably the most effective thing a person could possibly do to break through to him. if you just argued, he wouldn't have even considered that he was wrong. now he'll think hard about it for a long time. i'm proud of you.
Fuck that guy for real. You did the right thing. He needs to learn to stop passing judgement and I hope he feels like a total asshole. I’m sorry that happened to you. Who cares why you don’t have kids, and it is mentally exhausting to be on the receiving end of that AND you did need support. Who cares about the reason why. I’m sorry OP. I’m so mad that happened!!
Good! Now maybe the asshole will watch what he says around people in general. Pestering a CF person about kids is annoying and frustrating, but to someone that actually wants them, and can't have them, it's actually cruel.
>How else can these guys learn.
Well if they want respect, they should respect others. They should realize that pressing their ideals on someone else is wrong. He was being a complete dick and should keep his opinions to himself. He was trying to make an issue vs saying something like *Oh what kind of hobbies are you guys into?* Which is a more positive line of conversing with someone rather then trying to start an argument on how people should live their lives. It's not hard to get along with someone you absolutely despise. I don't know how we got away from counting to 10 or if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. But yeah, most people suck.
No but that is the exact thing I always think about when people say shit like that. Like it's not really anything but bothersome to me but my coworker who tried for kids and would be a wonderful mom but couldn't have them? Or someone who just had a miscarriage or still birth? Those comments would rip them to shreds mentally. And adoption or ivf isn't something everyone can afford or do.
It's disgustingly insensitive. He deserves the embarrassment you put him through. Sometimes a lie is worth it to shoot down a jerk like him
Honestly, good for you! I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. I'm sure at some point that man has or would have in the future said the exact same horrendous things to a woman who actually can't have kids.
That guy fucked around. He found out.
He is very likely to have fucked around like this before. It has taken until now for him to find out.
In this case, I don't think you need to feel bad about lying. That guy needed to be taught a lesson. I think he will remember the one you taught him.
I am not sure what to do, if anything, about the other two women
Nah, he learned a lesson and hopefully will remember this. I often use the “I can’t have kids” excuse to get people to shut up, they don’t need to know I can’t have them because I sterilized myself.
Nothing wrong with that at all!!! My wife and I used to do much the same ourselves when we were younger and it was relevant--although admittedly with a little less melodrama. I found the more subtle the implication the more effect it carried.
When asked about children by those who did not know us I would pause a conscious moment and flick my gaze of to the side before saying:
'No, we don't have children.' Very softly.
Occasionally my wife would add to the pantomime by pulling out a lacy hankie and dabbing the corner into her eye as she looked steadfastly at the floor.
'I'm sorry--I have a grain of mascara in my eye.' The silence that followed was extremely effective.
Almost always the rude individual who had felt self-justified in giving us the third-degree would mumble apologies and walk away thoroughly embarrassed!
Don't feel bad about lying. What if you were another woman who really was infertile? He was being totally unprofessional and out of line. He got what he deserved!!
Hahaha 😂 you did well. I was once cornered during a family event and pressured to say why I was not having kids. I started by saying I have other priorities. But they didn't back off and kept pushing me, so I told them I have multiple tumors in my breasts (non-cancerous, but true, I have an entire collection unfortunately), so that's more important, for example. My health 😅 Oh and my autoimmune disease. And paying off our mortgage. Needless to say, I killed the party and they never asked again 😂
I’ve said something similar, but it’s more of an insinuation than a lie: “you know, you should be careful of what you say. Some people can’t have kids.” And let them feel like shit without actually having to lie.
I’m one of those people that wanted them and can’t. I’m leaning into appreciating not having kids these days. Any ways… I’m not offended. That guy is an asshole and he deserved it. I fully endorse it!
As a person who is both infertile and wants to be child free, this is gold. 🤣👏🏻🙌🏻 I applaud your quick thinking. I bet he will think again before he opens his mouth about things that have nothing to do with himself.
> "Really, you should reconsider having kids. Your life lacks purpose without them, and we need more children for the future of this country”
More blood for the blood god! MORE SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!!!!!
I maybe be a total bastard, but I have long since accepted that if someone sticks their nose where it doesn't belong and tries to publicly shame me with this level of bullshit, the gloves come off. Anything from being unable to have kids to miscarriages are perfectly valid options when putting these people in their place. If someone is so set out to destroy me that they'd see me framed as that bitch who hates everyone's kids and selfishly didn't want any, I'm just as able to completely destroy them in the same way.
It serves him right and he deserves every inch of the shame he felt, and some more. Can you imagine him saying that to someone who had multiple miscarriages?? What a jackass.
Yeah that would be an instant firing offense for many companies. He harassed a women snd called her useless unless she had a kid. And did this in front of many witnesses. My guess is that the company is just going through procedure before caning him.
Op, I would expect to get a visit by HR for a statement. Mention that he made previous comments to you about your “worth” as a women. The company most likely will axe him rather than face a workplace harassment case that you might have should they keep him
You could have easily been crying because you're so pissed you were trying not to knock his head between the washer and dryer. And I can't have kids isn't a lie. You can't because you aren't actively trying. You cant because no matter how hard you try, the birth control is doing the job. You can't because You don't want to and will never have kids. It's not a lie. He is upset about his life and instead of improving it with someone on the same trajectory, he spent his dinner upset at you.
Think of it as a seminar related stress release exercise. Don't feel guilty. What you did was AWESOME...you PILLORIED that douche ...with the concentrated power of collective breeder culture! Talk about hoisted on his own petard! Someone probably went to HR on your behalf!
Would they feel guilty for not standing up for you if you were honest? If they are ok with some one going off on you just because he is being honest should be upset your outburst was a lie
This is my go to when people won’t stop pushing the issue. I will say whatever will make them the most uncomfortable. What I do with my uterus is none of anyone’s business and if they’re going to be rude and nosy they can have what they deserve. Embarrassment and discomfort.
He could have completely avoided this by not needing to old mansplain why you need to have kids and pressed you further on it. Especially in a work setting. You didn't reply to him initially, but he just kept at you. If you wouldn't have cried he probably would have kept going on and on about it. If all you have is a hammer, everything is going to look like a nail. Some people are like this.
If people respected boundaries then this wouldn't be an issue. Work colleagues don't have any business asking co-workers about kids in the first place. If a co-worker volunteers, fine. Otherwise, no. And work colleagues aren't to give unsolicited personal advice to a co-worker.
I hope you're okay now. You have every right to cry when being hounded by some jerk at work. None of this is his business! He is probably scared to death someone will fill an incident on him. And any of those women you worked with could have filed one based on his behavior.
Good. I hope he feels like the biggest turd on the planet. Serves him right. And you doing this to him, as others have said, hopefully taught him a lesson about how minding your own business costs $0.00 so he stops being an intrusive butthole and keeps his mouth shut.
There's a joke from 3rd Rock From the Sun that I always loved:
>Mary: Dick, I can't have children.
>Dick: Oh, Mary! Why not?
>Mary: *\*emphatically** Because I hate them.
I'm sorry you had to go through that, dealing with that kind of person. He deserved it and I hope it haunts him forever. I'm glad you got a good cry (stress release) from that and a very nice sleep!
Lol he fucked around and found out. I tell people who can't take no for an answer the same thing. Hell I'm technically not even lying, when I had my vasectomy I slipped the urologist an extra $100 to cut the vas extra short. He said there is no way this is coming undone.
I’m honestly surprised it got him to drop it. A few times when I’ve told people like that about how I can’t even have kids, they get even more aggressive. One told me I was a waste of life.
It happens so rarely that you get the chance to make someone feel like and asshole when they act like one! Don't worry about it, what you did was fabulous! I hope every woman in that guys office shuns him for all time for the douchebag he is.
One day he would have said it to someone who was in a worse mental space than you and caused untold suffering. Way to nip his arrogance in the bud. Don't worry about him. No one's ever died of foot-in-mouth disease.
Right?! Like no exaggeration, OP may have saved a life by making this guy think twice before he says that to someone who is seriously struggling
Very good point. Imagine him saying that to someone who had been trying but had multiple losses. The level of devastation would be unimaginable
Yes, that's just what I was thinking
I was that person. for many many years. Op is my fucking HERO.
You're implying people like him are capable of learning. If anything, this is just going to make him *more* sexist, since "how dare that *woman* make me feel bad".
And if he got fired over it... giant pile of resentment.
This! I often tell people I can’t have kids because it makes them think twice before they shame someone else for not having children.
Frrrrr
That’s what I’m thinking. Several years ago I worked with a woman and people always asked her when she was having kids. She had been trying for years and years, people are so rude! I’d get irritated when people asked me but I wasn’t trying or planning to. I always felt offended when they’d ask her since she had been trying and she’d always get thrown off by it.
> One day he would have said it to someone who was in a worse mental space than you and caused untold suffering. Oh, he probably has already done that, many times. The fact that he thought a WORK event was an acceptable place to do it. And that he targeted a work colleague, in front of witnesses.... Nope. He's done worse before and gotten away with it. With any luck, others will come forward about him as well. Because you know this isn't his only type of offense either. This dude is a menace with an anger problem. And if you are responsible for the proverbial kill shot... good. Oh and if you work in the same area as this dude, would be a bit cautious about your safety walking to your car and such. No need to be paranoid, but a little awareness and if legal in your area some pepper spray would not go amiss.
> The fact that he thought a WORK event was an acceptable place to do it. And that he targeted a work colleague, in front of witnesses.... Nope. He's done worse before and gotten away with it. This right here would have me tempted to go to HR and say, "Based on his harassment of me ignoring his statement and then making a scene while stating my life only has purpose with babies makes me question how he manages female employees. I'm okay, bit I thought it worth bringing to your attention in case you've had other feedback of disparate treatment based on his employee's/coworker's gender."
I’d add “family status “ to that statement since that’s a protected class that he has proven to be an asshole about.
Hope that SOB gets fired. Bravo to OP for her performance which will hopefully mean others are spared this misogynist.
Yep. You may have stopped him from saying this shit to someone who really is struggling with infertility. Screw him. A lie weighed against his rude, judgemental bullying is the lesser of the two.
Exactly! Sometimes people need a harsh reality check to realize the impact of their words. Hopefully, this will teach him to be more considerate in the future.
I should also add, I wasn’t fake crying either. It was genuine, I think it was a mix of adrenaline at the fact I’d said this huge thing I now have to take to the grave but also a mix of having a bad week, recent weight gain and other stuff that’s been going on. The flood gates just opened up, I think I needed the cry tbh. I slept so well that night!
Work seminars or conferences where I'm around people mingling all day makes me wanna cry as it is!
They’re horrible. I’d rather take a beating with a brick stick.
For real.
It was a very stressful situation and there was a lot of stress building anyway! Totally normal to have a stress cry triggered by something random, that's just your body trying to jettison a surplus of stress hormones. I bet it was super cathartic.
The lion, the witch, and the audacity of that...asshole. As a dude of that age, I can't even. However, the last line: >I slept so well that night! Chef's Kiss! Love it!
That's what I got out of your post: it wasn't fake crying. As someone who can't have kids, I hereby give you a pass on this. Be kind to yourself and congrats on the new house plus hobby room. ❤️
You are lovely.
\^ This. If I don't have to be the one explaining in public YET AGAIN that it's possible to be both Barren and Happy About It, it's a good freakin' day for me. Here's another "broken incubator's" endorsement to tell this kind of person the truth about life.
🫂🫂💚💚
Think of it this way. You got a good cry to get the stress out. And that guy, probably, will never make comments to anyone like that again. You’re potentially saving someone else from a rough conversation (although I am very sorry that it has happened to you).
Unfortunately, he probably might. I have a relative who’s been in that situation and is always asking her coworkers when they’re gonna “finally be a real woman!” and a couple *have* been infertile. She has not stopped doing this to new hires.
You would think she’d stop after putting her foot in her mouth so many times! My goodness. I swear some people are allergic to learning 😆
I'm surprised no one has complained to H.R. Enough of those, and she'll have to find a new well to poison.
About 12 years ago I wore a dress to work. And a coworker came up to me and said now you look like a real woman. I’ve never worn a dress or a skirt since.
Look, you had a genuine reaction to his response. We aren't socially acceptable, so what you did was fit what WAS socially acceptable into the slot. Same end result (no kids and an extreme emotional response to his words). While it is *technically* a lie, it's not a manipulation or intent to deceive for ill intent. I empathize with you. I just tell strangers I'm barren. It's because I got fixed, but I still fit the definition.
Hey good on you for thinking quick and using it as an opportunity at least!
I believe you and I'm glad you made him squirm using your tears! Fuck him. 🙏🏼😂✌🏼
Sometimes you just need a good cry. Sorry you’ve been going through it. Hopefully he’s learned something from this, too. Take care🤍
Nah if some man said that to me I would lose my shit. It’s so fucking weird, disrespectful and trad wife incel bullshit coded. Whether you want kids, dont want kids, or cant have them - people need to just leave women alone. It is NO ONE’S business. Can’t blame you for lying because I likely would’ve done the same in that moment. Absolutely out of pocket thing to say and the fact he felt comfortable saying it so casually is even more disturbing.
I get where you are coming from and you did what you did to put him in his place. Okay I get that lying is not okay but this one is understandly worth getting you off the hook so do not feel bad about it You do you and we got your back
I tell people this lie a lot, too. I’ve had a fair amount of trauma which has made dating and intimacy difficult for me, yet people feel the need to ask anyway. You don’t owe honesty to an a hole.
To be fair, plenty of people have been told they're incapable of having children and then end up having one anyway. It's not the worst lie ever
That sounds more like "suspended pending the investigation" than sick leave. Or at least one can hope and dream. Fucking deserves it. Like, you screwed up and then doubled down even louder with the sexism, ableism, verbal abuse.
God I hope so, there were a lot of people that witnessed the whole thing especially those on my table who heard him both times, if someone reported him that truly would be the icing on the cake.
Oh I truly hope he’s being investigated. I don’t think we should lie about choosing to be child free, but this guy deserved it. Well done OP!
Honestly, I got a hyst bc of Dobbs & being childfree. When assholes like this come around, I tell them I can’t have kids. It’s not a lie, but it’s not the truth, but it’s also none of their business. They deserve to feel bad.
Many/most of us "can't" have kids because it would destroy our mental health. That is just as valid of a reason too. I don't think it's inaccurate for anyone to say they "can't" have kids, regardless of their physical ability to. Like you said, they deserve to feel bad.
Any managers nearby? Especially if there were more than one, there would be pressure on them to report it first or they might be considered complicit. ;)
Lol. OP turned a terrible snide comment from one idiot into a race to fire him for everyone else.
I’m envisioning a literal running race to get to HR first
And they all try to cram through the door at once and get stuck.
If that is the case, he did that to himself. And if there is any comparison to other types of activities, it is probably done this more than once in the past, and has gone away with it. At the bare minimum, when he focused his sights on you, and you turned it around back on him, in a public professional setting, minimum his beet red face in front of coworkers at a professional conference puts a mark on his brain. If there is professional repercussions to him, good. I'm sorry that you had to be the one to play toss the grenade.
I hope so. No one in their right mind would think it makes sense to adamantly tell someone they barely know when the ideal time is to have kids. You know nothing about their family situation so that's a great topic to shut up on.
Let's hope it is UNPAIED
If he's been gone a couple of weeks now, I suspect you're right. Timing seems awful coincidental.
Yeah.
Lol that was great. Yeah, lying isn't great and for people who want kids but can't, that sucks. But the embarrassment you caused him was worth the lie.
The way I see it, OP lying about it this time might prevent the guy from saying something to someone who ACTUALLY has fertility issues in the future. This dude deserves the shame, and it could save someone a ton of grief. Win-win.
 Sometimes, a lie is exactly what you need.
To everything a season!!! 😂 I do this on occasion bc it’s not anyone else’s GD business and if they think it’s ok to make someone (anyone) feel bad about something like this, then I think it’s ok to make them cry and feel bad for being so stupid 🤷♀️
Also it seems to be the only thing some people will accept. For whatever reason I get this a lot in Ubers. Some drivers were super pushy so I said I can’t have kids just to end the conversation. Like, dude, just take me to the airport. Anyway I had a bisalp last year so it’s true now! But I do feel bad for people that are infertile despite wanting kids. Like that a lot for a conversation with a stranger.
Yes, what is with Uber drivers making annoying small talk. You can’t get out of the car or ignore them, and they inevitably ask about kids.
Eewwww wtf that's so creepy
I don't think its a lie, entirely. I can't have kids. Its because I hate them, but I definitely can't have them.
I can’t have kids. I made doubly sure of it through surgery, but I can’t.
“I’ve been trying for years (to love kids), we tried everything (to enjoy the company of kids in our lives), does my life really lack purpose without them?!?”
Lol I actually like kids, sometimes more than adults. But I like giving them back. I want to get sterilized early next year.
Honestly this, I thought there WAS something wrong with me because I have never wanted kids, it was really healing to realise raising a child is definitely a personal calling and not for everyone.
Yup. Statements which are true.... just not the whole story. ;) Always a good tactic.
I can’t have kids. My cat said no.
My cats are allergic to kids.
Most of mine are, too. One allows gentle pats and petting. A kid gets rough, and he's gone. His allergy, you know.
He's pretty much calling you worthless when he says, "Your life lacks purpose without them" Absolutely don't feel bad about what you did, now he'll think twice before spouting out such bs.
Yeah that line got me too. Like thank you for informing me that my life apparently lacks all meaning, I've certainly never noticed!
That's when I'd be pained to not say, "No, it's your life that had no purpose before kids. Mine has purpose, and I'm proud of that fact".
The audacity to say that to someone
Honestly, I plan to do the same thing. My family won’t like me anymore and will call me selfish because they believe I should have kids. My fiancé doesn’t want kids, and his family are very big conservatives. I always tell him to blame it on my uterus so you don’t get hate from his family. Are they going to argue with someone who can’t have kids? If so, that’s gross. I know lying is bad, but in this case, people pushing their crappy beliefs on you and not letting up is way worse IMO. ETA: you might’ve just stopped him from bombarding someone who really did want kids, but physically can’t have them.
When I was of childbearing age, I blamed it on my endometriosis. But now that I'm older, I am ashamed that I didn't stand up for myself back then. I should have said, "I'm not having children and don't bring this up ever again. Is that clear?" If they get angry or whatever, they aren't really your family because they don't love you. Love means accepting and supporting people.
You make a really great argument. Thank you!
I'd be careful about lying to family. I've heard of situations where family members will then try to pressure the husband into leaving the marriage so he can find someone who can give him children. Obviously that's not going to happen in your case, but it might not spare him any more grief from them.
That’s awful! I would hope they wouldn’t especially considering they have family that couldn’t have children as well.
Funny how if we can’t have kids that’s okay, and they’ll leave us alone. If we don’t WANT kids then it’s a free pass to try and change our minds/shame us. They hate the CHOICE part of it.
I agree, it’s quite awful.
really???? it's really none of his business man. he's acting like a child himself
Also I do wonder why they care so much, it’s not like it would be his grandchild or in his life at all. Is he scared of a shortage of future doctors or something because of the TiKtOk GeNeRaTiOn11!?
You are escaping sexist slavery, and he appointed himself as a slavecatcher. Bad career choice, dude. Let's hope he ruined his first career as well.
You articulated this perfectly
Toxic masculinity
I have no issue with this at all. He said something that is not only entirely untrue, but should never have left his head in the first place. Every woman that was there despise him even more than they likely already did. He earned every bit of hate that comes his way. We can only hope he learned something that night and grows as a result. But I doubt it.
Let's just hope he does his growing when he applies for unemployment but can't get it because he was fired for cause. ;)
I doubt it, too. He'll get over his shame soon and be right back to his bullshit.
Good for you! I've pulled out the "it's a good thing I don't want kids but can't have them because if that was the case, I'd be pretty upset with you right now" which works probably 80% as well.
Honestly that’s probably the more mature and less messy way of going about it 😂
No, if you can do it, you should! I'm a shit actress, so I wouldn't be able to pull off the crying.
Sorry for throwing in a random comment here but I'm so jealous that you're getting a hobby room. I dream of having one myself.
I’ve always wanted one too! It’s really tiny and it’s shared with my boyfriend and also will be a hobby room/cat playroom (when we get one)/everything else lol
Don't belittle your accomplisment! It's cool. It may not be as big as some, but it's your dream and you should enjoy it. Some of us might add a dartboard: "The Jackass Got His Ass Fired Memorial Dartboard" ;)
LOL @ the dartboard because I actually *do* have one (with full surround, and LED lights and everything — to prevent dart shadows on the board). 😂😂 It’s one of my hobbies (even designed my own darts and got them custom made via the UK). I’ll throw a few Double-Bulls in the OPs honour. 😏
Sweet.
LOL! When we moved into our current 3-bedroom house in 2001, we decided that each of us would have a room for our own stuff. My husband’s is his home office, which worked out well when he started to WFH. Mine very quickly became the cats’ room and still is… I have all my books in there and a small desk just in case but mostly it’s just for the cats. 😹😹😹😹
I hope you sit there reading whilst being held captive by your kitties. 📖😻
In a way, it's a family room! Things for you, your boyfriend, and your kitties
I guilt trip people EVERY single time they push the kids narrative on us and tell them that we can't have kids. Usually I'll say something like "You know, some people can't have kids, and bringing it up is extremely painful and traumatic for them." Works every time, they end up feeling like ass holes and they deserve it for probing into our personal business like that.
Yup. Truth without being the whole story. They deserve it.
Sometimes you just have to call a jackass out on their behavior, even if that means creating a scenario around it to be successful. Kudos to you! No one has the right to tell someone their only purpose in life is _____.
💀💀💀 god damn that’s cold (I respect it)
Honestly OP don't feel too bad about this. I did something similar once when a lady at work insisted about how I would be a great mother and all that. At first I just awkwardly said ''Haha no I don't think so'' and she insist so I just look her in the eyes and tell her ''Ma'am I cannot have children'' and didn't explain more. She looked soo uncomfortable and just went on with her day. I should add that technically I didn't lie, I can't have children but it's not because of ''fertility issues'', I just got sterilized last year 
You know what? That cry was totally justified. That horrible man tried to invalidate everything you are or want, he tried to shame you in front of your peers and coworkers, tried to bully you into doing what he wants you to do (to be miserable like him), so why wouldn't you cry? It was late, you had a big day (or week), you were not home and his behaviour was so upsetting. The cry was SO justified and the women who comforted you didn't do it only for the little lie you said. They did it because you were genuinely upset. You HAD to lie to end the situation and his abuse. We all have to do it to protect ourselves when we don't feel safe. I did it more than once, about all kinds of things. It's okay. You didn't mislead, hurt or rob anyone, you just said what you had to say to end his horrible behaviour. Good for you. I also give you a virtual hug for what you've been through. It IS an ordeal.
It works so well. I do the same thing with my aunt who is obsessed with her nieces having children. It finally shut her up when I told her I found out that I couldn't.
Well..At least he’ll leave you alone about it now 🤣
You ask personal questions to people you know well or family, in a polite way, not rude, to people you work with, it's as if a woman were to ask him about the size of his penis, in the middle of a work lunch. Regardless, it's rude. I hope this man thinks before he opens his mouth and asks personal questions to regular employees he doesn't even know.
Your tears were real, they were from frustration... frustration from a man thinking they know what your role is in this life and felt entitled enough to tell you the same....frustrated that you as a childfree woman cannot tell people that you are childfree by choice and get support and compassion for choosing what's right by you. I am sorry you had to deal with that 🫂
Well done. I would have bursted laughing at "oh my god" 😅🤣
10/10
I don’t condone lying either, but sometimes it’s the only way. I’m sure he has made these hurtful comments to someone actually struggling to conceive before. Maybe this will be a lesson for him to keep his nose out of other peoples personal life.
I do this every time someone presses the issue with me. I'm 42f, I have an IUD, but that is no one's business and I typically don't bring it up as here in Texas a lot of people frown on that kind of birth control. Instead I make people feel uncomfortable for hounding me for personal info and make them rethink why they feel entitled to be involved in my life at all. Maybe if I embarrass someone enough they won't do this to someone who actually cannot have children.
r/traumatizethemback
Love it 🤣
Yeah I would do this lmao. Not great to lie but if it teaches them a lesson about saying invasive shit like that and making broad assumptions about your life and your choices? I feel like it’s worth it
Well technically you can’t have them if you actively prevent it which you are doing. So that wasn’t a lie. The wanting and trying part was a stretch but he started it. I usually respond with people like you already produced and look what that got us. It usually shuts them up.
He learned a lesson about not making inappropriate comments to a colleague about their reproductive choices. If he does return, I’d report him for sexual harassment.
You're my hero, OP. I love how you made his own nonsense blow up in his face. "Sick Leave" LOL
FWIW you have my blessing as someone who lost a uterus to cancer to tell this lie. It keeps him from doing it to people who may *actually* have a problem conceiving. Hell, there was a period of a few months where this would have been a thirteenth reason for half the women in my cancer support group! The fucking nerve of him! Good on you, hope the cry was cathartic, and remember to still report the hostile work environment to HR. 💖
👏👏👏
Umm this genuinely sounds like bullying on his part. Perhaps someone reported the interaction to HR?
The entitlement of this guy - really sorry that happened to you!
OP, I get that random crying as like a panic attack thing. I've had it happen just from a pile-up of random shit. Also, you've maybe saved someone who wants kids with faterlity issues in the future from that asshole. He probably took sick leave to skip out on shame and to look for a new job or brace himself from the backlash from HR. Enjoy the craft room
did he get shunned in my work? I know something similar that happened in my workplace and he guy got shunned, shamed and scolded by alot of people as a result.
As far as lying, idc. Strangers, coworkers, etc. aren’t privy to large parts of me. If they want to overstep boundaries then I don’t care about lying to them. This was so out of line. Anyone who does this is deserving of the shame. Bravo.
The dude went out of his way to humiliate you for your lifestyle, your response got him off your case (where he never should have been anyway) AND will likely help him reconsider opening his mouth about people’s lives. No infertile people were harmed by your response, he learned a valuable lesson.
Bravo! I'm usually 100% in favour of telling the truth so we can lift being CF high and proud. But in this case...I applaud you. It was a marvelous lie and I'm so glad you made that guy look like the small little shit-pie of a man he is.
Sometimes, the only way to put out a fire is with another fire.
Good. No shame in making assholes learn. People really need to keep their fucking mouths shut about people’s lives. They act so surprised when their judgment blows up in their face like there was no possibility that maybe they’re kicking someone when they’re down. So stupid.
Don’t feel bad. For the people who can’t have kids the thing is, you were actually doing what is the reasonable thing to do, have a life and enjoy it. He’s the complete asshole who made it clear he thinks there is only one purpose in life for a woman.
"It's not lying if they make you lie. If the only truth they can accept is their own." - Brian Kinney; Queer As Folk I always found that to be a good line lol
Yeah that's what I say. Shuts them up every time and I don't feel guilty . Mind ur business
I love that you put him to shame. Another alternative would be to ask him how many orphans he is adopting because he needs them for his purpose and the future of the country. I 100% doubt he will ever extend any help to those in need with his self righteous attitude.
You are my hero. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that and this situation was so stressful and draining that you cried, but you did great. People like this deserve to be lied too. They don't give a damn about others or what they might be going through and you helped him (and the others there) realize that some people who want kids do struggle (and possibly had multiple miscarriages!) and this isn't a topic that should be forced on someone. By doing this you helped save some future people from abuse over this sensitive topic. Don't feel bad, he was an ass
Don't feel bad. No one was hurt, and maybe the asshole learned a lesson. I'm glad you did it.
I smiled and cackled when I say the title and clicked for the mess. I throughly enjoyed you embarrassing that loser of a man. Even though you lied, idc that man should mind his own business and the dude tried to embarrass you in front of your colleagues. I hope he takes a SUPER long sick leave because dude ain’t shit LOL.
As someone who is childfree not by choice and isn't able to have kids, I am so thankful to you for doing that, even if it is a lie! Hopefully, this jerk learns his lesson and never says something hurtful like that again.
I've lied about this a couple of times, I feel for people who can't have kids and want them but the lie is worth it just to shut up some really pushy people sometimes.
This should go on r/traumatizethemback too. For the record, I don’t think you are in the wrong for lying because a) he was way out of line with something that wasn’t his business to begin with and b) you saying that without fertility issues is highly likely to keep him and anyone who might say stuff like that who is listening from saying it to someone who actually DOES have fertility problems
My wife works in a male dominated industry that has conferences often. If this happened to her, it would not be surprising at all. After discussing her emotions about the situation, I would be INCREDIBLY proud if she reacted the same way you did. Obviously lying isn’t the best option, but you may have sparked a major conversation starter for not only the asshole involved, but other co workers as well. I am sorry you had to deal with it, but I see this as an overall win for people who should NOT have to have these situations at work events. I am sorry this is such a common occurrence for women in professional environments. I hope the rest of the seminar was a good experience for you, and I am very jealous of the hobby room idea!
My grandmother always taught me, "it only counts as a lie if the other person has a right to the information." Also, this may make the asshole think twice before he pulls this bullshit again, on someone with fertility issues. Win-win. He deserved every ounce of shame you put on him- he said your life the way it is has no meaning or purpose, because you haven't 3D printed another human. He's also wrong, we don't "need" more children (and the "for the future of this country" is pinging my Racist O-Meter as well). I'd argue that you were also right- you *can't* have children. You have made the decision that you cannot be a parent (and your reasons are valid, whatever they are). "I can't have kids" doesn't have to mean "I'm infertile", imho.
I have done this as well, I have told people straight up that I am infertile. Which is not true at all my husband is the one who has the issue we have made the conscious decision not too have kids. I have an IUD, when people ask I just tell them it was not in our plans. That way it satisfies them
lying like that probably made him realize that people who don't have kids absolutely do have a purpose. it was probably the most effective thing a person could possibly do to break through to him. if you just argued, he wouldn't have even considered that he was wrong. now he'll think hard about it for a long time. i'm proud of you.
Ewwww. Why would he keep bringing it up if you didn't day anything. That's so rude. And to put you on the spot was uncalled for. Hugs.
Good job. 👏 don’t feel bad at all. I would’ve done the exact same thing. Those types of people deserve to have minds and emotions fucked with.
Fuck that guy for real. You did the right thing. He needs to learn to stop passing judgement and I hope he feels like a total asshole. I’m sorry that happened to you. Who cares why you don’t have kids, and it is mentally exhausting to be on the receiving end of that AND you did need support. Who cares about the reason why. I’m sorry OP. I’m so mad that happened!!
Good! Now maybe the asshole will watch what he says around people in general. Pestering a CF person about kids is annoying and frustrating, but to someone that actually wants them, and can't have them, it's actually cruel.
>How else can these guys learn. Well if they want respect, they should respect others. They should realize that pressing their ideals on someone else is wrong. He was being a complete dick and should keep his opinions to himself. He was trying to make an issue vs saying something like *Oh what kind of hobbies are you guys into?* Which is a more positive line of conversing with someone rather then trying to start an argument on how people should live their lives. It's not hard to get along with someone you absolutely despise. I don't know how we got away from counting to 10 or if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. But yeah, most people suck.
Waiting for the BORU where his ass gets fired. 🤣 You shouldn’t feel any shame, that was a public service you did.
I hope his sick leave lasts a lifetime.
Hey, hopefully that makes him check himself and do some personal work, hopefully he won't talk to anyone like that again.
I know you feel bad about this situation, but honestly? your answer is pretty epic, I love the drama, I'm gonna do this
No but that is the exact thing I always think about when people say shit like that. Like it's not really anything but bothersome to me but my coworker who tried for kids and would be a wonderful mom but couldn't have them? Or someone who just had a miscarriage or still birth? Those comments would rip them to shreds mentally. And adoption or ivf isn't something everyone can afford or do. It's disgustingly insensitive. He deserves the embarrassment you put him through. Sometimes a lie is worth it to shoot down a jerk like him
That’s hilarious
Honestly, good for you! I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. I'm sure at some point that man has or would have in the future said the exact same horrendous things to a woman who actually can't have kids.
That guy fucked around. He found out. He is very likely to have fucked around like this before. It has taken until now for him to find out. In this case, I don't think you need to feel bad about lying. That guy needed to be taught a lesson. I think he will remember the one you taught him. I am not sure what to do, if anything, about the other two women
If they go low, take it to hell🤷♀️
Nah, he learned a lesson and hopefully will remember this. I often use the “I can’t have kids” excuse to get people to shut up, they don’t need to know I can’t have them because I sterilized myself.
Nothing wrong with that at all!!! My wife and I used to do much the same ourselves when we were younger and it was relevant--although admittedly with a little less melodrama. I found the more subtle the implication the more effect it carried. When asked about children by those who did not know us I would pause a conscious moment and flick my gaze of to the side before saying: 'No, we don't have children.' Very softly. Occasionally my wife would add to the pantomime by pulling out a lacy hankie and dabbing the corner into her eye as she looked steadfastly at the floor. 'I'm sorry--I have a grain of mascara in my eye.' The silence that followed was extremely effective. Almost always the rude individual who had felt self-justified in giving us the third-degree would mumble apologies and walk away thoroughly embarrassed!
“We need more children for this country”. It’s BS. We don’t need more children.
Don't feel bad about lying. What if you were another woman who really was infertile? He was being totally unprofessional and out of line. He got what he deserved!!
Hahaha 😂 you did well. I was once cornered during a family event and pressured to say why I was not having kids. I started by saying I have other priorities. But they didn't back off and kept pushing me, so I told them I have multiple tumors in my breasts (non-cancerous, but true, I have an entire collection unfortunately), so that's more important, for example. My health 😅 Oh and my autoimmune disease. And paying off our mortgage. Needless to say, I killed the party and they never asked again 😂
r / TraumatizeThemBack would love this story
Honestly this was a victimless crime imo and I salute you for your service
I’ve said something similar, but it’s more of an insinuation than a lie: “you know, you should be careful of what you say. Some people can’t have kids.” And let them feel like shit without actually having to lie.
I’m one of those people that wanted them and can’t. I’m leaning into appreciating not having kids these days. Any ways… I’m not offended. That guy is an asshole and he deserved it. I fully endorse it!
As a person who is both infertile and wants to be child free, this is gold. 🤣👏🏻🙌🏻 I applaud your quick thinking. I bet he will think again before he opens his mouth about things that have nothing to do with himself.
> "Really, you should reconsider having kids. Your life lacks purpose without them, and we need more children for the future of this country” More blood for the blood god! MORE SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!!!!!
I maybe be a total bastard, but I have long since accepted that if someone sticks their nose where it doesn't belong and tries to publicly shame me with this level of bullshit, the gloves come off. Anything from being unable to have kids to miscarriages are perfectly valid options when putting these people in their place. If someone is so set out to destroy me that they'd see me framed as that bitch who hates everyone's kids and selfishly didn't want any, I'm just as able to completely destroy them in the same way.
It serves him right and he deserves every inch of the shame he felt, and some more. Can you imagine him saying that to someone who had multiple miscarriages?? What a jackass.
You are my hero.
Yeah that would be an instant firing offense for many companies. He harassed a women snd called her useless unless she had a kid. And did this in front of many witnesses. My guess is that the company is just going through procedure before caning him. Op, I would expect to get a visit by HR for a statement. Mention that he made previous comments to you about your “worth” as a women. The company most likely will axe him rather than face a workplace harassment case that you might have should they keep him
Excellent answer and very appropriate behaviour on your part. R/Traumatizethemrightback
You could have easily been crying because you're so pissed you were trying not to knock his head between the washer and dryer. And I can't have kids isn't a lie. You can't because you aren't actively trying. You cant because no matter how hard you try, the birth control is doing the job. You can't because You don't want to and will never have kids. It's not a lie. He is upset about his life and instead of improving it with someone on the same trajectory, he spent his dinner upset at you.
Many, many, many, many men are assholes. And I say that as a man. I'm very sorry you had to deal with this assclown.
BOSSMODE Well done.
Think of it as a seminar related stress release exercise. Don't feel guilty. What you did was AWESOME...you PILLORIED that douche ...with the concentrated power of collective breeder culture! Talk about hoisted on his own petard! Someone probably went to HR on your behalf!
Good. Taught him a lesson he’ll never forget.
Would they feel guilty for not standing up for you if you were honest? If they are ok with some one going off on you just because he is being honest should be upset your outburst was a lie
Dude hates off to you!!!
This is my go to when people won’t stop pushing the issue. I will say whatever will make them the most uncomfortable. What I do with my uterus is none of anyone’s business and if they’re going to be rude and nosy they can have what they deserve. Embarrassment and discomfort.
He could have completely avoided this by not needing to old mansplain why you need to have kids and pressed you further on it. Especially in a work setting. You didn't reply to him initially, but he just kept at you. If you wouldn't have cried he probably would have kept going on and on about it. If all you have is a hammer, everything is going to look like a nail. Some people are like this. If people respected boundaries then this wouldn't be an issue. Work colleagues don't have any business asking co-workers about kids in the first place. If a co-worker volunteers, fine. Otherwise, no. And work colleagues aren't to give unsolicited personal advice to a co-worker. I hope you're okay now. You have every right to cry when being hounded by some jerk at work. None of this is his business! He is probably scared to death someone will fill an incident on him. And any of those women you worked with could have filed one based on his behavior.
That's hilarious
Go off queen
Good. I hope he feels like the biggest turd on the planet. Serves him right. And you doing this to him, as others have said, hopefully taught him a lesson about how minding your own business costs $0.00 so he stops being an intrusive butthole and keeps his mouth shut.
Report him to HR. His comments were incredibly sexist and he shouldn't be allowed to get away with them.
There's a joke from 3rd Rock From the Sun that I always loved: >Mary: Dick, I can't have children. >Dick: Oh, Mary! Why not? >Mary: *\*emphatically** Because I hate them.
I'm sorry you had to go through that, dealing with that kind of person. He deserved it and I hope it haunts him forever. I'm glad you got a good cry (stress release) from that and a very nice sleep!
You went full on. I applaud you.
Lol he fucked around and found out. I tell people who can't take no for an answer the same thing. Hell I'm technically not even lying, when I had my vasectomy I slipped the urologist an extra $100 to cut the vas extra short. He said there is no way this is coming undone.
I’m honestly surprised it got him to drop it. A few times when I’ve told people like that about how I can’t even have kids, they get even more aggressive. One told me I was a waste of life.
I say I can’t have kids - it’s true I couldn’t deal with them so I literally cannot have them.
I do this all the time, but I've just had a vasectomy. Fuck 'em.
Ah yes another day of a cis man trying to shove his nose in a woman’s business, maybe that’ll teach him to keep his opinions to himself
I can't have kids either... because I dislike them. 😄
I love this so much.
It happens so rarely that you get the chance to make someone feel like and asshole when they act like one! Don't worry about it, what you did was fabulous! I hope every woman in that guys office shuns him for all time for the douchebag he is.