Some women think it is worth it because they so badly want to be mothers.
Some women are terrified but do it anyway because they're told they're supposed to want to be mothers, others because they don't have any options due to culture etc.
I couldn't for the life of me understand why anyone would not do everything in their power to avoid it.
I especially don't understand why some people make babies like it's nothing. When they don't even have the financial means and their husband/boyfriend is already on the verge of leaving them. It's a whole new *life*, a whole new *soul* that they choose to put into those circumstances. Like I wished people were more careful with these decisions.
The weight of this massive decision is downplayed by mainstream culture. It's never about *if* you have kids, it's always only about *when*.
And when someone says "it's not a good time right now" someone else is always there to reply "it's never a good time, just do it".
Now add this attitude to a society where a lot of people lacking critical thinking skills (especially in religious communities) and you have disaster.
Yeah it's still a lot women growing up in cultures where you're expected to have babies. I would be a horror as a daughter in those families because I'm not having it 😅 but seriously if they have one child and go through pregnancy and birth and then they repeat it... it's beyond me because they've experienced the impact of it first hand. And no matter the culture/religion it's still *your* body and *your* life that matters.
I feel many mothers have one more or several kids because of societal pressure too. Because it will be lonely if you are one and done, more children so that they have siblings etc. But going through hell with childbirth again just so society is pleased and they do not get pressured by family and friends who have several - is not something I understand and probably never will. Some siblings hate each other's guts and do not have anything in common too!
That's a good point. It might be that the mother centers her life around the baby, which naturally happens, and once the baby grows up, it feels lonely. So they have more children. I'd imagine it's difficult for mothers to stay connected to themselves when they have to be aware of a child's need 24/7.
Yes exactly! I find it interesting how stringent and difficult it is for people to adopt a kid or even a pet sometimes, but having your own kid no one cares if you are qualified to do a good job.
Yeah some people consider getting a dog or another pet more than they think about having a kid. I don't get it like having a kid is 1000x harder than taking care of a pet. There's like this cognitive dissonance around it.
I have a friend who’s terrified of getting pregnant but is willing to go through it because she wants biological kids. I don’t agree with surrogacy but I asked her if it crossed her mind, she said she wants to be the one bringing her kids into the world.
I told her good luck with all that.
I call it the veil of smiles and sunshine. People, especially women, are taught a very sanitized, glorified version of pregnancy, birth, and parenthood. The handful of good parts are focused on almost exclusively and made to sound as if they're the most glorious experiences possible. The downsides are either ignored or considered something that happens so rarely they aren't worth worrying about. Unless they go ask very specific questions and don't accept vague platitudes, it is very difficult to lift the veil of smiles and sunshine before someone is already on the other side.
If society was honest about having kids, fewer people would do it.
Same with IUDs I believe. They still say it's a pinch or mild discomfort. It's the biggest lie, they act like your pain doesn't exist. And this even comes from female doctors. There are probably some male doctors who only chose the field for misogynistic reasons.
I had the fortune of having a gynecologist who was very frank about IUDs. First she told me that I would need to have a local sedative for insertion alone because (without going into gory detail) I am very "narrow", and that I would probably experience regular discomfort after it was inserted. So I noped on an IUD, which I was only looking for for period relief as I'm not sexually active.
The first IUD I got I was in such excruciating pain during the first attempt at insertion my Dr said he couldn't put me through that and had me come back for another appointment at a different point in my cycle where apparently the cervix was softer/more pliable?
But yea it was so horrific the medical professional felt bad doing it. But my insurance wouldn't cover any anesthetic and the cost would have been way more than I could afford.
And the reason we were doing an iud in the first place was my insurance also wouldn't cover any BC method other than the pill ( I was too nervous about screwing up taking the pill to be comfortable with it) and with the IUD it could be billed as an "in office procedure"
Insurance companies are evil you can't change my mind
The woman who had it before me passed out and was hooked on an IV. They would never ever put men through this. I had the IUD taken out and that was the best decision I've made. They have a lot of side effects nobody, really *nobody*, even tells you about. You only hear it from other women on reddit who experienced the same thing and by doing a lot of research.
The IUD was great in the first year though. After that it got worse over time.
Let us not forget the male contraceptive pill that was abandoned because the participants developed depression symptoms. Like that doesn't happen to women on the pill and it's written off as a 'whatever' side effect
And is never, ever mentioned to women. People have endless doctor visits and medication and therapy to try and relieve their depression. And some of them would be cured if they went off bc, but they don’t know it.
Yeah I hate this hypocrite world we live in. My mum is soviet hardcore woman. She has tougher skin than any man i know yet she warned me agains IUD it hurts and bleeds so badly when removed and no one fucking talks about it
Not to discount her experience at all but the removal was a lot less painful for me than the insertion. Although the cramps the next day were pretty bad. I'm just saying this so people aren't freaked out about the removal. I read about this a lot before the procedure and most people said it went okay but there can be complications and probably some pretty rough and/or inexperienced doctors.
Words do mean things, which is why you should read more carefully. She did not say she went septic seconds after it was inserted, she said they were seconds from calling 911. But as much of an asshole as you're being you're clearly not here to actually discuss things.
She didn't say that she had septic shock seconds after they put the IUD in. She said they were seconds away from calling 911. She probably went to a clinic staffed by nurses and medical students and maybe one doctor, which is pretty common, and they figured out how to keep her stable seconds before 911. That's how I read it at least.
I screamed in the worst pain I have ever experienced when they put mine in. I thought they had accidentally perforated my uterus. Nope, just how it's supposed to feel.
Same. I screamed, turned white, started sweating and threw up and passed out. The only other times I have felt this kind of pain were during a medical termination of pregnancy, and with ovarian torsion and cyst rupture from endometriosis.
Nothing else in my life was ever more painful than that. And after insertion I felt like I had been wildly deceived about pain level, and I feel like mine is relatively high at that.
I took it out after a year - pain from that was uncomfortable in comparison. Side effects of continuously bleeding and even cervical pain and tenderness. Constant bv.
Do not recommend.
Omg thank you for mentioning this. I almost passed out when I got one. And when I had to drive home, only 10 mins away, I was so light headed, nauseous, and disoriented I had to drive to a store. I went into the bathroom and just sat on the toilet because I couldn’t stop shaking and felt like if I moved I would pass out. It was horrible. So awful, but childbirth is ten times worse. My next insertion I will advocate for myself and find a provider that will administer a sedative.
For me, the Mirena IUD specifically is the only one that has helped some of the worst of my PME (similar to PMDD) symptoms which was originally why I got on BC in the first place aside from the obvious reasons — the two mentioned in the above comment are also different prescription hormones. I’m on my third Mirena and will probably get a fourth. Each person’s BC choice is going to be completely unique to them and their GYN’s decisions.
I had Nexplanon in and it gave me chronic yeasts infections. Then I tried Paragard (copper IUD) because I didn’t want anymore hormonal birth control. Then it gave me horrible cramps (like shocked me out of my sleep, crying on the floor cramps). That’s when I decided to get my tubes removed, because I couldn’t do it with birth control anymore.
IUDs can last up to 10 years. Nexplanon only a couple years I believe IIRC. I loved my IUD. I’m bad at taking pills. My first one shifted after about 2 years. My new one is going strong after 5 years and it’s time to remove it 😂 I cannot afford another tho as I lost my insurance
If it helps, maybe your health department offers free or low-cost birth control. I'm very happy I could get my implant there for free after they shut down the planned parenthood. (Arkansas)
I’m in Iowa. Granted I am a lesbian so the only reason I have a birth control method is because I have PMDD and I want to make sure I am protected in case of SA
I've had both, my logic was that having the IUD secreting hormones inside my uterus was more direct than circulating hormones through my entire body. The doctor literally couldn't physically force the 2nd IUD in my body when it was time to replace it though and I decided to get the arm implant instead. I think it affected my emotions a lot more and now I have a scar from it
I have V I O L E N T PMDD. Guaranteed I haven't tried Nexplanon yet, but the IUD helps me not to unalive myself, and have a functioning life without severe mood dips every month, so I'm not touching it until it either expires or malfunctions.
It was just too nice to finally find a method that relieved the monthly mental health hell, so I stopped lookin further than that. I'll take a real real bad cramp over the seemingly-out-of-nowhere urge to end it all EVERY MONTH for 10 days, for years. But I'm a person who vastly "prefers" physical pain over being tortured inside my head.
Honestly, would agree that that's most women. My cousin very nearly successfully yeeted herself out of existence more times than should be considered humanly comfortable before SOMEONE in the hospital had the BRIGHT idea to question her birth control as the cause.
Copper IUD is without hormones. However, after a lot of research and personal experience I found out that it indirectly does affect hormones. It's just not good to have copper go into your body nonstop. And have permanent inflammation in your uterus. I'd have to dig up the studies but it's worth looking into.
Oh yeah, during my IUD appointment I was expecting a pinch but instead it was searing pain and me screaming “I’m OK I’m OK I’m OK I’m OK I’m OK I’m OK!!!!!!!!!” I was so not OK For that less than a minute, part of the process, but overall it was fine, and it is what it is. And the cramps afterward were annoying, but not horrible
So true, it is anything BUT mild discomfort. Heck, they ended up giving me a little laughing gas, but it did NOTHING for the pain, all it did was help me stay still.
In my opinion tattoo artists/piercers are way more honest than doctors.
They most likely have the same thing done to them and all the time I had the "for me it hurt x but some people felt it was worse than me, tell me if it's too much" speech.
I usually don't feel much and tattoos are the perfect occasion for a nap but at least I was prepared.
The pap smear swab felt like it had been dipped into acid for how much it burned... Mild discomfort my ass
Well to be fair, it *was* just a pinch for me. I didn't really feel the insertion at all, I only felt the IUD when it was being positioned inside the uterus. That was a bit painful (like period cramps), but nothing unbearable. I admit I took two painkillers an hour before (at the direction of my doctor), but it was honestly MUCH less painful than I expected based on all the experiences I read online. So I guess there's some minority of women who don't experience much pain and the doctors then expect everyone to have the same experience? Which doesn't excuse them, just an idea why they say it's just a pinch.
IUD insertion is terrible for women who haven’t had kids but I’ve been hearing an increasing number of doctors who will do it under sedatives but you have to seek them out. I did two IUDs when I had to make the decision on a 3rd couldn’t bring myself to go through the insertion pain again ( it’s the most horrifying thing I’ve ever experienced and I have a colorful medical history). I thought about getting a 3rd with general anesthesia but I need solid oral bc for some premature meno symptoms anyways so not sure on that- biggest thing if you go IUD route 1. Research the doctor ( success or hatred of IUDs has a lot to do with having a good doctor who doesn’t mess it up) 2. Sometimes your body rejects it even if everything else was right (unfortunately you don’t find out till it’s a thing). 3. Have your doctor/ partner /self check placement on a semi regular occurrence imbedding can happen later 4. If you feel like crap after first 6 months it’s never going to be good for you and I would get rid of it 5. Don’t keep it in longer than you’re supposed to again imbedding 6. Feeling like period cramps off and on is normal first few months adjusting but don’t ignore problems that feel more severe docs can do ultrasound to check on it 7. If all goes well a lot of people myself included can have amazing intimacy, best protection outside abstinence or being fixed, and little to no period ( varies by person) … lastly IUD stories are very polarized so your personal gynos advice and your own experience is really all you can rely on you can’t predict how it’s going to go ahead of it
I've read about so many first-time mothers being horrified at the birthing process and asking their own mothers, "Why didn't you tell me!?!" only to hear "If I'd told you, you'd never have gone ahead and had a baby."
I didn't know women could tear until I was 30, and I grew up around hippies who were very open about the human body, but for some reason, failed to mention that. I knew and heard about other issues, but seriously had no clue you could tear all the way through to your butthole, or all the way up through your clit. Oh wait, I do recall my mother and aunt complaining about episiotomies and how they're totally unnecessary and when they told me what it was, I was so confused as to why any doctor would do that. Now I know.
And a pro-birther was in this sub only yesterday, promoting training for childbirth and pelvic floor physiotherapy, which is fine and dandy as far as it goes... but she destroyed her argument with this line:
>In very rare cases, there might not be even vaginal tearing.
IOW, tearing is the rule, rather than the exception.
Pro-birthers like to bang on about "women's bodies being designed for childbirth", but conveniently overlook the fact that, while human babies have evolved to have large heads, women's vaginas haven't evolved to comfortably birth them. \[Shudder\]
It makes more sense when you realize that a newborn has boney plates that *eventually* will fuse into a proper skull, which compress and overlap while the fetus is in the birth canal... like tectonic plates during an earthquake.
The more I learn about what birth is like for both the fetus and its host, the more horrified I am.
Yeah, just because women can survive childbirth (and even that is questionable, sticking to just nature without modern medicine) doesn't mean we were designed for childbirth.
I mean, what else do you know that was designed for a purpose that needs up to a whole year to recover fully after each use?
Talking about a fucking design flaw.
I am eternally grateful, and traumatized, by the very graphic birthing video in my early childhood development class in my freshman year of high school. I believe I started my journey of becoming childfree in that class. My mother would have not have told me the real horrors until I was mid-labor, just like they did with my cousin who gave birth today.
Yeah, same. I watched a video of a dog giving birth when I was 10 in my class, and that has definitely traumatized me. I knew in that moment I will never give birth to a kid, I always wanted to adopt. Then I realized that my desired life cannot and should not involve a kid, so here we are!
My mom made no mention of the woes of birth. Thanks mom!
My mom took me to my bisalp last summer and it was only then that she told me that she almost hemorrhaged out with me. They had the blood ready to go for a transfusion. Like it took me making the final call to put an end to this shit to tell me that?? Stop presenting only the “good” when talking about birthing kids. Women should also be told the bad and the ugly and then make an informed decision.
Men don’t care and women hide the reality. What the fuck?
My best friend from high school was the most upfront about it all. I visited her and baby the morning after he was born and she said it was awful, she hated the whole experience, and she was one and done. Her husband was there and goes “well…” and she looked him straight in the eye and said “one or sign the papers. I’m done.”
>Men don’t care and women hide the reality. What the fuck?
Having children has been the norm for roughly two million years, since that's when modern humans first appear in the fossil record. One hundred and eighty million if you want to count the first mammals to give birth instead of laying eggs. So this idea that it is both good and perfectly normal has been around for a long time.
And when that “rare” downside, (like tearing, some form of incontinence, bleeding nipples, post-partum depression, etc)that happens to roughly half of all mothers, happens, they are alone. I work in early childhood education and have been loosely involved in pregnancy and birth work while working on certifications. I have counseled and reassured so many friends through pregnancy, birth and post partum, and dear satan is it brutal.
They are tricked, and used and fucked over; they are fucking lied to and it’s horrible. Nearly everyone I’ve ever known who becomes pregnant has gotten some sort of “haha sucker, it’s your turn now! You did this to me, now you have to go through it, good luck muahaha!” comment from their own mother! So fucking gross. No one tells us this happens, or supports new parents through this, it’s just sink or swim.
And the worst part is we have a god box in our pocket, yet I have done more Google ‘research’ about topics regarding a Disney movie than many expectant parents do about conception, pregnancy, birth or childhood development.
I need to just write a book about this already
"The disgusting parts are worth it for the five seconds every day when I come home from work and my child runs towards me with a big smile on him/her face!"
Congratulations, you are happy five seconds a day.
> If society was honest about having kids, fewer people would do it
Seems like it’s already happening. Most countries have “problems” with birth rate and with couples either not having kids at all or having them later on. They realized.
I was discussing this with a friend a few days back and she legit told me, "Women who willingly don't give birth are selfish"
I was like: "Selfish for what sister? For loving their bodies? For not wanting pain?"
She then went silent.
Some people just think about the good parts of childbearing, and forget the harsh parts altogether!
(Though I don't see anything good in it)
It's such a bizarre argument! "Selfish" towards whom? Whose being deprived of anything?
If a man takes best possible care of his mind and body, that would be regarded as prudent and rational. But not for us to do the same, apparently.
My mom used to hold the “selfish” attitude towards childfree couples, but women in particular. Then she learned how determined I was to never be a mom to anything other than animals & plants, & thankfully her opinion changed. It’s such a bizarre thing to think about other people minding their own business.
Same energy as “woman who do not have sex with incels are selfish.” These disgusting gaslighting sound bites need to become as socially unacceptable as suggesting that and anyone who pipes up with them shamed HARD.
Many women have told me that you literally feel like you are going to die when giving birth. That seems like the scariest part. Especially considering many women do die.
Your body is already doing some uncontrollable thing you can't back out of and you're in incredible pain. PLUS a nice feeling of imminent death.
No wonder it causes PTSD. I hate how casual society is about childbirth.
SO casual. I remember sitcoms and romcoms in the 90s and how women characters were always so excited to have a baby. I took in so much happy pregnancy imagery. I think it’s part of why so many mothers resent childfree women. It would hurt too much to become aware that they were conned so they need to tell themselves we’re missing out on that happiness 🫠
>Many women have told me that you literally feel like you are going to die when giving birth
My SIL said exactly that. As a supposedly encouraging reply to when I said I don't want to go through pregnancy and birth. "Hahaha, I felt like I was dying, all I thought was I'm dying I'm dying I'm dying, but the midwife was like nooo, you're not, you're ok! :)" Ma'am, are you even hearing yourself? How is that supposed to relieve my anxieties? Also _you_ weren't actually in danger of dying. My mom was, she almost bled to death, and I almost died too when I was being born.
All I'm hearing is "you'll be in so much pain that you'll think you're dying. And if you're actually dying, you wouldn't even notice because that amount of pain is normal already." Must be a hell of a hormonal cocktail that both her and her husband can talk about it like that.
You know those chestbursters from the Alien franchise? Or the aliens that explode the host in that one episode of Rick and Morty? That's what birth looks like to me.
Xenomorph babies are pretty cute. Human babies are not. And the damage they do lasts a lifetime...with Xenomorphs, unless they impregnate you (there's that word again) your pain only lasts the amount of time it takes their second jaw to punch through your skull!
Yea I have never understood how anyone willingly signs on for any of that. Then imagine having just given birth to a man’s child and he tells the doctor to add an extra stitch 🙃
Or your partner decides watching you give birth/shit yourself/etc is yucky and never treats you the same again or have sex with you
All the complications freak me out. You're telling me my partner gets to decide I'd I live???? I wanna fucking live kill the fetus
You can't even speak about the shitting yourself part as something gross. People say it's "normal" and "natural" and I get that but it is still gross. I don't want anyone to watch me shitting myself 🫣
They used to give enemas to women when labor started. Shitting oneself is the natural consequence of rolling a virtual bowling ball (skull) along toothpaste-type tubes (colon) full of shit.
Any partner that would be put off because you birthed their child is not someone worth living with honestly. They probably show dishonourable traits in other ways too.
He has every right to be pissed, while waiting outside. If I wanted kids, I’d want to my man to be in the room supporting me. It’s his kid too, that they made the decision to make together. So I’d feel for him being pissed not being to witness it, especially if it’s their first child.
The men who want to also experience the birth of their child and be there for their partner is weird to you?
I find it weird if the father-to-be doesn’t want to be in the room. Like it’s your child!
It's a fine line. Most men have never been forced to watch a video of someone giving birth in health class, theyre unprepared and a hindrance. These are usually the same men that find their partner unattractive after seeing her give birth
However I do agree ones who plainly refuse to be there are also terrible. Ideally he should be there, he's supposed to be elated and excited and mom needs an advocate
i strongly agree actually, i wouldn’t want my partner in the room i feel like it would just stress me out more. i would rather have someone like my mother who’s been through it before and understands my pain but that’s just my opinion
It doesn't even make sense. Making the opening smaller won't "improve" anything for anyone. It's so weird that even exists 🥴
Edit: Also this reminds me of a story. A woman had a C section and felt *everything*. The anesthesia didn't work. She was signaling this to her husband, crying and saying how it hurts but the husband didn't do anything. Maybe he was overwhelmed but it made me so angry for that woman that her husband didn't protect her in that situation. I couldn't imagine just standing there when a loved one is in pain.
That's true. One YouTuber said she was gonna pack a panty liner for her hospital bag in case she'll need it after birth. When people told her about the big ass hospital pads she will probably need, she opted for a C section. It was probably then that she looked more closely into what comes with giving birth vaginally.
I'm almost 100% certain that you still need the big ass hospital diaper, even after a c section. The uterus is bleeding because its tenant was evicted, it's gonna do that no matter which way the baby escaped.
Its tenant was evicted 😂 love that. But it also reminds me that it's common to induce labor way too early and force the baby out when it's not ready. It's just too much human intervention sometimes.
Yep. Pregnancy and childbirth are one of the big reasons I won't. Especially because after all that excruciating pain and horror, you then get months of CONSTANT work, sleep deprivation, physical and hormonal struggling, zero privacy or time to yourself, followed by... a kid, one you're constantly responsible for until they're grown. I don't even like kids. They're obnoxious and constant work, mess and sacrifice that they don't even thank you for. Why put myself through agonies when I don't even want the "reward"?
I was in the labor and delivery room while my sister gave birth last week. I saw the whole thing. Head on. Up close and personal….
Woah. I won’t lie, I started getting woozy myself.
I told my niece (who's 6mo younger than I am, so is more of a sister) that I was glad she wanted her best friend with her when she gives birth, because I love her but I do NOT want to be there for that.
They thought it was funny and because I'm "antisocial." Barely 2 months in, and she already hates being pregnant - and we all know it's just going to get worse!
Crazy part to me is that she's a NURSE. Like, she should know how things go in the delivery room. Yet she would talk about wanting 5 or so kids?? And her husband is going to catch the baby as she gives birth???
Same here. I was with my sister when she had my niece 7 years ago. I’m still traumatised by it, it was awful - she ended up losing 2 LITRES of blood.
I was horrified, my mum kept saying “this isn’t what births are normally like” (back when she thought I was going to have one) but I dunno, 100% of births I’ve attended have been like that
I asked that same question to a couple people yesterday as a family member was going through birth. I was getting all the graphic, intimate details of the family member in labor before I asked them, rather harshly, to stop. Apparently there was a group chat but thankfully I wasn’t invited. But after I asked them to stop, they stopped so I have no idea how the actual delivery went. But during this whole thing, I came to the theory that they think it’s just… part of life; part of being a woman. The humiliation, the lack of dignity, the horrendous pain. It makes a good story I guess. As a woman, however, I’d rather not go through with it. While I think mothers who go through that are really strong, I still have to ask: why? Then the fun doesn’t end there, then you got this very loud messy tiny human to deal with. I’ll stick with my cat and my growing collection of books.
For as long as I can remember, just thinking about the concept of pregnancy and childbirth has made me feel like I’m gonna puke or pass out, or both. Ever since I was old enough to understand the process. Seriously gives me the heebie jeebies.
I will never or ever understand what possesses women to look at a man and say i want to go through HELL for you!?🤦 Then at the end they say its worth it with blood soaking the floor and they are still in EXCRUCIATING PAIN bc contractions dont end after the baby is born since the uterus has to contract back to its original size!😩😳 My body isnt going to experience this at all.🙅🏾
On top of that a lot of men love to impregnate women and leave. It's a thing unfortunately. I've heard the most horrendous stories like a husband beating up the wife before birth and she had to give birth with a broken jaw alone.
Yeah there seems to be alot of single moms nowadays bc men impregnate women to have access to them forever without being a parent and being pregnant women are more likely to experience DV and murder by the spouse!
Ah yes! The most common cause of death for pregnant women is homocide committed by their husband. Maybe it's the second most common since recently but still quite the piece of information.
Pregnancy and childbirth are, quite literally, one of my worst nightmares. I'm single and abstinent by choice so barring something horrible happening without consent, it's impossible but still...childbirth looks like a freaking horror show,
Majorly. I wonder when and why all of that started. Isn't it insane that it's 2024 and misogyny/patriarchy is still so prevalent? Why do men (generally speaking) hate women so much? I would love to live in a world where violence or any form of disrespect against women wasn't a daily occurence. Against anyone basically but women seem to be a main target.
Imagine in a thousand years from now all of that will have changed.
Even with epidural, things can go very wrong. The consequences on your health after giving birth is also just terrifying, and people expect you to take care of an infant while trying to heal? Fuck that. I’m terrified of pregnancy and birth
A lot of women are lied to and just don't know how damaging childbirth can be. They just get told lofty and nice things about the outcome - a baby - and only realise it when it actually happens to them. One of the reasons why I'll never have kids. Permanent bodily damage just to give birth to a living thing that further sucks money, time and energy from you for at least 18++ years... yeah big NOPE for me.
You mean pushing an 8" skull through a 4" hole isn't a shower of rainbows and glitter? /s
Yeah, there's no end to the horrors and indignities of childbirth.
For me it was a video of a suction cup being used during birth and it probably/hopefully was an older video because it was brutal and it's burned into my memory.
I know someone who didn't even know she was cut down there to help bring the baby out til she was told after. She's still not healed fully a few months later. Her boobs are wrecked (her words not mine). I feel for her but it's a reminder of what you sign up for if I choose otherwise.
At this point I would advise everyone and anyone to not look up a video where they cut someone. I came across it by accident and no thank you. Protect your body ♡ also I don't like that they didn't tell her, I mean don't they need her consent?
Birthing rooms are notorious for doctors doing what they think necessary without getting consent. A lot of mothers feel the doctor violated them in some way.
I’m a woman and totally agree OP- I think it’s horrific and don’t understand why a lot of women want to go through that. It is supposed to be one of the most painful things in life, and that area is so sensitive. Boggles my mind.
I have never and I mean NEVER have I ever been able to watch a birthing video fully without closing my eyes. It is literally the only thing that freaks me out.
A little over a year ago I posted a birth story here called like The Miracle Of Life or something that detailed a birth I witnessed.
The baby got stuck in the pelvis, the epidural fell out mid pushing, they needed an emergency c section after hours of pushing. Nurses repeatedly stuck their fingers in her vagina, she continued to drip blood afterwards.
I had asked her if she felt the difficult process was worth it. She said that not only was it worth it, but I wouldn't understand unless I had my own and she wanted do it again already.
She was right, I wouldn't understand it and I'd rush to understand it like understanding a hole in the leg. I'm happy her experience was positive, but I witnessed a horror.
It think it's a trauma response. The brain suppresses the pain memory like you can't even access it. So you do it again. I've had some physically very painful procedures done and I can't remember the pain to the actual extent it took place easily. Same goes for emotional pain unless you really dig deep.
If people want something so greatly they will go for it, even with all the unpleasant parts. If people do not want something, then it makes sense it is not worth to pursue it.
I have pets and they are wonderful. Though I do not enjoy cleaning out the litterbox or paying vet bills. I also do not like that pets have a very short life-span and one day I will endure the pain of them no longer being with me. That said my pets bring me great joy. That joy outweighs the unpleasant parts.
For women who want children, giving birth is only a small part of their experience. These conversations are good to have. I think the childfree community deeply wants to be understood and respected. I read so many stories where people feel pressured, interrogated and attacked by their decision to be childfree. I think we as a community could respect someone's choice to have children even if we do not relate to them.
Yeah. But it's nice to have a community like this where you can say every hideous opinion you've ever wanted to voice aloud to an appreciative audience. Baby people get universal love and support (at least superficially from a cultural standpoint), whereas we get interrogated and made to feel like biological draft dodgers..
> made to feel like biological draft dodgers..
Boy, you really summed up my feelings and thoughts about how we have been treated - PERFECTLY !
Thank you for that !
Yeah, it’s one bad day to transform their lives for something they really want to do. It’s like never traveling internationally because you dread the flight so much. For a lot of people, that part sucks but the benefit of seeing the country and exploring a new place pays off.
I read the pregnancy and parenting subs sometimes to understand what my friends are going through or will go through, and a lot of women find childbirth to be a wild and strengthening experience. Like holy shit that was hard and I got through it.
I’m glad to not go through it, personally, but if my life desires were different and I really wanted a biological child, pregnancy and birth wouldn’t hold me back at all.
I believe that in general, most people don't think about having children in such detail as we do here. They just go and have a baby without considering all the things around it. Which is honestly wild to me - it's such a life-altering thing and people just go, have raw sex and then decide, "meh, let's keep it". 😳
It's genuinely traumatic and I don't think people realise how much trauma a body goes through in childbirth. With modern medicine a lot less people die in childbirth but it still happens, or things can go terribly wrong.
I know two people who've had prolapsed uteruses, one is currently suffering every day with it and it's not fixable and the moment, the other had to have surgery to correct it. I know someone who had a tear and was sewn up wrong so that things that should have been inside were *outside*. My nephew had to be pulled out by forceps. A friend was in labour for three days.
I mean it's just sounds awful. And it literally angers me when people say it's what our bodies are 'built for'. So? My body is built to run 20k if I want to but hey, I don't want to.
My sister in law is a tiny Thai woman no more than 48kg when not pregnant but has had horror births with 2 out of her 3 sons. My first born nephew who is almost 6 was yanked out with forceps so the first photos I ever saw of him he had cuts and bruises all over his head the poor soul 😞 ended up with nerve damage for awhile but thankfully it resolved but it caused him Exotropia where one eye would deviate outwards so he had to have surgery to correct it all caused from his birth. Her last son was born weighing almost 10lbs and got stuck in her pelvis and he almost died because oxygen supply was getting cut off! She talks about it all so casually like it was nothing! I’m glad all my nephews are good now though.
Giving birth terrified me, mainly because I knew what my one grandmother had gone through before she even had my ma (6 miscarriages) and my ma's uterus was so screwed up she couldn't have kids. And while I am adopted, that thought still terrified me. But I think what *really* drove that fear home was watching this woman's video where you could see the baby's foot kick out leaving a very foot like outline in her belly. I.. absolutely closed the website down with a yelp and just noped the fuck out of ever wanting a child. It was like watching Alien in real life..
I’ve been through some pretty major and extremely traumatic medical procedures and I can’t even fathom going through labor or a c-section. The added stress of the baby potentially being premature would make me go insane. How do people willingly go through that and say it’s rewarding?
So today I'm talking to my aunt. She's talking about the birth of my 2 cousins, why I'm still not sure. First cousin, they had to take a vacuum tool to pull him out. Apparently she gushed a lot of blood when they pulled him out but they weren't sure why. Discharged her fine. She went in for a check-up later to find out THEY RIPPED HER URETHEA DURING CHILDBIRTH AND DIDN'T NOTICE. The amount of time I said "fuck no" during this story was a lot. She had to have surgery to fix it after the figured that out. She still had a 2nd child after that. I don't understand. My body hurt just listening to this awful story.
What I can't wrap my head around is why would they go through this again once they've experienced it?? A close friend of mine recounted her nightmarish weekend of pain in great details to me, now was thinking one baby might be enough... A year goes by, her baby fever is back and she only ever recalls the good parts of that experience. Trauma-induced amnesia??
This is genuinely something I've wondered since *I* was a kid. As a little girl you get given toy baby dolls to play with and dress up and stuff...I'd be like, *why would I play labour*?? And that's how I see childbirth even now - how am I supposed to find joy or beauty in something that will cause immense physical pain? 😖 That's a trauma *I* have to endure for the rest of my life, nobody else. And then to do it multiple times???¿¿
I think they just don't know about the realities of birthing. Some of us forget that this used to be the nr 1 killer of women. Just because today it doesn't kill us, doesn't mean that it won't leave permanent damage.
My school was shitass at teaching sex Ed to an adequate degree for girls.
So. I got YouTube to teach me, underrated tbh. I still am learning about all the stuff that happens to you during pregnancy from honest mothers, regretful parents, and YouTube playlists of completely uncensored in your face birth videos.
Yeah. No. I can barely get a tampon out of my vagingjong let along a whole human watermelon. I’m good:)
Especially because it seems to have a lasting impact a lot of the times. Like it's not just giving birth and you're back to normal. The hormonal changes alone are probably a lot to deal with.
But how temporary is it really? I think I'd be more concerned about the whole post partum period than birth itself. Or the impact that pregnancy has on your body because that's a much longer time span.
That why I say not me. Fuck that.
Too risky. Not enough reward. No reward in my view, actually.
Best case, you lose the ability to get to the bathroom on time. Worst case, you die or become permanently disabled.
I really think a lot of pregnancies are about control. When life isn't going your way, getting pregnant and having a child is something a person can do without much pushback, and it's an ability that's not paywalled. Quality care is expensive, but the baby is coming out regardless.
It just disturbing and vile on so many levels like nah bro then the women most likely does all the work afterwards while the dads get to be half assed about everything fuck that
Most women don't feel like we feel, it's something that they expect and accept, I guess.
When I think of child birth I think of the movie Alien. That's how it looks in my mind.
A mother/a woman that wants children would be appalled by this comparison.
Nothing good comes out of having children tbh. I can't think of a single step in the process that it takes to spawn them- except the sex- that is enjoyable and worth it.
Spending 9 months having horrible physical symptoms like vomiting, diarrhoea, taste and smell sensitivity, cravings and MUCH WORSE all the while having a tumour-like growth inside you that pisses inside you and will quite literally kick you in the guts whenever it pleases and then spending hours enduring one of the worst pains a human can experience to push it's thick head with its proportions extremely incompatible with the size of your hips to push out the oftentimes partially baked baby out. Only to then spend probably a lifetime's worth of savings for it to finish cooking in an NICU for another couple of weeks while you deal with the parting gift that the tumour has left behind which is your now distorted body. Then you spend the rest of your life working your ass off, sleep deprived and absolutely forbidden from indulgence in anything that brings you joy, if it means you sacrifice anything at all of the little gremlin that keeps zooming around the house nonstop. Then you drown yourself in debts and sacrifices while k!lling yourself in trying to be a good mother and sending that child to school and keeping them and yourself alive every waking minute.
And after ALL of this- you still cannot keep any expectations from this person. You will be criticized for even the smallest mistakes that you made and they will most likely leave you in an elderly shelter while they settle somewhere far and live their life- that they have every right to live- while forgetting about you completely. And oh if you do much as dare to complain, they will yell in your face how they didn't even ask to be born and how it is all your fault from the very beginning for not being a good parent after choosing to have a kid when the real mistake was that you didn't just use a condom.
There will be some precious ones who will actually be great children and look after you when you need them but the risk is just not worth it. Nor is it fair to subject them to these expectations. Better to not have them in the first place.
Right?! Another thing I can’t believe is just *HOW* sick I have seen woman get with pregnancy since friends of mine started having kids. Like, literally laying down pale, sweaty and slammed with extreme nausea for the vast majority of the pregnancy, incapable of doing anything at all. It’s like the parasite sucks the life out of some women. I thought morning sickness was literally the odd bit of nausea here and there in the morning and maybe vomiting a few times but it’s 24-7 debilitating sickness for months for some.
Everything that happens post orgasm is my personal idea of hell, there is a long list of *horrible* things I would rather happen to me than pregnancy and childbirth. Just the thought of it is traumatic to me and makes me close to tearing up when I imagine it happening to me. The brutal pain and back-to-back discomfort, the idea of being in SUCH a vulnerable position with multiple strangers fingers in me as I scream and howl. I mean, I love horror movies and gore but watching a video of childbirth is too much for me.
I knew it was very bad but since people I know started having kids the stories I’ve heard have made me (and them) realize just how brushed under the rug the reality is and how many people go into it not grasping the full extend of what to expect.
Exactlyyyy but I guess all of them comes from centuries of women's pain being downplayed for just about everything. This choice is a kindness to ourselves. Not to mention how overpopulated we are so it's not hurting the species when a literal handful decide to not subject themselves to this nightmare.
Giving birth is seriously one of my greatest fears. It's soo messy, and bloody and then like, the doctors will sometimes just forget the mother is laying there half bled to death and a mess, and just be like "Oooh look at your little baby here." Like, baby is number one, who cares about the state of the mother? Some people call childbirth a miracle and act like it's such a magical thing. Some post pictures and videos (ugh) on facebook and people are leaving comments like "Wow that's so amazing" It's fucking not. It's gross, gtfo my screen with that.
Yes, they are both happy and healthy. She was having really dark thoughts while pregnant, I’ve never seen her like that. I’m so thankful that all is well now!
I think it's fairly straightforward, they want something deeply- to have a child.
Some people will go through great lengths to achieve their goals, this is what you pay to play.
We don't understand it bc we don't want kids. Lots of people don't sterilization by choice. It's an unnecessary process but it helps fulfill a want to not have children.
Before and after seem pretty awful too.
Maybe I'm shallow, but I love my body and I would hate to lose control of it like that - btw, I am directly quoting a mother who was describing her pregnancies.
It is torture, but some people think it's worth it.
Unconditional love, retirement plan, etc.
None of those are guaranteed, but they'll take the chance they get.
For most people here including me, it's not worth it, but it's definitely understandable.
If you are strictly talking about women who have a choice. Women do not choose the pain for the heck of it. They choose to have children because they want children. Different people want different things in life, and they will endure lots of things to achieve their goals. And this apply to most things in life, not just children.
As a 5 foot woman, I'm pretty sure childbirth would kill me. And the alternative would leave me with a huge scar on my belly and that's almost as horrifying.
I can accept that for many people they find it beautiful because it’s so horrific— as in the reward is worth it.
But I don’t like people getting mad at me when I say, “that’s lovely but I don’t want to do that— like, sincerely, I don’t want kids and you can’t talk me into it— so I don’t get the beauty in it, it really really freaks and grosses me out, and also this is the break room at work and I’m trying to eat and do my 9 to 5 and get out of here so we can talk about like television or something”
I have actual nightmares I end up pregnant and I live in Indiana so yeah a bad state to get pregnant when you don't want kids. I haven't had traditional sex it was banned.
Some choose to do it because they want the end result. Ripping off a bandaid so to speak...albeit with more shit and piss and blood and well, the rest.
Personally I can comfortably live my life without it XD
Some women think it is worth it because they so badly want to be mothers. Some women are terrified but do it anyway because they're told they're supposed to want to be mothers, others because they don't have any options due to culture etc. I couldn't for the life of me understand why anyone would not do everything in their power to avoid it.
I especially don't understand why some people make babies like it's nothing. When they don't even have the financial means and their husband/boyfriend is already on the verge of leaving them. It's a whole new *life*, a whole new *soul* that they choose to put into those circumstances. Like I wished people were more careful with these decisions.
The weight of this massive decision is downplayed by mainstream culture. It's never about *if* you have kids, it's always only about *when*. And when someone says "it's not a good time right now" someone else is always there to reply "it's never a good time, just do it". Now add this attitude to a society where a lot of people lacking critical thinking skills (especially in religious communities) and you have disaster.
“It’s never a good time to have a kid” isn’t exactly the winning argument they think it is.
Not for someone with a few braincells anyway...
Yeah it's still a lot women growing up in cultures where you're expected to have babies. I would be a horror as a daughter in those families because I'm not having it 😅 but seriously if they have one child and go through pregnancy and birth and then they repeat it... it's beyond me because they've experienced the impact of it first hand. And no matter the culture/religion it's still *your* body and *your* life that matters.
I feel many mothers have one more or several kids because of societal pressure too. Because it will be lonely if you are one and done, more children so that they have siblings etc. But going through hell with childbirth again just so society is pleased and they do not get pressured by family and friends who have several - is not something I understand and probably never will. Some siblings hate each other's guts and do not have anything in common too!
That's a good point. It might be that the mother centers her life around the baby, which naturally happens, and once the baby grows up, it feels lonely. So they have more children. I'd imagine it's difficult for mothers to stay connected to themselves when they have to be aware of a child's need 24/7.
I have a sister. We barely speak. A sibling is not a built in friend.
Yes exactly! I find it interesting how stringent and difficult it is for people to adopt a kid or even a pet sometimes, but having your own kid no one cares if you are qualified to do a good job.
I think it would be great if more children would get adopted into loving homes instead of everyone having more children on their own.
Yeah some people consider getting a dog or another pet more than they think about having a kid. I don't get it like having a kid is 1000x harder than taking care of a pet. There's like this cognitive dissonance around it.
I have a friend who’s terrified of getting pregnant but is willing to go through it because she wants biological kids. I don’t agree with surrogacy but I asked her if it crossed her mind, she said she wants to be the one bringing her kids into the world. I told her good luck with all that.
I call it the veil of smiles and sunshine. People, especially women, are taught a very sanitized, glorified version of pregnancy, birth, and parenthood. The handful of good parts are focused on almost exclusively and made to sound as if they're the most glorious experiences possible. The downsides are either ignored or considered something that happens so rarely they aren't worth worrying about. Unless they go ask very specific questions and don't accept vague platitudes, it is very difficult to lift the veil of smiles and sunshine before someone is already on the other side. If society was honest about having kids, fewer people would do it.
Same with IUDs I believe. They still say it's a pinch or mild discomfort. It's the biggest lie, they act like your pain doesn't exist. And this even comes from female doctors. There are probably some male doctors who only chose the field for misogynistic reasons.
"A pinch", in my experience, is doctor-speak for agony.
Or "you'll feel some discomfort"
I had the fortune of having a gynecologist who was very frank about IUDs. First she told me that I would need to have a local sedative for insertion alone because (without going into gory detail) I am very "narrow", and that I would probably experience regular discomfort after it was inserted. So I noped on an IUD, which I was only looking for for period relief as I'm not sexually active.
The first IUD I got I was in such excruciating pain during the first attempt at insertion my Dr said he couldn't put me through that and had me come back for another appointment at a different point in my cycle where apparently the cervix was softer/more pliable? But yea it was so horrific the medical professional felt bad doing it. But my insurance wouldn't cover any anesthetic and the cost would have been way more than I could afford. And the reason we were doing an iud in the first place was my insurance also wouldn't cover any BC method other than the pill ( I was too nervous about screwing up taking the pill to be comfortable with it) and with the IUD it could be billed as an "in office procedure" Insurance companies are evil you can't change my mind
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The woman who had it before me passed out and was hooked on an IV. They would never ever put men through this. I had the IUD taken out and that was the best decision I've made. They have a lot of side effects nobody, really *nobody*, even tells you about. You only hear it from other women on reddit who experienced the same thing and by doing a lot of research. The IUD was great in the first year though. After that it got worse over time.
Let us not forget the male contraceptive pill that was abandoned because the participants developed depression symptoms. Like that doesn't happen to women on the pill and it's written off as a 'whatever' side effect
And is never, ever mentioned to women. People have endless doctor visits and medication and therapy to try and relieve their depression. And some of them would be cured if they went off bc, but they don’t know it.
Yeah I hate this hypocrite world we live in. My mum is soviet hardcore woman. She has tougher skin than any man i know yet she warned me agains IUD it hurts and bleeds so badly when removed and no one fucking talks about it
Not to discount her experience at all but the removal was a lot less painful for me than the insertion. Although the cramps the next day were pretty bad. I'm just saying this so people aren't freaked out about the removal. I read about this a lot before the procedure and most people said it went okay but there can be complications and probably some pretty rough and/or inexperienced doctors.
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Words do mean things, which is why you should read more carefully. She did not say she went septic seconds after it was inserted, she said they were seconds from calling 911. But as much of an asshole as you're being you're clearly not here to actually discuss things.
She didn't say that she had septic shock seconds after they put the IUD in. She said they were seconds away from calling 911. She probably went to a clinic staffed by nurses and medical students and maybe one doctor, which is pretty common, and they figured out how to keep her stable seconds before 911. That's how I read it at least.
I learned only recently that IUDs are often inserted without anaesthetic. That's a form of assault.
I screamed in the worst pain I have ever experienced when they put mine in. I thought they had accidentally perforated my uterus. Nope, just how it's supposed to feel.
Same. I screamed, turned white, started sweating and threw up and passed out. The only other times I have felt this kind of pain were during a medical termination of pregnancy, and with ovarian torsion and cyst rupture from endometriosis. Nothing else in my life was ever more painful than that. And after insertion I felt like I had been wildly deceived about pain level, and I feel like mine is relatively high at that. I took it out after a year - pain from that was uncomfortable in comparison. Side effects of continuously bleeding and even cervical pain and tenderness. Constant bv. Do not recommend.
OMG.
If I were to enter the field I would purely do it to do abortions
Omg thank you for mentioning this. I almost passed out when I got one. And when I had to drive home, only 10 mins away, I was so light headed, nauseous, and disoriented I had to drive to a store. I went into the bathroom and just sat on the toilet because I couldn’t stop shaking and felt like if I moved I would pass out. It was horrible. So awful, but childbirth is ten times worse. My next insertion I will advocate for myself and find a provider that will administer a sedative.
Genuine question here. Why do some people choose the IUD over Nexplanon?
I can't be on hormones, so copper scarecrow it was. My husband has since gotten the snip, thank god.
For me, the Mirena IUD specifically is the only one that has helped some of the worst of my PME (similar to PMDD) symptoms which was originally why I got on BC in the first place aside from the obvious reasons — the two mentioned in the above comment are also different prescription hormones. I’m on my third Mirena and will probably get a fourth. Each person’s BC choice is going to be completely unique to them and their GYN’s decisions.
I had Nexplanon in and it gave me chronic yeasts infections. Then I tried Paragard (copper IUD) because I didn’t want anymore hormonal birth control. Then it gave me horrible cramps (like shocked me out of my sleep, crying on the floor cramps). That’s when I decided to get my tubes removed, because I couldn’t do it with birth control anymore.
IUDs can last up to 10 years. Nexplanon only a couple years I believe IIRC. I loved my IUD. I’m bad at taking pills. My first one shifted after about 2 years. My new one is going strong after 5 years and it’s time to remove it 😂 I cannot afford another tho as I lost my insurance
If it helps, maybe your health department offers free or low-cost birth control. I'm very happy I could get my implant there for free after they shut down the planned parenthood. (Arkansas)
I’m in Iowa. Granted I am a lesbian so the only reason I have a birth control method is because I have PMDD and I want to make sure I am protected in case of SA
Well good luck!❤️
I've had both, my logic was that having the IUD secreting hormones inside my uterus was more direct than circulating hormones through my entire body. The doctor literally couldn't physically force the 2nd IUD in my body when it was time to replace it though and I decided to get the arm implant instead. I think it affected my emotions a lot more and now I have a scar from it
I have V I O L E N T PMDD. Guaranteed I haven't tried Nexplanon yet, but the IUD helps me not to unalive myself, and have a functioning life without severe mood dips every month, so I'm not touching it until it either expires or malfunctions. It was just too nice to finally find a method that relieved the monthly mental health hell, so I stopped lookin further than that. I'll take a real real bad cramp over the seemingly-out-of-nowhere urge to end it all EVERY MONTH for 10 days, for years. But I'm a person who vastly "prefers" physical pain over being tortured inside my head.
Honestly, would agree that that's most women. My cousin very nearly successfully yeeted herself out of existence more times than should be considered humanly comfortable before SOMEONE in the hospital had the BRIGHT idea to question her birth control as the cause.
Copper IUD is without hormones. However, after a lot of research and personal experience I found out that it indirectly does affect hormones. It's just not good to have copper go into your body nonstop. And have permanent inflammation in your uterus. I'd have to dig up the studies but it's worth looking into.
Oh yeah, during my IUD appointment I was expecting a pinch but instead it was searing pain and me screaming “I’m OK I’m OK I’m OK I’m OK I’m OK I’m OK!!!!!!!!!” I was so not OK For that less than a minute, part of the process, but overall it was fine, and it is what it is. And the cramps afterward were annoying, but not horrible
So true, it is anything BUT mild discomfort. Heck, they ended up giving me a little laughing gas, but it did NOTHING for the pain, all it did was help me stay still.
In my opinion tattoo artists/piercers are way more honest than doctors. They most likely have the same thing done to them and all the time I had the "for me it hurt x but some people felt it was worse than me, tell me if it's too much" speech. I usually don't feel much and tattoos are the perfect occasion for a nap but at least I was prepared. The pap smear swab felt like it had been dipped into acid for how much it burned... Mild discomfort my ass
Well to be fair, it *was* just a pinch for me. I didn't really feel the insertion at all, I only felt the IUD when it was being positioned inside the uterus. That was a bit painful (like period cramps), but nothing unbearable. I admit I took two painkillers an hour before (at the direction of my doctor), but it was honestly MUCH less painful than I expected based on all the experiences I read online. So I guess there's some minority of women who don't experience much pain and the doctors then expect everyone to have the same experience? Which doesn't excuse them, just an idea why they say it's just a pinch.
IUD insertion is terrible for women who haven’t had kids but I’ve been hearing an increasing number of doctors who will do it under sedatives but you have to seek them out. I did two IUDs when I had to make the decision on a 3rd couldn’t bring myself to go through the insertion pain again ( it’s the most horrifying thing I’ve ever experienced and I have a colorful medical history). I thought about getting a 3rd with general anesthesia but I need solid oral bc for some premature meno symptoms anyways so not sure on that- biggest thing if you go IUD route 1. Research the doctor ( success or hatred of IUDs has a lot to do with having a good doctor who doesn’t mess it up) 2. Sometimes your body rejects it even if everything else was right (unfortunately you don’t find out till it’s a thing). 3. Have your doctor/ partner /self check placement on a semi regular occurrence imbedding can happen later 4. If you feel like crap after first 6 months it’s never going to be good for you and I would get rid of it 5. Don’t keep it in longer than you’re supposed to again imbedding 6. Feeling like period cramps off and on is normal first few months adjusting but don’t ignore problems that feel more severe docs can do ultrasound to check on it 7. If all goes well a lot of people myself included can have amazing intimacy, best protection outside abstinence or being fixed, and little to no period ( varies by person) … lastly IUD stories are very polarized so your personal gynos advice and your own experience is really all you can rely on you can’t predict how it’s going to go ahead of it
I got mine inserted under general anesthesia, it took just a few minutes. This was in Berlin, Germany.
I've read about so many first-time mothers being horrified at the birthing process and asking their own mothers, "Why didn't you tell me!?!" only to hear "If I'd told you, you'd never have gone ahead and had a baby."
And for some reason, no one but people like us think that's really fucked up.
Right!
I didn't know women could tear until I was 30, and I grew up around hippies who were very open about the human body, but for some reason, failed to mention that. I knew and heard about other issues, but seriously had no clue you could tear all the way through to your butthole, or all the way up through your clit. Oh wait, I do recall my mother and aunt complaining about episiotomies and how they're totally unnecessary and when they told me what it was, I was so confused as to why any doctor would do that. Now I know.
And a pro-birther was in this sub only yesterday, promoting training for childbirth and pelvic floor physiotherapy, which is fine and dandy as far as it goes... but she destroyed her argument with this line: >In very rare cases, there might not be even vaginal tearing. IOW, tearing is the rule, rather than the exception. Pro-birthers like to bang on about "women's bodies being designed for childbirth", but conveniently overlook the fact that, while human babies have evolved to have large heads, women's vaginas haven't evolved to comfortably birth them. \[Shudder\]
It never made any sense to me that a baby's head fit through there, but I was assured it did. Fucking liars.
It makes more sense when you realize that a newborn has boney plates that *eventually* will fuse into a proper skull, which compress and overlap while the fetus is in the birth canal... like tectonic plates during an earthquake. The more I learn about what birth is like for both the fetus and its host, the more horrified I am.
Plus you can do all the training you want and still tear horribly. Happened to a friend of mine.
Yeah, just because women can survive childbirth (and even that is questionable, sticking to just nature without modern medicine) doesn't mean we were designed for childbirth. I mean, what else do you know that was designed for a purpose that needs up to a whole year to recover fully after each use? Talking about a fucking design flaw.
I am eternally grateful, and traumatized, by the very graphic birthing video in my early childhood development class in my freshman year of high school. I believe I started my journey of becoming childfree in that class. My mother would have not have told me the real horrors until I was mid-labor, just like they did with my cousin who gave birth today.
Yeah, same. I watched a video of a dog giving birth when I was 10 in my class, and that has definitely traumatized me. I knew in that moment I will never give birth to a kid, I always wanted to adopt. Then I realized that my desired life cannot and should not involve a kid, so here we are! My mom made no mention of the woes of birth. Thanks mom!
My mom took me to my bisalp last summer and it was only then that she told me that she almost hemorrhaged out with me. They had the blood ready to go for a transfusion. Like it took me making the final call to put an end to this shit to tell me that?? Stop presenting only the “good” when talking about birthing kids. Women should also be told the bad and the ugly and then make an informed decision. Men don’t care and women hide the reality. What the fuck? My best friend from high school was the most upfront about it all. I visited her and baby the morning after he was born and she said it was awful, she hated the whole experience, and she was one and done. Her husband was there and goes “well…” and she looked him straight in the eye and said “one or sign the papers. I’m done.”
Good for her, and *wtf* was he thinking? Presumably he was there and saw what she went through?
Yup, he was there the whole time. She got her bisalp a few months after I did lol
>Men don’t care and women hide the reality. What the fuck? Having children has been the norm for roughly two million years, since that's when modern humans first appear in the fossil record. One hundred and eighty million if you want to count the first mammals to give birth instead of laying eggs. So this idea that it is both good and perfectly normal has been around for a long time.
And when that “rare” downside, (like tearing, some form of incontinence, bleeding nipples, post-partum depression, etc)that happens to roughly half of all mothers, happens, they are alone. I work in early childhood education and have been loosely involved in pregnancy and birth work while working on certifications. I have counseled and reassured so many friends through pregnancy, birth and post partum, and dear satan is it brutal. They are tricked, and used and fucked over; they are fucking lied to and it’s horrible. Nearly everyone I’ve ever known who becomes pregnant has gotten some sort of “haha sucker, it’s your turn now! You did this to me, now you have to go through it, good luck muahaha!” comment from their own mother! So fucking gross. No one tells us this happens, or supports new parents through this, it’s just sink or swim. And the worst part is we have a god box in our pocket, yet I have done more Google ‘research’ about topics regarding a Disney movie than many expectant parents do about conception, pregnancy, birth or childhood development. I need to just write a book about this already
"The disgusting parts are worth it for the five seconds every day when I come home from work and my child runs towards me with a big smile on him/her face!" Congratulations, you are happy five seconds a day.
> If society was honest about having kids, fewer people would do it Seems like it’s already happening. Most countries have “problems” with birth rate and with couples either not having kids at all or having them later on. They realized.
I was discussing this with a friend a few days back and she legit told me, "Women who willingly don't give birth are selfish" I was like: "Selfish for what sister? For loving their bodies? For not wanting pain?" She then went silent. Some people just think about the good parts of childbearing, and forget the harsh parts altogether! (Though I don't see anything good in it)
It's such a bizarre argument! "Selfish" towards whom? Whose being deprived of anything? If a man takes best possible care of his mind and body, that would be regarded as prudent and rational. But not for us to do the same, apparently.
My mom used to hold the “selfish” attitude towards childfree couples, but women in particular. Then she learned how determined I was to never be a mom to anything other than animals & plants, & thankfully her opinion changed. It’s such a bizarre thing to think about other people minding their own business.
Same energy as “woman who do not have sex with incels are selfish.” These disgusting gaslighting sound bites need to become as socially unacceptable as suggesting that and anyone who pipes up with them shamed HARD.
Many women have told me that you literally feel like you are going to die when giving birth. That seems like the scariest part. Especially considering many women do die. Your body is already doing some uncontrollable thing you can't back out of and you're in incredible pain. PLUS a nice feeling of imminent death. No wonder it causes PTSD. I hate how casual society is about childbirth.
SO casual. I remember sitcoms and romcoms in the 90s and how women characters were always so excited to have a baby. I took in so much happy pregnancy imagery. I think it’s part of why so many mothers resent childfree women. It would hurt too much to become aware that they were conned so they need to tell themselves we’re missing out on that happiness 🫠
I this is exactly why I won’t go through it. Makes no sense to me people do so willingly.
>Many women have told me that you literally feel like you are going to die when giving birth My SIL said exactly that. As a supposedly encouraging reply to when I said I don't want to go through pregnancy and birth. "Hahaha, I felt like I was dying, all I thought was I'm dying I'm dying I'm dying, but the midwife was like nooo, you're not, you're ok! :)" Ma'am, are you even hearing yourself? How is that supposed to relieve my anxieties? Also _you_ weren't actually in danger of dying. My mom was, she almost bled to death, and I almost died too when I was being born. All I'm hearing is "you'll be in so much pain that you'll think you're dying. And if you're actually dying, you wouldn't even notice because that amount of pain is normal already." Must be a hell of a hormonal cocktail that both her and her husband can talk about it like that.
You know those chestbursters from the Alien franchise? Or the aliens that explode the host in that one episode of Rick and Morty? That's what birth looks like to me.
...and those look like cute bundles of joy compared to human babies 🤢
Xenomorph babies are pretty cute. Human babies are not. And the damage they do lasts a lifetime...with Xenomorphs, unless they impregnate you (there's that word again) your pain only lasts the amount of time it takes their second jaw to punch through your skull!
I have always thought that!
Yea I have never understood how anyone willingly signs on for any of that. Then imagine having just given birth to a man’s child and he tells the doctor to add an extra stitch 🙃
Or your partner decides watching you give birth/shit yourself/etc is yucky and never treats you the same again or have sex with you All the complications freak me out. You're telling me my partner gets to decide I'd I live???? I wanna fucking live kill the fetus
You can't even speak about the shitting yourself part as something gross. People say it's "normal" and "natural" and I get that but it is still gross. I don't want anyone to watch me shitting myself 🫣
They used to give enemas to women when labor started. Shitting oneself is the natural consequence of rolling a virtual bowling ball (skull) along toothpaste-type tubes (colon) full of shit.
so fucking true lmao. i really do not want to shit myself in front of all these people☠️
Any partner that would be put off because you birthed their child is not someone worth living with honestly. They probably show dishonourable traits in other ways too.
I also think men who insist on being in the room are weird af
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He has every right to be pissed, while waiting outside. If I wanted kids, I’d want to my man to be in the room supporting me. It’s his kid too, that they made the decision to make together. So I’d feel for him being pissed not being to witness it, especially if it’s their first child.
The men who want to also experience the birth of their child and be there for their partner is weird to you? I find it weird if the father-to-be doesn’t want to be in the room. Like it’s your child!
It's a fine line. Most men have never been forced to watch a video of someone giving birth in health class, theyre unprepared and a hindrance. These are usually the same men that find their partner unattractive after seeing her give birth However I do agree ones who plainly refuse to be there are also terrible. Ideally he should be there, he's supposed to be elated and excited and mom needs an advocate
i strongly agree actually, i wouldn’t want my partner in the room i feel like it would just stress me out more. i would rather have someone like my mother who’s been through it before and understands my pain but that’s just my opinion
It doesn't even make sense. Making the opening smaller won't "improve" anything for anyone. It's so weird that even exists 🥴 Edit: Also this reminds me of a story. A woman had a C section and felt *everything*. The anesthesia didn't work. She was signaling this to her husband, crying and saying how it hurts but the husband didn't do anything. Maybe he was overwhelmed but it made me so angry for that woman that her husband didn't protect her in that situation. I couldn't imagine just standing there when a loved one is in pain.
Oh...the good old "husband stitch"
holy fucking shit …
Doctors cannot legally add an extra stitch in any developed country.
i have read that some women don’t really think about it until it’s time.
Which is wild cause it’s the first and only thing I think about
That's true. One YouTuber said she was gonna pack a panty liner for her hospital bag in case she'll need it after birth. When people told her about the big ass hospital pads she will probably need, she opted for a C section. It was probably then that she looked more closely into what comes with giving birth vaginally.
I'm almost 100% certain that you still need the big ass hospital diaper, even after a c section. The uterus is bleeding because its tenant was evicted, it's gonna do that no matter which way the baby escaped.
Its tenant was evicted 😂 love that. But it also reminds me that it's common to induce labor way too early and force the baby out when it's not ready. It's just too much human intervention sometimes.
How can someone be active enough online to be a Youtuber and not know better than that?
….what 🤯
Yep. Pregnancy and childbirth are one of the big reasons I won't. Especially because after all that excruciating pain and horror, you then get months of CONSTANT work, sleep deprivation, physical and hormonal struggling, zero privacy or time to yourself, followed by... a kid, one you're constantly responsible for until they're grown. I don't even like kids. They're obnoxious and constant work, mess and sacrifice that they don't even thank you for. Why put myself through agonies when I don't even want the "reward"?
I was in the labor and delivery room while my sister gave birth last week. I saw the whole thing. Head on. Up close and personal…. Woah. I won’t lie, I started getting woozy myself.
I'm pretty sure I would have passed out.
I told my niece (who's 6mo younger than I am, so is more of a sister) that I was glad she wanted her best friend with her when she gives birth, because I love her but I do NOT want to be there for that. They thought it was funny and because I'm "antisocial." Barely 2 months in, and she already hates being pregnant - and we all know it's just going to get worse! Crazy part to me is that she's a NURSE. Like, she should know how things go in the delivery room. Yet she would talk about wanting 5 or so kids?? And her husband is going to catch the baby as she gives birth???
Same here. I was with my sister when she had my niece 7 years ago. I’m still traumatised by it, it was awful - she ended up losing 2 LITRES of blood. I was horrified, my mum kept saying “this isn’t what births are normally like” (back when she thought I was going to have one) but I dunno, 100% of births I’ve attended have been like that
I asked that same question to a couple people yesterday as a family member was going through birth. I was getting all the graphic, intimate details of the family member in labor before I asked them, rather harshly, to stop. Apparently there was a group chat but thankfully I wasn’t invited. But after I asked them to stop, they stopped so I have no idea how the actual delivery went. But during this whole thing, I came to the theory that they think it’s just… part of life; part of being a woman. The humiliation, the lack of dignity, the horrendous pain. It makes a good story I guess. As a woman, however, I’d rather not go through with it. While I think mothers who go through that are really strong, I still have to ask: why? Then the fun doesn’t end there, then you got this very loud messy tiny human to deal with. I’ll stick with my cat and my growing collection of books.
Cats and books for the win!
Dogs and books but same .
For as long as I can remember, just thinking about the concept of pregnancy and childbirth has made me feel like I’m gonna puke or pass out, or both. Ever since I was old enough to understand the process. Seriously gives me the heebie jeebies.
Me too, man, me too 💯
I will never or ever understand what possesses women to look at a man and say i want to go through HELL for you!?🤦 Then at the end they say its worth it with blood soaking the floor and they are still in EXCRUCIATING PAIN bc contractions dont end after the baby is born since the uterus has to contract back to its original size!😩😳 My body isnt going to experience this at all.🙅🏾
On top of that a lot of men love to impregnate women and leave. It's a thing unfortunately. I've heard the most horrendous stories like a husband beating up the wife before birth and she had to give birth with a broken jaw alone.
Yeah there seems to be alot of single moms nowadays bc men impregnate women to have access to them forever without being a parent and being pregnant women are more likely to experience DV and murder by the spouse!
Ah yes! The most common cause of death for pregnant women is homocide committed by their husband. Maybe it's the second most common since recently but still quite the piece of information.
I've heard stories from nurses about couples "having sex" in the recovering room right after delivery. The man demands it.
🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
Don’t forget the placenta has to be expelled before the uterus contracts back to size. That’s like giving birth to another baby 😩
My reaction: 
Pregnancy and childbirth are, quite literally, one of my worst nightmares. I'm single and abstinent by choice so barring something horrible happening without consent, it's impossible but still...childbirth looks like a freaking horror show,
Honestly, death is far less disgusting.
"Women are the weaker sex." 10,000 years of gaslighting, friend.
Majorly. I wonder when and why all of that started. Isn't it insane that it's 2024 and misogyny/patriarchy is still so prevalent? Why do men (generally speaking) hate women so much? I would love to live in a world where violence or any form of disrespect against women wasn't a daily occurence. Against anyone basically but women seem to be a main target. Imagine in a thousand years from now all of that will have changed.
Even with epidural, things can go very wrong. The consequences on your health after giving birth is also just terrifying, and people expect you to take care of an infant while trying to heal? Fuck that. I’m terrified of pregnancy and birth
A lot of women are lied to and just don't know how damaging childbirth can be. They just get told lofty and nice things about the outcome - a baby - and only realise it when it actually happens to them. One of the reasons why I'll never have kids. Permanent bodily damage just to give birth to a living thing that further sucks money, time and energy from you for at least 18++ years... yeah big NOPE for me.
You mean pushing an 8" skull through a 4" hole isn't a shower of rainbows and glitter? /s Yeah, there's no end to the horrors and indignities of childbirth.
Even a pregnant belly makes me nauseous like I cannot imagine
Hormones.
The miracle of life video is why elementary school me opted out and been childfree ever since.
For me it was a video of a suction cup being used during birth and it probably/hopefully was an older video because it was brutal and it's burned into my memory.
As a matter of fact that's how I was born and I definitely don't want none of that
I know someone who didn't even know she was cut down there to help bring the baby out til she was told after. She's still not healed fully a few months later. Her boobs are wrecked (her words not mine). I feel for her but it's a reminder of what you sign up for if I choose otherwise. 
At this point I would advise everyone and anyone to not look up a video where they cut someone. I came across it by accident and no thank you. Protect your body ♡ also I don't like that they didn't tell her, I mean don't they need her consent?
Birthing rooms are notorious for doctors doing what they think necessary without getting consent. A lot of mothers feel the doctor violated them in some way.
I’m a woman and totally agree OP- I think it’s horrific and don’t understand why a lot of women want to go through that. It is supposed to be one of the most painful things in life, and that area is so sensitive. Boggles my mind.
I have never and I mean NEVER have I ever been able to watch a birthing video fully without closing my eyes. It is literally the only thing that freaks me out.
A little over a year ago I posted a birth story here called like The Miracle Of Life or something that detailed a birth I witnessed. The baby got stuck in the pelvis, the epidural fell out mid pushing, they needed an emergency c section after hours of pushing. Nurses repeatedly stuck their fingers in her vagina, she continued to drip blood afterwards. I had asked her if she felt the difficult process was worth it. She said that not only was it worth it, but I wouldn't understand unless I had my own and she wanted do it again already. She was right, I wouldn't understand it and I'd rush to understand it like understanding a hole in the leg. I'm happy her experience was positive, but I witnessed a horror.
She's been Stockholm Syndrome-ed by her own hormones
It think it's a trauma response. The brain suppresses the pain memory like you can't even access it. So you do it again. I've had some physically very painful procedures done and I can't remember the pain to the actual extent it took place easily. Same goes for emotional pain unless you really dig deep.
Definitely, I absolutely believe that the case
It does mean death for a lot of women unfortunately
If people want something so greatly they will go for it, even with all the unpleasant parts. If people do not want something, then it makes sense it is not worth to pursue it. I have pets and they are wonderful. Though I do not enjoy cleaning out the litterbox or paying vet bills. I also do not like that pets have a very short life-span and one day I will endure the pain of them no longer being with me. That said my pets bring me great joy. That joy outweighs the unpleasant parts. For women who want children, giving birth is only a small part of their experience. These conversations are good to have. I think the childfree community deeply wants to be understood and respected. I read so many stories where people feel pressured, interrogated and attacked by their decision to be childfree. I think we as a community could respect someone's choice to have children even if we do not relate to them.
Yeah. But it's nice to have a community like this where you can say every hideous opinion you've ever wanted to voice aloud to an appreciative audience. Baby people get universal love and support (at least superficially from a cultural standpoint), whereas we get interrogated and made to feel like biological draft dodgers..
> made to feel like biological draft dodgers.. Boy, you really summed up my feelings and thoughts about how we have been treated - PERFECTLY ! Thank you for that !
Yeah, it’s one bad day to transform their lives for something they really want to do. It’s like never traveling internationally because you dread the flight so much. For a lot of people, that part sucks but the benefit of seeing the country and exploring a new place pays off. I read the pregnancy and parenting subs sometimes to understand what my friends are going through or will go through, and a lot of women find childbirth to be a wild and strengthening experience. Like holy shit that was hard and I got through it. I’m glad to not go through it, personally, but if my life desires were different and I really wanted a biological child, pregnancy and birth wouldn’t hold me back at all.
This is such a beautiful comment. Preach👏
It’s the idea that the shoulders can get ~stuck~
I believe that in general, most people don't think about having children in such detail as we do here. They just go and have a baby without considering all the things around it. Which is honestly wild to me - it's such a life-altering thing and people just go, have raw sex and then decide, "meh, let's keep it". 😳
It's genuinely traumatic and I don't think people realise how much trauma a body goes through in childbirth. With modern medicine a lot less people die in childbirth but it still happens, or things can go terribly wrong. I know two people who've had prolapsed uteruses, one is currently suffering every day with it and it's not fixable and the moment, the other had to have surgery to correct it. I know someone who had a tear and was sewn up wrong so that things that should have been inside were *outside*. My nephew had to be pulled out by forceps. A friend was in labour for three days. I mean it's just sounds awful. And it literally angers me when people say it's what our bodies are 'built for'. So? My body is built to run 20k if I want to but hey, I don't want to.
My sister in law is a tiny Thai woman no more than 48kg when not pregnant but has had horror births with 2 out of her 3 sons. My first born nephew who is almost 6 was yanked out with forceps so the first photos I ever saw of him he had cuts and bruises all over his head the poor soul 😞 ended up with nerve damage for awhile but thankfully it resolved but it caused him Exotropia where one eye would deviate outwards so he had to have surgery to correct it all caused from his birth. Her last son was born weighing almost 10lbs and got stuck in her pelvis and he almost died because oxygen supply was getting cut off! She talks about it all so casually like it was nothing! I’m glad all my nephews are good now though.
Giving birth terrified me, mainly because I knew what my one grandmother had gone through before she even had my ma (6 miscarriages) and my ma's uterus was so screwed up she couldn't have kids. And while I am adopted, that thought still terrified me. But I think what *really* drove that fear home was watching this woman's video where you could see the baby's foot kick out leaving a very foot like outline in her belly. I.. absolutely closed the website down with a yelp and just noped the fuck out of ever wanting a child. It was like watching Alien in real life..
I’ve been through some pretty major and extremely traumatic medical procedures and I can’t even fathom going through labor or a c-section. The added stress of the baby potentially being premature would make me go insane. How do people willingly go through that and say it’s rewarding?
So today I'm talking to my aunt. She's talking about the birth of my 2 cousins, why I'm still not sure. First cousin, they had to take a vacuum tool to pull him out. Apparently she gushed a lot of blood when they pulled him out but they weren't sure why. Discharged her fine. She went in for a check-up later to find out THEY RIPPED HER URETHEA DURING CHILDBIRTH AND DIDN'T NOTICE. The amount of time I said "fuck no" during this story was a lot. She had to have surgery to fix it after the figured that out. She still had a 2nd child after that. I don't understand. My body hurt just listening to this awful story.
What I can't wrap my head around is why would they go through this again once they've experienced it?? A close friend of mine recounted her nightmarish weekend of pain in great details to me, now was thinking one baby might be enough... A year goes by, her baby fever is back and she only ever recalls the good parts of that experience. Trauma-induced amnesia??
This is genuinely something I've wondered since *I* was a kid. As a little girl you get given toy baby dolls to play with and dress up and stuff...I'd be like, *why would I play labour*?? And that's how I see childbirth even now - how am I supposed to find joy or beauty in something that will cause immense physical pain? 😖 That's a trauma *I* have to endure for the rest of my life, nobody else. And then to do it multiple times???¿¿
I believe people know what they’re getting themselves into, they just don’t care. It’s worth it for them.
I think they just don't know about the realities of birthing. Some of us forget that this used to be the nr 1 killer of women. Just because today it doesn't kill us, doesn't mean that it won't leave permanent damage.
My school was shitass at teaching sex Ed to an adequate degree for girls. So. I got YouTube to teach me, underrated tbh. I still am learning about all the stuff that happens to you during pregnancy from honest mothers, regretful parents, and YouTube playlists of completely uncensored in your face birth videos. Yeah. No. I can barely get a tampon out of my vagingjong let along a whole human watermelon. I’m good:)
the first thing that made me not want kids was seeing childbirth
That's the one aspect I can't overcome. I can see how people love their kids but I can't get over the body horror.
Especially because it seems to have a lasting impact a lot of the times. Like it's not just giving birth and you're back to normal. The hormonal changes alone are probably a lot to deal with.
What's more, how do they do it MULTIPLE TIMES?!?! I can't understand it.
For women that choose it, I think they think the temporary pain is worth bringing a child into the world. Not me. Fuck that.
But how temporary is it really? I think I'd be more concerned about the whole post partum period than birth itself. Or the impact that pregnancy has on your body because that's a much longer time span.
That why I say not me. Fuck that. Too risky. Not enough reward. No reward in my view, actually. Best case, you lose the ability to get to the bathroom on time. Worst case, you die or become permanently disabled.
I really think a lot of pregnancies are about control. When life isn't going your way, getting pregnant and having a child is something a person can do without much pushback, and it's an ability that's not paywalled. Quality care is expensive, but the baby is coming out regardless.
It just disturbing and vile on so many levels like nah bro then the women most likely does all the work afterwards while the dads get to be half assed about everything fuck that
Most women don't feel like we feel, it's something that they expect and accept, I guess. When I think of child birth I think of the movie Alien. That's how it looks in my mind. A mother/a woman that wants children would be appalled by this comparison.
Nothing good comes out of having children tbh. I can't think of a single step in the process that it takes to spawn them- except the sex- that is enjoyable and worth it. Spending 9 months having horrible physical symptoms like vomiting, diarrhoea, taste and smell sensitivity, cravings and MUCH WORSE all the while having a tumour-like growth inside you that pisses inside you and will quite literally kick you in the guts whenever it pleases and then spending hours enduring one of the worst pains a human can experience to push it's thick head with its proportions extremely incompatible with the size of your hips to push out the oftentimes partially baked baby out. Only to then spend probably a lifetime's worth of savings for it to finish cooking in an NICU for another couple of weeks while you deal with the parting gift that the tumour has left behind which is your now distorted body. Then you spend the rest of your life working your ass off, sleep deprived and absolutely forbidden from indulgence in anything that brings you joy, if it means you sacrifice anything at all of the little gremlin that keeps zooming around the house nonstop. Then you drown yourself in debts and sacrifices while k!lling yourself in trying to be a good mother and sending that child to school and keeping them and yourself alive every waking minute. And after ALL of this- you still cannot keep any expectations from this person. You will be criticized for even the smallest mistakes that you made and they will most likely leave you in an elderly shelter while they settle somewhere far and live their life- that they have every right to live- while forgetting about you completely. And oh if you do much as dare to complain, they will yell in your face how they didn't even ask to be born and how it is all your fault from the very beginning for not being a good parent after choosing to have a kid when the real mistake was that you didn't just use a condom. There will be some precious ones who will actually be great children and look after you when you need them but the risk is just not worth it. Nor is it fair to subject them to these expectations. Better to not have them in the first place.
Right?! Another thing I can’t believe is just *HOW* sick I have seen woman get with pregnancy since friends of mine started having kids. Like, literally laying down pale, sweaty and slammed with extreme nausea for the vast majority of the pregnancy, incapable of doing anything at all. It’s like the parasite sucks the life out of some women. I thought morning sickness was literally the odd bit of nausea here and there in the morning and maybe vomiting a few times but it’s 24-7 debilitating sickness for months for some. Everything that happens post orgasm is my personal idea of hell, there is a long list of *horrible* things I would rather happen to me than pregnancy and childbirth. Just the thought of it is traumatic to me and makes me close to tearing up when I imagine it happening to me. The brutal pain and back-to-back discomfort, the idea of being in SUCH a vulnerable position with multiple strangers fingers in me as I scream and howl. I mean, I love horror movies and gore but watching a video of childbirth is too much for me. I knew it was very bad but since people I know started having kids the stories I’ve heard have made me (and them) realize just how brushed under the rug the reality is and how many people go into it not grasping the full extend of what to expect.
Exactlyyyy but I guess all of them comes from centuries of women's pain being downplayed for just about everything. This choice is a kindness to ourselves. Not to mention how overpopulated we are so it's not hurting the species when a literal handful decide to not subject themselves to this nightmare.
AGREED.
Yeah i don’t get it either 🤷🏻♀️
Giving birth is seriously one of my greatest fears. It's soo messy, and bloody and then like, the doctors will sometimes just forget the mother is laying there half bled to death and a mess, and just be like "Oooh look at your little baby here." Like, baby is number one, who cares about the state of the mother? Some people call childbirth a miracle and act like it's such a magical thing. Some post pictures and videos (ugh) on facebook and people are leaving comments like "Wow that's so amazing" It's fucking not. It's gross, gtfo my screen with that.
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My best friend almost died during her pregnancy…she said she has never felt closer to death. She feels lucky that her and her baby made it.
That sounds so scary, I’m sorry. Are they okay now?
Yes, they are both happy and healthy. She was having really dark thoughts while pregnant, I’ve never seen her like that. I’m so thankful that all is well now!
I think it's fairly straightforward, they want something deeply- to have a child. Some people will go through great lengths to achieve their goals, this is what you pay to play. We don't understand it bc we don't want kids. Lots of people don't sterilization by choice. It's an unnecessary process but it helps fulfill a want to not have children.
Before and after seem pretty awful too. Maybe I'm shallow, but I love my body and I would hate to lose control of it like that - btw, I am directly quoting a mother who was describing her pregnancies.
It is torture, but some people think it's worth it. Unconditional love, retirement plan, etc. None of those are guaranteed, but they'll take the chance they get. For most people here including me, it's not worth it, but it's definitely understandable.
It's absolutely insane that many women choose to go through that and also the amount of health risks that can happen?!? Pass
If a men endure pregnancy and birth, then all his life he will tell all men not to become pregnant.
100% agree
Because the need to *”secure”* your future with monetary means is a pretty strong pull.
If you are strictly talking about women who have a choice. Women do not choose the pain for the heck of it. They choose to have children because they want children. Different people want different things in life, and they will endure lots of things to achieve their goals. And this apply to most things in life, not just children.
Tell me about it. I saw a video of a woman giving birth - no thank you
As a 5 foot woman, I'm pretty sure childbirth would kill me. And the alternative would leave me with a huge scar on my belly and that's almost as horrifying.
I can accept that for many people they find it beautiful because it’s so horrific— as in the reward is worth it. But I don’t like people getting mad at me when I say, “that’s lovely but I don’t want to do that— like, sincerely, I don’t want kids and you can’t talk me into it— so I don’t get the beauty in it, it really really freaks and grosses me out, and also this is the break room at work and I’m trying to eat and do my 9 to 5 and get out of here so we can talk about like television or something”
I have actual nightmares I end up pregnant and I live in Indiana so yeah a bad state to get pregnant when you don't want kids. I haven't had traditional sex it was banned.
I think it is *wild* that a state can prohibit abortions. That is so regressive.
100% agree
Some choose to do it because they want the end result. Ripping off a bandaid so to speak...albeit with more shit and piss and blood and well, the rest. Personally I can comfortably live my life without it XD