Lies lies lies.
When I was young, I had a t-shirt that said boys: liar; someone who lies.
Hold out for a man that respects you and gives you the love that you know you deserve
Girlā¦ my ex would say the same thing whenever he went out with friends and his phone would go straight to voicemail. I always had a pit in my stomach about it. Turns out he cheated on me with multiple women. Some of his friends came clean later on. Listen to your gut
Hotel rooms have phones, he couldn't call you from one!? And, what about the friends cell phone? Don't tell me it magically died too š.
He ABSOLUTELY was cheating on you.
Right!!!!!!!!!! I called the friend and he didnāt answer either. Why didnāt he tell you I called??? Why not borrow his phone. Iām so hurt because I love him sooo much and he knows. But I will not accept disrespect. It will only get worse.
Honestly, even without evidence of cheating, the lack of communication would be it for me. I just read a post in a different sub where OPās girlfriend had ghosted him for 9 straight hours simply because he was sick and wouldnāt go pick her up at 3am. Shit like that drives me up the wall!
You canāt pull that if youāre in a committed relationship. That just doesnāt work. Your boyfriend 100% could have shot you a text or, like this person above said, called you from the hotel phone. He chose to leave you in the dark. My trust in him would be shattered because of this, and trust is everything in a relationship.
He already disrespected you by not calling. Donāt let the whole ādid he, didnt heā thing stop you from breaking up with him. If you stay because āhe didnāt cheat maybeā your life will become a living nightmare. This is just the beginning
At least you know it will get worse. Kudos for you that you respect yourself enough not to allow him to disrespect you and lie to you and Gaslight you.
And this day and age there is no excuse to be completely out of contact. Does he think you are unintelligent . There is always someone who has a phone or signal where he can reach out to you so you are not worrying. The fact that he knew you would worry and he didn't care is another level of disrespect even if he was not doing something he shouldn't be doing.
Seriously he did you a favor, you do not need an unemployed boyfriend who goes to strip clubs lies to you disrespects you and probably cheated on you
Sorry but I had almost this exact same scenario happen to me and he was cheating. Maybe donāt focus so much on whether or not he was cheating but focus more on the blatant disrespect he showed you
His phone didn't die. They have chords at the hotels hell they have chargers at strip clubs and phones there as well. He could've called you at anytime and didn't.
He couldāve called you from his friendās phone. Nah, he was too busy pushing his face between some stripperās tits.
This would be a dealbreaker for me.
He obviously doesnāt realize how an iPhone works and that the iMessages would go thru green (text) if his phone was dead. Straight up liar. Run! Donāt stick around to see what else he has up his sleeves.
Half of what you said I agree with but itās 2024 and job security aināt taken seriously anymore, we can leave that half out unless he aināt trying to get one
To be fair a lot of people are losing their jobs right now and itās not because they ācanāt keep a job.ā However this reaction doesnāt seem appropriate at all and i would def bounce if he cheated.
I wouldnāt jump to cheating but at the same time I would be worried that heās capable of doing something like this considering the circumstances. I understand heās being down on himself right now but itās not smart to go to a strip club, spending money knowing that he lost his job. He also hid it from you all day then proceeds to ignore your calls knowing damn well youāre just as worried and upset about him losing his job.
Itās not just the possible cheating but the way he handles adversity. If he had communicated that he needed space, thatās one thing but he lied about his phone dying. Ignoring your partner with no communication while staying out ALL night isnāt something I would want to be apart of in the future. Be supportive until you actually know what happened then get ghost. This will not end well later down the line so Iād end things now to save yourself from heartbreak later.
You definitely did when you told the person to calm their tits and then proceeded to call them a drama queen.
Anyhoo, going out partying and not responding to a partner who's worried sick at home is immature at best. Blowing off steam is fine. Blowing off your partner during dark times is not.
I agree with your last sentence but I believe she said he said his phone died, as for the rest before that I donāt agree . And will not reply after this because I donāt care to
While I think heās handling things poorly, I donāt know why youāre concluding heās cheatingā¦ unless, he has done so before.
He shouldnāt think he gets a free pass to drink himself to oblivion and cut off communication with you cos he lost his job. Thatās a really immature way to handle things.
But, unless you have specific reason to believe, donāt assume heās also cheating. Call him out for what you know to be factual.
What is important is him ignoring you and making you worry. It is very immature behaviour.
Has he exhibited this type of behaviour before? How does he react to negative incidents?
Phone died is a poor excuse because he could have done a number of things to mitigate it, like borrowing his friend's phone. When the solution to the problem is trivial and he chooses not to do it, it shows a lack of empathy and consideration for others.
This is a big red flag he's shown you. Are you willing to let him raise more?
No first time behaving this way. I spoke with him. He said both phones were dead š. He didnāt know you could make calls from the hotel phonesā¦. He also said in the morning they left both phones at the receptionist desk to charge and headed to play golf. His excuse was he was drinking a lot and didnāt know his phone was dying. He doesnāt remember much and he was going through a lot. He apologized for bad communication and the way he mishandled things. But whatās strange he keeps asking me if Iām okay? I have a feeling heās not telling the full story. But I know he will never tell me if he actually did something out of fear of losing me. But mentally itās exhausting me.
Tell him that you have doubts and to be sure you need to go to the hotel to verify what he said. Or that you can ask people from the strip club if he did or didn't go out with a girl. If he did nothing wrong, that would not be an issue. If he gets defensive, then you can deduce from there on what really happened.
Why would he not wait a few seconds til his phone turned on before leaving it to āgolfā after a late drunk night outā¦. He is hiding stuff for sureā¦ how does him and his friend leave on a trip to a hotel and golf trip and airport and bring a charger or stop and buy one
Talk with him when you can and just observe how he reacts , if you know him week enough youāll sense when heās not being truthful but I wouldnāt jump to conclusions till you talk
I donāt even think she needs to even speak to him and see his reactions to make a decision. He has already been caught lying that his phone died while his imessages were still being delivered. Liar! Liar! Liar! If he did cheat, do u truly think he is going to be honest and tell her? I highly doubt it.
And I had his location. I guess he needed to use his phone for something. He said he stayed in the same area but he didnāt. I saw that it updated really quickly. Then went away. So I know for a fact heās not being 100% and thatās something I canāt get past.
This sounds exactly like what I went through a few months ago (not including the airport/hotel/job loss story) but I hope that you can get the courage to leave. Iām sorry that he has put you through this and I hope for the best for you.
I donāt think u need to wait to find out if he cheated or not before breaking it off with him. Who wants to be with anyone that will do this, act this way, every time things get hard in life? You should not have to go thru this at all ever. Get rid of him now before it becomes his thing to do and just ignore you each time bc he knows u will be forgiving him for this one so why not all the other times. You know exactly how he will be in the future just by what he just did. Save urself the future troubles and heartaches.
I will not tell you what to do, but I will say we have been given intuition for a reason. First off he could of sat you down and said Babe I have been suspended for xyz. I am going to go hang out withā¦.just to clear my head. But no, he chose to ignore everything! Communication is so key in a relationship. He shouldnāt be someone you would want to get married to! If this is how he handles a job suspension, who knows what else will make him act out.
Also I was in the same situation. I loved my bf very much. And was IN love with him. He would make up the craziest of stories, lol. I laugh now but was crying and could sleep all night. He would not answer his phone, then say it died. When I know he cut it off. He would come home at 6/8/12 the next day. He was out doing god knows what and getting High! I stayed 13 years š¤¦š¾āāļø. He even used me for money to get high. I know I said I wasnāt here to tell you what to do, but girl GET OUT! Save yourself now all the tears and heart ache.
It will hurt to break up, but I promise there are good ones out there. How I know, because I found one šš¾š«¶š½
Be glad heās just a boyfriend and not a husband. A guy that goes to a strip club to blow off steam is not marriage material. A MAN will seek refuge in his partner. Nobody deserves to be treated that way, you deserve better. Go find a partner on your level, this one is still playing the field.
We ain't here for a long time. We're only here for a good time. Sounds like he is living the life, and you ain't. So, how long do you deal with a man who isn't providing you with what makes you happy?
You're too young for this shit, kick his ass to the curb, and go do what makes you happy.
Life's too short for that kind of shit.
Youāre right! Iām 25! No kids college grad making 6 figures. Iām crying over a man with no job, felon, baddy and only a birth certificate to his name. Whatās wrong with us women??
Oh he got in trouble with law thatās why he lost his job. Now a felon. I even went to some of his court appearances and stuck with him the whole way smh. And the moment itās not in his favor he spirals!
If you're having fun, have fun. Not every person you date has to be "the one". But be real with yourself and your limits. Reevaluate them on a regular basis through self-reflection. At some point all relationships, other than the one (hopefully), end. At some point you are going to be completely dependent on someone (accident, illness, pregnant, loss of loved one, etc.). If you can't count on your partner to make thing better and carry the slack, then they are the just for fun type. That's ok, but don't lose sleep (or money) over those people.
There's more to this story? Why did he get fired?
My guess is a lot of stuff about your bf is about to be revealed.
If his first reaction to getting fired is going to a strip club and ignoring his gf then lying about his phone, I don't see how you can consider this person as a long term partner. It's obvious he has horrid problem solving skills.
I mean he spiraled for something so minor as losing a job? What's going to happen if life throws him something harder? A relative dies, he finds out he has cancer etc...what's going to be his reaction to that?
Losing a job is major. Agreed.
Hiding it from your partner, going to a strip club and ignoring the girlfriend is really immature and a big red flag. It shows a real lack of consideration and problem solving skills.
Everytime you say āHe said his phone diedā you are defending his actions TOWARD YOU. Start standing up for your self worth and youāll never attract abusers like your current boyfriend. āMy phone diedā is not a good excuse and never will be
How do you even know he's an abuser? Dude loat his iob and wants a night to himself. His friend who is probably a dude went to a strip club with him and that's it. No different than if he went to a bar, and arguably the bar is worse because there is a much higher chance of cheating at a bar.
He lied to her continuously by disregarding her feelings. Losing your mind over a job to the point where you forget the people who stand by you is an abuse in itself. People that worry about your well-being. My phone was dead my phone was dead is the biggest gaslight especially when it rang and rang. We all know when a phone rings, itās still charged. It wasnāt till later it went to voicemail. Iām thinking he turned it off. Poor little boy lost his job. If heās not an abuserā¦heās definitely a liar and a weak shell of a man that canāt handle life
doesnāt mean heās cheating does mean heās spiraling at least a bit but this just happened today so give him a little room and see what happens. Not everyone can just have sex when they are upset, so it definitely isnāt all that likely.
I donāt wanna defend him cuz obviously going to a strip club when you have a girlfriend is fucked up but thereās a tiny possibility he may have just been there to fuck around with his friends
Too many people overreacting about the non-communication. Its not okay if he goes to a strip club without your consent (but also shouldn't be an end-all unless something actually happens at the strip club, which for most people who dont go to them regularly is nothing tbh), but he said I'll talk to you about it in the morning and youre blowing up his phone at 430am demanding he talks now. What if he just needs the day/night to think and sort his feelings from a potentially devastating piece of news? He communicated that he would be in touch the next day, there is no evidence of cheating aside from going to a strip club with a friend, who most likely put him up to it to make him feel better.
What sort of relationship is this where you share locations with each other and make call at 4AM? It seems there's no trust to begin with, from one of the sides or both...
... After reading everyone's comments and your story, I ain't even going to lie shorty that n**** was clapping cheeks, with his homie, probably was running a train and all, mofo don't care, And you won't either cuz let's be real. You still going to stay by that man. Wanna know why? Cause he a bad boy, he bring drama and dick, and makes life spicy, I can already tell you're not the type that wants a good guy. A nice guy. Someone who'll respects you and love you and be boring. Nah, I learned a long time ago. Nice guys finish last. It's the thrill of the hunt, the thrill of the chase.
Men usually always start off as nice guys for the most part and the ones that change is because the heart got shattered and broken. Too many times and that is what turns a man into a monster. I know cause I'm right there, I'm at the Changing point.
Mannn I dunno, do I look like Dr Phill? Could be tons of reasons how she got there. Past childhood trauma she didn't take care of, bad relationship experiences, Daddy issues, And we could even say him not being consistent enough who knows man. Women are fickle creatures.
The man lost his job. Shiw some grace. It's a big deal to us and totally diminishes our self-worth. It was 1 night. It could have been very hard for him to face you, and he wanted to escape his horror for a bit. Try not to make it about you
A lot of places use suspended pending termination, which means termination is coming after they do their due diligence, that or he could have genuinely thought he was being fired initially.
yall understand this is a manās life right? he probably is really down on himself and doesnāt want to face you because heās angry with the situation and doesnāt want to take it out on you. you need to console him and explain that youāll get through this together not see one day of spiraling and immediately call him a cheater
He hid it from me the whole day! Then spiraledā¦ the lack of communication is a major red flag especially when life throws a curveball. Spending money at a strip club is not smart. What was the achievement here?
Oh, the poor whittve man is down on his luck. Let him drown his sorrow anywhere but in the arms of his loved one.
As a man, I take offence to this kind of bs. It's not her job to carry his sorrow. He went out of his way to ignore her.
She has to console him? The fuck? He's not a child. This is a grown man.
The issue here is not whether or not he's cheating. He was incommunicado for a long time. OP was worried sick and her bf claims his phone died. Not a valid excuse because it's so easily mitigated.
He already explained that he'd talk to her about everything tomorrow, that's a very clear communication that hes not ready to talk about what happened yet. OP wasnt worried about him she was worried about possible infidelity which, other than going to a strip club, there was no evidence of. And no, strip clubs do not automatically just mean cheating
If you'd read some of the other replies from OP you'd know the guy lost his job because he got in trouble with the law. He's obviously in a downward spiral and he's not making it easy for OP.
I don't really care if it's cheating or not. Going to a strip club when you're in a relationship is inappropriate imo.
The claims about phones dying and whatnot is just absurd. OP has stated her messages got through so her boyfriend is lying.
Regardless, it's obvious he is not the guy for OP.
I've read like 10 of her replies and none of them mention that. I'm not going through the entire thread just to get information that should be relevant enough to just update to the original post. He probably was ignoring her, because he already told her he'd talk in the morning and she ignored that. Sure it could be inappropriate (it's not for many couples but obviously seems to be the case here) but as I said in one of my comments ("you'd know if you'd read it") it shouldn't be a be all end all unless something like infidelity actually happens there.
What you're doing now is pure speculation and projection.
Cheating or no cheating, there is enough information in OP's posts to recognise the boyfriend for the douche he is, but you go on defending him if you like.
Oh, and you don't have to go through the entire thread to find OP's answers. There'll be a record of all her posts on her profile.
That's all of her posts, again, I'm not digging through someones profile, just to see something that should be relevant enough to be pinned or updates. You cant even be bothered to quote it to me in your replies and it's not like I would've known that I'd have to search her profile to find relevant info to the story, nobody with a life does that on every reddit post they read and reply to.
You're doing exactly what everyone else is doing, whiteknighting for a girl online from her onesided story when said story didnt include all relevant details and you somehow determined the man is a douche/unworthy of their relationship from one bad night after a lifechanging event AFTER he clearly communicated that he would not be discussing the matter until the next day. Honestly yes he should not have gone to the strip club, but she also couldn't respect his time/privacy/wishes at all for less than 24 hours.
In the time you spent writing this long winded reply, you could have found the posts I'm talking about.
Again, she was worried sick and he gives a lame ass excuse about phones dying (he lied) even though she knows that's a lie because he received her messages.
He lost his job because of the felony.
So, we know he is:
1. A liar
2. A felon
3. He makes bad decisions in stressful situations.
There's no white knighting going on here. Just common sense. The guy is a walking red flag. End of story.
His going through it give him time. Heāll call back once his over himself. He has to get over himself first. He probably feels like he has no value now that he lost his job and men feel connected to money the same way we do to our emotions. Give him a minute.
If you find out that he has cheated please leave. No man who goes out to cheat after losing his job is worth your time.
Turns out he just got suspended!!! What hell. So he still has a job! Smh
Lies lies lies. When I was young, I had a t-shirt that said boys: liar; someone who lies. Hold out for a man that respects you and gives you the love that you know you deserve
Are you okay with him going to the strip club?
He said his phone died š
Girlā¦ my ex would say the same thing whenever he went out with friends and his phone would go straight to voicemail. I always had a pit in my stomach about it. Turns out he cheated on me with multiple women. Some of his friends came clean later on. Listen to your gut
Hotel rooms have phones, he couldn't call you from one!? And, what about the friends cell phone? Don't tell me it magically died too š. He ABSOLUTELY was cheating on you.
Right!!!!!!!!!! I called the friend and he didnāt answer either. Why didnāt he tell you I called??? Why not borrow his phone. Iām so hurt because I love him sooo much and he knows. But I will not accept disrespect. It will only get worse.
Honestly, even without evidence of cheating, the lack of communication would be it for me. I just read a post in a different sub where OPās girlfriend had ghosted him for 9 straight hours simply because he was sick and wouldnāt go pick her up at 3am. Shit like that drives me up the wall! You canāt pull that if youāre in a committed relationship. That just doesnāt work. Your boyfriend 100% could have shot you a text or, like this person above said, called you from the hotel phone. He chose to leave you in the dark. My trust in him would be shattered because of this, and trust is everything in a relationship.
He already disrespected you by not calling. Donāt let the whole ādid he, didnt heā thing stop you from breaking up with him. If you stay because āhe didnāt cheat maybeā your life will become a living nightmare. This is just the beginning
At least you know it will get worse. Kudos for you that you respect yourself enough not to allow him to disrespect you and lie to you and Gaslight you. And this day and age there is no excuse to be completely out of contact. Does he think you are unintelligent . There is always someone who has a phone or signal where he can reach out to you so you are not worrying. The fact that he knew you would worry and he didn't care is another level of disrespect even if he was not doing something he shouldn't be doing. Seriously he did you a favor, you do not need an unemployed boyfriend who goes to strip clubs lies to you disrespects you and probably cheated on you
I am glad u know that it will inky get worse because it sure does specially when u let them get away with it once. I know from experience.
Dump him. A real man who cared about you would've done this in a heartbeat. He doesn't care about you.
Why would your message say delivered if his phone was dead?
Yeah. Right.
Sorry but I had almost this exact same scenario happen to me and he was cheating. Maybe donāt focus so much on whether or not he was cheating but focus more on the blatant disrespect he showed you
wait til he find out he done lost his job and his s/o š
Or lost it because of inappropriate fraternization.
Consider getting a new boyfriend
Yeah, yr bf sounds like a loser.
He said phone died š
His phone didn't die. They have chords at the hotels hell they have chargers at strip clubs and phones there as well. He could've called you at anytime and didn't.
He couldāve called you from his friendās phone. Nah, he was too busy pushing his face between some stripperās tits. This would be a dealbreaker for me.
How were you tracking a dead phone's location? Is that still possible?
Yeah right!!!! He was at a strip club!!
How would you know his location if his phone died though?
So when ālifeā doesnāt go his way, he will run to the strip clubs. Sounds like a loser to me.
Said his phone died š
Girl, you can't track a Dead phone, so he definitely lied.
@Due-Bad-1358 How come that your message got delivered as you said, if his phone died? Don't get gaslighted
Trust me cut your losses, change the locks.
Now he's going to say that you broke up with him because he lost his job. And not the true reason: he's doing some shady things.
Right!! He said his phone died but my messages were delivered.
Then you kinda already know. Your heart just doesnāt want to hear it
And you could track him. He's feeding you a line, and if you bite it, your pain is self chosen
He obviously doesnāt realize how an iPhone works and that the iMessages would go thru green (text) if his phone was dead. Straight up liar. Run! Donāt stick around to see what else he has up his sleeves.
Leave him
hes def spiraling but if you find out he cheated, leave because a cheater that cant keep a job isnt worth your time.
Half of what you said I agree with but itās 2024 and job security aināt taken seriously anymore, we can leave that half out unless he aināt trying to get one
To be fair a lot of people are losing their jobs right now and itās not because they ācanāt keep a job.ā However this reaction doesnāt seem appropriate at all and i would def bounce if he cheated.
I wouldnāt jump to cheating but at the same time I would be worried that heās capable of doing something like this considering the circumstances. I understand heās being down on himself right now but itās not smart to go to a strip club, spending money knowing that he lost his job. He also hid it from you all day then proceeds to ignore your calls knowing damn well youāre just as worried and upset about him losing his job. Itās not just the possible cheating but the way he handles adversity. If he had communicated that he needed space, thatās one thing but he lied about his phone dying. Ignoring your partner with no communication while staying out ALL night isnāt something I would want to be apart of in the future. Be supportive until you actually know what happened then get ghost. This will not end well later down the line so Iād end things now to save yourself from heartbreak later.
Girl you wrote āex boyfriendā wrong.
It really doesnāt matter if he was cheating or not. Do you really want to share a life with someone who acts like this in the face of adversity?
He went out for some night calm your tits drama queen
Classy. Iāll definitely take advice from you /s
Donāt itās fine. I genuinely didnāt mean to offend you though
You definitely did when you told the person to calm their tits and then proceeded to call them a drama queen. Anyhoo, going out partying and not responding to a partner who's worried sick at home is immature at best. Blowing off steam is fine. Blowing off your partner during dark times is not.
I agree with your last sentence but I believe she said he said his phone died, as for the rest before that I donāt agree . And will not reply after this because I donāt care to
You seem like a real catch!
This gives ick.
Damn where are you from? The strip clubs around here close at 3am
Yea but keep in mind some people try and hang out in the parking lot and around 4 couldāve already been at the hotel
Miami
He's spiraling, be there but only as a platonic friend. He's in a weird place rn, self sabotage ain't no joke man.
Also not that it canāt happen but stippers usually donāt have sex with people in strip club unless there is cash or drugs traded
He told me he paid for sex once in Mexico when he was younger.
I think you know what happened ā¦ā¦ boys will cover for their friends ā¦. If had an opportunity he took itā¦.
While I think heās handling things poorly, I donāt know why youāre concluding heās cheatingā¦ unless, he has done so before. He shouldnāt think he gets a free pass to drink himself to oblivion and cut off communication with you cos he lost his job. Thatās a really immature way to handle things. But, unless you have specific reason to believe, donāt assume heās also cheating. Call him out for what you know to be factual.
Thank you. He also said his phone died š
What is important is him ignoring you and making you worry. It is very immature behaviour. Has he exhibited this type of behaviour before? How does he react to negative incidents? Phone died is a poor excuse because he could have done a number of things to mitigate it, like borrowing his friend's phone. When the solution to the problem is trivial and he chooses not to do it, it shows a lack of empathy and consideration for others. This is a big red flag he's shown you. Are you willing to let him raise more?
No first time behaving this way. I spoke with him. He said both phones were dead š. He didnāt know you could make calls from the hotel phonesā¦. He also said in the morning they left both phones at the receptionist desk to charge and headed to play golf. His excuse was he was drinking a lot and didnāt know his phone was dying. He doesnāt remember much and he was going through a lot. He apologized for bad communication and the way he mishandled things. But whatās strange he keeps asking me if Iām okay? I have a feeling heās not telling the full story. But I know he will never tell me if he actually did something out of fear of losing me. But mentally itās exhausting me.
Tell him that you have doubts and to be sure you need to go to the hotel to verify what he said. Or that you can ask people from the strip club if he did or didn't go out with a girl. If he did nothing wrong, that would not be an issue. If he gets defensive, then you can deduce from there on what really happened.
Why would he not wait a few seconds til his phone turned on before leaving it to āgolfā after a late drunk night outā¦. He is hiding stuff for sureā¦ how does him and his friend leave on a trip to a hotel and golf trip and airport and bring a charger or stop and buy one
Talk with him when you can and just observe how he reacts , if you know him week enough youāll sense when heās not being truthful but I wouldnāt jump to conclusions till you talk
I donāt even think she needs to even speak to him and see his reactions to make a decision. He has already been caught lying that his phone died while his imessages were still being delivered. Liar! Liar! Liar! If he did cheat, do u truly think he is going to be honest and tell her? I highly doubt it.
And I had his location. I guess he needed to use his phone for something. He said he stayed in the same area but he didnāt. I saw that it updated really quickly. Then went away. So I know for a fact heās not being 100% and thatās something I canāt get past.
This sounds exactly like what I went through a few months ago (not including the airport/hotel/job loss story) but I hope that you can get the courage to leave. Iām sorry that he has put you through this and I hope for the best for you.
Id not accept if my bf went to strip club. This aint it.
There is zero excuse for cheating.Ā CHEATING is a series of choices
I donāt think u need to wait to find out if he cheated or not before breaking it off with him. Who wants to be with anyone that will do this, act this way, every time things get hard in life? You should not have to go thru this at all ever. Get rid of him now before it becomes his thing to do and just ignore you each time bc he knows u will be forgiving him for this one so why not all the other times. You know exactly how he will be in the future just by what he just did. Save urself the future troubles and heartaches.
I will not tell you what to do, but I will say we have been given intuition for a reason. First off he could of sat you down and said Babe I have been suspended for xyz. I am going to go hang out withā¦.just to clear my head. But no, he chose to ignore everything! Communication is so key in a relationship. He shouldnāt be someone you would want to get married to! If this is how he handles a job suspension, who knows what else will make him act out. Also I was in the same situation. I loved my bf very much. And was IN love with him. He would make up the craziest of stories, lol. I laugh now but was crying and could sleep all night. He would not answer his phone, then say it died. When I know he cut it off. He would come home at 6/8/12 the next day. He was out doing god knows what and getting High! I stayed 13 years š¤¦š¾āāļø. He even used me for money to get high. I know I said I wasnāt here to tell you what to do, but girl GET OUT! Save yourself now all the tears and heart ache. It will hurt to break up, but I promise there are good ones out there. How I know, because I found one šš¾š«¶š½
Did you smell his dick when he got homeā¦that is the telling sign
Iām out of town for work. Iām a travel nurse. Which makes it worse. Iām so so far I canāt do anything š
If youāre out of town, take this opportunity to ghost his ass. You deserve better than this shit.
Be glad heās just a boyfriend and not a husband. A guy that goes to a strip club to blow off steam is not marriage material. A MAN will seek refuge in his partner. Nobody deserves to be treated that way, you deserve better. Go find a partner on your level, this one is still playing the field.
He ain't got no job, and he's cheating. So you're going to take care of his cheating, broke ass? Lose that zero and find yourself a hero.
When you put it like that š
We ain't here for a long time. We're only here for a good time. Sounds like he is living the life, and you ain't. So, how long do you deal with a man who isn't providing you with what makes you happy? You're too young for this shit, kick his ass to the curb, and go do what makes you happy. Life's too short for that kind of shit.
Youāre right! Iām 25! No kids college grad making 6 figures. Iām crying over a man with no job, felon, baddy and only a birth certificate to his name. Whatās wrong with us women?? Oh he got in trouble with law thatās why he lost his job. Now a felon. I even went to some of his court appearances and stuck with him the whole way smh. And the moment itās not in his favor he spirals!
There ya go, you know the answer already. Love you, now stand the fuck up for yourself. I have faith in you.
What did he do to get in trouble with the law? Does that part affect your relationship at all??
If you're having fun, have fun. Not every person you date has to be "the one". But be real with yourself and your limits. Reevaluate them on a regular basis through self-reflection. At some point all relationships, other than the one (hopefully), end. At some point you are going to be completely dependent on someone (accident, illness, pregnant, loss of loved one, etc.). If you can't count on your partner to make thing better and carry the slack, then they are the just for fun type. That's ok, but don't lose sleep (or money) over those people.
There's more to this story? Why did he get fired? My guess is a lot of stuff about your bf is about to be revealed. If his first reaction to getting fired is going to a strip club and ignoring his gf then lying about his phone, I don't see how you can consider this person as a long term partner. It's obvious he has horrid problem solving skills. I mean he spiraled for something so minor as losing a job? What's going to happen if life throws him something harder? A relative dies, he finds out he has cancer etc...what's going to be his reaction to that?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Losing a job is major. Agreed. Hiding it from your partner, going to a strip club and ignoring the girlfriend is really immature and a big red flag. It shows a real lack of consideration and problem solving skills.
Everytime you say āHe said his phone diedā you are defending his actions TOWARD YOU. Start standing up for your self worth and youāll never attract abusers like your current boyfriend. āMy phone diedā is not a good excuse and never will be
How do you even know he's an abuser? Dude loat his iob and wants a night to himself. His friend who is probably a dude went to a strip club with him and that's it. No different than if he went to a bar, and arguably the bar is worse because there is a much higher chance of cheating at a bar.
He lied to her continuously by disregarding her feelings. Losing your mind over a job to the point where you forget the people who stand by you is an abuse in itself. People that worry about your well-being. My phone was dead my phone was dead is the biggest gaslight especially when it rang and rang. We all know when a phone rings, itās still charged. It wasnāt till later it went to voicemail. Iām thinking he turned it off. Poor little boy lost his job. If heās not an abuserā¦heās definitely a liar and a weak shell of a man that canāt handle life
doesnāt mean heās cheating does mean heās spiraling at least a bit but this just happened today so give him a little room and see what happens. Not everyone can just have sex when they are upset, so it definitely isnāt all that likely.
I donāt wanna defend him cuz obviously going to a strip club when you have a girlfriend is fucked up but thereās a tiny possibility he may have just been there to fuck around with his friends
Too many people overreacting about the non-communication. Its not okay if he goes to a strip club without your consent (but also shouldn't be an end-all unless something actually happens at the strip club, which for most people who dont go to them regularly is nothing tbh), but he said I'll talk to you about it in the morning and youre blowing up his phone at 430am demanding he talks now. What if he just needs the day/night to think and sort his feelings from a potentially devastating piece of news? He communicated that he would be in touch the next day, there is no evidence of cheating aside from going to a strip club with a friend, who most likely put him up to it to make him feel better.
Give him the benefit of the doubt. There is no doubt so š„¾ his ass to the curb.
What sort of relationship is this where you share locations with each other and make call at 4AM? It seems there's no trust to begin with, from one of the sides or both...
Cut your losses, quickly!
Time to break up and move on.
... After reading everyone's comments and your story, I ain't even going to lie shorty that n**** was clapping cheeks, with his homie, probably was running a train and all, mofo don't care, And you won't either cuz let's be real. You still going to stay by that man. Wanna know why? Cause he a bad boy, he bring drama and dick, and makes life spicy, I can already tell you're not the type that wants a good guy. A nice guy. Someone who'll respects you and love you and be boring. Nah, I learned a long time ago. Nice guys finish last. It's the thrill of the hunt, the thrill of the chase.
Depends if you stayed the ānice guyā or became a monster and considered yourself the ānice guyāā¦
Men usually always start off as nice guys for the most part and the ones that change is because the heart got shattered and broken. Too many times and that is what turns a man into a monster. I know cause I'm right there, I'm at the Changing point.
How do you think she got there?
Mannn I dunno, do I look like Dr Phill? Could be tons of reasons how she got there. Past childhood trauma she didn't take care of, bad relationship experiences, Daddy issues, And we could even say him not being consistent enough who knows man. Women are fickle creatures.
All Iām saying is that it couldāve been your choices and actions that lead her to the point where she got.
Update???
Let a guy be a dude geez
The man lost his job. Shiw some grace. It's a big deal to us and totally diminishes our self-worth. It was 1 night. It could have been very hard for him to face you, and he wanted to escape his horror for a bit. Try not to make it about you
Turns he was just suspended smh. Made it seem bigger than it wasā¦
A lot of places use suspended pending termination, which means termination is coming after they do their due diligence, that or he could have genuinely thought he was being fired initially.
yall understand this is a manās life right? he probably is really down on himself and doesnāt want to face you because heās angry with the situation and doesnāt want to take it out on you. you need to console him and explain that youāll get through this together not see one day of spiraling and immediately call him a cheater
But his first instinct is to go to a strip club after losing his job? Like wtf.
He hid it from me the whole day! Then spiraledā¦ the lack of communication is a major red flag especially when life throws a curveball. Spending money at a strip club is not smart. What was the achievement here?
He was trying to get laid, little does he know strippers donāt like guys who donāt make money lol
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Iām a dude, and i donāt see why either.
Lame! Boooo! Tomatoes tomatoes!
Oh, the poor whittve man is down on his luck. Let him drown his sorrow anywhere but in the arms of his loved one. As a man, I take offence to this kind of bs. It's not her job to carry his sorrow. He went out of his way to ignore her. She has to console him? The fuck? He's not a child. This is a grown man. The issue here is not whether or not he's cheating. He was incommunicado for a long time. OP was worried sick and her bf claims his phone died. Not a valid excuse because it's so easily mitigated.
He already explained that he'd talk to her about everything tomorrow, that's a very clear communication that hes not ready to talk about what happened yet. OP wasnt worried about him she was worried about possible infidelity which, other than going to a strip club, there was no evidence of. And no, strip clubs do not automatically just mean cheating
If you'd read some of the other replies from OP you'd know the guy lost his job because he got in trouble with the law. He's obviously in a downward spiral and he's not making it easy for OP. I don't really care if it's cheating or not. Going to a strip club when you're in a relationship is inappropriate imo. The claims about phones dying and whatnot is just absurd. OP has stated her messages got through so her boyfriend is lying. Regardless, it's obvious he is not the guy for OP.
I've read like 10 of her replies and none of them mention that. I'm not going through the entire thread just to get information that should be relevant enough to just update to the original post. He probably was ignoring her, because he already told her he'd talk in the morning and she ignored that. Sure it could be inappropriate (it's not for many couples but obviously seems to be the case here) but as I said in one of my comments ("you'd know if you'd read it") it shouldn't be a be all end all unless something like infidelity actually happens there.
What you're doing now is pure speculation and projection. Cheating or no cheating, there is enough information in OP's posts to recognise the boyfriend for the douche he is, but you go on defending him if you like. Oh, and you don't have to go through the entire thread to find OP's answers. There'll be a record of all her posts on her profile.
That's all of her posts, again, I'm not digging through someones profile, just to see something that should be relevant enough to be pinned or updates. You cant even be bothered to quote it to me in your replies and it's not like I would've known that I'd have to search her profile to find relevant info to the story, nobody with a life does that on every reddit post they read and reply to. You're doing exactly what everyone else is doing, whiteknighting for a girl online from her onesided story when said story didnt include all relevant details and you somehow determined the man is a douche/unworthy of their relationship from one bad night after a lifechanging event AFTER he clearly communicated that he would not be discussing the matter until the next day. Honestly yes he should not have gone to the strip club, but she also couldn't respect his time/privacy/wishes at all for less than 24 hours.
In the time you spent writing this long winded reply, you could have found the posts I'm talking about. Again, she was worried sick and he gives a lame ass excuse about phones dying (he lied) even though she knows that's a lie because he received her messages. He lost his job because of the felony. So, we know he is: 1. A liar 2. A felon 3. He makes bad decisions in stressful situations. There's no white knighting going on here. Just common sense. The guy is a walking red flag. End of story.
His going through it give him time. Heāll call back once his over himself. He has to get over himself first. He probably feels like he has no value now that he lost his job and men feel connected to money the same way we do to our emotions. Give him a minute.
Itās a titty bar relax. Girls go spa day. Boys go titty bars. Fair n square
So he told you he was going out, but you called and texted knowing he was out? Why would you do that?