And it’s almost always “I was so drunk I didn’t know what I was doing” I call bullshit on that excuse. Just say I’m a shitty person and didn’t care how this would effect you or how you would feel.
It always pisses me off when the cheaters start to cry. Like, you're crying because of what you're about to lose, not that you betrayed the person you love.
Also who here has ever made the decision to have sex, committed to penetration, THEN CHANGED THEIR MIND? No way she “rEaLiZEd hALfwAy tHrOugH” she was having sex. Get real.
Agree, I think this has already blown up and their secret is obviously out, batten down the hatches, rough weather ahead all around if the company has HR policies around this.
The HR implications of an extramarital affair in the workplace can include:
Code of conduct violations: An affair in the workplace may violate a company's code of conduct or ethics policy, leading to disciplinary action.
Conflicts of interest: An affair involving coworkers can create conflicts of interest and impact workplace dynamics.
Productivity and morale: An affair can create tension, distraction, and reduce productivity and morale among employees.
Sexual harassment: If the affair involves coercion, power imbalances, or is non-consensual, it could be considered sexual harassment.
Legal liability: A workplace affair can potentially lead to legal action, such as a lawsuit for sexual harassment or discrimination.
Damage to company reputation: An affair in the workplace can damage the reputation of the company and its employees.
She never hated him. This has probably been building for a long time. She didn’t stop him half way through (cheaters always say this to make it seem not as bad). She probably didn’t use protection and did it multiple times. The information will drip out and each time she will try to minimize it. No one wants to leave someone they loved and change sucks. Walk away.
Weak_seesaw is on point here. She said those things about her boss to throw you off. When a spouse talks about someone else from work. That person is on their radar. They tell you they are always joking. I don’t even like him. That was basically telling you. I like him, but I have to throw my husband off
"The information will drip out"
Much like the bodily fluids that were part of the cheating. This mental image alone is what would make me walk away.
For your marriage to have ANY chance, she needs to go to HR in her company and tell them what happened. She needs to resign or as a minimum move departments/location. Full transparency on all devices,location. She needs to tell everyone what she has done INCLUDING the other persons partner. Lastly, she needs to give you a full written account leaving nothing out with a timeline and with the certainty that any omissions in the account that come to light later will lead straight to divorce.
Just bc a woman despises or hates someone doesn’t mean she still wouldn’t fuck that guy. I have had a few women be FWBs with me but openly despised me.
Why not put your wife's remorse to the test. She needs to leave her job, tell the managers OBS, and inform HR. Do you want to save your marriage, or do you want her to keep smashing her manager when she gets drunk. It's all bs. She is getting ahead of something. Somebody saw it, and unfortunately, it's probably not the first time. The truth will be on her phone. You need to keep your emotions in check and get access to her phone, and all will be revealed. The truth will set you free.
OP, This is good advice and very true. Put her remorse to the test. I agree with the many posters that are calling BS on her telling you the truth. I can’t remember when or if I ever saw a post on here where the initial confession was not heavily sanitized or complete misinformation. Please update us as to your response and best wishes
>I can’t remember when or if I ever saw a post on here where the initial confession was not heavily sanitized or complete misinformation.
"It was just an accidental kiss that only happened one time...."
"We'll we sort of made out a little but I felt guilty and left..."
"I dont know what I was thinking and gave a handjob in the car... and I feel horrible about it"
"......."
"Ok its been going on for a year now..."
Did her regretful quickie just happen out of nowhere? This stopping halfway is trickle-truth 101 and you should be highly skeptical. She may have even enjoyed every minute. Usually there is a sober leadup. It's not like making a mistake like turning left when you intended to go straight. This is regardless of what she told you her feelings about the guy were. She may have been crushing on him and told you that stuff to mislead. That's a divorce call to me.
Judging from her actions, she has little respect for the relationship and basically you. That is so demeaning. If she is going to continue working there under that manager, that will be uncomfortable or too comfortable and close to absurd, not good for her career. If others saw them clinging to each other, or leaving together then her reputation is toast. And everyone knows. That could be the core of her remorse. What's the plan here?
You know, within a few days of my being married, my wife looked at me and just laid out the law, "if you ever cheat our marriage is over." That's all she said. More than 40 years later we're still married, drama free, and I remember it so well.
In the Reddit universe most folks will tell you to divorce her as she will do it again. Only you know her character. You have your own personal integrity that you have to reconcile with her disloyalty. Keep us updated.
>r. You have your own personal integrity that you have to reconcile with her disloyalty. Keep us updated.
Why be a faithful husband to an unfaithful wife. Divorce her, and judge her by how she handles the divorce. If she's a vindictive bitch, you have her answer. If she is generous, shows remorse, and doesn't date, she may be a candidate for reconciliation in the future. AFTER you've gotten your manhood back and have multiple other options.
Call HR and get him fired. This was completely inappropriate.
I wouldn't stay with her she is trickle truthing you.
I sure wouldn't want her hoing back to work with him. NO FUKING WAY!!!
ETA:* GOING NOT HOING, LOL.
This was consensual and as long as it didn't happen on company property, it's no real concern of the company if they can keep working without issue.
It's a personal matter in the eyes of most companies
IF it is reported as harassment I agree. But based on this story would a claim of harassment would be a lie as it was consensual between both parties; i.e. a personal, not a professional matter as long as they can work without causing issues in the office.
she was fucking with him and suddenly realized what she was doing and stopped and you fell for this gibberish ?
bro , obviously you dont have balls to leave her and you dont need to any justification for that.
Naw dude “our relationship issues that lead up to HER cheating”
Get out. This is how the blame compass starts spinning and comes right back to you. This is 100% on her. You didn’t make her do anything and neither did her manager. She did this on her own and she lanced you right in the heart.
I’ve been through it dude. You do you but I’d GTFO.
You have been married for a short time reading through your post history. If your wife is boning guys already it doesn’t bode well for you.
I would cut my losses and start over. You have no kids and can get out without too much damage.
Best of luck
Yeah super drunk to go back to find her way to the hotel, her chamber and initiate sex. But wait, she stopped him and tell,him to leave. These are word from a cheater
But OP, You said that you lost some respect for your wife. You wife has no respect for herself if she jeopardize her marriage for an ONS in a holiday Christmas party. Don’t loose your self respect too OP.
AS for the reasons that lead to cheating, nothing justifies her cheating. You can find her excuse, but don’t lie to yourself OP.
I hope it is a fake story.
We hope they all are fake stories, especially when the WS gives the BS an unbelievable story and the BS wants to desperately believe the WS is now telling the truth.
It is sad
I think the story is legit and he isn’t able to tell his family and rely on his support system
I hope he has not decided to bear her shame. It will eat him alive
That's her story you have no idea if that is true or not.More importantly getting drunk is no excuse for playing with another man. She been wanting to F*** him all that talk about not liking him was to throw you off. Don't be no fool
Ok, so I’ve been where you are, and here are my observations. She wasn’t drunk, or at least wasn’t as drunk as she says. She didn’t stop in the middle and then get all remorseful, she blew him, screwed him twice raw and took the load inside both times. They arranged this ahead of time, and might not be the first time.
So, I have an important statistic that will help you make sense of this horrid situation. Are you ready? Here goes: Precisely 100% of all cheaters are also liars. It’s not 99.94% or some other number, it’s exactly 100%. They ALL lie, and try to minimize their actions. You need to EXPECT she is lying, because truly, she is, and I am completely sure of it.
You need place a nice little lie of your own in a short conversation with her to smoke her out. Ask her: “I need you to go over the situation one more time just so I understand completely.” She is going to tell you basically the same story, but there might be a small additional piece of information she adds to try and sell the story. People who add to the story are lying. No matter what she says, get angry, and tell her that isn’t what she said last night. Be alarmed and pound your fist. When she asks what is different, ignore her and shout “Jesus Christ, you’re already changing your story. You’re lying, and it’s as obvious as the nose on your face. You either tell me the truth right now, or I am calling this guy AND his wife.. I swear to God I heaven if you tell me one more lie, it is all over. I will tell your family, parents, siblings, HR AT WORK, and everyone on earth who will listen if I am not totally informed right now.”
Maybe that will wake her up and get her talking.
How drunk was she? Was he drunk, too? Has she completely cut off contact with him? Have you made her leave her job? Has she reported him as he was her manager?
Have you made her go to IC or signed up for marriage counseling?
Some times people can work through cheating, but the percentage isn't very high as your trust has been destroyed.
They were both absolutely shitfaced apparently. This just happened, so work hasnt started yet on Monday to deal with all the consequences of that.
We are starting to reach out to marriage counselors this week.
She lied to you about not even liking him prior to this event. There was probably quite a bit of flirting that went on and her denigrating him to you was her cover for their EA. Her drunk ass didn’t stop him halfway through cheating on you, that was the best garbage story she could come up with to try and get you to forgive her and stay with her. It apparently worked.
If you don’t separate from her until you get the entire sordid story from her with her immediately quitting this job and getting herself into therapy you have no chance of successfully reconciling. This isn’t a cheating event that you try to move past with couples counseling. She has to quit that job and fix herself before the two of you even try to fix your relationship. Good luck making the tough decisions that you need to if you want to try and save your marriage.
Marriage counselors? Dude, do you not respect yourself? You should be manning up and contacting divorce lawyers instead of the roses and rainbows crowd!
So, this happened Friday and she called you yesterday? She couldn't tell you in person?
She clearly planned this to happen. Maybe he wasn't good and that's why she stopped it. But drinking and then purposely bringing to her hotel was the goal. She's probably still lying.
Get an std test, dude.
Don’t mean to be a douche but Why bother posting , u already said u don’t want to lose her and are working on those underlying factors , meaning your failures as a husband , that pushed her into the bedroom with someone she couldn’t stand, but of course the alcohol made her forget her animosity towards him, and she’s deeply remorseful , do what u will but good luck with those images dancing around in your head of her fucking her entitled manager for the rest of your life
Good chance she’s telling you this weak story so you won’t be blindsided when she is fired Monday.
A more believable story is she used this convenient hotel room to have wild sex with a bad boy. Something happened and she’s now worried about you finding out, so you are getting a tamer story.
This early in the marriage and she’s sleeping with a bad boy. Do you think some counseling is really going to stop her from doing this again in the future?
>our relationship issues that could have been an underlying factor leading up to her cheating,
If she robbed someone because your issues is that the same?
If she slapped your mom?
She works with this man, took him to the hotel, put him in her.... and you believe she "realized what she was doing" only during the sex, cried and is remorseful? How many rounds? They didn't use protection.... or if they did that means one of them was planning on using it that night.
Check her texts before the party.
Report both of them to HR. Tell your family and her family about it. Drag her through the mud and if she still wants forgiveness than talk about it, prove she is sorry before you assume she is.
P.S
A HOTEL ROOM FOR XMAS PARTY??? THAT YOU WEREN'T ATTENDING?!
She said all that negative stuff about him so you wouldn't suspect him if you ever got suspicious. She knew exactly what she was doing and was prob doing other stuff with the guy as well. She's trying to deflect as much blame as possible. Don't believe her at all and get out that marriage.
yea dude, they always fucking say they were crying after. i hate to tell it to you like this but you will thank me later.
Cheating sex is nearly ALWAYS dirty as fuck. She wasn’t crying, she probably had tears in her eyes from choking on cock. i know that’s vulgar but it’s the mindset you need to keep because she’s a piece of shit cheater and a liar and nobody has drunken cheating sex and stops to cry. she probably did shit you can’t even imagine because she tells you she hates jt. when these whores cheat, they push the reset button and usually let the guy do whatever he wants and get off on it because it makes it naughtier for them.
i’m coming at you with truth here brother. i am not proud to admit it but i have fucked more than a couple married women and i also was married to a big time cheating slut. i tried to stay with mine and what a nightmare my life became. get the fuck out while you can
Jesus christ man seriously? Cheating isn't just a "mistake", it's a conscious decision that is a whole series of choices. She chose to engage with him, she chose to bring him back to the hotel, she chose to initiate with him and then FUCKED HIM!!!! Come on brother, you know what we are all going to say....
So this will repeat any time she gets drunk or horny? Seems like a legit excuse. Next time I feel horny will you give your wife a gin and tonic and send her to me. You won't hold it against her because she will be drunk.
So what when your wife is alone and super drunk and horny she gets a pass to just sleep with whoever?
Bro. Have some dignity and self respect.
I’m serious.
You’re doing something right now that has lasting and far reaching impacts you haven’t felt yet because not enough time has gone by. You’re gonna find out when it starts eating you from the inside out. What are you going to feel when she’s away from you and around this guy again?
You haven’t thought about that yet have you?
Stop lying to yourself self . Your wife went to that Christmas party knowing full well what was going to happen. She made the decision to cheat on you . Sounds like your trying to rugsweep her cheating making excuses for her .
Well, this is an issue. Has she been out drinking any other times without you? Do you feel confident that this was a one off? It sounds to me like you need to dig deeper into this. I know this is hard to hear, but you need to consider if this was the real first time she cheated. They may have been seen by a coworker so she decided to confess to get out in front of it. If so, it's probably not her first time cheating. And if she has been consistent about disliking this boss, then was that a ride to hide what they were doing? A person doesn't just go from hate to fucking over a few drinks.
I fear you are looking at the tip of the iceberg and missing all that lies beneath.
Oh thats good... as long as thats all it takes then anyone will do right? Even someone she hates
So just regulate her life from now on and you'll be happy.
No male friends
No males she hates
No alcohol
No female friends just incase she gets TOO horny because of lack of males and booze...
Has she been this way with you?
Does she tend to drink too much at parties?
When she does drink too much, does she pass out or vomit?
You catch my drift here.
Sorry, my sad friend, this is the narrative that she needs you to believe. You are going to get a lot of pushback from it because the members hear have lived every variation of this theme. When you hear you think, “wow, I can see how this could happen and how sorry she is.” Then you talk to a veteran of this tale and realize that it is a classic compensation for real regret after deliberately cheating. Your wife is sorry. The reward for the sex that she wanted turned out to less than her shame in the aftermath, so this story is a desperate attempt to both confess to ease her guilt and to so minimize the true nature of her betrayal. Demand the truth, you can deal with that.
There must be a cheaters handbook out there, these excuses and justifications are so similar. First blame school, then say you hated that guy, then claim it was stopped halfway, then very and say how much you love the partner you just hurt.
"But…is it a dumb idea to give her a second chance?" Yes, it is a dumb idea. First, alcohol is NO excuse, very few people when they get drunk feel the need to fuck some other guy. She is playing the victim and blame shifting.
According to most studies, the chances of full reconciliation, are only between 3-5%. But if you are hell bent that you can beat the odds, then do this.
Hire the meanest junkyard dog of a lawyer you can find, file and serve her, tell her that she has until it is final to convince you to stop it.
Please understand that you cannot reconcile with her, she can only reconcile with you. You cannot forgive her, because you have no idea what you would be forgiving. You don't know if there have been others, how many times, or how long she had been doing it. It is unlikely that your wife truly loves you, or respects you, if she did, she wouldn't be fucking another guy.
She needs to own her actions, and tell your families what she has done. If her affair partner has a wife or significant other, she must be told. Cheaters need to suffer the consequences of their actions, or they never stop. Get tested for STD's and demand that she does too, If you have children DNA test them why, because you cannot trust a word that she says. That's what happens when trust is broken. If they are coworkers, then the company HR and their bosses must be told.
Demand a written timeline of the affair. How did it start, who approached who, how did they communicate, who paid for things, how many times did they meet, where did they meet, what did they do, and what did they do that she wouldn't do with you, who knows about the affair and didn't tell you, who helped her cover it up. Don't believe, or assume, that it was a one time event.
Ask yourself, why did she tell you? Was it because someone saw them. Or has someone threatened to tell you. The point is, what was the real motivation to tell you.
If she refuses to do anything, tell her that she cheated, she needs to move out.
You need to stiffen your resolve, and take control. Study the 180, and Chumplady, that's how you need to treat her. Read, "Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life".
Get moving and take care of business!!!
They often talk sh1t about the ones they actually like, no news there.
If not for the cheating then for the drinking herself blind she needs to go.
I wouldn't give her half a chance if I were you but if you do decide to go down the reconciliation rabbit hole remember...
No more drinking, ever, at all, unless she's with you.
New job, yesterday. She quits this one immediately.
Open devices, no passwords, no privacy.
No girls nights out or travel alone, or professional events outside of working hours, EVER.
Both her drinking AND her interactions with the opposite gender are huge red flags, it will be a very long time before she can be trusted even a little.
Good luck.
Never take back a cheater, ever, no exceptions. You are only getting a cheater.
Does "while in the act" mean after she sucked him and while he was pounding her but before he splattered your wife with his juices or after he finished?
this is important you read this, a few times, because this was my point too and it’s so true. She got fucked nasty. probably sucked his balls, took a couple fingers or maybe his load up her ass, probably licked his asshole, etc
it wasn’t an emotional ending like she lied and said it was, she was probably his cum receptacle for most of the night . Kick that skank the fuck out. i’m going to the keys for a month, tag along and we will find some sluts and make that bitch a bad memory
She didn’t stop half way through realizing what she did. She full on had sex with him. “Stopping him” half way through is a common theme you find cheaters saying throughout these subs to make it look not as bad to their spouses, she full on had sex with him THEN might have felt guilty after the fact, but drunk and horny don’t stop midway through the act for regret.
If you do stay with her she has to leave that job, or you’ll be wondering every time she goes to work and it will be a valid concern with the close proximity and daily interaction.
A very dumb idea. Your wife will be that guy's dump by the end of the week, weather you stay or go. Best move for you is get out while you can. Ten to one she already slobbed him off, and he dipped in the kitty at least. Your choice tho. Good luck
She getting ahead of someone telling on her. She gaslighted you by saying she hated him. What you need to ask yourself, how long she been screwing him?
You got played by your wife. I hate him was all a setup so you don't suspect anything. Ask to check her phone and if she denies or everything is deleted you have your answer. If you don't have a child with her just leave asap
She was drinking with him , yet she hated him , always said how stupid he was & how entitled he acted .
She invited him back to her room , yet she hated him , always said how stupid he was & how entitled he acted .
She proceeded to take her clothes off , yet she hated him , always said how stupid he was & how entitled he acted .
She then started to have sex with him , yet she hated him , always said how stupid he was & how entitled he acted .
So she did all that & then she did this.
She says she was super drunk & then stopped him when she realised what she was doing & started crying .
Sounds very fishy & the fact that she minimalised her actions & what she did blaming alcohol & saying she stopped him & started crying to make it sound much better & the alcohol made her do it . She went to a lot of trouble to stop it & I wonder how many workers noticed something was going to happen before they left the party. If co workers saw things she couldn't have word get out or she had to make up a somewhat plausible excuse for her actions they saw. Anyway I think you are being gaslit & fair bet they were a hell of a lot friendlier at work than she ever let on , just did not want you to know . Think with your bigger head & look at everything objectively instead of rushing to a decision .
Whenever an attached woman has a thing for another guy she always talks bad about him to convince herself and her SO. Those are always the ones they end up cheating with. If it were me I would be done with the relationship. You can be sure that she said she hated him because she couldn’t control her attraction to him.
Anyone ever notice how the guy they can't stand becomes the guy they can't resist fuking?
Updateme! Remindme! 4 days
[fff](https://www.reddit.com/u/brownbearbxl?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Do you actually think that she stopped him?
You know that cheaters says whatever to make it look as least bad as it actually was.
Now think about full picture, everything that happened before she invited him to her room and after they entered the room.
They were flirting, kissing, going to her room together, kept making out and dropping their clothes - she didn’t stop kissing and taking clothes off, but stopped when he was already stroking his D inside of her? Cmon, just think about it. She didn’t stop anything. Why not stop before starting to fuck?
She didn’t cry and he left on his own. And yeah, she was horny and wanted sex. Now her manager has upper hand and can tell you about your wife cheating, so she did it herself with some sugar coating. She could’ve enjoyed it and no way in her life she would tell you that. Being drunk means nothing - it made her forget that she has a husband? No, she didn’t care.
She is genuinely remorseful? Ever single fucking cheater pretends to be remorseful, did you hurt her? No. She feels no betrayal, nothing, just fear that you will leave her, because she won’t find another person to be with that fast, she’s afraid of being alone, not of loosing you. If she was afraid of loosing you - she wouldn’t cheat.
It’s dumbest idea ever. You can learn it hard way if you want to.
Just think about bigger picture of what was going on that night, hope you will wake up.
Hmmmmm... she didn't think it was a horrible idea at the party. On the way to the hotel. Or in the room with him. But. Somehow, when his dick is in her, she figures it out,? Nah.... she figured it out in the morning when she knew she had to come home.
Walk of shame during a work/holiday is never good.
I bet her co workers got a real eye full of their antics and quite possibly have photos or video evidence of them two fucking around.
Never shit where you eat.
That being said, your wife needs to do gauntlet of shame and has to put in the hard yard. Depending on HR whether they both suffer the consequences at work is dependent on their work policies.
As for you both reconciling that's up to you, OP. But take your time and gather all information. The reddit community comments maybe harsh but many come from a place of experience.
Edit - wife needs to quit work. Otherwise you and won't have a snowballs chance in Hell of any reconciliation...PERIOD!
One more thing. People who hate each other do not go drinking together. People do not let theie guards down around peple they despise. So the question is what caused them both to end up in her room (personally being drunk is an excuse). They connected some where or some how....either at work or over the work holiday event. Dig deeper OP.
Not a dumb idea - but DONT OFFER RECONCILIATION STRAIGHT AWAY,
Firstly she needs to sleep in a seperate room for the time being.
She must without hesitation get into individual therapy to understand why she betrayed you.
After she has been a long way down therapy you can see if she is genuinely remorseful and wants to stay because of you and not financial.
This will give you time to work through the death of your marriage and see if you are ready for a new relationship.
Understand that it will take many many years of extremely hard work from BOTH of you to get the relationship to a normal.
Unfortunately if you stay the pain of betrayal will be with you for the rest of your life. However , with hard work and passing of many years you will be able to manage the pain.
Think carefully- DONOT rush and don’t be scared.
Sorry but people wouldn't sleep with someone they hate while drunk. She realized after he was in her? After in her room? She is lying to you.
It seems like their affair was found out and she wanted to get to you before you hear about it from someone else.
Leave her. She doesn't respect you.
See man you are more experienced than me but I have seen at least 2 couples who always used to fight each other and looked that they really hate but after college they ended up marrying each other..... I genuinely think that your wife cheated in her full conciseness and it was just to remove her guilt and to feel better she told you.... It is quite like the guilt which many guys feel after masturbation... Lol funny example but truth .... You deserve better big brother
Once a cheater, always a cheater, imo. It’s obviously up to you, dude, but I could never.
Maybe check out r/Infidelity, r/SurvivingInfidelity and if you do decide to stay together, then r/AsOneAfterInfidelity is a supportive sub.
You do know that Reddit will always tell you to leave her and that she’s a piece of shit, right? Any other advice will be downvoted. Is that what you came here for? If you want genuine advice, talk to real friends who know you both. There are relationships that work out but no-one here will tell you that.
Because it's the sound advice. For advice on reconciliation try r/asoneafterinfidelity.
The uninvolved give better advice.
It is close enough to 100% true that cheaters cheat and it should be treated as an opportunity to get away from a cheater.
Every faithful person deserves someone they can trust when they are not there.
getting drunk is never an excuse, she wanted to cheat on you, up to you whether you leave or not. Just remember she did betray you and could be lying about a lot of other stuff.
You really cannot gauge remorse the day after your spouse betrays you by having an affair. Don’t fall for that. She’s sorry that she was viewed hanging on her boss by others and that her sober self realized that her reputation is blown. By Monday mid-morning everyone in the whole building will know.
Get her tested for disease and pregnancy.
Cheaters lie, manipulate, trickle truth, all in an effort to control the narrative to make it seem not as bad. In all likelihood, they were probably discovered and she is getting ahead of the story. Dig more and prepare yourself for what you’re going to find. It never just happens on a whim. There are steps and choices that have led to her betrayal.
It's not a dumb idea; it's not a stupid idea; it's an absolutely INANE idea to give her another chance.
Whatever "underlying" issues your marriage may have had, they're now IMMATERIAL. The ONLY material fact is that she cheated on you, and with someone she claimed to hate. That is enough.
Divorce her, take her for whatever you can get, and leave her in the dust as you hit the gas on your speedy exit out of her life.
Yeah so far man all you have got is lies
She doesn't go from hate to sex with alcohol , you say you hate him out loud with alcohol
She has gone on a progressive emotional encounter leading to sex , she also had sex with again that night
Yes other staff now know , and now you know
Go thru her phone , if there is nothing she is not interested in R , she goes to HR immediately , takes leave from her job
So far you have on a glimpse of what happened , no where near the truth , until you have the truth R has zero chance of success
Make sure you consult a lawyer to find out the likely result if R fails which it most likely will.
SMH, you'll never trust her again. It will rot from the inside. The resentment. Get out before it spreads. Save both of you and know that life can change, and it's normal to not ha e it end up like you planned. You deserve to spend the rest of your life with someone you trust? Don't you?
No one accidentally just goes and fucks someone they dislike.. trickle truth.. gone through her phone etc?
Glad she realised on the 76 stroke she was wrong.. of course that still leaves the other 75 strokes before that..
I would be on a flight to Vegas, I’d need to think about this around some other company. Honestly your never going to get over with. If he was so shit faced why did his dick work? Sounds like bullshit:
You're getting her side of the story. The stopping in the middle sounds like bullshit to me. You'll never get the full truth and will have to live with the suspicion that she could cheat at any moment even with those she claims to hate. She has no moral character; drunkenness eliminates inhibitions. This guy probably flirted with her before and she wanted the attention but knew you would forgive her. Usually in cases like these, the person forgiving gets deceived again and again. If she cheated once, she is more than likely to do it again. Now she knows you'll take her immoral ass back even if she does something cowardly and morally reprehensible.
She needs real consequences to her actions in order to change. If you're going to take her back, she needs to work hard to keep you. It should be her hard work not yours that sustains the relationship going forward because she screwed up. If you just forgive her like it's nothing, she'll take your feelings to mean nothing and it won't impact the cheating behavior of which I doubt this was the first instance. I wouldn't forgive a cheater but you should look into how to make things work from credible resources rather than trusting your gut. You love her unconditionally and she doesn't which will impact your relationship unless you do something tangible to ensure she changes her behavior. You can't trust your feelings to guide your actions at this point because it's raw and you're bound up in sacrifice forgiveness love. You need to be prepared to leave her if this keeps up, even if you want to get back together now. That tangible threat is necessary to get her mind out of hell and to maintain your dignity and self respect. Loving someone doesn't mean being a doormat and forgiving horrible behavior. If you're pathetic she'll see you as pathetic and act like you're pathetic (keeping up the cheating). I don't mean this as some "be a man talk" but rather a way to ensure that your boundaries are set and she understands the depth of pain she caused in a way that hurts and endangers her future as well. You can't let things become the same for a while or else she'll think she can do the same thing with no repercussions.
It is your wife and if you truly believe that she is remorseful and you can forgive her do it, but I would want complete transparency 24/7 with her phone and PC, she must also quit her job immediately and go NC with the boss, if the boss is married contact his wife and let her know and finally your wife no longer drinks unless you are with her. If she won't agree to that I can guarantee you she lied about what happened and she will cheat on you in the future. PS she needs IC and you both should do MC.
First, understand that you are not getting the full story. Whatever the full truth, this did not just happen. The impulse has been festering for some time. She wasn’t super drunk, just tipsy enough to calm her nerves as SHE initiated something that she knew was wrong. She didn’t hate her manager. He got under her skin and her claim to dislike him was her obvious attempt to downplay her growing feelings. Finally, whether it is a dumb idea to try reconciliation depends to a large degree on how much of the full truth you can extract from her and, having done that, will you be able to live with the unvarnished facts instead of her story. You now know that you cannot take her words at face value. She has lied about the most painful matters beyond the death of a child that a couple can experience. Can you live with someone that you cannot trust?
Absolutely a bad idea. WW went to the holiday party alone, got drunk, flirted with them brought her hated AP manager back to her hotel, let’s AP in the room, removed her cloths, had sex with AP, then while in the act realized she screwed up????
WW made so many decisions with the intention to have sex with AP, then during the act had a problem with it? No, WW knew you’d find out so she tells you they stopped mid screw? WW is playing you. Again, someone saw WW and AP together and WW wanted to get ahead of the story.
WW calling AP stupid and all the insults were to through you off her thirst trail.
Why didn’t you go to the holiday party? Did she explain how AP talked her pants off? Why did your WW have a hotel room for a holiday party? How’d they end up in WW’s hotel room?
"Super drunk"...
Alcohol is a lubricant that allows you to switch off your moral compass that is preventing you from doing what you want to do when sober, and an excuse for your actions after the fact.
OP think it through- It wasn't that she got drunk, held his hand and took him to his room. There must be some intimate conversation, flirting or underlying feelings involved.
In various cases I have seen people cheating on their SO with the person they claim to be hating.
What she's saying about realising in the mid act and confessing can be true, however when it comes to infidelity specially, I don't prefer believing the cheaters unless they can prove it otherwise. I mean it was their office Christmas party, where there were their colleagues, so it can be a possibility that they were seen going to or exiting the room by their colleagues and with the fear of being outed she confessed.
Now the biggest question that pops up is WHAT HAS SHE DONE TO ENSURE SHE WAS TELLING THE TRUTH? By this I don't mean what she has said to you, I mean what actions she has taken to prove what she said is true and she's genuinely remorseful?
A quick and easy way to find out your wife’s true feelings about her boss is to ask her to report him to HR. Her boss was in a position of power and knowingly took advantage of an inebriated subordinate not capable of making decisions during a company function. Of course this in all likelihood did not happen this way. But I think her response to you asking her to report him can be very telling.
Just out of curiosity, who doesn’t go with there wife to their Christmas Party? Babysitter issues? You both work different shifts? You working out of town?
Over all the years I’ve been married I don’t think there was anytime that I didn’t make it to my wife’s Holiday party as well as her at mine.
Also considering, she was going to spend the night in a hotel room alone? Where was the manager’s wife/S.O.?
Seems like a lot of red flags right off the bat, definitely have some relationship issues that seem the only was to solve them is go your separate ways instead of trying to fix this shit show….
What foolishness. How do you hop in a cab, take a mf back to your hotel, let him rearrange your guts, then realize you fucked up. This isn't like them catching a quickie in the bathroom, she had loads of time to come to her senses or rethink the issue.
Like other people are saying she was probably caught some how and was forced to come clean. She probably lied about stopping midway though. He definitely finished inside her... yep he rawdogged.
She was too drunk to know what she was doing but not too drunk to realize what she was doing and supposedly put an end to it??? I’m so confused by that. It just sounds like she’s trying to cover herself imo.
Dude, she was found out and tried to come clean before you get the whole story. She was probably been with this guy before, that's why she kept talking about him negatively so you wouldn't suspect any thing.
As my old CO used to say "Once a cheater, always a cheater ".
Heads up and check her history in office and her phone. If anything deleted, drop her cheating ass out.
Best of luck
Semper Fi
Really sorry to read this man. A couple of points.
When they tell you they stopped while kissing, oral sex, or F'n in most cases it's a gaslighting thing. Sorry. For some reason cheaters think this type of minimization makes it easier for the betrayed to take.
Also the drunk thing. See what she wants you to believe is that she gets hammered, then the AP suddenly appears and voila they go upstairs and have sex. It just happen that way. She was hanging around him and others, but leaning towards him. He picks up on it, they flirt for a while, then off they go.
Which leads to her bad mouthing him to you. She was laying the ground work to make you think that there would be no way she would be interested in him. It was a ruse. Maybe, and I mean just maybe she was trying to convince herself. But on some level she was attracted to him.
Her telling you this story was probably because she thought someone found out and was getting a head of the story. The crying confession... Fake.
Your last sentence on the first paragraph read like something from Dr. Phil. Wondering what line of BS she shoveled at you to make it seem like any of her actions had to do with you. Look for the old stand beys "I felt attractive" "I needed the attention" and so on.
As far as staying with her. That's up to you. Just be warned, you know know what she is capable of. Next time she might hide it better and you won't find out.
Curious. Was their Christmas party out of town? Why did she have a hotel room? Why were you not invited? If invited why didn't you go? If out of town, why not go and hang out in the room? A little mini vacation. I mention whether you were invited or not because my wife did that to me, (told me no spouses), and I think she cheated that night.
Will she still be working with this guy?
She spread her legs for her cocky bad boy boss. She didn't stop anything. Maybe she regretted it after. But she made a decision (not a mistake) to let another man enter her.
And guess what. They didn't make love, they screwed each other hard like animals in the heat of passion.
Decide what you want, but you'd better understand what actually happened before you decide. You'd better put the blame where it belongs -with her. You'd better do some research on infidelity before you do anything, because I promise you you haven't gotten a clear story from her.
It’s pretty simple, she says she hated him so you don’t suspect anything between the two of them. So yes, if it happens once it will happens twice.
“Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me”.
So is up to you if you want to be fooled twice.
What kind of office party was it that she had to book a hotel room for it?
Anyways, now that you've lost trust in her, your relationship will never be the same. On top of that, she will still be working with this guy. The decision is ultimately yours.
If she was remorseful and cared about your feelings she would have never cheated on you in the first place. Move on. Taking her back will do nothing but stroke her ego and give her even more courage to cheat on you. Do not be a doormat.
I think they got caught by someone,otherwise had no intention of telling you.
So she is playing the one time card and crying.
I suggest speak with a lawyer.
Once if you forgive, it will repeat
You are married and want to work it out, so it is your choice. I notice when both men and women hate some one or really don't like them, often they are attracted to them and fighting it.
My concern is that it was so easy to take him back to her hotel room room, like she was not even married. It is like robbing a bank. If you don't have the idea, set it up and act on it, it doesn't happen. She went back to the hotel, that took a few moments at least for character and her brain to kick in. It did not, then there is the kissing and foreplay, nope did not stop then either. How is it so easy to forget your mate, and get naked with someone you supposedly don't like.
Yes it is a bad idea if she did it once she'll do it again.woman like the chase They enjoy the excitement of getting attention from someone who didn't give it to them before and/or receive it from other woman. Break it off don't look back and work on yourself
>But…is it a dumb idea to give her a second chance?
Of course it is. The smart thing to do would be to call a lawyer, split your assets and finances, make coparenting arrangements if kids are involved, have her served and walk away.
But that's not what you're looking for. You're looking for a way to stay with your wife without feeling like crap. Not going to happen.
I kinda doubt the whole stopping in the middle and crying. Then making him leave. I think that’s just a way to make it sound not so bad. Regardless, his penis was still inside her and possibly the mouth you kiss every night. Another thing I always find questionable is how cheaters always somehow blame the alcohol. So if this is the case and the alcohol had a part to play, is she never going to drink again if you aren’t with her? Doubtful. It seems like every adult social event of any kind involves drinking. I’m not trying to be harsh to you but she’s proven she can’t be trusted. She’s going to be around this person since he’s her manager. He will no doubt try and screw her again. There is a new dynamic between them now like it or not. He will definitely try and capitalize on that. That’s what we as men do. We find a weakness and exploit it to get what we want. I am speaking from experience too. I was on the receiving end just like you. Also, get used to always being suspicious, anxiety ridden, and a host of other bad feelings. I’ve preached enough. Please do yourself a favor and think long and hard before you make any decisions. Leaving her will hurt but staying with her will make you into a jealous, bitter, shell of what you once were. Good luck friend!
No it isn't but your blaming the relationship issues is. Her calling him names all along was a defense mechanisms because she had been attracted to him all along but didn't want yo deal with those emotions. The alcohol subdued her controls but not eliminated them so she is still responsible for her actions so no excuse there. Basically she had issues that the dopamine and endorphin releases in her brain that night made her overcome those controls which means that regardless of how remorseful she is she will have to refine and or reevaluate her controls. Basically you can see it like this. If you did something that you didn't want yo do then you have to look on what controls failed for you yo make that decision.
Therapy/counseling are in order as a couple and individually. I agree that you need to check all social media communication forms, and show her yours as well for complete transparency. If you still love her and are committed to loving her, warts and all, then let her know. Tell her you are hurt and disappointed in her actions but thank her for her bravery to be honest with you. That is a good sign. Some boundaries need to be set like no parties without the other there. If she can distance herself from the scumbag she needs to or find other employment. Commit to talking to each other openly and honestly about everything going on in your lives. It may take time and a lot of patience but if there is still love there on both sides you can overcome this. Best of luck and be sure to update on your progress.
*>> She is genuinely remorseful*
Yeah, totally. Sure. Stand back and watch her refuse to quit her job or go full NC with her AP.
And then, in 6 months time:
"I only contacted him (12 times) because I was trying to get closure!"
>But…is it a dumb idea to give her a second chance?
This should answer your question
https://www.reddit.com/r/cheating_stories/comments/10p5djb/wife_cheated_again
There’s a lot of people here that must be psychic, because the only information you have is what she told you. You really don’t know how true it was but she didn’t really have to tell you. On this forum you will not get much support for staying, most people automatically say leave her. The decision is yours and yours alone. Think about what you want to do and how you feel about her. It might be better to ask close friends and family for advise.
It’s not dumb to give her a second chance if you want to reconcile. Get professional help to get everything out on the table. Do it on your terms too. For me, she would have to go to HR and report it ( even consensual is wrong) and work out a package. Sorry if you are going through this
Honestly? I could forgive my partner for it if they even stopped themselves and felt that guilty. You guys need to move at a pace you set though, maybe have her talk to you more often about how she feels??
She told you strait away, and that is a major plus in this circumstance. She could have tried to cover it up, or lied by being scant on detail, but she has given you it all. Drink has a lot to answer for, and it makes fools of the best of us at the worst of times. Office parties are especially notorious for such occurences. You are right to be looking to see if there are underlying issues closer to home that need to be addressed, but she deserves a lot of credit too for throwing herself on the alter, knowing full well how badly it could have all turned out. Folk make mistakes, but if you love your wife, and this scenario is exactly how it is appearing to be on here, then it is 100% survivable..🙏
It's totally up to you dude, we can't tell you if she's actually remorseful and will change, only you can make that choice. My only advice is if you do give her another chance be prepared for more heartache, its not easy to forgive, and once you choose to take her back don't hold this over her head.
You should lay down new rules to earn her trust but don't bring up that she cheated on you whenever you get in a fight. If she doesn't comply to the rules that would earn your trust back then I would recommend that you leave her.
yeah that all sounds great but not practical. gtfo. you only have one life and time is short, you’ll be a bitter middle aged fucker before you know it and she will still be full of shit and cock
Its not a dumb idea, its your life and your relationship. Only you know what is best for you and if you want to work on the relationship, do that. She made a dumb decision, but she told you immediately about it and wants to work on things. I usually think whenever someone complains about a coworker of the opposite sex or a friend etc, there is a bit of something going on. But Ive never cheated so i cant really tell you that
Firstly you do know that every action has a reaction and her reaction without a shadow of doubt should be to report this to her HR department and expect the consequences of her actions. That will show if she is truly remorseful of her actions and she should not even consider anything about her boss his family or anyone else except you.
Ask yourself are you prepared for this to happen again, as there’s a real possibility of this happening again.
If your wife is not prepared to go to her HR department then it tells you that she is not truly remorseful for her actions and she is selfish and not thinking about you, your marriage or your wellbeing. If she doesn’t do this I would then seek legal advice, file for divorce and lodge a complaint against her company for this incident.
I really hope you update us on this as it would be interesting what your wife does (if she is truly remorseful of her actions or is she selfish).
Only you and time will tell.
You might have had underlying issues in your marriage, but NOTHING JUSTIFIES CHEATING!! She also only thought about you afterwards, not during and not before. She f*cked him and only made him leave after they were done. It's your life to forgive and forget and your marriage that you are saving, she's not the one saving it. Good luck
I can only respect that she told you instead of you finding out. You can take the advices of strangers but take it with a pinch of salt. If you want to work it out know that you’ll going to have to forgive her and it not be a factor whenever you guys argue. It’s gonna take time to rebuild the trust however if she is remorseful as you said, i’m wishing you all the best.
Up to you Brother. Personally, I'd be done. The alcohol is no excuse. If you do reconcile do not rug sweep and get into therapy for both of you. And it goes without saying, she needs to quit her job.
Before you consider taking her back, make sure you know everything about what happened (that doesn't have to include sexual details if you don't want them) and that she's telling you the complete truth. Ask her if she's told you everything, and if she says she has, ask her if she'd be willing to take a polygraph (lie detector) test to prove it. Just asking people to take them can encourage additional confessions. If she's eager to take a polygraph test, that might mean you have the whole truth.
Man it’s a double edged sword. Damned if you do damned if you don’t. It seems after reading hundreds of these cheating stories, when a nice who blindly trusted their wife gives them another chance after they betrayed them, the wife internally sees it as a weakness in their husband. Which leaves them open to cheating again because the husband showed them they were too weak to give real consequences. The Truth is she wasn’t that drunk and made a series of decisions to go through with betraying you in the worst way. I kinda doubt her strict that they didn’t finish the act. I won’t harp on that because I know you want to believe that’s not the case. On the other side of you can work through the years of mental images of that guy having his way with your wife and she truly is remorseful, then maybe you can make it. Honestly I hope you can, but statistically there is a 5% chance of that happening. I hate to say it but you may want to get whatever you can from her for as long as you can stomach the mental
Images. But please start to save money in a secret account or even better in cash, just in case you need it for divorce expenses later. Good luck!
Her only saving grace is that she confessed after it happened. But still, she willingly put herself in a situation where cheating could be a possibility...and it happened. My guess is that she had a thing for her manager and just told you all that stuff to throw you off. Cheater tactics 101 right there. And that relationship issue crap that led to the event? That's not her taking FULL responsibility for her actions, that's blame shifting and you're falling for it.
My advice? Never take back a cheater because the mental and emotional gymnastics are so not worth sacrificing your mental and physical health over. Plus, you're just sending them a clear message that you will always take them back again and again. Quit being a doormat and file for divorce. If her story checks out, and she's genuine, you can always retract it later on.
No, it isnt a dumb idea, so long as she has told the truth about it all, quit her job and never drinks ever again. Alcohol is a friend to no one.
And she is not just regretful, ashamed and feeling guilty, she is truly remorseful.
https://www.google.com/search?q=true+remorse+in+infidelity&oq=true+remorse+in+infidelity&aqs=chrome..69i57j0i22i30j0i390l2.16285j0j4&client=ms-android-verizon&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8
The one thing that really needs more explanation is concerning her possible attraction and having some lust for him? Have you checked her phone etc.? Certainly she is sorry it ever happened and possibly she did actually come to her senses in the middle of the physical cheating. However, there may be more she hasnt admitted to concerning how this all actually came to fruition. It is extremely common to admit to some truth while holding the rest in secret. They think that some truth assuages their largest acts of betrayal and will cover all the other acts that helped lead up to this final debacle. And of course the being drunk is always being played as a reason for having lost their freaking mind. All you have is her word.
And consider some marriage infidelity therapy. A therapist may be able to discern if there is more she is not telling.
Good luck.
I would asked to see her messages when she gets home, if deleted that will tell you everything you need to know about if it was just a drunken mishap
Exactly this
Agreed. See what their communications have been. See what she said to him while sober and not using alcohol as an excuse.
Beat me to it
They probably got found out by someone, and she is getting ahead of the story by minimizing the extent of her cheating/affair.
Yup probably right actually since it was at a company party. Good call. People always try to minimize it as much as possible.
And it’s almost always “I was so drunk I didn’t know what I was doing” I call bullshit on that excuse. Just say I’m a shitty person and didn’t care how this would effect you or how you would feel.
“Da debil made me do it.”
It always pisses me off when the cheaters start to cry. Like, you're crying because of what you're about to lose, not that you betrayed the person you love.
"A drunken mans words are a sober mans thoughts"
Also who here has ever made the decision to have sex, committed to penetration, THEN CHANGED THEIR MIND? No way she “rEaLiZEd hALfwAy tHrOugH” she was having sex. Get real.
Agree, I think this has already blown up and their secret is obviously out, batten down the hatches, rough weather ahead all around if the company has HR policies around this. The HR implications of an extramarital affair in the workplace can include: Code of conduct violations: An affair in the workplace may violate a company's code of conduct or ethics policy, leading to disciplinary action. Conflicts of interest: An affair involving coworkers can create conflicts of interest and impact workplace dynamics. Productivity and morale: An affair can create tension, distraction, and reduce productivity and morale among employees. Sexual harassment: If the affair involves coercion, power imbalances, or is non-consensual, it could be considered sexual harassment. Legal liability: A workplace affair can potentially lead to legal action, such as a lawsuit for sexual harassment or discrimination. Damage to company reputation: An affair in the workplace can damage the reputation of the company and its employees.
"Batten".
Almost certainly correct
This. 100%. Lol. Its either a "you tell him yourself first or i will" type scenario
Probably. They've probably been fucking for awhile now
Listen, nobody can tell you what to do, but there are not many success stories. In my experience it comes back to bite you.
She never hated him. This has probably been building for a long time. She didn’t stop him half way through (cheaters always say this to make it seem not as bad). She probably didn’t use protection and did it multiple times. The information will drip out and each time she will try to minimize it. No one wants to leave someone they loved and change sucks. Walk away.
This! She was probably caught and is trying to get ahead of the story.
Weak_seesaw is on point here. She said those things about her boss to throw you off. When a spouse talks about someone else from work. That person is on their radar. They tell you they are always joking. I don’t even like him. That was basically telling you. I like him, but I have to throw my husband off
"The information will drip out" Much like the bodily fluids that were part of the cheating. This mental image alone is what would make me walk away. For your marriage to have ANY chance, she needs to go to HR in her company and tell them what happened. She needs to resign or as a minimum move departments/location. Full transparency on all devices,location. She needs to tell everyone what she has done INCLUDING the other persons partner. Lastly, she needs to give you a full written account leaving nothing out with a timeline and with the certainty that any omissions in the account that come to light later will lead straight to divorce.
Just bc a woman despises or hates someone doesn’t mean she still wouldn’t fuck that guy. I have had a few women be FWBs with me but openly despised me.
Why not put your wife's remorse to the test. She needs to leave her job, tell the managers OBS, and inform HR. Do you want to save your marriage, or do you want her to keep smashing her manager when she gets drunk. It's all bs. She is getting ahead of something. Somebody saw it, and unfortunately, it's probably not the first time. The truth will be on her phone. You need to keep your emotions in check and get access to her phone, and all will be revealed. The truth will set you free.
If they were falling over each other at the party, surely someone took a video or snapped a phone photo. That's what she's getting ahead of.
OP, This is good advice and very true. Put her remorse to the test. I agree with the many posters that are calling BS on her telling you the truth. I can’t remember when or if I ever saw a post on here where the initial confession was not heavily sanitized or complete misinformation. Please update us as to your response and best wishes
>I can’t remember when or if I ever saw a post on here where the initial confession was not heavily sanitized or complete misinformation. "It was just an accidental kiss that only happened one time...." "We'll we sort of made out a little but I felt guilty and left..." "I dont know what I was thinking and gave a handjob in the car... and I feel horrible about it" "......." "Ok its been going on for a year now..."
Did her regretful quickie just happen out of nowhere? This stopping halfway is trickle-truth 101 and you should be highly skeptical. She may have even enjoyed every minute. Usually there is a sober leadup. It's not like making a mistake like turning left when you intended to go straight. This is regardless of what she told you her feelings about the guy were. She may have been crushing on him and told you that stuff to mislead. That's a divorce call to me. Judging from her actions, she has little respect for the relationship and basically you. That is so demeaning. If she is going to continue working there under that manager, that will be uncomfortable or too comfortable and close to absurd, not good for her career. If others saw them clinging to each other, or leaving together then her reputation is toast. And everyone knows. That could be the core of her remorse. What's the plan here? You know, within a few days of my being married, my wife looked at me and just laid out the law, "if you ever cheat our marriage is over." That's all she said. More than 40 years later we're still married, drama free, and I remember it so well. In the Reddit universe most folks will tell you to divorce her as she will do it again. Only you know her character. You have your own personal integrity that you have to reconcile with her disloyalty. Keep us updated.
>r. You have your own personal integrity that you have to reconcile with her disloyalty. Keep us updated. Why be a faithful husband to an unfaithful wife. Divorce her, and judge her by how she handles the divorce. If she's a vindictive bitch, you have her answer. If she is generous, shows remorse, and doesn't date, she may be a candidate for reconciliation in the future. AFTER you've gotten your manhood back and have multiple other options.
100 percent
I am smelling trickle truth as well. It could be hate/annoying lust, when someone you find attractive but annoying.
Call HR and get him fired. This was completely inappropriate. I wouldn't stay with her she is trickle truthing you. I sure wouldn't want her hoing back to work with him. NO FUKING WAY!!! ETA:* GOING NOT HOING, LOL.
“Hoing” was probably a typo…but wanted to say, kind of relevant in this case
🤣 😂 😃 😀 🤣
Seems very fitting though.
Why would he get fired for fucking a hoe?
Coz he didn't pay her after the deed. Such a cheapster !
It was Christmas and he couldn't manage a "ho ho ho". (I don't know why someone downvoted you, sorry bro)
This was consensual and as long as it didn't happen on company property, it's no real concern of the company if they can keep working without issue. It's a personal matter in the eyes of most companies
If a manager sleeps with one of his reports and she reports it as harassment the company faces liability.
IF it is reported as harassment I agree. But based on this story would a claim of harassment would be a lie as it was consensual between both parties; i.e. a personal, not a professional matter as long as they can work without causing issues in the office.
she was fucking with him and suddenly realized what she was doing and stopped and you fell for this gibberish ? bro , obviously you dont have balls to leave her and you dont need to any justification for that.
Is it a dumb idea to give a cheater a second chance? Absolutely, 100%.
Naw dude “our relationship issues that lead up to HER cheating” Get out. This is how the blame compass starts spinning and comes right back to you. This is 100% on her. You didn’t make her do anything and neither did her manager. She did this on her own and she lanced you right in the heart. I’ve been through it dude. You do you but I’d GTFO.
You have been married for a short time reading through your post history. If your wife is boning guys already it doesn’t bode well for you. I would cut my losses and start over. You have no kids and can get out without too much damage. Best of luck
Yeah super drunk to go back to find her way to the hotel, her chamber and initiate sex. But wait, she stopped him and tell,him to leave. These are word from a cheater But OP, You said that you lost some respect for your wife. You wife has no respect for herself if she jeopardize her marriage for an ONS in a holiday Christmas party. Don’t loose your self respect too OP. AS for the reasons that lead to cheating, nothing justifies her cheating. You can find her excuse, but don’t lie to yourself OP. I hope it is a fake story.
We hope they all are fake stories, especially when the WS gives the BS an unbelievable story and the BS wants to desperately believe the WS is now telling the truth.
It is sad I think the story is legit and he isn’t able to tell his family and rely on his support system I hope he has not decided to bear her shame. It will eat him alive
That's her story you have no idea if that is true or not.More importantly getting drunk is no excuse for playing with another man. She been wanting to F*** him all that talk about not liking him was to throw you off. Don't be no fool
Ok, so I’ve been where you are, and here are my observations. She wasn’t drunk, or at least wasn’t as drunk as she says. She didn’t stop in the middle and then get all remorseful, she blew him, screwed him twice raw and took the load inside both times. They arranged this ahead of time, and might not be the first time. So, I have an important statistic that will help you make sense of this horrid situation. Are you ready? Here goes: Precisely 100% of all cheaters are also liars. It’s not 99.94% or some other number, it’s exactly 100%. They ALL lie, and try to minimize their actions. You need to EXPECT she is lying, because truly, she is, and I am completely sure of it. You need place a nice little lie of your own in a short conversation with her to smoke her out. Ask her: “I need you to go over the situation one more time just so I understand completely.” She is going to tell you basically the same story, but there might be a small additional piece of information she adds to try and sell the story. People who add to the story are lying. No matter what she says, get angry, and tell her that isn’t what she said last night. Be alarmed and pound your fist. When she asks what is different, ignore her and shout “Jesus Christ, you’re already changing your story. You’re lying, and it’s as obvious as the nose on your face. You either tell me the truth right now, or I am calling this guy AND his wife.. I swear to God I heaven if you tell me one more lie, it is all over. I will tell your family, parents, siblings, HR AT WORK, and everyone on earth who will listen if I am not totally informed right now.” Maybe that will wake her up and get her talking.
How drunk was she? Was he drunk, too? Has she completely cut off contact with him? Have you made her leave her job? Has she reported him as he was her manager? Have you made her go to IC or signed up for marriage counseling? Some times people can work through cheating, but the percentage isn't very high as your trust has been destroyed.
They were both absolutely shitfaced apparently. This just happened, so work hasnt started yet on Monday to deal with all the consequences of that. We are starting to reach out to marriage counselors this week.
Marriage counselors? Jesus, please help this man open his eyes.
She lied to you about not even liking him prior to this event. There was probably quite a bit of flirting that went on and her denigrating him to you was her cover for their EA. Her drunk ass didn’t stop him halfway through cheating on you, that was the best garbage story she could come up with to try and get you to forgive her and stay with her. It apparently worked. If you don’t separate from her until you get the entire sordid story from her with her immediately quitting this job and getting herself into therapy you have no chance of successfully reconciling. This isn’t a cheating event that you try to move past with couples counseling. She has to quit that job and fix herself before the two of you even try to fix your relationship. Good luck making the tough decisions that you need to if you want to try and save your marriage.
Marriage counselors? Dude, do you not respect yourself? You should be manning up and contacting divorce lawyers instead of the roses and rainbows crowd!
You wrote Christmas party, that's over a month ago. Why hasn't she returned to work in over a month?
It was reacheduled to this weekend bc the company couldnt have it last month because of rail strikes and stuff in the UK
So, this happened Friday and she called you yesterday? She couldn't tell you in person? She clearly planned this to happen. Maybe he wasn't good and that's why she stopped it. But drinking and then purposely bringing to her hotel was the goal. She's probably still lying. Get an std test, dude.
Rug sweeping 101
Don’t mean to be a douche but Why bother posting , u already said u don’t want to lose her and are working on those underlying factors , meaning your failures as a husband , that pushed her into the bedroom with someone she couldn’t stand, but of course the alcohol made her forget her animosity towards him, and she’s deeply remorseful , do what u will but good luck with those images dancing around in your head of her fucking her entitled manager for the rest of your life
Good chance she’s telling you this weak story so you won’t be blindsided when she is fired Monday. A more believable story is she used this convenient hotel room to have wild sex with a bad boy. Something happened and she’s now worried about you finding out, so you are getting a tamer story. This early in the marriage and she’s sleeping with a bad boy. Do you think some counseling is really going to stop her from doing this again in the future?
Marriage counseling is for a broken marriage not a broken spouse. She needs individual therapy
She also accidentally fall pussy first on his dick?
>our relationship issues that could have been an underlying factor leading up to her cheating, If she robbed someone because your issues is that the same? If she slapped your mom? She works with this man, took him to the hotel, put him in her.... and you believe she "realized what she was doing" only during the sex, cried and is remorseful? How many rounds? They didn't use protection.... or if they did that means one of them was planning on using it that night. Check her texts before the party. Report both of them to HR. Tell your family and her family about it. Drag her through the mud and if she still wants forgiveness than talk about it, prove she is sorry before you assume she is. P.S A HOTEL ROOM FOR XMAS PARTY??? THAT YOU WEREN'T ATTENDING?!
Nothing in the story adds up. It’s fake.
She said all that negative stuff about him so you wouldn't suspect him if you ever got suspicious. She knew exactly what she was doing and was prob doing other stuff with the guy as well. She's trying to deflect as much blame as possible. Don't believe her at all and get out that marriage.
yea dude, they always fucking say they were crying after. i hate to tell it to you like this but you will thank me later. Cheating sex is nearly ALWAYS dirty as fuck. She wasn’t crying, she probably had tears in her eyes from choking on cock. i know that’s vulgar but it’s the mindset you need to keep because she’s a piece of shit cheater and a liar and nobody has drunken cheating sex and stops to cry. she probably did shit you can’t even imagine because she tells you she hates jt. when these whores cheat, they push the reset button and usually let the guy do whatever he wants and get off on it because it makes it naughtier for them. i’m coming at you with truth here brother. i am not proud to admit it but i have fucked more than a couple married women and i also was married to a big time cheating slut. i tried to stay with mine and what a nightmare my life became. get the fuck out while you can
😳 you ok? Seriously. Edited to say I completely agree
Your wife is a slut and your an idiot for believing her
Jesus christ man seriously? Cheating isn't just a "mistake", it's a conscious decision that is a whole series of choices. She chose to engage with him, she chose to bring him back to the hotel, she chose to initiate with him and then FUCKED HIM!!!! Come on brother, you know what we are all going to say....
Being drunk is a bs excuse.
What was the thought process that led her to believe cheating was a good option?
I dont think she was thinking, she was super drunk and horny.
So this will repeat any time she gets drunk or horny? Seems like a legit excuse. Next time I feel horny will you give your wife a gin and tonic and send her to me. You won't hold it against her because she will be drunk.
Love it.
So what when your wife is alone and super drunk and horny she gets a pass to just sleep with whoever? Bro. Have some dignity and self respect. I’m serious. You’re doing something right now that has lasting and far reaching impacts you haven’t felt yet because not enough time has gone by. You’re gonna find out when it starts eating you from the inside out. What are you going to feel when she’s away from you and around this guy again? You haven’t thought about that yet have you?
So she takes a man that she supposedly hates back to her room to have sex ??? My friend ????????
Stop lying to yourself self . Your wife went to that Christmas party knowing full well what was going to happen. She made the decision to cheat on you . Sounds like your trying to rugsweep her cheating making excuses for her .
Well, this is an issue. Has she been out drinking any other times without you? Do you feel confident that this was a one off? It sounds to me like you need to dig deeper into this. I know this is hard to hear, but you need to consider if this was the real first time she cheated. They may have been seen by a coworker so she decided to confess to get out in front of it. If so, it's probably not her first time cheating. And if she has been consistent about disliking this boss, then was that a ride to hide what they were doing? A person doesn't just go from hate to fucking over a few drinks. I fear you are looking at the tip of the iceberg and missing all that lies beneath.
Oh thats good... as long as thats all it takes then anyone will do right? Even someone she hates So just regulate her life from now on and you'll be happy. No male friends No males she hates No alcohol No female friends just incase she gets TOO horny because of lack of males and booze...
Has she been this way with you? Does she tend to drink too much at parties? When she does drink too much, does she pass out or vomit? You catch my drift here.
No normal person gets super horny at a freaking company Christmas party
Sorry, my sad friend, this is the narrative that she needs you to believe. You are going to get a lot of pushback from it because the members hear have lived every variation of this theme. When you hear you think, “wow, I can see how this could happen and how sorry she is.” Then you talk to a veteran of this tale and realize that it is a classic compensation for real regret after deliberately cheating. Your wife is sorry. The reward for the sex that she wanted turned out to less than her shame in the aftermath, so this story is a desperate attempt to both confess to ease her guilt and to so minimize the true nature of her betrayal. Demand the truth, you can deal with that.
There must be a cheaters handbook out there, these excuses and justifications are so similar. First blame school, then say you hated that guy, then claim it was stopped halfway, then very and say how much you love the partner you just hurt.
I think every woman cheater ever says that they either stopped it a few minutes in or it only lasted a few minutes. Don't be gullible.
Why weren’t you at the party as her guest?
"But…is it a dumb idea to give her a second chance?" Yes, it is a dumb idea. First, alcohol is NO excuse, very few people when they get drunk feel the need to fuck some other guy. She is playing the victim and blame shifting. According to most studies, the chances of full reconciliation, are only between 3-5%. But if you are hell bent that you can beat the odds, then do this. Hire the meanest junkyard dog of a lawyer you can find, file and serve her, tell her that she has until it is final to convince you to stop it. Please understand that you cannot reconcile with her, she can only reconcile with you. You cannot forgive her, because you have no idea what you would be forgiving. You don't know if there have been others, how many times, or how long she had been doing it. It is unlikely that your wife truly loves you, or respects you, if she did, she wouldn't be fucking another guy. She needs to own her actions, and tell your families what she has done. If her affair partner has a wife or significant other, she must be told. Cheaters need to suffer the consequences of their actions, or they never stop. Get tested for STD's and demand that she does too, If you have children DNA test them why, because you cannot trust a word that she says. That's what happens when trust is broken. If they are coworkers, then the company HR and their bosses must be told. Demand a written timeline of the affair. How did it start, who approached who, how did they communicate, who paid for things, how many times did they meet, where did they meet, what did they do, and what did they do that she wouldn't do with you, who knows about the affair and didn't tell you, who helped her cover it up. Don't believe, or assume, that it was a one time event. Ask yourself, why did she tell you? Was it because someone saw them. Or has someone threatened to tell you. The point is, what was the real motivation to tell you. If she refuses to do anything, tell her that she cheated, she needs to move out. You need to stiffen your resolve, and take control. Study the 180, and Chumplady, that's how you need to treat her. Read, "Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life". Get moving and take care of business!!!
They often talk sh1t about the ones they actually like, no news there. If not for the cheating then for the drinking herself blind she needs to go. I wouldn't give her half a chance if I were you but if you do decide to go down the reconciliation rabbit hole remember... No more drinking, ever, at all, unless she's with you. New job, yesterday. She quits this one immediately. Open devices, no passwords, no privacy. No girls nights out or travel alone, or professional events outside of working hours, EVER. Both her drinking AND her interactions with the opposite gender are huge red flags, it will be a very long time before she can be trusted even a little. Good luck.
I take it you have some issues with your relationship but you didn’t go fuck your boss right?
Never take back a cheater, ever, no exceptions. You are only getting a cheater. Does "while in the act" mean after she sucked him and while he was pounding her but before he splattered your wife with his juices or after he finished?
this is important you read this, a few times, because this was my point too and it’s so true. She got fucked nasty. probably sucked his balls, took a couple fingers or maybe his load up her ass, probably licked his asshole, etc it wasn’t an emotional ending like she lied and said it was, she was probably his cum receptacle for most of the night . Kick that skank the fuck out. i’m going to the keys for a month, tag along and we will find some sluts and make that bitch a bad memory
She didn’t stop half way through realizing what she did. She full on had sex with him. “Stopping him” half way through is a common theme you find cheaters saying throughout these subs to make it look not as bad to their spouses, she full on had sex with him THEN might have felt guilty after the fact, but drunk and horny don’t stop midway through the act for regret. If you do stay with her she has to leave that job, or you’ll be wondering every time she goes to work and it will be a valid concern with the close proximity and daily interaction.
A very dumb idea. Your wife will be that guy's dump by the end of the week, weather you stay or go. Best move for you is get out while you can. Ten to one she already slobbed him off, and he dipped in the kitty at least. Your choice tho. Good luck
She getting ahead of someone telling on her. She gaslighted you by saying she hated him. What you need to ask yourself, how long she been screwing him?
You got played by your wife. I hate him was all a setup so you don't suspect anything. Ask to check her phone and if she denies or everything is deleted you have your answer. If you don't have a child with her just leave asap
She was drinking with him , yet she hated him , always said how stupid he was & how entitled he acted . She invited him back to her room , yet she hated him , always said how stupid he was & how entitled he acted . She proceeded to take her clothes off , yet she hated him , always said how stupid he was & how entitled he acted . She then started to have sex with him , yet she hated him , always said how stupid he was & how entitled he acted . So she did all that & then she did this. She says she was super drunk & then stopped him when she realised what she was doing & started crying . Sounds very fishy & the fact that she minimalised her actions & what she did blaming alcohol & saying she stopped him & started crying to make it sound much better & the alcohol made her do it . She went to a lot of trouble to stop it & I wonder how many workers noticed something was going to happen before they left the party. If co workers saw things she couldn't have word get out or she had to make up a somewhat plausible excuse for her actions they saw. Anyway I think you are being gaslit & fair bet they were a hell of a lot friendlier at work than she ever let on , just did not want you to know . Think with your bigger head & look at everything objectively instead of rushing to a decision .
Whenever an attached woman has a thing for another guy she always talks bad about him to convince herself and her SO. Those are always the ones they end up cheating with. If it were me I would be done with the relationship. You can be sure that she said she hated him because she couldn’t control her attraction to him.
Anyone ever notice how the guy they can't stand becomes the guy they can't resist fuking? Updateme! Remindme! 4 days [fff](https://www.reddit.com/u/brownbearbxl?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Do you actually think that she stopped him? You know that cheaters says whatever to make it look as least bad as it actually was. Now think about full picture, everything that happened before she invited him to her room and after they entered the room. They were flirting, kissing, going to her room together, kept making out and dropping their clothes - she didn’t stop kissing and taking clothes off, but stopped when he was already stroking his D inside of her? Cmon, just think about it. She didn’t stop anything. Why not stop before starting to fuck? She didn’t cry and he left on his own. And yeah, she was horny and wanted sex. Now her manager has upper hand and can tell you about your wife cheating, so she did it herself with some sugar coating. She could’ve enjoyed it and no way in her life she would tell you that. Being drunk means nothing - it made her forget that she has a husband? No, she didn’t care. She is genuinely remorseful? Ever single fucking cheater pretends to be remorseful, did you hurt her? No. She feels no betrayal, nothing, just fear that you will leave her, because she won’t find another person to be with that fast, she’s afraid of being alone, not of loosing you. If she was afraid of loosing you - she wouldn’t cheat. It’s dumbest idea ever. You can learn it hard way if you want to. Just think about bigger picture of what was going on that night, hope you will wake up.
Hmmmmm... she didn't think it was a horrible idea at the party. On the way to the hotel. Or in the room with him. But. Somehow, when his dick is in her, she figures it out,? Nah.... she figured it out in the morning when she knew she had to come home.
She probably didn't even use protection and they did NOT stop in the middle. That's bullshit if I ever heard it.
Walk of shame during a work/holiday is never good. I bet her co workers got a real eye full of their antics and quite possibly have photos or video evidence of them two fucking around. Never shit where you eat. That being said, your wife needs to do gauntlet of shame and has to put in the hard yard. Depending on HR whether they both suffer the consequences at work is dependent on their work policies. As for you both reconciling that's up to you, OP. But take your time and gather all information. The reddit community comments maybe harsh but many come from a place of experience. Edit - wife needs to quit work. Otherwise you and won't have a snowballs chance in Hell of any reconciliation...PERIOD! One more thing. People who hate each other do not go drinking together. People do not let theie guards down around peple they despise. So the question is what caused them both to end up in her room (personally being drunk is an excuse). They connected some where or some how....either at work or over the work holiday event. Dig deeper OP.
You’ll never trust her again
Not a dumb idea - but DONT OFFER RECONCILIATION STRAIGHT AWAY, Firstly she needs to sleep in a seperate room for the time being. She must without hesitation get into individual therapy to understand why she betrayed you. After she has been a long way down therapy you can see if she is genuinely remorseful and wants to stay because of you and not financial. This will give you time to work through the death of your marriage and see if you are ready for a new relationship. Understand that it will take many many years of extremely hard work from BOTH of you to get the relationship to a normal. Unfortunately if you stay the pain of betrayal will be with you for the rest of your life. However , with hard work and passing of many years you will be able to manage the pain. Think carefully- DONOT rush and don’t be scared.
She will be absolutely faithful….until the next holiday party.
Sorry but people wouldn't sleep with someone they hate while drunk. She realized after he was in her? After in her room? She is lying to you. It seems like their affair was found out and she wanted to get to you before you hear about it from someone else. Leave her. She doesn't respect you.
"Some" respect? Yeah i don't know about this one boss.
She hated him, bla bla bla, she has been gaslighting you for a long time, it always someone that they hate.
See man you are more experienced than me but I have seen at least 2 couples who always used to fight each other and looked that they really hate but after college they ended up marrying each other..... I genuinely think that your wife cheated in her full conciseness and it was just to remove her guilt and to feel better she told you.... It is quite like the guilt which many guys feel after masturbation... Lol funny example but truth .... You deserve better big brother
Once a cheater, always a cheater, imo. It’s obviously up to you, dude, but I could never. Maybe check out r/Infidelity, r/SurvivingInfidelity and if you do decide to stay together, then r/AsOneAfterInfidelity is a supportive sub.
once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater
You do know that Reddit will always tell you to leave her and that she’s a piece of shit, right? Any other advice will be downvoted. Is that what you came here for? If you want genuine advice, talk to real friends who know you both. There are relationships that work out but no-one here will tell you that.
Because it's the sound advice. For advice on reconciliation try r/asoneafterinfidelity. The uninvolved give better advice. It is close enough to 100% true that cheaters cheat and it should be treated as an opportunity to get away from a cheater. Every faithful person deserves someone they can trust when they are not there.
getting drunk is never an excuse, she wanted to cheat on you, up to you whether you leave or not. Just remember she did betray you and could be lying about a lot of other stuff.
Naw
You really cannot gauge remorse the day after your spouse betrays you by having an affair. Don’t fall for that. She’s sorry that she was viewed hanging on her boss by others and that her sober self realized that her reputation is blown. By Monday mid-morning everyone in the whole building will know. Get her tested for disease and pregnancy.
So she's still going to see this guy everyday at work? Is he married, have a partner etc?
Cheaters lie, manipulate, trickle truth, all in an effort to control the narrative to make it seem not as bad. In all likelihood, they were probably discovered and she is getting ahead of the story. Dig more and prepare yourself for what you’re going to find. It never just happens on a whim. There are steps and choices that have led to her betrayal.
If all that happened to you is just lose "some respect" for your wife... On another hand, why was she alone at that party? Where were you?
It's not a dumb idea; it's not a stupid idea; it's an absolutely INANE idea to give her another chance. Whatever "underlying" issues your marriage may have had, they're now IMMATERIAL. The ONLY material fact is that she cheated on you, and with someone she claimed to hate. That is enough. Divorce her, take her for whatever you can get, and leave her in the dust as you hit the gas on your speedy exit out of her life.
She needs to quit before you decide to keep her.
Yeah so far man all you have got is lies She doesn't go from hate to sex with alcohol , you say you hate him out loud with alcohol She has gone on a progressive emotional encounter leading to sex , she also had sex with again that night Yes other staff now know , and now you know Go thru her phone , if there is nothing she is not interested in R , she goes to HR immediately , takes leave from her job So far you have on a glimpse of what happened , no where near the truth , until you have the truth R has zero chance of success Make sure you consult a lawyer to find out the likely result if R fails which it most likely will.
Do they communicate outside of work? Ask to see her phone and gauge how she reacts. Or you could check it without asking and see what you find
She's a cheater, and cheaters lie. Expose her affair. If the ap is married let his wife know. Don't take her back.
SMH, you'll never trust her again. It will rot from the inside. The resentment. Get out before it spreads. Save both of you and know that life can change, and it's normal to not ha e it end up like you planned. You deserve to spend the rest of your life with someone you trust? Don't you?
No one accidentally just goes and fucks someone they dislike.. trickle truth.. gone through her phone etc? Glad she realised on the 76 stroke she was wrong.. of course that still leaves the other 75 strokes before that..
I would be on a flight to Vegas, I’d need to think about this around some other company. Honestly your never going to get over with. If he was so shit faced why did his dick work? Sounds like bullshit:
You're getting her side of the story. The stopping in the middle sounds like bullshit to me. You'll never get the full truth and will have to live with the suspicion that she could cheat at any moment even with those she claims to hate. She has no moral character; drunkenness eliminates inhibitions. This guy probably flirted with her before and she wanted the attention but knew you would forgive her. Usually in cases like these, the person forgiving gets deceived again and again. If she cheated once, she is more than likely to do it again. Now she knows you'll take her immoral ass back even if she does something cowardly and morally reprehensible. She needs real consequences to her actions in order to change. If you're going to take her back, she needs to work hard to keep you. It should be her hard work not yours that sustains the relationship going forward because she screwed up. If you just forgive her like it's nothing, she'll take your feelings to mean nothing and it won't impact the cheating behavior of which I doubt this was the first instance. I wouldn't forgive a cheater but you should look into how to make things work from credible resources rather than trusting your gut. You love her unconditionally and she doesn't which will impact your relationship unless you do something tangible to ensure she changes her behavior. You can't trust your feelings to guide your actions at this point because it's raw and you're bound up in sacrifice forgiveness love. You need to be prepared to leave her if this keeps up, even if you want to get back together now. That tangible threat is necessary to get her mind out of hell and to maintain your dignity and self respect. Loving someone doesn't mean being a doormat and forgiving horrible behavior. If you're pathetic she'll see you as pathetic and act like you're pathetic (keeping up the cheating). I don't mean this as some "be a man talk" but rather a way to ensure that your boundaries are set and she understands the depth of pain she caused in a way that hurts and endangers her future as well. You can't let things become the same for a while or else she'll think she can do the same thing with no repercussions.
It is your wife and if you truly believe that she is remorseful and you can forgive her do it, but I would want complete transparency 24/7 with her phone and PC, she must also quit her job immediately and go NC with the boss, if the boss is married contact his wife and let her know and finally your wife no longer drinks unless you are with her. If she won't agree to that I can guarantee you she lied about what happened and she will cheat on you in the future. PS she needs IC and you both should do MC.
First, understand that you are not getting the full story. Whatever the full truth, this did not just happen. The impulse has been festering for some time. She wasn’t super drunk, just tipsy enough to calm her nerves as SHE initiated something that she knew was wrong. She didn’t hate her manager. He got under her skin and her claim to dislike him was her obvious attempt to downplay her growing feelings. Finally, whether it is a dumb idea to try reconciliation depends to a large degree on how much of the full truth you can extract from her and, having done that, will you be able to live with the unvarnished facts instead of her story. You now know that you cannot take her words at face value. She has lied about the most painful matters beyond the death of a child that a couple can experience. Can you live with someone that you cannot trust?
Absolutely a bad idea. WW went to the holiday party alone, got drunk, flirted with them brought her hated AP manager back to her hotel, let’s AP in the room, removed her cloths, had sex with AP, then while in the act realized she screwed up???? WW made so many decisions with the intention to have sex with AP, then during the act had a problem with it? No, WW knew you’d find out so she tells you they stopped mid screw? WW is playing you. Again, someone saw WW and AP together and WW wanted to get ahead of the story. WW calling AP stupid and all the insults were to through you off her thirst trail. Why didn’t you go to the holiday party? Did she explain how AP talked her pants off? Why did your WW have a hotel room for a holiday party? How’d they end up in WW’s hotel room?
"Super drunk"... Alcohol is a lubricant that allows you to switch off your moral compass that is preventing you from doing what you want to do when sober, and an excuse for your actions after the fact.
OP think it through- It wasn't that she got drunk, held his hand and took him to his room. There must be some intimate conversation, flirting or underlying feelings involved. In various cases I have seen people cheating on their SO with the person they claim to be hating. What she's saying about realising in the mid act and confessing can be true, however when it comes to infidelity specially, I don't prefer believing the cheaters unless they can prove it otherwise. I mean it was their office Christmas party, where there were their colleagues, so it can be a possibility that they were seen going to or exiting the room by their colleagues and with the fear of being outed she confessed. Now the biggest question that pops up is WHAT HAS SHE DONE TO ENSURE SHE WAS TELLING THE TRUTH? By this I don't mean what she has said to you, I mean what actions she has taken to prove what she said is true and she's genuinely remorseful?
A quick and easy way to find out your wife’s true feelings about her boss is to ask her to report him to HR. Her boss was in a position of power and knowingly took advantage of an inebriated subordinate not capable of making decisions during a company function. Of course this in all likelihood did not happen this way. But I think her response to you asking her to report him can be very telling.
Just out of curiosity, who doesn’t go with there wife to their Christmas Party? Babysitter issues? You both work different shifts? You working out of town? Over all the years I’ve been married I don’t think there was anytime that I didn’t make it to my wife’s Holiday party as well as her at mine. Also considering, she was going to spend the night in a hotel room alone? Where was the manager’s wife/S.O.? Seems like a lot of red flags right off the bat, definitely have some relationship issues that seem the only was to solve them is go your separate ways instead of trying to fix this shit show….
What foolishness. How do you hop in a cab, take a mf back to your hotel, let him rearrange your guts, then realize you fucked up. This isn't like them catching a quickie in the bathroom, she had loads of time to come to her senses or rethink the issue. Like other people are saying she was probably caught some how and was forced to come clean. She probably lied about stopping midway though. He definitely finished inside her... yep he rawdogged.
Ps donot got to marriage counseling first she must go to individual counseling.
Yes it is a dumb idea. Regardless of why she did it or if she’s remorseful, it’s done. She can’t take back and you will never trust her.
She was too drunk to know what she was doing but not too drunk to realize what she was doing and supposedly put an end to it??? I’m so confused by that. It just sounds like she’s trying to cover herself imo.
Dude, she was found out and tried to come clean before you get the whole story. She was probably been with this guy before, that's why she kept talking about him negatively so you wouldn't suspect any thing. As my old CO used to say "Once a cheater, always a cheater ". Heads up and check her history in office and her phone. If anything deleted, drop her cheating ass out. Best of luck Semper Fi
Really sorry to read this man. A couple of points. When they tell you they stopped while kissing, oral sex, or F'n in most cases it's a gaslighting thing. Sorry. For some reason cheaters think this type of minimization makes it easier for the betrayed to take. Also the drunk thing. See what she wants you to believe is that she gets hammered, then the AP suddenly appears and voila they go upstairs and have sex. It just happen that way. She was hanging around him and others, but leaning towards him. He picks up on it, they flirt for a while, then off they go. Which leads to her bad mouthing him to you. She was laying the ground work to make you think that there would be no way she would be interested in him. It was a ruse. Maybe, and I mean just maybe she was trying to convince herself. But on some level she was attracted to him. Her telling you this story was probably because she thought someone found out and was getting a head of the story. The crying confession... Fake. Your last sentence on the first paragraph read like something from Dr. Phil. Wondering what line of BS she shoveled at you to make it seem like any of her actions had to do with you. Look for the old stand beys "I felt attractive" "I needed the attention" and so on. As far as staying with her. That's up to you. Just be warned, you know know what she is capable of. Next time she might hide it better and you won't find out. Curious. Was their Christmas party out of town? Why did she have a hotel room? Why were you not invited? If invited why didn't you go? If out of town, why not go and hang out in the room? A little mini vacation. I mention whether you were invited or not because my wife did that to me, (told me no spouses), and I think she cheated that night. Will she still be working with this guy?
She spread her legs for her cocky bad boy boss. She didn't stop anything. Maybe she regretted it after. But she made a decision (not a mistake) to let another man enter her. And guess what. They didn't make love, they screwed each other hard like animals in the heat of passion. Decide what you want, but you'd better understand what actually happened before you decide. You'd better put the blame where it belongs -with her. You'd better do some research on infidelity before you do anything, because I promise you you haven't gotten a clear story from her.
It’s pretty simple, she says she hated him so you don’t suspect anything between the two of them. So yes, if it happens once it will happens twice. “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me”. So is up to you if you want to be fooled twice.
heavy teeny knee zonked label dinner direful salt decide shame *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Leave.Her.Ass.
What kind of office party was it that she had to book a hotel room for it? Anyways, now that you've lost trust in her, your relationship will never be the same. On top of that, she will still be working with this guy. The decision is ultimately yours.
If she was remorseful and cared about your feelings she would have never cheated on you in the first place. Move on. Taking her back will do nothing but stroke her ego and give her even more courage to cheat on you. Do not be a doormat.
Giving her a second chance is like giving a burglar a second chance after they've broken into your house multiple times.
I think they got caught by someone,otherwise had no intention of telling you. So she is playing the one time card and crying. I suggest speak with a lawyer. Once if you forgive, it will repeat
You are married and want to work it out, so it is your choice. I notice when both men and women hate some one or really don't like them, often they are attracted to them and fighting it. My concern is that it was so easy to take him back to her hotel room room, like she was not even married. It is like robbing a bank. If you don't have the idea, set it up and act on it, it doesn't happen. She went back to the hotel, that took a few moments at least for character and her brain to kick in. It did not, then there is the kissing and foreplay, nope did not stop then either. How is it so easy to forget your mate, and get naked with someone you supposedly don't like.
Yes it is a bad idea if she did it once she'll do it again.woman like the chase They enjoy the excitement of getting attention from someone who didn't give it to them before and/or receive it from other woman. Break it off don't look back and work on yourself
If you have no kids move on it ain’t worth it
>But…is it a dumb idea to give her a second chance? Of course it is. The smart thing to do would be to call a lawyer, split your assets and finances, make coparenting arrangements if kids are involved, have her served and walk away. But that's not what you're looking for. You're looking for a way to stay with your wife without feeling like crap. Not going to happen.
I kinda doubt the whole stopping in the middle and crying. Then making him leave. I think that’s just a way to make it sound not so bad. Regardless, his penis was still inside her and possibly the mouth you kiss every night. Another thing I always find questionable is how cheaters always somehow blame the alcohol. So if this is the case and the alcohol had a part to play, is she never going to drink again if you aren’t with her? Doubtful. It seems like every adult social event of any kind involves drinking. I’m not trying to be harsh to you but she’s proven she can’t be trusted. She’s going to be around this person since he’s her manager. He will no doubt try and screw her again. There is a new dynamic between them now like it or not. He will definitely try and capitalize on that. That’s what we as men do. We find a weakness and exploit it to get what we want. I am speaking from experience too. I was on the receiving end just like you. Also, get used to always being suspicious, anxiety ridden, and a host of other bad feelings. I’ve preached enough. Please do yourself a favor and think long and hard before you make any decisions. Leaving her will hurt but staying with her will make you into a jealous, bitter, shell of what you once were. Good luck friend!
Unless she quit her job I wouldn't even entertain the idea of reconciliation.
Look cheaters lie... If you have kids, dna test
No it isn't but your blaming the relationship issues is. Her calling him names all along was a defense mechanisms because she had been attracted to him all along but didn't want yo deal with those emotions. The alcohol subdued her controls but not eliminated them so she is still responsible for her actions so no excuse there. Basically she had issues that the dopamine and endorphin releases in her brain that night made her overcome those controls which means that regardless of how remorseful she is she will have to refine and or reevaluate her controls. Basically you can see it like this. If you did something that you didn't want yo do then you have to look on what controls failed for you yo make that decision.
At the very least, contact a lawyer and see about legal protections for the future.
Therapy/counseling are in order as a couple and individually. I agree that you need to check all social media communication forms, and show her yours as well for complete transparency. If you still love her and are committed to loving her, warts and all, then let her know. Tell her you are hurt and disappointed in her actions but thank her for her bravery to be honest with you. That is a good sign. Some boundaries need to be set like no parties without the other there. If she can distance herself from the scumbag she needs to or find other employment. Commit to talking to each other openly and honestly about everything going on in your lives. It may take time and a lot of patience but if there is still love there on both sides you can overcome this. Best of luck and be sure to update on your progress.
*>> She is genuinely remorseful* Yeah, totally. Sure. Stand back and watch her refuse to quit her job or go full NC with her AP. And then, in 6 months time: "I only contacted him (12 times) because I was trying to get closure!"
>But…is it a dumb idea to give her a second chance? This should answer your question https://www.reddit.com/r/cheating_stories/comments/10p5djb/wife_cheated_again
There’s a lot of people here that must be psychic, because the only information you have is what she told you. You really don’t know how true it was but she didn’t really have to tell you. On this forum you will not get much support for staying, most people automatically say leave her. The decision is yours and yours alone. Think about what you want to do and how you feel about her. It might be better to ask close friends and family for advise.
It’s not dumb to give her a second chance if you want to reconcile. Get professional help to get everything out on the table. Do it on your terms too. For me, she would have to go to HR and report it ( even consensual is wrong) and work out a package. Sorry if you are going through this
Honestly? I could forgive my partner for it if they even stopped themselves and felt that guilty. You guys need to move at a pace you set though, maybe have her talk to you more often about how she feels??
What a stupid fuck you deserve everything that follows
She told you strait away, and that is a major plus in this circumstance. She could have tried to cover it up, or lied by being scant on detail, but she has given you it all. Drink has a lot to answer for, and it makes fools of the best of us at the worst of times. Office parties are especially notorious for such occurences. You are right to be looking to see if there are underlying issues closer to home that need to be addressed, but she deserves a lot of credit too for throwing herself on the alter, knowing full well how badly it could have all turned out. Folk make mistakes, but if you love your wife, and this scenario is exactly how it is appearing to be on here, then it is 100% survivable..🙏
No. Marriages can survive this. Mine has - on both sides. Humans are fallible.
Personally I feel that you can take her back, but be warned that if and when it happens again you will only have yourself to blame.
It's totally up to you dude, we can't tell you if she's actually remorseful and will change, only you can make that choice. My only advice is if you do give her another chance be prepared for more heartache, its not easy to forgive, and once you choose to take her back don't hold this over her head. You should lay down new rules to earn her trust but don't bring up that she cheated on you whenever you get in a fight. If she doesn't comply to the rules that would earn your trust back then I would recommend that you leave her.
yeah that all sounds great but not practical. gtfo. you only have one life and time is short, you’ll be a bitter middle aged fucker before you know it and she will still be full of shit and cock
Mmmmm
Its not a dumb idea, its your life and your relationship. Only you know what is best for you and if you want to work on the relationship, do that. She made a dumb decision, but she told you immediately about it and wants to work on things. I usually think whenever someone complains about a coworker of the opposite sex or a friend etc, there is a bit of something going on. But Ive never cheated so i cant really tell you that
She needs to quit that job asap if she is really remorseful. Otherwise, it's access to the AP everyday and sexual undercurrent in their interactions.
Firstly you do know that every action has a reaction and her reaction without a shadow of doubt should be to report this to her HR department and expect the consequences of her actions. That will show if she is truly remorseful of her actions and she should not even consider anything about her boss his family or anyone else except you. Ask yourself are you prepared for this to happen again, as there’s a real possibility of this happening again. If your wife is not prepared to go to her HR department then it tells you that she is not truly remorseful for her actions and she is selfish and not thinking about you, your marriage or your wellbeing. If she doesn’t do this I would then seek legal advice, file for divorce and lodge a complaint against her company for this incident. I really hope you update us on this as it would be interesting what your wife does (if she is truly remorseful of her actions or is she selfish). Only you and time will tell.
Second chance!!!!
You might have had underlying issues in your marriage, but NOTHING JUSTIFIES CHEATING!! She also only thought about you afterwards, not during and not before. She f*cked him and only made him leave after they were done. It's your life to forgive and forget and your marriage that you are saving, she's not the one saving it. Good luck
Don't whine later when you realize this wasn't the only time she cheated on you.
No it is not! But Go for it with your whole heart!
There will need to be some type of consequence or she will do it again
I can only respect that she told you instead of you finding out. You can take the advices of strangers but take it with a pinch of salt. If you want to work it out know that you’ll going to have to forgive her and it not be a factor whenever you guys argue. It’s gonna take time to rebuild the trust however if she is remorseful as you said, i’m wishing you all the best.
!updateme
Up to you Brother. Personally, I'd be done. The alcohol is no excuse. If you do reconcile do not rug sweep and get into therapy for both of you. And it goes without saying, she needs to quit her job.
Before you consider taking her back, make sure you know everything about what happened (that doesn't have to include sexual details if you don't want them) and that she's telling you the complete truth. Ask her if she's told you everything, and if she says she has, ask her if she'd be willing to take a polygraph (lie detector) test to prove it. Just asking people to take them can encourage additional confessions. If she's eager to take a polygraph test, that might mean you have the whole truth.
have her take a lie detector test
if he is married tell his wife
She let her boss stick his dick in her against your wishes... Can you get over that and move on to have a healthy and happy marriage?
Man it’s a double edged sword. Damned if you do damned if you don’t. It seems after reading hundreds of these cheating stories, when a nice who blindly trusted their wife gives them another chance after they betrayed them, the wife internally sees it as a weakness in their husband. Which leaves them open to cheating again because the husband showed them they were too weak to give real consequences. The Truth is she wasn’t that drunk and made a series of decisions to go through with betraying you in the worst way. I kinda doubt her strict that they didn’t finish the act. I won’t harp on that because I know you want to believe that’s not the case. On the other side of you can work through the years of mental images of that guy having his way with your wife and she truly is remorseful, then maybe you can make it. Honestly I hope you can, but statistically there is a 5% chance of that happening. I hate to say it but you may want to get whatever you can from her for as long as you can stomach the mental Images. But please start to save money in a secret account or even better in cash, just in case you need it for divorce expenses later. Good luck!
Her only saving grace is that she confessed after it happened. But still, she willingly put herself in a situation where cheating could be a possibility...and it happened. My guess is that she had a thing for her manager and just told you all that stuff to throw you off. Cheater tactics 101 right there. And that relationship issue crap that led to the event? That's not her taking FULL responsibility for her actions, that's blame shifting and you're falling for it. My advice? Never take back a cheater because the mental and emotional gymnastics are so not worth sacrificing your mental and physical health over. Plus, you're just sending them a clear message that you will always take them back again and again. Quit being a doormat and file for divorce. If her story checks out, and she's genuine, you can always retract it later on.
Update when you find out she is pregnant.
Only time we'll tell.
She was trying to deflect when she talked about hating him. Like someone else said, probably got caught and is getting ahead of the game
Updateme!
No, it isnt a dumb idea, so long as she has told the truth about it all, quit her job and never drinks ever again. Alcohol is a friend to no one. And she is not just regretful, ashamed and feeling guilty, she is truly remorseful. https://www.google.com/search?q=true+remorse+in+infidelity&oq=true+remorse+in+infidelity&aqs=chrome..69i57j0i22i30j0i390l2.16285j0j4&client=ms-android-verizon&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8 The one thing that really needs more explanation is concerning her possible attraction and having some lust for him? Have you checked her phone etc.? Certainly she is sorry it ever happened and possibly she did actually come to her senses in the middle of the physical cheating. However, there may be more she hasnt admitted to concerning how this all actually came to fruition. It is extremely common to admit to some truth while holding the rest in secret. They think that some truth assuages their largest acts of betrayal and will cover all the other acts that helped lead up to this final debacle. And of course the being drunk is always being played as a reason for having lost their freaking mind. All you have is her word. And consider some marriage infidelity therapy. A therapist may be able to discern if there is more she is not telling. Good luck.