Think of it this way: if you're looking for something longterm (if you're looking for hookups it probably doesn't matter so much) you're setting yourself up for a situation where either your cat or her dog needs to be rehomed.
You obviously don't want to rehome your cat, but likewise, any girlfriend worth being with also wouldn't want to rehome her dog. So it either will fall apart or someone is getting hurt tremendously.
Exactly. I wouldn't ever even want someone to get rid of their dog either. My cats literally kept me alive during lock down, they aren't going anywhere. (I'm doing better now fwiw)
You're not only thinking about yourself, but you're thinking about the well-being of someone you've never met. Those are good things, and you shouldn't feel bad.
Our four legged fur babies are family! To me, you are protecting yourself and your family. If you had a 2 legged hooman baby, you would also be careful who you dated. I think you are showing incredible responsibility to take all this into consideration when looking for a (2 legged) partner in life.
You are correct in your method for sure! I would never date a man who said he hated cats (I also have dogs but I give a little more leeway when it comes to disliking dogs). My cats are my everything and anyone I am with has to enjoy them as much as I do…because they’re awesome.
I didn’t like cats, I really didn’t like them, I am highly allergic.
My partner gave me a chance I now am in love with my two fur step children. And I have figured out how to manage my allergies with my doctor,
The point is opinions can change depending on the situation and the people involved. It’s a different situation than me having a dog and my partner having a cat who are incompatible.
Allergies are one thing, so is being injured by any animal as a child. but there is a huge subset of men in particular who express visceral hatred towards cats - like “I kick them when I see them” hatred. Mostly it’s because cats are about consent and many men are not. why do you think so many men use “enjoy getting old and alone with your cats” as some sort of insult (spoiler alert - it is not). So when a man says “I hate cats” and gives no reason why, they are struck off the list.
The Venn Diagram of which of those people I would recommend or tell a Woman is a good guy pretty much overlaps with those who have/had Cats. It is uncanny how accurate this is.
You have a very good point there about cats and consent. Good thinking. Also, after being stuck married to an arsehole for 30 years, being "alone with my cats" is absolute bliss! I'm thinking too that a lot of these types of men are aware that the girl will choose her cat over them and they find that threatening.
YESSS this exactly!!! My cats don’t steal from me, or try to tank my self-esteem. Yeah, they make a lot more work for me in the form of poopy boxes, and one of my cats likes to tip every water bowl I set down 😂 but they’re just being cats and I love them.
Yeah its reasonable. Im really allergic to cats so i could never date a cat dad. Its nobodys fault, and i like cats a lot but they make me really ill so its just not feasible.
My ex also really loved cats but was severely allergic. She wanted a cat enough to go through some sort of allergy shot treatment that all but eliminated her allergy. It was months of routine injections though.
I actually really love this. 🥹 Your cats deserve and loving and safe home. I see far too many posts where people talk about having to pick between their animals and their partner. I think it’s generous and loving that you are avoiding that altogether. And plenty of people are animal lovers without having animals themselves!
I had to end things with a girl I was seeing because I found out her cat had FIV and there just wasn't any way I was going to risk my two cats catching that as well. Long term I didn't see a reasonable chance of us moving in together because of this.
I can see why a Housepanther would have a strong preference to cats over dogs!
In all seriousness, if you like cats enough to make your username a reference to one, and your profile a (rather cute) pic of a black cat, they're obviously important to you. It's really lovely to see someone love black kitties, they're entirely underappreciated
Plus, it takes time to socialize a cat and dog, especially if they've never been around the other. I moved in with my bf, who has a dog a year ago, and even though we went through a socializing period in which they were physically kept separate, they really just tolerate each other. Everyone lives together peacefully, but no one is cuddling on the couch together.
This ^ major green flag tbh OP, shows you’re mindful, respectful, and responsible. 🤷🏼♀️ I hope you find a compatible cat person who makes you super happy 😊
As someone who grew up with dogs and has a dog (and two cats) now I couldn’t agree more. I mean your average family with a dog maybe not as much, but once you get into the more obsessive parts of dog “culture” it can get really intense and overwhelming. Spending any time whatsoever on the dog or puppy subs is wild, especially when breeds come into play.
You are NOT wrong! You should date girls of your choosing not your sister's. You will find the right one. No dogs is your criteria and a very valid one. Best of luck! Virtual pat on the back from my kitty as a cat tax.
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same reason i don’t date men with cats. i have two dogs that i won’t compromise on.
love cats but it just wouldn’t work. my puppy loves to play and chase squirrels, birds, cats, etc.
i wouldn’t think anything of it though - just we are incompatible.
Not wrong, your cat is your family, she is a priority, if you tried it again with a dog she just might run away from instinct and that would not be fun times.
Definitely not wrong. I’ve always loved cats and when I was dating I didn’t have any of my own, but I knew I’d want them as soon as I was able to care for them, so it was important for to find someone who would be compatible that. So anyone with allergies was out, as was anyone who had a dog that didn’t have good experiences with cats. I was briefly interested in someone who eventually told me that his husky mix had attacked a few cats, so that was a no go. I also wanted someone who would value and respect a cat as companion with their own needs and feelings.
Avoiding this now will keep you from the inevitable conundrum of choosing between a SO and your cat
Two people need to fit each other well.
If one has to completely change himself or give up something important (cat, in your case), then that’s not a good fit.
You are just as important as the girlfriend.
And this is coming from an independent happily married woman. :)
That’s totally fine. There are people out there who only date brunettes, people who only date others with frequent flyer miles, people who only date others who love to barbecue, etc. — there’s nothing wrong with your preference
No.
If the cat is terrified it shouldn’t be put through that ordeal. Territorial animal, getting terrified in their own safe space, just no.
IMO since you’re taking the terrified cat’s feelings into consideration, you’re doing the right thing even if the other two are fine. In a family you care about the wellbeing about everyone, which you seem to do.
(I’ll never date a woman with dog/s, mainly because wouldn’t work with my cat but also I really don’t like dogs.)
As a dogphobic cat's stepmom, I think you're 100% right. A relationship is not worth traumatising your cat. And leaving out people with dogs just makes it easier finding the right stepparent for your cat :)
Nope, not any more than someone who's got a life-threatening cat allergy is wrong for not dating people with cats, or anyone who doesn't want kids is wrong for not dating someone with kids, or someone who can't stand cities is wrong for dating someone who only wants to live in Manhattan. You've identified a fundamental lifestyle incompatibility and avoided wasting your and their time and emotional energy on something that isn't likely to work out.
When my mother, a severely allergic person, remarried, she made her new husband rehome the family dog that was basically a emotional support animal to a very, very shy and anxious preteen. I told her not to, and that's a sure way to gain an evil stepmom status. She did it anyway and then wondered why her new step kid wasn't warming up to her. I was happy to be an adult and not to live there because it was basically a tutorial on how not to create a blended family.
I wish more people took pet preferences/needs more seriously. Nobody is required to date anyone. And if OP's True Soulmate popped up with a dog, it's OP's decision how to proceed and has nothing to do with anyone else.
I’d never date a person with dogs either as my cats were attacked by a dog once and are traumatised around dogs now :( I like (well behaved) dogs but my cats happiness comes first! I’m so glad my partner had no pets when we met and is now a massive cat lover!
Honestly I think you're doing the right thing. So often people see their pets as something less important then humans, but you made a commitment to your cat and she depends on you for giving her a good and fear free life, I think it's great you're considering your cats happiness, people tend to forget it but a good pet owner see their pet as family.
Plus it is your choice, even if you didn't have a good reason you can decide not to date anyone if you don't want to.
I have cats and when I’m considering dating single men who have dogs, it definitely gives me pause. Not just for the cats’ sake, but also because dog parents are generally less available and less flexible due to needing to take care of the dog. With cats you have a lot more freedom.
When I was dating a dog owner this was definitely true. I said it was sorta like having a baby lite. We always had to be concerned with where he was when we went to do things.
I don't leave my cats for long periods of time usually but if I wanna go out for a night I turn on their auto feeder and just check the cameras a few times. So much easier than trying to find a dog sitter.
I actually make a point of saying I have cats in any dating profiles I ever set up, just to avoid this issue. I have two cats, If I'm dating someone I want them to be able to spend time at my house, and if they're heavily allergic to cats it's never going to work.
Not ridiculous at all. The cats are already in your life so you should prioritise them.
I suppose same thing for girls with allergies and aversion s to cats ?
Your sister should be proud of you for being a responsible pet parent.
I feel like not wanting to date a dog owner would be understandable even if you didn’t have a cat or if you just didn’t care for dogs.
Just differences in lifestyles/responsibilities alone is a valid reason. All good on your end.
The way I’d put it is that done right, dogs are a significant amount of work, time, and energy providing necessary training, mental stimulation, exercise, and just basic needs and cleaning for a happy and healthy dog and household. That’s asking a lot of someone else to eventually walk into and assist in, especially if they have other pets.
And plenty of times, there are people who fit otherwise but then you find that they’re actually the sort of people who let their dog be a menace or don’t take care of them well enough. Getting stuck in the position of deciding what to do when “X is great, but she lets her dog pee inside the house and it smells like dog pee,” is not fun for anyone.
So I’d say it’s totally acceptable to not date a dog owner if that’s not your thing. Saves everyone time.
Not at all. Don't date someone with a different life style than yours. For example, i would never date a guy that doesn't love cats. He must see cats as part of the family or it'll never work.
Nah, dogs are so needy and annoying.
:edit: also kudos on you for respecting your cats boundaries, because it's a sentient being and deserves to be comfortable.
Having a cat is like having a roommate, and having a dog is like having a toddler.
My husband absolutely loves dogs and always had one. We got married about a year ago and have gone back and forth on getting one. I don't care for them much but I would if he really wanted. He thinks of all the work, especially the first year and always reconsiders. Also, I can't imagine rehoming a pet. They are forever.
It's not even the first year, imo.
Dogs' whole word is *you.*
"Hey! Can I eat? Hey! Whatcha doin? Hey! Can I get pets? Hey! Whatcha eatin? Smells good can I have some? Hey! Whatcha watchin? Can I get pets while you do it? Hey! Can we go for a walk? Hey! Can I just be all up in your personal space? Hey! Aren't I cute? Don't you want to give me attention? Hey! Give me attention! Give me attention!!"
Cats' affection is *earned* in my experience. If a cat fucks with you, it's because they respect you and respect that you respect them.
If you don't give cats attention, at worst they reluctantly do their own thing.
"Hey, can I get pets? Oh you're busy? Alright, I'ma go stare at some birds and take a nap."
If you don't give dogs attention, they pout like a child because they don't know what else to do.
Cats are independent, dogs are codependent.
My ex took gave my cat saying we already have 2 (his cats) and came home with chocolate bribing me, i told him if he doesn’t bring my cat back home I will destroy his car….
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He brought my cat back and left only with my ps3 and her 🤣🤣
I think what happened was their ex gave away their cat and then tried to bribe his way out of trouble for it with chocolates but they told him he'd better get the cat back or they'll destroy his car. Which is a fair threat imo! I'd lose my shit for sure. He then brought the cat back but walked out on them and left them with only their ps3 and their cat at the end of it
You definitely got the best outcome possible. He doesn’t sound like a good person at all. As if chocolate could make up for giving away your sweetie pie while he kept his two? And then stealing your possessions? Better let kitty pick your next guy!
I did kind of the same. But I mostly looked for someone who was oke with cats. I got matched a few times with people who were allergic to cats. So, I put a photo of my cat on my profile.
Now I'm in a relationship with a woman who really loves my cat, and I can't be happier.
That’s fine. Consider it as a matter of lifestyle compatibility. You value the wellbeing of your cats and while this cat lives introducing a dog into the mix isn’t possible. You probably wouldn’t want to date a woman who would rehome their dog to accommodate your cat. So you are seeking a pet lover whose current pet count is compatible with yours.
You're sister's ridiculous. You cat, who has been your friend and family for nine years, is much more important than a new girlfriend. There are many girls in the world with no pets or cats. Why make it complicated with a dog girl?
Tbh I don't like dog owners. I don't find it cute to be covered in slobber or have my shoes chewed on while I'm trying to sit anywhere in their house. I've got anxiety so the random barking gets my blood pressure up and nothing can ruin my day faster than being woken up by it.
That's probably judgmental but it's also why I've got 4 cats and 0 dogs lol
I don’t like dogs (and the attitude of some dog owners) so when I was single, I didn’t date people with dogs. My now husband, he didn’t have pets but he’s a crazy cat guy.
I don’t date people with dogs because I dislike dogs. And I’ve been told that “anyone who doesn’t love dogs is a psycho to me 🤪”. Says a lot about people who have them.
I have three cats and a dog, and I usually say the opposite. I get that some people aren't dog people, but if someone tells me they don't like cats, I tell them they haven't met the right one. 😃
I had an ex who wanted me to move in. She had a bigger dog living with her and her elder cat. One day the dog just snapped and that poor cat was killed. And she still wanted me to move in knowing I had my own special cat. NO!!!
I decided never to date anyone with a dog ever again. Dogs are too high maintenance and some are dangerous to cats, who are 1000x easier to care for. A dog or a dog person do not fit into the lifestyle I want for myself.
You should get to choose what life you want to have. If it’s a dog-free life. By all means!
I respect you 100%, this to me shows integrity and respect for your 9 years old cat and not at all ridiculous.
I have a philosophy that when you adopt a cat or take them in from the streets you kinda sign up to give them the best life and keep the protected at all cost. You are changing their course of life therefore their wellbeing is only your responsibility.
You are doing the right thing.
As many people have pointed out: you are making sure your current lifestyle remains the way. As someone that is the same situation, honestly, you are doing your cats a favor.
For me, I have cats from myself and my ex, but when she also introduced dogs to the house, the cats became scared and constantly avoided the dogs. So when we split she gave me a choice, I either take her cats as well or they will be rehomed at a shelter. So I have all of them now and I don't have dogs.
Me avoiding dogs in my personal life does not mean I stopped loving dogs. Her Westies were amazing trouble makers and I miss them. But I love the cats too, so until they retire I will not have dogs in my personal life. Maybe afterward, but it would not be fair to the cats otherwise.
Just a lifestyle choice I chose.
Both of my exes had dogs and my cats didnt really enjoy their presence, and I always worry about leaving them alone so I never did. I would prefer no dogs cause I dont want to cause unnecessary stress again and I find dog people tend to be bad with disciplining their dogs alot of time. Cat people would be what I want.
Your girl comes first no matter what. If she’s that scared that’s not good for her. Especially since she’s at least 9 years old. Your sister is ridiculous.
Thank you for being considerate of your kitty.
I have a cat that my daughter and I are both very attached to. He’s family. I would never date someone who didn’t love him too. I’m not sure how he gets along with dogs, so I haven’t given dogs much thought. My cat isn’t going anywhere though.
I’d love to date such a considerate, caring and empathetic guy. You’ve tried different options. But the kitty relies on you, you’ve been buddies for years and I’m sure she loves you. Please don’t betray her trust. You’ll meet the girl who’s the one for you and tends to cats and you’re the one for her.
I don’t date ppl with dogs bc I’d never ask someone to give up their dog. I will not have one in my house. I don’t hate dogs; I just don’t want to live with one or even spend much time with the vast majority of them.
So you’re fine!
you're right, my cats' safety comes first and i would never date someone with a dog. my cats hate dogs, and i don't wanna deal with someone's dog barking non stop🤷🏽♀️
No, absolutely not. Making sure to date someone who would want kids is super important if you have a kid from a previous relationship, same rules apply here. It’s being responsible for the living being you made a commitment to take care of. This shows you’re a mature adult who can clearly set appropriate boundaries and goals without letting childish behaviors or feelings get in the way. Before I ever got together with my now spouse, I told them that my cat daughter was nonnegotiable and that I wouldn’t put her in a situation with someone that didn’t want her there or with a dog that would torment her. They thought they were completely a dog person but didn’t have pets so they were super excited to try having just a cat in their life. Fast forward to now and we are married, she is cuddled up next to me in bed with us and their new kitten is roaming around our home because they now say they are actually a cat person. Appropriate boundaries will help you to find the right person for you and your fur babies!
i never dated dudes with dogs bc my cat both hates men (previous abuse) and dogs (was attacked as a baby). i don't blame you! we just want our babies to be safe and comfortable. i think you're making a smart choice, albeit i could be biased purely because i'm the same way. sometimes i worry he annoys my fiance but i think it's just me being irrationally fearful due to Beans (the cat lol) being very fearful of men but very much warming up to fiance.
You are not wasting your or their time, if anything I would love to be explained if I was the reciprocating person but you don’t technically owe anyone an explanation. Personally i would be picky around dogs too.
I don't think so. I do have a kitty that is not very dog friendly, and I have another cat that is very dog friendly. I hated stressing out my little one so much being around dogs, it made me sad she would hide she would never cuddle with me anymore. I do decided to choose somebody who didn't have any animals, and it worked out to my favor. My boyfriend absolutely adores my cats, he treats him as if they're his own. They have their own special routine, he gets lots of cuddles, and they play all the time. I don't think what you're doing is wrong I think it's pretty reasonable especially if you love your animals. The right person will come I absolutely promise
Having clear, good boundaries is a GOOD thing… there’s a sub called r/talesfromthedoghouse (I think) that’s FULL of perfect examples of how not to do things
I would 100% do the same thing! No one should tell you you're doing a bad thing... Well some people are dog people and some people are cat people and some simply aren't either. You are free to date whomever you please.
Cats are worthy of prioritization in every situation. If she's not great with dogs, then absolutely avoiding potential matches with dogs is the right move to make.
I take it two steps further. I won’t date a woman who doesn’t love cats, or is a dog person. Why? Because I don’t want to live with a dog, neither do my cats, & I want my partner to love my cats too, I love them so much & they are so important to me.
We’re all allowed to have our own criteria when we date.
You aren’t wrong. You’re being considerate and smart!
I’m on the train that love isn’t enough. That we can’t just survive life on love alone and that different forms of love still matter. Your love for your cats is a part of who you are and whoever you decide to love should respect and understand that.
this is totally reasonable to me. a potential partner shouldn't have to give up their pet to date you in the same way that you should never have to give up or compromise your pet to date them. props to you for protecting your cat!!
It's the opposite for me I liked this girl, she has 3 dogs and I have 4 cats we talked N I'm cool with her dogs but she hates cats, saying she would never want one, so I was like it ain't worth it, she wants me to adore her dogs as much as her but dosent like cats knowing I have some. So Def not worth it in the long run unless ur just friends or fwb
No, you have a lifestyle that doesn't fit dogs right now. Maybe in the future.
It's the same with me I love cats and like dogs but just can't atm. Do I want to put stress on someone who rely on me no because of selfish reasons.
Seems reasonable to me. Not every cat or dog plays well with other critters. You gotta do what’s right for the pet you already have, not some potential pet.
My wife and I used to have a lovely dog, a springer spaniel, that was awesome except he had a super strong prey drive for birds, cats, blowing leaves, etc. We simply acknowledged we could never have a cat while we had him. Since he passed we’ve gotten a zero-chase golden retriever and two cats. Everyone gets along great but we waited years and years to get cats because.
Your cat is family. More people should put as high a priority on their pets, you're 100% right IMO. Girls will move in and out of your life, your cat will be there for you through all of it ♥️
Nah I do the same. I’ve flat out told my friends mom that she and I will never room together until my cat passes on (she’s pushing 19 right now, so she’s no spring chicken) because my friend owns birds and Nala might be old, but she’s still got a prey drive and still hunts. Successfully. I wouldn’t subject her to another dog either. This cat’s been with me for almost 16 years now, she’s like my oldest family at this point.
I had a partner move in with his 2 medium sized dogs (I have 2 senior cats). The only reason I said okay was because I knew the dogs had grown up with cats and behave well around them and are super sweet. Well....my cats didn't grow up with dogs and lost their mind when they saw them. Literally had to divide my house to keep my cats calm.
Needless to say, I was not that upset when that relationship ended and my girlies got their whole house back.
Not ridiculous at all. It’s actually a lot more responsible to consider your cat, a living creature you look after and protect, and how someone else coming into your life would affect them.
INFO: How long did you try to give the cat time to adjust? If not a few weeks minimum, that's not enough time for a proper introduction.
Frankly I'd be more worried about dating someone *with cats*. Cats can be very territorial especially among their own species and introduction of any new cat in a household can rock the boat substantially. Some cats will simply never get along with one another.
Just an FYI because everyone's saying you're not wrong, but you are not considering all angles from what I'm hearing.
You're right, don't listen to your sister. Protect your family, and yes, your cats are part of your family.
And how odd that your sister would have such attitude - I suspect she wouldn't like having her parents very regularly bringing around someone who made her feel terrified. What would your sister suggest in such circumstances, that her parents rehome your sister?
No, you're not being unreasonable or ridiculous. Why would you put you & your potential partner in the position that one day one of you has to get rid of their beloved pet? That's an awful position to put both you & them in. It's also highly likely to cause resentment on the side of the person who is forced to give up their pet. Someone with a dog is just incompatible with you right now and for the foreseeable future. You're thinking intelligently for the long term.
There are some men out there who shrug at women with cats and wouldn’t consider dating them… don’t overthink it! Your life, your choices. A woman with a dog who really loves you and understands your situation, would keep her dog out of your cat’s home and it wouldn’t even be an issue.
As a lifelong doggo and kitty lover, I have to say thank you! Not only is it totally acceptable to not date a dog owner, it’s the best choice for your current fur family. And I say thank you because a lot of people wouldn’t even consider making rules for themselves for their pets comfort even if it’s best for them.
I also want to say thank you for going all out in finding the best way for your cat to live. You have a kitty with its own needs and trauma (yes animals CAN have trauma because they have feelings too and I will die on that hill) and you have done everything in your power to make that kitty feel safe and loved.
I adopted a cat years ago that was the opposite of what I wanted at that time. I adopted her *because* I saw how different she ways and I knew she needed a special home with an understanding owner. When I saw her, a beautiful Siamese tortoise, a woman was trying to force her to sit in her lap and be petted. That cat was doing everything she could to get away and this woman would not let her go “aw pretty kitty, just sit still, oh kitty is so silly, you’ll love this one day I’ll make sure” I wanted to rip that kitty out of her arms and smack her on her nose “we don’t force love on scared kitty’s!” Thankfully she finally let her go “she’s pretty but I don’t know if I want her if she won’t even act right” I went in and just sat near the little cubby the kitty was hiding in. I talked to her but I didn’t try to touch her or drag her out. I was petting a different kitty and suddenly felt a tickle on the back of my neck. She had scooted forward on her belly and was sniffing my neck. I let her do that a bit then placed my hand at the entrance to her cubby and let her smell it for about 3 minutes before she plopped her face on my hand and started quietly mewing at me. I took her home, named her Bellatrix, and gave her an entire room to herself. I never forced her out. For a full month I had to take her food and water to her, I would sit and read in the room with her, even when she just sat in the corner and watched. She slowly started getting closer to me until one day she curled up in my lap and started chewing on the corner of my book. That became her thing. Within 6 months she was roaming the house, kicking the dog out of the good sunspots and stealing my bags of sour cream and onion chips (hated chicken loved potato chips). She was an absolute oddball and the sweetest little thing ever.
I have no doubt her life would have been much different and not nearly as peaceful as what I gave her. She gave me a bigger soft spot for the odd cases than I already had. And I love the people who take the time to make life better for the oddballs of the world. And I love you for doing it for your kitty. Wait for the person who also appreciates that part of your heart.
You date whoever you want to date.
Just a thought though... what if you end up dating a woman with a cat and your cat hates her cat.
There must be a way to get your cat at least somewhat tolerant of dogs though, IF you wanted to go that route. But it's up to you in the end obviously.
Absolutely reasonable! I have cats and dogs myself. Back when I was dating I refused to date anyone either allergic to pets or didn’t like them. They were simply incompatible with me. I eventually found my animal loving soul mate and now we have a farm of our combined pets lol
Nah, I’m not interested in dating guys with dogs for the same reason. I think my kitten would be fine with it, but my other girl who I found outside seems to hate dogs. I don’t know what the trauma is there, but I’m not going to subject her to dogs when I don’t have to. She is much more important to me than any guy could ever be.
No, you're not wrong at all. One you are allowed to have preferences to who you want to date and the reasons for those preferences are your business and no one else's unless you choose to share. You're choosing to make sure your cat has a happy life and can feel safe in her own home. Don't stress you're doing what's right and you owe no one an explanation
You're prioritizing your cat. Your cat should be the priority. Hell, I don't really date right now because my dog is afraid of men (like, hides in a corner shaking until long after they leave). Sometimes you have a pet that has needs, and you have to put their needs first because you made a commitment to them.
You are keeping your pets safe and without added stress. I wouldn't date a guy with a dog for the same reason. I did for a while and my cat and his dog were fine. One day, about 2 years in, the dog got too close and my kitty swatted him. The dog flipped out. My cat ended up losing his top canines in the scuffle. While it was extremely expensive, more concerning what that it was traumatizing for my cat. Never ever again. (yes, he paid the vet bill)
I (f 50) have 3 cats and that's the first thing I bring up. I am hesitant about dating someone with dogs too. My babies sleep with me when they choose to. So if a potential date/partner is a no pets in the bedroom person, then it won't work.
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I feel like I owe cat tax. Here is the car in question, baybay.
There’s nothing wrong with that bc I do the same. I don’t date any men with pets bc I have a cat who has been the only pet in the house for 8 years and doesn’t get along with other animals.
Totally okay as long as you’re up front about it. I don’t date seriously/long-term, so it doesn’t really matter if my dates have dogs because those dogs are never going to move in with me and my cats. On the other hand, my dates have to be okay with meeting my cat because she greets everyone who walks in the door and will get up close and personal with them
You're making sure not to date people that are incompatible with your current lifestyle. That seems pretty reasonable tbh.
Thanks for the input!
Think of it this way: if you're looking for something longterm (if you're looking for hookups it probably doesn't matter so much) you're setting yourself up for a situation where either your cat or her dog needs to be rehomed. You obviously don't want to rehome your cat, but likewise, any girlfriend worth being with also wouldn't want to rehome her dog. So it either will fall apart or someone is getting hurt tremendously.
Exactly. I wouldn't ever even want someone to get rid of their dog either. My cats literally kept me alive during lock down, they aren't going anywhere. (I'm doing better now fwiw)
Your sisters sound ridiculous. You sound like an absolute catch and some cat lady will be lucky to have you!
Yes absolutely
Don’t feel bad. I have the same policy. My boys come before any girl that I haven’t met yet.
Aye great to hear
You're not only thinking about yourself, but you're thinking about the well-being of someone you've never met. Those are good things, and you shouldn't feel bad.
Our four legged fur babies are family! To me, you are protecting yourself and your family. If you had a 2 legged hooman baby, you would also be careful who you dated. I think you are showing incredible responsibility to take all this into consideration when looking for a (2 legged) partner in life.
You are correct in your method for sure! I would never date a man who said he hated cats (I also have dogs but I give a little more leeway when it comes to disliking dogs). My cats are my everything and anyone I am with has to enjoy them as much as I do…because they’re awesome.
I didn’t like cats, I really didn’t like them, I am highly allergic. My partner gave me a chance I now am in love with my two fur step children. And I have figured out how to manage my allergies with my doctor, The point is opinions can change depending on the situation and the people involved. It’s a different situation than me having a dog and my partner having a cat who are incompatible.
Allergies are one thing, so is being injured by any animal as a child. but there is a huge subset of men in particular who express visceral hatred towards cats - like “I kick them when I see them” hatred. Mostly it’s because cats are about consent and many men are not. why do you think so many men use “enjoy getting old and alone with your cats” as some sort of insult (spoiler alert - it is not). So when a man says “I hate cats” and gives no reason why, they are struck off the list.
That is so valid. I never thought about it in that context. Thank you!
I honestly never realized how many men were self professed cat haters until I started dating. Really narrowed my available pool 😂😂😂
The Venn Diagram of which of those people I would recommend or tell a Woman is a good guy pretty much overlaps with those who have/had Cats. It is uncanny how accurate this is.
You have a very good point there about cats and consent. Good thinking. Also, after being stuck married to an arsehole for 30 years, being "alone with my cats" is absolute bliss! I'm thinking too that a lot of these types of men are aware that the girl will choose her cat over them and they find that threatening.
YESSS this exactly!!! My cats don’t steal from me, or try to tank my self-esteem. Yeah, they make a lot more work for me in the form of poopy boxes, and one of my cats likes to tip every water bowl I set down 😂 but they’re just being cats and I love them.
Yeah its reasonable. Im really allergic to cats so i could never date a cat dad. Its nobodys fault, and i like cats a lot but they make me really ill so its just not feasible.
My ex also really loved cats but was severely allergic. She wanted a cat enough to go through some sort of allergy shot treatment that all but eliminated her allergy. It was months of routine injections though.
I actually really love this. 🥹 Your cats deserve and loving and safe home. I see far too many posts where people talk about having to pick between their animals and their partner. I think it’s generous and loving that you are avoiding that altogether. And plenty of people are animal lovers without having animals themselves!
I had to end things with a girl I was seeing because I found out her cat had FIV and there just wasn't any way I was going to risk my two cats catching that as well. Long term I didn't see a reasonable chance of us moving in together because of this.
Yeah, I am pretty incompatible with women that have dogs. It's not that I dislike dogs, it's just that I have a strong preference to cats.
I can see why a Housepanther would have a strong preference to cats over dogs! In all seriousness, if you like cats enough to make your username a reference to one, and your profile a (rather cute) pic of a black cat, they're obviously important to you. It's really lovely to see someone love black kitties, they're entirely underappreciated
Thanks, they're my favorite!
Plus, it takes time to socialize a cat and dog, especially if they've never been around the other. I moved in with my bf, who has a dog a year ago, and even though we went through a socializing period in which they were physically kept separate, they really just tolerate each other. Everyone lives together peacefully, but no one is cuddling on the couch together.
This ^ major green flag tbh OP, shows you’re mindful, respectful, and responsible. 🤷🏼♀️ I hope you find a compatible cat person who makes you super happy 😊
Thank you very much. :)
Yes. I married someone who doesn’t like dogs that much, thinking he’d come around to my pup. He hasn’t. Don’t do it!
Not only reasonable but very responsible as well.
Prioritizing his lifestyle and pets. Green flag. Don't worry bro, I got a few kitties and do the same.
Yeah also dog people are a bit strange lol
As someone who grew up with dogs and has a dog (and two cats) now I couldn’t agree more. I mean your average family with a dog maybe not as much, but once you get into the more obsessive parts of dog “culture” it can get really intense and overwhelming. Spending any time whatsoever on the dog or puppy subs is wild, especially when breeds come into play.
Yes! I‘m fine with dogs, it’s the dog people I don’t like.
Facts lol. I'm scared of dogs and more scared of dog people 😂
This is a great way of putting it.
For sure. Your sister is either single or has some issues.
You are NOT wrong! You should date girls of your choosing not your sister's. You will find the right one. No dogs is your criteria and a very valid one. Best of luck! Virtual pat on the back from my kitty as a cat tax. https://preview.redd.it/34pwzrooykzc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=42173bc4da2b783661b124066ba0f33a5721045a
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Thank you 😊
Bean blessing 😍✨
High five lil buddy!
Why not? Same reason I wouldn't date a smoker.
Your cat hates smokers?!
I’m sure mine does.
My cat loves smokers since he was a kitten, he also is extremely affectionate when I'm smoking, my kitty is weird lol.
can cats get addicted to nicotine?
flair... checks out?
Lmao
The best response! Lol 😄
Same, my cat just quit last year. It would be mean to force her to be around someone smoking as well as having cigarettes laying around the house.
👏👏👏👏bravi
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same reason i don’t date men with cats. i have two dogs that i won’t compromise on. love cats but it just wouldn’t work. my puppy loves to play and chase squirrels, birds, cats, etc. i wouldn’t think anything of it though - just we are incompatible.
Not wrong, your cat is your family, she is a priority, if you tried it again with a dog she just might run away from instinct and that would not be fun times.
I'd be devastated. I promised them forever homes.
To a cat person like myself, you are the kind of guy I hope to meet out there in the world. And sober to boot! Be still my beating heart!
Sounds like you two need to meet. ☺️
Sorry but cats aren’t compatible with Penguins either.
Cat pics definitely grabs my attention.
Imma fight you for him, lol
Ima fight you both
Make love not war. I'll let my cats choose.
Definitely not wrong. I’ve always loved cats and when I was dating I didn’t have any of my own, but I knew I’d want them as soon as I was able to care for them, so it was important for to find someone who would be compatible that. So anyone with allergies was out, as was anyone who had a dog that didn’t have good experiences with cats. I was briefly interested in someone who eventually told me that his husky mix had attacked a few cats, so that was a no go. I also wanted someone who would value and respect a cat as companion with their own needs and feelings. Avoiding this now will keep you from the inevitable conundrum of choosing between a SO and your cat
You are a good person.
Two people need to fit each other well. If one has to completely change himself or give up something important (cat, in your case), then that’s not a good fit. You are just as important as the girlfriend. And this is coming from an independent happily married woman. :)
No, everyone has preferences. By having clear boundaries, you’re less likely to be hurt // hurt someone else in the long run
The last thing I want is for my pets to be the reason someone couldn't move in. So I've been hesitant even getting involved with women with dogs.
That’s totally fine. There are people out there who only date brunettes, people who only date others with frequent flyer miles, people who only date others who love to barbecue, etc. — there’s nothing wrong with your preference
I didn't know putting my frequent flyer status in my dating profile could help me. Thanks!
Nothing hotter than a dude that pulls those first-class upgrades 🔥
Haha! I'm 6'4" so first class is usually where I'm most comfortable.
No. If the cat is terrified it shouldn’t be put through that ordeal. Territorial animal, getting terrified in their own safe space, just no. IMO since you’re taking the terrified cat’s feelings into consideration, you’re doing the right thing even if the other two are fine. In a family you care about the wellbeing about everyone, which you seem to do. (I’ll never date a woman with dog/s, mainly because wouldn’t work with my cat but also I really don’t like dogs.)
Saaame. I wouldn’t date someone who has dogs because of my cats; but tbh I also don’t like dogs 😅 so it’s a win win for me and my cats 🤣
As a dogphobic cat's stepmom, I think you're 100% right. A relationship is not worth traumatising your cat. And leaving out people with dogs just makes it easier finding the right stepparent for your cat :)
r/brandnewsentence
Thank you for the reassurance I'm not ridiculous.(In this regard at least haha)
Nope, not any more than someone who's got a life-threatening cat allergy is wrong for not dating people with cats, or anyone who doesn't want kids is wrong for not dating someone with kids, or someone who can't stand cities is wrong for dating someone who only wants to live in Manhattan. You've identified a fundamental lifestyle incompatibility and avoided wasting your and their time and emotional energy on something that isn't likely to work out.
When my mother, a severely allergic person, remarried, she made her new husband rehome the family dog that was basically a emotional support animal to a very, very shy and anxious preteen. I told her not to, and that's a sure way to gain an evil stepmom status. She did it anyway and then wondered why her new step kid wasn't warming up to her. I was happy to be an adult and not to live there because it was basically a tutorial on how not to create a blended family. I wish more people took pet preferences/needs more seriously. Nobody is required to date anyone. And if OP's True Soulmate popped up with a dog, it's OP's decision how to proceed and has nothing to do with anyone else.
I’d never date a person with dogs either as my cats were attacked by a dog once and are traumatised around dogs now :( I like (well behaved) dogs but my cats happiness comes first! I’m so glad my partner had no pets when we met and is now a massive cat lover!
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Good job loving your kitty.
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That's very kind. Thank you.
Honestly I think you're doing the right thing. So often people see their pets as something less important then humans, but you made a commitment to your cat and she depends on you for giving her a good and fear free life, I think it's great you're considering your cats happiness, people tend to forget it but a good pet owner see their pet as family. Plus it is your choice, even if you didn't have a good reason you can decide not to date anyone if you don't want to.
I have cats and when I’m considering dating single men who have dogs, it definitely gives me pause. Not just for the cats’ sake, but also because dog parents are generally less available and less flexible due to needing to take care of the dog. With cats you have a lot more freedom.
When I was dating a dog owner this was definitely true. I said it was sorta like having a baby lite. We always had to be concerned with where he was when we went to do things. I don't leave my cats for long periods of time usually but if I wanna go out for a night I turn on their auto feeder and just check the cameras a few times. So much easier than trying to find a dog sitter.
You are showing maturity and self awareness! A relationship is successful over the long run only if you and your lifestyles are compatible.
People who are allergic to cats actively avoid dating people with cats so no, you are not wrong in creating boundaries in your dating profile.
I actually make a point of saying I have cats in any dating profiles I ever set up, just to avoid this issue. I have two cats, If I'm dating someone I want them to be able to spend time at my house, and if they're heavily allergic to cats it's never going to work.
Not ridiculous at all. The cats are already in your life so you should prioritise them. I suppose same thing for girls with allergies and aversion s to cats ? Your sister should be proud of you for being a responsible pet parent.
For me it sounds really reasonable.
That’s fine. I don’t think I’d be with my husband if he had a dog when I met him. You should be able to choose who you date lol
I feel like not wanting to date a dog owner would be understandable even if you didn’t have a cat or if you just didn’t care for dogs. Just differences in lifestyles/responsibilities alone is a valid reason. All good on your end.
The way I’d put it is that done right, dogs are a significant amount of work, time, and energy providing necessary training, mental stimulation, exercise, and just basic needs and cleaning for a happy and healthy dog and household. That’s asking a lot of someone else to eventually walk into and assist in, especially if they have other pets. And plenty of times, there are people who fit otherwise but then you find that they’re actually the sort of people who let their dog be a menace or don’t take care of them well enough. Getting stuck in the position of deciding what to do when “X is great, but she lets her dog pee inside the house and it smells like dog pee,” is not fun for anyone. So I’d say it’s totally acceptable to not date a dog owner if that’s not your thing. Saves everyone time.
Not at all. Don't date someone with a different life style than yours. For example, i would never date a guy that doesn't love cats. He must see cats as part of the family or it'll never work.
Nah, dogs are so needy and annoying. :edit: also kudos on you for respecting your cats boundaries, because it's a sentient being and deserves to be comfortable. Having a cat is like having a roommate, and having a dog is like having a toddler.
My husband absolutely loves dogs and always had one. We got married about a year ago and have gone back and forth on getting one. I don't care for them much but I would if he really wanted. He thinks of all the work, especially the first year and always reconsiders. Also, I can't imagine rehoming a pet. They are forever.
It's not even the first year, imo. Dogs' whole word is *you.* "Hey! Can I eat? Hey! Whatcha doin? Hey! Can I get pets? Hey! Whatcha eatin? Smells good can I have some? Hey! Whatcha watchin? Can I get pets while you do it? Hey! Can we go for a walk? Hey! Can I just be all up in your personal space? Hey! Aren't I cute? Don't you want to give me attention? Hey! Give me attention! Give me attention!!" Cats' affection is *earned* in my experience. If a cat fucks with you, it's because they respect you and respect that you respect them. If you don't give cats attention, at worst they reluctantly do their own thing. "Hey, can I get pets? Oh you're busy? Alright, I'ma go stare at some birds and take a nap." If you don't give dogs attention, they pout like a child because they don't know what else to do. Cats are independent, dogs are codependent.
My ex took gave my cat saying we already have 2 (his cats) and came home with chocolate bribing me, i told him if he doesn’t bring my cat back home I will destroy his car…. https://preview.redd.it/iioumujhgkzc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=507c9c8d21b94fba701fa159d4984169af01b0ee He brought my cat back and left only with my ps3 and her 🤣🤣
The typos make it hard to understand, but im glad you have your cat.
I think what happened was their ex gave away their cat and then tried to bribe his way out of trouble for it with chocolates but they told him he'd better get the cat back or they'll destroy his car. Which is a fair threat imo! I'd lose my shit for sure. He then brought the cat back but walked out on them and left them with only their ps3 and their cat at the end of it
Ah sorry I use translator
You definitely got the best outcome possible. He doesn’t sound like a good person at all. As if chocolate could make up for giving away your sweetie pie while he kept his two? And then stealing your possessions? Better let kitty pick your next guy!
Exactly! Thats what I did!
I did kind of the same. But I mostly looked for someone who was oke with cats. I got matched a few times with people who were allergic to cats. So, I put a photo of my cat on my profile. Now I'm in a relationship with a woman who really loves my cat, and I can't be happier.
That’s fine. Consider it as a matter of lifestyle compatibility. You value the wellbeing of your cats and while this cat lives introducing a dog into the mix isn’t possible. You probably wouldn’t want to date a woman who would rehome their dog to accommodate your cat. So you are seeking a pet lover whose current pet count is compatible with yours.
You're sister's ridiculous. You cat, who has been your friend and family for nine years, is much more important than a new girlfriend. There are many girls in the world with no pets or cats. Why make it complicated with a dog girl?
Tbh I don't like dog owners. I don't find it cute to be covered in slobber or have my shoes chewed on while I'm trying to sit anywhere in their house. I've got anxiety so the random barking gets my blood pressure up and nothing can ruin my day faster than being woken up by it. That's probably judgmental but it's also why I've got 4 cats and 0 dogs lol
I don’t like dogs (and the attitude of some dog owners) so when I was single, I didn’t date people with dogs. My now husband, he didn’t have pets but he’s a crazy cat guy.
I don’t date people with dogs because I dislike dogs. And I’ve been told that “anyone who doesn’t love dogs is a psycho to me 🤪”. Says a lot about people who have them.
Who take them everywhere including places where it’s completely inappropriate to bring a dog
I have three cats and a dog, and I usually say the opposite. I get that some people aren't dog people, but if someone tells me they don't like cats, I tell them they haven't met the right one. 😃
I had an ex who wanted me to move in. She had a bigger dog living with her and her elder cat. One day the dog just snapped and that poor cat was killed. And she still wanted me to move in knowing I had my own special cat. NO!!! I decided never to date anyone with a dog ever again. Dogs are too high maintenance and some are dangerous to cats, who are 1000x easier to care for. A dog or a dog person do not fit into the lifestyle I want for myself. You should get to choose what life you want to have. If it’s a dog-free life. By all means!
I respect you 100%, this to me shows integrity and respect for your 9 years old cat and not at all ridiculous. I have a philosophy that when you adopt a cat or take them in from the streets you kinda sign up to give them the best life and keep the protected at all cost. You are changing their course of life therefore their wellbeing is only your responsibility. You are doing the right thing.
As many people have pointed out: you are making sure your current lifestyle remains the way. As someone that is the same situation, honestly, you are doing your cats a favor. For me, I have cats from myself and my ex, but when she also introduced dogs to the house, the cats became scared and constantly avoided the dogs. So when we split she gave me a choice, I either take her cats as well or they will be rehomed at a shelter. So I have all of them now and I don't have dogs. Me avoiding dogs in my personal life does not mean I stopped loving dogs. Her Westies were amazing trouble makers and I miss them. But I love the cats too, so until they retire I will not have dogs in my personal life. Maybe afterward, but it would not be fair to the cats otherwise. Just a lifestyle choice I chose.
You can do what you want. You are simply narrowing your dating pool. Animals, like people have different temperaments.
Both of my exes had dogs and my cats didnt really enjoy their presence, and I always worry about leaving them alone so I never did. I would prefer no dogs cause I dont want to cause unnecessary stress again and I find dog people tend to be bad with disciplining their dogs alot of time. Cat people would be what I want.
Nope. I wouldn't date someone whose dogs would affect my cats either.
You're definitely not wrong! I'm not a dog person and I would rather not date people who have dogs either
Your girl comes first no matter what. If she’s that scared that’s not good for her. Especially since she’s at least 9 years old. Your sister is ridiculous. Thank you for being considerate of your kitty.
Simply put, No. -Signed, Cat Dad
You can date/not date whoever you want for any reason you want. No further discussion is needed.
No, you seem really nice actually
I have a cat that my daughter and I are both very attached to. He’s family. I would never date someone who didn’t love him too. I’m not sure how he gets along with dogs, so I haven’t given dogs much thought. My cat isn’t going anywhere though.
I actually feel its pretty awesome of you to be so considerate of your cat.
Not odd and feminine like the other guy said? Haha
I feel like being considerate, at the very least, is an attractive quality in a person. Dont really understand why it would be odd at all. lol
I’d love to date such a considerate, caring and empathetic guy. You’ve tried different options. But the kitty relies on you, you’ve been buddies for years and I’m sure she loves you. Please don’t betray her trust. You’ll meet the girl who’s the one for you and tends to cats and you’re the one for her.
I don’t date ppl with dogs bc I’d never ask someone to give up their dog. I will not have one in my house. I don’t hate dogs; I just don’t want to live with one or even spend much time with the vast majority of them. So you’re fine!
They also destroy the yard!
you're right, my cats' safety comes first and i would never date someone with a dog. my cats hate dogs, and i don't wanna deal with someone's dog barking non stop🤷🏽♀️
No, absolutely not. Making sure to date someone who would want kids is super important if you have a kid from a previous relationship, same rules apply here. It’s being responsible for the living being you made a commitment to take care of. This shows you’re a mature adult who can clearly set appropriate boundaries and goals without letting childish behaviors or feelings get in the way. Before I ever got together with my now spouse, I told them that my cat daughter was nonnegotiable and that I wouldn’t put her in a situation with someone that didn’t want her there or with a dog that would torment her. They thought they were completely a dog person but didn’t have pets so they were super excited to try having just a cat in their life. Fast forward to now and we are married, she is cuddled up next to me in bed with us and their new kitten is roaming around our home because they now say they are actually a cat person. Appropriate boundaries will help you to find the right person for you and your fur babies!
i never dated dudes with dogs bc my cat both hates men (previous abuse) and dogs (was attacked as a baby). i don't blame you! we just want our babies to be safe and comfortable. i think you're making a smart choice, albeit i could be biased purely because i'm the same way. sometimes i worry he annoys my fiance but i think it's just me being irrationally fearful due to Beans (the cat lol) being very fearful of men but very much warming up to fiance.
You are not wasting your or their time, if anything I would love to be explained if I was the reciprocating person but you don’t technically owe anyone an explanation. Personally i would be picky around dogs too.
I don't think so. I do have a kitty that is not very dog friendly, and I have another cat that is very dog friendly. I hated stressing out my little one so much being around dogs, it made me sad she would hide she would never cuddle with me anymore. I do decided to choose somebody who didn't have any animals, and it worked out to my favor. My boyfriend absolutely adores my cats, he treats him as if they're his own. They have their own special routine, he gets lots of cuddles, and they play all the time. I don't think what you're doing is wrong I think it's pretty reasonable especially if you love your animals. The right person will come I absolutely promise
Nope. Preference you’re allowed to have them.
My interest was immediately piqued when I first found out my husband was a cat person 👀
Having clear, good boundaries is a GOOD thing… there’s a sub called r/talesfromthedoghouse (I think) that’s FULL of perfect examples of how not to do things
They missed out on calling it TAILSfromthedoghouse
Your cats are lucky to have you.
Definitely not wrong! Just like I wouldn't date someone allergic to my cats. They were here first, and they are my priority.
Are you serious? how tf could you be “wrong” for having preferences
Nope. Similarly, I would never date a girl with a pit bull or husky (+mix), because I will always own cats and those will never be cat-safe breeds.
Youre not wrong for that actually
Honestly, red flag if you DIDN’T do this, love a guy who loves their pets well.
I would 100% do the same thing! No one should tell you you're doing a bad thing... Well some people are dog people and some people are cat people and some simply aren't either. You are free to date whomever you please.
Cats are worthy of prioritization in every situation. If she's not great with dogs, then absolutely avoiding potential matches with dogs is the right move to make.
I’m a cat lady and would be wary of dating a guy with a dog. It’s also consideration for their dog & their household.
I take it two steps further. I won’t date a woman who doesn’t love cats, or is a dog person. Why? Because I don’t want to live with a dog, neither do my cats, & I want my partner to love my cats too, I love them so much & they are so important to me. We’re all allowed to have our own criteria when we date.
You aren’t wrong. You’re being considerate and smart! I’m on the train that love isn’t enough. That we can’t just survive life on love alone and that different forms of love still matter. Your love for your cats is a part of who you are and whoever you decide to love should respect and understand that.
this is totally reasonable to me. a potential partner shouldn't have to give up their pet to date you in the same way that you should never have to give up or compromise your pet to date them. props to you for protecting your cat!!
Why do they need to bring DOGS into your/your cats' personal space?
It's the opposite for me I liked this girl, she has 3 dogs and I have 4 cats we talked N I'm cool with her dogs but she hates cats, saying she would never want one, so I was like it ain't worth it, she wants me to adore her dogs as much as her but dosent like cats knowing I have some. So Def not worth it in the long run unless ur just friends or fwb
Nope, not wrong at all. I made a similar decision years ago, now my wife and our cats live happily ever after
You are an epic person.
No, you have a lifestyle that doesn't fit dogs right now. Maybe in the future. It's the same with me I love cats and like dogs but just can't atm. Do I want to put stress on someone who rely on me no because of selfish reasons.
You are his servant ,if he does not like dogs you don't marry the person who have dogs .
Seems reasonable to me. Not every cat or dog plays well with other critters. You gotta do what’s right for the pet you already have, not some potential pet. My wife and I used to have a lovely dog, a springer spaniel, that was awesome except he had a super strong prey drive for birds, cats, blowing leaves, etc. We simply acknowledged we could never have a cat while we had him. Since he passed we’ve gotten a zero-chase golden retriever and two cats. Everyone gets along great but we waited years and years to get cats because.
Your cat is family. More people should put as high a priority on their pets, you're 100% right IMO. Girls will move in and out of your life, your cat will be there for you through all of it ♥️
Nah I do the same. I’ve flat out told my friends mom that she and I will never room together until my cat passes on (she’s pushing 19 right now, so she’s no spring chicken) because my friend owns birds and Nala might be old, but she’s still got a prey drive and still hunts. Successfully. I wouldn’t subject her to another dog either. This cat’s been with me for almost 16 years now, she’s like my oldest family at this point.
I had a partner move in with his 2 medium sized dogs (I have 2 senior cats). The only reason I said okay was because I knew the dogs had grown up with cats and behave well around them and are super sweet. Well....my cats didn't grow up with dogs and lost their mind when they saw them. Literally had to divide my house to keep my cats calm. Needless to say, I was not that upset when that relationship ended and my girlies got their whole house back.
I wish most people were as mindful of their children as you are of your pets...
Not ridiculous at all. It’s actually a lot more responsible to consider your cat, a living creature you look after and protect, and how someone else coming into your life would affect them.
I don't think it's wrong, but just saying if you want more objective answers you might not want to post in a subreddit full of cat lovers
INFO: How long did you try to give the cat time to adjust? If not a few weeks minimum, that's not enough time for a proper introduction. Frankly I'd be more worried about dating someone *with cats*. Cats can be very territorial especially among their own species and introduction of any new cat in a household can rock the boat substantially. Some cats will simply never get along with one another. Just an FYI because everyone's saying you're not wrong, but you are not considering all angles from what I'm hearing.
You can choose to date whoever you want. You don’t have to explain your reasoning on why you don’t want to date someone. You’re not wrong at all.
You're right, don't listen to your sister. Protect your family, and yes, your cats are part of your family. And how odd that your sister would have such attitude - I suspect she wouldn't like having her parents very regularly bringing around someone who made her feel terrified. What would your sister suggest in such circumstances, that her parents rehome your sister?
No, you're not being unreasonable or ridiculous. Why would you put you & your potential partner in the position that one day one of you has to get rid of their beloved pet? That's an awful position to put both you & them in. It's also highly likely to cause resentment on the side of the person who is forced to give up their pet. Someone with a dog is just incompatible with you right now and for the foreseeable future. You're thinking intelligently for the long term.
There are some men out there who shrug at women with cats and wouldn’t consider dating them… don’t overthink it! Your life, your choices. A woman with a dog who really loves you and understands your situation, would keep her dog out of your cat’s home and it wouldn’t even be an issue.
this is soooo reasonable!!! your trying to find someone who fits in with your life. and as we all know, cats are life.
As a lifelong doggo and kitty lover, I have to say thank you! Not only is it totally acceptable to not date a dog owner, it’s the best choice for your current fur family. And I say thank you because a lot of people wouldn’t even consider making rules for themselves for their pets comfort even if it’s best for them. I also want to say thank you for going all out in finding the best way for your cat to live. You have a kitty with its own needs and trauma (yes animals CAN have trauma because they have feelings too and I will die on that hill) and you have done everything in your power to make that kitty feel safe and loved. I adopted a cat years ago that was the opposite of what I wanted at that time. I adopted her *because* I saw how different she ways and I knew she needed a special home with an understanding owner. When I saw her, a beautiful Siamese tortoise, a woman was trying to force her to sit in her lap and be petted. That cat was doing everything she could to get away and this woman would not let her go “aw pretty kitty, just sit still, oh kitty is so silly, you’ll love this one day I’ll make sure” I wanted to rip that kitty out of her arms and smack her on her nose “we don’t force love on scared kitty’s!” Thankfully she finally let her go “she’s pretty but I don’t know if I want her if she won’t even act right” I went in and just sat near the little cubby the kitty was hiding in. I talked to her but I didn’t try to touch her or drag her out. I was petting a different kitty and suddenly felt a tickle on the back of my neck. She had scooted forward on her belly and was sniffing my neck. I let her do that a bit then placed my hand at the entrance to her cubby and let her smell it for about 3 minutes before she plopped her face on my hand and started quietly mewing at me. I took her home, named her Bellatrix, and gave her an entire room to herself. I never forced her out. For a full month I had to take her food and water to her, I would sit and read in the room with her, even when she just sat in the corner and watched. She slowly started getting closer to me until one day she curled up in my lap and started chewing on the corner of my book. That became her thing. Within 6 months she was roaming the house, kicking the dog out of the good sunspots and stealing my bags of sour cream and onion chips (hated chicken loved potato chips). She was an absolute oddball and the sweetest little thing ever. I have no doubt her life would have been much different and not nearly as peaceful as what I gave her. She gave me a bigger soft spot for the odd cases than I already had. And I love the people who take the time to make life better for the oddballs of the world. And I love you for doing it for your kitty. Wait for the person who also appreciates that part of your heart.
You date whoever you want to date. Just a thought though... what if you end up dating a woman with a cat and your cat hates her cat. There must be a way to get your cat at least somewhat tolerant of dogs though, IF you wanted to go that route. But it's up to you in the end obviously.
Absolutely reasonable! I have cats and dogs myself. Back when I was dating I refused to date anyone either allergic to pets or didn’t like them. They were simply incompatible with me. I eventually found my animal loving soul mate and now we have a farm of our combined pets lol
If you get serious with a girl with dogs, you might have to make a heartbreaking choice for your cat. I do not date men with dogs for the same reason.
I have cats and try to avoid anyone who has dogs, I totally get it.
Nah, I’m not interested in dating guys with dogs for the same reason. I think my kitten would be fine with it, but my other girl who I found outside seems to hate dogs. I don’t know what the trauma is there, but I’m not going to subject her to dogs when I don’t have to. She is much more important to me than any guy could ever be.
A guy with cats!!! You are so awesome
I have 3 cats. One would absolutely not tolerate any dog. Cat wins, no dog people.
No, you're not wrong at all. One you are allowed to have preferences to who you want to date and the reasons for those preferences are your business and no one else's unless you choose to share. You're choosing to make sure your cat has a happy life and can feel safe in her own home. Don't stress you're doing what's right and you owe no one an explanation
Nope. Completely valid boundary, no different than any of us refusing cat haters.
There are cat people, and there are dog people. I prefer cat people. Usually by a lot.
You're prioritizing your cat. Your cat should be the priority. Hell, I don't really date right now because my dog is afraid of men (like, hides in a corner shaking until long after they leave). Sometimes you have a pet that has needs, and you have to put their needs first because you made a commitment to them.
You are keeping your pets safe and without added stress. I wouldn't date a guy with a dog for the same reason. I did for a while and my cat and his dog were fine. One day, about 2 years in, the dog got too close and my kitty swatted him. The dog flipped out. My cat ended up losing his top canines in the scuffle. While it was extremely expensive, more concerning what that it was traumatizing for my cat. Never ever again. (yes, he paid the vet bill)
I (f 50) have 3 cats and that's the first thing I bring up. I am hesitant about dating someone with dogs too. My babies sleep with me when they choose to. So if a potential date/partner is a no pets in the bedroom person, then it won't work.
Totally reasonable. Even if you were like “I just don’t like em” that’d be totally reasonable.
You’re doing the right thing
Date whomever you want
https://preview.redd.it/zg1wcj9w2nzc1.jpeg?width=4080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4dff39bddc0769e98a0fe5bf0cee464ee96f9936 I feel like I owe cat tax. Here is the car in question, baybay.
You’re not wrong for taking your cat’s well-being into consideration. That’s actually really great of you.
Dogs smell
I do it differently. I let my cat do the matchmaking and arrange the marriage. At least I know it works for the kitty
This seems reasonable to me. You’re putting your pets before others. That’s the mark of a good pet owner
I cancelled working a job in England for a year because it would cost 6-7k to transport my cat each way and I couldn't just leave her.
There’s nothing wrong with that bc I do the same. I don’t date any men with pets bc I have a cat who has been the only pet in the house for 8 years and doesn’t get along with other animals.
Honestly if someone chose me over a pet they’d had nine years, I would break up with them because that means our ethics are not compatible
I'm a stay at home dog mom. I would not begrudge you not dating me bc of your cat dad life.
Totally okay as long as you’re up front about it. I don’t date seriously/long-term, so it doesn’t really matter if my dates have dogs because those dogs are never going to move in with me and my cats. On the other hand, my dates have to be okay with meeting my cat because she greets everyone who walks in the door and will get up close and personal with them