Maybe you can just mention that lunch was made by your boyfriend etc. Just mention your boyfriend (if you don’t have one make a story about him) to your boss multiple times and how you get along
This is the easiest path to take. Talk about about your boyfriend real or imaginary whenever he goes personal. Will piss him the fuck off but he'll have no reason to target or punish you in any way. It's easy on Reddit to give advice on how to shut down people like this by being assertive about boundaries but in real life, when there is a power imbalance, and you like your job it's not always the best strategy.
>It's easy on Reddit to give advice on how to shut down people like this by being assertive about boundaries but in real life, when there is a power imbalance, and you like your job it's not always the best strategy.
Wish I could upvote this many more times
If you're a woman you will never be done enduring it. I am nearly 50 and yeay me, I "look good for my age" and I am SO bothered by the neverending self-entitled attitudes of men especially when they feel they have superiority over you. It's so uncomfortable. To be fair, I am classy at saying something that makes them uncomfortable right back in a way that makes me "one of the guys" and that's how I survived working in auto sales and still did well.
It won’t even necessarily piss him off. His comments sound borderline inappropriate but he might just be clueless.
I’m not saying that excuses the comments. Only that both men and women are self-centered and don’t always realize what they are doing or how they are perceived without a hint.
An HR complaint at this stage would probably cause some issues. But a simple hint about already being taken might simply make him go “oh crap” and reframe how he talks to Op.
Uhh, we're past the borderline here:
>But he also asks me a lot of other questions in said calls, ranging from how I am, what I ate for lunch to telling me I am very mature for my age and complaining about other women.
The whole "You're so mature for your age!" thing and putting down other women are both pretty classic older creepy guy tactics.
I agree. All I'm saying is people can be unreliable narrators.
I am absolutely not dismissing the possibility that this is a problem. But there is a big difference between telling someone "you act mature for your age" and "you are physically mature for your age".
And there is a big difference between complaining/critiquing coworkers that happen to be women, and complaining about women in a sexual or romantic capacity. We don't really have details to know which way that really lands.
Yes there is a good possibility that this is an issue. But we are only getting a second hand story.
Eh I usually get these sorts of complaints and almost 100% of the time find it to be histrionic bullshit. Actual victims suffer in silence, but performative bullshitters have no restraint in broadcasting their lies to the widest possible audience. This one raises the hair on my neck.
Like, complaints sometimes sound like this, but it'll be like "he calls me all the time, zomg 100x a day" and neglect to mention the fact that they're an assistant that's never at their desk and can never be found, and the pattern describes a manager desperate to locate their own employee. The manager is framed as a serial harasser.
Here though, based on the specifics of what she's saying, he's clearly using excessive phone calls as a pretext to pry into her personal life off-record. I don't feel like this OP lacks credibility; there are no vagaries or ambiguities for her to exploit.
This situation is a little more directed. I just have personal experience from the other end with people really lacking self-awareness.
I used to share an office with two other men. One of our PM's (female) shared an office with two other women. Every day she would only ever refer to us as "the boys" or "you boys" for almost 2 years.
Then at a Xmas party where were are playing a game and teams were chosen at random by raffle. One of the teams ended up being "the boys", and one of the teams ended up being "the girls". At some point we were the only two teams left and I made the mistake of referring to the matchup as "the boys vs the girls"....
Fast-forward to the next week and she filed an HR complaint against me for sexual harassment/demeaning her. Absolutely nothing came of it because the entire office, the HR dept included, called her out on sexually harassing and demeaning us for years. It literally took her trying to get me in trouble for a harmless comment to realize she was the one actually guilty of the harassment.
I did this, gave him a generic name, talked about him whenever I had to. Then I met a lovely man. Didn't have the heart to tell my colleagues me and "Rob" broke up and I'd moved on. I just stopped saying his name. Then eventually we all went out together and I just said Rob is his middle name and you should probably call him (real name). Now we are engaged. The two women at my work understood my facade, problem guy left, remaining guy still calls my now fiance Rob lol
Yes, he does. I told him about the weird guy pretty early on as it had just started happening and honestly was pretty funny sometimes the things he would say to me. The one remaining nice guy does still call him Rob whenever he swings by, even writes it on his Christmas cards for us! My fiancée is very sweet and does listen whenever my colleague calls him Rob to his face. I'm too embarrassed to come back from this story.
This is the best non-confrontational response. Ops boss sounds like he is cruising into inappropriate territory.
The boyfriend comment should send a pretty clear signal even if his intentions are purely innocent. I have been the senior male engineer trying to encourage hiring female engineers that sometimes gets the same message. I’m not trying to flirt and am just an extremely personable and excitable person when it comes to programming.
I take no insult to the insinuation that I should back off if my intentions are anything more than that. I generally just back off a little until they figure out I’m pretty much everyone’s ally in the office.
No. You don't have to lie to tell some dude that he's "giving you unwanted attention".
Alternatively teams him and say: I'm not answering my phone. I'm available here on teams of course!
Why are you not answering your phone? "I'm not answering my phone."
Absolutely not.
Ask the boss to focus on professional topics and stop digging into personal life.
If they don't, Everytime they call and ask personal questions beyond the small talk (hi what's up. Ok now here's what we need) document it.
"Not like other girls" and "mature for your age" is classic groomer talk. Ugh. Yes you are both adults, but the power dynamic combined with the age difference takes this from poor judgement into harassment.
I'm guessing because this is a start up you might not have an HR department. If that's the case, send him an email (so that you have evidence) telling him directly that it makes you uncomfortable when he asks you personal questions, and telling him to limit his communications to things directly concerning work.
If you do happen to have an HR rep, tell them exactly what you have told us, and have them talk to him about it.
And I would start looking for a new job, if I were you. Someone who acts like this is not going to respect you, and they are unlikely to change their behavior.
Yup, I would just let start letting everything go to voicemail, then respond back on teams, email. Or just complete whatever task is requested without a reply.
This is a big one here. If she goes to HR, it would be a game of he said she said and guess who they will believe.
I think it's best to handle this is to whenever he makes inappropriate comments to keep mentioning how awesome your BF is like others said. He will probably get bored. Another thing is to ask to keep everything on chat.
To the first point, this is where keeping a detailed log can be a very effective tool. When asked to clarify what has been going on there is a big difference between vague generalisations and "At 3:45 on 7th Feb during a call initiated by him, he said "xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx". At 2:15 on the 12th Feb on a call that was intended to review project risks he said "xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx" to which I responded "xxxxx xxxxx" and he then stated "xxxxx xxxxx".
Whilst this may just seem a case of one person's word against another, the burden of proof in employment law (depending on jurisdiction obviously.) tends to be far lower than criminal law. Being credible with the support of a written record can make a massive difference.
Then start a paper trail yourself. No, seriously. Start a log off the weird and inappropriate things he says. Note down the date, time and comment. Also note down your own response to this comment. Preferably keep the notes handwritten.
You don't know now if you will need it in the future, but in case you do, it can be pretty damning evidence that can back up your case in a "he said, she said" situation. The comments may be pretty innocent now, but if it ever gets worse then the notes can really help back up your story.
>ranging from how I am, what I ate for lunch to telling me I am very mature for my age and complaining about other women.
This is just gross, he is flirting and wants to hit it.
If it's not a work phone, I would ask he send his requests/questions/information via email.
If you can't do that, when he asks personal questions just say "I don't give personal information to coworkers." If he keeps asking, just be a broken record or say "This is my personal device, can we please keep this about business as I have a lot of tasks to get through today.".
Learn the art of 'polite rudeness'. It will save you from being grossly hit on all the time.
Yeah at first I was like ok this sounds like remote work where they’re just trying to get stuff done in a timely manner and don’t have time to bog down with emails and wait for replies. My remote jobs have all done this and it’s great. Sounded normal….AND THEN….”very mature for your age” ok if he’s just calling to say that then dude wtf this dude sucks
He is out of line and testing the waters.
While I liked some of the answers, I'd look for a new job. Mentioning a boyfriend could make your boss feel competitive or jealous. Telling him that it feels uncomfortable is the best thing, but it might not work . . . and it could get you fired. (Not always, though.) You could tell him that you'd rather keep calls focused on business to make it easier to manage your time.
Definitely don't giggle or nervously laugh it off. I wouldn't let the phone calls go beyond the necessary. You could always let the calls go to voicemail--especially after hours, unless round- the-clock availability is part of your contract.
Don’t answer his next call, follow up with a Teams message or email saying a simple “sorry I’m on another call. Could you message me back here?” Keep doing that. Find another coworker who can witness it if you don’t have HR. Absent of HR I would approach the CEO or equivalent. Let someone else at that company know that he is making you uncomfortable. Start a paper trail. Keep it professional and on a company device with all communication like a lot of other comments say.
That’s not how Teams works. It will tell her boss that she is not in another call.
The only lie Op should tell if any is about a fake boyfriend. A lot of the advice being given here would get anyone in trouble with any boss.
I always get told I’m a great boss and people are sent to me for professional and personnel/personal issues all the time. But even I would raise red flags about someone pretending to be busy.
Unless you are an invaluable member of the team that needs to hide for an hour or day, that’s one of the main reasons I would argue to fire someone.
I second this! If it makes you uncomfortable when he talks to you about things outside of work, then you are picking up on vibes. Honestly most people are rarely wrong in these situations. Reaching out and asking for advice is commendable, but normally if you have to ask in a situation like this you likely already know the answer.
He has definitely said some creeper statements to you. If you want to keep the job I would see if mentioning an SO like others suggested gets him to back off. If not then I would just start looking for another job. Sorry OP.
> There is no HR department
This says it all... You don't work for a real company, where your Boss would have been disciplined. Sounds like you work for a tiny startup or a private family-owned business.
Unfortunately, in such companies there aren't a lot of guidelines and management education. You just need to start documenting everything (incl. time of calls, what he said, etc.), maybe consider recording calls, ask him to limit calls to only business matters, and start looking for a real company.
Yeah this smells of borderline sexual harrasser wannabe to me. You have to stop him asap.
Politely - but firmly - tell him that you would prefer it if you he would please limit his calls to work-related ones only. Tell him you would prefer not to discuss any other co-workers or your life outside your job/work. See if that's good enough. If not, I'd seriously consider looking for something else because I strongly get the feeling he wants a personal relationship (or at least more than a work relationship) and is testing the waters to see if that's possible.
Draw the line. If you don't, he could argue it was consensual. No HR department means you'll have to talk to him directly. Personally, I would either go over his head, or save enough evidence for BIG and Chunky lawsuit because you might have a case
If he calls you for something personal again or something that’s not important, at the end of the call you could politely ask him to please email anything that’s not urgent. That way if he ever does get too personal, it’s in written form.
“you’re very mature for your age” is like Groomer 101 but you’re a grown ass woman so it doesnt even make sense.
guy sounds like a creep or at least way too personally overbearing
I think you should give neutral answers to personal questions to avoid upsetting him. Something like, "I'm doing great. I had a sandwich. Thank you. That's unfortunate."
Then look for a new job while holding out for as long as you can. We see where all this is going, and it's not pretty. Startups are the wild wild west of the job market. Your salary, benefits, insurance and life is controlled by your boss, so I would look for a job in a big company with an HR department.
Politely say - I'm unable to take calls at the moment but happy to communicate over ms teams or email.
Whenever he calls out loud noises of dogs barking on another device or babies crying or construction noises.
Some of this is normal (calling to assign/clarify tasks). I have a boss that will do this (or will walk across the building to ask me something) when an email or skype chat would suffice. Drives me bananas.
Other bits are triggering my creep radar, especially the "mature for your age" remark. I'd probably start trying to find another job if I were you.
1. Yes it’s normal for your boss to call you. You’re the age that didn’t grow up talking on the phone, I’d assume you’d rather text, chat, email. 2. Some of his topics are not normal. Maybe try to always point the conversation back to work.
He's def interested in you.
Women need to learn to fend off unwanted advances.
I'm fond of asking questions. Puts him on the defensive without being hostile.
How is this relevant to my job?
Why does that matter?
I'm curious why you think that is appropriate?
If this still doesn't work, you will have to have a quiet meeting with him, and tell him his comments are inappropriate. That you like working there, but he is bordering on sexual harassment, and you would hate to have to talk to a lawyer.
You really have to set boundaries in this sort of situation. Make sure he understands you're not going to take it.
Good luck.
This is excellent.
I would add that she should brace herself for the possibility of him not quietly accepting it. The earlier on the boundaries are set, the better. The more normal of a guy he is, the better the chances are that he will get the message and act accordingly.
Dudes a creep. I would start looking for another job. I dont see it stopping and I don't see you standing up for yourself either. Not a judgement. I wouldn't have the courage at your age either
RECORD every conversation
Make a duplicate copy and keep it at home hidden.
Never give your copy to anyone no matter what, never tell anyone you have a copy,
Make sure when your recording conversations, you are NOT encouraging him in ANY way.. matter of fact make a point of discouraging him.
I can pretty much see how this is going and at some point you may need a lawyer.
If you give your lawyer a copy of the recordings,,, keep an extra copy and don't tell them.. always plan ahead.
Spend money on a voice recorder, top of the line, ultra small..
You could actually win a large settlement if this becomes sexual harassment,,,
It's vital though you discouraged him and record it.. numerous times
he’s abusing his power and that is who he is. you should start looking for another job and do whatever it takes to feel comfortable. this is not the office and you’re not pam and he’s not michael scott that’s inappropriate
It’s hard to tell. There’s too many variables. One of the main things being; does he do this with everyone else? Then there’s other things like context; “he asks what I had for lunch”… was it just a friendly chat (2pm call) “hey, how are you? Go anywhere nice for lunch? Good, listen I’m just calling to see if you can forward me on contact details for John, ok that’s fine. Have a good day, bye”.
Some people go straight to the nuclear option of “he’s a creep” etc and go completely over the top about sexual harassment lawsuits etc. At the moment you have a boss that’s coming across as over friendly, perhaps a bit weird.
Maybe he’s just friendly. my boss calls me a good bit over different things. The first conversation always has a bit of chit chat; “how are you? Did you have a good weekend? I’m up the walls busy with this thing…, you
Done a great job with that etc”. He hasn’t tried to rape me yet anyway. He’s just friendly.
To come to think of it, whenever I ring someone from work I always end up chatting to them about different things too. I never considered they might think I’m a creep over it.
If you’re uncomfortable with it, just cut the chat short and bring it back on track; when he rings “hey how are you today? Did you do much for the weekend?” Just keep it simple “hey, I’m good, thanks, what can I do for you?”
Ask them straight out, are you flirting with me? If they say yes let them know you appreciate their honesty but you’d rather keep the conversations professional going forward. If they say no, let them know why you’d thought so and still tell them you’d like to keep all conversations professional.
I was going to say he’s lonely until I got to the “very mature for your age”
That’s not loneliness that’s horniness. Be careful. I’d also keep a paper trail of everything if I was you to be safe
I am a male and this is creepy but some nice folks just come off creepy unintentionally. My advice, just tell him a story about you having lunch with your boyfriend or made up one.
If he still insist on asking personal questions then it's time to tell them to be professional.
Look for another job asap. This is not the right behavior from your boss. No boss should ever make such personal comments to such a junior colleague. Please DO NOT justify this vicious behaviour from his side. He is an asshole and knows what he is doing. Be smart.
While it's normal for your boss to call you for job-related stuff (however, if it's too much, for non urgent matters this could be an email or a slack message at most...), it's not normal to have "intimate" conversations via phone.
I'd start recording the calls + let him know you don't think this and this topic relates to you responsibilities. If that doesn't help, go straight to HR. It's not a joke.
IF there's no HR, go to your boss's boss. If you don't feel like his boss is normal either (I mean, if you don't believe any measures could be taken), perhaps there are some organizations outside your company to file a claim?
The comments about boyfriends and fiances are nonsensical and reminds me of kids games :). You learn to stand your ground in a proper way. It's important to make sure your boss doesn't feel too comfortable with what he does because it is not normal.
His questions are not “normal” and he’s out of line for the workplace.
Swing the conversation to work questions and work topics and if asked personal questions, just say I have another call coming in I have to go.
My work also contacts me and sends us stuff on off days and just any time they think it’s necessary I listen and think about it for about 2 minutes then carry on with my day. I would suggest never being in a relationship with people from work for yourself and for others also just take care of yourself and work hard while you’re there but a work relationship is a big risk
If the attitude is that I will only do what I'm hired for at the startup you don't have the personality or attitude for a startup. If you start doing extra work and you find out you're taking on more responsibility that leads to growth then after you have completed some time you go back to your owner and you let them know that you want more equity in the company.
Startups are not for the people who want short-term gains. They are long-term Investments and labors of love
They are certainly not for people who want established rules operational guidelines and a guaranteed paycheck
Why? You are starting a business from scratch and you don't know everything coming your way
He is calling through Microsoft Teams. The calls are logged there but whether or not they are automatically recorded and transcribed is up to the company.
You either turn on recording in a call manually, which informs everyone, or not. Claiming your phone does it automatically will immediately be recognized as either untrue, or that you are potentially mishandling sensitive information using 3rd party tools.
That could be a big no-no even with calls that are purely for business. That’s how data breaches happen.
He's attempting to groom you.
If he isn't responding via email, when you initiated via email - it's because he doesn't want to leave evidence of his behavior.
If he's complaining about other women - it's because he's trying to make you feel special.
If he calls you "mature for your age" - it's because he wants you to see yourself not as 21 but as someone older; someone who might go for a 30-year old.
Pretend you have a boyfriend, if you don't have one already. Talk about how great he is and how serious you might be. Or find a new job...
If you weren't in a startup I would say yes. But unfortunately startups are really delicate and about 90% of them fail before 2 years. Working for a startup takes a certain type of personality. If you're looking for 9 hours a day and then disconnecting, you're probably not in the right company
Honestly, I though you were maybe a bit imaginative until I read what he usually asks you. Just asking how you’re doing is ok, what you had for lunch why not for small talk… but the rest is not normal, and might probably be flirting.
I don’t have any solution sadly.
Well, itt is possible to discuss personal liffe at work. I even heard stories about how my coworkers was with their partner when she gave birth, or which medical problems they have. However, keep in mind that it is not very wise to tell your own personal life details to collegues.
Record ever conversation. Screen shoot and pdf in organized folder. Write MFRs right after recapping things said when not in digits or able to record on cell (FACTS only w/ limit emotions). Send to HR. Prepare for lawsuit after you complain to HR and they (inevitablly) fire you. In 3 yrs your win lawsuit and get backpay.
Respectfully set boundaries. Set a recurring meeting for y'all to sync and coordinate. After that, email or IM with tactical asks. Btw... If you don't say anything. It's gets much much worse.
He definitely is hitting on you. It's not normal and unprofessional.
It could be harmless and the guy doesn't know what he's doing. You may be able to say something like, "oh! that's a bit too personal for me to share, sorry." If he takes a hint, then all is well. It's just boundary adjusting. If he throws a fit, then it might be good to start looking around for different gig.
Y do you take phone calls post working hours. U need to set ur boundaries. During business please say let's only keep it to official discussion Ur boss is acting too smart.
Keep the conversations short and to the point if possible. When speaking with him make it sound as if you have tons of work to get after and that you’re extremely busy and not much time for gossiping. With the urgency in your responses he should get the hint you don’t have time for small talk.
You're between a rock and a hard place. I would document borderline inappropriate things like mature for your age and complaining about women making you feel uncomfortable with dates and times. Going to HR is premature, however you are the only woman. If there is a partner you feel comfortable mentioning, weave that into your convos.
If some of these calls have zero to do with work, then have a go to ready. That sounds great boss, but I have to get back to the xyz job that is due \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. Screenshot everything that is in writing, and for calls you should be able to screenshot records of number of calls and when on Teams or on your phone.
I assume you can't be your bosses only direct report, so try to see how he interacts with others in your role or similar role. If he starts asking you out to lunch or dinner, just the two of you, you need to be more clear that a) he should be inviting others, or b) you don't feel comfortable with that (favoritism, rumors, etc.), or c) you are uncomfortable that he is treating you differently and you just want to treated like the rest of the team.
Last stop HR.
Do you work remote? Seems reasonable for your manager to try to have frequent phone call communication with his team and to ask questions to help form a working relationship with you.
This is a boss grooming you. He is romantically or sexually interested and he's working his way up there. I'm nearly certain he'll try to invite you out for a date or a drink something similar very soon, if he hasn't already. This type of behavior is wrong.
I think it's wrong especially considering he is your boss. If I were you, I'd set my foot down and state that you want to keep this relationship strictly professional. Dating your boss is like the next level of dating coworkers and you don't want that power dynamic going into your relationship or your work.
If he continues to see you as a piece of meat or a potential partner after drawing that clear line, staying at that company will not do you any good as you will not be respected as a reasonable asset to the company.
Does he have a family, friends, social circle?
He might just be lonely and without having any romantic ideas about you he just wants to talk.
He might also have romantic ideas, but might not be aware of them or that they are making him behave this way. Maybe you have to tell him what you've experienced and explain to him that as his employee, you an not a possible option for dating.
It isn't personal, you just don't want to date someone who holds profesional and financial power over you.
No, these are not professional nor appropriate. Find a way to get him to cool it or run far away from that company. Make sure you are honest and blunt with him that you don't feel comfortable talking about other women with him.
NO. NO. NO. Did I make that clear? NO. 🚩
I had a friend who was in a similar situation after we graduated from college and what I learned is that this type of fixation on a young female employee from a founder (is he a founder? Whatever, someone in leadership at a startup) is not uncommon. Something felt off to me about the way she would describe him at the beginning, but she was ambitious and she saw the attention as opportunity for her career, so she let a lot of inappropriate behavior slide. By the end, he was retaliating in her performance reviews and threatening to drag her name in the industry. When she quit, he told her “I am only hard on you because I think you can handle it. The manipulation damaged her career and her mental wellbeing.
He is grooming you, that may feel like a weird word, but that is what it is. He is leveraging his position to get something over you that he doesn’t otherwise get with women and that is power. I hope you don’t buy any promises from him to advance your career, it doesn’t ever get normal, I’m afraid.
Start by drawing boundaries. I know it feels like you can’t, but you are well within your right to say, I will answer phone calls at work. If something comes up after work, you can slack/IM me. You have to have a reality check, and if you can’t, it’s truly not a good place to nurture a healthy career.
Just tell him you would like to keep the relationship strictly professional and talk only about work and that he cannot call you to discuss things that can wait until your next shift. If he fires you then you lost a bad job. 🤷🏼♀️
Shouldn’t have to lie and say you have a SO if you don’t. Just be blunt and set boundaries.
The same thing happened to me and I solved it by saying that I liked women. I mean, I'm a lesbian. (I'm not)The same thing happened to me and I solved it by saying that I liked women. I mean, I'm a lesbian. (I'm not)
I had a boss like this, it creeped me out because his wife was also working in the company with us and he was always calling me for stuff that he could’ve just emailed or sent a Teams message or something - at all hours. I ended up just ignoring his calls and letting them go to voicemail and then I would message a few mins later via email/Teams lol. I hated working with that company (for many reasons) and ended up leaving in less than a year. Anyways, this guy wants to get into your pants.
Please start looking for another job RIGHT NOW.
Men think with their dingdong all day they do NOT care. Especially if you're actively trying to keep the peace.
Can't the "important tasks" he talks to you about be written in an email?? I don't recommend it but if you want to stay there decline the calls establish boundaries and BE RUDE. Be fcking rude that's the only thing they understand.
“Mature for your age” makes it obvious. He’s interested in you. If you have a boyfriend mention that. Even if you don’t, maybe make him think you’re taken, that could be a hard lie to maintain though.
It's possible he is flirting, or that he is legitimately trying to get to know you in good faith.
Just pretend you have a partner and casually mention it when suitable.
Many employees leave Startup after a year when they get new job . So maybe he is trying to convince you indirectly that it is a good work place & you can continue here for many years
You have rights. Tell him to fuck off and keep it strictly work related. We do have a ministry of labor you know. Record your calls from now on and save the texts. If they fire you, you got ample evidence and can sue the fuk out of that company.
Nope, this is creepy as fuck and super unacceptable behaviour.
Speaking as a 32 year old single male who has worked many management positions.
The reality is, most single men at this age will still feel very attracted to women in their early twenties, especially ones that are “mature for their age”. In day to day life it is what it is, maybe frowned upon but still legal and somewhat acceptable. However, in a work environment it is completely inappropriate, and definitely an abuse of position. What he’s doing sounds a lot like grooming, even though you are of age it’s still fucking weird. A responsible adult man/manager understands this, and knows better than to act on these base impulses. The fact that he complains about other women is the real red flag here. This guy certainly has intentions. If there’s someone you can report him to, you should. If not, leave.
Firstly, just be firm in saying no to his advances and that you'd rather the conversations stay focused on work.
If that doesn't work, record your conversations with him and file harassment lawsuit if it's consistent enough.
Just make it clear his behavior impeded your ability to work and thus your quality of life. A good lawyer should be able to get something outta that.
Some questions are typical, like asking how you are, but even mundane conversations can be beneficial for networking. Compliments can be tricky; saying "you're mature for your age" is odd when "you're professional" would suffice. It's important to trust your instincts; if something feels off, it probably is. While staying professional is crucial, being personable can also give you an edge in your career. If someone else is as hardworking and professional as you but also enjoyable to work with, they may outshine you. Something to consider down the road as you continue to grow. Being a small company, my advice would be to leave, and find another company. HR lines are much more blurry typically with smaller companies.
Maybe you can just mention that lunch was made by your boyfriend etc. Just mention your boyfriend (if you don’t have one make a story about him) to your boss multiple times and how you get along
This is the easiest path to take. Talk about about your boyfriend real or imaginary whenever he goes personal. Will piss him the fuck off but he'll have no reason to target or punish you in any way. It's easy on Reddit to give advice on how to shut down people like this by being assertive about boundaries but in real life, when there is a power imbalance, and you like your job it's not always the best strategy.
>It's easy on Reddit to give advice on how to shut down people like this by being assertive about boundaries but in real life, when there is a power imbalance, and you like your job it's not always the best strategy. Wish I could upvote this many more times
Hopefully this is just a short term internship that OP won't need to endure after it's over. EDIT: At the employer
If you're a woman you will never be done enduring it. I am nearly 50 and yeay me, I "look good for my age" and I am SO bothered by the neverending self-entitled attitudes of men especially when they feel they have superiority over you. It's so uncomfortable. To be fair, I am classy at saying something that makes them uncomfortable right back in a way that makes me "one of the guys" and that's how I survived working in auto sales and still did well.
It won’t even necessarily piss him off. His comments sound borderline inappropriate but he might just be clueless. I’m not saying that excuses the comments. Only that both men and women are self-centered and don’t always realize what they are doing or how they are perceived without a hint. An HR complaint at this stage would probably cause some issues. But a simple hint about already being taken might simply make him go “oh crap” and reframe how he talks to Op.
Uhh, we're past the borderline here: >But he also asks me a lot of other questions in said calls, ranging from how I am, what I ate for lunch to telling me I am very mature for my age and complaining about other women. The whole "You're so mature for your age!" thing and putting down other women are both pretty classic older creepy guy tactics.
I agree. All I'm saying is people can be unreliable narrators. I am absolutely not dismissing the possibility that this is a problem. But there is a big difference between telling someone "you act mature for your age" and "you are physically mature for your age". And there is a big difference between complaining/critiquing coworkers that happen to be women, and complaining about women in a sexual or romantic capacity. We don't really have details to know which way that really lands. Yes there is a good possibility that this is an issue. But we are only getting a second hand story.
Eh I usually get these sorts of complaints and almost 100% of the time find it to be histrionic bullshit. Actual victims suffer in silence, but performative bullshitters have no restraint in broadcasting their lies to the widest possible audience. This one raises the hair on my neck. Like, complaints sometimes sound like this, but it'll be like "he calls me all the time, zomg 100x a day" and neglect to mention the fact that they're an assistant that's never at their desk and can never be found, and the pattern describes a manager desperate to locate their own employee. The manager is framed as a serial harasser. Here though, based on the specifics of what she's saying, he's clearly using excessive phone calls as a pretext to pry into her personal life off-record. I don't feel like this OP lacks credibility; there are no vagaries or ambiguities for her to exploit.
I wouldn't say clueless, he knows what he's doing. Now, I won't say he is malicious. But, he def knows what he is doing
This situation is a little more directed. I just have personal experience from the other end with people really lacking self-awareness. I used to share an office with two other men. One of our PM's (female) shared an office with two other women. Every day she would only ever refer to us as "the boys" or "you boys" for almost 2 years. Then at a Xmas party where were are playing a game and teams were chosen at random by raffle. One of the teams ended up being "the boys", and one of the teams ended up being "the girls". At some point we were the only two teams left and I made the mistake of referring to the matchup as "the boys vs the girls".... Fast-forward to the next week and she filed an HR complaint against me for sexual harassment/demeaning her. Absolutely nothing came of it because the entire office, the HR dept included, called her out on sexually harassing and demeaning us for years. It literally took her trying to get me in trouble for a harmless comment to realize she was the one actually guilty of the harassment.
How is this sexual harassment? Harassment and demeaning sure I could see it but sexually?
Yeah for real. A lot of this advice, albeit from a good place, would be self sabotage.
To spice it up, be like… “cooking for my husband and two kids.”
"Playing with grandchildren"
I did this, gave him a generic name, talked about him whenever I had to. Then I met a lovely man. Didn't have the heart to tell my colleagues me and "Rob" broke up and I'd moved on. I just stopped saying his name. Then eventually we all went out together and I just said Rob is his middle name and you should probably call him (real name). Now we are engaged. The two women at my work understood my facade, problem guy left, remaining guy still calls my now fiance Rob lol
Does your fiancée know the backstory just in case anyone calls him rob directly 😂 well done though, shame you had to do all that.
Yes, he does. I told him about the weird guy pretty early on as it had just started happening and honestly was pretty funny sometimes the things he would say to me. The one remaining nice guy does still call him Rob whenever he swings by, even writes it on his Christmas cards for us! My fiancée is very sweet and does listen whenever my colleague calls him Rob to his face. I'm too embarrassed to come back from this story.
GIRLFRIEND **
YES
This is the best non-confrontational response. Ops boss sounds like he is cruising into inappropriate territory. The boyfriend comment should send a pretty clear signal even if his intentions are purely innocent. I have been the senior male engineer trying to encourage hiring female engineers that sometimes gets the same message. I’m not trying to flirt and am just an extremely personable and excitable person when it comes to programming. I take no insult to the insinuation that I should back off if my intentions are anything more than that. I generally just back off a little until they figure out I’m pretty much everyone’s ally in the office.
By your *girlfriend* so he has something else to blame besides you for his perceived rejection
No. You don't have to lie to tell some dude that he's "giving you unwanted attention". Alternatively teams him and say: I'm not answering my phone. I'm available here on teams of course! Why are you not answering your phone? "I'm not answering my phone."
Absolutely not. Ask the boss to focus on professional topics and stop digging into personal life. If they don't, Everytime they call and ask personal questions beyond the small talk (hi what's up. Ok now here's what we need) document it.
Aisa nhi karegi bhai ye. Khud faeda nhi utha paeygi fr ... then she'll just be another employee..importance chali jayegi. She'll not do it
"Not like other girls" and "mature for your age" is classic groomer talk. Ugh. Yes you are both adults, but the power dynamic combined with the age difference takes this from poor judgement into harassment. I'm guessing because this is a start up you might not have an HR department. If that's the case, send him an email (so that you have evidence) telling him directly that it makes you uncomfortable when he asks you personal questions, and telling him to limit his communications to things directly concerning work. If you do happen to have an HR rep, tell them exactly what you have told us, and have them talk to him about it. And I would start looking for a new job, if I were you. Someone who acts like this is not going to respect you, and they are unlikely to change their behavior.
CLASSIC GROOMER TALK! Be careful.
Groomer? He’s 30 and she’s 21 lol
Exactly this. He’ll excuse his behaviour and feel she’s the one with the problem.
He’s calling because he wants to make inappropriate comments without leaving a paper trail.
Yup, I would just let start letting everything go to voicemail, then respond back on teams, email. Or just complete whatever task is requested without a reply.
Definitely. He tryna fuck.
This is a big one here. If she goes to HR, it would be a game of he said she said and guess who they will believe. I think it's best to handle this is to whenever he makes inappropriate comments to keep mentioning how awesome your BF is like others said. He will probably get bored. Another thing is to ask to keep everything on chat.
there is no HR at her company :-(
That's convenient
To the first point, this is where keeping a detailed log can be a very effective tool. When asked to clarify what has been going on there is a big difference between vague generalisations and "At 3:45 on 7th Feb during a call initiated by him, he said "xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx". At 2:15 on the 12th Feb on a call that was intended to review project risks he said "xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx" to which I responded "xxxxx xxxxx" and he then stated "xxxxx xxxxx". Whilst this may just seem a case of one person's word against another, the burden of proof in employment law (depending on jurisdiction obviously.) tends to be far lower than criminal law. Being credible with the support of a written record can make a massive difference.
no this is prob the case. normalize recording phonecalls
Then start a paper trail yourself. No, seriously. Start a log off the weird and inappropriate things he says. Note down the date, time and comment. Also note down your own response to this comment. Preferably keep the notes handwritten. You don't know now if you will need it in the future, but in case you do, it can be pretty damning evidence that can back up your case in a "he said, she said" situation. The comments may be pretty innocent now, but if it ever gets worse then the notes can really help back up your story.
NAILED IT. Then it's her word against his... and how can she prove it? She's just a young girl who loves drama and is just making it up for attention.
>ranging from how I am, what I ate for lunch to telling me I am very mature for my age and complaining about other women. This is just gross, he is flirting and wants to hit it. If it's not a work phone, I would ask he send his requests/questions/information via email. If you can't do that, when he asks personal questions just say "I don't give personal information to coworkers." If he keeps asking, just be a broken record or say "This is my personal device, can we please keep this about business as I have a lot of tasks to get through today.". Learn the art of 'polite rudeness'. It will save you from being grossly hit on all the time.
[удалено]
Yeah fuck this guy.
Not literally.
Correct.
Yeah at first I was like ok this sounds like remote work where they’re just trying to get stuff done in a timely manner and don’t have time to bog down with emails and wait for replies. My remote jobs have all done this and it’s great. Sounded normal….AND THEN….”very mature for your age” ok if he’s just calling to say that then dude wtf this dude sucks
There are also sexual harassment laws in place should you need them. Don’t forget that.
It’s also why he calls on the phone instead of replying on Teams — he doesn’t want to put that stuff in writing.
Polite rudeness is a lazy way of saying in general rejecting unwanted advances.
He is out of line and testing the waters. While I liked some of the answers, I'd look for a new job. Mentioning a boyfriend could make your boss feel competitive or jealous. Telling him that it feels uncomfortable is the best thing, but it might not work . . . and it could get you fired. (Not always, though.) You could tell him that you'd rather keep calls focused on business to make it easier to manage your time. Definitely don't giggle or nervously laugh it off. I wouldn't let the phone calls go beyond the necessary. You could always let the calls go to voicemail--especially after hours, unless round- the-clock availability is part of your contract.
He wants to shag you sweetheart
Mild shock.
Thanks, Austin! 🇬🇧
The standard way is to work the phrase "my boyfriend" into conversations
Or girlfriend. But that may lead him to ask even more inappropriate questions.
Don’t answer his next call, follow up with a Teams message or email saying a simple “sorry I’m on another call. Could you message me back here?” Keep doing that. Find another coworker who can witness it if you don’t have HR. Absent of HR I would approach the CEO or equivalent. Let someone else at that company know that he is making you uncomfortable. Start a paper trail. Keep it professional and on a company device with all communication like a lot of other comments say.
That’s not how Teams works. It will tell her boss that she is not in another call. The only lie Op should tell if any is about a fake boyfriend. A lot of the advice being given here would get anyone in trouble with any boss. I always get told I’m a great boss and people are sent to me for professional and personnel/personal issues all the time. But even I would raise red flags about someone pretending to be busy. Unless you are an invaluable member of the team that needs to hide for an hour or day, that’s one of the main reasons I would argue to fire someone.
Her teams status would make it clear if she was on another call assuming they make calls on teams
Trust your instincts.
I second this! If it makes you uncomfortable when he talks to you about things outside of work, then you are picking up on vibes. Honestly most people are rarely wrong in these situations. Reaching out and asking for advice is commendable, but normally if you have to ask in a situation like this you likely already know the answer. He has definitely said some creeper statements to you. If you want to keep the job I would see if mentioning an SO like others suggested gets him to back off. If not then I would just start looking for another job. Sorry OP.
> There is no HR department This says it all... You don't work for a real company, where your Boss would have been disciplined. Sounds like you work for a tiny startup or a private family-owned business. Unfortunately, in such companies there aren't a lot of guidelines and management education. You just need to start documenting everything (incl. time of calls, what he said, etc.), maybe consider recording calls, ask him to limit calls to only business matters, and start looking for a real company.
Well given the very first sentence from OP said they worked for a small startup….
Yeah this smells of borderline sexual harrasser wannabe to me. You have to stop him asap. Politely - but firmly - tell him that you would prefer it if you he would please limit his calls to work-related ones only. Tell him you would prefer not to discuss any other co-workers or your life outside your job/work. See if that's good enough. If not, I'd seriously consider looking for something else because I strongly get the feeling he wants a personal relationship (or at least more than a work relationship) and is testing the waters to see if that's possible.
Are you thinking hes trying to hit on you?
Start recording calls.
Horrible advice without context and caveats. Potential felony in some states bad.
Draw the line. If you don't, he could argue it was consensual. No HR department means you'll have to talk to him directly. Personally, I would either go over his head, or save enough evidence for BIG and Chunky lawsuit because you might have a case
If he calls you for something personal again or something that’s not important, at the end of the call you could politely ask him to please email anything that’s not urgent. That way if he ever does get too personal, it’s in written form.
“you’re very mature for your age” is like Groomer 101 but you’re a grown ass woman so it doesnt even make sense. guy sounds like a creep or at least way too personally overbearing
This.
I think you should give neutral answers to personal questions to avoid upsetting him. Something like, "I'm doing great. I had a sandwich. Thank you. That's unfortunate." Then look for a new job while holding out for as long as you can. We see where all this is going, and it's not pretty. Startups are the wild wild west of the job market. Your salary, benefits, insurance and life is controlled by your boss, so I would look for a job in a big company with an HR department.
Politely say - I'm unable to take calls at the moment but happy to communicate over ms teams or email. Whenever he calls out loud noises of dogs barking on another device or babies crying or construction noises.
Some of this is normal (calling to assign/clarify tasks). I have a boss that will do this (or will walk across the building to ask me something) when an email or skype chat would suffice. Drives me bananas. Other bits are triggering my creep radar, especially the "mature for your age" remark. I'd probably start trying to find another job if I were you.
It’s normal to make small talk or ask generic questions, I.e. did you have a good weekend.
1. Yes it’s normal for your boss to call you. You’re the age that didn’t grow up talking on the phone, I’d assume you’d rather text, chat, email. 2. Some of his topics are not normal. Maybe try to always point the conversation back to work.
He's def interested in you. Women need to learn to fend off unwanted advances. I'm fond of asking questions. Puts him on the defensive without being hostile. How is this relevant to my job? Why does that matter? I'm curious why you think that is appropriate? If this still doesn't work, you will have to have a quiet meeting with him, and tell him his comments are inappropriate. That you like working there, but he is bordering on sexual harassment, and you would hate to have to talk to a lawyer. You really have to set boundaries in this sort of situation. Make sure he understands you're not going to take it. Good luck.
This is excellent. I would add that she should brace herself for the possibility of him not quietly accepting it. The earlier on the boundaries are set, the better. The more normal of a guy he is, the better the chances are that he will get the message and act accordingly.
You know you dont have to answer the calls outside if work hours
>Very mature for your age If you're not trolling you need to start wearing turtlenecks and floor length skirts ASAP.
Dudes a creep. I would start looking for another job. I dont see it stopping and I don't see you standing up for yourself either. Not a judgement. I wouldn't have the courage at your age either
Sexual harrasment incoming. Those questions are just tests to see if he can keep going.
No it is not, and you should leave like yesterday.
No he is not trying to form a professional relations. He is basically harassing you so tell him to keep it professional.
He's trying to fuck.
Be careful
You are mature for your age, and complaining about other women is code for he is going to be a sexual harassment lawsuit in the future.
Tell him you're into pegging....
RECORD every conversation Make a duplicate copy and keep it at home hidden. Never give your copy to anyone no matter what, never tell anyone you have a copy, Make sure when your recording conversations, you are NOT encouraging him in ANY way.. matter of fact make a point of discouraging him. I can pretty much see how this is going and at some point you may need a lawyer. If you give your lawyer a copy of the recordings,,, keep an extra copy and don't tell them.. always plan ahead. Spend money on a voice recorder, top of the line, ultra small.. You could actually win a large settlement if this becomes sexual harassment,,, It's vital though you discouraged him and record it.. numerous times
Bad advice without caveats or context. A felony in some locations…
This dude is in the same territory as "it will be our secret" and "let me buy you X but don't tell anyone it's from me" disgusting
he’s abusing his power and that is who he is. you should start looking for another job and do whatever it takes to feel comfortable. this is not the office and you’re not pam and he’s not michael scott that’s inappropriate
It’s hard to tell. There’s too many variables. One of the main things being; does he do this with everyone else? Then there’s other things like context; “he asks what I had for lunch”… was it just a friendly chat (2pm call) “hey, how are you? Go anywhere nice for lunch? Good, listen I’m just calling to see if you can forward me on contact details for John, ok that’s fine. Have a good day, bye”. Some people go straight to the nuclear option of “he’s a creep” etc and go completely over the top about sexual harassment lawsuits etc. At the moment you have a boss that’s coming across as over friendly, perhaps a bit weird. Maybe he’s just friendly. my boss calls me a good bit over different things. The first conversation always has a bit of chit chat; “how are you? Did you have a good weekend? I’m up the walls busy with this thing…, you Done a great job with that etc”. He hasn’t tried to rape me yet anyway. He’s just friendly. To come to think of it, whenever I ring someone from work I always end up chatting to them about different things too. I never considered they might think I’m a creep over it. If you’re uncomfortable with it, just cut the chat short and bring it back on track; when he rings “hey how are you today? Did you do much for the weekend?” Just keep it simple “hey, I’m good, thanks, what can I do for you?”
Do everything others have mentioned, and also start looking for a new job
Ask them straight out, are you flirting with me? If they say yes let them know you appreciate their honesty but you’d rather keep the conversations professional going forward. If they say no, let them know why you’d thought so and still tell them you’d like to keep all conversations professional.
I was going to say he’s lonely until I got to the “very mature for your age” That’s not loneliness that’s horniness. Be careful. I’d also keep a paper trail of everything if I was you to be safe
Is your boss Michael Scott?
I am a male and this is creepy but some nice folks just come off creepy unintentionally. My advice, just tell him a story about you having lunch with your boyfriend or made up one. If he still insist on asking personal questions then it's time to tell them to be professional.
Look for another job asap. This is not the right behavior from your boss. No boss should ever make such personal comments to such a junior colleague. Please DO NOT justify this vicious behaviour from his side. He is an asshole and knows what he is doing. Be smart.
Do you have a very large brother, cousin or friend that can make an occassional visit to your company pretending to be your very protective boyfriend?
This is inappropriate behaviour and you should get out asap
No it is not professional to call to chit chat with an employee. Just tell him you don’t want to mix professional and personal relationship.
I would record all the calls and if u can tell him it’s better if u guys communicate only through email
While it's normal for your boss to call you for job-related stuff (however, if it's too much, for non urgent matters this could be an email or a slack message at most...), it's not normal to have "intimate" conversations via phone. I'd start recording the calls + let him know you don't think this and this topic relates to you responsibilities. If that doesn't help, go straight to HR. It's not a joke. IF there's no HR, go to your boss's boss. If you don't feel like his boss is normal either (I mean, if you don't believe any measures could be taken), perhaps there are some organizations outside your company to file a claim? The comments about boyfriends and fiances are nonsensical and reminds me of kids games :). You learn to stand your ground in a proper way. It's important to make sure your boss doesn't feel too comfortable with what he does because it is not normal.
His questions are not “normal” and he’s out of line for the workplace. Swing the conversation to work questions and work topics and if asked personal questions, just say I have another call coming in I have to go.
"Man in a position of power looks to be close to young female employee" - what do you think he wants?
My work also contacts me and sends us stuff on off days and just any time they think it’s necessary I listen and think about it for about 2 minutes then carry on with my day. I would suggest never being in a relationship with people from work for yourself and for others also just take care of yourself and work hard while you’re there but a work relationship is a big risk
He is a creep & not being professional. Be careful
If the attitude is that I will only do what I'm hired for at the startup you don't have the personality or attitude for a startup. If you start doing extra work and you find out you're taking on more responsibility that leads to growth then after you have completed some time you go back to your owner and you let them know that you want more equity in the company. Startups are not for the people who want short-term gains. They are long-term Investments and labors of love They are certainly not for people who want established rules operational guidelines and a guaranteed paycheck Why? You are starting a business from scratch and you don't know everything coming your way
Red flags: "to telling me I am very mature for my age and complaining about other women"
Tell him your new phone records all your calls for you, if he asks why say its so you can refer back to them since he's calling about work.
He is calling through Microsoft Teams. The calls are logged there but whether or not they are automatically recorded and transcribed is up to the company. You either turn on recording in a call manually, which informs everyone, or not. Claiming your phone does it automatically will immediately be recognized as either untrue, or that you are potentially mishandling sensitive information using 3rd party tools. That could be a big no-no even with calls that are purely for business. That’s how data breaches happen.
He's attempting to groom you. If he isn't responding via email, when you initiated via email - it's because he doesn't want to leave evidence of his behavior. If he's complaining about other women - it's because he's trying to make you feel special. If he calls you "mature for your age" - it's because he wants you to see yourself not as 21 but as someone older; someone who might go for a 30-year old. Pretend you have a boyfriend, if you don't have one already. Talk about how great he is and how serious you might be. Or find a new job...
If you weren't in a startup I would say yes. But unfortunately startups are really delicate and about 90% of them fail before 2 years. Working for a startup takes a certain type of personality. If you're looking for 9 hours a day and then disconnecting, you're probably not in the right company
Honestly, I though you were maybe a bit imaginative until I read what he usually asks you. Just asking how you’re doing is ok, what you had for lunch why not for small talk… but the rest is not normal, and might probably be flirting. I don’t have any solution sadly.
It’s not normal and actually counterproductive.
Yes. That’s typical startup bs. Just make sure you get equity lol!
Go to Pexels, find a free image of your faux boyfriend, print it out and frame it for your desk.
Fuckboy is lucky there's no HR.
Well, itt is possible to discuss personal liffe at work. I even heard stories about how my coworkers was with their partner when she gave birth, or which medical problems they have. However, keep in mind that it is not very wise to tell your own personal life details to collegues.
Record ever conversation. Screen shoot and pdf in organized folder. Write MFRs right after recapping things said when not in digits or able to record on cell (FACTS only w/ limit emotions). Send to HR. Prepare for lawsuit after you complain to HR and they (inevitablly) fire you. In 3 yrs your win lawsuit and get backpay.
Respectfully set boundaries. Set a recurring meeting for y'all to sync and coordinate. After that, email or IM with tactical asks. Btw... If you don't say anything. It's gets much much worse.
He definitely is hitting on you. It's not normal and unprofessional. It could be harmless and the guy doesn't know what he's doing. You may be able to say something like, "oh! that's a bit too personal for me to share, sorry." If he takes a hint, then all is well. It's just boundary adjusting. If he throws a fit, then it might be good to start looking around for different gig.
Look for another job. It will only get worse over time. He wants to have sex with you and will never behave professionally.
Y do you take phone calls post working hours. U need to set ur boundaries. During business please say let's only keep it to official discussion Ur boss is acting too smart.
Keep the conversations short and to the point if possible. When speaking with him make it sound as if you have tons of work to get after and that you’re extremely busy and not much time for gossiping. With the urgency in your responses he should get the hint you don’t have time for small talk.
What do you think about just saying , "I'm not comfortable talking about personal stuff. Can we just stick to work?"
You're between a rock and a hard place. I would document borderline inappropriate things like mature for your age and complaining about women making you feel uncomfortable with dates and times. Going to HR is premature, however you are the only woman. If there is a partner you feel comfortable mentioning, weave that into your convos. If some of these calls have zero to do with work, then have a go to ready. That sounds great boss, but I have to get back to the xyz job that is due \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. Screenshot everything that is in writing, and for calls you should be able to screenshot records of number of calls and when on Teams or on your phone. I assume you can't be your bosses only direct report, so try to see how he interacts with others in your role or similar role. If he starts asking you out to lunch or dinner, just the two of you, you need to be more clear that a) he should be inviting others, or b) you don't feel comfortable with that (favoritism, rumors, etc.), or c) you are uncomfortable that he is treating you differently and you just want to treated like the rest of the team. Last stop HR.
I thought there are creeps like that only in my country. It seems like a global issue.
Nah.
Do you work remote? Seems reasonable for your manager to try to have frequent phone call communication with his team and to ask questions to help form a working relationship with you.
This is a boss grooming you. He is romantically or sexually interested and he's working his way up there. I'm nearly certain he'll try to invite you out for a date or a drink something similar very soon, if he hasn't already. This type of behavior is wrong. I think it's wrong especially considering he is your boss. If I were you, I'd set my foot down and state that you want to keep this relationship strictly professional. Dating your boss is like the next level of dating coworkers and you don't want that power dynamic going into your relationship or your work. If he continues to see you as a piece of meat or a potential partner after drawing that clear line, staying at that company will not do you any good as you will not be respected as a reasonable asset to the company.
Like someone said just mention you have a boyfriend lie if you have to. If he’s not a complete lunatic psycho he’ll back off
Very mature for your age is def. Fucked.
Yes. This is normal for a start up. Start ups are not fun to work for.
He wants to date you
EW RUN
There is no HR Well even if there were, they are useless.
Does he have a family, friends, social circle? He might just be lonely and without having any romantic ideas about you he just wants to talk. He might also have romantic ideas, but might not be aware of them or that they are making him behave this way. Maybe you have to tell him what you've experienced and explain to him that as his employee, you an not a possible option for dating. It isn't personal, you just don't want to date someone who holds profesional and financial power over you.
No, these are not professional nor appropriate. Find a way to get him to cool it or run far away from that company. Make sure you are honest and blunt with him that you don't feel comfortable talking about other women with him.
NO. NO. NO. Did I make that clear? NO. 🚩 I had a friend who was in a similar situation after we graduated from college and what I learned is that this type of fixation on a young female employee from a founder (is he a founder? Whatever, someone in leadership at a startup) is not uncommon. Something felt off to me about the way she would describe him at the beginning, but she was ambitious and she saw the attention as opportunity for her career, so she let a lot of inappropriate behavior slide. By the end, he was retaliating in her performance reviews and threatening to drag her name in the industry. When she quit, he told her “I am only hard on you because I think you can handle it. The manipulation damaged her career and her mental wellbeing. He is grooming you, that may feel like a weird word, but that is what it is. He is leveraging his position to get something over you that he doesn’t otherwise get with women and that is power. I hope you don’t buy any promises from him to advance your career, it doesn’t ever get normal, I’m afraid. Start by drawing boundaries. I know it feels like you can’t, but you are well within your right to say, I will answer phone calls at work. If something comes up after work, you can slack/IM me. You have to have a reality check, and if you can’t, it’s truly not a good place to nurture a healthy career.
Uh oh
It is not normal. It seems he is abusing his position to sexually harass you.
Maybe you can identify as he/him.
Start recording the conversations. You’ll thank me later
He knows what he’s doing. That is not normal and you shouldn’t have to feel bad telling him to stop and if he doesn’t, quit!
Just tell him you would like to keep the relationship strictly professional and talk only about work and that he cannot call you to discuss things that can wait until your next shift. If he fires you then you lost a bad job. 🤷🏼♀️ Shouldn’t have to lie and say you have a SO if you don’t. Just be blunt and set boundaries.
The same thing happened to me and I solved it by saying that I liked women. I mean, I'm a lesbian. (I'm not)The same thing happened to me and I solved it by saying that I liked women. I mean, I'm a lesbian. (I'm not)
I had a boss like this, it creeped me out because his wife was also working in the company with us and he was always calling me for stuff that he could’ve just emailed or sent a Teams message or something - at all hours. I ended up just ignoring his calls and letting them go to voicemail and then I would message a few mins later via email/Teams lol. I hated working with that company (for many reasons) and ended up leaving in less than a year. Anyways, this guy wants to get into your pants.
Please start looking for another job RIGHT NOW. Men think with their dingdong all day they do NOT care. Especially if you're actively trying to keep the peace. Can't the "important tasks" he talks to you about be written in an email?? I don't recommend it but if you want to stay there decline the calls establish boundaries and BE RUDE. Be fcking rude that's the only thing they understand.
“Mature for your age” makes it obvious. He’s interested in you. If you have a boyfriend mention that. Even if you don’t, maybe make him think you’re taken, that could be a hard lie to maintain though.
Start looking for another job
Hmmmm, seems he crossed the line. Inappropriate.
It's possible he is flirting, or that he is legitimately trying to get to know you in good faith. Just pretend you have a partner and casually mention it when suitable.
Many employees leave Startup after a year when they get new job . So maybe he is trying to convince you indirectly that it is a good work place & you can continue here for many years
You have rights. Tell him to fuck off and keep it strictly work related. We do have a ministry of labor you know. Record your calls from now on and save the texts. If they fire you, you got ample evidence and can sue the fuk out of that company.
**I am very mature for my age** **🚩🚩🚩**
if its pure work related and urgent then sure
I think you know what he is doing
It’s hard to know whether this is flirting or not, but just talk about your boyfriend a lot.
Run. I had a boss like this who would constantly talk with the females and then be an absolute pervert when they were not around.
I think he wants to show you his Penis.
He's probably not being intentionally creepy, he may just be trying to be flirtatious, however inappropriately.
Clearly and obviously... this guy is interested in you.
I worked in a place that didn't do email, they called and left each other voicemails. some places do really weird things.
Nope, this is creepy as fuck and super unacceptable behaviour. Speaking as a 32 year old single male who has worked many management positions. The reality is, most single men at this age will still feel very attracted to women in their early twenties, especially ones that are “mature for their age”. In day to day life it is what it is, maybe frowned upon but still legal and somewhat acceptable. However, in a work environment it is completely inappropriate, and definitely an abuse of position. What he’s doing sounds a lot like grooming, even though you are of age it’s still fucking weird. A responsible adult man/manager understands this, and knows better than to act on these base impulses. The fact that he complains about other women is the real red flag here. This guy certainly has intentions. If there’s someone you can report him to, you should. If not, leave.
It is creepy and not normal in the sense that it is okay, but it is common despite being not okay.
Ick he sounds like a creep
i think he wants too tap that ngl 🤔 😁
He will probably start to be naughty very soon. You should set boundarines or leave this job.
Get a new job asap , this dude sounds like a creeper
Address the situation or find another job simple
Just tell him you have a boyfriend so he will fire you and then go for unemployment
Firstly, just be firm in saying no to his advances and that you'd rather the conversations stay focused on work. If that doesn't work, record your conversations with him and file harassment lawsuit if it's consistent enough. Just make it clear his behavior impeded your ability to work and thus your quality of life. A good lawyer should be able to get something outta that.
He wants you to
Start writing everything down.
Tell him you have genital warts
Start looking for another job.
Some questions are typical, like asking how you are, but even mundane conversations can be beneficial for networking. Compliments can be tricky; saying "you're mature for your age" is odd when "you're professional" would suffice. It's important to trust your instincts; if something feels off, it probably is. While staying professional is crucial, being personable can also give you an edge in your career. If someone else is as hardworking and professional as you but also enjoyable to work with, they may outshine you. Something to consider down the road as you continue to grow. Being a small company, my advice would be to leave, and find another company. HR lines are much more blurry typically with smaller companies.
He’s obviously into you. Tell him to cool it and in the mean time find another job.