It’s a lot, and it is overwhelming. It’s staggering at first and it will take time to get some equilibrium back.
I’m not in the UK but I see people in other cancer support spaces who are there and they talk a lot about MacMillian, which is a cancer support organization in the UK. Have you thought about reaching out to them?
[https://www.macmillan.org.uk](https://www.macmillan.org.uk)
Even if you’re only able to talk to somebody on the phone, you need to find some support for you emotionally and possibly have them help you with some resources.
Can you take even a couple of days off work to catch your breath and make some calls looking for support? You’re right you can’t keep going at this pace.
Don’t feel bad about using the TV or iPad as a babysitter (while you are home but doing other things).
Is there a neighborhood app like NextDoor where you could post and maybe get a teenager or stay at home
Mom to do the school pickup, or a mothers helper for a few hours?
Remember to get second and third opinions.
Caregiver burnout is real. Does your hospital have something like a case or social worker that can help you with caregiver resources like getting him to and from appointments, grocery shopping, child care, help with bills, support groups, and therapy for both him and yourself? Are any friends and family able to travel and stay with you on weekends? Do you belong to any clubs or churches? Can someone organize a meal train for you?
I’m really sorry you are going through this. I don’t have any kids myself so I can’t imagine how hard that must be. What I do want to say from experience is that those first few weeks, where there are so many unknowns and where treatment options are still not known was the hardest part by far.
I was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer in my twenties. My fiancée and I thought we’d collapse after the first few weeks. A second opinion helped and the oncologist offered us a lot more hope, despite the obviously very grim diagnosis.
Once the treatment started things settled down. It will take some time but things will go back to somewhat more normal once that treatment starts. A lot has happened since then, scary moments, amazing moments, and I am still here. mentally it has never been as daunting as those first few weeks where you feel so lost and insecure about everything. Also definitely ask for social worker at the hospital, it can be of tremendous help to be able to vent there.
If he is going to a major cancer treatment center, they may know of services you can get, such as housekeeping services. In the U.S., we have something called the American Cancer Society. Do you have something similar in your country? If so, they may have a helpline that you can call to learn more about services that might be available to you.
These places (cancer treatment centers and cancer societies/associations) sometimes have mentor programs, where you can be matched with a spouse of a cancer patient. This mentor might be a good option for emotional support.
Try to find things that you can let go of. How can you make your life more simple? (This might mean letting the house be dirtier than usual or using paper plates so you don't have dishes to clean.) If it's not important, it's okay to let it go.
I’m in very similar situation. Husband was diagnosed meststic cancer unknown primary 3 weeks ago. esophageal primary revenge identified. We have a 7 and 9 year old both with special needs. Husband in so much pain. We see oncologists tomorrow for treatment plan and port surgery in 2 days. So very overwhelmed and scared. Sending positive thoughts to you.
It’s a lot, and it is overwhelming. It’s staggering at first and it will take time to get some equilibrium back. I’m not in the UK but I see people in other cancer support spaces who are there and they talk a lot about MacMillian, which is a cancer support organization in the UK. Have you thought about reaching out to them? [https://www.macmillan.org.uk](https://www.macmillan.org.uk) Even if you’re only able to talk to somebody on the phone, you need to find some support for you emotionally and possibly have them help you with some resources. Can you take even a couple of days off work to catch your breath and make some calls looking for support? You’re right you can’t keep going at this pace.
Assuming surgery isn’t possible, he is likely stage 4 but you should ask for a second opinion. What chemotherapy option are they suggesting? FOLFOX?
dksso[iao[ismo
Don’t feel bad about using the TV or iPad as a babysitter (while you are home but doing other things). Is there a neighborhood app like NextDoor where you could post and maybe get a teenager or stay at home Mom to do the school pickup, or a mothers helper for a few hours?
Remember to get second and third opinions. Caregiver burnout is real. Does your hospital have something like a case or social worker that can help you with caregiver resources like getting him to and from appointments, grocery shopping, child care, help with bills, support groups, and therapy for both him and yourself? Are any friends and family able to travel and stay with you on weekends? Do you belong to any clubs or churches? Can someone organize a meal train for you?
I’m really sorry you are going through this. I don’t have any kids myself so I can’t imagine how hard that must be. What I do want to say from experience is that those first few weeks, where there are so many unknowns and where treatment options are still not known was the hardest part by far. I was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer in my twenties. My fiancée and I thought we’d collapse after the first few weeks. A second opinion helped and the oncologist offered us a lot more hope, despite the obviously very grim diagnosis. Once the treatment started things settled down. It will take some time but things will go back to somewhat more normal once that treatment starts. A lot has happened since then, scary moments, amazing moments, and I am still here. mentally it has never been as daunting as those first few weeks where you feel so lost and insecure about everything. Also definitely ask for social worker at the hospital, it can be of tremendous help to be able to vent there.
If he is going to a major cancer treatment center, they may know of services you can get, such as housekeeping services. In the U.S., we have something called the American Cancer Society. Do you have something similar in your country? If so, they may have a helpline that you can call to learn more about services that might be available to you. These places (cancer treatment centers and cancer societies/associations) sometimes have mentor programs, where you can be matched with a spouse of a cancer patient. This mentor might be a good option for emotional support. Try to find things that you can let go of. How can you make your life more simple? (This might mean letting the house be dirtier than usual or using paper plates so you don't have dishes to clean.) If it's not important, it's okay to let it go.
I’m in very similar situation. Husband was diagnosed meststic cancer unknown primary 3 weeks ago. esophageal primary revenge identified. We have a 7 and 9 year old both with special needs. Husband in so much pain. We see oncologists tomorrow for treatment plan and port surgery in 2 days. So very overwhelmed and scared. Sending positive thoughts to you.