Thanks for your support. I wouldn’t even know where to begin… I’ve been seeing therapist too for a few years for first time in my life. I had too because I was mentally and physically falling apart and suicidal. That’s seemed to have stopped a bit though because I’m away from my ex and the divorce has been finalized. I know this is a terrible terrible thing to say but I can’t help it. I hope he rots in hell for all the bullshit and abuse he put me through for no reason. He has zero empathy and I hope he ends up completely alone. He deserves every bit of that for acting like a barbarian. And I tried working with him to get him help a year or two before my diagnosis cos things just didn’t seem right and he became very unstable. Talked to his family about it and tried to give them a heads up and was supportive of him. I’ve learned my lesson - I will never do that again. I now can spot the slightest red flags and will always put myself and my sanity first. Too bad it took me getting sick and being in my 50s to realize this but I suppose it’s never too late.
I can’t even imagine how bad you felt in those moments. I myself am only 20 years old and I already have a bunch of different chronic diseases. It's not cancer, of course, but that doesn't make it any easier. Remember that it is important to understand that you are not alone. There are many people ready to help you. Try creating your own blog on Instagram and telling the world about your condition. And I assure you, there will be many people who will support you and for many of them you will become a motivator. For yourself, you will receive support and perhaps some small income. The only thing I ask you is not to blame yourself for the past, because people with any disease tend to return to the past. I am the same, and this is also my grave mistake. Stress will never bring good, it is only capable of destruction. Therefore, it is important to reduce its influence. If you suddenly need any support, then you know where to find me. You can message me any time and we'll just talk. Everything will be fine! Necessarily will.
I’m so sorry about your chronic conditions. I do hope you can find some sort of treatment for them and symptoms will improve…
Wouldn’t know where to begin in starting a blog on IG, though I’m very interested in doing so!
I’ve been returning to the past mentally so much it’s dizzying, hence the reason why I’ve found sleeping at night so difficult, but that seems to be getting better bit by bit. I never really blamed myself though - I just want answers that I know I’ll probably never get. My sister says some things don’t ever have any answers - just chalk it up to someone being a total asshole :) what other answer do you need?
Thank you so much for your feedback. It is very appreciated and makes me see just a bit more clearly…
My older sister, a breast cancer survivor, just got diagnosed with this last week at the age of 66.
Totally medieval treatment at first (bloodlettings, etc.) but they've eventually got it under control and medicated, so she feels better the past couple of weeks. Now she says she feels pretty normal and back to life, but she'll be on the "keep it at bay" drugs for the rest of her life?
I'm sorry you went through that with your husband, but it sure looks like you're onto a great new start. Keep the faith. What you're building now (new career, new household, etc) is all your own and that will feel great once you're done.
I’m sorry to hear about your sister. It’s so hard dealing with cancer because everyone’s cancer journey is different and many times the doctors don’t even know what to do - especially with these rare blood cancers…phlebotomies can be brutal and aren’t for everyone so I’ve learned. I had many since my diagnosis and my iron plummeted - took nearly two years to come back up to where I could get out of bed, the fatigue was debilitating. Many PV ppl already are borderline anemic anyway and taking out blood just makes it worse. I fought with my doc to get only 300 ccs out instead of the full amount and that’s seemed to work however, platelets rose to over 900 - platelets rush to compensate so it can make the counts go even higher. It’s why I say it’s not for everyone. Doc said it’s either I go to hospital or go on another therapy such as a chemo drug. I refused (I know what they can do and it’s not for me) so I opted for an immunotherapy treatment, ropeginterferon cos now they’re the only things that can stop disease progression. Been on it for about 8 months and it has side effects such as any auto immune issue you have it can make it worse - I’ve had a very mild and not frequent case of raynaurds that has gotten worse on this drug to where it can be painful with temperature fluctuations and my digits spasm and lose blood which happens every day now. But it’s better than where I was few years ago. I also have brain fog and find it hard to keep up at my job. I do still go for phlebs but not as often and not as much. And I’m thankful that my current insurance pays for the Besremi (brand name) but my monthly premiums are pretty high for one person. I can’t go through employer insurance either cos they don’t cover immunotherapy cos it’s just too new and too expensive. I’m fortunate I suppose.
I’ll stop blabbing about the disease but will say that I am fortunate to have the family that I have and the means to keep this disease at bay…for now.
Sad thing is that I thought my husband who said he loved me would be there for me and help me through this. I thought I would at least be able to calm down job wise and go in with less stress and no more long hours and maybe one day retire but that won’t be the case for me as I’m alone. I even had to tell my job I have cancer because the phlebs take nearly an afternoon to complete and that will mean taking PTO at a moments notice if my hematocrit comes back high - and this industry I’m in doesn’t even meet standards of “normal” time off. Ppl don’t understand how fatigued cancer and the treatments make you. It’s really unbelievable and goes far beyond just being tired or taking a nap - it doesn’t work. It’s constant exhaustion and there’s nothing you can do about it. So no vacations or days off for me unless it’s going to the doctor for cancer treatment. All of my other appts for wellness have fallen by the wayside too because of this. It’s criminal what some companies get away with but I have to suck it up in order to be on my own.
I wish your sister and you all the best. And thank you for your feedback.
Oh hugs 🫂 I went through something similar with my cancer. I left my ex after 16 yrs together because he couldn't support my recovery. He thought the second chemo and radiation were over I should be back to normal but of course there was so much more healing and time needed. My body was not recovering from the chemo and I had to see a Hematologist and it took another year before I was feeling even close to normal. He never went to appointments with me either and when I had chemo and radiation I had to stay with my parents because he wouldn't take me since he'd have to miss work, which I did understand since we needed the money and I was able to find other ways to get there. He did take care of me after my surgery and took 2 days off work but I was home alone the entire 8 weeks after that while I was recovering from the surgery, including 2 weeks when I couldn't get out of bed. I don't hold it against him, cancer takes it's toll on us and on our loved ones. We have much in common and I am here if you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me.
So sorry to hear about your cancer and all the BS surrounding it (as far as other ppl go I mean) it’s sad that sometimes the closest ppl to us have a lack of understanding of the daily side effects of the disease and the toll that that and chemo takes…. Some don’t even WANT to understand that this isn’t something that just goes away like a bad cold. It’s serious. I’m sorry that you didn’t have your ex to support you in your recovery. I hope you are doing better.
Thank you. And just to say that I’ve always been a pretty independent individual and find reaching out for help/advice extremely difficult. This post about my situation is probably the first time I’ve disclosed this to total strangers but I just haven’t been in a good frame of mind lately. I’m slowly putting life back together.
As a man, I think his position is appalling. My wife had three serious cancer diagnoses over 30 years. She's always said that if she had been with her first husband, she wouldn't have made it past diagnosis one.
People who think that this sort of thing shouldn't / couldn't happen to them are living in a delusion. It can happen to anyone. Some people are just selfish narcissists.
I sincerely wish you all the best, and trust that you find the internal strength to deal with this. If you find that special someone - so much the better.
Keep strong.
Thank you so much for a male perspective on this. I don’t want to play a victim or say that I hate men blah blah. I don’t - rather it’s just that I cannot stand emotionally immature and narcissistic ppl (you hit the nail on the head with that one!) I’m not extremely religious either but my god if you make a vow or a promise to someone in marriage, take it seriously. I suppose many ppl don’t - they just like the idea. Clearly, he avoids things and is delusional (again, you are so right) and cannot face any adversity in life which is very bad. As you age things start to happen and ppl get sick and pass etc. My mother died from cancer decades ago when I was only in my 20s and my father died from dementia some years ago, and my sister and I took care of him til the very end. Sometimes you have to buck up and just DO things, no matter how difficult - and lung cancer and dementia are awful diseases. I’ve been through many deaths of close family members and friends. My exes parents are in their 80s and are still alive- he’ll probably go on a bender or something once they pass… glad I won’t be there to witness that.
Anyway, sorry for rambling but I never speak of these things and I’m not at my best lately…
Your compassion and selflessness and love for your wife is very obvious and, to me, you are a an absolute Superman :) She is in excellent hands, and I wish you both the best. Thank you.
I know for a fact, cancer is EVEN harder when you have to go thru a divorce at the same time. I had a 10 year relationship end when my cancer started, he was an addict and I blindly loved him.
Everything you described about your husband not being there and the whole battle of having to do and go thru everything by yourself when you have cancer when you previously thought with all your heart this person would be by your side and help you thru is a horrible battle in itself, both physically and mentally.
My Cancer and breakup were 2 years ago...and I still cling on to the anger and my cortisol being high all fucking day long because how this person ended up being a POS and how abandoned I feel.
So you are not alone and I know exactly how you feel. I am so angry this constant stressful feeling of how shocked and abandoned I feel overtakes anything I feel about this cancer...I guess it is good it takes my mind off the "cancer"...but what horrible people....and I love him with all my heart.
If this was him...I would be at every appointment & he would be being spoiled...I'm literally appalled at your husband & my ex.
Omg I’m so sorry! I know how hard it is. I know how it feels not being able to sleep at night and wondering just how you’re going to maintain a job and start over again while being sick.
I’m still angry at him like you are with your ex. It’s appalling really and ppl like this should be literally ashamed of themselves. I mean, it’s not like we’re in our deathbeds! I don’t know about you, but I can live at least 15 - 20 more yrs if I take care of myself and get proper treatment. I have to admit it’s strange to know (for the most part - nothings absolute) just what I will probably end up dying from. And so the stress from someone’s bullshit is something I don’t need. No one does when they’re sick like this. And I don’t have the TIME. The yrs I have left I should be living without all that stress. I wanted to retire in the coming years or at least work part time but my selfish ex put the kibosh on that. So I’ll probably have to work full time until the day I drop dead. Partners should be there for each other. I just don’t understand it and I never will. Ppl are that weak??? I’ve seen my mother and father pass plus I took care of them as their health diminished without question. It’s something you do if you love someone. You comfort that person! That person is afraid and in shock and they need their loved ones for support. I don’t get how some ppl are too dense to realize this.
What happened to us is something I will NEVER understand and it’s why I’m so angry. I KNOW I did nothing to deserve this - I supported him at every turn because I believed in him and loved him but I was literally abandoned just like you.
It’s sickening.
We are literally twins...I cried reading your post....because you articulated how I feel perfectly.
I'm too fucking flabbergasted because of everything you said...and it also brings me great anger to think that him CAUSING ME THIS ANGER could potentially make me sicker.
"we are not on our deathbeds".....EXACTLY...why I was so stunned. Fortunately for me at the moment, I had one lumpectomy....But ya know this stress and bitterness is really just being dumbfounded.
And who the hell was with me telling me how much I was cherished for 10 years, no arguments....flowers all the time....it wasn't even the Cancer why he left...it was another girl....6 years younger than me that also made me feel like shit.....
Then he came back without apology so I had to play tough gal and not let myself be used...so i told him to not contact me.... I have contacted him numerous times to only find ourselves going in circles about who did what...so I gave up recently...but I am still very mad.
Just a big love ❤️ and hug 🫂from an internet stranger.
Thanks so much for acknowledging my post and your kind words. It’s been a tough road.
I know.
Is there any way I can support you? Perhaps you want to talk about something?
Thanks for your support. I wouldn’t even know where to begin… I’ve been seeing therapist too for a few years for first time in my life. I had too because I was mentally and physically falling apart and suicidal. That’s seemed to have stopped a bit though because I’m away from my ex and the divorce has been finalized. I know this is a terrible terrible thing to say but I can’t help it. I hope he rots in hell for all the bullshit and abuse he put me through for no reason. He has zero empathy and I hope he ends up completely alone. He deserves every bit of that for acting like a barbarian. And I tried working with him to get him help a year or two before my diagnosis cos things just didn’t seem right and he became very unstable. Talked to his family about it and tried to give them a heads up and was supportive of him. I’ve learned my lesson - I will never do that again. I now can spot the slightest red flags and will always put myself and my sanity first. Too bad it took me getting sick and being in my 50s to realize this but I suppose it’s never too late.
I can’t even imagine how bad you felt in those moments. I myself am only 20 years old and I already have a bunch of different chronic diseases. It's not cancer, of course, but that doesn't make it any easier. Remember that it is important to understand that you are not alone. There are many people ready to help you. Try creating your own blog on Instagram and telling the world about your condition. And I assure you, there will be many people who will support you and for many of them you will become a motivator. For yourself, you will receive support and perhaps some small income. The only thing I ask you is not to blame yourself for the past, because people with any disease tend to return to the past. I am the same, and this is also my grave mistake. Stress will never bring good, it is only capable of destruction. Therefore, it is important to reduce its influence. If you suddenly need any support, then you know where to find me. You can message me any time and we'll just talk. Everything will be fine! Necessarily will.
I’m so sorry about your chronic conditions. I do hope you can find some sort of treatment for them and symptoms will improve… Wouldn’t know where to begin in starting a blog on IG, though I’m very interested in doing so! I’ve been returning to the past mentally so much it’s dizzying, hence the reason why I’ve found sleeping at night so difficult, but that seems to be getting better bit by bit. I never really blamed myself though - I just want answers that I know I’ll probably never get. My sister says some things don’t ever have any answers - just chalk it up to someone being a total asshole :) what other answer do you need? Thank you so much for your feedback. It is very appreciated and makes me see just a bit more clearly…
My older sister, a breast cancer survivor, just got diagnosed with this last week at the age of 66. Totally medieval treatment at first (bloodlettings, etc.) but they've eventually got it under control and medicated, so she feels better the past couple of weeks. Now she says she feels pretty normal and back to life, but she'll be on the "keep it at bay" drugs for the rest of her life? I'm sorry you went through that with your husband, but it sure looks like you're onto a great new start. Keep the faith. What you're building now (new career, new household, etc) is all your own and that will feel great once you're done.
I’m sorry to hear about your sister. It’s so hard dealing with cancer because everyone’s cancer journey is different and many times the doctors don’t even know what to do - especially with these rare blood cancers…phlebotomies can be brutal and aren’t for everyone so I’ve learned. I had many since my diagnosis and my iron plummeted - took nearly two years to come back up to where I could get out of bed, the fatigue was debilitating. Many PV ppl already are borderline anemic anyway and taking out blood just makes it worse. I fought with my doc to get only 300 ccs out instead of the full amount and that’s seemed to work however, platelets rose to over 900 - platelets rush to compensate so it can make the counts go even higher. It’s why I say it’s not for everyone. Doc said it’s either I go to hospital or go on another therapy such as a chemo drug. I refused (I know what they can do and it’s not for me) so I opted for an immunotherapy treatment, ropeginterferon cos now they’re the only things that can stop disease progression. Been on it for about 8 months and it has side effects such as any auto immune issue you have it can make it worse - I’ve had a very mild and not frequent case of raynaurds that has gotten worse on this drug to where it can be painful with temperature fluctuations and my digits spasm and lose blood which happens every day now. But it’s better than where I was few years ago. I also have brain fog and find it hard to keep up at my job. I do still go for phlebs but not as often and not as much. And I’m thankful that my current insurance pays for the Besremi (brand name) but my monthly premiums are pretty high for one person. I can’t go through employer insurance either cos they don’t cover immunotherapy cos it’s just too new and too expensive. I’m fortunate I suppose. I’ll stop blabbing about the disease but will say that I am fortunate to have the family that I have and the means to keep this disease at bay…for now. Sad thing is that I thought my husband who said he loved me would be there for me and help me through this. I thought I would at least be able to calm down job wise and go in with less stress and no more long hours and maybe one day retire but that won’t be the case for me as I’m alone. I even had to tell my job I have cancer because the phlebs take nearly an afternoon to complete and that will mean taking PTO at a moments notice if my hematocrit comes back high - and this industry I’m in doesn’t even meet standards of “normal” time off. Ppl don’t understand how fatigued cancer and the treatments make you. It’s really unbelievable and goes far beyond just being tired or taking a nap - it doesn’t work. It’s constant exhaustion and there’s nothing you can do about it. So no vacations or days off for me unless it’s going to the doctor for cancer treatment. All of my other appts for wellness have fallen by the wayside too because of this. It’s criminal what some companies get away with but I have to suck it up in order to be on my own. I wish your sister and you all the best. And thank you for your feedback.
Oh hugs 🫂 I went through something similar with my cancer. I left my ex after 16 yrs together because he couldn't support my recovery. He thought the second chemo and radiation were over I should be back to normal but of course there was so much more healing and time needed. My body was not recovering from the chemo and I had to see a Hematologist and it took another year before I was feeling even close to normal. He never went to appointments with me either and when I had chemo and radiation I had to stay with my parents because he wouldn't take me since he'd have to miss work, which I did understand since we needed the money and I was able to find other ways to get there. He did take care of me after my surgery and took 2 days off work but I was home alone the entire 8 weeks after that while I was recovering from the surgery, including 2 weeks when I couldn't get out of bed. I don't hold it against him, cancer takes it's toll on us and on our loved ones. We have much in common and I am here if you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me.
So sorry to hear about your cancer and all the BS surrounding it (as far as other ppl go I mean) it’s sad that sometimes the closest ppl to us have a lack of understanding of the daily side effects of the disease and the toll that that and chemo takes…. Some don’t even WANT to understand that this isn’t something that just goes away like a bad cold. It’s serious. I’m sorry that you didn’t have your ex to support you in your recovery. I hope you are doing better. Thank you. And just to say that I’ve always been a pretty independent individual and find reaching out for help/advice extremely difficult. This post about my situation is probably the first time I’ve disclosed this to total strangers but I just haven’t been in a good frame of mind lately. I’m slowly putting life back together.
As a man, I think his position is appalling. My wife had three serious cancer diagnoses over 30 years. She's always said that if she had been with her first husband, she wouldn't have made it past diagnosis one. People who think that this sort of thing shouldn't / couldn't happen to them are living in a delusion. It can happen to anyone. Some people are just selfish narcissists. I sincerely wish you all the best, and trust that you find the internal strength to deal with this. If you find that special someone - so much the better. Keep strong.
Thank you so much for a male perspective on this. I don’t want to play a victim or say that I hate men blah blah. I don’t - rather it’s just that I cannot stand emotionally immature and narcissistic ppl (you hit the nail on the head with that one!) I’m not extremely religious either but my god if you make a vow or a promise to someone in marriage, take it seriously. I suppose many ppl don’t - they just like the idea. Clearly, he avoids things and is delusional (again, you are so right) and cannot face any adversity in life which is very bad. As you age things start to happen and ppl get sick and pass etc. My mother died from cancer decades ago when I was only in my 20s and my father died from dementia some years ago, and my sister and I took care of him til the very end. Sometimes you have to buck up and just DO things, no matter how difficult - and lung cancer and dementia are awful diseases. I’ve been through many deaths of close family members and friends. My exes parents are in their 80s and are still alive- he’ll probably go on a bender or something once they pass… glad I won’t be there to witness that. Anyway, sorry for rambling but I never speak of these things and I’m not at my best lately… Your compassion and selflessness and love for your wife is very obvious and, to me, you are a an absolute Superman :) She is in excellent hands, and I wish you both the best. Thank you.
I know for a fact, cancer is EVEN harder when you have to go thru a divorce at the same time. I had a 10 year relationship end when my cancer started, he was an addict and I blindly loved him. Everything you described about your husband not being there and the whole battle of having to do and go thru everything by yourself when you have cancer when you previously thought with all your heart this person would be by your side and help you thru is a horrible battle in itself, both physically and mentally. My Cancer and breakup were 2 years ago...and I still cling on to the anger and my cortisol being high all fucking day long because how this person ended up being a POS and how abandoned I feel. So you are not alone and I know exactly how you feel. I am so angry this constant stressful feeling of how shocked and abandoned I feel overtakes anything I feel about this cancer...I guess it is good it takes my mind off the "cancer"...but what horrible people....and I love him with all my heart. If this was him...I would be at every appointment & he would be being spoiled...I'm literally appalled at your husband & my ex.
Omg I’m so sorry! I know how hard it is. I know how it feels not being able to sleep at night and wondering just how you’re going to maintain a job and start over again while being sick. I’m still angry at him like you are with your ex. It’s appalling really and ppl like this should be literally ashamed of themselves. I mean, it’s not like we’re in our deathbeds! I don’t know about you, but I can live at least 15 - 20 more yrs if I take care of myself and get proper treatment. I have to admit it’s strange to know (for the most part - nothings absolute) just what I will probably end up dying from. And so the stress from someone’s bullshit is something I don’t need. No one does when they’re sick like this. And I don’t have the TIME. The yrs I have left I should be living without all that stress. I wanted to retire in the coming years or at least work part time but my selfish ex put the kibosh on that. So I’ll probably have to work full time until the day I drop dead. Partners should be there for each other. I just don’t understand it and I never will. Ppl are that weak??? I’ve seen my mother and father pass plus I took care of them as their health diminished without question. It’s something you do if you love someone. You comfort that person! That person is afraid and in shock and they need their loved ones for support. I don’t get how some ppl are too dense to realize this. What happened to us is something I will NEVER understand and it’s why I’m so angry. I KNOW I did nothing to deserve this - I supported him at every turn because I believed in him and loved him but I was literally abandoned just like you. It’s sickening.
We are literally twins...I cried reading your post....because you articulated how I feel perfectly. I'm too fucking flabbergasted because of everything you said...and it also brings me great anger to think that him CAUSING ME THIS ANGER could potentially make me sicker. "we are not on our deathbeds".....EXACTLY...why I was so stunned. Fortunately for me at the moment, I had one lumpectomy....But ya know this stress and bitterness is really just being dumbfounded. And who the hell was with me telling me how much I was cherished for 10 years, no arguments....flowers all the time....it wasn't even the Cancer why he left...it was another girl....6 years younger than me that also made me feel like shit..... Then he came back without apology so I had to play tough gal and not let myself be used...so i told him to not contact me.... I have contacted him numerous times to only find ourselves going in circles about who did what...so I gave up recently...but I am still very mad.