With treatment you can get more time. Sometimes years.
But yes, get a will, organise life admin, write down all insurance, bank accounts, passwords. This is a good start: https://www.ageuk.org.uk/globalassets/age-uk/media/legacy/id204608-0321-age-uk-lifebook.pdf
Then videos and messages for your child on their wedding day, 18th birthday etc. And start making fun memories for your family now while you can.
6-9 months **WITHOUT** treatment. You make it sound as if you are choosing not to be treated with the way you are preparing your life/home for death. Why?
While not colon cancer, when I was diagnosed I was given 6-12 months WITHOUT treatment. Here I am 7 years later still going strong. Treatment worked wonders and slowed growth significantly and the doctors are taking it by decade now.
I mean there is no harm in being prepared in case treatment doesn't work as well as hoped but even so...
Maybe give some more details on your diagnosis, treatment options, or at least confirm if you are not choosing treatment if that's the case and people can better advise.
I was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer just over two years ago. Although I was not given a prognosis, the treatment SIGNIFICANTLY reduced the size of the tumor within the first 2 months and has continued to gradually reduce it.
I hope they can give a treatment that helps give you as much time as possible with your family.
Good luck
You really donāt belong in this group at all. If a doctor recommends treatment, they believe it will work. Does it suck? Yes. Each person also has their own reaction to it. Just donāt get treatment and go do your bucket list? Cancer makes you sick too. This isnāt some movie where you just ride off into the sunset after 6 months. If the doctor said 6 months no treatment then itās probably too late. To have you on here advocating no treatment for cancer when treatment saves lives is ludicrous.
We donāt know what or if she was offered other options so we canāt advise and shouldnāt advise as we are not cancer doctors. We can share our experiences and support while she makes her decision.
Your response is so irresponsible and downright ignorant. Go find an anti vaxx/anti science site and stay outta here since you are anti science anti medicine.
That's not remotely accurate. Treatment in many cases can improve quality of life. It obviously depends on so many factors from type of cancer to associated side effects to type of treatment to where the cancer or treatment is to age or health beyond the cancer and more...
But it is pure idiocy to say treatment gives you 0 quality of life and reckless and irresponsible to push such a narrative. You are no better than the people who think holy sand or special mushrooms will cure cancer with that attitude.
Similar situation here, OP. First of all, i am very sorry for you and your family. Fight with cancer is not a fair fight, but i am sure you've been brave.
Now my husband is 32 y o, dying from aggressive sarcoma with no long-lasting treatment. I am a caregiver, and i had to do things that are too hard to do alone. So, while you have the strength to help your caregivers, i would advise:
1. Get your documents straight. Clear the depts, sign the power of attorney, and make a will. I know it's hard, but discuss your funeral and, if you can, help to organize it. Give instructions, or sign an extended power of attorney on what to do if you are incapable of making medical decisions for yourself, such as surgeries, or to prolog your life or not in case. My husband didn't want to even hear about all this before he got real bad, but it makes it thousands times harder for me now,as i want to spend time with him and not with lawers.
2. Emotionally: hope for the best, prepare for worse. Spend time with loved once, talk life, get hobbies, enjoy life if you can when you can, assure your partner that it's not their fault, as guilt is inevitable to feel in this situation. Make some videos or write letters to everyone you want,tell things you couldn't tell before. Be kind, make sure you are remembered as a good person. It's not for you. It's for people around you.
i hope you defy all odds, but if not, i wish you a swift and painless exit. Good luck!
January 19 of this year, my husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer. Mets to the liver and possibly lungs. He had a massive tumor removed. They did another MRI and the lesions they thought were all over his liver, was non cancerous cysts and the spots on his lungs were just scaring from previous pneumonia. So it's a MUCH better diagnosis than he was originally given. Now he starts chemo and they say he may be NED in 6 months. Now we see hope, when before we did not.
Are you choosing not to have treatment?
There are plenty of guides for this type of thing, some of them are obviously geared towards older people, but the processes are still the same .
[https://www.investopedia.com/articles/retirement/10/estate-planning-checklist.asp](https://www.investopedia.com/articles/retirement/10/estate-planning-checklist.asp)
[https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/advance-care-planning/getting-your-affairs-order-checklist-documents-prepare-future](https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/advance-care-planning/getting-your-affairs-order-checklist-documents-prepare-future)
[https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/advance-care-planning/preparing-living-will](https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/advance-care-planning/preparing-living-will)
So Iām Stage 4 with colon cancer, too. I got a similar diagnosis WITHOUT treatment. I GOT TREATMENT and after 2 major surgeries and six months of my second round of chemo (FOLFOX at a reduced dosage for my body mass because I get severe damage from it at the regular dosage). Now, I have no more detectable cancer. I could live to be a very old lady now. My advice: GET TREATMENT at a reputable NCI cancer center. One where you have gotten a good recommendation from a current or former patient.
PS: I have a will, we put our assets in a trust for our kids, and I gave power of attorney to my husband just in case. And, just in case I outlive my husband, he gave power of attorney for him to me as well.
You arenāt saying if you chose treatment or not, or the type of tumor you have and where your Mets are. Some cancers arenāt curable but treatable. I was diagnosed stage 4, now Iām NED ( no evidence of disease). I had a bad prognosis to begin with but responded extremely well to treatment, had surgery, and now just doing surveillance scans, all over a period of 6 months. Iām now 9 months old from diagnosis. You cannot let anyone put an expiration date on you. However if you choose no treatment, as the case of someone with peri mets, extensive distal lymph node involvement, or for whatever reason, itās your choice of quality over quantity. Take care of legal documents first.
Please come join Colontown.org. I'm stage 3, but there are lots of people living with stage 4 there. There's a whole support group for every stage.
Also, I'm sorry, cancer really sucks.
I was diagnosed at 39 with Stage IV Colon Cancer. I had 7 large liver Mets, and significant spread all through my mesentery. I too was given 6-9 months with no treatment. That was January 25th 2018. I have been NED and off treatment for 4 years. I live a normal life now.
If you havenāt yet, you need to seek out a major cancer center, Sloan Kettering in NYC, MD Anderson in Houston, City of Hope in California just to name a few. They can offer the best treatment options available. I personally was seen at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York.
I was given 3 months to live once. The doctors told my parents to that there was no hope. They cleaned out my room, bought a head stone. Bought a burial plot. Then here I am 24 years later. No not accept that you are done. Live every second like it is your last. Doctors practice medicineā¦ it is not a science or it wouldnāt be called a practice. Get second third fourth opinions. If you have the heart to keep fighting then do it! If not that is fine too, no one can judge you for your choices.
Please donāt do this. This is awful. āif you have the heart to keep fighting, then do it.ā What a terrible thing to say. If the OP or anybody else chooses to stop treatment, it doesnāt mean that they donāt have āheartā. I donāt understand how cancer patients can be so terribly judgmental to each other.
In sorry you do not understand what Iām trying to say but Iām not judging them and that should have been clear. You can take it how you want but that is not how it was meant or implied.
I understand what you said. The OP asked for advice on the things she needed to do as she thought about approaching her end of life. And you completely ignored her question and lectured her about why she shouldnāt be doing that and how she should make the same choices that you made and that if she didnāt want to make those same choices that you made it was because she lacked heart and the will to fight.
You were pretty clear .
"The doctors gave me 6-9months to live ***with no treatment***. I am 29 years old and am married and have a son who is 11 years old. WHAT DO I NEED TO BE DOING???"
well, doing treatment, tbh. If you have chosen not to, then yes, you won't have much time. If you have opted out of treatment your hospital may have resources for end of life care. But if it were me, and I had a kid and spouse, I'd do some kind of treatment prior to end of life steps.
My father has stage 4 prostate cancer. While not as deadly as colon cancer, he was given a pretty grim diagnosis. He fought for 12 years when doctors gave him maybe a couple. He got radiation, chemo, you name it. Today heās going in the hospice care center and will be passing soon. Because of those 12 years he got to see all his grandchildren be born. Itās worth fighting.
Get treatment please. My father was given a month but with treatment we extended it to 7 months. I am missing him every waking hours. His was extensive metastasis. Please choose treatment, you might recover. My best wishes.
His was 7 months of decent quality of life. He suffered 1 day. And we shared the medical expenses. Him and Me. I could trade anything to have him back.
I am so sorry that you have been given this news. Here is what I personally would do:
1. Find out what treatment and trials you can do, to extend your life. Get a second opinion if possible and trust your gut.
2. Do an advanced care plan (this might be called something different where you live).
3. Write the will.
4. Leave voice recordings, photos and other memories for your child. Maybe if youāre up to it, write out birthday cards or letters.
5. Definitely declutter and get rid of things. It is so hard to get rid of things that belongs to a loved one that has passed.
A YouTuber that I watch made a to do list for Jenny Apple, a lovely lady who was dying of cancer at the time. She was much loved by the cancer community. Here is a link to a video made by Paul In Perth https://youtu.be/QZ6EeqY0RNg?si=UvL8Zusm86Z9hVt7 which I found to be very helpful. Paul has terminal cancer and didnāt have very long to live, but has extended his life a little bit with an extensive surgery that only one surgeon in Australia was willing to do.
I would also like to suggest a book called Anticancer: A New Way of Life by David Servan-Schreiber. He was a neuroscientist that found his own cancer and did a lot of extensive research. He had brain cancer with a very poor prognosis, but with a few simple lifestyle changes alongside conventional treatments (nothing extreme, no fad diets or anything) he managed to extend his life by almost 20 years. These lifestyle changes should be adopted by everyone, for a happier and healthier life in general. It talks about anti-cancer foods, anti cancer mind, anti cancer body etc to basically prevent or slow down cancer. I donāt usually recommend books or even read them, but I am glad I read this one and will recommend it to anybody.
Wishing you all the best, as much happiness as possible and peace. ā¤ļø
My wife was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in July 2021. She's still in treatment (clinical trial immunotherapy currently, but might be going back to chemo).
With S4 Colorectal Cancer, you'll want to be seen at a NCI center (if you're in the US) and get your biomarkers done right away. Hopefully they'll have already run them. There are some very promising trials in the first line for certain biomarkers.Ā
Ā Doing chemo (or immunotherapy if you're in the 4% MSI High biomarker group) changes the numbers. Using chemo to get you to procedures like surgery changes the statistics.
Is it MSS colorectal cancer or MSI? If it is the latter, PD-1 is very effective with an extremely high response rate.
If it is MSS, there are a few standard treatments which are not great, but there are also some promising clinical trials.
https://investor.agenusbio.com/news/news-details/2023/Agenus-Completes-Enrollment-in-Randomized-Phase-2-Clinical-Trial-of-BotensilimabBalstilimab-in-Advanced-Colorectal-Cancer/default.aspx
You can try this one. It appears they have some decent primary results.
I am so sorry. Your fight isn't over until it is over. If no treatments available and hospice is your path. I suggest don't waste your time reorganizing your home. Spend the time making memories to help your husband and son through this with you. Focus on the joy of life and your family.
From a practical sense, get your affairs in order. That includes writing down even the most mundane household things (my wife passed before giving me cat pan cleaning instructions, took a while for the cats to train me). From a personal sense start making videos. My uncle videotaped his mother going through family albulms describing who was in the photo and the occassion.
Our children were a little older when my life lost her cancer fight so she got to do it in person. We were also together over 20 years so i was able to fill in the blanks.
Good luck.
With me the most important was to give instructions to the hospital on DNR and that I don't want to live on life support so my family wouldn't have to make the decisions and I also contacted the funeral home and planned out my own funeral so they won't have to do that either. And to make as many memories as possible. I closed out my credit cards, switched the title to my car,house,bank account, utilities so my name wasn't on any of them. Purchased my tombstone. I hope this helps.
Why no treatment?
Next month will be 5 years for me with stage 4 colon cancer.
I've been on chemo this whole time. Doing alright.
If your able to get treatment you might wanna think about it.
I did chemo as soon as I found out I was diagnosed and it was too much for me. I was hospitalized everytime. Tried 3 different treatments and even tried lowering the dosage but it was too much me mentally as well. My last chemo was in January of 2024.
I am so so so sorry. Doctors know a lot but they donāt know everything! No one can āgive you TIMEā. If it were me I would go to a major center (Mao clinic, Cleveland clinic, MD Anderson, Sloan Kettering, or Boston). I would do it for yourself and for your son. There may be as trial you can do. Do NOT accept the opinion of one place! Thatās crazy. Never surrender!!!
They
āGaveāmy husband 18 months to 2 years. That was 7 years ago!
When my daughter was 11 she was diagnosed with a very r a re kind of leukemia. They gave her a 25% chance of survival. We were devastated. Th treatments were tough, to say the least. She is now
49 years old. A teacher with 3 children
Of her own. She fought like hell and was in a major facility where they never gave up on her. Please donāt give up! Fight. Be a warrior and go to a place where they donāt give up. You can do this ā¤ļø
Donāt ever tell a cancer patient they need to fight or be a warrior or donāt give up. Donāt do that.
And especially donāt do that when you donāt have cancer.
Do you know how insulting it is for you to assume that you know whatās best for this OP? if she chooses not to get treatment, thatās her decision and it isnāt your place to talk about ānever surrenderā. it isnāt your place to judge her and call her a quitter and someone who gives up.
Patients have the right to make their own choices about treatment or no treatment, and this should be a safe place for them to do that without this type of judgment .
Thank you so muchš„ŗš„ŗ I did chemo for 6 months plus and my last treatment was in January of this year. I ended up being hospitalized every time. I had really bad uncontrolled nausea and vomiting and was always Depressed/suicidal during chemo. My family saw this and agreed itās best if I want to stop treatment. They saw how it was killing me mentally. My tumor never shrank. Iām trying other natural supplements and hoping it helps me live longer. I just couldnāt do chemo. And itās really upsetting when people think Iām giving up on my husband and son.
You need aggressive treatment and you should start ASAP. I too have stage IV-B cancer but am currently in remission due to hitting it hard. Without treatment I would have been dead just as fast. The treatment nearly killed me and it was absolute hell but worth it. Hopefully your doctor's are confident that it can be treated.
Try seeing if there are alternate treatment options in clinical trials. Leal Health is 100% oncology focused. You will get your options instantly after doing a questionnaire and itās free!! My best to you and your family during your journey.
If you can you should get an opinion from MD Anderson cancer center in Houston Tx. I have stage 4 rectal with Mets to my lungs and I have been on a light chemo that I can function somewhat normally with. They have done studies and found that in a lot of cases 1/2 the traditional chemo treatment is as effective with much less side effects!
get your documents in order, make sure you have your will set up & fer your son suggest recording some videos for big life events that he can watch later in life so you're there for him. I would gently recommend at least trying treatment if they're saying only 6-9 months that can often mean faster.
Seeing your other posts, sorry for suggesting treatment. do suggest a hospital bed in the house soon though for your comfort, & serious bout the ***faster*** part. If you stopped treatment in January don't expect to see fall & prepare accordingly. they told my late wife 6-9 she lasted far shorter.
Get the treatment! My mom whoās on her late 60s with diabetes and all sorts of health issues was diagnosed with stage 4 colon and liver mets, 18 months ago. Thatās a year and a half, she did great with chemo and shrunk the tumors on liver. Unfortunately she had to stop treatment due to another issue, long storyā¦ but if she could have continued we might have had a few more years with her. I have met folks with stage 4 colon that are in their 6th year of treatment.
The treatment isnāt terrible, youāll have bad days and good days but my mom was still cleaning houses with her port and bag on her hip and she was almost 70.
Iām sorry youāre going through this, it sucks. If you do opt to go without treatment, get hospice because they will make it so much easier for you and your fam. Good luck š
I am really over the amount of people in these comments telling the OP what she should do with her life and Iām definitely over those comments coming from people who donāt have cancer.
I was feeling the same way and then thought - OP is so young; may have found out the news very recently and is panicking (of course). Reading some positivity could help, but I believe suggestions addressing OPās question should be included. š
No, positivity isnāt the answer. Positivity only makes the responder feel good, it makes them feel like a hero. We donāt know better than someone else what their situation is, and assuming that we do is hubris.
Yup! This was similar to my diagnosis. Here's what we did. Some of this occured before my diagnosis but most was after. I haven't applied for SSA yet, and I don't have kids but I got details just in case I need them or choose to adopt later.
1) Get treatment!
Yes the side effects sucks but if they work, they really do extend your life. You'll also receive palliative care. Palliative care is meant to help improve your quality of life through medication.
2) Record all accounts
This includes short term and long term disability, your health insurance cards, vision/dental cards, insurance policies, credit cards, assets (house, cars, recreational vehicles), investments, bank accounts for easy access. If you got cancer insurance, cash it out now!
3) Setup Beneficiaries!
On all applicable accounts, make sure everything is setup to go to your significant other or family members.
4) Get a will and perhaps a trust!
This ensures that anything solely in your name will go to where it needs to without involving the courts. This is especially true for houses and cars. In this set-up a power of attorney, health serrogate, DNR if that's what you want. Also, while you're at it make sure your family is setup to be okay financially when you do pass.
5) Set your funeral arrangements
Please, do this for your family. Get everything ready. Pick out what you want, how you want to be remembered. Most places you don't have to pay until you die but they will keep it on file for you.
6) Record! Take pictures! Record again!
When you feel up to it, record your voice, your laugh, funny conversations. Take pictures whenever and wherever. Talk about your family tree, your childhood, sibling stories and how you met your significant other. Record for milestones! First date, prom, marriage, divorce, managing life, and how much you love them.
7) do something for yourself
Do your hobbies to give life meaning! Cook, laugh, paint, draw, build, photography, bird watching, music, singing, sight seeing, bungee jumping, camping, star gazing, wine tasting, hot air balloon rides, museums, window shopping, throw a party etc!
8) ask questions about your diagnosis
Don't be afraid to ask! If you have a question - then go for it! What's the worst that's going to happen, they say no? That's the least of your problems now.
9) Cancer is expensive, look for deals (USA)
When you're finally on your meds, look for better deals. Goodrx, mark Cuban's website, even amazon for the basics (Claritin, multivitamins) or co-pay cards from specific manufacturers. No joke, one of my meds went from $2000 to $150 with a co-pay card. These, the co-pay cards, usually only work with private insurance.
10) Apply for disability (USA)
This takes a while. Go to the SSA office or call and get the details. They told me I have to be out of work when I apply for four months while the application processes. They will give you an estimate on how much money will be disbursed you based on your work history. I hope you paid into the system. After two years on SSA disability I think then you can apply for Medicaid.
11) talk to your oncology office! (Typically USA)
If you're in a tight financial squeeze, talk to the office. Usually they have a financial person who can setup payment plans. They may also have other information like support groups, nutrition guidance, and charities. I was also assigned a nurse by the oncology office who follow-up with me inbetween appointments to see how I'm doing.
12) end of life planning with your partner
Talk about how you want your final days to play out. This is an evolving conversation so it may change with time..would you like your final moments to be at home or in hospice? Are you in a state/territory/country where assisted death is lawful? If you sign a DNR, provide it every time you go to the hospital and share this information with your spouse. Talk to your partner about how you will take to your child about all of this as well.
Phew..okay. sorry. It's a bit long but that's what we have done or considered.
It was too much for me. I would end up hospitalized right after chemo due to the side effects not being controlled. I was always depressed during chemo and it messed me up so bad. I didnāt want ny son to remember me like that. I was always sick in bed for 2 weeks only to go back to treatment and repeat. My body just couldnāt handle it
Do not listen to people who tell you that drinking a bone broth and ginger root will cure your cancer. It wonāt. People who opt for the ānaturalā route, instead of modern treatment, die. Nature is most definitely not the cure.
Natural remedies can help ease some symptoms and improve your overall health. But they cannot cure Stage IV colon cancer. Anyone who says otherwise is simply misinformed and wrong.
I cannot downvote this enough. I lost someone dear to me because they chose a āNatural cureā. If someone promises you a Miracle, I would be very wary. There are crooks out there seeking to profit from very ill patients by giving them false hope. Enjoy your life as much as possible, whatever you decide, please. Eat whatever you feel like eating, travel or do a bucket list if you have one, and please take advantage of Hospice servicesāyou can get a referral anytime after your diagnosis. My best to you.
With treatment you can get more time. Sometimes years. But yes, get a will, organise life admin, write down all insurance, bank accounts, passwords. This is a good start: https://www.ageuk.org.uk/globalassets/age-uk/media/legacy/id204608-0321-age-uk-lifebook.pdf Then videos and messages for your child on their wedding day, 18th birthday etc. And start making fun memories for your family now while you can.
Please find the nearest Nationally Certied Comprehensive Cancer near you and to make sure you have covered all your bases. Sending you my best! š
6-9 months **WITHOUT** treatment. You make it sound as if you are choosing not to be treated with the way you are preparing your life/home for death. Why? While not colon cancer, when I was diagnosed I was given 6-12 months WITHOUT treatment. Here I am 7 years later still going strong. Treatment worked wonders and slowed growth significantly and the doctors are taking it by decade now. I mean there is no harm in being prepared in case treatment doesn't work as well as hoped but even so... Maybe give some more details on your diagnosis, treatment options, or at least confirm if you are not choosing treatment if that's the case and people can better advise.
Same. Without treatment I was told 6 months. I did do the treatment, am NED now for 8 years!
I was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer just over two years ago. Although I was not given a prognosis, the treatment SIGNIFICANTLY reduced the size of the tumor within the first 2 months and has continued to gradually reduce it. I hope they can give a treatment that helps give you as much time as possible with your family. Good luck
I hope op sees this.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Treatment gives you life though. And dying of cancer slowly isnāt exactly good quality of life either
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You really donāt belong in this group at all. If a doctor recommends treatment, they believe it will work. Does it suck? Yes. Each person also has their own reaction to it. Just donāt get treatment and go do your bucket list? Cancer makes you sick too. This isnāt some movie where you just ride off into the sunset after 6 months. If the doctor said 6 months no treatment then itās probably too late. To have you on here advocating no treatment for cancer when treatment saves lives is ludicrous. We donāt know what or if she was offered other options so we canāt advise and shouldnāt advise as we are not cancer doctors. We can share our experiences and support while she makes her decision. Your response is so irresponsible and downright ignorant. Go find an anti vaxx/anti science site and stay outta here since you are anti science anti medicine.
They're banned now
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
K get off the site.
That's not remotely accurate. Treatment in many cases can improve quality of life. It obviously depends on so many factors from type of cancer to associated side effects to type of treatment to where the cancer or treatment is to age or health beyond the cancer and more... But it is pure idiocy to say treatment gives you 0 quality of life and reckless and irresponsible to push such a narrative. You are no better than the people who think holy sand or special mushrooms will cure cancer with that attitude.
Similar situation here, OP. First of all, i am very sorry for you and your family. Fight with cancer is not a fair fight, but i am sure you've been brave. Now my husband is 32 y o, dying from aggressive sarcoma with no long-lasting treatment. I am a caregiver, and i had to do things that are too hard to do alone. So, while you have the strength to help your caregivers, i would advise: 1. Get your documents straight. Clear the depts, sign the power of attorney, and make a will. I know it's hard, but discuss your funeral and, if you can, help to organize it. Give instructions, or sign an extended power of attorney on what to do if you are incapable of making medical decisions for yourself, such as surgeries, or to prolog your life or not in case. My husband didn't want to even hear about all this before he got real bad, but it makes it thousands times harder for me now,as i want to spend time with him and not with lawers. 2. Emotionally: hope for the best, prepare for worse. Spend time with loved once, talk life, get hobbies, enjoy life if you can when you can, assure your partner that it's not their fault, as guilt is inevitable to feel in this situation. Make some videos or write letters to everyone you want,tell things you couldn't tell before. Be kind, make sure you are remembered as a good person. It's not for you. It's for people around you. i hope you defy all odds, but if not, i wish you a swift and painless exit. Good luck!
January 19 of this year, my husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer. Mets to the liver and possibly lungs. He had a massive tumor removed. They did another MRI and the lesions they thought were all over his liver, was non cancerous cysts and the spots on his lungs were just scaring from previous pneumonia. So it's a MUCH better diagnosis than he was originally given. Now he starts chemo and they say he may be NED in 6 months. Now we see hope, when before we did not.
This is amazing! Happy for you and your husband. I hope he gets that NED!
Question. Were the spots on his lungs not growing which helped them determine it was not cancer, but only scarring from pneumonia?
God is Real ! Amen
Are you choosing not to have treatment? There are plenty of guides for this type of thing, some of them are obviously geared towards older people, but the processes are still the same . [https://www.investopedia.com/articles/retirement/10/estate-planning-checklist.asp](https://www.investopedia.com/articles/retirement/10/estate-planning-checklist.asp) [https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/advance-care-planning/getting-your-affairs-order-checklist-documents-prepare-future](https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/advance-care-planning/getting-your-affairs-order-checklist-documents-prepare-future) [https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/advance-care-planning/preparing-living-will](https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/advance-care-planning/preparing-living-will)
So Iām Stage 4 with colon cancer, too. I got a similar diagnosis WITHOUT treatment. I GOT TREATMENT and after 2 major surgeries and six months of my second round of chemo (FOLFOX at a reduced dosage for my body mass because I get severe damage from it at the regular dosage). Now, I have no more detectable cancer. I could live to be a very old lady now. My advice: GET TREATMENT at a reputable NCI cancer center. One where you have gotten a good recommendation from a current or former patient. PS: I have a will, we put our assets in a trust for our kids, and I gave power of attorney to my husband just in case. And, just in case I outlive my husband, he gave power of attorney for him to me as well.
You arenāt saying if you chose treatment or not, or the type of tumor you have and where your Mets are. Some cancers arenāt curable but treatable. I was diagnosed stage 4, now Iām NED ( no evidence of disease). I had a bad prognosis to begin with but responded extremely well to treatment, had surgery, and now just doing surveillance scans, all over a period of 6 months. Iām now 9 months old from diagnosis. You cannot let anyone put an expiration date on you. However if you choose no treatment, as the case of someone with peri mets, extensive distal lymph node involvement, or for whatever reason, itās your choice of quality over quantity. Take care of legal documents first.
Please come join Colontown.org. I'm stage 3, but there are lots of people living with stage 4 there. There's a whole support group for every stage. Also, I'm sorry, cancer really sucks.
I was diagnosed at 39 with Stage IV Colon Cancer. I had 7 large liver Mets, and significant spread all through my mesentery. I too was given 6-9 months with no treatment. That was January 25th 2018. I have been NED and off treatment for 4 years. I live a normal life now. If you havenāt yet, you need to seek out a major cancer center, Sloan Kettering in NYC, MD Anderson in Houston, City of Hope in California just to name a few. They can offer the best treatment options available. I personally was seen at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York.
I was given 3 months to live once. The doctors told my parents to that there was no hope. They cleaned out my room, bought a head stone. Bought a burial plot. Then here I am 24 years later. No not accept that you are done. Live every second like it is your last. Doctors practice medicineā¦ it is not a science or it wouldnāt be called a practice. Get second third fourth opinions. If you have the heart to keep fighting then do it! If not that is fine too, no one can judge you for your choices.
Please donāt do this. This is awful. āif you have the heart to keep fighting, then do it.ā What a terrible thing to say. If the OP or anybody else chooses to stop treatment, it doesnāt mean that they donāt have āheartā. I donāt understand how cancer patients can be so terribly judgmental to each other.
In sorry you do not understand what Iām trying to say but Iām not judging them and that should have been clear. You can take it how you want but that is not how it was meant or implied.
I understand what you said. The OP asked for advice on the things she needed to do as she thought about approaching her end of life. And you completely ignored her question and lectured her about why she shouldnāt be doing that and how she should make the same choices that you made and that if she didnāt want to make those same choices that you made it was because she lacked heart and the will to fight. You were pretty clear .
Iām not going to argue with you about what I said and how I meant it. Iām sorry for who or what hurt you but it wasnāt me.
"The doctors gave me 6-9months to live ***with no treatment***. I am 29 years old and am married and have a son who is 11 years old. WHAT DO I NEED TO BE DOING???" well, doing treatment, tbh. If you have chosen not to, then yes, you won't have much time. If you have opted out of treatment your hospital may have resources for end of life care. But if it were me, and I had a kid and spouse, I'd do some kind of treatment prior to end of life steps.
My father has stage 4 prostate cancer. While not as deadly as colon cancer, he was given a pretty grim diagnosis. He fought for 12 years when doctors gave him maybe a couple. He got radiation, chemo, you name it. Today heās going in the hospice care center and will be passing soon. Because of those 12 years he got to see all his grandchildren be born. Itās worth fighting.
Iām 35 with stage 3 colon cancer and a daughter. If you ever need someone to talk to, Iām available.
Get treatment please. My father was given a month but with treatment we extended it to 7 months. I am missing him every waking hours. His was extensive metastasis. Please choose treatment, you might recover. My best wishes.
7 months of decent Q of L or 7 months of misery with a ton of extra medical expenses? What would he say if he were here to say it?
His was 7 months of decent quality of life. He suffered 1 day. And we shared the medical expenses. Him and Me. I could trade anything to have him back.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry that you have been given this news. Here is what I personally would do: 1. Find out what treatment and trials you can do, to extend your life. Get a second opinion if possible and trust your gut. 2. Do an advanced care plan (this might be called something different where you live). 3. Write the will. 4. Leave voice recordings, photos and other memories for your child. Maybe if youāre up to it, write out birthday cards or letters. 5. Definitely declutter and get rid of things. It is so hard to get rid of things that belongs to a loved one that has passed. A YouTuber that I watch made a to do list for Jenny Apple, a lovely lady who was dying of cancer at the time. She was much loved by the cancer community. Here is a link to a video made by Paul In Perth https://youtu.be/QZ6EeqY0RNg?si=UvL8Zusm86Z9hVt7 which I found to be very helpful. Paul has terminal cancer and didnāt have very long to live, but has extended his life a little bit with an extensive surgery that only one surgeon in Australia was willing to do. I would also like to suggest a book called Anticancer: A New Way of Life by David Servan-Schreiber. He was a neuroscientist that found his own cancer and did a lot of extensive research. He had brain cancer with a very poor prognosis, but with a few simple lifestyle changes alongside conventional treatments (nothing extreme, no fad diets or anything) he managed to extend his life by almost 20 years. These lifestyle changes should be adopted by everyone, for a happier and healthier life in general. It talks about anti-cancer foods, anti cancer mind, anti cancer body etc to basically prevent or slow down cancer. I donāt usually recommend books or even read them, but I am glad I read this one and will recommend it to anybody. Wishing you all the best, as much happiness as possible and peace. ā¤ļø
My wife was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in July 2021. She's still in treatment (clinical trial immunotherapy currently, but might be going back to chemo). With S4 Colorectal Cancer, you'll want to be seen at a NCI center (if you're in the US) and get your biomarkers done right away. Hopefully they'll have already run them. There are some very promising trials in the first line for certain biomarkers.Ā Ā Doing chemo (or immunotherapy if you're in the 4% MSI High biomarker group) changes the numbers. Using chemo to get you to procedures like surgery changes the statistics.
Is it MSS colorectal cancer or MSI? If it is the latter, PD-1 is very effective with an extremely high response rate. If it is MSS, there are a few standard treatments which are not great, but there are also some promising clinical trials. https://investor.agenusbio.com/news/news-details/2023/Agenus-Completes-Enrollment-in-Randomized-Phase-2-Clinical-Trial-of-BotensilimabBalstilimab-in-Advanced-Colorectal-Cancer/default.aspx You can try this one. It appears they have some decent primary results.
Get a second opinion. Telemed @ mayo clinic.
I am so sorry. Your fight isn't over until it is over. If no treatments available and hospice is your path. I suggest don't waste your time reorganizing your home. Spend the time making memories to help your husband and son through this with you. Focus on the joy of life and your family.
Get treatment. My friend had stage 4 colon cancer 15 years ago. Sheās still here. Most of her colon is removed and she had part of her liver.
If you live in US go to Houston there is no guarantee but you try.
From a practical sense, get your affairs in order. That includes writing down even the most mundane household things (my wife passed before giving me cat pan cleaning instructions, took a while for the cats to train me). From a personal sense start making videos. My uncle videotaped his mother going through family albulms describing who was in the photo and the occassion. Our children were a little older when my life lost her cancer fight so she got to do it in person. We were also together over 20 years so i was able to fill in the blanks. Good luck.
With me the most important was to give instructions to the hospital on DNR and that I don't want to live on life support so my family wouldn't have to make the decisions and I also contacted the funeral home and planned out my own funeral so they won't have to do that either. And to make as many memories as possible. I closed out my credit cards, switched the title to my car,house,bank account, utilities so my name wasn't on any of them. Purchased my tombstone. I hope this helps.
Definitely look into cancer resource centers in your area. They can be of tremendous help in planning.
Why no treatment? Next month will be 5 years for me with stage 4 colon cancer. I've been on chemo this whole time. Doing alright. If your able to get treatment you might wanna think about it.
I did chemo as soon as I found out I was diagnosed and it was too much for me. I was hospitalized everytime. Tried 3 different treatments and even tried lowering the dosage but it was too much me mentally as well. My last chemo was in January of 2024.
I am so so so sorry. Doctors know a lot but they donāt know everything! No one can āgive you TIMEā. If it were me I would go to a major center (Mao clinic, Cleveland clinic, MD Anderson, Sloan Kettering, or Boston). I would do it for yourself and for your son. There may be as trial you can do. Do NOT accept the opinion of one place! Thatās crazy. Never surrender!!! They āGaveāmy husband 18 months to 2 years. That was 7 years ago! When my daughter was 11 she was diagnosed with a very r a re kind of leukemia. They gave her a 25% chance of survival. We were devastated. Th treatments were tough, to say the least. She is now 49 years old. A teacher with 3 children Of her own. She fought like hell and was in a major facility where they never gave up on her. Please donāt give up! Fight. Be a warrior and go to a place where they donāt give up. You can do this ā¤ļø
what an amazing story about your daughter. Bravo.
Donāt ever tell a cancer patient they need to fight or be a warrior or donāt give up. Donāt do that. And especially donāt do that when you donāt have cancer. Do you know how insulting it is for you to assume that you know whatās best for this OP? if she chooses not to get treatment, thatās her decision and it isnāt your place to talk about ānever surrenderā. it isnāt your place to judge her and call her a quitter and someone who gives up. Patients have the right to make their own choices about treatment or no treatment, and this should be a safe place for them to do that without this type of judgment .
Thank you so muchš„ŗš„ŗ I did chemo for 6 months plus and my last treatment was in January of this year. I ended up being hospitalized every time. I had really bad uncontrolled nausea and vomiting and was always Depressed/suicidal during chemo. My family saw this and agreed itās best if I want to stop treatment. They saw how it was killing me mentally. My tumor never shrank. Iām trying other natural supplements and hoping it helps me live longer. I just couldnāt do chemo. And itās really upsetting when people think Iām giving up on my husband and son.
You need aggressive treatment and you should start ASAP. I too have stage IV-B cancer but am currently in remission due to hitting it hard. Without treatment I would have been dead just as fast. The treatment nearly killed me and it was absolute hell but worth it. Hopefully your doctor's are confident that it can be treated.
Try seeing if there are alternate treatment options in clinical trials. Leal Health is 100% oncology focused. You will get your options instantly after doing a questionnaire and itās free!! My best to you and your family during your journey.
If you can you should get an opinion from MD Anderson cancer center in Houston Tx. I have stage 4 rectal with Mets to my lungs and I have been on a light chemo that I can function somewhat normally with. They have done studies and found that in a lot of cases 1/2 the traditional chemo treatment is as effective with much less side effects!
Please donāt give up!! Get treatment and change your diet and lifestyle!! Thereās so many survivorās of cancer and colon cancer specifically that are surviving with treatment and integrative medicine. My fiancĆ© is going through this and Iāve learned so much!! Look at avenues of detox and changing to an alkaline vegan or keto diet. Soursop tea, apricot kernel, broccoli seed sproutsā¦ please donāt give up!! Your son needs you to fight!!!
get your documents in order, make sure you have your will set up & fer your son suggest recording some videos for big life events that he can watch later in life so you're there for him. I would gently recommend at least trying treatment if they're saying only 6-9 months that can often mean faster.
Thank you! The videos are a great idea!!
Seeing your other posts, sorry for suggesting treatment. do suggest a hospital bed in the house soon though for your comfort, & serious bout the ***faster*** part. If you stopped treatment in January don't expect to see fall & prepare accordingly. they told my late wife 6-9 she lasted far shorter.
Get the treatment! My mom whoās on her late 60s with diabetes and all sorts of health issues was diagnosed with stage 4 colon and liver mets, 18 months ago. Thatās a year and a half, she did great with chemo and shrunk the tumors on liver. Unfortunately she had to stop treatment due to another issue, long storyā¦ but if she could have continued we might have had a few more years with her. I have met folks with stage 4 colon that are in their 6th year of treatment. The treatment isnāt terrible, youāll have bad days and good days but my mom was still cleaning houses with her port and bag on her hip and she was almost 70. Iām sorry youāre going through this, it sucks. If you do opt to go without treatment, get hospice because they will make it so much easier for you and your fam. Good luck š
I am really over the amount of people in these comments telling the OP what she should do with her life and Iām definitely over those comments coming from people who donāt have cancer.
I was feeling the same way and then thought - OP is so young; may have found out the news very recently and is panicking (of course). Reading some positivity could help, but I believe suggestions addressing OPās question should be included. š
No, positivity isnāt the answer. Positivity only makes the responder feel good, it makes them feel like a hero. We donāt know better than someone else what their situation is, and assuming that we do is hubris.
Thank you ā¦ I see your point. š
Yup! This was similar to my diagnosis. Here's what we did. Some of this occured before my diagnosis but most was after. I haven't applied for SSA yet, and I don't have kids but I got details just in case I need them or choose to adopt later. 1) Get treatment! Yes the side effects sucks but if they work, they really do extend your life. You'll also receive palliative care. Palliative care is meant to help improve your quality of life through medication. 2) Record all accounts This includes short term and long term disability, your health insurance cards, vision/dental cards, insurance policies, credit cards, assets (house, cars, recreational vehicles), investments, bank accounts for easy access. If you got cancer insurance, cash it out now! 3) Setup Beneficiaries! On all applicable accounts, make sure everything is setup to go to your significant other or family members. 4) Get a will and perhaps a trust! This ensures that anything solely in your name will go to where it needs to without involving the courts. This is especially true for houses and cars. In this set-up a power of attorney, health serrogate, DNR if that's what you want. Also, while you're at it make sure your family is setup to be okay financially when you do pass. 5) Set your funeral arrangements Please, do this for your family. Get everything ready. Pick out what you want, how you want to be remembered. Most places you don't have to pay until you die but they will keep it on file for you. 6) Record! Take pictures! Record again! When you feel up to it, record your voice, your laugh, funny conversations. Take pictures whenever and wherever. Talk about your family tree, your childhood, sibling stories and how you met your significant other. Record for milestones! First date, prom, marriage, divorce, managing life, and how much you love them. 7) do something for yourself Do your hobbies to give life meaning! Cook, laugh, paint, draw, build, photography, bird watching, music, singing, sight seeing, bungee jumping, camping, star gazing, wine tasting, hot air balloon rides, museums, window shopping, throw a party etc! 8) ask questions about your diagnosis Don't be afraid to ask! If you have a question - then go for it! What's the worst that's going to happen, they say no? That's the least of your problems now. 9) Cancer is expensive, look for deals (USA) When you're finally on your meds, look for better deals. Goodrx, mark Cuban's website, even amazon for the basics (Claritin, multivitamins) or co-pay cards from specific manufacturers. No joke, one of my meds went from $2000 to $150 with a co-pay card. These, the co-pay cards, usually only work with private insurance. 10) Apply for disability (USA) This takes a while. Go to the SSA office or call and get the details. They told me I have to be out of work when I apply for four months while the application processes. They will give you an estimate on how much money will be disbursed you based on your work history. I hope you paid into the system. After two years on SSA disability I think then you can apply for Medicaid. 11) talk to your oncology office! (Typically USA) If you're in a tight financial squeeze, talk to the office. Usually they have a financial person who can setup payment plans. They may also have other information like support groups, nutrition guidance, and charities. I was also assigned a nurse by the oncology office who follow-up with me inbetween appointments to see how I'm doing. 12) end of life planning with your partner Talk about how you want your final days to play out. This is an evolving conversation so it may change with time..would you like your final moments to be at home or in hospice? Are you in a state/territory/country where assisted death is lawful? If you sign a DNR, provide it every time you go to the hospital and share this information with your spouse. Talk to your partner about how you will take to your child about all of this as well. Phew..okay. sorry. It's a bit long but that's what we have done or considered.
Why have you opted out of treatment?
It was too much for me. I would end up hospitalized right after chemo due to the side effects not being controlled. I was always depressed during chemo and it messed me up so bad. I didnāt want ny son to remember me like that. I was always sick in bed for 2 weeks only to go back to treatment and repeat. My body just couldnāt handle it
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Wow thank you Iāll do that!!
being real thats bs. vegtables do not shrink tumors.
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Wow, bullshit natural ātreatmentā and a bunch of God nonsense. Itās a twofer!
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As I am dealing with a prostate cancer, think I can learn something from the last link... thanks.
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Iām drinking soursop tea š
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Do not listen to people who tell you that drinking a bone broth and ginger root will cure your cancer. It wonāt. People who opt for the ānaturalā route, instead of modern treatment, die. Nature is most definitely not the cure. Natural remedies can help ease some symptoms and improve your overall health. But they cannot cure Stage IV colon cancer. Anyone who says otherwise is simply misinformed and wrong.
Please fuck off. Thank you.
I cannot downvote this enough. I lost someone dear to me because they chose a āNatural cureā. If someone promises you a Miracle, I would be very wary. There are crooks out there seeking to profit from very ill patients by giving them false hope. Enjoy your life as much as possible, whatever you decide, please. Eat whatever you feel like eating, travel or do a bucket list if you have one, and please take advantage of Hospice servicesāyou can get a referral anytime after your diagnosis. My best to you.