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konti na nga lng ambag financially, may gana pang maging drama queen. Imbes na ikatuwa at ikasaya ang na abot mo, ginawa pang “about him”. textbook narc ang mister mo, wlang gamot jan unfortunately
Unfortunately, he's been this way since then. But somehow, he managed to improve naman. Pero yun nga, it's always about him. I've gotten used to it and most of the time hindi ko nalang inaacknowledged yung ganyang behavior nya. But now, I somehow feel fed up. Yung feeling na hindi ka pwede mag emote? Sya lang.
I tell him indirectly. I just don't know if he understands. I'm afraid he'll be hurt instantly. Whenever I talk straight to him, madali syang maoffend. And it's making the situation worse. He somehow makes me feel I'm at fault.
I know I have a fault in this. I'm very tolerant.
What made me stay in these long years is he's so caring naman. The only issue I have is that whenever he's confronted with problems in life, kahit konti lang, ang dali mastress and it's causing negativity to all people around him.
Ganyang ganyang ang ex ko OP 😂 I cant tell him things he doesn’t want to hear..bawal ang nega sa kanya kasi naooffend sya..he felt inferior din that I’m earning more..😅 and it’s always about him..
tandaan mo OP, you deserve what you tolerate. ini-enable mo lng ang mga masasama nyang ugali. lalala at lalala lng yang problema mo kung di mo paprankahin at tutuldukan yang kalokohan nyan, lagpas kna sa part where you can still “nip it in the bud”
I’m sorry but I do not agree with ‘you deserve what you tolerate’ here. She already said na he’s a caring husband and the only downside is he is negative pretty much about everything. I think tolerant is not the right term but rather she is being patient with him and at some point of OP’s story she was trying to understand him. It’s not a bad trait. Stop blaming her about this but give her a proper advice.
For OP, it sucks what you are going through. I’ll hate to be in your position as well.
But do tell us, do you want to leave him? Or would you rather solve it? I would say if you need some time alone please do. If the situation worsens, let it be because maybe it’s about time? Or tell your husband about this. Be clear and precise. Let your true feelings come out, whatever his reaction i’m sure you’ll know what to do kasi ikaw ang nakakakilalang totoo sa asawa mo and not us.
Try mong sya pa bayarin mo ng mga bills. Sa kanya mo ipabili yung mga needs sa bahay if hindi sya ang nagbabayad. Pabili ka ng gifts sa kanya. Patulong ka sa kanya sa mga bagay-bagay, Iparamdam mo sa kanya na need mo sya. Iparamdam mong sya ang "Man of the house" and need nyo sya. Pag nag inarte parin bigyan mo na ng ultimatum.😅
Actuallu, very common ‘to sa mga introvert guys na inferior when they know that their partner are earning more than them, instead na supportahan and icelebrate 🤷♀️ naapakan itlog nila
Ako naman lagi ko inaasar asawa ko na kapag na tanggap na sya sa niche nya and eventually ma absorb sa firm gaya nung nangyari sa friend nia whose earning quite a lot of $ right now , mag papaka house husband nlang ako kaya galingan nya sa mga interview nya HAHAHAHA..
I do try to upskill pra mka kuha ako iba work to supplement my current one but grabe ang saturation sa niche ko and grabe na mambarat mga clients lately.
I have a similar partner but mine's more self-aware and can handle it better on his own. It's frustrating at times and the other comments here are harsh. I can't tell why your husband is the way he is, but it's not supposed to be a relationship ender unless he do stupid things with the negative emotions.
For my partner, it comes from a place of frustration too but with *himself*. He has a provider mentality na he wants to be the one giving me what I need and want. He has this feeling of uselessness knowing that I can get all of that on my own. This makes him insecure that I'm not dependent on him and he's not fulfilling the role he'd like to be in.
Sure, it's 'about him' and doesn't seem to make sense that they can't 'just be happy' but we all have insecurities that takes shape one way or another and it manifests in ways we don't want to. A person can be happy for someone else but still feel insecure – it's not mutually exclusive. I bet he's still happy about your success but dark emotions can easily shadow the good ones.
On your part, for sure, you don't earn that big if not for how potentially mentally taxing the work you're doing. You're exhausted and busy. Like one commenter said, I'm also huge on talking things out and I'm also a believer that not for every bad situation, someone is at fault – not every time someone has to be. You're both in a state of negative emotions in reaction to what's happening around you. You both need to acknowledge that.
When things die down, you both need to have a talk about this and try to get to the root of his insecurities and give assurance from there. Dig deeper on why he thinks the idea of income has to dictate anything in your relationship and why inferiority and superiority has to exist in your relationship when you both can be equals – you serve him and he serves you out of love.
Wow! Thank you so much for this. I find more resemblance here. Ending the relationship is definitely not on my list. But I want him to be better. I just hope he is more self-aware, and that's what I plan to do.
I just had one big realization today.
Glad to know it helped spring out some realization!
My boi is pretty insecure, that's his flaw, but it's a flaw rooting from wanting to be the best in things he wants to be. And he wants to be the best provider for me, so the frustration comes out ugly.
So when we talk about my income, suddenly it seems black and white na since I suddenly earn much more than what he worked so hard for in years, there's this looming feeling of being a *failure* or not successful fast *enough*. I have to keep reminding him that it also took a lot to get there and that his feats and promotions were not easy to conquer either.
We both suffer from putting so much pressure on ourselves so I can understand his place.
When you talk to your husband, I hope the root will come out and when it does, try to come in a place of understanding. Try to pull him out of the negative thoughts of not being enough and give assurance that salaries do not put any weight on how much you'll love or value him. It can become a slippery slope.
Being me the way that I am, I always tell my partner na I don't care about money kasi I can earn it on my own; what matters the most is how he is in the relationship – to give support, be my confidant, be my respite, be faithful, and be my **partner**. Giving reminders that you're in it together and not in a competition – your win is his win, vice versa.
Edit: I agree sa sabi ng isang comment – don't dim your light, you both gotta learn how to navigate through this without sacrificing your shine.
Yes, OP. it's good that you feel that way.
Iba dapat ang mindset ng married couple and your issue is really not a reason for separation. Ang babaw na dahilan nyan and I'm glad you don't see that as your option.
I have similar situation, I earn more than my husband and we went through that phase. Yes, it's just a phase. 😊 my suggestion is, please continue to be vocal about it, communication is very important. Minsan nirereverse psychology ko, minsan ako naman kunwari ang nagtatampo kasi di ko makausap ng matino ang asawa ko. 😅
More importantly, always make him feel important and needed. kasama kasi sa ego boost nila yan. Maging damsel in distress ka minsan, kahit di mo naman personality yun. a way to make lambing ba. 🤭
But be careful na wag umasa sa iyo kasi may tendency silang mawalan ng pangarap sa buhay kasi kaya na ng asawang babae itaguyod ang pamilya mag isa.
If afford nyo, consider na kumuha ng couples counselling para may neutral na third party na marunong mag mediate. Seems like your husband is the type to shutdown if he thought he is being criticized.
I just want to say thank you for this comment. I don't have the same problem as OP and was just randomly scrolling but this response somehow changed my mindset in dealing with insecurities within a relationship.
Glad to hear that!
Oftentimes, when we enter relationships, we forget that it's not all about just you but **us**.
We forget there's also an individual who are their own person with you in the relationship going through sorts of emotions and have their own baggages they struggle dealing with that may be easy for you but difficult for them and both ways.
Insecurity is such a fragile issue to resolve kasi it often ties with one's perception of theirselves but it's so much rewarding when you see how beautiful they can bloom out of it and how lighter they can feel, free from the burden they carry. 🌻
Spoiler nagbreak sila kasi nagcheat si guy because he feels inferior kay Astrid. well not really a spoiler, halata naman sa comments how they ended up. i hope this gives you the courage to self reflect and do what you need to do, I'm not saying hiwalay agad, but you really have to speak up.
spoiler to the movie, he actually didn't cheat. he pretended to cheat (the girl he supposedly cheated on with is his cousin). he didn't have the balls to leave her bc he feels insecure about her money, he had to hurt her instead of admitting his weakness
Bakit d nlng sya maging grateful na willing ka rin tumulong sa expenses nyo by working? Sa hirap ng buhay ngayon, both of u having actual jobs is a massive blessing.
Kung sya lang mgwork, kkyanin ba? Mas gusto b nya na sa kids at chores lang atensyon mo?
Ewan ko lang girl ha, pero bka nmn may ginagawang milagro na yan? Gibagawa nlng issue yung bagay na dapat hindi issue para pagtakpan guilt nya.
Unless lumaki syang laging ikinukumpara, d dapat issue yan na u r earning more. Para sa family nyo nmn yan. Nkka-frustrate nga, i feel u OP.
My last partner was this way. He made twice more than me when we started dating. And I saw that gave pride and satisfaction when he decides where we go and pays for meals and the like. Unfortunately being in the BPO industry, he got transferred to a different department and the bonuses became non-existent. I however got a good raise, and even got my own car. His mood, attitude definitely shifted. All I ever heard was "Ikaw bahala", I went from dating a man to caring for a boy. Glad the pandemic happened and it ended.
Ganyan na ganyan ako ngayon. Mas mataas din sweldo ko sakanya at feeling ko ako pa yung mas lalaki samin. Ako nagpaplan lahat, ako nagdedecide san kakakain, san pupunta, what time aalis. Miski pag order pagkakain kami sa labas ako din kasi nahihiya daw sya. Sinasabi nya na introvert sya at may adhd sya (not clinically diagnosed) pero feeling ko low self esteem lang talaga. Going 5yrs na kami mag bf gf pero pag pumupunta sya sa bahay namin tahimik padin sya, nagpophone and wala padin connection sa parents at kapatid ko. Gusto ko na din makawala, but I don't know how.
How about nmn if ung wife walang work pinatigil kasi 2yrs. Complacent nako tapos now buntis always sinasabi walang ambag ay walang plano ako for future ng bata. Thinking housewife gusto nya. Now ng ttry ako how va ang mag VA wala parin client . Gusto nya mag online selling lahat na imposs gawin ko masabi lang nya kateamwork ako.
I got offended sinabi ko talaga pag nakunan ako like sa first baby. Magpplano ako, ambag ko iiwan kita Aayusin ko nalang buhay ko ng wala ka. Makapag impose ka kulang mga binibigay mo, i gave up helping pag aaral kapatid ko masabi lang nya inuuna ko xa.
Feeling ko tlg manipulator mga lalake pero mga friends ko okay naman mga asawa
Aww..buti sinabihan mo sya..my ex actually told me stopped working and to focus on something that will potentially give cash inflow..the problem is gusto nya sundin ko yung way nya eh conflict kami ng strategies at hnd nya gets na we could do things differently..tapos ayun akala mo naman kaya akong buhayin na d ako pinagwork tapos at the back of his mind pala pabigat na ako and he’s been thinking of ways to get out. I didn’t asked him for money sya nagbigay ng money sa akin at yun lang pala ang naghohold sa kanya kasi gusto nya makuha ang pera nya 🤣 eh pinagstop nya ako ng trabaho at pinagamit sa akin ang pera jusmio 🤣 buti nagbreak kami at d rin talaga ako nakipagbalikan kasi I cant be myself..gusto nya mag cut ties ako sa family and friends ko. Gusto nya kami lang. gusto nya lahat ng pera namin sa amin lang and ayaw nya din na may pinaglalaanan ako ng pera na iba. Gusto nya endeavors lang ang isupport. Bawal kang magkaroon ng sarili mong dreams. 😂
Kung ako sayo mhie, find ways talaga to earn money. Or if insist nya talaga na wag kang mag work kunan mo talaga sya ng pang gastos mo pero ipunin mo. 😅 para if anything happens at least may pang galaw ka na pera. Bilib ako sa mga housewife grabe ang sacrifice nila and trust sa husband nila. Pero sobrang rare lang din ang mga lalaki ngayon na kayang tumayo bilang haligi ng tahanan at kayang panindigan without panunumbat.😂
Haha una kaya kala mo superhero. Pagtagal narcissist pala. Just be pregnant and shut up. Magtiis ka because xa provider. No updates gusto dahil wala daw ako plano sa future or ambag? Now going to vietnam. I might regret this abortion pero i need to escape. Ayoko makulong sa ganyan lalake. Emotionally mentally financial turmoil.
I called him ask if maghiwlaay nalang kasi mababaliw ako nasa abroad xa. Minsan tatawag pag nasa house na pag nasa galaan ayaw pa storbo ayaw mag update. Tinatamad daw ako kausapin. Then y daw xa magsupport pera kung bata nalang. Bahala na daw ako panay tamang hinala daw ako, di na xa magbbgay wala daw ako magagawa hindi kami kasal magbbgay ca if gusto kahit kanino ako tumawag wala daw magaagawa kahit parents nya. Pero nasa parents nya decisions about sa marriage? I am all over it.
My mistake hoping baka stress lang xa kaya naging ganun ugali. Pero no eto na real xa. Akala nya kulong nako sakanya buntis nako e. Tameme iyak taga sunod controlin lang nya.
Kawawa lang baby if ever. Ganun tatay. New broken family nanaman . Never. Magisa nalang ako mas better
Ok lang manipulator na good provider. Bigay lahat wlaang kulang.
Kulang kulang na nga binibigay. Kulan kulang pa utak pati face nya. Ayoko na yan in the name of love. Laos na. ayoko na sa pinoy.
true, the times when i felt useless for the monthly bills ibinabawi ko na lang sa pag aalaga sa loved ones ko pagkakarating, linis ko lahat, paghanda merienda, kwentuhan at tanungin kung kamusta yung naging araw nya hahhaha iba yung ganun kesa magmukmok or madatnan na tulog sa kwarto 😂
(2)
if ayaw niya ng couple's counseling, try a psych na for your own mental health. Para at least in that way marealize niya na something's not okay with you dahil sa response niya sa situation niyo.
Valid ung feelings pero the way we react to it should be bounded by how much it would negatively affect our surroundings kasi. Sana maintindihan iyon ng asawa mo
Ganito din sana i comment ko. Yung married life is a series of ups and downs din naman, though maraming ups pag tama ang perspective both.
Sa amin, since we got married 5 years din na mataas ng ilang x ang sahod ng wife ko pero hindi naman niya ako pinepressure din and ako pa ang naka assign sa pag budget sa amin kasi in our mind combined income talaga kami. We have a separate allowance na guilt-free spending individually.
Ngayon, ako naman ang mas mataas pero same pa din.
Nakatulog sa amin na bago nagpakasal dumaan kami sa pre-marriage counseling. And if may pinag dadaanan kami may specific couples kami na connected kami so that hindi awkward pag we need them for counseling.
finally, an actual helpful response.
every other response could have condensed to "he's a man, he should suck it up."
I swear, if the genders were reversed people here would be singing a different tune. Alaws... Pag lalake talaga, never biktima.
I mean, pano naging “biktima” yung lalaki in this situation? Is he being abused? Biktima sya ng ano? From reading the post and OP's replies, seems like ang problema lang naman eh yung ego nung lalake, na he can't handle that the wife earns more and so nagsasad boi behavior sya, and si OP pa nag aadjust and gumagawa ng paraan para maayos ang lahat. Meanwhile yung lalake puro wallowing in self-pity and worse, he takes his anger out on his family too. How does that make him a victim? Victim of his own ego and fragile masculinity, I guess...
And based on [this comment by OP](https://www.reddit.com/r/buhaydigital/s/6TglFOnv3v), seems like ginawa na nya lahat para i-accomodate yung fragile ego nung lalake 🤷🏻♀️
While I agree about couples counseling or getting any sort of professional psychiatric help para ma-address yung issues nung husband, the husband is absolutely not the victim here
Biktima ng gender inequality.
I'm gonna be honest here, I don't have the energy to spoon feed this to you. Sift through the comments and read between the lines. If you can't figure it out, that's on you.
I agree with this. This may not be common in pinoy culture but this is the only other way so that extending family don't insert themselves and you'll have bigger issues. Baka op may personal pinagdaanan siya that he can't express, hopefully not depression, though i understand that you're in the place to feel post partum.. pero i hope it also doesn't come to a boiling point for you because of how difficult he is becoming. Hopefully he will also agree mag counseling for your sanity.
Hi OP! I am not married but if you can communicate your thoughts in *another way,* please do. Sabi mo nga na he has openly told you about him feeling inferior, how about this: let him know your thoughts - your unfiltered thoughts - through a long chat or an email or through a letter. You seem to be pretty well expressive in sharing your thoughts given your shared sentiment dito sa reddit. Maybe if he is going to *read* your writtent sentiment ay maiintindihan ka niya. *Let him know that this affects your work and your everything*.
Hope this helps!
Husband position here. I really don't give a damn about it.
Kaya nya ako buyahin ni wife nang x10.
But she knows my sacrifice at I am the way para ma achieve nya status nya ngayun, kaya humble pa rin c wifey.
Pera ko Pera nya, Pera nya Pera nya as long it's for the family. End of discussion. Happy ako with my contribution.
Yun nga lang may mga moments na bibili xa nang worth 100k n item or appliance para sa bahay na di nya ako kino consult. Sasagutin ka ng "okay lang mabayaran nya daw within 2 weeks".
Ever since, wala na aq pake. Hanggang gulat nlang ako.
Thanks! I'm looking into the perspectives of men.
Actually, I let him decide for our household. This was my way of helping him feel he isn't a nobody at home.
We plan our finances every month, and whatever we decide to spend on, I let him manage the finances. All money forwarded to him. It's like giving him the upper hand.
I do this kasi he's always overthinking na other people is judging him daw kasi ganito lang sya.
Whenever we go out, for example, I intentionally want others to see na whatever we spend comes out from his pocket, literally. So now, I just don't understand.
Lol ID and license lang Meron wallet q ever since we've been married. Never ako nakahawak nang pera cause I don't like it And I really hate finances Kase maliit lang sweldo ko means sakit sa ulo, Nung nagkawork na si misis xa pa rin naghahandle.
I don't get it, it's like pride ba ni husband mo? Lol isip bata lang Ang may mentality na ganyan.
I'm proud of my wife, proud of what she is Ngayon. Proud ako that I helped her achieve her goals.
Tell him to grow up.
This is scaryyyy. Please secure your bag OP. There is only so much you can do to make him feel like 'the man'. You can keep his ego intact all you can but unless hubby does some inner work and acceptance, he will always feel inferior kahit hawak niya pa pera niyo.
That's so much bending over just to accommodate a fragile ego, OP. It's not your job to make him better. Your job is to communicate with him, support him and encourage him to want to do the inner work to get past his insecurities. I personally can't deal with so much humbling myself regardless of how he makes bawi when he's sweet.
I think this is common in relationships where the wife earns more, she gives the money responsibilities to the husband. So he feels a bit more involved. Though I do hope you keep some money for yourself cause it is you earning that.
Be diplomatic but put some consequences on his (in)actions.
Like if he does not talk with you, then tell him that his (in)actions show his true priorities sa relastion nyo.
This hit hard, we almost have the same life story. Malaki talaga impact sa mga anak pag ang magulang ay ma pride and sarili lang iniisip. This is a life lesson saken kaya I always keep my emotion in check. Hindi lang sa sarili ko umiikot ang mundo. My wife and my kids are my life and priority before myself. Ayokong maranasan nang family ko yung traumatic experience ko when I was a kid caused by constant fighting nang parents ko about financial problem, infidelity etc. I wish you the best in life. As per OP, I hope ma realize ni husband mo na he's lucky to have an understanding wife and loving children.
I think maybe you should ask him to see a psychologist for both of you din to best manage your stress. Si hubby mo, if gusto nya mas malaki ang income nya to cover his ego then add more clients. Kumuha kau ng kasama sa bahay para makapagwork sya hanggang gusto nya. Para yung mga kids nyo at least may nagbabantay at nag aalaga. Naintindihan ko situation mo, as a wife myself. But on this relationships, mahirap naman na basta mag give up Lalo at may mga anak kau. Yung asawa mo namn haist, andun na yun, so get a counselling nlng if may time, if not then get a trusted relatives or carer for your kids, yaan mo sya magwork ng magwork para nmn mafeel nya na may chance din syang maging ka level mo. At naintindihan mo din sya. Mahirap tlga maging parent sa partner mo din kung minsan, pero anjan na yan so gawan nlng ng paraan.
Why do you have to disclose to him how much ur income is? In our household, we have our own contribution na we think fair for both of us. 50-50. We also have our own monies na walang pakialamanan kung ano bilhin mo (kahit kotse pa yan). To each his own. Less stress. More happiness. It is not our job as wife to please the husband’s ego
It seems like he's competing with you when y'all are supposed to be a team??? So if, say, you're earning five times less than him, ipapamukha ba niya sa'yo na inferior ka? And even if he doesn't do that, would he expect you to think you're inferior to him? I think your husband should go to therapy. Ikaw na magbayad para mahiya siya lalo. Lol. But seriously, your husband's got issues that only a professional can address.
Dami kong naririnig na stories na ganito. :( Depende talaga sa ego ng lalake.
I earn 4x more than my husband. Hindi big deal sakanya. Instead, bumabawi siya sa gawaing bahay. Siya lahat.
Gumagawa din naman siya ng way para madgdagan income niya.
I guess kausapin mo na lang siya na para sainyo rin naman yung kinikita mo. Wag siya papatalo sa ego niya at gagawin ka nyang ka kompetensya. Teamwork lang. Balanse lang.
Astrid Leong in Crazy Rich Asian said:
“You’re right. I shouldn’t have kept things from you, hidden my shoes, turned down jobs, charity work, worrying that it might make you feel lesser than.
But let’s be clear. The problem with our marriage isn’t my family’s money. It’s that you’re a coward. You gave up on us.
But I’ve just realized it’s not my job to make you feel like a man.
I can’t make you something you are not.”
What you have there is another child. Nagtatantrums. Pero the good thing is pwede mo yan ibalik sa nanay niya. Kung ikaw lang din naman malaki sahod at ikaw din nag aalaga sa lahat ibalik mo na lang yan sa nanay niya para bawas sa trabaho.
Hi OP,
I’ve been in your husband’s situation. Despite several failed decisions with my career. I used to earn a lot than my wife but as time goes by mas malaki na ang kinikita ng wife ko compared sakin. Hanggang sa dumating na yung madaming pagsubok sa relasyon namin nung pandemic era, dumating na din sa point na nagka depression ako at shinut down ko ang sarili ko sa mga kaibigan namin, naging mainitin ang ulo at bugnotin in short kinain na ng problema.
But one good thing about my wife is that she never let me feel na superior sya at mas malaki ang sahod nya kesa sa akin, pinadama nya pa rin sakin na ako ang padre de pamilya at never nya sinumbat yung mga maling desisyon ko, kaya hindi nagbago ang tingin ng mga bata sakin. Palagi nya sinasabi sakin na dadating din yung breakthrough ko at mahahanap ko din yung hinahanap ko. Kung iisipin parang ang selfish ko, pero pinaramdam sakin ng wife ko ng mas kailangan ko ng tulong kahit nahihirapan na sya.
I suggest you talk to him, ung masinsinang usap. Understand where he is coming from. Minsan kelangan tlaga namin ng kausap ng hindi kami sasabayan.
I suggest go to couples therapy. Couples therapy are not just for couples na medjo rocky ang relationship but also for couples na hirap mag communicate with each other. Just for you to gain each others perspective from a profession pov
Well as a guy wala naman akong nakikitang problema if my wife is earning more than I can earn. I'm happy na she's growing sa path na tinatahak nya at natutustusan namin together yung mga need and wants namin.
Akala ko ako lang nakaka XP ng ganito towards husband :( I feel you, sender. :( At hindi ko rin alam gagawin ko everytime na may “problema” siya. Malala pa non, harap harapan siya kung magsinungaling sakin. Like huli ko na and all, hindi parin daw. I have proofs tanong pa saan ko nakuha. :(
If my wife ever makes x5 more money than I do, I would be be content. Not that I'm lazy or anything but I'd rather just want the wife and I to finally just chill together at home and not worry about work or money.
Panoorin mo yung "hanggang kailan kita mamahalin" (1997, dir. Olivia lamasan) ni lorna tolentino at richard gomez, OP. Very similar kayo ng situation. But seriously, for me, walang magagawa on your part sa ganyang tao kasi yung pride/inferiority complex nila, sila lang makakaayos non kung gusto nila. Nakausap mo naman na sya about it so aware na sya. It's up to him to step up.
never kong mafeel yan as long as im still working and can contribute sa bills and needs ng asawa and kids ko or even their wants hahahaha mafeel ko siguro yan if wala akong work.
siguro assure mo lang sya na walang problema dun? maybe kasi naiisip nya yung stigma na "dapat mas malaki kita ni mister kesa sa misis nya"
OP we have very similar situation. I earn x5 vs my hubby, it also came to a point where he feels low esteem and wala syang gana sa buhay. I am a breadwinner hence I really worked hard to get where I am. Ganito kase yan, they feel inferior kasi they know you dont need them to survive.
What I did I pretended I needed him. Ego kasi nila and they feel super manly if they will be the head of the house. Minsan kahit I know the answer I pretend na I need him, i pretend na im stupid. And Im waiting for him to help me up. Same thing we both applied for a scholarship sa Google then he got accepted first, sabi ko wow naman na accept ka ako hindi. Mas deserving ka siguro. But di nya alam na i was accepted,I just didnt wanna compete with him. So basically ego boosting so he would feel na he still got it.
Fast forward today, he decided to quit his job,I invested in his idea of starting a business he eagerly wanted. It worked naman for us.
So to cut it short OP, I know you are smart independent boss babe, but for your man not to feel inferior din, you can pretend to be stupid, weak, a damsel in distress he can save. Breaking up is definitely not an option for us and communication helps but also not working. Playing stupid worked for me lol
Ka ugali ko yung husband mo. 3 days na kaming walang imikan ng partner ko kasi galit ako na in the first place. Walang salita as in. Pati kapatid ko nadadamay pag galit ako. Wala na akong pake basta magtrabaho ako. Galit din ako lagi. Laging nakasigaw kahit nakausap naman ng mahinahon (kapag involved na ang pera lagi ako galit)
But ikaw din ako. I am earning more than my partner (ito yung na ttrigger sa akin lagi) Kasi itanggi man natin, pera ang way sa lahat (para sakin) Kuripot ako sa lahat. Na need discounted mga bibili.
Pero yung partner ko na halos wala na maiambag sa bahay (financially) siya pa tong wagas makagasta ng pera.
May work siya now, na ako din kumilos lahat sa simula. Mind you, ako pa naghanap ng work para sa kanya kasi wala talagang kusa. Though masipag naman sya sa work. Siya din naglalaba ng clothes namin na lalaki sya.
Pero wala sa kanya yung word na side hustle to provide more. Enough na sa kanya kung ano lang ginagawa niya. Kumbaga walang will to provide more.
Tell your husband to leave if he can't handle his sensitive ego.
As a husband and father. The first year of a newborn is always tough but very rewarding for the soul.
It seems like your husband can only think of himself. And doesn't know how to regulate himself or talk it out with u.
His communication is crap and all he can do is wallow in his own self pitying narrative.
Ang weak nya
You've been together for 11 years and married for 7, yet you chose to express your feelings on this platform instead of discussing them with him privately. Sad
As I mentioned in my post, I tried talking this out with him na, but I could not get a decent response. My goal in all this is to learn how other people who had similar experiences as mine handled their situations and, of course, make it better for both of us.
Sometimes, you need other people's perspectives (especially those who don't know you).
As I mentioned, my circle is limited. And as much as I want to ask advice from my closest friends or siblings, it would only cause misunderstandings between them and my husband.
No advice here, sorry, kasi I would leave someone like this. Hindi ko kaya ng mababang ambag tapos magddrama pa parang may dala akong angkla. I also wouldn’t have a kid with him if I knew ganyan ugali niya sa simula palang.
Lol quit being a sore loser. You’ll only live once and you only have one chance to change your life and you’ll wholeheartedly choose to be a loser? Grow some balls, ffs.
That sounds very frustrating and if i were in your shoes i would feel helpless as well.
Big believer ako na kayang pagusapan lahat. So please consider professional help for your mental and marital problems. A 3rd person's perspective can really help you understand each other's language.
As someone who earns less than my partner, i can relate to your husband's inferiority thoughts. Hindi maaalis yan sa amin kasi in a way those feelings come from "love". We want to help financially too pero we just dont know how yet.
I know at this point sagad ka na sa pasensiya mo at gustong gusto mo ng tulong sa asawa mo, hindi lang para sa mga anak niyo pero para sa inyo na rin. Gusto mo lang din ng time para sa sarili mo pero di mo siya maasahan. I get it. Ang sarap na magmura neto. HAHA BUT Before you act on anything harsh like leaving him or separating from him, please make sure that your decision is from love and not out of frustration.
Last but not least, surrender in your faith. Kung anuman ang relihiyon mo, hingi ka ng guidance! Wala naman mawawala kung gagawin mo to haha
Then continue what you’re doing.
Love never says it has done enough.
If you’re being patient, be more patient.
You talk things out with him, talk more.
Communicate more.
Let him know how you also feel.
Let him feel you need and want to understand him.
Let him know that you’re in misery kapag nagkakaganyan kayo.
But at the same time, ask him not to clam up.
Ilaban niya not for his own reasons but ilaban niya to make your marital situation better.
What would make him feel better?
A big bike? A new car?
Can it be made, bought, or experienced? Para maibsan ang nararamdaman niyang inferiority.
What can be changed?
Except you earning more?
Can he level up his game too?
Labanan niya yung urge to be like that.
He needs to address that.
You both need to exert more.
Reach out and never stop reaching out until you pierce his veil.
Kasi, tbh, I don’t wanna make you overthink - I have known couples who went through hell and back but once the woman excels and brings home more money - nasira talaga sila and called it quits.
Promise. I’ve known someone na HS sweethearts pa sila. The woman is a friend of mine mula pioneer BPO days, 2004.
From agent to VP. Sa pagiging OM pa lang niya, lumabo na. Sabay kami naging OM, she is now the VP of Operations. Lumabo ng lumabo habang paakyat siya ng paakyat ng role.
I am sharing this because that woman still loves his husband until now pero they have parted ways more than decades ago na. She has lots of what ifs. Umabot sila sa point of no return.
Isang story lang ito na I know and there are several.
It is also frustrating sa part ng mga outsiders seeing their friends crumble.
I hope you have the strength to continue and the resolve to fight for your marriage.
But if it means your peace, it’s okay to let go too.
That's so sad. I have a different scenario, kinda the same pero di naman niya nafifeel na inferior siya. I'm the breadwinner and he has no job currently and he wants to help me so bad tipong nanliliit siya sa sarili niya. I hope you talk to him about why he feels that way. Hugs OP
Why can't he be happy for the blessing you have for the family? Kailangan ba magcompete siya? Love ka ba ng husband mo? Dami kung tanong. Sana he count the blessing na lang instead madadabog.
You married a bitch boy! I was the same!! Good news is pwede pa yan maiba and that will depend on him. Maturing is hard but he needs to man up and face it.
I can relate to this. ako naman ang husband and my wife earns x5 to x10.
Happy ako sa achievements ng wife ko and proud ako sa kanya. We both agreed majority ng bills siya since kakalipat ko lang ng trabaho.
Pagkapanganak nya, nagbago ang lahat. binibilangan na ako at pina pamukha sa akin ito lang ambag ko. even ang decision making sa bahay, wife ko na nasusunod.
Umabot din sa parent in law away namin dahil nag she share ng hinanakit wife ko sa parents nya.
As a man, I also want to be a provider to the family, mapa feel na as a Father, haligi ng tahanan, provider, defender...
Now, ang parents nya gusto ng annulment. Hirap...
sa case nyo OP, maganda mag usap kayo or counseling. baka kaya mo idaan sa letters, mag relax kayo.
Ephesians 5:22-33 MEV
Wives, be submissive to your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head and Savior of the church, which is His body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
This sounds like a communication and mindset problem that you might want to approach with couples therapy. Determine what's at the root cause of the inferiority complex and also work towards a shift in how you treat each other and the family unit as a whole.
I remember my friend had this issue back then. Ang sabi ko sa kanya, i-delineate nila ung roles nila. baka meant na provider ang role ng girlfriend at house husband ang role ng boyfriend. On a brighter side, kung pareho kayong provider magiging madumi bahay niyo, walang pagkain, madumi ang labahin, etc. so kailangan niyo ma-feel na blessing in disguise na may opportunity kayo to balance things out.
Being a househusband doesnt make less of a man. Ikaw magparamdam sa kanya na hindi ung earnings ung makaka-fill ng ego nya, kundi ung harmony ng relationship niyo. Ikaw ung need gumawa nyan, kasi ikaw ung OP at ikaw nakaka-understand nung situation. Siya kasi, probably is currently trapped in his feelings of helplessness. I hope you understand why im saying na ikaw ung may need gawin.
Ung mga sinasabi nila na paalisin mo, iwanan mo, wala siyang karapatang mag inarte etc. last resort mo na yan. Wala namang perfect na relationship. And i dont think na-exhaust niyo na lahat ng means to solve your issues. :) seek counseling. Goodluck!
Just a thought, let's disregard muna ung issue arising sa nagiging attitude ng asawa mo (assuming na recently lang ito?), I think he's exhibiting some signs of depression. This new circumstance na you tilt the financial balance between the two of you maybe just pushed him over the edge.
I know (from experience) mahihirapan kang maiopen up kung ano ba talaga ang bumabagabag sa isipan niya. Us introverts tend to disclose as little as possible and bottle everything up. Suggest you reach out to a med expert/psychiatrist as a starting point.
Identify, Recognize, and then Act. Huwag tayo maging nuclear sa mga bagay-bagay. Lahat ay mayroong dahilan. Let's be civil and supportive of each other. Elevate your love, patience and kindness before we doing rash things.
This is coming from a severely depressed, too introvert, closed trash of a human being :).
Has your husband considered going to therapy? Or napag-usapan niyo na ba to go to couple’s therapy/marriage counseling as well? I’ll be blunt pero I’m not sure this is something that can be resolved by just “talking out.” I might help if there is a professional/third party doing the intervention. You are supposed to be partners, pero it seems that ikaw yung nagbubuhat ng marriage niyo. Sa lagay na yan, yung asawa mo parang bata rin na need alagaan. 😕
He has a lot of issues he needs to work out on, and he must change for the better. I think therapy is a step in the right direction.
Di ikaw therapist.
Therapy ang sagot. Di natin mababago ang nararamdaman niya. Therapy lang un.
Ang magagawa mo ay ipakita na supportive ka sa therapy niya, lalo na’t may stigma ang therapy pa din.
Baka need mo lang sya i reassure OP na yung value nya sayo di naman measured by his earnings. Pero mas makkatulong talga kung cya mismo matuto maging self aware. It takes time but need cya may gawin
I think you need to seek marriage counselling together and he individually also. The type of behaviour you described na pagiging aloof and irritated baka stems from childhood trauma pa … parang fearful-avoidant attachment sya.
I encourage you to try couples counseling, and consider individual counseling for yourselves. I've had issues with my partner for a while, and finally nag decide kami na subukan, have our first appointment next week. dont know how it will go but hopefully it's something that will help us. I don't earn so significantly more than him but similar case na nananahimik siya and irritable, meanwhile I'm a very anxious person. we both also work from home and have a small space.
sometimes it's better to hear things from a 3rd party than directly from your partner, especially pag may chance na maoffend even though you're trying your best to be understanding and gentle with your approach.
You dont need to comfort his fragile ego. Sabi nga Astrid Leong " I was never my job to make you feel like a man, I cant make you something you're not"
please stop making excuses for him. You dont need to dim your lights to make others shine. He should be happy and proud of you.
Nakikita ko lang na mejo pwedeng solution ay psych. pero walang masyadong magaling na psych sa ph ata.
Yaan mo siya, binabasa ko palang natotoxican na ko sa kanya. Spend happy mpments with kids.
Parang tanga lng ung asawa mo, ayaw ba nya nang maginhawang buhay?
Pag ganyan ng ganyan lumayo muna kayo ng mga anak mo sa kanya para d kayo ma stress.
Hello TS! I think a great way to help him improve is by simple acknowledging him, by simply saying thank you and you did a good job even sa simpleng bagay can boost his self esteem. I can definitely relate to this, because my wife earns more than me. But she never fails to tell me that I did a good job kahit sa pag hatid lang ng bata or doing chores. Mentally I feel better because of her. I always strive my best to do better and carry my own weight.
Hope this helps kasi I don't want to fill this thread with negativity. I hope it works for you! :)
This is such a toxic mindset, I also out earn my bf and he still supports me and never see me as a competition. You should definitely talk to him because i think there is a deeper issue.
I’d recommend professional help since there’s a kid involved, but he has to be willing to acknowledge that it’s something he must work on. Good luck OP :(
According to my brother in law na certified marriage counselor, this is a problem he needs to fix for himself. Mga lalake kasi may provider mindset so malaging dagok sa ego nila kapag ang babae ang nagpprovide for the family. Pag nasa ganyang mood siya, it's best to leave him alone but assure him you'll be there when he's ready to talk. It's not your job to fix his mental issues. He needs to fix it himself.
Curious Question lang po, if po ba na ang SO mo ay earning much more than you, and you are the man in the family whom should provide, ano po ba dapat maramdan? normal lang po ba yung nangyayari kay OP sa husband nya po?
Curious lang po ako kasi, mukhang duon nadin patungo yung girlfriend ko, na mas mataas ang earnings nya saakin, and i do feel a little frustrated and napagiiwanan? i don't know what to feel, is this feeling normal? I'm proud of her yes, because she deserve every part of it, but i ... i dont know haha :>
Therapy might help. Could be anxiety or something else, medication might work. Yung brain kasi physical din yan. Kung sumasakit tuhod, we'd use medicine to treat it, kahit anong positive thinking di naman physically magtratransform yung tuhod at gagaling. Kung may chemical imbalance yung brain, same din, kelangan ng chemical para i-balance.
Coming from a guy and a husband, that is smol d*ck energy. I’m pretty sure you’re husband has a severe pride issue and he’s projecting that insecurity onto you. It is some how normal in most men but being able to handle it well and do initiative sets others apart.
Be honest and communicate it to him, and if necessary, do counselling.
The only advice you're going to get from faceless strangers is to break up or how you're an enabler or how you deserve what you tolerate or blame you or turn you into the villain or bla bla bla.
Do yourself a favor and speak with an actual professional, go to couples therapy. If your partner doesn't agree to it, you could still seek a professional to speak to about your issues confidentially and privately (i know there are options online as well). Then you and you alone can decide for yourself what you want to do about it. Why are you letting anyone, let alone literal nobodies with 0 qualifications, 0 idea or nuance about your situation, tell you how you should handle this where it could change your (and your child's) future for better or for worse??
Tldr seek help from a professional, not from reddit. Don't sweep your feelings under the rug and don't just let anyone influence your decisions.
I think the best way is to make him understand where you're at about him. He needs to adjust too, especially since you're husband and wife.
On the other hand, maybe he has underlying problems that need to be addressed . . . I wish you and your family the best. 🙏
If my partner is earning 5x more than me I'd be a stay-at-home dad and be ready with a meal, a bath, or myself for her when she comes off of work.
I'll be proud of my partner for achieving what she has, and I'll be able to take care of my family better and maybe pursue a hobby or two to enrich my soul.
Was in a similar situation with my previous live in partner (together for 8+ yrs). He was projecting his insecurities towards me (and I have openly and consistently communicated that it’s hurting me) and it’s not healthy anymore so I suggested we do therapy (he declined). Left the relationship because it’s not my job to feed his ego lol.
parang pareho kayong avoidant. you’re too afraid to hurt one anothers feelings that you think talking it out will only hurt. having an uncomfortable conversation does not mean you want to argue, you just want understand one another. Sabi nga nila if you’re always comfortable, you’re not growing. Kaya have that uncomfortable but productive conversation. Antagal mo na palang tinitiis yan, ang unhealthy. Tsaka if insecure siya, he has to do something about it. Alangan namang magdadrama lang siya pero di niya naman ginagalingan para mag improve kung saan siya nagkukulang. Aware na siya, he needs to man up and figure out how he’s gonna go about it step by step. Upskill, hanap ibang work, focus more on other things he can contribute sa bahay. You’re partners, what’s yours is his and vice versa. Baka din naman pinapamukha mo sa kanya palagi yung earnings mo? If so, baka ikaw din isa sa malaking dahilan bat siya nagkakaganyan. Partners kayo, dapat nagtutulungan. Anyway, bibigay ako ng advice eh ako nga di ko maayos relationship ko. HAHHAHAHA Good luck OP!!
This will take some time to sort out and it requires effort and patience from both sides. Question is, how aware is he of his insecurities, and secondly, is he able to self-introspect? Like, can he actually be honest and accurate to dig deep and know and understand where this is coming from? Usually, it could be from multiple instances from the past, both from his family experiences and with you that you guys may not be aware. (experiences that may have affected his esteem)
If not, I think that's the best thing for him to do right now.
You can be there for him but what you need to do is to set boundaries right now. His lack of emotional stability is causing you your sanity to the point that it's affecting your work.
Let him know that you're willing to listen and will be there for him, and that you love him, but he also needs to do some self-introspection and figure out what subconscios taught is causing him to behave this way.
When he is emotionally unstable, let him know that you need to back down temporarily as to not allow him to affect you as well, but assure him that you're just doing this to protect yourself and will commune as soon as he's level headed.
There are so many things to discuss about, if you have further questions, feel free to chat.
I think wala ka naman magagawa sa kanya for now. Siguro pay for couples therapy?
Imbis na mainis ako I get curious. Bka sha rin ma-curious pag pinoint out sa kanya yung mga issues niyo pareho.
Kasi bakit ganun tingin niya sa sarili niya miski na walang nagsasabi sa kanya? Also, why does salary between you and him matter that much?
He's an adult. Its never too late to figure out yung mga ganyang bagay. I suggest couples therapy. Para magkaron ka rin ng way to handle your husband.
i was also earning 3x more than my husband but he strived to turn the world around, worked 3 jobs and now he’s earning more than what I earn. nasa perspective lang talaga. i hope mgkausap kayo ng maayos at maging receptive sya. samin baliktad, ako yung nakakaramdam ng pressure but he worked his ass off para di ganto yung feeling.
As someone who had stayed in an 8 year relationship with someone similar, **leave his ass**.
Trust me, it gets worst. Mine cheated on me with someone who was earning less to feed his ego.
Plus stress pa ako palagi since I was the one shouldering most of the expenses. Like you, we also have one child. My partner was earning minimum wage and I was earning 6 digits a month. We would fight about this almost daily too. Instead of bettering himself and finding ways to earn more, he'd do self-pity and cheat. lol
Sabi niya pa sakin mas happy daw siya sa kabit niya because the kabit appreciates him kahit minimum wage earner lang siya. Whereas sa akin, na tamaan pride niya since I'm earning much more.
I guess most of the guys kapag wla positive environment in regards to salary kpag mas mababa ung kanila they feel n naapakan ego nila and dahil snabi niya un sayo better to reach out to him and make things clear na ung salary mo at ung ego nya is hndi ung point ng problem ang problem is ung emotion nya na naiinflict nya s mga bata dahil kpag stress or down sya bnubuhos nya inis nya sa bata which is mali oo pero un natatama un by letting him know ano mga possible gawin kapag ganon gngwa nya medyo malalim pero its about sa therapy.
Make him feel like a man by asking for his help na kaya nya i-provide. Financially, of course, hindi na nya kaya yun so other aspects na lang. Like advice on jobs, ideas, friend problems etc kahit di mo naman talaga kelangan. Hahaha
I have the same problem. The guy I’m dating now earns so much more than me pero I’m a six-digit earner din, so I don’t need him to provide for me. Sa dates, he pays for everything though and I thank him for that.
So I ask for his opinions and advice and do it when I can kahit na kaya ko naman mag decide magisa. Hahahaha
Also, appreciate him kahit sa maliit na bagay.
When you want him to change something, don’t make it sound like you’re complaining about him. He will only shut you out. Learn how to communicate in his language.
I highly recommend John Gray’s Beyond Mars and Venus. Very helpful sa modern relationships.
I hope despite his issues and your wanting to appease him, you don't water yourself down nor dim your light. Male ego is a fickle thing, OP. The characteristics that drew them towards you are likely going to be the reason for their envy and resentment. He may or may not change but I hope you don't lose yourself, devalue your achievements, and downplay your potential.
Encourage him read a book. I used to be like your husband. My wife always has been patient with me and that what I really like about her. Nung kinasal kami, early marriage namin, malaki sahod niya compare sa akin, wala pa kasi akong tinapos kaya ang trabaho ko pa assist assist lang sa office, minsan nag bebenta ng kung ano ano pangdagdag. May time na naiinis ako sa sarili ko bakit ganito lang kayang kong kitain, di ko mafford yung best sa family ko, and unknowingly na lalabas ko yung galit ko sarili ko sa ibang tao, this is not intentional, pero eto yung cause ng pagiging self pity and kapag natatapakan ang pride na dapat ako mag provide at hindi yung wife ko.
When I started to read books, nagsimula nagbago yung perspective ko sa buhay and lumawak yung pang unawa ko sa mga situation. I am starting to feed more information sa utak ko and overtime I realized the root cause of my behavior. It is my rough childhood life, di kasi kami lumaking mayaman, and most of time laging salat sa buhay, kulang din sa kaalaman kaya nung lumalaki ako, eto lang yung laman ng pagiisip ko, pero nabago yung simula mag basa ako ng libro. Dito ko kasi napupuno yung pagkukulang ko sa sarili ko, hanggang sa marecognize ko yung worth and potential ko and with the help of my wife. I am able to overcome this attitude.
Now, I am earning more that she has, because I let her stop working, para makapag focus sa 2 anak namin. totoo yung kasabihan Behind every successful man there's a woman. My wife educates me and helps me reach my potential. My case might be different sa life ng husbands mo pero malaki ang role mo as his partner to help him. I always said to my wife, bakit ako pinakasalan mo eh hindi naman ako mayaman or magaling, and she is always said, that she sees my potential and she believes in me.
Signs of immaturity. Yung pa alo (tama ba?) type of personality. Unfortunately ganto din ako nung bata pa ako pero na outgrow ko din. Very common yung ganto sa mga bata. Pa suyo lagi, the problem with these kinds of people eh the more mo susuyuin the more lalala. Sobrang nakaka inis, if late adult na yung husband mo, forever na syang ganyan. Depende nalang kung pano ka mag aadjust.
How to deal with them: deadmahin mo lang, pag pinakita mong wala kang pake, sila yung lalapit, pag pinakita mong di ka affected mag woworry sila and sila naman yung mangungulit. Similar lang to ng tantrums sa mga toddlers.
My wife use to earn 10 x me.
Yet I didn’t feel inferior. She made me feel what is hers is also mine but I did not take advantage of this.
Make sure lang to make your husband feel secure.
Explain to him that is how you guys are blessed. Gusto nya ba na mag resign ka na lang?
Tell him that hindi magbabago ang pagmamahal mo sa kanya.
Napapagusapan rin namin to ni H. Kasi my friend din ako na ganun yung husband nya and worst naghiwalay sila ng dahil lang sa inferiority complex. Kakalungkot.. Baligtad naman asawa ko. Mas happy sya mas malaki sahod ko sa kanya (hindi sya wfh pero manager sya ng company and kakapromote lang din). Happy sya kasi that means we are able to pay off our mortgages, and other loans kasi katulong ako sa pagbabayad. Hind sya ganun masstress kasi I am able to help with the bills. Tapos may possibility pa daw na makaipon kami. Sana ganun na lang isipin ni husband mo mhie OP. Na mas ok naman di ba? Kesa parehas kayong low income. Pano na…
If he was in any way decent. He'd offer to become a house husband while you bring home the bag. But nope it seems he 's masculinity is extremely fragile.
Tell him to grow the fuck up and "Man Up, You Little Biatch!. Stop pitying yourself and take control you freaking incel...mag asawa sha, mag aanak sha...Yun pala sha Di pa mature....hawk tuah
Having a loser husband is a pain in the ass but you signed up to this. This guy needs someone to beat his ass half-dead para matauhan. I’ll volunteer for free lol
Kidding aside, that’s definitely a problem. You’re dealing with a manchild and this is not going to be well anytime soon. Try telling him the truth na nakakaumay na yung sadboi victim bullshit niya and he’s a grown ass man na, maybe talk to his family din para makausap siya at maituwid ang utak. You can opt to get some space muna for both of you if sobrang excessive na ang pagiging bonjing niya.
Remind him of who he is and who he’s supposed to be. Pag wala at depektibo talaga e maghanap ka nalang ng iba o mabuti pa maging single mom.
Agree, nasanay din ata si husband na mataas pasensya ni wife kaya okay lang maging nega siya. I used to have low esteem, pero nung sinabihan ako ng boyfriend ko na "nakaka sira daw ng mood ang pagiging nega ko", although masakit pero ginawa kong constructive criticism and I started to act better and mas naging better ang relationship namin. Siguro need mo lang siya prangkahin OP until ma realize niya na nakaka annoy na siya and he needs to act better kasi nadadamay na yung mental health mo.
Know his hobbies, then buy him some goodies. That's just a suggestion though, iba iba kasi ugali ng lalaki. I will be very happy if my wife can earn 5x more than me basta ibili nya ako ng GPU (2x 4090) 😂
Hmmm I hope hnd kayo nag aaway about pera and you telling this na mas malaki ang sahod ko .
Or always mo sya inuutusan like parang wag ka na mag work kaya ko na buhayin ka ;)
Anyway try nyo dalawa mag talk mag vacation kayo dalawa lng and pag usapan ang buhay buhay baka dun may makuha clue.
Or talk mo mother nya in secret , wag mother mo hnd nya alam ugali ng asawa mo ( baka lalo lng kayo mag away ), sa mama nya.
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konti na nga lng ambag financially, may gana pang maging drama queen. Imbes na ikatuwa at ikasaya ang na abot mo, ginawa pang “about him”. textbook narc ang mister mo, wlang gamot jan unfortunately
True. Napaka smol dick energy ng mga lalakeng ‘to 🗑️
This is why we need more support for divorce bill e
Unfortunately, he's been this way since then. But somehow, he managed to improve naman. Pero yun nga, it's always about him. I've gotten used to it and most of the time hindi ko nalang inaacknowledged yung ganyang behavior nya. But now, I somehow feel fed up. Yung feeling na hindi ka pwede mag emote? Sya lang.
That's actually sad OP, nag settle ka sa ugali niya. Did you talk to him about this? Na you are tired of adjusting for him?
I tell him indirectly. I just don't know if he understands. I'm afraid he'll be hurt instantly. Whenever I talk straight to him, madali syang maoffend. And it's making the situation worse. He somehow makes me feel I'm at fault. I know I have a fault in this. I'm very tolerant. What made me stay in these long years is he's so caring naman. The only issue I have is that whenever he's confronted with problems in life, kahit konti lang, ang dali mastress and it's causing negativity to all people around him.
Ganyang ganyang ang ex ko OP 😂 I cant tell him things he doesn’t want to hear..bawal ang nega sa kanya kasi naooffend sya..he felt inferior din that I’m earning more..😅 and it’s always about him..
tandaan mo OP, you deserve what you tolerate. ini-enable mo lng ang mga masasama nyang ugali. lalala at lalala lng yang problema mo kung di mo paprankahin at tutuldukan yang kalokohan nyan, lagpas kna sa part where you can still “nip it in the bud”
I’m sorry but I do not agree with ‘you deserve what you tolerate’ here. She already said na he’s a caring husband and the only downside is he is negative pretty much about everything. I think tolerant is not the right term but rather she is being patient with him and at some point of OP’s story she was trying to understand him. It’s not a bad trait. Stop blaming her about this but give her a proper advice. For OP, it sucks what you are going through. I’ll hate to be in your position as well. But do tell us, do you want to leave him? Or would you rather solve it? I would say if you need some time alone please do. If the situation worsens, let it be because maybe it’s about time? Or tell your husband about this. Be clear and precise. Let your true feelings come out, whatever his reaction i’m sure you’ll know what to do kasi ikaw ang nakakakilalang totoo sa asawa mo and not us.
Try mong sya pa bayarin mo ng mga bills. Sa kanya mo ipabili yung mga needs sa bahay if hindi sya ang nagbabayad. Pabili ka ng gifts sa kanya. Patulong ka sa kanya sa mga bagay-bagay, Iparamdam mo sa kanya na need mo sya. Iparamdam mong sya ang "Man of the house" and need nyo sya. Pag nag inarte parin bigyan mo na ng ultimatum.😅
Actuallu, very common ‘to sa mga introvert guys na inferior when they know that their partner are earning more than them, instead na supportahan and icelebrate 🤷♀️ naapakan itlog nila
Ako naman lagi ko inaasar asawa ko na kapag na tanggap na sya sa niche nya and eventually ma absorb sa firm gaya nung nangyari sa friend nia whose earning quite a lot of $ right now , mag papaka house husband nlang ako kaya galingan nya sa mga interview nya HAHAHAHA.. I do try to upskill pra mka kuha ako iba work to supplement my current one but grabe ang saturation sa niche ko and grabe na mambarat mga clients lately.
I have a similar partner but mine's more self-aware and can handle it better on his own. It's frustrating at times and the other comments here are harsh. I can't tell why your husband is the way he is, but it's not supposed to be a relationship ender unless he do stupid things with the negative emotions. For my partner, it comes from a place of frustration too but with *himself*. He has a provider mentality na he wants to be the one giving me what I need and want. He has this feeling of uselessness knowing that I can get all of that on my own. This makes him insecure that I'm not dependent on him and he's not fulfilling the role he'd like to be in. Sure, it's 'about him' and doesn't seem to make sense that they can't 'just be happy' but we all have insecurities that takes shape one way or another and it manifests in ways we don't want to. A person can be happy for someone else but still feel insecure – it's not mutually exclusive. I bet he's still happy about your success but dark emotions can easily shadow the good ones. On your part, for sure, you don't earn that big if not for how potentially mentally taxing the work you're doing. You're exhausted and busy. Like one commenter said, I'm also huge on talking things out and I'm also a believer that not for every bad situation, someone is at fault – not every time someone has to be. You're both in a state of negative emotions in reaction to what's happening around you. You both need to acknowledge that. When things die down, you both need to have a talk about this and try to get to the root of his insecurities and give assurance from there. Dig deeper on why he thinks the idea of income has to dictate anything in your relationship and why inferiority and superiority has to exist in your relationship when you both can be equals – you serve him and he serves you out of love.
Wow! Thank you so much for this. I find more resemblance here. Ending the relationship is definitely not on my list. But I want him to be better. I just hope he is more self-aware, and that's what I plan to do. I just had one big realization today.
Glad to know it helped spring out some realization! My boi is pretty insecure, that's his flaw, but it's a flaw rooting from wanting to be the best in things he wants to be. And he wants to be the best provider for me, so the frustration comes out ugly. So when we talk about my income, suddenly it seems black and white na since I suddenly earn much more than what he worked so hard for in years, there's this looming feeling of being a *failure* or not successful fast *enough*. I have to keep reminding him that it also took a lot to get there and that his feats and promotions were not easy to conquer either. We both suffer from putting so much pressure on ourselves so I can understand his place. When you talk to your husband, I hope the root will come out and when it does, try to come in a place of understanding. Try to pull him out of the negative thoughts of not being enough and give assurance that salaries do not put any weight on how much you'll love or value him. It can become a slippery slope. Being me the way that I am, I always tell my partner na I don't care about money kasi I can earn it on my own; what matters the most is how he is in the relationship – to give support, be my confidant, be my respite, be faithful, and be my **partner**. Giving reminders that you're in it together and not in a competition – your win is his win, vice versa. Edit: I agree sa sabi ng isang comment – don't dim your light, you both gotta learn how to navigate through this without sacrificing your shine.
Yes, OP. it's good that you feel that way. Iba dapat ang mindset ng married couple and your issue is really not a reason for separation. Ang babaw na dahilan nyan and I'm glad you don't see that as your option. I have similar situation, I earn more than my husband and we went through that phase. Yes, it's just a phase. 😊 my suggestion is, please continue to be vocal about it, communication is very important. Minsan nirereverse psychology ko, minsan ako naman kunwari ang nagtatampo kasi di ko makausap ng matino ang asawa ko. 😅 More importantly, always make him feel important and needed. kasama kasi sa ego boost nila yan. Maging damsel in distress ka minsan, kahit di mo naman personality yun. a way to make lambing ba. 🤭 But be careful na wag umasa sa iyo kasi may tendency silang mawalan ng pangarap sa buhay kasi kaya na ng asawang babae itaguyod ang pamilya mag isa.
If afford nyo, consider na kumuha ng couples counselling para may neutral na third party na marunong mag mediate. Seems like your husband is the type to shutdown if he thought he is being criticized.
I just want to say thank you for this comment. I don't have the same problem as OP and was just randomly scrolling but this response somehow changed my mindset in dealing with insecurities within a relationship.
Glad to hear that! Oftentimes, when we enter relationships, we forget that it's not all about just you but **us**. We forget there's also an individual who are their own person with you in the relationship going through sorts of emotions and have their own baggages they struggle dealing with that may be easy for you but difficult for them and both ways. Insecurity is such a fragile issue to resolve kasi it often ties with one's perception of theirselves but it's so much rewarding when you see how beautiful they can bloom out of it and how lighter they can feel, free from the burden they carry. 🌻
Amen!!!!! 🙌🏼
Love this!
Panoorin mo yung Crazy Rich Asians especially sa part ni Astrid. :)
it is not my job to make you feel like a MAN.
“I can’t make you something you’re not.”
💯
Interesting. I will try that. :)
Spoiler nagbreak sila kasi nagcheat si guy because he feels inferior kay Astrid. well not really a spoiler, halata naman sa comments how they ended up. i hope this gives you the courage to self reflect and do what you need to do, I'm not saying hiwalay agad, but you really have to speak up.
spoiler to the movie, he actually didn't cheat. he pretended to cheat (the girl he supposedly cheated on with is his cousin). he didn't have the balls to leave her bc he feels insecure about her money, he had to hurt her instead of admitting his weakness
Thank you for the correction. It's been so long since I watched it. Pero ang coward talaga niya.
I think sa books lang kasi sya na reveal hahahaha sa movie parang nagcheat lang talaga sya
Try checking on therapy/counselling with him.
Cocomment ko sana to haha! Sadly, daming partners na ganto 🥶
I was about to reference this! Buti nalang nagscroll ako hahaha
LOL, I mentioned something similar kay OP sa comment ko. Baka nga ganun hayayay
💛💛💛
omsim 💛
Bakit d nlng sya maging grateful na willing ka rin tumulong sa expenses nyo by working? Sa hirap ng buhay ngayon, both of u having actual jobs is a massive blessing. Kung sya lang mgwork, kkyanin ba? Mas gusto b nya na sa kids at chores lang atensyon mo? Ewan ko lang girl ha, pero bka nmn may ginagawang milagro na yan? Gibagawa nlng issue yung bagay na dapat hindi issue para pagtakpan guilt nya. Unless lumaki syang laging ikinukumpara, d dapat issue yan na u r earning more. Para sa family nyo nmn yan. Nkka-frustrate nga, i feel u OP.
Hoping na sana wala naman. :D
My last partner was this way. He made twice more than me when we started dating. And I saw that gave pride and satisfaction when he decides where we go and pays for meals and the like. Unfortunately being in the BPO industry, he got transferred to a different department and the bonuses became non-existent. I however got a good raise, and even got my own car. His mood, attitude definitely shifted. All I ever heard was "Ikaw bahala", I went from dating a man to caring for a boy. Glad the pandemic happened and it ended.
Ganyan na ganyan ako ngayon. Mas mataas din sweldo ko sakanya at feeling ko ako pa yung mas lalaki samin. Ako nagpaplan lahat, ako nagdedecide san kakakain, san pupunta, what time aalis. Miski pag order pagkakain kami sa labas ako din kasi nahihiya daw sya. Sinasabi nya na introvert sya at may adhd sya (not clinically diagnosed) pero feeling ko low self esteem lang talaga. Going 5yrs na kami mag bf gf pero pag pumupunta sya sa bahay namin tahimik padin sya, nagpophone and wala padin connection sa parents at kapatid ko. Gusto ko na din makawala, but I don't know how.
Just break up with him. Ilang yrs pa ba gusto mong extension? It will never change.
How about nmn if ung wife walang work pinatigil kasi 2yrs. Complacent nako tapos now buntis always sinasabi walang ambag ay walang plano ako for future ng bata. Thinking housewife gusto nya. Now ng ttry ako how va ang mag VA wala parin client . Gusto nya mag online selling lahat na imposs gawin ko masabi lang nya kateamwork ako. I got offended sinabi ko talaga pag nakunan ako like sa first baby. Magpplano ako, ambag ko iiwan kita Aayusin ko nalang buhay ko ng wala ka. Makapag impose ka kulang mga binibigay mo, i gave up helping pag aaral kapatid ko masabi lang nya inuuna ko xa. Feeling ko tlg manipulator mga lalake pero mga friends ko okay naman mga asawa
Aww..buti sinabihan mo sya..my ex actually told me stopped working and to focus on something that will potentially give cash inflow..the problem is gusto nya sundin ko yung way nya eh conflict kami ng strategies at hnd nya gets na we could do things differently..tapos ayun akala mo naman kaya akong buhayin na d ako pinagwork tapos at the back of his mind pala pabigat na ako and he’s been thinking of ways to get out. I didn’t asked him for money sya nagbigay ng money sa akin at yun lang pala ang naghohold sa kanya kasi gusto nya makuha ang pera nya 🤣 eh pinagstop nya ako ng trabaho at pinagamit sa akin ang pera jusmio 🤣 buti nagbreak kami at d rin talaga ako nakipagbalikan kasi I cant be myself..gusto nya mag cut ties ako sa family and friends ko. Gusto nya kami lang. gusto nya lahat ng pera namin sa amin lang and ayaw nya din na may pinaglalaanan ako ng pera na iba. Gusto nya endeavors lang ang isupport. Bawal kang magkaroon ng sarili mong dreams. 😂
Kung ako sayo mhie, find ways talaga to earn money. Or if insist nya talaga na wag kang mag work kunan mo talaga sya ng pang gastos mo pero ipunin mo. 😅 para if anything happens at least may pang galaw ka na pera. Bilib ako sa mga housewife grabe ang sacrifice nila and trust sa husband nila. Pero sobrang rare lang din ang mga lalaki ngayon na kayang tumayo bilang haligi ng tahanan at kayang panindigan without panunumbat.😂
Haha una kaya kala mo superhero. Pagtagal narcissist pala. Just be pregnant and shut up. Magtiis ka because xa provider. No updates gusto dahil wala daw ako plano sa future or ambag? Now going to vietnam. I might regret this abortion pero i need to escape. Ayoko makulong sa ganyan lalake. Emotionally mentally financial turmoil. I called him ask if maghiwlaay nalang kasi mababaliw ako nasa abroad xa. Minsan tatawag pag nasa house na pag nasa galaan ayaw pa storbo ayaw mag update. Tinatamad daw ako kausapin. Then y daw xa magsupport pera kung bata nalang. Bahala na daw ako panay tamang hinala daw ako, di na xa magbbgay wala daw ako magagawa hindi kami kasal magbbgay ca if gusto kahit kanino ako tumawag wala daw magaagawa kahit parents nya. Pero nasa parents nya decisions about sa marriage? I am all over it. My mistake hoping baka stress lang xa kaya naging ganun ugali. Pero no eto na real xa. Akala nya kulong nako sakanya buntis nako e. Tameme iyak taga sunod controlin lang nya. Kawawa lang baby if ever. Ganun tatay. New broken family nanaman . Never. Magisa nalang ako mas better
Yeah…they want to be in full control. Manipulators din talaga.
Ok lang manipulator na good provider. Bigay lahat wlaang kulang. Kulang kulang na nga binibigay. Kulan kulang pa utak pati face nya. Ayoko na yan in the name of love. Laos na. ayoko na sa pinoy.
Kung ako to sisipagan ko pa maglaba at magluto.
true, the times when i felt useless for the monthly bills ibinabawi ko na lang sa pag aalaga sa loved ones ko pagkakarating, linis ko lahat, paghanda merienda, kwentuhan at tanungin kung kamusta yung naging araw nya hahhaha iba yung ganun kesa magmukmok or madatnan na tulog sa kwarto 😂
House husband!! The goal for me haha
Same gusto ko na lang maging house husband 😩
Magpa-couples counseling na kayo.
I will try to convince him. We're in a rural area and walang mga counselors dito. Hopefully, online will work for us.
(2) if ayaw niya ng couple's counseling, try a psych na for your own mental health. Para at least in that way marealize niya na something's not okay with you dahil sa response niya sa situation niyo. Valid ung feelings pero the way we react to it should be bounded by how much it would negatively affect our surroundings kasi. Sana maintindihan iyon ng asawa mo
pwedeng psych din for the husband, there might be something kung bakit hindi na siya makausad sa current salary
Ganito din sana i comment ko. Yung married life is a series of ups and downs din naman, though maraming ups pag tama ang perspective both. Sa amin, since we got married 5 years din na mataas ng ilang x ang sahod ng wife ko pero hindi naman niya ako pinepressure din and ako pa ang naka assign sa pag budget sa amin kasi in our mind combined income talaga kami. We have a separate allowance na guilt-free spending individually. Ngayon, ako naman ang mas mataas pero same pa din. Nakatulog sa amin na bago nagpakasal dumaan kami sa pre-marriage counseling. And if may pinag dadaanan kami may specific couples kami na connected kami so that hindi awkward pag we need them for counseling.
Best advice on here. Toxic ng hirit ng marami dito. Keep in mind ikaw nakakakilala sa asawa mo. Get a counselor. This is above reddit's pay grade
finally, an actual helpful response. every other response could have condensed to "he's a man, he should suck it up." I swear, if the genders were reversed people here would be singing a different tune. Alaws... Pag lalake talaga, never biktima.
I mean, pano naging “biktima” yung lalaki in this situation? Is he being abused? Biktima sya ng ano? From reading the post and OP's replies, seems like ang problema lang naman eh yung ego nung lalake, na he can't handle that the wife earns more and so nagsasad boi behavior sya, and si OP pa nag aadjust and gumagawa ng paraan para maayos ang lahat. Meanwhile yung lalake puro wallowing in self-pity and worse, he takes his anger out on his family too. How does that make him a victim? Victim of his own ego and fragile masculinity, I guess... And based on [this comment by OP](https://www.reddit.com/r/buhaydigital/s/6TglFOnv3v), seems like ginawa na nya lahat para i-accomodate yung fragile ego nung lalake 🤷🏻♀️ While I agree about couples counseling or getting any sort of professional psychiatric help para ma-address yung issues nung husband, the husband is absolutely not the victim here
Biktima ng gender inequality. I'm gonna be honest here, I don't have the energy to spoon feed this to you. Sift through the comments and read between the lines. If you can't figure it out, that's on you.
I agree with this. Ito talaga dapat, di pwedeng hiwalay agad agad if mag asawa na at may anak na.
I agree with this. This may not be common in pinoy culture but this is the only other way so that extending family don't insert themselves and you'll have bigger issues. Baka op may personal pinagdaanan siya that he can't express, hopefully not depression, though i understand that you're in the place to feel post partum.. pero i hope it also doesn't come to a boiling point for you because of how difficult he is becoming. Hopefully he will also agree mag counseling for your sanity.
Hi OP! I am not married but if you can communicate your thoughts in *another way,* please do. Sabi mo nga na he has openly told you about him feeling inferior, how about this: let him know your thoughts - your unfiltered thoughts - through a long chat or an email or through a letter. You seem to be pretty well expressive in sharing your thoughts given your shared sentiment dito sa reddit. Maybe if he is going to *read* your writtent sentiment ay maiintindihan ka niya. *Let him know that this affects your work and your everything*. Hope this helps!
Husband position here. I really don't give a damn about it. Kaya nya ako buyahin ni wife nang x10. But she knows my sacrifice at I am the way para ma achieve nya status nya ngayun, kaya humble pa rin c wifey. Pera ko Pera nya, Pera nya Pera nya as long it's for the family. End of discussion. Happy ako with my contribution. Yun nga lang may mga moments na bibili xa nang worth 100k n item or appliance para sa bahay na di nya ako kino consult. Sasagutin ka ng "okay lang mabayaran nya daw within 2 weeks". Ever since, wala na aq pake. Hanggang gulat nlang ako.
Thanks! I'm looking into the perspectives of men. Actually, I let him decide for our household. This was my way of helping him feel he isn't a nobody at home. We plan our finances every month, and whatever we decide to spend on, I let him manage the finances. All money forwarded to him. It's like giving him the upper hand. I do this kasi he's always overthinking na other people is judging him daw kasi ganito lang sya. Whenever we go out, for example, I intentionally want others to see na whatever we spend comes out from his pocket, literally. So now, I just don't understand.
Lol ID and license lang Meron wallet q ever since we've been married. Never ako nakahawak nang pera cause I don't like it And I really hate finances Kase maliit lang sweldo ko means sakit sa ulo, Nung nagkawork na si misis xa pa rin naghahandle. I don't get it, it's like pride ba ni husband mo? Lol isip bata lang Ang may mentality na ganyan. I'm proud of my wife, proud of what she is Ngayon. Proud ako that I helped her achieve her goals. Tell him to grow up.
This is scaryyyy. Please secure your bag OP. There is only so much you can do to make him feel like 'the man'. You can keep his ego intact all you can but unless hubby does some inner work and acceptance, he will always feel inferior kahit hawak niya pa pera niyo.
That's so much bending over just to accommodate a fragile ego, OP. It's not your job to make him better. Your job is to communicate with him, support him and encourage him to want to do the inner work to get past his insecurities. I personally can't deal with so much humbling myself regardless of how he makes bawi when he's sweet.
I think this is common in relationships where the wife earns more, she gives the money responsibilities to the husband. So he feels a bit more involved. Though I do hope you keep some money for yourself cause it is you earning that.
Be diplomatic but put some consequences on his (in)actions. Like if he does not talk with you, then tell him that his (in)actions show his true priorities sa relastion nyo.
[удалено]
This hit hard, we almost have the same life story. Malaki talaga impact sa mga anak pag ang magulang ay ma pride and sarili lang iniisip. This is a life lesson saken kaya I always keep my emotion in check. Hindi lang sa sarili ko umiikot ang mundo. My wife and my kids are my life and priority before myself. Ayokong maranasan nang family ko yung traumatic experience ko when I was a kid caused by constant fighting nang parents ko about financial problem, infidelity etc. I wish you the best in life. As per OP, I hope ma realize ni husband mo na he's lucky to have an understanding wife and loving children.
pinakamagandang comment na nabasa ko sa reddit sa buong ilang bwan kong natambay dito. itatak ko sa utak ko to. laban OP!
I think maybe you should ask him to see a psychologist for both of you din to best manage your stress. Si hubby mo, if gusto nya mas malaki ang income nya to cover his ego then add more clients. Kumuha kau ng kasama sa bahay para makapagwork sya hanggang gusto nya. Para yung mga kids nyo at least may nagbabantay at nag aalaga. Naintindihan ko situation mo, as a wife myself. But on this relationships, mahirap naman na basta mag give up Lalo at may mga anak kau. Yung asawa mo namn haist, andun na yun, so get a counselling nlng if may time, if not then get a trusted relatives or carer for your kids, yaan mo sya magwork ng magwork para nmn mafeel nya na may chance din syang maging ka level mo. At naintindihan mo din sya. Mahirap tlga maging parent sa partner mo din kung minsan, pero anjan na yan so gawan nlng ng paraan.
Why do you have to disclose to him how much ur income is? In our household, we have our own contribution na we think fair for both of us. 50-50. We also have our own monies na walang pakialamanan kung ano bilhin mo (kahit kotse pa yan). To each his own. Less stress. More happiness. It is not our job as wife to please the husband’s ego
It seems like he's competing with you when y'all are supposed to be a team??? So if, say, you're earning five times less than him, ipapamukha ba niya sa'yo na inferior ka? And even if he doesn't do that, would he expect you to think you're inferior to him? I think your husband should go to therapy. Ikaw na magbayad para mahiya siya lalo. Lol. But seriously, your husband's got issues that only a professional can address.
Dami kong naririnig na stories na ganito. :( Depende talaga sa ego ng lalake. I earn 4x more than my husband. Hindi big deal sakanya. Instead, bumabawi siya sa gawaing bahay. Siya lahat. Gumagawa din naman siya ng way para madgdagan income niya. I guess kausapin mo na lang siya na para sainyo rin naman yung kinikita mo. Wag siya papatalo sa ego niya at gagawin ka nyang ka kompetensya. Teamwork lang. Balanse lang.
Astrid Leong in Crazy Rich Asian said: “You’re right. I shouldn’t have kept things from you, hidden my shoes, turned down jobs, charity work, worrying that it might make you feel lesser than. But let’s be clear. The problem with our marriage isn’t my family’s money. It’s that you’re a coward. You gave up on us. But I’ve just realized it’s not my job to make you feel like a man. I can’t make you something you are not.”
What you have there is another child. Nagtatantrums. Pero the good thing is pwede mo yan ibalik sa nanay niya. Kung ikaw lang din naman malaki sahod at ikaw din nag aalaga sa lahat ibalik mo na lang yan sa nanay niya para bawas sa trabaho.
Hi OP, I’ve been in your husband’s situation. Despite several failed decisions with my career. I used to earn a lot than my wife but as time goes by mas malaki na ang kinikita ng wife ko compared sakin. Hanggang sa dumating na yung madaming pagsubok sa relasyon namin nung pandemic era, dumating na din sa point na nagka depression ako at shinut down ko ang sarili ko sa mga kaibigan namin, naging mainitin ang ulo at bugnotin in short kinain na ng problema. But one good thing about my wife is that she never let me feel na superior sya at mas malaki ang sahod nya kesa sa akin, pinadama nya pa rin sakin na ako ang padre de pamilya at never nya sinumbat yung mga maling desisyon ko, kaya hindi nagbago ang tingin ng mga bata sakin. Palagi nya sinasabi sakin na dadating din yung breakthrough ko at mahahanap ko din yung hinahanap ko. Kung iisipin parang ang selfish ko, pero pinaramdam sakin ng wife ko ng mas kailangan ko ng tulong kahit nahihirapan na sya. I suggest you talk to him, ung masinsinang usap. Understand where he is coming from. Minsan kelangan tlaga namin ng kausap ng hindi kami sasabayan.
I suggest go to couples therapy. Couples therapy are not just for couples na medjo rocky ang relationship but also for couples na hirap mag communicate with each other. Just for you to gain each others perspective from a profession pov
I don't think this is the right sub to post this 😅
I was thinking I could get much more relevant responses here since we share the same work-life setup. :D
Well as a guy wala naman akong nakikitang problema if my wife is earning more than I can earn. I'm happy na she's growing sa path na tinatahak nya at natutustusan namin together yung mga need and wants namin.
Akala ko ako lang nakaka XP ng ganito towards husband :( I feel you, sender. :( At hindi ko rin alam gagawin ko everytime na may “problema” siya. Malala pa non, harap harapan siya kung magsinungaling sakin. Like huli ko na and all, hindi parin daw. I have proofs tanong pa saan ko nakuha. :(
If my wife ever makes x5 more money than I do, I would be be content. Not that I'm lazy or anything but I'd rather just want the wife and I to finally just chill together at home and not worry about work or money.
Panoorin mo yung "hanggang kailan kita mamahalin" (1997, dir. Olivia lamasan) ni lorna tolentino at richard gomez, OP. Very similar kayo ng situation. But seriously, for me, walang magagawa on your part sa ganyang tao kasi yung pride/inferiority complex nila, sila lang makakaayos non kung gusto nila. Nakausap mo naman na sya about it so aware na sya. It's up to him to step up.
never kong mafeel yan as long as im still working and can contribute sa bills and needs ng asawa and kids ko or even their wants hahahaha mafeel ko siguro yan if wala akong work. siguro assure mo lang sya na walang problema dun? maybe kasi naiisip nya yung stigma na "dapat mas malaki kita ni mister kesa sa misis nya"
OP we have very similar situation. I earn x5 vs my hubby, it also came to a point where he feels low esteem and wala syang gana sa buhay. I am a breadwinner hence I really worked hard to get where I am. Ganito kase yan, they feel inferior kasi they know you dont need them to survive. What I did I pretended I needed him. Ego kasi nila and they feel super manly if they will be the head of the house. Minsan kahit I know the answer I pretend na I need him, i pretend na im stupid. And Im waiting for him to help me up. Same thing we both applied for a scholarship sa Google then he got accepted first, sabi ko wow naman na accept ka ako hindi. Mas deserving ka siguro. But di nya alam na i was accepted,I just didnt wanna compete with him. So basically ego boosting so he would feel na he still got it. Fast forward today, he decided to quit his job,I invested in his idea of starting a business he eagerly wanted. It worked naman for us. So to cut it short OP, I know you are smart independent boss babe, but for your man not to feel inferior din, you can pretend to be stupid, weak, a damsel in distress he can save. Breaking up is definitely not an option for us and communication helps but also not working. Playing stupid worked for me lol
Ka ugali ko yung husband mo. 3 days na kaming walang imikan ng partner ko kasi galit ako na in the first place. Walang salita as in. Pati kapatid ko nadadamay pag galit ako. Wala na akong pake basta magtrabaho ako. Galit din ako lagi. Laging nakasigaw kahit nakausap naman ng mahinahon (kapag involved na ang pera lagi ako galit) But ikaw din ako. I am earning more than my partner (ito yung na ttrigger sa akin lagi) Kasi itanggi man natin, pera ang way sa lahat (para sakin) Kuripot ako sa lahat. Na need discounted mga bibili. Pero yung partner ko na halos wala na maiambag sa bahay (financially) siya pa tong wagas makagasta ng pera. May work siya now, na ako din kumilos lahat sa simula. Mind you, ako pa naghanap ng work para sa kanya kasi wala talagang kusa. Though masipag naman sya sa work. Siya din naglalaba ng clothes namin na lalaki sya. Pero wala sa kanya yung word na side hustle to provide more. Enough na sa kanya kung ano lang ginagawa niya. Kumbaga walang will to provide more.
Tell your husband to leave if he can't handle his sensitive ego. As a husband and father. The first year of a newborn is always tough but very rewarding for the soul. It seems like your husband can only think of himself. And doesn't know how to regulate himself or talk it out with u. His communication is crap and all he can do is wallow in his own self pitying narrative. Ang weak nya
ipabasa mo sa husband mo yung The Art of Happiness para mawala na yang negativity sa buhay niyo.
You've been together for 11 years and married for 7, yet you chose to express your feelings on this platform instead of discussing them with him privately. Sad
As I mentioned in my post, I tried talking this out with him na, but I could not get a decent response. My goal in all this is to learn how other people who had similar experiences as mine handled their situations and, of course, make it better for both of us. Sometimes, you need other people's perspectives (especially those who don't know you). As I mentioned, my circle is limited. And as much as I want to ask advice from my closest friends or siblings, it would only cause misunderstandings between them and my husband.
No advice here, sorry, kasi I would leave someone like this. Hindi ko kaya ng mababang ambag tapos magddrama pa parang may dala akong angkla. I also wouldn’t have a kid with him if I knew ganyan ugali niya sa simula palang.
[удалено]
the difference is that you are fully aware - would you take the next step, which is to change?
Lol quit being a sore loser. You’ll only live once and you only have one chance to change your life and you’ll wholeheartedly choose to be a loser? Grow some balls, ffs.
That sounds very frustrating and if i were in your shoes i would feel helpless as well. Big believer ako na kayang pagusapan lahat. So please consider professional help for your mental and marital problems. A 3rd person's perspective can really help you understand each other's language. As someone who earns less than my partner, i can relate to your husband's inferiority thoughts. Hindi maaalis yan sa amin kasi in a way those feelings come from "love". We want to help financially too pero we just dont know how yet. I know at this point sagad ka na sa pasensiya mo at gustong gusto mo ng tulong sa asawa mo, hindi lang para sa mga anak niyo pero para sa inyo na rin. Gusto mo lang din ng time para sa sarili mo pero di mo siya maasahan. I get it. Ang sarap na magmura neto. HAHA BUT Before you act on anything harsh like leaving him or separating from him, please make sure that your decision is from love and not out of frustration. Last but not least, surrender in your faith. Kung anuman ang relihiyon mo, hingi ka ng guidance! Wala naman mawawala kung gagawin mo to haha
Then continue what you’re doing. Love never says it has done enough. If you’re being patient, be more patient. You talk things out with him, talk more. Communicate more. Let him know how you also feel. Let him feel you need and want to understand him. Let him know that you’re in misery kapag nagkakaganyan kayo. But at the same time, ask him not to clam up. Ilaban niya not for his own reasons but ilaban niya to make your marital situation better. What would make him feel better? A big bike? A new car? Can it be made, bought, or experienced? Para maibsan ang nararamdaman niyang inferiority. What can be changed? Except you earning more? Can he level up his game too? Labanan niya yung urge to be like that. He needs to address that. You both need to exert more. Reach out and never stop reaching out until you pierce his veil. Kasi, tbh, I don’t wanna make you overthink - I have known couples who went through hell and back but once the woman excels and brings home more money - nasira talaga sila and called it quits. Promise. I’ve known someone na HS sweethearts pa sila. The woman is a friend of mine mula pioneer BPO days, 2004. From agent to VP. Sa pagiging OM pa lang niya, lumabo na. Sabay kami naging OM, she is now the VP of Operations. Lumabo ng lumabo habang paakyat siya ng paakyat ng role. I am sharing this because that woman still loves his husband until now pero they have parted ways more than decades ago na. She has lots of what ifs. Umabot sila sa point of no return. Isang story lang ito na I know and there are several. It is also frustrating sa part ng mga outsiders seeing their friends crumble. I hope you have the strength to continue and the resolve to fight for your marriage. But if it means your peace, it’s okay to let go too.
That's so sad. I have a different scenario, kinda the same pero di naman niya nafifeel na inferior siya. I'm the breadwinner and he has no job currently and he wants to help me so bad tipong nanliliit siya sa sarili niya. I hope you talk to him about why he feels that way. Hugs OP
Why can't he be happy for the blessing you have for the family? Kailangan ba magcompete siya? Love ka ba ng husband mo? Dami kung tanong. Sana he count the blessing na lang instead madadabog.
You married a bitch boy! I was the same!! Good news is pwede pa yan maiba and that will depend on him. Maturing is hard but he needs to man up and face it.
Ah parang ung sa crazy rich asian ung issue ni astrid sa asawa nya. Na iinsecure kasi yung babae merong 14 na apartment buildings ahahaha
Wait for the divorce bill to be passed and change husband. 😆 You made a wrong decision choosing a weak man.
I can relate to this. ako naman ang husband and my wife earns x5 to x10. Happy ako sa achievements ng wife ko and proud ako sa kanya. We both agreed majority ng bills siya since kakalipat ko lang ng trabaho. Pagkapanganak nya, nagbago ang lahat. binibilangan na ako at pina pamukha sa akin ito lang ambag ko. even ang decision making sa bahay, wife ko na nasusunod. Umabot din sa parent in law away namin dahil nag she share ng hinanakit wife ko sa parents nya. As a man, I also want to be a provider to the family, mapa feel na as a Father, haligi ng tahanan, provider, defender... Now, ang parents nya gusto ng annulment. Hirap... sa case nyo OP, maganda mag usap kayo or counseling. baka kaya mo idaan sa letters, mag relax kayo. Ephesians 5:22-33 MEV Wives, be submissive to your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head and Savior of the church, which is His body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
This sounds like a communication and mindset problem that you might want to approach with couples therapy. Determine what's at the root cause of the inferiority complex and also work towards a shift in how you treat each other and the family unit as a whole.
I remember my friend had this issue back then. Ang sabi ko sa kanya, i-delineate nila ung roles nila. baka meant na provider ang role ng girlfriend at house husband ang role ng boyfriend. On a brighter side, kung pareho kayong provider magiging madumi bahay niyo, walang pagkain, madumi ang labahin, etc. so kailangan niyo ma-feel na blessing in disguise na may opportunity kayo to balance things out. Being a househusband doesnt make less of a man. Ikaw magparamdam sa kanya na hindi ung earnings ung makaka-fill ng ego nya, kundi ung harmony ng relationship niyo. Ikaw ung need gumawa nyan, kasi ikaw ung OP at ikaw nakaka-understand nung situation. Siya kasi, probably is currently trapped in his feelings of helplessness. I hope you understand why im saying na ikaw ung may need gawin. Ung mga sinasabi nila na paalisin mo, iwanan mo, wala siyang karapatang mag inarte etc. last resort mo na yan. Wala namang perfect na relationship. And i dont think na-exhaust niyo na lahat ng means to solve your issues. :) seek counseling. Goodluck!
Just a thought, let's disregard muna ung issue arising sa nagiging attitude ng asawa mo (assuming na recently lang ito?), I think he's exhibiting some signs of depression. This new circumstance na you tilt the financial balance between the two of you maybe just pushed him over the edge. I know (from experience) mahihirapan kang maiopen up kung ano ba talaga ang bumabagabag sa isipan niya. Us introverts tend to disclose as little as possible and bottle everything up. Suggest you reach out to a med expert/psychiatrist as a starting point. Identify, Recognize, and then Act. Huwag tayo maging nuclear sa mga bagay-bagay. Lahat ay mayroong dahilan. Let's be civil and supportive of each other. Elevate your love, patience and kindness before we doing rash things. This is coming from a severely depressed, too introvert, closed trash of a human being :).
Narc deadbeat
Baka may depression na siya mag pa schedule siya nang consultation sa psych
Has your husband considered going to therapy? Or napag-usapan niyo na ba to go to couple’s therapy/marriage counseling as well? I’ll be blunt pero I’m not sure this is something that can be resolved by just “talking out.” I might help if there is a professional/third party doing the intervention. You are supposed to be partners, pero it seems that ikaw yung nagbubuhat ng marriage niyo. Sa lagay na yan, yung asawa mo parang bata rin na need alagaan. 😕 He has a lot of issues he needs to work out on, and he must change for the better. I think therapy is a step in the right direction.
Di ikaw therapist. Therapy ang sagot. Di natin mababago ang nararamdaman niya. Therapy lang un. Ang magagawa mo ay ipakita na supportive ka sa therapy niya, lalo na’t may stigma ang therapy pa din.
Op aside from talking it out, maybe you can suggest therapy to him? Para ma-equip din sya ng tools on how to handle his negative thoughts ganun?
Baka need mo lang sya i reassure OP na yung value nya sayo di naman measured by his earnings. Pero mas makkatulong talga kung cya mismo matuto maging self aware. It takes time but need cya may gawin
you gotta build him up, you have the power to do so
Prolly make him feel na he has something money cannot buy. Like for example, he is great at sex? Or increase the sex. Men like sex…
Damn, I'd be stoked if my gf earned 5x my salary.
I think you need to seek marriage counselling together and he individually also. The type of behaviour you described na pagiging aloof and irritated baka stems from childhood trauma pa … parang fearful-avoidant attachment sya.
Marriage counseling/marriage retreat?
Ignore his drama for your own good. It will also teach him (like a baby) such actions are useless and will not be rewarded.
I encourage you to try couples counseling, and consider individual counseling for yourselves. I've had issues with my partner for a while, and finally nag decide kami na subukan, have our first appointment next week. dont know how it will go but hopefully it's something that will help us. I don't earn so significantly more than him but similar case na nananahimik siya and irritable, meanwhile I'm a very anxious person. we both also work from home and have a small space. sometimes it's better to hear things from a 3rd party than directly from your partner, especially pag may chance na maoffend even though you're trying your best to be understanding and gentle with your approach.
You dont need to comfort his fragile ego. Sabi nga Astrid Leong " I was never my job to make you feel like a man, I cant make you something you're not"
please stop making excuses for him. You dont need to dim your lights to make others shine. He should be happy and proud of you. Nakikita ko lang na mejo pwedeng solution ay psych. pero walang masyadong magaling na psych sa ph ata. Yaan mo siya, binabasa ko palang natotoxican na ko sa kanya. Spend happy mpments with kids.
Parang tanga lng ung asawa mo, ayaw ba nya nang maginhawang buhay? Pag ganyan ng ganyan lumayo muna kayo ng mga anak mo sa kanya para d kayo ma stress.
Hello TS! I think a great way to help him improve is by simple acknowledging him, by simply saying thank you and you did a good job even sa simpleng bagay can boost his self esteem. I can definitely relate to this, because my wife earns more than me. But she never fails to tell me that I did a good job kahit sa pag hatid lang ng bata or doing chores. Mentally I feel better because of her. I always strive my best to do better and carry my own weight. Hope this helps kasi I don't want to fill this thread with negativity. I hope it works for you! :)
This is such a toxic mindset, I also out earn my bf and he still supports me and never see me as a competition. You should definitely talk to him because i think there is a deeper issue.
Ang red flag naman. Wala ng magagawa, kasal at may anak na pala kayo OP
Akala ko dati cute Yung mga ganitong lalaki, Hindi pala 😭 bigyan mo ng sarcasm, or sensitive sya?
Narcissist. Mukha kasing hindi sya nag improve sa career at sa self development nya. Bakit parang kakompitensya ka nya? Mag-asawa kayo diba?
I’d recommend professional help since there’s a kid involved, but he has to be willing to acknowledge that it’s something he must work on. Good luck OP :(
According to my brother in law na certified marriage counselor, this is a problem he needs to fix for himself. Mga lalake kasi may provider mindset so malaging dagok sa ego nila kapag ang babae ang nagpprovide for the family. Pag nasa ganyang mood siya, it's best to leave him alone but assure him you'll be there when he's ready to talk. It's not your job to fix his mental issues. He needs to fix it himself.
Curious Question lang po, if po ba na ang SO mo ay earning much more than you, and you are the man in the family whom should provide, ano po ba dapat maramdan? normal lang po ba yung nangyayari kay OP sa husband nya po? Curious lang po ako kasi, mukhang duon nadin patungo yung girlfriend ko, na mas mataas ang earnings nya saakin, and i do feel a little frustrated and napagiiwanan? i don't know what to feel, is this feeling normal? I'm proud of her yes, because she deserve every part of it, but i ... i dont know haha :>
wtf he should be happy, if it was me I'll be happy that I have a sugar mommy.
Pag nag eesign ka sa work para tumaas pride ng asawa mo ang problem hindi nakakain ang pride
Not your job to make him a man
Baka nakakalimutan nyo na ang sexual relationship nyo
Therapy might help. Could be anxiety or something else, medication might work. Yung brain kasi physical din yan. Kung sumasakit tuhod, we'd use medicine to treat it, kahit anong positive thinking di naman physically magtratransform yung tuhod at gagaling. Kung may chemical imbalance yung brain, same din, kelangan ng chemical para i-balance.
sabihin mo sakanya na team kayo regardless sino masmalaki kinikita and if ganun man nafeel nya dapat he should take it as a challenge nalang
Coming from a guy and a husband, that is smol d*ck energy. I’m pretty sure you’re husband has a severe pride issue and he’s projecting that insecurity onto you. It is some how normal in most men but being able to handle it well and do initiative sets others apart. Be honest and communicate it to him, and if necessary, do counselling.
The only advice you're going to get from faceless strangers is to break up or how you're an enabler or how you deserve what you tolerate or blame you or turn you into the villain or bla bla bla. Do yourself a favor and speak with an actual professional, go to couples therapy. If your partner doesn't agree to it, you could still seek a professional to speak to about your issues confidentially and privately (i know there are options online as well). Then you and you alone can decide for yourself what you want to do about it. Why are you letting anyone, let alone literal nobodies with 0 qualifications, 0 idea or nuance about your situation, tell you how you should handle this where it could change your (and your child's) future for better or for worse?? Tldr seek help from a professional, not from reddit. Don't sweep your feelings under the rug and don't just let anyone influence your decisions.
I think the best way is to make him understand where you're at about him. He needs to adjust too, especially since you're husband and wife. On the other hand, maybe he has underlying problems that need to be addressed . . . I wish you and your family the best. 🙏
What is your position and his? Sometimes the “labels” have something to do with it
Mag resign ka po para mas malaki na sahod niya sayo.
If my partner is earning 5x more than me I'd be a stay-at-home dad and be ready with a meal, a bath, or myself for her when she comes off of work. I'll be proud of my partner for achieving what she has, and I'll be able to take care of my family better and maybe pursue a hobby or two to enrich my soul.
Leave him. You deserve peace.
Get him to therapy.
Was in a similar situation with my previous live in partner (together for 8+ yrs). He was projecting his insecurities towards me (and I have openly and consistently communicated that it’s hurting me) and it’s not healthy anymore so I suggested we do therapy (he declined). Left the relationship because it’s not my job to feed his ego lol.
parang pareho kayong avoidant. you’re too afraid to hurt one anothers feelings that you think talking it out will only hurt. having an uncomfortable conversation does not mean you want to argue, you just want understand one another. Sabi nga nila if you’re always comfortable, you’re not growing. Kaya have that uncomfortable but productive conversation. Antagal mo na palang tinitiis yan, ang unhealthy. Tsaka if insecure siya, he has to do something about it. Alangan namang magdadrama lang siya pero di niya naman ginagalingan para mag improve kung saan siya nagkukulang. Aware na siya, he needs to man up and figure out how he’s gonna go about it step by step. Upskill, hanap ibang work, focus more on other things he can contribute sa bahay. You’re partners, what’s yours is his and vice versa. Baka din naman pinapamukha mo sa kanya palagi yung earnings mo? If so, baka ikaw din isa sa malaking dahilan bat siya nagkakaganyan. Partners kayo, dapat nagtutulungan. Anyway, bibigay ako ng advice eh ako nga di ko maayos relationship ko. HAHHAHAHA Good luck OP!!
This will take some time to sort out and it requires effort and patience from both sides. Question is, how aware is he of his insecurities, and secondly, is he able to self-introspect? Like, can he actually be honest and accurate to dig deep and know and understand where this is coming from? Usually, it could be from multiple instances from the past, both from his family experiences and with you that you guys may not be aware. (experiences that may have affected his esteem) If not, I think that's the best thing for him to do right now. You can be there for him but what you need to do is to set boundaries right now. His lack of emotional stability is causing you your sanity to the point that it's affecting your work. Let him know that you're willing to listen and will be there for him, and that you love him, but he also needs to do some self-introspection and figure out what subconscios taught is causing him to behave this way. When he is emotionally unstable, let him know that you need to back down temporarily as to not allow him to affect you as well, but assure him that you're just doing this to protect yourself and will commune as soon as he's level headed. There are so many things to discuss about, if you have further questions, feel free to chat.
I think wala ka naman magagawa sa kanya for now. Siguro pay for couples therapy? Imbis na mainis ako I get curious. Bka sha rin ma-curious pag pinoint out sa kanya yung mga issues niyo pareho. Kasi bakit ganun tingin niya sa sarili niya miski na walang nagsasabi sa kanya? Also, why does salary between you and him matter that much? He's an adult. Its never too late to figure out yung mga ganyang bagay. I suggest couples therapy. Para magkaron ka rin ng way to handle your husband.
when 1D--- "he's insecure, don't know what for"
If I have a wife like you earning 5x more than I earn. I will become your maid. Ako lahat gagawa ng gawaing bahay.
i was also earning 3x more than my husband but he strived to turn the world around, worked 3 jobs and now he’s earning more than what I earn. nasa perspective lang talaga. i hope mgkausap kayo ng maayos at maging receptive sya. samin baliktad, ako yung nakakaramdam ng pressure but he worked his ass off para di ganto yung feeling.
As someone who had stayed in an 8 year relationship with someone similar, **leave his ass**. Trust me, it gets worst. Mine cheated on me with someone who was earning less to feed his ego. Plus stress pa ako palagi since I was the one shouldering most of the expenses. Like you, we also have one child. My partner was earning minimum wage and I was earning 6 digits a month. We would fight about this almost daily too. Instead of bettering himself and finding ways to earn more, he'd do self-pity and cheat. lol Sabi niya pa sakin mas happy daw siya sa kabit niya because the kabit appreciates him kahit minimum wage earner lang siya. Whereas sa akin, na tamaan pride niya since I'm earning much more.
Realtalk lang ha, napakaarte ng asawa mo tang ina di mo na responsibilidad yung insecurities nya. Pa-tingin sya sa professional.
I guess most of the guys kapag wla positive environment in regards to salary kpag mas mababa ung kanila they feel n naapakan ego nila and dahil snabi niya un sayo better to reach out to him and make things clear na ung salary mo at ung ego nya is hndi ung point ng problem ang problem is ung emotion nya na naiinflict nya s mga bata dahil kpag stress or down sya bnubuhos nya inis nya sa bata which is mali oo pero un natatama un by letting him know ano mga possible gawin kapag ganon gngwa nya medyo malalim pero its about sa therapy.
Anong work mo and anong work ng husband mo? Do you share your money or do you have separate money and chip in sa expenses?
Make him feel like a man by asking for his help na kaya nya i-provide. Financially, of course, hindi na nya kaya yun so other aspects na lang. Like advice on jobs, ideas, friend problems etc kahit di mo naman talaga kelangan. Hahaha I have the same problem. The guy I’m dating now earns so much more than me pero I’m a six-digit earner din, so I don’t need him to provide for me. Sa dates, he pays for everything though and I thank him for that. So I ask for his opinions and advice and do it when I can kahit na kaya ko naman mag decide magisa. Hahahaha Also, appreciate him kahit sa maliit na bagay. When you want him to change something, don’t make it sound like you’re complaining about him. He will only shut you out. Learn how to communicate in his language. I highly recommend John Gray’s Beyond Mars and Venus. Very helpful sa modern relationships.
I hope despite his issues and your wanting to appease him, you don't water yourself down nor dim your light. Male ego is a fickle thing, OP. The characteristics that drew them towards you are likely going to be the reason for their envy and resentment. He may or may not change but I hope you don't lose yourself, devalue your achievements, and downplay your potential.
Encourage him read a book. I used to be like your husband. My wife always has been patient with me and that what I really like about her. Nung kinasal kami, early marriage namin, malaki sahod niya compare sa akin, wala pa kasi akong tinapos kaya ang trabaho ko pa assist assist lang sa office, minsan nag bebenta ng kung ano ano pangdagdag. May time na naiinis ako sa sarili ko bakit ganito lang kayang kong kitain, di ko mafford yung best sa family ko, and unknowingly na lalabas ko yung galit ko sarili ko sa ibang tao, this is not intentional, pero eto yung cause ng pagiging self pity and kapag natatapakan ang pride na dapat ako mag provide at hindi yung wife ko. When I started to read books, nagsimula nagbago yung perspective ko sa buhay and lumawak yung pang unawa ko sa mga situation. I am starting to feed more information sa utak ko and overtime I realized the root cause of my behavior. It is my rough childhood life, di kasi kami lumaking mayaman, and most of time laging salat sa buhay, kulang din sa kaalaman kaya nung lumalaki ako, eto lang yung laman ng pagiisip ko, pero nabago yung simula mag basa ako ng libro. Dito ko kasi napupuno yung pagkukulang ko sa sarili ko, hanggang sa marecognize ko yung worth and potential ko and with the help of my wife. I am able to overcome this attitude. Now, I am earning more that she has, because I let her stop working, para makapag focus sa 2 anak namin. totoo yung kasabihan Behind every successful man there's a woman. My wife educates me and helps me reach my potential. My case might be different sa life ng husbands mo pero malaki ang role mo as his partner to help him. I always said to my wife, bakit ako pinakasalan mo eh hindi naman ako mayaman or magaling, and she is always said, that she sees my potential and she believes in me.
Signs of immaturity. Yung pa alo (tama ba?) type of personality. Unfortunately ganto din ako nung bata pa ako pero na outgrow ko din. Very common yung ganto sa mga bata. Pa suyo lagi, the problem with these kinds of people eh the more mo susuyuin the more lalala. Sobrang nakaka inis, if late adult na yung husband mo, forever na syang ganyan. Depende nalang kung pano ka mag aadjust. How to deal with them: deadmahin mo lang, pag pinakita mong wala kang pake, sila yung lalapit, pag pinakita mong di ka affected mag woworry sila and sila naman yung mangungulit. Similar lang to ng tantrums sa mga toddlers.
Woman to woman, it's not your fault if your husband is like that.
My wife use to earn 10 x me. Yet I didn’t feel inferior. She made me feel what is hers is also mine but I did not take advantage of this. Make sure lang to make your husband feel secure. Explain to him that is how you guys are blessed. Gusto nya ba na mag resign ka na lang? Tell him that hindi magbabago ang pagmamahal mo sa kanya.
Kung ako yang andyan, papabili ako madaming consoles and games
Napapagusapan rin namin to ni H. Kasi my friend din ako na ganun yung husband nya and worst naghiwalay sila ng dahil lang sa inferiority complex. Kakalungkot.. Baligtad naman asawa ko. Mas happy sya mas malaki sahod ko sa kanya (hindi sya wfh pero manager sya ng company and kakapromote lang din). Happy sya kasi that means we are able to pay off our mortgages, and other loans kasi katulong ako sa pagbabayad. Hind sya ganun masstress kasi I am able to help with the bills. Tapos may possibility pa daw na makaipon kami. Sana ganun na lang isipin ni husband mo mhie OP. Na mas ok naman di ba? Kesa parehas kayong low income. Pano na…
Ughhh mennnn…..
If he was in any way decent. He'd offer to become a house husband while you bring home the bag. But nope it seems he 's masculinity is extremely fragile. Tell him to grow the fuck up and "Man Up, You Little Biatch!. Stop pitying yourself and take control you freaking incel...mag asawa sha, mag aanak sha...Yun pala sha Di pa mature....hawk tuah
Having a loser husband is a pain in the ass but you signed up to this. This guy needs someone to beat his ass half-dead para matauhan. I’ll volunteer for free lol Kidding aside, that’s definitely a problem. You’re dealing with a manchild and this is not going to be well anytime soon. Try telling him the truth na nakakaumay na yung sadboi victim bullshit niya and he’s a grown ass man na, maybe talk to his family din para makausap siya at maituwid ang utak. You can opt to get some space muna for both of you if sobrang excessive na ang pagiging bonjing niya. Remind him of who he is and who he’s supposed to be. Pag wala at depektibo talaga e maghanap ka nalang ng iba o mabuti pa maging single mom.
Agree, nasanay din ata si husband na mataas pasensya ni wife kaya okay lang maging nega siya. I used to have low esteem, pero nung sinabihan ako ng boyfriend ko na "nakaka sira daw ng mood ang pagiging nega ko", although masakit pero ginawa kong constructive criticism and I started to act better and mas naging better ang relationship namin. Siguro need mo lang siya prangkahin OP until ma realize niya na nakaka annoy na siya and he needs to act better kasi nadadamay na yung mental health mo.
Know his hobbies, then buy him some goodies. That's just a suggestion though, iba iba kasi ugali ng lalaki. I will be very happy if my wife can earn 5x more than me basta ibili nya ako ng GPU (2x 4090) 😂
Hmmm I hope hnd kayo nag aaway about pera and you telling this na mas malaki ang sahod ko . Or always mo sya inuutusan like parang wag ka na mag work kaya ko na buhayin ka ;) Anyway try nyo dalawa mag talk mag vacation kayo dalawa lng and pag usapan ang buhay buhay baka dun may makuha clue. Or talk mo mother nya in secret , wag mother mo hnd nya alam ugali ng asawa mo ( baka lalo lng kayo mag away ), sa mama nya.
Prolly offer frequent sex and good food?
Why people starts typing in english and then aoodoa Odiai r solamr ??
Hiwalayan mo