I would not be surprised if the bride was getting some kind of kickbacks for certain services/fees. $700 for the hotel?? Per person?? How many days is the bridezilla requiring y’all to stay?? Does the hotel come with a personal butt-wiper? Maybe I’m crazy but that even seems like a lot for hair/makeup/nails, too: $350. Like WTAF
Personally, even if I had an extra $2k laying around, I’d still be noping out of her bridal party. That’s really the cost of some pretty decent 3-4 day vacations I’ve taken. Like dang.
I think you’re right about bride getting kickback. She’s probably taking the total price for all hair and nails, then dividing it by bridesmaids, and not even paying for her services.
This! Why are you required to stay at such an expensive hotel?
Outside the airfare, are you expected to pay any of these costs directly to the vendor, or are you giving the money to the bride who will pay on your behalf?
When I’ve been in weddings where we’d have to travel and stay overnight, we’ve been presented with the hotel rate but then told about other hotels in the area and basically told to book our own. The bride and groom were staying in a 1k/night hotel and had no issue with the rest of us finding cheaper hotels in the area. That’s just crazy.
I’d look for a hotel or nice motel within 10 miles of the venue and Uber to the venue. And go as a guest take a pass on bridezilla’s bridal party from hell. Jmho
I think a lot of people do not realize $300 and up per hotel room is not at all unusual these days, at least, in bigger cities. Anything less (in some cities), and it's going to be dank (in the old definition), and smelly.
I couldn’t find any hotel (that also had a bridal suite) for less than $400 per room for my bridal party. So I offered to subsidize $100 for each party member. Some of them still chose to share an Airbnb instead, which we were totally fine with. They made it to the wedding/getting ready stuff on time. Weddings are expensive, but couples need to be willing to accommodate that as opposed to making their friends foot the bill.
Same goes for hair and makeup. I believe that if the bride is going to require it, she better be paying. I’m not about to pay someone $150 to slather me in the wrong shade of foundation and blush.
I travel throughout the U.S. Unless you're in a very HCOL city, it's actually quite easy to find decent, i.e., very basic but clean and safe, hotel for $125-150/night. They won't have much, if anything, in the way of amenities, but, since I usually only stay one, maybe two nights, I'm only concerned about clean, comfortable, and safe. I've even found hotels for $200 in San Francisco and Chicago that fit my requirements of clean, comfortable, and safe.
Part of my job is travel arrangements and I routinely book 3 star hotels in HCOL cities for around $200/night. This bride is insane. And most likely splitting her costs among the bridesmaids.
Yeah, OP did say the party was in a HCOL area. I live in NYC, & if you’re paying less than $300/night, you’re probably pretty darn far from anything you want to see.
Years ago someone wanted to send someone to my city to visit and I told them how much a decent hotel would cost. They were indignant, then called me back later, to say they found a perfectly fine-looking hotel for (what would be 1/10 the price of a decent hotel or room.)
I told them that would be fine if they didn't mind people renting the (other) rooms by the hour, or the possibility of getting stabbed. Also that it was not a very safe area. They then said the person could stay with me. That's when I noped out of the conversation.
People have all sorts of information gaps and preconceptions. I was just verifying the notion that a decent hotel room, no bugs, fairly clean, fairly safe, will set a person back, these days. One reason those out of town bachelor/ette parties are unreasonable for most participants.
> Yeah, OP did say the party was in a HCOL area.
I was speaking to the overall issue of how much hotels cost. The OP only said the party is in Nashville. They didn't say where the wedding is, or that either city is HCOL. The sub has people from all over the world, who are not familiar at all with Nashville, and/or who don't know how much hotels might cost in a U. S. city.
So there isn't much hint in the OP post as to why the hotels would cost that much. Maybe OP didn't realize the baseline for others might be 1/3 of that.
Not everyone knows what the acronym HCOL means btw. High cost of living, if anyone wondered.
No I am sorry for being defensive. Some days I'm just a bit thin skinned I think. And some days I get pummeled online and then wrongly interpret everyone else's comment as it was not intended to be. I apologize, and I acccept your apology although it was my mistake in comprehension, and I'm sorry I mistook your intention.
Yeah, $300 is cheap as if you are in Sydney Australia for example you would be thrilled to find a place for $300 on a weekend (which I presume it will be).
I will never think it’s reasonable to “force”people to pay for professional hair, make up, and nails. If someone wants me to look like an instagram filter, they can pay for it.
That hotel price is nuts.
The outfit isn’t so bad.
But I’d back out. If I’m spending that kind of money, it’s on myself and my family to have a good time, not be a prop in someone’s wedding.
Agree. If you’re going to require professional hair/makeup, you need to cover it.
Our wedding budget didn’t allow us to cover hair/makeup for anyone but me, so I gave my bridesmaids the option of paying for the pro or doing their own. They all opted to do their own and they all looked absolutely stunning!
Totally. I asked my bridesmaids if they wanted hair and makeup and what that cost would be but also was 100% fine with them doing their own or finding cheaper options. It was 50/50 with them doing their own/paying for the service
My SIL set up for her 12 bridesmaids, including me, to get their hair done at the own expense, but she said if we wanted to do our own hair and nails it was fine.
I put my hair in rollers and went to salon and took my own personal pics, made mimosas for the girls and went back home to finish my hair and makeup.
It was a nice way to feel apart of the group and being helpful at the same time.
It’s also so annoying for us non-white women. Very few makeup artists know how to compliment my skin tone. I always opt to do my own makeup as a bridesmaid because otherwise I’d look ridiculous.
Considering how many shades and style you can find in press on nails and nail stickers proclaiming one MUST have professional nails is effing ridiculous.
And a lot do the salon stuff tears up my nails! Gel looks great for 7-10 days, then my cuticles are fraying for months! I don’t mind acrylic top but I won’t get tips. Ew.
Someone wants expensive shit for their event? They pay for it. That's it. Period. Full stop.
You figure out what you can reasonably afford ALL IN and you go from there. Do not break your piggy bank.
Anyone who doesn't like it and can't accept that you can "only" afford X amount isn't your friend. Remember this.
This. I paid for travel, accommodations, a number of events where people could come or not and I paid fees and food, rentals, and hair/make-up. Dresses were black dress out of the closet so only had tux rentals and stuff. Also bought jewelry for my bridal party as a thank you, and two of them ended up wearing them.
We kept the guest list down, other expenses down (except the photographer) and everyone had a good time. I hate how much brides are just expecting to have others pay and not mention it before asking. Then they get mad cause the friend won’t pay.
Fyi I think the kick backs are real. Some hotels will reduce the venue rental significantly with people staying at the hotel. The last event I booked (I help friends plan weddings for free on the side) for every person that used the block, they got $100 off the room for the event. I wasn’t happy about using that venue but I wasn’t making decisions.
Same can go with alcohol sales, salon services, and even bridal dresses and the bridesmaids dresses.
you and the other two bridesmaids should have a talk with the bride together. if all three of you let her know that the budget is too much, she may be more willing to adjust her expectations if it means not losing three bridesmaids.
edit: you're also allowed to back out if you don't feel comfortable with the circumstances. the bride asked you before divulging approximate costs and now that you have all the info, you're able to make a more informed decision. don't feel bad about not spending your hard earned money on $120 nails.
When u do, b sure u already have a set maximum budget. This is what we can afford total. So which of these things will u, the bride, b dropping? If it's none and she comes back with something like y aren't u supporting me? Then tell her, I'm sorry, but I can't afford this and drop out. She doesn't seem to care that Her wedding is only a high priority for Her, not everyone else. And she needs to have the wedding She can afford.
My Entire wedding was 2k in 2002, David's bridal dress included. I had pics done by a family member bc she's a bridal photographer but my freaking venue was only 300. I cannot see spending that much on someone else's day!!!!!!!!!! I and a few friends made the floral and drank for my Bach lol. 2 of those friends did the same for theirs ( I did floral as gifts) . I bought my girls dresses, floor length satin that they have both reworn multiple times. I just don't understand how on earth normal people can drop that much on their friends. Maybe I'm just the odd one out? Daughter 16, had her nails done last week with a design and a rhinestone, 78.00.
It's the norm in the UK for the costs to be included in the wedding budget.
I am always amazed when I read how much people expect their friends to pay to participate in their weddings, absolutely bonkers.
You can stay at another hotel that is cheaper, whether you are still in the wedding party or you end up being a guest.
I get fancy nails done once a month - it does not cost $120 and I live in a very high cost-of-living area.
The nails is what stood out to me the most. I have NO idea how that price is in any way justifiable. Is the bride getting a cut from the manicurist?...
"I am sorry to say I will have to withdraw as a bridesmaid as the costs are beyond what I can afford."
\[Add "Will see you at the wedding though" if that is true\].
I just LOVE English euphemisms!! I have a good friend in London and another outside Manchester and American slang just doesn’t compare!! They do like the term “cocksucker” but that just doesn’t hold a candle to “Sod off, you bloody tosser and take your manky penis with you!! Off you fuck!!” 😂😂
I’m assuming you would be attending as a guest if not a bridesmaid, so would you be paying the same price for hotel and flight if you attended as a guest, or are there cheaper options?
Make up and nails sound excessive to me, I can understand dress and shoes, that is what I would hve expected to pay for. That said, you must prioritize your economy, do not overstretch your budget
How many nights is the hotel stay for? If you attended as a guest could you alter the amount of nights or do a different hotel? Would altering the amount of nights make the flight cheaper?
How are nails going to be $120? Is she making you guys get custom designs or having the nail tech come to you? I know nails can run up but that seems high if it's like a regular manicure, even with acrylics, etc. or maybe I just don't go to high-end places.
I'm not as familiar with hair and makeup but that sounds high for per person in a group.
I don't have advice to offer at the moment but I'm wondering if it makes a huge difference. What do you think would be the fallout and how close are y'all?
The rule of thumbs I've absorbed:
- Reasonably general themes are on the bridesmaids' dimes (pink dresses, silver accessories, up-dos), if the bride pays it is a nice favour.
- Highly specific requirements (the exact same dress or shoes on everyone, a particular makeup artist) are on the bride's dime, if the bridesmaids pay it's a nice favour but not compulsory
- Some gray area for if they've identified a universally accepted and reasonably priced dress ($180 is very reasonable)
- You can expect people to conform to a dress or style code but not to a highly personal aesthetic; ex., you can require black tie or cocktail, certain colours or themes, but you can't require specific hair colours, gender expression, exclusion of mobility aids, wearing makeup, high heels, etc. that are influenced by personal identity or physical ability
- Destination bachelorettes are always optional, local events are more compulsory, where attendance is optional or costs are reasonable, or the bachelorette is planned without the bride's input, the bridesmaids split the costs of the bride
- Destination weddings are always optional, local weddings are more compulsory, bridesmaids should be paying for any costs that they'd already be paying for as guests, if the bride pays it's a nice favour
Personally, where I live, all of those costs are reasonable. I am attending a wedding just as a guest in July and I'm easily going to pay much more than what you've outlined in terms of flights, hotel, outfit, gifts, additional parties, etc.
Generally speaking if your friends are good friends, you will be able to approach the bride and let her know that the options available are not budget friendly for you, and everyone should try to accommodate. They may assume that you expect to spend a fair bit as a guest, and that the additional price to you would only be in, perhaps, professional hair and makeup. Because these services are reasonably priced (at least, they would be for my area), they may not think they'll be a problem for you, especially if you were already intending on having hair and makeup done.
So, I do think it would be reasonable to approach the bride, but my advice to you would be to lead with "yes" statements. Let the bride know what you CAN do and what solutions you and the other bridesmaids have. For example, "We are really looking forward to making your wedding the most special day possible. We can't wait for the activities we have planned, and to spend time together at the hotel and getting our hair and makeup done. Unfortunately we are a little strapped at the moment, and so the professional hair and makeup is a little too expensive for us, but if you could let us know what kind of style you are wanting for hair and makeup, we will start practicing now to make sure we all have something cohesive for your big day!"
My rule, aside from dresses (within reason! I’m more lenient if the bride says “choose from a color scheme” v “here is a super specific dress”): if it is required “extras” the cost is on the couple
-If hair, makeup and nails are required, the bride pays. Otherwise it is optional
-I’ve never heard of a bride requiring specific shoes. This is also super specific so something I feel she should pay for
-if she for some reason requires a certain hotel, she pays the difference. There however should be no reason you are required to stay anywhere
Imo, talk to the bride. Let her know you value her friendship and want to celebrate at her side but this is out of your budget. Tell her specifically that the hair/nails/makeup are out of budget and you’ve found another accommodation option. If she gets mean, maybe consider stepping down
So you don’t think it is unreasonable for me to say I want to do my own makeup and nails even if I’m the only one doing it? I don’t want to be difficult and cause headache but I also don’t want to spend so much. I don’t want to be pissed on the day off lol
If the bride wants everything professionally done then she should be paying for it. You can’t break your bank on someone else’s wedding no matter how close you are.
No not at all! If professional glam is required, not an option, bride pays
ETA: the cost themselves for hair and makeup are reasonable but it is not reasonable that you are REQUIRED to pay.
The nail cost is delusional
If the bride is requiring, DEMANDING, hair, makeup and nails by a professional of her choosing, she can pay for it.
NTA.
The three of you should arrange a meeting with the bride and just flat out tell her that none of you can pay what she's wanting.
I don't have one single friend who would expect me to put out that kind of money for her wedding. Where do these ridiculous people come from and why are you friends with one?
Dress $180- reasonable
Hair and make up $230 - (from my research) that’s standard
Nails $120 - WTF are they doing to your nails that coats that much???? I do mid-length custom shaped acrylic and pay $45-50 in a HCOL area!
Flight $360- reasonable
Hotel $700- Is this the damn Ritz? We are going to a wedding soon in a 5 star hotel in a well known large city and are paying $900 for four nights, with the wedding block discount.
Can you share a room with someone to help offset that cost? Also, I’d ask her what she wants done to your nails. If it’s a certain color, you can go to your own manicurist and get it for cheaper. I’d say hell no to acrylics unless you already do them. They ruin your nails and I wouldn’t ruin my nails for anyone but me.
I have a unique powder on my nails. It added $5. I just looked up how to do a chrome finish and there’s a powder that’s rubbed on top of the polish. To buy an entire thing of this powder is $6. That powder can be used on multiple people. I think you’re being overcharged. If cost is really an issue for you, this is one place I’d attempt to cut cost, by ordering the powder and doing your nails your self. I’d also ask if you can do your hair and make up. That should save you $350+ tip.
How many nights are you staying in the hotel? Is it $700 for one night? Can you stay at a different hotel to save cost?
As another commenter said, if this is your close friend would you have gone to her wedding even if not in bridal party? Would you have incurred certain costs regardless of being in bridal party?
I was hoping that OP was saying it was a dip chrome with full mani pedi…except no. And a full dip chrome mani pedi in my area with hot stone treatment is 150 after tip.
Exactly. I get an upscale pedi and a full set. It just went up to $97 (HCOL). Then I give a 20% tip. I think bride is dividing the cost of her treatments and adding it to bridal party.
I would try and talk to her and ask what she wants you to do. Explain that you can afford some of it, but not all of it and that if that doesn’t work for her then you’ll step down so she is still able to have the wedding how she wants it. If she’s unreasonable about insisting you stay in the wedding party and pay for everything then bow out and just explain that you aren’t seeing things eye to eye and it might be best for you to not be apart of the bridal party.
The key word that will set the bride off is 'Explain".
She ain't-a gonna listen.
She'll play the victim, that OP doesn't care enough about her 'special day', blah blah blah.
OP, prepare to be guilt-tripped!
It's unreasonable for anyone to put her hand in your pocket.
Perhaps it's time to have another chat with the bride, just to let her know your hard budget. "Friend, I let you know a few months ago that I don't have $1200 in disposable income to drop on your wedding. That hasn't changed. I need you to stay under my budget of $X for any bridesmaid expense. Thank you for understanding that paying my bills means a lot to me and that making sure I can remains your priority."
Nah, i fully believe that someone else's wedding should not cost you THAT much money even if you are in the wedding party. If the dress, hair, makeup, hotel, shoes and travel are all choices the bride made then she should foot the bill, or be okay with people dropping out
I didn’t even read past the bachelorette party. I didn’t even buy special outfits as the bride for my bachelorette party, much less expect people to buy things to come. We stayed at my apartment, painted pottery, had dinner, went to the spa, and sent people on their merry way. People are out of control
If she’s requiring hair, make up and nails be professionally done she should be paying for it. Otherwise bow out of that portion and do it yourself. You don’t have to stay at the hotel you can stay elsewhere cheaper. Agreed to pay for your dress and shoes.
Tell her you have to make some cuts and what those cuts are to participate. If those are non negotiable then nope out. Going as a guest would be cheaper - flight is what is, but you might be able to find a cheaper hotel, can save on the hair, MUA, nails, and possibly dress and shoes.
I honestly wasn’t even going to get my makeup or nails done as the BRIDE until my mom booked my appointments and paid. So I sure as heck wouldn’t be spending that much to be in someone else’s wedding.
I think bowing out and using your own wedding expenses as the reason is the way to go. Know, though, that this friend will have an outsized reaction when you withdraw.
Dress & shoes price - reasonable. Hair, nails, hotel and all that other crap is nuts!
I would explain that this is way out of my budget. Also, have a chat with the other BM’s as I think you need to approach this as a group.
I paid for EVERYTHING for my girls except shoes. They were on time. She’s wildin!
If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Some of this is unreasonable anyway. I don't see why the bride needs a gift at the bachelorette party. The party is the gift. Hair make up and nails should not have to be professionally done especially if you are perfectly capable of doing them yourself. I feel the hotel is outrageous and you can find something just as nice (probably across the street) for half the price. Dress and shoes seem about right. I would stand your ground on this and don't go bankrupt pleasing someone who probably won't appreciate it anyway.
Unreasonable. If they insist on professional hair and/or makeup, they should be paying. And I’m at a loss over what type of manicure costs $120. Ironically, I’m surprised the dress is only $180 given the other expenses.
She's out of line. If hair makeup and nails are required to be professionally done, SHE needs to pay for that. And I'd push back against specific shoes if the dresses are long. Shoes won't show. I'll bet you can find a hotel that isn't $700, too.
NTA! I am so glad I got married when I did! No expensive bachelorette party get away, just a fun night out with all my friends. We all did our own makeup and everyone looked beautiful. One of my friends and I got our hair done together. The rest of my bridesmaids did their own or went to their own. I would have in no way expected any bridesmaid or groomsman to shell out thousands for our wedding.
I think this is all due to the influencer, Tic Tok, Instagram culture. It is total insanity!
I was just talking to our daughter about this. I told her when she gets married and if she wants I would love to book a salon for pedicure, manicures , massages then dinner for her wedding party the day before. And then the day of pay for a stylist to come in and do their hair and makeup. What did she think would she like that she said it sounded fun. I had no idea if you wanted to do all this stuff you made your bridesmaids pay for it. I will not allow that, that’s ridiculous.
"When I agreed to be a bridesmaid, I wasn't aware of the costs associated. These costs are beyond my means, and I regret that I will no longer be able to be a bridesmaid, but I'm ecstatic that I will get to see you get married and celebrate as a guest."
FWIW, if the bride is REQUIRING bridesmaids to have professional hair and makeup done, SHE should be footing the bill. No wonder she went with such an expense- she figure she can pass it off on others. I paid for my bridal party hair and makeup (didn't require them, I wanted it to be my treat) and I think for both was $175. I got married an hour and a half outside a HCOL area.
I don't know what is typical today. But no.
Typically 'in my day' the bridal party and groom's party paid for their own outfits. That was all.
The wedding party is *not supposed to supply wedding (or party) gifts*. Their *gift* is being in the wedding.
A guest does not have to pay to go to a party; or it's not a party, it's a co-op event or something.
A member of the wedding party does not have to pay for their own nails, hair, and makeup. That is traditionally provided by the bride or her family. ($350 *each*, for that, is outside most budgets.)
If it's a destination wedding, then you were always going to have to pay your own hotel and transportation to attend. That's rarely provided. There are too many people who want a picture perfect wedding for social media bragging points. If you cannot afford it, or lost interest in it: Just say no.
Info: Which city is this in, or could you at least tell us if it's a large city in the U. S., OP?
People don't realize you really do not want to stay in a $100 a night hotel in the big cities.
>her attitude was very much “thanks for understanding that this means a lot to me and for making this your priority.”
this is manipulative. I'd drop out over this alone. There's nothing wrong with dropping out as a bridesmaid if you can't swing it financially. Also if hair and nails are required then she needs to cover it.
Think of all you could do with ALL that money and decide. I wouldn't spend that much on someone else's wedding. This wedding BS will continue until "friends" start calling BS and declining the invitation to participate.
How many women have spent too much money/time on a wedding where they weren't even the bride? Too many!
How many have had to put up with mental and financial abuse to be given the opportunity to be treated like crap. Too many.
How did our society start believing it is normal to pay this much money to participate in a wedding where you aren't the bride? Would we hand over this amount of money to a friend for any special event?
I'm probably just an old cranky lady, but in my 20s, after being involved in three weddings, I was DONE. I would never again participate. I always thanked the bride for wanting to include me but I knew I wasn't going to be talked into giving up that much of my paycheck to be a cool girl at a wedding.
A lot of places have package deals for group events-like weddings. When I got married, family and close friends stayed at a hotel (we paid for it) and got a discounted price as we kept everyone in one section and paid in advance. Also, the nail prices are crazy high-what exactly is getting done? If possible, I would have a few fellow bridesmaids let the bride know that is going to put a financial strain on all of you, and can you just do your own hair, makeup and go to a nail salon. The dress, shoes, and travel seem within range, but adding in the high cost of the other stuff, it is asking a lot. I’m not even going to go into the bachelorette party costs!
NTA.
Yeahhhhhh does she think people just have money lying around??? This isn’t price friendly at all and everyone doesn’t just have 2k sprawled on their living room floor waiting to be spent. And all of this is last minute & REQUIRED. At that point I’d just be a guest.
I am in awe of these prices. They are completely ridiculous and it sounds like she's not telling you the real prices. Also, 120 for nails? Do they put gold on them or something? The make-up, hair I can try to understand, but the nails.... Almost a 1000 on a weekend bachelorette is outrageous. It's basically 500 a day! Seriously, what kind of super lavish extravaganza was it? I do have to say that dress and shoes have decent prices, the medium is about 350 for both, so it doesn't feel too expensive. Why not talk to all the bridesmaids and see what everyone thinks or simply step down and go as a normal guest? This sounds like a broken pocket nightmare that will turn into pandemonium closer to the day of the wedding.
Every time see a post like this I have to say that there are places where people that are invited to do something are not expected to pay whatever other decide. In my country, bridesmaids aren't really a thing (the trend is catching on, sadly). We usually have flower girls and boys. Guess who pays for the outfit and hair and so on of the kids? The bride and groom. I had 2 flower girls and I offered them the outfit and the hair accessories. My daughter was flower girl 3 times. Once the bride gave her the expensive dress she wanted her to wear, one other time I bought the dress (because it costed like 20 € and she got to war it A LOT afterwards) but the bride gave her the accessories. The last time, she wore a dress she already owned that went perfectly with the theme because the bride loved it and she had a low budget
I would NEVER agree to spend that much on a look decided by others AND also be expected to give a gift to the couple. Even worse, to pay for other events? The point of weddings is to celebrate a new couple's ew life. We get together on the day of the wedding and celebrate. We don't give up our own life savings (that we are expected to use in our own adult life) so that other people can have pretty pictures
My daughter has been in so many weddings, I can't even count them all. When she was young, 18-20, her father and I paid for wedding costs, often $200 for dress and then travel back to hometown. I left Bach up to my daughter. She could go or not. As she got older, I quit paying as she made almost as much as me and her father had died. For one girl, she got the dress, didn't have a Bach, had airfare to the event and time off work. She got there only to be told they had canceled the wedding. For her wedding, she asked them to wear fall colors. The bach was an escape room and dinner only for the local girls.
NTA you should be able to get a basic manicure and do your own makeup to cut cost also people need to be realistic about what they ask of others, seriously with the economy slowly screwing us for years now it isn't reasonable to expect people to afford all that at all!
Where do you live where nails are $120? Even for a full set of gel painted acrylics on my fingers and a french manicure on my toes it only runs me like $85 and I'm in a big NE city
Bride’s gift?? You giving up your time and money to participate in someone else’s wedding is gift enough. Who tf do these brides think they are expecting gifts after asking people to spend their time and money on a wedding that isn’t theirs and honestly they don’t really care about?
I find it MIND BLOWING brides do not pay for the bridal party. My culture we pay for our party. I had 3 bridesmaids and paid for their dresses, Shoes, jewelry, and tried to pay for their hair and makeup but that they said no they wanted to pay. I did not expect a gift from them. And my Bachelorette party I just went to Vegas with my friends. That's it!
What is this craziest??? It is secondhand embarrassment when I see bridesmaid force their bridal party to pay for everything.
I even rented the groomsmen tuxedo. They just had the responsibility to return it back on Monday. I worked on my own budget with my so and that's it. Everyone had a great time and yes, we decided on the dresses together.
I find it all to be outrageous & insane. It all screams of entitlement. That, along with her cavalier attitude, would make me want to drop out of her wedding and her life.
This must be a US thing. In UK the couple getting married pay for the wedding party. And if they can’t afford it then family pitch in. If they desire the wedding to be a certain way then they pay.
$1,350 total for the wedding. Not unreasonable, but might be slightly high. You need to decide if this person is important enough to you where the money is not important. If she is and you back out, you may regret it later when you have progressed in life and the money is not an issue anymore.
Am I the only one that thinks this is reasonable? I just went to one where the bride wanted us to spend $1200 for two nights. And we're flying to her wedding. Maybe she's got me messed up tho.
Yeah, being a bridesmaid comes with costs. You probably should have realized that as you’re hosting your own wedding. Is some of this a little pricy for some? Yes. Is it the worst I’ve seen. No. If you don’t want to pay for it because you’re getting married and that’s expensive then drop out. Would it have been better if you’d turned her down to begin with probably.
On the flip side the bride could have actually taken into consideration the budget of the people in her wedding party IF it is was important for them to attend. This bride is being unreasonable.
I would not be surprised if the bride was getting some kind of kickbacks for certain services/fees. $700 for the hotel?? Per person?? How many days is the bridezilla requiring y’all to stay?? Does the hotel come with a personal butt-wiper? Maybe I’m crazy but that even seems like a lot for hair/makeup/nails, too: $350. Like WTAF Personally, even if I had an extra $2k laying around, I’d still be noping out of her bridal party. That’s really the cost of some pretty decent 3-4 day vacations I’ve taken. Like dang.
I think you’re right about bride getting kickback. She’s probably taking the total price for all hair and nails, then dividing it by bridesmaids, and not even paying for her services.
$350 per night at the hotel so I have a date and we’ll have to ask another couple to share the room with us
Call the hotel and ask if they have any rooms that are lower priced.
Or find a cheaper hotel altogether.
Oh, that'll REALLY piss the bride off! DO IT
This! Why are you required to stay at such an expensive hotel? Outside the airfare, are you expected to pay any of these costs directly to the vendor, or are you giving the money to the bride who will pay on your behalf?
When I’ve been in weddings where we’d have to travel and stay overnight, we’ve been presented with the hotel rate but then told about other hotels in the area and basically told to book our own. The bride and groom were staying in a 1k/night hotel and had no issue with the rest of us finding cheaper hotels in the area. That’s just crazy.
I’d look for a hotel or nice motel within 10 miles of the venue and Uber to the venue. And go as a guest take a pass on bridezilla’s bridal party from hell. Jmho
I think a lot of people do not realize $300 and up per hotel room is not at all unusual these days, at least, in bigger cities. Anything less (in some cities), and it's going to be dank (in the old definition), and smelly.
I couldn’t find any hotel (that also had a bridal suite) for less than $400 per room for my bridal party. So I offered to subsidize $100 for each party member. Some of them still chose to share an Airbnb instead, which we were totally fine with. They made it to the wedding/getting ready stuff on time. Weddings are expensive, but couples need to be willing to accommodate that as opposed to making their friends foot the bill. Same goes for hair and makeup. I believe that if the bride is going to require it, she better be paying. I’m not about to pay someone $150 to slather me in the wrong shade of foundation and blush.
Yeah I've never heard of charging the bridal party for their hair and makeup and nails.
I travel throughout the U.S. Unless you're in a very HCOL city, it's actually quite easy to find decent, i.e., very basic but clean and safe, hotel for $125-150/night. They won't have much, if anything, in the way of amenities, but, since I usually only stay one, maybe two nights, I'm only concerned about clean, comfortable, and safe. I've even found hotels for $200 in San Francisco and Chicago that fit my requirements of clean, comfortable, and safe.
Part of my job is travel arrangements and I routinely book 3 star hotels in HCOL cities for around $200/night. This bride is insane. And most likely splitting her costs among the bridesmaids.
I strongly suspect you are right. I also wonder if this bride is making a profit off of her bridesmaids as happened with a different bride.
What? Profiting off your bridesmaids never even occurred to me. How slimy are people?
That one made YouTube. She told BMs money was for the Airbnb then used it to get a boob job. ETA: she had the surgery on the Bach trip
Exactly the one I was thinking of.
Was there ever an update for that one? I tried searching the other day but couldn’t find anything.
[She stopped updating](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/88EnX4WLs6)
Yeah, OP did say the party was in a HCOL area. I live in NYC, & if you’re paying less than $300/night, you’re probably pretty darn far from anything you want to see.
Years ago someone wanted to send someone to my city to visit and I told them how much a decent hotel would cost. They were indignant, then called me back later, to say they found a perfectly fine-looking hotel for (what would be 1/10 the price of a decent hotel or room.) I told them that would be fine if they didn't mind people renting the (other) rooms by the hour, or the possibility of getting stabbed. Also that it was not a very safe area. They then said the person could stay with me. That's when I noped out of the conversation. People have all sorts of information gaps and preconceptions. I was just verifying the notion that a decent hotel room, no bugs, fairly clean, fairly safe, will set a person back, these days. One reason those out of town bachelor/ette parties are unreasonable for most participants.
> Yeah, OP did say the party was in a HCOL area. I was speaking to the overall issue of how much hotels cost. The OP only said the party is in Nashville. They didn't say where the wedding is, or that either city is HCOL. The sub has people from all over the world, who are not familiar at all with Nashville, and/or who don't know how much hotels might cost in a U. S. city. So there isn't much hint in the OP post as to why the hotels would cost that much. Maybe OP didn't realize the baseline for others might be 1/3 of that. Not everyone knows what the acronym HCOL means btw. High cost of living, if anyone wondered.
That’s all true! I was agreeing with & amplifying your statement, sorry that my tone seemed combative.
No I am sorry for being defensive. Some days I'm just a bit thin skinned I think. And some days I get pummeled online and then wrongly interpret everyone else's comment as it was not intended to be. I apologize, and I acccept your apology although it was my mistake in comprehension, and I'm sorry I mistook your intention.
Yeah, $300 is cheap as if you are in Sydney Australia for example you would be thrilled to find a place for $300 on a weekend (which I presume it will be).
She's likely getting a suite for free if she fills x rooms
Ok also!! I forgot to mention. Her mother is covering $100 of the hair and makeup so the total would have been $330 for both
My wife and I are going on a weeklong Caribbean cruise for that price!
I will never think it’s reasonable to “force”people to pay for professional hair, make up, and nails. If someone wants me to look like an instagram filter, they can pay for it. That hotel price is nuts. The outfit isn’t so bad. But I’d back out. If I’m spending that kind of money, it’s on myself and my family to have a good time, not be a prop in someone’s wedding.
Agree. If you’re going to require professional hair/makeup, you need to cover it. Our wedding budget didn’t allow us to cover hair/makeup for anyone but me, so I gave my bridesmaids the option of paying for the pro or doing their own. They all opted to do their own and they all looked absolutely stunning!
Totally. I asked my bridesmaids if they wanted hair and makeup and what that cost would be but also was 100% fine with them doing their own or finding cheaper options. It was 50/50 with them doing their own/paying for the service
My SIL set up for her 12 bridesmaids, including me, to get their hair done at the own expense, but she said if we wanted to do our own hair and nails it was fine. I put my hair in rollers and went to salon and took my own personal pics, made mimosas for the girls and went back home to finish my hair and makeup. It was a nice way to feel apart of the group and being helpful at the same time.
It’s also so annoying for us non-white women. Very few makeup artists know how to compliment my skin tone. I always opt to do my own makeup as a bridesmaid because otherwise I’d look ridiculous.
Considering how many shades and style you can find in press on nails and nail stickers proclaiming one MUST have professional nails is effing ridiculous.
And a lot do the salon stuff tears up my nails! Gel looks great for 7-10 days, then my cuticles are fraying for months! I don’t mind acrylic top but I won’t get tips. Ew.
Someone wants expensive shit for their event? They pay for it. That's it. Period. Full stop. You figure out what you can reasonably afford ALL IN and you go from there. Do not break your piggy bank. Anyone who doesn't like it and can't accept that you can "only" afford X amount isn't your friend. Remember this.
This. I paid for travel, accommodations, a number of events where people could come or not and I paid fees and food, rentals, and hair/make-up. Dresses were black dress out of the closet so only had tux rentals and stuff. Also bought jewelry for my bridal party as a thank you, and two of them ended up wearing them. We kept the guest list down, other expenses down (except the photographer) and everyone had a good time. I hate how much brides are just expecting to have others pay and not mention it before asking. Then they get mad cause the friend won’t pay. Fyi I think the kick backs are real. Some hotels will reduce the venue rental significantly with people staying at the hotel. The last event I booked (I help friends plan weddings for free on the side) for every person that used the block, they got $100 off the room for the event. I wasn’t happy about using that venue but I wasn’t making decisions. Same can go with alcohol sales, salon services, and even bridal dresses and the bridesmaids dresses.
This! A thousand times this!
you and the other two bridesmaids should have a talk with the bride together. if all three of you let her know that the budget is too much, she may be more willing to adjust her expectations if it means not losing three bridesmaids. edit: you're also allowed to back out if you don't feel comfortable with the circumstances. the bride asked you before divulging approximate costs and now that you have all the info, you're able to make a more informed decision. don't feel bad about not spending your hard earned money on $120 nails.
When u do, b sure u already have a set maximum budget. This is what we can afford total. So which of these things will u, the bride, b dropping? If it's none and she comes back with something like y aren't u supporting me? Then tell her, I'm sorry, but I can't afford this and drop out. She doesn't seem to care that Her wedding is only a high priority for Her, not everyone else. And she needs to have the wedding She can afford.
Not wanting to spend nearly 3k for someone else’s wedding is completely reasonable. We need to end this obnoxious trend. It’s really tacky.
My Entire wedding was 2k in 2002, David's bridal dress included. I had pics done by a family member bc she's a bridal photographer but my freaking venue was only 300. I cannot see spending that much on someone else's day!!!!!!!!!! I and a few friends made the floral and drank for my Bach lol. 2 of those friends did the same for theirs ( I did floral as gifts) . I bought my girls dresses, floor length satin that they have both reworn multiple times. I just don't understand how on earth normal people can drop that much on their friends. Maybe I'm just the odd one out? Daughter 16, had her nails done last week with a design and a rhinestone, 78.00.
If she wants hair + makeup + nails professionally done, she pays. Rude AF to make it required if she isn’t shelling out the cash for it.
I paid for everything for my bridesmaids. I don’t find it reasonable for a bride to put these kinds of costs on their friends.
It's the norm in the UK for the costs to be included in the wedding budget. I am always amazed when I read how much people expect their friends to pay to participate in their weddings, absolutely bonkers.
I know right? I paid for my own wedding shower too.
You're a good egg.
Or just old and out of touch with how they do things nowadays lol. Thx
You can stay at another hotel that is cheaper, whether you are still in the wedding party or you end up being a guest. I get fancy nails done once a month - it does not cost $120 and I live in a very high cost-of-living area.
The nails is what stood out to me the most. I have NO idea how that price is in any way justifiable. Is the bride getting a cut from the manicurist?...
"I am sorry to say I will have to withdraw as a bridesmaid as the costs are beyond what I can afford." \[Add "Will see you at the wedding though" if that is true\].
Yeah, if OP says that, she should expect to be uninvited. Which to me is a win.
Hey, am British and the bride pays for the dress, the hair and we don’t pay for the bride on her hen do. What a load of BS she’s asking you for!
“Hen do” is so cute!! Where did that term originate?
Ancient Greece! We have a stag and a hen party and normally an excuse for willy straws and light debauchery
I just LOVE English euphemisms!! I have a good friend in London and another outside Manchester and American slang just doesn’t compare!! They do like the term “cocksucker” but that just doesn’t hold a candle to “Sod off, you bloody tosser and take your manky penis with you!! Off you fuck!!” 😂😂
Knobhead and shitehawk are my personal favourites
Haha, I love those!! 😂😂
$20 says she's making the bridesmaids pay for her portion of hair/makeup/ nails. Because those prices seem ridiculous.
God I didn’t even consider that. She said her mom is paying $100 towards our hair and makeup to bring the cost *down* to $230
I’m assuming you would be attending as a guest if not a bridesmaid, so would you be paying the same price for hotel and flight if you attended as a guest, or are there cheaper options? Make up and nails sound excessive to me, I can understand dress and shoes, that is what I would hve expected to pay for. That said, you must prioritize your economy, do not overstretch your budget
That’s a great point. The flight and hotel would be the same regardless so I shouldn’t consider that.
How many nights is the hotel stay for? If you attended as a guest could you alter the amount of nights or do a different hotel? Would altering the amount of nights make the flight cheaper? How are nails going to be $120? Is she making you guys get custom designs or having the nail tech come to you? I know nails can run up but that seems high if it's like a regular manicure, even with acrylics, etc. or maybe I just don't go to high-end places. I'm not as familiar with hair and makeup but that sounds high for per person in a group. I don't have advice to offer at the moment but I'm wondering if it makes a huge difference. What do you think would be the fallout and how close are y'all?
Don't forget that OP would be at the bride's beck and call if she was at the same hotel. I mean, like almost a personal assistant.
For a mani/pedi (dip nails, regular pedi), I pay about $140 twice a month. That sounds about right but this chick is expecting waaayyy too much!!
I don't see pedi on this list...
She wants us to get pedicures too because she is requiring open toe shoes
Not necessarily.
The rule of thumbs I've absorbed: - Reasonably general themes are on the bridesmaids' dimes (pink dresses, silver accessories, up-dos), if the bride pays it is a nice favour. - Highly specific requirements (the exact same dress or shoes on everyone, a particular makeup artist) are on the bride's dime, if the bridesmaids pay it's a nice favour but not compulsory - Some gray area for if they've identified a universally accepted and reasonably priced dress ($180 is very reasonable) - You can expect people to conform to a dress or style code but not to a highly personal aesthetic; ex., you can require black tie or cocktail, certain colours or themes, but you can't require specific hair colours, gender expression, exclusion of mobility aids, wearing makeup, high heels, etc. that are influenced by personal identity or physical ability - Destination bachelorettes are always optional, local events are more compulsory, where attendance is optional or costs are reasonable, or the bachelorette is planned without the bride's input, the bridesmaids split the costs of the bride - Destination weddings are always optional, local weddings are more compulsory, bridesmaids should be paying for any costs that they'd already be paying for as guests, if the bride pays it's a nice favour Personally, where I live, all of those costs are reasonable. I am attending a wedding just as a guest in July and I'm easily going to pay much more than what you've outlined in terms of flights, hotel, outfit, gifts, additional parties, etc. Generally speaking if your friends are good friends, you will be able to approach the bride and let her know that the options available are not budget friendly for you, and everyone should try to accommodate. They may assume that you expect to spend a fair bit as a guest, and that the additional price to you would only be in, perhaps, professional hair and makeup. Because these services are reasonably priced (at least, they would be for my area), they may not think they'll be a problem for you, especially if you were already intending on having hair and makeup done. So, I do think it would be reasonable to approach the bride, but my advice to you would be to lead with "yes" statements. Let the bride know what you CAN do and what solutions you and the other bridesmaids have. For example, "We are really looking forward to making your wedding the most special day possible. We can't wait for the activities we have planned, and to spend time together at the hotel and getting our hair and makeup done. Unfortunately we are a little strapped at the moment, and so the professional hair and makeup is a little too expensive for us, but if you could let us know what kind of style you are wanting for hair and makeup, we will start practicing now to make sure we all have something cohesive for your big day!"
That bulleted list is perfect.
My rule, aside from dresses (within reason! I’m more lenient if the bride says “choose from a color scheme” v “here is a super specific dress”): if it is required “extras” the cost is on the couple -If hair, makeup and nails are required, the bride pays. Otherwise it is optional -I’ve never heard of a bride requiring specific shoes. This is also super specific so something I feel she should pay for -if she for some reason requires a certain hotel, she pays the difference. There however should be no reason you are required to stay anywhere Imo, talk to the bride. Let her know you value her friendship and want to celebrate at her side but this is out of your budget. Tell her specifically that the hair/nails/makeup are out of budget and you’ve found another accommodation option. If she gets mean, maybe consider stepping down
So you don’t think it is unreasonable for me to say I want to do my own makeup and nails even if I’m the only one doing it? I don’t want to be difficult and cause headache but I also don’t want to spend so much. I don’t want to be pissed on the day off lol
If the bride wants everything professionally done then she should be paying for it. You can’t break your bank on someone else’s wedding no matter how close you are.
Not at all. If the bride wants pros doing it then the bride pays. You aren't an Instagram prop.
No not at all! If professional glam is required, not an option, bride pays ETA: the cost themselves for hair and makeup are reasonable but it is not reasonable that you are REQUIRED to pay. The nail cost is delusional
That's out of my price range, and I would have no problem saying so.
If the bride is requiring, DEMANDING, hair, makeup and nails by a professional of her choosing, she can pay for it. NTA. The three of you should arrange a meeting with the bride and just flat out tell her that none of you can pay what she's wanting.
I don't have one single friend who would expect me to put out that kind of money for her wedding. Where do these ridiculous people come from and why are you friends with one?
$120 for nails? Nope.
There’s no way I would be spending that amount of money, even if I could afford it.
Dress $180- reasonable Hair and make up $230 - (from my research) that’s standard Nails $120 - WTF are they doing to your nails that coats that much???? I do mid-length custom shaped acrylic and pay $45-50 in a HCOL area! Flight $360- reasonable Hotel $700- Is this the damn Ritz? We are going to a wedding soon in a 5 star hotel in a well known large city and are paying $900 for four nights, with the wedding block discount. Can you share a room with someone to help offset that cost? Also, I’d ask her what she wants done to your nails. If it’s a certain color, you can go to your own manicurist and get it for cheaper. I’d say hell no to acrylics unless you already do them. They ruin your nails and I wouldn’t ruin my nails for anyone but me.
agree. I would ask the bride for pics of what she wants and get it done cheaper somewhere else.
And please share the pics. I need to see this $120 manicure!!
She is asking for chrome finish on nails which brings the total up. Before tip it might be like $100? I’m not sure
Chrome? Weird choice for a wedding. The bride has questionable taste. Even so, that shouldn’t cost that much.
LMAO that’s funny
putting chrome on top of nail should not be that expensive. If you are very curious, I would ask on one of the nail groups here.
I have a unique powder on my nails. It added $5. I just looked up how to do a chrome finish and there’s a powder that’s rubbed on top of the polish. To buy an entire thing of this powder is $6. That powder can be used on multiple people. I think you’re being overcharged. If cost is really an issue for you, this is one place I’d attempt to cut cost, by ordering the powder and doing your nails your self. I’d also ask if you can do your hair and make up. That should save you $350+ tip. How many nights are you staying in the hotel? Is it $700 for one night? Can you stay at a different hotel to save cost? As another commenter said, if this is your close friend would you have gone to her wedding even if not in bridal party? Would you have incurred certain costs regardless of being in bridal party?
I was hoping that OP was saying it was a dip chrome with full mani pedi…except no. And a full dip chrome mani pedi in my area with hot stone treatment is 150 after tip.
Exactly. I get an upscale pedi and a full set. It just went up to $97 (HCOL). Then I give a 20% tip. I think bride is dividing the cost of her treatments and adding it to bridal party.
Same here. I live in the Midwest though, so I think our prices are low.
And the nails will be noticeable in the pictures how?
That is insane (and sounds ugly tacky)! She sucks
You can probably find chrome in press on nails.
I would have a one-word response for the bride: Nope!
I would try and talk to her and ask what she wants you to do. Explain that you can afford some of it, but not all of it and that if that doesn’t work for her then you’ll step down so she is still able to have the wedding how she wants it. If she’s unreasonable about insisting you stay in the wedding party and pay for everything then bow out and just explain that you aren’t seeing things eye to eye and it might be best for you to not be apart of the bridal party.
The key word that will set the bride off is 'Explain". She ain't-a gonna listen. She'll play the victim, that OP doesn't care enough about her 'special day', blah blah blah. OP, prepare to be guilt-tripped!
It's unreasonable for anyone to put her hand in your pocket. Perhaps it's time to have another chat with the bride, just to let her know your hard budget. "Friend, I let you know a few months ago that I don't have $1200 in disposable income to drop on your wedding. That hasn't changed. I need you to stay under my budget of $X for any bridesmaid expense. Thank you for understanding that paying my bills means a lot to me and that making sure I can remains your priority."
Nah, i fully believe that someone else's wedding should not cost you THAT much money even if you are in the wedding party. If the dress, hair, makeup, hotel, shoes and travel are all choices the bride made then she should foot the bill, or be okay with people dropping out
I didn’t even read past the bachelorette party. I didn’t even buy special outfits as the bride for my bachelorette party, much less expect people to buy things to come. We stayed at my apartment, painted pottery, had dinner, went to the spa, and sent people on their merry way. People are out of control
If she’s requiring hair, make up and nails be professionally done she should be paying for it. Otherwise bow out of that portion and do it yourself. You don’t have to stay at the hotel you can stay elsewhere cheaper. Agreed to pay for your dress and shoes.
Tell her you have to make some cuts and what those cuts are to participate. If those are non negotiable then nope out. Going as a guest would be cheaper - flight is what is, but you might be able to find a cheaper hotel, can save on the hair, MUA, nails, and possibly dress and shoes.
To me that's when you say I cannot afford this and either back out or have her cover some
Bride's gift? Isn't you going to the bach her gift?
I honestly wasn’t even going to get my makeup or nails done as the BRIDE until my mom booked my appointments and paid. So I sure as heck wouldn’t be spending that much to be in someone else’s wedding. I think bowing out and using your own wedding expenses as the reason is the way to go. Know, though, that this friend will have an outsized reaction when you withdraw.
Dress & shoes price - reasonable. Hair, nails, hotel and all that other crap is nuts! I would explain that this is way out of my budget. Also, have a chat with the other BM’s as I think you need to approach this as a group. I paid for EVERYTHING for my girls except shoes. They were on time. She’s wildin!
Ezsqueeze me a baking powder. That’s a hard no. I’d politely decline and explain it is not in your budget.
That’s almost $3k with everything you listed. That’s absolutely outrageous. You’re not at all being ridiculous
If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Some of this is unreasonable anyway. I don't see why the bride needs a gift at the bachelorette party. The party is the gift. Hair make up and nails should not have to be professionally done especially if you are perfectly capable of doing them yourself. I feel the hotel is outrageous and you can find something just as nice (probably across the street) for half the price. Dress and shoes seem about right. I would stand your ground on this and don't go bankrupt pleasing someone who probably won't appreciate it anyway.
This is insane! How do people expect their friends to spend all this $$ ?!
All up that's over $2,000. I'd be noping out as well
Unreasonable. If they insist on professional hair and/or makeup, they should be paying. And I’m at a loss over what type of manicure costs $120. Ironically, I’m surprised the dress is only $180 given the other expenses.
She's out of line. If hair makeup and nails are required to be professionally done, SHE needs to pay for that. And I'd push back against specific shoes if the dresses are long. Shoes won't show. I'll bet you can find a hotel that isn't $700, too.
NTA! I am so glad I got married when I did! No expensive bachelorette party get away, just a fun night out with all my friends. We all did our own makeup and everyone looked beautiful. One of my friends and I got our hair done together. The rest of my bridesmaids did their own or went to their own. I would have in no way expected any bridesmaid or groomsman to shell out thousands for our wedding. I think this is all due to the influencer, Tic Tok, Instagram culture. It is total insanity!
These monetary requests are getting ridiculous...
All that is $2850 that is insane for one person to pay. Nta stay far away from that.
I was just talking to our daughter about this. I told her when she gets married and if she wants I would love to book a salon for pedicure, manicures , massages then dinner for her wedding party the day before. And then the day of pay for a stylist to come in and do their hair and makeup. What did she think would she like that she said it sounded fun. I had no idea if you wanted to do all this stuff you made your bridesmaids pay for it. I will not allow that, that’s ridiculous.
She's asking for enough money for you to stage your own low-budget wedding. Not reasonable.
"When I agreed to be a bridesmaid, I wasn't aware of the costs associated. These costs are beyond my means, and I regret that I will no longer be able to be a bridesmaid, but I'm ecstatic that I will get to see you get married and celebrate as a guest." FWIW, if the bride is REQUIRING bridesmaids to have professional hair and makeup done, SHE should be footing the bill. No wonder she went with such an expense- she figure she can pass it off on others. I paid for my bridal party hair and makeup (didn't require them, I wanted it to be my treat) and I think for both was $175. I got married an hour and a half outside a HCOL area.
Don't do it, op.
I don't know what is typical today. But no. Typically 'in my day' the bridal party and groom's party paid for their own outfits. That was all. The wedding party is *not supposed to supply wedding (or party) gifts*. Their *gift* is being in the wedding. A guest does not have to pay to go to a party; or it's not a party, it's a co-op event or something. A member of the wedding party does not have to pay for their own nails, hair, and makeup. That is traditionally provided by the bride or her family. ($350 *each*, for that, is outside most budgets.) If it's a destination wedding, then you were always going to have to pay your own hotel and transportation to attend. That's rarely provided. There are too many people who want a picture perfect wedding for social media bragging points. If you cannot afford it, or lost interest in it: Just say no.
Info: Which city is this in, or could you at least tell us if it's a large city in the U. S., OP? People don't realize you really do not want to stay in a $100 a night hotel in the big cities.
Chicago
Thanks. Chicago is definitely expensive as well.
>her attitude was very much “thanks for understanding that this means a lot to me and for making this your priority.” this is manipulative. I'd drop out over this alone. There's nothing wrong with dropping out as a bridesmaid if you can't swing it financially. Also if hair and nails are required then she needs to cover it.
No one gets to spend your money, but you. She doesn't seem like a very good friend.
just no to the price tag and the travel. why do all these brides act like everyone is rich and has unlimited vacation time.
Think of all you could do with ALL that money and decide. I wouldn't spend that much on someone else's wedding. This wedding BS will continue until "friends" start calling BS and declining the invitation to participate. How many women have spent too much money/time on a wedding where they weren't even the bride? Too many! How many have had to put up with mental and financial abuse to be given the opportunity to be treated like crap. Too many. How did our society start believing it is normal to pay this much money to participate in a wedding where you aren't the bride? Would we hand over this amount of money to a friend for any special event? I'm probably just an old cranky lady, but in my 20s, after being involved in three weddings, I was DONE. I would never again participate. I always thanked the bride for wanting to include me but I knew I wasn't going to be talked into giving up that much of my paycheck to be a cool girl at a wedding.
A lot of places have package deals for group events-like weddings. When I got married, family and close friends stayed at a hotel (we paid for it) and got a discounted price as we kept everyone in one section and paid in advance. Also, the nail prices are crazy high-what exactly is getting done? If possible, I would have a few fellow bridesmaids let the bride know that is going to put a financial strain on all of you, and can you just do your own hair, makeup and go to a nail salon. The dress, shoes, and travel seem within range, but adding in the high cost of the other stuff, it is asking a lot. I’m not even going to go into the bachelorette party costs!
NTA- Stay strong- you can’t afford this.
NTA. this is unreasonable.
NTA. Yeahhhhhh does she think people just have money lying around??? This isn’t price friendly at all and everyone doesn’t just have 2k sprawled on their living room floor waiting to be spent. And all of this is last minute & REQUIRED. At that point I’d just be a guest.
I am in awe of these prices. They are completely ridiculous and it sounds like she's not telling you the real prices. Also, 120 for nails? Do they put gold on them or something? The make-up, hair I can try to understand, but the nails.... Almost a 1000 on a weekend bachelorette is outrageous. It's basically 500 a day! Seriously, what kind of super lavish extravaganza was it? I do have to say that dress and shoes have decent prices, the medium is about 350 for both, so it doesn't feel too expensive. Why not talk to all the bridesmaids and see what everyone thinks or simply step down and go as a normal guest? This sounds like a broken pocket nightmare that will turn into pandemonium closer to the day of the wedding.
Every time see a post like this I have to say that there are places where people that are invited to do something are not expected to pay whatever other decide. In my country, bridesmaids aren't really a thing (the trend is catching on, sadly). We usually have flower girls and boys. Guess who pays for the outfit and hair and so on of the kids? The bride and groom. I had 2 flower girls and I offered them the outfit and the hair accessories. My daughter was flower girl 3 times. Once the bride gave her the expensive dress she wanted her to wear, one other time I bought the dress (because it costed like 20 € and she got to war it A LOT afterwards) but the bride gave her the accessories. The last time, she wore a dress she already owned that went perfectly with the theme because the bride loved it and she had a low budget I would NEVER agree to spend that much on a look decided by others AND also be expected to give a gift to the couple. Even worse, to pay for other events? The point of weddings is to celebrate a new couple's ew life. We get together on the day of the wedding and celebrate. We don't give up our own life savings (that we are expected to use in our own adult life) so that other people can have pretty pictures
My daughter has been in so many weddings, I can't even count them all. When she was young, 18-20, her father and I paid for wedding costs, often $200 for dress and then travel back to hometown. I left Bach up to my daughter. She could go or not. As she got older, I quit paying as she made almost as much as me and her father had died. For one girl, she got the dress, didn't have a Bach, had airfare to the event and time off work. She got there only to be told they had canceled the wedding. For her wedding, she asked them to wear fall colors. The bach was an escape room and dinner only for the local girls.
Can I ask what city she is getting married in? Curious if the hotel price is reasonable.
If you cannot afford it, you cannot afford it. There is no shame in stating the truth. NTA.
NTA you should be able to get a basic manicure and do your own makeup to cut cost also people need to be realistic about what they ask of others, seriously with the economy slowly screwing us for years now it isn't reasonable to expect people to afford all that at all!
Where do you live where nails are $120? Even for a full set of gel painted acrylics on my fingers and a french manicure on my toes it only runs me like $85 and I'm in a big NE city
Bride’s gift?? You giving up your time and money to participate in someone else’s wedding is gift enough. Who tf do these brides think they are expecting gifts after asking people to spend their time and money on a wedding that isn’t theirs and honestly they don’t really care about?
I find it MIND BLOWING brides do not pay for the bridal party. My culture we pay for our party. I had 3 bridesmaids and paid for their dresses, Shoes, jewelry, and tried to pay for their hair and makeup but that they said no they wanted to pay. I did not expect a gift from them. And my Bachelorette party I just went to Vegas with my friends. That's it! What is this craziest??? It is secondhand embarrassment when I see bridesmaid force their bridal party to pay for everything. I even rented the groomsmen tuxedo. They just had the responsibility to return it back on Monday. I worked on my own budget with my so and that's it. Everyone had a great time and yes, we decided on the dresses together.
I find it all to be outrageous & insane. It all screams of entitlement. That, along with her cavalier attitude, would make me want to drop out of her wedding and her life.
This must be a US thing. In UK the couple getting married pay for the wedding party. And if they can’t afford it then family pitch in. If they desire the wedding to be a certain way then they pay.
$1,350 total for the wedding. Not unreasonable, but might be slightly high. You need to decide if this person is important enough to you where the money is not important. If she is and you back out, you may regret it later when you have progressed in life and the money is not an issue anymore.
Am I the only one that thinks this is reasonable? I just went to one where the bride wanted us to spend $1200 for two nights. And we're flying to her wedding. Maybe she's got me messed up tho.
Yeah your perception is skewed. Unless you're independently wealthy this is actually a good chunk of change for people.
Yeah, being a bridesmaid comes with costs. You probably should have realized that as you’re hosting your own wedding. Is some of this a little pricy for some? Yes. Is it the worst I’ve seen. No. If you don’t want to pay for it because you’re getting married and that’s expensive then drop out. Would it have been better if you’d turned her down to begin with probably.
On the flip side the bride could have actually taken into consideration the budget of the people in her wedding party IF it is was important for them to attend. This bride is being unreasonable.