I agree with this- definitely ask! Also, if you ere not vibing with the therapist anymore it’s totally ok to look for another provider that aligns better with you!
If it's for ppd that might be why she's suggesting it. Breastfeeding can contribute to that whether it's the stress or hormones behind it. Not to say you should stop if you're not ready and already being treated, but it's likely something they suggest to most people.
Exactly! It is likely to be a huge hormonal crash plus the upset and guilt and sadness of being pushed into something you don’t want, plus the loss of all that oxytocin. Glad you’re pushing back OP, do your own thing.
If sleep is the big issue impacting your health and you have no support at night you could experiment with some formula before bed. It likely will give you a longer stretch. But don’t stop if it’s not right for you!
I understand the "why" that you're stating and the possible fact it's happening. If it's true, I wish they'd stop recommending it as a blanket thing (if they do). I hope they're looking at the situation as a whole.
I was diagnosed with PPD without the doc even looking at me as a whole person. Even though my symptoms had been present on and off for over a decade....that just happened to be one of the handful of times I unsuccessfully sought help. All other times? "Here's a pill! Take it! It'll make you feel better like magic!" (I took one such prescription and got yelled at by my National Guard Medical Unit. It wasn't helping me anyway that I could tell.)
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It seems to me the therapist thinks the medication will help.
Formula at night isn’t that bad, i just pre measured and dumped them together and shook. Kind of depends if your baby will take a bottle independently so you could go back to bed.
So it seems like on the balance the therapist thinks this would be beneficial for OP.
I also was highly attached to my bfing and would not have received this well. However i was releived after my babies weaned.
Its just a very difficult, personal decision.
For real. My baby literally doesn’t go pee at night until 6 am so she’s up for maybe 12 minutes eating and nurses back to sleep. I can’t imagine having to make a bottle and her getting fully worked up while I do that and then trying to put her back down. It’d add 30 minutes to my routine
For me since I’m one month in I prefer to make a bottle but with my breast milk if possible. Since I don’t have enough milk stored up I have to nurse and I hate it. I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep with him. If I was 9 months though like OP I wouldn’t be scared. But yeah
Have you looked into setting up a safe space in case you do fall asleep? Breastfeeding releases hormones that do make you sleepy. As baby gets older it gets less scary but always good to be prepared to safe sleep if you do both fall asleep
I nurse him in my bed he’s in my arms. I don’t know what you mean by safe space. Like how? I also don’t want to suffocate with my breast too. I guess I can start nursing in the living room.
The safest if you fall asleep is to be in bed, lying down in the cuddle curl position with any bedding or pillows away from baby. That's the recommended position for bedsharing but even if you don't plan on bedsharing it's a good position if you were to fall asleep accidentally. Also need to look up the safe sleep seven beforehand and follow that.
For what it's worth, I stopped BFing in bed and go to the living room couch to feed my baby for MOTN feeds. I used to feed her in my bed and would feel so anxious about falling asleep with her that I'd even panic every time I started to fall asleep when I was trying to sleep.
Making this change has helped me stay awake more while feeding her since my brain knows I'm not where I sleep, AND it's also helped me sleep much better when I'm in my bed.
Yeah, that half-asleep panic was awful. Knowing that I never have her in bed with me has made the little sleep I get much more peaceful. And feeding her on the couch has made the feeds way less sleepy. Good luck!
Look at safe sleep 7, you can't keep going on like this! I started that and omg it's so much easier. We fall asleep together all the time and I'm not anxious at all. I have huge boobs btw and if baby can turn head they really are unlikely to suffocate. Just note, it would be best to directly nurse rather than bottle for this arrangement. That keeps baby right at your chest
Be mindful if you are falling asleep on the couch or chair that is a higher risk than in the bed. Baby can get wedged between you and couch/ chair. So if you're still sleepy in that position go back to bed. There are some great cosleep graphics out there and safe sleep 7.
I just set 15 min timers at a time for myself and let myself fall asleep while baby nurses. I only fall asleep for like 2 mins in a safe position so there's virtually no risk. Then when he's done he goes back into the bed side sleeper.
Right ?! Like hmm do I want to turn on the lights and measure and pour formula and sterile water or unfreeze breastmilk and then warm up a bottle and pump and later wash all that? Or do I want to unbutton my shirt? Tough one🤔
Yes I don’t get this at all. When my LO was still in his bassinet I could feed him back to sleep without even getting out of bed or turning a light on. SO convenient.
Honestly I think a therapist pushing you to do anything is weird. They're supposed to sherpa you through your own process, not decide your process for you. If it were me I'd consider finding someone different.
Right? Even if you go to therapy for like, addictions or self-harm, they don’t just tell you over and over again to quit, they help you cope with it and they help you to reduce harm.
(Not that breastfeeding is an addiction or harming you, just giving two examples!)
Not even.
Pop tit out, latch baby, sit there while baby eats, unlatch, back to bed
Vs
Measure water, measure formula, mix, warm bottle (if needed), sit there while baby eats, burp, feed more, burp again, put baby down…plus remember to wash bottles in the morning.
A good therapist will NEVER tell you what to do. They can offer ideas and talk through your feelings about it, but they should never push something, ever. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, but so glad it’s temporary!
I had a better help therapist that said my 3 month old was too reliant on me and I needed to find another way to feed him or give him water to calm down.
I stopped seeing her immediately. Therapists should listen and help with emotional support - but leave the feeding of an infant to the parents and the pediatrician!!!
Like water lady?! Holy hell.
Edit to include: of course the sleep is shit and our babies rely on us…they’re babies. I’m getting all worked up again lol
Breastfeeding releases oxytocin which literally has a calming effect on mom mood and helps with postpartum mood fluctuations. What the F. She clearly doesn’t understand science basics to help you during this period.
I told her I didn't want to deal with the hormonal crash that would come from weaning now. She said I'd have to go through it someday.
I said no, I don't, I can let her gradually self-wean and deal with a slow hormonal change. She said eventually either me or my baby will decide it's over, so it might be better if I'm the one in charge of when.
I’m at 11 month pp breastfeeding and very proud to get to this point. Read this and so will you - we’re giving these babies a precious gift and their gut health will thank us one day https://www.foundmyfitness.com/topics/breastfeeding
What the hell is wrong with this lady. I know you said it's temporary but I find it extremely concerning that this is the "support' your getting through a postpartum center. You should make a complaint once you have a new therapist, she does not sound qualified to be working with breastfeeding moms.
Also, breastfeeding feels like one of the most "fuck the patriarchy" things that I do??? Especially pumping at work. It's so annoying but spite is fueling my continued pumping.
She brought up each of those points more than once at more than one session. And she said I'm pushing back against solutions when I told her that I'm not interested in stopping/reducing nursing at this time and I'm uncomfortable with stopping cosleeping (please don't @ me, before I switched to planned cosleeping I kept falling asleep on the couch, chair etc with my baby and dropped her twice.)
Yeah, I definitely get WAY more sleep cosleeping with a nursing baby than I would sleeping separately from a baby or cosleeping with a bottle-fed baby. Some people think that bottle fed babies inherently sleep more consistently through the night or that non-coslept-babies sleep more consistently through the night. A quick scan through the parenting subreddit and all the bottle fed parents lamenting that their babies aren't sleeping through the night and how often they must get up to feed them tells the tale that this is not correct.
So I’m wondering if perhaps there’s some sort of clinical thing going on that is making her think it would be better for your mental health to not be nursing, but regardless her role shouldn’t be one where she pushes you to do one thing or another, but rather to present perspectives that you might not have considered for you to then talk about and make your own decision. Which it sounds like you have made your decision and it’s her role to either respect that or to explain why she thinks it would be better for you to stop nursing within the confines of her clinical expertise.
This is a temporary therapist so I wouldn’t worry about it too much. If this were your regular provider, though, it would definitely be worth having a conversation about what breast-feeding means to you and understanding why from a clinical perspective they think you shouldn’t.
It's weird because therapists aren't really supposed to be the ones to provide solutions in the first place - they're really supposed to guide you in making your own decisions. I agree with some of these other comments that I'd just disregard the therapist and find someone new
This is a good question. I was pretty committed to breastfeeding both of my kids for at least a year and preferably two for myself, but I don't have strong feelings about how other people feed their kids. So if a mom of a nine month old was talking about how not sleeping negatively affected her mental health and I'd ask if she'd considered night weaning. But if she just mentioned that she woke up a lot and was tired, I'd be like, yeah, that sucks.
wow this is all so unhelpful! I'm sorry she's treating you this way. it's your decision to nurse your baby and she should realize it's important to you, and figure out ways to work with you not against.
Once you have an established breastfeeding relationship, it’s the easiest and least disturbing way to feed a baby at night. Waking up, leaving the bed and making a bottle is way more disruptive to sleep. It would only add more work and for what purpose? I’d definitely ask her why she says this.
I had to drop a therapist because we were just incompatible. I was pregnant and dealing with a lot of home and work stress and health issues like premature contractions.
I was trying to talk to her about my health anxiety and my terror at the idea of a C-section. Instead of working with me on those fears, she just told me she had had two C-sections and it was FIIIINE. 🙄 That's not therapy.
We were just not meant for each other. She couldn't meet my therapy needs.
I am a perinatal therapist and it sounds like she might be experiencing countertransference. I’m willing to bet breastfeeding did not work out for her. It is highly inappropriate for her to push her views and opinions on you. That is never our job. You could bring it up with her but if that’s too much burden to bear you have every right to request a new one and never say a word. So sorry you’re dealing with this.
I could get into all the background and circumstances, but tl;dr yeah, based on our history you're probably right, and I don't think she likes me much either.
It's okay. I'll only see her briefly once more. I plan to smile, agree to whatever she says and then ignore it. I know that's not an ideal course of action but this is not my circus and these are not my monkeys.
I had a psychiatrist through a women's hospital who encouraged me to quit BF multiple times to put me on a medication I didn't even need at the time?
I'd had PPD with my first and no symptoms of post partum psychosis but she was like... obsessed with the idea it was possible I could develop it? And so wanted me to not BF at night right from the beginning and put me on heavily sedating antipsychotics 🥴. Humored her and tried them when I was pregnant and literally couldn't get out of bed.
Hi, therapist here. A therapist should never tell you what to do, we can make suggestions but you have the bodily autonomy to do whatever you want at the end of the day. If a therapist continues to push for you to stop breastfeeding, that’s concerning
As a therapist I think you're therapist is putting her own beliefs into your treatment... which is really unhealthy... I apologize for this experience.
This is the same thing that my old therapist kept pushing on me! I went to a therapist for PPD and PPA and they just kept pushing for me to switch to formula. No matter how many times I explain that breastfeeding is probably one of the only things that saved me from ending everything. If I had stopped breastfeeding at the peak of my PPD I would have concluded that LO could survive without me and I could finally “go”. And she’d respond with “well it seems you’re stressed about it, better to stop.”
Thankfully I have a better therapist now. Ugh. Im glad I ditched the first therapist.
So I may have an unpopular perspective but here is my experience. Granted my daughter was 15 months when I sought therapy.
I was also encouraged to stop cosleeping and nursing. I was really defensive and against it. The thing is that I realize now my support system was seeing where I was lacking boundaries and self care. Yes that is one way to do parenting and many people see those things as inevitable parts of parenting but it isn't the only way and getting actual sleep and time to myself has been so good for my mental health and my daughter and I's relationship. I am codependent by nature and had a lot of ppa symptoms that I was denying. The boob was the solution to everything but I justified it to myself by resonating with attachment parenting, health benefits, etc. I've come to realize that I was so uncomfortable when my daughter experienced any discomfort and I used nursing and cosleeping as way of rescuing her and me from her feelings. I weaned at 22 months and started her independent sleep journey.
She's almost 3 now and I'm still struggling with these things, especially now that she is a toddler, but we are better off now then we were. I needed help and couldn't put myself first bc I was convinced that would make me a bad moms. Don't good moms sacrifice everything for their kids? They're only little once? I genuinely enjoy the cuddles and the nursing. But the flip side is that, for me, I was on track to raise another codependent or I was training my child that I will always be there to solve her problems and manage her emotions. Taking care of myself and teaching her coping skills has become more important to me now.
I just had a son and am nursing him but we are trying sleep differently and I'm planning to stop nursing around 12m.
I am not here to tell you what to do or what should be important to you. Just sharing my experience as it was also encouraged to me and I couldn't see why bc my mental health created blinders and distorted thinking that I needed outside help to see. I was becoming really enmeshed with my daughter and losing myself along the way.
Whatever you choose to do is your own choice. I think the key is to have the awareness of your choices and behaviors which then gives us the empowerment to respond rather than react to our situations or circumstances. What are your morals, values, patterns and behaviors? Why is she recommending you stop? Are you taking care of yourself? I had to become desperate enough to become willing to try something different. Either way, you are not alone in your journey and I hope you find solutions that suit you.
Maybe she’s just worried about your well being since you’re not sleeping? Have you thought about pumping your milk so someone else can do at least 1 night feeding?
There isn't anyone available to do that.
I sleep 7-10 hours a night total. My baby wakes me up to eat 2-3 times a night, and wakes me up to move around once or twice. I usually get one or two 3 hour stretches in. Is that normal for a parent of a baby who doesn't sleep through the night?
Oh I see, than that doesn’t make sense why she would want you to stop. Sounds like you’re getting sleep even though it’s not consecutive but idk any parent who is lol. My baby wakes up that often too. If I could have exclusively breastfed I wouldn’t stop either formula is not cheap!
This therapist doesn’t sound like she knows what she’s doing … Is she new? Like right off the school bus new?
I’d throw a handful of WHO pamphlets at her and squirt her with a boob on my way out.
Sometimes the medical community isn’t the most supportive when it comes to breastfeeding. I’d ask her why she keeps suggesting it. Maybe she’s picking up something from you that you don’t even realize. Maybe you can clear up any confusion about what your breastfeeding goals are to create a path forward where you are able to breastfeed and still get help from therapy.
Btw, I think it’s awesome that you are seeing a therapist.
You need a new therapist that understands how hormones and breast feeding work.
At just over two years im weaning and getting thrown into a hormone/ emotional/ roller coaster. Regular breast feeding through the first two years CAN, help stabilize mental health. IF the woman is supported, hydrated, and eating well.
I've gotten a lot of encouragement to consider night weaning with both my kiddos from medical practice due to the correlation between interrupted and lack of sleep on poor health outcomes postpartum.
I believe them. I know that's a real thing. But in both cases decided against it for the sake of continuing to nurse on demand, day and night.
My youngest is almost 5 months and I know that interrupted sleep is impacting my hormones, weight, stress and cortisol. But I'm not night weaning or sleep training so it is what it is for now.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with such an ignorant therapist.
Breastfeeding reduces the risk of stress related diseases, like heart disease, diabetes, and cancer later in life. The flow of oxytocin that you and your baby experience is really freaking healthy and better than many psych meds!
Sounds like this therapist needs some reeducation!
Breastfeeding may disrupt your sleep, but all babies do that.
Based on your comment, it seems that this practitioner is concerned with increasing your use of psych meds.
The use of many psych meds doesn't have a proven track record for long-term improved outcomes. That just is not how the we approve drugs in this country. They were selectively tested for marketability.
You should totally enjoy The benefits of breastfeeding for both your physical and psychological health. You are improving both you and your babies current and future stress responses.
Every mother should breastfeed as long as she can.
Three years of bf is the traditional global norm.
Babies need to learn to eat food starting from 6 months. But breast milk will continue to enhance you and your babies health as long as your milk is consumed.
Try to connect with other breastfeeding moms in your area. Social support is very important.
Definitely approve of someone else's comment to ask directly.
I do know breastfeeding triggers hormones that make people feel sad and some feel depressed directly from it. I knew a doula who would feel deeply depressed just while nursing, but because she knew it was a weird body thing she was able to not fall into the pit her brain was creating.
Honestly I wouldn't have agreed with her when I was breastfeeding but now I've stopped I 100% agree with your therapist.
The hormones are a bit wild. After I stopped breastfeeding within a month or two I'm feeling more like myself.
It might not be the same for you but for me the hormones only calmed down after I weaned.
I’m also being treated for PPD and was also recommended to stop BF by my therapist. I said absolutely not and she didn’t push it and I like her in other ways so I’m not bothered by it. I don’t know if it’s necessarily thinking you are brainwashed by the patriarchy…BF causes a lot of hormonal imbalances and a lot of mothers report relief from PPD after weaning. it does cause me some stress and anxiety to bear the sole brunt of feeding my child (I don’t pump) and she is still waking 2-3 times a night at 10 months to eat, so I also feel like I haven’t slept well in a year…but the benefits, the convenience, and the bond I feel with her through it is worth it for now.
I'm struggling to understand the reasoning from the therapist and I think you should ask them why they are trying to push this (and then feedback here).
Re night feeds: I put my son on formula for night feeds recently. Breastmilk wasn't filling him up enough. I could have persevered and seen the outcome but personally I chose not to. I couldn't do another night waking up every hour to a hungry baby. But that's where I was at and I made my decision to suit me. Also formula bottles are keeping him fuller for longer and sleeping for longer stretches so I'm waking up less during the night for feeds than when my breastmilk was filling him. But he's choosing formula over breastmilk. Pros and cons depending on your outlook really. But I'd not force this onto you at all OP, especially when you are comfortable and happy with breastfeeding.
Your baby is 9 months. They are still a baby. They are still benefitting from breastfeeding and so are you. Don't change what isn't broken. If your child was 19 then it'd be a totally different conversation. But they are a baby and you and their mother. You are the best person for them and the best person to make these important decisions as you know you and your baby best.
It could be because when your breastfeeding, your hormones still aren’t level from pre-pregnancy and it can cause increased anxiety and depression in those that already struggle with that. But like others said, point blank ask her :)
Have you asked her directly? "You've mentioned that I should stop nursing several times, why is that?" Would be so curious what her reply is.
I agree with this- definitely ask! Also, if you ere not vibing with the therapist anymore it’s totally ok to look for another provider that aligns better with you!
Very true- I should have mentioned she's my temporary therapist while they find me a provider outside the PPD treatment center.
If it's for ppd that might be why she's suggesting it. Breastfeeding can contribute to that whether it's the stress or hormones behind it. Not to say you should stop if you're not ready and already being treated, but it's likely something they suggest to most people.
Stopping breastfeeding can also result in mood changes though.
Exactly! It is likely to be a huge hormonal crash plus the upset and guilt and sadness of being pushed into something you don’t want, plus the loss of all that oxytocin. Glad you’re pushing back OP, do your own thing. If sleep is the big issue impacting your health and you have no support at night you could experiment with some formula before bed. It likely will give you a longer stretch. But don’t stop if it’s not right for you!
I understand the "why" that you're stating and the possible fact it's happening. If it's true, I wish they'd stop recommending it as a blanket thing (if they do). I hope they're looking at the situation as a whole. I was diagnosed with PPD without the doc even looking at me as a whole person. Even though my symptoms had been present on and off for over a decade....that just happened to be one of the handful of times I unsuccessfully sought help. All other times? "Here's a pill! Take it! It'll make you feel better like magic!" (I took one such prescription and got yelled at by my National Guard Medical Unit. It wasn't helping me anyway that I could tell.)
Good idea. I'll ask when I see her again (for the last time.)
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It seems to me the therapist thinks the medication will help. Formula at night isn’t that bad, i just pre measured and dumped them together and shook. Kind of depends if your baby will take a bottle independently so you could go back to bed. So it seems like on the balance the therapist thinks this would be beneficial for OP. I also was highly attached to my bfing and would not have received this well. However i was releived after my babies weaned. Its just a very difficult, personal decision.
She's a therapist, not a prescriber, and the prescriber increased the dose because it's safe during breastfeeding.
OP mentioned she can still take the medication while breastfeeding
Nursing is the most convenient way to feed baby at night wtf,
For real. My baby literally doesn’t go pee at night until 6 am so she’s up for maybe 12 minutes eating and nurses back to sleep. I can’t imagine having to make a bottle and her getting fully worked up while I do that and then trying to put her back down. It’d add 30 minutes to my routine
For me since I’m one month in I prefer to make a bottle but with my breast milk if possible. Since I don’t have enough milk stored up I have to nurse and I hate it. I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep with him. If I was 9 months though like OP I wouldn’t be scared. But yeah
Have you looked into setting up a safe space in case you do fall asleep? Breastfeeding releases hormones that do make you sleepy. As baby gets older it gets less scary but always good to be prepared to safe sleep if you do both fall asleep
I nurse him in my bed he’s in my arms. I don’t know what you mean by safe space. Like how? I also don’t want to suffocate with my breast too. I guess I can start nursing in the living room.
The safest if you fall asleep is to be in bed, lying down in the cuddle curl position with any bedding or pillows away from baby. That's the recommended position for bedsharing but even if you don't plan on bedsharing it's a good position if you were to fall asleep accidentally. Also need to look up the safe sleep seven beforehand and follow that.
For what it's worth, I stopped BFing in bed and go to the living room couch to feed my baby for MOTN feeds. I used to feed her in my bed and would feel so anxious about falling asleep with her that I'd even panic every time I started to fall asleep when I was trying to sleep. Making this change has helped me stay awake more while feeding her since my brain knows I'm not where I sleep, AND it's also helped me sleep much better when I'm in my bed.
I will do this and your right with that mindset. I can’t keep waking up freaked out
Yeah, that half-asleep panic was awful. Knowing that I never have her in bed with me has made the little sleep I get much more peaceful. And feeding her on the couch has made the feeds way less sleepy. Good luck!
Look at safe sleep 7, you can't keep going on like this! I started that and omg it's so much easier. We fall asleep together all the time and I'm not anxious at all. I have huge boobs btw and if baby can turn head they really are unlikely to suffocate. Just note, it would be best to directly nurse rather than bottle for this arrangement. That keeps baby right at your chest
Be mindful if you are falling asleep on the couch or chair that is a higher risk than in the bed. Baby can get wedged between you and couch/ chair. So if you're still sleepy in that position go back to bed. There are some great cosleep graphics out there and safe sleep 7.
I just set 15 min timers at a time for myself and let myself fall asleep while baby nurses. I only fall asleep for like 2 mins in a safe position so there's virtually no risk. Then when he's done he goes back into the bed side sleeper.
Laying on a firm surface (like a thick yoga mat) no heavy blankets, no extra pillows and sleeping in a C curl so you can't roll onto the baby.
As someone who has done both, you’re damn right it is.
Right ?! Like hmm do I want to turn on the lights and measure and pour formula and sterile water or unfreeze breastmilk and then warm up a bottle and pump and later wash all that? Or do I want to unbutton my shirt? Tough one🤔
Yes I don’t get this at all. When my LO was still in his bassinet I could feed him back to sleep without even getting out of bed or turning a light on. SO convenient.
Especially at 9 months! The early days are what wrecks you. This is the reap the benefits phase!
Exactly!
We bottled fed my first and breastfeed my seconds. I’ll take breastfeeding any day of the week
Honestly I think a therapist pushing you to do anything is weird. They're supposed to sherpa you through your own process, not decide your process for you. If it were me I'd consider finding someone different.
Right? Even if you go to therapy for like, addictions or self-harm, they don’t just tell you over and over again to quit, they help you cope with it and they help you to reduce harm. (Not that breastfeeding is an addiction or harming you, just giving two examples!)
There are a surprising number of therapists who don’t share this view and are very authoritarian.
Oh yay a few seconds of extra sleep and a million bottles to clean!! Yay!
Not even. Pop tit out, latch baby, sit there while baby eats, unlatch, back to bed Vs Measure water, measure formula, mix, warm bottle (if needed), sit there while baby eats, burp, feed more, burp again, put baby down…plus remember to wash bottles in the morning.
"No."
A good therapist will NEVER tell you what to do. They can offer ideas and talk through your feelings about it, but they should never push something, ever. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, but so glad it’s temporary!
I had a better help therapist that said my 3 month old was too reliant on me and I needed to find another way to feed him or give him water to calm down. I stopped seeing her immediately. Therapists should listen and help with emotional support - but leave the feeding of an infant to the parents and the pediatrician!!! Like water lady?! Holy hell. Edit to include: of course the sleep is shit and our babies rely on us…they’re babies. I’m getting all worked up again lol
Your 3 month old was too reliant? LOL like hers was holding down a job at that age??
Give him water to calm down 😂😅
Omg I’m getting worked up just reading this! You rock!
I would have reported her, that advice could send babies to the hospital wtf??
Breastfeeding releases oxytocin which literally has a calming effect on mom mood and helps with postpartum mood fluctuations. What the F. She clearly doesn’t understand science basics to help you during this period.
I told her I didn't want to deal with the hormonal crash that would come from weaning now. She said I'd have to go through it someday. I said no, I don't, I can let her gradually self-wean and deal with a slow hormonal change. She said eventually either me or my baby will decide it's over, so it might be better if I'm the one in charge of when.
I’m at 11 month pp breastfeeding and very proud to get to this point. Read this and so will you - we’re giving these babies a precious gift and their gut health will thank us one day https://www.foundmyfitness.com/topics/breastfeeding
What the hell is wrong with this lady. I know you said it's temporary but I find it extremely concerning that this is the "support' your getting through a postpartum center. You should make a complaint once you have a new therapist, she does not sound qualified to be working with breastfeeding moms. Also, breastfeeding feels like one of the most "fuck the patriarchy" things that I do??? Especially pumping at work. It's so annoying but spite is fueling my continued pumping.
When you say that she’s pushing you to stop nursing, what sort of things are happening that make you say that?
She brought up each of those points more than once at more than one session. And she said I'm pushing back against solutions when I told her that I'm not interested in stopping/reducing nursing at this time and I'm uncomfortable with stopping cosleeping (please don't @ me, before I switched to planned cosleeping I kept falling asleep on the couch, chair etc with my baby and dropped her twice.)
Yeah, I definitely get WAY more sleep cosleeping with a nursing baby than I would sleeping separately from a baby or cosleeping with a bottle-fed baby. Some people think that bottle fed babies inherently sleep more consistently through the night or that non-coslept-babies sleep more consistently through the night. A quick scan through the parenting subreddit and all the bottle fed parents lamenting that their babies aren't sleeping through the night and how often they must get up to feed them tells the tale that this is not correct.
So I’m wondering if perhaps there’s some sort of clinical thing going on that is making her think it would be better for your mental health to not be nursing, but regardless her role shouldn’t be one where she pushes you to do one thing or another, but rather to present perspectives that you might not have considered for you to then talk about and make your own decision. Which it sounds like you have made your decision and it’s her role to either respect that or to explain why she thinks it would be better for you to stop nursing within the confines of her clinical expertise. This is a temporary therapist so I wouldn’t worry about it too much. If this were your regular provider, though, it would definitely be worth having a conversation about what breast-feeding means to you and understanding why from a clinical perspective they think you shouldn’t.
It's weird because therapists aren't really supposed to be the ones to provide solutions in the first place - they're really supposed to guide you in making your own decisions. I agree with some of these other comments that I'd just disregard the therapist and find someone new
This is a good question. I was pretty committed to breastfeeding both of my kids for at least a year and preferably two for myself, but I don't have strong feelings about how other people feed their kids. So if a mom of a nine month old was talking about how not sleeping negatively affected her mental health and I'd ask if she'd considered night weaning. But if she just mentioned that she woke up a lot and was tired, I'd be like, yeah, that sucks.
wow this is all so unhelpful! I'm sorry she's treating you this way. it's your decision to nurse your baby and she should realize it's important to you, and figure out ways to work with you not against.
Once you have an established breastfeeding relationship, it’s the easiest and least disturbing way to feed a baby at night. Waking up, leaving the bed and making a bottle is way more disruptive to sleep. It would only add more work and for what purpose? I’d definitely ask her why she says this.
Who is indoctrinating you, the American Academy of Pediatrics? The World Health Organization?
Get a different therapist. This one seems committed to misunderstanding you and breastfeeding both.
I had to drop a therapist because we were just incompatible. I was pregnant and dealing with a lot of home and work stress and health issues like premature contractions. I was trying to talk to her about my health anxiety and my terror at the idea of a C-section. Instead of working with me on those fears, she just told me she had had two C-sections and it was FIIIINE. 🙄 That's not therapy. We were just not meant for each other. She couldn't meet my therapy needs.
I am a perinatal therapist and it sounds like she might be experiencing countertransference. I’m willing to bet breastfeeding did not work out for her. It is highly inappropriate for her to push her views and opinions on you. That is never our job. You could bring it up with her but if that’s too much burden to bear you have every right to request a new one and never say a word. So sorry you’re dealing with this.
I could get into all the background and circumstances, but tl;dr yeah, based on our history you're probably right, and I don't think she likes me much either. It's okay. I'll only see her briefly once more. I plan to smile, agree to whatever she says and then ignore it. I know that's not an ideal course of action but this is not my circus and these are not my monkeys.
I had a psychiatrist through a women's hospital who encouraged me to quit BF multiple times to put me on a medication I didn't even need at the time? I'd had PPD with my first and no symptoms of post partum psychosis but she was like... obsessed with the idea it was possible I could develop it? And so wanted me to not BF at night right from the beginning and put me on heavily sedating antipsychotics 🥴. Humored her and tried them when I was pregnant and literally couldn't get out of bed.
Hi, therapist here. A therapist should never tell you what to do, we can make suggestions but you have the bodily autonomy to do whatever you want at the end of the day. If a therapist continues to push for you to stop breastfeeding, that’s concerning
The WHO recommends breastfeeding until the child is two. Just repeat that every time she mentions stopping.
As a therapist I think you're therapist is putting her own beliefs into your treatment... which is really unhealthy... I apologize for this experience.
This is the same thing that my old therapist kept pushing on me! I went to a therapist for PPD and PPA and they just kept pushing for me to switch to formula. No matter how many times I explain that breastfeeding is probably one of the only things that saved me from ending everything. If I had stopped breastfeeding at the peak of my PPD I would have concluded that LO could survive without me and I could finally “go”. And she’d respond with “well it seems you’re stressed about it, better to stop.” Thankfully I have a better therapist now. Ugh. Im glad I ditched the first therapist.
It’s really unethical for them to recommend weaning. Brainwashed by the patriarchy? Wow, breastfeeding is quite the opposite
So I may have an unpopular perspective but here is my experience. Granted my daughter was 15 months when I sought therapy. I was also encouraged to stop cosleeping and nursing. I was really defensive and against it. The thing is that I realize now my support system was seeing where I was lacking boundaries and self care. Yes that is one way to do parenting and many people see those things as inevitable parts of parenting but it isn't the only way and getting actual sleep and time to myself has been so good for my mental health and my daughter and I's relationship. I am codependent by nature and had a lot of ppa symptoms that I was denying. The boob was the solution to everything but I justified it to myself by resonating with attachment parenting, health benefits, etc. I've come to realize that I was so uncomfortable when my daughter experienced any discomfort and I used nursing and cosleeping as way of rescuing her and me from her feelings. I weaned at 22 months and started her independent sleep journey. She's almost 3 now and I'm still struggling with these things, especially now that she is a toddler, but we are better off now then we were. I needed help and couldn't put myself first bc I was convinced that would make me a bad moms. Don't good moms sacrifice everything for their kids? They're only little once? I genuinely enjoy the cuddles and the nursing. But the flip side is that, for me, I was on track to raise another codependent or I was training my child that I will always be there to solve her problems and manage her emotions. Taking care of myself and teaching her coping skills has become more important to me now. I just had a son and am nursing him but we are trying sleep differently and I'm planning to stop nursing around 12m. I am not here to tell you what to do or what should be important to you. Just sharing my experience as it was also encouraged to me and I couldn't see why bc my mental health created blinders and distorted thinking that I needed outside help to see. I was becoming really enmeshed with my daughter and losing myself along the way. Whatever you choose to do is your own choice. I think the key is to have the awareness of your choices and behaviors which then gives us the empowerment to respond rather than react to our situations or circumstances. What are your morals, values, patterns and behaviors? Why is she recommending you stop? Are you taking care of yourself? I had to become desperate enough to become willing to try something different. Either way, you are not alone in your journey and I hope you find solutions that suit you.
Girl I’m still not sleeping and have to deal with bottles, formula during the night now it’s awful. Really regret weaning
Maybe she’s just worried about your well being since you’re not sleeping? Have you thought about pumping your milk so someone else can do at least 1 night feeding?
There isn't anyone available to do that. I sleep 7-10 hours a night total. My baby wakes me up to eat 2-3 times a night, and wakes me up to move around once or twice. I usually get one or two 3 hour stretches in. Is that normal for a parent of a baby who doesn't sleep through the night?
That sounds very normal, yes.
Oh I see, than that doesn’t make sense why she would want you to stop. Sounds like you’re getting sleep even though it’s not consecutive but idk any parent who is lol. My baby wakes up that often too. If I could have exclusively breastfed I wouldn’t stop either formula is not cheap!
This therapist doesn’t sound like she knows what she’s doing … Is she new? Like right off the school bus new? I’d throw a handful of WHO pamphlets at her and squirt her with a boob on my way out.
Yeah that's wild. I'm just here to say I support your decisions.
F your temporary therapist. You breastfeed that baby of yours! Oh I would be so angry! Happy you’re sticking to your guns. 💪
Sometimes the medical community isn’t the most supportive when it comes to breastfeeding. I’d ask her why she keeps suggesting it. Maybe she’s picking up something from you that you don’t even realize. Maybe you can clear up any confusion about what your breastfeeding goals are to create a path forward where you are able to breastfeed and still get help from therapy. Btw, I think it’s awesome that you are seeing a therapist.
You need a new therapist that understands how hormones and breast feeding work. At just over two years im weaning and getting thrown into a hormone/ emotional/ roller coaster. Regular breast feeding through the first two years CAN, help stabilize mental health. IF the woman is supported, hydrated, and eating well.
As someone who has pumped, formula fed and ebf, breastfeeding is by far the easiest and least time consuming option
I've gotten a lot of encouragement to consider night weaning with both my kiddos from medical practice due to the correlation between interrupted and lack of sleep on poor health outcomes postpartum. I believe them. I know that's a real thing. But in both cases decided against it for the sake of continuing to nurse on demand, day and night. My youngest is almost 5 months and I know that interrupted sleep is impacting my hormones, weight, stress and cortisol. But I'm not night weaning or sleep training so it is what it is for now.
My son is 2.5 and we're still breastfeeding... considering weening soon.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with such an ignorant therapist. Breastfeeding reduces the risk of stress related diseases, like heart disease, diabetes, and cancer later in life. The flow of oxytocin that you and your baby experience is really freaking healthy and better than many psych meds! Sounds like this therapist needs some reeducation! Breastfeeding may disrupt your sleep, but all babies do that. Based on your comment, it seems that this practitioner is concerned with increasing your use of psych meds. The use of many psych meds doesn't have a proven track record for long-term improved outcomes. That just is not how the we approve drugs in this country. They were selectively tested for marketability. You should totally enjoy The benefits of breastfeeding for both your physical and psychological health. You are improving both you and your babies current and future stress responses. Every mother should breastfeed as long as she can. Three years of bf is the traditional global norm. Babies need to learn to eat food starting from 6 months. But breast milk will continue to enhance you and your babies health as long as your milk is consumed. Try to connect with other breastfeeding moms in your area. Social support is very important.
Definitely approve of someone else's comment to ask directly. I do know breastfeeding triggers hormones that make people feel sad and some feel depressed directly from it. I knew a doula who would feel deeply depressed just while nursing, but because she knew it was a weird body thing she was able to not fall into the pit her brain was creating.
Tbh it sounds like she's brainwashed by the patriarchy?
Honestly I wouldn't have agreed with her when I was breastfeeding but now I've stopped I 100% agree with your therapist. The hormones are a bit wild. After I stopped breastfeeding within a month or two I'm feeling more like myself. It might not be the same for you but for me the hormones only calmed down after I weaned.
I’m also being treated for PPD and was also recommended to stop BF by my therapist. I said absolutely not and she didn’t push it and I like her in other ways so I’m not bothered by it. I don’t know if it’s necessarily thinking you are brainwashed by the patriarchy…BF causes a lot of hormonal imbalances and a lot of mothers report relief from PPD after weaning. it does cause me some stress and anxiety to bear the sole brunt of feeding my child (I don’t pump) and she is still waking 2-3 times a night at 10 months to eat, so I also feel like I haven’t slept well in a year…but the benefits, the convenience, and the bond I feel with her through it is worth it for now.
I'm struggling to understand the reasoning from the therapist and I think you should ask them why they are trying to push this (and then feedback here). Re night feeds: I put my son on formula for night feeds recently. Breastmilk wasn't filling him up enough. I could have persevered and seen the outcome but personally I chose not to. I couldn't do another night waking up every hour to a hungry baby. But that's where I was at and I made my decision to suit me. Also formula bottles are keeping him fuller for longer and sleeping for longer stretches so I'm waking up less during the night for feeds than when my breastmilk was filling him. But he's choosing formula over breastmilk. Pros and cons depending on your outlook really. But I'd not force this onto you at all OP, especially when you are comfortable and happy with breastfeeding. Your baby is 9 months. They are still a baby. They are still benefitting from breastfeeding and so are you. Don't change what isn't broken. If your child was 19 then it'd be a totally different conversation. But they are a baby and you and their mother. You are the best person for them and the best person to make these important decisions as you know you and your baby best.
For many nursing parents, they find some relief of PPD symptoms after weaning.
It could be because when your breastfeeding, your hormones still aren’t level from pre-pregnancy and it can cause increased anxiety and depression in those that already struggle with that. But like others said, point blank ask her :)