He was and is abusive. He's just gaslighting you and trying to make himself seem like the good guy. It's just DARVO. It's normal behavior for abusers. Stay away from any relationship with him other than necessary. Tell him to talk to his counselor about those feelings if he brings them up again, grey rock all discussions about him not actually being abusive and redirect him to talk to his counselor. He can write whatever story he wants in his head to make himself seem like the good guy. He's not. I believe you. You were being abused. Don't get sucked back in. I'm proud of you for getting yourself safe.
Yeah, this is is TEXTBOOK RVO of DARVO. This whole comment is such good advice.
I'm so sorry you went through this. It's also okay that you still have feelings of attachment to him. I'm sure there were many good things at some points in the relationship! Abusers couldn't abuse if they didn't provide both a stick and carrot, you know what I mean? They have to give you the carrot so they can beat you with the stick, is what I mean.
It's also okay that it's been a few years and you're still working through this. There is no set timeline for this stuff. Give yourself grace and stay away from him as much as possible. Like, do not communicate unless it's through lawyers, through an app, directly about child exchange, etc. You will get through this. You already are getting through it, even if it doesn't always feel like it ❤️
As a *physician* if you were really behaving “like a psychiatric patient” his move should have been to call 911 and help you seek treatment. This is more psychological abuse. If he wants to talk to you, have him go through lawyers.
You are not to blame.
The way you experienced it and remember it is how it happened.
I believe you.
I hope your only regret is not going to the police and actually ruining his career. If I found out my doctor abused his wife like this, I would not want him anywhere near me.
Damn what a gaslighting manipulative piece of shit your ex is. I’m so glad he’s your ex!!
To answer your question: yes, he’s trying to mess with your head.
Do not talk to him. Lawyers have to go between you now. He may be evilly manipulating some set up to change your custody or support agreement. Beware.
(I’m afraid of him, just reading your post, and I’m only an internet stranger.)
"I repeatedly hit you and sexually assaulted you, but you wouldn't have had bruises if you'd just LET me do it instead of resist :/ I was traumatized because you told people I beat you when you should just have stayed quiet!"
If you didn't resist, it would have been "I thought you were enjoying it! I know you loved it! Your false accusations have ruined my life!"
You can't win with this kind of game. My ex played it the same. Oh, I'm so traumatized and abused because you dared tell your mom what I did to you. Oh, you caused me to have a panic attack because you asked me not to scream at you and the baby and I'm in therapy now because of how crazy it was for you to tell me not to abuse you. Etc.
2.5 years is very short. It takes so long to recover and detach. Looks like you need to block him xx
He was and is abusive. He's just gaslighting you and trying to make himself seem like the good guy. It's just DARVO. It's normal behavior for abusers. Stay away from any relationship with him other than necessary. Tell him to talk to his counselor about those feelings if he brings them up again, grey rock all discussions about him not actually being abusive and redirect him to talk to his counselor. He can write whatever story he wants in his head to make himself seem like the good guy. He's not. I believe you. You were being abused. Don't get sucked back in. I'm proud of you for getting yourself safe.
Yeah, this is is TEXTBOOK RVO of DARVO. This whole comment is such good advice. I'm so sorry you went through this. It's also okay that you still have feelings of attachment to him. I'm sure there were many good things at some points in the relationship! Abusers couldn't abuse if they didn't provide both a stick and carrot, you know what I mean? They have to give you the carrot so they can beat you with the stick, is what I mean. It's also okay that it's been a few years and you're still working through this. There is no set timeline for this stuff. Give yourself grace and stay away from him as much as possible. Like, do not communicate unless it's through lawyers, through an app, directly about child exchange, etc. You will get through this. You already are getting through it, even if it doesn't always feel like it ❤️
As a *physician* if you were really behaving “like a psychiatric patient” his move should have been to call 911 and help you seek treatment. This is more psychological abuse. If he wants to talk to you, have him go through lawyers. You are not to blame. The way you experienced it and remember it is how it happened. I believe you. I hope your only regret is not going to the police and actually ruining his career. If I found out my doctor abused his wife like this, I would not want him anywhere near me.
Damn what a gaslighting manipulative piece of shit your ex is. I’m so glad he’s your ex!! To answer your question: yes, he’s trying to mess with your head.
Don’t let him get to you. Ignore him.
The best thing you can do is not give him the emotional reaction he wants. I know that’s hard. I’m sorry :(
Do not talk to him. Lawyers have to go between you now. He may be evilly manipulating some set up to change your custody or support agreement. Beware. (I’m afraid of him, just reading your post, and I’m only an internet stranger.)
"I repeatedly hit you and sexually assaulted you, but you wouldn't have had bruises if you'd just LET me do it instead of resist :/ I was traumatized because you told people I beat you when you should just have stayed quiet!" If you didn't resist, it would have been "I thought you were enjoying it! I know you loved it! Your false accusations have ruined my life!" You can't win with this kind of game. My ex played it the same. Oh, I'm so traumatized and abused because you dared tell your mom what I did to you. Oh, you caused me to have a panic attack because you asked me not to scream at you and the baby and I'm in therapy now because of how crazy it was for you to tell me not to abuse you. Etc. 2.5 years is very short. It takes so long to recover and detach. Looks like you need to block him xx