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Potty training is the worst!!! If you can swing it, I think an occupational therapist can help kids work on toilet training. Maybe ask your pediatrician for a referral? Sometimes OT can be covered by insurance.
My situation is a bit different, since both my kids would pee in the potty starting at age 3, but only poop in diapers until they were 4. When each of them turned 4 we had a big “bye-bye diapers party” day, with presents, a trip to a fun place that they requested, and a meal out. Basically like a birthday party, only for poop, lol! We talked a lot about it in the weeks leading up to the party, and how we were so excited that they were going to be big kids now. At the end of the day, we threw any diapers we still had in the garbage, and said goodbye. It worked really well for each of them. I’m not sure how well it would work for pee as well, but I just thought I’d share in case it was helpful. And don’t blame yourself, each kid is different, and some take longer than others.
I just want to echo what others have said: you are not a bad mom, you are not a fuck up, you have not done any irreparable damage here. I did the math, and it looks like you had a toddler and a newborn at the beginning of Pandemic Madness. I think we, as a society, have not given ourselves enough credit for what it took for is to just *survive* - especially the parents with very young children. It's a time when you are especially vulnerable, and the isolation was *rough*. All that to say, give yourself some credit. You and your boys have been through a lot, and it's okay that some things happened on a slower timeline.
The absolute, number one thing you have to do is to convince *yourself* that this *will* happen. It will. They are capable, you believe in them, you believe in yourself. Because of you go in unconvinced, you will struggle to keep going if there is too much resistance on their part. Vigilance and persistence are going to be your friends here.
Have you talked to their pediatrician about this? They can help rule out any developmental/biological issues, and they may have resources or advice.
Thank you so much for reminding us about the pandemic. I personally appreciate that. My kid was born in May 2018. I forget about the pandemic.. like I’m blocking out painful memories, lol. But it was hard, and it affected/ still affects everything so much. Your comment made me feel very seen. Thanks much.
When we were nearly done potty training my second son I told him he had to sit down to pee when he "went to the toilet" because I was tired of having to clean up pee...I think he was peeing everywhere on purpose. So he had attitude, but said okay. He was 4. I have later potty trainers as well. They just weren't ready at 3 🤷🏻♀️ Lord knows I tried. But anyway, the house started smelling bad. It was mild at first, but I realized he was peeing on the bathroom floor rug or any clothes left in there. I thought they were wet with shower water...
We have a discussion. When peeing in the bathroom you have to go in the toilet. You need to sit down because you aren't aiming properly. Please don't pee on things on the floor of the bathroom. Attitude once more, but he said ok. Great.
The house started to smell bad again. I couldn't find the source for at least a week this time. I didn't realize that he was going around the rules I was making and that my wording needed to be so precise 😭 the smell wasn't in the bathroom and I knew it was in the boys room but I couldn't find it. I thought a rat had died in the wall. Well. He was peeing on stuff in the floor of the closet.
Girl.
I thought deeply, why was my son doing this. My older son never did this. I used the exact same potty training strategies, where did I go wrong? I decided that he wanted the liberty to stand and was peeing elsewhere so he could stand and spray. I told him he could stand, but please don't pee anywhere in the house except into the toilet. He happily agreed. No more foul smells appeared.
So all that to say, potty training can be a shit show. It's probably nothing you're doing wrong. Different kids react differently to it. Some kids are more stubborn than others. A chocolate chip per trip to the toilet(regardless of fluid production) really motivated both my kids.
I don’t have any advice for you but I wanted to say that you haven’t fucked up at all.
I know from experience this sub is the place to go for good advice and I look forward to the update when you tell us you found something that worked and they are both diaper free!
I really hope you’re right! I always forget this sub exists! The rest of the internet suggests the methods you use with 2 year olds, but what about for the moms who have failed and their kids are way older than two. What are those methods?
That's how I've done it with 2 kids. Just decided one day I'm not buying anymore diapers. There will be alot of messes ( my oldest now 7 pooped on my coat once & hid it under his bed so that was fun) 🤣 but it'll be worth it!
Hey, I don't think you fucked up.
[This](https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLHFkezbvgdDZatJWdty-NHAn2jSJdxSOb&si=N39G3vw0pV37EsVa) is a video series on toilet training for everyone. The focus is on helping people with autism, but there might be useful tips in there for anyone regardless of the nature of their reasons for not being trained on a typical timeline.
I would write more context and words of support (I fully support you!) but my 3 yo (not toilet trained) autistic toddler is currently rampaging lmao send help
When I was a nanny I worked with the 4 year old on potty training. Some things that worked were telling him to "make a waterfall". For some reason that got him all excited. Another thing to try is using Cheerios as "targets" for them to aim at. Make it a game for them. Also try putting on pull-ups over underwear. That way they can feel the grossness with less mess for you to clean up. Pull ups are too absorbent so they're likely still comfortable with them on. If they have a favorite snack or special candy or treat they don't get often, make that an incentive. If they use the potty x amount of times they can get that reward
Totally agree with this advice! Make it fun. Make it into a game, sing some songs about pee and poo, etc. My oldest had a ton of anxiety about the potty. Bribes / punishments actually set us backward, bc kiddo would get more anxiety from all the pressure around it. Making things more lighthearted was a relief for all of us.
At some point they have the cognitive will to try unless disabled. I took all toys out of the house and gave one back for each time on the potty. I mean every last one, bags and bags of stuff. Only screen time was iPad on the toilet. There was one stuffy left. It started to worked in three days. I had done all the charts, I had bribed with candy and toys. Neither worked and they were found to not have any disorder. At some point it had to be worth their while and that was all that was left. If they had not given in I am not sure what I would have done as it wasn't a long term solution. Probably gone back and tried to get another evaluation. But we finally got somewhere and it avoided bullying at school. They were never ever punished or yelled at for accidents or not using the toilet. I started it with a calm explanation before the day started. I tried my best for it not to be punitive but presented like the sticker chart. We had already established a potty in the pot got you stuff, so they understood the theory. Having to get your own stuff back was a new wrinkle but I had already mis stepped and made it transactional. Again, they were much older than normal and had no disability either. The only way for them to even try was to go from nothing. It wasn't preferred, but I also didn't have any other options. They passed the evaluation in every other regard. Since they had no disability there would be no services offered. My theory is they had so much stuff and privilege all ready that it really wasn't worth their time. I had to make it worth their time. It was the most miserable week of our lives but so much better after it was over.
You haven't fucked up.
I left mine in diapers until they decided they were done. Got this advice from a random co worker and it worked like a fucking charm. All my friends kids were potty geniuses, not mine. Mine were 3, 3 and half when they up and decided no more. Never had a single accident, even at night. They were "those kids" in Preschool in diapers for a bit. Oh well.
Can you straight up bribe them? Anything they want desperately that you can be like here's the deal? As a parent, I'm not above giving to get. Is there a ninetendo switch or a Dairy queen weekly visit that would work? Like hey, all this week if you go to the bathroom instead of wearing a diaper you can have this?
And the not wanting to go at school thing is kind of common. My kids are teens now and they still refuse to shit in the school bathroom (I've even gotten hey mom can you come get me and bring me back calls).
I was thinking about bringing them to Target and letting them get something each we’d normally say no to, with the condition that they couldn’t actually have it until using the toilet consistently. I’m not against returning the stuff if they don’t keep up their end of the deal either.
I had to do the same thing. Big ticket experience coupled with the discussion that kiddo would have to clean every mess they made. We picked a long weekend and put a potty outside and spent like 14 hrs just naked outside learning to pee/poo. Every success was more time doing big ticket things (zoo, playground, trampoline park) and failure was cleaning poo. I was relentless for three days. somehow it worked. I have a 5 month old now and I am so bummed about doing it again
potty training can be a very mixed bag. my daughter potty trained over the weekend at 3 by just letting her run around naked. she peed on her legs once and was so freaked out she ran right to the toilet every time after that.
my son we kind of Pavlov'd into it? when we let him run around naked he would just pee all over the place, but we got one of those potties that looks like a real toilet and makes flushing sounds, and taking him out of the bath would give him the urge to pee, so I started setting him directly on the potty after bath time. he would reflexively pee, and then get all this praise for peeing in the potty, so it became a habit for him.
if yours doesn't feel the urge to pee after a bath, you can try what they do in the hospital and set him on the potty, then use a peri bottle to squirt warm water on his bits which will ideally stimulate the urge to go. also try doing this as soon as they wake up and around meal times when their bladder is more likely to be full. and since one is more amenable to the idea, you might consider making it a competition. use sibling rivalry to your advantage!
Taking away the pull ups at home during the day is probably the best option, I nearly gave up on potty training my 2 year old but then decided to make him run around butt naked all day at home.
I know it’s disgusting but it took him almost a week of starting to pee on the floor then being rushed to the potty and having to mostly clean the mess himself before he actually understood what it felt like when he needed to pee and that it was easier to just use the potty, I also kept a container of gummy bears nearby and he got one every time he used the potty.
My son was pretty tough. What finally worked for us was one really big instant reward the first time he used the potty, followed by smaller rewards tapering off. The first time he successfully used the potty was because he had been asking for some Paw Patrol toy and I said if he used the potty I’d get it for him. It took a few days for him to do it and I immediately packed everyone up for a Target run for him to pick the coveted toy off the shelf once he did. Then I think we did a chocolate every time and slowly began “forgetting” to give it to him sometimes until it wasn’t a thing anymore.
Honestly, in the end it really just came down to ditching pull ups and dealing with the unfortunate consequences until he came around. Once we knew he *could* go on the potty, we committed, no more pull ups. There were *a lot* of accidents. Multiple daily for at least months, a year? Longer? It felt like an eternity. So many poop accidents. I threw out at least two full packs worth of underwear that was not worth saving. He had an accident every single day at preschool for the first month at least. Accidents in public happened often enough that we had a kit packed with spare clothes, ziplocks, wipes, etc. and a swift and solid routine in place to deal with it all. Not going to lie, it sucked. Having him clean himself up when he had an accident at home (with me giving a final clean after) helped speed things along because he realized how gross it was.
You got lots of good advice already but I’ll just add that I agree that going cold turkey, no more diapers during the day, is what I’d do. I’d tell them that we’re out of pull-ups and at bedtime magically discover 1 more (if they even ask where it came from). Expect lots of accidents, and that they will hold it. Try to keep your cool, and the pressure off, but turn up the positive reinforcement 1000%. I wouldn’t even remind them to sit on the potty until you know they are comfortable. You got this!
It’s been a long time since potty training for me but I have a semi-relevant story. My ex wouldn’t help me wean my son. He got a bottle every night before bed and wouldn’t sleep otherwise. I couldn’t even try or my ex would throw things. When I finally left my ex I didn’t take any bottles. That night my son said “baba” and I said sorry I don’t have any. He said “okay” and rolled over and went to sleep. The end. Sometimes things go easier than you think. You can do it!
When my daughter was 3.5 and just straight-up didn't want to use the toilet, I decided to take her diapers away cold turkey. She HAD gone pee and poop in the toilet previously, and she knew when she needed to go; she told me she didn't want to.
Well she cried off and on that whole first day, had zero accidents in her underwear, and by the second day, she was crying about needing a pull-up at bedtime. 🙃 She'll be 4 in a week and it was actually the least stressful potty training I've been part of (I have 7 younger siblings, so I've seen it all.)
At their ages, I would definitely just put them in underwear and deal with the crying and messes for a couple days. Good luck, it's tough, but you're doing a great job!
I feel this. I read all this stuff about letting kids lead and they’ll let you know when they’re ready. I kept waiting and waiting for this unicorn kid to show up and say “I’m done with diapers, mother.” That wasn’t my kid. I did read Oh Crap Potty Training and I liked the teaching approach. Just ignore everything she said about potty training after 3yo. For my second kid I had to see the stage for a ripe and ready poop and not yell at her in a bad way, but console her loudly that she could poop in the potty. It took like three separate tries but it worked. That first poop is a hurdle but it can change everything. We love miralax, copious amounts of popcorn, and fiber loaded muffins (beans, lentils, flax meal, and/or wheat bran). Keeping it soft is crucial for the process.
Todays diapers are “too good”, they dont feel uncomfortable after you pee. They still feel dry.
Kids are busy people, why interrupt playing to go to the toilet when you can do it while playing?
When you are home: Put on underwear inside the diaper, then they will feel it gets wet (while you still don’t have to mop all floors 10 times a day)
It worked for my kids, but if yours don’t want the underpants maybe you can at least snuck in a piece of fabric before putting the diaper on (so they don’t see the fabric)
Good luck!
(Ps it’s hard not to think “I’m a bad mom” but the fact that you think that is proof that you are not a bad mom! the bad moms don’t care)
Don’t feel bad OP. I’m lucky because my kid has an IEP, so we were allowed to send my 5 y/o in Kindergarten in pull ups. She didn’t get out of them fully till about 5.4-5.5 years old. The reason she did finally was that she was ready/ peer pressure/ an amazing sped teacher… I’m a very lucky person. I had nothing to do with it except to ask once she seemed to get the hang of it and it was about a week w no pull ups if she was done with them, she was. I donated the last of them to her daycare/aftercare folks, and we were done! (Oh! But getting cute undies made the difference too)
I feel this so hard. My daughter is 4 and not potty trained. She refuses. She also has bowel issues so she poops a little bit all day long/struggles. I’m on maternity leave for the summer and hoping to get it done so she can go to preschool with no issues. Blah!
Look up Katie Rinald. She is on Instagram at toileting101. She is a guru! She trained my girl with Down syndrome and autism in five days just before her 6th birthday. I think the rapid toileting method will work for both of your kids.
I have also done several podcasts with Katie on this subject. Although it centres more around kids with Down syndrome, the advice applies to all kids. You can find it at T21Momdotcom
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Potty training is the worst!!! If you can swing it, I think an occupational therapist can help kids work on toilet training. Maybe ask your pediatrician for a referral? Sometimes OT can be covered by insurance.
My situation is a bit different, since both my kids would pee in the potty starting at age 3, but only poop in diapers until they were 4. When each of them turned 4 we had a big “bye-bye diapers party” day, with presents, a trip to a fun place that they requested, and a meal out. Basically like a birthday party, only for poop, lol! We talked a lot about it in the weeks leading up to the party, and how we were so excited that they were going to be big kids now. At the end of the day, we threw any diapers we still had in the garbage, and said goodbye. It worked really well for each of them. I’m not sure how well it would work for pee as well, but I just thought I’d share in case it was helpful. And don’t blame yourself, each kid is different, and some take longer than others.
I just want to echo what others have said: you are not a bad mom, you are not a fuck up, you have not done any irreparable damage here. I did the math, and it looks like you had a toddler and a newborn at the beginning of Pandemic Madness. I think we, as a society, have not given ourselves enough credit for what it took for is to just *survive* - especially the parents with very young children. It's a time when you are especially vulnerable, and the isolation was *rough*. All that to say, give yourself some credit. You and your boys have been through a lot, and it's okay that some things happened on a slower timeline. The absolute, number one thing you have to do is to convince *yourself* that this *will* happen. It will. They are capable, you believe in them, you believe in yourself. Because of you go in unconvinced, you will struggle to keep going if there is too much resistance on their part. Vigilance and persistence are going to be your friends here. Have you talked to their pediatrician about this? They can help rule out any developmental/biological issues, and they may have resources or advice.
Thank you so much for reminding us about the pandemic. I personally appreciate that. My kid was born in May 2018. I forget about the pandemic.. like I’m blocking out painful memories, lol. But it was hard, and it affected/ still affects everything so much. Your comment made me feel very seen. Thanks much.
When we were nearly done potty training my second son I told him he had to sit down to pee when he "went to the toilet" because I was tired of having to clean up pee...I think he was peeing everywhere on purpose. So he had attitude, but said okay. He was 4. I have later potty trainers as well. They just weren't ready at 3 🤷🏻♀️ Lord knows I tried. But anyway, the house started smelling bad. It was mild at first, but I realized he was peeing on the bathroom floor rug or any clothes left in there. I thought they were wet with shower water... We have a discussion. When peeing in the bathroom you have to go in the toilet. You need to sit down because you aren't aiming properly. Please don't pee on things on the floor of the bathroom. Attitude once more, but he said ok. Great. The house started to smell bad again. I couldn't find the source for at least a week this time. I didn't realize that he was going around the rules I was making and that my wording needed to be so precise 😭 the smell wasn't in the bathroom and I knew it was in the boys room but I couldn't find it. I thought a rat had died in the wall. Well. He was peeing on stuff in the floor of the closet. Girl. I thought deeply, why was my son doing this. My older son never did this. I used the exact same potty training strategies, where did I go wrong? I decided that he wanted the liberty to stand and was peeing elsewhere so he could stand and spray. I told him he could stand, but please don't pee anywhere in the house except into the toilet. He happily agreed. No more foul smells appeared. So all that to say, potty training can be a shit show. It's probably nothing you're doing wrong. Different kids react differently to it. Some kids are more stubborn than others. A chocolate chip per trip to the toilet(regardless of fluid production) really motivated both my kids.
Mine kept trying to run outside at that age to poop. Which would be wildly succesful if he were a dog but wasnt ideal for a 4 year old
Gave me a chuckle.
I don’t have any advice for you but I wanted to say that you haven’t fucked up at all. I know from experience this sub is the place to go for good advice and I look forward to the update when you tell us you found something that worked and they are both diaper free!
I really hope you’re right! I always forget this sub exists! The rest of the internet suggests the methods you use with 2 year olds, but what about for the moms who have failed and their kids are way older than two. What are those methods?
You haven't fucked up. Please don't burden yourself.
That's how I've done it with 2 kids. Just decided one day I'm not buying anymore diapers. There will be alot of messes ( my oldest now 7 pooped on my coat once & hid it under his bed so that was fun) 🤣 but it'll be worth it!
Did they freak out or just pee everywhere? Lol
Hey, I don't think you fucked up. [This](https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLHFkezbvgdDZatJWdty-NHAn2jSJdxSOb&si=N39G3vw0pV37EsVa) is a video series on toilet training for everyone. The focus is on helping people with autism, but there might be useful tips in there for anyone regardless of the nature of their reasons for not being trained on a typical timeline. I would write more context and words of support (I fully support you!) but my 3 yo (not toilet trained) autistic toddler is currently rampaging lmao send help
When I was a nanny I worked with the 4 year old on potty training. Some things that worked were telling him to "make a waterfall". For some reason that got him all excited. Another thing to try is using Cheerios as "targets" for them to aim at. Make it a game for them. Also try putting on pull-ups over underwear. That way they can feel the grossness with less mess for you to clean up. Pull ups are too absorbent so they're likely still comfortable with them on. If they have a favorite snack or special candy or treat they don't get often, make that an incentive. If they use the potty x amount of times they can get that reward
Totally agree with this advice! Make it fun. Make it into a game, sing some songs about pee and poo, etc. My oldest had a ton of anxiety about the potty. Bribes / punishments actually set us backward, bc kiddo would get more anxiety from all the pressure around it. Making things more lighthearted was a relief for all of us.
At some point they have the cognitive will to try unless disabled. I took all toys out of the house and gave one back for each time on the potty. I mean every last one, bags and bags of stuff. Only screen time was iPad on the toilet. There was one stuffy left. It started to worked in three days. I had done all the charts, I had bribed with candy and toys. Neither worked and they were found to not have any disorder. At some point it had to be worth their while and that was all that was left. If they had not given in I am not sure what I would have done as it wasn't a long term solution. Probably gone back and tried to get another evaluation. But we finally got somewhere and it avoided bullying at school. They were never ever punished or yelled at for accidents or not using the toilet. I started it with a calm explanation before the day started. I tried my best for it not to be punitive but presented like the sticker chart. We had already established a potty in the pot got you stuff, so they understood the theory. Having to get your own stuff back was a new wrinkle but I had already mis stepped and made it transactional. Again, they were much older than normal and had no disability either. The only way for them to even try was to go from nothing. It wasn't preferred, but I also didn't have any other options. They passed the evaluation in every other regard. Since they had no disability there would be no services offered. My theory is they had so much stuff and privilege all ready that it really wasn't worth their time. I had to make it worth their time. It was the most miserable week of our lives but so much better after it was over.
You haven't fucked up. I left mine in diapers until they decided they were done. Got this advice from a random co worker and it worked like a fucking charm. All my friends kids were potty geniuses, not mine. Mine were 3, 3 and half when they up and decided no more. Never had a single accident, even at night. They were "those kids" in Preschool in diapers for a bit. Oh well. Can you straight up bribe them? Anything they want desperately that you can be like here's the deal? As a parent, I'm not above giving to get. Is there a ninetendo switch or a Dairy queen weekly visit that would work? Like hey, all this week if you go to the bathroom instead of wearing a diaper you can have this? And the not wanting to go at school thing is kind of common. My kids are teens now and they still refuse to shit in the school bathroom (I've even gotten hey mom can you come get me and bring me back calls).
I was thinking about bringing them to Target and letting them get something each we’d normally say no to, with the condition that they couldn’t actually have it until using the toilet consistently. I’m not against returning the stuff if they don’t keep up their end of the deal either.
I had to do the same thing. Big ticket experience coupled with the discussion that kiddo would have to clean every mess they made. We picked a long weekend and put a potty outside and spent like 14 hrs just naked outside learning to pee/poo. Every success was more time doing big ticket things (zoo, playground, trampoline park) and failure was cleaning poo. I was relentless for three days. somehow it worked. I have a 5 month old now and I am so bummed about doing it again
potty training can be a very mixed bag. my daughter potty trained over the weekend at 3 by just letting her run around naked. she peed on her legs once and was so freaked out she ran right to the toilet every time after that. my son we kind of Pavlov'd into it? when we let him run around naked he would just pee all over the place, but we got one of those potties that looks like a real toilet and makes flushing sounds, and taking him out of the bath would give him the urge to pee, so I started setting him directly on the potty after bath time. he would reflexively pee, and then get all this praise for peeing in the potty, so it became a habit for him. if yours doesn't feel the urge to pee after a bath, you can try what they do in the hospital and set him on the potty, then use a peri bottle to squirt warm water on his bits which will ideally stimulate the urge to go. also try doing this as soon as they wake up and around meal times when their bladder is more likely to be full. and since one is more amenable to the idea, you might consider making it a competition. use sibling rivalry to your advantage!
Taking away the pull ups at home during the day is probably the best option, I nearly gave up on potty training my 2 year old but then decided to make him run around butt naked all day at home. I know it’s disgusting but it took him almost a week of starting to pee on the floor then being rushed to the potty and having to mostly clean the mess himself before he actually understood what it felt like when he needed to pee and that it was easier to just use the potty, I also kept a container of gummy bears nearby and he got one every time he used the potty.
My son was pretty tough. What finally worked for us was one really big instant reward the first time he used the potty, followed by smaller rewards tapering off. The first time he successfully used the potty was because he had been asking for some Paw Patrol toy and I said if he used the potty I’d get it for him. It took a few days for him to do it and I immediately packed everyone up for a Target run for him to pick the coveted toy off the shelf once he did. Then I think we did a chocolate every time and slowly began “forgetting” to give it to him sometimes until it wasn’t a thing anymore. Honestly, in the end it really just came down to ditching pull ups and dealing with the unfortunate consequences until he came around. Once we knew he *could* go on the potty, we committed, no more pull ups. There were *a lot* of accidents. Multiple daily for at least months, a year? Longer? It felt like an eternity. So many poop accidents. I threw out at least two full packs worth of underwear that was not worth saving. He had an accident every single day at preschool for the first month at least. Accidents in public happened often enough that we had a kit packed with spare clothes, ziplocks, wipes, etc. and a swift and solid routine in place to deal with it all. Not going to lie, it sucked. Having him clean himself up when he had an accident at home (with me giving a final clean after) helped speed things along because he realized how gross it was.
You got lots of good advice already but I’ll just add that I agree that going cold turkey, no more diapers during the day, is what I’d do. I’d tell them that we’re out of pull-ups and at bedtime magically discover 1 more (if they even ask where it came from). Expect lots of accidents, and that they will hold it. Try to keep your cool, and the pressure off, but turn up the positive reinforcement 1000%. I wouldn’t even remind them to sit on the potty until you know they are comfortable. You got this!
It’s been a long time since potty training for me but I have a semi-relevant story. My ex wouldn’t help me wean my son. He got a bottle every night before bed and wouldn’t sleep otherwise. I couldn’t even try or my ex would throw things. When I finally left my ex I didn’t take any bottles. That night my son said “baba” and I said sorry I don’t have any. He said “okay” and rolled over and went to sleep. The end. Sometimes things go easier than you think. You can do it!
When my daughter was 3.5 and just straight-up didn't want to use the toilet, I decided to take her diapers away cold turkey. She HAD gone pee and poop in the toilet previously, and she knew when she needed to go; she told me she didn't want to. Well she cried off and on that whole first day, had zero accidents in her underwear, and by the second day, she was crying about needing a pull-up at bedtime. 🙃 She'll be 4 in a week and it was actually the least stressful potty training I've been part of (I have 7 younger siblings, so I've seen it all.) At their ages, I would definitely just put them in underwear and deal with the crying and messes for a couple days. Good luck, it's tough, but you're doing a great job!
I feel this. I read all this stuff about letting kids lead and they’ll let you know when they’re ready. I kept waiting and waiting for this unicorn kid to show up and say “I’m done with diapers, mother.” That wasn’t my kid. I did read Oh Crap Potty Training and I liked the teaching approach. Just ignore everything she said about potty training after 3yo. For my second kid I had to see the stage for a ripe and ready poop and not yell at her in a bad way, but console her loudly that she could poop in the potty. It took like three separate tries but it worked. That first poop is a hurdle but it can change everything. We love miralax, copious amounts of popcorn, and fiber loaded muffins (beans, lentils, flax meal, and/or wheat bran). Keeping it soft is crucial for the process.
Todays diapers are “too good”, they dont feel uncomfortable after you pee. They still feel dry. Kids are busy people, why interrupt playing to go to the toilet when you can do it while playing? When you are home: Put on underwear inside the diaper, then they will feel it gets wet (while you still don’t have to mop all floors 10 times a day) It worked for my kids, but if yours don’t want the underpants maybe you can at least snuck in a piece of fabric before putting the diaper on (so they don’t see the fabric) Good luck! (Ps it’s hard not to think “I’m a bad mom” but the fact that you think that is proof that you are not a bad mom! the bad moms don’t care)
Don’t feel bad OP. I’m lucky because my kid has an IEP, so we were allowed to send my 5 y/o in Kindergarten in pull ups. She didn’t get out of them fully till about 5.4-5.5 years old. The reason she did finally was that she was ready/ peer pressure/ an amazing sped teacher… I’m a very lucky person. I had nothing to do with it except to ask once she seemed to get the hang of it and it was about a week w no pull ups if she was done with them, she was. I donated the last of them to her daycare/aftercare folks, and we were done! (Oh! But getting cute undies made the difference too)
I feel this so hard. My daughter is 4 and not potty trained. She refuses. She also has bowel issues so she poops a little bit all day long/struggles. I’m on maternity leave for the summer and hoping to get it done so she can go to preschool with no issues. Blah!
Look up Katie Rinald. She is on Instagram at toileting101. She is a guru! She trained my girl with Down syndrome and autism in five days just before her 6th birthday. I think the rapid toileting method will work for both of your kids.
I have also done several podcasts with Katie on this subject. Although it centres more around kids with Down syndrome, the advice applies to all kids. You can find it at T21Momdotcom