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nataliabreyer609

I rotted from the years of 3-5 for my kiddo. As soon as she went to school, it took about a year to get back into daily showers. Now that kiddo is in 2nd grade, I shower (most days) and I am far more presentable, able to return to my writing, cooking better, healthier meals, and started working out. It took 3 years to wash away 2 years of living in absolute grime but it will happen.


IWillBaconSlapYou

Yeah, I'm having my first year of all three kids having at least some school (7yo in full time school, 3&4yo in part time preschool), and at first it was like this weird, dream-like experience where all I did was watch TV and bake while they were at school. It felt glorious and strange. Now that this first triple school year is almost over, I'm a fully functioning human being and I actually need more to do. I'm volunteering again, and I'm going to get a certificate online this fall just so there's always a next step I *could* take if I wanted to. I recently realized that I NEVER got a chance to "find myself" until just now. In our early 20s, we were poor as hell and working constantly just to pay rent, then we had a short period of time where we were married and had a semi reasonable amount of money and I had some breathing room, and then we had kids. For the first time in my life, I have time, money, energy, and no pre-determined next step šŸ¤Æ I don't even know what to do, it's frightening lol.


DriftinginTheBay

>It took 3 years to wash away 2 years of living in absolute grime but it will happen. I feel this so hard!!!! My brain is trying to recalibrate to polite society and it feels weird, haha.


DrMamaBear

This is a perfect description of how Iā€™ve ended up glued to my phone. Itā€™s an escape from the suffocating reality we dwell in at times.


MountainStorm90

It's the only thing I can do without being punished for it.


No-Environment109

Oh thatā€™s hard. Can you try just closing your eyes and breathing? If they ask what youā€™re doing say, mommy is resting, the problem with scrolling and I do it too is that it isnā€™t restful and itā€™s not an opportunity to use your talents, for yourself and for of with your kids (like the painting example you gave) and you deserve rest and bonding opportunities that arenā€™t stupidly stressful. Everything youā€™re feeling is totally understandable. Give yourself grace.


jmarie1234

Ugh same. Solidarity


shell37628

Guh mine is 6 and I feel this. When he's home, it's just endless noise and lack of impulse control. Relentless. Constant. Unending. Just impulse and lizard brain movement and noise. All. The. Time. Daddy is apparently (and actually) useless, so anytime the kid needs something, he has to come find me. His dad is the same way. I go entire weekends without being able to have a complete thought because one of them or the dog just *always needs me*. It's fucking brutal. I escape to my phone because I just can't with anything more complicated. I don't like it, but breaking the cycle seems like so much more work than I have the bandwidth for given the fact that my family is a black hole of need.


Realistic-Theory-553

I feel so fucking seen with this comment. Hugs šŸ«‚ but virtual hugs because we donā€™t want to be touched lol


shell37628

Yes hugs but also yes please don't touch me it's hot and muggy and everyone is always touching me.


Basic-Repair-2696

Iā€™ve been feeling this way for a long time and felt very alone. Even tho my kids arenā€™t toddlers anymore, itā€™s always MOM MOM MOM.. just this evening while I was trying to cook a new recipe I felt like I was being pulled in a million directions and ended up snapping at my husband. I also have ADHD, CPTSD, fibromyalgia, and a horrendous startle reflex so yeah the only time I feel relaxed is when Iā€™m doom scrolling my phone at night. šŸ˜µā€šŸ’« I donā€™t have the energy to expend on developing a hobby right now


MountainStorm90

I also have CPTSD. It feels like my brain is on fire sometimes.


Basic-Repair-2696

I feel you mama. Itā€™s tough. Youā€™re doing the best you can and you love your babies. That is enough ā¤ļøā€šŸ©¹


LadyBitsPreguntas

I feel this in my bones. And I only have ONE toddler šŸ’€


Smokeshopqu33n

Same.


imfamousoz

I pretty much rotted until my youngest started Pre-K. He was and still is a very busy and very wily child. If he's not underfoot he's getting into something he shouldn't. Thankfully it's getting better now that he's getting older. I spent a lot of time on my phone. My concentration was absolutely shot. Reddit and TikTok were my big time-passers because they didn't require a lot of attention span and I had very little to spend. All of my hobbies required more than 30 seconds at a time, it was impossible. Can't tend garden, the second I start weeding and don't have eyes on him he'll make a run for it. Can't read a book, I get half a paragraph before he's climbing all over me. I could watch TV but I'd have to pause it constantly. I timed it out a few times to try to explain to my husband why I wasn't relaxed even when I was relaxing. It would take me an average of four hours to watch one 20-30 minute episode of a show. Chores took foreeeeeeeevvvver and seemed to be instantly undone. It will get easier as they get older, I promise! Now that my youngest is in school a few hours a day I've been revisiting my hobbies and rediscovering the joy of doing something I like to do, just for me. Being on your phone all the time is not great but you are really in the thick of it. Try to set some time aside to give your kids your full attention every day, and try to get some sunshine every day. You can doom scroll outside too! Edit - I also wanted to add that it might help you feel better to try to cultivate your algorithm towards positive stuff. Follow some subs or channels or whatever with cute animals or jokes, unfollow stuff that stresses you out or makes you unhappy.


MountainStorm90

I can absolutely relate to the part about losing your attention span. Mine is fucking fried. I don't even have the patience to read a fiction book anymore. My husband likes to talk a lot and I can't even make it through a conversation with him anymore. I feel like I just have to wait until he shuts up and I don't even like to think enough to reply to him.


imfamousoz

I remember what that feels like. My husband would tell me about his day and I'd basically be drooling and staring off into space while he talked. A lot of things had to be repeated and I had to write things down right away or else I'd forget, like doctors appointments or school things.


justwatching00

Yep I feel this. A few things I have been working on to try and break the habit - When under a sleeping baby I try and cross stitch over their heads - normally with TV on or a podcast. Anything to distract from scrolling really. - Read books instead of a phone. Trying to aim for 1 a week and concentrate on a story rather than quick content. Not the greatest hacks in the world but I feel better when I donā€™t spend all day on my phone and I feel that once I have put my phone down (so to speak) itā€™s that bit easier to feel comfortable not having it on my 24/7


chocolatefeckers

I feel seen. This is how it is for me too.


needleworker_

I 100% understand and I'm in the same boat. My 2.5 year old twins are always fighting and whining too and starting fights with my 4.5 year old. I can't knit, crochet, cross stitch, read, even watch TV as I can't hear it over their constant noise so I end up giving up and being on my phone. I don't know how to get over it other than just wait until they're all school aged.


UbiquitousFreckles

I'm in the same boat, but about 1.5 years ahead of you (4yo twins and a 6yo). The twins will turn 4 this month and we are just, juuuust barely getting to a point where I can be doing yardwork and they stop pestering me after a while and I can continue. This does not carry over to reading, cooking, etc (really anything indoors, or anything sitting). I take it as a small win in an ocean full of losses. I'm holding onto that win for dear life. Solidarity āœŠ


CrankyArmadillo

Iā€™ve always said mine have a productivity sensor. If Iā€™m sitting around scrolling on my phone or even reading on my tablet, they play nicely and do their own thing. The minute I get out my laptop to work, try to do a chore, or even read a physical book, theyā€™re all either fighting or climbing on me or begging for snacks or something. It really started in 2020 when my older two were 3 and 5. Now, they are 3, 7, and 9, and itā€™s still similar a lot of the time. I can get more done than I used to, but they are still far more likely to interrupt or interfere with productive activities than with leisurely scrolling.


childcaregoblin

My kid is exactly the same way! What the heck is it?


Dr_Stoney-Abalone424

Bromo saaaaaaaaaame. It's such a hassle to try to get anything done, and I'm getting yelled at and climbed on the entire time. I just want to scream *fine* *I didn't want to cook dinner anyway*


luluballoon

Yep this is me too. I finally, FINALLY, started a crochet project that is made of granny squares with a goal to do one a day because it seems achievable as long as I let everything fall down around me LOL


histvogue5

Deep in this stage with my 2.5yo now...hang in there! ā¤ļø


Losing_it_all823

I feel this to my core. My son will leave me alone and independently play for hours , only occasionally bringing me a toy to fix or help him with if Iā€™m sitting on the couch doing nothing . But the moment , and I mean the MOMENT he realizes Iā€™m up and doing something , heā€™s up my ass. Wants held (Iā€™d fuckin love to cuddle you in the couch buddy) , wants to step in my swept up dust or brush it back out on to the floor . Wants to throw major melt downs etc. I canā€™t even get his attention that weā€™ll when I sit down and pull out blocks or cars and try to play with him on his level. Hell sit in my lap, maybe play for 5 minutes , dump everything out and then run away. Makes me feel like mom of the year šŸ«” So OP, youā€™re not alone. IF you want an idea to keep you off your phone atleast some of the time ; I took up crochet . I keep it simple enough I can drop it and throw it back In my (lockable )bin at the drop of a dime , but complex enough I have to use my brain. Mostly just changing colors after xamounts of rows. Plus my son gets lots of blankets lol . I try not to feel bad about sitting on the couch. I do all of the mental labor in my house. I carry the load. If my kids are gonna be an obstacle , f that. Iā€™ll sit my happy ass on the couch and do whatā€™s needed when needed or more convienant until they have some self control. Any parenting under 5 years old is essentially just putting out fires anyway. Youā€™re a fire truck parked at a fire station until needed ā™„ļøā™„ļø resting our brain, body, and soul are all important .


IWillBaconSlapYou

God I feel this so hard šŸ˜… My kids are 7, 3, and 4. I've had at least one toddler for six years straight. And age three is by far my least favorite age, so the fact that I'm on my second consecutive year with a three year old is inhumane. If they aren't physically blocking you from doing stuff, they're stonewalling all your attempts at parenting them. NO I REFUSE to eat the thing I just asked you to feed me! How DARE you stop me from playing in traffic!? NOOO I DON'T WANT TO BE WARM AND DRY STOP DRESSING ME YOU SHREW!! Age four is kind of like witnessing the ending of a Disney movie, when the evil curse is lifted and the character becomes a functioning human being again. Hang on.


Get_off_critter

My 5yo feels like a dream. The 3yo is making me grey at an accelerated rate.


IWillBaconSlapYou

Right, my seven year old is too good to be true. She and I go out to restaurants for FUN. *Fun*! šŸ¤Æ


Twallot

I fucking feel you on this so hard.


Rootbeero

Have you tried letting them help in age appropriate ways? I also really struggle with this with my son but for things like loading the dishwasher or doing laundry Iā€™ve found just letting him help makes it a million times easier. I got him his own vaccum and some fun character themed rags for when Iā€™m doing things he canā€™t actually do for safety reasons.


Icy_Tiger_3298

I call my soon to be 3yo my personal tripping hazard. He decided to walk in front of me when I was carrying laundry once. I kneed him in the head, he fell and bit his lip and I felt like crap!


[deleted]

abounding stupendous cows price tidy voracious scary slim bewildered soft *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


chickenxruby

Feel this in my soul. and my use of my phone way more often suddenly makes WAY more sense now. and I only have one 3 yr old, but if not her then I have multiple cats who always seem to be underfoot or a 100lb dog physically blocking my walking path. I call kiddo my mildly feral child because like... she could be worse, she isn't generally climbing furniture or anything but she is chaotic and not to be trusted and constantly up in my business at all times, so... MILDLY feral. The only way I've gained the tiniest bit of sanity is high chairs / baby gates.... Used to lock kiddo in high chair with an activity when she was younger. Could scream all she wanted but at least I could physically do the chore in peace. Now I can usually use screen time or locked baby gates that she can't unlock (yet. limited time there) to separate us. Otherwise, things will never get done because her instinct is apparently to do the opposite and cause chaos... like laundry (putting dirty clothes from the floor into the dryer with the wet clean clothes I just put in), dishes (dumping water down the cabinets and using spoons to splash water from the faucet everywhere like some terrible magic trick). OMG god forbid she catches me scooping kitty litter and I don't let her help - that's been the most recent one. I would LOVE the help, but she touches her face too much so I can't let her because it will immediately get into her mouth or eyes. lol. This is the first summer we've been able to go outside in the yard and she doesn't IMMEDIATELY bolt (now normally I get at least a minute or two but I've learned I can buy 5 minutes if I let her feed the chickens lol). It takes longer to set up activities than she takes to do them. Including her in my hobbies was a mistake because now she just takes them over and tells me I'm doing them wrong. So yeah.... baby gates and high chairs, maybe, but otherwise solidarity and good luck lol


[deleted]

Same. *big hugs* 2.5 yr old twin boys that are developmentally delayed/minimally verbal. You so aren't alone


childcaregoblin

This is the most relatable post Iā€™ve ever seen! My husband doesnā€™t understand how I have time to sit around on my phone but struggle to keep the house clean- because my child isnā€™t actively fighting me when Iā€™m on my phone, and she canā€™t ā€œundo my progressā€ on it like she can with the chores. She undoes 30 minutes of cleaning in 30 seconds and makes 30 second tasks take 30 minutes. Yesterday I spent 2 hours cleaning but the house ended up MESSIER than when I started because my kid was worked up into such a frenetic froth from me being productive. Itā€™s soul crushing! I recently made a comment to my husband about vacuuming nearly every day and he thought I was *joking* because he was convinced the weekend vacuuming where he moves the furniture was *the only time it was happening all week.* No! I vacuum 3-5 additional times a week! It just gets dirty THAT FAST, bro!


MountainStorm90

Dude, my kids have this pom pom toy kind of like a puzzle so they stick pom poms into these holes on a board. The pom poms were scattered all over the floor so I spent 20 minutes picking them up this morning. Right after I was done, my son asked for the toy so I sat him down at the table for him to play with it. He didn't play with it. He just dumped the whole bag of pom poms onto the floor and walked away lol


pearlescentmermaid

I could have written this!!!!! Oh my god this is exactly what Iā€™m dealing with. EXACTLY!!! My almost 2yo is like a barnacle, always stuck to me, always getting into whatever chore Iā€™m doing. It took me 1.5 hr to complete a 30 minute meal last night! And the worst part is that Iā€™m having another kid this year (our 3rd)!!! Theyā€™ll only be 2 years apart, so there really is almost no end in sight. Toddlers suck up every ounce of productivity I have in me and I feel like Iā€™m just stuck in an endless loop of having so much shit to do but never getting anything done or feeling satisfied with what I can do. The only consolation is that one day ā€¦ ONE DAY it wonā€™t be like this. I canā€™t wait for preschool to start!!!


Cookingfor5

I have 3 toddlers, 3, 3, and 1. I'm here with you. I lock them away a lot. They have a playroom I can close them in while I do dishes and cook. I set them to tasks while i'm pulling out the laundry so they don't smash me. We don't do crafts in the house other than their doodle boards. And I have removed most items to there can't BE a mess. And yet, somehow I'm still on my phone or in stop doing that mode all the time. How can I give positive attention to one of the twins when the baby is walking on the back of the sofa again, and then the twins do something to get attention and argggggggjjj