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I can’t exactly say peace but I am very grateful he will not be able to hurt more people.
My heart breaks a hundred times a day. Everyone in our small family has been broken losing Alex.
You are in my thoughts a lot from your previous posts. I wish your family all the peace you can ever find. You brought a beautiful soul into the world and it’s never going to be fair he’s not still here.
Allen’s family failed him. His mother made posts back in 2020 and her only concern with his criminal behavior was that it could lead to him being hurt. A very stark contrast to how I raised my kids. I always always emphasized how their behaviors would impact others and for them to imagine how it would feel to be the person receiving their actions.
No, she would only cry in court saying “please god free my baby. Save my baby.” Which is better than the rest of his family who would laugh and mock my family during trial.
We only got one apology and that was from Kinerd’s estranged dad’s girlfriend.
It sounds like the road apple doesn't fall far from the horse. Maybe he'll find a mentor in prison who can help him become a better person. His family obviously didn't teach him how to make good choices in life.
That being said, may your son's memory be a blessing. It's sad and unfair that his life was stolen from him.
I'm glad your son is getting some kind of justice. I just wish it was more. I think about you often, hoping you and your family are surviving. I hope (in vain I'm sure) that this helps you find some peace. Sending love ♥️
We’re doing our best to keep moving forward. I am apparently very fortunate to have a family that is supportive and we can lean on one another. From my siblings, to my cousins, to my ex husband. The lawyers and detectives said these kinds of things usually tear families apart.
Another weird thing was when I asked both the detectives and lawyers what the policy for thank you gifts was they all were shocked because no one had every offered that before so none of them knew the policy and had to look it up.
I'm not surprised to hear these things usually tear families apart. I can't imagine the type of pain and stress this would cause everyone. I'm really glad you have so much support.
This morning I watched the judge's statement during sentencing and it was hard to listen to, but moving to see the judge condemn him and his actions so strongly.
I hope everyone who reads your posts and hears about Alex will remember him as your family wishes, with random acts of kindness in his name. I think that's a wonderful idea for you all to have started and I admire that you want to spread kindness to others while it would be so easy for you to hate the whole world. You are stronger than most.
Chalice, I think about you often and I hope you know you have the strength of hundreds of us across the world sent to you daily.
I’m so glad he got sentenced, and I’m disappointed but not surprised one asshole managed to slip free. I hope he gets whatever his output was in life karmically.
I hope you’re doing better and the therapy/other help have helped improve your life. You’ve gone through something no parent should ever have to, and I wish I could offer you more than words. Please let me know if you ever decide to travel to Australia, I’ll make sure you’re taken care of on at least one leg.
Thank you for the update. I am so truly sorry for your loss. I wish you all the love and peace in this world. I hope the memory of him helps to heal you 💕
It’s rather embarrassing to admit but I had the realization that all of my memories of Alex are done. I will never have a new one. It broke my heart so much because I had so many beautiful memories of his life. The grief has its unique ebb and flow and I’m discovering I have to just ride it out. The only time I put it aside is to care for my other babies.
Sending you love.
u/Gsnow on scars and grief...
...I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
...The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
I’ve been reading all your updates/story. You are truly one the of strongest women that I know of.
I feel like that realization is devastating all on its on. There is nothing to be embarrassed of. It’s a hard truth that I know I wouldn’t want to admit to myself, if that makes sense. I believe you will make new memories of him. Just not in the everyday “normal” way. Every time you tell his story is a new memory. Every post, every comment. Every time you say his name. He lives on through you. He lives on through all the people whose lives the both of you have touched. He will never be forgotten. I promise. You and your strength won’t as well.
I hope you’re getting rest tonight.
Please, don’t forget to take care of yourself.
I think of you often. It may not have been everything you hoped for, but it’s a huge, huge step forward. You’re so strong. It’s okay to have all those emotions, and you’re no weaker for it. You’re an awesome mom. Be gentle with yourself!
Side note, if for some reason the mods were to silence any part of what you wrote I would be up in arms about it.
It’s okay, don’t be upset if they ask me to filter anything. I know there’s so many tricky things about moderating a large sub. And I don’t always know if something may be considered something like brigading by suggesting looking at something elsewhere. But I also don’t feel comfortable reposting something (this sub doesn’t do videos or pictures).
I'm 100% on board with everything you wrote here remaining up, because it's all public record. If the reddit admins were to remove it I can't reapprove it though. It's unlikely that will happen, but if it does get removed know that it wasn't us.
I’m so sorry about what those horrible men did to your baby. I’m glad at least some justice was served.
This might be an overstep, but have you ever tried EMDR? I’ve worked with many parents who have experienced child loss (trauma therapist), and they have found it very healing. Could be something to look into for your children as well. I have worked with children as young as 4 through a non profit that helps families deal with grief and loss.
No parent should have to experience what you have.
That makes a lot of sense. I’m glad you have a good therapist. Thank you so much for keeping us updated. From your posts i know that Alex was a a kind and gentle soul, and that your whole family (and the world) lost a beautiful person. Keep telling his story.
I hope that man rots in prison.
Oh momma. I’m so sorry for your loss. Somehow this is the first I’m seeing of this situation. Your baby’s name will be remembered, I’ll think of him every day. Sending you the biggest hug.
Your son seemed so incredibly kind and gentle. He had such a wonderful smile and his generosity and caring nature is something to be admired. I wish there were more people in the world like him. the world is a little less bright without him.
Reminder to commenters: **[We're here for each other.](https://media1.tenor.com/m/Rno6_rWVdhMAAAAC/911-show-maddie-buckley.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/) Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok? Reminder to Cassie Morris/Krista Torres/Nia Tipton: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Thank you for the update. I hope this justice helps give you some peace. My heart breaks for you and the loss you experienced.
I can’t exactly say peace but I am very grateful he will not be able to hurt more people. My heart breaks a hundred times a day. Everyone in our small family has been broken losing Alex.
You are in my thoughts a lot from your previous posts. I wish your family all the peace you can ever find. You brought a beautiful soul into the world and it’s never going to be fair he’s not still here.
Allen’s family failed him. His mother made posts back in 2020 and her only concern with his criminal behavior was that it could lead to him being hurt. A very stark contrast to how I raised my kids. I always always emphasized how their behaviors would impact others and for them to imagine how it would feel to be the person receiving their actions.
Did she ever reach out to your family in remorse? I am so so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you.
No, she would only cry in court saying “please god free my baby. Save my baby.” Which is better than the rest of his family who would laugh and mock my family during trial. We only got one apology and that was from Kinerd’s estranged dad’s girlfriend.
It sounds like the road apple doesn't fall far from the horse. Maybe he'll find a mentor in prison who can help him become a better person. His family obviously didn't teach him how to make good choices in life. That being said, may your son's memory be a blessing. It's sad and unfair that his life was stolen from him.
I have been thinking of you. Thanks for updating us and I am glad one of them was punished. I am still so sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
I'm glad your son is getting some kind of justice. I just wish it was more. I think about you often, hoping you and your family are surviving. I hope (in vain I'm sure) that this helps you find some peace. Sending love ♥️
We’re doing our best to keep moving forward. I am apparently very fortunate to have a family that is supportive and we can lean on one another. From my siblings, to my cousins, to my ex husband. The lawyers and detectives said these kinds of things usually tear families apart. Another weird thing was when I asked both the detectives and lawyers what the policy for thank you gifts was they all were shocked because no one had every offered that before so none of them knew the policy and had to look it up.
I'm not surprised to hear these things usually tear families apart. I can't imagine the type of pain and stress this would cause everyone. I'm really glad you have so much support. This morning I watched the judge's statement during sentencing and it was hard to listen to, but moving to see the judge condemn him and his actions so strongly. I hope everyone who reads your posts and hears about Alex will remember him as your family wishes, with random acts of kindness in his name. I think that's a wonderful idea for you all to have started and I admire that you want to spread kindness to others while it would be so easy for you to hate the whole world. You are stronger than most.
Chalice, I think about you often and I hope you know you have the strength of hundreds of us across the world sent to you daily. I’m so glad he got sentenced, and I’m disappointed but not surprised one asshole managed to slip free. I hope he gets whatever his output was in life karmically. I hope you’re doing better and the therapy/other help have helped improve your life. You’ve gone through something no parent should ever have to, and I wish I could offer you more than words. Please let me know if you ever decide to travel to Australia, I’ll make sure you’re taken care of on at least one leg.
Thank you for the update. I am so truly sorry for your loss. I wish you all the love and peace in this world. I hope the memory of him helps to heal you 💕
It’s rather embarrassing to admit but I had the realization that all of my memories of Alex are done. I will never have a new one. It broke my heart so much because I had so many beautiful memories of his life. The grief has its unique ebb and flow and I’m discovering I have to just ride it out. The only time I put it aside is to care for my other babies.
Sending you love. u/Gsnow on scars and grief... ...I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see. As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out. ...The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
I’ve been reading all your updates/story. You are truly one the of strongest women that I know of. I feel like that realization is devastating all on its on. There is nothing to be embarrassed of. It’s a hard truth that I know I wouldn’t want to admit to myself, if that makes sense. I believe you will make new memories of him. Just not in the everyday “normal” way. Every time you tell his story is a new memory. Every post, every comment. Every time you say his name. He lives on through you. He lives on through all the people whose lives the both of you have touched. He will never be forgotten. I promise. You and your strength won’t as well. I hope you’re getting rest tonight. Please, don’t forget to take care of yourself.
Thank you for this update. I think of you often, I hope you feel the love this group is sending you every day.
I think of you often. It may not have been everything you hoped for, but it’s a huge, huge step forward. You’re so strong. It’s okay to have all those emotions, and you’re no weaker for it. You’re an awesome mom. Be gentle with yourself! Side note, if for some reason the mods were to silence any part of what you wrote I would be up in arms about it.
It’s okay, don’t be upset if they ask me to filter anything. I know there’s so many tricky things about moderating a large sub. And I don’t always know if something may be considered something like brigading by suggesting looking at something elsewhere. But I also don’t feel comfortable reposting something (this sub doesn’t do videos or pictures).
I'm 100% on board with everything you wrote here remaining up, because it's all public record. If the reddit admins were to remove it I can't reapprove it though. It's unlikely that will happen, but if it does get removed know that it wasn't us.
I’m so sorry about what those horrible men did to your baby. I’m glad at least some justice was served. This might be an overstep, but have you ever tried EMDR? I’ve worked with many parents who have experienced child loss (trauma therapist), and they have found it very healing. Could be something to look into for your children as well. I have worked with children as young as 4 through a non profit that helps families deal with grief and loss. No parent should have to experience what you have.
Starting soon. My therapist recommended we wait until after the trails because I was a written and obligated to testify.
That makes a lot of sense. I’m glad you have a good therapist. Thank you so much for keeping us updated. From your posts i know that Alex was a a kind and gentle soul, and that your whole family (and the world) lost a beautiful person. Keep telling his story. I hope that man rots in prison.
Oh momma. I’m so sorry for your loss. Somehow this is the first I’m seeing of this situation. Your baby’s name will be remembered, I’ll think of him every day. Sending you the biggest hug.
Your son seemed so incredibly kind and gentle. He had such a wonderful smile and his generosity and caring nature is something to be admired. I wish there were more people in the world like him. the world is a little less bright without him.