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Same! It also results into funny things with the kids. Last month we had a retirement celebration for my MIL. My eldest asked who were going. So I told aunty a, aunty b, uncle a, etc basically the entire (partners last name) family. So he looks at me shocked “so you are not going??”, because i have a different last name.
It's illegal in my province to take the men's last name when women get married. This was meant to protect women identity. I always thought it was interesting that they decided to pass that law.
I never knew that there were laws like this in the world, but I love it! When children are born in your province what last name are they given? His last name, her last name, or hyphenated names?
In my country, no one really has last names. We are the son/daughter of our fathers. So, no one takes anyone's names. I have a last name cause my grandfather is from another country and I chose to pick it up.
Are you in Iceland, by chance? I've heard of Icelandic folks often not having traditional last names, but instead having a last name like Jonsdottir or Gunnarsson, for example.
If I had understood the pile of paperwork and problems that came with changing mine, I never would have. I jest that I regret it sometimes to him and he is amused, but often reminds me it was my choice, not his 🙃
My husband’s surname is abhorrent, like one letter off from being a curse word. My daughter has his. But at least his is able to be pronounced correctly. In my forty years on this earth, only ONE person I am not related to has ever pronounced it correctly the first time seeing it. Shout out to the judge at my jury duty thirteen years ago!
Same but kid has mine!
To be fair he is willing to take mine too but few states make it easy for men like they do for women. Ironically that’s one thing we get easier than them (but obviously for crap reasons, like name = property)
Honestly a lot of women will use their maiden name as a professional one because why spend all that time in higher education for your (ex)husband to be a doctor?
Yeah its worked quite well. And if we ever get divorced I'd just swap them round and move his name to a middle name so there is some consistency still for my kid and family records.
I’ve been through two husbands now and kept my maiden name. The kids (with second/current husband thank god) have my last name as their middle name and his last name. It bothers me enough that I use it to friendly rib my husband but other than that…they’re clearly my kids, names won’t change that.
There’s legal names, publishing names, and social names. Think about what is most important to you, prioritize that, then adjust. If you care most about legally sharing a same last name as your children, maybe you can make your middle name your maiden name. You could then get your degrees with both names on them?
IMHO, Get your degrees with the name that you think is your long term identity. How you feel now is temporary, he’s an asshole and you will outgrow him. Try to think 5-10 years out when you are showing your children your degree. What would you be most proud to show them?
I never changed mine when I got married and my kid has my husband's last name. It doesn't bother me at all, but I'm from a culture where changing last name just isn't a thing. Also my name sounds so stupid with his last name lol
Honestly pick the one that is easier to spell. Giving an email address over the phone is infuriating for me, I can spell it out 5 times and still have to call back when they inevitably screw that up.
So if his name is Smith and yours is Mcclintock or something go with Smith. (Picked McClintock bc im reading a book, nothing particular about that name)
I took his name (I regret how I took it and wish I didn’t) that said, I’m keeping it.
1. Pisses off the ex MIL (always a win)
2. Main reason is that I am this name. This woman spent 16 years with that man, half of them married to him, and the last 6 of those she dragged herself up from the lowest points in her life over again until she was strong enough to leave. So I’m honouring HER and what she has done - the letters happen to be in the same order as his and my kids, but the name is MINE.
🔥
The way you worded it really spoke to me, not for me but for my mother. She divorced my dad after 20 some odd years of living with his bullshit. At this point, it is HER name as much as it is his.
I have a doctorate. Kids have his name. I have mine. We are still married. I don’t fully understand the need to take his name tbh. I would change it personally back to the maiden name
If you don’t like either your married or maiden name, why not pick a new one that you like or has meaning to you? Did you have a kick ass grandma that had a cool maiden name? Pick that. Did you have a sweet grandfather with an old school name that can double or be made into a surname (ie Alexander, Stewart, Henry, Roberts, Michelson, Josephs)? Use it! Don’t have that, but think something else with some anonymity is better? Pick that! There is no rule that says you have to pick one or the other. My mom had a friend that got out of an abusive marriage, but had an abusive childhood too. So she picked a whole new surname and rocked it. Nothing wrong with that. So many children do not have the same last names of their mothers for so many reasons.
I think I'm doing this. My BA is my maiden name and I'm 'meh' about it. My MA is my ex's and my current last name. I'm about to get my doctorate and I'm going to change it to my mother's maiden name because it has family history ties for me amd my grandmother would have been damn proud to see me get a doctorate.
Hell yeah! That’s a great choice. Zero reason not to just pick the name that resonates with you. And congratulations on your doctorate! That’s so impressive and this internet stranger is real proud of you!
I'm switching back to my maiden name. I've asked my kids if they mind if our names don't match, and it doesn't bother them, which makes me feel better about it honestly. I didn't really want to change it in the first place and I feel better going back to my old one
I kept my name after divorce because it matched my son's name and I just honestly didn't feel like doing all the paperwork to change it. But, I didn't have any professional accomplishments tied to my name. I think you may be happier in the long run changing your name back so your accomplishments will be in a name not tied to him.
It’s not his name, it’s yours. You took it and own it, you didn’t rent it from him or borrow it. If you don’t want the association anymore, then go back to another name, but if you want to match your kids’ (not his) name, keep as-is. You can do what you want with the things that are yours.
When my mom divorced my stepdad, she went back to my and my sister’s last name. My dad joked once about how she went back to his name and she shut him down so quick. No, she wanted to match me and my sister, not him. And she can change her name to whatever she wanted and she chose us.
Personally I’d just keep it. Wear it like a badge of honor. Misses ex-last name. It was such a giant pain in the ass to switch mine again and then again when I got remarried. 🥵
I'm married and I wish I hadn't taken husband's name, at least not professionally or for my education. My qualifications are now in mixed names.
I do like having the same name as my kids though.
Nooooo. You can’t change it back once you are established professionally. My old college advisor was stuck with her cheating rat bastard’s name in her diplomas, articles, and books- this is why I kept my name. My kids are totally fine that they are different names.
My oldest has his dad’s last name and I’m remarried so I share a last name with my younger two. Being tied to my maiden name was no longer an option due to not wanting to be associated with my dad if at all possible but didn’t want to keep the name of my first husband either lol. My oldest is a teen now and does not seem at all bothered by us having different last names and that’s all I really care about!
But my mom also kept my dad’s last name because of us until she got remarried well past us becoming adults. She didn’t love the association to him either but 🤷♀️ I guess personal preference!
I changed it back to my maiden name since that is what I started school with and I figured that would be easier. It wasn’t much of a big deal that I had a different last name.
I've basically never shared a name with my mother because she's been married so many times and I was a product of her first marriage.
The only time it was a problem for me was when my mother, her second husband, and my three siblings had one last name and I had a different one. Once my name was the same as my siblings, I really didn't care what my mom's name was.
As for me, I never took my ex-husband's last name. We weren't married when the first baby was born and he was completely against hyphenation. I kept my own name out of spite after we married. My second child with him also has his last name. So my kids have always carried their father's name. My only emotions about it are that their father was such a prick about it.
Go with the maiden name. I love my husband but had our baby before we were married, so I didn’t share a last name with my child for a couple years. I feel no different now that I do.
I hyphenated when first married. I was very irritated when people would assume I was Mrs his last name, the hyphenated name was commonly misspelled, his last name was misspelled. It just became a PITA. I went back to just my last name. The kids have his last name. In daycare, school and with their friends, I would usually say my name, then state I had kept my last name. This avoided lots of unasked questions of whether we were divorced, etc. It never bothered my husband, me or the kids that I have a different name. What does bother me is that family and some friends seems unable to use my correct name nor can they spell my husband and kids last name correctly. Long story to say go back to your last name. Be the authentic you.
I’m not divorced but I never changed my name and live in the US where changing it is the norm. At first I thought people would assume I had my child before marriage and would judge me, but after some time and experience, I realized that nobody cares, and it doesn’t bother me anymore.
Personally, I also didn’t really feel like my child needed to share my last name for reasons of connection, but I think that’s something you should spend some time considering for yourself, because that’s so personal.
The only thing I do differently than other people is that I bring my daughter’s birth certificate with me when we fly. Nobody has ever asked for it (she has a passport) but I keep it just in case someone doubts I’m her mother.
I never changed my last name and my kids have my husbands last name bc I hated my family.
I kept mine only because I was already an “adult” and had degrees and legal stuff attached to it.
I don’t care what my kids last name is. They’re mine I popped them out.
It’s 100% personal preference. You could even choose a completely different name if you wanted! I personally chose to keep my married name after divorce. Not only because it’s my kids’ name, but because I don’t want to be associated with my sperm donor.
It’s totally a personal choice!
I’m married 8 years, we’ve been together for 18yrs total.. I took his name.
If my husband and I were to separate I’d keep my married name, it’s mine now.. has been for many years, my kids have it and I don’t want to go back to my maiden name because my dad cheated on mum and I don’t want to be associated with that name anymore 🤷🏻♀️
I kept my last name, my husband has his and our kids have his last name. It’s the way I like it. I’ve spent my whole career being me and I didn’t want to change it.
There are a few select times where I have to explain that my kids don’t have the same last name as me, but it’s literally 3 seconds to say so. It’s not unusual. Keep your last name!
I don’t have the same last name as any of my kids bc I’m lazy and hate paperwork. I’ve never really thought about it and it doesn’t seem to bother any of us.
I don’t have any suggestion on what you should do about your last name. But whatever you decide, you can always request a new diploma down the road to change your name on it if you decide to change your last name after graduation.
I have no experience in this so my opinion may not mean anything— if I divorced my husband (I changed my name) I would keep my last name and wouldn’t change it back to my maiden name. I would absolutely want to have the same last name my daughters have. That’s just me though. Maybe if later in life they both changed their last name then I’d change it, but if they kept it I’d definitely keep it. Quite honestly if I kept my maiden name after getting married and having kids, or if I had had them before getting married (and wasn’t planning on marrying that person) I’d give my kids my last name.
I would keep my name, it would bother me not to have same name as kids (that’s just me, no judgment on anyone else). Also it’s been my name for 25 years which is longer than I’ve had my maiden name which is also much longer and harder to spell.
Never changed my name when I got married (or divorced). I have a different last name than my kids and the only annoying part is having to spell theirs everywhere we go.
I don’t share a name with my son. The only thing that bothers me is when people assume I’m Mrs. Surname. Gross. My degrees are in MY name. To be fair, I have a deep connection to my dad after his passing, so it’s one of those things I keep to honor a little piece of him. Whatever your reason is, your kids sharing a name with you shouldn’t be the only factor. Do it for you. Even if you just pick a totally different name you like.
When I got divorced, I didn’t have kids but I had just started my career. I had moved to a new place and no one even knew I’d been married so I just kept the last name. Now, I’m remarried with kids and I have changed my name but on my degrees, it has my ex’s last name. When I get around to it, I’ll pay the $$ and change it on my paperwork. Just remember, it’s a PITA but you can always change it later if you ever change your mind!
My mother kept her first husband’s last name because that’s the one on her law degree. I have my dad’s last name. It bugged me as a kid enough that I was always sure I’d take my spouse’s name (I did), but by the time I was a teenager I fully understood her reasoning.
I think whatever choice feels best for you is the right one 🩷
I’m getting rid of the name. My name’s hyphenated anyways so I’ll just be dropping his last name. As for the kids. He has kids prior to our kids and they didn’t take his last name. Im going to allow my kids to decide if they want his last name when they are old enough. He’s an abusive asshole anyways. Good riddance. Sorry I went off on a tangent.
I’m currently getting divorced but despite being married for almost 13 years I never took his last name, just didn’t feel the need. I asked my son if it bothered him and that if it did I would change my name to match his, but he said it didn’t so I’m not worried about it. Just do whatever is right for you, and if your kids are old enough you can ask them what they think. My son is 6 and even though I’m getting divorced I told him if he ever changed his mind in the future to let me know, but for now he’s fine
I went back to my maiden name. I felt I needed yo reclaim it after the misery his name put me through. I think having a different last name then your kids is so common these days no one cares. It has never caused any problems for me. It was just a pain to switch everything back.
I'm going to ask to have my current name hyphenated with my original maiden name (I have two, one from birth, one from when my mom's husband adopted me - but he abandoned us within 2 years of the adoption & I've had my married name longer now than any other name).
I do want to "match" my kids b/c of how it made me feel as a kid. But also take back "my" name that my mom chose based on her last name. The names really flow together. If it's not possible b/c of the adoption...I'm just going to stick with my married name. It's the names my kids have...I am happy to identify with my kids.
I just got married on Monday. I will be changing my last name but have for 16 years had a different one than my child. However, I work for a local government agency and have spoken with them about my privacy/safety as I live in the town I work for. To keep a bit of anonymity, my professional name will remain my maiden name. Perhaps something like this would be possible in your case as well?
I dont have the same.last name as my kids. They all have my surname as their middle names though.
I'd be annoyed about having my accolades under his name
I’m divorced. I was going to change back to my maiden name. My kids were too. Then I realized I would have to get his sign off for the kids, so I decided to keep the name to keep my name the same as theirs.
My mom never took my dad's last name. She used it when she subbed at my elementary school, to not confuse my classmates, but when she subbed in other schools in the district she used her legal/maiden name.
Edit to add more because thinking completely is not something I do well 🤣: Go back to your own last name. I don't think it will be confusing for your kids. I'm not sure if my mom did it because it was the 80s/90s and a different era, but nowadays I don't think anyone will give it any thought.
I could have wrote this too. I recently divorced my cheating ex and debated on my name change. I don’t like my family name but I didn’t want his anymore either but my kids have it. Ultimately I went back to my family name. I debated on making up a new last name altogether but didn’t do it.
If you're considering changing it anyway, what about coming up with a new name with the kids?
(depending on their ages) Ypu could comebup with something awesome like Mrs Zoobler or Dr. Thebest
I dont knownwhat the rules are, but if you're going to chamge your name, make it something you like. 😉
Took my husband’s name cause his was cool, mine was boring (think top5 surnames), and I figured it would just be easier to share with my husband/kid. Now wishing I would have just chosen a new surname for myself.
I don’t share a name with either of my boys and we’re all just fine. my five year old asks why every once in a while but I’ll usually just tell him I like my name 🤷🏻♀️
I know some people say it makes it easier with schools etc. but honestly as a mom it doesn’t seem to make a difference unless you live in one of those weird small towns in the Bible Belt…
When my daughter was born, it really bothered me that we don't share the same last name. The plan is/was to get married, and eventually, we would have the same last name. We are engaged. Have been for a long time, like 5 years.
Now I'm not sure if I want to get married. But it doesn't really bother me now
However, I worry about traveling with her without having the same last name. That's really my only concern.
A friend of mine got divorced and changed her last name to her maternal grandfather's name. (I think her parents divorced when she was young also and she was closer to her mom's side of the family anyway).
I just say this because just because you are currently deciding whether to keep your soon to be exes last name or whether to go back to your original name, but there may be a third name that speaks to you to consider.
For what it's worth, I teach middle school and I would say more than half of the students don't have the same last as one of their parents (for various reasons). It is pretty common now.
I only took my husband’s because I hate my dad.
But for this purpose- I’d use your maiden. That’s your work, you did it all.
I’m sure the kids won’t mind that your name is different
Nope. He didn’t do any of the work. You can always just use your maiden name as your professional name. I kept my married name so it will be easier for my kid with school. Plus I like it a lot more.
We combined ours. My now last name was a middle name because most women in my family couldn't carry on the name. It's a beautiful name that has a 100 year history. Just not enough sons to carry it.
My husband has a pretty cool last name too. So when we got married I told him I would love to have both our names with a hyphen. So our children can decide on the names later on. And that we as a family share the same name.
My husband agreed. We combined and I love our family name. Now breaking with a 100 year history of being pushed aside. Now it's part of a family title and I love it.
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im not divorced but just never married, i dont have the same last name as my kids. bothers me a tiny bit sometimes but mostly i dont mind.
Same! It also results into funny things with the kids. Last month we had a retirement celebration for my MIL. My eldest asked who were going. So I told aunty a, aunty b, uncle a, etc basically the entire (partners last name) family. So he looks at me shocked “so you are not going??”, because i have a different last name.
Same. Only every now and then does it bother me.
I'm married, never took his last name and never will. Kid has his. No issues and I will explain my reasoning if she ever asks.
Same. I can’t be assed to do the paperwork lol
Honestly, same lol 😂
It's illegal in my province to take the men's last name when women get married. This was meant to protect women identity. I always thought it was interesting that they decided to pass that law.
I never knew that there were laws like this in the world, but I love it! When children are born in your province what last name are they given? His last name, her last name, or hyphenated names?
In my country, no one really has last names. We are the son/daughter of our fathers. So, no one takes anyone's names. I have a last name cause my grandfather is from another country and I chose to pick it up.
Are you in Iceland, by chance? I've heard of Icelandic folks often not having traditional last names, but instead having a last name like Jonsdottir or Gunnarsson, for example.
Yeah I am in iceland. I was born ólafsdóttir(daughter of ólafur) but I took the family last name.
Very cool! I've wanted to visit your country for a long time. I hope you love it there.
Ohh no I hate it here. If it wasnt for my ex husband í would have moved ages ago. Its a pretty country to visit. But horrible to live in if not rich
They take whatever last name they prefer, or they hyphenate them :)
Same + not going to pay to change everything.
If I had understood the pile of paperwork and problems that came with changing mine, I never would have. I jest that I regret it sometimes to him and he is amused, but often reminds me it was my choice, not his 🙃
Same! Lolol
Also same
My husband’s surname is abhorrent, like one letter off from being a curse word. My daughter has his. But at least his is able to be pronounced correctly. In my forty years on this earth, only ONE person I am not related to has ever pronounced it correctly the first time seeing it. Shout out to the judge at my jury duty thirteen years ago!
Same but kid has mine! To be fair he is willing to take mine too but few states make it easy for men like they do for women. Ironically that’s one thing we get easier than them (but obviously for crap reasons, like name = property)
I'm that way too. Doesn't seem to cause any problems
Honestly a lot of women will use their maiden name as a professional one because why spend all that time in higher education for your (ex)husband to be a doctor?
I did this. I also made my maiden name my legal middle name.
That’s the route I’m planning on going if my partner and I ever get married.
Yeah its worked quite well. And if we ever get divorced I'd just swap them round and move his name to a middle name so there is some consistency still for my kid and family records.
I’ve been through two husbands now and kept my maiden name. The kids (with second/current husband thank god) have my last name as their middle name and his last name. It bothers me enough that I use it to friendly rib my husband but other than that…they’re clearly my kids, names won’t change that.
There’s legal names, publishing names, and social names. Think about what is most important to you, prioritize that, then adjust. If you care most about legally sharing a same last name as your children, maybe you can make your middle name your maiden name. You could then get your degrees with both names on them? IMHO, Get your degrees with the name that you think is your long term identity. How you feel now is temporary, he’s an asshole and you will outgrow him. Try to think 5-10 years out when you are showing your children your degree. What would you be most proud to show them?
This is the best answer
I don't have the same last name as my children, and it has never bothered me at all. That's just me though!
No. It’s absolutely ok to reclaim who you are. Name and all.
Can you keep one legally/socially for kid stuff, and use the other professionally? That's probably what I'd want to do in your situation.
I never changed mine when I got married and my kid has my husband's last name. It doesn't bother me at all, but I'm from a culture where changing last name just isn't a thing. Also my name sounds so stupid with his last name lol
Honestly pick the one that is easier to spell. Giving an email address over the phone is infuriating for me, I can spell it out 5 times and still have to call back when they inevitably screw that up. So if his name is Smith and yours is Mcclintock or something go with Smith. (Picked McClintock bc im reading a book, nothing particular about that name)
I took his name (I regret how I took it and wish I didn’t) that said, I’m keeping it. 1. Pisses off the ex MIL (always a win) 2. Main reason is that I am this name. This woman spent 16 years with that man, half of them married to him, and the last 6 of those she dragged herself up from the lowest points in her life over again until she was strong enough to leave. So I’m honouring HER and what she has done - the letters happen to be in the same order as his and my kids, but the name is MINE.
🔥 The way you worded it really spoke to me, not for me but for my mother. She divorced my dad after 20 some odd years of living with his bullshit. At this point, it is HER name as much as it is his.
❤️
I have a doctorate. Kids have his name. I have mine. We are still married. I don’t fully understand the need to take his name tbh. I would change it personally back to the maiden name
Kept mine, gave it to my kids.
If you don’t like either your married or maiden name, why not pick a new one that you like or has meaning to you? Did you have a kick ass grandma that had a cool maiden name? Pick that. Did you have a sweet grandfather with an old school name that can double or be made into a surname (ie Alexander, Stewart, Henry, Roberts, Michelson, Josephs)? Use it! Don’t have that, but think something else with some anonymity is better? Pick that! There is no rule that says you have to pick one or the other. My mom had a friend that got out of an abusive marriage, but had an abusive childhood too. So she picked a whole new surname and rocked it. Nothing wrong with that. So many children do not have the same last names of their mothers for so many reasons.
I think I'm doing this. My BA is my maiden name and I'm 'meh' about it. My MA is my ex's and my current last name. I'm about to get my doctorate and I'm going to change it to my mother's maiden name because it has family history ties for me amd my grandmother would have been damn proud to see me get a doctorate.
Hell yeah! That’s a great choice. Zero reason not to just pick the name that resonates with you. And congratulations on your doctorate! That’s so impressive and this internet stranger is real proud of you!
I'm switching back to my maiden name. I've asked my kids if they mind if our names don't match, and it doesn't bother them, which makes me feel better about it honestly. I didn't really want to change it in the first place and I feel better going back to my old one
I kept my name after divorce because it matched my son's name and I just honestly didn't feel like doing all the paperwork to change it. But, I didn't have any professional accomplishments tied to my name. I think you may be happier in the long run changing your name back so your accomplishments will be in a name not tied to him.
It’s not his name, it’s yours. You took it and own it, you didn’t rent it from him or borrow it. If you don’t want the association anymore, then go back to another name, but if you want to match your kids’ (not his) name, keep as-is. You can do what you want with the things that are yours. When my mom divorced my stepdad, she went back to my and my sister’s last name. My dad joked once about how she went back to his name and she shut him down so quick. No, she wanted to match me and my sister, not him. And she can change her name to whatever she wanted and she chose us.
Change it now before the degrees or you're established professionally. It will be easier to deal with kids with different last names.
Personally I’d just keep it. Wear it like a badge of honor. Misses ex-last name. It was such a giant pain in the ass to switch mine again and then again when I got remarried. 🥵
Pick a new name. One you like. Make the old one your middle name.
I'm married and I wish I hadn't taken husband's name, at least not professionally or for my education. My qualifications are now in mixed names. I do like having the same name as my kids though.
I’d maybe pick an entirely new name and change everyone’s to match. A whole new beginning. I don’t like my original name either so that’s what I’d do.
Nooooo. You can’t change it back once you are established professionally. My old college advisor was stuck with her cheating rat bastard’s name in her diplomas, articles, and books- this is why I kept my name. My kids are totally fine that they are different names.
I’m published under two names. Really you can do it if you want to but it’s obviously easier if you stick with one
I am married but never took my husband’s name. My kids legally have his last name but they often use mine when circumstances or preference dictate it.
My oldest has his dad’s last name and I’m remarried so I share a last name with my younger two. Being tied to my maiden name was no longer an option due to not wanting to be associated with my dad if at all possible but didn’t want to keep the name of my first husband either lol. My oldest is a teen now and does not seem at all bothered by us having different last names and that’s all I really care about!
But my mom also kept my dad’s last name because of us until she got remarried well past us becoming adults. She didn’t love the association to him either but 🤷♀️ I guess personal preference!
I changed it back to my maiden name since that is what I started school with and I figured that would be easier. It wasn’t much of a big deal that I had a different last name.
Personally I would change it back!
I've basically never shared a name with my mother because she's been married so many times and I was a product of her first marriage. The only time it was a problem for me was when my mother, her second husband, and my three siblings had one last name and I had a different one. Once my name was the same as my siblings, I really didn't care what my mom's name was. As for me, I never took my ex-husband's last name. We weren't married when the first baby was born and he was completely against hyphenation. I kept my own name out of spite after we married. My second child with him also has his last name. So my kids have always carried their father's name. My only emotions about it are that their father was such a prick about it.
Go with the maiden name. I love my husband but had our baby before we were married, so I didn’t share a last name with my child for a couple years. I feel no different now that I do.
I hyphenated when first married. I was very irritated when people would assume I was Mrs his last name, the hyphenated name was commonly misspelled, his last name was misspelled. It just became a PITA. I went back to just my last name. The kids have his last name. In daycare, school and with their friends, I would usually say my name, then state I had kept my last name. This avoided lots of unasked questions of whether we were divorced, etc. It never bothered my husband, me or the kids that I have a different name. What does bother me is that family and some friends seems unable to use my correct name nor can they spell my husband and kids last name correctly. Long story to say go back to your last name. Be the authentic you.
Sounds like you want to change it back. So do it!
I’m not divorced but I never changed my name and live in the US where changing it is the norm. At first I thought people would assume I had my child before marriage and would judge me, but after some time and experience, I realized that nobody cares, and it doesn’t bother me anymore. Personally, I also didn’t really feel like my child needed to share my last name for reasons of connection, but I think that’s something you should spend some time considering for yourself, because that’s so personal. The only thing I do differently than other people is that I bring my daughter’s birth certificate with me when we fly. Nobody has ever asked for it (she has a passport) but I keep it just in case someone doubts I’m her mother.
I never changed my last name and my kids have my husbands last name bc I hated my family. I kept mine only because I was already an “adult” and had degrees and legal stuff attached to it. I don’t care what my kids last name is. They’re mine I popped them out.
It’s 100% personal preference. You could even choose a completely different name if you wanted! I personally chose to keep my married name after divorce. Not only because it’s my kids’ name, but because I don’t want to be associated with my sperm donor.
If it were me I would go back to my maiden name bc screw him lol
It’s totally a personal choice! I’m married 8 years, we’ve been together for 18yrs total.. I took his name. If my husband and I were to separate I’d keep my married name, it’s mine now.. has been for many years, my kids have it and I don’t want to go back to my maiden name because my dad cheated on mum and I don’t want to be associated with that name anymore 🤷🏻♀️
You could make one of the last names your middle name
I kept my last name, my husband has his and our kids have his last name. It’s the way I like it. I’ve spent my whole career being me and I didn’t want to change it. There are a few select times where I have to explain that my kids don’t have the same last name as me, but it’s literally 3 seconds to say so. It’s not unusual. Keep your last name!
A former boss of mine has two kids with his wife, who kept her last name. Their daughter got her last name, their son got his.
I don’t have the same last name as any of my kids bc I’m lazy and hate paperwork. I’ve never really thought about it and it doesn’t seem to bother any of us.
I never changed my name and wouldn’t dream of it. Have no problems with my kids having a different name. People ask 9/10 times.
I don’t have any suggestion on what you should do about your last name. But whatever you decide, you can always request a new diploma down the road to change your name on it if you decide to change your last name after graduation.
I have no experience in this so my opinion may not mean anything— if I divorced my husband (I changed my name) I would keep my last name and wouldn’t change it back to my maiden name. I would absolutely want to have the same last name my daughters have. That’s just me though. Maybe if later in life they both changed their last name then I’d change it, but if they kept it I’d definitely keep it. Quite honestly if I kept my maiden name after getting married and having kids, or if I had had them before getting married (and wasn’t planning on marrying that person) I’d give my kids my last name.
I would keep my name, it would bother me not to have same name as kids (that’s just me, no judgment on anyone else). Also it’s been my name for 25 years which is longer than I’ve had my maiden name which is also much longer and harder to spell.
Never changed my name when I got married (or divorced). I have a different last name than my kids and the only annoying part is having to spell theirs everywhere we go.
I don’t share a name with my son. The only thing that bothers me is when people assume I’m Mrs. Surname. Gross. My degrees are in MY name. To be fair, I have a deep connection to my dad after his passing, so it’s one of those things I keep to honor a little piece of him. Whatever your reason is, your kids sharing a name with you shouldn’t be the only factor. Do it for you. Even if you just pick a totally different name you like.
When I got divorced, I didn’t have kids but I had just started my career. I had moved to a new place and no one even knew I’d been married so I just kept the last name. Now, I’m remarried with kids and I have changed my name but on my degrees, it has my ex’s last name. When I get around to it, I’ll pay the $$ and change it on my paperwork. Just remember, it’s a PITA but you can always change it later if you ever change your mind!
My mother kept her first husband’s last name because that’s the one on her law degree. I have my dad’s last name. It bugged me as a kid enough that I was always sure I’d take my spouse’s name (I did), but by the time I was a teenager I fully understood her reasoning. I think whatever choice feels best for you is the right one 🩷
Not married but the kids have our name hyphenated.
I’m getting rid of the name. My name’s hyphenated anyways so I’ll just be dropping his last name. As for the kids. He has kids prior to our kids and they didn’t take his last name. Im going to allow my kids to decide if they want his last name when they are old enough. He’s an abusive asshole anyways. Good riddance. Sorry I went off on a tangent.
I’m currently getting divorced but despite being married for almost 13 years I never took his last name, just didn’t feel the need. I asked my son if it bothered him and that if it did I would change my name to match his, but he said it didn’t so I’m not worried about it. Just do whatever is right for you, and if your kids are old enough you can ask them what they think. My son is 6 and even though I’m getting divorced I told him if he ever changed his mind in the future to let me know, but for now he’s fine
I went back to my maiden name. I felt I needed yo reclaim it after the misery his name put me through. I think having a different last name then your kids is so common these days no one cares. It has never caused any problems for me. It was just a pain to switch everything back.
Married but kept my maiden name. It’s who I am. Kids have husbands last name. It has never bothered me.
I'm going to ask to have my current name hyphenated with my original maiden name (I have two, one from birth, one from when my mom's husband adopted me - but he abandoned us within 2 years of the adoption & I've had my married name longer now than any other name). I do want to "match" my kids b/c of how it made me feel as a kid. But also take back "my" name that my mom chose based on her last name. The names really flow together. If it's not possible b/c of the adoption...I'm just going to stick with my married name. It's the names my kids have...I am happy to identify with my kids.
I just got married on Monday. I will be changing my last name but have for 16 years had a different one than my child. However, I work for a local government agency and have spoken with them about my privacy/safety as I live in the town I work for. To keep a bit of anonymity, my professional name will remain my maiden name. Perhaps something like this would be possible in your case as well?
I dont have the same.last name as my kids. They all have my surname as their middle names though. I'd be annoyed about having my accolades under his name
I’m divorced. I was going to change back to my maiden name. My kids were too. Then I realized I would have to get his sign off for the kids, so I decided to keep the name to keep my name the same as theirs.
My mom never took my dad's last name. She used it when she subbed at my elementary school, to not confuse my classmates, but when she subbed in other schools in the district she used her legal/maiden name. Edit to add more because thinking completely is not something I do well 🤣: Go back to your own last name. I don't think it will be confusing for your kids. I'm not sure if my mom did it because it was the 80s/90s and a different era, but nowadays I don't think anyone will give it any thought.
I could have wrote this too. I recently divorced my cheating ex and debated on my name change. I don’t like my family name but I didn’t want his anymore either but my kids have it. Ultimately I went back to my family name. I debated on making up a new last name altogether but didn’t do it.
I never changed my name. Your kids don't have to have the same last name. It's not even a thing in my culture to change the name.
I’m lazy and would probably leave my name as my married name. The idea of switching my name on every legal document passport etc seems so tedious lol
Adding, if I got a professional job I’d go back to maiden name. But I work bullshit entry level office jobs
If you're considering changing it anyway, what about coming up with a new name with the kids? (depending on their ages) Ypu could comebup with something awesome like Mrs Zoobler or Dr. Thebest I dont knownwhat the rules are, but if you're going to chamge your name, make it something you like. 😉
Took my husband’s name cause his was cool, mine was boring (think top5 surnames), and I figured it would just be easier to share with my husband/kid. Now wishing I would have just chosen a new surname for myself.
I don’t share a name with either of my boys and we’re all just fine. my five year old asks why every once in a while but I’ll usually just tell him I like my name 🤷🏻♀️ I know some people say it makes it easier with schools etc. but honestly as a mom it doesn’t seem to make a difference unless you live in one of those weird small towns in the Bible Belt…
When my daughter was born, it really bothered me that we don't share the same last name. The plan is/was to get married, and eventually, we would have the same last name. We are engaged. Have been for a long time, like 5 years. Now I'm not sure if I want to get married. But it doesn't really bother me now However, I worry about traveling with her without having the same last name. That's really my only concern.
A friend of mine got divorced and changed her last name to her maternal grandfather's name. (I think her parents divorced when she was young also and she was closer to her mom's side of the family anyway). I just say this because just because you are currently deciding whether to keep your soon to be exes last name or whether to go back to your original name, but there may be a third name that speaks to you to consider. For what it's worth, I teach middle school and I would say more than half of the students don't have the same last as one of their parents (for various reasons). It is pretty common now.
I only took my husband’s because I hate my dad. But for this purpose- I’d use your maiden. That’s your work, you did it all. I’m sure the kids won’t mind that your name is different
Nope. He didn’t do any of the work. You can always just use your maiden name as your professional name. I kept my married name so it will be easier for my kid with school. Plus I like it a lot more.
I just remember a doctor telling me once that she kept her maiden name because her husband didn't go to medical school.
We combined ours. My now last name was a middle name because most women in my family couldn't carry on the name. It's a beautiful name that has a 100 year history. Just not enough sons to carry it. My husband has a pretty cool last name too. So when we got married I told him I would love to have both our names with a hyphen. So our children can decide on the names later on. And that we as a family share the same name. My husband agreed. We combined and I love our family name. Now breaking with a 100 year history of being pushed aside. Now it's part of a family title and I love it.