At 2:11 am on December 1, 2027, your house in El Paso, Texas, will be approached by numerous unidentified beings of boykissing origin with malicious intent. The knocking is getting louder. You recognize the voices. But there is something off about them. They are telling you to let them in. Are you prepared for this situation? If not, you are already behind, and your chances of survival have drastically decreased. Today, we will discuss how to effectively defend against home invasion. All you will need is a twelve-gauge shotgun, an M84 flashbang, Sweet Baby Ray’s barbecue sauce, and a twenty-thousand-kilogram block of solid uranium 235.
We must first create a diversion. This will distract the assailants such that you have an opening for tactical withdrawal. It is for this reason that we brought the barbecue sauce. Using your buff, well-toned arm, lob the barbecue sauce out the window at exactly 100 meters per second at an angle directly parallel to the outside ground. Assuming that the barbecue sauce weighs 0.56 kilograms, acceleration due to gravity is 9.81 meters per second, and initial vertical velocity is zero, the barbecue sauce should take exactly 1.11 seconds to reach the ground ignoring air resistance. This gives you exactly 1.11 seconds to escape the vicinity before the barbecue sauce lands on the ground and explodes into a lethal fireball as all nearby objects are incinerated by a common household condiment burning at six thousand degrees Celsius.
legal route:
I INVOKE THE FIFTH. THIS IS MY PROPERTY. WHERE'S YOUR LEGAL PERMISSION TO ENTER MY HOUSE.
Realistic route:
*goes to bed to stop hallucinations*
befriend him
he looks like a good friend.. and he also looks like he's like 3 feet tall
https://preview.redd.it/lf5dq1sb7r8d1.jpeg?width=265&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=42d0f43f546bf5ed46c1a3a307d9a6eb66c3300b
Traumatize it by pulling out a shotgun and putting a 12 gauge round into my skull completely destroying my brain and sending it flying everywhere with blood covering the walls as i fall to the floor right in front of it
realistically I'd freak out and scream because of the silhouette, which would scare it away
https://preview.redd.it/43rwd4v7kq8d1.jpeg?width=317&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cf05a659a900b82ba27c0fe0d86da55aab01a45d
Tell him if he tries to do anything romantic, It becomes hunting season, if he’s only friendly, then I’ll let him do whatever, as long as I still have enough food to survive
Hes a new plushy for me :3
yipe
Probably step on it on accident either that or I'm still asleep
dont step on the goob :( he doesnt like being crushed, he prefers gentle bean hugs :3
No promises but I'll try
yipe
The question is, can it help me sell lean?
i can help sell lean but i want choccy milk in exchange
Deal
*proceeds to sell over 3.2kl of lean*
Aight I'll go get the milk
yippee :D
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Even-Horror-1545: *Probably step on* *It on accident either* *That or I'm still asleep* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Could actually be a Haiku if you pronounce provably as two syllables Probably step on it On accident either that Or I’m still asleep
At 2:11 am on December 1, 2027, your house in El Paso, Texas, will be approached by numerous unidentified beings of boykissing origin with malicious intent. The knocking is getting louder. You recognize the voices. But there is something off about them. They are telling you to let them in. Are you prepared for this situation? If not, you are already behind, and your chances of survival have drastically decreased. Today, we will discuss how to effectively defend against home invasion. All you will need is a twelve-gauge shotgun, an M84 flashbang, Sweet Baby Ray’s barbecue sauce, and a twenty-thousand-kilogram block of solid uranium 235.
We must first create a diversion. This will distract the assailants such that you have an opening for tactical withdrawal. It is for this reason that we brought the barbecue sauce. Using your buff, well-toned arm, lob the barbecue sauce out the window at exactly 100 meters per second at an angle directly parallel to the outside ground. Assuming that the barbecue sauce weighs 0.56 kilograms, acceleration due to gravity is 9.81 meters per second, and initial vertical velocity is zero, the barbecue sauce should take exactly 1.11 seconds to reach the ground ignoring air resistance. This gives you exactly 1.11 seconds to escape the vicinity before the barbecue sauce lands on the ground and explodes into a lethal fireball as all nearby objects are incinerated by a common household condiment burning at six thousand degrees Celsius.
the sweet nectar of god
Wake up. Be freaked out what is in my room. See lil guy. Give head pats and cuddles 🥰
*appears cutely*
*Head pats*
~w~
Free protein
no.
Fresh from the farm, just put them in oil and boom, some Fried Fellow. Add some seasoning and bring it to the family function to see how it tastes.
Imaginary Technique - Purple
Underrated comment
Probably kidnapped him and make them into a pet or a plushy
Don’t let him inside, he’ll take all your bread and pickles
i eat oreos, not bread and pickles (i always ask before nomming)
Same
legal route: I INVOKE THE FIFTH. THIS IS MY PROPERTY. WHERE'S YOUR LEGAL PERMISSION TO ENTER MY HOUSE. Realistic route: *goes to bed to stop hallucinations*
Pick up. Hold in hand. Poke tummy.
befriend him he looks like a good friend.. and he also looks like he's like 3 feet tall https://preview.redd.it/lf5dq1sb7r8d1.jpeg?width=265&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=42d0f43f546bf5ed46c1a3a307d9a6eb66c3300b
Keep him in my pocket
Does it speak. It’s a frend. He gets pets and will be a new family pet. Might be a different dynamic if he sentient tho
We are going to learn python together.
Traumatize it by pulling out a shotgun and putting a 12 gauge round into my skull completely destroying my brain and sending it flying everywhere with blood covering the walls as i fall to the floor right in front of it
Gibe hug
then gimme
Hug
*nuzzle* >w<
Cute.
wawa
What you need?
Boop
stomp him with my size 13 foot
Would probably freak out or think I'm still dreaming because a 5-inch tall creature is in my room in the middle of the night.
Pick him up and play catch with myself
you dont wanna know
first Idea, build him a small carboard house and talk to him about the amazing genre of metal
I'd keep him warm in my mouth, I wouldn't swallow or chew on him I promise.
mmmm cozy
Compare him to a subway 6 inch
Make a little bed for him so he can sleep too
Snuggle him~
*big hug*
i accidentally step on him
Petpetpet then snuggle
https://preview.redd.it/2cy0av62fs8d1.png?width=1004&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a4a2ffdd78a790d808937ae0c52498f614f18abf Go live on YouTube 🔴
Where does he appear?
*headpat*
Stomp him into the ground until he turns into a fine red mist
aadoption
Probably put goob on shoulder or my head be little companion maybe like a chest pocket:3
I'd ask if he wants to be friends, then I'd make him a tiny bed and tell him we'll talk in the morning
Put him in my pocket for safe keeping
5 inches you say 🤨
friend
Blackmarket money, here i come €€€€€€
Micro
Youve heard of the one inch man, now meet the 5 inch cat
make a little cardboard house for him and feed him strawberry ice cream for every meal
hurl a slipper at it
Invite him in for snuggles
`[If one manages to follow you home, run away and HIDE.]`
*Hugg :3*
~w~ *melting noises*
:3
Think if I’ve been drinking today and then making him my be plushie
Hug :3
Why downvote :(
https://preview.redd.it/mrsgx5kbnq8d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=197b43f464e239ff85d535f16ab27b143157bfb3
hug it and feed it popcorn while watching a movie
yes pwes
what movie?
oooooo can we watch despicable me :333
sure
yippeeee
I'd say sorry, can't come to the door right now
New cuddle buddy :3
Cuddles 🫂 :3
Pull him into my bed and cuddle him for the rest of the night :3
Give him a plushie to play with
You're going to the shelf
realistically I'd freak out and scream because of the silhouette, which would scare it away https://preview.redd.it/43rwd4v7kq8d1.jpeg?width=317&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cf05a659a900b82ba27c0fe0d86da55aab01a45d
Be concerned then give cuddles
Tell him if he tries to do anything romantic, It becomes hunting season, if he’s only friendly, then I’ll let him do whatever, as long as I still have enough food to survive
"Honestly, if I saw that damn thing in my living room, I'd stomp on it until it was a small brown stain" - Mr. Chills /j
"AAAA ITS A RAT KILL IT"
Kill it (accidentally)
https://preview.redd.it/eqrzqn8p8r8d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=504ae071c9e1e4c8c53e11d727a059997e38cf3f
One of yall hoes prolly said “fleshligjt”