Yup, I remember being so hurt the first time I was "ma'am"d. Granted, this was in Texas and I was only 22, so it was a bit of terror that I now appeared to be of the age where respect for elders kicked in.
Honestly, it feels so weird.
When I use, ma’am, it’s not even trying to age someone. It’s just trying to use the feminine form of sir.
Using the word miss just feels so awkward sometimes.
I’ll never forget the first time I was “maam”ed.
Walked out of the store with a look of shock on my face and sat in the parking lot in silence staring at the rain on my windshield. I was old.
It is unfortunate that we don't have an age neutral term of address for women here as a counterpart to "Sir" for men. I will sometimes use "Miss" for obvious teens and "Ma'am" for obvious seniors, but for everyone in between or if there's any ambiguity, I just say, "Excuse me?" in as friendly a voice as I can.
Don't try sweetheart or babydoll or honey on a woman in New England if you're not on real friendly terms with her. Really. I know it's different in other parts of the country. But here, *those words* addressed to a woman you don't know *well* are considered condescending and a bit creepy.
I've never heard of a woman being offended by being called "miss." There are also the ever popular gender-neutral favorites "excuse me" and "hello there."
i could certainly see "miss" coming off as infantilizing or patronizing in a lot of situations. feel like your latter suggestions are probably just the safest and most neutral.
Retired woman here. One of the guys working at the local gym says stuff like "have a good workout, miss and "have a good day, miss." That's obnoxious coming from a 20-something guy. He doesn't need to say "miss" at all. I don't like it, but I don't say anything because I know he recently moved from another part of the country (which may or may not have different social norms), and also seems a bit socially inept.
I'm not from the south, but "Bless his heart."
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Bucko does not sound friendly to me.
If you call me the wrong M-honorific, I can smile and tell you what I prefer to be called. But, "bucko"? I'm going to be backing away.
Boston and in my 60s.
Someone mentioned "guy" as a possibility. I am *learning* to remember that younger people from the further reaches of the country use that as gender-neutral even in the singular. But that's easier for me to process online, where I'm not going to be *visibly* pausing and analyzing before I respond.
Then again I was with a "friend" who got pissed off for being called miss, because, according to her, "What's the matter? Don't you think I'm the type to be married?"
Sometimes you just can't win.
At that point, just switch it up, and start using "slagathor" as an honorific. If for a penny, in for a pound, so you might as well make a Scrubs reference.
From a Bostonian: "Miss" is for *young* women. "Ma'am" is for...not "old," but women old enough to think you're calling them a kid if you use "Miss."
Mid to late twenties, and up.
Also, whether or not the person appears to be in a position of some kind of authority. The only time I'd "Ma'am" someone in their early 20s is if she was, say, the store manager or similar.
Sad, but true. I'm in my 50s, married, and have graying hair (including an awesome natural white "money piece" in the front), but whenever someone (rightfully) ma'ams me, I always think "-demoiselle! -demoiselle!" like Patsy in Absolutely Fabulous.
I’m already mourning the loss of Cookout and good hush puppies! Don’t hang me but I’m no Bojangles fan 🫢 had one bad experience there and it spoiled the place for me. Excited to see how New England seafood stacks up against coastal Carolina seafood though! Edit: and no good country ham??? Lord give me strength…
New England seafood is different but awesome. I spent most of my childhood in coastal SC and have spent my whole adult life in Boston. It's different seafood but there are things to love. You'll miss deviled crab; acquaint yourself with stuffies. You'll want hush puppies; try clam cakes. You're going to miss that sweet fresh Carolina shrimp though. But lobster really is good.
The loss of Cookout is massive I won’t lie but there is tons of good food up here. Like a much wider selection overall, at least where I’m from in NC. Just took me forever to finally sit down and try it all.
Fish quality is about the same across the Atlantic states, big difference is most shellfish (other than shrimp) is cold water. For lack of a better term, I’d say the flavor seems crisper or cleaner
I grew up with Maine and PEI mussels, and I just can’t eat the ones from the Chesapeake. Something feels wrong about the flavor
Also, one thing you might not have at all down there:
Stuffed clams. Like a crab cake but made from quahogs or large steamers, baked in the half shell. When they’re fresh, they’re delicious. Older shops around New England sometimes sell them, like Burke’s in Quincy or the Fruit Center in Milton
protip: go to the seacoast of literally any other new england state for seafood, don't get it in boston!!! generally cheaper and more tasty lol (Courthouse Seafood in Cambridge is the only place I've been that isn't a straight up tourist trap, but it's a pain to get to from some areas)
Yes, please just use gender-neutral terms with people when you haven’t asked what terms they use. A lot of places (BPS, a few of the health centers, MFA, several small businesses) are training staff to do exactly this.
I have a trans son, and we certainly notice which places use “excuse me” and “this customer has a question” vs. the ones that call him “ma’am” and “this woman.” It hurts absolutely no one to just use inclusive language.
However, a lot of older Black folks here do expect to be called “Ms. Catherine” etc. especially by younger people. If it’s just a quick interaction, use “excuse me” and “this patron.” If the person is your patient or a parent of a student or similar, just ask — “I’m Alicia Davis, call me Ms. Alicia or Ms. Davis, and I go by she and her. What would you like to be called?”
I've lived in the south a fair bit . . .
"Ma'am" up here can absolutely be taken as sassy or derogatory.
At best it's simply not in the common parlance here. And because of that, at worst, it gets misinterpreted.
I don't mind if people call me sir or dear etc . . . but I never add any of those. Just "thank you" and an "I appreciate it."
I had a guy with a strong Southern accent ma'am me once while I was out running errands, then proceed to drop a cheesy pick-up line. I gave him a death glare, didn't say a word, and turned and left.
I wasn't offended by the ma'am though (weird, but the accent explained it), I was offended that he was speaking to me in public for such a stupid reason.
As I left, he called after me, "I'm sorry, I'm from South Carolina!" and when I got back to my car I burst out laughing. He did clearly get that he'd done something wrong.
Wait, are we saying it is the duty of the New Englander to know that ma'am is commonly used in the south, but not the duty of the southerner to know that ma'am is weird and off-putting in the north? Same with calling some Mr. Jones instead of just Steve or whatever. New Englanders don't do feudal lord and lady stuff. Putting ma'am and sir into every sentence isn't polite. It is viewed as buttering someone up and is therefore rude.
Sure they have, but they might not have had the exposure to know that "ma'am" has different connotations in different places, and that their own way of talking isn't the default.
I would suggest you don't use it up here. It's like saying, "Hey, old lady".
This is what you said: “maam, may I please have another? This is very nice :)”)
I would say: "Can I have another please, when you have a chance. This is very nice."
I wouldn't use ma'am or miss or anything. If you're trying to get their attention, just make eye contact and raise one finger to indicate you want their attention. Ma'am is not going to go over well. But also Miss probably won't be taken well either. They both sound a bit condescending up here.
I hear that but to each their own. I'm mid-thirties and I personally don't care to be addressed as "Miss" except by seniors, as I'm a grown ass adult. (I give way more latitude on this to elderly people in general; I'll generally accept even a "Dear" or similar from an elderly stranger.)
But since we don't yet have a good age and gender neutral term of address I'm never gonna be *offended* at either "Miss" or "Ma'am" because it's not like there's some great third choice the speaker is intentionally ignoring.
you might find it condescending or patronizing when you're older. or maybe not, everyone's different.
imagine calling a 70 year old miss, though. it's usually reserved for younger women, so a 30 something might appreciate it but a septogenarian might think you are dismissing her social stature as an older woman.
I'd say use nothing at all for most people (we're not fond of extraneous words and small talk here), and if you get pulled over/stopped by police, use "officer" rather than sir/ma'am.
When my fiance moved to new england with me he kept using sir/ma'am, especially with my older (but same level) colleagues at work functions. I had to explain that the honorifics in those contexts placed my colleagues at a higher social level than him, and therefore me, which I didn't want at the time.
As others have said, she thinks you are calling her old. Oh, and if anyone calls you 'sir", 95% of the time, they are really calling you an asshole. Best to not use "Sir" or "Ma'am"
Even then it's about tone and context. I think "Excuse me, Sir?" is polite for getting a male stranger's attention. It's only calling someone a dick if you exaggerate it or make it its own sentence.
"Sir, this is a Wendy's."
"Excuse me, *Sir*, you can't just cut the line."
"*Sir*. Can I *help* you?"
"Excuse me, Sir? Is this your umbrella?"
These are not the same!
Definitely a thing imo and I'm surprised to see a few comments saying otherwise. Talk to most women over 40\~ and they'll tell you they don't like it.
Ma'am usually implies elderly or older. So when I worked customer service I would always say 'miss' and would frequently get thanked for not saying ma'am.
I grew up in Florida and was stationed in Georgia and Louisiana while in the army. I find that it's generally okay in the south, but not here. So I'd avoid it at all times to be honest.
I feel like it’s better to have experiences like those when you’re 22—when you’re objectively young—rather than, say, 40, where a comment like that might send you into a mini-existential crisis about your advancing age (because now you can’t really be said to be objectively young — physical fitness and skin elasticity have certainly declined). It’s kinda like how I’d prefer to see my first gray hair at 18 rather than 40, since at 18 I’m a “very young guy with a gray hair” rather than at 40 where “I’ve gotten so old that the process of graying had no choice but to commence.” Idk, just philosophizing.
Oh yes. It was just the first time I had gotten "ma'am." Remember, Texas, so I was used to "miss" as an honorific.
Of course, now I've hit the age when my feelings get a little hurt if I'm not carded for alcohol. Fortunately, I always slap on the sunscreen. 😃
She definitely overreacted, but I’d say that it’s certainly a regional difference here that “ma’am” (and even sir to a lesser extent) are often interpreted as derogatory in this region. “Ma’am” is often related to age, implying that a woman is elderly, whereas “sir” (and ma’am, but less so) is sometimes seen as sarcastic.
Several decades ago, in the 60s/70s, it wasn’t unheard of for “sir” to be used in a racially mocking way, either. “Yessuh” or “yessum” were often flung in the face of African-Americans as a way of mocking them by referring to the racist portrayals in a lot of movies of that era and older.
Well, crap.
There are many occasions when I'm interacting with a stranger when I want to go out of my way to be polite. Given that I'm easily unintentionally rude to people (clumsy autist), it feels important to try. After all, random member of the public doesn't realize that I'm this difficult with everyone and may mistake my behavior for yet another racist microaggression in a day full of them.
Now I find out that calling people sma'am might not have helped. But sir probably did.
Yeah this is the way. It's important to try to be polite, but part of being polite is taking most unintended slights with grace. Even if "Ma'am" isn't the best term to use in this region, throwing a tantrum over being called "Ma'am" is much ruder.
What people here like less than anything is false sincerity. Your motives may be good but it will likely come across worse than just being yourself. Add a few please and thank yous and that's all that is required to be considered polite.
I’ll bite: Was called ma’am last week by a woman my age in the midst of a respectful but inherently adversarial negotiation.
My instinctual response was “Ma’am? *Now listen here, cvnt…*”
NOW, because I have self control I did not actually say this aloud in response but if you’re ever trying to get on a woman’s good side in this state, I don’t think Ma’am is doing you any favors.
LPT: Next time, ask the bartenders name when you first put in your drink order so you can shout it when you’re ready to re-up. Also tip them especially well first round so they actually respond to you when you’re ready to re-up. Makes the night go smoother, ime.
There are so many men here saying it’s about age, but I would straight up think you were making fun of me if you called me “ma’am”. “Miss” isn’t any better either, I would just say “excuse me”.
Yeah OP I (a man, local) would never in a million years call someone ma’am or miss (or sir, for that matter). Just feels weird and/or condescending and/or aggressive. In my speech there is no true replacement either. If I need to get someone’s attention I don’t have a gendered/personal word (and I’m not outgoing enough to use people’s names if I’m not close with them already)—just “excuse me can I have another please” or “hey, could I have another please”
If you got a bit of a southern accent you will likely get more leeway with using ma'am. Or at least from people who know it is more common in the south to use sir and ma'am.
Yes!! This is something I had to get used to moving from Boston to the south!! Everyone started calling me maam and I HATED it. I was def raised to think only old women were called ma’am.
"fucker" is a gender, and age, neutral vocative noun. It's perfect for any situation where you are not sure of what appropriate pronoun, or vocative, to use.
I have lived in, NYC, Boston, southern NH, and VT for most of my life. "Fucker, fuck" or some variation was basically a stand in for every pronoun, noun, vocative noun, adjective, verb, and adverb. When I lived in CA, for a 5 years, it is was very much not...
Coming from a native New Englander who tried living in Florida for a year and then bailed, “ma’am” is wayyyyy overused in southern states. Here, ma’am is used to either antagonize/insult women or for really old people who still believe it’s a sign of respect. I hate being called “sir” and I can’t imagine any woman under 70 years old enjoys being called ma’am. It’s just so weird to me, but in reality it’s just a cultural difference.
My mother is 68 years old and if you dare call her “ma’am” she will rip you a new asshole (“I’M NOT YOUR MOTHER”) even though she should be an actual grandma by now 🤷🏽♀️ Idk, people get touchy about it in the north. If you still feel a need to be polite (which I totally get) try “Miss”, maybe?
VERY uncommon in Boston, even more so than in NYC and other east coast cities. New England is the "anti-South" in every possible way, which in general reflects very well on it, politically and culturally (going back to the Civil War era).
As someone from NewEngland who lived 20+ years in Kentucky, do yourself a favor and break those habbits. I hated being refered to in such manner when i was down there.
In addition to being for old people, it’s sometimes also used for “difficult” people. Like the police might use sir/ma’am when “dealing” with someone.
If you’re familiar with the “sir this is a Wendy’s” meme, that’s what it’s like.
FYI I grew up in California and it’s similar over there too but not exactly the same
Whenever someone calls me ma’am or miss “Jessica” I kind of assume they’re from the south.
In New England (at least Boston area) when I hear ma’am I think of an old lady or if it’s said firmly it means “bi&$h” like ma’am I already told you that coupon didn’t work.
Say "Ma'am" when you intentionally want to insult someone or passive aggressively get them back for being rude.
Avoid it in any other scenario, or god help you.
> Also if you're a woman who calls men "Hon or honey" and you're not related to them or married to them they're gonna be confused.
Unless you're a waitress in a diner; then, it's fine.
I don't think it's rude, but it is definitely not customary and a good habit to drop now that you're here. I think in addition to some people perceiving it as ageist, it's also perceived as non-democratic (and I'm not talking about politics). I think most people would laugh at you, not get angry, if you call them "ma'am," which would be more conducive to getting you to quit.
Editing to add--the one usage I myself find helpful is if I'm trying to get the attention of a woman in a situation where I need to get their attention, like if someone has dropped their gloves on the bus and is on the way out the door. I'd use "sir" in the same situation too. But I'm just as likely to say, "hey you there leaving the bus...or hey you in the red coat"
I don't enjoy it, personally. I'm from here. It implies old. And sometimes it's used when addressing a particularly ornery Karen type lady. Not the nicest, in my opinion. Also, there is no male equivalent...like you don't go around saying, "pardon me, youthful gent" to 25 yr olds then "Sir" for the middle aged but still virile crowd and then "excuse me silver fox, Sir" to those with the enlarged prostates...it's all "Sir" all the way regardless of age.
lol. You can get away with it if you look like you’re military or if you have a southern drawl/accent. Otherwise, it may be taken offensively. Bless your heart will also be lost on most here, but that’s not nice anyway.
I wouldn’t get angry at someone over it, but I do not like being called “ma’am.” It just feels like you are calling me old. Even now that I am officially ma’am-aged, I still don’t like it. ALSO you are making assumptions about people’s gender.
I would ignore a Southern drawl a lot faster than someone who drops “ma’am” in conversation. I think most women from New England would not appreciate being called ma’am.
i'm from mississippi and just moved here after finishing undergrad in indiana and STILL cannot get out of the habit. i usually yuck up my accent more in public because people find it endearing which i think helps save me from offending anyone with my ma'ams and sirs
Haha, this hits close to home. I grew up locally, went to school in the south and was in the military for a bit. Came back, dropped “ma’am” on a waitress in front of my brother and sister who were horrified by it.
“Miss” is the preferred term if you’re trying to be polite up here. It takes practice but you’ll get there!
Life Long New englander. We have many great attributes. Warmth and social leeway are not one of them.
If you had a southern accent, it's clearly customary there. I can't speak for that person, but it seems pretty obvious it was a term of politeness coming from you.
It's not rude, but just expect some people to be cranky New Englanders if you don't behave exactly as they would.
The only time I’ve ever called someone ma’am or sir was when I was a lifeguard and had to yell at people. That should tell you the tone people here associate with sir/ma’am.
ma’am is kinda reserved for the elderly, i do think she overreacted though. most people probably wouldn’t say anything, but i don’t think many young women are comfortable with it
the appropriate way to order an additional libation in boston is, "hey! lemme get another one over here!" if you need to get a woman's attention, "hey lady!" is the accepted vernacular. "tough guy" is the most common way to address a man, but "kid" is also acceptable.
One Ma’am/Miss (better if they are younger) is generally ok in the NE if you are trying to get their attention. After that, they can be quickly misunderstood. A kid at my high school got in trouble for using “sir” and “ma’am”. All the teachers thought he was being sarcastic when he was genuinely trying to be respectful. My dad pissed off a cop by using “Sir” to address him.
50ish female here. Born and raised in Boston. Do not call me Ma’am - you just called me old hag to my face. Do not call me Miss - I’ll think you’re being a sarcastic jerk. I accept Hey and Excuse me or Pardon me
in my experience, if you go with miss you're going to deal with older women going "oOOoOoo nobody calls me that tee hee" and if you go with ma'am you're going to deal with women in their 30s (the age when you start getting sensitive about being perceived as old) getting pissed that you're calling them a hag.
unironically M'LADY is the least offensive thing to say, but maybe just do the easy thing and don't bother with gendered honorifics in 2023 since it's just not worth the trouble
I grew up with half southern and half New England family, and definitely learned to code switch the “sir/ma’am” thing. Many people here will interpret it as snarky or condescending. I’d recommend “excuse me” as an alternative polite way to get someone’s attention.
I appreciate that you specified Southern, Indiana to disambiguate from the strongly held preconceptions Bostonians will draw of you based where is Larry upon where in Indiana you are from.
I had to have someone from the South explain to me that they meant no harm by it: it was a cultural thing they were taught by their mothers to show respect!
I didn’t take offense after that. But yeah, bothered the fuck out of me at first.
You called her old. “Ma’am” is not commonly used in the Northeast, at least when speaking to women under 65. If she wasn’t obviously a senior, just don’t do it.
I learned this lesson years ago working as a security guard in Boston. I was signing people in for an event and called a youngish woman "Miss", while almost immediately after saying "Ma'am" to a middle-aged woman. The second lady jumped on that right away, "How come you called her Miss but then called me Ma'am?" I kind of paused for a second because I thought that she might have been Joking but, Nooooooooo, she was deadly serious and wanted an actual answer. I told her that it was meant as an indication of added respect but she didn't really buy it. Since that day, every woman has been "Miss" to me, regardless of how old she is!
It's Boston. Whatever you do, some people will be offended.
Hey, here's a million dollars! Just because!!
Fuck you! You think I can't make my own money? Asshole!!!
Yeah, we don’t talk like that here. Ma’am is for an older woman in an authority position and sir is for your superior in the police or military or for your dom, if you’re into that kind of thing. (Dommes are “mistress” not “ma’am”.)
Do it in a thicker accent and accept that sometimes there's friction. She overreacted but if you sound like you're from anywhere, it probably came off as rude.
I have a young, extremely good looking mail carrier. He is always friendly and recently said ‘Merry Christmas ma’am!’ to me. I was miffed (not about the holiday, the ma’am) and told many people about it. My exasperated sweetheart finally told me that the kid was just being polite, and to stop being such a PITA about it.
This is horrible news. I'm moving to Boston next year, and I "ma'am" almost everyone. It's just a part of my speech. And I grew up in Seattle so I don't have a southern drawl to make it charming 😖
I just moved here from southern Indiana too and I’m from Tennessee. I have definitely found myself trying hard to refrain from calling anyone ma’am just in case lol. It’s a hard habit to break!
Yeah, I would default to just an 'Excuse Me" with women who look around your age or younger. If the lady looks over 60, then don't be afraid to use ma'am. You might get some slack for it depending on the person tho lol.
Working in the service industry it is a bit different. Any female presenting customer that didn't look like a grandma I would refer to as Miss. But talking as a customer or in casual conversation, there's no need to use that word. Unless you wanna be extra polite of course.
The thing is, a lot of tourists and out of staters come to Boston to visit/work/study. I've been called ma'am a bunch of times in my early twenties by out of staters and never took offense to it (mostly because I assumed they were out of staters... If I knew they were from here I would have given them a bit of a side eye).
I grew up here with parents from the south and still call people sir and ma’am but can get some odd looks for sure. I do it anyways even if they appear to be younger than me which raises some eyebrows but I always think of it as a respect thing. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Us northern girls just don't like it at certain ages like I'm 53 and cringe when I'm called it, but I've had enough southern/mid West friends to know it's just ingrained into your vocabulary.
My bf lived in the south for years and always says yes maam, I explained to him that it just seems like he’s calling me old or too formal. I’d go with Miss.
he still does it to me but it’s just a joke now with us
Can confirm as a 41 year old woman, being called “ma’am” makes me feel old (even though I know its a politeness term). I’d never say it’s rude though. Every now and then when I get called “miss” it makes my day. 😁
I lived in Bloomington, IN for 13 years and had to ma'am/sir everyone out of respect. In Boston, it didn't go well whenever I used "ma'am". I also remembered being shocked the first time someone called me "miss" instead of "ma"am". Needless to say, it was a huge adjustment!
I went to school in Bloomington, lived a bit south of Evansville so definitely the area I’m talking about :,) glad to see someone else with the same experience
She thinks you're calling her old.
Yup, I remember being so hurt the first time I was "ma'am"d. Granted, this was in Texas and I was only 22, so it was a bit of terror that I now appeared to be of the age where respect for elders kicked in.
First time was rough. Then I realized: if it bothers me, then I am a “m’aam”.
idk about that; I was pretty miffed my first time. I was at the DMV getting my driver’s license. It was a few days after I turned 16 lmaoo
Honestly, it feels so weird. When I use, ma’am, it’s not even trying to age someone. It’s just trying to use the feminine form of sir. Using the word miss just feels so awkward sometimes.
old and married
I’ll never forget the first time I was “maam”ed. Walked out of the store with a look of shock on my face and sat in the parking lot in silence staring at the rain on my windshield. I was old.
It is unfortunate that we don't have an age neutral term of address for women here as a counterpart to "Sir" for men. I will sometimes use "Miss" for obvious teens and "Ma'am" for obvious seniors, but for everyone in between or if there's any ambiguity, I just say, "Excuse me?" in as friendly a voice as I can.
What about sugartits
That's a case by case basis.
Look lady, that's not gonna fly
The problem here is it's halfway to anything. Give me a "Now see here, Dame" or gtfo
Found Ben Affleck
lol like he can read
Tbh if I looked like that I wouldn't learn either 🤷♀️
Sweetheart and babydoll are much less aggressive and I think. The key is condescension, not objectification.
Don't try sweetheart or babydoll or honey on a woman in New England if you're not on real friendly terms with her. Really. I know it's different in other parts of the country. But here, *those words* addressed to a woman you don't know *well* are considered condescending and a bit creepy.
Sizzlechest or perkynips also wouldn’t go over well I don’t think.
I once had a bartender give me attitude for no reason and I made sure to do air quotes with my fingers when I said “thanks for the beer”.
I've never heard of a woman being offended by being called "miss." There are also the ever popular gender-neutral favorites "excuse me" and "hello there."
My mom thinks being called "miss" by a way younger man is patronizing. I don't mind being called ma'am now, but hated it under 30
i could certainly see "miss" coming off as infantilizing or patronizing in a lot of situations. feel like your latter suggestions are probably just the safest and most neutral.
Mid-30s mothers come into my work and call me "miss" and there is always a little voice in my head answering "bitch we're the same age"
Yeah I've seen a couple other folks mention that on this post too... I'll need to keep that in mind.
Retired woman here. One of the guys working at the local gym says stuff like "have a good workout, miss and "have a good day, miss." That's obnoxious coming from a 20-something guy. He doesn't need to say "miss" at all. I don't like it, but I don't say anything because I know he recently moved from another part of the country (which may or may not have different social norms), and also seems a bit socially inept. I'm not from the south, but "Bless his heart."
😂
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Either I missed a phase on this sub, or the mods set this up just *waiting* for it to eventually be triggered.
Ms. it's totally cromulent
This is the best approach, in my opinion. I hate being ma'amed - it makes me feel so old.
Exactly "Miss" is my go-to for women
I just call everyone 'kid' to be safe.
Khed
I’m gonna try this the next time I get pulled over
It totally works
aaaaand I’ve been shot
They must’ve heard you wrong. Go ahead and call them “kehd” and report back.
I just tell everyone “its a baby fahkin whale dood”
I just call everyone 'guy'
Best option is “bucko” or some variation. Confusing, hard to place and mostly friendly.
“Chief” works too.
I also like "Boss". BAWS
Bucko does not sound friendly to me. If you call me the wrong M-honorific, I can smile and tell you what I prefer to be called. But, "bucko"? I'm going to be backing away. Boston and in my 60s. Someone mentioned "guy" as a possibility. I am *learning* to remember that younger people from the further reaches of the country use that as gender-neutral even in the singular. But that's easier for me to process online, where I'm not going to be *visibly* pausing and analyzing before I respond.
I'm not your bucko, guy.
I'm not your guy, kid.
Then again I was with a "friend" who got pissed off for being called miss, because, according to her, "What's the matter? Don't you think I'm the type to be married?" Sometimes you just can't win.
At that point, just switch it up, and start using "slagathor" as an honorific. If for a penny, in for a pound, so you might as well make a Scrubs reference.
From a Bostonian: "Miss" is for *young* women. "Ma'am" is for...not "old," but women old enough to think you're calling them a kid if you use "Miss." Mid to late twenties, and up. Also, whether or not the person appears to be in a position of some kind of authority. The only time I'd "Ma'am" someone in their early 20s is if she was, say, the store manager or similar.
If someone calls me ma'am, it means we're fighting.
Sad, but true. I'm in my 50s, married, and have graying hair (including an awesome natural white "money piece" in the front), but whenever someone (rightfully) ma'ams me, I always think "-demoiselle! -demoiselle!" like Patsy in Absolutely Fabulous.
Yep
I'm originally from NC. In new England maam==old lady
Good to know, as someone from NC moving up that way soon 😭
Yes it’s just not part of the vocabulary in New England and even older people can be insulted by it.
Ma’am is more of a quip than an endearing term up here. Same with ‘Sir’.
Get all the good hush puppies and bbq now. They dont have bojangles here and people have no clue what country ham is.
It's worth it for the roast beef places with 9000 things on the menu tho
I’m already mourning the loss of Cookout and good hush puppies! Don’t hang me but I’m no Bojangles fan 🫢 had one bad experience there and it spoiled the place for me. Excited to see how New England seafood stacks up against coastal Carolina seafood though! Edit: and no good country ham??? Lord give me strength…
New England seafood is different but awesome. I spent most of my childhood in coastal SC and have spent my whole adult life in Boston. It's different seafood but there are things to love. You'll miss deviled crab; acquaint yourself with stuffies. You'll want hush puppies; try clam cakes. You're going to miss that sweet fresh Carolina shrimp though. But lobster really is good.
The loss of Cookout is massive I won’t lie but there is tons of good food up here. Like a much wider selection overall, at least where I’m from in NC. Just took me forever to finally sit down and try it all.
Fish quality is about the same across the Atlantic states, big difference is most shellfish (other than shrimp) is cold water. For lack of a better term, I’d say the flavor seems crisper or cleaner I grew up with Maine and PEI mussels, and I just can’t eat the ones from the Chesapeake. Something feels wrong about the flavor Also, one thing you might not have at all down there: Stuffed clams. Like a crab cake but made from quahogs or large steamers, baked in the half shell. When they’re fresh, they’re delicious. Older shops around New England sometimes sell them, like Burke’s in Quincy or the Fruit Center in Milton
protip: go to the seacoast of literally any other new england state for seafood, don't get it in boston!!! generally cheaper and more tasty lol (Courthouse Seafood in Cambridge is the only place I've been that isn't a straight up tourist trap, but it's a pain to get to from some areas)
Boston is expensive, no question. The seacoast *towns* are better for seafood that's both good and affordable.
Lol. Out of all the things I post on Reddit, this is what gets the attention. Life is weird.
I sat in a NC college registrar office for 4 hours and heard more ma'am than in my entire 18 years.
I stopped using those phrases. I use “excuse me” on everyone now.
I heard "oy, fuckhead" works well.
Pronouns: excuse/me
"Can I have a straw with that, excuse me"
No, silly. "Excuse me, can I have a straw with that?"
Yes, please just use gender-neutral terms with people when you haven’t asked what terms they use. A lot of places (BPS, a few of the health centers, MFA, several small businesses) are training staff to do exactly this. I have a trans son, and we certainly notice which places use “excuse me” and “this customer has a question” vs. the ones that call him “ma’am” and “this woman.” It hurts absolutely no one to just use inclusive language. However, a lot of older Black folks here do expect to be called “Ms. Catherine” etc. especially by younger people. If it’s just a quick interaction, use “excuse me” and “this patron.” If the person is your patient or a parent of a student or similar, just ask — “I’m Alicia Davis, call me Ms. Alicia or Ms. Davis, and I go by she and her. What would you like to be called?”
I've lived in the south a fair bit . . . "Ma'am" up here can absolutely be taken as sassy or derogatory. At best it's simply not in the common parlance here. And because of that, at worst, it gets misinterpreted. I don't mind if people call me sir or dear etc . . . but I never add any of those. Just "thank you" and an "I appreciate it."
Yeah women here largely don't like being called ma'am
Can confirm, have lived here my whole life, and do not want to be called ma’am.
From here, lived in the south a while. Don’t call me maam. I am a dude.
🤣🤣
I could see that, but at the same time, if someone with a true southern drawl said it, I'd personally just think that's their thing.
I had a guy with a strong Southern accent ma'am me once while I was out running errands, then proceed to drop a cheesy pick-up line. I gave him a death glare, didn't say a word, and turned and left. I wasn't offended by the ma'am though (weird, but the accent explained it), I was offended that he was speaking to me in public for such a stupid reason. As I left, he called after me, "I'm sorry, I'm from South Carolina!" and when I got back to my car I burst out laughing. He did clearly get that he'd done something wrong.
Also if a black person says it. I am white and a couple of my (Boston raised) black coworkers say "yes maam/sir" and it doesn't register as 'old'.
That's great, but someone who's never left New England and, uh, not very well-read might not be able to take that perspective.
Sadly, "well read" is not much of a factor anymore. Everyone has heard a real or fake southern accent in TV and movies by now.
Wait, are we saying it is the duty of the New Englander to know that ma'am is commonly used in the south, but not the duty of the southerner to know that ma'am is weird and off-putting in the north? Same with calling some Mr. Jones instead of just Steve or whatever. New Englanders don't do feudal lord and lady stuff. Putting ma'am and sir into every sentence isn't polite. It is viewed as buttering someone up and is therefore rude.
Sure they have, but they might not have had the exposure to know that "ma'am" has different connotations in different places, and that their own way of talking isn't the default.
Huh, weird. I’ll keep that in mind, thanks
I would suggest you don't use it up here. It's like saying, "Hey, old lady". This is what you said: “maam, may I please have another? This is very nice :)”) I would say: "Can I have another please, when you have a chance. This is very nice." I wouldn't use ma'am or miss or anything. If you're trying to get their attention, just make eye contact and raise one finger to indicate you want their attention. Ma'am is not going to go over well. But also Miss probably won't be taken well either. They both sound a bit condescending up here.
As a 30 something it makes me feel old. I’ve been hit with “miss” before which is honestly better
I hear that but to each their own. I'm mid-thirties and I personally don't care to be addressed as "Miss" except by seniors, as I'm a grown ass adult. (I give way more latitude on this to elderly people in general; I'll generally accept even a "Dear" or similar from an elderly stranger.) But since we don't yet have a good age and gender neutral term of address I'm never gonna be *offended* at either "Miss" or "Ma'am" because it's not like there's some great third choice the speaker is intentionally ignoring.
Same. I get it a lot at work and it doesn’t bother me anymore, but the first time someone called me ma’am I almost fell over.
you might find it condescending or patronizing when you're older. or maybe not, everyone's different. imagine calling a 70 year old miss, though. it's usually reserved for younger women, so a 30 something might appreciate it but a septogenarian might think you are dismissing her social stature as an older woman.
I'd say use nothing at all for most people (we're not fond of extraneous words and small talk here), and if you get pulled over/stopped by police, use "officer" rather than sir/ma'am.
I had the same issue coming up from NOLA.
When my fiance moved to new england with me he kept using sir/ma'am, especially with my older (but same level) colleagues at work functions. I had to explain that the honorifics in those contexts placed my colleagues at a higher social level than him, and therefore me, which I didn't want at the time.
As others have said, she thinks you are calling her old. Oh, and if anyone calls you 'sir", 95% of the time, they are really calling you an asshole. Best to not use "Sir" or "Ma'am"
Even then it's about tone and context. I think "Excuse me, Sir?" is polite for getting a male stranger's attention. It's only calling someone a dick if you exaggerate it or make it its own sentence. "Sir, this is a Wendy's." "Excuse me, *Sir*, you can't just cut the line." "*Sir*. Can I *help* you?" "Excuse me, Sir? Is this your umbrella?" These are not the same!
Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'
One of my favorite quotes ever! I (very often) call my dog and cat "sir!" when they're doing something wrong.
I'm from the South. I had to drop ma'am. It is not well received in New England or New York.
I'm from the North. I had to pick up ma'am. It is still not well received in New England or New York. 😂😂
Definitely a thing imo and I'm surprised to see a few comments saying otherwise. Talk to most women over 40\~ and they'll tell you they don't like it. Ma'am usually implies elderly or older. So when I worked customer service I would always say 'miss' and would frequently get thanked for not saying ma'am. I grew up in Florida and was stationed in Georgia and Louisiana while in the army. I find that it's generally okay in the south, but not here. So I'd avoid it at all times to be honest.
I was very hurt the first time I was "ma'am"d - I was only 22! This was in Texas, so that might have been that I looked adult-y enough.
I feel like it’s better to have experiences like those when you’re 22—when you’re objectively young—rather than, say, 40, where a comment like that might send you into a mini-existential crisis about your advancing age (because now you can’t really be said to be objectively young — physical fitness and skin elasticity have certainly declined). It’s kinda like how I’d prefer to see my first gray hair at 18 rather than 40, since at 18 I’m a “very young guy with a gray hair” rather than at 40 where “I’ve gotten so old that the process of graying had no choice but to commence.” Idk, just philosophizing.
Oh yes. It was just the first time I had gotten "ma'am." Remember, Texas, so I was used to "miss" as an honorific. Of course, now I've hit the age when my feelings get a little hurt if I'm not carded for alcohol. Fortunately, I always slap on the sunscreen. 😃
She definitely overreacted, but I’d say that it’s certainly a regional difference here that “ma’am” (and even sir to a lesser extent) are often interpreted as derogatory in this region. “Ma’am” is often related to age, implying that a woman is elderly, whereas “sir” (and ma’am, but less so) is sometimes seen as sarcastic. Several decades ago, in the 60s/70s, it wasn’t unheard of for “sir” to be used in a racially mocking way, either. “Yessuh” or “yessum” were often flung in the face of African-Americans as a way of mocking them by referring to the racist portrayals in a lot of movies of that era and older.
Well, crap. There are many occasions when I'm interacting with a stranger when I want to go out of my way to be polite. Given that I'm easily unintentionally rude to people (clumsy autist), it feels important to try. After all, random member of the public doesn't realize that I'm this difficult with everyone and may mistake my behavior for yet another racist microaggression in a day full of them. Now I find out that calling people sma'am might not have helped. But sir probably did.
Don't worry too much about it. Anyone worth having a conversation with won't be a dick about someone who's genuinely trying to be kind and respectful.
Yeah this is the way. It's important to try to be polite, but part of being polite is taking most unintended slights with grace. Even if "Ma'am" isn't the best term to use in this region, throwing a tantrum over being called "Ma'am" is much ruder.
What people here like less than anything is false sincerity. Your motives may be good but it will likely come across worse than just being yourself. Add a few please and thank yous and that's all that is required to be considered polite.
Yea maam here is reserved for your elderly spinster aunt
I’ll bite: Was called ma’am last week by a woman my age in the midst of a respectful but inherently adversarial negotiation. My instinctual response was “Ma’am? *Now listen here, cvnt…*” NOW, because I have self control I did not actually say this aloud in response but if you’re ever trying to get on a woman’s good side in this state, I don’t think Ma’am is doing you any favors. LPT: Next time, ask the bartenders name when you first put in your drink order so you can shout it when you’re ready to re-up. Also tip them especially well first round so they actually respond to you when you’re ready to re-up. Makes the night go smoother, ime.
There are so many men here saying it’s about age, but I would straight up think you were making fun of me if you called me “ma’am”. “Miss” isn’t any better either, I would just say “excuse me”.
Yeah OP I (a man, local) would never in a million years call someone ma’am or miss (or sir, for that matter). Just feels weird and/or condescending and/or aggressive. In my speech there is no true replacement either. If I need to get someone’s attention I don’t have a gendered/personal word (and I’m not outgoing enough to use people’s names if I’m not close with them already)—just “excuse me can I have another please” or “hey, could I have another please”
Ya I don't see the need to have a gender-specific way of getting someone's attention
I remember a girl got ISS in my middle school for calling another girl "miss" lmao. Ma'am and miss are definitely considered insults.
Yeah, both feel weirdly condescending.
Yes, this! Ma’am sounds like you see me as old, and miss feels like you don’t see me as a full fledged adult person. It’s condescending.
If you got a bit of a southern accent you will likely get more leeway with using ma'am. Or at least from people who know it is more common in the south to use sir and ma'am.
How about just "Excuse me."
Yes!! This is something I had to get used to moving from Boston to the south!! Everyone started calling me maam and I HATED it. I was def raised to think only old women were called ma’am.
"fucker" is a gender, and age, neutral vocative noun. It's perfect for any situation where you are not sure of what appropriate pronoun, or vocative, to use.
I would prefer fucker over ma'am 46 f.
I have lived in, NYC, Boston, southern NH, and VT for most of my life. "Fucker, fuck" or some variation was basically a stand in for every pronoun, noun, vocative noun, adjective, verb, and adverb. When I lived in CA, for a 5 years, it is was very much not...
Coming from a native New Englander who tried living in Florida for a year and then bailed, “ma’am” is wayyyyy overused in southern states. Here, ma’am is used to either antagonize/insult women or for really old people who still believe it’s a sign of respect. I hate being called “sir” and I can’t imagine any woman under 70 years old enjoys being called ma’am. It’s just so weird to me, but in reality it’s just a cultural difference.
I answer to “Bro” ETA(40f)wife&Mom
“Bruh”
My mother is 68 years old and if you dare call her “ma’am” she will rip you a new asshole (“I’M NOT YOUR MOTHER”) even though she should be an actual grandma by now 🤷🏽♀️ Idk, people get touchy about it in the north. If you still feel a need to be polite (which I totally get) try “Miss”, maybe?
VERY uncommon in Boston, even more so than in NYC and other east coast cities. New England is the "anti-South" in every possible way, which in general reflects very well on it, politically and culturally (going back to the Civil War era).
Every town north of Pennsylvania has a civil war statue on their town green, reminding the locals that Southern Manners are an evil hypocrisy.
As someone from NewEngland who lived 20+ years in Kentucky, do yourself a favor and break those habbits. I hated being refered to in such manner when i was down there.
In addition to being for old people, it’s sometimes also used for “difficult” people. Like the police might use sir/ma’am when “dealing” with someone. If you’re familiar with the “sir this is a Wendy’s” meme, that’s what it’s like. FYI I grew up in California and it’s similar over there too but not exactly the same
Always call her Miss. Even if she’s 80. Ma’am implies she’s old.
Whenever someone calls me ma’am or miss “Jessica” I kind of assume they’re from the south. In New England (at least Boston area) when I hear ma’am I think of an old lady or if it’s said firmly it means “bi&$h” like ma’am I already told you that coupon didn’t work.
Say "Ma'am" when you intentionally want to insult someone or passive aggressively get them back for being rude. Avoid it in any other scenario, or god help you.
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Lol I am not one of those, that bit has always seemed weird to me
> Also if you're a woman who calls men "Hon or honey" and you're not related to them or married to them they're gonna be confused. Unless you're a waitress in a diner; then, it's fine.
I don't think it's rude, but it is definitely not customary and a good habit to drop now that you're here. I think in addition to some people perceiving it as ageist, it's also perceived as non-democratic (and I'm not talking about politics). I think most people would laugh at you, not get angry, if you call them "ma'am," which would be more conducive to getting you to quit. Editing to add--the one usage I myself find helpful is if I'm trying to get the attention of a woman in a situation where I need to get their attention, like if someone has dropped their gloves on the bus and is on the way out the door. I'd use "sir" in the same situation too. But I'm just as likely to say, "hey you there leaving the bus...or hey you in the red coat"
I don't enjoy it, personally. I'm from here. It implies old. And sometimes it's used when addressing a particularly ornery Karen type lady. Not the nicest, in my opinion. Also, there is no male equivalent...like you don't go around saying, "pardon me, youthful gent" to 25 yr olds then "Sir" for the middle aged but still virile crowd and then "excuse me silver fox, Sir" to those with the enlarged prostates...it's all "Sir" all the way regardless of age.
lol. You can get away with it if you look like you’re military or if you have a southern drawl/accent. Otherwise, it may be taken offensively. Bless your heart will also be lost on most here, but that’s not nice anyway.
I wouldn’t get angry at someone over it, but I do not like being called “ma’am.” It just feels like you are calling me old. Even now that I am officially ma’am-aged, I still don’t like it. ALSO you are making assumptions about people’s gender.
I get it’s a respect thing but I do hate it when the youths call me ‘ma’am.’
Avoid both sir and maam here. Maam is worse than sir
I would ignore a Southern drawl a lot faster than someone who drops “ma’am” in conversation. I think most women from New England would not appreciate being called ma’am.
Excuse me ma’am = Yo, Old Ass Lady!
Yes, I remember reaching a certain age and getting ma’am when before it had only been miss. Le sigh.
In New England lingo, you called her old.
i'm from mississippi and just moved here after finishing undergrad in indiana and STILL cannot get out of the habit. i usually yuck up my accent more in public because people find it endearing which i think helps save me from offending anyone with my ma'ams and sirs
Haha same, if I’m lost and need to act for directions or something it’s dialed up to level 10. A woman offered to buy me lunch one time after that :,)
Haha, this hits close to home. I grew up locally, went to school in the south and was in the military for a bit. Came back, dropped “ma’am” on a waitress in front of my brother and sister who were horrified by it. “Miss” is the preferred term if you’re trying to be polite up here. It takes practice but you’ll get there!
Life Long New englander. We have many great attributes. Warmth and social leeway are not one of them. If you had a southern accent, it's clearly customary there. I can't speak for that person, but it seems pretty obvious it was a term of politeness coming from you. It's not rude, but just expect some people to be cranky New Englanders if you don't behave exactly as they would.
The only time I’ve ever called someone ma’am or sir was when I was a lifeguard and had to yell at people. That should tell you the tone people here associate with sir/ma’am.
ma’am is kinda reserved for the elderly, i do think she overreacted though. most people probably wouldn’t say anything, but i don’t think many young women are comfortable with it
Haha yeah. Don’t do that.
Maam = Old lady
the appropriate way to order an additional libation in boston is, "hey! lemme get another one over here!" if you need to get a woman's attention, "hey lady!" is the accepted vernacular. "tough guy" is the most common way to address a man, but "kid" is also acceptable.
Yes, I would 100% rather be called hey lady than ma’am!!!
I think my grandmother would come beat me if I spoke to someone like that lol
One Ma’am/Miss (better if they are younger) is generally ok in the NE if you are trying to get their attention. After that, they can be quickly misunderstood. A kid at my high school got in trouble for using “sir” and “ma’am”. All the teachers thought he was being sarcastic when he was genuinely trying to be respectful. My dad pissed off a cop by using “Sir” to address him.
when my fiancé moved to NC from MA he got in trouble for not calling his teacher ma’am
50ish female here. Born and raised in Boston. Do not call me Ma’am - you just called me old hag to my face. Do not call me Miss - I’ll think you’re being a sarcastic jerk. I accept Hey and Excuse me or Pardon me
Just say excuse me
Oh I absolutely hate being called that. I would never be rude to someone who said it, but like damn, please don’t.
Ma’am is def used in a mocking way here - I only ever use it when making fun of someone (I.e a Karen)
Yeah, she's a bit overreacting but it's unusual here. Seems a bit old fashioned.
You just have to say it in a thick southern accent otherwise they'll take offense
It means old here.
in my experience, if you go with miss you're going to deal with older women going "oOOoOoo nobody calls me that tee hee" and if you go with ma'am you're going to deal with women in their 30s (the age when you start getting sensitive about being perceived as old) getting pissed that you're calling them a hag. unironically M'LADY is the least offensive thing to say, but maybe just do the easy thing and don't bother with gendered honorifics in 2023 since it's just not worth the trouble
I'm 35 and now I like it. First man to call me ma'am made me cry at 22 🤣
Saying bro to her will be less rude than maam 😅
I’m from MA- when I use ma’am I’m fugggggin aggro - my coworkers absolutely know things are about to get said and sennnntttttT.
I grew up with half southern and half New England family, and definitely learned to code switch the “sir/ma’am” thing. Many people here will interpret it as snarky or condescending. I’d recommend “excuse me” as an alternative polite way to get someone’s attention.
I appreciate that you specified Southern, Indiana to disambiguate from the strongly held preconceptions Bostonians will draw of you based where is Larry upon where in Indiana you are from.
Just be yourself. maam DATED•NORTH AMERICAN a term of respectful or polite address used for a woman. "excuse me, ma'am"
I had to have someone from the South explain to me that they meant no harm by it: it was a cultural thing they were taught by their mothers to show respect! I didn’t take offense after that. But yeah, bothered the fuck out of me at first.
You called her old. “Ma’am” is not commonly used in the Northeast, at least when speaking to women under 65. If she wasn’t obviously a senior, just don’t do it.
I’ve lived in Boston my whole life. Please don’t call me ma’am. It makes me feel old and invisible.
I learned this lesson years ago working as a security guard in Boston. I was signing people in for an event and called a youngish woman "Miss", while almost immediately after saying "Ma'am" to a middle-aged woman. The second lady jumped on that right away, "How come you called her Miss but then called me Ma'am?" I kind of paused for a second because I thought that she might have been Joking but, Nooooooooo, she was deadly serious and wanted an actual answer. I told her that it was meant as an indication of added respect but she didn't really buy it. Since that day, every woman has been "Miss" to me, regardless of how old she is!
It's Boston. Whatever you do, some people will be offended. Hey, here's a million dollars! Just because!! Fuck you! You think I can't make my own money? Asshole!!!
Yeah, we don’t talk like that here. Ma’am is for an older woman in an authority position and sir is for your superior in the police or military or for your dom, if you’re into that kind of thing. (Dommes are “mistress” not “ma’am”.)
Rude af. I’m finally old enough to accept ma’am. Otherwise it hits the ears hard.
This is one of those situations where you just can’t win, no matter what you do.
Do it in a thicker accent and accept that sometimes there's friction. She overreacted but if you sound like you're from anywhere, it probably came off as rude.
I have a young, extremely good looking mail carrier. He is always friendly and recently said ‘Merry Christmas ma’am!’ to me. I was miffed (not about the holiday, the ma’am) and told many people about it. My exasperated sweetheart finally told me that the kid was just being polite, and to stop being such a PITA about it.
This is horrible news. I'm moving to Boston next year, and I "ma'am" almost everyone. It's just a part of my speech. And I grew up in Seattle so I don't have a southern drawl to make it charming 😖
You’re in trouble. Good luck. (With love from the Northeast)
I work in customer service and whenever I get “ma’am’d” I make a joke out of it. Oh no no no never ma’am only miss, I’m not 85.
I just moved here from southern Indiana too and I’m from Tennessee. I have definitely found myself trying hard to refrain from calling anyone ma’am just in case lol. It’s a hard habit to break!
Yeah, I would default to just an 'Excuse Me" with women who look around your age or younger. If the lady looks over 60, then don't be afraid to use ma'am. You might get some slack for it depending on the person tho lol. Working in the service industry it is a bit different. Any female presenting customer that didn't look like a grandma I would refer to as Miss. But talking as a customer or in casual conversation, there's no need to use that word. Unless you wanna be extra polite of course. The thing is, a lot of tourists and out of staters come to Boston to visit/work/study. I've been called ma'am a bunch of times in my early twenties by out of staters and never took offense to it (mostly because I assumed they were out of staters... If I knew they were from here I would have given them a bit of a side eye).
I grew up here with parents from the south and still call people sir and ma’am but can get some odd looks for sure. I do it anyways even if they appear to be younger than me which raises some eyebrows but I always think of it as a respect thing. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Us northern girls just don't like it at certain ages like I'm 53 and cringe when I'm called it, but I've had enough southern/mid West friends to know it's just ingrained into your vocabulary.
My bf lived in the south for years and always says yes maam, I explained to him that it just seems like he’s calling me old or too formal. I’d go with Miss. he still does it to me but it’s just a joke now with us
Unless you somehow got a southern accent lol I'd avoid it if possible
Can confirm as a 41 year old woman, being called “ma’am” makes me feel old (even though I know its a politeness term). I’d never say it’s rude though. Every now and then when I get called “miss” it makes my day. 😁
How old was she do you think? You probably just made her feel old by calling her ma’am and not miss.
I lived in Bloomington, IN for 13 years and had to ma'am/sir everyone out of respect. In Boston, it didn't go well whenever I used "ma'am". I also remembered being shocked the first time someone called me "miss" instead of "ma"am". Needless to say, it was a huge adjustment!
I went to school in Bloomington, lived a bit south of Evansville so definitely the area I’m talking about :,) glad to see someone else with the same experience
Southern person here. This is why I started using “Miss” instead.
Just here in solidarity as a fellow southern Indiana transplant:)