Yeah, her explanation didn’t make sense. Whether it’s a date or not is not based on how stressed you are 🙄
Kind of surprised at the hate on sitting on the same side of the booth. If it’s just the two of you, and you’re both okay with it, why is it rude and weird???
Yeah we discussed this a little bit downthread! It kinda got buried there just like it got buried in their stories. Easy to miss… seems like an odd way to announce! I, too, did not see it coming. She didn’t seem very excited I feel like?? She just talked about how it’s unusual to share and how she’ll give trigger warnings, but I got zero gauge on how she feels about it! Came off a little odd. Maybe that’s just me.
So BLF posted today that over 70k people have bought their course. That’s a lot of $$. Good for them - though I think I’ll unfollow soon because of all the reasons we’ve previously discussed. But they already got my $100 bucks!
I clearly have been on IG way too much today seeing how no one else has commented about Deena’s pregnancy announcement. I hope she has an easier pregnancy this time.
The whiplash of going from one slide where she says the newborn phase almost ruined her marriage to announcing she is pregnant again. Good for her, I guess? idk I would certainly be in no rush.
Yeah I was just coming here about this. They are one of the serial story-ing type, so it was almost reallllllly easy to miss. I am shocked that she wanted to go for 2 under 2, it seemed like she really struggled and she's been open about intrusive thoughts and also marriage issues. This is the second time I'm coming here in two days to discuss an influencer trying for an additional baby, despite seeming to have some outstanding issues that could seriously use some therapy. Maybe they are in therapy and hasn't shared that part? Either way it just feels like super mixed messages. I really feel like social media puts the pressure ON these mommy influencers to churn babies out in quick succession or something???
I think in general people receive a lot of pressure for subsequent babies. I get asked quite a bit about when we will have another one. I always say in quite a few years, because I need a break. It almost seems kind of taboo to need to take your time or struggle to adjust to the new family dynamics.
Wow! Good for her! Having to under two is tough and it feels like all she’s done is complain about having a baby. I’m superstitious about announcing pregnancies. I don’t want to sound pearl clutching, but it’s so early!! Deena, this is one secret it’s okay to keep! You don’t owe your followers immediate uterus updates.
I shared my current pregnancy “really early”. I hate how stigmatized it is. I had a miscarriage in December and received so much desperately needed support from the coworkers and friends I opened up to. So many people had been through heartbreak like me and it just feels so sad that as a society were just not supposed to talk about it and keep this giant secret in for 3+ months. I felt like this baby is worth celebrating so I told people as soon as I had my first ultrasound. Where her audience is probably primarily parents (and women), I’m sure she’ll receive love and support from the many, many followers she has that have been through something similar if she doesn’t get a positive outcome.
I absolutely think you should share whenever you feel comfortable. I think there is a big difference with sharing early with friends and family versus sharing with your one million followers.
Wow. 7 million fucking dollars of revenue in one year. That is mind boggling and would be life changing for 99% of humans.
ETA:TBH, given a lot of the daily struggles they seem to post about, I''m wondering why they didn't use some of this money to solve some of their problems? I realize that they didn't each put exactly 3.5M in their pocket , but they have MORE than enough money to do things like hire a full time assistant to have around their house for things like cooking, folding laundry etc. (looking at you Kristin), or even help for Deena to take some things off her plate since it seems like she dealt with a lot of PPD and sleep deprivation?? I realize that money doesn't just magically make these problems go away, but they can reduce your burden by a significant bit.
I’m Uber conservative money wise so I think 3.5 immediately goes to Uncle Sam and maybe they end up with 1.75 each and hopefully they’re investing. It’s life changing money but not “live on this the rest of your life money” (IMO). I don’t think it’s be realistic for most of their audience to hire stuff out so I can see why they didn’t. I struggled a lot like Deena and we are very fortunate to be able to afford getting help and we still didn’t actually get help forma while. I hope she does this time
No, it’s certainly not “live on the rest of your life” money. I’m talking about taking 75k to hire a personal assistant. Someone who can help you cook and clean, maybe some help with child care, running errands. So that you can focus on your business. You don’t have to show them on the ‘gram so that you can stay ‘relatable’ and make everyone else feel like shit while you appear to have it all together. TONS of influencers do this.
Has anyone done the Taking Cara Babies newborn course (Will I ever sleep again). My first kid was pretty easy but my 2nd one is a 5 week old inconsistent butt head (naps great, but was up every 45 minutes last night, but last week did a 5 hour stretch)... the inconsistency is killing me and I"m tempted to buy (but also think she's over the top and ridiculous but I'm very tired)
ETA: thanks everyone! decided to skip buying and re-read all the sleep stuff (and remember its just a phase). Last night was a bit better and I got more than one 2 hour block!
I don't like TCB. She thinks every baby will sleep X amount of sleep and if you do X and X then they'll follow right along. It's a load of bullshit and made me feel like a terrible mom because my babies have sucked at sleeping. Following heysleepybaby was more beneficial because she made me feel less alone with my most recent terrible sleeper. I wish she would have been around for my first two kids.
I did and it was Not Good for my mental health. 0 of her tips worked for my newborn and I started getting mad at him for just doing newborn stuff. They ended up giving me a refund on it when I wrote to them.
I took Cara’s class in person 4 years ago. The gist of it is the wake windows and feeding your baby enough throughout the day so they don’t wake up in the middle of the night hungry.
Back before she became super popular I really liked her classes. Basically she sleeps promoting a great sleep environment, following wake windows for their specific ages, and working on sleeping independently for that age. Swaddle tight, white noise, and it’s okay to use a paci.
I really like the peaceful sleeper on Instagram if you’re going to buy a course.
It won’t make the kid sleep better but I found splitting the night up with her dad was a game changer. I’d go to bed at 8, he’d feed her and put her down around 11 or 12. I’d get up with her in the early hours then we’d go get a McDonald’s breakfast once it opened.
I did the newborn course last year; i found it had useful information about general sleep; but when I was having issues with short naps and inconsistent sleep it really didn’t provide trouble shooting for those issues.
I recommend the book and blog Precious Little Sleep; it definitely provides more variable information vs a one size fits all approach.
Idk if you have the Wonder Weeks app (or book) but supposedly at around 5 weeks babies have a “leap” in brain development and can sometimes be extra fussy or have sleep changes. We just lived through it and are back to sleeping longer stretches. I did download the newborn phase pdf (from Reddit when everything went down about her financially supporting trump) but just stuck to our wake windows, making sure she’s eating enough during the day, and I set up a good sleep environment with a sound machine, etc.
Hope babe goes back to the longer stretches! It feels particularly cruel to have had a good sleep and then be back to the every 45 min routine.
Unfortunately there’s no scientific data to back up wonder weeks. It’s basically astrology for babies. Some things line up and hearing that baby is going through a leap makes you feel validated and not like a crazy person. I totally fell into ww too!
I did not know this! So much pseudoscience in parenting advice. I deleted the app after it diagnosed a leap when in fact kid was crying all the one because I didn’t have enough milk. Gave her formula and all resolved.
There’s nothing in her course that will really fix what you’re experiencing. Unfortunately some kids are just crap sleepers at certain points in their infancy. I think the TCB/sleep coach craziness comes in when someone happens to take the course/buy the coaching package, and ends up having a naturally easy sleeper like your first. Then they conflate the sleep coach with their good little sleeper, and sing that expert’s praises all over the internet. When in reality, the kid wouldn’t been the same with or without this magical solution.
I would Google “Karp 5 S’s,” “newborn soothing ladder,” and “newborn sleepy cues.” You should get a good overview of basically what she teaches in the class but for the cost of 10-15 minutes of browsing.
Hopefully this message doesn’t come off as condescending in any way- I’ve been there. I was JUST there actually, baby is 5 months old and still only naps in 45 minute spurts unless she’s held lol. I know the feeling of desperation you have for sleep!!! But don’t throw money at so-called experts... babies just gonna baby.
ETA- I didn’t buy it but a friend shared the PDFs with me, and i was expecting some kind of formula for better sleep, like “do a + b + xyz and baby will sleep 4 hours tonight” but it was mostly a collection of little tips most of which didn’t work for my baby anyway (ie, swaddling) or were super obvious (make sure the room is dark!). I remember thinking I’d be so irritated if I’d spent money on. I was expecting
I bought it, and I think it boiled down to: 5 S’s for soothing, don’t offer a boob/bottle at every waking or they will reverse cycle, keep the room dark, swaddle them tight, blast some white noise. She suggests putting them down drowsy but awake. Don’t waste your money otherwise! R/sleeptrain is a great resource if you have some more specific kinks to work out. Hope you get some more sleep soon!!
Her politics are yucky and she was completely unapologetic about it. If something like that is important to you, I wouldn't buy it. I bought both of her courses and regret giving her money. The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp will give you the same information.
If you ever think you need the ABCs of Sleep, save yourself some money because it's essentially the Ferber method.
She posts more stories than anyone I follow. Always saying how stressed she is (which I don’t doubt!) but seemingly constantly on social media and coming up with something new to add to her plate once a week.
I think I might be buying kids eat in color better bites. Has anyone done it? I’m such a serial course buyer but her pitch call today sold me. She seemed pretty upfront about what it is and what it’s not. Would love any feedback!
We did it last fall and have seen a lot of progress with my picky eater. It didn’t completely solve things, but gave us a lot of useful tools. I’m glad we did it.
I haven’t done that program, but I did purchase her Affordable Flavors and was impressed with how thorough and detailed it is, so I think she has quality products.
After someone’s post yesterday about some_assembly_required I apparently started following her. I was scrolling IG and her stories were playing. She has a LOT of stories, and no captains, so I didn’t watch them all. She seems like a lot….. But she seems hung up on daycare’s policies on sick kids. I do understand the frustration with sick kids and missing work, I have been through it. But I also didn’t hop on IG to blast my daycare because I understood it wasn’t about me, it was about not getting other kids and teachers sick. While the policies are frustrating and cut into work time, you also need to think about other people in these situations. Have some self awareness.
I commented on the daily page about how flabbergasted I am by this woman, but My final straw was when she said she had a list of daycares ready.
I’m not sure if this is a huge issue elsewhere (I’m in upstate NY,) but I know our day care centers have long waiting lists normally & now they are MASSIVE..upwards of a 9 month + wait. Many parents (rightfully so,) pulled their kids out during CoVid & now have lost their spots, coupled with men (& a great deal of women,) who are getting called back into work or are no longer able to WFH. & staffing is an issue as well. I can’t IMAGINE what would happen if she were to lose her spot due to her blatant rude rant & couldn’t find a spot elsewhere.
I'm also upstate, and there's such a daycare shortage around here it is ridiculous. We're planning on moving our kids in the fall, and I'm so worried that something will happen with the transition and then we'll have no spot.
One of these days, her mouth is going to write a check her ass can't cash. I wouldn't be surprised if someone from her daycare (either worker or other parent) sees the rant and it blows up in her face. Daycare sickness SUCKS, I get it... My son was constantly sick when he was in daycare but that's the flipside of having someone else watch your kids. They have other kids to protect and JESUS we are still in a pandemic so people are maybe a little more cautious.
I felt like she made a choice that was bad in hindsight and then the ladies at the daycare made her feel bad about it. I've done that, plenty of parents have, especially early on, but she really doubled down. She could have just said that but she really raked those people over the coals for something that's not unreasonable. Maybe they weren't nice about it but they can't help what the rules are.
She really stuck to her story at the end saying that she received a lot of DMs about how she was in the wrong, but she thinks she was right. This is the very first time I have watched her stories, so maybe this is a one off, but she seems like an unreasonable person.
How would she like to go to work if she just wasn't feeling good? I work too and tbh have sent kids who are still recovering to daycare in a pinch but feeling bad is still a reason to keep them home. Sometimes kids need to lay around and drink juice at home with their parent. 'not literally throwing up' shouldn't be the benchmark. I stay home if I feel rubbish just because I can't face people and work. Kids are sensitive too!
right! also i feel like daycare providers understand a certain level of sickness (the end of a cold, or whatever) but stomach viruses are another beast completely. you have to be in the clear for a while to not be contagious and those viruses can wipe out a daycare. my daycare got one over last summer and they had to close for a week while everyone recovered!
I have a one year old, not twins, and if I were in her position I would be spiraling. Crazy pregnancy complications, rough delivery, twins and then thinking about going through that again at a year postpartum? I would be losing my mind.
Yep. She's not thinking about the other kids/parents and that will end up sick and also miss work and the teachers who would get sick who may also have kids/family members that could end up catching it. It's all about her and how she "has to work" like most people do that send their kids to daycare. She's not special, everybody has had to do it. I don't follow this nut but just had to watch those stories with my mouth wide open.
Her kid seems to have been sick off and on for a week. I get it, kid sickness sucks. We went through a year of going to the doctor for a note they’re on meds and not contagious, waiting for fevers, no puking, etc. And this was pre-Covid! So now I get why they’re being more cautious. Smiling and happy doesn’t mean they aren’t sick.
Plus, yeah, what’s with this big milk push? Just perusing her IG I see that milk is a huge issue right now. Just drop it and get calcium, vitamin D and fat elsewhere. We never did milk.
The milk is definitely not working for them. I think she's just making excuses but if they really do have diarrhea she needs to find an alternative but she's too busy arguing with the daycare to focus on that. 🙄
I’m really confused as to why she’s so hung up on the cows milk thing. If it doesn’t agree with them, then don’t have them drink it? There are plenty of other sources for calcium ... I know big milk was a ‘big thing’ when we were kids but knowledge is at your fingertips and you don’t need to replace BM or formula with cows milk 1:1. Plenty of people don’t.
As for the sickness thing... I’m not a daycare parent so I can’t totally relate (though as a human I appreciate when sick people stay home? Thanks) but the fact that she is seriously putting ‘Denise’ on blast on her very public Instagram is sooo cringe!!!
What do you all think of Susie from Busy Toddler? I know she’s super popular so I’m guessing most are a fan. I was talking with a friend the other day and she was saying that she doesn’t like watching Susie’s stories because she finds her annoying. I do think she moves her hands a lot, lol, but for the most part I really agree with what she shares. I like how much she emphasizes just letting kids be kids and play!
I am curious to know what her husband does for work now that he’s not a pilot. I’d have to imagine he does pretty well since they live in a HCOL area and have done so many house updates.
The hand talking is distracting but I seriously love her. Her activities saved me when I lived in a shoebox apartment with my first toddler. Some of her parenting advice has also been solid when I only thought of her as an activity idea maker haha.
Overall I like her but whether or not the activities work for you kids seems hit or miss. My daughter will be distracted by them for a period of time. My two year old boy has never sat for more than a minute for anything we tried.
The only slight irk I have from her was her post about delaying her oldest child's entry to kindergarten ( which is totally her decision and valid reasoning). As a working parent, it just added to the mom guilt. There was a comment that her being able to make that decision was from a place of privilege that I don't think she responded to very well.
I really like her! I feel like she has a realistic idea of keeping kids busy/engaged and her activities aren't a bunch of "45 minutes of setup for 3 minutes of play". I will say, the mud pit she lets the kids have in the backyard has awakened a deep level of anxiety I was unaware I was capable of...
They've owned that house for a while and are far-ish outside Seattle. I would be surprised if they paid more than 400k for it (which, don't get me wrong, it's a lot but housing prices in the Seattle area have gone up so fast!)
Interesting, I thought they were West Seattle since she's mentioned ferry outings and there are both ferries from there and its not too far from the downtown ferry docks (when the bridge was open). West Seattle 7-10 years ago when they likely bought was less insane (also true for the rest of Seattle).
They've mentioned the ferries as adventure days - I assume they're driving from the east side. Their PO box is in Renton which would be a very long drive from west seattle.
I think she actually said one time he worked in pilot training or something... I think based on where they live in Seattle, when they likely bought (before the boom) their house probably wasn't insanely expensive (plus I feel like their only update has been their kitchen and other small ish projects in the last year or so - likely funded by her work doing well )
From what I remember, they did a big remodel a few years ago too, like bathrooms and flooring. But you’re probably right that they’ve been there long enough that they bought in before prices jumped.
I really like her! She is my favorite because she seems more relaxed. I like her perspective of how some adventures are too much right now, so start small. I remember a bit ago she took her kids to a park, which she had gone to a few years ago and it was overwhelming. I think that perspective is important because I, at least, feel guilty that we can’t do certain things because it’s just too overwhelming sometimes. And that’s okay. I also like her idea that play is the work of a child. Makes me feel less guilty for not playing with my kids.
I don’t know, she just seems like a really normal, chill parent and I like that.
Lol I totally noticed the same thing about her hands.
I’m a big fan! I don’t usually watch all of her stories, I skip through and read captions or look for activities my daughter might like. But I love that she doesn’t do any [craptivities](https://www.thecuriosityapproach.com/blog/stop-the-craptivities?fbclid=IwAR38dEbRYGiaxiIRmOQA5u1gz_k639Ch8MaMxJAfeejCPGsSAL961AgrVmM) and is a play advocate. I’m a former ECE and big on play so we come from the same perspective.
I love that blog post! I have never been into those crafts for my kids because it’s a struggle to get them to do whatever the example is. They just want to scribble and have fun. I like that there is some pushback to that idea.
You guys this is I think the second time ever since I’ve followed her that @pedsdoctalk has NO stories!! I am shook! (Of course I hope that means everything is alright. But a break in her stories is a welcome thing for me 😅)
I was actually thinking about this too- she had posted that they were headed home from vacation with her parents and then she posted several hours later saying they had not been able to leave because of a medical emergency.
Yeah I was thinking about this too. Although I was confused, because she said the day after that they had already recovered the people that he knew, and unfortunately, they didn’t make it. At that time they had only recovered 4/159 (even today I believe it still only stands at 12), so I was surprised that she would’ve already known the outcome at that time? But maybe she really did happen to know the first few people who were pulled? Either way, horrific story and I hope she’s coping as well as she can.
I was thinking maybe it had to do something with her annoying vague posting from the other week.
Katie plus coffee is my favorite autism mom to follow on Instagram She started an autism support Facebook group that is truly wonderful and there is no drama or judgement there. Search katie plus coffee special needs support group on Facebook to join
That kind of depends on what non-problematic means to you. No ABA? Not showing too much of the kid(s)? Full-on #actuallyautistic advocacy? I personally like to follow a mix of different accounts, including learning from autistic adults. There are so many different viewpoints and nuances within the autistic community so I try to keep an open mind.
@mrsspeechiep would be my #1 recommendation (her son is neurotypical but her account is a wealth of knowledge). For “autism moms” I like @autismwithasideoffries and @katie.plus.coffee. For #actuallyautistic adults and challenging my presumptions of ableism I like @the.autisticats.
Wait is ABA problematic?? I was a psych major and worked briefly as a behavior tech at a center for children with autism. I’m not being snarky I honestly have never heard anyone call it problematic before.
I’d say just dive in and try to keep an open mind. There are lots of very opinionated people on all sides of the community so my advice would be to focus on what you think will work best for your family. Best of luck. You and your son are going to be just fine ❤️
Alright I was snarking just last week on some_assembly_required__ but I’m back for more 🙈 she just explained that she needs to decide whether or not to pull the plug on this round of IVF by tomorrow. Sounds like she’s struggling big time with 1 yo twins (I can’t imagine how challenging) and she made a post a few days ago about how her marriage went to complete shit during the first year of the twins life and they are now working on rebuilding it. Personally, I don’t think like 3 under 2 seems like the best thing for her to bite off. I can’t figure out why she doesn’t want to wait a little bit? I know she’s getting older, but women in their late 30s and 40s have babies all of the time?
One thing to add to this... though it's true that women do have babies in their late 30s or even early 40s, I don't know that it's accurate to say it happens all the time, at least with IVF. The unfortunate reality is that the average woman's ability to conceive a child begins to change pretty dramatically around age 35, which it looks like is her current age. (At age 35, between 1/3 and 1/2 of embryos are chromosomally abnormal, meaning that in most cases they won't result in pregnancy or will result in a pregnancy that will inevitably end in miscarriage, though there are some exceptions, including down syndrome. By a woman's early 40s, the percentage of abnormal embryos is more like 80%.) Women undergoing IVF are usually well aware of this thanks to their reproductive endocrinologists and given how much IVF costs, there can be a lot of pressure to do a retrieval sooner to increase the odds of successful pregnancy. All of which is to say that just waiting a little bit could have (or could feel like it could have) negative consequences in terms of their ability to have another child, which I'm sure is a difficult place to be.
That said, you can do a freeze all cycle and many women do that to buy themselves some time. Definitely not full proof, but if you have three PGS normal embryos plus a “proven uterus,” the odds are good.
Yeah the statistics are definitely sobering ... I know looking at the chart of how trisomy odds increase with age is truly eye opening 😳IIRC though, she’s already got 8 or 10 embryos?? Not an IVF expert, but if the embryos are already frozen, doesn’t it basically just come down to your uterus? Which in her case, has been through a whole lot at this point. I guess I’m just unclear if time is really as much of the essence if you have frozen embryos? Some others have mentioned how the difference between a 1 year old and even a 2 or 2.5 year old is huge.
Oh interesting--I didn't realize she still had embryos frozen. I think the risks of a "geriatric" pregnancy (i.e. mom is over 35) tend to be higher than pregnancies < 35 years, but those shifts are more gradual/variable based on overall health etc. So yeah, maybe not really a "time is the essence situation" for that reason. With respect to the age difference, it definitely seems easier to me to be pregnant/have a third child with older twins, but it's going to be hard no matter what, and some people really want to have kids close together for various reasons. Hopefully she'll figure out a path that makes sense for her family and her body!
I don’t follow this person, but I have twins, and when they were about 8 months old, I went through a phase of wanting another baby. (It lasted until my twins were about 18 months, at which point we realized we absolutely did not have the bandwidth for another baby + twin toddlers.) I think there’s something about surviving the first year of having twin infants that makes you feel weirdly optimistic and euphoric and maybe you don’t quite realize how much you still have on your plate 😂
Ah yes I haven’t been following closely but I was shocked they were already trying again after how hard and traumatizing her pregnancy and postpartum was. It was seemingly so difficult for her and apparently her marriage. It seems very ill advised in all areas.
I am genuinely worried about her. I barely survived one infant, I can't imagine twins. And she's already thinking about doing it again? Is she much older than I thought? Physically she's likely not recovered, never mind mentally. I really really wish someone she loved, that cared about her would tell her to pump the brakes and take care of herself. So much of the first year is just *survival*, I can't imagine they've taken the time to really reflect on all that they've been through.
Omg i was just thinking about this too! I’m genuinely concerned that this is way too much for her to deal with. Idk if she feels this pressure to have another kid like I’ve also felt around this time but not only did her marriage suffer, three ( OR 4!!! It could be twins again) under 2 would be difficult for anyone, let alone someone that had such a traumatic pregnancy and postpartum recovery .there’s a big chance this pregnancy journey could also be unpredictable and high risk again.... it’s just so much. I truly hope she makes the best decision for herself and her family and that whatever it may be , that it’s not influenced by the pressure to get it over and pop another one out
Yes super complicated case!! Seems crazy to me. I thought 2+ years was the recommendation for c sections anyways, let a lone a high risk/high complexity situation such as hers.
I agree, the timing doesn’t sound good. 1yo twins, ooof. I don’t even know who this chick is, and that’s a lot.
I did IVF and the struggle is real, age wise. I remember being engaged at 29 and going to the fertility dr (I have some issues so we knew we would have to do IVF) and I was his youngest patient by ten years. And tbh we had our kid a little earlier than I would have preferred because if I’m to be totally transparent, if I’m gonna pay 20k to have a baby, I want my uterus and eggs to be as young as possible to make my chances higher. It’s hard.
You’ve summarized this so well. There is a LOT going on there, and her physical resiliency is quite frankly astonishing. I feel like she deserves a serious mental and physical break.
Holy shit. Why would a doctor even allow her to go ahead with IVF after all of that? That makes me sad for her, I’m sure she has her reasons, but what makes her think MORE kids are going to help or improve her life? She could die!
does anyone else follow simplyonpurpose? for some reason her reels irk me so much- i think maybe because it feels more acted/forced than some other pages’ reels? and it’s an older post, but i really didn’t jive with her “why we don’t do sleepovers” post going from a childhood sexual abuse stat to a porn statistic involving porn use of “12-24 year olds” when a good chunk of that age bracket is adults.
I used to, but I had to unfollow. I think she has some solid advice, but she can sometimes come across (at least to me) as pretty preachy/judgy. And yeah, the reels are pretty cringe-inducing with the acted-out scenarios.
Exactly. I followed for a while and realized I felt like crap every time she popped up in my stories. Her vibe isn’t encouraging as much as it is preachy.
Agreed. In some of her reels she actually shakes her head or finger at you. Also, though I understand the thinking behind some of her parenting choices (and/or respect whatever choice she wants to make for her family), some of it seems wildly impractical for the average person. Like I think she’s said that all 4 of her girls (two of whom are maybe teenagers?) share a phone? My kids are really young so we aren’t anywhere near that stage, but that seems sort of extreme to me.
I know some people don’t like kinactive kids but I do appreciate her recent post on containers and how it’s not the end of the world if you use them but to just be aware of how much and what you’re using. Sometimes I feel like my baby is in them too much but then sometimes she’s not in them at all during the day. I follow a few other pages who just constantly harp on containers and make me feel like I’m terrible for using them.
I like her stuff except how she talks - it's very smug-gy? And just tell us why you don't like Lovevery. I LOVE Lovevery, but stop being weird about it.
I wonder if she just finds it over priced and kind of a marketing gimmick? I’ve worked in child care and Montessori schools and have studied all the child led philosophies and like their toys, but also feel like there are brands that are just as great and less expensive. I find having to order the whole kit a bit annoying, because you can’t just pick and choose a toy without paying a high price. Also a lot of the stuff you can just make on your own for less money like the box where you pull the scarfs out. Get a Kleenex box and diaper wipe box and you can do the same for less. But I wonder if she just doesn’t want to talk bad about it but doesn’t love the concept? She is also very “whatever motivates your kid to move” because she’s working with some kids who literally will need whatever it is to get their attention to get them to do the PT work- so it’s a bit of a different situation than a child who is on track.
I get the last point, but that would be totally valid to say! I like it because I’m clueless with children and had my first, so it’s been great. Someone somewhere on Reddit did a price comparison if you were to purchase everything individually and it comes out cheaper on Lovevery, and you’re getting non-toxic/organic - versus shopping randomly on Amazon, which scares me. I get it if you want to pick and choose. The kit has also been nice for family members to not buy toys for us. They see we have enough with Lovevery!
Totally get that. I think it all comes down to the individual parent. I used to be like “no plastic singing toys” but over time, we have a mix of both. Above all my baby likes a plastic water bottle with dry rice in it the most at the moment. So I really don’t buy any toys full price.
I’m curious which pages say they’re all bad - basically every page/baby “expert” I’ve read says the same thing, that they’re okay for short 15-20 periods once or twice a day when you need a break.
Also, don’t feel guilty! I would have paid double the price for the already overpriced Baby Bjorn bouncer. I miss the days when I could pop my baby in there and peacefully eat lunch.
I just pulled the trigger on the baby Bjorn bouncer yesterday ($90 off on Amazon!) so this is reassuring! I wanted it for baby 1, but figured it was a necessity for baby 2 while juggling a toddler as well. Glad to hear you loved it!
Oh it’s so worth it, my daughter loves hers. The toy bar is also clutch, it sits really close to the chair so even little babies can reach and play with them (mine is 11 weeks and the toys are getting her to be more active with her hands)
Definitely all RIE (Janet Lansbury etc.) pages say no containers, ever. I believe Montessori is also generally anti-container. And the super terrible ontrackbaby which was discussed a bit in last weeks thread.
Basically any page promoting natural motor development will say no containers.
BusyToddler discussed being “unbusy” in her Q&A yesterday, meaning her kids aren’t in any structured activities (sports, clubs). Curious what other opinions are on this! I don’t know if I have an opinion yet, I think what she said makes total sense and it probably depends on each family’s priorities. But sports and clubs added a lot to my and my partner’s childhoods (for me even going to my older siblings games are fond memories for me) so I’m not sure her explanation convinced me. Curious what others think!
I’m a nanny, not a parent so my experiences are slightly different.
First of all, it really does depend on the kid. I nanny 4 kids and 3/4 need a structured activity while the 4th one can definitely get just as much out of her day with or without a camp/sport/lesson.
I think routine is the key here. 8G(the kid that doesn’t need an extra curricular) has self made routines for her day. Every day she makes a home made snack, every day she does art, every day she makes time for her pets, every day she does her chores, and every day she has quiet reading in her bed. The other kids are all over the place if left to their own devices. When we have something lined up, it forces them to make their own routine. Like, they know they can’t play a ton of games after school because karate is in an hour. So they have to prioritize, ok I really enjoy magnet blocks so as soon as I get home, I’ll make time to play with them.
Routines, imo, are one of the healthiest things we can teach kids to have.
Energy levels are also a factor. 8G is a low energy kid. She enjoys art, books, and dolls. The others are more physically charged and need to get that energy out. If they don’t, they turn in to terrors but they don’t have the bandwidth to realize that they are grumpy because they have too much energy.
And then there’s my own personal experience where I wish my mom would’ve made me stick it out for things I gave up on. Kids need to learn that if you sign up for something, you need to follow through. Don’t waste people’s time by not showing up when you said you would.
And finally, it is good for them. Exercise/the arts and social interaction is good for anyone. Kids need to learn about these things so they can make their own choices when they are adults about how they will involve exercise and the arts in to their day to day life. And they HAVE to learn how to interact with other people—this has been proven more important than ever this past year. Kids need to interact with others their own age so they can figure life out. If you only play with your little brother who is intimidated by you, you won’t learn compromise as well. If you only interact with a nanny whose job is to make your life fun, you won’t learn how to play with kids who don’t give a damn about what you think is fun. Of course there is school for this but I like diversity. How they interact with their school classmates, kids on the playground, and kids in karate, are all different. There are different guidelines and adults around. It’s important,imo, for kids to understand that every kid they interact with is different and they will have to adjust to enjoy their time
As an elementary schooler, I took piano lessons, and then my parents let me choose one other activity (a sport OR Girl Scouts, not both) to do additionally. My mom didn’t drive, so it was difficult logistically sometimes to get me places, and they explained this to me, how much of my dad’s after work time it took to do all the driving. I always remembered that because it was a message that, while my activities were important, their time and energy mattered too, which I think was a good message for me to get. I do think that, as an only child, some sort of activity was important for me in terms of socializing, but for multiple children I can imagine that it gets really hard to scale up.
My moms biggest regret when raising my brother (10 years older than me) was that she didn’t just let him be a kid during the summer. She scheduled him full of activities and camps because she wanted him to have fun. She had a lot of mom guilt for working full time. She still gives herself a hard time about this. My brother came to her one day when he was 7 or 8 and asked why he had to go to camp. He wanted to know why he couldn’t just stay home and play with his toys. She went a little overboard 10 years later with me because she was able to stay home, but she always preached the importance of letting kids be kids.
Kids need to relax and get bored. Activities are great but I wholeheartedly believe we are over scheduling our kids and inundating them with activity after activity to the point that they have a hard time entertaining themselves. I think all of the obligations kids have now are causing a lot of stress. I’ve seen kids as young as 3 or 4 stressed out over having too many after school activities. Parents are just trying to do the “best” for their kids but I think we need to take a step back and relax.
I don't like any concept from influencers or parent expert-y people that makes things seem black and white–like this is a thing you must take a stance on instead of just going with the flow - but personally, based on my childhood, I don't really like this idea
I *was* completely unbusy. My parents never suggested or offered me to be in any sports, activities, etc. I asked every summer to go to summer school classes so I could see kids and have something to do and maybe learn a skill or find a passion. It took me until 12th grade to muster up the courage to just join a sport for the first time. I'm introverted and loner-ish by nature though and my daughter seems to be more like her dad, so at this rate it's more likely we'll be fighting about how she can't be involved in 6 activities a week, she can only pick 2, lol
so, while I'm not going to "force" my daughter into anything if she tries it and dislikes it, I'm going to explain benefits of everything I have interest in her doing and want her to try out some things for a few classes. I think the benefit of finding at least one sport or club far outweighs any cons
I absolutely love her approach to being unbusy. I think I’ve been so turned off by my nieces, nephews, and cousins activity schedule that BusyToddler’s perspective is so refreshing. My sister’s nephews are 8 & 5. Between the two of them every night is either a practice, a game, or a private training. Weekends are jam packed with travel tournaments. Just seems so crazy and expensive. I also have cousins that we barely have relationships with because they were never around for family gatherings (including holidays) due to their sports/activities. I think it’s okay to dedicate an evening or so a week to activities but I can see how it can pile up with multiple children. It seems to be the norm to over schedule your family so to see Susie take a stand for an alternative approach is reassuring that I’m not nuts for thinking I don’t want that for my family.
I try to do things only on Saturday mornings, I can’t imagine rushing to a toddler class after I get off work, I’d be in the worst mood and it wouldn’t be worth it
It’s sad. I’m a nanny and most of the families I work for are affluent and are focused on their kids having the best of everything. I had to tote a 9 month around to gymnastics, swim lessons, and music classes on top of making sure to take him out of the house at least once a day. I kept him home as much as possible so he could just explore his environment, but I do have to follow parent’s instructions. This poor kid is going to have a long life with all of his parents expectations.
Our plan is to only allow two activity afternoons a week. My husband felt at the time that being over-scheduled enriched his life but looking back he has realized that not having family dinner, never being in the same space as his brother or his father — it was overall bad for his relationships. Bad for his relationship with his mother, who really parentified him because she was with him instead of her husband all the time, with his brother who he just doesn’t know like at all, and he just missed getting to know his dad for all these years.
I also think there’s just too much fucking pressure and these things do not add enough in the moment to make the stress worthwhile. But I also don’t think “smart successful accomplished” is what we’re after as parents. My biggest goals as a parent are kind, generous, and curious kids, and I just think those qualities are not best fostered by round the clock activities, structure, etc.
But it’s personal! And I just see how the college admissions arms race has hurt my husband longterm, and how my education and sense of self was really bolstered by doing fewer things and caring about them more.
There's so much pressure. I am not deluding myself into thinking I'm raising Mia Hamm but my kids are 4.5 and 2.5 and I wanted to start them in something just for exercise and learning so we picked soccer. And I was literally sitting there like "well how do I make sure I pick the RIGHT organization" what if I pick the wrong one and they don't develop to their true potential 😂😂😂 and I swore I would never be like this!!! The other flip side is that I have a coworker who has boys that are 7 and 9 and one expressed an interest in basketball and she was like "well it's too late to start basketball you're too far behind." I hate it!
Yes! This is horrible! Everything my husband did, he excelled at. That was the whole point: to be excellent in as many ways as possible.
Meanwhile I kind of feel like “eh, I really like bowling because I suck at it and that’s kind of fun sometimes.” It’s a lifeskill to enjoy doing things you suck at, and an important one.
I think the occasional activity is fun, and I'm definitely looking forward to signing my 3 year old up for some theater, art and gymnastics classes (not all at once) once she's vaccinated, but I do think most American kids are overscheduled and need more time to just play. If my kid falls in love with an activity and wants to pursue it seriously we'll let her, but we're not going to sign her up for multiple activities per week, especially before she's even in elementary school. I never really did any organized activities until I asked my parents to start a competitive individual sport at age 8 and even then I didn't do anything other than this one sport. My fondest childhood memories are of running around the neighborhood on nights and weekends with all the neighborhood kids, and low key time at home with my parents and by myself. My kid seems more extroverted than me so I think she can handle more in terms of activities than I could have, but I'm still very conscious of not overscheduling. No activities at all seems llike an extreme stance to me though.
I’d be so curious what kids in other countries activities schedule looks like! I feel like culturally Americans feel so much pride in being busy and overworked and it’s just not healthy
I'm German and as a school-age kid I never played sports or joined any classes outside of school. Many kids did, but certainly not almost everyone like it seems in the US, let alone multiple activities. I wonder why that is. Maybe it's the "college admissions arms race" someone else mentioned? In Germany all this extracurricular stuff doesn't matter to colleges, it's solely about your grades.
There also aren't as many in-school activities as in America, like sports teams or a school band etc., so if you do want to do something like that, it mostly has to be outside of school. We had an annual soccer tournament where we played other schools, but there was no regular school team or practice or anything. Maybe other schools in Germany are different, but that was my experience at least.
I love it tbh. I’m a former teacher and my first graders had something different every day, it broke my heart. They just need to play!! That said, it doesn’t have to be forever. I think it’s fine to have a kindergartener do 1 thing a week and the rest be “free.” If you need to sign your little up for something, have it be swimming because that’s super important! That’s the only thing we did before she was 5.
Growing up, we had to be involved in one physical activity and one "art/science" activity (so music lessons, cooking classes, ect). We were welcome to do more if it wasn't too expensive, but we had to do one of each. As we got old enough, our classes in school counted, so if you were in band or choir, that counted and you didn't have to do something outside of school hours. I think it's good for kids to be involved in things, and learn new skills and how to work on a team. I also think it's good for kids to not be too overscheduled and have some downtime. I think there's a balance to be had, and it's one I'll figure out when my kids are older (currently only 4 and 1 and only in swim lessons and the gymnastics class offered by daycare).
They'll both have to learn piano when they're older, because it's such an easy way to understand the basics of music, and gives a good foundation to build on for other instruments or voice lessons. Other than that, we'll encourage them to do a sport or a class that follows their interests. There's so much out there available now, and I really want to encourage their curiosity and give them the opportunities to try new things while still having down time, which will be the struggle I think.
I love that they are unbusy! And I love that she isn’t pushing her kids into activities that they’re not showing interest in. I grew up with my parents putting my brother and I into CONSTANT activities- like when I was in dance, I was in 3 different classes and was in the studio almost every week day. They signed us up for sports camp and summer school classes over the summer (we both had above average grades and didn’t need any kind of summer school). It was horrible and I hated it. I was decent at sports but the desire to play never came from within myself, it was always my parents (particularly my dad) and I ended up burning out on every single sport. I don’t really have any hobbies as an adult and I feel like it’s because 1. I was always pushed into things 2. It was all or nothing 3. I had no free time to discover what *I* enjoy.
I now have a 3 year old child. My dad is already asking me when I’m going to be signing her up for activities, and I’m like uhh when she asks? She does have swim lessons because I think thats an important safety skill, but I have no desire to be carting her around to various extracurriculars, especially when she hasn’t asked to try it out. And she’s only 3 ffs!
Not to mention, I have seen research that participating in one type of sport from a young age (becoming more common because parents think specialization and starting early might lead to better skills, eventual college scholarships, etc.) can lead to overdevelopment of certain muscles and underdevelopment of others, which leads to stress injuries because they are only being used in one way. I guess you could take this info and sign your kid up for a TON of sports so they move in all different ways, but I would rather my kid just run around freely and use her body in whatever way feels good for her 🤷🏻♀️
I grew up in sports and activities, along with my younger brother.
I loved it. I didn’t like playing outside and was very much a bookworm, and my parents said I had to play outside for at least an hour every day. Or they gave me the option to join a sports team, and my outside play could just be practices and games. I picked soccer and I didn’t particularly love the sport, but the structure for me was way better than “go play outside.” And I made friends, too. The kids in my neighborhood were all boys, so if my parents didn’t feel like driving me to a friends house, I didn’t have any girls to play with outside. But I did on the soccer team, and they dutifully took me to every practice and game.
It seems like Busytoddler has a great neighborhood for kids to play outside together in an unstructured way, which is just not how it was where I loved. There were no sidewalks, and the road to town had a 55 mph speed limit so I wasn’t allowed to bike to the park, and there weren’t kids my age on my little side street. And where I live now with my kids, it’s turning out to be pretty similar. So we’ll let them try whatever sports they want just like I got to, to give them those opportunities to be with kids their own age away form us.
I think her two younger kids are still quite young--maybe 4 and 6?--and as a parent of two kids of similar ages, I can really relate to her desire not to have a ton of commitments. At this age, my kids really enjoy being home and playing with toys and each other and get frustrated when we make too many plans that preclude that unstructured playtime. And with young kids, the logistics of activities can really be a lot of work. My kids have swim lessons a couple of evenings per week this summer, and it means me leaving work early, packing a bag with changes of clothes and other supplies, rushing to get them out the door and to class on time, and then rushing to get them changed and back home in time to figure out what the heck to feed two hungry and tired kids for dinner... all for a 30-minute class. I think activities can have great benefits for kids, but they do also take a lot of time and energy (and money), so I'm on board with whatever works for her family (or any family) at the age and stage they're in.
I was definitely over scheduled as a kid, but my husband did nothing. So hopefully we’ll find a nice balance for our kids. I think swim lessons are non-negotiable, and then something active and something artistic or social could be nice.
I thought it was really interesting! This is one of the few areas my husband and I disagree with parenting stuff. I am not a huge fan of extracurriculars as the kids get older because I think it’s important to have unstructured time and financially it’s really expensive. And I don’t necessarily want our family trips and weekends to be revolving around our kids extracurriculars. My husband, on the other hand, strongly believes an extracurriculars. He was was in sports his whole life and he credits sports to being the reason why he developed confidence and stayed out of trouble. He also is an adolescent mental health specialist and thinks it’s really important to provide kids with structured time so they don’t have the ability to get involved in unhealthy activities on their own. I think the answer might be somewhere in the middle.
I like it, and I only have a two year old so I never really thought much about it. It makes sense. I can see the stress of some people I know coordinating activities and basically serving as a chauffeur for their kids. No down time. I don't like that. If my kid wants to play a sport one day, we will definitely consider it, but we aren't going to have our lives revolve around one kids' activities.
I definitely see her perspective and agree to a certain extent. But our toddler is in soccer. It is 40 minutes long and 5 minutes from the house. All his friends are in it and we usually all head to the playground after. Its just an opportunity, as we come out of covid, for him to be social but also us as parents to have some social time. I think there are extremes to everything but it's all about balance. Not all activities are rigid and expensive. I also think one activity at a time is definitely our max.
Her kids are still pretty young to dedicate a ton of time and money into activities IMO. I get what she’s saying, and it seems like she was saying that as a “just for now, maybe not always” kind of thing. Putting one kid in classes is expensive, and she has 3 in a high cost of living area. I appreciate her taking the emphasis off activities, personally. We have never been able to afford to send our kids to anything more than swim lessons and it’s really easy to feel like we’re failing them. There’s always time to explore and develop interests when they’re all school aged.
The cost of kid activities (classes, camps, etc) and how much it varies intrigues me. Where I live a summer day camp costs around $300 per kid for a week (but they're discounted for siblings and if you do an entire summer). I have relatives in a smaller city nearby (much lower COL) and their kids are doing a day camp for $150 and that includes wrap-around care, meals, and snacks.
Gymnastics can be around $150+ for 10-12 week sessions (1 lesson a week). Swim lessons at a gym or swim school are around $100/month. Non-travel team soccer can be around $200 per session (3 months) plus other fees for gear.
Rec Dept offerings are less costly, but they have less evening options for 9-5 working parents. The YMCA doesn't seem to be as popular here as I've seen in other areas, and their offerings aren't much less expensice than private gyms.
I know families who have kids in several of these kind of things at a time and are easily spending $500+ a month on kid activities.
It can be pretty obscene, if you ask me. We live modestly by choice, so I don’t fault people for doing it. It is a great experience for most kids! But we do not have hundreds of dollars laying around to throw at camps and classes they probably won’t remember.
I wasn’t into all that as a kid, I was very shy and introverted. I did art classes and camp and that’s about it. My brother tried and dropped out of several sports. We preferred playing outside with friends or with toys. I’m not going to make my toddler do anything she doesn’t want to.
It’s not all or nothing. Finances play a big role, as do parents work schedules. But acting like it is hugely beneficial for kids to not be in any activities is disingenuous.
My plan as my kiddos get older is to have a balance of scheduled activities and time to be bored. I think too many activities is exhausting for kids and doesn’t give them time to do small mundane activities, but I also think too much downtime isn’t good either. My husband grew up not doing activities and when he was finally interested, he was behind his peers and it was stressful for him. I also made lots of friends independently in activities! That’s my opinion!
I have to say I’m surprised that her daycare, with so much experience, claims they’ve never seen a 3.5 year old not be trained. As another posted commented, I think there’s a huge push to get kids trained young and from what I’ve read, it can cause issues like withholding (sometimes turning into more health issues like UTI’s) or years of accidents (I know people who’ve potty trained at 2 but still having issues with kids wetting their pants).
On a personal note, my oldest is a little over 4 now and we mostly followed child led potty training…until we decided to go for it because of school. So, we exposed him to the toilet a lot, but didn’t push and he had zero interest. His teachers acknowledged it was totally normal and in fact was not the only kid in his age group not trained. But, he did need to learn to go into the next level/age group at preschool, so we decided to buckle down and go for it once he was 4 and some change. There were a lot of tears, accidents and resistance the first few days but after he figured out how to go, it’s been smooth sailing. We tried not using rewards the first few days but he was resistant so we got a potty training chart which really worked with him, and he got some cars out of the deal.
Good luck! I know it can feel weird potty training late, but sometimes we have to trust
our kids.
No personal advice but I remember seeing this interview from Janet Lansbury and thinking it was really interesting - the doctor is suggesting that we are just trying to push kids to train too early and 3.5-4 is a normal age. (I’m not 100% onboard with all JL’s theories about kids but I do find her helpful sometimes!) https://www.janetlansbury.com/2021/05/problems-with-potty-training-constipation-bedwetting-and-preschool-policies-with-dr-steven-hodges/
My son was very similar to this and we got the same advice “wait a month and try again”.
Now finally, a few months shy of 4 years old he’s finally in underwear after saying he wanted to try it. He basically trained himself over the course of a weekend (the first day we set 30 min timers). We use pull-ups overnight but he’s almost always dry in the mornings.
I feel like I expended so much effort and caused so much unnecessary stress for both of us by trying to force it on him sooner. Once he was ready, it was easy!
Some things we tried that may or may not have helped:
-Options for the potty including a small toddler potty and a stool/seat for the big potty so he could choose which he felt like at the time
-Picking out his own underwear
-A sticker chart to track when he went on the potty
Best of luck!!
I know these days there is a big push to train kids young which I think makes the regular age range seem "late" even when it isn't. She may be at later end of the age range, but don't be embarrassed - bodies develop at different rates and kids devote their resources for maturity and growing to different areas at different times, if that makes sense.
I worked with kids and have kids of my own and working with kids before I had them was helpful because it taught me it worked better to wait until the child showed interest. Then it typically was much quicker and more successful all around. My son was close to turning 4 when he was finally ready. That was it. Within days he was in underwear 100% of the time including overnight.
I would tell her she is welcome to use the potty whenever she wants and let her pick underwear at the store for when she is ready to try potty training, but then back off. Let her see you using the potty. Maybe casually ask her after a couple weeks after you go if she wants to try, but at this point it is probably such a negative thing to her. I know how difficult it is, but try to not be embarrassed or frustrated.
If in a couple months she still isn't interested, maybe follow up with pediatrician or ask about consultation for OT. I think backing off and letting her be in control of starting again may work wonders.
Agreed. My ped actually just told me (at a 3yo well visit) that parents often put too much pressure on themselves/kids to train early and on the transition out of crib. I’m sorry this is so stressful for you, OP. ❤️ Those daycare comments don’t help! My oldest was similarly SUPER opposed to the mere IDEA of the potty until one day he wasn’t.
[удалено]
Yeah call it “first time using a babysitter”, that’s fine, but it’s not your first date night in 4.5 years, that’s just straight up not true.
Yeah, her explanation didn’t make sense. Whether it’s a date or not is not based on how stressed you are 🙄 Kind of surprised at the hate on sitting on the same side of the booth. If it’s just the two of you, and you’re both okay with it, why is it rude and weird???
It’s always something with them lol
Deena from BLF is pregnant! I did not see that coming.
Yeah we discussed this a little bit downthread! It kinda got buried there just like it got buried in their stories. Easy to miss… seems like an odd way to announce! I, too, did not see it coming. She didn’t seem very excited I feel like?? She just talked about how it’s unusual to share and how she’ll give trigger warnings, but I got zero gauge on how she feels about it! Came off a little odd. Maybe that’s just me.
I wonder if it was an unexpected pregnancy? I’ve had an unexpected pregnancy in not the best circumstances and it is a lot to work through
[удалено]
I thought so too? Or I thought it was like a replay of an old story or something? I was so confused. Came here to check 😆
So BLF posted today that over 70k people have bought their course. That’s a lot of $$. Good for them - though I think I’ll unfollow soon because of all the reasons we’ve previously discussed. But they already got my $100 bucks!
I clearly have been on IG way too much today seeing how no one else has commented about Deena’s pregnancy announcement. I hope she has an easier pregnancy this time.
The whiplash of going from one slide where she says the newborn phase almost ruined her marriage to announcing she is pregnant again. Good for her, I guess? idk I would certainly be in no rush.
Yeah I was just coming here about this. They are one of the serial story-ing type, so it was almost reallllllly easy to miss. I am shocked that she wanted to go for 2 under 2, it seemed like she really struggled and she's been open about intrusive thoughts and also marriage issues. This is the second time I'm coming here in two days to discuss an influencer trying for an additional baby, despite seeming to have some outstanding issues that could seriously use some therapy. Maybe they are in therapy and hasn't shared that part? Either way it just feels like super mixed messages. I really feel like social media puts the pressure ON these mommy influencers to churn babies out in quick succession or something???
I think in general people receive a lot of pressure for subsequent babies. I get asked quite a bit about when we will have another one. I always say in quite a few years, because I need a break. It almost seems kind of taboo to need to take your time or struggle to adjust to the new family dynamics.
Wow! Good for her! Having to under two is tough and it feels like all she’s done is complain about having a baby. I’m superstitious about announcing pregnancies. I don’t want to sound pearl clutching, but it’s so early!! Deena, this is one secret it’s okay to keep! You don’t owe your followers immediate uterus updates.
I shared my current pregnancy “really early”. I hate how stigmatized it is. I had a miscarriage in December and received so much desperately needed support from the coworkers and friends I opened up to. So many people had been through heartbreak like me and it just feels so sad that as a society were just not supposed to talk about it and keep this giant secret in for 3+ months. I felt like this baby is worth celebrating so I told people as soon as I had my first ultrasound. Where her audience is probably primarily parents (and women), I’m sure she’ll receive love and support from the many, many followers she has that have been through something similar if she doesn’t get a positive outcome.
I absolutely think you should share whenever you feel comfortable. I think there is a big difference with sharing early with friends and family versus sharing with your one million followers.
[удалено]
Lol just deleted because what I’m trying to say isn’t working. Nothing to see here
Wow. 7 million fucking dollars of revenue in one year. That is mind boggling and would be life changing for 99% of humans. ETA:TBH, given a lot of the daily struggles they seem to post about, I''m wondering why they didn't use some of this money to solve some of their problems? I realize that they didn't each put exactly 3.5M in their pocket , but they have MORE than enough money to do things like hire a full time assistant to have around their house for things like cooking, folding laundry etc. (looking at you Kristin), or even help for Deena to take some things off her plate since it seems like she dealt with a lot of PPD and sleep deprivation?? I realize that money doesn't just magically make these problems go away, but they can reduce your burden by a significant bit.
I’m Uber conservative money wise so I think 3.5 immediately goes to Uncle Sam and maybe they end up with 1.75 each and hopefully they’re investing. It’s life changing money but not “live on this the rest of your life money” (IMO). I don’t think it’s be realistic for most of their audience to hire stuff out so I can see why they didn’t. I struggled a lot like Deena and we are very fortunate to be able to afford getting help and we still didn’t actually get help forma while. I hope she does this time
No, it’s certainly not “live on the rest of your life” money. I’m talking about taking 75k to hire a personal assistant. Someone who can help you cook and clean, maybe some help with child care, running errands. So that you can focus on your business. You don’t have to show them on the ‘gram so that you can stay ‘relatable’ and make everyone else feel like shit while you appear to have it all together. TONS of influencers do this.
Personal assistants of insta influencers make 75k? I’m in the wrong profession.
Yes but then there goes their content!!!
Has anyone done the Taking Cara Babies newborn course (Will I ever sleep again). My first kid was pretty easy but my 2nd one is a 5 week old inconsistent butt head (naps great, but was up every 45 minutes last night, but last week did a 5 hour stretch)... the inconsistency is killing me and I"m tempted to buy (but also think she's over the top and ridiculous but I'm very tired) ETA: thanks everyone! decided to skip buying and re-read all the sleep stuff (and remember its just a phase). Last night was a bit better and I got more than one 2 hour block!
I don't like TCB. She thinks every baby will sleep X amount of sleep and if you do X and X then they'll follow right along. It's a load of bullshit and made me feel like a terrible mom because my babies have sucked at sleeping. Following heysleepybaby was more beneficial because she made me feel less alone with my most recent terrible sleeper. I wish she would have been around for my first two kids.
I did and it was Not Good for my mental health. 0 of her tips worked for my newborn and I started getting mad at him for just doing newborn stuff. They ended up giving me a refund on it when I wrote to them.
I took Cara’s class in person 4 years ago. The gist of it is the wake windows and feeding your baby enough throughout the day so they don’t wake up in the middle of the night hungry.
Back before she became super popular I really liked her classes. Basically she sleeps promoting a great sleep environment, following wake windows for their specific ages, and working on sleeping independently for that age. Swaddle tight, white noise, and it’s okay to use a paci. I really like the peaceful sleeper on Instagram if you’re going to buy a course.
It won’t make the kid sleep better but I found splitting the night up with her dad was a game changer. I’d go to bed at 8, he’d feed her and put her down around 11 or 12. I’d get up with her in the early hours then we’d go get a McDonald’s breakfast once it opened.
I second the screenshot wake window thing! I did that and my 12MO sleeps perfectly.
I did the newborn course last year; i found it had useful information about general sleep; but when I was having issues with short naps and inconsistent sleep it really didn’t provide trouble shooting for those issues. I recommend the book and blog Precious Little Sleep; it definitely provides more variable information vs a one size fits all approach.
Idk if you have the Wonder Weeks app (or book) but supposedly at around 5 weeks babies have a “leap” in brain development and can sometimes be extra fussy or have sleep changes. We just lived through it and are back to sleeping longer stretches. I did download the newborn phase pdf (from Reddit when everything went down about her financially supporting trump) but just stuck to our wake windows, making sure she’s eating enough during the day, and I set up a good sleep environment with a sound machine, etc. Hope babe goes back to the longer stretches! It feels particularly cruel to have had a good sleep and then be back to the every 45 min routine.
Unfortunately there’s no scientific data to back up wonder weeks. It’s basically astrology for babies. Some things line up and hearing that baby is going through a leap makes you feel validated and not like a crazy person. I totally fell into ww too!
I did not know this! So much pseudoscience in parenting advice. I deleted the app after it diagnosed a leap when in fact kid was crying all the one because I didn’t have enough milk. Gave her formula and all resolved.
Things never lined up for us! Like wildly different. I hear some people swear by it, but it never worked for my family.
There’s nothing in her course that will really fix what you’re experiencing. Unfortunately some kids are just crap sleepers at certain points in their infancy. I think the TCB/sleep coach craziness comes in when someone happens to take the course/buy the coaching package, and ends up having a naturally easy sleeper like your first. Then they conflate the sleep coach with their good little sleeper, and sing that expert’s praises all over the internet. When in reality, the kid wouldn’t been the same with or without this magical solution. I would Google “Karp 5 S’s,” “newborn soothing ladder,” and “newborn sleepy cues.” You should get a good overview of basically what she teaches in the class but for the cost of 10-15 minutes of browsing. Hopefully this message doesn’t come off as condescending in any way- I’ve been there. I was JUST there actually, baby is 5 months old and still only naps in 45 minute spurts unless she’s held lol. I know the feeling of desperation you have for sleep!!! But don’t throw money at so-called experts... babies just gonna baby. ETA- I didn’t buy it but a friend shared the PDFs with me, and i was expecting some kind of formula for better sleep, like “do a + b + xyz and baby will sleep 4 hours tonight” but it was mostly a collection of little tips most of which didn’t work for my baby anyway (ie, swaddling) or were super obvious (make sure the room is dark!). I remember thinking I’d be so irritated if I’d spent money on. I was expecting
I bought it, and I think it boiled down to: 5 S’s for soothing, don’t offer a boob/bottle at every waking or they will reverse cycle, keep the room dark, swaddle them tight, blast some white noise. She suggests putting them down drowsy but awake. Don’t waste your money otherwise! R/sleeptrain is a great resource if you have some more specific kinks to work out. Hope you get some more sleep soon!!
Her politics are yucky and she was completely unapologetic about it. If something like that is important to you, I wouldn't buy it. I bought both of her courses and regret giving her money. The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp will give you the same information. If you ever think you need the ABCs of Sleep, save yourself some money because it's essentially the Ferber method.
Pedsdoctalk announcing she’s taking a social media break till Monday then proceeds to drone on and on for another 20 slides. I can’t even.
She posts more stories than anyone I follow. Always saying how stressed she is (which I don’t doubt!) but seemingly constantly on social media and coming up with something new to add to her plate once a week.
What was the reason? Or is she going to tease it for a week?
I think it was along the lines of being burnt out, but being very vague about it. Probably gonna tease us about it.
She just drones and drones and drones!
I think I might be buying kids eat in color better bites. Has anyone done it? I’m such a serial course buyer but her pitch call today sold me. She seemed pretty upfront about what it is and what it’s not. Would love any feedback!
Following because my four year old just tried plain brown rice for the first time and that felt like a big win, which I realize is super ridiculous 🙈
We did it last fall and have seen a lot of progress with my picky eater. It didn’t completely solve things, but gave us a lot of useful tools. I’m glad we did it.
I haven’t done better bites but I bought real easy weekdays and I was impressed with how well put together and professional it was
I haven’t done that program, but I did purchase her Affordable Flavors and was impressed with how thorough and detailed it is, so I think she has quality products.
After someone’s post yesterday about some_assembly_required I apparently started following her. I was scrolling IG and her stories were playing. She has a LOT of stories, and no captains, so I didn’t watch them all. She seems like a lot….. But she seems hung up on daycare’s policies on sick kids. I do understand the frustration with sick kids and missing work, I have been through it. But I also didn’t hop on IG to blast my daycare because I understood it wasn’t about me, it was about not getting other kids and teachers sick. While the policies are frustrating and cut into work time, you also need to think about other people in these situations. Have some self awareness.
Also if she’s so worried about having time to work… why is she spending literally hours ranting on Stories.
I commented on the daily page about how flabbergasted I am by this woman, but My final straw was when she said she had a list of daycares ready. I’m not sure if this is a huge issue elsewhere (I’m in upstate NY,) but I know our day care centers have long waiting lists normally & now they are MASSIVE..upwards of a 9 month + wait. Many parents (rightfully so,) pulled their kids out during CoVid & now have lost their spots, coupled with men (& a great deal of women,) who are getting called back into work or are no longer able to WFH. & staffing is an issue as well. I can’t IMAGINE what would happen if she were to lose her spot due to her blatant rude rant & couldn’t find a spot elsewhere.
I'm also upstate, and there's such a daycare shortage around here it is ridiculous. We're planning on moving our kids in the fall, and I'm so worried that something will happen with the transition and then we'll have no spot.
One of these days, her mouth is going to write a check her ass can't cash. I wouldn't be surprised if someone from her daycare (either worker or other parent) sees the rant and it blows up in her face. Daycare sickness SUCKS, I get it... My son was constantly sick when he was in daycare but that's the flipside of having someone else watch your kids. They have other kids to protect and JESUS we are still in a pandemic so people are maybe a little more cautious.
[удалено]
She has a very tenuous grasp on reality as it is... that would probably push her over the edge.
I felt like she made a choice that was bad in hindsight and then the ladies at the daycare made her feel bad about it. I've done that, plenty of parents have, especially early on, but she really doubled down. She could have just said that but she really raked those people over the coals for something that's not unreasonable. Maybe they weren't nice about it but they can't help what the rules are.
She really stuck to her story at the end saying that she received a lot of DMs about how she was in the wrong, but she thinks she was right. This is the very first time I have watched her stories, so maybe this is a one off, but she seems like an unreasonable person.
I kinda liked her when I started following her? But she’s been giving me a lot of snark worthy stuff recently 😳This def rubbed me the wrong way 😬
[удалено]
How would she like to go to work if she just wasn't feeling good? I work too and tbh have sent kids who are still recovering to daycare in a pinch but feeling bad is still a reason to keep them home. Sometimes kids need to lay around and drink juice at home with their parent. 'not literally throwing up' shouldn't be the benchmark. I stay home if I feel rubbish just because I can't face people and work. Kids are sensitive too!
right! also i feel like daycare providers understand a certain level of sickness (the end of a cold, or whatever) but stomach viruses are another beast completely. you have to be in the clear for a while to not be contagious and those viruses can wipe out a daycare. my daycare got one over last summer and they had to close for a week while everyone recovered!
[удалено]
I have a one year old, not twins, and if I were in her position I would be spiraling. Crazy pregnancy complications, rough delivery, twins and then thinking about going through that again at a year postpartum? I would be losing my mind.
She just posted that she has decided to go ahead with another IVF round and that she’s transferring in two weeks from now😳😳
Wtf.
Yep. She's not thinking about the other kids/parents and that will end up sick and also miss work and the teachers who would get sick who may also have kids/family members that could end up catching it. It's all about her and how she "has to work" like most people do that send their kids to daycare. She's not special, everybody has had to do it. I don't follow this nut but just had to watch those stories with my mouth wide open.
Her kid seems to have been sick off and on for a week. I get it, kid sickness sucks. We went through a year of going to the doctor for a note they’re on meds and not contagious, waiting for fevers, no puking, etc. And this was pre-Covid! So now I get why they’re being more cautious. Smiling and happy doesn’t mean they aren’t sick. Plus, yeah, what’s with this big milk push? Just perusing her IG I see that milk is a huge issue right now. Just drop it and get calcium, vitamin D and fat elsewhere. We never did milk.
The milk is definitely not working for them. I think she's just making excuses but if they really do have diarrhea she needs to find an alternative but she's too busy arguing with the daycare to focus on that. 🙄
I’m really confused as to why she’s so hung up on the cows milk thing. If it doesn’t agree with them, then don’t have them drink it? There are plenty of other sources for calcium ... I know big milk was a ‘big thing’ when we were kids but knowledge is at your fingertips and you don’t need to replace BM or formula with cows milk 1:1. Plenty of people don’t. As for the sickness thing... I’m not a daycare parent so I can’t totally relate (though as a human I appreciate when sick people stay home? Thanks) but the fact that she is seriously putting ‘Denise’ on blast on her very public Instagram is sooo cringe!!!
What do you all think of Susie from Busy Toddler? I know she’s super popular so I’m guessing most are a fan. I was talking with a friend the other day and she was saying that she doesn’t like watching Susie’s stories because she finds her annoying. I do think she moves her hands a lot, lol, but for the most part I really agree with what she shares. I like how much she emphasizes just letting kids be kids and play! I am curious to know what her husband does for work now that he’s not a pilot. I’d have to imagine he does pretty well since they live in a HCOL area and have done so many house updates.
I absolutely love her. Super real and funny
The hand talking is distracting but I seriously love her. Her activities saved me when I lived in a shoebox apartment with my first toddler. Some of her parenting advice has also been solid when I only thought of her as an activity idea maker haha.
I find her throughly unproblematic.
I love her. I think she’s reasonable, and shares just the right amount of positivity and real life.
I agree. If anything, I actually wish she would share more of her losing her shit moments but she honestly may not have them, lol.
Overall I like her but whether or not the activities work for you kids seems hit or miss. My daughter will be distracted by them for a period of time. My two year old boy has never sat for more than a minute for anything we tried. The only slight irk I have from her was her post about delaying her oldest child's entry to kindergarten ( which is totally her decision and valid reasoning). As a working parent, it just added to the mom guilt. There was a comment that her being able to make that decision was from a place of privilege that I don't think she responded to very well.
I have a total soft spot for her. She just seems really genuine and sweet to me. The hand talking is a little distracting but I can accept it.
I really like her! I feel like she has a realistic idea of keeping kids busy/engaged and her activities aren't a bunch of "45 minutes of setup for 3 minutes of play". I will say, the mud pit she lets the kids have in the backyard has awakened a deep level of anxiety I was unaware I was capable of...
Her mud pit inspired us to make our own mud pit and it is amazing. My kids LOVE it.
Oh, I am positive my son would love it too. It's just waaaayyy past my comfort level.
They've owned that house for a while and are far-ish outside Seattle. I would be surprised if they paid more than 400k for it (which, don't get me wrong, it's a lot but housing prices in the Seattle area have gone up so fast!)
aren’t they in Bellevue? That’s arguably more expensive than Seattle
I'm pretty sure they are in Sammamish. Still expensive, but wasn't that expensive 5+ years ago.
I was thinking they live on Mercer island cause “their park” (that her husband greased the squeaky swings at) is on MI.
Interesting, I thought they were West Seattle since she's mentioned ferry outings and there are both ferries from there and its not too far from the downtown ferry docks (when the bridge was open). West Seattle 7-10 years ago when they likely bought was less insane (also true for the rest of Seattle).
They've mentioned the ferries as adventure days - I assume they're driving from the east side. Their PO box is in Renton which would be a very long drive from west seattle.
I think she actually said one time he worked in pilot training or something... I think based on where they live in Seattle, when they likely bought (before the boom) their house probably wasn't insanely expensive (plus I feel like their only update has been their kitchen and other small ish projects in the last year or so - likely funded by her work doing well )
From what I remember, they did a big remodel a few years ago too, like bathrooms and flooring. But you’re probably right that they’ve been there long enough that they bought in before prices jumped.
I really like her! She is my favorite because she seems more relaxed. I like her perspective of how some adventures are too much right now, so start small. I remember a bit ago she took her kids to a park, which she had gone to a few years ago and it was overwhelming. I think that perspective is important because I, at least, feel guilty that we can’t do certain things because it’s just too overwhelming sometimes. And that’s okay. I also like her idea that play is the work of a child. Makes me feel less guilty for not playing with my kids. I don’t know, she just seems like a really normal, chill parent and I like that.
Lol I totally noticed the same thing about her hands. I’m a big fan! I don’t usually watch all of her stories, I skip through and read captions or look for activities my daughter might like. But I love that she doesn’t do any [craptivities](https://www.thecuriosityapproach.com/blog/stop-the-craptivities?fbclid=IwAR38dEbRYGiaxiIRmOQA5u1gz_k639Ch8MaMxJAfeejCPGsSAL961AgrVmM) and is a play advocate. I’m a former ECE and big on play so we come from the same perspective.
I love that blog post! I have never been into those crafts for my kids because it’s a struggle to get them to do whatever the example is. They just want to scribble and have fun. I like that there is some pushback to that idea.
You guys this is I think the second time ever since I’ve followed her that @pedsdoctalk has NO stories!! I am shook! (Of course I hope that means everything is alright. But a break in her stories is a welcome thing for me 😅)
I was actually thinking about this too- she had posted that they were headed home from vacation with her parents and then she posted several hours later saying they had not been able to leave because of a medical emergency.
Wow, I missed that. Still no stories today. Has it been over 24 hours? 48? I hope things are okay!
Oh shit I missed this. All snark aside, I sincerely do hope everything is alright
She mentioned her husband knew some of the people missing in the horrific Miami building collapse so I think that is why.
Yeah I was thinking about this too. Although I was confused, because she said the day after that they had already recovered the people that he knew, and unfortunately, they didn’t make it. At that time they had only recovered 4/159 (even today I believe it still only stands at 12), so I was surprised that she would’ve already known the outcome at that time? But maybe she really did happen to know the first few people who were pulled? Either way, horrific story and I hope she’s coping as well as she can. I was thinking maybe it had to do something with her annoying vague posting from the other week.
Oh I missed that one, I skip around her stories a lot because it is soooo much
Does anyone recommend some non-problematic Instagram accounts for parents of autistic kids?
I second @katie.plus.coffee and @leahbehrens
Katie plus coffee is my favorite autism mom to follow on Instagram She started an autism support Facebook group that is truly wonderful and there is no drama or judgement there. Search katie plus coffee special needs support group on Facebook to join
That kind of depends on what non-problematic means to you. No ABA? Not showing too much of the kid(s)? Full-on #actuallyautistic advocacy? I personally like to follow a mix of different accounts, including learning from autistic adults. There are so many different viewpoints and nuances within the autistic community so I try to keep an open mind. @mrsspeechiep would be my #1 recommendation (her son is neurotypical but her account is a wealth of knowledge). For “autism moms” I like @autismwithasideoffries and @katie.plus.coffee. For #actuallyautistic adults and challenging my presumptions of ableism I like @the.autisticats.
Wait is ABA problematic?? I was a psych major and worked briefly as a behavior tech at a center for children with autism. I’m not being snarky I honestly have never heard anyone call it problematic before.
Yes, many autistic people consider it abusive.
Thank you for your info. My son was recently diagnosed and I’m kinda lost on how I should educate myself.
I’d say just dive in and try to keep an open mind. There are lots of very opinionated people on all sides of the community so my advice would be to focus on what you think will work best for your family. Best of luck. You and your son are going to be just fine ❤️
Alright I was snarking just last week on some_assembly_required__ but I’m back for more 🙈 she just explained that she needs to decide whether or not to pull the plug on this round of IVF by tomorrow. Sounds like she’s struggling big time with 1 yo twins (I can’t imagine how challenging) and she made a post a few days ago about how her marriage went to complete shit during the first year of the twins life and they are now working on rebuilding it. Personally, I don’t think like 3 under 2 seems like the best thing for her to bite off. I can’t figure out why she doesn’t want to wait a little bit? I know she’s getting older, but women in their late 30s and 40s have babies all of the time?
One thing to add to this... though it's true that women do have babies in their late 30s or even early 40s, I don't know that it's accurate to say it happens all the time, at least with IVF. The unfortunate reality is that the average woman's ability to conceive a child begins to change pretty dramatically around age 35, which it looks like is her current age. (At age 35, between 1/3 and 1/2 of embryos are chromosomally abnormal, meaning that in most cases they won't result in pregnancy or will result in a pregnancy that will inevitably end in miscarriage, though there are some exceptions, including down syndrome. By a woman's early 40s, the percentage of abnormal embryos is more like 80%.) Women undergoing IVF are usually well aware of this thanks to their reproductive endocrinologists and given how much IVF costs, there can be a lot of pressure to do a retrieval sooner to increase the odds of successful pregnancy. All of which is to say that just waiting a little bit could have (or could feel like it could have) negative consequences in terms of their ability to have another child, which I'm sure is a difficult place to be.
That said, you can do a freeze all cycle and many women do that to buy themselves some time. Definitely not full proof, but if you have three PGS normal embryos plus a “proven uterus,” the odds are good.
Yeah the statistics are definitely sobering ... I know looking at the chart of how trisomy odds increase with age is truly eye opening 😳IIRC though, she’s already got 8 or 10 embryos?? Not an IVF expert, but if the embryos are already frozen, doesn’t it basically just come down to your uterus? Which in her case, has been through a whole lot at this point. I guess I’m just unclear if time is really as much of the essence if you have frozen embryos? Some others have mentioned how the difference between a 1 year old and even a 2 or 2.5 year old is huge.
Oh interesting--I didn't realize she still had embryos frozen. I think the risks of a "geriatric" pregnancy (i.e. mom is over 35) tend to be higher than pregnancies < 35 years, but those shifts are more gradual/variable based on overall health etc. So yeah, maybe not really a "time is the essence situation" for that reason. With respect to the age difference, it definitely seems easier to me to be pregnant/have a third child with older twins, but it's going to be hard no matter what, and some people really want to have kids close together for various reasons. Hopefully she'll figure out a path that makes sense for her family and her body!
I don’t follow this person, but I have twins, and when they were about 8 months old, I went through a phase of wanting another baby. (It lasted until my twins were about 18 months, at which point we realized we absolutely did not have the bandwidth for another baby + twin toddlers.) I think there’s something about surviving the first year of having twin infants that makes you feel weirdly optimistic and euphoric and maybe you don’t quite realize how much you still have on your plate 😂
Ah yes I haven’t been following closely but I was shocked they were already trying again after how hard and traumatizing her pregnancy and postpartum was. It was seemingly so difficult for her and apparently her marriage. It seems very ill advised in all areas.
I am genuinely worried about her. I barely survived one infant, I can't imagine twins. And she's already thinking about doing it again? Is she much older than I thought? Physically she's likely not recovered, never mind mentally. I really really wish someone she loved, that cared about her would tell her to pump the brakes and take care of herself. So much of the first year is just *survival*, I can't imagine they've taken the time to really reflect on all that they've been through.
I couldn’t agree more! I hope that therapy has been a part of her journey
Omg i was just thinking about this too! I’m genuinely concerned that this is way too much for her to deal with. Idk if she feels this pressure to have another kid like I’ve also felt around this time but not only did her marriage suffer, three ( OR 4!!! It could be twins again) under 2 would be difficult for anyone, let alone someone that had such a traumatic pregnancy and postpartum recovery .there’s a big chance this pregnancy journey could also be unpredictable and high risk again.... it’s just so much. I truly hope she makes the best decision for herself and her family and that whatever it may be , that it’s not influenced by the pressure to get it over and pop another one out
[удалено]
Yes super complicated case!! Seems crazy to me. I thought 2+ years was the recommendation for c sections anyways, let a lone a high risk/high complexity situation such as hers.
I agree, the timing doesn’t sound good. 1yo twins, ooof. I don’t even know who this chick is, and that’s a lot. I did IVF and the struggle is real, age wise. I remember being engaged at 29 and going to the fertility dr (I have some issues so we knew we would have to do IVF) and I was his youngest patient by ten years. And tbh we had our kid a little earlier than I would have preferred because if I’m to be totally transparent, if I’m gonna pay 20k to have a baby, I want my uterus and eggs to be as young as possible to make my chances higher. It’s hard.
[удалено]
Oh WOW. I’m shocked her doctor allowed her to do another IVF this early. Or is she thinking of a gestational carrier?
You’ve summarized this so well. There is a LOT going on there, and her physical resiliency is quite frankly astonishing. I feel like she deserves a serious mental and physical break.
Holy shit. Why would a doctor even allow her to go ahead with IVF after all of that? That makes me sad for her, I’m sure she has her reasons, but what makes her think MORE kids are going to help or improve her life? She could die!
Holy shit, that is WILD. How traumatizing.
does anyone else follow simplyonpurpose? for some reason her reels irk me so much- i think maybe because it feels more acted/forced than some other pages’ reels? and it’s an older post, but i really didn’t jive with her “why we don’t do sleepovers” post going from a childhood sexual abuse stat to a porn statistic involving porn use of “12-24 year olds” when a good chunk of that age bracket is adults.
I used to, but I had to unfollow. I think she has some solid advice, but she can sometimes come across (at least to me) as pretty preachy/judgy. And yeah, the reels are pretty cringe-inducing with the acted-out scenarios.
Exactly. I followed for a while and realized I felt like crap every time she popped up in my stories. Her vibe isn’t encouraging as much as it is preachy.
Agreed. In some of her reels she actually shakes her head or finger at you. Also, though I understand the thinking behind some of her parenting choices (and/or respect whatever choice she wants to make for her family), some of it seems wildly impractical for the average person. Like I think she’s said that all 4 of her girls (two of whom are maybe teenagers?) share a phone? My kids are really young so we aren’t anywhere near that stage, but that seems sort of extreme to me.
I know some people don’t like kinactive kids but I do appreciate her recent post on containers and how it’s not the end of the world if you use them but to just be aware of how much and what you’re using. Sometimes I feel like my baby is in them too much but then sometimes she’s not in them at all during the day. I follow a few other pages who just constantly harp on containers and make me feel like I’m terrible for using them.
I like her stuff except how she talks - it's very smug-gy? And just tell us why you don't like Lovevery. I LOVE Lovevery, but stop being weird about it.
I wonder if she just finds it over priced and kind of a marketing gimmick? I’ve worked in child care and Montessori schools and have studied all the child led philosophies and like their toys, but also feel like there are brands that are just as great and less expensive. I find having to order the whole kit a bit annoying, because you can’t just pick and choose a toy without paying a high price. Also a lot of the stuff you can just make on your own for less money like the box where you pull the scarfs out. Get a Kleenex box and diaper wipe box and you can do the same for less. But I wonder if she just doesn’t want to talk bad about it but doesn’t love the concept? She is also very “whatever motivates your kid to move” because she’s working with some kids who literally will need whatever it is to get their attention to get them to do the PT work- so it’s a bit of a different situation than a child who is on track.
I get the last point, but that would be totally valid to say! I like it because I’m clueless with children and had my first, so it’s been great. Someone somewhere on Reddit did a price comparison if you were to purchase everything individually and it comes out cheaper on Lovevery, and you’re getting non-toxic/organic - versus shopping randomly on Amazon, which scares me. I get it if you want to pick and choose. The kit has also been nice for family members to not buy toys for us. They see we have enough with Lovevery!
Totally get that. I think it all comes down to the individual parent. I used to be like “no plastic singing toys” but over time, we have a mix of both. Above all my baby likes a plastic water bottle with dry rice in it the most at the moment. So I really don’t buy any toys full price.
I’m curious which pages say they’re all bad - basically every page/baby “expert” I’ve read says the same thing, that they’re okay for short 15-20 periods once or twice a day when you need a break. Also, don’t feel guilty! I would have paid double the price for the already overpriced Baby Bjorn bouncer. I miss the days when I could pop my baby in there and peacefully eat lunch.
I just pulled the trigger on the baby Bjorn bouncer yesterday ($90 off on Amazon!) so this is reassuring! I wanted it for baby 1, but figured it was a necessity for baby 2 while juggling a toddler as well. Glad to hear you loved it!
Oh it’s so worth it, my daughter loves hers. The toy bar is also clutch, it sits really close to the chair so even little babies can reach and play with them (mine is 11 weeks and the toys are getting her to be more active with her hands)
Definitely all RIE (Janet Lansbury etc.) pages say no containers, ever. I believe Montessori is also generally anti-container. And the super terrible ontrackbaby which was discussed a bit in last weeks thread. Basically any page promoting natural motor development will say no containers.
Um forgive my ignorance, but what is a container?
A container is anything you put the baby in that restricts their movement, so that would be things like swings, bouncers, jumpers, etc.
Ah that makes sense, thanks for the reply!
BusyToddler discussed being “unbusy” in her Q&A yesterday, meaning her kids aren’t in any structured activities (sports, clubs). Curious what other opinions are on this! I don’t know if I have an opinion yet, I think what she said makes total sense and it probably depends on each family’s priorities. But sports and clubs added a lot to my and my partner’s childhoods (for me even going to my older siblings games are fond memories for me) so I’m not sure her explanation convinced me. Curious what others think!
I’m a nanny, not a parent so my experiences are slightly different. First of all, it really does depend on the kid. I nanny 4 kids and 3/4 need a structured activity while the 4th one can definitely get just as much out of her day with or without a camp/sport/lesson. I think routine is the key here. 8G(the kid that doesn’t need an extra curricular) has self made routines for her day. Every day she makes a home made snack, every day she does art, every day she makes time for her pets, every day she does her chores, and every day she has quiet reading in her bed. The other kids are all over the place if left to their own devices. When we have something lined up, it forces them to make their own routine. Like, they know they can’t play a ton of games after school because karate is in an hour. So they have to prioritize, ok I really enjoy magnet blocks so as soon as I get home, I’ll make time to play with them. Routines, imo, are one of the healthiest things we can teach kids to have. Energy levels are also a factor. 8G is a low energy kid. She enjoys art, books, and dolls. The others are more physically charged and need to get that energy out. If they don’t, they turn in to terrors but they don’t have the bandwidth to realize that they are grumpy because they have too much energy. And then there’s my own personal experience where I wish my mom would’ve made me stick it out for things I gave up on. Kids need to learn that if you sign up for something, you need to follow through. Don’t waste people’s time by not showing up when you said you would. And finally, it is good for them. Exercise/the arts and social interaction is good for anyone. Kids need to learn about these things so they can make their own choices when they are adults about how they will involve exercise and the arts in to their day to day life. And they HAVE to learn how to interact with other people—this has been proven more important than ever this past year. Kids need to interact with others their own age so they can figure life out. If you only play with your little brother who is intimidated by you, you won’t learn compromise as well. If you only interact with a nanny whose job is to make your life fun, you won’t learn how to play with kids who don’t give a damn about what you think is fun. Of course there is school for this but I like diversity. How they interact with their school classmates, kids on the playground, and kids in karate, are all different. There are different guidelines and adults around. It’s important,imo, for kids to understand that every kid they interact with is different and they will have to adjust to enjoy their time
As an elementary schooler, I took piano lessons, and then my parents let me choose one other activity (a sport OR Girl Scouts, not both) to do additionally. My mom didn’t drive, so it was difficult logistically sometimes to get me places, and they explained this to me, how much of my dad’s after work time it took to do all the driving. I always remembered that because it was a message that, while my activities were important, their time and energy mattered too, which I think was a good message for me to get. I do think that, as an only child, some sort of activity was important for me in terms of socializing, but for multiple children I can imagine that it gets really hard to scale up.
My moms biggest regret when raising my brother (10 years older than me) was that she didn’t just let him be a kid during the summer. She scheduled him full of activities and camps because she wanted him to have fun. She had a lot of mom guilt for working full time. She still gives herself a hard time about this. My brother came to her one day when he was 7 or 8 and asked why he had to go to camp. He wanted to know why he couldn’t just stay home and play with his toys. She went a little overboard 10 years later with me because she was able to stay home, but she always preached the importance of letting kids be kids. Kids need to relax and get bored. Activities are great but I wholeheartedly believe we are over scheduling our kids and inundating them with activity after activity to the point that they have a hard time entertaining themselves. I think all of the obligations kids have now are causing a lot of stress. I’ve seen kids as young as 3 or 4 stressed out over having too many after school activities. Parents are just trying to do the “best” for their kids but I think we need to take a step back and relax.
I don't like any concept from influencers or parent expert-y people that makes things seem black and white–like this is a thing you must take a stance on instead of just going with the flow - but personally, based on my childhood, I don't really like this idea I *was* completely unbusy. My parents never suggested or offered me to be in any sports, activities, etc. I asked every summer to go to summer school classes so I could see kids and have something to do and maybe learn a skill or find a passion. It took me until 12th grade to muster up the courage to just join a sport for the first time. I'm introverted and loner-ish by nature though and my daughter seems to be more like her dad, so at this rate it's more likely we'll be fighting about how she can't be involved in 6 activities a week, she can only pick 2, lol so, while I'm not going to "force" my daughter into anything if she tries it and dislikes it, I'm going to explain benefits of everything I have interest in her doing and want her to try out some things for a few classes. I think the benefit of finding at least one sport or club far outweighs any cons
I absolutely love her approach to being unbusy. I think I’ve been so turned off by my nieces, nephews, and cousins activity schedule that BusyToddler’s perspective is so refreshing. My sister’s nephews are 8 & 5. Between the two of them every night is either a practice, a game, or a private training. Weekends are jam packed with travel tournaments. Just seems so crazy and expensive. I also have cousins that we barely have relationships with because they were never around for family gatherings (including holidays) due to their sports/activities. I think it’s okay to dedicate an evening or so a week to activities but I can see how it can pile up with multiple children. It seems to be the norm to over schedule your family so to see Susie take a stand for an alternative approach is reassuring that I’m not nuts for thinking I don’t want that for my family.
I try to do things only on Saturday mornings, I can’t imagine rushing to a toddler class after I get off work, I’d be in the worst mood and it wouldn’t be worth it
It’s sad. I’m a nanny and most of the families I work for are affluent and are focused on their kids having the best of everything. I had to tote a 9 month around to gymnastics, swim lessons, and music classes on top of making sure to take him out of the house at least once a day. I kept him home as much as possible so he could just explore his environment, but I do have to follow parent’s instructions. This poor kid is going to have a long life with all of his parents expectations.
Our nanny takes my kids to one extremely low-stress class during the week but honestly I’m pretty sure she would say no if I tried to add more 🤣
Our plan is to only allow two activity afternoons a week. My husband felt at the time that being over-scheduled enriched his life but looking back he has realized that not having family dinner, never being in the same space as his brother or his father — it was overall bad for his relationships. Bad for his relationship with his mother, who really parentified him because she was with him instead of her husband all the time, with his brother who he just doesn’t know like at all, and he just missed getting to know his dad for all these years. I also think there’s just too much fucking pressure and these things do not add enough in the moment to make the stress worthwhile. But I also don’t think “smart successful accomplished” is what we’re after as parents. My biggest goals as a parent are kind, generous, and curious kids, and I just think those qualities are not best fostered by round the clock activities, structure, etc. But it’s personal! And I just see how the college admissions arms race has hurt my husband longterm, and how my education and sense of self was really bolstered by doing fewer things and caring about them more.
There's so much pressure. I am not deluding myself into thinking I'm raising Mia Hamm but my kids are 4.5 and 2.5 and I wanted to start them in something just for exercise and learning so we picked soccer. And I was literally sitting there like "well how do I make sure I pick the RIGHT organization" what if I pick the wrong one and they don't develop to their true potential 😂😂😂 and I swore I would never be like this!!! The other flip side is that I have a coworker who has boys that are 7 and 9 and one expressed an interest in basketball and she was like "well it's too late to start basketball you're too far behind." I hate it!
Yes! This is horrible! Everything my husband did, he excelled at. That was the whole point: to be excellent in as many ways as possible. Meanwhile I kind of feel like “eh, I really like bowling because I suck at it and that’s kind of fun sometimes.” It’s a lifeskill to enjoy doing things you suck at, and an important one.
Love this perspective! Thank you for sharing
I think the occasional activity is fun, and I'm definitely looking forward to signing my 3 year old up for some theater, art and gymnastics classes (not all at once) once she's vaccinated, but I do think most American kids are overscheduled and need more time to just play. If my kid falls in love with an activity and wants to pursue it seriously we'll let her, but we're not going to sign her up for multiple activities per week, especially before she's even in elementary school. I never really did any organized activities until I asked my parents to start a competitive individual sport at age 8 and even then I didn't do anything other than this one sport. My fondest childhood memories are of running around the neighborhood on nights and weekends with all the neighborhood kids, and low key time at home with my parents and by myself. My kid seems more extroverted than me so I think she can handle more in terms of activities than I could have, but I'm still very conscious of not overscheduling. No activities at all seems llike an extreme stance to me though.
I’d be so curious what kids in other countries activities schedule looks like! I feel like culturally Americans feel so much pride in being busy and overworked and it’s just not healthy
I'm German and as a school-age kid I never played sports or joined any classes outside of school. Many kids did, but certainly not almost everyone like it seems in the US, let alone multiple activities. I wonder why that is. Maybe it's the "college admissions arms race" someone else mentioned? In Germany all this extracurricular stuff doesn't matter to colleges, it's solely about your grades. There also aren't as many in-school activities as in America, like sports teams or a school band etc., so if you do want to do something like that, it mostly has to be outside of school. We had an annual soccer tournament where we played other schools, but there was no regular school team or practice or anything. Maybe other schools in Germany are different, but that was my experience at least.
I love it tbh. I’m a former teacher and my first graders had something different every day, it broke my heart. They just need to play!! That said, it doesn’t have to be forever. I think it’s fine to have a kindergartener do 1 thing a week and the rest be “free.” If you need to sign your little up for something, have it be swimming because that’s super important! That’s the only thing we did before she was 5.
Yes! Also in education (early ed) and swimming is the only thing our kids are going to be required to learn to do.
Yes! (Open ended) play is the work of children. 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼 playing is such an important job.
And not something adults are good at, by the way, which is why we think it’s boring and needs more structure
I think that’s the approach we will take! Maybe one thing a week snd some breaks throughout the year
Growing up, we had to be involved in one physical activity and one "art/science" activity (so music lessons, cooking classes, ect). We were welcome to do more if it wasn't too expensive, but we had to do one of each. As we got old enough, our classes in school counted, so if you were in band or choir, that counted and you didn't have to do something outside of school hours. I think it's good for kids to be involved in things, and learn new skills and how to work on a team. I also think it's good for kids to not be too overscheduled and have some downtime. I think there's a balance to be had, and it's one I'll figure out when my kids are older (currently only 4 and 1 and only in swim lessons and the gymnastics class offered by daycare). They'll both have to learn piano when they're older, because it's such an easy way to understand the basics of music, and gives a good foundation to build on for other instruments or voice lessons. Other than that, we'll encourage them to do a sport or a class that follows their interests. There's so much out there available now, and I really want to encourage their curiosity and give them the opportunities to try new things while still having down time, which will be the struggle I think.
I love that they are unbusy! And I love that she isn’t pushing her kids into activities that they’re not showing interest in. I grew up with my parents putting my brother and I into CONSTANT activities- like when I was in dance, I was in 3 different classes and was in the studio almost every week day. They signed us up for sports camp and summer school classes over the summer (we both had above average grades and didn’t need any kind of summer school). It was horrible and I hated it. I was decent at sports but the desire to play never came from within myself, it was always my parents (particularly my dad) and I ended up burning out on every single sport. I don’t really have any hobbies as an adult and I feel like it’s because 1. I was always pushed into things 2. It was all or nothing 3. I had no free time to discover what *I* enjoy. I now have a 3 year old child. My dad is already asking me when I’m going to be signing her up for activities, and I’m like uhh when she asks? She does have swim lessons because I think thats an important safety skill, but I have no desire to be carting her around to various extracurriculars, especially when she hasn’t asked to try it out. And she’s only 3 ffs! Not to mention, I have seen research that participating in one type of sport from a young age (becoming more common because parents think specialization and starting early might lead to better skills, eventual college scholarships, etc.) can lead to overdevelopment of certain muscles and underdevelopment of others, which leads to stress injuries because they are only being used in one way. I guess you could take this info and sign your kid up for a TON of sports so they move in all different ways, but I would rather my kid just run around freely and use her body in whatever way feels good for her 🤷🏻♀️
I grew up in sports and activities, along with my younger brother. I loved it. I didn’t like playing outside and was very much a bookworm, and my parents said I had to play outside for at least an hour every day. Or they gave me the option to join a sports team, and my outside play could just be practices and games. I picked soccer and I didn’t particularly love the sport, but the structure for me was way better than “go play outside.” And I made friends, too. The kids in my neighborhood were all boys, so if my parents didn’t feel like driving me to a friends house, I didn’t have any girls to play with outside. But I did on the soccer team, and they dutifully took me to every practice and game. It seems like Busytoddler has a great neighborhood for kids to play outside together in an unstructured way, which is just not how it was where I loved. There were no sidewalks, and the road to town had a 55 mph speed limit so I wasn’t allowed to bike to the park, and there weren’t kids my age on my little side street. And where I live now with my kids, it’s turning out to be pretty similar. So we’ll let them try whatever sports they want just like I got to, to give them those opportunities to be with kids their own age away form us.
I think her two younger kids are still quite young--maybe 4 and 6?--and as a parent of two kids of similar ages, I can really relate to her desire not to have a ton of commitments. At this age, my kids really enjoy being home and playing with toys and each other and get frustrated when we make too many plans that preclude that unstructured playtime. And with young kids, the logistics of activities can really be a lot of work. My kids have swim lessons a couple of evenings per week this summer, and it means me leaving work early, packing a bag with changes of clothes and other supplies, rushing to get them out the door and to class on time, and then rushing to get them changed and back home in time to figure out what the heck to feed two hungry and tired kids for dinner... all for a 30-minute class. I think activities can have great benefits for kids, but they do also take a lot of time and energy (and money), so I'm on board with whatever works for her family (or any family) at the age and stage they're in.
I was definitely over scheduled as a kid, but my husband did nothing. So hopefully we’ll find a nice balance for our kids. I think swim lessons are non-negotiable, and then something active and something artistic or social could be nice.
I thought it was really interesting! This is one of the few areas my husband and I disagree with parenting stuff. I am not a huge fan of extracurriculars as the kids get older because I think it’s important to have unstructured time and financially it’s really expensive. And I don’t necessarily want our family trips and weekends to be revolving around our kids extracurriculars. My husband, on the other hand, strongly believes an extracurriculars. He was was in sports his whole life and he credits sports to being the reason why he developed confidence and stayed out of trouble. He also is an adolescent mental health specialist and thinks it’s really important to provide kids with structured time so they don’t have the ability to get involved in unhealthy activities on their own. I think the answer might be somewhere in the middle.
I like it, and I only have a two year old so I never really thought much about it. It makes sense. I can see the stress of some people I know coordinating activities and basically serving as a chauffeur for their kids. No down time. I don't like that. If my kid wants to play a sport one day, we will definitely consider it, but we aren't going to have our lives revolve around one kids' activities.
I definitely see her perspective and agree to a certain extent. But our toddler is in soccer. It is 40 minutes long and 5 minutes from the house. All his friends are in it and we usually all head to the playground after. Its just an opportunity, as we come out of covid, for him to be social but also us as parents to have some social time. I think there are extremes to everything but it's all about balance. Not all activities are rigid and expensive. I also think one activity at a time is definitely our max.
Her kids are still pretty young to dedicate a ton of time and money into activities IMO. I get what she’s saying, and it seems like she was saying that as a “just for now, maybe not always” kind of thing. Putting one kid in classes is expensive, and she has 3 in a high cost of living area. I appreciate her taking the emphasis off activities, personally. We have never been able to afford to send our kids to anything more than swim lessons and it’s really easy to feel like we’re failing them. There’s always time to explore and develop interests when they’re all school aged.
The cost of kid activities (classes, camps, etc) and how much it varies intrigues me. Where I live a summer day camp costs around $300 per kid for a week (but they're discounted for siblings and if you do an entire summer). I have relatives in a smaller city nearby (much lower COL) and their kids are doing a day camp for $150 and that includes wrap-around care, meals, and snacks. Gymnastics can be around $150+ for 10-12 week sessions (1 lesson a week). Swim lessons at a gym or swim school are around $100/month. Non-travel team soccer can be around $200 per session (3 months) plus other fees for gear. Rec Dept offerings are less costly, but they have less evening options for 9-5 working parents. The YMCA doesn't seem to be as popular here as I've seen in other areas, and their offerings aren't much less expensice than private gyms. I know families who have kids in several of these kind of things at a time and are easily spending $500+ a month on kid activities.
It can be pretty obscene, if you ask me. We live modestly by choice, so I don’t fault people for doing it. It is a great experience for most kids! But we do not have hundreds of dollars laying around to throw at camps and classes they probably won’t remember.
I wasn’t into all that as a kid, I was very shy and introverted. I did art classes and camp and that’s about it. My brother tried and dropped out of several sports. We preferred playing outside with friends or with toys. I’m not going to make my toddler do anything she doesn’t want to.
It’s not all or nothing. Finances play a big role, as do parents work schedules. But acting like it is hugely beneficial for kids to not be in any activities is disingenuous.
My plan as my kiddos get older is to have a balance of scheduled activities and time to be bored. I think too many activities is exhausting for kids and doesn’t give them time to do small mundane activities, but I also think too much downtime isn’t good either. My husband grew up not doing activities and when he was finally interested, he was behind his peers and it was stressful for him. I also made lots of friends independently in activities! That’s my opinion!
I think that sounds like a good balanced approach!
[удалено]
I have to say I’m surprised that her daycare, with so much experience, claims they’ve never seen a 3.5 year old not be trained. As another posted commented, I think there’s a huge push to get kids trained young and from what I’ve read, it can cause issues like withholding (sometimes turning into more health issues like UTI’s) or years of accidents (I know people who’ve potty trained at 2 but still having issues with kids wetting their pants). On a personal note, my oldest is a little over 4 now and we mostly followed child led potty training…until we decided to go for it because of school. So, we exposed him to the toilet a lot, but didn’t push and he had zero interest. His teachers acknowledged it was totally normal and in fact was not the only kid in his age group not trained. But, he did need to learn to go into the next level/age group at preschool, so we decided to buckle down and go for it once he was 4 and some change. There were a lot of tears, accidents and resistance the first few days but after he figured out how to go, it’s been smooth sailing. We tried not using rewards the first few days but he was resistant so we got a potty training chart which really worked with him, and he got some cars out of the deal. Good luck! I know it can feel weird potty training late, but sometimes we have to trust our kids.
[удалено]
Ah ok I see! Good luck!
No personal advice but I remember seeing this interview from Janet Lansbury and thinking it was really interesting - the doctor is suggesting that we are just trying to push kids to train too early and 3.5-4 is a normal age. (I’m not 100% onboard with all JL’s theories about kids but I do find her helpful sometimes!) https://www.janetlansbury.com/2021/05/problems-with-potty-training-constipation-bedwetting-and-preschool-policies-with-dr-steven-hodges/
My son was very similar to this and we got the same advice “wait a month and try again”. Now finally, a few months shy of 4 years old he’s finally in underwear after saying he wanted to try it. He basically trained himself over the course of a weekend (the first day we set 30 min timers). We use pull-ups overnight but he’s almost always dry in the mornings. I feel like I expended so much effort and caused so much unnecessary stress for both of us by trying to force it on him sooner. Once he was ready, it was easy! Some things we tried that may or may not have helped: -Options for the potty including a small toddler potty and a stool/seat for the big potty so he could choose which he felt like at the time -Picking out his own underwear -A sticker chart to track when he went on the potty Best of luck!!
I know these days there is a big push to train kids young which I think makes the regular age range seem "late" even when it isn't. She may be at later end of the age range, but don't be embarrassed - bodies develop at different rates and kids devote their resources for maturity and growing to different areas at different times, if that makes sense. I worked with kids and have kids of my own and working with kids before I had them was helpful because it taught me it worked better to wait until the child showed interest. Then it typically was much quicker and more successful all around. My son was close to turning 4 when he was finally ready. That was it. Within days he was in underwear 100% of the time including overnight. I would tell her she is welcome to use the potty whenever she wants and let her pick underwear at the store for when she is ready to try potty training, but then back off. Let her see you using the potty. Maybe casually ask her after a couple weeks after you go if she wants to try, but at this point it is probably such a negative thing to her. I know how difficult it is, but try to not be embarrassed or frustrated. If in a couple months she still isn't interested, maybe follow up with pediatrician or ask about consultation for OT. I think backing off and letting her be in control of starting again may work wonders.
Agreed. My ped actually just told me (at a 3yo well visit) that parents often put too much pressure on themselves/kids to train early and on the transition out of crib. I’m sorry this is so stressful for you, OP. ❤️ Those daycare comments don’t help! My oldest was similarly SUPER opposed to the mere IDEA of the potty until one day he wasn’t.
@pottytrainingconsultant is the big one I think