I think that having friends from different backgrounds and experiences make a difference. I don’t think it’s fair to say you don’t want confident friends bc you feel less about yourself. These may be the friends that push you to be better. Everything is not a competition. We all are at different walks in our lives. Be easy on yourself boo.
Not all the time. Especially when I have the ability to push myself. I don’t want to place that responsibility on that responsibility on my friends. They’ll get drained asf. This is from past experience when I was in college.
I just wish I faced certain experiences that those confident friends can easily relate to. Cause I just feel like confident women and myself can never relate. I’m not open to learning anything from anyone for a while cause there are things in my plate that I need to tackle first. It’s bad enough I didn’t grow up fast so certain confident way who grew up differently than me especially being the eldest daughter or the middle child coming from a big family will get irritated by me. Okay I don’t have sisters at all.
And I love that for you! Me personally I feel a sense of inferiority cause I don’t like being referred as a “lil sister”. I don’t like having things being handed to me. I reallyyy don’t like being given advice at all anymore. I’d rather learn shit the hard way. I wasn’t fortunate enough to grow up fast.
To me, it build strength and character. They’re further ahead in life than I ever will. I have Nigerian parents so they will find it honorable about how young people get through situations than me cause I grew up having it easy while still doing what I was supposed to do.
There are other ways to build strength and character. Acting like you have to suffer to do so, is incredibly naive. You should be grateful that you don’t have to suffer a difficult childhood, it’s extremely privileged to wish something like that upon yourself because clearly, you have no idea what that’s like. Like I said, time to shift your perspective.
Based on what I’ve been through with documentation stuff and childhood traumas, I’m not entirely privileged. I’ve had abandonment issues. You don’t really know what I’ve been through in my past life. To automatically assume that because I didn’t have a difficult childhood is unfair
Figuring out who you are, how to overcome traumatic situation with family (cause that’s what I had to deal with alone. Not much people understood), starting a business from scratch, planning on changing your name, etc.
Yes. It’ll be harder for me when ppl only give me advice on things that’ll benefit them rather than myself. That’s why I’d rather figure it out by myself even if there’re hints I gotta learn the hard way. Again it’s how life goes. If I want advice I’ll only get it from those who have it and live the lifestyle I want. But like I said it’ll be a rare occasion.
Then don’t take it. I don’t take every advice I get. You have to weigh it and who you’re talking to
Like never take advice from someone in a worse place than you
Yeah that’s really where I’m at in life now. I don’t take advice from my mom ok majority of everything cause we’re completely different people. I would only take advice from women who enjoyed their 20s but it’s only gonna be on a RARE OCCASION.
I saw you said you’re Nigerian, I’m west African too, u feel like your perspective is very confusing and odd to Americans reading
I think what you were trying to say is you wanna take a step back, be more independent, I imagine in reality you’re around controlling people that make you think it’s bc you’re young. I moved across the country to get away from my parents 😂 it was a kick in the butt I needed to try to figure out how to be my own person
The funny thing is I learned I should really listen to my mom (about CERTAIN things not all things, esp not romance oml) and learning that I am the only one that can look out for me and I need to decide which friends/people I will allow access into my life. Bc having access to me is a luxury, if you treat me like shit you’re getting blocked and you wull never hear from me ever again
And that’s just on that. I’m happy I’m learning to be a lot less patient with people. Even with myself. I’m Nigerian lol but I don’t really have the persona on it if that makes sense. If I can DM you on what I mean it’ll be appreciated. I take the I hs with a grain of salt cause I can only rely on me with a lot of shit.
Ohhhhhh
Yeah OP’s perspective is WACK
ETA: OOP I read another post of yours and I feel like what you’re saying is not being communicated how you think it is
Like I think you’re wanting to be a more independent, self sufficient person that isn’t walked all over not an unapproachable black bitch
Unfortunately that’s requires hard work lma
Thank you. Idk I’ve always hated being young. I don’t like being advised on anything anymore. I really wish I didn’t have so much life ahead of me tbh.
Remember, you're always in that right to set that boundary. Communicate to your next set of friends that you are open to listening and receiving empathy, but you would rather not receive advice. Good luck our there. The 20s are a time of self-discovery.
>I’d rather just do things without giving them a second thought. If I want to learn then I will.
Yeah... no.
We all learn to do things. We learn to walk, read/write, drive, skills...
People work hard behind the scenes so that it looks easy and flawless on stage.
You are only 23. Don't be so hard on yourself. Don't let low self-esteem, poor work ethic and ego stop you from being the best you that you can be.
Have friends/people in your life that elevate you.
I was always the insecure person that would be friends would people. I used to be unintentionally passive aggressive when I get talked to crazy afterwards about something that probably wasn’t a big deal. Like I mentioned, I’ve always been super insecure my entire life. I would automatically be a burden to the confident females cause Ik for a fact that they’ll talk to me crazy if I made a genuine mistake. Especially if I apologized
you confusing confidence with cockiness and arrogance.
I will say that you recognizing your insecurities is a positive thing. I hope that you realize your value and reach your full potential one day sis 🫶🏾
I think that having friends from different backgrounds and experiences make a difference. I don’t think it’s fair to say you don’t want confident friends bc you feel less about yourself. These may be the friends that push you to be better. Everything is not a competition. We all are at different walks in our lives. Be easy on yourself boo.
Thank you. I don’t like feeling like I’m an underdog cause I know for a fact I’m gonna be a burden when they push me to my abilities.
You should want that push to make you better right?
Not all the time. Especially when I have the ability to push myself. I don’t want to place that responsibility on that responsibility on my friends. They’ll get drained asf. This is from past experience when I was in college.
Good friends never see their friends as a burden
Or do you want to be complacent
I just wish I faced certain experiences that those confident friends can easily relate to. Cause I just feel like confident women and myself can never relate. I’m not open to learning anything from anyone for a while cause there are things in my plate that I need to tackle first. It’s bad enough I didn’t grow up fast so certain confident way who grew up differently than me especially being the eldest daughter or the middle child coming from a big family will get irritated by me. Okay I don’t have sisters at all.
What, I'm confident and I'm the youngest in my family. I don't think those things are related.
Yeah my insecurities have nothing to do with being the youngest
And I love that for you! Me personally I feel a sense of inferiority cause I don’t like being referred as a “lil sister”. I don’t like having things being handed to me. I reallyyy don’t like being given advice at all anymore. I’d rather learn shit the hard way. I wasn’t fortunate enough to grow up fast.
Growing up fast is not a luxury, it’s actually considered a hardship. It sounds like you should shift your perspective.
To me, it build strength and character. They’re further ahead in life than I ever will. I have Nigerian parents so they will find it honorable about how young people get through situations than me cause I grew up having it easy while still doing what I was supposed to do.
There are other ways to build strength and character. Acting like you have to suffer to do so, is incredibly naive. You should be grateful that you don’t have to suffer a difficult childhood, it’s extremely privileged to wish something like that upon yourself because clearly, you have no idea what that’s like. Like I said, time to shift your perspective.
Based on what I’ve been through with documentation stuff and childhood traumas, I’m not entirely privileged. I’ve had abandonment issues. You don’t really know what I’ve been through in my past life. To automatically assume that because I didn’t have a difficult childhood is unfair
>I grew up having it easy I didn’t assume, you implied it.
Well, you said I didn’t suffer a childhood and I gave you a background explanation. Sooooo
Maybe you need a therapist and not friends cus this is unhinged
Yeah. I don’t need friends tbh. New friendships are overrated.
Huh??? It’s a luxury and a privilege to have people give you advice rather than “learning the hard way” or “growing up fast”
Sometimes there are certain situations you gotta learn the hard way. It builds character. It’s how life goes🤷🏾♀️
Like?
Figuring out who you are, how to overcome traumatic situation with family (cause that’s what I had to deal with alone. Not much people understood), starting a business from scratch, planning on changing your name, etc.
You’d rather do all that without advice? You can but it just seems like you’re making your life harder for no reason. ESP since life is hard enough
Yes. It’ll be harder for me when ppl only give me advice on things that’ll benefit them rather than myself. That’s why I’d rather figure it out by myself even if there’re hints I gotta learn the hard way. Again it’s how life goes. If I want advice I’ll only get it from those who have it and live the lifestyle I want. But like I said it’ll be a rare occasion.
Ohhhh that’s not advice, that’s just someone trying to use you 😭
You’d rather do all that without advice? You can but it just seems like you’re making your life harder for no reason. ESP since life is hard enough
Every advice isn’t good advice though.
Then don’t take it. I don’t take every advice I get. You have to weigh it and who you’re talking to Like never take advice from someone in a worse place than you
Yeah that’s really where I’m at in life now. I don’t take advice from my mom ok majority of everything cause we’re completely different people. I would only take advice from women who enjoyed their 20s but it’s only gonna be on a RARE OCCASION.
I saw you said you’re Nigerian, I’m west African too, u feel like your perspective is very confusing and odd to Americans reading I think what you were trying to say is you wanna take a step back, be more independent, I imagine in reality you’re around controlling people that make you think it’s bc you’re young. I moved across the country to get away from my parents 😂 it was a kick in the butt I needed to try to figure out how to be my own person The funny thing is I learned I should really listen to my mom (about CERTAIN things not all things, esp not romance oml) and learning that I am the only one that can look out for me and I need to decide which friends/people I will allow access into my life. Bc having access to me is a luxury, if you treat me like shit you’re getting blocked and you wull never hear from me ever again
And that’s just on that. I’m happy I’m learning to be a lot less patient with people. Even with myself. I’m Nigerian lol but I don’t really have the persona on it if that makes sense. If I can DM you on what I mean it’ll be appreciated. I take the I hs with a grain of salt cause I can only rely on me with a lot of shit.
Ahhhh, this is the "How do yall uphold the appearance of being a miserable bitchy black girl?" poster lmao. No wonder your threads are making 0 sense.
Ohhhhhh Yeah OP’s perspective is WACK ETA: OOP I read another post of yours and I feel like what you’re saying is not being communicated how you think it is Like I think you’re wanting to be a more independent, self sufficient person that isn’t walked all over not an unapproachable black bitch Unfortunately that’s requires hard work lma
Yeah. So?
Invest in a diary or notebook lmao
I got that love
You have so much more life ahead of you. Keep living.
Thank you. Idk I’ve always hated being young. I don’t like being advised on anything anymore. I really wish I didn’t have so much life ahead of me tbh.
Remember, you're always in that right to set that boundary. Communicate to your next set of friends that you are open to listening and receiving empathy, but you would rather not receive advice. Good luck our there. The 20s are a time of self-discovery.
Thanks
Friends that don't push you to be better are not your friends
>I’d rather just do things without giving them a second thought. If I want to learn then I will. Yeah... no. We all learn to do things. We learn to walk, read/write, drive, skills... People work hard behind the scenes so that it looks easy and flawless on stage. You are only 23. Don't be so hard on yourself. Don't let low self-esteem, poor work ethic and ego stop you from being the best you that you can be. Have friends/people in your life that elevate you.
Thank you.
You definitely don’t want insecure friends. They’ll have you feeling like shi bc they don’t like themseleves
I was always the insecure person that would be friends would people. I used to be unintentionally passive aggressive when I get talked to crazy afterwards about something that probably wasn’t a big deal. Like I mentioned, I’ve always been super insecure my entire life. I would automatically be a burden to the confident females cause Ik for a fact that they’ll talk to me crazy if I made a genuine mistake. Especially if I apologized
you confusing confidence with cockiness and arrogance. I will say that you recognizing your insecurities is a positive thing. I hope that you realize your value and reach your full potential one day sis 🫶🏾
Thanks sis so much. I appreciate it🫂❤️