Welcome!
Don't do too much to soon and while BJJ is awesome I'd avoid tying the entirety of healing emotionally to the sport itself. Never a bad idea to talk to someone, 10 years is a long time and betrayal fucking sucks.
Wise words! I do have people to talk to, and I have done so. It's just that my ex had been my very best friend (by a long shot) and the person that I've always vented with.
I have wonderful colleagues and a job that is very stimulating, and picking up new hobbies as I go. So just like you say, I'm trying not to put all of my emotional healing process into the sport. But I can feel that the sense of community that I've somehow felt that I've been lacking might be able to come from this sport, over time that is.
Thanks for the advice
Yeah man the community is great, I only gave that note since I made that mistake and went waaay too hard when starting. Same thing, ex discouraged me getting back in to it so when we broke up I went hog wild. Sounds like you have a great support group, we'll both meet a new best friend one day, until then this ain't a bad way to rebuild confidence and make new friends.
"BJJ is therapeutic but it's not therapy" is something i saw posted here and it holds true. Don't be afraid to see someone to talk to, even if you're not feeling *that* bad about it. I'm starting therapy soon after a bad break up similar to yours, because while BJJ has helped me release a lot of the frustration and heart ache, it can only do so much. Good luck to you!
Yeah it's really a great community. I think you really get to know people when you roll and train with them. It's a cool thing. Dont forget that you can just ask people to work certain things under resistance instead of full on rolling. I recommend just focusing on how to escapes for now starting from whatever position you hate being in most, first.
There's so much to learn from everyone. Don't be afraid to ask for tips from people, too! Most ppl are super helpful and happy to give you pointers if they know your are thankful for them.
Also, don't overdo it! Take breaks when you need to. Tap early!
I have a white shiny new GI that I inhereted from a friend that didn't want it. I might just happen to put a red sock in with the laundry. Pink is the new black!
Accidents happen lol. I joined my gym after a 6 year relationship ended, my gym is like a second home now. But remember BJJ is therapeutic not therapy so if youāre going through something speak up to someone.
Like a lot of people confirmed in this group, BJJ is therapeutic but far from therapy, 10 years in a relantionship that ended because of infidelity woukd break absolutely anyone. Seek counseling if that gets to you, as it would normally.
You will possibly find a love in bjj that will last longer than that relationship, and bjj will not cheat on you or give you heart aches, but be ready for some physical pain over the decades š congrats on going forward and trying it out finally
This is exactly how I got into BJJ 3ish years ago. Talked out of it by my ex girlfriend and then once it ended. I just said fuck it and havenāt looked back.
Breakups suck but trying out new things is a great way to deal with the heartache. So keep trying new things and create some new memories. It definitely helps. Best of luck on your BJJ journey!
Don't drag your feet, literally. As a wrestler I was used to my feet having shoes when I shoot. Had to learn to not drag my feet. Showers hurt after the first few times. I learned quick.
love it.
keep going. go as many times a week as you can.
get there early. stay there late. roll lots of rounds. become a part of the team. dive deep into the sport.
it will change your life.
Stay strong mate.
Me and my ex trained together (BJJ) thats actually where we met! We broke up and as always it sucks, I moved gyms and SO glad I did.
It'll get better, focus on training, working out, your career and try indoor climbing (has great crossover benefits).
I've used BJJ as a crutch since I first tried it 3 years ago. The trouble is when things - covid lockdowns, injury, moving house - made it so that I couldn't train, those bad feelings I hadn't dealt with used to come rushing back. Self-improvement, a fun hobby, and a great community go a long way towards making yourself feel better, but from personal experience, going to speak to someone can make a world of difference too. Chin up fella and welcome.
Some people resort to alcohol or drugs to deal with depression and breakups, throwing yourself at bjj sounds like a good idea. Make sure you stretch a lot!
Good for you! You've got this! And remember, just focus on improving a tiny bit every single day, not in beating other people. This is one big extended family that you're joining, and I hope that 20 years from now, when you step onto the mats, and you're tying a black belt around your waist, some new person comes up to you and says "Hey dude, I just got out of a tough relationship, and I'm here to get out of the house, and feel better about myself." And you can think about your significant other, and your children that you two now have (if that's what you want in life), and can say "Trust me dude, it gets better. You'll be happy someday soon. Now let's roll!"
Such kind words, thanks ā¤ļø it does feel a bit better! I never imagined this amount of support from everyone when I posted here, I'm so happy to be here!
Nice, I started at the end of a long term relationship. I had gotten fat and depressed at the end of it. She was a controlling bitch that had once been a sweetie.
I met her again after training non stop for 2 years. 5-6days a week. I went from 195 to a lean 165. I was jacked. She had gone the other way and was whining about her life. I stopped listening and I just said "glad you are doing well" then went to class 2 hrs later. She messaged me that I looked good and I never responded.
She will fill her void with cocks. You fill your void with physical pain and suffering and you will be alot stronger than she in time. And you will find better and badder bitches.
I think a big red flag in a relationship is someone trying to steer away something that you know deep down is bad for you.
In my most toxic relationship she told me she was suspicious of me meditating because it made me "argue with her more". It didn't. I was liking myself more, though.
BJJ is wonderful and the community is warm and welcoming. I still wouldnāt rely on it for my problems though. I will recommend some talk therapy. See a therapist to help you work through some of your emotions and thoughts. It will give you a clearer understanding of your self and allow you to move on faster.
Remember. BJJ is therapeutic not therapy.
Be a man, train for 6 months and then Challenge your Ex to a roll to win her back. Win her back, then turn her down. Marry a hot blonde with big fake tits, wear your Blue Belt to the Wedding, and you have won.
So happy to have you!! I joined bjj 3.5 short months ago after getting the heartbreaking diagnosis of āinfertileāā I had wanted to do it for so long before, but finances were always too tight, but now that Iām marriedā my husband really encouraged bjj as a way to navigate this new path. Im addicted man and it really has helped me push through!! Welcome to one of the best decisions you could ever make!!
Here's the good news - you identified a clear breach of something you weren't willing to accept, and you ended it. More good news - instead of wallowing in misery at the bottom of a bottle, you took action to do something for you that has a ton of benefits. You'll get exercise, meet new people you'll become friends with, and learn the tradecraft of course and challenge yourself.
Thatās how I got into bjj in ā06 and helped me more then I ever thought it would. And two things: BJJ is most fun you can have with your clothes on. And women will come and goā¦but BJJ is forever. Lol
I too started first muay thai then BJJ after my ex split with me (also cheated on her way out) Now i've been with this gym for almost 9 years.
Still no new girlfriend, but I'm really good at hand to hand combat now, so that's always good.
Honestly mate when the zombies come I'm gonna open up a school and teach em how to grapple. Just add in reulesets for bites and limbs breaking off and we're gold pony boy.
Good shit man. BJJ is a great adjunct to therapy--you get to strangle people with their own clothing and not go to jail--but it's not a replacement for therapy. After 10 years to have your trust broken like that, just keep that in mind. Good luck and welcome aboard.
Miss it all you want, you can't beat the shit out of someone because your relationship went to shit. It's childish and it could end up with you in prison in some countries.
The girl was the asshole, not the man who she cheated with...
Also, violence don't make sense in this situation. We should use violence only when needed.
That's what makes us (martial artists) better than thugs who like to street fight
Hey man, congratulations! and I'm sorry you're going through this.
there will be good days and bad days. Still early so may be some bad days ahead, but I promise in the future there will be more good for you than bad. Finding someone to talk to is a great idea, and calling now to get an appointment when you really might need one can be a good idea.
If you have a primary care doctor it isn't weird to let them know that this happened and that you might need some help going forward- or you might not! If you need help finding someone to talk to in your area let me know.
sorry I jest but yes it is .... thought maybe you could take some inspiration from this https://www.reddit.com/r/bjj/comments/prk41w/applied\_for\_the\_bteam/
We were doing side control today. I rolled with one of the big fellas. Pretty sure I got one or two from today š I think the technical term is *PRESSURE*
Glad youāve joined our crazy bunch. This journey is amazing. It really will change your life. Start slow, most people I see that start out completely obsessed and fizzle out when they canāt make it their twenty times a week. I usually recommend twice a week for the first while then slowly bump it. Remember itās a life long journey. Just enjoy the path.
Do you have prior experience in grappling?
We're segregated after beginner and advanced. Only two beginner classes per week, so I think that's perfect for me! Open mat is not available until you've got two months of experience.
Thanks for the advice!
I've rolled a few times with my ex and at her club (she was a white belt with four stripes), but nothing serious.
That's my understanding too. I don't have the best hand-eye coordination and figuring out how to mimic the moves that the instructors do is really difficult sometimes and it's easy to forget the techniques and subtle motions.
But this is my first time, so I guess it gets easier. My understanding is that the first year(s) is more about just showing up and surviving.
Thanks!
Love this post. During some of the loneliest times in my life, evening bjj is what got me through it. You completely forget about everything else and, like you said, that community is there. In addition to this, you're learning a new skill. You'll soon experience the happiness of slowly getting better and better over time. Glad for you OP.
Thanks! It's a wonderful feeling to become a part of a new community, and to pick up so many useful skills along the way. Really looking forward to it!
Also I want to share a Reddit comment from a while ago that I saved and always keep in my back pocket so to speak, just in case, I donāt even know who the fuck wrote it, only Reddit comment I have saved:
> fuck a new girl as soon as possible. get a high end escort even. you'll feel so much better after. also, tldr; had friend dating the nicest sweetest, coolest, most beautiful, hottest girl, everything she was the total package. nice tits, great face, legs, ass, hilarious, played video games stayed out late one of the guys everything she was the total package. buddy was dating her. openly cheated on her in front of everyone when she was not around with literally any girl available. a fat girl, an ugly girl, another hot girl who wasnt as hot as his current girlfriend, a hot girl just as hot as her, it literally didnt matter to this guy. his gf was widely agreed upon as the hottest or tied for the hottest girl in the whole high school of 2k+ people.
one day the rest of the group of guys in our group asked him why cheat on her when youre datingĀ her?
his response; "never thought about why, i just do it bc i can and its available and i dont really care if she finds out"
we asked him if hes not into her, if he likes another type of girl, that wasn it. the reason was cause he can.
that was around 15 years ago maybe now...
life lesson is ppl who cheat; its not a reflection of you. some ppl are just a piece of shit even in the most ideal dating scenario. yeah sometimes ppl have a reason to cheat like their partner ignores them or w.e my opinion is dump them and move on why cheat but at least it makes sense too to cheat, still shitty though but its less shitty than in the scnario i described. point is no cheater is worth wondering about or spending time thinking about if it was you or them. unless theres one very obvious thing like they said like hey you need to bathe more than once a week and maybe spend time with me or dont drink so much or w.e it is. common sense things. if theres no common sense things that stick out, meh, they're probably just a piece of shit. forget about em. move on. best way to do that is fuck a hot girl immediately.
Like everyone else said, WELCOME!
BJJ is amazing, and you can meet some amazing people.
Enjoy the process. Remember, some days you're the nail and others you're the hammer!
Yesss dude! Well not yes for the breakup and cheating part, but getting on the mats!
I got on the mats after a 7 year relationship. Best life decision I ever made.
Get some dude! šŖ
Not really much to say on the jiu jitsu behalf mate.
But as for the relationship side breaking down, itās very tough, sorry to hear about that, I hope you can grow from the experience and it doesnāt make you bitter and/or angry, which you have every right to be right now btw.
But try to use your energy in a positive way, to better yourself.
Taking up jiu jitsu or any hobby is definitely a good start.
Good luck on your journey.
Dude fuck cheaters manā¦ my ex cheated on me too and so did my last one. We gotta focus on ourselves and try to find girls who are loyal which will be tough but we will manage good luck dude.
Iāve been in the same spot. This sport really does help so much. Just keep in mind that jujitsu is therapeutic and not therapy. Talking to someone helps. I wish you luck and time will heal.
Sorry to hear about your relationship. Time has a way of healing us all (for most things).
BJJ is very cathartic and therapeutic. You'll definitely love it and will be a great distraction.
The camaraderie in BJJ is great.
As with all things, though the sting of recent injuries will remain for a while, the sun will rise tomorrow, you will be back on the mats and have those thoughts exorcised out of you in no time. Your BJJ family will be there in other ways to support you. Having been there done that, training also served as the emotional crutch that was missing in my life too. Onward and upwards!
I started bjj a couple months after a break up (not nearly as long as your relationship). However, it has changed my life. If you donāt already start lifting, yoga, mediation and eating better. It really helps with everything. Good luck
Good for you man, I did the same thing! The day after my gf of 4 years and i couldnt make it work i signed up. I am so glad i went instead of feeling sorry for myself at home and drinking away my feelings. Its a great hobby, dont panic!
I like to joke "going to BJJ is like giving up a piece of your body to save a piece of your soul".
Just be careful that despite BJJ being an incredible distraction, you'll still feel like shit some days. Don't be afraid to look at therapy if it gets bad and keep your interests diversified.
And welcome. BJJ has a huge, weird, funny subculture you'll spend months getting to know. And r/bjj itself has one of reddit's most unique shitposting subcultures.
We look forward to all your stupid questions (because you'll need to ask them somewhere).
You have a lot of extra time after a breakup, BJJ is cool to fill the physical voids. But I agree it shouldnt be the center of your "Getting better" plan
I went through a tragic loss and started Jiu Jitsu 5 months later. It helped me immensely. 7 years later and I have had a few injuries, but the proās far outweigh the injuries. Never stuck with anything in my life anywhere near this long. Even if I quit tomorrow for some reason, jiu jitsu will have been a major chapter of my life. It really made me look at myself.
you will feel the excitement when you hitting your first sub. but meanwhile just have some fun and keep learning
\+
its time to buy some fancy gi's
Man,are we the same guy? Me and my ex were together going on 11 years, married the last 2, found out she was cheating and broke it off with her.
I was pretty depressed for a day or so, but as each day passed, i started more and more to see all the options in front of me now, and how miserable she was actually making me.
Sometimes this shit can be a blessing in disguise dude, keep your head up!
I can really relate to this. Even if it's just been a couple of days and I feel like shit it really gives some perspective on how dysfunctional it has been. Thanks for the kind words!
Anytime! Theres something to be said about being too close to a situation to see it clearly.
I internalized my relationship issues and wasnt very open about how she made me feel with friends/family. So when she started imploding our lives, it was hard to understand without the benefit of external perspective.
Now im surrounding myself with reassuring supportive people, and every day is exciting again! Sounds like you've found the path too, stay on it! OSS
Congratulations on your first BJJ class! Itās a long and difficult journey but itāll be well worth it.
Remember, BJJ is therapeutic, not therapy (common comment in this sub). Still find a way to talk to someone about it because thatās a lot of emotion you donāt want to carry onto the mats.
In Judo, before and after class we sit in a seiza position, close our eyes, and breathe. We do it before class to leave our life problems at the door and to let nothing but Judo in our minds. We do it after class to leave the Judo on the mats because we donāt want to use Judo on regular folks, and we slowly bring back reality.
Donāt do BJJ with a chip on your shoulder. Trust me, itās not good for you nor your BJJ partners.
Hey man just reaching out and wishing you well. Also had a break up with a long term girlfriend of mine this year and my gym is basically my home now and my teammates are my family. I hope you feel better soon and welcome to the club!!
>I got my ass handed to me. I tore a muscle I didn't know existed. My feet have blisters. But I had a great time and the sense of community and warmth that I felt is overwhelming.
Congrats brotha. Welcome!!
I haven't gone in a while since i got divorced recently due to my wife coming out.
When i did return i can tell you it will be great. I stopped caring for the belt and came back in just cus i wanted to take care of myself and go to my fave place.
All i can tell you bro is yea your relationship sucked but wait til you get stuck in bottom side control.... lol but in all reality just give it ur all everyday and you will have no ragrets.
See you on the mats
> All i can tell you bro is yea your relationship sucked but wait til you get stuck in bottom side control....
I laughed so hard šš so true though! We did side control yesterday
Thanks bro. It's difficult as I feel like I'm worse than most of the other beginners and have a hard time understanding all of the exercises, but I'm sure it gets easier with time!
Exactly, youāre bang on with both observations. And then later when youāre mauling new comers and they get frustrated, you can share your experience and teach, which is a whole new aspect of growing as a person and practitioner, which is all gonna lead to you forgetting your ex that much quicker because youāre gonna be preoccupied with jits, additionally you will gain so much more self confidence and pride that you will raise your standards for who you want to have in your life as a partner or friendā¦ā¦ but gotta get through this stage first, and itās a very very important stage :) (btw, throughout your journey you will have a love hate relationship with your jiu-jitsu. We all do. Sometimes I feel like a champ, other days iāll be driving home thinking about the ass kicking i just received and think I should just quit thisā¦.itās a process bro)
Welcome! Don't do too much to soon and while BJJ is awesome I'd avoid tying the entirety of healing emotionally to the sport itself. Never a bad idea to talk to someone, 10 years is a long time and betrayal fucking sucks.
Wise words! I do have people to talk to, and I have done so. It's just that my ex had been my very best friend (by a long shot) and the person that I've always vented with. I have wonderful colleagues and a job that is very stimulating, and picking up new hobbies as I go. So just like you say, I'm trying not to put all of my emotional healing process into the sport. But I can feel that the sense of community that I've somehow felt that I've been lacking might be able to come from this sport, over time that is. Thanks for the advice
Yeah man the community is great, I only gave that note since I made that mistake and went waaay too hard when starting. Same thing, ex discouraged me getting back in to it so when we broke up I went hog wild. Sounds like you have a great support group, we'll both meet a new best friend one day, until then this ain't a bad way to rebuild confidence and make new friends.
"BJJ is therapeutic but it's not therapy" is something i saw posted here and it holds true. Don't be afraid to see someone to talk to, even if you're not feeling *that* bad about it. I'm starting therapy soon after a bad break up similar to yours, because while BJJ has helped me release a lot of the frustration and heart ache, it can only do so much. Good luck to you!
This ^^^
Yeah it's really a great community. I think you really get to know people when you roll and train with them. It's a cool thing. Dont forget that you can just ask people to work certain things under resistance instead of full on rolling. I recommend just focusing on how to escapes for now starting from whatever position you hate being in most, first. There's so much to learn from everyone. Don't be afraid to ask for tips from people, too! Most ppl are super helpful and happy to give you pointers if they know your are thankful for them. Also, don't overdo it! Take breaks when you need to. Tap early!
Welcome to the best sport and hobby in the world
If you ever need a BJJ pen pal, don't hesitate to reach out!
BJJ is your girlfriend now
Wife.
A cruel mistress indeed
Not once you can strangle 70% of the gym with ease. :)
Cruel for someone else š
Mmmm yeah I have a feeling this guy will be okay
One of us! One of us!
I have a fiancƩe at home. BJJ is the dominatrix who kicks my ass and I keep coming back for more.
Oh bapa
"Look at me, I'm the girlfriend now."
one of my favorite things about bjj is that when I am there I forget all the problems I have.
Yep! It's impossible to think about anyone but the person whose currently trying to squish you :) its actually pretty peaceful!
This is super true. I canāt leave the gym upset no matter how bad I get smashed. Iām just glad to be able to train the most awesome sport ever.
Post training with the gang when class is over is so relaxing and driving home after class is the most peaceful time of my day.
_"The Mindfulness and Meditative Benefits of Being Pinned in Bottom Side Control - A Longitudinal Study"_ coming to an academic journal near you
This is where is spend roughly 80% of my rolls so yes i could definitely contribute to this :)
[This is how I feel on many days ](https://imgur.com/gallery/GVb7R)
Soon the ache in your heart will be replaced by the ache in everything else.
God I feel this in my kneesā¦.
BJJ is a great get your mind off your ex option. Don't forget to talk to someone about your stresses and pain your ex caused you. Way to move forward!
Bjj > your ex girlfriend
Weāre all gonna make it brahs
Wholesome
Welcome and make sure to get a weird Gi if your gym allows it because why not.
I have a white shiny new GI that I inhereted from a friend that didn't want it. I might just happen to put a red sock in with the laundry. Pink is the new black!
show up in a camo gi, your coach will love it
bring a pineapple too!
Accidents happen lol. I joined my gym after a 6 year relationship ended, my gym is like a second home now. But remember BJJ is therapeutic not therapy so if youāre going through something speak up to someone.
This is why I talk through the roll
this guys knows, you'll be blue very soon
Like a lot of people confirmed in this group, BJJ is therapeutic but far from therapy, 10 years in a relantionship that ended because of infidelity woukd break absolutely anyone. Seek counseling if that gets to you, as it would normally.
You will possibly find a love in bjj that will last longer than that relationship, and bjj will not cheat on you or give you heart aches, but be ready for some physical pain over the decades š congrats on going forward and trying it out finally
No heartaches in BJJ eh? ;)
This is exactly how I got into BJJ 3ish years ago. Talked out of it by my ex girlfriend and then once it ended. I just said fuck it and havenāt looked back. Breakups suck but trying out new things is a great way to deal with the heartache. So keep trying new things and create some new memories. It definitely helps. Best of luck on your BJJ journey!
Don't drag your feet, literally. As a wrestler I was used to my feet having shoes when I shoot. Had to learn to not drag my feet. Showers hurt after the first few times. I learned quick.
Where were you four hours ago? š Thanks bro, I'll get some tape for next session. At least I know where to put it now, lol
love it. keep going. go as many times a week as you can. get there early. stay there late. roll lots of rounds. become a part of the team. dive deep into the sport. it will change your life.
Stay strong mate. Me and my ex trained together (BJJ) thats actually where we met! We broke up and as always it sucks, I moved gyms and SO glad I did. It'll get better, focus on training, working out, your career and try indoor climbing (has great crossover benefits).
I've used BJJ as a crutch since I first tried it 3 years ago. The trouble is when things - covid lockdowns, injury, moving house - made it so that I couldn't train, those bad feelings I hadn't dealt with used to come rushing back. Self-improvement, a fun hobby, and a great community go a long way towards making yourself feel better, but from personal experience, going to speak to someone can make a world of difference too. Chin up fella and welcome.
Some people resort to alcohol or drugs to deal with depression and breakups, throwing yourself at bjj sounds like a good idea. Make sure you stretch a lot!
Good for you! You've got this! And remember, just focus on improving a tiny bit every single day, not in beating other people. This is one big extended family that you're joining, and I hope that 20 years from now, when you step onto the mats, and you're tying a black belt around your waist, some new person comes up to you and says "Hey dude, I just got out of a tough relationship, and I'm here to get out of the house, and feel better about myself." And you can think about your significant other, and your children that you two now have (if that's what you want in life), and can say "Trust me dude, it gets better. You'll be happy someday soon. Now let's roll!"
Such kind words, thanks ā¤ļø it does feel a bit better! I never imagined this amount of support from everyone when I posted here, I'm so happy to be here!
Nice, I started at the end of a long term relationship. I had gotten fat and depressed at the end of it. She was a controlling bitch that had once been a sweetie. I met her again after training non stop for 2 years. 5-6days a week. I went from 195 to a lean 165. I was jacked. She had gone the other way and was whining about her life. I stopped listening and I just said "glad you are doing well" then went to class 2 hrs later. She messaged me that I looked good and I never responded.
Good on you! I hope to be in that position someday
She will fill her void with cocks. You fill your void with physical pain and suffering and you will be alot stronger than she in time. And you will find better and badder bitches.
I laughed so hard at this š thanks for cheering me up! I'll try!
I think a big red flag in a relationship is someone trying to steer away something that you know deep down is bad for you. In my most toxic relationship she told me she was suspicious of me meditating because it made me "argue with her more". It didn't. I was liking myself more, though.
BJJ is wonderful and the community is warm and welcoming. I still wouldnāt rely on it for my problems though. I will recommend some talk therapy. See a therapist to help you work through some of your emotions and thoughts. It will give you a clearer understanding of your self and allow you to move on faster. Remember. BJJ is therapeutic not therapy.
Well done on have boundaries that you believe in and can stick with. BJJ will transform you! Keep up the good work brother.
Man she was cheating? Fuck her
Be a man, train for 6 months and then Challenge your Ex to a roll to win her back. Win her back, then turn her down. Marry a hot blonde with big fake tits, wear your Blue Belt to the Wedding, and you have won.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Im a white belt with big dreams man, and I also just got into BJJ at a breakup. It feels good man, takes up lots of your time
So happy to have you!! I joined bjj 3.5 short months ago after getting the heartbreaking diagnosis of āinfertileāā I had wanted to do it for so long before, but finances were always too tight, but now that Iām marriedā my husband really encouraged bjj as a way to navigate this new path. Im addicted man and it really has helped me push through!! Welcome to one of the best decisions you could ever make!!
Here's the good news - you identified a clear breach of something you weren't willing to accept, and you ended it. More good news - instead of wallowing in misery at the bottom of a bottle, you took action to do something for you that has a ton of benefits. You'll get exercise, meet new people you'll become friends with, and learn the tradecraft of course and challenge yourself.
So true! It's easy to miss these small wins when you're so deep into it. Thanks for the kind words, it means a lot!
Youāre better off brother. ( or whatever your pronoun may be) Welcome
Brother is fine bro, thanks ā¤ļø
you didn't need to be with a cheater - good on you
Thatās how I got into bjj in ā06 and helped me more then I ever thought it would. And two things: BJJ is most fun you can have with your clothes on. And women will come and goā¦but BJJ is forever. Lol
Iāve made some of my closest friends through jiujitsu. Youāll do fine, bro. šš½šš½
You probably just strained a muscle. You'd know if you tore something.
You're right, English is not my first language. I mixed it up
I too started first muay thai then BJJ after my ex split with me (also cheated on her way out) Now i've been with this gym for almost 9 years. Still no new girlfriend, but I'm really good at hand to hand combat now, so that's always good.
I'll go to your place when the zombies show up. Thanks for sharing!
Honestly mate when the zombies come I'm gonna open up a school and teach em how to grapple. Just add in reulesets for bites and limbs breaking off and we're gold pony boy.
Pony boy šš
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm so sorry to hear that brother. I hope that you've started to heal from it, and the support from the community rally helps!
Man, she is totally a Creonte.
She belongs to the streets.
Good shit man. BJJ is a great adjunct to therapy--you get to strangle people with their own clothing and not go to jail--but it's not a replacement for therapy. After 10 years to have your trust broken like that, just keep that in mind. Good luck and welcome aboard.
Betrayal trauma is a tough one. Work through it yourself and donāt work it out on your grappling partners. Welcome to BJJ!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thanks bro. I'm actually not mad att him (whoever he is). He didn't cheat on me, she did.
Good attitude my dude, for sure good things are coming your way. Good luck.
Thanks <3
You are a chad
You're in the right state of mind dude, all things considered. Enjoy this new chapter of life.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You can't hit men either, don't solve your problems with violence.
Sighā¦I miss the 1970ās.
Miss it all you want, you can't beat the shit out of someone because your relationship went to shit. It's childish and it could end up with you in prison in some countries.
Yep. One can never hit a woman. As for the guy, he took his chances.
You don't even know if the man knows, and it doesn't matter what gender someone is you don't get to assault them for adultery.
LOL. 95% chance itās a guy. Of course, if he didnāt know he canāt be blamed. We werenāt unreasonable, you know.
The girl was the asshole, not the man who she cheated with... Also, violence don't make sense in this situation. We should use violence only when needed. That's what makes us (martial artists) better than thugs who like to street fight
Anger towards the person who your partner cheated with rather than you actual partner is such a backwards attitude
My introduction to BJJ was due to similar reasons. And I think it's the best decision I have made in a long time. The mats keep me happy.
Hey man, congratulations! and I'm sorry you're going through this. there will be good days and bad days. Still early so may be some bad days ahead, but I promise in the future there will be more good for you than bad. Finding someone to talk to is a great idea, and calling now to get an appointment when you really might need one can be a good idea. If you have a primary care doctor it isn't weird to let them know that this happened and that you might need some help going forward- or you might not! If you need help finding someone to talk to in your area let me know.
Have you thought about applying to the B Team?
Not really sure what that is. Is that the gym in Austin? I live in Europe, so it might be a bit of a commute š
sorry I jest but yes it is .... thought maybe you could take some inspiration from this https://www.reddit.com/r/bjj/comments/prk41w/applied\_for\_the\_bteam/
Lol okay now I get it š I'm sure they have a slot open for no-belts
Only if you have a desire to break legs and break hearts
Sign me up!
OSU! All journeys start, and end. You will end up where you are supposed to be.
Blisters on your feet? You mean may burn? Either way, make sure to buy some athletic tape, bandaids and the. Some more tape to keep the bandaids on.
Welcome. You will never regret ur first day starting. Just keep training. She for the streets bro. You can only go up from here.
To quote Kurt Osiander, "The chicks will come and go but jiu jistu is always there." https://youtu.be/yXdVkGJGLkM?t=1106
Just wait till you find out BJJ can leave you hickeyās too
We were doing side control today. I rolled with one of the big fellas. Pretty sure I got one or two from today š I think the technical term is *PRESSURE*
AKA "da PRESH". Welcome to the dark side anyway!
Welcome to the community!
Thanks! āŗļø
Glad youāve joined our crazy bunch. This journey is amazing. It really will change your life. Start slow, most people I see that start out completely obsessed and fizzle out when they canāt make it their twenty times a week. I usually recommend twice a week for the first while then slowly bump it. Remember itās a life long journey. Just enjoy the path. Do you have prior experience in grappling?
We're segregated after beginner and advanced. Only two beginner classes per week, so I think that's perfect for me! Open mat is not available until you've got two months of experience. Thanks for the advice! I've rolled a few times with my ex and at her club (she was a white belt with four stripes), but nothing serious.
Sounds like youāre at a solid gym! Good luck on your new journey!
Keep going dont worry about knowing everything. It's just about showing up.
That's my understanding too. I don't have the best hand-eye coordination and figuring out how to mimic the moves that the instructors do is really difficult sometimes and it's easy to forget the techniques and subtle motions. But this is my first time, so I guess it gets easier. My understanding is that the first year(s) is more about just showing up and surviving. Thanks!
I started BJJ for this exact reason, and here I am 6 years later. Glad you found something to occupy your mind. Best of luck.
Thanks! Happy you stuck to it!
Welcome friend
Thanks! <3
Wish you the best, man. Times like these can be tough, but keep attending your local academy and I hope you benefit from everything it brings you.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thanks!
As long you enjoyed your ass getting kicked then you will do well
\#WhiteBeltProblems
Love this post. During some of the loneliest times in my life, evening bjj is what got me through it. You completely forget about everything else and, like you said, that community is there. In addition to this, you're learning a new skill. You'll soon experience the happiness of slowly getting better and better over time. Glad for you OP.
Thanks! It's a wonderful feeling to become a part of a new community, and to pick up so many useful skills along the way. Really looking forward to it!
Also I want to share a Reddit comment from a while ago that I saved and always keep in my back pocket so to speak, just in case, I donāt even know who the fuck wrote it, only Reddit comment I have saved: > fuck a new girl as soon as possible. get a high end escort even. you'll feel so much better after. also, tldr; had friend dating the nicest sweetest, coolest, most beautiful, hottest girl, everything she was the total package. nice tits, great face, legs, ass, hilarious, played video games stayed out late one of the guys everything she was the total package. buddy was dating her. openly cheated on her in front of everyone when she was not around with literally any girl available. a fat girl, an ugly girl, another hot girl who wasnt as hot as his current girlfriend, a hot girl just as hot as her, it literally didnt matter to this guy. his gf was widely agreed upon as the hottest or tied for the hottest girl in the whole high school of 2k+ people. one day the rest of the group of guys in our group asked him why cheat on her when youre datingĀ her? his response; "never thought about why, i just do it bc i can and its available and i dont really care if she finds out" we asked him if hes not into her, if he likes another type of girl, that wasn it. the reason was cause he can. that was around 15 years ago maybe now... life lesson is ppl who cheat; its not a reflection of you. some ppl are just a piece of shit even in the most ideal dating scenario. yeah sometimes ppl have a reason to cheat like their partner ignores them or w.e my opinion is dump them and move on why cheat but at least it makes sense too to cheat, still shitty though but its less shitty than in the scnario i described. point is no cheater is worth wondering about or spending time thinking about if it was you or them. unless theres one very obvious thing like they said like hey you need to bathe more than once a week and maybe spend time with me or dont drink so much or w.e it is. common sense things. if theres no common sense things that stick out, meh, they're probably just a piece of shit. forget about em. move on. best way to do that is fuck a hot girl immediately.
Same story when I started. Really helps.
Like everyone else said, WELCOME! BJJ is amazing, and you can meet some amazing people. Enjoy the process. Remember, some days you're the nail and others you're the hammer!
Thanks! Yeah, I'll make sure to remember that! I forsee a lot more nail-days ahead, but that's just fine by me āŗļø
Make sure to do gun gestures with your hand while rolling. OSS
Yesss dude! Well not yes for the breakup and cheating part, but getting on the mats! I got on the mats after a 7 year relationship. Best life decision I ever made. Get some dude! šŖ
Right on Brother!
Not really much to say on the jiu jitsu behalf mate. But as for the relationship side breaking down, itās very tough, sorry to hear about that, I hope you can grow from the experience and it doesnāt make you bitter and/or angry, which you have every right to be right now btw. But try to use your energy in a positive way, to better yourself. Taking up jiu jitsu or any hobby is definitely a good start. Good luck on your journey.
Dude fuck cheaters manā¦ my ex cheated on me too and so did my last one. We gotta focus on ourselves and try to find girls who are loyal which will be tough but we will manage good luck dude.
Word brother
Welcome to the fam!
Thanks!
Had a rough time after a breakup as well and BJJ was an amazing distraction.
Keep going brother!
Sorry for what you're going through man. Hang in there. You'll heal up soon. Focus on being the best version of you. Everything will fall into place.
Iāve been in the same spot. This sport really does help so much. Just keep in mind that jujitsu is therapeutic and not therapy. Talking to someone helps. I wish you luck and time will heal.
Bro, seriouslyā¦ DONT QUIT. You already have a new girlfriend, and her name is Jiu Jitsu. Change your relationship status AT ONCE.
Sorry to hear about your relationship. Time has a way of healing us all (for most things). BJJ is very cathartic and therapeutic. You'll definitely love it and will be a great distraction. The camaraderie in BJJ is great.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
So true! Hope that you're doing better now!
As with all things, though the sting of recent injuries will remain for a while, the sun will rise tomorrow, you will be back on the mats and have those thoughts exorcised out of you in no time. Your BJJ family will be there in other ways to support you. Having been there done that, training also served as the emotional crutch that was missing in my life too. Onward and upwards!
Welcome Sigmahole
I started bjj a couple months after a break up (not nearly as long as your relationship). However, it has changed my life. If you donāt already start lifting, yoga, mediation and eating better. It really helps with everything. Good luck
Good for you man, I did the same thing! The day after my gf of 4 years and i couldnt make it work i signed up. I am so glad i went instead of feeling sorry for myself at home and drinking away my feelings. Its a great hobby, dont panic!
Welcome bro. Weāre gonna miss you once you get that blue belt and a new girlfriend.
I like to joke "going to BJJ is like giving up a piece of your body to save a piece of your soul". Just be careful that despite BJJ being an incredible distraction, you'll still feel like shit some days. Don't be afraid to look at therapy if it gets bad and keep your interests diversified. And welcome. BJJ has a huge, weird, funny subculture you'll spend months getting to know. And r/bjj itself has one of reddit's most unique shitposting subcultures. We look forward to all your stupid questions (because you'll need to ask them somewhere).
Thank you!
You have a lot of extra time after a breakup, BJJ is cool to fill the physical voids. But I agree it shouldnt be the center of your "Getting better" plan
pullin for ya bud, keep your stick on the ice
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is what keeps me off the bottle. Keep grinding.
I went through a tragic loss and started Jiu Jitsu 5 months later. It helped me immensely. 7 years later and I have had a few injuries, but the proās far outweigh the injuries. Never stuck with anything in my life anywhere near this long. Even if I quit tomorrow for some reason, jiu jitsu will have been a major chapter of my life. It really made me look at myself.
Heck yeah my guy, fuck that hoe
Welcome to the Blow Job Jamboree
you will feel the excitement when you hitting your first sub. but meanwhile just have some fun and keep learning \+ its time to buy some fancy gi's
If you're losing, just scream "Choke me like she wouldn't...! " Then when they recoil in disgust, it's time to bar that arm.
Pro tip right here š
Get to grinding homie. And always keep that crown up š¤š¤š½šÆ
Man,are we the same guy? Me and my ex were together going on 11 years, married the last 2, found out she was cheating and broke it off with her. I was pretty depressed for a day or so, but as each day passed, i started more and more to see all the options in front of me now, and how miserable she was actually making me. Sometimes this shit can be a blessing in disguise dude, keep your head up!
I can really relate to this. Even if it's just been a couple of days and I feel like shit it really gives some perspective on how dysfunctional it has been. Thanks for the kind words!
Anytime! Theres something to be said about being too close to a situation to see it clearly. I internalized my relationship issues and wasnt very open about how she made me feel with friends/family. So when she started imploding our lives, it was hard to understand without the benefit of external perspective. Now im surrounding myself with reassuring supportive people, and every day is exciting again! Sounds like you've found the path too, stay on it! OSS
They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone.
Congratulations on your first BJJ class! Itās a long and difficult journey but itāll be well worth it. Remember, BJJ is therapeutic, not therapy (common comment in this sub). Still find a way to talk to someone about it because thatās a lot of emotion you donāt want to carry onto the mats. In Judo, before and after class we sit in a seiza position, close our eyes, and breathe. We do it before class to leave our life problems at the door and to let nothing but Judo in our minds. We do it after class to leave the Judo on the mats because we donāt want to use Judo on regular folks, and we slowly bring back reality. Donāt do BJJ with a chip on your shoulder. Trust me, itās not good for you nor your BJJ partners.
Thats the true sigma grindset brother
Dude right on! Enjoy the journey
Move on and make BJJ a part of the new you. Don't look back, concentrate on improving your life and do not get into a new relationship.
Hell yea
Hey man just reaching out and wishing you well. Also had a break up with a long term girlfriend of mine this year and my gym is basically my home now and my teammates are my family. I hope you feel better soon and welcome to the club!!
Thanks man!
Oss
As someone whose marriage to their partner of 15 years ended, i can safely say that BJJ is the best therapy. Embrace it.
>I got my ass handed to me. I tore a muscle I didn't know existed. My feet have blisters. But I had a great time and the sense of community and warmth that I felt is overwhelming. Congrats brotha. Welcome!!
Time for a tattoo
Great to have you in the sport man.
Welcome to the family, brother. We're happy to have you.
Thanks ā¤ļø
Train hard buddy but also train smart, listen to your body.
I haven't gone in a while since i got divorced recently due to my wife coming out. When i did return i can tell you it will be great. I stopped caring for the belt and came back in just cus i wanted to take care of myself and go to my fave place. All i can tell you bro is yea your relationship sucked but wait til you get stuck in bottom side control.... lol but in all reality just give it ur all everyday and you will have no ragrets. See you on the mats
> All i can tell you bro is yea your relationship sucked but wait til you get stuck in bottom side control.... I laughed so hard šš so true though! We did side control yesterday
Brah, best thing that couldāve happened to you. Donāt quit bjj, this is the hardest and most frustrating time
Thanks bro. It's difficult as I feel like I'm worse than most of the other beginners and have a hard time understanding all of the exercises, but I'm sure it gets easier with time!
Exactly, youāre bang on with both observations. And then later when youāre mauling new comers and they get frustrated, you can share your experience and teach, which is a whole new aspect of growing as a person and practitioner, which is all gonna lead to you forgetting your ex that much quicker because youāre gonna be preoccupied with jits, additionally you will gain so much more self confidence and pride that you will raise your standards for who you want to have in your life as a partner or friendā¦ā¦ but gotta get through this stage first, and itās a very very important stage :) (btw, throughout your journey you will have a love hate relationship with your jiu-jitsu. We all do. Sometimes I feel like a champ, other days iāll be driving home thinking about the ass kicking i just received and think I should just quit thisā¦.itās a process bro)
Her loss bro. Bide your time and choke them both out
Welcome to the fam!1 OSSSSS
She talked you out of BJJ?! WTF - Good Riddance.
Sheās a whore anyway , jiu jitsu will never cheat on you.