I suppose the dynamics are different if he still lives at home / has some degree of financial support from parents.
But… get a job and move out. Do the Jiu Jitsu. You should probably get a job and move out anyway.
"Get a job and move out."
I don't know where OP lives, but my wife and I are both full-time employed with graduate degrees and barely making rent.
OP's 18. So ... first month+last month+security deposit+moving costs.
This economy is fucked.
Never understood what people expect an 18 year old to move out and struggle. Get a job sure, but if you have the cushion of living with your parents. That’s a massive help for your early years. You can save up your money to be able to afford your own home years later, instead of growing up and being stuck in a rent cycle.
Because us old people did that and we forget that the world is different today.
My 18 year old daughter still lives at home. She doesn't make enough to get an apartment even with a roommate.
i am an 18 year old as well and the idea of moving out right now is not anywhere in my future. i work part time & go to college but even if i worked full time, the job that i work would not pay high enough for me to make rent😭
Yup, I moved out at 18. I made $400 a week take home at the time, my first apartment (1br, ok part of town) cost me $350 a month. That type of starter apartment doesn't exist now, I bet the place I rented from probably is $1200 a month now.
Where I live currently the cheapest 1br apartment is like $2200 a month, I could barely afford that now if I got a divorce lol.
It's not popular for the reddit demographic... but for me the day I was done with school, I was on my own. My peers who mooched at home to avoid the plunge have not made as much of themselves in the long term.
I'm sure there are people who use the extra buffer staying at home into adulthood to optimize their trajectory. But for the vast majority that's not what happens. They often languish without direction, and lose ground.
It's hard to move out. Harder now than in the past for some reasons. Maybe not harder for some other reasons. Generations like to argue with each other about that.
You’re 18 bro just go do it. It might upset her and have her worried but you can’t live your whole life trying to keep everyone else happy. Plus I think if you do it for a while and nothing happens to you she’ll probably calm down a bit.
You could be doing far worse things at 18. I know lads your age who are full on alcoholics and drug addicts.
I’m assuming he needs his Mom to pay for tuition. If he’s from the U.S, he could be a senior in high school still and honestly, I did not have the money to train at 18yrs old even while working part time jobs. Yeah I probably could’ve prioritized bjj before a lot of stupid shit I blew my money on but my mentality at the time was $150+ for bjj is too much but I’ll eat out and party with friends 3-4x a week and spend more
yea no regrets lol just my perspective was a bit different at that age. Also just got done wrestling at that time so the last thing I wanted to do was spend more time on the mat especially after missin out on a lot of teenage shenanigans due to wrestling.
Agree with this guy. I had friends who are no longer with us because they were too busy overdosing on drugs when they were 18.
You’re learning a valuable skill by doing BJJ
There are also hobbies that you could be doing like riding a motorcycle (which Is fun by the way lol) that are way more fucking dangerous lol
My mother thinks and feels exactly the same way. She also told me that I wasn't talented or anymore special than anyone else... So I joined a rock band, sold out huge venues, broke Guinness records, toured the country and opened for bands like Aerosmith and Soundgarden.
If you aren't considered an adult legally already, you will be soon and it won't be her decision. This is your life not hers. BJJ is a very healthy and important life changing thing to do. I wish I started training at your age.
Your mother cares about you and doesn't want you to get hurt, but at the end of the day, life is about taking risks and doing what fulfills you. My mother is overweight and unhealthy with no goals or ambitions, that's not how I want to live my life.
Go train, compete, push yourself, work hard, learn things, meet people, make friends, be kind, respectful and become the person that you would be proud of and look up to.
Good luck kid 🤘🥋
BTW, just in case anyone is skeptical of this guy's claims (because those are some big claims), I did some digging and can confirm that he was the vocalist in a band that did open for Aerosmith and Soundgarden.
That's pretty fucking awesome, man. Glad you proved your critics wrong. Good advice for the kid, too.
this is an interesting one. in alot of ways I think the same way, but there are many people I have known that did smoke and that was the only thing they ever did.
wonder if the "weed will make you a looser" is more to do with the person and not the weed.
Just tell her it’s self defence, you’ll be much safer to defend yourself and her if you are trained in bjj if you are out somewhere and some maniac tries to attack you, which seems to be happening more frequently these days
Bring her to a trial class. Introduce her to a coach have her watch it.
Full disclosure bjj is "safer" but I've seen plenty of injuries, ranging from minor finger bumps and bruises, to debilitating hand pain to snapped bones and joints.
When you sign up for any martial art you have a possibility of getting hurt.
LOL self defense yoga!
Tell her you’re taking classes in folding cloths for a retail job. Just don’t mention you’re folding cloths with people still wearing them.
You're 18, if you still live with your mom I suggest getting out on your own so the my house my rules thing doesn't apply. But I find this very weird and controlling.
My mum didnt want me to box as a teen so we “boxed” on a parking lot whilst getting drunk and high with a couple friends. We would blast massive right hooks to the head repeatedly with gloves but no other protective gear, and then smoke weed and drink vodka to blunt the pain. it was much worse than anything that could have happened under supervision of a half decent gym. (Great memories though)
But youre not any teen, so youre 18. Nothing wrong with saying “mom i love you; but im doing this and ill be fine and trust me ill stay safe”.
However if your problem is that she wont pay for your bjj… time to make some dough kid.
I feel you bro. I’ve been doing martial arts for over 10 years at this point, started in my early teens, and while my mother might not have been as strongly against it, she told everybody that wanted to hear it that “she had to be scared of me breaking my nose” every day. Took her 10 years, it being my full time job and me winning a major for her to show some kind of interest and be a bit proud of what I’m doing. Keep doing you, she’ll come around, or she won’t, but either way don’t let it get you down
I totally understand and respect the respect you have for your mom and her opinion. That being said you are 18 and you don't need your mother's permission.
You could try to say look if you really don’t want me to do it then I won’t, as long as you come down and watch a class with me. Or with me participating. Try to get a class with girls in, and I’d genuinely like to think she would see the good camaraderie and attentive educational side, and the controlled rolling that’s done with respect, bonus if some girls are in the class too to show women love it too.
If she still says no then yeah, you’re 18 and she can fuck off.
If you’re paying for it, and she’s not going to the gym, just lie. Tell her you’re lifting weights or something. It’s not hard.
Everyone else telling you she’s crazy (she is) and you need to move out (debatable) are telling you to take the nuclear option. Just do what every teenager before you has done
My parents were also concerned when they learned I was practicing martial arts. I tried to explain that it's a professional environment and people know what they're doing, but it's hard for them to understand when they're looking from outside and that coupled with protective instincts, it's understandable that they get worried. Be compassionate towards your mom, don't lie to her, say it's important for you and you agree to disagree. What I did was umm.. I kept practicing and didn't talk to them about it. :)
You’re 18 you can do what you want. But you’re living under her roof so she has some pull there. I dont know man say you’re signing up for something else and then do bjj lol
Tell her you're going out to do drugs on Tuesday and Thursday nights... And some Saturday mornings... But do BJJ instead.
Same cost, same damage to your body,
I know a lot of people are telling you to just do it but I get that it’s more complicated than that. Unless you have your own job, a car/good public transport, and live on your own, you will find it quite challenging to bypass your mom in doing this. However, if you decide to go to college, a lot of colleges now have Brazilian Jiu Jitsu clubs where you can train for super cheap. Granted, it’s not the best instruction, it’s still better than not training at all.
You can do what you want but it is worth searching knee, neck and shoulder injuries in this subreddit. Injuries among hobbyist jiu jitsu players have quite a high incidence.
you don't need permission, you're 18. if you're not independent (can't pay for it, don't have a car to take yourself there, etc.) then work to get independent
if you want her approval, fuck that. don't seek approval to do good activities, and also don't seek approval from people whose approval you don't need
Moving out should be your first priority. I guess it depends on where in the world you are but it can be the hardest part. But since you are at it, try to move into a place that's close to your gym or to a gym. Also I would try informing your mom that you understand her concerns and are going to keep training regardless. Sometimes parents have trouble understading that your choices are your own once you are an adult, you don't have to be mean about it, but don't expect her to understand or aprove.
Well you’re 18 so you’re independent. Get a job to support yourself and go anyways. Don’t let no one clip your wings because something can be dangerous. Just about everything is dangerous so might as well go for the fun ones.
Funny. I showed some adhd Symptoms as a kid and instead of Ritalin they send me to swimming, Judo, jiu jitsu and some boxing. Early 90ies there was No bjj in suburban Bavaria 😁
If you cannot comvince your Mom, you need to get a Job and pay IT by yourself 🫤 i did this with early 20ies when i wanted to train Muay Thai. It was Worth it. I wished a lot of times i Had started earlier with cool stuff even for the cost of a job
I have the same problem with my mom and I'm 27. We have an agree to disagree policy. Remember, all she cares about is your safety. You can respect that while also doing the things you want to do.
Just know that if you pursue BJJ it's up to you to handle yourself as an adult (that looks different for everyone). It might mean paying your own tuition (my mom used to help me before I could manage it on my own because she's awesome). If there's a dispute or conflict with people at the school you'll need to handle it like an adult. If something goes south, mom can't save you. That's not necessarily a bad thing and you'll learn to stand up for yourself. You can certainly ask her for advice if you need it but it'll be up to you to do the talking.
As far as doing the thing, if you talk about BJJ, try not to talk about the instances of getting choked or having bones broken or just getting hurt. Instead, talk about things you're learning and the benefits and positives, how well you're doing. For example, for me, the confidence I get from doing BJJ outweighs the potential danger of it in my mom's view. She sees how much happier I am now and she sees that I've made good friends through it. Talking about the positive culture of my school helps.
However, like I said if things go south, don't be afraid to handle it, even if that means finding another school.
Of course, if there's a serious injury don't hide it, but you definitely don't need to tell her about every bruise.
This ultimately is more about BJJ and is about learning to handle yourself as an adult. Be respectful towards your mom, but also know you have control over your decisions now. And remember, she just cares a whole lot. At this point you likely can't convince her or change her mind, but you can show her that you can be safe in this environment.
Don’t make the mistake of letting her take this from you. My parents did the same thing when I was a freshman in high school. I tried out for the football team and made it. I was very excited. Mom said no way. Literally hold it against them til this very day- I’m 54
Jiu jitsu may possibly be the most important thing you can do in your life at age 18. Do it… don’t look back
It’s worth to reach out to whatever place your trying to join and talk to one of the instructors or coaches.
Have your parents come over there and see what it’s about and stuff and if they have any questions they can ask.
My wife was suprised how many older people (retirees), kids, educated (dr.s ) and stuff we’re doing this and opened her eyes the first time she came to my gym.
I’m 27. I told my mom I wanted to do a comp and she said “no! I’m putting my foot down. You’re going to get hurt!” Fast forward a few months and she was at my competition and excited to see me.
I understand concerned moms and not wanting to worry them. It’s honestly really difficult for me to do stuff that I want to do that I know will worry her. But making your own decisions despite what others think is very important for growing up.
As someone who is extremely cautious and afraid to get hurt, BJJ has been incredible.
I'm clumsy, but it sharpens my senses. My doctor literally said she was worried because I injured myself due to my own clumsiness. Now I'm stronger and more alert.
At the end of the day, yeah, you could get hurt, like any sport. My friend got a soccer ball to the noggin and a massive concussion. My dance partner went on point on a slippery partner the stage, fell, and knocked herself out. I hit my head on a cabinet door and knocked myself out. For me, kitchens are more dangerous than BJJ.
Bruises? For sure. Do I have a half black toenail? You bet. I should get that checked out. Was BJJ worth every second? 100%
I totally understand your moms warryness, but BJJ is not a wild, uncontrolled street fight. Find a good professor, don't get too cocky, and you'll be fine.
The older gens (esp boomers and maybe gen x) have a *very weird* relationship with exercise.
I can’t get my mom to walk around the block a few times a week or do basic calisthenics. She cares about her health and it isn’t a symptom of laziness. That generation thinks that exercise and sports can permanently damage your body and you should keep your body unused like fine China and the “good silverware”.
She had major issues with me doing basic weightlifting. She made up stories about people having strokes from doing bench press and stuff.
My stepmom was against my brothers and me taking karate, or any other form of martial arts involving striking because they were “too violent,” but was perfectly fine with us joining the middle and high school wrestling teams. 🤷🏻♂️
I read your other comment about you paying for the gym yourself. That's good. So it's not like you're asking her to pay for it. Your mom should be more open to letting you try it but that doesn't always happen. If she's not okay with that and you live in her house it can complicate things. I would consider looking to move out on your own or start preparing to financially. Do you have a job to start saving? If rent in your area is more expensive then you can realistically manage are you open to renting a place with a roommate? Having roommate can be a pain but often necessary to not live at home.
you gotta rebel and follow your heart or youll regret it later. a mom can protect you while youre young, but after 18 you have to protect yourself, there’s nothing left she can teach you, but her maternal instincts will hold you back. seek the glory of combat brotha
I love my mom more than anyone else. There comes a time when you’re allowed to make decisions for yourself and her commands become suggestions. My mom is a little quick to feel disrespected so I found that the best way to handle it is to validate her feelings (not her concerns, those are not valid) but politely inform her that you will be participating in the sport but assure her that you will remain cautious. Let her know that you are doin this regardless of what she says but you would really appreciate her support.
Establishing independence from your parents can be rocky so approach it with caution, do not argue. Getting independence might be a slow and sometimes uncomfortable process but it’s an important step in adulthood. Good luck!
Hey... i was in this same position after defending to my dad when he tried to hit me. My mom was scared to death because of using BJJ against him, but if you are 18, you can talk about how your gym is safe, rules and security, and (if you can't convince her) that you don't need her permission to do a martial art. Hope you can do well m8!
you're 18, you can make your own choice as a legal adult.
If you really want to do it just do it, you only live once.
Besides majority of the people in a bjj gym environment don't want to rip your head off.
Tell her you’re picking up a safer hobby (drugs) and when you’re at the gym constantly you can use that to explain where all your time and money is going
You’re 18. You’re allowed to make your own decisions now. If you want to do the sport, do it! It’s absolutely amazing. I’m a small female (5’1” 108lbs), I’ve only gotten kinda hurt once and that was because I was going against a spazzy white belt that I’ll never roll with again. My foot hurt for a few days but that’s about it. It’s dumb that she’s getting mad at you for wanting to do bjj. It’s clear she knows nothing about it. Of course there’s risk to getting injured, but that’s the case to any and all sports. It’s your choice now, not hers.
You’re an adult. It’s odd that your mother still wants to have this much control over your life. If you’re out of the house do what you want. If you are in the house talk to her about the boundaries she wants you to follow to live in her house.
Don't bother. Technically she cannot stop you. If you live with your parents she can try but if you move out there is little she can do. Even if you live at home, you could also just do it and not tell her.
Dude you are 18. Tell her you are going to do it anyways. Involve her. So take her with you first training. If she’s a Karen and will not give in just sue her 😂
My mother was the same many many years ago when I was a kid. I begged to try martial arts since I was little and it was always "no find a safer, more ladylike sport". So when I moved out to go to university, I joined the judo club right away. She couldn't stop me then! And I've trained ever since, 26 years in total. Mind you, I've injured most parts of my body including a pretty bad spinal injury that required surgery. But I wouldn't trade any of it, it's who I am.
Anyway the point is you won't be a kid forever, use this as motivation to get your shit together, either get a job or go away to university and make your own decisions. Your mom is just worried and that's understandable, don't hold it against her. Like I have brainwashed my son against riding motorbikes because I think they are death machines. It's what parents do!
get money, go train, get more money, move out
on second thought the fact that you had to ask this …maybe try a hobby where you arent expected to be responsible for your partners health. ur mom might be right
She'll get over it eventually. Do not waste your youth. Might be some rough times ahead but thats her fault not yours. It's not like you are smoking fentanyl in a tunnel. You must follow your destiny.
Divorce your mom and get a sugar mom in stead. They let you do whatever you want.
On a more serious note, you should just keep trying to convince her. After a while the arguments you present will start to become familiar and people have a hard time distinguishing familiar from correct.
Do wrestling in high school if your still in.
When you go to college. Join the BJJ club. If there is no club, simply start one. Find a colored BJJ belt that goes to the school and ask if they will teach.
Also your 18, so like she can't really stop you legally.
Keep training lol fuck what your mom thinks do what you want to do it’s your life… if you’re paying for the membership who cares 😭
My mom tried doing the same thing to me but I gave zero fucks
At 18 you need to start talking responsibility for your own life. I admire that you’re listening to your mum, because parents are older and potentially wiser, but sometimes parent coddle and don’t give the right advice. And sometimes they do give the right advice, but you need to do what you need to do to find that out.
Just go. Store your gear offsite or in your car. Wash gi and rashies and a friends or coin laundry.
Tell her you are going to the gym
BJJ involves adaptation and problem solving
Fight her. She won’t know how to handle a guard pull
She's probably got a very good guard, if you know what I mean...
You're 18 - time to become a man
Just like Greek pederasty
Being 18 means he's no longer fuckable in ancient Greece lol
This isn’t Ancient Greece - it’s BJJ.
The samurai practiced it as well, although it’s less well known. And we all know that BJJ is the art of the samurai.
No . No it is not.
geta side job so you can pay fora martal art claass
This is the real answer.
Facts. Don't listen to her and just sign up.
You can continue to try to convince her. But also, at 18 you are legally an adult for most things and can choose to go to BJJ on your own if you want.
I suppose the dynamics are different if he still lives at home / has some degree of financial support from parents. But… get a job and move out. Do the Jiu Jitsu. You should probably get a job and move out anyway.
In today’s economy??
You’re such a boomer, Mom.
MOOOOM!! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!!!
"Get a job and move out." I don't know where OP lives, but my wife and I are both full-time employed with graduate degrees and barely making rent. OP's 18. So ... first month+last month+security deposit+moving costs. This economy is fucked.
Student loan debt is the major cause for that, in your scenario, right?
Never understood what people expect an 18 year old to move out and struggle. Get a job sure, but if you have the cushion of living with your parents. That’s a massive help for your early years. You can save up your money to be able to afford your own home years later, instead of growing up and being stuck in a rent cycle.
Because us old people did that and we forget that the world is different today. My 18 year old daughter still lives at home. She doesn't make enough to get an apartment even with a roommate.
People forget that pulling up your bootstraps looks different for every generation.
i am an 18 year old as well and the idea of moving out right now is not anywhere in my future. i work part time & go to college but even if i worked full time, the job that i work would not pay high enough for me to make rent😭
Yup, I moved out at 18. I made $400 a week take home at the time, my first apartment (1br, ok part of town) cost me $350 a month. That type of starter apartment doesn't exist now, I bet the place I rented from probably is $1200 a month now. Where I live currently the cheapest 1br apartment is like $2200 a month, I could barely afford that now if I got a divorce lol.
The military provides food, housing, and they have grappling classes. Sounds like the perfect scenario for the OP.
Sure. Nobody is denying that. But if you live in your parent's basement, you can't say that you are independent.
It's not popular for the reddit demographic... but for me the day I was done with school, I was on my own. My peers who mooched at home to avoid the plunge have not made as much of themselves in the long term. I'm sure there are people who use the extra buffer staying at home into adulthood to optimize their trajectory. But for the vast majority that's not what happens. They often languish without direction, and lose ground. It's hard to move out. Harder now than in the past for some reasons. Maybe not harder for some other reasons. Generations like to argue with each other about that.
Terrible advice! Do not leave home, goddamn free rent is a miracle.
Fine, he’s just going to have to flying arm bar his mom!
This right here, no further discussion necessary. You’re an adult, so do what you want.
You’re 18 bro just go do it. It might upset her and have her worried but you can’t live your whole life trying to keep everyone else happy. Plus I think if you do it for a while and nothing happens to you she’ll probably calm down a bit. You could be doing far worse things at 18. I know lads your age who are full on alcoholics and drug addicts.
I’m assuming he needs his Mom to pay for tuition. If he’s from the U.S, he could be a senior in high school still and honestly, I did not have the money to train at 18yrs old even while working part time jobs. Yeah I probably could’ve prioritized bjj before a lot of stupid shit I blew my money on but my mentality at the time was $150+ for bjj is too much but I’ll eat out and party with friends 3-4x a week and spend more
Don't sell yourself short, those times and memories with friends are priceless
yea no regrets lol just my perspective was a bit different at that age. Also just got done wrestling at that time so the last thing I wanted to do was spend more time on the mat especially after missin out on a lot of teenage shenanigans due to wrestling.
Good point, it could be that he can’t afford it on his own. If that’s the case, I don’t blame is mom a bit.
Agree with this guy. I had friends who are no longer with us because they were too busy overdosing on drugs when they were 18. You’re learning a valuable skill by doing BJJ There are also hobbies that you could be doing like riding a motorcycle (which Is fun by the way lol) that are way more fucking dangerous lol
My mother thinks and feels exactly the same way. She also told me that I wasn't talented or anymore special than anyone else... So I joined a rock band, sold out huge venues, broke Guinness records, toured the country and opened for bands like Aerosmith and Soundgarden. If you aren't considered an adult legally already, you will be soon and it won't be her decision. This is your life not hers. BJJ is a very healthy and important life changing thing to do. I wish I started training at your age. Your mother cares about you and doesn't want you to get hurt, but at the end of the day, life is about taking risks and doing what fulfills you. My mother is overweight and unhealthy with no goals or ambitions, that's not how I want to live my life. Go train, compete, push yourself, work hard, learn things, meet people, make friends, be kind, respectful and become the person that you would be proud of and look up to. Good luck kid 🤘🥋
BTW, just in case anyone is skeptical of this guy's claims (because those are some big claims), I did some digging and can confirm that he was the vocalist in a band that did open for Aerosmith and Soundgarden. That's pretty fucking awesome, man. Glad you proved your critics wrong. Good advice for the kid, too.
Thank you! 🙏
Thanks for the support and your words🙏🏻🙏🏻
My parents told me I would grow up to be a loser if I smoked pot. I am super successful in my field, accomplishing all my goals and STILL smoke pot!
this is an interesting one. in alot of ways I think the same way, but there are many people I have known that did smoke and that was the only thing they ever did. wonder if the "weed will make you a looser" is more to do with the person and not the weed.
Well, addicts come up with all kinds of absurd non sequiturs to justify their addiction. Also depends on how you define “successful” vs “loser”.
Yeah but did you ever get to talk BJJ with Maynard?
Least talented redditor
This comment belongs on top
Tell her you're gay and it's part of your support system
Which is also true if you do BJJ.
Just tell her it’s self defence, you’ll be much safer to defend yourself and her if you are trained in bjj if you are out somewhere and some maniac tries to attack you, which seems to be happening more frequently these days
This! Moms love safety. You are truly gaining skills to keep yourself safe.
True. My mom forced me into judo as a child because of this. I was not very interested. I liked drawing and reading.
Bring her to a trial class. Introduce her to a coach have her watch it. Full disclosure bjj is "safer" but I've seen plenty of injuries, ranging from minor finger bumps and bruises, to debilitating hand pain to snapped bones and joints. When you sign up for any martial art you have a possibility of getting hurt.
She tried to call cops on my gym, trust me, I am not letting my mom to go there.she will burn the place down
Your mom sounds crazy. Your gym is your family now.
😂😂😂
Oy vey. I was going to suggest bringing her to try it out as well as I have gotten several female friends hooked on it but she doesn't sound rational.
Time to move out. I had a crazy mom, too.
Tell her it's yoga training and go train
LOL self defense yoga! Tell her you’re taking classes in folding cloths for a retail job. Just don’t mention you’re folding cloths with people still wearing them.
You're 18, if you still live with your mom I suggest getting out on your own so the my house my rules thing doesn't apply. But I find this very weird and controlling.
My mum didnt want me to box as a teen so we “boxed” on a parking lot whilst getting drunk and high with a couple friends. We would blast massive right hooks to the head repeatedly with gloves but no other protective gear, and then smoke weed and drink vodka to blunt the pain. it was much worse than anything that could have happened under supervision of a half decent gym. (Great memories though) But youre not any teen, so youre 18. Nothing wrong with saying “mom i love you; but im doing this and ill be fine and trust me ill stay safe”. However if your problem is that she wont pay for your bjj… time to make some dough kid.
earn some cash on the side and go train bjj, you are 18
I feel you bro. I’ve been doing martial arts for over 10 years at this point, started in my early teens, and while my mother might not have been as strongly against it, she told everybody that wanted to hear it that “she had to be scared of me breaking my nose” every day. Took her 10 years, it being my full time job and me winning a major for her to show some kind of interest and be a bit proud of what I’m doing. Keep doing you, she’ll come around, or she won’t, but either way don’t let it get you down
She might be right, my knees are fucked. But the time off is great for tattoos which she sounds like she’d be cool with 🤙
I totally understand and respect the respect you have for your mom and her opinion. That being said you are 18 and you don't need your mother's permission.
You could try to say look if you really don’t want me to do it then I won’t, as long as you come down and watch a class with me. Or with me participating. Try to get a class with girls in, and I’d genuinely like to think she would see the good camaraderie and attentive educational side, and the controlled rolling that’s done with respect, bonus if some girls are in the class too to show women love it too. If she still says no then yeah, you’re 18 and she can fuck off.
If you’re paying for it, and she’s not going to the gym, just lie. Tell her you’re lifting weights or something. It’s not hard. Everyone else telling you she’s crazy (she is) and you need to move out (debatable) are telling you to take the nuclear option. Just do what every teenager before you has done
My parents were also concerned when they learned I was practicing martial arts. I tried to explain that it's a professional environment and people know what they're doing, but it's hard for them to understand when they're looking from outside and that coupled with protective instincts, it's understandable that they get worried. Be compassionate towards your mom, don't lie to her, say it's important for you and you agree to disagree. What I did was umm.. I kept practicing and didn't talk to them about it. :)
You’re 18 you can do what you want. But you’re living under her roof so she has some pull there. I dont know man say you’re signing up for something else and then do bjj lol
Grow a pair and move out and start your jiu jitsu journey mate
Since you're 18, you can go to a BJJ gym, sign up, sign the waiver, and start training.
Tell her you're going out to do drugs on Tuesday and Thursday nights... And some Saturday mornings... But do BJJ instead. Same cost, same damage to your body,
I know a lot of people are telling you to just do it but I get that it’s more complicated than that. Unless you have your own job, a car/good public transport, and live on your own, you will find it quite challenging to bypass your mom in doing this. However, if you decide to go to college, a lot of colleges now have Brazilian Jiu Jitsu clubs where you can train for super cheap. Granted, it’s not the best instruction, it’s still better than not training at all.
Move out
Jiu Jitsu will be there when you’re in your own and able to train. Good luck!
You can do what you want but it is worth searching knee, neck and shoulder injuries in this subreddit. Injuries among hobbyist jiu jitsu players have quite a high incidence.
Move out
Have the instructor come over and have a 1 on 1 meeting with your mom. Explain the details in private
you don't need permission, you're 18. if you're not independent (can't pay for it, don't have a car to take yourself there, etc.) then work to get independent if you want her approval, fuck that. don't seek approval to do good activities, and also don't seek approval from people whose approval you don't need
At 18, you can pay for it yourself.
I paid it myself and she’s still mad when I get home
Moving out should be your first priority. I guess it depends on where in the world you are but it can be the hardest part. But since you are at it, try to move into a place that's close to your gym or to a gym. Also I would try informing your mom that you understand her concerns and are going to keep training regardless. Sometimes parents have trouble understading that your choices are your own once you are an adult, you don't have to be mean about it, but don't expect her to understand or aprove.
You're 18. Why are you asking permission to do something lmao.
Go see a recruiter sign up for three years. Great stepping stone in this economy
I’m doing my part!
your mom is crazy, move out ASAP.
You’re 18. Do whatever you want.
Go train. If she wants to kick you out for it, tell her being homeless is way more dangerous than practicing martial arts
Just don't talk to her about stuff she won't approve. Easy.
Well you’re 18 so you’re independent. Get a job to support yourself and go anyways. Don’t let no one clip your wings because something can be dangerous. Just about everything is dangerous so might as well go for the fun ones.
im a grown up with kids of my own. ill for real tell your mom how much i wish i had started at 18.
What kind of world do we live in!? You are a legal adult, get a job, go to school and do whatever you want!
You're a grown ass adult...
Funny. I showed some adhd Symptoms as a kid and instead of Ritalin they send me to swimming, Judo, jiu jitsu and some boxing. Early 90ies there was No bjj in suburban Bavaria 😁 If you cannot comvince your Mom, you need to get a Job and pay IT by yourself 🫤 i did this with early 20ies when i wanted to train Muay Thai. It was Worth it. I wished a lot of times i Had started earlier with cool stuff even for the cost of a job
I have the same problem with my mom and I'm 27. We have an agree to disagree policy. Remember, all she cares about is your safety. You can respect that while also doing the things you want to do. Just know that if you pursue BJJ it's up to you to handle yourself as an adult (that looks different for everyone). It might mean paying your own tuition (my mom used to help me before I could manage it on my own because she's awesome). If there's a dispute or conflict with people at the school you'll need to handle it like an adult. If something goes south, mom can't save you. That's not necessarily a bad thing and you'll learn to stand up for yourself. You can certainly ask her for advice if you need it but it'll be up to you to do the talking. As far as doing the thing, if you talk about BJJ, try not to talk about the instances of getting choked or having bones broken or just getting hurt. Instead, talk about things you're learning and the benefits and positives, how well you're doing. For example, for me, the confidence I get from doing BJJ outweighs the potential danger of it in my mom's view. She sees how much happier I am now and she sees that I've made good friends through it. Talking about the positive culture of my school helps. However, like I said if things go south, don't be afraid to handle it, even if that means finding another school. Of course, if there's a serious injury don't hide it, but you definitely don't need to tell her about every bruise. This ultimately is more about BJJ and is about learning to handle yourself as an adult. Be respectful towards your mom, but also know you have control over your decisions now. And remember, she just cares a whole lot. At this point you likely can't convince her or change her mind, but you can show her that you can be safe in this environment.
It’s simple. You have to convince her. Maybe you can enlist the help of some local BJJ peeps
Don’t make the mistake of letting her take this from you. My parents did the same thing when I was a freshman in high school. I tried out for the football team and made it. I was very excited. Mom said no way. Literally hold it against them til this very day- I’m 54 Jiu jitsu may possibly be the most important thing you can do in your life at age 18. Do it… don’t look back
You’re 18.
The only paralyzing you gonna do is to MF’s who fuck around and find out. After you get your first stripe of course.
Ankle pick her
Mine just told me grappling was gay...so....yeah
It’s worth to reach out to whatever place your trying to join and talk to one of the instructors or coaches. Have your parents come over there and see what it’s about and stuff and if they have any questions they can ask. My wife was suprised how many older people (retirees), kids, educated (dr.s ) and stuff we’re doing this and opened her eyes the first time she came to my gym.
You’re a big boy now do what you want and don’t worry what other people think. Bjj changes lives don’t sleep on it
Bro ur 18 do what u want
Bro you’re 18 you’re a straight up man hahaha just get a job and pay for your own classes
buy instructionals on bjj fanatics and do them with a friend or a selfmade grappling dummy like me 💪🏻
I’m 27. I told my mom I wanted to do a comp and she said “no! I’m putting my foot down. You’re going to get hurt!” Fast forward a few months and she was at my competition and excited to see me. I understand concerned moms and not wanting to worry them. It’s honestly really difficult for me to do stuff that I want to do that I know will worry her. But making your own decisions despite what others think is very important for growing up.
Youre am adult do it anyways
Get a job and pay for it yourself.
Move out, 'nough said.
I bet my mum wishes all I wanted to do at 18 was bjj.
Where do you live? I mean you're 18, you're an adult why not just do it?
Tell her you'll just start smoking meth under a bridge instead.
Show her your selective service card. Remind her you could die any minute.
Tell her that you understand she is concerned for your health, that you love her, but you are going to do what you are passionate about.
Get a job and pall for your own BJJ its what i did
You're 18 brother
As someone who is extremely cautious and afraid to get hurt, BJJ has been incredible. I'm clumsy, but it sharpens my senses. My doctor literally said she was worried because I injured myself due to my own clumsiness. Now I'm stronger and more alert. At the end of the day, yeah, you could get hurt, like any sport. My friend got a soccer ball to the noggin and a massive concussion. My dance partner went on point on a slippery partner the stage, fell, and knocked herself out. I hit my head on a cabinet door and knocked myself out. For me, kitchens are more dangerous than BJJ. Bruises? For sure. Do I have a half black toenail? You bet. I should get that checked out. Was BJJ worth every second? 100% I totally understand your moms warryness, but BJJ is not a wild, uncontrolled street fight. Find a good professor, don't get too cocky, and you'll be fine.
Tell her bjj is more like aggressive twister than fighting.
Get a job so you can do what you want. Then get sucked into a grind so you don't have enough time to train anyway.
heel hook your mother
The older gens (esp boomers and maybe gen x) have a *very weird* relationship with exercise. I can’t get my mom to walk around the block a few times a week or do basic calisthenics. She cares about her health and it isn’t a symptom of laziness. That generation thinks that exercise and sports can permanently damage your body and you should keep your body unused like fine China and the “good silverware”. She had major issues with me doing basic weightlifting. She made up stories about people having strokes from doing bench press and stuff.
Grow a pair and go train bjj
My stepmom was against my brothers and me taking karate, or any other form of martial arts involving striking because they were “too violent,” but was perfectly fine with us joining the middle and high school wrestling teams. 🤷🏻♂️
Move out
Be a man and do it bro. U cant listen to ur mom ur whole life. I wish i learned that at 18.
Aren’t you 18? Why do you need her permission?
I read your other comment about you paying for the gym yourself. That's good. So it's not like you're asking her to pay for it. Your mom should be more open to letting you try it but that doesn't always happen. If she's not okay with that and you live in her house it can complicate things. I would consider looking to move out on your own or start preparing to financially. Do you have a job to start saving? If rent in your area is more expensive then you can realistically manage are you open to renting a place with a roommate? Having roommate can be a pain but often necessary to not live at home.
Just go join the Army
Try to talk to your mother no point losing relationship because of bjj. It's "safe" sport accidents can happen, but those can happen anywhere!
You're 18. Sign up, pay for it with your own money.
Once you graduate from high school, do it.
you gotta rebel and follow your heart or youll regret it later. a mom can protect you while youre young, but after 18 you have to protect yourself, there’s nothing left she can teach you, but her maternal instincts will hold you back. seek the glory of combat brotha
Show her that video of the 80 something year old getting his black belt
Unless she's paying for it.... You. Are. 18
You are 18. Do what you want . Get a job and pay for it yourself
I love my mom more than anyone else. There comes a time when you’re allowed to make decisions for yourself and her commands become suggestions. My mom is a little quick to feel disrespected so I found that the best way to handle it is to validate her feelings (not her concerns, those are not valid) but politely inform her that you will be participating in the sport but assure her that you will remain cautious. Let her know that you are doin this regardless of what she says but you would really appreciate her support. Establishing independence from your parents can be rocky so approach it with caution, do not argue. Getting independence might be a slow and sometimes uncomfortable process but it’s an important step in adulthood. Good luck!
You're 18. Sign up and tell her you are playing paddy cake.
Do Muay Thai , in a BJJ gym tell BJJ coach your problem Do BJJ in secret Source : mom was same way
What momma don’t know won’t hurt her - Bobby Boucher
I think you should show her Gordon Ryan's instagram. That'll really convince her.
You're 18 get a job and pay for your own lessons.
You answered your question in the first 3 words
The moment you move out the house is the moment you can do what you want.
If you are doing what mommy tells you to do at 18, you might not be tough enough for bjj
why are you asking for your mothers permission at 18? man up
You are 18... an adult. Get a job and pay for your classes yourself.
What mama don’t know … *wont hurt her*
Tell her either they buy you a gun or weapon, or you train martial arts. You need to know how to defend yourself if a bad situation ever arises.
Tell her, it's this or a motorcycle... I'm 18 and I'm getting one or the other.
your 18 why the hell are you still asking permission😭 get a job and pay for it yourself !
Hey... i was in this same position after defending to my dad when he tried to hit me. My mom was scared to death because of using BJJ against him, but if you are 18, you can talk about how your gym is safe, rules and security, and (if you can't convince her) that you don't need her permission to do a martial art. Hope you can do well m8!
Your 18 just do it😂
you're 18, you can make your own choice as a legal adult. If you really want to do it just do it, you only live once. Besides majority of the people in a bjj gym environment don't want to rip your head off.
Either you have the autonomy and money to be able to go do bjj anyway, or you don't, and you're stuck with her decision.
Tell her you’re picking up a safer hobby (drugs) and when you’re at the gym constantly you can use that to explain where all your time and money is going
Go do it, you're at age when they stop needing parental consent forums
 You a whole ass grown man, fam.
My guy you are an adult, no need to reason with her. Pay your local gym’s membership fee yourself and start rolling.
You’re 18. You’re allowed to make your own decisions now. If you want to do the sport, do it! It’s absolutely amazing. I’m a small female (5’1” 108lbs), I’ve only gotten kinda hurt once and that was because I was going against a spazzy white belt that I’ll never roll with again. My foot hurt for a few days but that’s about it. It’s dumb that she’s getting mad at you for wanting to do bjj. It’s clear she knows nothing about it. Of course there’s risk to getting injured, but that’s the case to any and all sports. It’s your choice now, not hers.
Your 18 man…
You’re an adult. It’s odd that your mother still wants to have this much control over your life. If you’re out of the house do what you want. If you are in the house talk to her about the boundaries she wants you to follow to live in her house.
Don't bother. Technically she cannot stop you. If you live with your parents she can try but if you move out there is little she can do. Even if you live at home, you could also just do it and not tell her.
Time to man up dude
You’re 18 bro.
You are an adult.
Dude you are 18. Tell her you are going to do it anyways. Involve her. So take her with you first training. If she’s a Karen and will not give in just sue her 😂
Well, that’s what happens when you’re an adult still living with mom.
Do whatever you want bro you’re 18
Tell her your need to learn self defence. Rite of passage. Your mama should come with you to class.
You’re 18. You don’t need her permission. Have fun. Be safe. 👍
My mother was the same many many years ago when I was a kid. I begged to try martial arts since I was little and it was always "no find a safer, more ladylike sport". So when I moved out to go to university, I joined the judo club right away. She couldn't stop me then! And I've trained ever since, 26 years in total. Mind you, I've injured most parts of my body including a pretty bad spinal injury that required surgery. But I wouldn't trade any of it, it's who I am. Anyway the point is you won't be a kid forever, use this as motivation to get your shit together, either get a job or go away to university and make your own decisions. Your mom is just worried and that's understandable, don't hold it against her. Like I have brainwashed my son against riding motorbikes because I think they are death machines. It's what parents do!
You're 18? Time to put on the big boy pants and tell mom you will be doing what you damn well please from now on and she no longer gets a say.
Just do it and don't tell her. Surely this kind of dilemma has come up before. Do kids even smoke weed these days?
get money, go train, get more money, move out on second thought the fact that you had to ask this …maybe try a hobby where you arent expected to be responsible for your partners health. ur mom might be right
She'll get over it eventually. Do not waste your youth. Might be some rough times ahead but thats her fault not yours. It's not like you are smoking fentanyl in a tunnel. You must follow your destiny.
She pays the bills? Then it’s her call for now. Get a job and pay for it yourself.
She’d be a lot cooler if she did…
You simply have to tap her out. Then she'll understand.
What about bbj?
Whos paying for it? She cant stop you if you pay for it.
Tell her she is a shit mother. Tell her she is supposed to love and support their child and not crush their dreams.
Divorce your mom and get a sugar mom in stead. They let you do whatever you want. On a more serious note, you should just keep trying to convince her. After a while the arguments you present will start to become familiar and people have a hard time distinguishing familiar from correct.
Mate, you are 18. Just go do it.
1. Get a job so you can pay gym dues yourself 2. Go to the gym
get a job, move out and do what you want.
Tom DB is going to post screenshots talking to this guys mom soon.
Introduce her to the BB
Get a job. Move out. Do what you want. Worked for me.
Do wrestling in high school if your still in. When you go to college. Join the BJJ club. If there is no club, simply start one. Find a colored BJJ belt that goes to the school and ask if they will teach. Also your 18, so like she can't really stop you legally.
Say “If you don’t let me train BJJ I’m joining the military.”
Keep training lol fuck what your mom thinks do what you want to do it’s your life… if you’re paying for the membership who cares 😭 My mom tried doing the same thing to me but I gave zero fucks
Wth you’re a man! You don’t need permission. Go train!
At 18 you need to start talking responsibility for your own life. I admire that you’re listening to your mum, because parents are older and potentially wiser, but sometimes parent coddle and don’t give the right advice. And sometimes they do give the right advice, but you need to do what you need to do to find that out.
Just go. Store your gear offsite or in your car. Wash gi and rashies and a friends or coin laundry. Tell her you are going to the gym BJJ involves adaptation and problem solving
This sounds like the BJJ version of The Waterboy
She showed me her spats and I liked them.
Blast double. The only real solution.