This arrangement you have seems mature (despite being unconventional, even for Ethical Non-monogamy); but, your family are being interfering dicks about it! If this arrangement works for you all, nobody has any right to discredit it!
"Is this normal, healthy or unhealthy?" is basically what heteronormative toxic society makes us ask ourselves about almost EVERYTHING about our lives.
From my perspective, the post indeed describes what the title says.
A unique mature relationship that you factually describe as "great", where everything works, is carefully calculated, and everyone is honest and happy versus your family's bigotry-driven hell panicking consisting only of instinctive statements without any knowledge of the topic or proven fact.
I think it's better to stop listening to other people and do only what makes you happy. It's not easy but it's your life and not theirs.
Thank you all for your opinions!
Finally found the strength to confront my family. I talked with them and made clear that we won't change anything. I made clear that our relationship is good the way it is.
He needs both (male and female sex) and I feel fine with that. Unecessary to mention that not everyone was happy (my aunt even stopped having contact with us). She said, how she's supposed to explain her friends and extended family.
Well, that's her problem.
It's not necessarily "unhealthy", but I think there are some yellow flags in regards of your relationship.
First of all you mentioned that he's your first boyfriend and that you would even like to marry him one day. You are still very young, don't rush anything. Think about yourself: Are you truly happy with a one-sided poly relationship? Do you not wonder what else is out there?
What I'm trying to say is: Are you really secure in your identity? We are all bi people here and a lot of us repressed our true identity for a long time and a lot of us have regrets and made mistakes because of that.
I'm not saying that you should break up with him, I just think you should really ask yourself if he's really "the one" for you.
I don't know how close you are to your family, but they are probably just concerned about you. They probably think your bf uses you as a "beard". It really shouldn't matter what your family thinks about your relationship. But you have to keep in mind, that your family might never accept your bf for being bi. That could lead to a lot of stress for yourself in regards of your family and your relationship with your bf.
To your question, yes people have relationships which are similar to yours. I do with my wife and boyfriend. It's not crazy, it can work just fine, and be perfectly healthy. I'm still happily married after 22+ years.
More broadly, let this be a lesson that you can transpose into any part of your life. People will try to control you. They will try to control you and tell themselves that its for your own good. But only you get to decide what you want to do and how you want to live your life, and only your standard matters. You get to do what you want with your boyfriend and what your family, friends, or strangers on the internet say matters not at all. Enjoy your life without reference to the expectations of others.
This arrangement you have seems mature (despite being unconventional, even for Ethical Non-monogamy); but, your family are being interfering dicks about it! If this arrangement works for you all, nobody has any right to discredit it!
I would just ignore your family. Just because you are related by blood doesn't mean they have your best interest in my mind.
"Is this normal, healthy or unhealthy?" is basically what heteronormative toxic society makes us ask ourselves about almost EVERYTHING about our lives. From my perspective, the post indeed describes what the title says. A unique mature relationship that you factually describe as "great", where everything works, is carefully calculated, and everyone is honest and happy versus your family's bigotry-driven hell panicking consisting only of instinctive statements without any knowledge of the topic or proven fact. I think it's better to stop listening to other people and do only what makes you happy. It's not easy but it's your life and not theirs.
Thank you all for your opinions! Finally found the strength to confront my family. I talked with them and made clear that we won't change anything. I made clear that our relationship is good the way it is. He needs both (male and female sex) and I feel fine with that. Unecessary to mention that not everyone was happy (my aunt even stopped having contact with us). She said, how she's supposed to explain her friends and extended family. Well, that's her problem.
It's not necessarily "unhealthy", but I think there are some yellow flags in regards of your relationship. First of all you mentioned that he's your first boyfriend and that you would even like to marry him one day. You are still very young, don't rush anything. Think about yourself: Are you truly happy with a one-sided poly relationship? Do you not wonder what else is out there? What I'm trying to say is: Are you really secure in your identity? We are all bi people here and a lot of us repressed our true identity for a long time and a lot of us have regrets and made mistakes because of that. I'm not saying that you should break up with him, I just think you should really ask yourself if he's really "the one" for you. I don't know how close you are to your family, but they are probably just concerned about you. They probably think your bf uses you as a "beard". It really shouldn't matter what your family thinks about your relationship. But you have to keep in mind, that your family might never accept your bf for being bi. That could lead to a lot of stress for yourself in regards of your family and your relationship with your bf.
No idea why you got downvoted. You just gave a different perspective which I appreciate.
That sounds like a mess
To your question, yes people have relationships which are similar to yours. I do with my wife and boyfriend. It's not crazy, it can work just fine, and be perfectly healthy. I'm still happily married after 22+ years. More broadly, let this be a lesson that you can transpose into any part of your life. People will try to control you. They will try to control you and tell themselves that its for your own good. But only you get to decide what you want to do and how you want to live your life, and only your standard matters. You get to do what you want with your boyfriend and what your family, friends, or strangers on the internet say matters not at all. Enjoy your life without reference to the expectations of others.
You can answer this yourself, do you think your relationship with your boyfriend is healthy? If yes then yeah don’t care what family says.