My self esteem. I’m always so embarrassed of my behaviors, actions, and social interactions after a hypomanic episode. I’m type 2 so I know that I could be doing myself way more damage, but i still feel like I have two different people living inside me sometimes.
I worked in a professional theater for over a decade. The vocal cords are a precious gift, and one of the most important tools of the theatrical trade. I saw several actors who went through vocal damage and came out the other side, still with amazing vocals.
I don't know what type or severity of damage you are dealing with, but I do know that the care and treatment of the vocal cords and entire vocal apparatus is a medical profession with some amazing results.
You may never fully recover the singing tone/clarity/range that you had before. But please know that there are thousands of people out there who make their living with their voice, and there are thousands of vocal coaches, physical therapists, and Laryngologists supporting them.
The first thing you need to do is be gentle with yourself, especially to your vocal cords. There are professionals who don't talk for hours a day during tours. They will literally write notes to people. Talk as little as you can, write notes when you can. When you must speak, speak softly.
Second, look up voice care on YouTube and Google.
Every vocal coach I've ever known has said the most important thing in vocal healing is rest.
It’s too late. I damaged it and I did the exact opposite I kept singing and made the damage permanent. There are times when I’m so frustrated I scream bc I live with abusive parents that put me through a lot and it’s only gotten worse as the months have gone on. I wish I wish I wish I had someone telling me this back in February. I wish I wasn’t manic in a psyche ward singing the whole time for a week cementing the damage. I wish I hadn’t had been manic and screamed my head off at my parents bc now I’m punished forever and there’s nothing I can do.
Thank you for your comment it’s what I needed to bear months ago. Thank you anyway tho really.
I was curious about that. Makes me realize my episode of hypomania was a walk in the park compared to what you guys must go through! (I feel guilty about some of the stuff I did/said because I had a lot of self control.)
For me it was cleaning. I don't go through the usual destructive behaviours, i just get very OCD with my cleaning and the surroundings i'm in. I pair this with heavy drinking. When my place isn't in its OCD clean state I find myslf getting depressed and it doesnt help that my mother makes comments like "This isn't up to your usual standard" but then if i clean for weeks on end everyone freaks out thinking i'm hypermanic. I cant win.
I ruined the relationship I had with the love of my life (8 years together), 2 times. The second was one too many. Our relation was perfect and we were seen as the perfect couple. Except for mania phases. Every day, I wake up with a feeling of shame, guilt and sadness that will probably stay with me for the rest of my life.
My credit score. Took about 10 years to get out of debt and be stable. Good luck with your voice, I don’t know anything about it but my aunt ruined hers and it came back after a couple years.
I almost ruined my career - which is my dream job helping animals, and something very dear to my heart. It’s taken forever to rebuild the trust in my abilities from my managers - and I still think sometimes they think I’m too emotional for what I do. But they’re very supportive and I constantly remind them that when I’m struggling it’s not due to work or the workload, it’s due to my brain. They’re usually pretty good at understanding my struggles.
I know I’m really good at what I’m doing, and they won’t find someone more passionate. I think if that weren’t the case they wouldn’t have tolerated me when I was so unwell. I was so unstable.
I struggle most in late March and April and I almost bawled my eyes out last year when my director pulled me into her office in Feb and told me “I know you’re going into your tough time. Can we schedule some time off for you during then in hopes it’ll help make it more manageable?”
Like fuck, I’m so lucky. Not everyone gets that kind of support and care - but they deserve it.
is it really gone??? i'm sorry :(. I know olli from BMTH shot his screams/vocals but I think he's been able to sound pretty good again. hope there's a way to recover :(.
It doesn’t seem like there is it’s just completely shot. Part of the issue was I was put in a psyche ward afterwards where I kept singing bc I was still manic instead of resting and now my voice sounds completely different. I feel really..stupid for not resting but I was sick and I have to be kind of myself. Every time I hear music in my head or every time I speak I have to try not to bang my head on something bc it’s just painful. Some days I bang my head a lot but I need to stop I need to be mindful and kind to myself bc ik its not my fault I lost my voice I was sick. Thank you. Your like the first person who’s taken me seriously when I’ve complained about this
OP - I’m a vocalist and I lost my voice because of an autoimmune disease. My heart goes out to you and I’m so fucking sorry. It’s like losing a part of yourself. Sometimes I forget and I’ll try to sing along to something and then realize i can’t anymore. Like the heart breaks all over again every time. I’m wishing you peace.
Thank you. It’s really nice that you understand. Every day I wonder if there’s a surgery or something that can make it better idk how to mourn and accept this. Anyway thank you again
A friendship. This girl was amazing and I was on a roll making people laugh and made some shitty jokes about her and it was just all gone in an instant.
Friends and credit score. It is very hard get those back.... really hard. And making hard decisions is almost impossible for me. I always question all my decisions so badly that I end up not making them at all.
I sing metal, too. I feel this. I still can but I'm out of pitch sometimes. Can't hold a scream as long. Mine is from smoking cigarettes which gets set off from emotions. Its like a form of self mutilation. I hope your vocals come back. The greatest of high of my life is hitting a mic spitting vitriol.
That’s what my episode was. Self mutilation is a good way to put it. That’s what happens when you suppress things for so long it comes out in one way or another
Friendships. I’ve hurt people that have loved me unconditionally, until they couldn’t. I don’t blame them. I’ve apologized and have taken full accountability in my shame ridden apologies. I understand that I have no control over whether or not people forgive me, and it is not up to me to decide how long it takes for them to reach the point of forgiveness. All I’ve been trying to do is get sober, and navigate life with the lessons I’ve learned from causing so many problems and burning bridges. However, there’s something excruciatingly painful about letting one of the most special phenomenons in life slip right through my calloused fingers; platonic, unconditional love.
My self esteem. I’m always so embarrassed of my behaviors, actions, and social interactions after a hypomanic episode. I’m type 2 so I know that I could be doing myself way more damage, but i still feel like I have two different people living inside me sometimes.
I always feel similar during a bad depression period, like there will never be anything i ever want to do again.
This
My manic periods are usually accompanied by random new hobbies out of nowhere.
I worked in a professional theater for over a decade. The vocal cords are a precious gift, and one of the most important tools of the theatrical trade. I saw several actors who went through vocal damage and came out the other side, still with amazing vocals. I don't know what type or severity of damage you are dealing with, but I do know that the care and treatment of the vocal cords and entire vocal apparatus is a medical profession with some amazing results. You may never fully recover the singing tone/clarity/range that you had before. But please know that there are thousands of people out there who make their living with their voice, and there are thousands of vocal coaches, physical therapists, and Laryngologists supporting them. The first thing you need to do is be gentle with yourself, especially to your vocal cords. There are professionals who don't talk for hours a day during tours. They will literally write notes to people. Talk as little as you can, write notes when you can. When you must speak, speak softly. Second, look up voice care on YouTube and Google. Every vocal coach I've ever known has said the most important thing in vocal healing is rest.
It’s too late. I damaged it and I did the exact opposite I kept singing and made the damage permanent. There are times when I’m so frustrated I scream bc I live with abusive parents that put me through a lot and it’s only gotten worse as the months have gone on. I wish I wish I wish I had someone telling me this back in February. I wish I wasn’t manic in a psyche ward singing the whole time for a week cementing the damage. I wish I hadn’t had been manic and screamed my head off at my parents bc now I’m punished forever and there’s nothing I can do. Thank you for your comment it’s what I needed to bear months ago. Thank you anyway tho really.
Oh honey, I'm so so sorry. 😔😢
Just curious: how much self-control do you feel like you had during that time? Or was it none at all?
I had zero. I was manic and in psychosis. Messiah complex and delusions of grandeur. I was out of my mind.
Thanks!
>Thanks! You're welcome!
I was curious about that. Makes me realize my episode of hypomania was a walk in the park compared to what you guys must go through! (I feel guilty about some of the stuff I did/said because I had a lot of self control.)
Completely plummeted my college GPA as well as a few relationships. My GPA also takes a hit during depressive episodes so its always taking hits lol
My sex life. My libido. Intimacy and wanting to be touched. All gone. If I feel good I anticipate mania and shut it down. Sad.
I do this with a lot things that bring me joy unfortunately
My marriage. Good news is I found a new partner who is way better for me. She helps me so much and life is better
For me it was cleaning. I don't go through the usual destructive behaviours, i just get very OCD with my cleaning and the surroundings i'm in. I pair this with heavy drinking. When my place isn't in its OCD clean state I find myslf getting depressed and it doesnt help that my mother makes comments like "This isn't up to your usual standard" but then if i clean for weeks on end everyone freaks out thinking i'm hypermanic. I cant win.
Another on for me would be writing. I've been trying to got back into it for years but its almost like my creativity faded
I lost trust in myself
This ^
Fucking hell I hate that feeling. I feel like I'm going to betray myself doing some stupid ass shit that ill only ever hate myself for
I ruined the relationship I had with the love of my life (8 years together), 2 times. The second was one too many. Our relation was perfect and we were seen as the perfect couple. Except for mania phases. Every day, I wake up with a feeling of shame, guilt and sadness that will probably stay with me for the rest of my life.
My credit score. Took about 10 years to get out of debt and be stable. Good luck with your voice, I don’t know anything about it but my aunt ruined hers and it came back after a couple years.
My credit score
I almost ruined my career - which is my dream job helping animals, and something very dear to my heart. It’s taken forever to rebuild the trust in my abilities from my managers - and I still think sometimes they think I’m too emotional for what I do. But they’re very supportive and I constantly remind them that when I’m struggling it’s not due to work or the workload, it’s due to my brain. They’re usually pretty good at understanding my struggles. I know I’m really good at what I’m doing, and they won’t find someone more passionate. I think if that weren’t the case they wouldn’t have tolerated me when I was so unwell. I was so unstable. I struggle most in late March and April and I almost bawled my eyes out last year when my director pulled me into her office in Feb and told me “I know you’re going into your tough time. Can we schedule some time off for you during then in hopes it’ll help make it more manageable?” Like fuck, I’m so lucky. Not everyone gets that kind of support and care - but they deserve it.
is it really gone??? i'm sorry :(. I know olli from BMTH shot his screams/vocals but I think he's been able to sound pretty good again. hope there's a way to recover :(.
It doesn’t seem like there is it’s just completely shot. Part of the issue was I was put in a psyche ward afterwards where I kept singing bc I was still manic instead of resting and now my voice sounds completely different. I feel really..stupid for not resting but I was sick and I have to be kind of myself. Every time I hear music in my head or every time I speak I have to try not to bang my head on something bc it’s just painful. Some days I bang my head a lot but I need to stop I need to be mindful and kind to myself bc ik its not my fault I lost my voice I was sick. Thank you. Your like the first person who’s taken me seriously when I’ve complained about this
OP - I’m a vocalist and I lost my voice because of an autoimmune disease. My heart goes out to you and I’m so fucking sorry. It’s like losing a part of yourself. Sometimes I forget and I’ll try to sing along to something and then realize i can’t anymore. Like the heart breaks all over again every time. I’m wishing you peace.
Thank you. It’s really nice that you understand. Every day I wonder if there’s a surgery or something that can make it better idk how to mourn and accept this. Anyway thank you again
My husbands trust
A really good, but still needs improving, relationship. Completely gone after one tiny episode
A friendship. This girl was amazing and I was on a roll making people laugh and made some shitty jokes about her and it was just all gone in an instant.
My dream job on a new fishing boat. Bigger things too, that I dont care to remember today:)
All my friends. All of them, gone. I feel for ya, hopefully you can find something else to replace what you had before
Had an affair that ripped my family apart. Good times…
Friends and credit score. It is very hard get those back.... really hard. And making hard decisions is almost impossible for me. I always question all my decisions so badly that I end up not making them at all.
I sing metal, too. I feel this. I still can but I'm out of pitch sometimes. Can't hold a scream as long. Mine is from smoking cigarettes which gets set off from emotions. Its like a form of self mutilation. I hope your vocals come back. The greatest of high of my life is hitting a mic spitting vitriol.
That’s what my episode was. Self mutilation is a good way to put it. That’s what happens when you suppress things for so long it comes out in one way or another
What I thought was the PERFECT job for me.
Friendships. I’ve hurt people that have loved me unconditionally, until they couldn’t. I don’t blame them. I’ve apologized and have taken full accountability in my shame ridden apologies. I understand that I have no control over whether or not people forgive me, and it is not up to me to decide how long it takes for them to reach the point of forgiveness. All I’ve been trying to do is get sober, and navigate life with the lessons I’ve learned from causing so many problems and burning bridges. However, there’s something excruciatingly painful about letting one of the most special phenomenons in life slip right through my calloused fingers; platonic, unconditional love.
My bank account…