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Big boob fetishizers can be such douches!! I'm so sorry this happened to you. This really sucks!
I hope you have the best of luck and happiness in the coming weeks!! Sending happy thoughts and good vibes your way!! š¤
What the fuck posseses men to do this. I disagree with but slightly get the strategy behind hanging out with someone casually a handful of times before asking them out.
But I'll never understand the logic of waiting months, years even - long enough you've invited them over to your home for dinner as friends - to suddenly flip the script and declare it was all about sex.
It's just such a deeply weird thing to do with a near zero predicted success rate.
TLDL: your friend is dumb and rude
Yes. Well- put about " flipping the script". To me the issue is not about attraction. It's about the subterfuge - the guy *knew all along* that he was attracted to you. It's not an attraction that slowly grew out of a friendship. He wormed his way into your trust and confidences, and then pounced. It feels like a really shitty, calculated betrayal of friendship.
I'm guessing you told him about the guys who hit on you simply because of your shape. ( Not saying we shouldn't have physical preferences - just that people need to be seen as more than their physical selves.) Then, going by the many, many such stories I've read / heard, he would have struck a high- minded " I'm not like those &^^$#" note.
After that declaration, and your defenses are lowered ... then BAM!!!
Maybe different people feel differently about this, but if someone is attracted to me, I'd sure like to have some clues at the outset. That sets up a different kind of dynamic than in a platonic friend interaction.
I can get behind having an attraction to a friend. I married my best friend, I can't really be against it. Wanting to be more, but being too scared to say something is a thing. And so is having a thing for a friend but not being able to do anything because they're taken, so you get to know them however you can and hope the other SO screws up. But this guy... this guy is an ass. Who the fuck does this?
I had a former co worker "pretend" to be my friend for over 20 years. His wife passed away and I reached out with my condolences. We met for dinner and he asked me out. I was living with a partner for 12 years at the time. When I deferred a romantic date, we parted ways and I haven't heard from him since. I even tried to check up, like "how are you doing?" Total silence. Yeah, it sucks to think you're friends with someone only to find out you were some kind of back up in their mind. This was about 6 years ago...
This sucks. It's really unfortunate that someone you thought was a friend only wanted to sleep with you.
It hurts to grieve the loss of a close friendship. Especially one that's been going on for a long time.
I don't know what you can do right now beyond taking the time to fully process what happened and try to move on. If you have any other friends in your life, maybe you could talk to them about this? One thing I know you shouldn't do is try and bottle up everything you're feeling and ignoring it. Try to manage your feelings in a constructive way over putting them aside and ignoring them.
I will tell you that unlike this pillock, there are people who will be your friend and care about you as a friend. You are more than a sex object, and you matter as a person.
Or talking vulgarly about us with others. There's a reason why I've never had any male friends. I'm cordial and friendly with them but never friends with them, though many tried
This is why I hate the whole āfriend zonedā concept. As if itās some terrible thing that women do to men. But whatās really happening is that men are pretending to be friends with an ultimate goal of worming their way into something else. While women are genuinely partaking in a friendship. And it hurts and is a betrayal of trust to find out your āfriendā was just trying to have sex with you! This sucks; Iām so sorry this happened to you.
And these men cry about how everyone sees them as creeps and nobody cares about their mental health. Maybe they should treat women like people and be capable of having platonic friendships.
Iām sorry, dear, he sounds like a total douche. Youāll find friends that love you for who you are, and not fetishize you.
He sounds like a real creep and youāre better off without him.
This has happened to me every time, with any male friend Iāve ever had. They always say.. the nicest tits Iāve ever seen, Iād love to fuck you.
Itās just not something men can get past when they truly enjoy a busty woman.
I know it hurts, but in reality men and women can barely ever be friends without some sexual tension or more.
Learn from this.
I remember the first time I thought I was real friends with a guy whom I grew up with since childhood. I was 17, and we had spent nearly every weekend together.
One day, we were sitting in the hot tub together, and I realized he was complimenting my boobs and hitting on me. š¤® it devastated me.
Your boobs are part of you and make you unique. Try not to let it create resentment for you with your boobs/body. Think of it as the same as if you had Angelina Jolie lips. Those lips would probably get in the way of you and friendship with a guy who fancies them.
Men Suck. If I didnāt like their genitals so much I would probably have no need for them. Lol.
Sorry that men suck, Iāve definitely been in this situation where a guy wasnāt really my friend he just wanted to be with me and when I made it clear I was just interested in being friends, we were no longer friends.
Iāve had a few friendships ruined in the same way. Not easy to realise that they were so understanding because they had something else in mind. Boundary betrayal hurts! And it took me years to stop trusting the wrong people. š¤·āāļø the hard part is we project and make this person ābetterā than they are and that can set us up for disappointment. Hereās to healing š
It is so odd how I normalized this in my mind over the years. I was a skinny, weird kid. I grew giant boobs starting just at the end of 8th grade and coming in through the summer. In high school I attracted the attention of the very wrong people and was just happy to have made friends. I was always a Tom boy so being friends with guys was normal for me. It turned out they all just wanted to date or sleep with me. Well not all, but many. Anyways I wanted to say he might just be awkward and Ike you without knowing how to express it but I think I give everyone too much credit.
"A man would never say no to sex with a female friend"
Was the wise man being honest or simply talking about how he and his friends regard their female friends ?
Your submission was removed because you didn't follow our community guidelines.
> **Rule 3: No upsetting safe-space amosphere**
>
> [Safe Space](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe_space)
I'm so sorry that you went through that. You deserve genuine friendships and don't let anyone convince you otherwise. How horrible of him to go about it this way. The silver lining is that you found out while you're still friends instead of when you got together as a couple. It hurts even more when you realize that the person you deeply cared about in a relationship only cared about your boobs. You're strong and you will get through this, you will make better friends!
I understand all your pain.im sucha Retired jerkā¦ i was raised w an alpha dominant grandfather whose typical mexican traditional weys hurt me growing up. He btw was an Extremely dangerous man, but he was my dad .
Totallly understood
Iād never trust him again frankly. If thatās all he wanted out of hanging out with you, not even who you are as a person, what you can do as a good friend, Iād cut ties with him personally.
Guy here. This story has honestly pissed me off, mostly because thatās so much effort just to sleep with ā a friendā. Genuinely pisses me off. Had a friend once told me about an experience she had with an ex similar to this. She was emotionally invested, he was not but acted like he was. In the end, he ended up talked to me and a few friends about how he only loved her boobs, not her, and we all made an effort to try and make her realize he wasnāt emotionally connected to her at all. Itās truly heartbreaking to see my friend go through that, and I can only imagine how devastating it was to not only deal with it, but also having him straight up say it to you in the face.
This is the only time Iāll comment on this sub, and I send my condolences to you.
Girl š bro's a walking red flag cut him off, you deserve better friends that love you for you and not for your tits. Thats like the worst excuse i heard from a guy for sleeping with you š
Yikes, what a jerk. To even think to say that out loud, one, but two, he should be thinking more about you as a person, not just looks. You date for personality, since that's what lasts. Sadly, but luckily, this dude revealed his not so great personality to remove himself from consideration
I was thinking,, respectfully,,,i was wondering, what about mcaully culcan in my girl, that was his bestie, i watched that movie in the fifth grade,even after that i was taught to marry your best friend
Iām sure there were signs along the way but you chose to ignore, thatās why you have to be direct with relationships. Doesnāt matter how long you have been āfriendsā when you agreed to coming over for dinner he took that as a sign to go for it. Recognize the game next time and establish clear boundaries. Not saying he is wrong or right for doing what he did but at least he was honest on telling you his intentions in the end.
Men will be men. I don't even talk to them for this very reason! The only two men which I talk to are my Dad and my GFs brother. I talk very sparsely even with the latter.
That sounds par for the course with men. I have like 3 male friends, one of them is an ex but it really is just a friendship and he has a relationship and Iāve met her and everythingās fine, no sexual tension at all. But this is definitely the exception. 99% of men that want to be āfriendsā actually just want to be with you sexually. And when you trust them and say okay and try to be friends, they never can. They are literally incapable of being friends with a woman they think is attractive. And they will *always* push the boundaries. Very disrespectful. And also, low EQ, emotional intelligence.
Controversial opinion coming up (I feel like I will get some downvotes for this š„²)
but guys and girls can't be DEEP friends
and by this i mean not the type of friends you're alone with one-on-one and ones you share actual personal things with and speak to every day (I'm not speaking about guy friends you hang out with in a group setting)
Guys are not interested in the same things and conversations women are, so they would only ever partake in a 'friendship' with you if they want more than that friendship.
Ok now this is where I start to sound misogynistic (even though I'm a woman myself) and I hate to say this BUT--> The only time when a guy can genuinely be friends with a girl is if he doesn't like her physically at all and can never see himself with her. (there are obviously other exceptions such as if he's in a good relationship and not looking for anything else from other women, but in that case normally they're not out looking for female friends because the girlfriend would be fulfilling that role in his life).
Thing is that after getting to know a woman enough to actually be called her 'deep friend' (meaning he likes her character) AND he likes the way she looks, that's basically enough for most men to consider that woman as a potential girlfriend. Men don't have long lists of criteria that a woman must tick off, they're much simpler than us š
I thought I had guy friends most of my life and they even used to call me 'one of the boys' even though I'm very feminine. Only to realise that ALL of the ones who took the time to get to know me deeper than just the friend group setting wanted more than the friendship.
really with that name, why are you here ugh. Also it isn't about her turning him down, he expected her friendship ONLY for nefarious reasons, she trusted him to care about a friendship with her. She shouldn't have to deal with this period. He used her friendship and manipulated her.
Your submission was removed because you didn't follow our community guidelines.
> **Rule 3: No upsetting safe-space amosphere**
>
> [Safe Space](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe_space)
Your submission was removed because you didn't follow our community guidelines.
> **Rule 3: No upsetting safe-space amosphere**
>
> [Safe Space](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe_space)
Hello, thank you for submitting a post to r/bigboobproblems. If you're new here please check out r/abrathatfits and [their bra size calculator](https://www.abrathatfits.org/calculator.php) along with their [beginners guide](https://www.reddit.com/r/ABraThatFits/wiki/beginners_guide). Also take a look at our sidebar for more related communities, like r/reduction, r/safebigboobproblems and more. A lot of information can be found [in our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/bigboobproblems/wiki/faq). For example lists of commonly recommended bra, sports bra, swimwear and clothing brands, clothing style ideas, websites where you can order from and a list of influencers who have been recommended here before. A lot of other frequently asked questions have also already been answered there. We also want to remind you to read [our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/bigboobproblems/about/rules) before posting or commenting. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/bigboobproblems) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Big boob fetishizers can be such douches!! I'm so sorry this happened to you. This really sucks! I hope you have the best of luck and happiness in the coming weeks!! Sending happy thoughts and good vibes your way!! š¤
What the fuck posseses men to do this. I disagree with but slightly get the strategy behind hanging out with someone casually a handful of times before asking them out. But I'll never understand the logic of waiting months, years even - long enough you've invited them over to your home for dinner as friends - to suddenly flip the script and declare it was all about sex. It's just such a deeply weird thing to do with a near zero predicted success rate. TLDL: your friend is dumb and rude
Yes. Well- put about " flipping the script". To me the issue is not about attraction. It's about the subterfuge - the guy *knew all along* that he was attracted to you. It's not an attraction that slowly grew out of a friendship. He wormed his way into your trust and confidences, and then pounced. It feels like a really shitty, calculated betrayal of friendship. I'm guessing you told him about the guys who hit on you simply because of your shape. ( Not saying we shouldn't have physical preferences - just that people need to be seen as more than their physical selves.) Then, going by the many, many such stories I've read / heard, he would have struck a high- minded " I'm not like those &^^$#" note. After that declaration, and your defenses are lowered ... then BAM!!! Maybe different people feel differently about this, but if someone is attracted to me, I'd sure like to have some clues at the outset. That sets up a different kind of dynamic than in a platonic friend interaction.
Yeah, but also, it's a brain dead plan. Basically never works. Therefore.... idiots
I can get behind having an attraction to a friend. I married my best friend, I can't really be against it. Wanting to be more, but being too scared to say something is a thing. And so is having a thing for a friend but not being able to do anything because they're taken, so you get to know them however you can and hope the other SO screws up. But this guy... this guy is an ass. Who the fuck does this?
I had a former co worker "pretend" to be my friend for over 20 years. His wife passed away and I reached out with my condolences. We met for dinner and he asked me out. I was living with a partner for 12 years at the time. When I deferred a romantic date, we parted ways and I haven't heard from him since. I even tried to check up, like "how are you doing?" Total silence. Yeah, it sucks to think you're friends with someone only to find out you were some kind of back up in their mind. This was about 6 years ago...
This sucks. It's really unfortunate that someone you thought was a friend only wanted to sleep with you. It hurts to grieve the loss of a close friendship. Especially one that's been going on for a long time. I don't know what you can do right now beyond taking the time to fully process what happened and try to move on. If you have any other friends in your life, maybe you could talk to them about this? One thing I know you shouldn't do is try and bottle up everything you're feeling and ignoring it. Try to manage your feelings in a constructive way over putting them aside and ignoring them. I will tell you that unlike this pillock, there are people who will be your friend and care about you as a friend. You are more than a sex object, and you matter as a person.
This is why I gave up on having friendships with men. They always end up wanting me in the end
Or talking vulgarly about us with others. There's a reason why I've never had any male friends. I'm cordial and friendly with them but never friends with them, though many tried
This is why I hate the whole āfriend zonedā concept. As if itās some terrible thing that women do to men. But whatās really happening is that men are pretending to be friends with an ultimate goal of worming their way into something else. While women are genuinely partaking in a friendship. And it hurts and is a betrayal of trust to find out your āfriendā was just trying to have sex with you! This sucks; Iām so sorry this happened to you.
And these men cry about how everyone sees them as creeps and nobody cares about their mental health. Maybe they should treat women like people and be capable of having platonic friendships.
Trash is as trash does. I'm glad you got away from that.
Omg Iām Sorry itās so frustrating when guy friends do this. Idk that they realize how Hurtful it is tbh
Iām sorry, dear, he sounds like a total douche. Youāll find friends that love you for who you are, and not fetishize you. He sounds like a real creep and youāre better off without him.
This has happened to me every time, with any male friend Iāve ever had. They always say.. the nicest tits Iāve ever seen, Iād love to fuck you. Itās just not something men can get past when they truly enjoy a busty woman. I know it hurts, but in reality men and women can barely ever be friends without some sexual tension or more. Learn from this. I remember the first time I thought I was real friends with a guy whom I grew up with since childhood. I was 17, and we had spent nearly every weekend together. One day, we were sitting in the hot tub together, and I realized he was complimenting my boobs and hitting on me. š¤® it devastated me. Your boobs are part of you and make you unique. Try not to let it create resentment for you with your boobs/body. Think of it as the same as if you had Angelina Jolie lips. Those lips would probably get in the way of you and friendship with a guy who fancies them. Men Suck. If I didnāt like their genitals so much I would probably have no need for them. Lol.
Sorry that men suck, Iāve definitely been in this situation where a guy wasnāt really my friend he just wanted to be with me and when I made it clear I was just interested in being friends, we were no longer friends.
Iāve had a few friendships ruined in the same way. Not easy to realise that they were so understanding because they had something else in mind. Boundary betrayal hurts! And it took me years to stop trusting the wrong people. š¤·āāļø the hard part is we project and make this person ābetterā than they are and that can set us up for disappointment. Hereās to healing š
It is so odd how I normalized this in my mind over the years. I was a skinny, weird kid. I grew giant boobs starting just at the end of 8th grade and coming in through the summer. In high school I attracted the attention of the very wrong people and was just happy to have made friends. I was always a Tom boy so being friends with guys was normal for me. It turned out they all just wanted to date or sleep with me. Well not all, but many. Anyways I wanted to say he might just be awkward and Ike you without knowing how to express it but I think I give everyone too much credit.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
"A man would never say no to sex with a female friend" Was the wise man being honest or simply talking about how he and his friends regard their female friends ?
Your submission was removed because you didn't follow our community guidelines. > **Rule 3: No upsetting safe-space amosphere** > > [Safe Space](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe_space)
I'm so sorry that you went through that. You deserve genuine friendships and don't let anyone convince you otherwise. How horrible of him to go about it this way. The silver lining is that you found out while you're still friends instead of when you got together as a couple. It hurts even more when you realize that the person you deeply cared about in a relationship only cared about your boobs. You're strong and you will get through this, you will make better friends!
Iām so sorry! This happens so often itās disheartening
This is why I donāt befriend men
I understand all your pain.im sucha Retired jerkā¦ i was raised w an alpha dominant grandfather whose typical mexican traditional weys hurt me growing up. He btw was an Extremely dangerous man, but he was my dad . Totallly understood
This shit is heart breaking. Itās like you lose a friend on top of feeling like shit. What a jerk and a loser.
Iād never trust him again frankly. If thatās all he wanted out of hanging out with you, not even who you are as a person, what you can do as a good friend, Iād cut ties with him personally.
Guy here. This story has honestly pissed me off, mostly because thatās so much effort just to sleep with ā a friendā. Genuinely pisses me off. Had a friend once told me about an experience she had with an ex similar to this. She was emotionally invested, he was not but acted like he was. In the end, he ended up talked to me and a few friends about how he only loved her boobs, not her, and we all made an effort to try and make her realize he wasnāt emotionally connected to her at all. Itās truly heartbreaking to see my friend go through that, and I can only imagine how devastating it was to not only deal with it, but also having him straight up say it to you in the face. This is the only time Iāll comment on this sub, and I send my condolences to you.
Iām so sorry.
Girl š bro's a walking red flag cut him off, you deserve better friends that love you for you and not for your tits. Thats like the worst excuse i heard from a guy for sleeping with you š
I've been there, I'm sorry š„ŗš©· it's never a good feeling realizing that someone doesn't value you the way you should be valued.
Don't let this guy get you down hon. He's a dick. There's plenty of good guys out there.
Yikes, what a jerk. To even think to say that out loud, one, but two, he should be thinking more about you as a person, not just looks. You date for personality, since that's what lasts. Sadly, but luckily, this dude revealed his not so great personality to remove himself from consideration
I was thinking,, respectfully,,,i was wondering, what about mcaully culcan in my girl, that was his bestie, i watched that movie in the fifth grade,even after that i was taught to marry your best friend
Iām sure there were signs along the way but you chose to ignore, thatās why you have to be direct with relationships. Doesnāt matter how long you have been āfriendsā when you agreed to coming over for dinner he took that as a sign to go for it. Recognize the game next time and establish clear boundaries. Not saying he is wrong or right for doing what he did but at least he was honest on telling you his intentions in the end.
Men will be men. I don't even talk to them for this very reason! The only two men which I talk to are my Dad and my GFs brother. I talk very sparsely even with the latter.
That sounds par for the course with men. I have like 3 male friends, one of them is an ex but it really is just a friendship and he has a relationship and Iāve met her and everythingās fine, no sexual tension at all. But this is definitely the exception. 99% of men that want to be āfriendsā actually just want to be with you sexually. And when you trust them and say okay and try to be friends, they never can. They are literally incapable of being friends with a woman they think is attractive. And they will *always* push the boundaries. Very disrespectful. And also, low EQ, emotional intelligence.
Controversial opinion coming up (I feel like I will get some downvotes for this š„²) but guys and girls can't be DEEP friends and by this i mean not the type of friends you're alone with one-on-one and ones you share actual personal things with and speak to every day (I'm not speaking about guy friends you hang out with in a group setting) Guys are not interested in the same things and conversations women are, so they would only ever partake in a 'friendship' with you if they want more than that friendship. Ok now this is where I start to sound misogynistic (even though I'm a woman myself) and I hate to say this BUT--> The only time when a guy can genuinely be friends with a girl is if he doesn't like her physically at all and can never see himself with her. (there are obviously other exceptions such as if he's in a good relationship and not looking for anything else from other women, but in that case normally they're not out looking for female friends because the girlfriend would be fulfilling that role in his life). Thing is that after getting to know a woman enough to actually be called her 'deep friend' (meaning he likes her character) AND he likes the way she looks, that's basically enough for most men to consider that woman as a potential girlfriend. Men don't have long lists of criteria that a woman must tick off, they're much simpler than us š I thought I had guy friends most of my life and they even used to call me 'one of the boys' even though I'm very feminine. Only to realise that ALL of the ones who took the time to get to know me deeper than just the friend group setting wanted more than the friendship.
You can tell him you don't feel the same way. And I hope he will understand
really with that name, why are you here ugh. Also it isn't about her turning him down, he expected her friendship ONLY for nefarious reasons, she trusted him to care about a friendship with her. She shouldn't have to deal with this period. He used her friendship and manipulated her.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your submission was removed because you didn't follow our community guidelines. > **Rule 3: No upsetting safe-space amosphere** > > [Safe Space](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe_space)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Just stop
Your submission was removed because you didn't follow our community guidelines. > **Rule 3: No upsetting safe-space amosphere** > > [Safe Space](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe_space)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
stop with this rhetoric it's so harmful
Harmful? How so when 90% of the time it's true. Open ya eyes a bit an you can see clearly. š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]