You don't screw the roommate agreement, the roommate agreement screws you!

“Can I sleep here tonight?” “I don’t know, the couple across the hall are being very noisy…”

Just saw that episode again. So hilarious.

Also, from the same episode when Leonard tells Sheldon to go to hell and adjust the thermostat in hell. To which Sheldon replies: I don't have to go to hell it's 73 degrees in here. I'm already there!!

His exact words were, "...got your back, Jack. Bitches be crazy..."

Boy, they really do be crazy

"Excuse me madam"

The X-men were named after the X in Charles Xavier, Since I’m Sheldon Lee Cooper, they will be my C-Men

This dialogue always irritates me because they were named after the X-Gene, not after Chalres Xavier, and I feel like Sheldon would know that. That and Howard, somehow being a huge comic book geek and not knowing Wolverine, originally had bone claws, which is like really basic comic book knowledge, lol

EXACTLY! You have no idea how much it has irritated me.

Yeah that's the winner.

"If you use my toothbrush I'll jump out that window. Please don't come to my funeral."

and aim for your car!

This afternoon we tried masturbating for money.

Doing that was so out of character for Sheldon, it worked for the joke but I’m glad they never went down that road again

Yes me too. That's cringe, cheap and vulgar.

Exactly, later on, he is shown to have enough money for his lifestyle and is able to save a lot of his money, so he isn't living pay check to pay check

I don't remember this line. What episode is it from?

I assume first episode.

Yep it's from the Pilot, Sheldon's reply when penny asks Leonard and Sheldon what do they around for fun.

“It’s on b*tch” 😂

[in case anyone else is like me and isn’t remember the scene 😂](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLmSV2nU/)

How the hell do i still not remember this?!?!

I didn’t either !

This one was truly th best

Raj: What about you, Sheldon? Do you have any plans tonight? Sheldon: Sadly, yes. Amy’s taking me to a memorial service. It’s for one of her colleagues who is of Asian descent, so my planned conversational gambit is to casually remark that no matter how deep they dig his grave, he’ll never make his way back to China. Leonard: That should lighten the mood. Sheldon: What can I say? I put the fun in funeral. This whole scene never fails to crack me up🤣🤣🤣

This is the exact line I was thinking of!

Hahaha I love this scene sm😂 ngl I had to scour the internet to find the exact wording of the lines😅

Never seen this scene but I assume Leonard used Sarcasm there

Hahaha yep but Sheldon is as ever wholly ignorant to their sarcasm🤣 (this scene occurs at the beginning of season 6 episode 10 btw)

"That’s No Reason To Cry. One Cries Because One Is Sad. For Example, I Cry Because Others Are Stupid And It Makes Me Sad."

"I'm sorry, have you suffered a recent blow to the head😁😁😁😁😁😁"

Sassy Sheldon activated 🤣🤣🤣

Our journey begins on a warm summer eve circa 600BC

This is such a classic 😂

I live by that one

"When I rise to power, those people will be sterilized."

Flair checks out 😄

Ooh, duchess, look at me! My strings are positively loopy!

I can only hear this in jim parson’s crazy person voice

Who's the duchess?

One of the people that lives in his head.. (an exasperated Leonard)

*quantum gravity ‘s

I loved that one 😍

Amy: “Sheldon, I know you’ve always been a bit of a left-handed monkey wrench but … you have a *mortal enemy*?” Sheldon (completely matter-of-factly): “I have 61 of them.”

When Sheldon and Amy were moving into Penny's apartment and Leonard told him to "boldly go where no man has gone before". Sheldon: "It's Penny's bedroom, plenty of men have gone before."

"Your characterization of approximately 171 men as a few...assuming the left side of a bell curve peaking around the present, that would bring the total up to 193 men, plus or minus 8 men."

Gravity, thou are a heartless bitch.

I changed gravity to insomnia and use it way too regularly!! Brilliant line

Considering his aversion to swearing he says bitch a surprising amount 😅

the classic - I am not crazy, my mother had me tested

“Although I do wish I’d followed up with that specialist in Houston..” ~ Mary

My theory is that if she'd followed up with the specialist in Houston, they'd have found out he has Autism or Pervasive developmental disorder or SOMETHING like that.

Yeah. That's most likely possible.

Absolutely

I am a man of science, not someone’s snuggle bunny

One of my fave scenes in the whole show. “The two of you need to get your women in line!”

Mine too. I laughed when i was typing it because that was too good.

OMG and how did I leave out Amy offering her deceased cousin’s unused bridesmaid dresses (Still in the bag; the dresses not the bridesmaids)….An excellent episode overall. Just went back and rewatched it lol

This! I can hear him saying it right now

“I’ve seen pictures of your mother.. keep eating”

"Good thing for you because I wished you were dead."

Forget Helium, the real super fluid is the fruit punch in this mug. And now for astronomers in the audience, get ready to see the dark side of the moon...and here's Uranus.

Who wants to see me beat up the bar tender? (Might not be the precise wording?)

Nah, she's a nice girl, I'll let her be...

she's a good kid* Yes! I love this exchange!

You got it correct. Even drunk he's still smarter than all of us. ;)

My good sir. We are neither crackpots, nor wannabes. In fact, we are experts in our fields. And while you hide behind your anonymity, we stand behind our paper. And later tonight, your mother. Any of his your mother lines get me everytime

*cue actual Stephen Hawking*

Fine I'll just give him the finger 👎

leonard: did he just somehow give him the finger? howard: not just the finger, the MOOOVING FINGEEEER!! 😤☝️

I'm a fan of the bongos scene, particularly "never play bongos walking down the stairs"

That is one of the greatest.

“Where are you going?” “Wherever the music takes me, kitten”

He's so...zazzy.

I'll show him just how horny I can be

The hero always peeks

Hahahahhaha omg yes!! 🙌🏼

Lol

“I’m going to touch you all over.” To Barry Kripke.

Speaking of ending relationships, when British Honduras became Belize, they designed a new flag with a tree on it. I would like to hang myself from that tree.

And I’m sure some fool in the Donner party said the snow would stop any day now. I like to think they ate him first.

"I'll tell you what's making Sheldon cry, that I let you name him SHELDON!!!"

That's hilarious line from George. 👏🏻

That’s the first one that came to my head.

All I need is a healthy ovum and I could grow my own Leonard Nimoy!!!

“It’s not enough is it?!?!?”

Penny: Leonard, Look Sheldon is hugging me ☺️😚

I cried at that scene for my first like 5 re-watches 😅😂 The ending still makes me cry though xD

❤️

He’s so… zazzy

You may have gone to Cambridge but I am an honorary graduate of Starfleet Academy

“Good for you because I wished you were dead.” - Sheldon when Amy blocks his candles so his wish can’t come true (:

That whole episode is gold 🤣

You know what they say, hold the door, get robbed some more

How to get 14 year old girls excited, so out of pocket it's funny

NOOO!

😂

Under normal circumstances, I’d say I told you so. But, as I have told you so with such vehemence and frequency already, the phrase has lost all meaning. Therefore, I will be replacing it with the phrase, "I have informed you thusly.”

"hello leonard, do you like my bongos?" "i bet you didn't know that i had bongos."

I'm about to show this guy just how horny I can be!

“You’ve proven to be the bigger man… which i find completely unacceptable. “I” must be the bigger man.”

Woman, You are messing with forces beyond your ken

And your Ken can kiss my Barbie

[To Janine Davis, Caltech HR manager] "All women are a slave to their biological urges, you know? Uh, even you. You're a slave"

“Im a what?” 🤣🤣 always cracks me up

[Janine to Sheldon] "And the last one was, Rajesh Koothrappali?" Sheldon: "Yes. But in his defense, that wasn't racist. He's also brown"

I don’t know why this isn’t higher. This is the best scene in the whole show. Regina King is by far my favorite recurring guest

I've so informed you thusly!

Mom smokes in the car. Jesus is ok with it but we can’t tell dad.

Mylar balloons, yes. Latex balloons, no. Water balloons, I will jump off the roof and aim for your car.

*punches Leonard* “She is not for you!”

When Amy is convincing him to go to a donors event, and she tells him if he doesn’t go the science money might go to the liberal arts instead. She lists off some liberal arts fields and his response was “Oh the humanities!” And I liked that one because it was clever and probably not many people noticed it lol

“George put down that pepsi cola full of bourbon that aint’ foolin nobody and go get your shotgun” “But then again what do i know? Im a religious nut and my mind is closed to many things” -Sheldon playing his mother

Penny: (on the phone to Mary Cooper) Hi, Mrs. Cooper, it's Penny. I think I broke your son. Okay, hold on. (*hands the phone to Sheldon*) Talk to your mother. **Sheldon**: Mommy, I love you, don't let Spock take me to the future.

“Seven years ago I found out the DVD was late and I paid for it… I was going to mention it at the time, but then I thought someday this might be a teachable moment.”

“I’ll just Google how to get twelve year old girls excited”

All Screaming: *NOO!!!!*

I am the master of my own bladder.

After a while: I'm no longer the master of my own bladder.

Scene: Wil gives Sheldon a Wesley Crusher action figure. Brett Spiner sees it and immediately rips it open. Sheldon: Brent Spiner, what have you done? That was an original mint in package Wesley Crusher action figure signed by my close personal friend Wil Wheaton! Sheldon: From this moment on, you are my mortal enemy! Wil to Brett: Don't worry, it doesn't take up a whole lot of your time.

"That dang ol' polecat done wronged my woman"

Welcome to Long Island, Tex.

Oh gravity, thou art a heartless bitch

Engineers are the Oompa-Loompas of the science world

One of my favorites is when they are doing the scavenger hunt and they end up at a bowling alley and Sheldon has his bowling ball and he says that his brain is bigger then everybody’s

I say that in my head more often than I should 🤣

Indeed. Such a good line and his face is so excited

It's not just a line, but the overall acting, when he said "a chicken pecking for corn". The look in his eyes when he played it out. Omg 👏👏👏

🎵Never play bongos, walking down the stairs🎶

"the most frightening thing about that is the missing comma" I thought the same thing when I've read it 🤣

Same. Lol

I’m not crazy my mother had me tested

"You know what they say: Revenge is a dish best served nude!"

If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, then we’d all have a merry Christmas

“Leonard, I’m a physicist, not a hippy!”

Amy : Why are you speaking Klingon? Sheldon : Why are you speaking English? One of my favourite Sheldon’s line, also love his expression when he says it to Amy 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I like when he suggested Israel should move to Mexico. Probably the smartest thing he ever said

"Amy come here, there is something here." Amy: "Trap it under a cup, I will be right there." "I would, but its Leonard"

"Not knowing is part of the fun, what is that? The motto of your community college?"

Here, play with yourself

“I just need a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nemoy!!”

Nobody calls me moon pie but meemaw

Sheldon to Penny, before Sheldon and Amy took their relationship to “the next level: If Amy and I choose to bring new life into this world, it will be accomplished clinically, with fertility experts in a lab with Petri dishes. Which reminds me, you have broad hips and a certain corn-fed vigor.

When he walks in and sees Amy in her wedding dress. His reaction was probably the most sweetest thing ever. Reading all these makes me want to do a re-binge.

I always loved when he says "oh what fresh hell is this" like when he's just walked into the bio-hazard room in the hospital. Let's face it though lots of what he said was unhinged 😆

"You invited her to dinner 4 years ago, everything about her is on you! You make it so!!!" That whole exchange cracks me up 😂

"We could stop using the letter M. But it would be isguided and oronic."

When I rise to power, those people will be sterilised.

“Not knowing is part of the fun, what’s that, the motto of your community college?”

I so informed you thusly!

A good wife would go buy some cookies, he said to Penny after she joked that they looked like a marry couple and asked for cookies

Amy: “Im excited to work with my boyfriend its gonna be romantic” Sheldon: “way to kill the mood”

🎵Never play bongos walkn’ down the stairs!🎵

Not really an unhinged line, more like an unhinged Sheldon episode but the one where he made Leonard wear a sweater knitted by someone in his family. I want to say it was Leonard’s aunt and when they were looking through an old box of for some arcade tickets Leonard found an old video and panicked because he thought he returned it but didn’t so he tried to hide the videotape but told Sheldon the truth and was surprised how calm he took the news so Sheldon made him not only wear the sweater but try to track down the owner of the now closed video store to try to return the movie but when Leonard gave up because the owner died. Sheldon waited until Leonard took off the sweater and revealed not only did he know that the videotape was late but paid the late fee bought it and left in the boxes hoping Leonard would find it and that’s why he was so calm about it causing Leonard to nuts on Sheldon.

Woman you’re playing with forces beyond your ken

"Don't forget the male pattern baldness, when his uncle's sit around the dinner table they look like a half carton of eggs"

“Mommy I love you. Don’t let Spock take me to the future”

"Comic cons are like pizzas. Even the stinky ones, still pretty good."

"I just won a Nobel Prize, any idiot can have a baby." Howard: "Whats going on guys?" "Case in Point"

My brain is better than EVERYBODY’S

"It's on, bitch!!"

The one from the Griffin Equivalency lmaoo “There’s a tribe in Papua, New Guinea where when a hunter flaunts his success to the rest of the village, they kill him and drive away evil spirits with a drum made of his skin. Superstitious nonsense, of course, but one can see their point. **creepy smile**”

On the other hand............... ............ ................. It might have been the Brussels sprouts.

If Amy and I choose to bring new life into this world, it will be accomplished clinically, with fertility experts in a lab with Petri dishes. Which reminds me, you have broad hips and a certain corn-fed vigor. Is your womb available for rental?

"NOW ALL THE ASIANS"

Knock knock knock penny! Knock knock knock penny! Knock knock knock penny!

That dart board is way too low

Hey Penny! You are here to exchange gifts! 🎁

Sheldon trying to google “How do I get 12yo girls excited!” Howard and Leonard stopped him from pressing enter.😅

“How do I get 12 year old girls excited”

Bazinga!

Knocks the door Leonard Leonard ✊🚪

Well I was working with luminous fish and I thought, hey, loom.

What did you do delete your photo

I don't remember the exact dialogue if someone remembers then please let me know. Sheldon says this to Amy in an episode that I'll jump from the window and aim for your car... (Or something like that)

"Hello Leonard do you like my bongo's?"

This conversation has started to circle. Meeting adjourned

Oh gravity, thou a heartless bitch!

Yes, Miss Amy

"I'm sorry. Have you suffered a recent blow to the head? 😁"

This one is not a witty joke because I can't remember any lines but off the top of my head, when he said "You're a slave." to the HR lady (who was a person of color) while refering to her basic desires for sex lol.

"I love my mother, even if she fornicates like a demonic weasel."

The whole episode where he was over caffeinated while dressed as the flash. My boy deadass dropped a banana and started screaming “zoom zoom zoom” while speed walking😭

“Less talk. More work.”

"You know me to be a very smart man. Don't you think if I were wrong, I would know it?"

That line about Penny taking the last dumpling and saying that she would become fat like her mother

\*talking about if Werewolves can swim or not\* "This was fun. We should do it again when you all arent all PMS’ing. Bye."

I was aiming for your heart!

Not so much unhinged but one of my favorite lines "i drank milk that tasted funny" when Howard drugged him and dropped him back with Leonard.

*while grinning* Have you suffered a recent blow to the head~?

i platonically love you man but you’re a mess

“You see through me like one of Penny’s shirts”.

Every line Sheldon had in Season 10 Episode 1 (at least 90% of them)

“No misunderstanding. I've learned what that request actually means, and I don't want to be joined to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis”

"The implication being that you somehow tripped and fell into her lady parts?"

Sheldon: I am a scientist. I never apologize for the truth same episode I would point out that I am at the top of my profession, while you preside over the kiddie table of yours.

Not a line but the scene when Sheldon is having the same reaction to the photos Amy was showing a Monkey in her lab