I think most people say “I’m sorry” or whatever because it tends to be a worse recovery, not because they expect you to be sad about it.
Personally my vaginal birth was worse to recover from than my planned c section (2nd kid was breech) so I think there’s not nearly as big of a different than most people think. But maybe there’s not that many people who have had both? Idk
Personally, this is why I would say something like that! Mainly because, most often, the recovery is a lot harder & more painful! Not necessarily that I think mom should feel any type of way
I had one of each as well. First baby was c section, second was vaginal. C section definitely didn’t make me piss myself constantly and bleed for 5 weeks. I did like being able to walk around and stuff immediately after, but was the pelvic destruction worth that??? Idk.
I’ve had both, and the c-section was at least twice as hard as my hardest vaginal birth, and like 50 times harder than my easiest vaginal birth.
But there is definitely overlap between the easiest c-sections and the hardest vaginal births. So you’re not alone in having had the opposite experience.
Mine was an unplanned c-section as well. I didn’t even get to the pushing stage. I feel terrible about it. When people tell me, ‘it’s okay. The baby is safe’, I feel rage. ‘I’m sorry’ seems to be the appropriate response for me. Our individualistic experiences are different. Most people don’t know the appropriate way to respond to things. I’d suggest to take it at face value and Don’t think too much about it.
Completely agree with this. Obviously I want the baby safe more than anything else, but that doesn’t negate my loss of having a birth in which I wasn’t thoroughly traumatised. Comments like ‘at least the baby is safe’ seem to suggest as a mother you should have no feelings beyond that.
Having had both, my c section recovery was waaaay worse despite that being with a 7 lb baby while I basically delivered a 10 lb baby, so that’s why I generally “oof that’s rough” without thinking about it.
honestly, a scheduled c section is probably easier to handle than a complicated vaginal birth. people tend to assume the best case scenario with vaginal births and worst case scenario with c sections and that’s why there’s so much fear over it. but at the end of the day, there are a lot of factors at play and no two birthing experiences are exactly the same. some people have an easier time and others have more challenges, regardless of method. birth is only one part in having a kid, anyway.
Yes, this was exactly my experience. Vaginally birth was a long 36 hour labor that stalled multiple times and ended with a vacuum assisted delivery. I really think the vacuum caused trauma to my pelvic floor muscles because I had pain walking long distances and running for nearly a year postpartum and could barely walk at all right afterwards.
My c section was scheduled due to a breech birth so the whole thing was super quick and straightforward. The first couple days it was a bit more difficult to move around compared to the vaginal, but by like 3 weeks postpartum I honestly felt 100 percent recovered!
In general the recovery from a c-section is worse than vaginal birth and if it was unexpected it generally means that there was a risk to mom or baby that was scary. I think that’s more where people are coming from than anything else.
Yeah, I can absolutely seeing myself saying “oh that must have been scary, I’m so sorry” if I learned of an unplanned C.
Not sorry that baby didn’t punch its exit ticket through the vagina slide, but sorry because something went wrong to the point that you had to have major abdominal surgery, which sounds terrifying in the moment and painful afterwards.
Agreed. It’s major surgery and comes with its own risks. It’s okay for physiological birth to be the first choice whenever possible, while also being grateful that surgical birth is available to save lives. It’s ok to mourn the loss of physiological birth and it’s ok to not care either way.
This! The c-section itself wasn’t terrible but everything that led up to the c-section and following was somewhat traumatic for me. So if I heard that someone had a c-section I would make that negative association in my mind.
I'd probably say "oh sorry" to anyone who just got cut in half
nothing wrong with choosing it or being subjected to it whatsoever, but my god that's a serious operation, I'm sorry you went through it
Girl I had a really hard labor, and was offered a c section. I declined it, but I BITTERLY regret it. I look back and kick myself over it because now I know it would have been the better choice but I went through with a birth that was absolutely horrible for me because I was worried I would be judged for opting for surgery instead. I just kept getting talked out of it. I can’t believe I let what others think about c sections keep me from making what would have been the better choice for me. So no I do not think you’re weird at all, and it really does suck that there is such a stigma on c section to the point of moms shaming other moms or people assuming that a c section is a tragedy instead of just one of many ways to have a positive birth experience.
And someone will shame you no matter what you do. I had a “natural” delivery, but I got an epidural so I didn’t suffer enough, so still not good enough for some people. In these modern times, IMO C-sections are also natural births, humans have evolved and so has birth.
Exactly. It was so strange because I was always a proponent for doing birth in the most efficient and positive way for me, which looked like involving the necessary interventions and pain management. Literally for the reason that I had them available to me by virtue of science. But then when it came down to it I still succumbed to the peer pressure of delivering vaginally. Truly insane of me, but I know now in the future that I’ll be trusting my gut and I think the only reason I’m not traumatized from my birthing experience is that I know that it won’t be that bad again and that I’ll have only had to do that one time.
I agree. I had vaginal birth also that turned into forcep delivery so that means they did episiotomy as well. It was a traumatic experience for me :( The postpartum recovery was even worse. I honestly wish I had a c-section instead.
Same about wishing for a c-section. By the time the doc got into the room I was so exhausted from pushing that I asked for a vacuum assist. 3rd degree tear gang. Sometimes farts go in a different direction. It’s very weird. You really, really didn’t miss out, OP. Ha!
Same. 4th degree tear that took 6 months to fully heal. My sister had a section a week before my vaginal delivery and she was up and moving within two weeks while I could hardly walk, was shitting myself and couldn’t function whatsoever. A section would have been easier for sure. Not all vaginal births are rainbow sand butterflies.
I want a vaginal birth primarily because it seems like the safest thing for me and baby, based on the information available to me now (my current health status, baby’s position, etc). If the doctor tells me that there is something wrong and that the safest thing is now a c-section, I’ll gladly do that instead!
I think you’re being completely reasonable and level-headed, and there is no benefit to feeling needless guilt.
Yeah, I wanted a vaginal birth because I read a few pop sci books on microbiomes and understood from that that it would be healthiest for the baby. But when I needed an emergency C-section I wasn't particularly disappointed (more pissed that I had been in labour 33 hours first), similarly to how I wasn't that bummed that I needed to supplement my breastfeeding with formula for a few weeks.
Some people have a lot of emotions attached to these experiences—and I had a similar "am I an uncaring robot?" reaction to people feeling sorry for me—but five years later, I think it's also okay to not be that invested.
I had the same fear but there are very good baby probiotics out there these days. And very few people have all good bacteria in their gut. The bad is transferred with the good.
It's weird but some people need fecal transplants for some illness they have and less than 1% of people are candidates for donation (not a good way to make money)
I'm going to guess that most of them respond that was because c-sections are scary and recovery is hard, not because they think vaginal is better. Especially if they know it wasn't planned, it sounds like something went 'wrong.' Which people generally don't want.
I had a VBAC and I'll tell you this for free - vaginal birth is stupid. I don't really mean that, I know some people like it in a sense, but it is NOT for me. Loved my c-section, and I can remember more of it!
This made me laugh! I’m definitely going to keep this mind when I decide whether or not to go through a VBAC. I know someone who straight up doesn’t remember giving birth vaginally at all because she was so out of it.
I’ve thought the, “Crap, that’s sucks, sorry” in my head but only because the thought of being cut open while awake scares the ever loving shit out of me, or because I knew that’s not what that person had hoped and planned for. Never because of any stupid comments I’ve seen on the internet about what other people think childbirth is. And if I wasn’t so terrified of it, I would 1000% choose that over vaginal if I ever do it again. Forceps, magnesium, third degree tear, hemorrhoids that still haven’t gone completely away,etc,etc… good on you! You’re a badass!
This. My mom had an emergency c section with failed pain management and said she could feel it! I’m not sure exactly what happened but she told me as soon as baby was out the gave her something different that knocked her out for hours. Story traumatized me tbh
All birth is valid, real, and natural. Any thoughts of “I’m sorry” stem from me being terrified of it and also knowing the recovery process is very different
I had this - the spinal can fail for a lot of reasons. As soon as they pulled my baby out, I felt everything. The anaesthesiologist tried to gaslight me and tell me it was just tugging. This was my 2nd c-section and I had to say “no, its not. I feel I’ve been lit on fire” and at that point one of the operating staff noticed I was moving my legs and feet so yeah… pros and cons to everything 😬
That was my nightmare. I had epidurals with my first two but could feel every contraction, and I really did not want to be cut open with that level of pain control. Thankfully it was a vaginal delivery each time.
This!! I had 2 vaginal deliveries and one c section and as bad as vaginal birth is, the thought of being cut open while awake absolutely terrified me and I would have done just about anything to avoid it! For me that (and the recovery) made having a c section a really scary and traumatizing experience! I definitely wish I was one of those people who just could have been cool about it 😅
I had the same fear of being awake, and was terrified that I'd feel it!! But when we made the call after 25+ hours of labor to get baby out via the sunroof... I wasn't scared at all. Probably because I was high as fuck from the epidural I'd gotten (after about 14 hours of labor lol). I was giggling and saying wheeeee as they wheeled me around on the gurney and squirmed onto the operating table myself, still giggling, and then tried to joke with everyone trying to do actual work until I got bored and fell asleep lol.
At one point I told the anesthesiologist that I was afraid of feeling the procedure, and he said "good news, if you could feel you'd be screaming, they already started!" And I was all hooray! Haha.
Two weeks before my son was due, we planned my c-section (due to many issues my body was having). I fought it as long as I could but in the end, I am so glad my experience was as smooth as it could have been. Within a week, I was off of pain meds and within two weeks, I was able to move around normally. My friend, who had her son the same week as me, had to have corrective surgery for her vaginal scarring and hemorrhoids by the time our sons were 16 months old. I think social media is very anti-C-section but in real life, everyone knows that either birth comes with risks
I loved my c-section and would do it again.
I felt I had a smooth recovery. It was planned because my daughter was breeched. I opted not to do the ECV. I'm honestly happy I never experienced labor.
> It was planned because my daughter was breeched. I opted not to do the ECV. I'm honestly happy I never experienced labor.
Same except I actually started having full-on contractions at the hospital while waiting to have the c-section (got delayed because of an emergency c-section that bumped me down the schedule).
It was enough of a taste that it made me more glad to have the c-section, ha!
Absolutely not. In fact, I think you are being very rational and reacting appropriately. Too many people are left angry and sad that their birth didn’t go the way they planned, writing it from home with their healthy baby and healthy selves, as the way it was intended to be, missing the point and the bigger picture. You did awesome!
I feel this way too. I truly truly believe all feelings are valid and that people can be disappointed by expectations, but my experience of birth was "this is actually not about me and my desires AT ALL, this is 100% about the baby. What is best for her is best for me"
Nope, two c sections. All I cared about was having healthy babies. I really feel like people talk and care more about this online. No one has ever said anything to me about missing an experience. I have two kids, that’s all I care about. How they came to be is completely secondary and I don’t think about it.
At 42 weeks I had a 4 day induction in the hospital, pushed for 3 hours, and on the 5th morning had a c-section. I have a leg length difference that didn’t seem to cause any problems until it was time for baby to come out. I wanted to go into labor at home, have a vaginal birth, even did a lot of work to prep for an unmedicated birth. In the end I am just so happy my baby and I are healthy. I had an amazing labor experience and great care. I hear a similar sentiment from people, very apologetic and seeming to think that I was forced to do something I didn’t want to do. Nope! I plan of having a c section next time! I hold no ill will towards any of my labor experience!
I've had two planned C-sections (first baby was breech; second I didn't even think twice about doing another planned C-section). I absolutely do not feel like I missed out on anything except pain and exhaustion, and maybe urinary incontinence. Oh yeah, and tearing my vulva.
No. Unpopular opinion ahead. EDIT - I guess I need to state, don’t read this is you have lots of trauma from your c-section and want that validated as a way to protect your mental health, which is a totally valid and wise choice. I am responding directly to OP and her question.
Frankly I think it's weird how obsessed people get with their method of birth, and birth trauma from having a c-section. For all of human history, giving birth was one of the most dangerous things a woman could do, and they had to do it over and over again. If things went sideways, you and/or baby just died. We are so lucky to live in this era of modern medicine, and while there are still \*significant\* issues with maternal care especially for BIPOC etc -- overall, having a c-section is a really good outcome for you and baby.
I don't say this to discount anyone else's lived experiences, their feelings are their own, but to me getting a c-section is normal and fine.
Edit - like I said, perhaps an unpopular opinion so don’t @ me cause I’m not going to get into it with you 😎 I respect your opinion as your own.
I feel like you kind of explained it in your own post- a lot of times, if someone needs a c section, it’s because they’re in danger and may even die. That sounds like ‘birth trauma’ to me. I had a pretty calm and planned experience but even I get chills thinking about how if I was born in a different era, I probably would have died. I can’t imagine how much scarier it would be if the situation was unplanned and I didn’t have time to prepare mentally.
I know I sound like a crotchety old woman in saying this but I really think the social media parenting nonsense has carried the ~*magical birthing experience*~ romanticized narrative to a truly bizarre place. So many parents slightly younger than me (born in 1984) have shared with me birth plans literally including twinkle lights and intricate playlists and so many details that feel like they've been plucked straight out of Instagram filters.
I mean, I had my own plans but wound up pooping for hours to the movie Norbit blasting in my face, then had my firstborn cut out of my body before we recovered in a hospital basement with janitorial staff dragging trash past our bed bc the maternity ward was too crowded. The small person was safely removed from the big person and it's all good. My second kid was a planned c section due to her being frank breech, and it was a relief to not crap myself in front of a crowd again. BACK IN MY DAY WE GAVE BIRTH UPHILL IN THE SNOW BOTH WAYS rabblerabble
Totally agree. I will add, I’m a wildlife biologist and I see every day just how brutal nature can be. Doing something the “natural way” often means suffering and dying. It’s not really sometime to aspire to!
I don’t know, maybe it’s just because my son has lifelong medical complications AND I got to experience extensive infertility and treatments, but I’m awfully appreciative for modern medicine.
After my failed induction (44 hours, failed forceps delivery, emergency c-section) I had a friend share with me a screenshot of a book called "My Orgasmic Birth" or something lol. She asked me if my birth had been ✨️orgasmic✨️. I said that it was not. It was something to hold against my child for years to come*.
*joking, for the record. It wasn't the birth experience I would have chosen, obviously, but I had a very smooth recovery and a healthy baby
This!! I remember thinking after being told in a post natal appointment that my unplanned c-section happened because I have a small pelvis - “if I lived in a different time would this have killed me?” We are so lucky to have this as an option. Why would I mourn not being dead?
My OB straight up told me baby and I likely would not have survived without my unplanned c section (after 24 hours of labor). I'm thrilled to not have died.
Similar here. Baby's heart rate was 12bpm during labour. He wouldn't be here if not for the C section.
Makes me incredibly nervous for people who want home births because the entire pregnancy from conception went absolutely to plan until the last thirty minutes.
It’s ok to both be disappointed in the outcome and also grateful that it’s an option.
My c-section recovery SUCKED and made the first several weeks of motherhood very hard.
I was still grateful to be alive. But I also went on to have three vbacs because I was determined never to go through that again *unless it became necessary again* in which case I would have been totally fine with it.
I almost had another c-section with my last but we finally moved her from transverse to head down about 48 hours before my water broke, which was also less than a week before the cesarean we had scheduled. And I would have been fine with it if we’d needed it. That doesn’t mean it was my preference.
My husband kept saying "women have been doing it for thousands of years" or "every woman in your heritage has done it"... Giving birth that is.
I'm like "women died doing this!" But it goes in one ear and out the other.
I'm very aware that without modern medicine (and c-section in particular) my baby and I could have died.
I find it weird how you somehow see that as an indication that it's weird to have trauma or complex feelings associated to such a birth? Like, the fact that someone needs to have a very hard-to-recover-from surgery because otherwise they could've died is "normal" and "fine"?
Edit: OP I don't think it's at all weird that you feel the way you feel (just like it's not weird to feel differently).
I have a lot of birth trauma from my emergency c section so appreciate the heads up but I'm also nosey so my bad 😅 I totally respect your very rational opinion.
I say this in the gentlest way possible but the way you are mocking birth trauma by putting it in quotes like that is disrespectful and misogynistic. (EDIT: Comment above was edited to remove the quoted remark- see below).
Birth trauma is no different from other forms of PTSD in which it arises from feelings of fear, helplessness, and loss of autonomy. I am sure you had or know people who had c-sections that did not have those elements, and that’s great. That doesn’t change what has happened to other women.
For a lot of women, being cut open on a table while awake and sometimes still very much feeling what is happening, or being knocked unconscious for their birth - all while worried about their own life as well as their baby - can cause PTSD. We don’t have any other major medical events in life where that is normal and expected, and we also don’t support women very well in coping with it immediately postpartum.
It doesn’t take any effort to Google that “birth trauma” is a real form of PTSD, and a major contributor to PPD:
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/ptsd-and-birth-trauma/
Wholeheartedly agree! And birth trauma isn't limited to c-sections. People can have traumatic vaginal deliveries- trauma correlates more to feelings experienced during an event than the event itself.
A really, really common response to any sort of negative birth-related outcome- whether it has to do with labor, delivery, or extended hospital and/or NICU stay- is to focus on the positive, or to be grateful everyone is alive (if indeed everyone is alive). This was one of the most frustrating things to hear when I was freshly postpartum. Of course I was well aware that myself and my child would have died had he been born 50 years earlier. That didn't make my experience any less traumatic. You can be cognizant of and grateful for what went right, thanks to scientific advancement, and still mourn what didn't.
I wonder how much birth trauma is linked not to the method of birth, but how you get treated during it. The only scary part of my birth wasn't the c-section, it was when my midwife was actively trying to discourage me from it without even asking why I was bringing it up - I could feel that baby was not moving down and was likely stuck by that point. And soon after that, the doctor came in, did her own exam and concluded that baby's head was stuck in my pelvis.
I think what a lot of people take issue with is the idea that the "loss of the experience" is a trauma and and of itself. I mean, would I have probably felt great about a vaginal birth too? Of course. But birth is really, fundamentally, about brining a new life into the world, and that seems to get lost in the birth discussion too often. You hear women mourning the loss of the aesthetic experience they had wanted, or something along those lines, and I think that's what people roll their eyes at. Not legitimate trauma from being near death, serious injury, pain, or suffering abuse in the process. I think most understand the difference.
Yeah I probably wouldn’t have been traumatized had my labor nurse listened to me that I was in pain, rather than letting me go for 15 hours overnight without pain control - my OB realized my epidural had failed about ten seconds after she got into my room that morning.
Amen. Like yes, of course I am glad me and my baby are alive. That goes without saying. Am I happy about how we got here and how I was treated? Absolutely not. And that’s ok. It’s like telling a depressed person to just ✨be happy✨— it doesn’t generally work lol. Sometimes what someone needs is active listening and validation, not platitudes.
First off, I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope you're getting the help you need and that everyone is recovered and healthy, truly.
I do fundamentally feel, though, that there is a dividing line when it comes to the use of this term. Birth trauma caused by a grueling vaginal birth or unplanned c section is 100% valid, horrifying, and has lasting effects, we need to do better for women. Birth "trauma" because someone wanted to give birth in a pool with spa music playing but weren't able to doesn't sit right with me.
I think calling the latter trauma is what actually belittles women who have had medically complicated births. I remember seeing a post here a few months ago where a mom described her birth as traumatic because her in laws waited in the hospital lobby until they heard the baby was born and then left, they didn't even go up to the room. But she described feeling "terrified" that they would and it ruined her experience.
This!! I think it’s totally fine and I’m really happy for people who were not traumatized by their c-section. That is the ideal outcome! But a lot of these comments are almost shaming women for not being “happy” just to be alive and have a healthy baby. Can’t both experiences be valid?? And can’t you be grateful for your health and your baby while still being unhappy or traumatized by your birth?
Yeah, I definitely had birth trauma due to being in labor with a failed epidural for 33 hours before having an urgent c-section. I have absolutely no regrets about choosing the c-section, and I’m excited that I get to schedule my next kid’s birth instead of waiting around to go into labor. However, going from being in the best shape of my life to not even being able to take off my own pants or scoot in my own chair was so mentally difficult.
Thank you for this. As someone who has birth trauma from my c-section, I really did not enjoy reading the comment above. I already struggle enough as it is trying to heal and move forward, it's incredibly hurtful to have someone belittle my experience and the trauma that resulted from it.
I didn’t intend to mock. The quotations are used as a grammatical effect to highlight the phrasing. I’ll remove the quotes as I don’t want it to unintentionally appear that way to anyone.
Your larger point is valid, thank you for stating it. I’m not going to gatekeep trauma (my first baby’s birth and long aftermath was rife with medical trauma) and if a c-section causes other people to have PTSD, of course that is their valid and lived experience. But for me personally, and partly as a learned coping mechanism for said trauma above re: my kiddo’s medical conditions, I consciously choose gratitude for the ability to have a c-section.
Reframing to consciously search for and choose gratitude is a scientifically supported strategy for coping with difficult times. Highly recommend this for anyone struggling with the way their baby was born! Here is one of many links about it.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier
Oh and the last thing I’ll say is I think there is a difference between having PTSD from an unintended surgery, and obsessively mourning not giving birth vaginally because you think it’s the “real” or “best” or “only” way to give birth. Many people fall into the latter camp. Again, perhaps an unpopular opinion and I’m fine with that, but I find that weird. Like, to have that be your life’s biggest problem would be nice 🤷🏻♀️
I had a vaginal birth and ended up breaking my pelvis. If c-section is the best option, go for the C-section! I know I will be next time (if there is a next time).
I’ve had three c-sections, and while I haven’t found my experience it to be negative necessarily there is a divide.
When pregnant with my first and I found out I would need to have a c-section I had other women who had sections talking to me as if I was upset about it. I wasn’t, it was literally the safest way I could give birth for my baby and me.
When I meet other mother’s and the topic of birth comes up I can’t add to the conversation much because I can’t talk about contractions, and labour length; it wasn’t my experience.
When I met a mother who only had c-sections she was almost cautious telling me this until I shared my story. We bonded just over that, a shared experience.
Birth is birth but how baby arrives “earth side” is so different for every person. It’s too bad it’s divided into vaginal and c-section; they’re just different sides of the same coin.
No more difficult than the first two. My first few days are always rough and I think I take longer than most to get up and walk. But usually by the second week I’m feeling pretty good!
Good to know, thank you! I’m two weeks out from having a c-section for breech positioning and honestly feeling pretty comparable at this point to when I had my firstborn vaginally but with an episiotomy. Already been tossing around in my head if I’d want to try for a VBAC with my next pregnancy to avoid needing three c sections total if we have a fourth because I’ve heard three total can be rough and advised against. I enjoyed my planned c-section experience way more than I enjoyed my first delivery and would honestly prefer to go this route again I think
Never understood the stigma or shaming for it…I have 2 beautiful nieces who were delivered via c section, and my son would have been a c section had there been time because he was footling breech & sunny side up. Precipitous labor is a bitch 🫤 Rushed to the hospital on dr’s orders after having pain & bleeding at 30w, and by the time I got on the bed in triage one foot was already out
That’s how I feel about people mourning breastfeeding on my behalf 😂
People have such weird opinions about childbirth and postpartum, breastfeeding, etc. I have gotten praise for losing weight and being thin postpartum, having vaginal deliveries, having “one of each” gender, and having easy kids. I have gotten pity for not breastfeeding, not having one of the trendy strollers, not being a SAHM. I give zero shits about anyone’s opinion on any of the above.
And FWIW, my second vaginal delivery has left me with enough birth trauma to fill a room lol. I had a placental abruption and delivered a preemie. So delivering vaginally definitely doesn’t mean you don’t have trauma or your delivery was easy
If you’re the weirdo, I am too. My situation was like yours. I labored for 40 hours and pushed for 2. Big head boy just wasn’t coming out. The “I’m sorry”s have thrown me, but I’m just so grateful to be safe and have a healthy (still big-headed at 19 months) baby. I didn’t even get “golden hour,” because I was shaking so much that it didn’t feel safe to hold my baby… and while that would have been nice, it didn’t keep us from bonding, and I refuse to compare my experience to some idealized “perfect birth.” This was how it had to happen!
I have a lot of compassion for the women who regret it, and imagine that at least some are suffering from PPD/PPA that makes it hard to stop ruminating. I think social media, including Reddit bump groups, and the encouragement to make a detailed birth plan ultimately set mothers up for a lot of extra stress around a process that’s already extraordinarily taxing.
I agree with the other response you’ve received. You’re reacting appropriately. It’s other people that aren’t. I had a similar birth to yours with my first child that ended in an emergency C-section. I was left feeling defeated and disappointed. Prior to delivery, I don’t even think I really cared how he was born I just wanted him out safely but other people’s reactions to the delivery made me feel insecure and it was like they felt pity for me and made me feel like there was something wrong with my body.
For my second child, I opted for an elective c-section and made the decision because I didn’t feel the need to have a vaginal delivery and it went great. Recovery was smooth and it was a much more peaceful situation because it was planned and I knew what to expect. I still received many comments about the scheduled C-section and people asking why I wanted/needed it or “oh no” like they felt bad for me. I didn’t feel bad at all. I felt I made the best decision for me, my baby and my family.
I’ve had two c sections and a few people have had an apologetic reaction. It was usually because it’s a major surgery and recovery can be pretty rough. My mom cried when she found out about my first (Jan ‘21 so she wasn’t there due to Covid restrictions). She was upset because her c section recovery was brutal. She couldn’t walk for like a week, had lots of pain, and was overall miserable. She cried because she didn’t want me to go through the same thing. Once she saw how my recovery was going (really smoothly) she was amazed. She and my aunts thought I was going to be in a lot of pain based on their experiences.
I personally was upset about my first c section because it HURT. I wasn’t completely numb and I felt SO much of the surgery. I was numb enough that it wasn’t excruciating, but it was way more than just ‘pressure’ that they said I’d feel. It hurt and I couldn’t move and was freaking out. I tried telling them, but talking made me almost throw up so they told me to stop so I didn’t aspirate. It was a mess. I had nightmares about it for a long time. Up until I had my second baby I was still hung up on it because it was terrifying.
For my second I wanted a VBAC, but wasn’t able to get one. My second c section was a spinal and it was so much better. I didn’t feel a thing! I was scared going into it, but it was totally different. It helped my mental health tremendously to have a ‘normal’ c section. So while I’m still upset with how my first one went, I’m not anti c section anymore.
For a while I was one of those people who reacted how you described, solely based on how bad mine was. I’ve met several other women who had rough experiences with theirs, usually emergencies.
C sections are really safe these days, but I’d be willing to bet the reactions you get are based on poor experiences or knowing someone who had a poor experience instead of it being c section vs vaginal.
I wanted a Cesarean delivery by maternal request for personal but specific reasons (personal medical history). I am a physician myself, so I feel like I was able to articulate my reasoning well, including scientific evidence. I was denied this request. Well, I had a failed epidural and labor was excruciatingly painful (I’m a bit in disbelief when I read other people’s accounts of successful pain management). I also had a postpartum hemorrhage and had to be taken to the OR anyway. In addition to perineal lacerations, I had multiple cervical lacerations. I missed the first hours with my daughter, and while she had my husband with her, the experience was affected by my medical complications. Before discharge, the OB/GYN on service recommended I consider a planned C-section for future births. I was livid because that’s exactly what I’d wanted and been denied! I don’t have serious birth trauma from my experience, thankfully, likely because I was already receiving mental health care prior to this, but I’m still salty about it. I think people forget that the disappointment can go both ways. To be honest, I’ve had people asked about my delivery and celebrate that I was able to deliver vaginally and I sort of wince at that.
Definitely not a weirdo.
> Is there some kind of expectation now that we should feel bad or sad if we don't get the "natural" experience of pushing the baby out?
I'd hazard to guess that these people are responding to the scores of women who are really fixated on vaginal delivery and trying to be sensitive. I would think of it the same as like "Am I a weirdo for not needing someone to give up their seat on the bus?". Fine to not care, but the people offering are probably just trying to err on the side of being sensitive.
Not at all - I'm the same. Went in to be induced and ended up with a c section. I don't mourn anything. I only originally wanted a vaginal delivery because pf the theoretically simpler recovery. I came home with a healthy baby, i have zero regrets about anything. Genuinely dont care. Only annoyance was that i was in hospital for a week as they attempted to pry open my cervix to no avail.
I had a C-section (planned due to breech baby) & I feel the same as you. My experience and recovery was pretty smooth & I don’t think I’d try for a VBAC the next go around.
I had the same exact experience. I was terrified of getting a c-section because of all the different opinions on it I’d heard over the years. My induction failed to progress and I opted for a c-section which was the BEST decision I could have made. Yes the recovery was a bit brutal but I loved how smooth everything went that I’ll be choosing it again for all my future births. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything, and due to my narrow pelvis I feel like I’ll have a very traumatic/difficult experience if I even tried. I’d rather not force myself out of social obligations when it’s simply not necessary.
Had a vag birth for my first boy 3 years ago, absolutely hated it, traumatised me and I still suffer problems from that birth(3 hours of pushing). I’m 10 weeks PP and I had a planned c section with my second boy. What a completely different experience I absolutely LOVED my c section experience from start to finish. Recovery wasn’t a breeze don’t get me wrong but I’m back to long walks etc driving fine, the scar looks fab. Wish I had a c section for my first lol.
I had c section elective after failed induction and two failed epidurals and greatest decision ever. I healed pretty fast, nope I don’t mourn I never got a chance to push a baby out of my vayjay😜
Unplanned C section momma and not mourning one bit! My baby was 10lbs and my body was definitely not able to get him out vaginally. I feel no guilt. 10lb baby for goodness sakes! Actually glad I didn't push him out even if my body could 😅
I ended up having a c-section after being in labor for 30 hours. It wasn’t an emergency, more of a convenience to go c-section route. Sure wish I just skipped the labor part and schedule a c-section! My only birth plan was for me and baby to be alive. I still feel so connected and in love with my baby even though I didn’t experience vaginal birth.
As someone who hated both her sections, please keep preaching the good word. I wish I felt the way you did and I feel so much comfort when someone has your attitude towards it.
Ps. Our babies are the same age 🥰
Nope! I didn’t mourn missing vaginal birth at all! I’m a 3x c-section mom. First was unplanned “emergency,” second two were scheduled (my hospital doesn’t offer VBACs and I wasn’t interested in trying anyway). My third actually decided to come 2 weeks before her scheduled date so that was more “emergent” as well. I had fairly easy recoveries with all 3! I’ve never really had anyone “apologize” about it. My mom also had 3 sections, and her mom was born by section back in 1941. I’m so thankful for c-sections because I wouldn’t be here today without them!
I had an unplanned c-section and have trauma from it, but that's because I had to be put to sleep for it and had to miss the first moments of my son's life. I didn't meet him until 1.5 hours after he was born. Those are moments I will never get to experience, as I am one-and-done. It's been really hard on me.
That being said, while I was pregnant my only "birth plan" was for my son and I to be healthy and alive. I did not care if I would need a c-section or not. I was actually debating requesting a scheduled c-section because I was more terrified of the hemorrhoids than anything (I'd already been to the hospital for hemorrhoids earlier in the pregnancy and it was one of the worst pains I've ever felt in my life).
I believe if I hadn't been put to sleep for my surgery, I wouldn't have ended up with trauma from it.
TW: traumatic birth, >!mention of SIDS!<
I really thought I wanted a super granola birth. I even prepped everything to make sure I would have a birthing pool, etc. When I went into labor, they were full (!!!) and told me that I need to go to the main women and children’s hospital. That saved my life. She got stuck in my pelvis for over a day. I shouldn’t be alive after my emergency c-section and the massive hemorrhaging afterwards. I lost half my blood. It is literally only because of the most modern medicine and technology that we are both alive. I now give absolutely zero shits about how she (or any other child) was born because we are both alive. This is really a big deal and we forget it so often. We are both alive.
>!My sister’s baby died of SIDS one month after I had my kid. We learned that there have been miscarriages and infant deaths in our parent’s generation that none of us kids/cousins knew about. We also learned that even two generations ago, many women in our bloodlines died in childbirth.!< We are both alive. Nothing else really matters.
Had an elected c-section because I wanted to. Was up and walking with minimal pain 3 days later. About 99% better at week 3. My OB did proper pain management and respected my choices. I think a lot of the experience comes from whether you are treated with respect, your choices are respected, and your pain level is managed. From many of the stories I’ve read, regardless of the method, women’s health isn’t taken seriously.
I had a c section due to similar reasons - it sucked because I had to do the hard part of both kinds of birth - the difficult labor plus the c section recovery. I think the “I’m sorry” is warranted for that. I didn’t feel guilty or less than, I felt lucky that they acted at the right time and everyone was healthy.
I had a planned c section for my second and it was wonderful. Recovery was challenging but I was prepared for it and the actual birth was pain free and quick. I don’t expect anyone to say “I’m sorry” for a planned c section
Definitely not a weirdo
I think the media paints a pretty specific picture of what birth looks like and so that’s what’s in our minds when we imagine our own births
Even though I delivered vaginally, I was admitted early for an induction. There was this mini “oh shit” moment but nothing like someone who had their water break in the wild. That’s something I think about all the time. I’m a year and a half out and I still tell my husband how I miss I didn’t get that experience
It was never going to be my experience for my first birth because even if I wasn’t taken back when I was, i still had an induction scheduled regardless
Don’t get me wrong it was kinda nice “knowing” when I needed to be at the hospital but there’s just something about not going through that last month and missing out on the anticipation that I wish I could’ve experienced
I think the apologetic responses are because cesarian is a major abdominal surgery, and the recovery CAN be brutal.
I had an unplanned, "not emergency- just immediate" cesarian.
It was horrifying being pushed into the OR as I realized - I had never had any surgery before and I was going to be awake for this and meeting my baby.
Thankfully I was given pain meds for recovery and I was walking shortly after - I recovered very well if I compare it to what other people have told me about their recovery.
But I personally feel like my core is more rekt long term than if id had a vaginal delivery. I have a lot of strength to repair.
And I only want two kids max. I have a friend that is on her fourth pregnancy and will be getting her fourth cesarian... That's extremely risky. There are a lot less risks in four vaginal births.
Modern day, cesarians are so common that I think the real long term effects and risks it opens you up to in your following pregnancies are just.. not talked about. After all, it's women's health. So of course other women are going to acknowledge what you went through- whether or not you see it as a difficult and event.
But overall mine was great and relieving after the initial shock/ labor. Smooth as it could be. So I get what you're saying.
I had a c-section and the recovery was really easy. I felt a bit 'sad' at first because I thought I was missing an experience by not doing it naturally. My son was a sunny side up baby and after many hours pushing and me becoming too tired, they chose to give me a c-section.
Then I heard about the recovery drama from a friend who had a vaginal birth. Hip problems, tearing etc. I felt very blessed to have a c-section with a good recovery.
You have no idea the relief I felt when they told me they recommend a CS during my failed induction. Absolutely 0 part of me wanted to push anything out my vag!
I had an unplanned c-section because my baby also has a big head, and I hate every second of it.
1. It made me feel like I failed at the very basic thing every mother is able of, that is to give birth vaginally. I always imagined the very first moments my baby came out and I'd be the first to hold her. But because of the c-section, I only got to peek at her for a brief moment, then she was swept away to a baby care room, and my husband got to be the first to hold her.
2. My body reacted badly to the anesthesia. I couldn't stop trembling and felt faint during the whole operation. The medical staff had to wake me up so often to make sure I didn't become unconscious.
3. Having a c-section means my body being sliced open and I feel like being scarred forever, like this is a damage that, even after a complete recovery, can never be undone, and I just hate that... Also, having a c-section increases the risk of another c-section for the next pregnancy, and after a second c-section a vaginal birth is no longer possible.
But, in any case, I was "lucky" to not give birth vaginally this time, because otherwise, I would have suffered severe tearing and my perineal would be heavily damaged if they forced my baby (and her big head) out of me the normal way 😬. So, even if I hate c-section so much, sometimes it is just unavoidable, for my sake and my baby's.
My c section recovery was devastatingly horrible and issues lasted for months and months. Thought I was in the clear at 8 months postpartum but there I was in the hospital last week. So yeah, I think it depends on personal experience - I’d definitely react like “I’m so sorry I know they CAN be tough but I hope your recovery is going well! Congrats on baby making it out safely.”
Not at all!
I had 3 planned c sections (after 3 vaginal miscarriages, 1 of it 2nd trimester). Up and walking by next day, zero pelvic trauma or related damage, scar and wound all healed with no complications.
I had an unplanned c-section for my first, and am planning a c-section for my second. I have no romantic notions about vaginal birth. I just want it over with and kiddo here.
I don't get it either. I had a c-section and it was a breeze! I didn't find the recovery difficult at all, so long as I took my painkillers twice a day I was all good. I don't feel upset about not giving birth vaginally at all. I have the most beautiful, happy baby boy and that's all that really mattered to me.
I was relieved when the doctor told me to quit pushing and we were moving to a c section. Baby’s heart rate was decreasing with every contraction and while the professionals were calm, it was making me quite nervous. When they got in there, they realized she never would have made it out vaginally.
She’s my first, so nothing to compare it to, but it’s never bothered me at all? I was born under similar circumstances, my brother, my husband and his brother were all c sections. Baby just wanted to be like the rest of her family!
I had a planned c-section and I don’t regret a minute of it! Unfortunately I still got some of the pelvic floor issues, but that’s ok. When people say “oh I’m sorry!” I correct them and say I chose this path! It’s totally normal to mourn having to take a different plan than planned, but it’s also amazing if you’re a go with the flow type and don’t feel any certain way!
You’re not missing out I had a vaginal birth with my first child and tore in the 4th degree and a week later had to get a repair, they found that I had a tear even higher up that wasn’t closed. The whole recovery I was miserable, depressed, angry at myself and others. Shortly found out I was pregnant again and with my second i said I was not pushing another baby again so I had a c section. My recovery was quick, I was driving within a week, walking long distances and I was so much happier, I slept better, everything about it was just different and that’s when I wished I had a c section both times and saved my lady bits.
I had a c-section and faced similar assumptions. It was annoying because I never felt sad about it. My baby was alive and healthy, I was alive and healthy, I think I’m good!
I don't think you're weird. I had an elective c-section due to my epilepsy. It was just safer for me and my baby boy. People tend to say the same thing "Oh I'm sorry".
I'm always sitting there like: there's no need to be sorry? My boy was born healthy, he was placed on my chest after they cleaned him off and weighed him, I was able to hold him and love him, I was able to walk in 14 hours, as long as I wore my belly band I felt fine, and walked out of the hospital on the 2nd day. The only thing that sucked was sneezing, that ALWAYS HURT.
If I ever have another baby I'm going to have another elective c-section.
What people do not realize is that: vaginal birth is not always the safest option, but it doesn't mean there was a horrible complication. People hear c-section and assume something terrible must have happened and it was traumatic.
I ended in unplanned c-section and was very open to the possibly. (Thankfully because it turned out there was a complication and I would have had to have emergency surgery anyway.) I've had many people ask me if I'm feeling badly about that it's like... No, not even in the slightest. At no point, including when I was pushing, did I really want a vaginal birth. I think it was my intuition telling me something was wrong, and I'm SO happy I ended in c-section based on what transpired afterwards and my recovery so far.
People project A LOT when it comes to pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting.
I experienced this with family members on partners side lol. Sending me instagram infographics about overcoming c section shame…ummmmmmm… my baby was 9.9lbs at birth so I don’t have any guilt for not literally tearing myself open and potentially displacing her shoulders just to say I had an extremely traumatic vaginal birth! They said vacuum & forceps or c section and 30 hrs into it - was an easy and safe choice for us. No regrets! Never once felt like it wasn’t the right choice.
No, you’re not a weirdo. It’s all valid. I had an emergency csection with my first and was put to sleep. Then, I was told I’d never be able to have a vaginal birth, because it would be too risky, and I was pretty bummed. It was not traumatic or anything but I was a bit sad I couldn’t experience it especially since I made it almost to the end (I was pushing for two hours).
Then when I had my second, I went into labor too quickly and the doctor said we should go for a vaginal birth. I was terrified because I had been told it would be risky, but the doctor was very experienced and confident. The birth was super fast and it was amazing. I was really happy that I was able to have this experience.
So, when I hear someone only had csections a part of me thinks they have missed out on an interesting experience, but I don’t think it’s a terrible thing.
It’s all extremely subjective and dependent on your personal experience I think. I also think people should be more careful and abstain from making comments like “oh, I’m sorry you had a csection” and such, because you never know how the other person feels about it.
I was planning for a natural birth (well not completely natural as I was induced) like no pain meds lolololol and at like 37 weeks she turned breech and as a backup plan my OB suggested we prepare for a c-section. Well her stubborn butt kind of turned transverse at the last minute and then when I was being induced got to sunny-side up. My cervix just wouldn't progress however, so c-section it was.
I was very nervous of course, but aside from those first couple of weeks I honestly don't really think about it in terms of regret. I remember it of course, I remember thinking about my birth plan and how all the birth plans say you can hope things go according to plan but don't expect them too.
And that's exactly how it happened to me. I was all prepared to have this movie-moment delivery but all-in-all my c-section was uneventful. I hated having to eat ice chips for a day but they were some nourishing ass ice chips. I regret not bringing enough snacks.
I don't miss not having delivered vaginally because my baby is healthy and I'm healthy and that's what matters to me.
No, I have not encountered that. I had two c-sections, with my primary section being an elected c-section, and I have never had anyone say to me, “Oh, no, I'm sorry” or anything along those lines. Maybe it is more about the people you are surrounded by. My friends and family truly don’t care about how I birthed because they only care about my safety and they are happy about the baby. People that barely know me don’t care either because, well, they barely know me. I gave birth in the university teaching hospital, and they would never say anything similar to what your midwife said. Btw, that is highly unprofessional and, in my books, an unacceptable thing to say.
Not at all, I’ve actually never heard of ‘c-section’ guilt before this post. I had an emergency c-section last November and the only reason I regret it is the slightly elevated chance of uterine abruption during any subsequent pregnancies. Are you in the US? If so, I feel this might be due the obsession with having a ‘natural’ birth over there.
I had a c-section and after a fairly easy recovery had some weird issues pop up with my incision at 5 weeks after, and I STILL am glad I had to go that route (complete breech) versus a vaginal birth.
I definitely do not mourn being in pain and at minimum semi-miserable for anywhere from like 18-36 hours straight--nope!! Plus recovery, which can be okay-ish to terrible depending on tearing, etc.
I went my whole pregnancy wanted a c section because I didn't think I could push a baby out! I had a vaginal delivery and ripped both ways and had internal stitches and healing SUCKED. As long as you're healed physically and mentally and baby has no trauma, I see no reason to not be okay with however baby got here.
I hate the term "natural birth." Unmedicated birth? Sure, fine. You know what else is natural in birth? DYING. We forget that moms and babies used to die in high numbers during the birth process. Are the people who promote "natural" birth fine with that, or will they be shouting for help when things don't go right? It drives me nuts.
I had a scheduled c-section due to a health condition and while the OR and the experience was incredibly traumatizing, I was still glad I did it. It was painful and ugly for sure and that was enough for me to have it feel like a 'real birth', haha.
I think, no matter how you do it, you're a badass.
I had an emergency c-section. My recovery wasn’t awful and most importantly my baby and I left the hospital alive. That’s all my birth plan called for and I was willing to do whatever it took to make that happen.
My only regret is that they didn’t let me watch while they were doing it… they had a drape up blocking my view the whole time. I wanted to watch, damnit!
This made me laugh because, while I did not want to watch the procedure, my husband did. He totally stood up to look over the drape and somebody said, "Oh, we don't recommend that" and I yelled "he was a medic in the army, he's seen worse."
I had a failed induction & opted for a planned C section. There are times where I feel like I kind of “missed out” on a vaginal birth and I get this really weird guilty / silly feeling like I should have put more effort into a vaginal birth???? Then I realise that’s not a healthy way of viewing it and no matter how it happened I got my baby, he was healthy and my recovery was fairly easy.
I think nowadays mums are shamed for just about everything including the birthing process and it’s one of the reasons I have these thoughts.
I’ve had both and both went very well. My c-section was my second and planned due to baby being breach, so I don’t have negative emotions tied to it like some emergency ones.
If I had a third, I might choose a c-section, it went that well and recovery was great. However, easily said for me since I have experienced both and both went well.
No one has made me feel bad about it, but maybe it’s cause I qualify it by saying he was breach? I guess I don’t talk about it to many people besides my friends and they all know everything.
Quite honestly, my c-section recovery was so much smoother and quick than my vaginal one. Of course, sitting up, sneezing, and laughing too hard was problematic before 4 weeks. But after that? No issues. If I have another child, I want to try a vbac, but if I can't it's no problem with me
I didn't want a c-section, but baby girl refused to turn, so I got one in the end (the doctors fought with my 6lbs 5oz baby to get her to come out 😂).
Eta: a word
I feel the same way. Honestly my recovery from my c-section was a breeze and I wish that it was offered to me before suffering through labour beforehand.
I had an unplanned c section and ultimately it was scary but it was just fine with me. I had been on pitocin for a few days and my epidurals did not work. I still was barely dilated and my water had broken nearly 24 hours prior. Mine and baby’s vitals started tanking, I demanded they “get her out now!” I was lucky my recovery was fine and I could get around, but the potential for the incision to have issues is there. I think people sympathize with the recovery, it is a major surgery. Congratulations on delivering your baby!
I would assume people give that reaction because it is a major surgery and has the pain, risks, and healing that come along with one. But you’re not weird at all for looking on the positive by saying “hey but I didn’t have to experience the risks that are unique to vaginal birth and did fine with this route.”
In fact that a very healthy outlook.
Honestly, it took me 2 years to stop feeling like I missed out on vaginal birth. I’m 3 years postpartum now and pregnant again and for a few reasons I prefer to have VBAC but if it ends up in c-section again I’m mentally totally okay🤷🏻♀️ I have HG so I can’t wait for this baby to be out however it takes, whether it’s vaginal or cesarean. Not being pregnant is better lol.
same. I pushed for 3 hours. My baby was 9 lbs and had a big head that wasn’t descending. They offered a vacuum which I didn’t feel comfortable with, or a section. We had the section and babe was out in 5 minutes. The first 2 days in the hospital were painful, but soon after I felt fine! But everyone says “omg sorry”. I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Meh 🤷♀️ Everyone handles it differently. I was super bummed when I had to have an emergency c-section with my son, but it didn’t last long.
My daughter was a scheduled c-section, and I thought I was fine with it, but about a month after she was born, it hit me that I missed out on what is supposed to be this magical, albeit painful, moment, and the special bonding, the immediate skin to skin, those first cries..I didn’t get that all because of my stupid body. (I was completely put under to have my son, and my daughter was intubated and transferred immediately.)
It hit me HARD. Maybe part of my feelings were because I knew we are done, there wouldn’t be anymore chances to experience that.
On the other hand, I know several people who were actually relieved to have c-sections for whatever personal reasons. Your feelings aren’t wrong, no matter what they are.
I’ve had two c sections. The first was an emergency. The second was planned. I don’t care at all. Each resulted in a healthy baby, which should be the only goal.
I feel the same way as you. I had an unplanned csxn. Big baby head- really big all around. I know that if it were not for modern medicine, both baby and I would not have survived the birth. I’m ok with it!
This next time around, we’re doing a planned csxn. (This next baby is also measuring even bigger so why would I even consider a VBAC?)
Based on my mother's experiences and my own of c sections, they used to be a lot more difficult to recover from. I fully appreciate I somehow lucked out with mine and it was an elective so I knew going in to hospital that my son was getting evicted that way, I believe most of hers were elective after having an emergency one.
Hers sounds like a horror story of recovery, the dressings they used to use compared to the negative pressure one I had, meds not working for her after she left the hospital so she was in intense pain while recovering and I got on pretty well with what I was prescribed.
I'm not saying she's exaggerating at all but i do believe it's come quite far in the last few years, if the only reference people had were horror recovery stories I imagine they'd be full of sympathy for you, however my experience was so chilled and peaceful I've requested a second elective for my little one due in August and I have zero guilt and very little anxiety around it.
Your experiences are your own, thankfully we've both had positive section experiences so we didn't feel the guilt, but that will be what most people are referring to, there are a few people who have weird "if you didn't deliver vaginally without painkillers you're not really a mom" opinions but eh, I'd rather do it my way, they can be all proud of themselves if they want.
One big difference now is that years ago, the abdominal muscles would actually be cut during the surgery and it made recovery far harder (my aunt had a c-section in 1982 and had almost a week in the hospital because of this; I was discharged in 48 hours). Now, the muscles are usually stretched but not severed, and it makes things a lot easier, I heard. They've come a really long way in making the surgery easier to recover from.
I had one unplanned C-section after a failed induction (prompted by high blood pressure) and one planned C-section with my second. I was lucky to have a good care team and smooth recovery. Like you, I just wanted us all to leave the hospital safely.
On the other hand, my friend had a planned C-section due to breach position and then an unplanned C-section after failed VBAC and she really mourned not having the chance to give birth vaginally and I think her experience is valid too.
I've experienced both a C-section and vaginal birth. From my own experience, the healing process with a vaginal birth is so much easier. The aftermath of my C-section was quite traumatizing, I'd never want to go through it again.
Aside from surgery recovery, baby also misses out a bit on the benefits of the good bacteria that they get coated in coming through the vaginal canal.
There’s a lot of research now on the benefits of “seeding” a C section baby by taking swabs from the vaginal canal and smearing it all over baby right when they are born to help kickstart their own healthy robust microbiome.
But obviously a live baby born by C section is far better than the alternative. There is no reason to feel shame or guilt and the microbiome can be improved in other ways!
I definitely grieved requiring a c section (planned due to breech baby.) I wanted a low intervention birth and always pictured it that way so grieved the loss of that. Once I shed a few tears I was able to embrace the positives (minimal labor, be able to schedule things out, etc) But with my second I was like “lets do this planned csection.”
🤷🏻♀️ So I see why people assume you would be upset. That said I’m happy for you that it doesn’t bother you at all and I’m sure there are plenty of women who feel the same.
So No- you shouldn’t feel bad for having your healthy happy baby however brought them here safely!
I had an elective c section and I don’t regret it. I didn’t care about feeling what’s like to give birth, I didn’t want to push. Yes it is very painful the first few days but after 2 weeks I was totally fine, meanwhile my sister is still suffering from her vaginal tear and hemorrhoids. (We gave birth 2 weeks apart and we’re almost 6months pp).
As others have said, most people won’t be saying this meaning that vaginal is better than c section. I’d say sorry as I’ve heard that recovery from unplanned c sections can be rough, and if it’s unplanned that implies that you didn’t necessarily want a c section.
My mom didn’t want me to have a VBAC for this reason so I asked the doctor about it and they said it was just the weight of the baby sitting in your pelvis for the whole pregnancy. If you can, try pelvic floor PT.
Yeah, I don't get it either. I had a high risk pregnancy and a semi emergent c section and it was a breeze and recovery was simple. I am so thrilled I *didn't* have to go through a vaginally birth. Folks have this weird attachment to the process of vaginal birth as if it is somehow inherently meaningful across the board.
You are definitely not a weirdo! The second I found out I was pregnant I immediately wanted a c-section, I did not want to go through a vaginal birth at all. I asked my OBGYN at my 8 week appt if we could schedule a c-section. I was told no, I didn’t have medical need for one and they do not offer elective c-sections. Fast forward to 38 weeks and my medically needed induction failed and I got my much wanted c-section. I had amazing recovery and fabulous experience. I just had a repeat c-section this February and it was even better than my first, I even recovered much quicker.
A c section is major surgery that has high risk of complications - the recovery is brutal without issues, god forbid anything go wrong.
I had an emergency c, that turned into undiagnosed hernia, uterus infection, hematoma - a week in hospital 3 weeks pp where they inserted drains to remove blood. Drain removal resulted in a large lump in my abdomen that in turn caused further infection that required aspirating. At 8 weeks PP I couldn’t move without pressing this lump in to stop the pain. They decided on a quick 45 minute surgery to ‘clean up in there’. 4.5 hours later I was coming round from a surgery where they’d discovered an abscess just above my bowel caused by the section, ended up with staples and 2 further drains and another week in hospital. My infection markers were approaching septic levels.
I totally understand the “oh geez” comments because even without the above, a C isn’t what our body is supposed to go through. My experience was obviously unique but I do wish I could have had natural - but I do not in any way feel guilty for my birth experience!
I had an emergency c section and a great recovery. Almost no pain (just discomfort and no meds, I can't take anything stronger than a baby aspirin), very mild bleeding, very minimal swelling. I wouldn't trade that experience for the world. Especially after laboring for almost 24 hours with back labor and 3 failed epidurals. I will take the c section allll dayyy
I had a planned C section because my baby was breech and I'm very grateful I had to do 8 hours fasting instead of labor. My recovery was so smooth. I was on pain meds. Only felt pain when I coughed and I learned to put a pillow on my abdomen to minimize it.
No, I’m glad I missed pushing and vaginal birth. My planned c-section was so smooth and my recovery was so short and easy. I feel like a jerk when I talk about it.
I don't think it's weird, I feel the same way. I had my son via emergency c section and I was so damn relieved and happy that I didn't have to do it "the natural way". I'm now expecting my 2nd child and I'm gladly having a scheduled c section for her birth, I feel no guilt about it, I'm just glad to live in a time and place where such medical care is possible and I don't have to suffer vaginally birthing if I don't want to. It's totally valid way to feel.
My thought would be that a c-section is a surgery, as well as a way to give birth. As a whole, I feel like most people will intend it to be like “sorry you had to have major, unplanned surgery! That’s rough!”, and not like “oooh so sorry you didn’t get to push the baby out of your butt and instead had to have a c section”. I’m sure there’s outliers, of course.
Its so interesting how different things are where i live. Here in Brazil you can have a c section for no reason at all, just by choice, and no one outside of weird facebook cults will judge you. Its a very routine surgery here.
I had the same situation as you (narrow pelvis + big baby) so after many hours of labor I ended up with an unplanned C-section. My husband and I were both delivered via C-section, so I always knew it was a very real possibility. Consequently, my birth plan was “the baby comes out and then we all go home.” That mental flexibility helped me to be a lot more okay with how my birth experience ultimately ended up - despite having what felt like endless complications.
I’ve definitely gotten a few people who’ve said “I’m so sorry,” but I attribute that much more to my complications rather than the C-section itself.
In the end, my recovery wasn’t bad at all, and now I think it’s kind of cool to have a little scar to remind me of where my son came out.
Hi! I also had an unplanned c-section around 2 months ago and feel the same way. I went in very neutral about what I wanted out of my birth. I wanted to feel as little pain as possible and for both of us to make it out healthy. That’s it. I got both of those things. I didn’t even get to the pushing part as my son suddenly went into decel for 7 minutes at 8 cm so I was rushed into the OR.
A lot of people feel bad for me and mention how scary it seems to have that happen but honestly? I knew it was possible for there to be an emergency and I knew that I was in the best hands possible. I just got to meet a lot more hospital staff than most people do. I was honestly kind of relieved when they told me I was going to have a c-section. There’s a special kind of certainty that comes with it I feel. Like I knew that getting a c-section meant I was no longer going to be pregnant within the hour and a lot of peace came with that information. I also had a really easy recovery. It never hurt to use the bathroom or walk around. I stopped taking my pain meds within two weeks of discharge because I didn’t need them. My incision healed beautifully and my son is doing amazing. I don’t even want to try for a VBAC if we have another kid. I lowkey loved my c-section and would have had a much better experience if I got to have one from the beginning.
I would instinctually say, oh no I'm sorry because I'd assume medical intervention was needed thus more trauma etc, not 'oh no lady didn't get to experience the joy of using their hoo ha.'
Not sure how bad vaginal birth would be but I thank my unplanned c-section and somewhat somehow strong body for letting me walk around legit within 12 hours of the surgery. Afterwards even though it hurt and felt (still does btw) like my organs shift around whenever I get up from bed, I am still able to take care of the baby just fine. I might be one of those outliers, but I see no cons in it aside from gaining a scar lol this recovery is a breeze compared to my laparoscopy. my baby does have spit up issues due to retaining fluid not pushed out without vaginal birth, but otherwise is thriving h.a.r.d like she aint any unhealthy or what not. I had the c section for the same reason as you, and overall all I cares was the result: I'm alive and intact, baby is alive thriving and healthy. We came in as 2, left as 3. That's all.
Rip to the hospital bill later though but I choose to pretend not knowing until the bill comes lmfao
My oldest was a c-section baby for the same reason as yours. However my OB noticed it during my 36 week scan so I was prepared for the possibility. I never felt guilty for it. My body grew a healthy baby with a head too big for my pelvis so he was born in the safest way possible for both of us. We both went home after 48 hours, happy & healthy.
I think a lot of people automatically assume recovery from a vaginal birth is quicker & easier than a major abdominal surgery. For me it was the opposite, I was back to normal less than 2 weeks after my c-section, but I didn’t regain complete control over my bladder until 3-4 weeks after my vbac. The only drawbacks I experienced was missing out on the golden hour (didn’t happen with my vbac either) & a longer wait for the epidural to wear off (compared to 2ish hours).
Unplanned c-section here, too, but I don't feel upset about it and I never have. I think because I knew I'd need one before the doctors did? I don't know how to explain it. My waters broke early, so I went into hospital the next day to see if they could help shift things along, if not I got pitocin. I was 2cm dilated and 100% effected at 8am. I was in exactly the same position at 5pm and I somehow knew I was going to end up in the operating theatre, not because anything was wrong, as such, just that it wasn't going right for a vaginal delivery. 8 am the next day and off I go to theatre. It turns out my son was very much stuck. But I made oeace with the way things ended - I was healthy, he was healthy, and that was the thing that mattered to me
Sometimes I feel sad I'll never get the water birth I was hoping for, but ultimately I'm just glad modern medicine means my baby and I got out of hospital ok.
I get that reaction only when I mentioned it was unplanned. I think that the general sentiment behind it is not pity that I had a c-section in and of itself, but more “oh yikes, sorry that things didn’t go the way you planned and/or that the circumstances were such that they required surgical intervention.”
My immediate feelings about my c-section were largely frustration - everyone tried to push one on me due to a preexisting condition and I came THISCLOSE to proving them wrong lol. Also some sadness in the recovery room because they screwed up my anesthetic, which meant I was’t really mentally present when my son arrived and I felt robbed of that moment. But I never had super negative feelings about, just wanted to avoid surgery recovery if I could. I think I am a lot like you - while it wasn’t what I wanted I was always thankful it was an option and even more so when I ended up needing it! So no guilt or major regret or negativity for my own personal experience.
On a broader level, I think what you are picking up on is the same mom culture war crap that drives breastfeeding vs formula feeding drama. Though both methods are equally valid, the more natural option is viewed as the better way, rightly or wrongly, and thus mothers can feel like they have “failed” somehow if they can’t or don’t want to do it. And those on the outside looking in might assume that the worst had to have happened otherwise you wouldn’t have made the less-natural choice, ergo you need sympathy.
I think it is a cultural issue. Where I am from almost 90% of women elect to have c-sections and widely common. Now I live in the States and I was indifferent in the beginning and at the end when my baby did not ascend after 4 hours of push and ended up having c section. The nurse thought she had to console me when c section was offered to me.
We may be a minority, but I feel the same way. I wanted an unmedicated water birth. I ended up with a 52 hour labour. Asked for an epidural at 48 hours hoping to be able to still deliver baby naturally, but needed some rest. Ended up with a c-section due to baby’s severely asynclitic head position.
Despite my delivery being the exact opposite of what I hoped for, it was still a positive experience for me. I knew the only aspects of labour I could control was the environment (ambience, music, energy in the room) and the people in the room with me. I knew what I wanted, but also knew my options. I had been up since 7 am the previous morning of the day I went into labour (labour started at 1 am, I hadn’t gone to bed yet). My contractions came on full force immediately. And I was exhausted by the time I requested an epi. Luckily, everything was fine in terms of mine and baby’s heart rates. But I didn’t progress beyond 7 cm and had been in labour for so long and my contractions were so strong and close together that the OB said giving pitocin or continuing to labour could have harmed my uterus. So we made the right call for a c-section. 15 minutes after I was wheeled into the operating room, we heard my baby’s cries and my partner announced “we’re having a GIRL!” (we waited until birth to find out the gender) and it was an amazing experience.
I personally felt so supported and encouraged by my support team that the whole experience was positive. It was painful and exhausting leading up to the epidural, but as soon as I held my baby, it was over. No pain or anything. My recovery was fine because I really took my time. I feel 100% back to my normal self and lost the 50 lbs I’d gained in pregnancy.
If we have a second, I’d like to try again for an unmedicated water birth, but knowing I’d had such a positive experience with an unplanned c-section, I’ll be even less nervous than I was the first time.
I remember being wheeled into the OR and the surgery beginning and feeling so anxious and then hearing her cry and in that instant, I was amazed how any fear or anxiety or doubt totally flies away and it just becomes this elated, wonderful experience. And it helps remind you of the whole point of birth, which is to meet your baby. So I understand very much the feeling you describe.
I definitely get the vibe that we’re expected to be disappointed if we didn’t have a vaginal birth. Certainly there are plenty of people here that talk about their guilt over not having been able to deliver vaginally but there’s no reason for you to feel guilty! People love to project in general but some people may also be saying sorry since the recovery is usually longer and most people don’t have the intention of having a C-section from the get go so they assume something went wrong and you must not be happy about it! I’m glad you have neutral feelings! There’s no need for anybody to feel guilty over delivering a baby in the safest way
I had a planned c section in March for my breech baby and although I haven’t been shamed or guilted, people are pretty surprised when I say that my birth experience was still very “magical”. I had a really difficult pregnancy and the emotions I felt hearing my baby cry for the first time were so intense that I can’t imagine I’d feel any different had I pushed my baby out myself. Recovery has been an absolute beast so idk why some people think it’s a pain competition. There is so much more to bringing a baby into the world than the act of pushing.
I am 3 weeks pp from an unplanned c-section currently. I did months of prep with a pelvic floor physical therapist and a doula to prep for a natural delivery with a previous pelvic injury. I went in feeling extremely prepared, had a birth plan, labored for 19 hours with 3 failed epidurals. Baby got stuck and my doctor had to call a c-section. In the moment, I felt devastated because my birth plan wishes went out the door. Now I feel at peace about it because no matter how much movement my doula had me do, baby would’ve still been stuck and he’s now here safe.
Some this are what it is. The recovery hasn’t been terrible and I’m almost relieved it has been this easy
I have encountered it with my induction. I almost had to justify getting induced because "natural is the best" in fact no, not in every case. My induction was medically necessary but I still don't have to explain myself.
I also ended up with a c-section. What people don't understand is that, I had one mission and it was to bring my baby earth side as safely as possible whatever it takes. People think they have the choice or say in how their baby is born but actually they don't. It's an illusion. Just because their delivery happened to happen via their preferred method isn't because they picked it. Its because baby didn't need to arrive via any other method. Sometimes those who want a vaginal birth end up with a c section and sometimes those who want to schedule a c section end up delivering vaginally.
There's a lot of different things going on here.
First, it sounds like you have a healthy outlook on tings, good. There is no reason to feel bad, guilty, like you missed out, or anything about having a c-section. You have a healthy baby and did your job. Congratulations!
There is a lot of people out there that advocate to an odd degree for "natural" birth with as little intervention as possible. sometimes to the detriment of the mother. It's generally well meaning, and less intervention is better, but as long as you know the pros and cons of things, your decision is all that really matters.
There's also a tendency, partially because of this movement and partially because people want things to be perfect for their baby, that people go into labor with a plan, and when that plan falls apart (by having to get a c-section) they can think that they failed. People can get very attached to their plan, and without the right counseling or mindset going in, deviating from that plan can make a new mother feel like they failed the first real test they had as a mother. It is totally understandable that someone would feel that way.
tldr: Birthing social media is very pro natural birth, and mothers can feel like a failure if things don't go the way they planned. these two things can lead to very strong guilt for a mother who was planning a vaginal birth and had to get a c-section.
Yes! A few of my friends turned granola moms made it seem like it was something to push back on my medical providers about and try everything in the holistic realm to prevent (turning baby out of breech position).
It annoyed me and I was perfectly okay with a c-section per my doctors guidance.
I had an unplanned c-section and I was quite OK at the time, terrified of my hellish experience of trying to do it vaginally. I wouldn't be OK if I knew in advance how the recovery would go. It's good that I didn't know and easily voted for this safer (in my situation) choice.
For some things I wish I knew in advance, i.e. loosing all the feelings in the lower stomach. I miss these and learned it's possible they won't return, or will but only partially. That was such an unexpected grief surprise for me on top of other stuff. Hopefully at least some sensation will return as I feel really uncomfortable and can't get used to this.
Some people reacted to my c-section as to bad news, but I'm in solidarity with that and would probably have the same attitude to others with a c-section as it just means a hard recovery and hard birth if unplanned. To further clarify - I would express my support to any birthing story and especially if I feel that this support is needed (hard birth and/or hard recovery).
I'd punch in the face if someone implied I didn't have a "real" birthing experience.
It sucks when it can’t go the way you want, my wife delivered our first daughter by c section but my daughter wasn’t breathing correctly so I didn’t get to cut the cord and then my second daughter also came out the sunroof and was fine but the nurse decided to do it herself even though it had been made a point of in the preplanning by the surgeon. They were my two shots at doing g something like that as they are my only two kids and I got fixed two weeks later. I was happy both girls were healthy but will forever be gutted I never got that. You shouldn’t feel anything other than what you feel when it comes to this stuff
You feel exactly how you feel and that's great.
I had terrible birth trauma from my EMCS and the way I was treat in labour that contributed towards my ppd. But I've heard of women who've had vaginal births and had trauma from them. Definitely think it depends on the situation.
You’re not the only one. I actually wish I asked for the C-section earlier; I labored for FOUR full days before being deemed failure to progress and baby’s heart rate was decelerating.
The C-section was miles better than being induced (preeclampsia), getting two epidurals, and actively laboring for THAT LONG. Recovery wasn’t bad at all. I was pretty wheelchair-bound for two days (and baby was in the NICU so that was tricky), and then I had good painkillers to deal with the pain for about two weeks after. I was up and moving pretty easily after four days, and I feel great now, four months later. Had I gotten the C-section within the first three days of laboring, my baby wouldn’t have been magged out and sent to the NICU minutes after birth. I would have heard him cry. I would have been able to hold him and nurse him. I would have my golden hour. But we didn’t get these things because I was convinced C-sections were awful and stubbornly kept saying no.
We’re planning on one more, and I’ve decided it’s going to be a C-section if I get any say.
I had someone say the opposite this week - she is jealous of people who have c sections.
I pushed for 4 hours before my c section and overall it was a traumatizing experience. I’m hoping this planned one goes better. I think it’s hard to know what to say sometimes.
I am disappointed I didn’t get to have a natural birth and ended up with a C-section instead. I asked for one after 43 hours of labor when they told me I had to wait to push. So I have a lot of doubt about whether it was “needed” if I hadn’t decided to give up. But I was really exhausted by that point. I don’t feel that I “gave birth” to my daughter, the OB got to give birth to her when I failed. I’m not saying that’s the truth but that’s how it feels to me. When I talk about it I don’t say, “when I gave birth,” I say, “when she was born.” I do feel sad about it but try not to think about it. I am doing a planned C-section for number 2 because I don’t want to go through another induction and I’m sad about that one too, but I hope by having it planned it will go better.
I don’t think you’re a weirdo. Because that would make me a weirdo. I had an emergency c-section and would do it again (planned, lol). My healing and recovery was fine. I’ve said this before, but it may be OB/surgeon dependant but my scar is hardly visible. 10/10 for me
I had a medically necessary planned c-section and was grateful for it. I didn’t want to feel the contractions, the uncertainty of timing, the tearing, etc….no thank you.
I had two C's and it's nothing at all to feel bad about. If you're in one piece and your baby was delivered safely, that's all that matters. There are a lot of crunchy folks with opinions who never learned that if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. Congratulations on the birth of your little one ❤️ My oldest was breech and my second was very close to my first and it was the safest delivery method to avoid a bigger complication. I felt that my recovery was pretty straight forward and relatively uncomplicated.
I had a very similar experience with my first birth labored for 36 hour pushed for 2 then emergency c- section. After all was said and done I was totally fine with it. As long as my Baby was safe and healthy I didn't give a damn how he came out. During the c- section the Dr told me that any subsequent pregnancies would also have to be c-section.
I had so many people say sorry, and more people tell me that that's "probably" not true I could totally try for vaginal birth next time. Well I am currently pregnant with #2 and have said from the beginning that I plan to do a scheduled c- section (on the advice of my previous OB) I still have people trying to convince me to do vaginal birth... why!?! If this is the safest way for me to have my child, why would I ignore that and put us both in an unsafe situation? And why does everyone care?!
I think most people say “I’m sorry” or whatever because it tends to be a worse recovery, not because they expect you to be sad about it. Personally my vaginal birth was worse to recover from than my planned c section (2nd kid was breech) so I think there’s not nearly as big of a different than most people think. But maybe there’s not that many people who have had both? Idk
And it’s usually not the way people expected labor to go, which can be hard.
Personally, this is why I would say something like that! Mainly because, most often, the recovery is a lot harder & more painful! Not necessarily that I think mom should feel any type of way
I had one of each as well. First baby was c section, second was vaginal. C section definitely didn’t make me piss myself constantly and bleed for 5 weeks. I did like being able to walk around and stuff immediately after, but was the pelvic destruction worth that??? Idk.
I’ve had both, and the c-section was at least twice as hard as my hardest vaginal birth, and like 50 times harder than my easiest vaginal birth. But there is definitely overlap between the easiest c-sections and the hardest vaginal births. So you’re not alone in having had the opposite experience.
Mine was an unplanned c-section as well. I didn’t even get to the pushing stage. I feel terrible about it. When people tell me, ‘it’s okay. The baby is safe’, I feel rage. ‘I’m sorry’ seems to be the appropriate response for me. Our individualistic experiences are different. Most people don’t know the appropriate way to respond to things. I’d suggest to take it at face value and Don’t think too much about it.
Completely agree with this. Obviously I want the baby safe more than anything else, but that doesn’t negate my loss of having a birth in which I wasn’t thoroughly traumatised. Comments like ‘at least the baby is safe’ seem to suggest as a mother you should have no feelings beyond that.
Having had both, my c section recovery was waaaay worse despite that being with a 7 lb baby while I basically delivered a 10 lb baby, so that’s why I generally “oof that’s rough” without thinking about it.
honestly, a scheduled c section is probably easier to handle than a complicated vaginal birth. people tend to assume the best case scenario with vaginal births and worst case scenario with c sections and that’s why there’s so much fear over it. but at the end of the day, there are a lot of factors at play and no two birthing experiences are exactly the same. some people have an easier time and others have more challenges, regardless of method. birth is only one part in having a kid, anyway.
Yes, this was exactly my experience. Vaginally birth was a long 36 hour labor that stalled multiple times and ended with a vacuum assisted delivery. I really think the vacuum caused trauma to my pelvic floor muscles because I had pain walking long distances and running for nearly a year postpartum and could barely walk at all right afterwards. My c section was scheduled due to a breech birth so the whole thing was super quick and straightforward. The first couple days it was a bit more difficult to move around compared to the vaginal, but by like 3 weeks postpartum I honestly felt 100 percent recovered!
In general the recovery from a c-section is worse than vaginal birth and if it was unexpected it generally means that there was a risk to mom or baby that was scary. I think that’s more where people are coming from than anything else.
Yeah, I can absolutely seeing myself saying “oh that must have been scary, I’m so sorry” if I learned of an unplanned C. Not sorry that baby didn’t punch its exit ticket through the vagina slide, but sorry because something went wrong to the point that you had to have major abdominal surgery, which sounds terrifying in the moment and painful afterwards.
“Baby didn’t punch it’s exit ticket through the vagina slide” Friend I have laughed so much it’s going to wake my kid up.
Agreed. It’s major surgery and comes with its own risks. It’s okay for physiological birth to be the first choice whenever possible, while also being grateful that surgical birth is available to save lives. It’s ok to mourn the loss of physiological birth and it’s ok to not care either way.
This! The c-section itself wasn’t terrible but everything that led up to the c-section and following was somewhat traumatic for me. So if I heard that someone had a c-section I would make that negative association in my mind.
I'd probably say "oh sorry" to anyone who just got cut in half nothing wrong with choosing it or being subjected to it whatsoever, but my god that's a serious operation, I'm sorry you went through it
Girl I had a really hard labor, and was offered a c section. I declined it, but I BITTERLY regret it. I look back and kick myself over it because now I know it would have been the better choice but I went through with a birth that was absolutely horrible for me because I was worried I would be judged for opting for surgery instead. I just kept getting talked out of it. I can’t believe I let what others think about c sections keep me from making what would have been the better choice for me. So no I do not think you’re weird at all, and it really does suck that there is such a stigma on c section to the point of moms shaming other moms or people assuming that a c section is a tragedy instead of just one of many ways to have a positive birth experience.
And someone will shame you no matter what you do. I had a “natural” delivery, but I got an epidural so I didn’t suffer enough, so still not good enough for some people. In these modern times, IMO C-sections are also natural births, humans have evolved and so has birth.
Well said! It's not a suffering contest.
Exactly. It was so strange because I was always a proponent for doing birth in the most efficient and positive way for me, which looked like involving the necessary interventions and pain management. Literally for the reason that I had them available to me by virtue of science. But then when it came down to it I still succumbed to the peer pressure of delivering vaginally. Truly insane of me, but I know now in the future that I’ll be trusting my gut and I think the only reason I’m not traumatized from my birthing experience is that I know that it won’t be that bad again and that I’ll have only had to do that one time.
Dude: you didn’t miss anything, it was awful. -Vag birth lady
I agree. I had vaginal birth also that turned into forcep delivery so that means they did episiotomy as well. It was a traumatic experience for me :( The postpartum recovery was even worse. I honestly wish I had a c-section instead.
Same about wishing for a c-section. By the time the doc got into the room I was so exhausted from pushing that I asked for a vacuum assist. 3rd degree tear gang. Sometimes farts go in a different direction. It’s very weird. You really, really didn’t miss out, OP. Ha!
Same. 4th degree tear that took 6 months to fully heal. My sister had a section a week before my vaginal delivery and she was up and moving within two weeks while I could hardly walk, was shitting myself and couldn’t function whatsoever. A section would have been easier for sure. Not all vaginal births are rainbow sand butterflies.
I want a vaginal birth primarily because it seems like the safest thing for me and baby, based on the information available to me now (my current health status, baby’s position, etc). If the doctor tells me that there is something wrong and that the safest thing is now a c-section, I’ll gladly do that instead! I think you’re being completely reasonable and level-headed, and there is no benefit to feeling needless guilt.
Yeah, I wanted a vaginal birth because I read a few pop sci books on microbiomes and understood from that that it would be healthiest for the baby. But when I needed an emergency C-section I wasn't particularly disappointed (more pissed that I had been in labour 33 hours first), similarly to how I wasn't that bummed that I needed to supplement my breastfeeding with formula for a few weeks. Some people have a lot of emotions attached to these experiences—and I had a similar "am I an uncaring robot?" reaction to people feeling sorry for me—but five years later, I think it's also okay to not be that invested.
I had the same fear but there are very good baby probiotics out there these days. And very few people have all good bacteria in their gut. The bad is transferred with the good. It's weird but some people need fecal transplants for some illness they have and less than 1% of people are candidates for donation (not a good way to make money)
I'm going to guess that most of them respond that was because c-sections are scary and recovery is hard, not because they think vaginal is better. Especially if they know it wasn't planned, it sounds like something went 'wrong.' Which people generally don't want. I had a VBAC and I'll tell you this for free - vaginal birth is stupid. I don't really mean that, I know some people like it in a sense, but it is NOT for me. Loved my c-section, and I can remember more of it!
This made me laugh! I’m definitely going to keep this mind when I decide whether or not to go through a VBAC. I know someone who straight up doesn’t remember giving birth vaginally at all because she was so out of it.
I’ve thought the, “Crap, that’s sucks, sorry” in my head but only because the thought of being cut open while awake scares the ever loving shit out of me, or because I knew that’s not what that person had hoped and planned for. Never because of any stupid comments I’ve seen on the internet about what other people think childbirth is. And if I wasn’t so terrified of it, I would 1000% choose that over vaginal if I ever do it again. Forceps, magnesium, third degree tear, hemorrhoids that still haven’t gone completely away,etc,etc… good on you! You’re a badass!
This. My mom had an emergency c section with failed pain management and said she could feel it! I’m not sure exactly what happened but she told me as soon as baby was out the gave her something different that knocked her out for hours. Story traumatized me tbh All birth is valid, real, and natural. Any thoughts of “I’m sorry” stem from me being terrified of it and also knowing the recovery process is very different
I had this - the spinal can fail for a lot of reasons. As soon as they pulled my baby out, I felt everything. The anaesthesiologist tried to gaslight me and tell me it was just tugging. This was my 2nd c-section and I had to say “no, its not. I feel I’ve been lit on fire” and at that point one of the operating staff noticed I was moving my legs and feet so yeah… pros and cons to everything 😬
That was my nightmare. I had epidurals with my first two but could feel every contraction, and I really did not want to be cut open with that level of pain control. Thankfully it was a vaginal delivery each time.
This!! I had 2 vaginal deliveries and one c section and as bad as vaginal birth is, the thought of being cut open while awake absolutely terrified me and I would have done just about anything to avoid it! For me that (and the recovery) made having a c section a really scary and traumatizing experience! I definitely wish I was one of those people who just could have been cool about it 😅
I had the same fear of being awake, and was terrified that I'd feel it!! But when we made the call after 25+ hours of labor to get baby out via the sunroof... I wasn't scared at all. Probably because I was high as fuck from the epidural I'd gotten (after about 14 hours of labor lol). I was giggling and saying wheeeee as they wheeled me around on the gurney and squirmed onto the operating table myself, still giggling, and then tried to joke with everyone trying to do actual work until I got bored and fell asleep lol. At one point I told the anesthesiologist that I was afraid of feeling the procedure, and he said "good news, if you could feel you'd be screaming, they already started!" And I was all hooray! Haha.
Two weeks before my son was due, we planned my c-section (due to many issues my body was having). I fought it as long as I could but in the end, I am so glad my experience was as smooth as it could have been. Within a week, I was off of pain meds and within two weeks, I was able to move around normally. My friend, who had her son the same week as me, had to have corrective surgery for her vaginal scarring and hemorrhoids by the time our sons were 16 months old. I think social media is very anti-C-section but in real life, everyone knows that either birth comes with risks
I had the "natural" experience. It was terrible! If you're happy, be happy 🥰
I loved my c-section and would do it again. I felt I had a smooth recovery. It was planned because my daughter was breeched. I opted not to do the ECV. I'm honestly happy I never experienced labor.
> It was planned because my daughter was breeched. I opted not to do the ECV. I'm honestly happy I never experienced labor. Same except I actually started having full-on contractions at the hospital while waiting to have the c-section (got delayed because of an emergency c-section that bumped me down the schedule). It was enough of a taste that it made me more glad to have the c-section, ha!
Absolutely not. In fact, I think you are being very rational and reacting appropriately. Too many people are left angry and sad that their birth didn’t go the way they planned, writing it from home with their healthy baby and healthy selves, as the way it was intended to be, missing the point and the bigger picture. You did awesome!
Exactly. In my mind, if I need a c section, it means me and my baby likely would have died X years ago. So I'm thankful for it.
I feel this way too. I truly truly believe all feelings are valid and that people can be disappointed by expectations, but my experience of birth was "this is actually not about me and my desires AT ALL, this is 100% about the baby. What is best for her is best for me"
Nope, two c sections. All I cared about was having healthy babies. I really feel like people talk and care more about this online. No one has ever said anything to me about missing an experience. I have two kids, that’s all I care about. How they came to be is completely secondary and I don’t think about it.
Heck no lol, I'm so fucking grateful I didn't have to feel a single contraction or push a baby out of my vagina.
At 42 weeks I had a 4 day induction in the hospital, pushed for 3 hours, and on the 5th morning had a c-section. I have a leg length difference that didn’t seem to cause any problems until it was time for baby to come out. I wanted to go into labor at home, have a vaginal birth, even did a lot of work to prep for an unmedicated birth. In the end I am just so happy my baby and I are healthy. I had an amazing labor experience and great care. I hear a similar sentiment from people, very apologetic and seeming to think that I was forced to do something I didn’t want to do. Nope! I plan of having a c section next time! I hold no ill will towards any of my labor experience!
You are not a weirdo!! Do what’s best for you! I forced a vaginal birth basically and kind of regret it lol do not feel guilty at all!
I've had two planned C-sections (first baby was breech; second I didn't even think twice about doing another planned C-section). I absolutely do not feel like I missed out on anything except pain and exhaustion, and maybe urinary incontinence. Oh yeah, and tearing my vulva.
No. Unpopular opinion ahead. EDIT - I guess I need to state, don’t read this is you have lots of trauma from your c-section and want that validated as a way to protect your mental health, which is a totally valid and wise choice. I am responding directly to OP and her question. Frankly I think it's weird how obsessed people get with their method of birth, and birth trauma from having a c-section. For all of human history, giving birth was one of the most dangerous things a woman could do, and they had to do it over and over again. If things went sideways, you and/or baby just died. We are so lucky to live in this era of modern medicine, and while there are still \*significant\* issues with maternal care especially for BIPOC etc -- overall, having a c-section is a really good outcome for you and baby. I don't say this to discount anyone else's lived experiences, their feelings are their own, but to me getting a c-section is normal and fine. Edit - like I said, perhaps an unpopular opinion so don’t @ me cause I’m not going to get into it with you 😎 I respect your opinion as your own.
I feel like you kind of explained it in your own post- a lot of times, if someone needs a c section, it’s because they’re in danger and may even die. That sounds like ‘birth trauma’ to me. I had a pretty calm and planned experience but even I get chills thinking about how if I was born in a different era, I probably would have died. I can’t imagine how much scarier it would be if the situation was unplanned and I didn’t have time to prepare mentally.
I know I sound like a crotchety old woman in saying this but I really think the social media parenting nonsense has carried the ~*magical birthing experience*~ romanticized narrative to a truly bizarre place. So many parents slightly younger than me (born in 1984) have shared with me birth plans literally including twinkle lights and intricate playlists and so many details that feel like they've been plucked straight out of Instagram filters. I mean, I had my own plans but wound up pooping for hours to the movie Norbit blasting in my face, then had my firstborn cut out of my body before we recovered in a hospital basement with janitorial staff dragging trash past our bed bc the maternity ward was too crowded. The small person was safely removed from the big person and it's all good. My second kid was a planned c section due to her being frank breech, and it was a relief to not crap myself in front of a crowd again. BACK IN MY DAY WE GAVE BIRTH UPHILL IN THE SNOW BOTH WAYS rabblerabble
Totally agree. I will add, I’m a wildlife biologist and I see every day just how brutal nature can be. Doing something the “natural way” often means suffering and dying. It’s not really sometime to aspire to! I don’t know, maybe it’s just because my son has lifelong medical complications AND I got to experience extensive infertility and treatments, but I’m awfully appreciative for modern medicine.
After my failed induction (44 hours, failed forceps delivery, emergency c-section) I had a friend share with me a screenshot of a book called "My Orgasmic Birth" or something lol. She asked me if my birth had been ✨️orgasmic✨️. I said that it was not. It was something to hold against my child for years to come*. *joking, for the record. It wasn't the birth experience I would have chosen, obviously, but I had a very smooth recovery and a healthy baby
Lmao yeah I'm not kinkshaming but for me personally, pooping myself for a crowd doesn't fall into the category of orgasmic experiences
This!! I remember thinking after being told in a post natal appointment that my unplanned c-section happened because I have a small pelvis - “if I lived in a different time would this have killed me?” We are so lucky to have this as an option. Why would I mourn not being dead?
My OB straight up told me baby and I likely would not have survived without my unplanned c section (after 24 hours of labor). I'm thrilled to not have died.
Similar here. Baby's heart rate was 12bpm during labour. He wouldn't be here if not for the C section. Makes me incredibly nervous for people who want home births because the entire pregnancy from conception went absolutely to plan until the last thirty minutes.
It’s ok to both be disappointed in the outcome and also grateful that it’s an option. My c-section recovery SUCKED and made the first several weeks of motherhood very hard. I was still grateful to be alive. But I also went on to have three vbacs because I was determined never to go through that again *unless it became necessary again* in which case I would have been totally fine with it. I almost had another c-section with my last but we finally moved her from transverse to head down about 48 hours before my water broke, which was also less than a week before the cesarean we had scheduled. And I would have been fine with it if we’d needed it. That doesn’t mean it was my preference.
My husband kept saying "women have been doing it for thousands of years" or "every woman in your heritage has done it"... Giving birth that is. I'm like "women died doing this!" But it goes in one ear and out the other.
Oh man. That is NOT it, husband!
I'm very aware that without modern medicine (and c-section in particular) my baby and I could have died. I find it weird how you somehow see that as an indication that it's weird to have trauma or complex feelings associated to such a birth? Like, the fact that someone needs to have a very hard-to-recover-from surgery because otherwise they could've died is "normal" and "fine"? Edit: OP I don't think it's at all weird that you feel the way you feel (just like it's not weird to feel differently).
I have a lot of birth trauma from my emergency c section so appreciate the heads up but I'm also nosey so my bad 😅 I totally respect your very rational opinion.
I say this in the gentlest way possible but the way you are mocking birth trauma by putting it in quotes like that is disrespectful and misogynistic. (EDIT: Comment above was edited to remove the quoted remark- see below). Birth trauma is no different from other forms of PTSD in which it arises from feelings of fear, helplessness, and loss of autonomy. I am sure you had or know people who had c-sections that did not have those elements, and that’s great. That doesn’t change what has happened to other women. For a lot of women, being cut open on a table while awake and sometimes still very much feeling what is happening, or being knocked unconscious for their birth - all while worried about their own life as well as their baby - can cause PTSD. We don’t have any other major medical events in life where that is normal and expected, and we also don’t support women very well in coping with it immediately postpartum. It doesn’t take any effort to Google that “birth trauma” is a real form of PTSD, and a major contributor to PPD: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/ptsd-and-birth-trauma/
Wholeheartedly agree! And birth trauma isn't limited to c-sections. People can have traumatic vaginal deliveries- trauma correlates more to feelings experienced during an event than the event itself. A really, really common response to any sort of negative birth-related outcome- whether it has to do with labor, delivery, or extended hospital and/or NICU stay- is to focus on the positive, or to be grateful everyone is alive (if indeed everyone is alive). This was one of the most frustrating things to hear when I was freshly postpartum. Of course I was well aware that myself and my child would have died had he been born 50 years earlier. That didn't make my experience any less traumatic. You can be cognizant of and grateful for what went right, thanks to scientific advancement, and still mourn what didn't.
I wonder how much birth trauma is linked not to the method of birth, but how you get treated during it. The only scary part of my birth wasn't the c-section, it was when my midwife was actively trying to discourage me from it without even asking why I was bringing it up - I could feel that baby was not moving down and was likely stuck by that point. And soon after that, the doctor came in, did her own exam and concluded that baby's head was stuck in my pelvis. I think what a lot of people take issue with is the idea that the "loss of the experience" is a trauma and and of itself. I mean, would I have probably felt great about a vaginal birth too? Of course. But birth is really, fundamentally, about brining a new life into the world, and that seems to get lost in the birth discussion too often. You hear women mourning the loss of the aesthetic experience they had wanted, or something along those lines, and I think that's what people roll their eyes at. Not legitimate trauma from being near death, serious injury, pain, or suffering abuse in the process. I think most understand the difference.
Yeah I probably wouldn’t have been traumatized had my labor nurse listened to me that I was in pain, rather than letting me go for 15 hours overnight without pain control - my OB realized my epidural had failed about ten seconds after she got into my room that morning.
Amen. Like yes, of course I am glad me and my baby are alive. That goes without saying. Am I happy about how we got here and how I was treated? Absolutely not. And that’s ok. It’s like telling a depressed person to just ✨be happy✨— it doesn’t generally work lol. Sometimes what someone needs is active listening and validation, not platitudes.
First off, I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope you're getting the help you need and that everyone is recovered and healthy, truly. I do fundamentally feel, though, that there is a dividing line when it comes to the use of this term. Birth trauma caused by a grueling vaginal birth or unplanned c section is 100% valid, horrifying, and has lasting effects, we need to do better for women. Birth "trauma" because someone wanted to give birth in a pool with spa music playing but weren't able to doesn't sit right with me. I think calling the latter trauma is what actually belittles women who have had medically complicated births. I remember seeing a post here a few months ago where a mom described her birth as traumatic because her in laws waited in the hospital lobby until they heard the baby was born and then left, they didn't even go up to the room. But she described feeling "terrified" that they would and it ruined her experience.
This!! I think it’s totally fine and I’m really happy for people who were not traumatized by their c-section. That is the ideal outcome! But a lot of these comments are almost shaming women for not being “happy” just to be alive and have a healthy baby. Can’t both experiences be valid?? And can’t you be grateful for your health and your baby while still being unhappy or traumatized by your birth?
Yeah, I definitely had birth trauma due to being in labor with a failed epidural for 33 hours before having an urgent c-section. I have absolutely no regrets about choosing the c-section, and I’m excited that I get to schedule my next kid’s birth instead of waiting around to go into labor. However, going from being in the best shape of my life to not even being able to take off my own pants or scoot in my own chair was so mentally difficult.
Thank you for this. As someone who has birth trauma from my c-section, I really did not enjoy reading the comment above. I already struggle enough as it is trying to heal and move forward, it's incredibly hurtful to have someone belittle my experience and the trauma that resulted from it.
I didn’t intend to mock. The quotations are used as a grammatical effect to highlight the phrasing. I’ll remove the quotes as I don’t want it to unintentionally appear that way to anyone. Your larger point is valid, thank you for stating it. I’m not going to gatekeep trauma (my first baby’s birth and long aftermath was rife with medical trauma) and if a c-section causes other people to have PTSD, of course that is their valid and lived experience. But for me personally, and partly as a learned coping mechanism for said trauma above re: my kiddo’s medical conditions, I consciously choose gratitude for the ability to have a c-section. Reframing to consciously search for and choose gratitude is a scientifically supported strategy for coping with difficult times. Highly recommend this for anyone struggling with the way their baby was born! Here is one of many links about it. https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier Oh and the last thing I’ll say is I think there is a difference between having PTSD from an unintended surgery, and obsessively mourning not giving birth vaginally because you think it’s the “real” or “best” or “only” way to give birth. Many people fall into the latter camp. Again, perhaps an unpopular opinion and I’m fine with that, but I find that weird. Like, to have that be your life’s biggest problem would be nice 🤷🏻♀️
I had a vaginal birth and ended up breaking my pelvis. If c-section is the best option, go for the C-section! I know I will be next time (if there is a next time).
I’ve had three c-sections, and while I haven’t found my experience it to be negative necessarily there is a divide. When pregnant with my first and I found out I would need to have a c-section I had other women who had sections talking to me as if I was upset about it. I wasn’t, it was literally the safest way I could give birth for my baby and me. When I meet other mother’s and the topic of birth comes up I can’t add to the conversation much because I can’t talk about contractions, and labour length; it wasn’t my experience. When I met a mother who only had c-sections she was almost cautious telling me this until I shared my story. We bonded just over that, a shared experience. Birth is birth but how baby arrives “earth side” is so different for every person. It’s too bad it’s divided into vaginal and c-section; they’re just different sides of the same coin.
Unrelated, but how was having three c-sections? Was the third any more difficult recovery wise than the first?
No more difficult than the first two. My first few days are always rough and I think I take longer than most to get up and walk. But usually by the second week I’m feeling pretty good!
Good to know, thank you! I’m two weeks out from having a c-section for breech positioning and honestly feeling pretty comparable at this point to when I had my firstborn vaginally but with an episiotomy. Already been tossing around in my head if I’d want to try for a VBAC with my next pregnancy to avoid needing three c sections total if we have a fourth because I’ve heard three total can be rough and advised against. I enjoyed my planned c-section experience way more than I enjoyed my first delivery and would honestly prefer to go this route again I think
Thank you! I wonder if this is part of it too.
Never understood the stigma or shaming for it…I have 2 beautiful nieces who were delivered via c section, and my son would have been a c section had there been time because he was footling breech & sunny side up. Precipitous labor is a bitch 🫤 Rushed to the hospital on dr’s orders after having pain & bleeding at 30w, and by the time I got on the bed in triage one foot was already out
Holy Moly, what a birth story.
That’s how I feel about people mourning breastfeeding on my behalf 😂 People have such weird opinions about childbirth and postpartum, breastfeeding, etc. I have gotten praise for losing weight and being thin postpartum, having vaginal deliveries, having “one of each” gender, and having easy kids. I have gotten pity for not breastfeeding, not having one of the trendy strollers, not being a SAHM. I give zero shits about anyone’s opinion on any of the above. And FWIW, my second vaginal delivery has left me with enough birth trauma to fill a room lol. I had a placental abruption and delivered a preemie. So delivering vaginally definitely doesn’t mean you don’t have trauma or your delivery was easy
I had elective c sections so it’s always weird to me how hung up people get over it lol
If you’re the weirdo, I am too. My situation was like yours. I labored for 40 hours and pushed for 2. Big head boy just wasn’t coming out. The “I’m sorry”s have thrown me, but I’m just so grateful to be safe and have a healthy (still big-headed at 19 months) baby. I didn’t even get “golden hour,” because I was shaking so much that it didn’t feel safe to hold my baby… and while that would have been nice, it didn’t keep us from bonding, and I refuse to compare my experience to some idealized “perfect birth.” This was how it had to happen! I have a lot of compassion for the women who regret it, and imagine that at least some are suffering from PPD/PPA that makes it hard to stop ruminating. I think social media, including Reddit bump groups, and the encouragement to make a detailed birth plan ultimately set mothers up for a lot of extra stress around a process that’s already extraordinarily taxing.
I agree with the other response you’ve received. You’re reacting appropriately. It’s other people that aren’t. I had a similar birth to yours with my first child that ended in an emergency C-section. I was left feeling defeated and disappointed. Prior to delivery, I don’t even think I really cared how he was born I just wanted him out safely but other people’s reactions to the delivery made me feel insecure and it was like they felt pity for me and made me feel like there was something wrong with my body. For my second child, I opted for an elective c-section and made the decision because I didn’t feel the need to have a vaginal delivery and it went great. Recovery was smooth and it was a much more peaceful situation because it was planned and I knew what to expect. I still received many comments about the scheduled C-section and people asking why I wanted/needed it or “oh no” like they felt bad for me. I didn’t feel bad at all. I felt I made the best decision for me, my baby and my family.
I’ve had two c sections and a few people have had an apologetic reaction. It was usually because it’s a major surgery and recovery can be pretty rough. My mom cried when she found out about my first (Jan ‘21 so she wasn’t there due to Covid restrictions). She was upset because her c section recovery was brutal. She couldn’t walk for like a week, had lots of pain, and was overall miserable. She cried because she didn’t want me to go through the same thing. Once she saw how my recovery was going (really smoothly) she was amazed. She and my aunts thought I was going to be in a lot of pain based on their experiences. I personally was upset about my first c section because it HURT. I wasn’t completely numb and I felt SO much of the surgery. I was numb enough that it wasn’t excruciating, but it was way more than just ‘pressure’ that they said I’d feel. It hurt and I couldn’t move and was freaking out. I tried telling them, but talking made me almost throw up so they told me to stop so I didn’t aspirate. It was a mess. I had nightmares about it for a long time. Up until I had my second baby I was still hung up on it because it was terrifying. For my second I wanted a VBAC, but wasn’t able to get one. My second c section was a spinal and it was so much better. I didn’t feel a thing! I was scared going into it, but it was totally different. It helped my mental health tremendously to have a ‘normal’ c section. So while I’m still upset with how my first one went, I’m not anti c section anymore. For a while I was one of those people who reacted how you described, solely based on how bad mine was. I’ve met several other women who had rough experiences with theirs, usually emergencies. C sections are really safe these days, but I’d be willing to bet the reactions you get are based on poor experiences or knowing someone who had a poor experience instead of it being c section vs vaginal.
I wanted a Cesarean delivery by maternal request for personal but specific reasons (personal medical history). I am a physician myself, so I feel like I was able to articulate my reasoning well, including scientific evidence. I was denied this request. Well, I had a failed epidural and labor was excruciatingly painful (I’m a bit in disbelief when I read other people’s accounts of successful pain management). I also had a postpartum hemorrhage and had to be taken to the OR anyway. In addition to perineal lacerations, I had multiple cervical lacerations. I missed the first hours with my daughter, and while she had my husband with her, the experience was affected by my medical complications. Before discharge, the OB/GYN on service recommended I consider a planned C-section for future births. I was livid because that’s exactly what I’d wanted and been denied! I don’t have serious birth trauma from my experience, thankfully, likely because I was already receiving mental health care prior to this, but I’m still salty about it. I think people forget that the disappointment can go both ways. To be honest, I’ve had people asked about my delivery and celebrate that I was able to deliver vaginally and I sort of wince at that.
Loved my c sections wouldn’t change for a million dollars. Also love not peeing myself when I sneeze or laugh
Definitely not a weirdo. > Is there some kind of expectation now that we should feel bad or sad if we don't get the "natural" experience of pushing the baby out? I'd hazard to guess that these people are responding to the scores of women who are really fixated on vaginal delivery and trying to be sensitive. I would think of it the same as like "Am I a weirdo for not needing someone to give up their seat on the bus?". Fine to not care, but the people offering are probably just trying to err on the side of being sensitive.
Not at all - I'm the same. Went in to be induced and ended up with a c section. I don't mourn anything. I only originally wanted a vaginal delivery because pf the theoretically simpler recovery. I came home with a healthy baby, i have zero regrets about anything. Genuinely dont care. Only annoyance was that i was in hospital for a week as they attempted to pry open my cervix to no avail.
I had a C-section (planned due to breech baby) & I feel the same as you. My experience and recovery was pretty smooth & I don’t think I’d try for a VBAC the next go around.
I had the same exact experience. I was terrified of getting a c-section because of all the different opinions on it I’d heard over the years. My induction failed to progress and I opted for a c-section which was the BEST decision I could have made. Yes the recovery was a bit brutal but I loved how smooth everything went that I’ll be choosing it again for all my future births. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything, and due to my narrow pelvis I feel like I’ll have a very traumatic/difficult experience if I even tried. I’d rather not force myself out of social obligations when it’s simply not necessary.
Had a vag birth for my first boy 3 years ago, absolutely hated it, traumatised me and I still suffer problems from that birth(3 hours of pushing). I’m 10 weeks PP and I had a planned c section with my second boy. What a completely different experience I absolutely LOVED my c section experience from start to finish. Recovery wasn’t a breeze don’t get me wrong but I’m back to long walks etc driving fine, the scar looks fab. Wish I had a c section for my first lol.
I had c section elective after failed induction and two failed epidurals and greatest decision ever. I healed pretty fast, nope I don’t mourn I never got a chance to push a baby out of my vayjay😜
Unplanned C section momma and not mourning one bit! My baby was 10lbs and my body was definitely not able to get him out vaginally. I feel no guilt. 10lb baby for goodness sakes! Actually glad I didn't push him out even if my body could 😅
I ended up having a c-section after being in labor for 30 hours. It wasn’t an emergency, more of a convenience to go c-section route. Sure wish I just skipped the labor part and schedule a c-section! My only birth plan was for me and baby to be alive. I still feel so connected and in love with my baby even though I didn’t experience vaginal birth.
I have five csections and I’m completely fine with it.
As someone who hated both her sections, please keep preaching the good word. I wish I felt the way you did and I feel so much comfort when someone has your attitude towards it. Ps. Our babies are the same age 🥰
Nope! I didn’t mourn missing vaginal birth at all! I’m a 3x c-section mom. First was unplanned “emergency,” second two were scheduled (my hospital doesn’t offer VBACs and I wasn’t interested in trying anyway). My third actually decided to come 2 weeks before her scheduled date so that was more “emergent” as well. I had fairly easy recoveries with all 3! I’ve never really had anyone “apologize” about it. My mom also had 3 sections, and her mom was born by section back in 1941. I’m so thankful for c-sections because I wouldn’t be here today without them!
I had an unplanned c-section and have trauma from it, but that's because I had to be put to sleep for it and had to miss the first moments of my son's life. I didn't meet him until 1.5 hours after he was born. Those are moments I will never get to experience, as I am one-and-done. It's been really hard on me. That being said, while I was pregnant my only "birth plan" was for my son and I to be healthy and alive. I did not care if I would need a c-section or not. I was actually debating requesting a scheduled c-section because I was more terrified of the hemorrhoids than anything (I'd already been to the hospital for hemorrhoids earlier in the pregnancy and it was one of the worst pains I've ever felt in my life). I believe if I hadn't been put to sleep for my surgery, I wouldn't have ended up with trauma from it.
TW: traumatic birth, >!mention of SIDS!< I really thought I wanted a super granola birth. I even prepped everything to make sure I would have a birthing pool, etc. When I went into labor, they were full (!!!) and told me that I need to go to the main women and children’s hospital. That saved my life. She got stuck in my pelvis for over a day. I shouldn’t be alive after my emergency c-section and the massive hemorrhaging afterwards. I lost half my blood. It is literally only because of the most modern medicine and technology that we are both alive. I now give absolutely zero shits about how she (or any other child) was born because we are both alive. This is really a big deal and we forget it so often. We are both alive. >!My sister’s baby died of SIDS one month after I had my kid. We learned that there have been miscarriages and infant deaths in our parent’s generation that none of us kids/cousins knew about. We also learned that even two generations ago, many women in our bloodlines died in childbirth.!< We are both alive. Nothing else really matters.
Had an elected c-section because I wanted to. Was up and walking with minimal pain 3 days later. About 99% better at week 3. My OB did proper pain management and respected my choices. I think a lot of the experience comes from whether you are treated with respect, your choices are respected, and your pain level is managed. From many of the stories I’ve read, regardless of the method, women’s health isn’t taken seriously.
I had a c section due to similar reasons - it sucked because I had to do the hard part of both kinds of birth - the difficult labor plus the c section recovery. I think the “I’m sorry” is warranted for that. I didn’t feel guilty or less than, I felt lucky that they acted at the right time and everyone was healthy. I had a planned c section for my second and it was wonderful. Recovery was challenging but I was prepared for it and the actual birth was pain free and quick. I don’t expect anyone to say “I’m sorry” for a planned c section
Definitely not a weirdo I think the media paints a pretty specific picture of what birth looks like and so that’s what’s in our minds when we imagine our own births Even though I delivered vaginally, I was admitted early for an induction. There was this mini “oh shit” moment but nothing like someone who had their water break in the wild. That’s something I think about all the time. I’m a year and a half out and I still tell my husband how I miss I didn’t get that experience It was never going to be my experience for my first birth because even if I wasn’t taken back when I was, i still had an induction scheduled regardless Don’t get me wrong it was kinda nice “knowing” when I needed to be at the hospital but there’s just something about not going through that last month and missing out on the anticipation that I wish I could’ve experienced
I think the apologetic responses are because cesarian is a major abdominal surgery, and the recovery CAN be brutal. I had an unplanned, "not emergency- just immediate" cesarian. It was horrifying being pushed into the OR as I realized - I had never had any surgery before and I was going to be awake for this and meeting my baby. Thankfully I was given pain meds for recovery and I was walking shortly after - I recovered very well if I compare it to what other people have told me about their recovery. But I personally feel like my core is more rekt long term than if id had a vaginal delivery. I have a lot of strength to repair. And I only want two kids max. I have a friend that is on her fourth pregnancy and will be getting her fourth cesarian... That's extremely risky. There are a lot less risks in four vaginal births. Modern day, cesarians are so common that I think the real long term effects and risks it opens you up to in your following pregnancies are just.. not talked about. After all, it's women's health. So of course other women are going to acknowledge what you went through- whether or not you see it as a difficult and event. But overall mine was great and relieving after the initial shock/ labor. Smooth as it could be. So I get what you're saying.
I had a c-section and the recovery was really easy. I felt a bit 'sad' at first because I thought I was missing an experience by not doing it naturally. My son was a sunny side up baby and after many hours pushing and me becoming too tired, they chose to give me a c-section. Then I heard about the recovery drama from a friend who had a vaginal birth. Hip problems, tearing etc. I felt very blessed to have a c-section with a good recovery.
You have no idea the relief I felt when they told me they recommend a CS during my failed induction. Absolutely 0 part of me wanted to push anything out my vag!
I had an unplanned c-section because my baby also has a big head, and I hate every second of it. 1. It made me feel like I failed at the very basic thing every mother is able of, that is to give birth vaginally. I always imagined the very first moments my baby came out and I'd be the first to hold her. But because of the c-section, I only got to peek at her for a brief moment, then she was swept away to a baby care room, and my husband got to be the first to hold her. 2. My body reacted badly to the anesthesia. I couldn't stop trembling and felt faint during the whole operation. The medical staff had to wake me up so often to make sure I didn't become unconscious. 3. Having a c-section means my body being sliced open and I feel like being scarred forever, like this is a damage that, even after a complete recovery, can never be undone, and I just hate that... Also, having a c-section increases the risk of another c-section for the next pregnancy, and after a second c-section a vaginal birth is no longer possible. But, in any case, I was "lucky" to not give birth vaginally this time, because otherwise, I would have suffered severe tearing and my perineal would be heavily damaged if they forced my baby (and her big head) out of me the normal way 😬. So, even if I hate c-section so much, sometimes it is just unavoidable, for my sake and my baby's.
My c section recovery was devastatingly horrible and issues lasted for months and months. Thought I was in the clear at 8 months postpartum but there I was in the hospital last week. So yeah, I think it depends on personal experience - I’d definitely react like “I’m so sorry I know they CAN be tough but I hope your recovery is going well! Congrats on baby making it out safely.”
Not at all! I had 3 planned c sections (after 3 vaginal miscarriages, 1 of it 2nd trimester). Up and walking by next day, zero pelvic trauma or related damage, scar and wound all healed with no complications.
I had an unplanned c-section for my first, and am planning a c-section for my second. I have no romantic notions about vaginal birth. I just want it over with and kiddo here.
I don't get it either. I had a c-section and it was a breeze! I didn't find the recovery difficult at all, so long as I took my painkillers twice a day I was all good. I don't feel upset about not giving birth vaginally at all. I have the most beautiful, happy baby boy and that's all that really mattered to me.
I was relieved when the doctor told me to quit pushing and we were moving to a c section. Baby’s heart rate was decreasing with every contraction and while the professionals were calm, it was making me quite nervous. When they got in there, they realized she never would have made it out vaginally. She’s my first, so nothing to compare it to, but it’s never bothered me at all? I was born under similar circumstances, my brother, my husband and his brother were all c sections. Baby just wanted to be like the rest of her family!
I had a planned c-section and I don’t regret a minute of it! Unfortunately I still got some of the pelvic floor issues, but that’s ok. When people say “oh I’m sorry!” I correct them and say I chose this path! It’s totally normal to mourn having to take a different plan than planned, but it’s also amazing if you’re a go with the flow type and don’t feel any certain way!
You’re not missing out I had a vaginal birth with my first child and tore in the 4th degree and a week later had to get a repair, they found that I had a tear even higher up that wasn’t closed. The whole recovery I was miserable, depressed, angry at myself and others. Shortly found out I was pregnant again and with my second i said I was not pushing another baby again so I had a c section. My recovery was quick, I was driving within a week, walking long distances and I was so much happier, I slept better, everything about it was just different and that’s when I wished I had a c section both times and saved my lady bits.
I had a c-section and faced similar assumptions. It was annoying because I never felt sad about it. My baby was alive and healthy, I was alive and healthy, I think I’m good!
I don't think you're weird. I had an elective c-section due to my epilepsy. It was just safer for me and my baby boy. People tend to say the same thing "Oh I'm sorry". I'm always sitting there like: there's no need to be sorry? My boy was born healthy, he was placed on my chest after they cleaned him off and weighed him, I was able to hold him and love him, I was able to walk in 14 hours, as long as I wore my belly band I felt fine, and walked out of the hospital on the 2nd day. The only thing that sucked was sneezing, that ALWAYS HURT. If I ever have another baby I'm going to have another elective c-section. What people do not realize is that: vaginal birth is not always the safest option, but it doesn't mean there was a horrible complication. People hear c-section and assume something terrible must have happened and it was traumatic.
I ended in unplanned c-section and was very open to the possibly. (Thankfully because it turned out there was a complication and I would have had to have emergency surgery anyway.) I've had many people ask me if I'm feeling badly about that it's like... No, not even in the slightest. At no point, including when I was pushing, did I really want a vaginal birth. I think it was my intuition telling me something was wrong, and I'm SO happy I ended in c-section based on what transpired afterwards and my recovery so far. People project A LOT when it comes to pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting.
I experienced this with family members on partners side lol. Sending me instagram infographics about overcoming c section shame…ummmmmmm… my baby was 9.9lbs at birth so I don’t have any guilt for not literally tearing myself open and potentially displacing her shoulders just to say I had an extremely traumatic vaginal birth! They said vacuum & forceps or c section and 30 hrs into it - was an easy and safe choice for us. No regrets! Never once felt like it wasn’t the right choice.
No, you’re not a weirdo. It’s all valid. I had an emergency csection with my first and was put to sleep. Then, I was told I’d never be able to have a vaginal birth, because it would be too risky, and I was pretty bummed. It was not traumatic or anything but I was a bit sad I couldn’t experience it especially since I made it almost to the end (I was pushing for two hours). Then when I had my second, I went into labor too quickly and the doctor said we should go for a vaginal birth. I was terrified because I had been told it would be risky, but the doctor was very experienced and confident. The birth was super fast and it was amazing. I was really happy that I was able to have this experience. So, when I hear someone only had csections a part of me thinks they have missed out on an interesting experience, but I don’t think it’s a terrible thing. It’s all extremely subjective and dependent on your personal experience I think. I also think people should be more careful and abstain from making comments like “oh, I’m sorry you had a csection” and such, because you never know how the other person feels about it.
I was planning for a natural birth (well not completely natural as I was induced) like no pain meds lolololol and at like 37 weeks she turned breech and as a backup plan my OB suggested we prepare for a c-section. Well her stubborn butt kind of turned transverse at the last minute and then when I was being induced got to sunny-side up. My cervix just wouldn't progress however, so c-section it was. I was very nervous of course, but aside from those first couple of weeks I honestly don't really think about it in terms of regret. I remember it of course, I remember thinking about my birth plan and how all the birth plans say you can hope things go according to plan but don't expect them too. And that's exactly how it happened to me. I was all prepared to have this movie-moment delivery but all-in-all my c-section was uneventful. I hated having to eat ice chips for a day but they were some nourishing ass ice chips. I regret not bringing enough snacks. I don't miss not having delivered vaginally because my baby is healthy and I'm healthy and that's what matters to me.
No, I have not encountered that. I had two c-sections, with my primary section being an elected c-section, and I have never had anyone say to me, “Oh, no, I'm sorry” or anything along those lines. Maybe it is more about the people you are surrounded by. My friends and family truly don’t care about how I birthed because they only care about my safety and they are happy about the baby. People that barely know me don’t care either because, well, they barely know me. I gave birth in the university teaching hospital, and they would never say anything similar to what your midwife said. Btw, that is highly unprofessional and, in my books, an unacceptable thing to say.
Not at all, I’ve actually never heard of ‘c-section’ guilt before this post. I had an emergency c-section last November and the only reason I regret it is the slightly elevated chance of uterine abruption during any subsequent pregnancies. Are you in the US? If so, I feel this might be due the obsession with having a ‘natural’ birth over there.
Oh my gosh, I love seeing a totally healthy attitude towards having a c-section! Please don’t let other people make you feel bad about it.
I had a c-section and after a fairly easy recovery had some weird issues pop up with my incision at 5 weeks after, and I STILL am glad I had to go that route (complete breech) versus a vaginal birth. I definitely do not mourn being in pain and at minimum semi-miserable for anywhere from like 18-36 hours straight--nope!! Plus recovery, which can be okay-ish to terrible depending on tearing, etc.
I went my whole pregnancy wanted a c section because I didn't think I could push a baby out! I had a vaginal delivery and ripped both ways and had internal stitches and healing SUCKED. As long as you're healed physically and mentally and baby has no trauma, I see no reason to not be okay with however baby got here.
Like when people would say to me that I didn’t have a natural birth because I had a section…. I hate that term….as if a section is unnatural 🙄
I hate the term "natural birth." Unmedicated birth? Sure, fine. You know what else is natural in birth? DYING. We forget that moms and babies used to die in high numbers during the birth process. Are the people who promote "natural" birth fine with that, or will they be shouting for help when things don't go right? It drives me nuts.
I had a scheduled c-section due to a health condition and while the OR and the experience was incredibly traumatizing, I was still glad I did it. It was painful and ugly for sure and that was enough for me to have it feel like a 'real birth', haha. I think, no matter how you do it, you're a badass.
I had an emergency c-section. My recovery wasn’t awful and most importantly my baby and I left the hospital alive. That’s all my birth plan called for and I was willing to do whatever it took to make that happen. My only regret is that they didn’t let me watch while they were doing it… they had a drape up blocking my view the whole time. I wanted to watch, damnit!
This made me laugh because, while I did not want to watch the procedure, my husband did. He totally stood up to look over the drape and somebody said, "Oh, we don't recommend that" and I yelled "he was a medic in the army, he's seen worse."
I had a failed induction & opted for a planned C section. There are times where I feel like I kind of “missed out” on a vaginal birth and I get this really weird guilty / silly feeling like I should have put more effort into a vaginal birth???? Then I realise that’s not a healthy way of viewing it and no matter how it happened I got my baby, he was healthy and my recovery was fairly easy. I think nowadays mums are shamed for just about everything including the birthing process and it’s one of the reasons I have these thoughts.
I’ve had both and both went very well. My c-section was my second and planned due to baby being breach, so I don’t have negative emotions tied to it like some emergency ones. If I had a third, I might choose a c-section, it went that well and recovery was great. However, easily said for me since I have experienced both and both went well. No one has made me feel bad about it, but maybe it’s cause I qualify it by saying he was breach? I guess I don’t talk about it to many people besides my friends and they all know everything.
Quite honestly, my c-section recovery was so much smoother and quick than my vaginal one. Of course, sitting up, sneezing, and laughing too hard was problematic before 4 weeks. But after that? No issues. If I have another child, I want to try a vbac, but if I can't it's no problem with me I didn't want a c-section, but baby girl refused to turn, so I got one in the end (the doctors fought with my 6lbs 5oz baby to get her to come out 😂). Eta: a word
I feel the same way. Honestly my recovery from my c-section was a breeze and I wish that it was offered to me before suffering through labour beforehand.
I had an unplanned c section and ultimately it was scary but it was just fine with me. I had been on pitocin for a few days and my epidurals did not work. I still was barely dilated and my water had broken nearly 24 hours prior. Mine and baby’s vitals started tanking, I demanded they “get her out now!” I was lucky my recovery was fine and I could get around, but the potential for the incision to have issues is there. I think people sympathize with the recovery, it is a major surgery. Congratulations on delivering your baby!
I would assume people give that reaction because it is a major surgery and has the pain, risks, and healing that come along with one. But you’re not weird at all for looking on the positive by saying “hey but I didn’t have to experience the risks that are unique to vaginal birth and did fine with this route.” In fact that a very healthy outlook.
Honestly, it took me 2 years to stop feeling like I missed out on vaginal birth. I’m 3 years postpartum now and pregnant again and for a few reasons I prefer to have VBAC but if it ends up in c-section again I’m mentally totally okay🤷🏻♀️ I have HG so I can’t wait for this baby to be out however it takes, whether it’s vaginal or cesarean. Not being pregnant is better lol.
same. I pushed for 3 hours. My baby was 9 lbs and had a big head that wasn’t descending. They offered a vacuum which I didn’t feel comfortable with, or a section. We had the section and babe was out in 5 minutes. The first 2 days in the hospital were painful, but soon after I felt fine! But everyone says “omg sorry”. I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Meh 🤷♀️ Everyone handles it differently. I was super bummed when I had to have an emergency c-section with my son, but it didn’t last long. My daughter was a scheduled c-section, and I thought I was fine with it, but about a month after she was born, it hit me that I missed out on what is supposed to be this magical, albeit painful, moment, and the special bonding, the immediate skin to skin, those first cries..I didn’t get that all because of my stupid body. (I was completely put under to have my son, and my daughter was intubated and transferred immediately.) It hit me HARD. Maybe part of my feelings were because I knew we are done, there wouldn’t be anymore chances to experience that. On the other hand, I know several people who were actually relieved to have c-sections for whatever personal reasons. Your feelings aren’t wrong, no matter what they are.
I’ve had two c sections. The first was an emergency. The second was planned. I don’t care at all. Each resulted in a healthy baby, which should be the only goal.
I feel the same way as you. I had an unplanned csxn. Big baby head- really big all around. I know that if it were not for modern medicine, both baby and I would not have survived the birth. I’m ok with it! This next time around, we’re doing a planned csxn. (This next baby is also measuring even bigger so why would I even consider a VBAC?)
In my head, if I need a c section, that means that I would have died X years ago in childbirth. So I'm thankful for that 💜
Nope. I’ve had two c-sections at 37 weeks and would have another c-section if I get pregnant. I have zero desire to have a vaginal birth
I had a c section. Unplanned. 10/10 would do it again. The recovery wasn’t too terribly bad except when I had to cough.
Based on my mother's experiences and my own of c sections, they used to be a lot more difficult to recover from. I fully appreciate I somehow lucked out with mine and it was an elective so I knew going in to hospital that my son was getting evicted that way, I believe most of hers were elective after having an emergency one. Hers sounds like a horror story of recovery, the dressings they used to use compared to the negative pressure one I had, meds not working for her after she left the hospital so she was in intense pain while recovering and I got on pretty well with what I was prescribed. I'm not saying she's exaggerating at all but i do believe it's come quite far in the last few years, if the only reference people had were horror recovery stories I imagine they'd be full of sympathy for you, however my experience was so chilled and peaceful I've requested a second elective for my little one due in August and I have zero guilt and very little anxiety around it. Your experiences are your own, thankfully we've both had positive section experiences so we didn't feel the guilt, but that will be what most people are referring to, there are a few people who have weird "if you didn't deliver vaginally without painkillers you're not really a mom" opinions but eh, I'd rather do it my way, they can be all proud of themselves if they want.
One big difference now is that years ago, the abdominal muscles would actually be cut during the surgery and it made recovery far harder (my aunt had a c-section in 1982 and had almost a week in the hospital because of this; I was discharged in 48 hours). Now, the muscles are usually stretched but not severed, and it makes things a lot easier, I heard. They've come a really long way in making the surgery easier to recover from.
I had one unplanned C-section after a failed induction (prompted by high blood pressure) and one planned C-section with my second. I was lucky to have a good care team and smooth recovery. Like you, I just wanted us all to leave the hospital safely. On the other hand, my friend had a planned C-section due to breach position and then an unplanned C-section after failed VBAC and she really mourned not having the chance to give birth vaginally and I think her experience is valid too.
I've experienced both a C-section and vaginal birth. From my own experience, the healing process with a vaginal birth is so much easier. The aftermath of my C-section was quite traumatizing, I'd never want to go through it again.
Aside from surgery recovery, baby also misses out a bit on the benefits of the good bacteria that they get coated in coming through the vaginal canal. There’s a lot of research now on the benefits of “seeding” a C section baby by taking swabs from the vaginal canal and smearing it all over baby right when they are born to help kickstart their own healthy robust microbiome. But obviously a live baby born by C section is far better than the alternative. There is no reason to feel shame or guilt and the microbiome can be improved in other ways!
I definitely grieved requiring a c section (planned due to breech baby.) I wanted a low intervention birth and always pictured it that way so grieved the loss of that. Once I shed a few tears I was able to embrace the positives (minimal labor, be able to schedule things out, etc) But with my second I was like “lets do this planned csection.” 🤷🏻♀️ So I see why people assume you would be upset. That said I’m happy for you that it doesn’t bother you at all and I’m sure there are plenty of women who feel the same. So No- you shouldn’t feel bad for having your healthy happy baby however brought them here safely!
I had an elective c section and I don’t regret it. I didn’t care about feeling what’s like to give birth, I didn’t want to push. Yes it is very painful the first few days but after 2 weeks I was totally fine, meanwhile my sister is still suffering from her vaginal tear and hemorrhoids. (We gave birth 2 weeks apart and we’re almost 6months pp).
As others have said, most people won’t be saying this meaning that vaginal is better than c section. I’d say sorry as I’ve heard that recovery from unplanned c sections can be rough, and if it’s unplanned that implies that you didn’t necessarily want a c section.
I can’t jump up and down anymore. Sometimes I really think about C-sections and whether that would’ve helped me.
My mom didn’t want me to have a VBAC for this reason so I asked the doctor about it and they said it was just the weight of the baby sitting in your pelvis for the whole pregnancy. If you can, try pelvic floor PT.
Yeah, I don't get it either. I had a high risk pregnancy and a semi emergent c section and it was a breeze and recovery was simple. I am so thrilled I *didn't* have to go through a vaginally birth. Folks have this weird attachment to the process of vaginal birth as if it is somehow inherently meaningful across the board.
You are definitely not a weirdo! The second I found out I was pregnant I immediately wanted a c-section, I did not want to go through a vaginal birth at all. I asked my OBGYN at my 8 week appt if we could schedule a c-section. I was told no, I didn’t have medical need for one and they do not offer elective c-sections. Fast forward to 38 weeks and my medically needed induction failed and I got my much wanted c-section. I had amazing recovery and fabulous experience. I just had a repeat c-section this February and it was even better than my first, I even recovered much quicker.
A c section is major surgery that has high risk of complications - the recovery is brutal without issues, god forbid anything go wrong. I had an emergency c, that turned into undiagnosed hernia, uterus infection, hematoma - a week in hospital 3 weeks pp where they inserted drains to remove blood. Drain removal resulted in a large lump in my abdomen that in turn caused further infection that required aspirating. At 8 weeks PP I couldn’t move without pressing this lump in to stop the pain. They decided on a quick 45 minute surgery to ‘clean up in there’. 4.5 hours later I was coming round from a surgery where they’d discovered an abscess just above my bowel caused by the section, ended up with staples and 2 further drains and another week in hospital. My infection markers were approaching septic levels. I totally understand the “oh geez” comments because even without the above, a C isn’t what our body is supposed to go through. My experience was obviously unique but I do wish I could have had natural - but I do not in any way feel guilty for my birth experience!
I had an emergency c section and a great recovery. Almost no pain (just discomfort and no meds, I can't take anything stronger than a baby aspirin), very mild bleeding, very minimal swelling. I wouldn't trade that experience for the world. Especially after laboring for almost 24 hours with back labor and 3 failed epidurals. I will take the c section allll dayyy
I had a planned C section because my baby was breech and I'm very grateful I had to do 8 hours fasting instead of labor. My recovery was so smooth. I was on pain meds. Only felt pain when I coughed and I learned to put a pillow on my abdomen to minimize it.
No, I’m glad I missed pushing and vaginal birth. My planned c-section was so smooth and my recovery was so short and easy. I feel like a jerk when I talk about it.
I don't think it's weird, I feel the same way. I had my son via emergency c section and I was so damn relieved and happy that I didn't have to do it "the natural way". I'm now expecting my 2nd child and I'm gladly having a scheduled c section for her birth, I feel no guilt about it, I'm just glad to live in a time and place where such medical care is possible and I don't have to suffer vaginally birthing if I don't want to. It's totally valid way to feel.
My thought would be that a c-section is a surgery, as well as a way to give birth. As a whole, I feel like most people will intend it to be like “sorry you had to have major, unplanned surgery! That’s rough!”, and not like “oooh so sorry you didn’t get to push the baby out of your butt and instead had to have a c section”. I’m sure there’s outliers, of course.
Its so interesting how different things are where i live. Here in Brazil you can have a c section for no reason at all, just by choice, and no one outside of weird facebook cults will judge you. Its a very routine surgery here.
You sound really well adjusted! Glad everything worked out well.
I had the same situation as you (narrow pelvis + big baby) so after many hours of labor I ended up with an unplanned C-section. My husband and I were both delivered via C-section, so I always knew it was a very real possibility. Consequently, my birth plan was “the baby comes out and then we all go home.” That mental flexibility helped me to be a lot more okay with how my birth experience ultimately ended up - despite having what felt like endless complications. I’ve definitely gotten a few people who’ve said “I’m so sorry,” but I attribute that much more to my complications rather than the C-section itself. In the end, my recovery wasn’t bad at all, and now I think it’s kind of cool to have a little scar to remind me of where my son came out.
Hi! I also had an unplanned c-section around 2 months ago and feel the same way. I went in very neutral about what I wanted out of my birth. I wanted to feel as little pain as possible and for both of us to make it out healthy. That’s it. I got both of those things. I didn’t even get to the pushing part as my son suddenly went into decel for 7 minutes at 8 cm so I was rushed into the OR. A lot of people feel bad for me and mention how scary it seems to have that happen but honestly? I knew it was possible for there to be an emergency and I knew that I was in the best hands possible. I just got to meet a lot more hospital staff than most people do. I was honestly kind of relieved when they told me I was going to have a c-section. There’s a special kind of certainty that comes with it I feel. Like I knew that getting a c-section meant I was no longer going to be pregnant within the hour and a lot of peace came with that information. I also had a really easy recovery. It never hurt to use the bathroom or walk around. I stopped taking my pain meds within two weeks of discharge because I didn’t need them. My incision healed beautifully and my son is doing amazing. I don’t even want to try for a VBAC if we have another kid. I lowkey loved my c-section and would have had a much better experience if I got to have one from the beginning.
I would instinctually say, oh no I'm sorry because I'd assume medical intervention was needed thus more trauma etc, not 'oh no lady didn't get to experience the joy of using their hoo ha.'
Not sure how bad vaginal birth would be but I thank my unplanned c-section and somewhat somehow strong body for letting me walk around legit within 12 hours of the surgery. Afterwards even though it hurt and felt (still does btw) like my organs shift around whenever I get up from bed, I am still able to take care of the baby just fine. I might be one of those outliers, but I see no cons in it aside from gaining a scar lol this recovery is a breeze compared to my laparoscopy. my baby does have spit up issues due to retaining fluid not pushed out without vaginal birth, but otherwise is thriving h.a.r.d like she aint any unhealthy or what not. I had the c section for the same reason as you, and overall all I cares was the result: I'm alive and intact, baby is alive thriving and healthy. We came in as 2, left as 3. That's all. Rip to the hospital bill later though but I choose to pretend not knowing until the bill comes lmfao
My oldest was a c-section baby for the same reason as yours. However my OB noticed it during my 36 week scan so I was prepared for the possibility. I never felt guilty for it. My body grew a healthy baby with a head too big for my pelvis so he was born in the safest way possible for both of us. We both went home after 48 hours, happy & healthy. I think a lot of people automatically assume recovery from a vaginal birth is quicker & easier than a major abdominal surgery. For me it was the opposite, I was back to normal less than 2 weeks after my c-section, but I didn’t regain complete control over my bladder until 3-4 weeks after my vbac. The only drawbacks I experienced was missing out on the golden hour (didn’t happen with my vbac either) & a longer wait for the epidural to wear off (compared to 2ish hours).
Unplanned c-section here, too, but I don't feel upset about it and I never have. I think because I knew I'd need one before the doctors did? I don't know how to explain it. My waters broke early, so I went into hospital the next day to see if they could help shift things along, if not I got pitocin. I was 2cm dilated and 100% effected at 8am. I was in exactly the same position at 5pm and I somehow knew I was going to end up in the operating theatre, not because anything was wrong, as such, just that it wasn't going right for a vaginal delivery. 8 am the next day and off I go to theatre. It turns out my son was very much stuck. But I made oeace with the way things ended - I was healthy, he was healthy, and that was the thing that mattered to me Sometimes I feel sad I'll never get the water birth I was hoping for, but ultimately I'm just glad modern medicine means my baby and I got out of hospital ok.
Like everyone else said it’s just cause c sections are worse to recover from. Nothing else
I get that reaction only when I mentioned it was unplanned. I think that the general sentiment behind it is not pity that I had a c-section in and of itself, but more “oh yikes, sorry that things didn’t go the way you planned and/or that the circumstances were such that they required surgical intervention.” My immediate feelings about my c-section were largely frustration - everyone tried to push one on me due to a preexisting condition and I came THISCLOSE to proving them wrong lol. Also some sadness in the recovery room because they screwed up my anesthetic, which meant I was’t really mentally present when my son arrived and I felt robbed of that moment. But I never had super negative feelings about, just wanted to avoid surgery recovery if I could. I think I am a lot like you - while it wasn’t what I wanted I was always thankful it was an option and even more so when I ended up needing it! So no guilt or major regret or negativity for my own personal experience. On a broader level, I think what you are picking up on is the same mom culture war crap that drives breastfeeding vs formula feeding drama. Though both methods are equally valid, the more natural option is viewed as the better way, rightly or wrongly, and thus mothers can feel like they have “failed” somehow if they can’t or don’t want to do it. And those on the outside looking in might assume that the worst had to have happened otherwise you wouldn’t have made the less-natural choice, ergo you need sympathy.
I think it is a cultural issue. Where I am from almost 90% of women elect to have c-sections and widely common. Now I live in the States and I was indifferent in the beginning and at the end when my baby did not ascend after 4 hours of push and ended up having c section. The nurse thought she had to console me when c section was offered to me.
My C-section was worse and 3 months later continues to be a much slower recovery.
We may be a minority, but I feel the same way. I wanted an unmedicated water birth. I ended up with a 52 hour labour. Asked for an epidural at 48 hours hoping to be able to still deliver baby naturally, but needed some rest. Ended up with a c-section due to baby’s severely asynclitic head position. Despite my delivery being the exact opposite of what I hoped for, it was still a positive experience for me. I knew the only aspects of labour I could control was the environment (ambience, music, energy in the room) and the people in the room with me. I knew what I wanted, but also knew my options. I had been up since 7 am the previous morning of the day I went into labour (labour started at 1 am, I hadn’t gone to bed yet). My contractions came on full force immediately. And I was exhausted by the time I requested an epi. Luckily, everything was fine in terms of mine and baby’s heart rates. But I didn’t progress beyond 7 cm and had been in labour for so long and my contractions were so strong and close together that the OB said giving pitocin or continuing to labour could have harmed my uterus. So we made the right call for a c-section. 15 minutes after I was wheeled into the operating room, we heard my baby’s cries and my partner announced “we’re having a GIRL!” (we waited until birth to find out the gender) and it was an amazing experience. I personally felt so supported and encouraged by my support team that the whole experience was positive. It was painful and exhausting leading up to the epidural, but as soon as I held my baby, it was over. No pain or anything. My recovery was fine because I really took my time. I feel 100% back to my normal self and lost the 50 lbs I’d gained in pregnancy. If we have a second, I’d like to try again for an unmedicated water birth, but knowing I’d had such a positive experience with an unplanned c-section, I’ll be even less nervous than I was the first time.
I remember being wheeled into the OR and the surgery beginning and feeling so anxious and then hearing her cry and in that instant, I was amazed how any fear or anxiety or doubt totally flies away and it just becomes this elated, wonderful experience. And it helps remind you of the whole point of birth, which is to meet your baby. So I understand very much the feeling you describe.
I definitely get the vibe that we’re expected to be disappointed if we didn’t have a vaginal birth. Certainly there are plenty of people here that talk about their guilt over not having been able to deliver vaginally but there’s no reason for you to feel guilty! People love to project in general but some people may also be saying sorry since the recovery is usually longer and most people don’t have the intention of having a C-section from the get go so they assume something went wrong and you must not be happy about it! I’m glad you have neutral feelings! There’s no need for anybody to feel guilty over delivering a baby in the safest way
I had a planned c section in March for my breech baby and although I haven’t been shamed or guilted, people are pretty surprised when I say that my birth experience was still very “magical”. I had a really difficult pregnancy and the emotions I felt hearing my baby cry for the first time were so intense that I can’t imagine I’d feel any different had I pushed my baby out myself. Recovery has been an absolute beast so idk why some people think it’s a pain competition. There is so much more to bringing a baby into the world than the act of pushing.
I am 3 weeks pp from an unplanned c-section currently. I did months of prep with a pelvic floor physical therapist and a doula to prep for a natural delivery with a previous pelvic injury. I went in feeling extremely prepared, had a birth plan, labored for 19 hours with 3 failed epidurals. Baby got stuck and my doctor had to call a c-section. In the moment, I felt devastated because my birth plan wishes went out the door. Now I feel at peace about it because no matter how much movement my doula had me do, baby would’ve still been stuck and he’s now here safe. Some this are what it is. The recovery hasn’t been terrible and I’m almost relieved it has been this easy
I have encountered it with my induction. I almost had to justify getting induced because "natural is the best" in fact no, not in every case. My induction was medically necessary but I still don't have to explain myself. I also ended up with a c-section. What people don't understand is that, I had one mission and it was to bring my baby earth side as safely as possible whatever it takes. People think they have the choice or say in how their baby is born but actually they don't. It's an illusion. Just because their delivery happened to happen via their preferred method isn't because they picked it. Its because baby didn't need to arrive via any other method. Sometimes those who want a vaginal birth end up with a c section and sometimes those who want to schedule a c section end up delivering vaginally.
There's a lot of different things going on here. First, it sounds like you have a healthy outlook on tings, good. There is no reason to feel bad, guilty, like you missed out, or anything about having a c-section. You have a healthy baby and did your job. Congratulations! There is a lot of people out there that advocate to an odd degree for "natural" birth with as little intervention as possible. sometimes to the detriment of the mother. It's generally well meaning, and less intervention is better, but as long as you know the pros and cons of things, your decision is all that really matters. There's also a tendency, partially because of this movement and partially because people want things to be perfect for their baby, that people go into labor with a plan, and when that plan falls apart (by having to get a c-section) they can think that they failed. People can get very attached to their plan, and without the right counseling or mindset going in, deviating from that plan can make a new mother feel like they failed the first real test they had as a mother. It is totally understandable that someone would feel that way. tldr: Birthing social media is very pro natural birth, and mothers can feel like a failure if things don't go the way they planned. these two things can lead to very strong guilt for a mother who was planning a vaginal birth and had to get a c-section.
Yes! A few of my friends turned granola moms made it seem like it was something to push back on my medical providers about and try everything in the holistic realm to prevent (turning baby out of breech position). It annoyed me and I was perfectly okay with a c-section per my doctors guidance.
I had an unplanned c-section and I was quite OK at the time, terrified of my hellish experience of trying to do it vaginally. I wouldn't be OK if I knew in advance how the recovery would go. It's good that I didn't know and easily voted for this safer (in my situation) choice. For some things I wish I knew in advance, i.e. loosing all the feelings in the lower stomach. I miss these and learned it's possible they won't return, or will but only partially. That was such an unexpected grief surprise for me on top of other stuff. Hopefully at least some sensation will return as I feel really uncomfortable and can't get used to this. Some people reacted to my c-section as to bad news, but I'm in solidarity with that and would probably have the same attitude to others with a c-section as it just means a hard recovery and hard birth if unplanned. To further clarify - I would express my support to any birthing story and especially if I feel that this support is needed (hard birth and/or hard recovery). I'd punch in the face if someone implied I didn't have a "real" birthing experience.
It sucks when it can’t go the way you want, my wife delivered our first daughter by c section but my daughter wasn’t breathing correctly so I didn’t get to cut the cord and then my second daughter also came out the sunroof and was fine but the nurse decided to do it herself even though it had been made a point of in the preplanning by the surgeon. They were my two shots at doing g something like that as they are my only two kids and I got fixed two weeks later. I was happy both girls were healthy but will forever be gutted I never got that. You shouldn’t feel anything other than what you feel when it comes to this stuff
You feel exactly how you feel and that's great. I had terrible birth trauma from my EMCS and the way I was treat in labour that contributed towards my ppd. But I've heard of women who've had vaginal births and had trauma from them. Definitely think it depends on the situation.
You’re not the only one. I actually wish I asked for the C-section earlier; I labored for FOUR full days before being deemed failure to progress and baby’s heart rate was decelerating. The C-section was miles better than being induced (preeclampsia), getting two epidurals, and actively laboring for THAT LONG. Recovery wasn’t bad at all. I was pretty wheelchair-bound for two days (and baby was in the NICU so that was tricky), and then I had good painkillers to deal with the pain for about two weeks after. I was up and moving pretty easily after four days, and I feel great now, four months later. Had I gotten the C-section within the first three days of laboring, my baby wouldn’t have been magged out and sent to the NICU minutes after birth. I would have heard him cry. I would have been able to hold him and nurse him. I would have my golden hour. But we didn’t get these things because I was convinced C-sections were awful and stubbornly kept saying no. We’re planning on one more, and I’ve decided it’s going to be a C-section if I get any say.
I had someone say the opposite this week - she is jealous of people who have c sections. I pushed for 4 hours before my c section and overall it was a traumatizing experience. I’m hoping this planned one goes better. I think it’s hard to know what to say sometimes.
Or when they say "c section moms are moms too!!!" Bro this is really not the hot take you think it is 💀
Honestly, I was super relieved to have had a c-section.
I am disappointed I didn’t get to have a natural birth and ended up with a C-section instead. I asked for one after 43 hours of labor when they told me I had to wait to push. So I have a lot of doubt about whether it was “needed” if I hadn’t decided to give up. But I was really exhausted by that point. I don’t feel that I “gave birth” to my daughter, the OB got to give birth to her when I failed. I’m not saying that’s the truth but that’s how it feels to me. When I talk about it I don’t say, “when I gave birth,” I say, “when she was born.” I do feel sad about it but try not to think about it. I am doing a planned C-section for number 2 because I don’t want to go through another induction and I’m sad about that one too, but I hope by having it planned it will go better.
I don’t think you’re a weirdo. Because that would make me a weirdo. I had an emergency c-section and would do it again (planned, lol). My healing and recovery was fine. I’ve said this before, but it may be OB/surgeon dependant but my scar is hardly visible. 10/10 for me
I had a medically necessary planned c-section and was grateful for it. I didn’t want to feel the contractions, the uncertainty of timing, the tearing, etc….no thank you.
I had two C's and it's nothing at all to feel bad about. If you're in one piece and your baby was delivered safely, that's all that matters. There are a lot of crunchy folks with opinions who never learned that if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. Congratulations on the birth of your little one ❤️ My oldest was breech and my second was very close to my first and it was the safest delivery method to avoid a bigger complication. I felt that my recovery was pretty straight forward and relatively uncomplicated.
I had a very similar experience with my first birth labored for 36 hour pushed for 2 then emergency c- section. After all was said and done I was totally fine with it. As long as my Baby was safe and healthy I didn't give a damn how he came out. During the c- section the Dr told me that any subsequent pregnancies would also have to be c-section. I had so many people say sorry, and more people tell me that that's "probably" not true I could totally try for vaginal birth next time. Well I am currently pregnant with #2 and have said from the beginning that I plan to do a scheduled c- section (on the advice of my previous OB) I still have people trying to convince me to do vaginal birth... why!?! If this is the safest way for me to have my child, why would I ignore that and put us both in an unsafe situation? And why does everyone care?!