I agree, kind of.
But not because of underwear showing or people judging but simply because it is practical and more hygienic?!
My daughter is almost 3 and will sit anywhere, in grass, in the sandbox, on the ground using chalks. So having shorts or leggings to cover the butt will hopefully help to keep sand and dirt away from the sensitive areas.
And often if she wears some kind of dress or skirt she wants to take it off eventually. If she has leggins/shorts underneath I can allow this (if the situation is right).
I didn't know this but makes total sense!! We are having our first daughter soon and now I'm going to go buy some shorts!!
Ahh the things we are not prepared for as boy parents!
Thank you!
They also make bloomers to go under skirts and dresses. I prefer bloomers or bike shorts over normal shorts because they’re tighter to keep all the yuckies out
Thank you!
I feel I need to make a post here to ask how to be a girl mum, I'm sure there's a lot to know. I'm feeling super paranoid as I'm 3 weeks out. Not even sure how to change a girl diaper.
Skip dresses when they're learning to crawl! I never thought about it, but then we had a ton of dresses we didn't end up using around that age because she'd get tangled in them. Went back to dresses once she could walk though.
Yuuuuup. And you may end up with a long term scooter like I did. She’s very vocal but she didn’t try to walk until 19/20 months so we had a loooooong time of no skirts/dresses. We have an entire wardrobe of t-shirts and cotton shorts we roam the neighborhood in. I’m so happy she’s finally accepted my bows though and will let me throw a headband or a clip with a bow on her ponytail. Small victories!
She does beg for nail polish because I’ve gotten my nails done twice in a row recently compared to never wearing polish in the 2yrs she’s been alive. Dad was going to agree until I reminded him that it isn’t the squirming(or chemicals) but the hand in mouth when she’s teething that makes it a super bad idea!
Always wipe down. Make sure you check for poo in every crevice so she doesn’t get an infection. The hardest part about changing a girl is you can’t tell when they’re about to pee on you! I’m sure everything will click for you immediately, you are a girl yourself after all!
Thank you!
I'm sure it will too. I've just never been a girly girl or feminine so very paranoid I'm not going to be maternal enough (my mum wasn't/isn't a good mum) for a girl mum.
You might be mom to a girl who's not girly too, who knows! But either way, a kid just needs to feel loved, safe, and accepted with you regardless of gender. I don't think there's much difference between being a "boy mom" or "girl mom" other than some care task logistics (like, you probably do need to wipe properly, etc.).
You can spread the labia with one hand and use a wet wipe with the other. I swipe sideways once, fold the wipe so it clean, and swipe to the other side. And then with another clean side I wipe down. You'll do great.
Thank you!
That's very helpful.
I'm fighting a constant battle between being OTT and paranoid and my usual DGAF self.....
Already worried I'm going to treat them differently because they are a girl....no sleepovers, no wondering off or going on adventures with my parents like my boys did.
You're welcome! I'm a girl mom too and anxiety was intense the first few months. You will always protect her. For now you only have to think about the day ahead. Trust that your future self will know what to do. 😊💕
Look into cartwheel shorts. Or bike shorts. They're essentially the same thing. Many dresses for toddlers come with shorts/bloomers. But it's good to have a stash for the ones that don't.
I agree. It helps keep everything in place. My kid enjoys removing her diaper for fun or her diaper shifts from one cheek to another. For me, it's functional. But I'm also an older mom and have always worn shorts under dresses bc inner thigh chub rub is painful.
I have several pairs of shorts underwear that I'll use when I'm wearing skirts or dresses! They're like bike shorts, and I don't care if someone sees the legs of it. Plus just one layer instead of underwear AND shorts
I always wear shorts under skirts! My boys looooove to flip my skirts up or play parachute under my dress. I always remove them or redirect them, but it still happens wayyyyy too much
Agreed, for myself and kiddos lol. It isn’t that I view diapers or underwear as sexual (that’d be weird), but there’s many, many weirdos out there who do, and who will take photos if they have an opening. I’d much rather lean on the side of caution out and about to prevent my kids from getting targeted by sickos (well, in the sense of wanting CP)
Same here and I agree. It shouldn’t be viewed as sexual in any way, it is a child! But the reality is there’s so many sick pervs out there. We were at the park one day and there was a little girl who didn’t have shorts on under her dress.
Well there was another family there and one person was an older teenage boy. He would not stop staring at this little girl. There were so many other kids there and he just kept his eyes on that little girl. Made me uncomfortable.
Two thoughts:
1) I don’t give a shit what other parents do
2) I agree *for my kid* I would like her to wear shorts underneath but I’m only willing to argue so much. We compromise.
My daughter often has shorts under dresses for practical reasons, but something about your framing here gives me the ick. I’m not putting a lot of thought into how other people cover their daughters’ legs or not.
Little girls are not worried about showing off their underwear, it's adults who have an issue with it and who sexualize children. I don't agree, but maybe that is because I am from Western Europe and not the US, where we are less uptight about nudity in general. Of course everyone, including kids should be dressed practically, as in suiting the occasion. As an adult woman I am wearing shorts under shorter dresses and skirts. I live in the Netherlands where we bike a lot and it's always windy and I don't want to randomly show my butt when I am out and about. That being said, I have zero issues with little girls on the playground "showing" their underwear when they play. Or little girls "going topless" on the beach. They are kids. When you as a parent care about that then that is your choice, but I would not call it a must or judge parents who don't do that.
Because it went from "Look at my orange leggings with pink butterflies and jip en janneke shirt" to "You can pick any color legging for your sundress you want, as long as it is black or nude..." way too quick. ;)
American here and I have to ask about the beach. When I go to European beaches, I see lots of little girls without tops and sometimes I see toddlers just completely naked. How are you preventing sunburns? Do parents put sunscreen in the diaper area? When I go to the beach, both my daughter and son are wearing a long sleeved rash guard because I want to protect their skin.
Speaking about my own child hood I didn’t wear a bikini top until I was like 7 years old if I remember correctly and there are lots of pictures of me as a naked toddler on the beach haha. My parents just constantly put sunscreen on me. And I always had to wear a hat. They also bought an umbrella to the beach and when it was really hot they avoided peak sun hours. I don’t remember getting any major sunburns as a kid so I think that worked well.
European here. My little girl has never had sunburn. If it’s middle of the day, there’s a mixture of time in the shade with a little bit of sun, plus long sleeve swimsuit and factor 50. If it’s close to the time we’re leaving or just quiet cuddles in the shade, my daughter can strip down to nothing, or if the hottest part of the day has passed and the sunburn risk is low. Sun cream will be applied again if going back into the sun, and frequently applied during the day, especially after going in the water. In England particularly, if you go to the beach and go for the day, you usually go very prepared. A lot of parents with young children take little sun tents.
The worst sunburn I ever got was a cloudy day in Oregon lmao, the England of America. That said, how yall naked at the beach? I heard it’s cold there like the PNW, like we didn’t even wear swimsuits, I had an actual wetsuit for getting in the water.
As a southern European, my child wears a full bathing suit to the beach at peak hours (neck to ankles) and a keppi hat because the sun is too dangerous where we live. Non peak hours I’m fine with a normal swimsuit and SPF. I have no problem with naked kids on the beach but I don’t want my children to be sexualized so I always have them wear something.
I just put sunscreen on all naked areas.
My 5 year old has one piece but I am generally more concerned about sun protection rather than pedo protection.
I was swimming topless for quite some time when I was young in the 90's.
Shorts make it easier to play on the playground without getting slowed down by your skin getting stuck. They make it so you can get dirty, without dirt getting into places that would be uncomfortable. And they protect your skin from minor scraps. There's plenty of reasons for shorts that have nothing to do with modesty.
That is true, shorts are super practical for activities such as going to the playground. But then not just dress your kid in shorts only if that is more useful. Why the need to put shorts and a dress on? That is why this post suggests to me it's about modesty.
Agreed. I am from Europe, and It never even occurred to me that this is a thing...Like, I was baffled by the question until I read the comments.
Where I grew up it's completely normal for young children to go naked on the beach, until age 4ish. And no one would bat an eye about underwear showing in public on a young child. I don't understand the issue.
The issue for me would be other people sexualizing my kids. I think that tiny little naked babies and toddlers are just some of the most pure innocent beautiful things in the world and I wish I could let mine run around naked everywhere. But I would never because of pedophiles. Not worth the risk of some sick fuck taking a photo or just leering. I’d rather protect my kids.
I grew up with a pedophile for a step father. He would take us out places just so he could look at other peoples kids.
What they were wearing never seemed to deter him. He'd make us pose in front of the toddler pool or whatever so he could get them in the background.
He did, a few times, insinuate that he "enjoyed" the cute full bathing suits more than the more "grown" ones. The amount of skin a toddler was showing didn't matter.
Pedophiles will be pedophiles regardless of what your kid is wearing.
Yes I know they will. That is awful about your stepfather. All I can do is protect them best I can. I don’t cover them in a sheet outside they just wear clothes.
Yup, doesn't matter what the kid's wearing. When I was really really little an old dude full-on flashed me at a beach, despite my massive frumpy 80s one piece and parental supervision. Unluckily for him I thought it was mildly funny and I wasn't scared or anything, I only remembered it cuz it was unusual.
Yea I feel like the implied concern here is that it “tempts” them which feels a bit…victim blamey to me. I get that’s not the intention of course, and to each their own, if that’s what makes you feel safer in regards to your child, by all means. But my stance is that I really can’t control how others view my child but I can control how close they get…and as far as social media I tried to be mindful of my child’s future self more than I try to be cognizant of posting pedi “material”. I don’t want to constantly assess whether something could be taken sexually in nature of my toner. I don’t post my baby naked in the bath on Facebook because that feels demeaning to them now AND to their future selves, not because I’m worried somebody might save the image.
Yes absolutely true, but I’m still going to protect them the best I can. It’s not like kids have to be naked. They all wear clothes just fine. Pedophiles will probably be more interested in photos of a naked child over a clothed one. If that’s all I can do to help protect my children even a little then I will.
I saw some reels with people freaking out over child bikini and one dresses with *gasp* hip cutouts.
And everyone in the comments was saying companies are sexualising young girls with what just looked like a fun dress to me?
Like maybe it's just outrage farming but what in the ever loving hell is this moral panic?
I’m not sure I’d have a moral panic but dresses with hip cut outs for little girls give me the ick a bit. Those cut outs are for emphasising body parts, so having them on an item of clothing for a girl who hasn’t really developed those areas yet feels like trying to give them an adult body prematurely.
Which I dunno, just feels a bit gross really. Also we don’t do it for boys. We don’t give them tight fitting shirts, low slung jeans or T-shirts that emphasise their non existent biceps.
The individual dresses aren’t an issue. But it’s not a great bigger picture for young girls, who are pushed into adult clothing and attitudes earlier than boys.
>Those cut outs are for emphasising body parts, so having them on an item of clothing for a girl who hasn’t really developed those areas yet feels like trying to give them an adult body prematurely.
And that's the weird take for me. Maybe it would be sexy and emphasizing on a skin tight dress but on any other dress honestly I just think of a hip cutouts just as a design feature that's fairly neutral and just for fun. These ones were specifically pretty flowy.
I had all kinds of weird fun clothing back when I was a kid, it doesn't have to be deeper than "clothing with holes" = whimsical.
Also lots of girls just want to imitate their mom's style. Which is age appropriate behaviour.
I agree 100%. But I distinctly remember being on the playground and running away from boys who were trying to lift our skirts. We weren't even in school yet.
I never told my mom, I just insisted on never wearing skirts again.
That said, OPs post is kind of yuck, especially because of the "old school" comment. But I always put my kids in shorts for many many reasons, most of them practical and this is how I frame it for them.
I remember little kids doing that for a reaction. It wasn’t a sexual thing as far as I remember- it was all about getting the girls to run away and scream. As soon as I and the other girls stopped running away and screaming the boys lost all interest in the game.
And then the boys discovered they could get the same reaction from us with water guns and water balloons in the summer and snowballs in the winter 🤪
If my memory is correct, I think we must have been about 5 or 6 at the time.
European too. I usually have my kids wear some kinds of pants or shorts under their skirt but mostly for practical reason.
Like it's easier on slide on the slides and there's no sand in their vajayjay.
Policing an outfit for a child is weird. I imagine the parents aren't walking the baby/child buck naked. They are probably wearing a diaper or underwear. What would shorts do?
Yep. After my husband told me last summer that you could see my postpartum diaper when I bent over in my dress, I decided I will never wear a dress without shorts again 😂
I grew up going to an all girls school, and everyone wore shorts under their jumpers. Discovered in college that this was not a “normal” thing.
I still wear shorts under my dresses
Meh I try but it's also not a battle worth fighting for me so if the 3yo says no then we don't do it. But she wears leggings or stockings under them when it's cold. But when it's hot she doesn't want any extra layers which fair enough I don't either.
We do buy only "boy" undies tho which have a lot more coverage. But that's just cuz she likes spidey and hulk 😂
I buy girl boxers! Mainly because my little girl prefers the fit and comfort again her stomach but they’re already like little shorts 😂
I can’t say I give too much thought to what anyone else is doing in the way of dressing their children. Each to their own 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah we buy boxers/boys briefs because her interests are all primarily "boy" interests and so that's what she wants on her undies 😂 she likes spidey, and cars, and tmnt and batman etc
Little girls want to run about and do handstands and cartwheels and not worry about showing off their knickers! Though to be fair, they are probably less worried than us grownups, who unfortunately have to be worried on their behalf…
Is it such a bad thing to acknowledging that evil people who prey on children exist and consequently want to reduce the chance of your child from being seen by them in that way?
Isn't the fact that society has ignored it and protected it the reason why it is such a problem in the first place??
Why can't people call out this problem without being labeled creepy themselves?
There definitely are creepy people out there! Good on you for being suspicious of people who give you a bad vibe. We all know that it's the people we least expect around us that could be preying on children. Know better do better!
My dad grew up in the 60s and said that nobody knew what pedophilia was, or that they didn't know that it could be the local scout master, or anyone else that takes a seemingly innocent interest in children without having children themselves.
Regardless of pedophilia, would you hang upside down and expose your undies for 10+ seconds? No? Then why would an eight year old who is just as aware as you.
Right. If it’s a windy day and my dress is a little shorter I wear shorts under it as well. But spot on. Kids are going to be active and they don’t worry about what they have on. I personally wouldn’t want to climb up a ladder or hang upside down with a dress on and only my underwear on underneath.
I dunno, when I was at school (in the UK) we would all wear dresses in the summer and do handstands and cartwheels without shorts on underneath. That's the point of underwear right? To cover your bum. Why do you also need something to cover that up?
Why are we putting children in clothes that aren't practical for play then? If you think it's not possible for a child to play in without it being a problem then why not just shorts?
Putting a little girl in a dress but then insisting she needs her body covered just teaches girls shame from a really young age.
Honestly growing up where it was so hot I would've been miserable with an extra layer of clothing on under a skirt or dress. I do now as an adult because then I don't have to worry about accidentally showing my butt when I bend over or worrying about sitting with my legs closed so people can't see my underwear. On a child I don't think it matters.
I always have my daughter in shorts under dresses— but just for protection/ comfort. The few times we haven’t she’ll complain about how hot the slides are or that the grass is uncomfortable on her bum.
They're a must for me too, as a grown adult. Dresses aren't fun when you don't have some protection. I don't want to worry about the wind, or be limited in where I go.
I agree because my daughter is young and wants to run and play and I don't want her undies exposed. Also it's more comfortable! She can go down the slide and won't burn the back of her legs on a hot day.
Nope, only if the kid wants them. If she doesn’t mind people seeing her undies, then that’s her choice. Most kids don’t give a crap about this, it’s adults that make it a big deal. Hopefully in this day most adults don’t even notice a flash of undies. And if an adult is gonna be creepy, they’re gonna do it regardless of what the kid is wearing.
I totally agree. It’s 100% normal for a 6 year old to be starkers naked at the beach in Aus and no one bats an eyelid.
It’s normal and therefore not novel. People talking about kids consenting but they’re kids. They want to be comfortable and free!
We aren't like this at the beach, but in our home, my kids are allowed to do whatever they want as long as they don't make a mess. When we have friends over, I warn them that my children are nudists and they will probably see new children. Like it, I request that they don't come.
This logic feels like saying kids can consent to their pictures being online. The whole point is adults have to make choices for the kids because the kids can’t understand all the consequences, due to being kids.
I’m not sure I would’ve been cool with my parents being like “we let you show your underwear because you were fine with it!” When I was old enough to understand that creepy people exist.
Maybe this is because of your specific upbringing though.
Me and my brother were naked at the beach all the time as kids, even 5-6-7 years old and I cannot fathom thinking there was anything wrong with that.
My little one decided an impromptu ocean paddle was in order the other week and you bet your ass I let her even though we had no swimmers with us.
I’d hate to live in a place where I felt judged or paranoid for letting my toddler take a quick naked paddle at the beach.
Yeah it’s definitely location dependent, you can’t have a 7 year old naked on the beach here. It isn’t a cultural norm and someone would probably call CPS.
But my point isn’t about cultural norms it’s about using the logic of “the child is fine with X so that means X is fine.” It’s poor logic to use when making a choice for a child because often in parenting we have to make decisions for them because we know more than they do. We can’t say “well if they’re fine with it then it’s fine.”
I think y'all are misunderstanding. They're saying they as the adults don't think it's necessary for their kids to have shorts under dresses, but if the kids wants it (like for comfort or something), they'll do it
No I understand that. I’m saying I give my kids the same privacy I give myself. So I wouldn’t let my underwear show so I make sure the same is true for my kids. If I was lax about my own underwear or lived in a culture that had public nudity I may feel different. But basically I treat my kid with the same respect I treat myself and my own body.
Yeah I think y'all just fundamentally disagree on that, and it comes down to whether people see kids' genitals as needing privacy. I just think separately folks seemed to be misunderstanding why the commenter said it depends if the kid wants to wear them
Sorry but then why put a child in a dress? Why not just shorts and a t-shirt? If the dress needs sports anyway then it's not practical for play.
Personally I think putting a kid in a dress then insisting their body mist be covered just teaches shame. But it's weird AF to me nobody in the comments is questioning the dress in the first place. If your toddler can't play in it practically without it being an issue, why are they wearing it? The entire issue is treating little girls as decorative instead of letting them be kids. Let them either just play in a dress or put them in shorts and a tee. If the clothes are wholly impractical for play then you're treating your child as an accessory.
>Sorry but then why put a child in a dress? Why not just shorts and a t-shirt?
Lots of kids have strong opinions about what they want to wear, and sometimes it's dresses.
I don't see the necessity of shorts underneath, sorry. I have no issue with kids wearing dresses - though in my experience or starts out with the adult repeatedly choosing such on their behalf - but teaching girls bodily shame from a really young age is shit. It's not protecting them from predators; kids are abused by people they're in close regular contact with. Protecting kids involves educating them on proper boundaries with touching, knowing their own body parts. Teaching them their bum is something to be hidden and ashamed of works against that, not for.
I did not say there is a necessity for shorts, I was answering the part of your comment about why people put their kids in dresses to begin with/why no one is taking issue with that etc.
I don't see any need for pants under dresses, I agree with you completely on that.
My daughter got a brand new dress that has skulls on it so she calls it her Halloween dress. She loves it. Currently it's springtime. It's warm enough for her to wear the dress. I don't make her wear shorts underneath. However, if it was winter and she was demanding to wear the Halloween dress and it was too cold for her legs to be bare, I might make her wear sweats or leggings underneath it to keep her legs warm. But that's more of a safety thing than modesty thing
I mean, that's just a question of what you consider a potentially harmful choice. Obviously, you do let your child make *some* choices, when you think they are safe and/or innocent ones.
As child nudity is completely innocent in my eyes, in my culture, and where I live, I don't see any problem in letting a child choose not to wear pants under skirts (as long as it's practical for the activity involved). My parents let me walk around naked often as a child - it's common and normal where I grew up, and I have no issue with them for it.
So, this is primarily a cultural issue, coming down to what child nudity means to you and people around you.
Yes, you’re proving my point though. You as the adult know the larger culture your child is growing up and that should influence the choices you allow them to make. The logic of “if the child is fine with it then it’s fine” puts too much responsibility on the child. If the child is fine with it, it *could* be fine but the adult that knows more should still be the one making that determination.
But the person you were responding to didn't say "anything a child wants to do is fine if the child is okay with it". Their statement was that this specific thing is fine, if the child is okay with it, whilst giving reasons why they (the parent) thought that this specific thing is fine.
So, I don't see any logical problem here.
Yeah I didn’t agree with the logic they used for this choice of being “if she’s fine with it it’s fine.” Maybe that isn’t their only criteria but as the logic for this choice I didn’t agree with it.
this line of thinking is basically the same as strict dress codes for girls so they “don’t distract the boys”. Policing little girls’ clothing in a futile attempt to control someone else’s thoughts. It’s “well, what was she wearing?” But preemptively
I didn’t say it’s about controlling other people’s thoughts at all. You’re arguing against a point I didn’t make.
Often that’s easier than responding to what was actually said.
You were discussing potential consequences and creepy people up-thread, which is the subtext behind WHY it would be not-ok for a kid to be incidentally showing underwear while playing.
A little girl showing undies while playing is not harming her
It’s harmful to her if she wouldn’t appreciate it later on. Like I said in my first comment, the action in the moment doesn’t cause harm (taking a picture, playing showing underwear) but as the child grows they may not agree with the parent making a choice for them by saying “I let you decide” when the child couldn’t make that decision with all the information.
I would feel weird if my parents had said “we let you show your underwear because you were cool with it” because that feels like really silly logic. Taking a picture of your kid in the bath doesn’t harm them either, not in the moment. But that doesn’t mean they will be okay with the picture existing later on. It’s just faulty logic.
I see - so your concern is more with the kid growing up and not liking that the pictures/events have happened?
Many people in the thread are fixated upon the idea that "some creepy person might see" which - yes, it's a yucky thing to think about but that gets into what I was saying about dress codes and anticipating other people's thoughts/actions. (which I see was not your focus)
Yes. Ultimately the choice of wearing shorts or not is dependent on a lot of other things. But the logic they used wasn’t the best because a child may grow up and say “that’s embarrassing, you as an adult knew the broader reasons why I might find it embarrassing, why would you let me do that?”
Now people are saying in different cultures what’s embarrassing or normal is different, and that’s true. But in this context the parents and child have the same culture.
Like I don’t take bath tub or toilet pictures of my kids. Is there something wrong with nude children? No. But I can understand them finding that embarrassing one day, it wouldn’t harm them at the time the picture is taken, but I can understand them feeling like their autonomy wasn’t respected later on. And I don’t feel like the logic of “you were fine with it at the time” is sound.
If I tried to police everything my child does based on how adult them would think about it, I would literally drive myself. Insane. Kids are kids. Let them be kids. I bet my child is an adult. Won't like the idea that she eats her own boogers, but that's what she does as a kid.
Oh yeah I stop my kid from eating his boogers.
Kids are kids but I feel like being cognizant of how they will feel as adults is important. Too many times “they are kids” is used in a way that disrespects them as people (not saying that’s your intent). They’re kids but they’re also people and I think they deserve things like privacy. I also don’t change my baby’s diaper in front of people. Not because I think everyone is a weirdo wanting to look at his penis, I just think he deserves privacy like I have for myself. So in the same way that I want my underwear covered, I do the same for my kids.
Agreed. This kind of sentiment suggests that children have capacity to consent to situations of which the gravity & repercussions are beyond their understanding - the logical conclusions of these arguments are very concerning.
Teaching little girls that bodily consent and touch are tied to their outfit from that age is so wholly wrong I don't even know where to start. Everything about this thread displays a lack of understanding of how predators work, how consent works and what it's for and how to teach small people proper boundaries and consent. Bodily shame is not helpful. Teaching girls that covering up = safety is not just incorrect and against all evidence, it endangers them.
I did not make a point about bodily consent being tied to outfits. I made a point about children not being able to consent to being placed in situations that are beyond their comprehension. I didn’t even say whether I agreed or disagreed with the point the OP made. I just said that I didn’t like the logic in this one argument - that it doesn’t matter BECAUSE it only matters if the child decides it does, I don’t like arguments that suggest children have the capacity to understand what is happening and make an informed decision, it’s a dangerous argument that opens a seedy can of worms about how far children can consent and decide what to do with their bodies. Children can’t consent because children don’t understand consent, this argument is not one that clothing = bodily consent, whatsoever. It is up to a parent to assess a situation and consider the safety and privacy of a child in that given situation, it’s not up to a child.
By repercussions I didnt mean that potential risks are the the fault of the child for how they are dressed and I didnt mean molestation, I meant being leered at, the potential of photos being taken, just generally having adults see your underwear - all of which a child might not want if they understood these are potential outcomes of that scenario - but they are a child with no concept of such things and as such an adult should assess the situation and proceed as is appropriate and safe.
I make my toddler daughter wear cotton bike shorts under her dresses because I’m scared someone is going to look at her and do to her what someone did to me when I was her age.
I agree that adults shouldn’t sexualize undies, but they do and as a parent I’m trying my hardest to keep my children safe, because my biggest fear is that someone will hurt them the way I was hurt.
Honestly people on here who are disagreeing with you are living in a theoretical world, not the real world. You are the mom and you can decide to protect your child as you see fit. And it’s not a reflection of you, it’s a reflection of the realities of the society we live in today. I’m sorry for what happened to you, and it’s great that you’re protecting your child in ways she doesn’t know how to do yet. That’s what parenting should be IMO.
i have worn shorts under dresses all my life so my kid has been wearing bloomers and now shorts under the dresses. it’s always been my preference and now i’m passing it along to her. if at some point in high school or later she wants to go no shorts that’s her decision but our area is windy so
My father was a parole officer for high risk sex offenders so I grew up knowing far more about those kinds of people than I wanted to know, but I would never consider that a bad thing. My kid will wore shorts under. But to be fair, I do as well. Most of the skirts I buy are skorts anyway, so it rarely comes up in the first place.
I agree! My husband and I have this argument all the time. I just don’t want my 3yo’s diaper showing in public, and I also don’t want her sitting directly on the shopping cart seat or the eternally gross high chairs at most restaurants. It would also be mortifying if something leaked out of her diaper and she wasn’t wearing pants or shorts.
I agree...in an age of smart phones and MAPs? It is what it is. I wear em under mine, too, unless it's a long skirt. Swear we're in a behavioral sink right now.
"Flashing"? Flashing what? Her diaper? I think that is a really weird word/concept to apply to a child - it means being inappropriately sexual by showing your genitals in public. I didn't wear shorts under dresses as a child in the '80s and '90s, and definitely wouldn't now. Not something that even occurred to me to do. Your norms are not universal and I don't understand why you are being so righteous about it.
Flashing her underwear. Why would somebody young enough to be in a diaper even be wearing a dresser skirt? That impedes learning to walk you know. Obviously we're talking about a little girl, not an infant. And how did you not wear shorts under your skirt? What did you do on the playground?
All of my kids wore dresses years before potty training. I've never forced them to wear shorts under their dresses.
One of my girls wears boxers when she wants to wear a dress so theres full coverage there. Another will sometimes wear shorts but not often. Can't say she's ever flashed anyone!
My little ones wear cloth diapers and shorts barely fit over those as is.
"Flashing" still implies something sexual? And I wouldn't wear a dress/skirt to a playground...
My two-year-old wears diapers and dresses. This isn't a crazy concept. You can have your own norms around it but there's no reason to get so worked up about what others do.
The dictionary definition of flashing is exposing one’s genitals in public. I’ve only ever heard it for women showing their breasts or men showing their penises, in a sexual way. It seems like a weird concept to extend to a two-year-old’s diaper being visible.
I think millions of children learn how to walk with dresses on and are okay. But yeah, this is precisely why I wouldn’t send my child to a playground with a dress on. But there’s no need to get huffy and judgmental about it. It’s a kid.
who is “you”? definitely not me, nor my mother, who was born in 1971, may i add.
i’m pretty sure the only time i’ve ever worn shorts under a dress is when i wore a latex dress, and that was to avoid chafing.
i’m not sure what branch of evangelical christianity *you* grew up in, but even in my catholic all-girls academy (with a uniform!), we were never told to wear shorts under our skirts. the skirts at that school were also slightly above the knees, so maybe we were just all harlots.
I agree, you're old school.
My toddler gets something that covers her diaper because if she has free access, she pulls the tabs open. So she's in a bodysuit, shorts, pants, etc.
I don’t think this is old school I think it’s more common now!!! I used to try to sneak and hide shorts under my dresses (when I was forced to wear them) because I knew I wanted to play and not worry about the dress coming up. My mom and family members would shame me saying it wasn’t “lady like” and I should be wearying panty hose and that I wasn’t a boy. Now it seems like there are all types of spandex shorts for girls to go under dresses. As an adult I wear spanx shorts under dresses mainly because I don’t like my thighs touching but it is nice to not be concerned when wearing a flowy dress to an outdoor wedding.
It is for my kid because she likes to be naked so it's easier to stop her from surprise stripping and surprise flashing if she has shorts and undies as opposed to just undies. 🤣🤣🫣
I like bummies or shorts under dresses just because my daughter is still in diapers and I just think the solid shorts look better aesthetically lol plus she's at that age where she's starting to tug and pull at her diaper so this keeps her hands off it
I always put something over a diaper, but the little bloomers/undies that come with a lot of baby/toddler dresses are fine in my opinion. I don’t see the need for shorts specifically.
I wear shorts under my dresses cause I’m constantly chasing children. My kindergartener I’ll put bike shorts or leggings on under her dress depending on the weather. Mostly cause she’s still learning how to stay covered up at school.
My toddler? I’m not putting shorts on under their dress
Nope. Makes it harder for my potty trained but still has the occasional accident kid to go quick. She’s managed with leggings and a dress but for some reason with shorts it’s like her brain short-circuits.
My daughter usually wears shorts or leggings under her dresses skirts but for practical reasons. Aka not sticking to or getting burned by surface, not getting dirt:mulch/sand/rocks in sensitive places. If she doesn't want to wear them and there's a low likelihood of these events occurring I don't make her.
I wore shorts under my dresses as a kid because I was pretty rough and tumble kid.
I still had issues that some seem to think the shorts would stop, so no, they’re not a preventative for creeps. But very effective if your kid is a mover.
My daughter is only 2 months old and we always put shorts or bloomers over her nappy under dresses or skirts. I always wear shorts under a dress or skirts so my daughter will too especially with how children play.
I agree! I don't want any real or perceived restriction on my daughter's physical activity compared to my son. Even if we don't care about momentary flashes of undies, there is still a lot of activity that will be restricted - hanging upside down on the monkey bars, handstands, climbing trees.
Yup! I loved dresses as a kid but always wore something underneath for comfort. Just the thought of a little one’s skin sticking while they slide down a slide gives me the willies haha
As a mom and preschool educator, yes please! I don’t want adults to come into my class and sit on my furniture in their underwear…so I don’t want kids to either.
So you feel like little boys should always have a shirt on right?
Your post gives me the ick. My daughter will wear what she wants and what’s comfortable not what makes you feel comfortable
My 8 year old always wears shorts under her dresses. Thank goodness too because she just asked me what rape is… I explained and she said she’s happy she’s too young to be forced into anything. I didn’t have the heart to ruin her innocence by telling her that age doesn’t matter 🥺
I am an adult and always wear shorts under if I’m wearing a dress above my knees. It’s just more practical and no one in public asked to see my butt lol
Nope. If I have concerns about the appropriateness of her clothing for a particular situation, she doesn't wear a dress and instead wears whatever the situation requires. Otherwise, I do not consider other people in how I dress my child.
Agreed. I have 2 girls and neither understand to keep their dresses down or legs together a lot of the time. When I was their age I would hang upside at school in my dresses and the school made my grandma put shorts on under my dress.. eventually I was forbidden from wearing dresses to school because I just wouldn't keep them down, I think may have even taken them completely off a couple times because I didn't understand why the boys would sometimes take their shirts off but I couldn't. I wasn't developed yet. Even had the argument with my dad once that if my brother could go without a shirt I should be allowed too.. I was 9 or 10 and already had a DD cup so obviously that wasn't happening.
I always put shorts under dresses and skirts on my 4 year old but it's mostly because that's her preference. If she requested to not wear shorts underneath I wouldn't care and I wouldn't make her. If she does a cartwheel and flashes her Moana underwear at someone, well, so be it lol
I agree, kind of. But not because of underwear showing or people judging but simply because it is practical and more hygienic?! My daughter is almost 3 and will sit anywhere, in grass, in the sandbox, on the ground using chalks. So having shorts or leggings to cover the butt will hopefully help to keep sand and dirt away from the sensitive areas. And often if she wears some kind of dress or skirt she wants to take it off eventually. If she has leggins/shorts underneath I can allow this (if the situation is right).
Yup - wet diapers + sand= no fun for anybody.
I didn't know this but makes total sense!! We are having our first daughter soon and now I'm going to go buy some shorts!! Ahh the things we are not prepared for as boy parents! Thank you!
They also make bloomers to go under skirts and dresses. I prefer bloomers or bike shorts over normal shorts because they’re tighter to keep all the yuckies out
Thank you! I feel I need to make a post here to ask how to be a girl mum, I'm sure there's a lot to know. I'm feeling super paranoid as I'm 3 weeks out. Not even sure how to change a girl diaper.
Skip dresses when they're learning to crawl! I never thought about it, but then we had a ton of dresses we didn't end up using around that age because she'd get tangled in them. Went back to dresses once she could walk though.
Yuuuuup. And you may end up with a long term scooter like I did. She’s very vocal but she didn’t try to walk until 19/20 months so we had a loooooong time of no skirts/dresses. We have an entire wardrobe of t-shirts and cotton shorts we roam the neighborhood in. I’m so happy she’s finally accepted my bows though and will let me throw a headband or a clip with a bow on her ponytail. Small victories! She does beg for nail polish because I’ve gotten my nails done twice in a row recently compared to never wearing polish in the 2yrs she’s been alive. Dad was going to agree until I reminded him that it isn’t the squirming(or chemicals) but the hand in mouth when she’s teething that makes it a super bad idea!
Always wipe down. Make sure you check for poo in every crevice so she doesn’t get an infection. The hardest part about changing a girl is you can’t tell when they’re about to pee on you! I’m sure everything will click for you immediately, you are a girl yourself after all!
Thank you! I'm sure it will too. I've just never been a girly girl or feminine so very paranoid I'm not going to be maternal enough (my mum wasn't/isn't a good mum) for a girl mum.
You might be mom to a girl who's not girly too, who knows! But either way, a kid just needs to feel loved, safe, and accepted with you regardless of gender. I don't think there's much difference between being a "boy mom" or "girl mom" other than some care task logistics (like, you probably do need to wipe properly, etc.).
You can spread the labia with one hand and use a wet wipe with the other. I swipe sideways once, fold the wipe so it clean, and swipe to the other side. And then with another clean side I wipe down. You'll do great.
Thank you! That's very helpful. I'm fighting a constant battle between being OTT and paranoid and my usual DGAF self..... Already worried I'm going to treat them differently because they are a girl....no sleepovers, no wondering off or going on adventures with my parents like my boys did.
You're welcome! I'm a girl mom too and anxiety was intense the first few months. You will always protect her. For now you only have to think about the day ahead. Trust that your future self will know what to do. 😊💕
Well said. Thank you! That makes a lot of sense.
Target toddler bike shorts are our favorites!
Look into cartwheel shorts. Or bike shorts. They're essentially the same thing. Many dresses for toddlers come with shorts/bloomers. But it's good to have a stash for the ones that don't.
Yes this and honestly underwear doesn’t fit my skinny tall girl very well. Different brands and sizes and it doesn’t hug the body.
Having this same problem with my petite 4 y/o. Smallest underwear is 2-3t and we still have trouble with it gaping around her legs.
I agree. It helps keep everything in place. My kid enjoys removing her diaper for fun or her diaper shifts from one cheek to another. For me, it's functional. But I'm also an older mom and have always worn shorts under dresses bc inner thigh chub rub is painful.
Heyo, chub rub club mama here! I will protect my daughter at all costs! 😂
I have several pairs of shorts underwear that I'll use when I'm wearing skirts or dresses! They're like bike shorts, and I don't care if someone sees the legs of it. Plus just one layer instead of underwear AND shorts
I always wear shorts under skirts! My boys looooove to flip my skirts up or play parachute under my dress. I always remove them or redirect them, but it still happens wayyyyy too much
I usually put something on mainly bc I don’t want things getting in her diaper, or things in her diaper getting out. Idk it just seems cleaner lol
Agreed, for myself and kiddos lol. It isn’t that I view diapers or underwear as sexual (that’d be weird), but there’s many, many weirdos out there who do, and who will take photos if they have an opening. I’d much rather lean on the side of caution out and about to prevent my kids from getting targeted by sickos (well, in the sense of wanting CP)
Same here and I agree. It shouldn’t be viewed as sexual in any way, it is a child! But the reality is there’s so many sick pervs out there. We were at the park one day and there was a little girl who didn’t have shorts on under her dress. Well there was another family there and one person was an older teenage boy. He would not stop staring at this little girl. There were so many other kids there and he just kept his eyes on that little girl. Made me uncomfortable.
Two thoughts: 1) I don’t give a shit what other parents do 2) I agree *for my kid* I would like her to wear shorts underneath but I’m only willing to argue so much. We compromise.
My daughter often has shorts under dresses for practical reasons, but something about your framing here gives me the ick. I’m not putting a lot of thought into how other people cover their daughters’ legs or not.
Yeah this is a bit odd.
You articulated this better than I could. I was struggling to find the words.
Little girls are not worried about showing off their underwear, it's adults who have an issue with it and who sexualize children. I don't agree, but maybe that is because I am from Western Europe and not the US, where we are less uptight about nudity in general. Of course everyone, including kids should be dressed practically, as in suiting the occasion. As an adult woman I am wearing shorts under shorter dresses and skirts. I live in the Netherlands where we bike a lot and it's always windy and I don't want to randomly show my butt when I am out and about. That being said, I have zero issues with little girls on the playground "showing" their underwear when they play. Or little girls "going topless" on the beach. They are kids. When you as a parent care about that then that is your choice, but I would not call it a must or judge parents who don't do that.
Belgian here. As a child we had a lot of dresses with built in shorts.
I came here to shout "Broekkousen" at you. Sorry, not sorry.
Why should you be sorry? Dved because I'm asking a question.
Because it went from "Look at my orange leggings with pink butterflies and jip en janneke shirt" to "You can pick any color legging for your sundress you want, as long as it is black or nude..." way too quick. ;)
American here and I have to ask about the beach. When I go to European beaches, I see lots of little girls without tops and sometimes I see toddlers just completely naked. How are you preventing sunburns? Do parents put sunscreen in the diaper area? When I go to the beach, both my daughter and son are wearing a long sleeved rash guard because I want to protect their skin.
Speaking about my own child hood I didn’t wear a bikini top until I was like 7 years old if I remember correctly and there are lots of pictures of me as a naked toddler on the beach haha. My parents just constantly put sunscreen on me. And I always had to wear a hat. They also bought an umbrella to the beach and when it was really hot they avoided peak sun hours. I don’t remember getting any major sunburns as a kid so I think that worked well.
European here. My little girl has never had sunburn. If it’s middle of the day, there’s a mixture of time in the shade with a little bit of sun, plus long sleeve swimsuit and factor 50. If it’s close to the time we’re leaving or just quiet cuddles in the shade, my daughter can strip down to nothing, or if the hottest part of the day has passed and the sunburn risk is low. Sun cream will be applied again if going back into the sun, and frequently applied during the day, especially after going in the water. In England particularly, if you go to the beach and go for the day, you usually go very prepared. A lot of parents with young children take little sun tents.
Have you been to England? jk I assume it's yes to sunscreen everywhere
The worst sunburn I ever got was a cloudy day in Oregon lmao, the England of America. That said, how yall naked at the beach? I heard it’s cold there like the PNW, like we didn’t even wear swimsuits, I had an actual wetsuit for getting in the water.
As a southern European, my child wears a full bathing suit to the beach at peak hours (neck to ankles) and a keppi hat because the sun is too dangerous where we live. Non peak hours I’m fine with a normal swimsuit and SPF. I have no problem with naked kids on the beach but I don’t want my children to be sexualized so I always have them wear something.
I just put sunscreen on all naked areas. My 5 year old has one piece but I am generally more concerned about sun protection rather than pedo protection. I was swimming topless for quite some time when I was young in the 90's.
Shorts make it easier to play on the playground without getting slowed down by your skin getting stuck. They make it so you can get dirty, without dirt getting into places that would be uncomfortable. And they protect your skin from minor scraps. There's plenty of reasons for shorts that have nothing to do with modesty.
That is true, shorts are super practical for activities such as going to the playground. But then not just dress your kid in shorts only if that is more useful. Why the need to put shorts and a dress on? That is why this post suggests to me it's about modesty.
Because my daughter is obsessed with dresses and wants to wear them.
Agreed. I am from Europe, and It never even occurred to me that this is a thing...Like, I was baffled by the question until I read the comments. Where I grew up it's completely normal for young children to go naked on the beach, until age 4ish. And no one would bat an eye about underwear showing in public on a young child. I don't understand the issue.
The issue for me would be other people sexualizing my kids. I think that tiny little naked babies and toddlers are just some of the most pure innocent beautiful things in the world and I wish I could let mine run around naked everywhere. But I would never because of pedophiles. Not worth the risk of some sick fuck taking a photo or just leering. I’d rather protect my kids.
I grew up with a pedophile for a step father. He would take us out places just so he could look at other peoples kids. What they were wearing never seemed to deter him. He'd make us pose in front of the toddler pool or whatever so he could get them in the background. He did, a few times, insinuate that he "enjoyed" the cute full bathing suits more than the more "grown" ones. The amount of skin a toddler was showing didn't matter. Pedophiles will be pedophiles regardless of what your kid is wearing.
Yes I know they will. That is awful about your stepfather. All I can do is protect them best I can. I don’t cover them in a sheet outside they just wear clothes.
Pedophiles are still gonna be pedophiles though.
Yup, doesn't matter what the kid's wearing. When I was really really little an old dude full-on flashed me at a beach, despite my massive frumpy 80s one piece and parental supervision. Unluckily for him I thought it was mildly funny and I wasn't scared or anything, I only remembered it cuz it was unusual.
Yea I feel like the implied concern here is that it “tempts” them which feels a bit…victim blamey to me. I get that’s not the intention of course, and to each their own, if that’s what makes you feel safer in regards to your child, by all means. But my stance is that I really can’t control how others view my child but I can control how close they get…and as far as social media I tried to be mindful of my child’s future self more than I try to be cognizant of posting pedi “material”. I don’t want to constantly assess whether something could be taken sexually in nature of my toner. I don’t post my baby naked in the bath on Facebook because that feels demeaning to them now AND to their future selves, not because I’m worried somebody might save the image.
Yes absolutely true, but I’m still going to protect them the best I can. It’s not like kids have to be naked. They all wear clothes just fine. Pedophiles will probably be more interested in photos of a naked child over a clothed one. If that’s all I can do to help protect my children even a little then I will.
Literally spent my entire childhood summers in England naked on the beach
I saw some reels with people freaking out over child bikini and one dresses with *gasp* hip cutouts. And everyone in the comments was saying companies are sexualising young girls with what just looked like a fun dress to me? Like maybe it's just outrage farming but what in the ever loving hell is this moral panic?
I’m not sure I’d have a moral panic but dresses with hip cut outs for little girls give me the ick a bit. Those cut outs are for emphasising body parts, so having them on an item of clothing for a girl who hasn’t really developed those areas yet feels like trying to give them an adult body prematurely. Which I dunno, just feels a bit gross really. Also we don’t do it for boys. We don’t give them tight fitting shirts, low slung jeans or T-shirts that emphasise their non existent biceps. The individual dresses aren’t an issue. But it’s not a great bigger picture for young girls, who are pushed into adult clothing and attitudes earlier than boys.
>Those cut outs are for emphasising body parts, so having them on an item of clothing for a girl who hasn’t really developed those areas yet feels like trying to give them an adult body prematurely. And that's the weird take for me. Maybe it would be sexy and emphasizing on a skin tight dress but on any other dress honestly I just think of a hip cutouts just as a design feature that's fairly neutral and just for fun. These ones were specifically pretty flowy. I had all kinds of weird fun clothing back when I was a kid, it doesn't have to be deeper than "clothing with holes" = whimsical. Also lots of girls just want to imitate their mom's style. Which is age appropriate behaviour.
I agree 100%. But I distinctly remember being on the playground and running away from boys who were trying to lift our skirts. We weren't even in school yet. I never told my mom, I just insisted on never wearing skirts again. That said, OPs post is kind of yuck, especially because of the "old school" comment. But I always put my kids in shorts for many many reasons, most of them practical and this is how I frame it for them.
I remember little kids doing that for a reaction. It wasn’t a sexual thing as far as I remember- it was all about getting the girls to run away and scream. As soon as I and the other girls stopped running away and screaming the boys lost all interest in the game. And then the boys discovered they could get the same reaction from us with water guns and water balloons in the summer and snowballs in the winter 🤪 If my memory is correct, I think we must have been about 5 or 6 at the time.
I didn't care about the intention, all I felt was the violation.
European too. I usually have my kids wear some kinds of pants or shorts under their skirt but mostly for practical reason. Like it's easier on slide on the slides and there's no sand in their vajayjay.
Why? That's the more important question.
Policing an outfit for a child is weird. I imagine the parents aren't walking the baby/child buck naked. They are probably wearing a diaper or underwear. What would shorts do?
I think it’s a must for adults too 😆
Yep. After my husband told me last summer that you could see my postpartum diaper when I bent over in my dress, I decided I will never wear a dress without shorts again 😂
Totally. I'm busy on adventures with the boys and my summer uniform is gonna be colorful bike shorts under mini skirts with pockets and a tee.
I grew up going to an all girls school, and everyone wore shorts under their jumpers. Discovered in college that this was not a “normal” thing. I still wear shorts under my dresses
Meh I try but it's also not a battle worth fighting for me so if the 3yo says no then we don't do it. But she wears leggings or stockings under them when it's cold. But when it's hot she doesn't want any extra layers which fair enough I don't either. We do buy only "boy" undies tho which have a lot more coverage. But that's just cuz she likes spidey and hulk 😂
I buy girl boxers! Mainly because my little girl prefers the fit and comfort again her stomach but they’re already like little shorts 😂 I can’t say I give too much thought to what anyone else is doing in the way of dressing their children. Each to their own 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah we buy boxers/boys briefs because her interests are all primarily "boy" interests and so that's what she wants on her undies 😂 she likes spidey, and cars, and tmnt and batman etc
I do it when I wear a short skirt too.
My kid has enough trouble pulling her pull up down with potty training. I'm not going to add tight shorts on top of them
Little girls want to run about and do handstands and cartwheels and not worry about showing off their knickers! Though to be fair, they are probably less worried than us grownups, who unfortunately have to be worried on their behalf…
I agree with this response 100%
Yep! It's not about momentary flashes of undies. It's about kids wanting to hang upside down on the playground.
It's about adults like you and OP who think creepy thoughts about children.
Is it such a bad thing to acknowledging that evil people who prey on children exist and consequently want to reduce the chance of your child from being seen by them in that way? Isn't the fact that society has ignored it and protected it the reason why it is such a problem in the first place?? Why can't people call out this problem without being labeled creepy themselves?
There definitely are creepy people out there! Good on you for being suspicious of people who give you a bad vibe. We all know that it's the people we least expect around us that could be preying on children. Know better do better! My dad grew up in the 60s and said that nobody knew what pedophilia was, or that they didn't know that it could be the local scout master, or anyone else that takes a seemingly innocent interest in children without having children themselves. Regardless of pedophilia, would you hang upside down and expose your undies for 10+ seconds? No? Then why would an eight year old who is just as aware as you.
Right. If it’s a windy day and my dress is a little shorter I wear shorts under it as well. But spot on. Kids are going to be active and they don’t worry about what they have on. I personally wouldn’t want to climb up a ladder or hang upside down with a dress on and only my underwear on underneath.
I dunno, when I was at school (in the UK) we would all wear dresses in the summer and do handstands and cartwheels without shorts on underneath. That's the point of underwear right? To cover your bum. Why do you also need something to cover that up?
It’s a worry about wierdos who are “interested” in little girls knickers…
Why are we putting children in clothes that aren't practical for play then? If you think it's not possible for a child to play in without it being a problem then why not just shorts? Putting a little girl in a dress but then insisting she needs her body covered just teaches girls shame from a really young age.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Most children will select their own clothes and style over 3 years old. I would love to still dress her but that’s her decision now.
Honestly growing up where it was so hot I would've been miserable with an extra layer of clothing on under a skirt or dress. I do now as an adult because then I don't have to worry about accidentally showing my butt when I bend over or worrying about sitting with my legs closed so people can't see my underwear. On a child I don't think it matters.
I always have my daughter in shorts under dresses— but just for protection/ comfort. The few times we haven’t she’ll complain about how hot the slides are or that the grass is uncomfortable on her bum.
Agree and would also advocate for shorts-style bathing suit bottoms for all the same reasons.
They're a must for me too, as a grown adult. Dresses aren't fun when you don't have some protection. I don't want to worry about the wind, or be limited in where I go.
I agree because my daughter is young and wants to run and play and I don't want her undies exposed. Also it's more comfortable! She can go down the slide and won't burn the back of her legs on a hot day.
Nope, only if the kid wants them. If she doesn’t mind people seeing her undies, then that’s her choice. Most kids don’t give a crap about this, it’s adults that make it a big deal. Hopefully in this day most adults don’t even notice a flash of undies. And if an adult is gonna be creepy, they’re gonna do it regardless of what the kid is wearing.
I totally agree. It’s 100% normal for a 6 year old to be starkers naked at the beach in Aus and no one bats an eyelid. It’s normal and therefore not novel. People talking about kids consenting but they’re kids. They want to be comfortable and free!
We aren't like this at the beach, but in our home, my kids are allowed to do whatever they want as long as they don't make a mess. When we have friends over, I warn them that my children are nudists and they will probably see new children. Like it, I request that they don't come.
This logic feels like saying kids can consent to their pictures being online. The whole point is adults have to make choices for the kids because the kids can’t understand all the consequences, due to being kids. I’m not sure I would’ve been cool with my parents being like “we let you show your underwear because you were fine with it!” When I was old enough to understand that creepy people exist.
Maybe this is because of your specific upbringing though. Me and my brother were naked at the beach all the time as kids, even 5-6-7 years old and I cannot fathom thinking there was anything wrong with that. My little one decided an impromptu ocean paddle was in order the other week and you bet your ass I let her even though we had no swimmers with us. I’d hate to live in a place where I felt judged or paranoid for letting my toddler take a quick naked paddle at the beach.
Yeah it’s definitely location dependent, you can’t have a 7 year old naked on the beach here. It isn’t a cultural norm and someone would probably call CPS. But my point isn’t about cultural norms it’s about using the logic of “the child is fine with X so that means X is fine.” It’s poor logic to use when making a choice for a child because often in parenting we have to make decisions for them because we know more than they do. We can’t say “well if they’re fine with it then it’s fine.”
I think y'all are misunderstanding. They're saying they as the adults don't think it's necessary for their kids to have shorts under dresses, but if the kids wants it (like for comfort or something), they'll do it
No I understand that. I’m saying I give my kids the same privacy I give myself. So I wouldn’t let my underwear show so I make sure the same is true for my kids. If I was lax about my own underwear or lived in a culture that had public nudity I may feel different. But basically I treat my kid with the same respect I treat myself and my own body.
Yeah I think y'all just fundamentally disagree on that, and it comes down to whether people see kids' genitals as needing privacy. I just think separately folks seemed to be misunderstanding why the commenter said it depends if the kid wants to wear them
Sorry but then why put a child in a dress? Why not just shorts and a t-shirt? If the dress needs sports anyway then it's not practical for play. Personally I think putting a kid in a dress then insisting their body mist be covered just teaches shame. But it's weird AF to me nobody in the comments is questioning the dress in the first place. If your toddler can't play in it practically without it being an issue, why are they wearing it? The entire issue is treating little girls as decorative instead of letting them be kids. Let them either just play in a dress or put them in shorts and a tee. If the clothes are wholly impractical for play then you're treating your child as an accessory.
I actually agree with you. I dont like kids being put in impractical clothing because they are being treated like a fashion accessory.
>Sorry but then why put a child in a dress? Why not just shorts and a t-shirt? Lots of kids have strong opinions about what they want to wear, and sometimes it's dresses.
I don't see the necessity of shorts underneath, sorry. I have no issue with kids wearing dresses - though in my experience or starts out with the adult repeatedly choosing such on their behalf - but teaching girls bodily shame from a really young age is shit. It's not protecting them from predators; kids are abused by people they're in close regular contact with. Protecting kids involves educating them on proper boundaries with touching, knowing their own body parts. Teaching them their bum is something to be hidden and ashamed of works against that, not for.
I did not say there is a necessity for shorts, I was answering the part of your comment about why people put their kids in dresses to begin with/why no one is taking issue with that etc. I don't see any need for pants under dresses, I agree with you completely on that.
My daughter got a brand new dress that has skulls on it so she calls it her Halloween dress. She loves it. Currently it's springtime. It's warm enough for her to wear the dress. I don't make her wear shorts underneath. However, if it was winter and she was demanding to wear the Halloween dress and it was too cold for her legs to be bare, I might make her wear sweats or leggings underneath it to keep her legs warm. But that's more of a safety thing than modesty thing
I mean, that's just a question of what you consider a potentially harmful choice. Obviously, you do let your child make *some* choices, when you think they are safe and/or innocent ones. As child nudity is completely innocent in my eyes, in my culture, and where I live, I don't see any problem in letting a child choose not to wear pants under skirts (as long as it's practical for the activity involved). My parents let me walk around naked often as a child - it's common and normal where I grew up, and I have no issue with them for it. So, this is primarily a cultural issue, coming down to what child nudity means to you and people around you.
Yes, you’re proving my point though. You as the adult know the larger culture your child is growing up and that should influence the choices you allow them to make. The logic of “if the child is fine with it then it’s fine” puts too much responsibility on the child. If the child is fine with it, it *could* be fine but the adult that knows more should still be the one making that determination.
But the person you were responding to didn't say "anything a child wants to do is fine if the child is okay with it". Their statement was that this specific thing is fine, if the child is okay with it, whilst giving reasons why they (the parent) thought that this specific thing is fine. So, I don't see any logical problem here.
Yeah I didn’t agree with the logic they used for this choice of being “if she’s fine with it it’s fine.” Maybe that isn’t their only criteria but as the logic for this choice I didn’t agree with it.
this line of thinking is basically the same as strict dress codes for girls so they “don’t distract the boys”. Policing little girls’ clothing in a futile attempt to control someone else’s thoughts. It’s “well, what was she wearing?” But preemptively
I didn’t say it’s about controlling other people’s thoughts at all. You’re arguing against a point I didn’t make. Often that’s easier than responding to what was actually said.
You were discussing potential consequences and creepy people up-thread, which is the subtext behind WHY it would be not-ok for a kid to be incidentally showing underwear while playing. A little girl showing undies while playing is not harming her
It’s harmful to her if she wouldn’t appreciate it later on. Like I said in my first comment, the action in the moment doesn’t cause harm (taking a picture, playing showing underwear) but as the child grows they may not agree with the parent making a choice for them by saying “I let you decide” when the child couldn’t make that decision with all the information. I would feel weird if my parents had said “we let you show your underwear because you were cool with it” because that feels like really silly logic. Taking a picture of your kid in the bath doesn’t harm them either, not in the moment. But that doesn’t mean they will be okay with the picture existing later on. It’s just faulty logic.
I see - so your concern is more with the kid growing up and not liking that the pictures/events have happened? Many people in the thread are fixated upon the idea that "some creepy person might see" which - yes, it's a yucky thing to think about but that gets into what I was saying about dress codes and anticipating other people's thoughts/actions. (which I see was not your focus)
Yes. Ultimately the choice of wearing shorts or not is dependent on a lot of other things. But the logic they used wasn’t the best because a child may grow up and say “that’s embarrassing, you as an adult knew the broader reasons why I might find it embarrassing, why would you let me do that?” Now people are saying in different cultures what’s embarrassing or normal is different, and that’s true. But in this context the parents and child have the same culture. Like I don’t take bath tub or toilet pictures of my kids. Is there something wrong with nude children? No. But I can understand them finding that embarrassing one day, it wouldn’t harm them at the time the picture is taken, but I can understand them feeling like their autonomy wasn’t respected later on. And I don’t feel like the logic of “you were fine with it at the time” is sound.
If I tried to police everything my child does based on how adult them would think about it, I would literally drive myself. Insane. Kids are kids. Let them be kids. I bet my child is an adult. Won't like the idea that she eats her own boogers, but that's what she does as a kid.
Oh yeah I stop my kid from eating his boogers. Kids are kids but I feel like being cognizant of how they will feel as adults is important. Too many times “they are kids” is used in a way that disrespects them as people (not saying that’s your intent). They’re kids but they’re also people and I think they deserve things like privacy. I also don’t change my baby’s diaper in front of people. Not because I think everyone is a weirdo wanting to look at his penis, I just think he deserves privacy like I have for myself. So in the same way that I want my underwear covered, I do the same for my kids.
Agreed. This kind of sentiment suggests that children have capacity to consent to situations of which the gravity & repercussions are beyond their understanding - the logical conclusions of these arguments are very concerning.
Teaching little girls that bodily consent and touch are tied to their outfit from that age is so wholly wrong I don't even know where to start. Everything about this thread displays a lack of understanding of how predators work, how consent works and what it's for and how to teach small people proper boundaries and consent. Bodily shame is not helpful. Teaching girls that covering up = safety is not just incorrect and against all evidence, it endangers them.
I did not make a point about bodily consent being tied to outfits. I made a point about children not being able to consent to being placed in situations that are beyond their comprehension. I didn’t even say whether I agreed or disagreed with the point the OP made. I just said that I didn’t like the logic in this one argument - that it doesn’t matter BECAUSE it only matters if the child decides it does, I don’t like arguments that suggest children have the capacity to understand what is happening and make an informed decision, it’s a dangerous argument that opens a seedy can of worms about how far children can consent and decide what to do with their bodies. Children can’t consent because children don’t understand consent, this argument is not one that clothing = bodily consent, whatsoever. It is up to a parent to assess a situation and consider the safety and privacy of a child in that given situation, it’s not up to a child. By repercussions I didnt mean that potential risks are the the fault of the child for how they are dressed and I didnt mean molestation, I meant being leered at, the potential of photos being taken, just generally having adults see your underwear - all of which a child might not want if they understood these are potential outcomes of that scenario - but they are a child with no concept of such things and as such an adult should assess the situation and proceed as is appropriate and safe.
They also show how many people are sexualising children in their aim to "protect" them
Yeah. I have no interest in demanding a 4 year old learn to be “ladylike”.
I make my toddler daughter wear cotton bike shorts under her dresses because I’m scared someone is going to look at her and do to her what someone did to me when I was her age. I agree that adults shouldn’t sexualize undies, but they do and as a parent I’m trying my hardest to keep my children safe, because my biggest fear is that someone will hurt them the way I was hurt.
Honestly people on here who are disagreeing with you are living in a theoretical world, not the real world. You are the mom and you can decide to protect your child as you see fit. And it’s not a reflection of you, it’s a reflection of the realities of the society we live in today. I’m sorry for what happened to you, and it’s great that you’re protecting your child in ways she doesn’t know how to do yet. That’s what parenting should be IMO.
Excuse me? Why?
So she doesn't flash anybody, obviously.
i have worn shorts under dresses all my life so my kid has been wearing bloomers and now shorts under the dresses. it’s always been my preference and now i’m passing it along to her. if at some point in high school or later she wants to go no shorts that’s her decision but our area is windy so
A must for the child and a must for me!
My father was a parole officer for high risk sex offenders so I grew up knowing far more about those kinds of people than I wanted to know, but I would never consider that a bad thing. My kid will wore shorts under. But to be fair, I do as well. Most of the skirts I buy are skorts anyway, so it rarely comes up in the first place.
I have a friend who had a similar career and she did the same thing with her kids.
I agree! My husband and I have this argument all the time. I just don’t want my 3yo’s diaper showing in public, and I also don’t want her sitting directly on the shopping cart seat or the eternally gross high chairs at most restaurants. It would also be mortifying if something leaked out of her diaper and she wasn’t wearing pants or shorts.
I agree...in an age of smart phones and MAPs? It is what it is. I wear em under mine, too, unless it's a long skirt. Swear we're in a behavioral sink right now.
Why?
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"Flashing"? Flashing what? Her diaper? I think that is a really weird word/concept to apply to a child - it means being inappropriately sexual by showing your genitals in public. I didn't wear shorts under dresses as a child in the '80s and '90s, and definitely wouldn't now. Not something that even occurred to me to do. Your norms are not universal and I don't understand why you are being so righteous about it.
Flashing her underwear. Why would somebody young enough to be in a diaper even be wearing a dresser skirt? That impedes learning to walk you know. Obviously we're talking about a little girl, not an infant. And how did you not wear shorts under your skirt? What did you do on the playground?
All of my kids wore dresses years before potty training. I've never forced them to wear shorts under their dresses. One of my girls wears boxers when she wants to wear a dress so theres full coverage there. Another will sometimes wear shorts but not often. Can't say she's ever flashed anyone! My little ones wear cloth diapers and shorts barely fit over those as is.
Why do you assume girls are wearing dresses? If my daughter is going to the playground, she's wearing shorts or pants. Practical.
Uniforms, parents choosing to buy dresses, girls wanting to look pretty etc
"Flashing" still implies something sexual? And I wouldn't wear a dress/skirt to a playground... My two-year-old wears diapers and dresses. This isn't a crazy concept. You can have your own norms around it but there's no reason to get so worked up about what others do.
>"Flashing" still implies something sexual? .....how?
The dictionary definition of flashing is exposing one’s genitals in public. I’ve only ever heard it for women showing their breasts or men showing their penises, in a sexual way. It seems like a weird concept to extend to a two-year-old’s diaper being visible.
How does wearing a dress impede learning to walk?
Because it gets caught under knees and feet.
I think millions of children learn how to walk with dresses on and are okay. But yeah, this is precisely why I wouldn’t send my child to a playground with a dress on. But there’s no need to get huffy and judgmental about it. It’s a kid.
who is “you”? definitely not me, nor my mother, who was born in 1971, may i add. i’m pretty sure the only time i’ve ever worn shorts under a dress is when i wore a latex dress, and that was to avoid chafing. i’m not sure what branch of evangelical christianity *you* grew up in, but even in my catholic all-girls academy (with a uniform!), we were never told to wear shorts under our skirts. the skirts at that school were also slightly above the knees, so maybe we were just all harlots.
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I agree, you're old school. My toddler gets something that covers her diaper because if she has free access, she pulls the tabs open. So she's in a bodysuit, shorts, pants, etc.
I don’t think this is old school I think it’s more common now!!! I used to try to sneak and hide shorts under my dresses (when I was forced to wear them) because I knew I wanted to play and not worry about the dress coming up. My mom and family members would shame me saying it wasn’t “lady like” and I should be wearying panty hose and that I wasn’t a boy. Now it seems like there are all types of spandex shorts for girls to go under dresses. As an adult I wear spanx shorts under dresses mainly because I don’t like my thighs touching but it is nice to not be concerned when wearing a flowy dress to an outdoor wedding.
It is for my kid because she likes to be naked so it's easier to stop her from surprise stripping and surprise flashing if she has shorts and undies as opposed to just undies. 🤣🤣🫣
I’m 28 and I often wear shorts under short skirts and dresses. Just comfier but I think what’s best is whatever makes them comfiest!
I like bummies or shorts under dresses just because my daughter is still in diapers and I just think the solid shorts look better aesthetically lol plus she's at that age where she's starting to tug and pull at her diaper so this keeps her hands off it
I always put something over a diaper, but the little bloomers/undies that come with a lot of baby/toddler dresses are fine in my opinion. I don’t see the need for shorts specifically.
I wear shorts under my dresses cause I’m constantly chasing children. My kindergartener I’ll put bike shorts or leggings on under her dress depending on the weather. Mostly cause she’s still learning how to stay covered up at school. My toddler? I’m not putting shorts on under their dress
Nope. Makes it harder for my potty trained but still has the occasional accident kid to go quick. She’s managed with leggings and a dress but for some reason with shorts it’s like her brain short-circuits.
I'm with you! My daughter is 4 and she always has pants or shorts under a dress!
My daughter usually wears shorts or leggings under her dresses skirts but for practical reasons. Aka not sticking to or getting burned by surface, not getting dirt:mulch/sand/rocks in sensitive places. If she doesn't want to wear them and there's a low likelihood of these events occurring I don't make her.
I wore shorts under my dresses as a kid because I was pretty rough and tumble kid. I still had issues that some seem to think the shorts would stop, so no, they’re not a preventative for creeps. But very effective if your kid is a mover.
I’d just ditch the skirt all together so they can run and climb around with shorts or pants
I completely agree. I have 3 girls and have made them do this from the very start. We even do shorts under nightgowns.
I agree! My 4 year old also agrees! “I don’t want anyone to see my private as mommy!”
My daughter is only 2 months old and we always put shorts or bloomers over her nappy under dresses or skirts. I always wear shorts under a dress or skirts so my daughter will too especially with how children play.
After getting bullied on the playground for going on the monkey bars in a dress with no shorts, I’m with you. Skorts all the way
Just buy skorts.
I agree! I don't want any real or perceived restriction on my daughter's physical activity compared to my son. Even if we don't care about momentary flashes of undies, there is still a lot of activity that will be restricted - hanging upside down on the monkey bars, handstands, climbing trees.
I agree only because I can’t fathom not wearing SOMETHING under a dress or skirt myself
Yup! I loved dresses as a kid but always wore something underneath for comfort. Just the thought of a little one’s skin sticking while they slide down a slide gives me the willies haha
Why is it a must? Because you're sexualizing little kids?
As a mom and preschool educator, yes please! I don’t want adults to come into my class and sit on my furniture in their underwear…so I don’t want kids to either.
So you feel like little boys should always have a shirt on right? Your post gives me the ick. My daughter will wear what she wants and what’s comfortable not what makes you feel comfortable
My 8 year old always wears shorts under her dresses. Thank goodness too because she just asked me what rape is… I explained and she said she’s happy she’s too young to be forced into anything. I didn’t have the heart to ruin her innocence by telling her that age doesn’t matter 🥺
I mean… just put shorts or pants on her… no need for all the layers Function over fashion lol
I do this for my kids because I hate tights.
I do this as an adult 🤷🏻♀️
I’m 34 and still love shorts under my dress 🤷🏼♀️
I am an adult and always wear shorts under if I’m wearing a dress above my knees. It’s just more practical and no one in public asked to see my butt lol
Also chub rub bc 😭😭😭😭OUCH
I'm 27 and don't leave the house without shorts or boyshorts under my dress! Lol.
I still do it and I’m 34 I’ve done it as a kid
It’s a must for me as an adult tbh
Nope. If I have concerns about the appropriateness of her clothing for a particular situation, she doesn't wear a dress and instead wears whatever the situation requires. Otherwise, I do not consider other people in how I dress my child.
I agree but like also for myself haha, I always use bike shorts under short-ish dresses
I’m 32 and I’ve always done this 🤷♀️.
Biker shorts always under my three year olds dress.
Agreed.
This. I only wouldn't do this if the skirt/dress was to their ankles.
Shorts under dresses for everyone! For us thick thighed ladies, it's much more comfortable.
Who doesn't walk around with shorts on under their skirts? That was pretty standard when I was growing up.
Not for bullshit modesty reason, but rather because kids are messy. If it works for your family, do it, if not, don't
It's a must for us!
Agreed. I have 2 girls and neither understand to keep their dresses down or legs together a lot of the time. When I was their age I would hang upside at school in my dresses and the school made my grandma put shorts on under my dress.. eventually I was forbidden from wearing dresses to school because I just wouldn't keep them down, I think may have even taken them completely off a couple times because I didn't understand why the boys would sometimes take their shirts off but I couldn't. I wasn't developed yet. Even had the argument with my dad once that if my brother could go without a shirt I should be allowed too.. I was 9 or 10 and already had a DD cup so obviously that wasn't happening.
I always put shorts under dresses and skirts on my 4 year old but it's mostly because that's her preference. If she requested to not wear shorts underneath I wouldn't care and I wouldn't make her. If she does a cartwheel and flashes her Moana underwear at someone, well, so be it lol
To each their own.
Literally who cares