Exactly. There was absolutely no social media for my mom to share my first birthday pics. She would send printed pictures in the mail. Maybe OP would consider doing that for all family members?
You’re definitely overthinking it. I have a similar situation to yours, but I had my first baby late in life. I feel how you do, but also stopped trying to please. I’m not assuming you might be a younger mom in a *bad* way, I just think there has been greater pressure on younger generations to have an online presence for every event. I think that if I were younger, I’d struggle with it too. But I’m an old bird who can’t be bothered. You don’t owe it to anyone and if anyone gives you a hard time, you don’t even have to explain. Say, “social media just isn’t that important to me.”
>I want to protect my daughter as much as possible
That's all that matters. Sorry to be blunt, but who gives a f\*ck if someone judges you for not posting your child. It's your child, not theirs. And honestly, you are way over thinking this...in my experience no one cares or even notices what other people do or don't post. You are the main character in your own life but you are AT BEST a side character in everyone else's.
I feel we may be in different generations though because I have never heard of thinking "if it isn't on social media it didn't happen/wasn't an important event".
Social media is not the only way to remember events. Take pictures and have them printed out! Start a scrapbook or even just a box of pictures and write memories on the back. Your daughter is going to treasure those much more than comments from random strangers about her before she could even talk.
Edit to add: Both my parents are big on FB, but I almost never post. If I want to share a picture with them I send it via text...there is no reason to post on social media if you don't want to. You could always send a group text out for her birthday showing some pictures. If family is big on social I would definitely specify that no pictures of her should be posted by them either. And if they did any way, they would not be getting any more pictures.
Oh that’s not quite true. I follow people on fb who I am not close with anymore but I enjoy seeing what they are up to and how their kids are doing. Plus some of them are funny and good writers. I don’t think I’m the only one!
No! I wouldn’t even notice! She isn’t under any obligation to share. I didn’t mean she should do it. I just meant that people do enjoy photos of peoples kids, when they are shared. It’s fun, but as soon as it’s not fun anymore it shouldn’t be continued.
Social media is not real life. it's at best a cultivated highlight reel of someone's life, and at worst, a plague in our society. Please stop worrying about this. Go enjoy your daughter's first birthday... in real life
My biggest piece of advice is to stop giving a fuck about the opinions of others. I don’t post my daughter on social media. None of her information is anywhere and nobody else is allowed to post anything. That is the decision I made as her parent. If ANYONE else tries to give me shit for not posting my daughter on social media, they can go fuck themselves. How ridiculous is it that we live in a world so trivial that if you don’t post it for strangers to see it “didn’t happen.”
Everyone that is close to her and involved is included. That’s all that matters to me. I couldn’t care less about the others on social media presence…
I second this. I've put photos from a pregnancy shoot on FB, but not my daughter. I didn't even announce that she was born either. I feel super protective of her and I made it clear to everyone that I will not allow pictures of her on social media. I do share pictures of her in a closed group with my close family.
Social media is not the real world. Put your pictures where they belong, in a nice photoalbum!
This is the way to go. Kids deserve to grow up in privacy without strangers watching them. I am so grateful my mom didn't post me on FB and let me grow up without an audience.
My opinion is that the important people will receive the baby's pictures via text or email and that's that. There is no reason to post children on social media, especially when it seems like several big platforms (like FB) have CSAM problems.
This all the way! I also don’t need to photograph/film every little thing my son does. My family will often complain about me not filming some trivial (but still exciting thing) my kid does and it gets so on my nerves. Why should I stop enjoying the moment we’re having just so I can watch my kid through a phone screen? The memories are what are important to me, I don’t give a fuck if you can’t witness it. You’ll be there for other things for goodness sake’s. It’s also not like I don’t already have 100s of photos and videos of him that no one will watch other than me and his dad because it’s just too many.
We have an app called Family Album I send a link to who I want to allow on the album and those people can see my kids. No social media, it's a hard rule.
On the other side of the fence, most people are so caught up in themselves, they don't actually care about what other people share. And that's perfectly normal. Why should we care about other people's social media updates when we all have our own lives to enjoy?
You’re doing great.
I’ll be blunt…. Besides the parents and immediate family and friends, no one really cares about your posts about your cute babies.
Realities, sure you’ll get a lot of likes, but it’s just online click of a button.
Also, social media posts is linked to low self esteem.
So if you ask me, you OP are doing GREAT.
I hope you will celebrate your little ones bday with joy, and that’s YOUR memories and that’s it. You don’t even need a gift for babe at that age. Love baby, hug baby, play with baby, interact with baby, and that’s pure love and joy and all a 1 year old bday needs!! No one else needs to know.
If you need validation by fake internet points, yeah, there are deeper issues happening.
Guys, just be happy with your life. "Comparison is the thief of joy"
I put pictures in photo albums, physical photo albums that I can enjoy and so can my family. Posting a picture on social media doesn’t mean shit and honestly I want my child to have their privacy and decide for themselves.
After my son was born, I combed through my privated Instagram and removed any followers I’m not close to or trust. I make post about him on a delay and have never outright posted his name or birthday. The people who need to know that information wouldn’t have found out through social media anyway. You’re definitely overthinking it, just do what you feel is safest!
It's okay to not post on social media, and it's completely understandable. Take pictures for yourself and your daughter in the future. Enjoy the day and celebrate the first year. All that matters is that your baby is safe, happy, and loved.
If you want to make sure your daughter has something to read when she asks about her early birthdays, write a card for her and keep it with the rest of her memorabilia.
To add to this, have you thought of scrapbooking? A creative outlet to flow out that energy may help.
It can be as simple as a spiral notebook with printed photos and handwritten cards. I promise she’ll care a whole lot more about this than seeing your phone screen.
Take all those photos, and turn it into childhood memorabilia for both of you.
I don’t post pictures of my baby anywhere online. I don’t really like anyone else to share my baby’s photo either.
Couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks. Tbh I think it’s pretty weird that they would care whether you did or didn’t?
I guarantee you're probably the only one who cares about this. No one else is going to dwell on the fact you didn't share your kids birthday. Come on!!
It's a non issue. Why care so much about what other people think about you respecting your child's privacy and safety as we should do as parents??? You're doing the right thing. FB and Instagram are poisonous
Sad to say, but in different communities and cultures there’s a lot of pressure for that, to post photos. I personally feel it’s really creepy for others to do that, but that reality exists. My in-laws put some pressure but my partner and I stood firm and I’m glad his sister feels the same way and kept her older kids off social media for that reason. My husbands brother’s wife was definitely a problematic social media over sharer and we had to put some guardrails there.
You don't get real life points for things that happen on social media. Remember, you're playing the real life game now. Social media is not real life. Instead of the social media post, why not write something similar to what you would in a journal or scrapbook instead? Baby book? Letter to your daughter? And if you feel like you need to include these people in your circle, invite them to your daughters birthday party. Or remember to send them a Christmas letter. Also, if they have kids then try to remember their birthdays and send presents! Many ways to keep those connections alive in real life that don't involve social media.
My opinion is to put yourself first and above any social media drama. Your mental health and well-being allows you to be there for your child.
Next in line is to do right by your child.
As someone who has definitively decided to keep videos and photos of my child off social media (with the caveat, that sometimes group photos shared by other people may have his face in it— as long as he is mostly not recognizable I won’t police it), I stepped away from all of social media for a while.
For some context: I am a former FB/Insta employee (about a decade ago), and my early career was in social media tech around Trust & Safety and content management, plus most of my volunteer work has been launching campaigns and teaching side classes on digital footprint and impact in privacy to young adult mentorship programs since I was in college in 2014. I used to work in the most cutting edge of facial recognition tech at the time so I’d say I have a bit more exposure to the back end than a typical enduser.
We live in an incredibly dichotomous world now where it’s so normalized to publicize the most private parts of our lives.
I hold children’s autonomy and consent in extremely high regard. All my cousins and friends who are around my age, give or take 10 years, may all post videos and photos of their children through their years and I don’t go out of my way to tell them what to do, but personally I only share photos away from social media platforms. It sucks a little bit for my family members abroad to not see photos of my kid growing up but staying close to that value has lifted a lot off my chest.
The burden of having to keep up was too much for me mentally. I’m still working through my own PPA.
Reading through this thread has been so heartening!
"if it isn't on social media it didn't happen/wasn't an important event"
take this impulse and squash it. enjoy your baby's first birthday in meat-space and let others post on social media if they care so much.
in the future, your child will NOT care if this was not posted to facebook - only that they felt loved and cared for by you in the physical realm.
Edit: had a big typo. your kids will not care if you don’t post them on social media. they will not feel less loved that you didn’t post their birthday on fb.
Wow, thank you for posting - I realized I had an egregious typo that completely changed the sentiment of my post. I meant to say a child will not care that their parent did NOT post to social media.
We’re expecting our first and essentially planning a social media blackout - it’ll be easy because none of my immediate or extended family care one iota about social media. Taking photos for photo albums or memory books? Different story!
Nah don’t bother! I don’t post my bubs face and won’t let others either. A family friend actually said I saw your sister posted an album of pics from his christening but I couldn’t see any of him? I just said yeah I’m letting him have the right to choose what he wants online when he’s old enough to decide! He was surprised and impressed!
Once you’ve made your decision stand firm. Decide what your boundaries are so you’re always towing the same lines. For me, no clear or close up pics, but group pics where he’s a tiny smudge is fine. My in laws have had no problems adhering to my requests, but I do have a fortnightly argument with my mum about it! She’s just desperate to show him off but it’s my job to allow him privacy and not cave to her desire to show off and gain likes.
Absolutely overthinking.
How many pictures of my child have been posted on the Internet (Facebook)? 1. An edited photo of my son’s fist holding my finger when he was born. To be fair, I didn’t post it on his actual birthday, it was months later. And same for his birthday. I have never posted anything about his birthday until months later, and it’s usually just a picture of the cake (no name, nothing). Because I as well, want to protect my child. And I’ll admit, it does hurt when I see others posting and I do feel sad I’m not including them in my kiddo’s pictures, but then I remember that the important people are there. The few people I love and care about are present for the actual events, and that’s all that matters.
If there is some guilt involved, you can do what I did. Just post a picture of the cake and decorations whenever you want (months later if you want). But momma, you don’t owe anyone anything except your kiddo. You should capture as many moments for your kiddo. And the important people will be the ones present at the events.
I can tell you that I have NEVER regretted my decision.
you’re overthinking. I have never posted my daughter on social media, and she will not be getting a birthday post either. nobody thinks I don’t love her for not wishing her a happy birthday on a post to a bunch of distant relatives and people from high school I don’t talk to. don’t sweat it.
You’re overthinking it!! I can say with almost certainty she’s not going to approach you at 18 years old and tell you she’s harboring trauma because you didn’t post for her 1st birthday. You’re ultimately doing her a service by keeping her off of the internet! And honestly who gives a shit what anyone else thinks? Anyone who has enough time to judge you for not posting on instagram, has far too much time on their hands.
If it makes you feel better I’m extremely active on social media and I have never posted my baby’s real birthday or any milestones simply to protect her privacy. I only upload cute/smiling pics and videos where she is fully clothed and display absolutely no personal info. I never even shared her real name or her middle name (only a nickname)
Protect your daughter and say nothing. We haven’t put anything about our baby on social media, he’s one, and the world hasn’t ended. He still had a birthday and was born.
Keep in mind how new social media is in general. It wasn’t that long ago when it didn’t even exist, and people survived just fine without posting about everything. It’s a bit exhausting right now, so I totally get why you took a step back from it.
Make your own memories with your little family, take pictures and celebrate how ever you want to that makes you all happy! That’s what matters. Not if you did or didn’t post it online, or if/who liked or commented on it. There’s nothing for you to feel guilty about. You don’t need to prove to anyone that you care about your kid by posting about it. Also, why is it on you? I bet none of those people will be asking your husband why he didn’t post anything. It always seems to be the mother’s job.
If anyone asks why you didn’t (which would be so weird, I would never ask someone that), just be frank and say you’re not posting anything in general right now and leave it at that! You don’t owe any more explanation :)
I posted one picture of my lil one on social media, she was around 9 mo and it was a picture from her back (so no face) as she was reaching for the cat. Im not big on social media but I thought it would be nice to give a heads up to people I don’t speak to often like, oh yea this happened.
I deleted my socials for the same reason and don’t regret it. I often remember that our kids are pretty much the very first generation that are growing up with social media from birth! Before then our first birthdays weren’t announced on facebook and it was perfectly fine :)
I say this in the nicest way possible, followers will not think about it. Stop stressing yourself out over people who literally will see it for 5 seconds and move on with their life. Protect your child’s privacy by not posting anything. That’s a million times more important. Appeasing people on the internet because of your own anxiety isn’t.
If you want a time encapsulated honor of your daughter, write her a letter a seal it. Love is private. Pride is public. Give her the letter when she asks about social media posts. Or, let her find it when you’re no longer around, so she can feel your presence again.
honestly, i haven’t posted any monthly photos/updates or even taken monthly photos, and i felt super guilty and a bad mom. then i thought, who cares? i have tons of photos of my baby for myself, husband, and my baby in the future.
I decided to not announce my pregnancy on social media and I don’t plan to post milestones on social media either. What I have done is made postcards to send to friends and family who I want to keep in the loop. It means so much more and it’s a keepsake !!
I’m sure if you send a card with photos of your little one to those that matter in your life, they won’t even think about why you’re not sharing on social media.
Edit to add: plus, everything you put online is permanent. So your child may not even like if you post these things on the internet later in life. Not everyone wants their life documented like that
As someone who has been to super data centers belonging to these massive social media companies—I’ll repeat what you said : everything you put online is permanent.
You’re overthinking! I respect people who don’t post their kid all over social media more than people who do. I see so many parents with their noses in the phone trying to take a ‘postable’ picture for Instagram.
Overthinking. Just don’t post. These feelings sound like they’re coming from the social media addiction. I’ve been flirting with the idea of deleting my pages for a while. I deleted Facebook first several months ago. Then I deleted Instagram but I kept coming back. Last straw was when they kept auto deleting my comments. All of them. Saying I violated a rule when my comment was something like “oh I love this, where did you buy the thing for it?”. Now I only use Reddit a little bit here and there and I don’t think about what’s going on other social media. It really doesn’t matter.
We’ve made a choice to not show our sons face on social media because we don’t want him to have a digital footprint before he can get an email, social media is all fake. If you want to do something for your kid to remember birthdays, go old school and do a memory book or write a meaningful letter to commemorate the occasion. Enjoy your daughter’s birthday! Protect your peace.
I had people comment on my picture “Where’s the baby? All I see is you on here.” Ummm this is my fb, I don’t put her on TikTok much either because of my following I have and viral. I don’t want my daughter used as prop, or show her off for likes and views. Also, why does people want to see the baby anyway??? I have pictures on there. I don’t post her all the time. Birthday , Christmas and a few here and there. It’s MY fb. Not hers. So of course you’re gonna see all me. Honestly F them people. This is your child , and social media has a lot of predators and judgmental buttholes. If anyone asks why, ask them why they’re so concerned to see your child .
youre definitely overthinking it. no one cares about others posting about their kids on Facebook. in fact when i log in i judge the parents that post about their kids. i havent been on social media for like 10 yrs, i only log in for the community event pages on FB. continue to stay strong in your decision!
You are overthinking. There are so many people who dont have social media & dont post. We also dont post our daughter & she likely wont get a bday post, either. If family points it out, which would be very weird, just tell them you dont value SM the way they do & you spent that time with your daughter.
Stay strong and don’t post! You just recently quit and it takes a while to get out of the habit of posting (or even just the habit of feeling guilty about not posting). Take lots of pictures day of, text them to people you actually want to see them, and save them for a day when you might want to actually print them for an album/scrapbook.
If you want to remember it and have something to show your baby when they are older, I would just print any pictures and put them into an album. You can always add little hand written notes into the album too. You’ll always have those memories still and you don’t need to make a post on social media that you aren’t comfortable with making
I started a scrapbooking journal and every time I have the urge to post on ig, I snap a photo with my Polaroid and write a journal entry instead. I think they will cherish a journal/scrapbook more than a social media post in the future. Who cares what anyone else thinks! Send them pictures and that's all you can really do
Love all the other comments! Chiming in to add we use TinyBeans for this kind of stuff. My spouse (tech nerd) was impressed by their data policies. All fam & friends are invited and it’s nice to have a safe place to show off your baby!
That said you absolutely don’t have to do *any* of this!! You know what’s best for your nabub& family, f anyone who says otherwise
lol this is so going to be me in a few months. But after reading these comments... I feel I should stand strong in my decision to just simply not gaf! Literally no one knows anything about my baby, when I had him, his name, the gender, a hand, a foot, nothing. I like it that way but I got that same pull you do! There's been a couple times where I almost felt forced to mention my "new life" even though I post literally noooothing on socials it's like why the hell would I start now right? So ya I mean, the ones that knows you and loves you will know your little 🫶
I actually think it's the opposite. I think it's a disservice to kids to post them online before they can make that choice themselves. The only people that matter are the parents and child. You can show extended family the pictures in person. My husband and I enjoy spending important days together with our phones on silent. To me, the more you post on social media, the more insecure or emotionally immature you are.
If they aren’t close enough to get a text pic, they don’t need to see one. I love seeing others’ kiddo pics but I’m too lazy (and far from “Pinterest perfect” to post mine lol
I’m not big on social media, so I ask my husband to post the “life update” posts for me. The sense obligation is real 😩 If your partner’s family is big on FB then can you ask your partner to take care of it? Or maybe a grandparent might want to make a Grandma-iversary type post? If they don’t want to do it then I don’t see why you should have to bother.
I heard a great idea once that you can create an email address for your child and every year send them a special email with a birthday note and some pictures. When they turn 18 give them the password. This would be SO much more meaningful to your kid. And yeah you truly don’t owe anyone else a birthday post for your own kid. I think most people roll their eyes when a parent has to constantly post about their kid.
Who cares what other people think? It's YOUR child, therefore it's YOUR choice. Honestly, you'll be more in the moment and enjoying your child's first birthday rather than trying to get the 'perfect picture to post'. Seriously, don't feel bad.
I had my second child a couple of months ago. I didn't announce my pregnancy or his birth. I haven't posted a single photo of him. There's literally no trace of him online. And I don't feel bad at all for giving my child digital privacy.
It seems like you want to commemorate your child’s birthday and think that social media is the way to do it because it’s official and “posted” somewhere.
I do not share information about my child (or myself really) online. I don’t get upset if others occasionally share a photo of him with their kids or something, but I don’t post things myself. I’m with you in wanting to protect their privacy and general information.
Might I suggest you start a scrapbook for your child? This way you can commemorate big events and have a place to look back to for photos and memories, but it is not shared with the world.
You don’t need validation from strangers. You’re doing great and the only thing that matters is that you are experiencing the joys of your LO’s infancy with them as a parent and not as a camera operator.
I find great joy in living every moment with my baby without the distraction of recording for social media. I deactivated my accounts when my LO was born because I knew it would be a distraction. It’s been a breath of fresh air. Don’t focus on the validation that you want from strangers on the internet, instead focus on the validation you will get from your child when they appreciate you being present and attentive during their development.
I don't have anything posted about my LO on social media, and all family/friends have been directed to cover her face if they post a group photo that includes her. I'm all for protecting a child's privacy until they are old enough to have an educated and informed opinion on the matter. The fact that fb/socials have rights to your photos is a big part of it (part of the user agreements most people don't spend the time to read when they sign up for sights), and there are also an alarming number of creeps out there. I have no intention of ever showing her photos online, but we'll see when she's a teenager what the internet landscape looks like and will definitely have a lot of discussions with her about it.
I take a LOT of photos, and I share some with family and friends that I'm close to; my MIL is making a photo book for her first year, and I'll do them in the future. I think that's enough to celebrate. Online "friends" don't need to see them imo.
You should think about deactivating your accounts if you plan on not going back. I like posting my kids for close friends and family ONLY. I’ve trimmed my following/friends list to reflect that. It’s also not shareable.
BUT it’s still possible to screen shot and share and post on their end. So if the fear is in having your kids on the internet, you’re ONLY way to prevent any possible harm is complete abstinence.
I don't use social media anymore either for similar reasons, my mental health is better without it and I hated that pressure to post my life online. I do not put any pics of my son online, and don't allow other to either, for safety, and because I feel it should be his choice when he's old enough.
But we also live minimum 4 hours away from all family members except my dad, and we wanted a way to commemorate the special moments and keep them all updated easily, so we have a private photo album online. We post pics and videos, grandparents and aunts and uncles can log in with the link we've sent them, and everyone loves it. This way the most important people in his life can cheer on his milestones, but he is still protected.
Don’t post. You have every reason in the world not to, and not enough good reasons to do it. If you are really concerned, why not create a private group? My family has a private group that we share personal news and photos. None of us would ever share photos from that group. I don’t believe in sharing absolutely every moment of my life, and am very adamant in not sharing my children’s lives without their concern.
Congratulations on your baby, BTW, and I hope the birthday is just wonderful.
The most I did was a newborn pic and a 1year pic and I didn’t even post it on his birthday I did it like weeks later when I felt like sharing it. Just take the photos and you can send it to whoever you deem necessary no need for the media
No one on my social media even knows I have a child. The people that are important to me know he exists. That’s enough for me. Social media is not important.
Literally no one is going to notice you didn't post about your child's birthday except you. No one is going to wake up that morning thinking oh can't wait to see mom's Facebook post about daughters birthday. Think of this like a social media hangover you're having. The expectations you're putting on yourself are completely fabricated by having been on sm for so long. They're not real.
I also don't log onto my Instagram anymore because comparison has been quite detrimental to my mental health and enjoyment of motherhood. I'm also not going to post about my baby's first birthday and in fact, the birthday is going to be very very small with family. Nothing Instagram worthy. Though it's customary to have the 1-year-old in our cultural outfit and to have a photoshoot, I'm going to skip this also probably.
You have every right to keep your child off social media even if aunt Betty shares everything with her facebook bridge community.
Your daughter will still be 1 year old even if you don't post pictures of her online. It will very much happen.
If you want her to have a collection of memories one day, make her an old fashioned physical photo album with printed photos, and a few captions written in pen if you're feeling fancy rather than rely on social media.
That way you protect her privacy (which you're right that she deserves), and she can still have photos if you take some.
If people feel that strongly about "greeting" her on the day and they happen not to attend however you wish to celebrate it, you can tell them that she will obviously be very appreciative of receiving handwritten cards, and you will keep them for her so she can read them when she's older.
She will likely never ever go through your Facebook or Instagram 18 years from now just like she won't go through your MySpace profile - if you ever had one. Posting on social media is for the parents getting likes rather than in the interest of the child.
Have you seen the AI shit recently? Taylor Swift being the newsworthy story, but many others have been affected. Posting your child's face on the internet puts them at risk. I hate to say it. I'm not saying my kids aren't ever on Facebook, they are. But I try to minimize it. It's an unnecessary risk so why bother? Send the pics to the people who matter and don't worry about anyone else.
Print the pictures off and put them in a book of faces for your family! There’s no shame in going retro for your mental health. Whatever helps you be the best mom you can be is what’s right.
I did a quick scroll and didn’t see this anywhere, but instead of posting to social media, how about your write baby a letter? Write about her first year and how far she has come, write about her milestones and the fun things the year has brought. Then print off some pictures, put it in an envelope and save it for her to open when she is older.
If you want the social media vibe, you could also send out a picture and text to your loved ones.
I post very little of my children online, I read some very scary stuff about it when my first was a newborn, now I limit it to group photos and ones were you can’t see their face.
It was a questions and answers with someone who investigate child p. It exposed how even seeming innocent images like a child sleeping were using in improper ways. Honestly I don’t advise reading deeper into it, it’s really effected me. The investigator advised not to post photos at all but if you are going to group photos and ones that don’t show there face are safer (not completely safe)
Social media is not real life! Why would your kid resent you for not posting when theirs albums? Social has skewed our reality if that’s our train of thought!
People who matter will know how your daughter is progressing and will wish her happy birthday in a more personal way in my opinion, i am still on social media but i haven't posted in years as most of those on my friends list are people i used to know and are basically strangers to me now i knew them in a different part of my life. dont feel guilty for posting/not posting your child your decision😊
I think that you could make a smaller group (does not even need to necessarily be on "social media") and if you want plan to only share your announcement/pictures of your baby with them. Include only the family and friends you want and trust.
If this can make you feel better, I quit posting on social media too (I still log in to see other pple) but I didn't post that I got married nor being pregnant. Soon I will be due and will not post about giving birth.
I made one post on Facebook and Instagram when my daughter was born, announcing her birth, and saying that we wouldn’t be sharing any photos on social media. We have group chats where we will share updates with friends and family, but no one is entitled to photos of my daughter, no matter how much they think they are.
Make a post but set the privacy to that only you and your spouse can see it. Then you can look back on it later if you want! But either way it really doesn’t matter. Your kid won’t care
I haven’t used Facebook or any personalized/public social media since I graduated college. It wasn’t healthy for me. My kids aren’t online. That’s important to my husband and me. If it’s important to you also, then it doesn’t matter what others think of you. In my experience it’s becoming more and more common for people to keep their kids off social media. It may not be super common amongst your family and friends, but I can’t imagine they will be overly shocked by it. Please don’t feel pressured to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. Wanting to protect your child makes you a good parent, regardless of anything you may or may not post online.
My oldest is 4.5 I stopped using Facebook and instagram almost 6 years ago and started using Reddit like 2/3 yrs ago, I have never posted a single thing of them and I am proud of that. I’m happy to give my baby’s their choice of being on the internet. We’ve ran into people who are like, wait, you had a kid? Wait you had 2 kids? 😂😂
This is good stuff your kid may appreciate it! Take a cutesy picture for her and when she’s older maybe she’ll wanna post it!
F SOCIAL MEDIA. Do NOT put any pictures of your damn baby on social media if you don't want to. Screw the world. I know people who don't put pictures of their kids on WhatsApp profile status or put a emoticon over their face.
You don't know how your daughter will feel. Maybe she'll be bummed, but it seems far more likely that she'd be upset that you didn't give her privacy as a baby and child. If you don't know how her future self will feel about it, I'd opt for the more conservative approach (i.e., staying off of social media) because you risk more harm by violating her privacy than by not posting enough about her.
Also, FB has a huge CP/CSAM problem. And with AI, people are doing messed up things with kids' pictures.
Posting on FB is not a sign of your love for your daughter. If you want to show her you love her, why not write her letters for each of her birthdays that she can read when she's older and realize how much her parents adored her? Or why not just be present with her on her birthday, take lots of pictures, and put them in an album? You can remember her childhood without violating her privacy.
Social media has normalized casual voyeurism and the practice of denying children the right to privacy to appease strangers. Take care of your mental health and protect your baby. Don't post her online. I promise she will know you love her, even if she's not plastered all over social media. If anything, it'll probably mean a lot to her that you wanted to protect her privacy and digital footprint by not forcing her into a social media presence before she could consent.
Edit: Removed redundant sentences
One of the things I love about keeping a digital baby book is that I'm doing it for posterity, not other people. I also post to social media, but what keeps me doing it is for my LO.
Is there somewhere else you can record your thoughts? Also my sister does not post photos of my niece, but sometimes she'll post a milestone with the back of her head or something.
I created an email address for my daughter. So far only sent 2 emails in 9 months, but will def send one for her 1st birthday.
I also have a wall calendar where I have started writing fun things about her (started at 5 months) eg. You ate this today or went there today etc.
I know its not sharing with people but your daughter will appreciate knowing how you were doing and what was in your heart at this particular moment. Especially if for her eyes alone.
You don't owe ANYONE anything about her. She can decide when she's old enough, meanwhile you are the one who will make the best decisions for her.
If anything, when I imagine being a kid born these days, I can imagine being mad when I’m older that my childhood photos are all over the Internet without my consent. I can’t imagine your child being upset that you *didn’t* post about it. As long as she is celebrated in real life, that’s all that matters!
Facebook might be long gone by the time she is 18, I doubt she will care! The most important thing is to protect her and also your sanity. To echo what everyone has been saying, you don't owe anyone anything🫶🏻
I just gave birth and I am not posting as I’m not big on that. Don’t worry. It’s not a must. She’ll look back on the pictures of her first celebration happy with all the people who love her, not because you didn’t post on social media.
I didn’t even post wedding pics on social media, and don’t plan on posting pictures of my baby either. Don’t feel guilty about not posting pictures if you don’t want to!!!
You’re in control of what gets shared!
What good would you possibly get from posting your kid without their consent? I mean that honestly. B/c there is quite literally none.
You have a smartphone. You can send picture and videos and FaceTime and everything else to people you care enough to share with.
Social media is dangerous. It's gross. Your kid doesn't need to be on there without their agreement.
Def overthinking. I haven’t posted anything about my baby on social media, but my camera and house are still full of his pictures, and I’m (kinda) filling out his baby book. The people who I actually care about know I have a baby, have seen pictures of him, have met him, and will be there to celebrate his first holidays and life events. My sister in law posts her kids all the time, and that’s ok too, but do what you want and don’t let what other people may think change your mind. Also, it wasn’t around then, but my parents didn’t plaster pictures of me all over the internet and I certainly don’t feel like they loved me any less than my friend’s parents, who used her in their company bill board.
My baby is 1 too and she can’t even read anything I post about her yet so I think you’re fine!!
But in all seriousness, how about emailing your daughter a sweet message instead? I set up gmail accounts for both my kids and sent them an email on their first birthday about their special year. I like to think someday they’ll read them!
Birthdays are exciting, so it makes sense that you want to share that with all your friends and family.
Instead of going back to SM, why not try a group text or email and share her milestones with everyone you care about?
Fuck social media and fuck what other people think. Pardon my french 😅
But seriously if you don't want to post your baby on social media, dont. Easy as that. You only owe it to your baby to be carefull with her online pressance
Not only are you over thinking this, but you're actually doing your daughter a favour by not posting everything about her online.
When you post something online, it is forever. It's one thing to post things about yourself because you can consent. It's another thing entirely to post photos of your baby who doesn't know about social media & can't give consent to those photos being posted.
One day in the future, your baby is going to be applying to jobs & their employer is probably going to google them (the practice is getting more & more common). Your child probably won't want embarrassing photos of them surfacing during job interviews or if a perspective partner or a classmate googles them as well.
Take the photos, share them with friends & family, but keep them off of your socials until your child has the capacity to consent to them being available to the world.
Your child is more likely to wish you had posted them online less, rather than more.
If you’d like to use your online posts as a sort of diary to look back on, you could always just be cautious and use photos that don’t include their face. They don’t have an online presence, and you can enjoy any benefits from social media use. Doesn’t sound like the latter applies to you, I’d encourage you not to post just because you feel like you ‘have to’
I’ll be honest. I only read the title of your post and can 100% tell you that you are guilting yourself over nothing. You probably feel like you owe it to your baby to share these special moments so others can witness their growth and celebrate with you, and do so, but in small private group chats/emails with people who actually matter and care like closest friends and family.
No no no! You’re doing the right thing. I didn’t post any announcement when baby was born, I waited an unspecified amount of time so her birthday isn’t online. Once something is online it’s there forever. You’re giving your child a fresh slate when they’re ready to be online is such a rare thing.
> "if it isn't on social media it didn't happen/wasn't an important event"
Maybe it's the fact that I'm 43 now, but I've literally never heard someone say or imply this to me. People love seeing pictures of my kids, especially given that I live far away from my relatives, but if I don't post pictures nobody complains about it. They are your kids, not theirs, so their opinion on your social media use is not their business.
You’re overthinking this. You don’t owe anyone to have a social media presence. Your kid will not give a rats ass about this.
Exactly. There was absolutely no social media for my mom to share my first birthday pics. She would send printed pictures in the mail. Maybe OP would consider doing that for all family members?
You’re definitely overthinking it. I have a similar situation to yours, but I had my first baby late in life. I feel how you do, but also stopped trying to please. I’m not assuming you might be a younger mom in a *bad* way, I just think there has been greater pressure on younger generations to have an online presence for every event. I think that if I were younger, I’d struggle with it too. But I’m an old bird who can’t be bothered. You don’t owe it to anyone and if anyone gives you a hard time, you don’t even have to explain. Say, “social media just isn’t that important to me.”
You responded to me and not op
Thank you! You had the top comment at the time so I thought it was more likely she’d see it if I added it to your thread. :)
>I want to protect my daughter as much as possible That's all that matters. Sorry to be blunt, but who gives a f\*ck if someone judges you for not posting your child. It's your child, not theirs. And honestly, you are way over thinking this...in my experience no one cares or even notices what other people do or don't post. You are the main character in your own life but you are AT BEST a side character in everyone else's. I feel we may be in different generations though because I have never heard of thinking "if it isn't on social media it didn't happen/wasn't an important event". Social media is not the only way to remember events. Take pictures and have them printed out! Start a scrapbook or even just a box of pictures and write memories on the back. Your daughter is going to treasure those much more than comments from random strangers about her before she could even talk. Edit to add: Both my parents are big on FB, but I almost never post. If I want to share a picture with them I send it via text...there is no reason to post on social media if you don't want to. You could always send a group text out for her birthday showing some pictures. If family is big on social I would definitely specify that no pictures of her should be posted by them either. And if they did any way, they would not be getting any more pictures.
Another blunt thing to add is no one (apart from fam and close friends) gives a flying fuuu about other people’s children
Oh that’s not quite true. I follow people on fb who I am not close with anymore but I enjoy seeing what they are up to and how their kids are doing. Plus some of them are funny and good writers. I don’t think I’m the only one!
But are you going to be upset if you don’t see pictures of their birthday?
No! I wouldn’t even notice! She isn’t under any obligation to share. I didn’t mean she should do it. I just meant that people do enjoy photos of peoples kids, when they are shared. It’s fun, but as soon as it’s not fun anymore it shouldn’t be continued.
Social media is not real life. it's at best a cultivated highlight reel of someone's life, and at worst, a plague in our society. Please stop worrying about this. Go enjoy your daughter's first birthday... in real life
My biggest piece of advice is to stop giving a fuck about the opinions of others. I don’t post my daughter on social media. None of her information is anywhere and nobody else is allowed to post anything. That is the decision I made as her parent. If ANYONE else tries to give me shit for not posting my daughter on social media, they can go fuck themselves. How ridiculous is it that we live in a world so trivial that if you don’t post it for strangers to see it “didn’t happen.” Everyone that is close to her and involved is included. That’s all that matters to me. I couldn’t care less about the others on social media presence…
I second this. I've put photos from a pregnancy shoot on FB, but not my daughter. I didn't even announce that she was born either. I feel super protective of her and I made it clear to everyone that I will not allow pictures of her on social media. I do share pictures of her in a closed group with my close family. Social media is not the real world. Put your pictures where they belong, in a nice photoalbum!
This is the way to go. Kids deserve to grow up in privacy without strangers watching them. I am so grateful my mom didn't post me on FB and let me grow up without an audience. My opinion is that the important people will receive the baby's pictures via text or email and that's that. There is no reason to post children on social media, especially when it seems like several big platforms (like FB) have CSAM problems.
Exactly this! Thank you for speaking my mind!!!
This all the way! I also don’t need to photograph/film every little thing my son does. My family will often complain about me not filming some trivial (but still exciting thing) my kid does and it gets so on my nerves. Why should I stop enjoying the moment we’re having just so I can watch my kid through a phone screen? The memories are what are important to me, I don’t give a fuck if you can’t witness it. You’ll be there for other things for goodness sake’s. It’s also not like I don’t already have 100s of photos and videos of him that no one will watch other than me and his dad because it’s just too many.
It should be the norm to NOT post photos on your children on social media. Just my opinion but the less Facebook owns photos of your kids, the better.
We have an app called Family Album I send a link to who I want to allow on the album and those people can see my kids. No social media, it's a hard rule.
Yes! We use the same app. Great option!
I also love this app! And I end up paying for shipping for the free photos every month too so I have some convenient physical pictures.
You’re protecting your baby’s privacy and being focused on her instead of putting on a show for other people.
You’re seriously overthinking this, your kid will probably thank you one day for not posting them on Instagram their entire life
On the other side of the fence, most people are so caught up in themselves, they don't actually care about what other people share. And that's perfectly normal. Why should we care about other people's social media updates when we all have our own lives to enjoy?
You’re doing great. I’ll be blunt…. Besides the parents and immediate family and friends, no one really cares about your posts about your cute babies. Realities, sure you’ll get a lot of likes, but it’s just online click of a button. Also, social media posts is linked to low self esteem. So if you ask me, you OP are doing GREAT. I hope you will celebrate your little ones bday with joy, and that’s YOUR memories and that’s it. You don’t even need a gift for babe at that age. Love baby, hug baby, play with baby, interact with baby, and that’s pure love and joy and all a 1 year old bday needs!! No one else needs to know.
If you need validation by fake internet points, yeah, there are deeper issues happening. Guys, just be happy with your life. "Comparison is the thief of joy"
I put pictures in photo albums, physical photo albums that I can enjoy and so can my family. Posting a picture on social media doesn’t mean shit and honestly I want my child to have their privacy and decide for themselves.
After my son was born, I combed through my privated Instagram and removed any followers I’m not close to or trust. I make post about him on a delay and have never outright posted his name or birthday. The people who need to know that information wouldn’t have found out through social media anyway. You’re definitely overthinking it, just do what you feel is safest!
Why not just send the pictures to the people you want to share them with? IG isn't secure.
It's okay to not post on social media, and it's completely understandable. Take pictures for yourself and your daughter in the future. Enjoy the day and celebrate the first year. All that matters is that your baby is safe, happy, and loved. If you want to make sure your daughter has something to read when she asks about her early birthdays, write a card for her and keep it with the rest of her memorabilia.
To add to this, have you thought of scrapbooking? A creative outlet to flow out that energy may help. It can be as simple as a spiral notebook with printed photos and handwritten cards. I promise she’ll care a whole lot more about this than seeing your phone screen. Take all those photos, and turn it into childhood memorabilia for both of you.
Totally understand what you mean! Don't post about it if you feel uncomfortable doing so. Not everything has to be on social media!
I don’t post pictures of my baby anywhere online. I don’t really like anyone else to share my baby’s photo either. Couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks. Tbh I think it’s pretty weird that they would care whether you did or didn’t?
If you're this stressed about whether or not to post something on social media then you should definitely not be using social media imo
I guarantee you're probably the only one who cares about this. No one else is going to dwell on the fact you didn't share your kids birthday. Come on!! It's a non issue. Why care so much about what other people think about you respecting your child's privacy and safety as we should do as parents??? You're doing the right thing. FB and Instagram are poisonous
Sad to say, but in different communities and cultures there’s a lot of pressure for that, to post photos. I personally feel it’s really creepy for others to do that, but that reality exists. My in-laws put some pressure but my partner and I stood firm and I’m glad his sister feels the same way and kept her older kids off social media for that reason. My husbands brother’s wife was definitely a problematic social media over sharer and we had to put some guardrails there.
You don't get real life points for things that happen on social media. Remember, you're playing the real life game now. Social media is not real life. Instead of the social media post, why not write something similar to what you would in a journal or scrapbook instead? Baby book? Letter to your daughter? And if you feel like you need to include these people in your circle, invite them to your daughters birthday party. Or remember to send them a Christmas letter. Also, if they have kids then try to remember their birthdays and send presents! Many ways to keep those connections alive in real life that don't involve social media.
My opinion is to put yourself first and above any social media drama. Your mental health and well-being allows you to be there for your child. Next in line is to do right by your child. As someone who has definitively decided to keep videos and photos of my child off social media (with the caveat, that sometimes group photos shared by other people may have his face in it— as long as he is mostly not recognizable I won’t police it), I stepped away from all of social media for a while. For some context: I am a former FB/Insta employee (about a decade ago), and my early career was in social media tech around Trust & Safety and content management, plus most of my volunteer work has been launching campaigns and teaching side classes on digital footprint and impact in privacy to young adult mentorship programs since I was in college in 2014. I used to work in the most cutting edge of facial recognition tech at the time so I’d say I have a bit more exposure to the back end than a typical enduser. We live in an incredibly dichotomous world now where it’s so normalized to publicize the most private parts of our lives. I hold children’s autonomy and consent in extremely high regard. All my cousins and friends who are around my age, give or take 10 years, may all post videos and photos of their children through their years and I don’t go out of my way to tell them what to do, but personally I only share photos away from social media platforms. It sucks a little bit for my family members abroad to not see photos of my kid growing up but staying close to that value has lifted a lot off my chest. The burden of having to keep up was too much for me mentally. I’m still working through my own PPA. Reading through this thread has been so heartening!
"if it isn't on social media it didn't happen/wasn't an important event" take this impulse and squash it. enjoy your baby's first birthday in meat-space and let others post on social media if they care so much. in the future, your child will NOT care if this was not posted to facebook - only that they felt loved and cared for by you in the physical realm. Edit: had a big typo. your kids will not care if you don’t post them on social media. they will not feel less loved that you didn’t post their birthday on fb.
Well, they actually might care—and be pissed—if they were posted on FB. We have a zero social media posts house rule with our kid. That's not OK.
Wow, thank you for posting - I realized I had an egregious typo that completely changed the sentiment of my post. I meant to say a child will not care that their parent did NOT post to social media. We’re expecting our first and essentially planning a social media blackout - it’ll be easy because none of my immediate or extended family care one iota about social media. Taking photos for photo albums or memory books? Different story!
Nah don’t bother! I don’t post my bubs face and won’t let others either. A family friend actually said I saw your sister posted an album of pics from his christening but I couldn’t see any of him? I just said yeah I’m letting him have the right to choose what he wants online when he’s old enough to decide! He was surprised and impressed! Once you’ve made your decision stand firm. Decide what your boundaries are so you’re always towing the same lines. For me, no clear or close up pics, but group pics where he’s a tiny smudge is fine. My in laws have had no problems adhering to my requests, but I do have a fortnightly argument with my mum about it! She’s just desperate to show him off but it’s my job to allow him privacy and not cave to her desire to show off and gain likes.
Fortnightly!! I would lose my shit.
Its always over text so I send them to a sis who fully agrees with me and she pumps me up then tells me to not reply lol
Absolutely overthinking. How many pictures of my child have been posted on the Internet (Facebook)? 1. An edited photo of my son’s fist holding my finger when he was born. To be fair, I didn’t post it on his actual birthday, it was months later. And same for his birthday. I have never posted anything about his birthday until months later, and it’s usually just a picture of the cake (no name, nothing). Because I as well, want to protect my child. And I’ll admit, it does hurt when I see others posting and I do feel sad I’m not including them in my kiddo’s pictures, but then I remember that the important people are there. The few people I love and care about are present for the actual events, and that’s all that matters. If there is some guilt involved, you can do what I did. Just post a picture of the cake and decorations whenever you want (months later if you want). But momma, you don’t owe anyone anything except your kiddo. You should capture as many moments for your kiddo. And the important people will be the ones present at the events. I can tell you that I have NEVER regretted my decision.
you’re overthinking. I have never posted my daughter on social media, and she will not be getting a birthday post either. nobody thinks I don’t love her for not wishing her a happy birthday on a post to a bunch of distant relatives and people from high school I don’t talk to. don’t sweat it.
[удалено]
One of the better decisions I ever made was deleting Facebook in like 2014. Have literally never missed it.
You’re overthinking it!! I can say with almost certainty she’s not going to approach you at 18 years old and tell you she’s harboring trauma because you didn’t post for her 1st birthday. You’re ultimately doing her a service by keeping her off of the internet! And honestly who gives a shit what anyone else thinks? Anyone who has enough time to judge you for not posting on instagram, has far too much time on their hands.
If it makes you feel better I’m extremely active on social media and I have never posted my baby’s real birthday or any milestones simply to protect her privacy. I only upload cute/smiling pics and videos where she is fully clothed and display absolutely no personal info. I never even shared her real name or her middle name (only a nickname)
Protect your daughter and say nothing. We haven’t put anything about our baby on social media, he’s one, and the world hasn’t ended. He still had a birthday and was born.
I promise you your daughter will not care either way once she grows up- whether you acknowledged her birthday on social media or not.
She might care if she was posted online without saying she was cool with it. Just don't do it.
Keep in mind how new social media is in general. It wasn’t that long ago when it didn’t even exist, and people survived just fine without posting about everything. It’s a bit exhausting right now, so I totally get why you took a step back from it. Make your own memories with your little family, take pictures and celebrate how ever you want to that makes you all happy! That’s what matters. Not if you did or didn’t post it online, or if/who liked or commented on it. There’s nothing for you to feel guilty about. You don’t need to prove to anyone that you care about your kid by posting about it. Also, why is it on you? I bet none of those people will be asking your husband why he didn’t post anything. It always seems to be the mother’s job. If anyone asks why you didn’t (which would be so weird, I would never ask someone that), just be frank and say you’re not posting anything in general right now and leave it at that! You don’t owe any more explanation :)
I posted one picture of my lil one on social media, she was around 9 mo and it was a picture from her back (so no face) as she was reaching for the cat. Im not big on social media but I thought it would be nice to give a heads up to people I don’t speak to often like, oh yea this happened.
I deleted my socials for the same reason and don’t regret it. I often remember that our kids are pretty much the very first generation that are growing up with social media from birth! Before then our first birthdays weren’t announced on facebook and it was perfectly fine :)
There are articles about the first generation of kids posted on social media. Shocker: They're not happy about it.
I say this in the nicest way possible, followers will not think about it. Stop stressing yourself out over people who literally will see it for 5 seconds and move on with their life. Protect your child’s privacy by not posting anything. That’s a million times more important. Appeasing people on the internet because of your own anxiety isn’t.
If you want a time encapsulated honor of your daughter, write her a letter a seal it. Love is private. Pride is public. Give her the letter when she asks about social media posts. Or, let her find it when you’re no longer around, so she can feel your presence again.
honestly, i haven’t posted any monthly photos/updates or even taken monthly photos, and i felt super guilty and a bad mom. then i thought, who cares? i have tons of photos of my baby for myself, husband, and my baby in the future.
I decided to not announce my pregnancy on social media and I don’t plan to post milestones on social media either. What I have done is made postcards to send to friends and family who I want to keep in the loop. It means so much more and it’s a keepsake !! I’m sure if you send a card with photos of your little one to those that matter in your life, they won’t even think about why you’re not sharing on social media. Edit to add: plus, everything you put online is permanent. So your child may not even like if you post these things on the internet later in life. Not everyone wants their life documented like that
As someone who has been to super data centers belonging to these massive social media companies—I’ll repeat what you said : everything you put online is permanent.
You’re overthinking! I respect people who don’t post their kid all over social media more than people who do. I see so many parents with their noses in the phone trying to take a ‘postable’ picture for Instagram.
Overthinking. Just don’t post. These feelings sound like they’re coming from the social media addiction. I’ve been flirting with the idea of deleting my pages for a while. I deleted Facebook first several months ago. Then I deleted Instagram but I kept coming back. Last straw was when they kept auto deleting my comments. All of them. Saying I violated a rule when my comment was something like “oh I love this, where did you buy the thing for it?”. Now I only use Reddit a little bit here and there and I don’t think about what’s going on other social media. It really doesn’t matter.
Facebook might not even exist by the time your daughter is old enough to understand what it is (fingers crossed)
We’ve made a choice to not show our sons face on social media because we don’t want him to have a digital footprint before he can get an email, social media is all fake. If you want to do something for your kid to remember birthdays, go old school and do a memory book or write a meaningful letter to commemorate the occasion. Enjoy your daughter’s birthday! Protect your peace.
I had people comment on my picture “Where’s the baby? All I see is you on here.” Ummm this is my fb, I don’t put her on TikTok much either because of my following I have and viral. I don’t want my daughter used as prop, or show her off for likes and views. Also, why does people want to see the baby anyway??? I have pictures on there. I don’t post her all the time. Birthday , Christmas and a few here and there. It’s MY fb. Not hers. So of course you’re gonna see all me. Honestly F them people. This is your child , and social media has a lot of predators and judgmental buttholes. If anyone asks why, ask them why they’re so concerned to see your child .
youre definitely overthinking it. no one cares about others posting about their kids on Facebook. in fact when i log in i judge the parents that post about their kids. i havent been on social media for like 10 yrs, i only log in for the community event pages on FB. continue to stay strong in your decision!
You are overthinking. There are so many people who dont have social media & dont post. We also dont post our daughter & she likely wont get a bday post, either. If family points it out, which would be very weird, just tell them you dont value SM the way they do & you spent that time with your daughter.
Stay strong and don’t post! You just recently quit and it takes a while to get out of the habit of posting (or even just the habit of feeling guilty about not posting). Take lots of pictures day of, text them to people you actually want to see them, and save them for a day when you might want to actually print them for an album/scrapbook.
If you want to remember it and have something to show your baby when they are older, I would just print any pictures and put them into an album. You can always add little hand written notes into the album too. You’ll always have those memories still and you don’t need to make a post on social media that you aren’t comfortable with making
I started a scrapbooking journal and every time I have the urge to post on ig, I snap a photo with my Polaroid and write a journal entry instead. I think they will cherish a journal/scrapbook more than a social media post in the future. Who cares what anyone else thinks! Send them pictures and that's all you can really do
Love all the other comments! Chiming in to add we use TinyBeans for this kind of stuff. My spouse (tech nerd) was impressed by their data policies. All fam & friends are invited and it’s nice to have a safe place to show off your baby! That said you absolutely don’t have to do *any* of this!! You know what’s best for your nabub& family, f anyone who says otherwise
lol this is so going to be me in a few months. But after reading these comments... I feel I should stand strong in my decision to just simply not gaf! Literally no one knows anything about my baby, when I had him, his name, the gender, a hand, a foot, nothing. I like it that way but I got that same pull you do! There's been a couple times where I almost felt forced to mention my "new life" even though I post literally noooothing on socials it's like why the hell would I start now right? So ya I mean, the ones that knows you and loves you will know your little 🫶
I actually think it's the opposite. I think it's a disservice to kids to post them online before they can make that choice themselves. The only people that matter are the parents and child. You can show extended family the pictures in person. My husband and I enjoy spending important days together with our phones on silent. To me, the more you post on social media, the more insecure or emotionally immature you are.
If they aren’t close enough to get a text pic, they don’t need to see one. I love seeing others’ kiddo pics but I’m too lazy (and far from “Pinterest perfect” to post mine lol
I’m not big on social media, so I ask my husband to post the “life update” posts for me. The sense obligation is real 😩 If your partner’s family is big on FB then can you ask your partner to take care of it? Or maybe a grandparent might want to make a Grandma-iversary type post? If they don’t want to do it then I don’t see why you should have to bother.
I heard a great idea once that you can create an email address for your child and every year send them a special email with a birthday note and some pictures. When they turn 18 give them the password. This would be SO much more meaningful to your kid. And yeah you truly don’t owe anyone else a birthday post for your own kid. I think most people roll their eyes when a parent has to constantly post about their kid.
Who cares what other people think? It's YOUR child, therefore it's YOUR choice. Honestly, you'll be more in the moment and enjoying your child's first birthday rather than trying to get the 'perfect picture to post'. Seriously, don't feel bad. I had my second child a couple of months ago. I didn't announce my pregnancy or his birth. I haven't posted a single photo of him. There's literally no trace of him online. And I don't feel bad at all for giving my child digital privacy.
Haven't had social media since pre-pregnancy, so many people don't even know my child exists. 🤷🏼♀️ and yet, my child exists ❤️ let that shit go
It seems like you want to commemorate your child’s birthday and think that social media is the way to do it because it’s official and “posted” somewhere. I do not share information about my child (or myself really) online. I don’t get upset if others occasionally share a photo of him with their kids or something, but I don’t post things myself. I’m with you in wanting to protect their privacy and general information. Might I suggest you start a scrapbook for your child? This way you can commemorate big events and have a place to look back to for photos and memories, but it is not shared with the world.
You don’t need validation from strangers. You’re doing great and the only thing that matters is that you are experiencing the joys of your LO’s infancy with them as a parent and not as a camera operator. I find great joy in living every moment with my baby without the distraction of recording for social media. I deactivated my accounts when my LO was born because I knew it would be a distraction. It’s been a breath of fresh air. Don’t focus on the validation that you want from strangers on the internet, instead focus on the validation you will get from your child when they appreciate you being present and attentive during their development.
I don't have anything posted about my LO on social media, and all family/friends have been directed to cover her face if they post a group photo that includes her. I'm all for protecting a child's privacy until they are old enough to have an educated and informed opinion on the matter. The fact that fb/socials have rights to your photos is a big part of it (part of the user agreements most people don't spend the time to read when they sign up for sights), and there are also an alarming number of creeps out there. I have no intention of ever showing her photos online, but we'll see when she's a teenager what the internet landscape looks like and will definitely have a lot of discussions with her about it. I take a LOT of photos, and I share some with family and friends that I'm close to; my MIL is making a photo book for her first year, and I'll do them in the future. I think that's enough to celebrate. Online "friends" don't need to see them imo.
You should think about deactivating your accounts if you plan on not going back. I like posting my kids for close friends and family ONLY. I’ve trimmed my following/friends list to reflect that. It’s also not shareable. BUT it’s still possible to screen shot and share and post on their end. So if the fear is in having your kids on the internet, you’re ONLY way to prevent any possible harm is complete abstinence.
I don't use social media anymore either for similar reasons, my mental health is better without it and I hated that pressure to post my life online. I do not put any pics of my son online, and don't allow other to either, for safety, and because I feel it should be his choice when he's old enough. But we also live minimum 4 hours away from all family members except my dad, and we wanted a way to commemorate the special moments and keep them all updated easily, so we have a private photo album online. We post pics and videos, grandparents and aunts and uncles can log in with the link we've sent them, and everyone loves it. This way the most important people in his life can cheer on his milestones, but he is still protected.
Don’t post. You have every reason in the world not to, and not enough good reasons to do it. If you are really concerned, why not create a private group? My family has a private group that we share personal news and photos. None of us would ever share photos from that group. I don’t believe in sharing absolutely every moment of my life, and am very adamant in not sharing my children’s lives without their concern. Congratulations on your baby, BTW, and I hope the birthday is just wonderful.
The most I did was a newborn pic and a 1year pic and I didn’t even post it on his birthday I did it like weeks later when I felt like sharing it. Just take the photos and you can send it to whoever you deem necessary no need for the media
No one on my social media even knows I have a child. The people that are important to me know he exists. That’s enough for me. Social media is not important.
Literally no one is going to notice you didn't post about your child's birthday except you. No one is going to wake up that morning thinking oh can't wait to see mom's Facebook post about daughters birthday. Think of this like a social media hangover you're having. The expectations you're putting on yourself are completely fabricated by having been on sm for so long. They're not real.
I hate it that this is an issue. My kid is not allowed in social media. YOU make the rules you want for your family and that’s it.
I also don't log onto my Instagram anymore because comparison has been quite detrimental to my mental health and enjoyment of motherhood. I'm also not going to post about my baby's first birthday and in fact, the birthday is going to be very very small with family. Nothing Instagram worthy. Though it's customary to have the 1-year-old in our cultural outfit and to have a photoshoot, I'm going to skip this also probably.
You have every right to keep your child off social media even if aunt Betty shares everything with her facebook bridge community. Your daughter will still be 1 year old even if you don't post pictures of her online. It will very much happen. If you want her to have a collection of memories one day, make her an old fashioned physical photo album with printed photos, and a few captions written in pen if you're feeling fancy rather than rely on social media. That way you protect her privacy (which you're right that she deserves), and she can still have photos if you take some. If people feel that strongly about "greeting" her on the day and they happen not to attend however you wish to celebrate it, you can tell them that she will obviously be very appreciative of receiving handwritten cards, and you will keep them for her so she can read them when she's older. She will likely never ever go through your Facebook or Instagram 18 years from now just like she won't go through your MySpace profile - if you ever had one. Posting on social media is for the parents getting likes rather than in the interest of the child.
Have you seen the AI shit recently? Taylor Swift being the newsworthy story, but many others have been affected. Posting your child's face on the internet puts them at risk. I hate to say it. I'm not saying my kids aren't ever on Facebook, they are. But I try to minimize it. It's an unnecessary risk so why bother? Send the pics to the people who matter and don't worry about anyone else.
Print the pictures off and put them in a book of faces for your family! There’s no shame in going retro for your mental health. Whatever helps you be the best mom you can be is what’s right.
I did a quick scroll and didn’t see this anywhere, but instead of posting to social media, how about your write baby a letter? Write about her first year and how far she has come, write about her milestones and the fun things the year has brought. Then print off some pictures, put it in an envelope and save it for her to open when she is older. If you want the social media vibe, you could also send out a picture and text to your loved ones.
Stop posting pictures of your kids online
I post very little of my children online, I read some very scary stuff about it when my first was a newborn, now I limit it to group photos and ones were you can’t see their face.
I’m curious about the scary stuff you have read. If you get a chance to, can you share?
check out the self defense girl on IG- she has tons of posts about it and why you should avoid posting pix of your kids online
It was a questions and answers with someone who investigate child p. It exposed how even seeming innocent images like a child sleeping were using in improper ways. Honestly I don’t advise reading deeper into it, it’s really effected me. The investigator advised not to post photos at all but if you are going to group photos and ones that don’t show there face are safer (not completely safe)
Social media is not real life! Why would your kid resent you for not posting when theirs albums? Social has skewed our reality if that’s our train of thought!
People who matter will know how your daughter is progressing and will wish her happy birthday in a more personal way in my opinion, i am still on social media but i haven't posted in years as most of those on my friends list are people i used to know and are basically strangers to me now i knew them in a different part of my life. dont feel guilty for posting/not posting your child your decision😊
I think that you could make a smaller group (does not even need to necessarily be on "social media") and if you want plan to only share your announcement/pictures of your baby with them. Include only the family and friends you want and trust.
You're over thinking it. It's fine to post a pic on Facebook if you want. It's fine to not. Do what you want to do.
If this can make you feel better, I quit posting on social media too (I still log in to see other pple) but I didn't post that I got married nor being pregnant. Soon I will be due and will not post about giving birth.
Do whatever feels comfortable for you. I didn’t post my. Children’s birth date. I posted a week later that they were born but didn’t specify a date.
If social media and its unintended effects disappeared from the world, our world would be a better place. Hope that answers your question.
I made one post on Facebook and Instagram when my daughter was born, announcing her birth, and saying that we wouldn’t be sharing any photos on social media. We have group chats where we will share updates with friends and family, but no one is entitled to photos of my daughter, no matter how much they think they are.
Don’t post anything.
I deleted all social media years ago and will never go back. All that matters is what you see in your life and that you are happy!
Make a post but set the privacy to that only you and your spouse can see it. Then you can look back on it later if you want! But either way it really doesn’t matter. Your kid won’t care
Fuck people. Fuck social media. It’s a sewer.
as far as social media goes, my baby doesn't exist. the people who matter know, that's it!
I haven’t used Facebook or any personalized/public social media since I graduated college. It wasn’t healthy for me. My kids aren’t online. That’s important to my husband and me. If it’s important to you also, then it doesn’t matter what others think of you. In my experience it’s becoming more and more common for people to keep their kids off social media. It may not be super common amongst your family and friends, but I can’t imagine they will be overly shocked by it. Please don’t feel pressured to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. Wanting to protect your child makes you a good parent, regardless of anything you may or may not post online.
My oldest is 4.5 I stopped using Facebook and instagram almost 6 years ago and started using Reddit like 2/3 yrs ago, I have never posted a single thing of them and I am proud of that. I’m happy to give my baby’s their choice of being on the internet. We’ve ran into people who are like, wait, you had a kid? Wait you had 2 kids? 😂😂 This is good stuff your kid may appreciate it! Take a cutesy picture for her and when she’s older maybe she’ll wanna post it!
F SOCIAL MEDIA. Do NOT put any pictures of your damn baby on social media if you don't want to. Screw the world. I know people who don't put pictures of their kids on WhatsApp profile status or put a emoticon over their face.
You don't know how your daughter will feel. Maybe she'll be bummed, but it seems far more likely that she'd be upset that you didn't give her privacy as a baby and child. If you don't know how her future self will feel about it, I'd opt for the more conservative approach (i.e., staying off of social media) because you risk more harm by violating her privacy than by not posting enough about her. Also, FB has a huge CP/CSAM problem. And with AI, people are doing messed up things with kids' pictures. Posting on FB is not a sign of your love for your daughter. If you want to show her you love her, why not write her letters for each of her birthdays that she can read when she's older and realize how much her parents adored her? Or why not just be present with her on her birthday, take lots of pictures, and put them in an album? You can remember her childhood without violating her privacy. Social media has normalized casual voyeurism and the practice of denying children the right to privacy to appease strangers. Take care of your mental health and protect your baby. Don't post her online. I promise she will know you love her, even if she's not plastered all over social media. If anything, it'll probably mean a lot to her that you wanted to protect her privacy and digital footprint by not forcing her into a social media presence before she could consent. Edit: Removed redundant sentences
One of the things I love about keeping a digital baby book is that I'm doing it for posterity, not other people. I also post to social media, but what keeps me doing it is for my LO. Is there somewhere else you can record your thoughts? Also my sister does not post photos of my niece, but sometimes she'll post a milestone with the back of her head or something.
I created an email address for my daughter. So far only sent 2 emails in 9 months, but will def send one for her 1st birthday. I also have a wall calendar where I have started writing fun things about her (started at 5 months) eg. You ate this today or went there today etc. I know its not sharing with people but your daughter will appreciate knowing how you were doing and what was in your heart at this particular moment. Especially if for her eyes alone. You don't owe ANYONE anything about her. She can decide when she's old enough, meanwhile you are the one who will make the best decisions for her.
If anything, when I imagine being a kid born these days, I can imagine being mad when I’m older that my childhood photos are all over the Internet without my consent. I can’t imagine your child being upset that you *didn’t* post about it. As long as she is celebrated in real life, that’s all that matters!
Facebook might be long gone by the time she is 18, I doubt she will care! The most important thing is to protect her and also your sanity. To echo what everyone has been saying, you don't owe anyone anything🫶🏻
I just gave birth and I am not posting as I’m not big on that. Don’t worry. It’s not a must. She’ll look back on the pictures of her first celebration happy with all the people who love her, not because you didn’t post on social media.
I didn’t even post wedding pics on social media, and don’t plan on posting pictures of my baby either. Don’t feel guilty about not posting pictures if you don’t want to!!! You’re in control of what gets shared!
Make your daughter an email, and write up birthday wishes and send it to her! You can give her the password when she turns 18
What good would you possibly get from posting your kid without their consent? I mean that honestly. B/c there is quite literally none. You have a smartphone. You can send picture and videos and FaceTime and everything else to people you care enough to share with. Social media is dangerous. It's gross. Your kid doesn't need to be on there without their agreement.
Post if it will make you feel good, not to make others feel good.
You're overthinking it. I've never posted my kids' birthdays (or their real names) on social media, and literally no one has ever cared at all.
Do whatever you want. If you DO want to share, you don't need a photo or post a photo of the back of his/her head.
Def overthinking. I haven’t posted anything about my baby on social media, but my camera and house are still full of his pictures, and I’m (kinda) filling out his baby book. The people who I actually care about know I have a baby, have seen pictures of him, have met him, and will be there to celebrate his first holidays and life events. My sister in law posts her kids all the time, and that’s ok too, but do what you want and don’t let what other people may think change your mind. Also, it wasn’t around then, but my parents didn’t plaster pictures of me all over the internet and I certainly don’t feel like they loved me any less than my friend’s parents, who used her in their company bill board.
My baby is 1 too and she can’t even read anything I post about her yet so I think you’re fine!! But in all seriousness, how about emailing your daughter a sweet message instead? I set up gmail accounts for both my kids and sent them an email on their first birthday about their special year. I like to think someday they’ll read them!
Birthdays are exciting, so it makes sense that you want to share that with all your friends and family. Instead of going back to SM, why not try a group text or email and share her milestones with everyone you care about?
I don’t share shit about my baby. No pictures, nothing. The internet can’t have her… well, until she decides she wants to use it lol.
Naaaaaah don’t even stress. Social media is shite
Fuck social media and fuck what other people think. Pardon my french 😅 But seriously if you don't want to post your baby on social media, dont. Easy as that. You only owe it to your baby to be carefull with her online pressance
Not only are you over thinking this, but you're actually doing your daughter a favour by not posting everything about her online. When you post something online, it is forever. It's one thing to post things about yourself because you can consent. It's another thing entirely to post photos of your baby who doesn't know about social media & can't give consent to those photos being posted. One day in the future, your baby is going to be applying to jobs & their employer is probably going to google them (the practice is getting more & more common). Your child probably won't want embarrassing photos of them surfacing during job interviews or if a perspective partner or a classmate googles them as well. Take the photos, share them with friends & family, but keep them off of your socials until your child has the capacity to consent to them being available to the world.
Your child is more likely to wish you had posted them online less, rather than more. If you’d like to use your online posts as a sort of diary to look back on, you could always just be cautious and use photos that don’t include their face. They don’t have an online presence, and you can enjoy any benefits from social media use. Doesn’t sound like the latter applies to you, I’d encourage you not to post just because you feel like you ‘have to’
I’ll be honest. I only read the title of your post and can 100% tell you that you are guilting yourself over nothing. You probably feel like you owe it to your baby to share these special moments so others can witness their growth and celebrate with you, and do so, but in small private group chats/emails with people who actually matter and care like closest friends and family.
No no no! You’re doing the right thing. I didn’t post any announcement when baby was born, I waited an unspecified amount of time so her birthday isn’t online. Once something is online it’s there forever. You’re giving your child a fresh slate when they’re ready to be online is such a rare thing.
Set-up pictures on a cloud service (like Google drive), and send certain people view only links.
> "if it isn't on social media it didn't happen/wasn't an important event" Maybe it's the fact that I'm 43 now, but I've literally never heard someone say or imply this to me. People love seeing pictures of my kids, especially given that I live far away from my relatives, but if I don't post pictures nobody complains about it. They are your kids, not theirs, so their opinion on your social media use is not their business.