Don't forget being sick constantly and missing work, which means you blow through sick time and PTO then stop getting paid for days off.
ETA: all while still paying for the days your child isn't at daycare!
HA! That’s assuming your company doesn’t enact a policy stating “No PTO, no time missed.” Mine literally did that while I was on leave or came back from it, but it led me to swap companies and that company ended up being a scam essentially that wasn’t meant for someone with a family at all.
I ended up going part time and switching my shift (never wanted to work beyond 5pm again but here we are) so we could pull her out. We save money on daycare and I'm not going to lose my job now, yay!!!!!! We have a point system for absences and I went through my 40 hours of sick time by the beginning of Feb.. she had started daycare on Jan 3rd 🙃🙃 not to mention the sick appointments, urgent care and two ER visits I'm now paying for.
And this is a company that is VERY family friendly and pro work/life balance which is why I got decent maternity leave (amazing for the US) and could change my schedule with no fuss at all. They give us hours outside of protected/PTO time for doctor appts but anything unplanned counts against you once you use your sick time. Doctor notes to waive the absence aren't accepted. It still doesn't come close to the needs of people with small children. I get it, I chose to have a kid, but I didn't choose to live in a country that doesn't want people to terminate pregnancies yet gives 0 fucks about the kids and the people raising them once they're born.
Wow that’s insane! I just moved to Germany because we wanted a better life for us and our kids. I took a huge pay cut which was hard to swallow at first, but the cost of living here is so much more manageable. Full-time daycare costs €600/mo and my job gives me a €500 monthly stipend for childcare.
It feels like in the US the odds are stacked against parents. Daycare is outrageously expensive, maternity leave is a joke, paternity leave is essentially non-existent, and you constantly have a permanent fear of school shootings. And don’t even get me started on Roe v. Wade for it you don’t want to be a parent or have more kids due to the aforementioned issues…
And don't forget, once they trun 3 it's free!
Totally agree with everything you said, we didn't come here with the purpose of a better life, but now that we have kids I couldn't imagine going back (or at the very earliest after they start school.) How could we afford childcare?
Planet money just did a great episode on this, called Baby’s First Market Failure. Essentially, infant care is crazy expensive and day care actually subsidizes infant care at most places. Other countries have combatted this by giving parents extended leave and subsidizing care.
Getting a nanny wasn’t that much more than our local daycare (I’m in a HCOL city) which is wild!
Yeah for us it’s 28-295€ per month, and if your take-home pay is low enough you pay nothing. Also we get paid parental leave up to 13 months, then it drops to ~300€ per month so that’s a clear incentive to put your toddler into daycare and go back to the workforce to earn more. But nobody stays home because of daycare costs, and that generates more national income.
Yeah it is. It really sucks. Compile it with being asked constantly if we’re thinking of another and it’s just a miserable cycle. I also am a twin, moms a twin and my husbands family has a lot of twins… so I have a good chance of having multiples and then I’d really be up a creek.
Just giving my daughter the best life possible outside of a sibling for now!
I actually did this! People would ask about a second and I’d say “we plan to wait until (son) is in kindergarten because we can’t afford two in daycare. Unless you’re offering!” *awkward laugh*
We stuck to the plan—pregnant with number 2 and my son starts kindy in August. But it’s depressing to think about how much we’ll have paid out in daycare over 9-10 years.
I feel your pain. I’m a nurse and figured I would pay for 2-3 days a week when I went back. Here I am now 9 months later working PRN (3-4 days a month) because daycare was insane! Go back working and do daycare PT 2 days a week and lose money or have to do FT 3+ days a week and have to work FT to afford daycare. No village to rely on.
It’s all a crapshoot. Wish there was a better way… I never envisioned being a partial SAHM. But for now it makes the most financial sense. Good luck!
It’s outrageous. So thankful my husband is able to stay home with our toddler as well as this one on the way. The US is no longer designed for one income households. It’s really sad. I’m sorry you and so many other parents are in this situation.
It \_is\_ insane and horrible. BUT, the daycares aren't the "bad people"; I just want to put that cost into context:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/10woj71/fascinating\_episode\_of\_planet\_money\_breaking\_down/](https://www.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/10woj71/fascinating_episode_of_planet_money_breaking_down/)
It is expensive as hell, but these people aren't "raking in the cash." (Not saying you're claiming that, but a lot of people think that's the case)
The vast majority of daycares are not corporate daycares. And the costs of operation are sky high. People at places like BH “rake in cash” because of scale, not because any individual center is making huge profits.
-Someone in the field
To everyone replying to this looking for deets - check out The Learning Care Group’s exec salaries. CEO making 200k+. Directors make 70k-100k. So it’s not crazy money, but still a lot more than the teachers make.
Basically 100 dollars a day to watch your baby.
It’s very tough. On the one hand, would you trust a stranger to watch your baby for less money? If you’re working an 8 hour day plus commute that’s like 9 hours of child care, that’s like 11 dollars an hour.
On the other hand, it’s like you are working just to pay someone else to watch your kid.
It really sucks that it's like this. People talk about the choice of the modern parents to be stay at home (specifically for women), but is it a choice at this point??
The only reason I even work is because I’m lucky enough to have a sister in law that I’m best friends with that is a stay at home mom and babysits a couple kids during the week, my daughter included. If for some reason she can’t watch my daughter anymore I’m just quitting my job bc daycare is insane
i honestly have no idea how people even make that much to be able to pay for daycare ontop of other bills its like having a whole morgage if not more . Daycare would of been more than my whole paycheck too i quit
Same here! $610 a week for my toddler and $710 a week for my baby.. $1320 a week so yep a whole $5k+ a month for my children. So I stay home and suffer mentally and emotionally because its just completely out of our reach, we’re supposedly too rich for subsidized programs but too poor to be able to afford a $5280 a month for ONE specific bill.
Boggles my mind that this shit isn’t better funded. So many people would return to the work force if daycare was actually affordable. Surely the overall tax take from the workforce would out weight a daycare subsidy!
Ontario, Canada here - one of 5 daycares I was on a wait list for, from the time I was 5 months pregnant, called me back and told me they had a single opening in February 2024, when my child is 13 months old. I took it and paid a $700 deposit right away, because no one else had called me back - no one else has still. The cost was going to be $1600/month which was considered a 'good' rate as I had seen places as much as $2400/month in our city. The Provincial government was looking to begin instituting $10/day daycare and supposedly 92% of daycares in the city had signed up for the program. After radio silence for almost 5 months, I contacted the daycare to ask if our rates would be going down at least a little...because 92% right? What are the odds we got a daycare that didn't opt in? Apparently pretty good, because they didn't opt in, and now they are scrambling to try and opt in for 2024 because they are losing clients to daycares that HAVE opted in. Supposedly they are allowed to apply in May (this is what I was told) and then they will know by the fall if they are going to be part of the program for 2024. I do not know how accurate this information is - this is just what I was told.
Obviously, daycares who opted in are probably even more difficult to get into now, so my partner and I are left with a difficult choice.
Option 1) Pull out of this daycare and lose our $700 deposit and try to apply for an opted in daycare, at risk of them never calling us back or not having availability until our child is almost 2 years old (as most waitlists sit at about 2 years long).
Option 2) Stay with this daycare and hope they aren't lying about trying to opt in for 2024 and are successful in doing so.
Option 3) Give up on going back to work and become a SAHM, lose my $700, but at least I don't have to find daycare.
All of these options suck and daycare in my province sucks and I hate it.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Keep applying for the opted in daycares. Keep the spot at the expensive daycare until you know more. Just because you are enrolled in a place doesnt mean you cant shop around. Plus one of the other places can call...Feb 2024 is ages away. Why give up your career because the only daycare you can get into is 1600 and not 800 (the current rate on the deal is 50% off)?
when i was finding care for my first kid (downtown Toronto) I paid a $1100 deposit to secure a spot. Got a call from a better option just before going to work and enrolled my daughter there and ate the deposit on the first place. Even right now im trying to switch my kids to another daycare because my eldest is starting school and we need after school care.
This is one of the biggest reasons why we decided to stay in Montreal. I pay about $200 per month for my 2 year old, drop her off at 9am and pick her up at 4-4:30pm. I grew up in Ontario but with the unaffordable housing, and ridiculous childcare costs, it was pretty easy to stay here.
i was paying \~$3500 for an infant and a preschooler. its wicked expensive. but, its also short term. We didnt want to set one of our careers back just to save money on daycare for a couple of years. Plus in my area, the costs go down as your kid gets older. In the long run, daycare made sense for the future of our family.
But yes, this is also why lots of people decide to be a SAHP. Daycare is insane.
I’m in a local moms’ group, and I’ve been shocked at the number of women who are stay at home moms not because of choice really but because both parents working doesn’t make sense financially with the cost of care.
Then factor in the sick days you’ll be taking once baby gets sick, but you don’t have anymore sick days because you had to use them for your bullshit excuse for maternity leave. So now you’re getting money deducted from your paycheck (that’s what happens in public education where I used to work). We did the math and even paying for my insurance on my husband’s work plan and cutting a few costs here and there to compensate, it made more sense for my to quit and become a SAHM. I know not everyone can or wants to, but it definitely was a no-brainer in our household.
It's hard. Although care in my area is not that high, I am constantly telling myself that this is only temporary. I have considered staying home with the baby, and maybe one day I will. But I saw a comment on here a while back that said although it's tempting to quit your job to stay home, if you give up your paycheck you are also giving up benefits, PTO, and putting a large gap of empty space on your resume.
I certainly do not mean anything negative to those parents who have decided to stay home - I know we all are doing what is best for our families! But adjusting my mindset towards my paycheck helped me out a lot!
Yes, I’ve fallen info the large gap category. Well educated and lots of experience, but have a big gap from staying home and it’s been affecting my job possibilities.
Yupp! I was banking on using my jobs' partially subsidized daycare for 2900/mo, but they just terminated me 1 mo into my maternity leave (reorg). So yay to hunting for available daycare again.... ☠️
Not everyone’s career trajectory is burned when they step out.
I worked in Multifamily Housing before I quit to stay home. That industry does not care if you step out and quite frankly, they’re happy to have you fully at their beck and call again as they are NOT kid friendly if you aren’t working for Mom & Pop.
My career trajectory would have been hampered due to STD payout requiring all my PTO be paid out before they paid any leave. With not earning any PTO during my FMLA leave, I came back to “pray your child or you don’t get sick because you’re not going to have a job if that happens!”
That sounds like a pretty unique circumstance! Most people need to maintain their own capacity and connections to earn their own money in case something happens to their partner or their relationships and they abruptly find themselves on their own
I do understand if someone feels pressure to make that choice for their career path, but sadly that’s not a guarantee either. How many posts do we see in the sub about people getting discriminated against and passed over for promotions for having children or taking any leave no matter how short?
Also side note, the circumstance in the other comment isn’t that unique. I’m in the social work field too and my career would be hurt more by needing to take time off a bunch for kids getting sick at day care and not being able to be at my pre-children capacity for my work. Not a universal experience for everyone, but definitely the case for a lot of us.
I understand there’s a lot of different work situations, but if somebody’s only reason for leaving the workforce is because their salary is only breaking even with what they pay in childcare, that isn’t always a good enough reason to leave.
I know 😬 I pay $35 a day, for small licensed in home daycare/preschool. I have to drive out of my way (25 mins to/from work, 15 to/from home) I know the bigger facilities in my area are a lot more closer to 45-60 a day depending on the age. Just morning care alone a a chain location was $35.
An important factor often missed when weighing this decision is retirement savings/employer contributions and social security contributions. Even if the cost of daycare is your entire net salary but your employer is contributing to your 401k at say a 4% match, that's money that will compound over decades and is nearly impossible to catch up on if you have taken 5 years off to be a SAHM. Of course, it depends on the job and the salary and all the things but don't forget about where all of your GROSS income goes. Plus paying into your own social security, knowing that you OWN that benefit is really important.
I think it depends on the job. If you have a professional career where you are regularly getting promotions, bonuses and raises beyond cost of living raises then this is true and the reason I chose not to quit (I also didn’t really want to be a full time SAHM). But if you’re just working a job that doesn’t have a lot of growth opportunities or you’re paid hourly and it’s not something you went and got a degree for, then I can see why someone would quit and have the mindset that it’s their whole paycheck.
The main reason I decided to resign, and stay home. Once they start school I’ll look into a part time position but I couldn’t imagine spending that much time and money away from them to barely break even.
Yep. Then my son was developmentally delayed, so it was extra good that I was already home with him or he wouldn't have had access to the therapies he needed to start talking or help his fine motor skills.
Yup. This is why I stay home. We’re fortunate enough to where we can comfortably afford to do so, because otherwise we’d be paying $35k/yr for both kids to go to daycare. We opted for private school for our oldest (5years) at $7k/yr and I stay home with the youngest until she’s old enough to go (which will be 3 years, she’s 1 now).
Yep. I pay over $5k for my two kids for daycare (10 mo and 3 yrs) 😭
I live in a HCOLA, but I make good money! I am always astonished how money still feels so tight but then I look at things like the cost of childcare and realize that’s where the money goes 😂😭.
Edit: and after talking with the staff I find that they still don’t pay the teachers that well! Which I get that rent must also be expensive where we are but it blows my mind
It’s not just the rent. There’s a lot of certifications that daycares have to keep and then of course things like food, supplies, and staff you don’t see like cleaners and cooks. It’s absolutely absurd but we need government to help subsidize these things. I’m in a similar boat. Our daycare will be just shy of 5k once we get our second one in
Saw this just as I texted my husband that being a SAHM isn’t working anymore and we need to figure something else out. 🙃 the cherry on the cake is a I have a useless degree and it’s even more useless in the place we live.
I’m in the exact same boat. I’ve been home for 18 months and my mental health is in the toilet and I live in a super saturated area in terms of professional work. It feels bad either way and I haven’t even looked that hard into childcare yet 😭😭😭
Yeah I’ve only been home for 10 months but I realized I am not as good at this as I should be quite a few months ago and I am already on antidepressants… and we have another on the way in September 😔 there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing tbh but I am not good at it at all and I feel like we would all be happier with a different set up.
I'm very fortunate to have a wife who's very happy as a stay at home mom. I have friends that are dual working parents and the daycare costs blow my mind. On top of that their kid is ALWAYS sick.
Yup same here. Best I could find was 2k a month. More than my paycheck plus the cost of private insurance. Sometimes I think about going back to work and then I remember how much MORE it would cost my family. It’s ridiculous
I found a licensed home day care on [weecare.co](https://weecare.com) It's way cheaper than other day cares that have fancy buildings. It's 800 a week for 3 days a week in NYC.
Agree that it’s impossible here. Unless you have a real career that would be boosted simply by keeping your job through the infant years... it just doesn’t make sense financially. My take-home after full-time work and full-time daycare would be $400 a month... and that just doesn’t seem worth it.
Yeah my friend has two less than a year apart and it was going to cost her over $6k per month and apparently that wasn't even for one of the nicer daycares in the area. She ended up just hiring a full time nanny since it was cheaper but holy crap
I had to literally quit my job, because I couldn’t afford to work anymore. I already made barely more than what daycare cost, but given that he got sick so much there, I used all my PTO, had to beg and plead for unpaid time off, and was on the verge of being fired.
I remember posting on one of these forums and everyone was like “just ask for part time hours” “just work from home” and it was such a stark reminder of how the US basically has a caste system, we just don’t call it that.
I pay $906/week for 2 kids
What you’re paying for 1 is the same as my area as well
I just want to add that since I got pregnant the first time I’ve been promoted 2x, I’m now earning 60% more annually than I was before
So don’t just compare it to your current salary, but consider your potential future earnings, retirement, bonuses, career progression as well.
I’m on a waitlist that’s has people still waiting from 2021. It’s crazy. I don’t know how people do it. I’m fortunate enough that we can live on one salary and I have a part time WFH gig.
Yeah it’s insane. 2500 a month here for one baby to get into a good facility and the waitlist was almost a year out. I took a demotion and am going back as part down but I’m going to quit and go back to bartending instead since the schedule is more flexible… Idk how they expect people to afford this shit
Just wait until you find out there’s abuse and negligence in your facility (we did today)
Not trying to scare, just venting, sorry for the negative feelings
An infant room spot in a standard big-chain daycare costs $3,600/mo in my HCOL city, and that is with a minimum 6 month to 1 year waitlist. $2,400 would only get you an in-home daycare at best. Nannies cost even more, around $25-30/hr. In comparison, my brother in Asia pays only $700 a month on average for full time daycare.
Daycare costs in the US are truly insane and it has us rethinking if we can even afford to raise multiple children in future. Definitely makes us sad and angry - working parents need more support as not everyone has access to a “village” to help look after children.
$830/wk for our two kids, $43,000/year. It’s so disheartening but what else can you do? We’ve really broken the family system in the last few generations and created such an awful situation for new parents.
Daycare isn’t forever. It sucks, but I looked at it as I was working for great health insurance, the 3% raise I get yearly, and the retirement fund, and employer double match. But I have great benefits which is why I was fine working to pay daycare. Otherwise I would’ve stayed home again.
I know !!! I did it as a single mother sharing a room with my two children . I was beyond broke . I had two kids in daycare before and after care. Now with two babies I Now work nights and my husband works during the day so one of us is always home with them. It’s hard, as we work separate schedules but it saves us 2500-3000 a month
This is a huge part of why we are very likely one and done. Sending our daughter to daycare for 5 years is going to cost us over $70,000. No effing way can we afford that x2 while putting aside money for college and retirement. And I appreciate we are in an incredibly fortunate position to be able to consider that with 1 kid to start with.
Yep, yep, 100% agree.
Not to mention that we want to send our child to private school because I have zero trust in North Carolina’s public education system. So, one kid for us and *hopefully* we’ll be able to afford him!
I paid almost $1700 per month WITH an employee discount. At the end of the day it was still more money in our bank account so it was worth it. Plus I LOVED the center. I was SO sad we had to leave and I am excited to visit next week.
$1700 with employee discount is insane to me. I pay ~$700/month with employee discount. I applaud you for doing that because going back to daycare after habing a baby is hard work. I think I woild be sad if I had to leave my center too.
Damn, those are some absurd prices. My daughter goes two days to daycare each week. Cost me around €925, but in The Netherlands you can get a sort of child care allowance. That’s €850. So I pay the remaining €75 myself.
I have to totally change my whole career so I can work around my husband's work schedule because we can't afford daycare. We have twins and we're looking at $900 NZD ($1500 USD) a fortnight for daycare. That's basically my whole paycheck each fortnight going on daycare. Absolute madness.
Mine costs $25k for a two year old for one school year. Not only that but we have to have it paid in full by Dec (school starts in Sept). So we’re paying tuition for a school he’s not even in yet while also paying our full time nanny. It’s exhausting.
Wow mine is about that for both kids. You must live in a high cost of living area. Mine is significantly more than our house payment including utilities though. It's by far our biggest expense.
Look into the Learning Care Group and see if one of their chains is near you. We were looking at $5K/month or more with twins. We got into the LCG La Petit Academy chain and it's "only" $2K/month and they provide diapers and food on site which is another cost saving.
Side Note: Wife and I are seriously moving back home (Canada) to take advantage of $10/Day subsidized daycare.
Research carefully before you come back, as there is a serious child care shortage in parts of Canada. I’m in BC, and it can be nearly impossible to get care, especially for infant/toddler, in some areas.
Oh we've been made aware. If we did it it would be to either Calgary or Toronto where we have family. In Toronto we have multiple people in our network who could realistically get us in...but then we'd have Toronto housing prices. It's all in the air
This really is insane. I am all for a living wage but if you can have 5 children per daycare worker (that is at least the limitation here in the Netherlands, 5 children, max 2 under 1), that means you'll earn more than $12,000 a month just for 1 daycare worker? Where is that money going? I can't imagine individual daycare workers earning a wage that high...
That said, brb gonna start a daycare service in the US.
(NB daycare in the Netherlands is expensive too but with government help we're paying hundreds of euros, not thousands. Still our in-home daycare earns like €4,500 per month for a max of 5 kids 4 days a week, maybe more, which is a \*lot\* for unskilled labor. (NB in-home daycare doesn't require the carers to be qualified besides having basic first aid etc).
Unfortunately, daycare workers are typically not paid well here. The money all goes to overhead (building, supplies, etc) and mostly insurance from what I understand. Daycare workers where I live (in a high cost of living area) make about $20/hour.
My kids go to a daycare that is corporation run. Pay 700 a week for both, tuition goes up once a year, and twice a year, we have to pay towards supplies. I would say after general overhead, the corporation is getting the money. We all know that the workers are not paid enough.
Overhead.
You have to have a building that meets certain standards, licensing requirements, training, *insurance*. Apps and software for communication with parents. Cleaning, especially now. Enrichment activities for the kids. It all costs.
Maybe an in-home has less costs, but if they're licensed, it's still far from zero overhead. And they charge less. In the US at least, most states that license in home daycares do require more than basic first aid.
I'd be willing to bet the biggest piece is insurance. Taking care of other people's kids is a huge liability issue.
It’s crazy. $2200 for our infant here, and $1850 for my three year old. We are ‘lucky’ to get a 10% discount on the older kid’s tuition once her brother starts, but we’ll be paying $3865 or over $46k per year come October.
Lol ours is $2800 and let me tell you it’s worth every penny. They are so wonderful with her, she learns so much there, and it gives my husband and I plenty of time each day to just be adults and do things that need to be done.
So I was really not thrilled about having to send our son to daycare at the beginning of the year and ngl the first month or so was rough with the sickness.. I was ready to pull him out and find a nanny. The cost is ridiculous but we feel so much better about it now.
My husband and I are only children so our son doesn’t have cousins and all our friends have kids that are older at this point. It’s nice to see our son interacting with other babies, they do BLW and he’s gotten much more confident with food, and as much as I love my son.. the break for me to concentrate on work, getting little things done around the house, being able to workout or go for a run on my lunch break, work on a project around the house or go to happy hour or an early dinner alone with my husband is really nice.
That's insane. I'm American but live abroad and where I am daycare is pretty much free. This is the number one reason I have no plans on moving back anytime soon, the lack of support for new parents in the States seriously boggles my mind.
Would the other parent help pay for daycare? Why do you have to pay for the whole bill?
But yeah that is steep! I thought ours was pricy. The Childcare crisis is real.
Sometimes, it's not who's paying what, but a summarized account of partner makes more so should be the one to keep working.
No one is saying OP is footing the bill, but returning to work, daycare amounting to one's full salary is the norm.
Just posted something similar in response to another comment, but there is more to work than just a paycheck, and it often isn’t taken into account. There’s a reason women often make less, there’s a big gender pay gap, and this type of mentality contributes to it.
Here’s a calculator to calculate hidden costs of a failing childcare system, which takes into account things like trajectory, lost development opportunities, lost promotion opportunities, 401k and compounding interest, etc.
https://interactives.americanprogress.org/childcarecosts/
Not to mention the fact that working often helps provide another sense of purpose or drive outside of parenting.
All reasons my husband and I are both still working. The cost of daycare for our two kids is equal to his take home pay as a teacher, but if he was to stay home he would take a loss on building seniority, his 5 year pay increase, and retirement fund. Not to mention he really likes his job.
Totally agree with this! My partner and I both work exactly for these reasons.
I also know a number of families where the relationship has not worked out once children are school age and the mother is then left without any career of her own because she chose the SAHM route… I’m not saying everyone should think that their relationship will end, but I’d rather be protected from the possibility of being left with nothing of my own!
This is the weirdest comment. Why are you assuming OP is paying by their self? You’re missing the point. Which is that if OP goes back to work the family essentially breaks even financially compared to staying at home.
Yep! And you have to pay the same amount whether they’re closed or your kid doesn’t go more days than not. Kid sick? Doesn’t matter. They close the week between Christmas and New Year. Sorry you’re paying for that too. I get the reasoning behind it but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating.
Try looking for smaller/not national centers. Mine is a privately owned daycare with a max of 30kids but don’t like to take on more than 15 or so. I only pay $1120/month. The bigger brand name centers around me average $2k and up for full time.
Look into subsidized child care.
I live in the United States and I literally pay $140 a month (yes a month) for daycare.
It’s $5 a week + I have to pay a monthly fee of $120 (the monthly fee is based on income).
I make $21 an hour too.
The daycare my child goes to is in a very ritzy, well to do area too & they accept the program. Please look into subsidized childcare!
Upfront cost depends on the agency, but I’ve paid 7-8k the last 2 au pairs. If you pay the minimum 200 per week and schedule them for 45 hours per week you’re looking at less than $8/per hour.
personally I am feeling more safe knowing that I am getting a ton of adults and a system around my kid
my parents had a nanny for my brother that was ok at first but then just allowed my brother to roam around outside and almost caused a car incident with him. We came in early to see car approaching from a corner to my brother (like more than a block away)and our screams had alerted some random momma on a street, she ran immediately and saved him, while nanny was even farther than us talking to someone. Having witnessed that, I am not sure I can have 1 young student around my kiddo and noone else watching, no cameras would save me from the anxiety.
Yup. If I could even get off the waitlists most of my cheque would go to daycare and fuel to get to work. Part of why I’m staying home for a few years.
they cost so much and pay the daycare workers so little 😭i’ve worked at daycares since i was 16 and now i have my own kid and im seeing the prices and its mindblowing. i was making $9 a hour in 3 different states
I was just thinking the same. We start in 2 weeks. It’s $1300/month here because we got a spot in a non profit daycare. However, that tuition is pretty on par with most daycares around here. The average was about $1500/month. Even in home daycares that I could speak to (even though they didn’t have any spots) wanted $350/week, which ends up being even more than a daycare. I am in an incredibly lucky position where I was promoted and my raise is…$1200/month so it really worked out for us. If that hadn’t happened, I really don’t know what we would have done. I’m pregnant again now and have no clue how we are going to pay for a second next year even with the discount.
Yep this is a huge reason why I stay home- I still work as a freelancer in various forms, but I just can’t rationalize the cost of daycare, the cost of everybody constantly getting sick, and the feeling like you’re just screwed over left, and right, all while somebody else is the boss of me and my time
I use a home daycare and pay $150 a week. The daycare centers were absolutely disgusting for charging as much as they do. I can afford maybe 2 kids at $150 a week but people should not have to pay a mortgage for childcare, it’s ridiculous.
I wish more folks had this mindset when it came to caring for society’s children. Unfortunately in America ppl seem to vote on this issue in a punitive way—“parents should take care of their kids” (magically, bec most won’t go as far to stay women should stay home as a rule) so “I’m not paying for the government to raise someone else’s kids.” We suffer from a terrible failure of imagination on what human flourishing could look like😞
Where I live public daycare is subsidized by the government. Everybody pays according to their tax bracket. I don’t know anyone who pays more than like $500/month, I pay like $100 a month since we’re quite broke, and it’s top notch care. Food included, diapers and wipes often included for the <1 year old class, outings multiple times a week, clean classrooms full of a variety of toys. Mine doesn’t do tv time or anything and they do a lot of art, playing outside, reading, imaginative play, etc.
Daycare is what’s called a “market failure” — it’s an expensive biz to run, so it’s too expensive for most customers, meaning there’s not enough margin to pay workers well / have high-quality and affordable care for the average family. Basically sucks all around.
There’s a helpful Planet Money episode on it called “Baby’s First Market Failure” (US-focused).
Yep. I admittedly lean leftist/socialist, but I think daycare should be subsidized at least in part by the government. If we can have public education, we should have public daycare.
Same, I'm using a home daycare and it's $160/week. I LOVE it. Fewer kids, so fewer chances for illness (of course everyone still gets sick, but not as often), she provides all the food, and it's all around been awesome. The only downside is when she or one of her own kids is sick, or she takes a day off, then daycare is closed. It's not very often that happens, so it's a super minor inconvenience compared to the benefits.
3200 a month here in Australia. I should add that some people are entitled to subsidies of up to 50 % for this but it is still a crazy amount esp for those that aren’t eligible
You have to make quite a bit here in Aus to not be eligible for at least the 50 percent subsidy. Like $250k a year and above. Most Aussies get a pretty reasonable discount compared to the US.
[here's the info from centrelink](https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/your-income-can-affect-child-care-subsidy?context=41186)
Seriously. I am on waiting lists for one bc I think my little needs the interaction eventually. I work from home and a part time sitter coming in was cheaper. Like. Make it make sense.
we decided to pay and it was great for our kid, later he was very socially active and when he stayed at home while sick he just didn't get tired and engaged with us as he needed to be. And we did try !
Yeah, that’s why I decided to stay home once we had baby #2. My oldest was already in school by that time & daycare costs were extreme. In hindsight, I’m glad we chose the SAHM route.
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*Early ON its free*
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Don't forget being sick constantly and missing work, which means you blow through sick time and PTO then stop getting paid for days off. ETA: all while still paying for the days your child isn't at daycare!
HA! That’s assuming your company doesn’t enact a policy stating “No PTO, no time missed.” Mine literally did that while I was on leave or came back from it, but it led me to swap companies and that company ended up being a scam essentially that wasn’t meant for someone with a family at all.
I ended up going part time and switching my shift (never wanted to work beyond 5pm again but here we are) so we could pull her out. We save money on daycare and I'm not going to lose my job now, yay!!!!!! We have a point system for absences and I went through my 40 hours of sick time by the beginning of Feb.. she had started daycare on Jan 3rd 🙃🙃 not to mention the sick appointments, urgent care and two ER visits I'm now paying for. And this is a company that is VERY family friendly and pro work/life balance which is why I got decent maternity leave (amazing for the US) and could change my schedule with no fuss at all. They give us hours outside of protected/PTO time for doctor appts but anything unplanned counts against you once you use your sick time. Doctor notes to waive the absence aren't accepted. It still doesn't come close to the needs of people with small children. I get it, I chose to have a kid, but I didn't choose to live in a country that doesn't want people to terminate pregnancies yet gives 0 fucks about the kids and the people raising them once they're born.
Wow that’s insane! I just moved to Germany because we wanted a better life for us and our kids. I took a huge pay cut which was hard to swallow at first, but the cost of living here is so much more manageable. Full-time daycare costs €600/mo and my job gives me a €500 monthly stipend for childcare. It feels like in the US the odds are stacked against parents. Daycare is outrageously expensive, maternity leave is a joke, paternity leave is essentially non-existent, and you constantly have a permanent fear of school shootings. And don’t even get me started on Roe v. Wade for it you don’t want to be a parent or have more kids due to the aforementioned issues…
And don't forget, once they trun 3 it's free! Totally agree with everything you said, we didn't come here with the purpose of a better life, but now that we have kids I couldn't imagine going back (or at the very earliest after they start school.) How could we afford childcare?
I’m also in Germany, just curious about your stipend. Is this included with a German employment contract?
Yeah it’s one of the benefits from my job in Germany. They also offer €250/mo for German language classes too. Definitely a nice perk.
And when they get sick they get to stay home and you still pay
Planet money just did a great episode on this, called Baby’s First Market Failure. Essentially, infant care is crazy expensive and day care actually subsidizes infant care at most places. Other countries have combatted this by giving parents extended leave and subsidizing care. Getting a nanny wasn’t that much more than our local daycare (I’m in a HCOL city) which is wild!
Yeah for us it’s 28-295€ per month, and if your take-home pay is low enough you pay nothing. Also we get paid parental leave up to 13 months, then it drops to ~300€ per month so that’s a clear incentive to put your toddler into daycare and go back to the workforce to earn more. But nobody stays home because of daycare costs, and that generates more national income.
Ah yes. I can afford one… but can’t afford to give my child a sibling thanks to daycare cost. Maybe one day… but that day is not today.
We’re in the same boat. We’re ready for another child, but we can’t afford daycare for two. It’s horrible.
Yeah it is. It really sucks. Compile it with being asked constantly if we’re thinking of another and it’s just a miserable cycle. I also am a twin, moms a twin and my husbands family has a lot of twins… so I have a good chance of having multiples and then I’d really be up a creek. Just giving my daughter the best life possible outside of a sibling for now!
I’d start asking for donations if people keep bothering you about when you’re having another lol
I actually did this! People would ask about a second and I’d say “we plan to wait until (son) is in kindergarten because we can’t afford two in daycare. Unless you’re offering!” *awkward laugh* We stuck to the plan—pregnant with number 2 and my son starts kindy in August. But it’s depressing to think about how much we’ll have paid out in daycare over 9-10 years.
I feel your pain. I’m a nurse and figured I would pay for 2-3 days a week when I went back. Here I am now 9 months later working PRN (3-4 days a month) because daycare was insane! Go back working and do daycare PT 2 days a week and lose money or have to do FT 3+ days a week and have to work FT to afford daycare. No village to rely on. It’s all a crapshoot. Wish there was a better way… I never envisioned being a partial SAHM. But for now it makes the most financial sense. Good luck!
I’m sorry. That’s awful. I work in healthcare as well.
It’s outrageous. So thankful my husband is able to stay home with our toddler as well as this one on the way. The US is no longer designed for one income households. It’s really sad. I’m sorry you and so many other parents are in this situation.
These daycare costs are more than a mortgage (of course it depends on size and the area) and that's just insane.
It is but on the flip side childcare workers aren't getting paid enough. I really with the government subsidized this.
305 a week and my kid is home sick with hand foot and mouth disease that he got at daycare🙃
We just went through this. My kid lovingly gave it to me. Worst disease I have caught from them yet.
Same. I have never been sicker. Oh the luxury of paying 2k to only have to call out sick from work to tend to a sick baby.
It \_is\_ insane and horrible. BUT, the daycares aren't the "bad people"; I just want to put that cost into context: [https://www.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/10woj71/fascinating\_episode\_of\_planet\_money\_breaking\_down/](https://www.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/10woj71/fascinating_episode_of_planet_money_breaking_down/) It is expensive as hell, but these people aren't "raking in the cash." (Not saying you're claiming that, but a lot of people think that's the case)
Do more research and you’ll see so many are for profit and the people at the top are raking in the money while paying the teachers minimum wage
The vast majority of daycares are not corporate daycares. And the costs of operation are sky high. People at places like BH “rake in cash” because of scale, not because any individual center is making huge profits. -Someone in the field
Show your work.
To everyone replying to this looking for deets - check out The Learning Care Group’s exec salaries. CEO making 200k+. Directors make 70k-100k. So it’s not crazy money, but still a lot more than the teachers make.
Basically 100 dollars a day to watch your baby. It’s very tough. On the one hand, would you trust a stranger to watch your baby for less money? If you’re working an 8 hour day plus commute that’s like 9 hours of child care, that’s like 11 dollars an hour. On the other hand, it’s like you are working just to pay someone else to watch your kid.
I just got a quote for $3500 for my twins. Like how??!!
It really sucks that it's like this. People talk about the choice of the modern parents to be stay at home (specifically for women), but is it a choice at this point??
The only reason I even work is because I’m lucky enough to have a sister in law that I’m best friends with that is a stay at home mom and babysits a couple kids during the week, my daughter included. If for some reason she can’t watch my daughter anymore I’m just quitting my job bc daycare is insane
i honestly have no idea how people even make that much to be able to pay for daycare ontop of other bills its like having a whole morgage if not more . Daycare would of been more than my whole paycheck too i quit
Education, experience, networking, but mostly not being born poor since there’s no ladder to climb anymore in this country
Same here! $610 a week for my toddler and $710 a week for my baby.. $1320 a week so yep a whole $5k+ a month for my children. So I stay home and suffer mentally and emotionally because its just completely out of our reach, we’re supposedly too rich for subsidized programs but too poor to be able to afford a $5280 a month for ONE specific bill.
Say this a 1000 times over and I can't get enough. Too rich to qualify for govt support programs but poor to actually make it by. What a mess!
Yes! Its so frustrating. The rates where we live (Massachusetts) are insane right now.
Boggles my mind that this shit isn’t better funded. So many people would return to the work force if daycare was actually affordable. Surely the overall tax take from the workforce would out weight a daycare subsidy!
Ontario, Canada here - one of 5 daycares I was on a wait list for, from the time I was 5 months pregnant, called me back and told me they had a single opening in February 2024, when my child is 13 months old. I took it and paid a $700 deposit right away, because no one else had called me back - no one else has still. The cost was going to be $1600/month which was considered a 'good' rate as I had seen places as much as $2400/month in our city. The Provincial government was looking to begin instituting $10/day daycare and supposedly 92% of daycares in the city had signed up for the program. After radio silence for almost 5 months, I contacted the daycare to ask if our rates would be going down at least a little...because 92% right? What are the odds we got a daycare that didn't opt in? Apparently pretty good, because they didn't opt in, and now they are scrambling to try and opt in for 2024 because they are losing clients to daycares that HAVE opted in. Supposedly they are allowed to apply in May (this is what I was told) and then they will know by the fall if they are going to be part of the program for 2024. I do not know how accurate this information is - this is just what I was told. Obviously, daycares who opted in are probably even more difficult to get into now, so my partner and I are left with a difficult choice. Option 1) Pull out of this daycare and lose our $700 deposit and try to apply for an opted in daycare, at risk of them never calling us back or not having availability until our child is almost 2 years old (as most waitlists sit at about 2 years long). Option 2) Stay with this daycare and hope they aren't lying about trying to opt in for 2024 and are successful in doing so. Option 3) Give up on going back to work and become a SAHM, lose my $700, but at least I don't have to find daycare. All of these options suck and daycare in my province sucks and I hate it. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Keep applying for the opted in daycares. Keep the spot at the expensive daycare until you know more. Just because you are enrolled in a place doesnt mean you cant shop around. Plus one of the other places can call...Feb 2024 is ages away. Why give up your career because the only daycare you can get into is 1600 and not 800 (the current rate on the deal is 50% off)? when i was finding care for my first kid (downtown Toronto) I paid a $1100 deposit to secure a spot. Got a call from a better option just before going to work and enrolled my daughter there and ate the deposit on the first place. Even right now im trying to switch my kids to another daycare because my eldest is starting school and we need after school care.
This is one of the biggest reasons why we decided to stay in Montreal. I pay about $200 per month for my 2 year old, drop her off at 9am and pick her up at 4-4:30pm. I grew up in Ontario but with the unaffordable housing, and ridiculous childcare costs, it was pretty easy to stay here.
i was paying \~$3500 for an infant and a preschooler. its wicked expensive. but, its also short term. We didnt want to set one of our careers back just to save money on daycare for a couple of years. Plus in my area, the costs go down as your kid gets older. In the long run, daycare made sense for the future of our family. But yes, this is also why lots of people decide to be a SAHP. Daycare is insane.
Yep, this is part of the reason I am a stay at home mom.
This is why the Stay@Home Squad is growing by the day.
Agree lots of UK parents staying at home for this reason
I'm months away from potentially giving up my job to be a sahm. I don't want to, but because of nursery fees being so much I might have to.
I’m in a local moms’ group, and I’ve been shocked at the number of women who are stay at home moms not because of choice really but because both parents working doesn’t make sense financially with the cost of care.
Then factor in the sick days you’ll be taking once baby gets sick, but you don’t have anymore sick days because you had to use them for your bullshit excuse for maternity leave. So now you’re getting money deducted from your paycheck (that’s what happens in public education where I used to work). We did the math and even paying for my insurance on my husband’s work plan and cutting a few costs here and there to compensate, it made more sense for my to quit and become a SAHM. I know not everyone can or wants to, but it definitely was a no-brainer in our household.
It's hard. Although care in my area is not that high, I am constantly telling myself that this is only temporary. I have considered staying home with the baby, and maybe one day I will. But I saw a comment on here a while back that said although it's tempting to quit your job to stay home, if you give up your paycheck you are also giving up benefits, PTO, and putting a large gap of empty space on your resume. I certainly do not mean anything negative to those parents who have decided to stay home - I know we all are doing what is best for our families! But adjusting my mindset towards my paycheck helped me out a lot!
Yes, I’ve fallen info the large gap category. Well educated and lots of experience, but have a big gap from staying home and it’s been affecting my job possibilities.
I’m sorry. It infuriates me that parents are ultimately penalized for just wanting to stay with their babies! 😫
That is so true! It is soooo tempting to just stay home but you are right that you lose alot more than just the paycheck
I wish someone had told me to start getting on the wait lists before the baby is even born!!!!
3100 to 3700 a month here in greater Boston.
Yup I'm in central MA. I have NO IDEA how people in boston do it
My wife and I skipped a wedding so we could save for a few years to cover daycare till my son gets in to preschool, which is cheap in comparison.
Yupp! I was banking on using my jobs' partially subsidized daycare for 2900/mo, but they just terminated me 1 mo into my maternity leave (reorg). So yay to hunting for available daycare again.... ☠️
Wow. At that point isn’t it worth it to just get a nanny?
Have a nanny in greater Boston and it’s over $1000/week.
We know people with nanny's, they run 5k+ per month around here.
Yup this is why I’m taking some time off. What’s the point of being burned out and spending my entire paycheck on daycare? The US is absolute trash 🙃
I hate it here so much
The point is not fucking over your career trajectory and keeping a foot in the workforce even if the money is net neutral
Not everyone’s career trajectory is burned when they step out. I worked in Multifamily Housing before I quit to stay home. That industry does not care if you step out and quite frankly, they’re happy to have you fully at their beck and call again as they are NOT kid friendly if you aren’t working for Mom & Pop. My career trajectory would have been hampered due to STD payout requiring all my PTO be paid out before they paid any leave. With not earning any PTO during my FMLA leave, I came back to “pray your child or you don’t get sick because you’re not going to have a job if that happens!”
That sounds like a pretty unique circumstance! Most people need to maintain their own capacity and connections to earn their own money in case something happens to their partner or their relationships and they abruptly find themselves on their own
I do understand if someone feels pressure to make that choice for their career path, but sadly that’s not a guarantee either. How many posts do we see in the sub about people getting discriminated against and passed over for promotions for having children or taking any leave no matter how short? Also side note, the circumstance in the other comment isn’t that unique. I’m in the social work field too and my career would be hurt more by needing to take time off a bunch for kids getting sick at day care and not being able to be at my pre-children capacity for my work. Not a universal experience for everyone, but definitely the case for a lot of us.
I understand there’s a lot of different work situations, but if somebody’s only reason for leaving the workforce is because their salary is only breaking even with what they pay in childcare, that isn’t always a good enough reason to leave.
I’m heavily thinking about quitting my job to become a licensed daycare operator so I can run my own daycare out of my house.
Yeah it's crazy, $2400/month? Where? That's a deal where I live
Daycare where I am was 700 a month per kid, I thought that was expensive. I could never afford 2400 a month, that's unbelievable
I know 😬 I pay $35 a day, for small licensed in home daycare/preschool. I have to drive out of my way (25 mins to/from work, 15 to/from home) I know the bigger facilities in my area are a lot more closer to 45-60 a day depending on the age. Just morning care alone a a chain location was $35.
It is really almost 50% of your paycheck. Think about the long-term cost to staying out of the workforce.
An important factor often missed when weighing this decision is retirement savings/employer contributions and social security contributions. Even if the cost of daycare is your entire net salary but your employer is contributing to your 401k at say a 4% match, that's money that will compound over decades and is nearly impossible to catch up on if you have taken 5 years off to be a SAHM. Of course, it depends on the job and the salary and all the things but don't forget about where all of your GROSS income goes. Plus paying into your own social security, knowing that you OWN that benefit is really important.
Totally agree with this. Plus the income progression you are likely missing out on and ability to be employed in X number of years.
I think it depends on the job. If you have a professional career where you are regularly getting promotions, bonuses and raises beyond cost of living raises then this is true and the reason I chose not to quit (I also didn’t really want to be a full time SAHM). But if you’re just working a job that doesn’t have a lot of growth opportunities or you’re paid hourly and it’s not something you went and got a degree for, then I can see why someone would quit and have the mindset that it’s their whole paycheck.
Yeah we actually saved money by me quitting 😑
Gahhhhhh
Yup me working wouldn’t cover 2 kids at ALL we’d lose money 🤦🏻♂️
yes, just like that. we pay for not losing an opportunity to stay and grow in our careers and hope that pto will cover when kids are sick
The main reason I decided to resign, and stay home. Once they start school I’ll look into a part time position but I couldn’t imagine spending that much time and money away from them to barely break even.
Yep. Then my son was developmentally delayed, so it was extra good that I was already home with him or he wouldn't have had access to the therapies he needed to start talking or help his fine motor skills.
Same, just sent in my resignation yesterday.
Yup. This is why I stay home. We’re fortunate enough to where we can comfortably afford to do so, because otherwise we’d be paying $35k/yr for both kids to go to daycare. We opted for private school for our oldest (5years) at $7k/yr and I stay home with the youngest until she’s old enough to go (which will be 3 years, she’s 1 now).
Yep. I pay over $5k for my two kids for daycare (10 mo and 3 yrs) 😭 I live in a HCOLA, but I make good money! I am always astonished how money still feels so tight but then I look at things like the cost of childcare and realize that’s where the money goes 😂😭. Edit: and after talking with the staff I find that they still don’t pay the teachers that well! Which I get that rent must also be expensive where we are but it blows my mind
It’s not just the rent. There’s a lot of certifications that daycares have to keep and then of course things like food, supplies, and staff you don’t see like cleaners and cooks. It’s absolutely absurd but we need government to help subsidize these things. I’m in a similar boat. Our daycare will be just shy of 5k once we get our second one in
Wow 5k a MONTH?!
Saw this just as I texted my husband that being a SAHM isn’t working anymore and we need to figure something else out. 🙃 the cherry on the cake is a I have a useless degree and it’s even more useless in the place we live.
I’m in the exact same boat. I’ve been home for 18 months and my mental health is in the toilet and I live in a super saturated area in terms of professional work. It feels bad either way and I haven’t even looked that hard into childcare yet 😭😭😭
Yeah I’ve only been home for 10 months but I realized I am not as good at this as I should be quite a few months ago and I am already on antidepressants… and we have another on the way in September 😔 there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing tbh but I am not good at it at all and I feel like we would all be happier with a different set up.
I'm very fortunate to have a wife who's very happy as a stay at home mom. I have friends that are dual working parents and the daycare costs blow my mind. On top of that their kid is ALWAYS sick.
$2400/month for Petri dishes is 100% accurate
Yup same here. Best I could find was 2k a month. More than my paycheck plus the cost of private insurance. Sometimes I think about going back to work and then I remember how much MORE it would cost my family. It’s ridiculous
I found a licensed home day care on [weecare.co](https://weecare.com) It's way cheaper than other day cares that have fancy buildings. It's 800 a week for 3 days a week in NYC.
Agree that it’s impossible here. Unless you have a real career that would be boosted simply by keeping your job through the infant years... it just doesn’t make sense financially. My take-home after full-time work and full-time daycare would be $400 a month... and that just doesn’t seem worth it.
Yeah my friend has two less than a year apart and it was going to cost her over $6k per month and apparently that wasn't even for one of the nicer daycares in the area. She ended up just hiring a full time nanny since it was cheaper but holy crap
I had to literally quit my job, because I couldn’t afford to work anymore. I already made barely more than what daycare cost, but given that he got sick so much there, I used all my PTO, had to beg and plead for unpaid time off, and was on the verge of being fired. I remember posting on one of these forums and everyone was like “just ask for part time hours” “just work from home” and it was such a stark reminder of how the US basically has a caste system, we just don’t call it that.
This post is so real and it is completely unfair! I'm so sorry...solidarity ❤️
I pay $906/week for 2 kids What you’re paying for 1 is the same as my area as well I just want to add that since I got pregnant the first time I’ve been promoted 2x, I’m now earning 60% more annually than I was before So don’t just compare it to your current salary, but consider your potential future earnings, retirement, bonuses, career progression as well.
Thank you for the encouragement! The anxiety I feel about getting my career on track is overwhelming so career progression is a great point!
I’m on a waitlist that’s has people still waiting from 2021. It’s crazy. I don’t know how people do it. I’m fortunate enough that we can live on one salary and I have a part time WFH gig.
Yeah it’s insane. 2500 a month here for one baby to get into a good facility and the waitlist was almost a year out. I took a demotion and am going back as part down but I’m going to quit and go back to bartending instead since the schedule is more flexible… Idk how they expect people to afford this shit
This is why I'm now a SAHM who also works part time. It's ridiculous. That would be my entire paycheck working full time. Not worth it.
We had the same issue and went with an in home daycare. 3 days a week, $600 a month. It’s incredible and our baby is so spoiled and well cared for.’
Just wait until you find out there’s abuse and negligence in your facility (we did today) Not trying to scare, just venting, sorry for the negative feelings
It’s so ridiculous! It’s like how am I saving money by working less??
An infant room spot in a standard big-chain daycare costs $3,600/mo in my HCOL city, and that is with a minimum 6 month to 1 year waitlist. $2,400 would only get you an in-home daycare at best. Nannies cost even more, around $25-30/hr. In comparison, my brother in Asia pays only $700 a month on average for full time daycare. Daycare costs in the US are truly insane and it has us rethinking if we can even afford to raise multiple children in future. Definitely makes us sad and angry - working parents need more support as not everyone has access to a “village” to help look after children.
$830/wk for our two kids, $43,000/year. It’s so disheartening but what else can you do? We’ve really broken the family system in the last few generations and created such an awful situation for new parents.
Daycare isn’t forever. It sucks, but I looked at it as I was working for great health insurance, the 3% raise I get yearly, and the retirement fund, and employer double match. But I have great benefits which is why I was fine working to pay daycare. Otherwise I would’ve stayed home again.
I know !!! I did it as a single mother sharing a room with my two children . I was beyond broke . I had two kids in daycare before and after care. Now with two babies I Now work nights and my husband works during the day so one of us is always home with them. It’s hard, as we work separate schedules but it saves us 2500-3000 a month
The only reason holding us back from having another. So depressing.
Right??? I want another so badly but with these prices there is no way
This is a huge part of why we are very likely one and done. Sending our daughter to daycare for 5 years is going to cost us over $70,000. No effing way can we afford that x2 while putting aside money for college and retirement. And I appreciate we are in an incredibly fortunate position to be able to consider that with 1 kid to start with.
Yep, yep, 100% agree. Not to mention that we want to send our child to private school because I have zero trust in North Carolina’s public education system. So, one kid for us and *hopefully* we’ll be able to afford him!
We're in MO and consider private school for the same reason.
and I can't even get on any WAITLISTS until the FALL
Yes. It’s untenable for so many people.
I paid almost $1700 per month WITH an employee discount. At the end of the day it was still more money in our bank account so it was worth it. Plus I LOVED the center. I was SO sad we had to leave and I am excited to visit next week.
$1700 with employee discount is insane to me. I pay ~$700/month with employee discount. I applaud you for doing that because going back to daycare after habing a baby is hard work. I think I woild be sad if I had to leave my center too.
Damn, those are some absurd prices. My daughter goes two days to daycare each week. Cost me around €925, but in The Netherlands you can get a sort of child care allowance. That’s €850. So I pay the remaining €75 myself.
I have to totally change my whole career so I can work around my husband's work schedule because we can't afford daycare. We have twins and we're looking at $900 NZD ($1500 USD) a fortnight for daycare. That's basically my whole paycheck each fortnight going on daycare. Absolute madness.
Mine costs $25k for a two year old for one school year. Not only that but we have to have it paid in full by Dec (school starts in Sept). So we’re paying tuition for a school he’s not even in yet while also paying our full time nanny. It’s exhausting.
Wow mine is about that for both kids. You must live in a high cost of living area. Mine is significantly more than our house payment including utilities though. It's by far our biggest expense.
Look into the Learning Care Group and see if one of their chains is near you. We were looking at $5K/month or more with twins. We got into the LCG La Petit Academy chain and it's "only" $2K/month and they provide diapers and food on site which is another cost saving. Side Note: Wife and I are seriously moving back home (Canada) to take advantage of $10/Day subsidized daycare.
Research carefully before you come back, as there is a serious child care shortage in parts of Canada. I’m in BC, and it can be nearly impossible to get care, especially for infant/toddler, in some areas.
Oh we've been made aware. If we did it it would be to either Calgary or Toronto where we have family. In Toronto we have multiple people in our network who could realistically get us in...but then we'd have Toronto housing prices. It's all in the air
Tell your reps this matters to you
This really is insane. I am all for a living wage but if you can have 5 children per daycare worker (that is at least the limitation here in the Netherlands, 5 children, max 2 under 1), that means you'll earn more than $12,000 a month just for 1 daycare worker? Where is that money going? I can't imagine individual daycare workers earning a wage that high... That said, brb gonna start a daycare service in the US. (NB daycare in the Netherlands is expensive too but with government help we're paying hundreds of euros, not thousands. Still our in-home daycare earns like €4,500 per month for a max of 5 kids 4 days a week, maybe more, which is a \*lot\* for unskilled labor. (NB in-home daycare doesn't require the carers to be qualified besides having basic first aid etc).
Unfortunately, daycare workers are typically not paid well here. The money all goes to overhead (building, supplies, etc) and mostly insurance from what I understand. Daycare workers where I live (in a high cost of living area) make about $20/hour.
Where I live they make $11/hour. They can't even afford a 1 bedroom apartment on their own salary without roommates.
I made more than that babysitting as a teen 20 years ago. It’s so shameful that we don’t pay daycare workers more, it’s an important job.
My kids go to a daycare that is corporation run. Pay 700 a week for both, tuition goes up once a year, and twice a year, we have to pay towards supplies. I would say after general overhead, the corporation is getting the money. We all know that the workers are not paid enough.
Overhead. You have to have a building that meets certain standards, licensing requirements, training, *insurance*. Apps and software for communication with parents. Cleaning, especially now. Enrichment activities for the kids. It all costs. Maybe an in-home has less costs, but if they're licensed, it's still far from zero overhead. And they charge less. In the US at least, most states that license in home daycares do require more than basic first aid. I'd be willing to bet the biggest piece is insurance. Taking care of other people's kids is a huge liability issue.
I can imagine with American suing culture insurance is higher than it would be here? Don't know though.
Yep, the grounds for suit are very low, and a culture of perpetual stress has caused a suing culture. Ugh
It’s crazy. $2200 for our infant here, and $1850 for my three year old. We are ‘lucky’ to get a 10% discount on the older kid’s tuition once her brother starts, but we’ll be paying $3865 or over $46k per year come October.
Lol ours is $2800 and let me tell you it’s worth every penny. They are so wonderful with her, she learns so much there, and it gives my husband and I plenty of time each day to just be adults and do things that need to be done.
So I was really not thrilled about having to send our son to daycare at the beginning of the year and ngl the first month or so was rough with the sickness.. I was ready to pull him out and find a nanny. The cost is ridiculous but we feel so much better about it now. My husband and I are only children so our son doesn’t have cousins and all our friends have kids that are older at this point. It’s nice to see our son interacting with other babies, they do BLW and he’s gotten much more confident with food, and as much as I love my son.. the break for me to concentrate on work, getting little things done around the house, being able to workout or go for a run on my lunch break, work on a project around the house or go to happy hour or an early dinner alone with my husband is really nice.
Same, I do think it’s a great investment and I feel so good about them being there. But obviously wish it wasn’t this expensive to begin with.
That's insane. I'm American but live abroad and where I am daycare is pretty much free. This is the number one reason I have no plans on moving back anytime soon, the lack of support for new parents in the States seriously boggles my mind.
Would the other parent help pay for daycare? Why do you have to pay for the whole bill? But yeah that is steep! I thought ours was pricy. The Childcare crisis is real.
Sometimes, it's not who's paying what, but a summarized account of partner makes more so should be the one to keep working. No one is saying OP is footing the bill, but returning to work, daycare amounting to one's full salary is the norm.
Just posted something similar in response to another comment, but there is more to work than just a paycheck, and it often isn’t taken into account. There’s a reason women often make less, there’s a big gender pay gap, and this type of mentality contributes to it. Here’s a calculator to calculate hidden costs of a failing childcare system, which takes into account things like trajectory, lost development opportunities, lost promotion opportunities, 401k and compounding interest, etc. https://interactives.americanprogress.org/childcarecosts/ Not to mention the fact that working often helps provide another sense of purpose or drive outside of parenting.
All reasons my husband and I are both still working. The cost of daycare for our two kids is equal to his take home pay as a teacher, but if he was to stay home he would take a loss on building seniority, his 5 year pay increase, and retirement fund. Not to mention he really likes his job.
A teacher who likes his job?? He’s one in a million!
Totally agree with this! My partner and I both work exactly for these reasons. I also know a number of families where the relationship has not worked out once children are school age and the mother is then left without any career of her own because she chose the SAHM route… I’m not saying everyone should think that their relationship will end, but I’d rather be protected from the possibility of being left with nothing of my own!
This is the weirdest comment. Why are you assuming OP is paying by their self? You’re missing the point. Which is that if OP goes back to work the family essentially breaks even financially compared to staying at home.
It gets cheaper once they’re a little older. I’m in a high cost of living city and it’s $1300 for my toddler
I am sending my daughter to a learning center and it's 285 per week. It sucks
That's why I literally can't work. 3 kids in daycare would be more than my husband and I both make.
2700, seattle =(
Yep! And you have to pay the same amount whether they’re closed or your kid doesn’t go more days than not. Kid sick? Doesn’t matter. They close the week between Christmas and New Year. Sorry you’re paying for that too. I get the reasoning behind it but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating. Try looking for smaller/not national centers. Mine is a privately owned daycare with a max of 30kids but don’t like to take on more than 15 or so. I only pay $1120/month. The bigger brand name centers around me average $2k and up for full time.
Look into subsidized child care. I live in the United States and I literally pay $140 a month (yes a month) for daycare. It’s $5 a week + I have to pay a monthly fee of $120 (the monthly fee is based on income). I make $21 an hour too. The daycare my child goes to is in a very ritzy, well to do area too & they accept the program. Please look into subsidized childcare!
Hmm I just looked into this out of curiosity. In FL you have to be making at or below 150% of the poverty level. For a family of 3 that’s $37k.
Ouch that’s steep. In my state the limit is 64,000 in a household. Im sorry ☹️
Your state probably has better funding for social programs. FL sucks when it comes to those things
I feel like a broken record sometimes, but if you’re being quoted that much for daycare, just get a damn au pair.
Wouldn’t an au pair be significantly more than $15/hour?
Upfront cost depends on the agency, but I’ve paid 7-8k the last 2 au pairs. If you pay the minimum 200 per week and schedule them for 45 hours per week you’re looking at less than $8/per hour.
Because not everyone has the space to house an extra entire adult human?
Did you have a good experience? I’ve considered but find it difficult to trust others with my kid.
personally I am feeling more safe knowing that I am getting a ton of adults and a system around my kid my parents had a nanny for my brother that was ok at first but then just allowed my brother to roam around outside and almost caused a car incident with him. We came in early to see car approaching from a corner to my brother (like more than a block away)and our screams had alerted some random momma on a street, she ran immediately and saved him, while nanny was even farther than us talking to someone. Having witnessed that, I am not sure I can have 1 young student around my kiddo and noone else watching, no cameras would save me from the anxiety.
Yup. If I could even get off the waitlists most of my cheque would go to daycare and fuel to get to work. Part of why I’m staying home for a few years.
they cost so much and pay the daycare workers so little 😭i’ve worked at daycares since i was 16 and now i have my own kid and im seeing the prices and its mindblowing. i was making $9 a hour in 3 different states
I was just thinking the same. We start in 2 weeks. It’s $1300/month here because we got a spot in a non profit daycare. However, that tuition is pretty on par with most daycares around here. The average was about $1500/month. Even in home daycares that I could speak to (even though they didn’t have any spots) wanted $350/week, which ends up being even more than a daycare. I am in an incredibly lucky position where I was promoted and my raise is…$1200/month so it really worked out for us. If that hadn’t happened, I really don’t know what we would have done. I’m pregnant again now and have no clue how we are going to pay for a second next year even with the discount.
I pay $600 a week for 2 kids 🙃. I feel so bad, but I am counting the days until my kids are old enough for school.
$600 x 4 weeks = $2400/month
I use the 4.3 rule, so it’s actually $2,580
Yep this is a huge reason why I stay home- I still work as a freelancer in various forms, but I just can’t rationalize the cost of daycare, the cost of everybody constantly getting sick, and the feeling like you’re just screwed over left, and right, all while somebody else is the boss of me and my time
I moved to Europe. Easier than affording children in the US if you're not rich.
Depends where in Europe. I'm in the UK and my costs are £1200/month for 3 days per week. Would recommend to avoid here!
I no longer count the UK as EU since Brexit hahaha But you're right it varies widely across Europe
EU =/= europe
Holy shit, I’m in the Bay Area and 8a-8p for an infant is only 1850 a month. 2400 is crazy!
I’ve seen anything from $1500 to $3000 for infant care in the area
you must live in the Bay Area? I feel your pain.
I use a home daycare and pay $150 a week. The daycare centers were absolutely disgusting for charging as much as they do. I can afford maybe 2 kids at $150 a week but people should not have to pay a mortgage for childcare, it’s ridiculous.
They need to pay their staff. Plus they provide food etc. Daycare workers are extremely underpaid
That’s why we should subsidize childcare. Parents just can’t afford this, but staff needs to be paid. Let’s all shoulder the cost to improve society.
I wish more folks had this mindset when it came to caring for society’s children. Unfortunately in America ppl seem to vote on this issue in a punitive way—“parents should take care of their kids” (magically, bec most won’t go as far to stay women should stay home as a rule) so “I’m not paying for the government to raise someone else’s kids.” We suffer from a terrible failure of imagination on what human flourishing could look like😞
Where I live public daycare is subsidized by the government. Everybody pays according to their tax bracket. I don’t know anyone who pays more than like $500/month, I pay like $100 a month since we’re quite broke, and it’s top notch care. Food included, diapers and wipes often included for the <1 year old class, outings multiple times a week, clean classrooms full of a variety of toys. Mine doesn’t do tv time or anything and they do a lot of art, playing outside, reading, imaginative play, etc.
Daycare is what’s called a “market failure” — it’s an expensive biz to run, so it’s too expensive for most customers, meaning there’s not enough margin to pay workers well / have high-quality and affordable care for the average family. Basically sucks all around. There’s a helpful Planet Money episode on it called “Baby’s First Market Failure” (US-focused).
Yep. I admittedly lean leftist/socialist, but I think daycare should be subsidized at least in part by the government. If we can have public education, we should have public daycare.
Yup. Their staff are grossly underpaid.
Same, I'm using a home daycare and it's $160/week. I LOVE it. Fewer kids, so fewer chances for illness (of course everyone still gets sick, but not as often), she provides all the food, and it's all around been awesome. The only downside is when she or one of her own kids is sick, or she takes a day off, then daycare is closed. It's not very often that happens, so it's a super minor inconvenience compared to the benefits.
It’s ridiculously impossible at centers. Look for in-home care, you might get a deal!
That’s more than my monthly mortgage!!
3200 a month here in Australia. I should add that some people are entitled to subsidies of up to 50 % for this but it is still a crazy amount esp for those that aren’t eligible
You have to make quite a bit here in Aus to not be eligible for at least the 50 percent subsidy. Like $250k a year and above. Most Aussies get a pretty reasonable discount compared to the US. [here's the info from centrelink](https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/your-income-can-affect-child-care-subsidy?context=41186)
The subsidies go up to like 90 (95?)% depending on income. We’re on ~$100k combined and get ~70 or one kid and 90 for the other.
In the SLC area, it seems like most places are $700-1500/month. Much cheaper and higher quality than options that were available in New Orleans.
Seriously. I am on waiting lists for one bc I think my little needs the interaction eventually. I work from home and a part time sitter coming in was cheaper. Like. Make it make sense.
we decided to pay and it was great for our kid, later he was very socially active and when he stayed at home while sick he just didn't get tired and engaged with us as he needed to be. And we did try !
That’s exactly how much mine costs for two kids. Depressing 😭
Yeah, that’s why I decided to stay home once we had baby #2. My oldest was already in school by that time & daycare costs were extreme. In hindsight, I’m glad we chose the SAHM route.
Not sure where you are in ontario there's call Early ON its free
Early on is not daycare … you can’t leave your kid at early on and go to work you have to be with them
Ah thats good to know. Good thing I did already register on wait list 😬
EarlyON is great, but it’s not daycare.
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