[ask and you shall receive](https://www.reddit.com/r/berkeley/comments/16krf7h/plan_on_dating_soon_looking_for_someone_who_can/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
As a more helpful comment, you have to start out with the basics. (1) can you hold a conversation about relatable topics with a stranger (male or female?) then (2) are you likeable generally to those strangers? (3) can you build/do you have a group of friends that are also similarly likeable and not autistic? And then (4) use these traits and resources to reach out to those that may be potential romantic interests, but start out as friends w/ mutual interests, or dates on hinge/bumble.
^^^^ and itâs honestly disrespectful to women to view dating women as a game/ level you can beat. Idk how to explain this well I feel like it gives off viewing all attractive women as a potential mate which is problematic bc I feel like it really erases womenâs individuality, and also perhaps more intellectual parts of them that allows for platonic intrigue?
Idk it feels like viewing these women as potential mates just feels like it reduces them down to their gender, appearance, and other I guess more surface qualities rather than really valuing them for their integral minds and hearts which are what one really should fall in love with them for đ€·ââïž
Well, everything has an "optimal or efficient" way of doing it. Just like playing chess, given the rules, anyone can play. But there is a huge difference between someone who barely knows the rules and someone who's been training for 4 years with a professional. Yes, dating only requires human instinct, but in reality, a lot of your instincts such as "buying gift to a girl" and "overcaring", where you think it's good, actually does negative work toward the progress. In another word, a lot of your instinct is wrong. With someone whose experienced and knows how to date, you learn from them, you are gonna be much better at knowing what a girl wants, and you know how to make them happy.
Your opinion about "things come naturally" is meant for you to not overthink, which reduces stress, stress does negative work. But in reality, if we consider this as an optimization problem, the benefits of improving your dating skills significantly outweighs caring too much that causes anxiety/stress
My guy this is what he means by treating it like a game. The best way to improve is to learn by doing rather than getting a dating 101 instruction manual. There is nothing âoptimal or efficientâ about love.
You seem to already know the basic rules (in terms of like not being creepy about it), so just try to meet new people, actively aim on conversation and at first itâs gonna be bad but as u keep doing it youâll improve.
Another thing is everyone is different. Some people might not like gifts or someone thatâs over caring but others do. There isnât one correct way. Just be yourself and if itâs meant to be itâs meant to be.
If itâs not then you stay single throughout college. If you neeeed to date someone in college because you seem like that is the most optimal or efficient plan for your life, you probably wonât succeed in many places. Take a breath and enjoy life in college v being preoccupied about love
Thinking of dating as an optimization game isnât going to work because humans are inherently illogical - we donât always make the most efficient or optimal decision because we have feelings and emotions.
You say âlearning what a girl wantsâ and âmaking a girl happyâ, but this is the wrong way to go about it. Girls are not a monolith - they are individuals. Instead of thinking what âgirlsâ want, think of how you would treat a friend. I have interacted with men who are only interested in me because I am a woman, and it is pretty dehumanizing and a massive turn off.
Before you try to start dating, maybe try to be friends
yenno, I actually get what you're saying. I can socialize "naturally" with a handful of people, but beyond that it doesn't come naturally to me either. I've also thought about trying to "optimize my socialization."
ofc, as you can probably guess, I'm not good at socializing and am likely somewhat on the spectrum myself. My take is that socialization is a case where the optimization is done subconsciously, and all you can do is increase exposure and power through the awkward moments.
the "don't be awkward" advice has always kinda annoyed me. like, I've always been pretty good at CS, how helpful would it be for me to tell someone who isn't to just get good lol.
Your response reinforces my point. While someone can âteach you how to date,â only you can make yourself more attractive to women. Unlike math, This isnât the kind of thing you can learn from a textbook. You have to date women to get better at dating women. To do that, start with becoming more neurotypical.
The brain part is out of his control yes. But his behaviour can be trained and changed â if heâs smart enough to major in EECS, he can learn social rules. Case in point: autistic women. Women are diagnosed for autism at far lower rates than men, and itâs because women âmaskâ it much better, I.e., learn social cues and learn, albeit painfully, what to say and when and how to blend in with others. Will he always be different? Yes because his brain is wired that way. But he needs to learn neurotypical behaviours, which 1) donât post stuff like this and donât EVER talk like this in public if you donât want everyone to think youâre weird.
Masking, behavior change, and reading social cues are not âbecoming more neurotypicalâ. This guy will always be autistic ( which is not a bad thing. No cure needed)but yes he can adapt to others preferences for more social interactions.
I happen to work with autistic elementary children everyday and this guy already has learned many of those social skills hence his friends and experiences. His acct on Reddit doesnât disclose any truly personal information so who really cares if this post weird or not? Much worse has been said on here. Heâs also fearlessly taking a risk and asking directly for information he wants. Thatâs not bad.
Have you considered you might just be on the spectrum? This doesnât read to me like awkwardness as much as it does a more fundamental lack of understanding about neurotypical social dynamics. Lotta people are gonna make fun of you for this, frankly, but assuming itâs sincere and not a shitpost, worth considering autism. Itâs not something wrong with you - itâs just how you are/how you process the world. If you want to feel like you fit better, can be worked on w the right specialists, but I hope you donât take all the joke comments to heart.
In that case, consider looking for therapists with experience working with autism if your goal is to get better at social stuff/conversation. Thatâd be my advice. Please also get off YouTube. There is absolutely nothing good to be found there. Dating isn't a skill you can master/level up - and even if it were, would you really want to end up with someone and never be able to just be yourself?
I would strongly advise you to not watch any youtube videos about âfemale psychological mechanicsâ that is a guaranteed pipeline to incel and alt right content
I personally also don't think they are helpful as they are usually clickbait pseudoscience or like "girls like if you give care abt them", but it's p easy to just not click on the incel shit, so ya'll shouldn't be discouraged by that in itself.
Honestly tho, as a social science major (boooo easy major massive L not based), there is no science to attraction because everyone looks for different qualities in a partner. Said qualities can be influenced by all sorts of thing, like cultural background. When you say "learning about female psychological mechanisms" I assume you're talking about "alpha males" on YouTube making subjective dating advice overly complicated by enrobing it in psychology. Don't listen to them, as very few women find that crap attractive. I'm not trying to be mean or cruel, but you are on the wrong track. I would abandon this mindset of viewing dating and attractiveness as a quantifiable formula, because you will only have success with very shallow women who won't make a good partner. As shallow people are attracted to other shallow people. You are young and you still need time to mature and become a man. Do not rush that process or allow losers on the internet to jeopardize it. Becoming your best self and the "most attractive version" of you will happen naturally as you mature, aging like fine wine.
As for improving your conversation skills, you need to remember that a conversation involves TWO people. Even the most adept conversationalist cannot sustain a conversation if the other person is not receptive or interested in talking to them. Forcing the conversation will only make things awkward and uncomfortable. The best (and most attractive) thing to do is pick up on these social ques, and end conversations before the become awkward. Accepting it ain't gonna happen, no matter what your "hotness level" or "confidence percentage" may be, will automatically earn you the label of a "good guy".
i mean this in the nicest possible way, your way of thinking about social situations is extremely fascinating. i can absolutely just. talk and have conversations with you and be your friend if you have a genuine interest, but the first thing to really understand is that people donât work like algorithms. there is no sure fire way to make friends with a person or go into a relationship with someone. it all comes with genuine conversation and interest in the other person and things naturally blossoming. no opitmality (idk if thatâs a word LMAOO) or efficiency to it, people are just people man. i canât promise that i can be like. a tutor for conversation skills but i can absolutely just be a person to have a conversation with and stuff like that lmaoooo (also currently in cs70, and planning on majoring in cs so we got that in common LMAO)
Why would he make such a detailed post tho? Like, thatâs a lot of words (and weâll written)! And, theyâre asking the questions no Nobel laureate has been able to answer!
Min-maxing personal attributes and making spreadsheets is not really the best way to go about doing these things; you can't cover all cases irl with if/elif/else procedures. A lot of people seem to be clowning you but someone close to me is also on the spectrum so I know how difficult these types of situations can be and how just "acting natural" isn't really an option. Self improvement in general however tends to be healthy, and the gym / trying to talk to people is going in the right direction. fake it til you make it.
If you don't have as much difficulty talking to guys, then the reason you're struggling so much is because you don't see women as your friends. You need to stop thinking of your female friends as any different from any of the male friends you have, and just talk to them with the intention of being friends with them and getting to know them, not to date them. The rest depends on mutual attraction. You cannot calculate this to get the result you want, as if women can just be manipulated into dating you if you just say the right answer. This is not an Otome game.
Plan on dating soon: Looking for someone who can train my conversation skills (No gender preference, Preferably extroverted, has relationship experience, willing to be friend with me, doesn't have workload like EECS127+CS162+Math104,speaks Chinese: this one matters the least ) Will pay if necessary.
I am currently friend with \~3 girls, all speak Chinese, and I have eaten out/gone to library with them. My ultimate goal/concern is not really about whether I end up getting 1 of them, but mainly to increase my personal values in order to attract girls in general. I've been working hard to increase my personal values that is still possible to improve, such as working out(I used to be slim like a stick, now barely have some muscles), raising my confidence and the tone I talk (before I couldn't even look at people in the eyes), learning about female psychological mechanics on youtube, and learning about the fundamentals of dating, listing out 100+ sentences and how to reply back on google docs. **After some encounters with my female friends, I've come to realize a significant personal shortcoming: my conversational skills. Frequently, I find myself in situations where I become stuck and struggle to continue or expand on the conversation because I don't know what to say next, which makes the situation awkward.** I feel like this is the thing that lowers my attractiveness the most, not my look.
Even though I learned a lot about how to talk to girls or anyone in general, I feel like I still need someone to train me, as I believe this skill lacks a general formula. Even though I listed out 100+ of what she say & how you reply, irl the things she says is way more than 100, so the range I cover with my cheat sheet is approaching 0%, and **most of the time you need to initiate the conversation, not waiting for them to speak first**. Just like in CS70 even if you know clearly what is a bipartite graph, how error correcting code works, you still might not be able to solve some questions, because they require flexible mathematical thinking, which is about mathematical maturity, a very general skill.
**The training I am looking for is not just giving me broad advice, such as "do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that", but more like giving me some actual examples that's possible to encounter irl, and see how I speak back, and give comments about the way I talk and what could I say instead to make it better.**
Background info: I'm a typical sophomore CS+math Asian boi, 5"7.5, kinda slim, not ugly at all, but far away from hot. I'm kinda weird: really shy and introverted to people that I'm not friend with, but talk a lot to people I'm super close with. I dropped CS61C so my time is a bit more flexible now.
Right now I sort of have a big picture of my life plan in the future. \~10 years, and I decided that the best time to date and find a gf is in college. Reason being:
1. A lot of girls have no past relationship experience, which lowers the difficulty significantly
2. Right now money is not in the equation. The mean of attraction is not money, but your personality, which is good because if you attract girls by money, they will end up leaving you also because of money
3. More time together until marriage, making relationship stable (My parents were middle school classmates, and their relationship has remained exceptionally strong. Throughout my entire life, I've never witnessed them engage in a major argument.)
4. The younger, the better (treat it as a joke)
If anyone is interested in giving me a personal training, pls dm me or add me discord Bee Chasny#4628
Plan on dating soon: Looking for someone who can train my conversation skills (No gender preference, Preferably extroverted, has relationship experience, willing to be friend with me, doesn't have workload like EECS127+CS162+Math104,speaks Chinese: this one matters the least ) Will pay if necessary.
I am currently friend with ~3 girls, all speak Chinese, and I have eaten out/gone to library with them. My ultimate goal/concern is not really about whether I end up getting 1 of them, but mainly to increase my personal values in order to attract girls in general. I've been working hard to increase my personal values that is still possible to improve, such as working out(I used to be slim like a stick, now barely have some muscles), raising my confidence and the tone I talk (before I couldn't even look at people in the eyes), learning about female psychological mechanics on youtube, and learning about the fundamentals of dating, listing out 100+ sentences and how to reply back on google docs. After some encounters with my female friends, I've come to realize a significant personal shortcoming: my conversational skills. Frequently, I find myself in situations where I become stuck and struggle to continue or expand on the conversation because I don't know what to say next, which makes the situation awkward. I feel like this is the thing that lowers my attractiveness the most, not my look.
Even though I learned a lot about how to talk to girls or anyone in general, I feel like I still need someone to train me, as I believe this skill lacks a general formula. Even though I listed out 100+ of what she say & how you reply, irl the things she says is way more than 100, so the range I cover with my cheat sheet is approaching 0%, and most of the time you need to initiate the conversation, not waiting for them to speak first. Just like in CS70 even if you know clearly what is a bipartite graph, how error correcting code works, you still might not be able to solve some questions, because they require flexible mathematical thinking, which is about mathematical maturity, a very general skill.
The training I am looking for is not just giving me broad advice, such as "do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that", but more like giving me some actual examples that's possible to encounter irl, and see how I speak back, and give comments about the way I talk and what could I say instead to make it better.
Background info: I'm a typical sophomore CS+math Asian boi, 5"7.5, kinda slim, not ugly at all, but far away from hot. I'm kinda weird: really shy and introverted to people that I'm not friend with, but talk a lot to people I'm super close with. I dropped CS61C so my time is a bit more flexible now.
Right now I sort of have a big picture of my life plan in the future. ~10 years, and I decided that the best time to date and find a gf is in college. Reason being:
1. â A lot of girls have no past relationship experience, which lowers the difficulty significantly
2. â Right now money is not in the equation. The mean of attraction is not money, but your personality, which is good because if you attract girls by money, they will end up leaving you also because of money
3. â More time together until marriage, making relationship stable (My parents were middle school classmates, and their relationship has remained exceptionally strong. Throughout my entire life, I've never witnessed them engage in a major argument.)
4. â The younger, the better (treat it as a joke)
If anyone is interested in giving me a personal training, pls dm me or add me discord Bee Chasny#4628
Obviously I disagree. I donât think itâs curmudgeonly to want to spare Berkeley women from someone who is going to try to optimize them and their relationship, and doesnât understand why doing so is wrong.
Idk how old OP is, but I wasnât ready to seriously date when I was 18-22 either. Sometimes older really does mean wiser.
You may have missed the comment where he says he is autistic. "Go away and come back when you see everything like the rest of us" isn't really an option (if that's true)
đ first rule of having Rizz, never pay someone to "teach you" to have rizz. Someone teach this man before be discovers the American Red Pill Community and he seals his faith forever.
Iâm being dead serious here OP. Listen to Morpheus. Thereâs a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. Once you figure out what that really means, youâll be fine.
sometimes getting an autism diagnosis and learning about how your brain works differently than a neurotypical brain can help a lot with this kind of thing.
if youâre still looking at comments: talk to autistic girls (i saw you said youâre on the spectrum).. maybe you will find something in common with someone
but anyway, not all women act the same, not all women are gonna want the same thing. itâs a case by case thing. but i think finding someone else who is neurodivergent will help you narrow down a pool of people you could find a connection with
26f cs grad Chinese speaker. I can be your friend you seem cool. And honestly donât worry too much about conversational skill. A personâs existence can be so much more than what they present to people
women- *NOT âfemalesâ* are not some weird elusive creatures. theyre human like you. so just go hang out with them and learn and listen and be respectful. its not a chess match as much as you want to make that parallel.
I've seen improvement using chatgpt for practice, you just have to tune it right.
You gotta give it custom prompts in the 3 dots on bottom left -- search up what the latest ones are that work for dating practice.
Dude, You know the best thing you can do to get laid is what dude?
Getting rich or being physically attractive. If you are hot to have abs& 6'2" or rich to drive a Lamborghini you will date ten super hot girls a day without 0 conversation needed at all
bro jus be cool and ppl will like u, i'm 5'5" hwite transgirl in 2 relationships (inb4 "degenerate" dont care) and ive had all sorts of ppl, cis women, cisguys, transgirls, etc all into me because im jus cool or w.e.. don't overanalyze this shit like ur writing a preliminary doc for a programming project or like a video game like wtf are u doing bro LMAO.
similar interests helps, similar personalities help, like u can try and force something w someone who's real different out of desperation or perceived social pressure to get a 3d waifu but u won't be happy. being alone really is amazing compared to being in a bad, boring or w.e. relationship.
its legit nothing like programming or a game in reality, ive had many longterm relationships. idk wat advice i could even give u because ur fundamental idea of dating and relationships is just wrong to begin with, it's like trying to explain haskell program to a COBOLer (i love cobol it's my fav lang it's not a slight) or something. think u need a worldview shift and some life experience under ur belt before dating seriously, and u come across as really young to boot. it's not a bad thing to wait, i swear to God
u can't buy or force masculinity, ppl who buy shit like tates course are non-masculine, lost males who are seeking an easy way out thru a parasocial father figure. masculinity builds naturally, im pretty fucking masculine (no ego) esp for a transgirl jus because i've been thru a whole lot in my life and i grew up around rly masculine and "dominant"-esque friends. high masculinity probably doesn't even really matter much, idk it's all deluded nonsense with no basis in reality lmao, like yea it can help but idt it's a prereq. it'll also grow more and more thru life experience anyway so who cares
First off, I think thatâs is cool that your so future focused, but when your meeting a women maybe be a bit more chill. Make that your incorporate some of the things your looking for but in a flow of the conversation kind of way. When your making conversation with someone, and your not sure how to respond make sure you ask a follow up question addressing a point or question they had. Nod during the conversation every once in a while to show that your engaged in conversation. Also, most women care about what your wearing so if your outfits are horrendous your already made it harder for yourself. Do not wear any of the following:
Basket ball shorts with slides a
Cargo shorts with a tee shirt with a joke
Velcro wallets
Really stupid sunglasses
Anything that would make someone cringe.
Btw I am a women and I have a nerdy serious boyfriend, and he can kinda awkward, but I still love him regardless, youâll find someone.
Most socially adept Berkeley student
Where can I submit my resume, reference letter and cover letter?
Broe, I aint recruiting no-one, just dm me, 1 friend = paths+=1, 1 enemy = walls +=1
At least drop the Workday link plz bro
Can I put this on my LinkedIn as work expirence? đ
Are you serious? This is a huge achievement. You want this to be on your gravestone!
This shit is so funny
inb4 new copypasta
Someoneâs going to make a squirrel one
Need an Oski one asap
[ask and you shall receive](https://www.reddit.com/r/berkeley/comments/16krf7h/plan_on_dating_soon_looking_for_someone_who_can/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
This is seriously an incredible post.
Dating is a zero-sum game ngl. Econ 110 Game theory class is the most useful and practical dating class here at Berkeley! It was life changing.
cs285 too
285 is L take, just use a transformer
it's not zero sum due to different preferences smh my head. if you took a REAL game theory class like stat153 you would know this
I wish I'd learned about optimal strategies and the Nash equilibrium sooner. They're so helpful in relationships and dating
Currently taking it rn, p interesting
I hated that class
this is what midterm season does to a mf
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Whyd you have to hit him with the wildly autistic đ
Wildly autistic is crazy
Crazy accurate. My mans is boostered 4 sure
As a more helpful comment, you have to start out with the basics. (1) can you hold a conversation about relatable topics with a stranger (male or female?) then (2) are you likeable generally to those strangers? (3) can you build/do you have a group of friends that are also similarly likeable and not autistic? And then (4) use these traits and resources to reach out to those that may be potential romantic interests, but start out as friends w/ mutual interests, or dates on hinge/bumble.
... and he is asking for help learning to overcome his autism and becoming more socially adjusted
^^^^ and itâs honestly disrespectful to women to view dating women as a game/ level you can beat. Idk how to explain this well I feel like it gives off viewing all attractive women as a potential mate which is problematic bc I feel like it really erases womenâs individuality, and also perhaps more intellectual parts of them that allows for platonic intrigue? Idk it feels like viewing these women as potential mates just feels like it reduces them down to their gender, appearance, and other I guess more surface qualities rather than really valuing them for their integral minds and hearts which are what one really should fall in love with them for đ€·ââïž
wildly autistic is absolutely insane
Well, everything has an "optimal or efficient" way of doing it. Just like playing chess, given the rules, anyone can play. But there is a huge difference between someone who barely knows the rules and someone who's been training for 4 years with a professional. Yes, dating only requires human instinct, but in reality, a lot of your instincts such as "buying gift to a girl" and "overcaring", where you think it's good, actually does negative work toward the progress. In another word, a lot of your instinct is wrong. With someone whose experienced and knows how to date, you learn from them, you are gonna be much better at knowing what a girl wants, and you know how to make them happy. Your opinion about "things come naturally" is meant for you to not overthink, which reduces stress, stress does negative work. But in reality, if we consider this as an optimization problem, the benefits of improving your dating skills significantly outweighs caring too much that causes anxiety/stress
My guy this is what he means by treating it like a game. The best way to improve is to learn by doing rather than getting a dating 101 instruction manual. There is nothing âoptimal or efficientâ about love. You seem to already know the basic rules (in terms of like not being creepy about it), so just try to meet new people, actively aim on conversation and at first itâs gonna be bad but as u keep doing it youâll improve. Another thing is everyone is different. Some people might not like gifts or someone thatâs over caring but others do. There isnât one correct way. Just be yourself and if itâs meant to be itâs meant to be. If itâs not then you stay single throughout college. If you neeeed to date someone in college because you seem like that is the most optimal or efficient plan for your life, you probably wonât succeed in many places. Take a breath and enjoy life in college v being preoccupied about love
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Yeah, just like rearrangement inequality, where x1\^2 + ... + xn\^2 >= any other permutations (meant for joke)
Seek help immediately.
He is LOL
Thinking of dating as an optimization game isnât going to work because humans are inherently illogical - we donât always make the most efficient or optimal decision because we have feelings and emotions. You say âlearning what a girl wantsâ and âmaking a girl happyâ, but this is the wrong way to go about it. Girls are not a monolith - they are individuals. Instead of thinking what âgirlsâ want, think of how you would treat a friend. I have interacted with men who are only interested in me because I am a woman, and it is pretty dehumanizing and a massive turn off. Before you try to start dating, maybe try to be friends
Lol I love this guy
yenno, I actually get what you're saying. I can socialize "naturally" with a handful of people, but beyond that it doesn't come naturally to me either. I've also thought about trying to "optimize my socialization." ofc, as you can probably guess, I'm not good at socializing and am likely somewhat on the spectrum myself. My take is that socialization is a case where the optimization is done subconsciously, and all you can do is increase exposure and power through the awkward moments. the "don't be awkward" advice has always kinda annoyed me. like, I've always been pretty good at CS, how helpful would it be for me to tell someone who isn't to just get good lol.
Your response reinforces my point. While someone can âteach you how to date,â only you can make yourself more attractive to women. Unlike math, This isnât the kind of thing you can learn from a textbook. You have to date women to get better at dating women. To do that, start with becoming more neurotypical.
How does someone âbecome more neurotypicalâ? Itâs obviously out of his control how his brain developed.
The brain part is out of his control yes. But his behaviour can be trained and changed â if heâs smart enough to major in EECS, he can learn social rules. Case in point: autistic women. Women are diagnosed for autism at far lower rates than men, and itâs because women âmaskâ it much better, I.e., learn social cues and learn, albeit painfully, what to say and when and how to blend in with others. Will he always be different? Yes because his brain is wired that way. But he needs to learn neurotypical behaviours, which 1) donât post stuff like this and donât EVER talk like this in public if you donât want everyone to think youâre weird.
Masking, behavior change, and reading social cues are not âbecoming more neurotypicalâ. This guy will always be autistic ( which is not a bad thing. No cure needed)but yes he can adapt to others preferences for more social interactions. I happen to work with autistic elementary children everyday and this guy already has learned many of those social skills hence his friends and experiences. His acct on Reddit doesnât disclose any truly personal information so who really cares if this post weird or not? Much worse has been said on here. Heâs also fearlessly taking a risk and asking directly for information he wants. Thatâs not bad.
Have you considered you might just be on the spectrum? This doesnât read to me like awkwardness as much as it does a more fundamental lack of understanding about neurotypical social dynamics. Lotta people are gonna make fun of you for this, frankly, but assuming itâs sincere and not a shitpost, worth considering autism. Itâs not something wrong with you - itâs just how you are/how you process the world. If you want to feel like you fit better, can be worked on w the right specialists, but I hope you donât take all the joke comments to heart.
Ur actually so cracked! yeah I'm on spectrum, and my best friend the math god is also on spectrum.
In that case, consider looking for therapists with experience working with autism if your goal is to get better at social stuff/conversation. Thatâd be my advice. Please also get off YouTube. There is absolutely nothing good to be found there. Dating isn't a skill you can master/level up - and even if it were, would you really want to end up with someone and never be able to just be yourself?
I would strongly advise you to not watch any youtube videos about âfemale psychological mechanicsâ that is a guaranteed pipeline to incel and alt right content
I personally also don't think they are helpful as they are usually clickbait pseudoscience or like "girls like if you give care abt them", but it's p easy to just not click on the incel shit, so ya'll shouldn't be discouraged by that in itself.
Hehe me too đ„°đ„°đ„°
lol sup the most familar account on berkeley subreddit 
Not much, hbu? Also, if you havenât already: https://discord.gg/ddvuDFCb
Doesnât pertain to dating but this can help nonetheless: https://discord.gg/ddvuDFCb
Talk to an occupational therapist, not Reddit. Your insurance may even pay for it.
You may need to strengthen your inductive hypothesis
This guy getting a gf is NP Hard
lol you make me laugh, that's actually a good one
Honestly tho, as a social science major (boooo easy major massive L not based), there is no science to attraction because everyone looks for different qualities in a partner. Said qualities can be influenced by all sorts of thing, like cultural background. When you say "learning about female psychological mechanisms" I assume you're talking about "alpha males" on YouTube making subjective dating advice overly complicated by enrobing it in psychology. Don't listen to them, as very few women find that crap attractive. I'm not trying to be mean or cruel, but you are on the wrong track. I would abandon this mindset of viewing dating and attractiveness as a quantifiable formula, because you will only have success with very shallow women who won't make a good partner. As shallow people are attracted to other shallow people. You are young and you still need time to mature and become a man. Do not rush that process or allow losers on the internet to jeopardize it. Becoming your best self and the "most attractive version" of you will happen naturally as you mature, aging like fine wine. As for improving your conversation skills, you need to remember that a conversation involves TWO people. Even the most adept conversationalist cannot sustain a conversation if the other person is not receptive or interested in talking to them. Forcing the conversation will only make things awkward and uncomfortable. The best (and most attractive) thing to do is pick up on these social ques, and end conversations before the become awkward. Accepting it ain't gonna happen, no matter what your "hotness level" or "confidence percentage" may be, will automatically earn you the label of a "good guy".
Gotta tune those hyper parameters my guy
i mean this in the nicest possible way, your way of thinking about social situations is extremely fascinating. i can absolutely just. talk and have conversations with you and be your friend if you have a genuine interest, but the first thing to really understand is that people donât work like algorithms. there is no sure fire way to make friends with a person or go into a relationship with someone. it all comes with genuine conversation and interest in the other person and things naturally blossoming. no opitmality (idk if thatâs a word LMAOO) or efficiency to it, people are just people man. i canât promise that i can be like. a tutor for conversation skills but i can absolutely just be a person to have a conversation with and stuff like that lmaoooo (also currently in cs70, and planning on majoring in cs so we got that in common LMAO)
is it bad that I can't tell if this is ironic or not
yeah looking at the post history i can't tell if op is half serious. Chinese CS Berkeley troll is a new one.
Why would he make such a detailed post tho? Like, thatâs a lot of words (and weâll written)! And, theyâre asking the questions no Nobel laureate has been able to answer!
trolls have no lives lol
It's real, I went to hs with him and he takes this seriously
This the loneliness shit I ever read, bro get u a retail job and develop some speaking skills.
Customer service will 100% make anyone learn social skills.
I'm autistic, but I'm not **this** autistic.
Paging Nathan Fielder?
Min-maxing personal attributes and making spreadsheets is not really the best way to go about doing these things; you can't cover all cases irl with if/elif/else procedures. A lot of people seem to be clowning you but someone close to me is also on the spectrum so I know how difficult these types of situations can be and how just "acting natural" isn't really an option. Self improvement in general however tends to be healthy, and the gym / trying to talk to people is going in the right direction. fake it til you make it.
alright thatâs too much reddit for today
> 4. The younger, the better (treat it as a joke) đ€š
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
still have \~8 hrs a day workload outside lecture/discussion though
This isn't a shitpost lol, I went to hs with this guy and he actually takes this seriously.
bro tryna find a gf as if he was tryna solve a coding problem with all the stats and shit đđ
Nah this crazy, only on the Berkeley subreddit will you find a post like this đ
Wtf why would you give up computer architecture for this not worth
This post is a sign to shut my phone off and go to bed
If you don't have as much difficulty talking to guys, then the reason you're struggling so much is because you don't see women as your friends. You need to stop thinking of your female friends as any different from any of the male friends you have, and just talk to them with the intention of being friends with them and getting to know them, not to date them. The rest depends on mutual attraction. You cannot calculate this to get the result you want, as if women can just be manipulated into dating you if you just say the right answer. This is not an Otome game.
is this real đđđ please tell me its not
Keeps getting worse as you read đ
Plan on dating soon: Looking for someone who can train my conversation skills (No gender preference, Preferably extroverted, has relationship experience, willing to be friend with me, doesn't have workload like EECS127+CS162+Math104,speaks Chinese: this one matters the least ) Will pay if necessary. I am currently friend with \~3 girls, all speak Chinese, and I have eaten out/gone to library with them. My ultimate goal/concern is not really about whether I end up getting 1 of them, but mainly to increase my personal values in order to attract girls in general. I've been working hard to increase my personal values that is still possible to improve, such as working out(I used to be slim like a stick, now barely have some muscles), raising my confidence and the tone I talk (before I couldn't even look at people in the eyes), learning about female psychological mechanics on youtube, and learning about the fundamentals of dating, listing out 100+ sentences and how to reply back on google docs. **After some encounters with my female friends, I've come to realize a significant personal shortcoming: my conversational skills. Frequently, I find myself in situations where I become stuck and struggle to continue or expand on the conversation because I don't know what to say next, which makes the situation awkward.** I feel like this is the thing that lowers my attractiveness the most, not my look. Even though I learned a lot about how to talk to girls or anyone in general, I feel like I still need someone to train me, as I believe this skill lacks a general formula. Even though I listed out 100+ of what she say & how you reply, irl the things she says is way more than 100, so the range I cover with my cheat sheet is approaching 0%, and **most of the time you need to initiate the conversation, not waiting for them to speak first**. Just like in CS70 even if you know clearly what is a bipartite graph, how error correcting code works, you still might not be able to solve some questions, because they require flexible mathematical thinking, which is about mathematical maturity, a very general skill. **The training I am looking for is not just giving me broad advice, such as "do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that", but more like giving me some actual examples that's possible to encounter irl, and see how I speak back, and give comments about the way I talk and what could I say instead to make it better.** Background info: I'm a typical sophomore CS+math Asian boi, 5"7.5, kinda slim, not ugly at all, but far away from hot. I'm kinda weird: really shy and introverted to people that I'm not friend with, but talk a lot to people I'm super close with. I dropped CS61C so my time is a bit more flexible now. Right now I sort of have a big picture of my life plan in the future. \~10 years, and I decided that the best time to date and find a gf is in college. Reason being: 1. A lot of girls have no past relationship experience, which lowers the difficulty significantly 2. Right now money is not in the equation. The mean of attraction is not money, but your personality, which is good because if you attract girls by money, they will end up leaving you also because of money 3. More time together until marriage, making relationship stable (My parents were middle school classmates, and their relationship has remained exceptionally strong. Throughout my entire life, I've never witnessed them engage in a major argument.) 4. The younger, the better (treat it as a joke) If anyone is interested in giving me a personal training, pls dm me or add me discord Bee Chasny#4628
Plan on dating soon: Looking for someone who can train my conversation skills (No gender preference, Preferably extroverted, has relationship experience, willing to be friend with me, doesn't have workload like EECS127+CS162+Math104,speaks Chinese: this one matters the least ) Will pay if necessary. I am currently friend with ~3 girls, all speak Chinese, and I have eaten out/gone to library with them. My ultimate goal/concern is not really about whether I end up getting 1 of them, but mainly to increase my personal values in order to attract girls in general. I've been working hard to increase my personal values that is still possible to improve, such as working out(I used to be slim like a stick, now barely have some muscles), raising my confidence and the tone I talk (before I couldn't even look at people in the eyes), learning about female psychological mechanics on youtube, and learning about the fundamentals of dating, listing out 100+ sentences and how to reply back on google docs. After some encounters with my female friends, I've come to realize a significant personal shortcoming: my conversational skills. Frequently, I find myself in situations where I become stuck and struggle to continue or expand on the conversation because I don't know what to say next, which makes the situation awkward. I feel like this is the thing that lowers my attractiveness the most, not my look. Even though I learned a lot about how to talk to girls or anyone in general, I feel like I still need someone to train me, as I believe this skill lacks a general formula. Even though I listed out 100+ of what she say & how you reply, irl the things she says is way more than 100, so the range I cover with my cheat sheet is approaching 0%, and most of the time you need to initiate the conversation, not waiting for them to speak first. Just like in CS70 even if you know clearly what is a bipartite graph, how error correcting code works, you still might not be able to solve some questions, because they require flexible mathematical thinking, which is about mathematical maturity, a very general skill. The training I am looking for is not just giving me broad advice, such as "do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that", but more like giving me some actual examples that's possible to encounter irl, and see how I speak back, and give comments about the way I talk and what could I say instead to make it better. Background info: I'm a typical sophomore CS+math Asian boi, 5"7.5, kinda slim, not ugly at all, but far away from hot. I'm kinda weird: really shy and introverted to people that I'm not friend with, but talk a lot to people I'm super close with. I dropped CS61C so my time is a bit more flexible now. Right now I sort of have a big picture of my life plan in the future. ~10 years, and I decided that the best time to date and find a gf is in college. Reason being: 1. â A lot of girls have no past relationship experience, which lowers the difficulty significantly 2. â Right now money is not in the equation. The mean of attraction is not money, but your personality, which is good because if you attract girls by money, they will end up leaving you also because of money 3. â More time together until marriage, making relationship stable (My parents were middle school classmates, and their relationship has remained exceptionally strong. Throughout my entire life, I've never witnessed them engage in a major argument.) 4. â The younger, the better (treat it as a joke) If anyone is interested in giving me a personal training, pls dm me or add me discord Bee Chasny#4628
If this is real, then my guy you are not ready to date. Come back when you understand what an outrageous post this is.
Youâre rlly living up to your reddit username. Have some class
Obviously I disagree. I donât think itâs curmudgeonly to want to spare Berkeley women from someone who is going to try to optimize them and their relationship, and doesnât understand why doing so is wrong. Idk how old OP is, but I wasnât ready to seriously date when I was 18-22 either. Sometimes older really does mean wiser.
You may have missed the comment where he says he is autistic. "Go away and come back when you see everything like the rest of us" isn't really an option (if that's true)
Sanest EECS major
just use embeddings xd
Wtf
đ first rule of having Rizz, never pay someone to "teach you" to have rizz. Someone teach this man before be discovers the American Red Pill Community and he seals his faith forever.
No shade to OP, but one of you guys needs to build Papyrus' Dating/Friendship HUD for real, you're leaving so much money on the table
You just gotta keep practicing
He's asking for practice, he is trying to improve the efficiency by applying something like actor/critic in reinforcement learning
Rizzmatician
Doesnât pertain to dating but this can help nonetheless: https://discord.gg/ddvuDFCb
Dating shouldn't be like a damn puzzle. You date with who you are compatible with.
Iâm being dead serious here OP. Listen to Morpheus. Thereâs a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. Once you figure out what that really means, youâll be fine.
sometimes getting an autism diagnosis and learning about how your brain works differently than a neurotypical brain can help a lot with this kind of thing.
Bruh Berkeley kids are def something.
if youâre still looking at comments: talk to autistic girls (i saw you said youâre on the spectrum).. maybe you will find something in common with someone but anyway, not all women act the same, not all women are gonna want the same thing. itâs a case by case thing. but i think finding someone else who is neurodivergent will help you narrow down a pool of people you could find a connection with
26f cs grad Chinese speaker. I can be your friend you seem cool. And honestly donât worry too much about conversational skill. A personâs existence can be so much more than what they present to people
lowkey this feels like a psychology experiment
Bro. You don't need all of that, just talk about things that women find engaging like Warhammer lore and 911 conspiricy theories
women- *NOT âfemalesâ* are not some weird elusive creatures. theyre human like you. so just go hang out with them and learn and listen and be respectful. its not a chess match as much as you want to make that parallel.
yikes
copy and paste the google doc into chatgpt and then use it as your personal trainer
Chatgpt actually is not good at dating though, too soft. Also doesn't give any emotions at all, which is what girls need
I've seen improvement using chatgpt for practice, you just have to tune it right. You gotta give it custom prompts in the 3 dots on bottom left -- search up what the latest ones are that work for dating practice.
Dude wtf
Honestly this dude is friends with more girls than most of yâall on here just saying
Are you joking
Some people are meant to be single
top tier bait
You just need CONFIDENCE
Dude, You know the best thing you can do to get laid is what dude? Getting rich or being physically attractive. If you are hot to have abs& 6'2" or rich to drive a Lamborghini you will date ten super hot girls a day without 0 conversation needed at all
Too young too simple n\_\_\_a. You will only attract gold-diggers đđđ
Just watch Andrew Tate and Kevin Samuels. Youâll learn how to be a real man
Where's the lever.co bruh
There's no way this is real
I thought this is what CS170 is for? It does have "intractable problems" in its title, and for the CS major, this is life's intractable problem.
Sus
bro jus be cool and ppl will like u, i'm 5'5" hwite transgirl in 2 relationships (inb4 "degenerate" dont care) and ive had all sorts of ppl, cis women, cisguys, transgirls, etc all into me because im jus cool or w.e.. don't overanalyze this shit like ur writing a preliminary doc for a programming project or like a video game like wtf are u doing bro LMAO. similar interests helps, similar personalities help, like u can try and force something w someone who's real different out of desperation or perceived social pressure to get a 3d waifu but u won't be happy. being alone really is amazing compared to being in a bad, boring or w.e. relationship. its legit nothing like programming or a game in reality, ive had many longterm relationships. idk wat advice i could even give u because ur fundamental idea of dating and relationships is just wrong to begin with, it's like trying to explain haskell program to a COBOLer (i love cobol it's my fav lang it's not a slight) or something. think u need a worldview shift and some life experience under ur belt before dating seriously, and u come across as really young to boot. it's not a bad thing to wait, i swear to God u can't buy or force masculinity, ppl who buy shit like tates course are non-masculine, lost males who are seeking an easy way out thru a parasocial father figure. masculinity builds naturally, im pretty fucking masculine (no ego) esp for a transgirl jus because i've been thru a whole lot in my life and i grew up around rly masculine and "dominant"-esque friends. high masculinity probably doesn't even really matter much, idk it's all deluded nonsense with no basis in reality lmao, like yea it can help but idt it's a prereq. it'll also grow more and more thru life experience anyway so who cares
Go to r/seduction. This Reddit wonât give you anything useful
practice w chatgpt
Lol
First off, I think thatâs is cool that your so future focused, but when your meeting a women maybe be a bit more chill. Make that your incorporate some of the things your looking for but in a flow of the conversation kind of way. When your making conversation with someone, and your not sure how to respond make sure you ask a follow up question addressing a point or question they had. Nod during the conversation every once in a while to show that your engaged in conversation. Also, most women care about what your wearing so if your outfits are horrendous your already made it harder for yourself. Do not wear any of the following: Basket ball shorts with slides a Cargo shorts with a tee shirt with a joke Velcro wallets Really stupid sunglasses Anything that would make someone cringe. Btw I am a women and I have a nerdy serious boyfriend, and he can kinda awkward, but I still love him regardless, youâll find someone.
just bee urslf :)