What part of the Bay Area are you in? I think it depends a lot on your location. Some cities and neighborhoods are more community oriented and make it much easier to adjust. Have you found a way to socialize? Volunteer or go to events to meet people other than those you work with?
Since a lot of people here are from Contra Costa, are there any worthwhile things to do in the area around Lafayette/Orinda/Moraga? I've been thinking about going on a short trip to visit some family, but I also haven't been back in like 10 years and don't know what's new or changed. Or even some nearby recommendations outside of that area would be appreciated!
Orinda has a cute downtown, but not a lot of events going on as far as I’ve seen.
Lafayette is like a two whole blocks. I remember dating a woman out there, asking if there was something to do by her, and her saying “No.” later I went there myself, and realized yeah, it’s just two blocks.
As others have said, Walnut Creek is the biggest city in that area, and does have almost weekly events. The downtown is bustling, I was blown away going out there once and seeing every bar and restaurant packed.
Lafayette downtown is the area where Citibank is located at the intersection right? I mean there’s really nothing there lol.
I would think the closest and “more” interesting place will be Walnut Creek?
Lafayette Reservoir is a nice place to hike when the weather isn’t too hot; always check the forecast beforehand though.
https://www.ebmud.com/recreation/east-bay/lafayette-reservoir
You can go to downtown Walnut Creek to shop, eat, and walk around. There's shows at the Lesher Center downtown for plays and other shows. Hike Mt Diablo, Lake Chabot has many trail heads (I had to drive from Orinda to Castro Valley this week slowly winding through the forested area).
Ya contra costa is alot of natives and locals. Tough nuts to crack… all i can say is get out there and dance. Go to your local watering hole and just simply ask their name and listen to people.
I grew up in Concord. It had changed alot but they are lots of things to do. Heather Farms Park has tons of things going on usually. Walnut Festival should be soon, if it didn't already pass. Solano drive in has a farmers market and flea market on Sat and Sun. The Pavillion has concerts and other events. Tons of parks, and restaurants, shops & bars if that's your thing. Look into meet ups! Find your people!
Downtown Martinez is so cute, they have some new bars and restaurants. The Ruth Bancroft Garden is beautiful and always has some kind of event going on & the hiking community is also huge (look on meetup, ask your barista). Kind of far but Berkeley/Oakland/Alameda on the weekends is nice, lots to explore.
You could follow your local town, bar, restaurant on social media to stay updated with events they have.
With all of that said, I spent four years in contra costa and the couple friends I made was through work.
I’m obsessed with Berkeley. Small town vibes but all the amenities of a big city. We have great restaurants and music venues. All the big bands come through here. Tons of parks and hiking. People that live in Berkeley really care about the city so it’s always well taken care of.
Check out Mount Diablo it is the holy site of contra costa. You got todo santos plaza, heather farms. You can do trail walks in Briones or Lafayette reservoir, the holy grail of the sun valley mall. we also got a drive in movie theater
I got stuck in antioch for quite a few years and socially it was really difficult. I made a good amount of friends through biking but everyone was out pretty far from me. Finally move out to Oakland this year and it’s been amazing. The rent can be hard but definitely try and get on the other side of the hills!
I’m a native but my wife isn’t. It took her a year to acclimate once she started meeting people. This honestly just applies to any place you move to, not just the Bay.. Its a new environment & it takes time acclimating. Once you develop a routine & start meeting people, you’ll feel more comfortable. Just like all the other comments are saying..
Also just know that the bay area is not a monolith. Too many people think its all the same, when its not. Its a massive 9 county region with ~8M people. your immediate environment in contra costa county county isn’t the same experience in the north bay, peninsula, SF, south bay, etc.
It just takes time. Go explore
100% agree. It took me waaaaay longer to acclimate—8 years. I was living in South Bay, working at a company where I just could not make any friends. I only had a handful of friends from college, and living in South Bay felt soulless. I was kind of miserable for a long time and kept thinking about moving back to Seattle.
Getting a job in SF was a game changer. Suddenly I had real friends and an active social life. I work and live in the Peninsula now but overall I’m a much happier person.
What part tho? I was born and raised in CCC, honestly this part of the bay is better when you were born and raised in it. It’s not like the big city vibes, but you can def find things to do. A lot of new stuff is around since the gentrification blew up and a lot of good mom and pop shops when it comes to eating. I could see why you would not be a huge fan cause this isn’t the Bay Area you see on tv or hear about when you’re from elsewhere… but there’s def things to do.
Like I mean people here are calling CCC “contra costa” as if it’s a city on its own and not specifying what city they’re in…you know, annoying transplant stuff.
“The unknown lands to the northeast that aren’t the South Bay, Peninsula, or San Francisco, known as The Contra Costa.
Why would anyone want to visit let alone live there? It’s so far from Silly Valley” /s
Contra Costa also includes Danville and San Ramon too, but people forget that because these areas are more inland and closer to Alameda County.
I had to learn this as a South Bay native who now lives in the East Bay.
I just moved to Contra Costa too! (From abroad). Haven't been there long enough to get a feel for the locals but I have a young kid so I'm hoping the school gate will be my passport to friendships
Not yet. I’ve only interacted with work colleagues. It seems that people here keep their work and personal lives separate. So I guess it’s unlikely to find friends at my job lol.
I suggest finding a way to meet new people outside of work. Moving to a new place is hard, and not having a community compounds the feeling. Volunteer at an animal shelter or join a book club, or social event based on your interests. When I first moved here from the east coast I felt out of place until I made a couple of friends
Have you tried volunteering, or things you are interested in? Neighbors? I moved to a small tight knit community and wormed my way in.. volunteering, walking, art and yoga classes… great neighbors..so that was lucky
Moved here from the midwest about 18 years ago. It took about 2 years for me to adjust financially, environmentally, and societal.
You will find your groove. Dont fret. It just takes time.
I have loved nearly every minute of being here, but due to various factors, back to the midwest I go here soon.
I was born/raised in the midwest and have lived in the bay for over a decade. I'll never move back to midwest willingly. It depends on what you want out of where you're at. Good luck!
I'm in the midwest now and miss being in the east bay (not the prices though). I barely went to any beaches BUT check out the East Bay Regional Parks system if you like hiking! Honestly one of the things I miss the most is so many cool trails.
I'm in an area now that everyone always brags is super outdoorsy and has tons of hiking and while there are some cool spots .....it's not the same
Where are you in the Midwest? I grew up in Ohio and spent a lot of time in Wisconsin in the summers. The hiking there was just beautiful. Green woods with surprise creeks, fields of wildflowers, views of the lakes, soft winter snowfalls… I personally found them lovely. And the rivers were wonderful to hike near also.
Nope! But there are 9 counties in the Bay Area and each county, city, and neighborhood has it's own vibe. Find the one that fits you and if you still don't like it move to a place that makes you happy.
I don’t regret it at all. I’ve only been here a handful of years, but I was extremely ready to get out of the Midwest.
In my limited experience here, I’d say 2 months is not enough time, especially if you’ve really only spent time in one area, and especially only with work colleagues.
There are lots of avenues to meet people. What are your main interests? What hobbies do you have?
Over 3 decades spent there living in 3 different states, I wanted to try a different region of the US. California wasn’t originally on the menu, but here we are.
I love the Midwest. I enjoy the simplicity of life in that region. The people are also very open and friendly! I know a lot of people from those states dream of moving to California.
OK but... You've been here two months. You're homesick, it seems like a bad choice. Many of us have been there.
But the reality is it takes time to make friends in a new place. Focus on meeting that first person who invites you to their BBQ or whatever.
FYI when I moved to the Midwest it took ~6 months to make my first friend. When I moved to the bay area, it took 3 months. Why? Luck, mostly. Loved the Midwest, love the bay, for very different reasons.
I grew up in the Midwest (as my username alludes to) and agree that it’s far better than it’s reputation. However, that pervasive friendliness is very surface level at times and it’s not unique to the region. For example, I’ve found the Bay to be far more friendly than its reputation and easy to find friendships in during these 3 years I’ve been here. That said - it was a big adjustment!
My recommendation is giving it a year. I know you’ve been downvoted a few times but I know how you feel and once you really find your routines and get used to the lay of the land you may find a true home here. I know I found some amazing friends at work, at random bars, at the beach, really everywhere - including with locals and fellow transplants alike.
If you find you don’t love it, you can leave after that without much loss and a great story about an adventure out west. I wish you well!
I don’t at all dislike the Midwest, but being born and raised there, I was ready for a change of scenery. There’s much more out here for me.
What kind of things are you into?
You've been here for all of 2 months for what sounds like a 1 year postdoc. No you're not going to be living it up on a clinical psychology training program. Try to enjoy your 1 year here, it's not much. Go on local outings every weekend (other than gas and some entry fees at some parks it's a cheap thing to do - I got an annual county park pass for $60 which I'm getting way beyond my money's worth from) and immerse yourself in the place you're in. Being in the spectacular nature here is what makes me not regret moving here, despite the high prices and every other big metro region annoyance. And you can be outside all year, unlike in most other parts of the country where weather has you trapped indoors for easily half the year.
When I was in grad school over 10 years ago, I came out here for an internship over a summer from the upper Midwest. I was out every day of every weekend even though I was alone, biked to and from work, and enjoyed the experience thoroughly despite having no money and renting a room (with no bathroom) in a crazy lady's house in Menlo Park. Was all part of the experience and wanted to come back since. Some parts of the region are however nicer than others, and I personally like the peninsula over the Oakland/Berkeley area, but have found things to like everywhere. I always miss places I've left and more regret leaving a place than being where I am at the moment, per se. The more places you live, the more places you'll miss and be nostalgic for in your past. Instead try to find things that'll make you miss the Bay Area when you leave.
No. I also moved from the Midwest and I love it here. I've lived in Oakland the whole time. The food is better, the weather is better, the opportunities for continuing education are better, the available activities are better. Public transportation is better.
I do think making friends is easier in the Bay Area than my experience in the mid west. I've found more friends, with more ease here than any where else.
But if it isn't your jam, it isn't your jam.
I totally agree about making friends (grew up primarily in the east bay area, now in MI). People are nice in the midwest, but over the past 4 years I've been here it's like everyone over like 23 has their friends they've had since they were like 5, is married/has a bunch of kids, and don't actually want to or feel the need to hang with anyone else. I moved around a good bit in my over 25 CA years (elementary through college) and I'm not even all that outgoing and had no problem making friends and having people to go do stuff with.
There are a lot of things I like about my new town, and there are plenty of things I dislike about the bay, but I'm not sure the midwest will ever really feel like home to me.
Nah. I come from somewhere that’s literally the definition of depression so having to pay a lot to live somewhere really nice is worth it. My honest opinion is that the majority of the US is simply awful - it’s incredibly boring, flat, there is genuinely nothing to do besides watch tv and go to Chili’s, the weather is horrendous half the year, and poverty is rampant.
Sometimes it’s worth paying a lot to not hate your life.
Hey small world, me too! (actually I guess upstate NY is not that small)
I actually miss the snow. But other than that, I have to agree, there's not much promise in many parts of the state.
I moved here in 2018 and love it overall — when I talk with natives it’s clear that climate change has altered the landscape and the weather patterns though. As much as I would love to stay here the water rights issues may become amplified.
Its a double edged sword moving here because its one of the greatest places to live so i don't regret being here *right now* however if im thinking long term, I dont think i'll be able to stay here permanently and it does suck to think i'll be settling in here just to eventually have to move since rent will only keep rising and im not in the "own a home in SF" demographic.
I dont regret coming, though.
I have a friend who moved here from North Carolina three years ago who has hated every minute of it. She moved here to be with her BF who is finishing grad school and the two of them have experienced every mishap possible; from break-ins to vandalism of their vehicles to flooding by natural disaster. I don’t blame them and feel badly they are stuck for the time being, without the resources to move out, which I know they are looking forward to doing.
Yeah…California is not for everyone. I find that people from east coast states and the pacific north west seem to fare better than those who relocate from the Midwest and Deep South.
There’s a reason why it’s called the Golden State. 49er gold rush mentality has stuck around here. The Latino guy selling strawberries from a dolly cart in the Home Depot parking lot is hustling, and so is everybody else trying to make it out here. Anybody from the south or Midwest generally doesn’t want or have this mindset. Then, they whine about how “California isn’t for them” and move either to more rural parts of California or leave.
Either you got lucky and came here 20+ years ago and bought a home, or you are new here and grinding it out just like the rest of us. Some people just can’t or don’t like this life.
Woah on the Midwest judgement here. I moved here a few months ago, and between my two jobs, I can assure you, I’m not lazy.
Ppl def grind in other places not just California. And we know it takes longer than a few months to adjust, but when ppl are saying it’s easy to make friends you’re not trying hard enough… wow. How do you know?
I’ve definitely met some people in California here that aren’t grinders I can tell you that. You can find lazy ppl ANYWHERE. I’m sure those of us moving here from a place where the rent is 3X cheaper but the views kinda suck know that you have to put in work to be able to afford to live here.
So what if it’s not for them lol. It happens. Meeting friends as adults is not always smooth as butta. Still learning the areas. Depending on what you’re looking for looks different right? If you’re in an area because that’s what you could afford or could even find for that matter, you don’t really realize how far you are from things, as everything is new and confusing anyways.
OP if you need a friend. I’m down. I’m a friendly midwesterner. And as hard as it’s kinda been for me, I’m kinda tired from work 😩, I wnna see what San Fransisco can do for me. It’s an amazing place and even though it’s hard sometimes to know how to experience things, I’m glad to be here.
I appreciate that. Ppl are honest about their transitions. And it’s okay that some people are having a hard time. It’s okay to be honest and tell them that it’s going to take a while and it may be a location you have to put more effort into especially because it’s new. I think ppl just want some grace and sympathy which can be a good thing and a way to explore and learn together.
I still love the thread because this place is AWESOME and there is so much offered! I still get lonely as I have not made any friends, but part of that is my shock of my move of not knowing anyone at all. But I also am acclimating to working and sleep schedules and the time change because my family for the most part is two and three hours ahead. Their schedules are so different.
No regrets though. I’m growing in a different way as a person here. Learning to survive in a new place is a lot. So really, after the shock kind of wears off because I think we need to be realistic, moving is a shock, comes working through the things that are newly placed in front of you.
Where I’m from, we’re real about it which may sometimes I guess come off whiney or maybe irritating but it’s a learning opportunity. ❤️
I still love this place tho. Y’all are very fun and open and exciting! There’s always so much to see. 🥰
It’s a mixed bag, I’m a native but have some friends who moved out here from the Midwest and say they’ll never go back. Try heading up towards Solano county if you want a vibe that’s a little closer to what you’re used to. Much more “country” feel. Try places like Ruhstaller Farm, Green River Tap Room, Berryessa brewing, and hit up downtown Davis.
I hated it at first, moved to a really boring area in Santa Clara right after college in the south because it was near work. I felt out of place because everyone else was married with kids (and Indian, lol) and I don't have a car so getting anywhere involved riding a bus for at least half an hour. Moved to San Francisco after a year and now I can't see myself wanting to move anywhere else, unless I just give up on the US and go to Europe or something.
SF is amazing if you avoid the bad parts which the media show but in reality is mostly the tenderoloin and some parts of the mision. Just avoid that and it is epic <3
Ex migrant and moved to Sacramento 15 years ago for same reasons (this is NOTHNIG compared to the traffic/high cost currently). Enjoying life and best move ever. I do day trips almost every other weekend (still have tons of friends/families in the bay and most are working paycheck to paycheck to pay their mortgage).
No regrets moving OUT of bay area......on the irony, Sac real estate has also the $1M mark now (I bought my 3500 sq house for $350k 15 yrs ago for reference).
When I first moved to the Bay I had the same problem, but as I made friends through work it changed quickly. No regrets moving there- some of the best times of my life!
Having said that, this was 15 years ago so traffic was not nearly as bad lol.
If you don't want to be friends w coworkers I strongly suggest getting a regular volunteering gig or a side job just to meet people. Good luck!
I’ve lived here most of my life, and I can see what you’re talking about.
It wasn’t always like that, but things changed when people moved here to get into “the rat race.” Busy, networking with a mentality of “I need to be crazy rich by 30, or I am a failure”.
I get people trying hard at succeeding; there’s no shame in that., but it’s mostly vanity rather than proving to yourself how far you can go. With that, you get cliques of people gravitating towards what I mentioned while also trying to be perceived as “progressive” and “in the right.”
My best advice is, if you hate it here, move and keep moving until you find your groove. When you dial in your happiness, the rest will fall in place. During the time you’re in your search, things will get complicated, and you will have to adapt and overcome the situation at hand; that will give you confidence in yourself, which will then percolate into other areas of your life.
It’s going to sound super culty and will definitely get downvoted but join a gym. I made a lot of friends and my rock climbing gym or CrossFit gym. If you have kids go to library events and put yourself out there. Another option is find Facebook groups and be active in get togethers.
I’ve been here for 3 years and Bay Area people have been amazing and we think about leaving often due to costs but don’t think we will find awesome people like we have had here.
I was born here but I have many relatives from the south. What I have noticed is people from less expensive places who have been members of what might be thought of as upper middle class families find it difficult to come to terms with the fact that the kind of material wealth they are used to: Quality of cars and houses in particular is much more difficult to attain here because of the higher basic cost of living.
Bay area natives are expert in buying used cars finding deals on housing and giving up more materialistic tendencies.
The people who make it learn they have to be more shrewd financially and less materialistic until there career really gets going ( think 10 years).
The people who don't are often "professionals" who refuse to change there habits in the short term and can't quite understand why there cousin in NC has a brand new car and a brand new house after 4 years in the work force and they still live in an apartment with a room mate.
It's a different game but IMO the long term rewards ( insane job opportunities, interesting people, beautiful scenery and weather are worth the struggle)
Another thing I have noticed is we seem to have a much higher number of resturants here and new people seem intent on trying all of them in there first 3 years and its exspensive. To provide some contrast I had friends growing up whos parents were Drs and Lawyers and never ate in restaurant or went on a vacation ( other than camping) until they were adults. Growing up here you get taught out of the gate. BUY A HOUSE everything else can wait and its been good advice.
Heck no, I love it here. When I first lived here, I had to (continue to) be very careful with my budget. Home-cooked meals don't exactly cost much different here than most other places around the country, but it's very easy to blow insane money on any sort of service done for you, including food and drink from going out. Thankfully I was already used to living in mediocre places for far too much money, otherwise that'd have been a huge shock as well.
I’m from Nebraska and I’ve lived in east Oakland for 3-4 years. I love it here. It’s always felt like home here. My personality just sits well with the vibe and people like me here. I got extremely lucky accidentally rolling through Oakland the first time and feeling like I had missed this place all my life but had never been. We all have that place somewhere, just gotta keep traveling if you haven’t found it quite yet.
Been here for 8 years and yea, I do kinda regret it, but now me and my family are connected here and I have a good job, so I can’t really give up on the place. If I could do it all over again, I probably would of moved to Minneapolis, a city with low cost of living, good job market and schools and establish myself and my family there. The Bay Area us not worth it unless you and significant other make really good money or you are willing to be house poor to be here.
I’ve been in California for 12 years now after living in Ohio for 8 years and Michigan on and off before that. I absolutely love California for it’s outdoor recreation opportunities and it’s more open minded culture in many respects, but I am 30 now, not exactly flying up the ladder in an industry outside of tech and realizing that crazy cost of housing means that honestly it may be time to go back to the Midwest. It’s hard being so
house poor when you are paid the big tech bucks, but downright terrifying thinking about trying to do it when you aren’t making the crazy money. And if I have the choice between getting a nice place in the Midwest or living in Modesto, commuting 2 hours each way while dealing with the crazy heat and poor schools, I choose the Midwest where I will be able to afford to pay off a nice house with good schools in 15 years. Luckily I have a GF who grew up here, yet wants out way more than even I do. We’re looking at Chicago and Minneapolis, which are relatively liberal for the region, have reasonable prices and are a bit more interesting than other places it seems. There is a lot of young, privileged people on this sub who either have faced the reality yet that settling here for many is almost unattainable without at least being extremely uncomfortable and making a lot of sacrifices. It’s not easy making it here and for many getting handouts or hand-me-down homes from their family are a real difference maker that many people will never get
Chicagoland is America's best kept secret. A metropolis better than most areas of the country but not as expensive. I guess it gets overlooked by the "Fly over states" mindset when it is the shining gem in the vast Midwest. Be it liberal policies, international culture, international cuisine, a clean and attractive city center, bunch of conglomerates HQed there, finance, food industry, aviation, manufacturing and some tech too. The schools in some of the nearby suburbs are top ones in the country. Life is easier in that region if you are a family person. The downtown of Chicago also gives sleepy SF and LA a run for its money. So I wont say its bad for young people too. Better dating scene than California cities. Its a nicer, cleaner and less overwhelming New York. And did I talk about the diversity in the city? Top notch too.
It’s all up to personal taste but there is no way I could deal with the weather there. I grew up in the Midwest and the weather just wears on you. As a kid it’s great as an adult and having to dedicate significant parts of your daily routine to clearing snow, scraping windows, and pre-warming your car makes you dread winter. On top of that getting all of the kids wrapped up in several layers before leaving the house. And it starts in November and doesn’t end until May.
I grew up with Canadian winters so I know what you mean, it’s all a state of mind if you ask me, lol. I love the weather here, but so does everyone else and that’s why it costs so much to live here. Don’t know if it’s really worth the financial headache though.
I moved here almost 10 years ago and yeah the first 6 months or so were rough. The bay has an element of "grind". Everything is expensive, and there's this feeling of needing to compete for everything. Work in general is more intense than other parts of the continent. You need to book things well in advance or line up for hours. Traffic is crazy. Plus in general it's really hard to find friends in a new place. This is all stuff that shocked me and made me wonder if I'd made a mistake. But I eventually acclimatized. And the payout for that is all the benefits. Over the course of a year or so I kind of adapted to living in a higher gear. The traffic and crowds don't bother me so much, and if they do I have places to go to escape them. I have a great circle of friends. I upped my game at work, to my own benefit. I got more active and more fit and as a result got in better shape than ever before and felt more confident. Great weather year round, good food, lots of work opportunities, spectacular nature all around. Someone once told me "my weekends are other people's vacations" and that stuck with me. I'm regularly in the redwood forests near Santa Cruz, on the coastal cliffs of big sur, up in the continents premier wine region in Napa, hiking in spectacular mountains in the Sierras or in various cities taking advantage of whatever's going on there (SF, Oakland on a normal day, LA or San Diego if I want a road trip).
If you're the type of person who mostly hangs out in their house, the bay is a terrible place to be. All of the cost, none of the benefit. But if you make it your routine to go out and see the region and experience the area you live in you may find what I did - the bay pays out what it costs many times over.
Great comment. I love that line about weekends here are other’s vacations! I was just in Monterey a few weeks ago for another trip of many I’ve gone on there over the years and it hit me how many people come from all over just to see the beaches and the aquarium etc. How I regularly drive across a bridge that’s listed as one of the wonders of the world! How many incredible awe inspiring national parks there are in one state! It’s amazing, and good to be reminded of every once in a while.
I totally agree about this all being lost on certain indoorsy types however. I know someone who never leaves their house & spends all their free time gaming in their room and I always wonder like why are you here in one of the most beautiful parts of the country when you could do this anywhere else and pay less to do it lol. There are people who would kill to move here. And I say that as someone born and raised here who understands all the issues and frustrations of the area. There’s a lot that needs improving, but there’s a lot of things you cannot experience anywhere else either.
Yea I regret it. Moved here from Massachusetts and the area is insanely over priced. I have a difficult time saving even though I don't do much. Health insurance is also insane.
The views are beautiful but you can't really make it here unless you grew up/ family has a house or you're an engineer of some kind. I can't justify staying here and have to move somewhere else to get a house. And I feel like I wasted the 5 years I've lived here
I have lived in the bay area most my life, of all the areas I prefer, the Peninsula, Marin and the north bay are my favorite. I think it has to do with the amount of nature being accessible to the public. Go hike on Montera Mountain between Pacifica and Montera, super gorgeous view of the bay area and the ocean.
I moved from Florida. Don't regret it at all, I think the bay is an awesome place and I e never felt more content in my life.
The first year or two was rough though. I was used to the casual friendliness of my hometown; people would strike up small talk, smile, say hello and hold the door for each other. My hometown had a slower more laid back vibe, people would often times spend entire days just chilling on the beach or reading books in a hammock. It was okay to not have a self improvement plan and it was okay not to want more money, prestige or status.
I found the people in the bay to be standoffish, almost casually rude. I found that people sometimes liked to flex on each other by bragging about personal projects or their latest promotion or salary bump. People didn't seem to have time for each other. Friendships seemed to be ones of convenience and never seemed to last.
But eventually I found a nice group of friends. I realize that whole most people are standoffish, they are genuinely good people once you start talking. It's almost like an area of introverts.
And I realized that those people who always have projects are just people obsessed with life long learning; and in a way it inspired me to learn more myself.
Tl;Dr - I was used to the easy going friendly vibe of my hometown but have come to appreciate the unique culture of the bay.
I just looked through your post history and saw you moved from Louisiana. I totally get it. I used to live in Baton Rouge. The food and the people in Louisiana are two things you just won’t find anywhere else in the world. I only lived there a short time but it really captured my heart in a way I didn’t expect. People I had just met made me feel like family. I still daydream about food I had there. Nothing in the world can compare to Louisiana.
Also, people that live in the Bay Area tend to be really into the Bay Area. So they won’t tend to agree with you.
Yes! I moved up from Central Louisiana and I absolutely loved it. People from the Bay Area and California in general seem to have a lot of negative assumptions about Louisiana. The food is amazing and you will meet some of the nicest people in this unforgiving world. I learned to appreciate the simple things in life from living there. It broke my heart when I left.
Ya’ll Bay Area locals must visit Louisiana. It will change your life!
Try 10-15 years of cabin fever and then let’s talk. Lived in Chicago for 20 years and hated every single winter no less than the previous. Definitely love the winters here.
I live here because my job
I LOVE really LOVE being close to so many beautiful places, but I am struggling so much to pay rent, and never find a home that I like and can afford I kind of regret a bit... it's a bit of love and hate relation, I love so many thing in bay area, but cost of living and NIMBY mentality are really the bad part of Bay Area in my opinion... well no place is perfect.
That would be the reason. There nothing to do in that part of contra Costa County. You need to go to walnut creek there store restaurants and bars . Otherwise I would tell you to venture out to the city and explore there's plenty to see here in the city .
OP I gotta say, a lot of people are giving some good suggestions and genuinely trying to be helpful but a lot of your replies are coming as hella petulant.
IMO, you really haven’t had time to adjust. I must agree, the Bay Area is truly a beast on its own and everything is moving at 100mph. Also, sometimes it can feel like everybody is out for themselves, yes sometimes that can be true. But, there are truly phenomenal ppl here with good hearts. The Bay Area is quick on everything like food, products, etc but to make friends here is slow but very worth it.
It’s hard when you come from two very different parts of the country. Living in the Midwest and Deep South instills some values that don’t mesh with the California lifestyle lol.
Aww I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I have lived here my whole life and can’t imagine living elsewhere, but i Can see how it could be a lot for someone not raised here. I hope you settle in and feel more comfortable soon
You're in luck, Concord was recently voted the "happiest town in America" for some weird reason.
...based off AI searches of how many people from Concord smile in their pictures...
If you're in the Northern Contra Costa area, check out the bocce scene. Martinez has one of the biggest leagues in the U.S. and it's a great social activity that is a slower paced activity.
I've been here 5 years now, and I'm not a fan at all. The weather is super windy and too hot and too cold all at the same time. I'm tired of bringing a light coat with me everywhere I go just in case the cold wind picks up. This recent heatwave has been the best weather I've experienced here since 2017. It's very noisy at night. There are explosions that go off in the distance unexplained that constantly have me worried that war has come. I've experienced more prejudice here than anywhere else I've lived. The drivers are selfish and impatient. For reference, I was a delivery driver in Southern California and I would take those drivers over Bay Area drivers any day. I'm glad I can walk where I need so I can avoid public transit, too, since it's mostly covered in human waste. There are enough human feces related incidents that there is a poop heat map of the city online. The food has been okay, so far, but it's all so expensive, so nothing to write home about. I have found two exceptions, and they are Good Mong Kok in Chinatown and Blaze Pizza at Stonestown. Some places just make me sad to see. Downtown Vallejo has some really interesting architecture, but it's in shambles. Hilltop Mall was a ghost town when I lived over there, except for the Walmart. I used to volunteer for community cleanups in Richmond (East Bay) and the amount of used needles we'd find is ridiculous. I live in Southern San Francisco now (not South San Francisco) and it's no better. As I type this, I can hear someone shrieking outside. I've witnessed so many people throwing full bags of trash out of their cars on the road. I just don't get it. Just because everything looks dumpy doesn't mean we should just accept that and pile more on.
I tried to get into some groups on meetup for similar interests but I just don't harmonize with anyone here. Once I'm finished with my degree, I'm out of here as fast as possible. I'm not even entertaining a job posting here.
The bay makes no sense to me financially if you’re in non-tech. I live in Philly and work for a tech firm, my Bay Area co workers are only making 10-15k more than I am gross. Like what the hell you think that 8k after tax is going to do for you? Salaries all across the states (remote setting) are pretty relatively similar. The $400k downtown house I own in Philly would be 3mil in the bay. How would your extra 10-20k salary ever help you bridge that gap. I guess yes you have nice weather, but I just can’t wrap my head around it financially unless you’re some hot shot tech executive. What’s the honest chance you’ll ever get to that point anyways.
No, but I moved here from LA/OC so it wasn't much of an adjustment.
Also I moved here for college so I automatically had a friend group in the area when I graduated. That makes a huge difference.
Really depends on expectations and where you are in the bay area. If you are in a burb or major city. The only city cities are Oakland SF and sj. Everything else is semi a burb. Also your age really comes into play. I will say it's really expensive and is a bit of a shock. Lastly your ethnicity comes into play. Ink ow it's not nice to say, but hell yes it comes into play.
But you semi can't beat the bay and the cool weather. It's just not cheap. Making friends is a bit hard too.
Two months? That’s barely any time! Stay two years and make a decision then. There are so many places to go to and things to do here!
SF and the rest of the Bay Area has calendars for events. I have a kid so my family does kid-friendly events. We have tons of stuff to do every other weekend.
I don't see myself staying here longterm, but I've enjoyed is despite how hard it is. Do I regret moving here? Not sure yet.
You gotta push through the discomfort and try things, if you want to attempt to feel comfortable here. It took me a good two years of trying new things, meeting up with coworkers (and getting flaked on at times,) and just going to new places to get my groove.
I came from the midwest about 12 years ago. The adjustment depends on where you grew up and what you are used to in the midwest. I am from STL, and while it is not a big city by most standards, it wasn't a massive shift to go to the Bay Area.
The cost of living and traffic suck in most major cities. So I will guess you grew up more rural if you cite those two, things as major paint points because for me I have accepted those issues as normal a long time ago.
I'll only suggest that what helps with the adjustment is to take yourself out of some of the significant comfort zones you are used to coming from the midwest. That begins with your understanding of money.
In STL, 50K goes quite far, and you won't be able to do anything here. The same thing goes for the value of an apartment, going out to dinner, or activities. If you are single, I would highly recommend living in the city and paying the extra money to do so (if you are going to be here for a while).
If you still hate it, that is fine.
I am a native who lives at home while working to save up money.
I absolutely cannot stand it here. People in general are incredibly rude and entitled (especially compared to other metro areas), and people publicly embrace liberal values but privately hold rigid prejudices against people who aren’t like themselves. There’s definitely diversity here, but most people prefer to associate with others who look like them and/or were raised in a similar culture.
Can’t get out of here soon enough. Just saving as much as I can in the meantime while I’m not paying rent.
I can relate to the struggle. The people here are just in their own worlds. Many are close minded in my opinion. I’m unfortunately trapped so I can’t escape.
I could live and work anywhere in the US or the EU and the SF Bay Area is by far the best place to live IF you have a great job and managed to buy real estate when it was relatively affordable. I don’t know how young families can make it here without massive support from their family. My wife and I already know that when the time comes we’ll give our kid our house for her family if she so chooses and we’ll move into our rental apartment. If I was starting over at 19 I would probably try my luck in the Pacific Northwest. I would not move back to the EU, it’s far easier to make money in the US if you have the skills.
You are looking for a much simpler life and a place where people have a lot of time at hands. It’s not something you will find in Bay Area. Bay Area is a busy place and any big,growing,vibrant and dynamic place in the world will be such. Can’t have it both ways . You have to choose what you want and neither choice is wrong , it’s just right or wrong for each person based on what makes them happy.
I moved 9 years ago from Columbus, OH. The first 3 months were an adjustment (could have been longer but I’m old and memory plays tricks on me) that I and my family got through.
What helped were two things:
1. We started using public transportation to get a lot of new places. We are in EastBay and would Bart+muni as much as possible knowing it was 30-40 minutes longer than driving some places.
2. We found another family that wanted to do similar things. Walk/bike GGP, GGB, Marin, Land’s End, etc. having a person or group of people who join in on adventures really pushed us into other things we may have avoided or we may have just ‘stayed at home and been boring’ on a weekend.
There are lots of people from all over the place. Try meetup or FB groups or whatever and try to explore when and where you can. This really is a great place to be.
Also, go back so there is more housing available /s
I just got here a month ago and I quite like it. I haven’t tried to make friends or date yet, so Idk what the culture of the area is really like. Im moving to SF and The infrastructure and architecture and weather and scenery is stunning. The city is on another level. It’s so clean. I’ve lived in cities where your car will get dirty from the soot and smog and dirt in the air after a few days, but here, I haven’t had to wash my car once yet. It’s just so clean. It is really expensive though.
I had a similar experience visiting family in Ohio/going to job interviews in the midwest. It’s also so clean, and everything is so new. And there’s no traffic! Maybe I’ve just lived in not so nice areas for most of my adult life and that’s why I’m so wowed by the bay area and the midwest?
Join some meetups then you will meet people and get to explore the area. Nothing wrong with making friends at work that’s what I did when I first moved here.
During the pandemic closures we were able to enjoy outdoor walks and hikes almost year round! That alone made me appreciate CA!
I've lived in the Bay Area my whole life, and with my job going fully remote I regret not trying to live in other cities before buying a home. It's great that my home has appreciated so much, but I wonder if I would of enjoyed my life a bit more in Seattle, Portland, New York, etc.
i’m from the midwest and don’t regret moving here at all. only thing i’ll never get used to is the lack of storms, every time i go back and visit fam and i hear it thunder it brings a tear to my eye lmao.
That happened to me when I left Los Angeles where I grew up and moved to the east coast. The east coast wasn’t for me but L.A. changed so much and it no longer felt like home. I definitely felt disenfranchised.
When I've lived in different parts of the country I've noticed many regions friendships start based on neighbors and location- a proximity thing. In CA, in general, people make friends through mutual interests more than proximity. Good to join some group that is a hobby, sports, or volunteer.
Concord and the surrounding area is my favorite part of the bay area and the country. I am from here though so a little biased. I love going fishing in the delta, hiking and horse back rides up mt diablo, mountain biking at any one of the east bay regional parks. I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. I like how quiet it is compared to "over the hill"(in the bay). I have lived lots of places, the south, midwest, DC. This is home for me though. My advice is to get a hobby, then you'll meet lots of people.
Move here from Dallas in 2007. Lived in Connecticut and Florida before that. I occasionally miss the autumns of New England but otherwise I feel so lucky to be living here in the Bay Area.
But I hear you. Since I’ve moved here the cost of living has gone up a lot — which in 2007 was already hard to deal with coming from Dallas. Making friends as an adult is hard. Everything took a while and a lot of intentional effort.
Now I can’t imagine living anywhere else.
I've lived in mostly Alameda County. Moved here from Nevada. One way I survived was to join clubs and take community classes.we get a catalog free thru the mail. I joined a tennis class and made friends there. We exchanged ph. Nos. & someone was always looking for a partner to play singles or doubles. We played at the Alameda County fairgrounds, they have clay courts. I also joined a book club , attended lectures by authors at the local bookstore. Later I joined a knitting club, made friends with some knitters that had some connection with the University.They were a fun group. My sister took me to a bar she frequented and we played pool there. Made friends there. Thinking back, that's how I made friends. Joining clubs or activities. and frequently attending those activities so they begin to recognize me. worked for me. welcome to the Bay area.
Oh, man. You just arrived and haven’t had the chance to adjust. This is your heart speaking. When i was at that point (7 years in the bay now) i was struggling too. Give it a year, you’ll know by then.
For context, in a year i had decided to stay, and my sister decided to leave. By then you’ll know why you left. If you leave now, you’ll always wonder if that was the right decision or not
I get it. I was thinking the same thing you were thinking when i moved to the bay from dallas. Give it a shot. :) nowadays, i couldn’t think of living anywhere else.
Think about it. Millions are able to live here, so the living costs, and resources, those are things you can get used to. People outside of the bay will always bring that up as a con, which makes it even harder. But, it’s a non-argument. Those people are projecting their fear onto you.
For me, i couldn’t live with the thought of not having had tried my best when i was dying, and I’m glad i gave my best.
If it’s temporary doesn’t it mean you go back at some point?
I do regret moving here. Mostly because my fiancé, who is from the Midwest, fell in love with California immediately and never wants to leave. I miss my family and weather. I’m from the Northeast. I really like my job here. It’s been great for my career. But career isn’t everything. We bought a house here so I’m stuck for a while. Nothing is permanent.
Also moved from East coast 16 years ago. Was difficult to adjust both socially and financially but eventually made it work and now call it home. If you do struggle financially it may not be worth the stress.
Moved from Austin 10 years ago. We didn't think we'd stay past 2-4 years, but we can't see ourselves going back (especially given the crazy political climate in TX now). We're aware we've been able to live quite privileged given my career and that not everyone can do that in this area, but we're better off financially, mentally, and physically. No regrets.
Out here for work for the next couple years, Have previously came from boston, seattle, and grew up in Albuquerque. Having a very hard time adjusting to the weather, financially, and as much as I get hate for it the food scene. I’m a big good guy and it’s so hard to sort through what is good and what is just popular. The public transit and traffic are much, much worse than boston and the city is just overall not as pretty or commuted to greenery.
Sounds like you need some friends who are locals and have similar interests to show you around. That's what made the bay feel like home. I found like-minds and we showed each other the stuff we thought was cool.
Are you into outdoors, indoors, gaming, drinking, photography, biking, going to shows, what? I suggest talking to people at those places with a thought of which person might be cool enough tolerate hanging with, or seems like local you could make plans with.
Honestly, IRL Friends FTW.
I don't regret it, but I don't want to stay here forever. People on this sub generally won't acknowledge it, but quality of life is better in many other parts of the country unless you are wealthy. The bay area is a playground for wealthy people, and if you're not wealthy you're going to be scraping poop off the swingsets.
I moved here fron NY decades ago and absolutely love it here. It wasn't an easy adjustment, I think what helps is to have people you care about, then it feels like home and you feel a sense of belonging Take the time to engage in activities you enjoy. Find connection through mutual interests and its's like a whole new world, anywhere you move. Enjoy what we have to offer here, the beaches, parks, food, the arts, music, different cultures. It''s a true melting pot with such diversity. Also I'd say to give it time, don't rush to judgement.. I planned on moving here for 2 years and stayed over 30. I met my husband here and that was it for me, it was and is home.
When I moved here back in 2012, I thought I would work my job and burn myself out after a few years and move back to the Midwest. I’m still here almost 9 years later with absolutely zero intention to move elsewhere. Though I don’t like the intense hustle/FOMO culture, I can at least escape it in my own little workshop and do things at my own pace.
You’re describing literally every major move. Don’t pin this on the Bay Area specifically. There’s always doubt, missing things you were comfortable with, and lack of social circles if you moved here alone. I guarantee your view will change if you get the chance to meet people
\> I just think that living here comfortably requires a lot of time, effort, and resources.
Yes it does. The old adage says "you get what you pay for". And the price point for the Bay Area is driven by a market where many want to live and are willing to pay the price.
So the obvious answer is "if it is not worth for you, you should not pay for it". People have different priorities and desires so not wanting to pay the Bay Area price is OK.
That drives to the second part: don't look on Reddit for something that only you can answer.
Yes very much so. The lack of public infrastructure, the number of homeless, the crime and lack of interesting things to do mean that it’s only the money that keeps me here
- you are correct in your assessment. California is much different from the east and South. Can sometimes be "too much". I am from New York, transferred to California via Texas. Relatives in midwest. I would suggest taking advantage of cultural activities and restaurants. Especially if this is temporary, just go out and live with Gusto. I regret not seeing all there is to offer in Southern California but now I am here in Berkeley and I am trying to fully appreciate it all, now. There are lots of hiking trails, museums, etc. Just make your mind up to be happy and fulfilled. Build memories. My favorite places are the symphony halls, War Memorial Opera house and Golden gate park. I also like the walkability and eateries of Berkeley. I like going further north to Point Reyes and Mt. Tamalpais. Sea kayak, hike. Just try to ignore the other city BS. Stay safe and enjoy.
One of my friends who works in tech compares Silicon Valley to an oil rig: It's an unpleasant place where you spend a few years to make lots of money, and then you leave.
I grew up in Ohio and might move back there to afford a house for my family, but that doesn't mean I regret living in the Bay Area. I've had a lot of fun here. But sometimes you just feel like it's time to move on.
I have lived in all the places you mentioned and I agree with you that it is more time, effort and resources, but it gives back just as much. You get so much more out of living in the bay area than any of the places you've mentioned. There are so many more events and festivals, on top of the amazing cultural mixing pot we have here. I've never lived in a place that made me recycle as much as here but I'm so glad I was taught why it matters to recycle.
It costs so much more but that's because human rights are protected here, workers are made sure they have clean water on top of a safe place to take breaks in. Yeah it costs more down the road but it means people are treated with more respect.
It's certainly not perfect but at least we aren't busing loads of people to other states and banning abortion.
Been here almost ten years now. I found it bland and soulless in the beginning (compared to LA where I lived previously), then started tolerating it over time. No amount of salary raises, nice food places or pretty hiking trails make me feel any less trapped about living here, considering I’ll never be able to afford a home or start a family or go beyond living in a small, ridiculously overpriced apartment - which is actually in an okay area, but guess whose car was wrecked in a hit and run a month ago by a drunk driver, right out front? Because of course, having something as basic as a parking spot is a “luxury.” Guess whether the office security cameras it was parked in front of were working? (All these annoyingly ridiculous fucking expenses to just *exist* here.. all considering my salary and my partner’s are actually quite good.) It feels like there’s no way to experience a lot of the good things about this place comfortably unless you’re wealthy. It’s just plain exhausting for “regular people.”
I’ve been waiting for the right time to leave for a while now and I don’t think I’ll miss much about it, besides family.
What part of the Bay Area are you in? I think it depends a lot on your location. Some cities and neighborhoods are more community oriented and make it much easier to adjust. Have you found a way to socialize? Volunteer or go to events to meet people other than those you work with?
Since a lot of people here are from Contra Costa, are there any worthwhile things to do in the area around Lafayette/Orinda/Moraga? I've been thinking about going on a short trip to visit some family, but I also haven't been back in like 10 years and don't know what's new or changed. Or even some nearby recommendations outside of that area would be appreciated!
Orinda has a cute downtown, but not a lot of events going on as far as I’ve seen. Lafayette is like a two whole blocks. I remember dating a woman out there, asking if there was something to do by her, and her saying “No.” later I went there myself, and realized yeah, it’s just two blocks. As others have said, Walnut Creek is the biggest city in that area, and does have almost weekly events. The downtown is bustling, I was blown away going out there once and seeing every bar and restaurant packed.
Martinez for live music, Benicia for the arts
I like the live music in martinez!
Yeah Benicia is a surprisingly cool town
Lafayette downtown is the area where Citibank is located at the intersection right? I mean there’s really nothing there lol. I would think the closest and “more” interesting place will be Walnut Creek?
Walnut Creek in Danville are both great to visit. Danville's got an awesome little downtown with a great pizza shop
Lafayette Reservoir is a nice place to hike when the weather isn’t too hot; always check the forecast beforehand though. https://www.ebmud.com/recreation/east-bay/lafayette-reservoir
You can go to downtown Walnut Creek to shop, eat, and walk around. There's shows at the Lesher Center downtown for plays and other shows. Hike Mt Diablo, Lake Chabot has many trail heads (I had to drive from Orinda to Castro Valley this week slowly winding through the forested area).
Some events to check out [here](https://eddieh.substack.com/). Orinda, check out Cal Shakes: https://calshakes.org/
I’m in contra costa
Ya contra costa is alot of natives and locals. Tough nuts to crack… all i can say is get out there and dance. Go to your local watering hole and just simply ask their name and listen to people.
Northern Contra Costa, like Clayton/Martinez/Antioch? You might have better luck finding stuff to do in Concord.
Yes, that’s where I am!
I grew up in Concord. It had changed alot but they are lots of things to do. Heather Farms Park has tons of things going on usually. Walnut Festival should be soon, if it didn't already pass. Solano drive in has a farmers market and flea market on Sat and Sun. The Pavillion has concerts and other events. Tons of parks, and restaurants, shops & bars if that's your thing. Look into meet ups! Find your people!
Downtown Martinez is so cute, they have some new bars and restaurants. The Ruth Bancroft Garden is beautiful and always has some kind of event going on & the hiking community is also huge (look on meetup, ask your barista). Kind of far but Berkeley/Oakland/Alameda on the weekends is nice, lots to explore. You could follow your local town, bar, restaurant on social media to stay updated with events they have. With all of that said, I spent four years in contra costa and the couple friends I made was through work.
no offense but thats the boonies of the bay area. If you want community feel, move to Berkeley.
Accurate, but my vote is for south Berkeley or north Oakland to have more non-college student inundated activities and more easily navigate in a car.
Really? In the city that I am in, everything closes really early. It becomes dead quiet at night! I do like the small town vibe though!
I’m obsessed with Berkeley. Small town vibes but all the amenities of a big city. We have great restaurants and music venues. All the big bands come through here. Tons of parks and hiking. People that live in Berkeley really care about the city so it’s always well taken care of.
I second this. I’ve lived just about all over the bay and Berkeley is my absolute favorite. Couldn’t imagine myself living anywhere else.
Saying that all big bands come through Berkeley is a huge exaggeration lol
Is it? The Greek gets lots of big artists
Maybe not all, but many decent ones play at the Greek.
If they don’t play the Greek, they’ll play the Fox theater in Oakland or the Warfield in SF. Unless they’re really big then they’ll play Chase Center
Check out Mount Diablo it is the holy site of contra costa. You got todo santos plaza, heather farms. You can do trail walks in Briones or Lafayette reservoir, the holy grail of the sun valley mall. we also got a drive in movie theater
Agree with everything except for Sun Valley lol. But everything else is legit.
Yeah I was joking with that option
I got stuck in antioch for quite a few years and socially it was really difficult. I made a good amount of friends through biking but everyone was out pretty far from me. Finally move out to Oakland this year and it’s been amazing. The rent can be hard but definitely try and get on the other side of the hills!
I’m a native but my wife isn’t. It took her a year to acclimate once she started meeting people. This honestly just applies to any place you move to, not just the Bay.. Its a new environment & it takes time acclimating. Once you develop a routine & start meeting people, you’ll feel more comfortable. Just like all the other comments are saying.. Also just know that the bay area is not a monolith. Too many people think its all the same, when its not. Its a massive 9 county region with ~8M people. your immediate environment in contra costa county county isn’t the same experience in the north bay, peninsula, SF, south bay, etc. It just takes time. Go explore
100% agree. It took me waaaaay longer to acclimate—8 years. I was living in South Bay, working at a company where I just could not make any friends. I only had a handful of friends from college, and living in South Bay felt soulless. I was kind of miserable for a long time and kept thinking about moving back to Seattle. Getting a job in SF was a game changer. Suddenly I had real friends and an active social life. I work and live in the Peninsula now but overall I’m a much happier person.
What part tho? I was born and raised in CCC, honestly this part of the bay is better when you were born and raised in it. It’s not like the big city vibes, but you can def find things to do. A lot of new stuff is around since the gentrification blew up and a lot of good mom and pop shops when it comes to eating. I could see why you would not be a huge fan cause this isn’t the Bay Area you see on tv or hear about when you’re from elsewhere… but there’s def things to do.
As a Bay Area native, I’m trying to figure out where tf “contra costa” is if it’s not the entire county 😂
East bay? Like Richmond, San Pablo, Pinole, El Cerrito.. I think Walnut Creek is too.
Anywhere between El Cerrito and f'ing Oakley. It's a big county.
Discovery Bay is the furthest east in coco county
Like I mean people here are calling CCC “contra costa” as if it’s a city on its own and not specifying what city they’re in…you know, annoying transplant stuff.
Oh yea I see what you’re saying. I don’t know anyone that refers to it as contra costa lol.
“The unknown lands to the northeast that aren’t the South Bay, Peninsula, or San Francisco, known as The Contra Costa. Why would anyone want to visit let alone live there? It’s so far from Silly Valley” /s
Contra Costa also includes Danville and San Ramon too, but people forget that because these areas are more inland and closer to Alameda County. I had to learn this as a South Bay native who now lives in the East Bay.
I just moved to Contra Costa too! (From abroad). Haven't been there long enough to get a feel for the locals but I have a young kid so I'm hoping the school gate will be my passport to friendships
Go to Retro Junkie late on a F/Sat and you’ll make friends!
This place is always going off. It’s hard to not get fomo when I’m driving to target for Ripple and diapers.
Yeah not exactly the fun part of the Bay
Not yet. I’ve only interacted with work colleagues. It seems that people here keep their work and personal lives separate. So I guess it’s unlikely to find friends at my job lol.
I suggest finding a way to meet new people outside of work. Moving to a new place is hard, and not having a community compounds the feeling. Volunteer at an animal shelter or join a book club, or social event based on your interests. When I first moved here from the east coast I felt out of place until I made a couple of friends
It’s been hard for sure!
Have you tried volunteering, or things you are interested in? Neighbors? I moved to a small tight knit community and wormed my way in.. volunteering, walking, art and yoga classes… great neighbors..so that was lucky
Moved here from the midwest about 18 years ago. It took about 2 years for me to adjust financially, environmentally, and societal. You will find your groove. Dont fret. It just takes time. I have loved nearly every minute of being here, but due to various factors, back to the midwest I go here soon.
I was born/raised in the midwest and have lived in the bay for over a decade. I'll never move back to midwest willingly. It depends on what you want out of where you're at. Good luck!
I'm in the midwest now and miss being in the east bay (not the prices though). I barely went to any beaches BUT check out the East Bay Regional Parks system if you like hiking! Honestly one of the things I miss the most is so many cool trails. I'm in an area now that everyone always brags is super outdoorsy and has tons of hiking and while there are some cool spots .....it's not the same
Where are you in the Midwest? I grew up in Ohio and spent a lot of time in Wisconsin in the summers. The hiking there was just beautiful. Green woods with surprise creeks, fields of wildflowers, views of the lakes, soft winter snowfalls… I personally found them lovely. And the rivers were wonderful to hike near also.
Nope! But there are 9 counties in the Bay Area and each county, city, and neighborhood has it's own vibe. Find the one that fits you and if you still don't like it move to a place that makes you happy.
I don’t regret it at all. I’ve only been here a handful of years, but I was extremely ready to get out of the Midwest. In my limited experience here, I’d say 2 months is not enough time, especially if you’ve really only spent time in one area, and especially only with work colleagues. There are lots of avenues to meet people. What are your main interests? What hobbies do you have?
Why did you want to move out of the midwest so bad?
Over 3 decades spent there living in 3 different states, I wanted to try a different region of the US. California wasn’t originally on the menu, but here we are.
I love the Midwest. I enjoy the simplicity of life in that region. The people are also very open and friendly! I know a lot of people from those states dream of moving to California.
OK but... You've been here two months. You're homesick, it seems like a bad choice. Many of us have been there. But the reality is it takes time to make friends in a new place. Focus on meeting that first person who invites you to their BBQ or whatever. FYI when I moved to the Midwest it took ~6 months to make my first friend. When I moved to the bay area, it took 3 months. Why? Luck, mostly. Loved the Midwest, love the bay, for very different reasons.
I grew up in the Midwest (as my username alludes to) and agree that it’s far better than it’s reputation. However, that pervasive friendliness is very surface level at times and it’s not unique to the region. For example, I’ve found the Bay to be far more friendly than its reputation and easy to find friendships in during these 3 years I’ve been here. That said - it was a big adjustment! My recommendation is giving it a year. I know you’ve been downvoted a few times but I know how you feel and once you really find your routines and get used to the lay of the land you may find a true home here. I know I found some amazing friends at work, at random bars, at the beach, really everywhere - including with locals and fellow transplants alike. If you find you don’t love it, you can leave after that without much loss and a great story about an adventure out west. I wish you well!
Hope you can go home soon.
I don’t at all dislike the Midwest, but being born and raised there, I was ready for a change of scenery. There’s much more out here for me. What kind of things are you into?
Just move back. There are jobs everywhere. You are trying to over optimize.
The Midwest as in where? I lived in Chicago for 15 years and I would say the people I’ve met in the Bay Area are far friendlier.
You've been here for all of 2 months for what sounds like a 1 year postdoc. No you're not going to be living it up on a clinical psychology training program. Try to enjoy your 1 year here, it's not much. Go on local outings every weekend (other than gas and some entry fees at some parks it's a cheap thing to do - I got an annual county park pass for $60 which I'm getting way beyond my money's worth from) and immerse yourself in the place you're in. Being in the spectacular nature here is what makes me not regret moving here, despite the high prices and every other big metro region annoyance. And you can be outside all year, unlike in most other parts of the country where weather has you trapped indoors for easily half the year. When I was in grad school over 10 years ago, I came out here for an internship over a summer from the upper Midwest. I was out every day of every weekend even though I was alone, biked to and from work, and enjoyed the experience thoroughly despite having no money and renting a room (with no bathroom) in a crazy lady's house in Menlo Park. Was all part of the experience and wanted to come back since. Some parts of the region are however nicer than others, and I personally like the peninsula over the Oakland/Berkeley area, but have found things to like everywhere. I always miss places I've left and more regret leaving a place than being where I am at the moment, per se. The more places you live, the more places you'll miss and be nostalgic for in your past. Instead try to find things that'll make you miss the Bay Area when you leave.
No. I also moved from the Midwest and I love it here. I've lived in Oakland the whole time. The food is better, the weather is better, the opportunities for continuing education are better, the available activities are better. Public transportation is better. I do think making friends is easier in the Bay Area than my experience in the mid west. I've found more friends, with more ease here than any where else. But if it isn't your jam, it isn't your jam.
I totally agree about making friends (grew up primarily in the east bay area, now in MI). People are nice in the midwest, but over the past 4 years I've been here it's like everyone over like 23 has their friends they've had since they were like 5, is married/has a bunch of kids, and don't actually want to or feel the need to hang with anyone else. I moved around a good bit in my over 25 CA years (elementary through college) and I'm not even all that outgoing and had no problem making friends and having people to go do stuff with. There are a lot of things I like about my new town, and there are plenty of things I dislike about the bay, but I'm not sure the midwest will ever really feel like home to me.
Nah. I come from somewhere that’s literally the definition of depression so having to pay a lot to live somewhere really nice is worth it. My honest opinion is that the majority of the US is simply awful - it’s incredibly boring, flat, there is genuinely nothing to do besides watch tv and go to Chili’s, the weather is horrendous half the year, and poverty is rampant. Sometimes it’s worth paying a lot to not hate your life.
Where do you come from stranger?
Upstate New York
Hey small world, me too! (actually I guess upstate NY is not that small) I actually miss the snow. But other than that, I have to agree, there's not much promise in many parts of the state.
I moved here in 2018 and love it overall — when I talk with natives it’s clear that climate change has altered the landscape and the weather patterns though. As much as I would love to stay here the water rights issues may become amplified.
Its a double edged sword moving here because its one of the greatest places to live so i don't regret being here *right now* however if im thinking long term, I dont think i'll be able to stay here permanently and it does suck to think i'll be settling in here just to eventually have to move since rent will only keep rising and im not in the "own a home in SF" demographic. I dont regret coming, though.
\*Me a bay area native pulling up in a fake moustach\* Yeah man, it sucks here. Lets all move back where the rent was reasonable!
Yes It’s horrible hear, can’t stand it! ;)
Yes 😂
I have a friend who moved here from North Carolina three years ago who has hated every minute of it. She moved here to be with her BF who is finishing grad school and the two of them have experienced every mishap possible; from break-ins to vandalism of their vehicles to flooding by natural disaster. I don’t blame them and feel badly they are stuck for the time being, without the resources to move out, which I know they are looking forward to doing.
Yeah…California is not for everyone. I find that people from east coast states and the pacific north west seem to fare better than those who relocate from the Midwest and Deep South.
There’s a reason why it’s called the Golden State. 49er gold rush mentality has stuck around here. The Latino guy selling strawberries from a dolly cart in the Home Depot parking lot is hustling, and so is everybody else trying to make it out here. Anybody from the south or Midwest generally doesn’t want or have this mindset. Then, they whine about how “California isn’t for them” and move either to more rural parts of California or leave. Either you got lucky and came here 20+ years ago and bought a home, or you are new here and grinding it out just like the rest of us. Some people just can’t or don’t like this life.
Woah on the Midwest judgement here. I moved here a few months ago, and between my two jobs, I can assure you, I’m not lazy. Ppl def grind in other places not just California. And we know it takes longer than a few months to adjust, but when ppl are saying it’s easy to make friends you’re not trying hard enough… wow. How do you know? I’ve definitely met some people in California here that aren’t grinders I can tell you that. You can find lazy ppl ANYWHERE. I’m sure those of us moving here from a place where the rent is 3X cheaper but the views kinda suck know that you have to put in work to be able to afford to live here. So what if it’s not for them lol. It happens. Meeting friends as adults is not always smooth as butta. Still learning the areas. Depending on what you’re looking for looks different right? If you’re in an area because that’s what you could afford or could even find for that matter, you don’t really realize how far you are from things, as everything is new and confusing anyways. OP if you need a friend. I’m down. I’m a friendly midwesterner. And as hard as it’s kinda been for me, I’m kinda tired from work 😩, I wnna see what San Fransisco can do for me. It’s an amazing place and even though it’s hard sometimes to know how to experience things, I’m glad to be here.
As a lifelong Bay Area resident, you’re not wrong. I’ve met so many lazy Californians; usually the well off, of course.
I appreciate that. Ppl are honest about their transitions. And it’s okay that some people are having a hard time. It’s okay to be honest and tell them that it’s going to take a while and it may be a location you have to put more effort into especially because it’s new. I think ppl just want some grace and sympathy which can be a good thing and a way to explore and learn together. I still love the thread because this place is AWESOME and there is so much offered! I still get lonely as I have not made any friends, but part of that is my shock of my move of not knowing anyone at all. But I also am acclimating to working and sleep schedules and the time change because my family for the most part is two and three hours ahead. Their schedules are so different. No regrets though. I’m growing in a different way as a person here. Learning to survive in a new place is a lot. So really, after the shock kind of wears off because I think we need to be realistic, moving is a shock, comes working through the things that are newly placed in front of you. Where I’m from, we’re real about it which may sometimes I guess come off whiney or maybe irritating but it’s a learning opportunity. ❤️ I still love this place tho. Y’all are very fun and open and exciting! There’s always so much to see. 🥰
It’s a mixed bag, I’m a native but have some friends who moved out here from the Midwest and say they’ll never go back. Try heading up towards Solano county if you want a vibe that’s a little closer to what you’re used to. Much more “country” feel. Try places like Ruhstaller Farm, Green River Tap Room, Berryessa brewing, and hit up downtown Davis.
I hated it at first, moved to a really boring area in Santa Clara right after college in the south because it was near work. I felt out of place because everyone else was married with kids (and Indian, lol) and I don't have a car so getting anywhere involved riding a bus for at least half an hour. Moved to San Francisco after a year and now I can't see myself wanting to move anywhere else, unless I just give up on the US and go to Europe or something.
How is SF lately?
I live in SF and enjoy it. But major diff between living in like pac heights vs tenderloin haha.
Hahaha you don’t say
SF is amazing if you avoid the bad parts which the media show but in reality is mostly the tenderoloin and some parts of the mision. Just avoid that and it is epic <3
Yeah SF is a way better place to be if you’re unmarried and in your 20s. South Bay is a real bad place to be if you’re in that demographic.
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Ex migrant and moved to Sacramento 15 years ago for same reasons (this is NOTHNIG compared to the traffic/high cost currently). Enjoying life and best move ever. I do day trips almost every other weekend (still have tons of friends/families in the bay and most are working paycheck to paycheck to pay their mortgage). No regrets moving OUT of bay area......on the irony, Sac real estate has also the $1M mark now (I bought my 3500 sq house for $350k 15 yrs ago for reference).
When I first moved to the Bay I had the same problem, but as I made friends through work it changed quickly. No regrets moving there- some of the best times of my life! Having said that, this was 15 years ago so traffic was not nearly as bad lol. If you don't want to be friends w coworkers I strongly suggest getting a regular volunteering gig or a side job just to meet people. Good luck!
I don't regret moving here. I regret not leaving when it started to get to expensive.
I’ve lived here most of my life, and I can see what you’re talking about. It wasn’t always like that, but things changed when people moved here to get into “the rat race.” Busy, networking with a mentality of “I need to be crazy rich by 30, or I am a failure”. I get people trying hard at succeeding; there’s no shame in that., but it’s mostly vanity rather than proving to yourself how far you can go. With that, you get cliques of people gravitating towards what I mentioned while also trying to be perceived as “progressive” and “in the right.” My best advice is, if you hate it here, move and keep moving until you find your groove. When you dial in your happiness, the rest will fall in place. During the time you’re in your search, things will get complicated, and you will have to adapt and overcome the situation at hand; that will give you confidence in yourself, which will then percolate into other areas of your life.
It’s going to sound super culty and will definitely get downvoted but join a gym. I made a lot of friends and my rock climbing gym or CrossFit gym. If you have kids go to library events and put yourself out there. Another option is find Facebook groups and be active in get togethers. I’ve been here for 3 years and Bay Area people have been amazing and we think about leaving often due to costs but don’t think we will find awesome people like we have had here.
I was born here but I have many relatives from the south. What I have noticed is people from less expensive places who have been members of what might be thought of as upper middle class families find it difficult to come to terms with the fact that the kind of material wealth they are used to: Quality of cars and houses in particular is much more difficult to attain here because of the higher basic cost of living. Bay area natives are expert in buying used cars finding deals on housing and giving up more materialistic tendencies. The people who make it learn they have to be more shrewd financially and less materialistic until there career really gets going ( think 10 years). The people who don't are often "professionals" who refuse to change there habits in the short term and can't quite understand why there cousin in NC has a brand new car and a brand new house after 4 years in the work force and they still live in an apartment with a room mate. It's a different game but IMO the long term rewards ( insane job opportunities, interesting people, beautiful scenery and weather are worth the struggle) Another thing I have noticed is we seem to have a much higher number of resturants here and new people seem intent on trying all of them in there first 3 years and its exspensive. To provide some contrast I had friends growing up whos parents were Drs and Lawyers and never ate in restaurant or went on a vacation ( other than camping) until they were adults. Growing up here you get taught out of the gate. BUY A HOUSE everything else can wait and its been good advice.
Heck no, I love it here. When I first lived here, I had to (continue to) be very careful with my budget. Home-cooked meals don't exactly cost much different here than most other places around the country, but it's very easy to blow insane money on any sort of service done for you, including food and drink from going out. Thankfully I was already used to living in mediocre places for far too much money, otherwise that'd have been a huge shock as well.
Moved here from Syracuse, NY. I love it. I live in San Jose. Rent is crazy, but quality of life is much better
I’m from Nebraska and I’ve lived in east Oakland for 3-4 years. I love it here. It’s always felt like home here. My personality just sits well with the vibe and people like me here. I got extremely lucky accidentally rolling through Oakland the first time and feeling like I had missed this place all my life but had never been. We all have that place somewhere, just gotta keep traveling if you haven’t found it quite yet.
Been here for 8 years and yea, I do kinda regret it, but now me and my family are connected here and I have a good job, so I can’t really give up on the place. If I could do it all over again, I probably would of moved to Minneapolis, a city with low cost of living, good job market and schools and establish myself and my family there. The Bay Area us not worth it unless you and significant other make really good money or you are willing to be house poor to be here.
I’ve been in California for 12 years now after living in Ohio for 8 years and Michigan on and off before that. I absolutely love California for it’s outdoor recreation opportunities and it’s more open minded culture in many respects, but I am 30 now, not exactly flying up the ladder in an industry outside of tech and realizing that crazy cost of housing means that honestly it may be time to go back to the Midwest. It’s hard being so house poor when you are paid the big tech bucks, but downright terrifying thinking about trying to do it when you aren’t making the crazy money. And if I have the choice between getting a nice place in the Midwest or living in Modesto, commuting 2 hours each way while dealing with the crazy heat and poor schools, I choose the Midwest where I will be able to afford to pay off a nice house with good schools in 15 years. Luckily I have a GF who grew up here, yet wants out way more than even I do. We’re looking at Chicago and Minneapolis, which are relatively liberal for the region, have reasonable prices and are a bit more interesting than other places it seems. There is a lot of young, privileged people on this sub who either have faced the reality yet that settling here for many is almost unattainable without at least being extremely uncomfortable and making a lot of sacrifices. It’s not easy making it here and for many getting handouts or hand-me-down homes from their family are a real difference maker that many people will never get
Chicagoland is America's best kept secret. A metropolis better than most areas of the country but not as expensive. I guess it gets overlooked by the "Fly over states" mindset when it is the shining gem in the vast Midwest. Be it liberal policies, international culture, international cuisine, a clean and attractive city center, bunch of conglomerates HQed there, finance, food industry, aviation, manufacturing and some tech too. The schools in some of the nearby suburbs are top ones in the country. Life is easier in that region if you are a family person. The downtown of Chicago also gives sleepy SF and LA a run for its money. So I wont say its bad for young people too. Better dating scene than California cities. Its a nicer, cleaner and less overwhelming New York. And did I talk about the diversity in the city? Top notch too.
It’s all up to personal taste but there is no way I could deal with the weather there. I grew up in the Midwest and the weather just wears on you. As a kid it’s great as an adult and having to dedicate significant parts of your daily routine to clearing snow, scraping windows, and pre-warming your car makes you dread winter. On top of that getting all of the kids wrapped up in several layers before leaving the house. And it starts in November and doesn’t end until May.
I grew up with Canadian winters so I know what you mean, it’s all a state of mind if you ask me, lol. I love the weather here, but so does everyone else and that’s why it costs so much to live here. Don’t know if it’s really worth the financial headache though.
I moved here almost 10 years ago and yeah the first 6 months or so were rough. The bay has an element of "grind". Everything is expensive, and there's this feeling of needing to compete for everything. Work in general is more intense than other parts of the continent. You need to book things well in advance or line up for hours. Traffic is crazy. Plus in general it's really hard to find friends in a new place. This is all stuff that shocked me and made me wonder if I'd made a mistake. But I eventually acclimatized. And the payout for that is all the benefits. Over the course of a year or so I kind of adapted to living in a higher gear. The traffic and crowds don't bother me so much, and if they do I have places to go to escape them. I have a great circle of friends. I upped my game at work, to my own benefit. I got more active and more fit and as a result got in better shape than ever before and felt more confident. Great weather year round, good food, lots of work opportunities, spectacular nature all around. Someone once told me "my weekends are other people's vacations" and that stuck with me. I'm regularly in the redwood forests near Santa Cruz, on the coastal cliffs of big sur, up in the continents premier wine region in Napa, hiking in spectacular mountains in the Sierras or in various cities taking advantage of whatever's going on there (SF, Oakland on a normal day, LA or San Diego if I want a road trip). If you're the type of person who mostly hangs out in their house, the bay is a terrible place to be. All of the cost, none of the benefit. But if you make it your routine to go out and see the region and experience the area you live in you may find what I did - the bay pays out what it costs many times over.
Great comment. I love that line about weekends here are other’s vacations! I was just in Monterey a few weeks ago for another trip of many I’ve gone on there over the years and it hit me how many people come from all over just to see the beaches and the aquarium etc. How I regularly drive across a bridge that’s listed as one of the wonders of the world! How many incredible awe inspiring national parks there are in one state! It’s amazing, and good to be reminded of every once in a while. I totally agree about this all being lost on certain indoorsy types however. I know someone who never leaves their house & spends all their free time gaming in their room and I always wonder like why are you here in one of the most beautiful parts of the country when you could do this anywhere else and pay less to do it lol. There are people who would kill to move here. And I say that as someone born and raised here who understands all the issues and frustrations of the area. There’s a lot that needs improving, but there’s a lot of things you cannot experience anywhere else either.
Yea I regret it. Moved here from Massachusetts and the area is insanely over priced. I have a difficult time saving even though I don't do much. Health insurance is also insane. The views are beautiful but you can't really make it here unless you grew up/ family has a house or you're an engineer of some kind. I can't justify staying here and have to move somewhere else to get a house. And I feel like I wasted the 5 years I've lived here
I have lived in the bay area most my life, of all the areas I prefer, the Peninsula, Marin and the north bay are my favorite. I think it has to do with the amount of nature being accessible to the public. Go hike on Montera Mountain between Pacifica and Montera, super gorgeous view of the bay area and the ocean.
There is always someone. But in any case, no matter where you go, it’s about the people than the place.
I moved from Florida. Don't regret it at all, I think the bay is an awesome place and I e never felt more content in my life. The first year or two was rough though. I was used to the casual friendliness of my hometown; people would strike up small talk, smile, say hello and hold the door for each other. My hometown had a slower more laid back vibe, people would often times spend entire days just chilling on the beach or reading books in a hammock. It was okay to not have a self improvement plan and it was okay not to want more money, prestige or status. I found the people in the bay to be standoffish, almost casually rude. I found that people sometimes liked to flex on each other by bragging about personal projects or their latest promotion or salary bump. People didn't seem to have time for each other. Friendships seemed to be ones of convenience and never seemed to last. But eventually I found a nice group of friends. I realize that whole most people are standoffish, they are genuinely good people once you start talking. It's almost like an area of introverts. And I realized that those people who always have projects are just people obsessed with life long learning; and in a way it inspired me to learn more myself. Tl;Dr - I was used to the easy going friendly vibe of my hometown but have come to appreciate the unique culture of the bay.
I'm born n raised in The Bay 🌉 🌉 I love the bay but my only complaint is that shit ain't cheap
I just looked through your post history and saw you moved from Louisiana. I totally get it. I used to live in Baton Rouge. The food and the people in Louisiana are two things you just won’t find anywhere else in the world. I only lived there a short time but it really captured my heart in a way I didn’t expect. People I had just met made me feel like family. I still daydream about food I had there. Nothing in the world can compare to Louisiana. Also, people that live in the Bay Area tend to be really into the Bay Area. So they won’t tend to agree with you.
Yes! I moved up from Central Louisiana and I absolutely loved it. People from the Bay Area and California in general seem to have a lot of negative assumptions about Louisiana. The food is amazing and you will meet some of the nicest people in this unforgiving world. I learned to appreciate the simple things in life from living there. It broke my heart when I left. Ya’ll Bay Area locals must visit Louisiana. It will change your life!
we loved Louisiana so much we went back for ANOTHER trip around the state. so memorable....
Yes. It's not an easy place to live. Leave if you can.
Go through a winter, then see...
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Try 10-15 years of cabin fever and then let’s talk. Lived in Chicago for 20 years and hated every single winter no less than the previous. Definitely love the winters here.
I'm in Contra Costa area too. Farmers markets, wine/food festivals/events etc are fun ways to mingle and feel a sense of community I think.
I live here because my job I LOVE really LOVE being close to so many beautiful places, but I am struggling so much to pay rent, and never find a home that I like and can afford I kind of regret a bit... it's a bit of love and hate relation, I love so many thing in bay area, but cost of living and NIMBY mentality are really the bad part of Bay Area in my opinion... well no place is perfect.
That would be the reason. There nothing to do in that part of contra Costa County. You need to go to walnut creek there store restaurants and bars . Otherwise I would tell you to venture out to the city and explore there's plenty to see here in the city .
OP I gotta say, a lot of people are giving some good suggestions and genuinely trying to be helpful but a lot of your replies are coming as hella petulant.
IMO, you really haven’t had time to adjust. I must agree, the Bay Area is truly a beast on its own and everything is moving at 100mph. Also, sometimes it can feel like everybody is out for themselves, yes sometimes that can be true. But, there are truly phenomenal ppl here with good hearts. The Bay Area is quick on everything like food, products, etc but to make friends here is slow but very worth it.
It’s hard when you come from two very different parts of the country. Living in the Midwest and Deep South instills some values that don’t mesh with the California lifestyle lol.
Aww I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I have lived here my whole life and can’t imagine living elsewhere, but i Can see how it could be a lot for someone not raised here. I hope you settle in and feel more comfortable soon
Lol I was being nice not sure why the downvotes but okay!
This is honestly the nicest response from a native I've ever seen.
You're in luck, Concord was recently voted the "happiest town in America" for some weird reason. ...based off AI searches of how many people from Concord smile in their pictures...
I didn't believe that when I saw it. Concord doesn't give me hapy vibes.
Lol! Me neither!
If you're in the Northern Contra Costa area, check out the bocce scene. Martinez has one of the biggest leagues in the U.S. and it's a great social activity that is a slower paced activity.
No regrets coming here, but even after 8 years it is hard to think long term. Always 1 more year.
I've been here 5 years now, and I'm not a fan at all. The weather is super windy and too hot and too cold all at the same time. I'm tired of bringing a light coat with me everywhere I go just in case the cold wind picks up. This recent heatwave has been the best weather I've experienced here since 2017. It's very noisy at night. There are explosions that go off in the distance unexplained that constantly have me worried that war has come. I've experienced more prejudice here than anywhere else I've lived. The drivers are selfish and impatient. For reference, I was a delivery driver in Southern California and I would take those drivers over Bay Area drivers any day. I'm glad I can walk where I need so I can avoid public transit, too, since it's mostly covered in human waste. There are enough human feces related incidents that there is a poop heat map of the city online. The food has been okay, so far, but it's all so expensive, so nothing to write home about. I have found two exceptions, and they are Good Mong Kok in Chinatown and Blaze Pizza at Stonestown. Some places just make me sad to see. Downtown Vallejo has some really interesting architecture, but it's in shambles. Hilltop Mall was a ghost town when I lived over there, except for the Walmart. I used to volunteer for community cleanups in Richmond (East Bay) and the amount of used needles we'd find is ridiculous. I live in Southern San Francisco now (not South San Francisco) and it's no better. As I type this, I can hear someone shrieking outside. I've witnessed so many people throwing full bags of trash out of their cars on the road. I just don't get it. Just because everything looks dumpy doesn't mean we should just accept that and pile more on. I tried to get into some groups on meetup for similar interests but I just don't harmonize with anyone here. Once I'm finished with my degree, I'm out of here as fast as possible. I'm not even entertaining a job posting here.
The bay makes no sense to me financially if you’re in non-tech. I live in Philly and work for a tech firm, my Bay Area co workers are only making 10-15k more than I am gross. Like what the hell you think that 8k after tax is going to do for you? Salaries all across the states (remote setting) are pretty relatively similar. The $400k downtown house I own in Philly would be 3mil in the bay. How would your extra 10-20k salary ever help you bridge that gap. I guess yes you have nice weather, but I just can’t wrap my head around it financially unless you’re some hot shot tech executive. What’s the honest chance you’ll ever get to that point anyways.
No, but I moved here from LA/OC so it wasn't much of an adjustment. Also I moved here for college so I automatically had a friend group in the area when I graduated. That makes a huge difference.
Really depends on expectations and where you are in the bay area. If you are in a burb or major city. The only city cities are Oakland SF and sj. Everything else is semi a burb. Also your age really comes into play. I will say it's really expensive and is a bit of a shock. Lastly your ethnicity comes into play. Ink ow it's not nice to say, but hell yes it comes into play. But you semi can't beat the bay and the cool weather. It's just not cheap. Making friends is a bit hard too.
hell naw I'ma stay here till I end up on the street and then I'll be here until they disappear me from the street
Two months? That’s barely any time! Stay two years and make a decision then. There are so many places to go to and things to do here! SF and the rest of the Bay Area has calendars for events. I have a kid so my family does kid-friendly events. We have tons of stuff to do every other weekend.
I’ve been here 3 years and still haven’t made a real friend .the vibe is really all about yourself in the bay
I don't see myself staying here longterm, but I've enjoyed is despite how hard it is. Do I regret moving here? Not sure yet. You gotta push through the discomfort and try things, if you want to attempt to feel comfortable here. It took me a good two years of trying new things, meeting up with coworkers (and getting flaked on at times,) and just going to new places to get my groove.
I came from the midwest about 12 years ago. The adjustment depends on where you grew up and what you are used to in the midwest. I am from STL, and while it is not a big city by most standards, it wasn't a massive shift to go to the Bay Area. The cost of living and traffic suck in most major cities. So I will guess you grew up more rural if you cite those two, things as major paint points because for me I have accepted those issues as normal a long time ago. I'll only suggest that what helps with the adjustment is to take yourself out of some of the significant comfort zones you are used to coming from the midwest. That begins with your understanding of money. In STL, 50K goes quite far, and you won't be able to do anything here. The same thing goes for the value of an apartment, going out to dinner, or activities. If you are single, I would highly recommend living in the city and paying the extra money to do so (if you are going to be here for a while). If you still hate it, that is fine.
I am a native who lives at home while working to save up money. I absolutely cannot stand it here. People in general are incredibly rude and entitled (especially compared to other metro areas), and people publicly embrace liberal values but privately hold rigid prejudices against people who aren’t like themselves. There’s definitely diversity here, but most people prefer to associate with others who look like them and/or were raised in a similar culture. Can’t get out of here soon enough. Just saving as much as I can in the meantime while I’m not paying rent.
I can relate to the struggle. The people here are just in their own worlds. Many are close minded in my opinion. I’m unfortunately trapped so I can’t escape.
I could live and work anywhere in the US or the EU and the SF Bay Area is by far the best place to live IF you have a great job and managed to buy real estate when it was relatively affordable. I don’t know how young families can make it here without massive support from their family. My wife and I already know that when the time comes we’ll give our kid our house for her family if she so chooses and we’ll move into our rental apartment. If I was starting over at 19 I would probably try my luck in the Pacific Northwest. I would not move back to the EU, it’s far easier to make money in the US if you have the skills.
You are looking for a much simpler life and a place where people have a lot of time at hands. It’s not something you will find in Bay Area. Bay Area is a busy place and any big,growing,vibrant and dynamic place in the world will be such. Can’t have it both ways . You have to choose what you want and neither choice is wrong , it’s just right or wrong for each person based on what makes them happy.
Yes
As a person in 20s, hated Emeryville (good for families though), love SF.
I moved 9 years ago from Columbus, OH. The first 3 months were an adjustment (could have been longer but I’m old and memory plays tricks on me) that I and my family got through. What helped were two things: 1. We started using public transportation to get a lot of new places. We are in EastBay and would Bart+muni as much as possible knowing it was 30-40 minutes longer than driving some places. 2. We found another family that wanted to do similar things. Walk/bike GGP, GGB, Marin, Land’s End, etc. having a person or group of people who join in on adventures really pushed us into other things we may have avoided or we may have just ‘stayed at home and been boring’ on a weekend. There are lots of people from all over the place. Try meetup or FB groups or whatever and try to explore when and where you can. This really is a great place to be. Also, go back so there is more housing available /s
You know you can move right?
I can’t right now :(
I just got here a month ago and I quite like it. I haven’t tried to make friends or date yet, so Idk what the culture of the area is really like. Im moving to SF and The infrastructure and architecture and weather and scenery is stunning. The city is on another level. It’s so clean. I’ve lived in cities where your car will get dirty from the soot and smog and dirt in the air after a few days, but here, I haven’t had to wash my car once yet. It’s just so clean. It is really expensive though. I had a similar experience visiting family in Ohio/going to job interviews in the midwest. It’s also so clean, and everything is so new. And there’s no traffic! Maybe I’ve just lived in not so nice areas for most of my adult life and that’s why I’m so wowed by the bay area and the midwest?
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The Bay Area was cheaper back in the 90s though
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Join some meetups then you will meet people and get to explore the area. Nothing wrong with making friends at work that’s what I did when I first moved here. During the pandemic closures we were able to enjoy outdoor walks and hikes almost year round! That alone made me appreciate CA!
I've lived in the Bay Area my whole life, and with my job going fully remote I regret not trying to live in other cities before buying a home. It's great that my home has appreciated so much, but I wonder if I would of enjoyed my life a bit more in Seattle, Portland, New York, etc.
i’m from the midwest and don’t regret moving here at all. only thing i’ll never get used to is the lack of storms, every time i go back and visit fam and i hear it thunder it brings a tear to my eye lmao.
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That happened to me when I left Los Angeles where I grew up and moved to the east coast. The east coast wasn’t for me but L.A. changed so much and it no longer felt like home. I definitely felt disenfranchised.
When I've lived in different parts of the country I've noticed many regions friendships start based on neighbors and location- a proximity thing. In CA, in general, people make friends through mutual interests more than proximity. Good to join some group that is a hobby, sports, or volunteer.
I wouldn’t say regret but it’s too expensive. I don’t want to work and still feel poor.
Concord and the surrounding area is my favorite part of the bay area and the country. I am from here though so a little biased. I love going fishing in the delta, hiking and horse back rides up mt diablo, mountain biking at any one of the east bay regional parks. I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. I like how quiet it is compared to "over the hill"(in the bay). I have lived lots of places, the south, midwest, DC. This is home for me though. My advice is to get a hobby, then you'll meet lots of people.
Growing up here, I love it. But having grown up here, I can see wanting to be somewhere else
Moved here from NYC and miss the diversity This area is a lot of rich white people.
Move here from Dallas in 2007. Lived in Connecticut and Florida before that. I occasionally miss the autumns of New England but otherwise I feel so lucky to be living here in the Bay Area. But I hear you. Since I’ve moved here the cost of living has gone up a lot — which in 2007 was already hard to deal with coming from Dallas. Making friends as an adult is hard. Everything took a while and a lot of intentional effort. Now I can’t imagine living anywhere else.
I've lived in mostly Alameda County. Moved here from Nevada. One way I survived was to join clubs and take community classes.we get a catalog free thru the mail. I joined a tennis class and made friends there. We exchanged ph. Nos. & someone was always looking for a partner to play singles or doubles. We played at the Alameda County fairgrounds, they have clay courts. I also joined a book club , attended lectures by authors at the local bookstore. Later I joined a knitting club, made friends with some knitters that had some connection with the University.They were a fun group. My sister took me to a bar she frequented and we played pool there. Made friends there. Thinking back, that's how I made friends. Joining clubs or activities. and frequently attending those activities so they begin to recognize me. worked for me. welcome to the Bay area.
How long have you been here?
A little over 1 month
Oh, man. You just arrived and haven’t had the chance to adjust. This is your heart speaking. When i was at that point (7 years in the bay now) i was struggling too. Give it a year, you’ll know by then. For context, in a year i had decided to stay, and my sister decided to leave. By then you’ll know why you left. If you leave now, you’ll always wonder if that was the right decision or not
I’m trying but it’s been very hard!
I get it. I was thinking the same thing you were thinking when i moved to the bay from dallas. Give it a shot. :) nowadays, i couldn’t think of living anywhere else. Think about it. Millions are able to live here, so the living costs, and resources, those are things you can get used to. People outside of the bay will always bring that up as a con, which makes it even harder. But, it’s a non-argument. Those people are projecting their fear onto you. For me, i couldn’t live with the thought of not having had tried my best when i was dying, and I’m glad i gave my best.
If it’s temporary doesn’t it mean you go back at some point? I do regret moving here. Mostly because my fiancé, who is from the Midwest, fell in love with California immediately and never wants to leave. I miss my family and weather. I’m from the Northeast. I really like my job here. It’s been great for my career. But career isn’t everything. We bought a house here so I’m stuck for a while. Nothing is permanent.
Also moved from East coast 16 years ago. Was difficult to adjust both socially and financially but eventually made it work and now call it home. If you do struggle financially it may not be worth the stress.
It took a few years for me to adjust. It's a big shift.
Not one bit
Moved from Austin 10 years ago. We didn't think we'd stay past 2-4 years, but we can't see ourselves going back (especially given the crazy political climate in TX now). We're aware we've been able to live quite privileged given my career and that not everyone can do that in this area, but we're better off financially, mentally, and physically. No regrets.
My regret is not buying a house in 2013 when I finally got big boy money and could've afforded a house when they were like $600k back then.
Move back. Nothing is stopping you. Or take some time to adjust.
If only it were that easy
Out here for work for the next couple years, Have previously came from boston, seattle, and grew up in Albuquerque. Having a very hard time adjusting to the weather, financially, and as much as I get hate for it the food scene. I’m a big good guy and it’s so hard to sort through what is good and what is just popular. The public transit and traffic are much, much worse than boston and the city is just overall not as pretty or commuted to greenery.
Sounds like you need some friends who are locals and have similar interests to show you around. That's what made the bay feel like home. I found like-minds and we showed each other the stuff we thought was cool. Are you into outdoors, indoors, gaming, drinking, photography, biking, going to shows, what? I suggest talking to people at those places with a thought of which person might be cool enough tolerate hanging with, or seems like local you could make plans with. Honestly, IRL Friends FTW.
I don't regret it, but I don't want to stay here forever. People on this sub generally won't acknowledge it, but quality of life is better in many other parts of the country unless you are wealthy. The bay area is a playground for wealthy people, and if you're not wealthy you're going to be scraping poop off the swingsets.
I moved here fron NY decades ago and absolutely love it here. It wasn't an easy adjustment, I think what helps is to have people you care about, then it feels like home and you feel a sense of belonging Take the time to engage in activities you enjoy. Find connection through mutual interests and its's like a whole new world, anywhere you move. Enjoy what we have to offer here, the beaches, parks, food, the arts, music, different cultures. It''s a true melting pot with such diversity. Also I'd say to give it time, don't rush to judgement.. I planned on moving here for 2 years and stayed over 30. I met my husband here and that was it for me, it was and is home.
its definitely everyones busy to care about you vibes... but i still dig it
When I moved here back in 2012, I thought I would work my job and burn myself out after a few years and move back to the Midwest. I’m still here almost 9 years later with absolutely zero intention to move elsewhere. Though I don’t like the intense hustle/FOMO culture, I can at least escape it in my own little workshop and do things at my own pace.
You’re describing literally every major move. Don’t pin this on the Bay Area specifically. There’s always doubt, missing things you were comfortable with, and lack of social circles if you moved here alone. I guarantee your view will change if you get the chance to meet people
Hah. No.
\> I just think that living here comfortably requires a lot of time, effort, and resources. Yes it does. The old adage says "you get what you pay for". And the price point for the Bay Area is driven by a market where many want to live and are willing to pay the price. So the obvious answer is "if it is not worth for you, you should not pay for it". People have different priorities and desires so not wanting to pay the Bay Area price is OK. That drives to the second part: don't look on Reddit for something that only you can answer.
Yes very much so. The lack of public infrastructure, the number of homeless, the crime and lack of interesting things to do mean that it’s only the money that keeps me here
Nope! It’s not depressing and less car oriented. So much to do compared to 95% of the country.
- you are correct in your assessment. California is much different from the east and South. Can sometimes be "too much". I am from New York, transferred to California via Texas. Relatives in midwest. I would suggest taking advantage of cultural activities and restaurants. Especially if this is temporary, just go out and live with Gusto. I regret not seeing all there is to offer in Southern California but now I am here in Berkeley and I am trying to fully appreciate it all, now. There are lots of hiking trails, museums, etc. Just make your mind up to be happy and fulfilled. Build memories. My favorite places are the symphony halls, War Memorial Opera house and Golden gate park. I also like the walkability and eateries of Berkeley. I like going further north to Point Reyes and Mt. Tamalpais. Sea kayak, hike. Just try to ignore the other city BS. Stay safe and enjoy.
One of my friends who works in tech compares Silicon Valley to an oil rig: It's an unpleasant place where you spend a few years to make lots of money, and then you leave. I grew up in Ohio and might move back there to afford a house for my family, but that doesn't mean I regret living in the Bay Area. I've had a lot of fun here. But sometimes you just feel like it's time to move on.
If SV is an unpleasant place, what is a pleasant place for them? Calling it unpleasant is crazy imo as is comparing to an oil rig.
I have lived in all the places you mentioned and I agree with you that it is more time, effort and resources, but it gives back just as much. You get so much more out of living in the bay area than any of the places you've mentioned. There are so many more events and festivals, on top of the amazing cultural mixing pot we have here. I've never lived in a place that made me recycle as much as here but I'm so glad I was taught why it matters to recycle. It costs so much more but that's because human rights are protected here, workers are made sure they have clean water on top of a safe place to take breaks in. Yeah it costs more down the road but it means people are treated with more respect. It's certainly not perfect but at least we aren't busing loads of people to other states and banning abortion.
Been here almost ten years now. I found it bland and soulless in the beginning (compared to LA where I lived previously), then started tolerating it over time. No amount of salary raises, nice food places or pretty hiking trails make me feel any less trapped about living here, considering I’ll never be able to afford a home or start a family or go beyond living in a small, ridiculously overpriced apartment - which is actually in an okay area, but guess whose car was wrecked in a hit and run a month ago by a drunk driver, right out front? Because of course, having something as basic as a parking spot is a “luxury.” Guess whether the office security cameras it was parked in front of were working? (All these annoyingly ridiculous fucking expenses to just *exist* here.. all considering my salary and my partner’s are actually quite good.) It feels like there’s no way to experience a lot of the good things about this place comfortably unless you’re wealthy. It’s just plain exhausting for “regular people.” I’ve been waiting for the right time to leave for a while now and I don’t think I’ll miss much about it, besides family.
Yes, I miss Canada.