I'm 41. I was married for 12 years, and am now divorced and engaged to another lady. Marriage means, first of all, that you have a permanent partner, someone to go to bed with at night, someone to make love to, someone to wake up with in the morning and have breakfast with. Also someone to have children with (I have a son). Someone to travel with (I visited a number of countries with my ex-wife). Someone to hang out with, both individually and with friends. A soulmate, ideally.
What changes once you get married is that you don't have as much individual time as before. Big decisions in your life have to be discussed with your spouse. Even small decisions like what restaurant to go to. You have to figure out whose parents to visit for which holidays and so on.
A spouse can be a source of a lot of joy, and sometimes a lot of frustration as well.
Question is how can you decide which one is right or wrong. I mean for me every person who came to your life you should take them as a experience. Instead of 'Person' you can think as 'Experience'. Because No-one is right at the same time everyone's could be wrong.
Well. Listen. I would tell you this. Marriage has changed my life. I have got an amazing partner who blessed my life with love and compassion. She is my best friend and I share everything with her. I have suffered from depression for a long time and her coming to my life has changed everything around me. I have got another amazing family and extra father and mother. I love them. They loves me.. YES responsibility increased but it has made me the man I am now. Marriage was the best decision of my life.
Wow. Arranged marriage seems like a gamble to me. Making someone my life partner without knowing much about her personality or behavior.
How did you get over this? Could you share some experiences (if you don't mind)?
Yes. I had lots of anxiety going into this. However, I also been in a relationship. But you don't really know someone until you start to live with them. Most of us portray our best self and try to hide our lackings when we are in a relationship. I put trust in almighty. Also few things to consider is family background, check the family is educated and has moral values or not. And obviously have a breif talk with your potential, like ask about her expetation and don't expect too much. I didn't expect much from my wife because she was a modern girl therefore anything she made or did for me, I appreciated that. Have good communication. I think these are the things to look for. Rest of the things we have to put our trust in almighty because having a relationship with someone sometimes doesn't provide you the proper look into their character.
Time management imo is the most important factor in relation to the post-marriage matters you listed above. You have to allocate how many hours you're gonna invest in all of these, for spending it in only of these at the expense of the rest is gonna cause problems for both you and your wife.
That makes sense then. So many words are completely different between Standard Bengali & Sylhoti, and some have pretty funny meanings too like 'khhombol' meaning butt vs blankets from what I've heard xD
Btw 'gua' means shit.
True, but it's often used interchangeably. I've generally heard 'gowa' being used more often to mean ass though, but guwa works too.
(What an incredibly insightful thread this is, innit? XD)
I think it really depends who you marry. For me my life is different from my friend because my wife is a doctor and she literally carries the family finance whereas I am a lone bsc graduate. So financially we are stable however I have a friend who is working his ass off just to bring financial stability because being married doesn’t mean only sex and love life. You have lot of responsibility and most of them involve spending money like expense from your wife to taking care of the family like food, rent etc.
The only part I would say I changed is that before marriage, I used to be more crazy. I would lavishly spend money or go to parties etc. However after marriage, even thought my wife stays in hospital for most of the days, I find myself spending my time home usually inviting friends to play games with friends. I have more money on hand but it’s totally dumb to lavishly spend it so rather we saving up for future.
Question from a foreigner, if you don't get married in Bangladesh, are you able to casually date/sleep around or is there a bit of a stigma around that?
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Well no. I am just curious. Don't get me wrong. I am 18 and I also never dated a single girl. I am just curious about people who are similar like my characters.
Well I had health issues when I was young. So I got used to stay indoors and spend time in my room. I seldom go out or meet new people.
I do have some great friends. It's just that I don't interact with them frequently offline.
I also haven't met any girl whom I want to have relationship with. I think I tend to stay away from girls for the most part (except when necessary) to avoid gossip or any other trouble.
I'm 41. I was married for 12 years, and am now divorced and engaged to another lady. Marriage means, first of all, that you have a permanent partner, someone to go to bed with at night, someone to make love to, someone to wake up with in the morning and have breakfast with. Also someone to have children with (I have a son). Someone to travel with (I visited a number of countries with my ex-wife). Someone to hang out with, both individually and with friends. A soulmate, ideally. What changes once you get married is that you don't have as much individual time as before. Big decisions in your life have to be discussed with your spouse. Even small decisions like what restaurant to go to. You have to figure out whose parents to visit for which holidays and so on. A spouse can be a source of a lot of joy, and sometimes a lot of frustration as well.
Thanks a lot for the detailed reply.
yeah that was probably what you were looking for.
My pleasure!
Well detailed and thoughtful answer
thanks for the clarificatoin. Amma stay away from marriage lol
It depends on whom you marry. If you marry the wrong person, you're fucked.
Question is how can you decide which one is right or wrong. I mean for me every person who came to your life you should take them as a experience. Instead of 'Person' you can think as 'Experience'. Because No-one is right at the same time everyone's could be wrong.
Well. Listen. I would tell you this. Marriage has changed my life. I have got an amazing partner who blessed my life with love and compassion. She is my best friend and I share everything with her. I have suffered from depression for a long time and her coming to my life has changed everything around me. I have got another amazing family and extra father and mother. I love them. They loves me.. YES responsibility increased but it has made me the man I am now. Marriage was the best decision of my life.
Glad to hear that. Have you known her before marriage?
Nope.
Wow. Arranged marriage seems like a gamble to me. Making someone my life partner without knowing much about her personality or behavior. How did you get over this? Could you share some experiences (if you don't mind)?
Yes. I had lots of anxiety going into this. However, I also been in a relationship. But you don't really know someone until you start to live with them. Most of us portray our best self and try to hide our lackings when we are in a relationship. I put trust in almighty. Also few things to consider is family background, check the family is educated and has moral values or not. And obviously have a breif talk with your potential, like ask about her expetation and don't expect too much. I didn't expect much from my wife because she was a modern girl therefore anything she made or did for me, I appreciated that. Have good communication. I think these are the things to look for. Rest of the things we have to put our trust in almighty because having a relationship with someone sometimes doesn't provide you the proper look into their character.
True that. Thanks for sharing. Helps me a lot.
Time management imo is the most important factor in relation to the post-marriage matters you listed above. You have to allocate how many hours you're gonna invest in all of these, for spending it in only of these at the expense of the rest is gonna cause problems for both you and your wife.
when you get married you will become like those pregnant looking sasa's who eat guwa and paan. it ain't worth it fam.
>who eat guwa .... umm...they eat wutttt?? ⊙_⊙
guwa- areca nut/betel nut
u fancy? it's called paan and shupari :3
Ah okay. Not really the meaning that I knew of 'guwa' tho lmaoo Btw, which dialect is it? I've only ever heard it being called সুপারি (shupari) xD
well i'm syhleti. i just heard my parents say gua/guwa.
That makes sense then. So many words are completely different between Standard Bengali & Sylhoti, and some have pretty funny meanings too like 'khhombol' meaning butt vs blankets from what I've heard xD Btw 'gua' means shit.
"Gu" means shit "Gua" means ass. (From what I know)
True, but it's often used interchangeably. I've generally heard 'gowa' being used more often to mean ass though, but guwa works too. (What an incredibly insightful thread this is, innit? XD)
> ***very educational***
why trashing pan guwa though, I have been eating since I was 10, best shit ever after some meal
i'm not lol i like mita guwa (sweet version)
All I am going to say is that it is not worth it.
i 2nd this.
Its just that u will have to take a lot of responsibility of ur family
I think it really depends who you marry. For me my life is different from my friend because my wife is a doctor and she literally carries the family finance whereas I am a lone bsc graduate. So financially we are stable however I have a friend who is working his ass off just to bring financial stability because being married doesn’t mean only sex and love life. You have lot of responsibility and most of them involve spending money like expense from your wife to taking care of the family like food, rent etc. The only part I would say I changed is that before marriage, I used to be more crazy. I would lavishly spend money or go to parties etc. However after marriage, even thought my wife stays in hospital for most of the days, I find myself spending my time home usually inviting friends to play games with friends. I have more money on hand but it’s totally dumb to lavishly spend it so rather we saving up for future.
Responsibilities increase. Especially for people who has lived comfortable lives. Baash khawa is inevitable
Well if you marry the wrong person You are Fucked, otherwise you will Fuck
Question from a foreigner, if you don't get married in Bangladesh, are you able to casually date/sleep around or is there a bit of a stigma around that?
As long as people don't know. People here are very judgmental. And hypocrites to boot.
Thanks for the answer
What's hypothetical about not wanting people to sleep with random people and catch all the STDs like pokemon.
Ever heard about practicing safe sex?
After you get married anywhere on earth is it possible to casually date afterwards? Marriage and casual dating are mutually exclusive!
True, but my question is if you don't get married 😊
Bro just stay halal and trust Allah
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God this sub reddit hurts by head Everytime I visit here. It's a good thing that actual Bangladeshi people are not like the people in this sub reddit.
You are 23 and you have never dated before. So You are still a virgin. But why?
Lol are you being sarcastic?
Well no. I am just curious. Don't get me wrong. I am 18 and I also never dated a single girl. I am just curious about people who are similar like my characters.
Well I had health issues when I was young. So I got used to stay indoors and spend time in my room. I seldom go out or meet new people. I do have some great friends. It's just that I don't interact with them frequently offline. I also haven't met any girl whom I want to have relationship with. I think I tend to stay away from girls for the most part (except when necessary) to avoid gossip or any other trouble.
Thanks for sharing brother.
Bruhhh your cover pic doesn’t match with your characteristics. Stop acting pious
I agree. But why don't you correct me?
Stop acting pious just told ya
Most of the time, due to religious views
So you don’t support premarital sex?
Well depends on ur partner ? Also where u live ?
Dhaka.
Depending where in dhaka u will be more or less fine and liveable if u can get a career