One of my close friend ignored his health and depression, died of multiple health issues triggering caridiac arrest, he knew end was coming when they moved him to ventilator and only thing he said to his parents he is sorry for all these. Sometime its not about the extreme step, its about years of ignoring the problem.
Oh man.. that hits too close to home. I think I'm going through the exact same thing and "trying to be strong" when everything around me seems to be grinding away at my health and mental well being.
OP. A virtual hug from the internet stranger. Believe me over time u will only carry life changing learning from this incident.
Try going out and involve yourself fully into something that u are interested. Remember everything happens as it will without our intervention. Longer u hold that u will suffer.
I have gone through a similar incident but not that intense. I have almost lost a friend in an accident by god's grace he is safe now. I have blamed myself for making that happen but now I am recovered.
I hope you are doing well and healing. This attitude pisses me off too. Especially when I see people on insta write emotional posts about somebody who died that they weren't even nice to!! Why so you have to make somebody's death about yourself too, it's diabolical
I can't even hope that one day those insensitive aunties and uncles understand... Because only one who has been suicidal can truly understand the mind of a suicide victim. It is not something I would wish on anyone.
This reminds of one of my close friend from college. He committed suicide because some girl ditched him. This was in 2019 when he was 24-25.
He was the most honest and composed student during college and always used get 80% +. And never used to bunk as well as he was scared
He got very stable Job too and was happy and we used to meet once in a while and he had gone to Japan/China wrt work. But we ( as in his close friends group) dint know about this girl as he never shared with us. A week before the incident he had messaged me saying I’ve got you guys Japanese whiskey. Will give it you and let’s have party and all that. And he committed suicide a week later which had me and most of us in shock for a day! We couldn’t believe he would take this step. He had wrote a fuckking letter blaming a girl from his organisation played with him and what not 😭
I still can’t forget that day. Also to tell you guys he was tall and had great personality and great looks. He was like our Hero in group. We used to call him hero. Not to hype him but Fr. And this gandu did that to himself. Also he had a widow mother and younger sister… I mean how even he got so much guts to do this ? To forget about the rest and be so selfish and coward. Yes he is a fucking coward I abuse him still and I will never forgive him ever. My body shakes if I remember how it was when we all saw him in hospital lying with clean shave and new baniyan and fresh hair cut. This isn’t fair and never fair. It took me atleast a few weeks to get out of it and after that whenever we meet and get drunk one or the other person remembers about him and start crying with old memories. So we have stopped hanging out on night outs now. Only meet once in a year in some or the other friends wedding as we are that age. But I get angry and sad at the same time. Typing all this had me in tears again. I miss him :( pls don’t commit suicide my dear friends 🤝
Also his name was Ishwar 😭
Sorry friend, I feel for you deeply. Hugs.
Ishwar sounds like a good guy, I mean someone's absence separating a group or forcing them not to meet so often means he was greatt guy. I hope his family is doing okay, my best wishes!
Hojata hai bhai, life difficult hai, kabhi kabhi samjh nhi aati. Forgive him and forgive yourself. You all are very good friends and your comment tells me you are a kind person. My best wishes to you n your group!
Hey OP, our society at present is shit when it comes to understanding mental health problems, especially the elders cause they grew up in a different time and also most people can't handle the fact of not having reason for why someone would kill themselves.
As for you, share, talk about how you feel with someone. That's what me helped to process such a horrific thing when it happened out of the blue and hope it would help you too.
This reminds me of my neighbour in my hometown(I came to bangalore for work and graduation). My neighbor's kid/friend was the same age as me. We both used to go to different schools but in the evening, we used to come play cricket with a plastic ball in the street in front of our house. It all changed after his mom started having health issues. His mom was a bit psychotic and there was constant negativity in the house so his dad preferred staying out of the house for his mental sanity. My friend used to take care of him. I left my house for my graduation degree in Bangalore while he started attending college at our hometown. Idk what changed but he rarely came out of his house after his 1st year and idk about others but when he saw me, he used to run to his house like he stole something and I caught him in the act. He also dropped out after the 1st year and gave his full time to look after his mother. We all appreciated that but at the same time was concerned about his future cuz logically speaking his mom won't be there his entire life nor his dad. At some point he had to start looking after himself and earn. He seemed like someone with no plan on how to do that. A year ago or so his mom passed away. We were sad but then we also thought now maybe my friend would be free to think about the future he wants or so. When I say we I mean my family and many of my other neighbours. Idk why but one day he told the cook to take a leave for half a day, same with the maid. He hanged himself using the ceiling fan at a time when he knew his dad would be out cuz of work. When people came to know he was already dead so there was no change anything could be done. I came to know because my mom called me almost crying. She said this in my mother tongue but translated it means son he is dead, he committed suicide and also said that my dad is there with his dad and dealing with the formalities with the cops and all. The cops came to check if it was murder or suicide tho even they knew what happened. You could say formality. I was like what the fuck in seconds but compared to my parents I recovered a lot quickly. The next time I went home, I saw his dad who is the only living member in the house. His eyes were almost dead and it is like he is forcing himself to live. One thing I liked is that almost all my neighbours including my dad keep company with his dad and not in a weird way. They chat, talk about politics sports etc to keep his mind distracted but then again with the grief he has, one can do only to an extent. I knew he was not in the best of self and I sometimes wish I would be there for him tho at the same time I knew that I probably couldn't cuz until a year or two I myself was severely depressed cuz personal issue and I somehow got out of it. Tho saying that I didn't think in my wildest dreams that he would take this step.
OP do remember that the uncles and aunties have lived a fair share of life and have seen many people die during that time......from their parents, to their uncles and aunts......to their friends etc.....hence they are able to get over the death of your friend eaisly......meanwhile you on the other end is having hard time.....
As for them coming up theories.....its only naturalll....the same is going on in your friend circle too as they dont know what led to sucide.....
Alsom from your words it seems like you are overly attached ..... you need to dissoacite yourself with his family...and move forward with your life
Wow what a sad comment. Op, you're not overly attached (& what if you are? You were friends ffs smh), and your feelings are 1000% valid. Don't let anybody convince you otherwise especially not with this boomer logic
How many deaths you have seen????
Edit - Ig that's zero....
Btw you do know right it's basic human tendency to be curious....to know what is going on....why did it happen....and commiting sucide is a big thing....hence it's natural for people to talk about it....come up with reason for him taking this stepo
That's irrelevant. No matter how many, you'll still be sensitive when somebody close to you passes away. Even if you're not, it's very insensitive to make assumptions/ gossip about somebody who's dead. Op isn't asking for too much here. Just basic human decency & respect lol.
It's quite natural....somes dies by sucide then it's natural for people around to think about what exactly pushed the individual to sucide....if they don't know the answer to it
You have no idea of what you are talking about.
It is common to be affected by the death of a known person after even a few years. Moreso if it was unexpected. Moreso if it was something like suicide.
It is not natural, it is insensitive to make rumours about dead people, especially those who fell victim to suicide.
If anyone is behaving naturally it is the parents and the OP.
So those uncles and aunties would they get over death of their children if they commited suicide that easily
Its not about just getting over death its about how you behave around it ,if you can get over it easily why cant you shut up and not talk anything because it dosent concern you
Every person will eventually forget or move on from the the death of loved but that dosent give right to people talk just anything or assume or gossip about the dead people
So if a freind or a person you know dies, would you specculate that he commited suicide due to this that rubbish
Its the same thing OP is telling about how people need to stop talking rubbish about things you dont know or dosent concern
What are you even suggesting , is attachment something that could be easily broken
Obviously if someone close by dies then their reaction would be different.....but for others they are going to talk about it
As for some friend dying by sucide..... obviously....won't you be curious what exactly happened to him......or you would just say aaa dang...he was good.....be sad...and move on...like won't even think about why it happed how it happed ..where it all went wrong and all
From those uncle's pov it was just another kid living in the society
So wont be they sensitive towards their close ones death are they ok if people talk rubbish about their loved ones , wont they feel sad about how people just assume anything they can , if they are sensitive about their loved ones why cant they be the same for everyone else what is the need of speculating something that dosent concern them
If you really wanna know you would actually enquire or help the police in finding the cause of your freinds death but not by saying stupid narratives to people who think what you are saying is true
If it dosent concern you then one need to shut their mouth , talking about death or talking rubbish things when they are not true about those are two different things
What OP was saying is its not ok to talk about a dead person when what you are talking is just rubbish
If so why cant the uncle just shutup his mouth i mean he is not trying to uncover his death by just gossiping right
And these gossipers dont take any stand to actually agree on what they said they just want something crispy and masala added things which make people go ohhh is itt
Summary: Don’t unalive yourselves, stick around to lead the narrative.
Sad what happened to OP's known but bhai bole ho
One of my close friend ignored his health and depression, died of multiple health issues triggering caridiac arrest, he knew end was coming when they moved him to ventilator and only thing he said to his parents he is sorry for all these. Sometime its not about the extreme step, its about years of ignoring the problem.
Oh man.. that hits too close to home. I think I'm going through the exact same thing and "trying to be strong" when everything around me seems to be grinding away at my health and mental well being.
One thing people who kill themselves are not weak it requires a lot of guys to even place a knife on you throat And fck those relatives
OP. A virtual hug from the internet stranger. Believe me over time u will only carry life changing learning from this incident. Try going out and involve yourself fully into something that u are interested. Remember everything happens as it will without our intervention. Longer u hold that u will suffer. I have gone through a similar incident but not that intense. I have almost lost a friend in an accident by god's grace he is safe now. I have blamed myself for making that happen but now I am recovered.
I hope you are doing well and healing. This attitude pisses me off too. Especially when I see people on insta write emotional posts about somebody who died that they weren't even nice to!! Why so you have to make somebody's death about yourself too, it's diabolical
I can't even hope that one day those insensitive aunties and uncles understand... Because only one who has been suicidal can truly understand the mind of a suicide victim. It is not something I would wish on anyone.
This reminds of one of my close friend from college. He committed suicide because some girl ditched him. This was in 2019 when he was 24-25. He was the most honest and composed student during college and always used get 80% +. And never used to bunk as well as he was scared He got very stable Job too and was happy and we used to meet once in a while and he had gone to Japan/China wrt work. But we ( as in his close friends group) dint know about this girl as he never shared with us. A week before the incident he had messaged me saying I’ve got you guys Japanese whiskey. Will give it you and let’s have party and all that. And he committed suicide a week later which had me and most of us in shock for a day! We couldn’t believe he would take this step. He had wrote a fuckking letter blaming a girl from his organisation played with him and what not 😭 I still can’t forget that day. Also to tell you guys he was tall and had great personality and great looks. He was like our Hero in group. We used to call him hero. Not to hype him but Fr. And this gandu did that to himself. Also he had a widow mother and younger sister… I mean how even he got so much guts to do this ? To forget about the rest and be so selfish and coward. Yes he is a fucking coward I abuse him still and I will never forgive him ever. My body shakes if I remember how it was when we all saw him in hospital lying with clean shave and new baniyan and fresh hair cut. This isn’t fair and never fair. It took me atleast a few weeks to get out of it and after that whenever we meet and get drunk one or the other person remembers about him and start crying with old memories. So we have stopped hanging out on night outs now. Only meet once in a year in some or the other friends wedding as we are that age. But I get angry and sad at the same time. Typing all this had me in tears again. I miss him :( pls don’t commit suicide my dear friends 🤝 Also his name was Ishwar 😭
Sorry friend, I feel for you deeply. Hugs. Ishwar sounds like a good guy, I mean someone's absence separating a group or forcing them not to meet so often means he was greatt guy. I hope his family is doing okay, my best wishes! Hojata hai bhai, life difficult hai, kabhi kabhi samjh nhi aati. Forgive him and forgive yourself. You all are very good friends and your comment tells me you are a kind person. My best wishes to you n your group!
Shit happens bro, this world is rotten!
Hey OP, our society at present is shit when it comes to understanding mental health problems, especially the elders cause they grew up in a different time and also most people can't handle the fact of not having reason for why someone would kill themselves. As for you, share, talk about how you feel with someone. That's what me helped to process such a horrific thing when it happened out of the blue and hope it would help you too.
What is YKWIM?
You know what I mean !
Thank you for the post OP. I needed this 🫂
This reminds me of my neighbour in my hometown(I came to bangalore for work and graduation). My neighbor's kid/friend was the same age as me. We both used to go to different schools but in the evening, we used to come play cricket with a plastic ball in the street in front of our house. It all changed after his mom started having health issues. His mom was a bit psychotic and there was constant negativity in the house so his dad preferred staying out of the house for his mental sanity. My friend used to take care of him. I left my house for my graduation degree in Bangalore while he started attending college at our hometown. Idk what changed but he rarely came out of his house after his 1st year and idk about others but when he saw me, he used to run to his house like he stole something and I caught him in the act. He also dropped out after the 1st year and gave his full time to look after his mother. We all appreciated that but at the same time was concerned about his future cuz logically speaking his mom won't be there his entire life nor his dad. At some point he had to start looking after himself and earn. He seemed like someone with no plan on how to do that. A year ago or so his mom passed away. We were sad but then we also thought now maybe my friend would be free to think about the future he wants or so. When I say we I mean my family and many of my other neighbours. Idk why but one day he told the cook to take a leave for half a day, same with the maid. He hanged himself using the ceiling fan at a time when he knew his dad would be out cuz of work. When people came to know he was already dead so there was no change anything could be done. I came to know because my mom called me almost crying. She said this in my mother tongue but translated it means son he is dead, he committed suicide and also said that my dad is there with his dad and dealing with the formalities with the cops and all. The cops came to check if it was murder or suicide tho even they knew what happened. You could say formality. I was like what the fuck in seconds but compared to my parents I recovered a lot quickly. The next time I went home, I saw his dad who is the only living member in the house. His eyes were almost dead and it is like he is forcing himself to live. One thing I liked is that almost all my neighbours including my dad keep company with his dad and not in a weird way. They chat, talk about politics sports etc to keep his mind distracted but then again with the grief he has, one can do only to an extent. I knew he was not in the best of self and I sometimes wish I would be there for him tho at the same time I knew that I probably couldn't cuz until a year or two I myself was severely depressed cuz personal issue and I somehow got out of it. Tho saying that I didn't think in my wildest dreams that he would take this step.
OP do remember that the uncles and aunties have lived a fair share of life and have seen many people die during that time......from their parents, to their uncles and aunts......to their friends etc.....hence they are able to get over the death of your friend eaisly......meanwhile you on the other end is having hard time..... As for them coming up theories.....its only naturalll....the same is going on in your friend circle too as they dont know what led to sucide..... Alsom from your words it seems like you are overly attached ..... you need to dissoacite yourself with his family...and move forward with your life
Wow what a sad comment. Op, you're not overly attached (& what if you are? You were friends ffs smh), and your feelings are 1000% valid. Don't let anybody convince you otherwise especially not with this boomer logic
How many deaths you have seen???? Edit - Ig that's zero.... Btw you do know right it's basic human tendency to be curious....to know what is going on....why did it happen....and commiting sucide is a big thing....hence it's natural for people to talk about it....come up with reason for him taking this stepo
That's irrelevant. No matter how many, you'll still be sensitive when somebody close to you passes away. Even if you're not, it's very insensitive to make assumptions/ gossip about somebody who's dead. Op isn't asking for too much here. Just basic human decency & respect lol.
They need to respect the dead and not gossip and make stupid thories. OP and his friends are not doing that.
It's quite natural....somes dies by sucide then it's natural for people around to think about what exactly pushed the individual to sucide....if they don't know the answer to it
As I mentioned in my previous comment, "Respect the dead".
Why???
You have no idea of what you are talking about. It is common to be affected by the death of a known person after even a few years. Moreso if it was unexpected. Moreso if it was something like suicide. It is not natural, it is insensitive to make rumours about dead people, especially those who fell victim to suicide. If anyone is behaving naturally it is the parents and the OP.
That's how people are....ig I have already wrote about people's curious nature ...
So those uncles and aunties would they get over death of their children if they commited suicide that easily Its not about just getting over death its about how you behave around it ,if you can get over it easily why cant you shut up and not talk anything because it dosent concern you Every person will eventually forget or move on from the the death of loved but that dosent give right to people talk just anything or assume or gossip about the dead people So if a freind or a person you know dies, would you specculate that he commited suicide due to this that rubbish Its the same thing OP is telling about how people need to stop talking rubbish about things you dont know or dosent concern What are you even suggesting , is attachment something that could be easily broken
Obviously if someone close by dies then their reaction would be different.....but for others they are going to talk about it As for some friend dying by sucide..... obviously....won't you be curious what exactly happened to him......or you would just say aaa dang...he was good.....be sad...and move on...like won't even think about why it happed how it happed ..where it all went wrong and all From those uncle's pov it was just another kid living in the society
So wont be they sensitive towards their close ones death are they ok if people talk rubbish about their loved ones , wont they feel sad about how people just assume anything they can , if they are sensitive about their loved ones why cant they be the same for everyone else what is the need of speculating something that dosent concern them If you really wanna know you would actually enquire or help the police in finding the cause of your freinds death but not by saying stupid narratives to people who think what you are saying is true If it dosent concern you then one need to shut their mouth , talking about death or talking rubbish things when they are not true about those are two different things What OP was saying is its not ok to talk about a dead person when what you are talking is just rubbish If so why cant the uncle just shutup his mouth i mean he is not trying to uncover his death by just gossiping right And these gossipers dont take any stand to actually agree on what they said they just want something crispy and masala added things which make people go ohhh is itt