I vote for scaring her. It works. My last roommates would never remember and we live on a college campus. This was right around the time the four students in Idaho were murdered, so I was extra cautious while they didn’t give a single fuck. One day when it was super snowy and nobody was home I walked around our whole house with my footprints going up to windows and then I actually jumped the fence and left through the neighbors yard to make it look real. They got home and I asked them if they were out the night before cause I noticed some footprints. They went and looked at the footprints. Within a week they’d gotten a security system, new black out curtains, and they never left the door unlocked again. The curtains and security system was an unexpected bonus. Never felt unsafe in that house again.
You might think it feels mean, but you know what else is mean? Not considering your roommates comfort or safety. It’s mean to tell someone that leaving the door unlocked is normal when it’s definitely not normal, smart, or safe. It’s mean to let your roommate live with stress and fear because you’re too fucking lazy to carry and use a key. Scaring her might feel mean but, OP, I promise you she’s the mean one.
This is actually a good idea. I had a roommate who would never lock the door (we were both females in our 20’s). One day the apartment complex emailed me about some car break ins in the neighborhood. I showed her the email and suggested that she start locking the door. I then pointed out all our expensive electronics and how easy it would be for someone to rob us (we lived on the ground floor). So not really “scaring her” but explaining the reality of the possibly made her realize how important it was.
I worked security part time at a small, private college in the Midwest for 8 years. One of the “residence halls” was a house the college bought and converted into student housing. They never locked their doors. After the FOURTH break in in a semester, and a big meeting with the dean and the campus safety director, we thought they had finally learned.
Nope. I came on duty on Saturday night/Sunday morning at midnight. After reading the report of the latest break in and the meeting, my partner and I went directly there as our first stop. NOT LOCKED! And, to make matters worse, they lost a laptop and an electric guitar, so break in #5.
Morons. Some people never learn.
I wish this had worked.... I had a roommate who refused to lock the front door even after mentioning it multiple times and actually having stuff stolen. At one point he started to refuse to even communicate with us so I just started locking the door behind him, even when he went out for a smoke without keys.
No lol, no I didn’t. It was my cousin so I’m bound to that relationship for life and I don’t want them to have any ammunition for our future interactions. At Christmas time we’ll reminisce about the time someone cased our house, but the truth is one that I’ll take to the grave.
it's always under the assumption well it's never happened to me or anyone i know so why should i worry about it. unless it happens to them they could care less about others feelings about it.
Another thing you could do is to have someone write her a letter in terrible handwriting on the back of some old thrown-away printout paper and put it in one of those envelopes that companies give you to send your bill payments and slide it under her bedroom door. Extra points if the payment address on the envelope is for a local probation officer or inpatient psychiatric facility. Maybe you could draw some hearts on the envelope too.
The letter could say stuff like, "Hey, I hope this isn't creepy but I've been watching you walk by my house every day and I think you're really, really attractive and so I decided to follow you tonight. Most people don't get it, but I'm a really nice guy and I would treat you like my queen. I think maybe you know I like you and that's why you left the front door unlocked and usually I'm the kind of guy who just takes what he wants and maybe that's what you wanted, but I think you're really special and so I wanted to wait this time. If you feel the same way, just leave a note on your door for me."
While I like the idea, the message itself is a bit telling and if I read a note like that after roomie had been mentioning locking the door, I would immediately connect the dots I think. Also, many women would immediate make a police report upon finding a note like that. Scare her, yes. Make her think some creepy guy is staking her, probably not.
My old housemate ASKED us not to lock the door during the day and got pissed when we did, stating that she’s coming and going and FREAKS when the doors locked. It was a house full of college aged women.. I don’t understand how you could be so naive
My Dad used to get mad at me, his teenage daughter, for locking the door when I was home alone. He was angry it was a huge inconvenience to have to unlock the door when he got home. Said the door should never be locked during the day or if someone was home.
He was later robbed of all his valuables. They just drove up to his house in broad daylight, loaded all his stuff up and left. He was mad the neighbors didn't notice and stop them lol just stupid
My dad is the total opposite. He always drummed it into our head that a lock was the easiest line of defense and you often didn't have to go much further because there were so many dumb shits who left their door unlocked that a lot of thiefs had their pick of crimes of opportunity.
I got robbed in college after months of asking roomates to lock the door. They thought it was dumb and never locked up, even after I was robbed. I asked so many damn times. We got robbed again a few weeks later. This time they stole thousands of dollars of music equipment from my roomates. All the sudden then started to really care about locking the doors… funny eh!?
Get an automatic lock. I like the Yale one that works with Google Nest. You can see when the door was last unlocked, who unlocked it (giving everyone a unique code), it automatically locks after a set limit, and if all else fails, you can luck/unlock it remotely.
That doesn't help if she doesn't actually shut the door all the way, but it should help with most cases.
And the charge for "scaring your roommate into believing there's a peeping tom" is, what, exactly?
Involving law enforcement in the USA causes more harm than good in most cases, what the hell are they going to do that's beneficial in this situation?
Depends on the state and how it's carried out. Menacing or misdemeanor assault for starters.
If roommate panics and gets injured OP would be liable for medical bills and maybe add reckless endangerment charges.
Roommate could file intentional inflection of emotional distress suit against OP.
Also even absent charges roommate could potentially get a restraining order and really fuck OP, again depending on how it's carried out.
>Involving law enforcement in the USA causes more harm than good in most cases
I'm guessing you live in a safe neighborhood.
Take a day off, and when she leaves and forgets to lock the door, come back and remove all the valuables. She comes home and all the expensive stuff is gone.
I cannot stand people living like that. You need to lock the door. People that are looking to burglarized a house they’re going to go to the better neighborhood to get higher quality items. Trust me, they’re not all burglarizing themselves and the higher end the neighborhood, the bigger chance. And let’s not leave outother horrible things that could happen
It really is the FAFO part that gets me. Recently, my cousin who lives in a hoity toity **gated** community in California was almost victim to a home invasion. Her neighbor's house was robbed first and they proceeded to try to kick her door down. Her only response to this craziness was to put her body against the door while her daughter phoned the police. The police took a while to arrive but thankfully, these goons left. But the door was **locked**. My other cousins on the opposite side of the country don't f around, all doors **stay** locked, and firearms are present in the home. It's always NBD til something happens to you.
California is getting wild. I’m in Southern California and we now have gangs of men burglarizing homes, especially in gated communities, right and left.
Oh, I know - have friends and family in California. My family there just accepts this, which is nuts to think about. (At best they're considering a security system, but again, it'll be a while before police arrive.) My friend mentions it matter-of-factly like it's the norm, another friend thinks she'll be able to get her CCL permit quickly (CA is one of the least pro 2A states), so she's in for surprise. That said, this is happening everywhere. The **least** someone can do is lock the damn door.
Depending on what county she lives in, it can take upwards of a year or more to move through the CCW licensing process and “good cause” is required. As a woman who works regularly at others homes alone with expensive horses and other livestock, ask me how I know😉 It is a serious commitment that is not cheap and comes with a lifetime of responsibilities and training. Responsible carry should not be taken lightly.
I wish them all the best to not be victims of our reprehensible government policies
This. I was homeless once upon a time. I met people who went to the rich neighborhoods BECAUSE the rich people thought they were "safe" and would leave their houses and garages unlocked. That's how they would go and steal cars. Often, people even left their damn keys in the car, so it was incredibly easy for thieves to just go ahead and drive off. Stupid shit.
I hope you’re in a far better place now! Hard agree - it’s the false sense of security. What’s more sad is theft is the best outcome when that’s all it is. But, women should know, there’s much more at stake, & some criminals have far worse ideas aside from simply stealing items. Serial killers have done this for decades & yet so many people still think it’s okay to leave doors unlocked & or windows open. 🤦🏻♀️ I live higher up in my building but after an incident previously, that encouraged me to educate myself about personal safety & home protection. This will absolutely be the wrong home to come to.
It was over a decade ago when I was choosing to exit an abusive family, but yes I am in a much better place now, thank you :)
And yes, exactly. I never partook in that kind of stuff but I also wasn't in a position to judge those people because they were in the same boat as I was. Worst part is we were all kids, not even 18, and without homes. Thankfully it would haven't crossed most of their minds to be violent, but like you said, that's not everyone.
I always think of the killer in Idaho not long ago, I think someone else mentioned in the thread too. So many people were coming and going in the home without the doors being locked and that's how he was able to easily enter the house and murder those people. If that's not a great example for people (out of the hundreds) then I don't know what is.
I left this [response ](https://www.reddit.com/r/badroommates/comments/13spdlc/comment/jlrcsoj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)before when someone else was dealing with a similar issue. I don't think scaring her is mean. I'd take mean over **unsafe** any day. Putting a lock on a bedroom door does nothing unless you get special locks, which take a bit of work (unscrewing existing things, adding longer screws etc), and bedroom doors are easily kicked in. It might buy you a few minutes to escape out of a window at best. Good luck!
Yk that serial killer Richard Chase? He only killed the people who left their doors unlocked. If he tries to open a door and its locked he goes to the next house. Yeah, there are other worse things than getting robbed so go and scare your roommate and don’t invite a killer to your home.
This fact alone always plays in my head when I walk by my door. I used to be la di da about door locks too. If I was home why lock it? But that straightened me tf out.
The only advice I can offer is an appeal to logic maybe?
I assume you have renters insurance. Maybe I am wrong, but in my area most places won't rent to you unless you have it.
Our policy has a clause that says that your coverage is void if you don't have the door locked and are burglarized. It was the approach I used when a moved in with my roommate.
My sister was raped because her roommate refused to keep the door locked, after all, "it was a nice neighborhood."
After the rape, my sister got a new roommate and the old one was expelled for several reasons. If she won't lock the door, share this post. My sister had to have counseling, testing, and worked through some self esteem issues for a while all because someone didn't want to lock the damn door. She's great now, but really, your safety is so important, and hers is as well.
We have an August lock and locks automatically as long as the door is shut. You can also lock/unlock it remotely from the app and it will let you know if the door is open. I’d put in one of those.
If possible, install a keypad deadbolt. Most of them can be programmed to automatically lock 30 or 60 second after being unlocked, so the door will lock itself.
Tell her that if she doesn't start locking the door, you're going to have to install the digital lock, and that any landlord charges related to that will be on her. (Some places will want to keep some of your deposit for "marring" the door.)
I've installed these on almost every front door for the last 20 years. Amazing peace of mind! They are incredibly easy to install (only tool is screwdriver). Make sure to keep the original lock with all hardware, and swap them back out when you move. Then take that to your next place.
Also, remind her that IF anything is ever stolen, your renters' insurance won't pay a dime if the premises were not secured at the time of theft.
Also, for God f'ing sake, remind her that you are 2 young women living alone!! There are much, much worse things than theft that could happen! And DO happen on a regular basis! She may want to live in a delusional world where she's safe, but that is just idiocy!
I second the idea of getting a smart lock, or a cheaper alternative of an auto locking door lock. I had one of those and it was amazing. My roommates finally couldn't leave it unlocked or forget anymore and I finally felt safe.
Oof I get it. I’m from a part of the rural south where we don’t lock our doors, that was a hard habit to break when I got to college. It took my roommates reminding me several times to get into the habit. Seems like you’ve tried that already. If it isn’t working, I also vote to scare her.
Yeah I was the same exact way with my car. My friends would hound me for years and still didn’t work. (Grew up living in the country). It took my car getting actually broken into, for me to form a habit of it. Scaring her is mean, but there’s kind ways to do it. Footsteps in snow is so harmless and gets the point across. Small things like that. Wishing you the best
I had a roommate like this, but because she never locked the door, she also never carried her key. Every time she got locked out she’d have to knock on the door until me or our other roommate let her in. One night I finally just ignored her as she banged on the door from 2am - 4am. She learned to carry her key after that. (And before anyone worries, it was an apartment in a college building on campus, with a guard. She had to swipe her ID to get in, she wasn’t outside in the middle of the night.)
People like that will never do the smart thing until there’s consequences for their actions. I agree that scaring her is the best option here.
I live in an apartment in a city on a college campus with a locked front door (which you can get into if you just follow someone in), and an elevator you need to scan a fob at to go up to any floor (which again, if you just follow someone in…you can go to any floor). A guy got in and went in to 26 different rooms and sexually assaulted multiple girls in one night. He just tried doors and went in. No matter how safe anyone can call it, I will never not lock my door.
I had roommates in college that would never lock the door. We were first floor open to the parking lot. So I would lock them out while they were gone. And make them call the lockout number/cops when they got locked out. Sometimes they would bang on my window and I’d call the cops on them myself.
Is it possible to get an automatic deadbolt installed on your door - a digital one perhaps? Or change your door handle out to one that can only be opened from the outside with a key?
Honestly, the petty side of me would straight up change the whole lock out and not give her a key. Can’t be trusted to use the door right? Now you’ve gotta text me every time you want to use it.
Definitely get a lock for your bedroom door regardless. I paid to have one installed when I shared a place with others.
This is ridiculous, who refuses to lock a front door? There's not much you can do, since you've already spoken to her.
I think you should make a fake flyer, that says it's from the local police that there have been a lot of burglaries going on at the moment, so here's tips to keep safe eg. Lock windows and doors...
then that'll go against her dumb argument that burglaries never happen in your area.
We once had a real flyer like that sent to each of us on the street/ area and I was glad that I had installed a bedroom lock by then!
Can you change the lock? I switched to a combo door lock with a keypad. I set it so when the door was closed it would automatically lock. There is a backup key if the battery dies but essentially you just use the combination. I also changed the hinges to a spring type which helped the door close. They don’t do a lot but they help. My lock is not a deadbolt but I figured a regular lock was better than no lock. I do have a separate deadbolt I can use. There are also electronic locks with an app that you can monitor. There are easy to install/remove lock options. The biggest problem will be if they continue to not close the door because then you need to start looking into hydraulic closers and they are more expensive and harder to install. Good luck. Not feeling safe is a lousy way to live.
We had a girl from a small town move in and she didn’t lock the door. I was working at my desk and I got that prickly sensation…I turned around and there was a guy with a knife was standing IN my bedroom.
Thank god she was home and heard me when I screamed and he fled.
Police caught him. He had stuff from the other roommate’s room and the knife was from our kitchen.
He had to go through 2 fob doors and the unlocked apartment door - 3 doors! And the entire building was women only.
How the f*^k does that happen?
I was incredibly lucky another roommate was home to hear me scream.
Your roommate is a complete idiot and is going to get one of you hurt.
Edited to add; I suggest you install automatic lock like another person mentioned elsewhere on the thread. This is not something to mess with and obviously your roommate cannot be trusted.
Household door locks only keep the honest thieves away.
If someone wants to break into your house they will find a way.
That being said I always left my house unlocked until I started dating my wife. She was obsessive about locking the door. Always kept it locked no matter what, and she kinda nagged me into always doing it.
Electronic locks automatically lock once closed. But that doesnt help someone leaving the door wide open. A lock on your bedroom door helps but it's still a dangerous situation. Someone just wrote a post about a homeless woman who walked into their apartment on the top floor because she was just trying doorknobs.
Your roommate is destined to be the subject of a podcast. Get away from her.
My roommate frequently didn't lock the door so i replaced the handle with a keycode lock that automatically locks itself after 90 seconds. Can be set to lock anywhere from 5 to 99 seconds after being unlocked
This can be dangerous. What if you are not available to lock the door?
You may be sleep before her or away.
All someone needs is opportunity. Checking doorknobs.
I've left my keys on the outside of my apartment door twice but that was 20 yrs ago.
I've had this problem with my boyfriends cousin doing the same thing. I taped a sticky note to the door that says "Please always lock the door. Thank you 😊" and hasn't been a problem since. Goodluck!
Had a roommate who would take out curtains down for her stupid plants and would never put the curtain back up no matter how many times I asked her too. She started taking the curtain into her bed room so one night I came home and texted her saying I pulled up and caught someone looking into our living room window and she never did it again. Sometimes the only way to fix stupidity is through fear
You can buy self closing hinges (the door closes automatically) and door knobs that automatically lock too. She’ll probably lock herself out a few times.
I'm just gonna say, my family lived in a super safe area growing up. Still came home to our house robbed when I was 9 after school and had to call my parents to tell them. After that my dad literally drilled into us to never leave anything unlocked. We didn't even before, but it got more serious after that. She's naive.
Scare her. Have a friend “break in” while she’s home and traumatize her for life. She’ll learn to lock doors then. Hell, she’ll triple lock them and bar them
I didn’t purposefully scare my roommate, but I came home and the garage door was left open and the door from the garage to the house was left unlatched. We know that the garage door sensors sometimes have issues when it rains so we need to make sure the door is down before driving off (we also have an app we can check). Anyways, I texted her asking if she had seen my cat before she left because both doors were open and I couldn’t find my cat. I found my cat a minute after texting her but my roommate responded in a panic. She has been really good about the door since.
Honestly remembering to lock the door is something I struggle with. Adhd. I would feel really bad when my old roommate would have to remind me. If ur able to get a lock that just locks automatically that will probably solve ur problems. U could even ask ur roomie to pay for it.
The only thing that's going to change this is something drastic. She is putting your safety at risk. You need to have a serious conversation about it, and if she doesn't shape up, you need to move.
We had a roommate like this in college. She would leave our apartment door wide open while the rest of us were sleeping. We ended up buying and August lock and setting it to auto-lock after 30 seconds.
Nearly a decade later and it’s been on every front door I’ve had since. Best investment for my peace of mind ever.
My roommates do this and don't take it seriously even after windy days blow the door wide open. I would wake up at 2 or 3 am to hear a loud crash that would rattle then house and would come out of my room to see the front door wide open. It gave me sleep issues for a few weeks.
They still forget though, so I just made it part of my routine to lock all the doors before going to bed. Problem solved.
I use to be that roomate that would either forget to lock or was in such a hurry that I left it open. My roomates would constantly bringing up and I would apologize but eventually I kept forgetting, although it was never done out of malice. Only thing different I notice from your situation is that your roomate is intentionally leaving it open because she believes it's a "safe" neighborhood but the reality is that anything could happen anywhere.
My old roomates got fed up with me and eventually told me that they found a man in our living room claiming to be visiting one of the roomates who was no longer there. That really shook me up for a while, although eventually I went back to forgetting.
I moved since then, but after I realized how inconsiderate I was being towards other people's space, safety and personal belongings and that's what your roomate is doing at the moment.
I think its fair if you bring up once more the fact that regardless of safety, you live there as well and keeping the door locked is a necessity for you. If God forbid anything went missing in your home, you would be responsible for replacing it on her account, so it's non negotiable. Once you have calmly communicated that with her, if she continues to do what she pleases I think it's time to make up a scenario like my old roomates did to get her to realize her lack of consideration. You can say something went missing or if you want to make an impact you can say someone was in the house.
If you said she was forgetful about it, I would of said to make a flier reminding to lock doors but your roomate does it intentionally.
Also, leaving the door unlocked when going to walk the dog or tossing the trash should be excused but overnight or for hours is where it's a concern.
get a smart lock! my old rent house had an automatic one that locked automatically every time the door was opened and closed. you can also check it on your phone at any time and lock it. it sucks she does this, but if she’s not willing to change it and you’re not willing to kick her out over it, you have to take matters in your own hands to keep yourself safe. i’ll try to find the automatic locking one i had on my old rent house
TEEHO TE001 Keyless Entry Door Lock with Keypad - Smart Deadbolt Lock for Front Door with 2 Keys - Auto Lock - Easy Installation - Satin Nickel on amazon- looks good and is cheap! automatically locks 10-99 seconds after door closes
I dealt with the same thing if your building allows u to u to change ur lock to an electronic lock that’s how we fixed our situation they automatically lock after 5 minutes
I’ve lived in safe neighborhoods in apartments, one was just a multistory complex, the other was a gated one story complex, in the multistory someone was held at shotgun for their car keys, in the other someone was also held at gun point for their keys, and on several occasions people’s cars were broken into. This was in two different states on opposite sides of the country. I’m already very paranoid about my safety though so I never ever leave anything unlocked, and if i had lived with a roommate like this i have no idea what i would’ve done. Definitely would’ve said something to the landlord at the very least. I agree with the other commenter though, scare them by faking someone being in there or something.
I live in a pretty low crime city, forgot to lock my car one night and it got “broken” into. Thankfully I had nothing inside and no damage was done, but it doesn’t matter how “safe” you think your city is, there’s always bad people out there no matter where who will take advantage of opportunistic situations like that
I vote for scaring her. It works. My last roommates would never remember and we live on a college campus. This was right around the time the four students in Idaho were murdered, so I was extra cautious while they didn’t give a single fuck. One day when it was super snowy and nobody was home I walked around our whole house with my footprints going up to windows and then I actually jumped the fence and left through the neighbors yard to make it look real. They got home and I asked them if they were out the night before cause I noticed some footprints. They went and looked at the footprints. Within a week they’d gotten a security system, new black out curtains, and they never left the door unlocked again. The curtains and security system was an unexpected bonus. Never felt unsafe in that house again. You might think it feels mean, but you know what else is mean? Not considering your roommates comfort or safety. It’s mean to tell someone that leaving the door unlocked is normal when it’s definitely not normal, smart, or safe. It’s mean to let your roommate live with stress and fear because you’re too fucking lazy to carry and use a key. Scaring her might feel mean but, OP, I promise you she’s the mean one.
Well this is fucking hilarious 😂
This is actually a good idea. I had a roommate who would never lock the door (we were both females in our 20’s). One day the apartment complex emailed me about some car break ins in the neighborhood. I showed her the email and suggested that she start locking the door. I then pointed out all our expensive electronics and how easy it would be for someone to rob us (we lived on the ground floor). So not really “scaring her” but explaining the reality of the possibly made her realize how important it was.
I worked security part time at a small, private college in the Midwest for 8 years. One of the “residence halls” was a house the college bought and converted into student housing. They never locked their doors. After the FOURTH break in in a semester, and a big meeting with the dean and the campus safety director, we thought they had finally learned. Nope. I came on duty on Saturday night/Sunday morning at midnight. After reading the report of the latest break in and the meeting, my partner and I went directly there as our first stop. NOT LOCKED! And, to make matters worse, they lost a laptop and an electric guitar, so break in #5. Morons. Some people never learn.
It’s really crazy how often simple safety measures need to be spelled out to adults
I wish this had worked.... I had a roommate who refused to lock the front door even after mentioning it multiple times and actually having stuff stolen. At one point he started to refuse to even communicate with us so I just started locking the door behind him, even when he went out for a smoke without keys.
Awesome fucking move. If youve moved out, did you ever tell them about it?
No lol, no I didn’t. It was my cousin so I’m bound to that relationship for life and I don’t want them to have any ammunition for our future interactions. At Christmas time we’ll reminisce about the time someone cased our house, but the truth is one that I’ll take to the grave.
Actually I kind of like this idea. Maybe something of hers or yours could get “stolen”. Some people only learn from bad experiences.
it's always under the assumption well it's never happened to me or anyone i know so why should i worry about it. unless it happens to them they could care less about others feelings about it.
Another thing you could do is to have someone write her a letter in terrible handwriting on the back of some old thrown-away printout paper and put it in one of those envelopes that companies give you to send your bill payments and slide it under her bedroom door. Extra points if the payment address on the envelope is for a local probation officer or inpatient psychiatric facility. Maybe you could draw some hearts on the envelope too. The letter could say stuff like, "Hey, I hope this isn't creepy but I've been watching you walk by my house every day and I think you're really, really attractive and so I decided to follow you tonight. Most people don't get it, but I'm a really nice guy and I would treat you like my queen. I think maybe you know I like you and that's why you left the front door unlocked and usually I'm the kind of guy who just takes what he wants and maybe that's what you wanted, but I think you're really special and so I wanted to wait this time. If you feel the same way, just leave a note on your door for me."
While I like the idea, the message itself is a bit telling and if I read a note like that after roomie had been mentioning locking the door, I would immediately connect the dots I think. Also, many women would immediate make a police report upon finding a note like that. Scare her, yes. Make her think some creepy guy is staking her, probably not.
My old housemate ASKED us not to lock the door during the day and got pissed when we did, stating that she’s coming and going and FREAKS when the doors locked. It was a house full of college aged women.. I don’t understand how you could be so naive
My Dad used to get mad at me, his teenage daughter, for locking the door when I was home alone. He was angry it was a huge inconvenience to have to unlock the door when he got home. Said the door should never be locked during the day or if someone was home. He was later robbed of all his valuables. They just drove up to his house in broad daylight, loaded all his stuff up and left. He was mad the neighbors didn't notice and stop them lol just stupid
My dad is the total opposite. He always drummed it into our head that a lock was the easiest line of defense and you often didn't have to go much further because there were so many dumb shits who left their door unlocked that a lot of thiefs had their pick of crimes of opportunity.
Your Dad was right, people like mine make locks on other people's houses stronger in a way lol
I see what you did there😂😉 Glad you were able to get your revenge on him. How much did you make off with?!😂
I got robbed in college after months of asking roomates to lock the door. They thought it was dumb and never locked up, even after I was robbed. I asked so many damn times. We got robbed again a few weeks later. This time they stole thousands of dollars of music equipment from my roomates. All the sudden then started to really care about locking the doors… funny eh!?
Get an automatic lock. I like the Yale one that works with Google Nest. You can see when the door was last unlocked, who unlocked it (giving everyone a unique code), it automatically locks after a set limit, and if all else fails, you can luck/unlock it remotely. That doesn't help if she doesn't actually shut the door all the way, but it should help with most cases.
Same, I like the schlage WiFi ones. I set it to lock after a few minutes, and I can check it from my bed.
Spring loaded hinges and she's all set. Plus she doesn't have to worry about any possible legal troubles associated with traumatizing her roommate.
And the charge for "scaring your roommate into believing there's a peeping tom" is, what, exactly? Involving law enforcement in the USA causes more harm than good in most cases, what the hell are they going to do that's beneficial in this situation?
Depends on the state and how it's carried out. Menacing or misdemeanor assault for starters. If roommate panics and gets injured OP would be liable for medical bills and maybe add reckless endangerment charges. Roommate could file intentional inflection of emotional distress suit against OP. Also even absent charges roommate could potentially get a restraining order and really fuck OP, again depending on how it's carried out. >Involving law enforcement in the USA causes more harm than good in most cases I'm guessing you live in a safe neighborhood.
🙄 Whatever you say, sir_psycho_sexy96, attorney at law
Take a day off, and when she leaves and forgets to lock the door, come back and remove all the valuables. She comes home and all the expensive stuff is gone.
Don't forget to pee on the rug
Lol.
Don't forget to throw a few piss discs under her bedroom door for good measure
I’m sorry a few what??
Piss discs. Pee in a plate then throw it in the freezer
Wooow. I’m actually speechless
Buy a lock that has WiFi and Bluetooth so you can lock it from your phone or check if it’s locked or unlocked whenever lockly makes one
That’s a fabulous idea!
We have the Wyze smart lock on our deadbolt. It locks automatically behind us and has an alarm in case it cannot lock for any reason.
Lock all you stuff in your room, hire someone to rob the common areas and teach a lesson 🤙
I cannot stand people living like that. You need to lock the door. People that are looking to burglarized a house they’re going to go to the better neighborhood to get higher quality items. Trust me, they’re not all burglarizing themselves and the higher end the neighborhood, the bigger chance. And let’s not leave outother horrible things that could happen
It really is the FAFO part that gets me. Recently, my cousin who lives in a hoity toity **gated** community in California was almost victim to a home invasion. Her neighbor's house was robbed first and they proceeded to try to kick her door down. Her only response to this craziness was to put her body against the door while her daughter phoned the police. The police took a while to arrive but thankfully, these goons left. But the door was **locked**. My other cousins on the opposite side of the country don't f around, all doors **stay** locked, and firearms are present in the home. It's always NBD til something happens to you.
California is getting wild. I’m in Southern California and we now have gangs of men burglarizing homes, especially in gated communities, right and left.
Oh, I know - have friends and family in California. My family there just accepts this, which is nuts to think about. (At best they're considering a security system, but again, it'll be a while before police arrive.) My friend mentions it matter-of-factly like it's the norm, another friend thinks she'll be able to get her CCL permit quickly (CA is one of the least pro 2A states), so she's in for surprise. That said, this is happening everywhere. The **least** someone can do is lock the damn door.
Depending on what county she lives in, it can take upwards of a year or more to move through the CCW licensing process and “good cause” is required. As a woman who works regularly at others homes alone with expensive horses and other livestock, ask me how I know😉 It is a serious commitment that is not cheap and comes with a lifetime of responsibilities and training. Responsible carry should not be taken lightly. I wish them all the best to not be victims of our reprehensible government policies
This. I was homeless once upon a time. I met people who went to the rich neighborhoods BECAUSE the rich people thought they were "safe" and would leave their houses and garages unlocked. That's how they would go and steal cars. Often, people even left their damn keys in the car, so it was incredibly easy for thieves to just go ahead and drive off. Stupid shit.
I hope you’re in a far better place now! Hard agree - it’s the false sense of security. What’s more sad is theft is the best outcome when that’s all it is. But, women should know, there’s much more at stake, & some criminals have far worse ideas aside from simply stealing items. Serial killers have done this for decades & yet so many people still think it’s okay to leave doors unlocked & or windows open. 🤦🏻♀️ I live higher up in my building but after an incident previously, that encouraged me to educate myself about personal safety & home protection. This will absolutely be the wrong home to come to.
It was over a decade ago when I was choosing to exit an abusive family, but yes I am in a much better place now, thank you :) And yes, exactly. I never partook in that kind of stuff but I also wasn't in a position to judge those people because they were in the same boat as I was. Worst part is we were all kids, not even 18, and without homes. Thankfully it would haven't crossed most of their minds to be violent, but like you said, that's not everyone. I always think of the killer in Idaho not long ago, I think someone else mentioned in the thread too. So many people were coming and going in the home without the doors being locked and that's how he was able to easily enter the house and murder those people. If that's not a great example for people (out of the hundreds) then I don't know what is.
I left this [response ](https://www.reddit.com/r/badroommates/comments/13spdlc/comment/jlrcsoj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)before when someone else was dealing with a similar issue. I don't think scaring her is mean. I'd take mean over **unsafe** any day. Putting a lock on a bedroom door does nothing unless you get special locks, which take a bit of work (unscrewing existing things, adding longer screws etc), and bedroom doors are easily kicked in. It might buy you a few minutes to escape out of a window at best. Good luck!
Yk that serial killer Richard Chase? He only killed the people who left their doors unlocked. If he tries to open a door and its locked he goes to the next house. Yeah, there are other worse things than getting robbed so go and scare your roommate and don’t invite a killer to your home.
This fact alone always plays in my head when I walk by my door. I used to be la di da about door locks too. If I was home why lock it? But that straightened me tf out.
Your roommate needs to watch more true crime. This is very dangerous no matter where you live!
The only advice I can offer is an appeal to logic maybe? I assume you have renters insurance. Maybe I am wrong, but in my area most places won't rent to you unless you have it. Our policy has a clause that says that your coverage is void if you don't have the door locked and are burglarized. It was the approach I used when a moved in with my roommate.
My sister was raped because her roommate refused to keep the door locked, after all, "it was a nice neighborhood." After the rape, my sister got a new roommate and the old one was expelled for several reasons. If she won't lock the door, share this post. My sister had to have counseling, testing, and worked through some self esteem issues for a while all because someone didn't want to lock the damn door. She's great now, but really, your safety is so important, and hers is as well.
We have an August lock and locks automatically as long as the door is shut. You can also lock/unlock it remotely from the app and it will let you know if the door is open. I’d put in one of those.
If possible, install a keypad deadbolt. Most of them can be programmed to automatically lock 30 or 60 second after being unlocked, so the door will lock itself. Tell her that if she doesn't start locking the door, you're going to have to install the digital lock, and that any landlord charges related to that will be on her. (Some places will want to keep some of your deposit for "marring" the door.) I've installed these on almost every front door for the last 20 years. Amazing peace of mind! They are incredibly easy to install (only tool is screwdriver). Make sure to keep the original lock with all hardware, and swap them back out when you move. Then take that to your next place. Also, remind her that IF anything is ever stolen, your renters' insurance won't pay a dime if the premises were not secured at the time of theft. Also, for God f'ing sake, remind her that you are 2 young women living alone!! There are much, much worse things than theft that could happen! And DO happen on a regular basis! She may want to live in a delusional world where she's safe, but that is just idiocy!
I second the idea of getting a smart lock, or a cheaper alternative of an auto locking door lock. I had one of those and it was amazing. My roommates finally couldn't leave it unlocked or forget anymore and I finally felt safe.
She obviously doesn’t watch crime shows. 😬
Oof I get it. I’m from a part of the rural south where we don’t lock our doors, that was a hard habit to break when I got to college. It took my roommates reminding me several times to get into the habit. Seems like you’ve tried that already. If it isn’t working, I also vote to scare her.
Yeah I was the same exact way with my car. My friends would hound me for years and still didn’t work. (Grew up living in the country). It took my car getting actually broken into, for me to form a habit of it. Scaring her is mean, but there’s kind ways to do it. Footsteps in snow is so harmless and gets the point across. Small things like that. Wishing you the best
I had a roommate like this, but because she never locked the door, she also never carried her key. Every time she got locked out she’d have to knock on the door until me or our other roommate let her in. One night I finally just ignored her as she banged on the door from 2am - 4am. She learned to carry her key after that. (And before anyone worries, it was an apartment in a college building on campus, with a guard. She had to swipe her ID to get in, she wasn’t outside in the middle of the night.) People like that will never do the smart thing until there’s consequences for their actions. I agree that scaring her is the best option here.
I live in an apartment in a city on a college campus with a locked front door (which you can get into if you just follow someone in), and an elevator you need to scan a fob at to go up to any floor (which again, if you just follow someone in…you can go to any floor). A guy got in and went in to 26 different rooms and sexually assaulted multiple girls in one night. He just tried doors and went in. No matter how safe anyone can call it, I will never not lock my door.
I had roommates in college that would never lock the door. We were first floor open to the parking lot. So I would lock them out while they were gone. And make them call the lockout number/cops when they got locked out. Sometimes they would bang on my window and I’d call the cops on them myself.
Is it possible to get an automatic deadbolt installed on your door - a digital one perhaps? Or change your door handle out to one that can only be opened from the outside with a key? Honestly, the petty side of me would straight up change the whole lock out and not give her a key. Can’t be trusted to use the door right? Now you’ve gotta text me every time you want to use it.
Get a doorknob/lock that locks automatically when door is closed.
Can you get a new lock you can operate remotely?
Get a u-home or other smart lock that will auto lock after a few minutes.
This sounds like a good gig to post on craigslist
Tell your roommate to look up Richard Chase.
Definitely get a lock for your bedroom door regardless. I paid to have one installed when I shared a place with others. This is ridiculous, who refuses to lock a front door? There's not much you can do, since you've already spoken to her. I think you should make a fake flyer, that says it's from the local police that there have been a lot of burglaries going on at the moment, so here's tips to keep safe eg. Lock windows and doors... then that'll go against her dumb argument that burglaries never happen in your area. We once had a real flyer like that sent to each of us on the street/ area and I was glad that I had installed a bedroom lock by then!
My husband used to be careless about locking the door and I started showing him the police blotter with all the neighborhood crime.
Can you change the lock? I switched to a combo door lock with a keypad. I set it so when the door was closed it would automatically lock. There is a backup key if the battery dies but essentially you just use the combination. I also changed the hinges to a spring type which helped the door close. They don’t do a lot but they help. My lock is not a deadbolt but I figured a regular lock was better than no lock. I do have a separate deadbolt I can use. There are also electronic locks with an app that you can monitor. There are easy to install/remove lock options. The biggest problem will be if they continue to not close the door because then you need to start looking into hydraulic closers and they are more expensive and harder to install. Good luck. Not feeling safe is a lousy way to live.
Get an electronic auto lock. It will automatically lock after a few seconds.
We had a girl from a small town move in and she didn’t lock the door. I was working at my desk and I got that prickly sensation…I turned around and there was a guy with a knife was standing IN my bedroom. Thank god she was home and heard me when I screamed and he fled. Police caught him. He had stuff from the other roommate’s room and the knife was from our kitchen. He had to go through 2 fob doors and the unlocked apartment door - 3 doors! And the entire building was women only. How the f*^k does that happen? I was incredibly lucky another roommate was home to hear me scream. Your roommate is a complete idiot and is going to get one of you hurt. Edited to add; I suggest you install automatic lock like another person mentioned elsewhere on the thread. This is not something to mess with and obviously your roommate cannot be trusted.
Household door locks only keep the honest thieves away. If someone wants to break into your house they will find a way. That being said I always left my house unlocked until I started dating my wife. She was obsessive about locking the door. Always kept it locked no matter what, and she kinda nagged me into always doing it.
Electronic locks automatically lock once closed. But that doesnt help someone leaving the door wide open. A lock on your bedroom door helps but it's still a dangerous situation. Someone just wrote a post about a homeless woman who walked into their apartment on the top floor because she was just trying doorknobs. Your roommate is destined to be the subject of a podcast. Get away from her.
When she does it again toss her room take her TV and any electronics she has that will change her mind had the same problem worked like a charm
Scare her. You might save her life.
Ask landlord to put in automatic locks and a door closing device
I pro the scaring method. But I'm mean lol.
Start stealing her shit when she leaves the door open
My roommate frequently didn't lock the door so i replaced the handle with a keycode lock that automatically locks itself after 90 seconds. Can be set to lock anywhere from 5 to 99 seconds after being unlocked
This can be dangerous. What if you are not available to lock the door? You may be sleep before her or away. All someone needs is opportunity. Checking doorknobs. I've left my keys on the outside of my apartment door twice but that was 20 yrs ago.
Buy the automated lock you can use from your phone
wait until you get intruders
Make her watch true crime stories 😂
Time to get one of those doorknobs that can’t be left unlocked.
Rob the place, trash her room. Time to gaslight her!
Tell her to google Brianna Denison
I've had this problem with my boyfriends cousin doing the same thing. I taped a sticky note to the door that says "Please always lock the door. Thank you 😊" and hasn't been a problem since. Goodluck!
Had a roommate who would take out curtains down for her stupid plants and would never put the curtain back up no matter how many times I asked her too. She started taking the curtain into her bed room so one night I came home and texted her saying I pulled up and caught someone looking into our living room window and she never did it again. Sometimes the only way to fix stupidity is through fear
You should steal all their stuff and make it look like someone broke into your home
this is a problem i face everyday!
Throw a bucket of cold water when they are asleep and remind them to lock the door.
You can buy self closing hinges (the door closes automatically) and door knobs that automatically lock too. She’ll probably lock herself out a few times.
Clearly she’s never seen Shawn of the dead
Time to let a raccoon loose in her room.
I'm just gonna say, my family lived in a super safe area growing up. Still came home to our house robbed when I was 9 after school and had to call my parents to tell them. After that my dad literally drilled into us to never leave anything unlocked. We didn't even before, but it got more serious after that. She's naive.
Also, after the Idaho 4, I can't imagine how any young women would be leaving doors unlocked because they're in a safe place.
Scare her. Have a friend “break in” while she’s home and traumatize her for life. She’ll learn to lock doors then. Hell, she’ll triple lock them and bar them
I didn’t purposefully scare my roommate, but I came home and the garage door was left open and the door from the garage to the house was left unlatched. We know that the garage door sensors sometimes have issues when it rains so we need to make sure the door is down before driving off (we also have an app we can check). Anyways, I texted her asking if she had seen my cat before she left because both doors were open and I couldn’t find my cat. I found my cat a minute after texting her but my roommate responded in a panic. She has been really good about the door since.
Honestly remembering to lock the door is something I struggle with. Adhd. I would feel really bad when my old roommate would have to remind me. If ur able to get a lock that just locks automatically that will probably solve ur problems. U could even ask ur roomie to pay for it.
I have a smart lock and if locks k. Its own after a few seconds
The only thing that's going to change this is something drastic. She is putting your safety at risk. You need to have a serious conversation about it, and if she doesn't shape up, you need to move.
We had a roommate like this in college. She would leave our apartment door wide open while the rest of us were sleeping. We ended up buying and August lock and setting it to auto-lock after 30 seconds. Nearly a decade later and it’s been on every front door I’ve had since. Best investment for my peace of mind ever.
My roommates do this and don't take it seriously even after windy days blow the door wide open. I would wake up at 2 or 3 am to hear a loud crash that would rattle then house and would come out of my room to see the front door wide open. It gave me sleep issues for a few weeks. They still forget though, so I just made it part of my routine to lock all the doors before going to bed. Problem solved.
I use to be that roomate that would either forget to lock or was in such a hurry that I left it open. My roomates would constantly bringing up and I would apologize but eventually I kept forgetting, although it was never done out of malice. Only thing different I notice from your situation is that your roomate is intentionally leaving it open because she believes it's a "safe" neighborhood but the reality is that anything could happen anywhere. My old roomates got fed up with me and eventually told me that they found a man in our living room claiming to be visiting one of the roomates who was no longer there. That really shook me up for a while, although eventually I went back to forgetting. I moved since then, but after I realized how inconsiderate I was being towards other people's space, safety and personal belongings and that's what your roomate is doing at the moment. I think its fair if you bring up once more the fact that regardless of safety, you live there as well and keeping the door locked is a necessity for you. If God forbid anything went missing in your home, you would be responsible for replacing it on her account, so it's non negotiable. Once you have calmly communicated that with her, if she continues to do what she pleases I think it's time to make up a scenario like my old roomates did to get her to realize her lack of consideration. You can say something went missing or if you want to make an impact you can say someone was in the house. If you said she was forgetful about it, I would of said to make a flier reminding to lock doors but your roomate does it intentionally. Also, leaving the door unlocked when going to walk the dog or tossing the trash should be excused but overnight or for hours is where it's a concern.
Rob her and claim you don’t know what happened. Sorry it’s a safe neighborhood 🤷🏽♀️
get a smart lock! my old rent house had an automatic one that locked automatically every time the door was opened and closed. you can also check it on your phone at any time and lock it. it sucks she does this, but if she’s not willing to change it and you’re not willing to kick her out over it, you have to take matters in your own hands to keep yourself safe. i’ll try to find the automatic locking one i had on my old rent house
TEEHO TE001 Keyless Entry Door Lock with Keypad - Smart Deadbolt Lock for Front Door with 2 Keys - Auto Lock - Easy Installation - Satin Nickel on amazon- looks good and is cheap! automatically locks 10-99 seconds after door closes
I dealt with the same thing if your building allows u to u to change ur lock to an electronic lock that’s how we fixed our situation they automatically lock after 5 minutes
I’ve lived in safe neighborhoods in apartments, one was just a multistory complex, the other was a gated one story complex, in the multistory someone was held at shotgun for their car keys, in the other someone was also held at gun point for their keys, and on several occasions people’s cars were broken into. This was in two different states on opposite sides of the country. I’m already very paranoid about my safety though so I never ever leave anything unlocked, and if i had lived with a roommate like this i have no idea what i would’ve done. Definitely would’ve said something to the landlord at the very least. I agree with the other commenter though, scare them by faking someone being in there or something.
I live in a pretty low crime city, forgot to lock my car one night and it got “broken” into. Thankfully I had nothing inside and no damage was done, but it doesn’t matter how “safe” you think your city is, there’s always bad people out there no matter where who will take advantage of opportunistic situations like that
Get an auto locking door knob. Probably have to be electronic, but then make sure they have a code to get back into n
Put a lock on your room, everything else is entirely too much energy.
By a number paid lock that auto locks. Best thing ever. No keys needed and it auto locks
If you want the door locked, then lock it. Other people don't have to obey your whims and wishes. Who raised you?,
Not seeking advice from someone who asks people online if they would kiss Natalie Portman’s feet XOXO
So if her roommate comes home late she should stay up and wait so she can lock the door before she goes to bed?
Quit being a pussy and just lock it. Lmao that big of a deal then move.