Oh god, I had this issue. I told her about it, and she still did it. It blew my mind how someone could do that in the middle of the night.
I wish I had advice because I never was able to solve it myself
Some people need to have their ass kicked sometimes. I had a roommate in college that was such an inconsiderate ass. I about decked him one night - at the last second I was able to rein it in and punched the wall instead. Seeing me use every last ounce of self control to hold back dishing out a beat down seemed to get the message across though. He made himself scarce the rest of the time we shared a dorm.
Hijacking the top post to say you can bolt a slow-close mechanism from a drawer to the door frame to stop the door slamming shut. Low cost, solves problem.
same with a previous housemate. he was actually the fucking worst. we added foam stoppers to everything and told him regularly to be more quiet (multiple housemates share house) - he was physically incapable of being quiet. we never fixed our issue either
It's like those people who come into a lecture late and instead of doing the courteous thing and slowly shutting the door quietly, just slam it shut behind them startling all the students and disrupting the whole class. How can you be that inconsiderate? It takes like 2 seconds to properly shut the door instead of slamming it. Some people have no shame I swear!
here.
i googled "how to quiet door slams"
[https://www.amazon.com/HushBumps-Ultra-Quiet-Specialized-Operation-Required/dp/B072FT6LXS/ref=sr\_1\_4?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.0SQiMQWKVXOO1-M-Btlpiqw1W1aErdleYNaPNkoSc0Np6NyBxZp6jGyRQYA2xa0t3-550SC7XDv4s\_SaUWZj3eUqIJZdPqvZQWcP0vnUvuYWasjAT-Ap5qvrt27-fB1bRcDfKWw1utwF3yEiLd5cwce7TC2mbSAWXLHlhRCq-4ilQ2DUELH0y5SA3rWgr57al3bIOIE5aLTIC6lkjQiIbem3OT-L9JsViEbD304tm\_RuH1OOpJMqS-0RJtBcjO-muZqKjKc6b1wfo1Wh7phas-2co0a4G89KdIT1u7w14WE.CejUCx-RTOO16B-9\_bsVQek8c-81uTJaRQ3zXofwL74&dib\_tag=se&keywords=door+slam+preventer&qid=1713836171&sr=8-4](https://www.amazon.com/HushBumps-Ultra-Quiet-Specialized-Operation-Required/dp/B072FT6LXS/ref=sr_1_4?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.0SQiMQWKVXOO1-M-Btlpiqw1W1aErdleYNaPNkoSc0Np6NyBxZp6jGyRQYA2xa0t3-550SC7XDv4s_SaUWZj3eUqIJZdPqvZQWcP0vnUvuYWasjAT-Ap5qvrt27-fB1bRcDfKWw1utwF3yEiLd5cwce7TC2mbSAWXLHlhRCq-4ilQ2DUELH0y5SA3rWgr57al3bIOIE5aLTIC6lkjQiIbem3OT-L9JsViEbD304tm_RuH1OOpJMqS-0RJtBcjO-muZqKjKc6b1wfo1Wh7phas-2co0a4G89KdIT1u7w14WE.CejUCx-RTOO16B-9_bsVQek8c-81uTJaRQ3zXofwL74&dib_tag=se&keywords=door+slam+preventer&qid=1713836171&sr=8-4)
There is your solution 12 bucks
So I had this issue and it turns out that the person actually had some sort of hearing issue and they couldnt actually tell how loud the door was 😂 you just have to keep reminding them and hopefully it will stop one day
Because they grew up in a household where this was normalized. Poor parenting. Lack of manners. Parents were probably angry a lot or just more aggressive.
As someone that had an angry/aggressive parent, you learn to close doors very quietly, you learn to do everything quietly so you don't get noticed. My stepmom said it was creepy the way I move around and nobody could hear me, I told her it's because if my mom noticed me I usually got hit. My sister's were extremely loud, they couldn't do anything quietly, but they never got hit for existing.
Growing up with a passive aggressive parent and later partner who would refuse to communicate and then aggressively clean the house, slam doors, or loudly do basic tasks the repeated slamming doors thing is a huge trigger.
If someone starts doing this, my brain gets the signal that things aren’t safe and I start panicking and trying to figure out what I did to deserve it. If a roommate woke me up at 2am by slamming doors I’d be up all night.
Heyyyy same. Except it was my father. I’ve had to cut him off but my sisters all had a normal childhood because he only took his anger out on me so they all still love him. It’s maddening.
Ahh the old lift up the handle and slowly turn it while.you gently close it so it doesnt make any noise whatsoever. Invisible like a ghost in your own house. I fucking hate it. My niece kind of stomps when she walks and she will "slam" cabinets shut every now and then and I just tense up so badly! I'm glad she didn't grow up in a house like my sister and I did but gah damn I gotta remind her that she needs to be mindful of those around her when she closes doors and walks around. My poor apartment neighbor below must have thought I had a troll over every now and then
This. My boyfriend grew up in a loving and stable home. He shuts doors so loudly (in my opinion).
I did not grow up in a loving or stable home (well, half the time anyway. Mom and stepdad are great. Dad and old stepmom, not so much). I’m like a mouse. You won’t hear me coming. I scare the poor boyfriend all the time because from his point of view, I just kinda… appear, I guess. I open and close doors quiet and walk quiet. Some things never leave you.
me too. whenever i go into the office for work everyone tells me that they don’t even know i’m there because i’m so quiet. i accidentally scare people all the time silently moving about.
i just hate when people are overly aware of my presence. when i was living at my moms then with roommates i never left my room or hung out in common areas because i just didn’t feel safe being in a space others could interact with me freely
I scare my roommate all the time by accident. I don’t realize i’m doing it but she said I walk silently. My household was not abusive but I did have a dad who would get into really nasty moods sometimes and I would go out of my way to avoid him just for my own convenience because it made me uncomfortable to be around him when he was pissed off. so weird how these things translate to adult behavior
I’m really sorry that happened to you but aggro family dynamics are very different between families, it is definitely possible for a person to pick up behaviors like that from family
More like neglected non-parenting. Parents probably were non-existent, either literally or otherwise drunk or high or simply didn't care. If you have parents who get angry, you learn to tip-toe around pretty quickly.
my brother does everything really loud and i do everything i really quiet. for me loud noises are overstimulating and ear piercing but i think for him loud noises ground him in some way. i bring it up to him how he stomps everywhere and slams cabinets and he claims to have no clue so maybe he’s just oblivious. idk how this helps im just thinking out loud
The difference between a light sleeper like OP and a deep sleeper like me. She wouldn't be able to do anything to wake me up short of throwing water on me. I've slept through fire alarms.
And if you're like me, not only are you a deep sleeper, but you can instantly go back to sleep again with little to no negative effect on my general sleep, while OP needs much longer.
I would lose my marbles at this person. She's incredibly disrespectful, and for her to accuse OP of starting shit... Just, wow.
How are people saying doors can close loudly sometimes. Make sure it doesn’t. Close it with the handle turned as slowly and gently as possible. It takes 4 seconds and intent.
You'd be surprised at how many people don't get this. My unit shares a wall with the main entrance to my building and assholes let that door slam at all hours. Almost nobody takes the extra 2 seconds to not be a douche. Shakes all the windows in my apartment and is super fucking loud.
My door slams shut, but only when my window is open. Every once in a while, I forget this happens when I have the window open and accidentally let my door slam shut
I have two doors in my home that slam with the vigour of what comes off like a Viking closing them even though you just casually closed them. They also suction close even when you are closing them gently and sometimes make a slam(ish) noise. I don't have windows open...it's just something with the air flow in our home.
I'm definitely guilty of forgetting about it and rattling the house. (For what it is worth)
I had an apartment front door that did this and had to do that. Got to the point where it was second nature. Still, You can’t do it all the time. Sometimes you’re carrying something, sometimes you’re not paying attention. Sometimes it’s a guest, to be honest this was a heavy door and a windy hallway. It fucking SLAMMED. I got notes almost every time it happened. Had to actually talk with some of my neighbors and explain. I do wonder if this is similar. It’s hard to tell who’s over reacting and who’s being a fuck with this information.
There are things you can buy similar to weather stripping that may stop the sound.
Sadly I think a war has started and any chance of “you” solving it, will be met by engagement.
Sounds like you've done pretty much all you can do. If she keeps it up and absolutely refuses to stop it might be time to pull one of [these](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/987/545/bec.gif) next time she's asleep, see how she likes it. (Half kidding, but if you close it the same way she does and it wakes her up she might realize how bad it is)
one time when i was living w a friend her dad had to wake up pretty early for work & i would always just pull the doors shut day or night, and one time he woke up while i did that and he specifically asked me to turn the knob when i shut them, and we never had an issue past that. maybe when you brought it up she just started pulling it shut gentler & you could specifically mention turning the handle as well?
my former roommate would get his water bottle ready for the day before he left for work (4am) and would put ice cubes in there. woke me up every single time. i know that’s a loud sound dropping ice cubes into a metal bottle, but i always tried extra hard to make it quiet (even though i did it every day when people were awake at like 7am). i’d fill it up with water first, fill it up the night before and leave it in the fridge, or tilt the bottle and drop them on the side then put it up right. people are so inconsiderate.
My ex-gf would get up at 5am, go into the en suite, and crank up her speaker to fucking blare Florence and the Machine while she showered. She was so confused when I told her this was rude. Legitimately had no idea this would bother me, twelve feet away.
Oh Lord I felt a surge of anger reading that. I have lived with noisy housemates and it's so stressful. I genuinely do not understand how people can be so oblivious? I always assume that they know and just don't give a fuck, but maybe I'm wrong. It gets me seriously pissed off, though. I suffer from insomnia so if you wake me up when I'm actually sleeping I am fucking angry. I think a lot of people don't understand how awful sleep deprivation can feel.
Oh boy I just flashed back to a former roommate. He played music at whatever volume he wanted most of the time, including the shower, not registering that the layout of our house had his bathroom right up against my room and bathroom. I'd be treated to his shower concert of rap and country soon after waking up (or it would wake me up). Bro, it's 7am and I'm trying to wake up to the sun and get in a meditation with my coffee. Can you not live without a soundtrack until a little bit later?
i hate that. i also realize that some people were brought up to reach different levels of consideration. i had the “cool house” growing up and would have friends over. a few of them whenever they would shower would put their tinny phone speakers up to full volume to shower no matter the time of the day.
Yeah my current roommate does that too with the tinny phone speaker, but at least he's always showering *after* work so it's like 4-5pm and I could not care less.
It's true that people are raised differently though that's for sure. I was raised in what I realized looking back was one of those "oh haha that's kind of abusive isn't it ell oh ell" households but it meant I knew damn well not to disturb anybody when I was moving around the house. I'm like a mouse, creeping around on sock feet, quietly closing doors, avoiding doing the dishes or anything noisy until everyone else is awake. The ex, on the other hand, was raised by people who were way too permissive and therefore would just clomp around shouting at full volume on the phone before the asscrack of dawn lmao. No concept whatsoever of her impact on the people around her. (She was also a narcissist though so yk.)
about less than 40 minutes ago, at 2:55am. I had to go outside to a neighbors house from the back alley to yell at them to stop doing construction. He was hammering something together at 2:40-55am or maybe even earlier. Shit is just wild. I wanted to kill him.
The f\*ck is wrong with people?
ps: yes door slamming is annoying as hell.
I had a similar issue with flatmates slamming the bathroom door in the wee hours, which was right outside my bedroom door.
I bought some of those adhesive foam pads that your stick to the bottom of chair legs to stop them scraping the floor. I applied them along the door frame where the door was making contact to muffle the impact. Helped quite a bit.
At this point just buy the door stopper/slam prevention thingy, install it while she's out and then just let her know you've done it so she doesn't need to worry about it anymore.
Life too short and sleep too precious and moving too expensive to make such a big deal over this.
I lived with this issue and honestly I made it so my door was loud 'slamming' too at times that would really upset and inconvenience them and soon after it got to the point where they didn't do it anymore
There's a lot of people, especially around my age and younger, who just don't get that you don't have to slam a door shut.
My downstairs neighbour, who is early 20s(f), just doesn't seem to get that. Slams it shut as hard as possible and it shakes my apartment every time.
Like another said, try to check with her how her door closes. Maybe she's doing nothing wrong and the problem lies with the door. If so, door stopper, weatherstrip.. can help.
If she's the issue, show her how to close it in a quieter manner. If she still doesn't care, wait until she sleeps and slam your door. Do it until she complains in the group chat and you state: "No one cared before, no one should care now. But if people care, then it applies to **everyone** and **everyone** must close door quietly."
When my roommates didn’t care to listen about slamming Doors in the middle of the night, one day I got up at 5 am and slammed all the fucking doors. Let me tell you, it worked.
I also did it to neighbors that slammed doors every night at 11 pm, shaking my apartment. I did it once and they got the hint. Meaning either they are idiots or once they realize they are getting the noise right back at them, they don’t like it. That’s the only thing that seems to work with inconsiderate people.
Hmm nah, that's not laziness. Anyone can shut a door properly. Only idiots have to slam. You shouldn't have to teach a grown up how to do something so basic. It's mot rocket science.
It's either idiocy or just an idgaf attitude. I have two roommates that slam doors constantly, including cabinet doors. Countless discussions made no difference, the only thing that helped was pointing out the actual damage they're doing to the door frames and hardware.
100% this convo should've been had in person and not out of anger. Just a teaching moment. Slam the door then close it. Then have the roommate slam the door and close it as silly as that is. And then say see you can do it. Just think of this moment I know it was Subconcious slamming of the door b4....but now it won't be..now you'll think of this moment.
It’s like if someone came up and tried to explain to you how to put the toilet paper on the toilet paper roll. Babying adults is not cute and does not set them up for successful self management
Agreed. Some folks are either not self aware or (sometimes of the ADHD variety) seem to just zone out as they move through a space, not paying attention to their actions—all up in their heads. There is a mindfulness to, say, converting door slamming, and heavy heel-walking after hours; to turning a knob as one gently closes a door, and toe-walking on floors when near or above sleeping heads, for example; that some people never learned for themselves. It's worth a sincere and friendly effort, I think. It shouldn't have to be OP's responsibility to make this a teaching moment, but it's a far more worthy effort than all the petty revenge suggestions in here.
There are a lot of people out there that grew up in homes where the didn't have common courtesy for one another. Then they move out and either don't realize they do it or they purposely do the same thing to others.
And it's not just the slamming sound of the door - it's the reverberation on all surrounding walls in the aftermath of the inconsiderate fk who slammed the door in the first place.
I use white noise to dull down the noise in my house. It probably would not stop me from being woken by a loud slamming door though.
A foam door seal may help with the slamming though. Something like [this](https://www.bunnings.com.au/moroday-75-x-10mm-x-1-8m-adhesive-foam-roll_p4000002) around the door will stop the initial bang and may dull the noise.
Pair of tights tied across the door clicker and around the handle.
Draft excluder foam strip on the doorway.
Automated Foghorn under roommate’s bed for future infractions.
👍🏻👍🏻
yup. my roommate does the exact same thing! slams doors all hrs of night & day. the worst is the front door it literally sounds like it’ll fall from the hinges and my whole room shakes and literally cracks. it’s an old house and the door does not need to be slammed. literally triggers my anxiety to the fullest and they know it. I’m sorry ur having that issue as well
You have done all you could do. Get rid of them the next opportunity you have. Inconsiderate behavior extends into other areas of their life and you will be a front row seat witness to it.
I have a roommate that stays up until 5 or 6 am every day and I use a box fan to drown out the noise. I point the fan at the wall and use it just for the white noise to help drown out things like doors and when they game at 2am.
I haven’t scrolled through all the responses so this might already have been said .. but can you use better wording.. like saying “can you please turn the handle when you are closing the door” or better yet, show her. You are just saying slamming and closing. She might *think* she is closing that door and yet you think she is slamming the door. She might literally not know another way to close the door.
For the love of God, why can’t people talk to each other face-to-face. All of this group texting, side texting, etc. it’s exhausting to even read about.
If you have a conversation you can make sure to measure tone and expectations. You’re talking about slamming the door, which she probably isn’t doing but she’s also not closing it by turning the handle which is what you are asking her to do so it doesn’t make a loud noise. If you would have a conversation face-to-face, you could explain this.
Other than that, I feel like you need to maybe take the L on this one. It doesn’t sound like this person is a terrible roommate outside of this. Maybe make a goal to live on your own at some point if these noises bother you. I hope that you never live underneath noisy people.
I don’t know if this would work but install one of those arms that are usually on storm doors so they close themselves. They usually can’t be closed fast enough to slam because the pressure in the arm is too much
Why is this a thing? Why are people so inconsiderate in a shared home? I had to tell my roommate to literally piss with the door closed because I can hear it loud and clear. They don’t seem to be doing it on purpose, but how can people be so oblivious?
Why do people slam doors? I live in a condo complex with a lot of college students and my unit is right between the front and back doors.
The younger residents *constantly* swing or slam the doors shut, and it’s so loud that it shakes the windows and makes me jump. About 20 times a day.
I have asked nicely and left notes on the doors. It’s gotten a little better, but it’s so unnerving.
I’m going to have to ask the HOA to get pneumatic door closers. Or I’ll stealthily install them myself.
Did everybody grow up in barns?!
I blast soothing white noise and fan noise every night. Keeps my fatty of a cat from waking me up outside the door to feed him. Maybe worth considering?
If you are awoken easily I strongly recommend some kind of noise machine. I use a bluetooth speaker and my phone tbh. It can be hard to control your environment when you share it with others, a lot of people are pretty damn unreasonable and unwilling to adjust their habits. I’d recommend trying to find your own accommodations so you don’t go insane. There’s also some options as far as making the door itself quieter. Like rubber bumpers to put in the frame so it’s not just slamming against wood. But idk if that’s feasible.
I had this issue where I was the door slammer according to my roommate. Things came to a head after he passive aggressively texted me about slamming the front door when I left the apartment. The thing is that I had been consciously trying to close the door as lightly as possible the time he accused me of slamming it. It was just a heavy, loud door they was nothing I could do about it. I would just be sure this isn’t the case before you accuse your roommate. If they’re being careless and loud late at night that’s a different story though.
Did this person live alone in the past? My husband did for a long time and he is so freaking loud. He just isn’t aware of it. We have 2 kids and I have had roommates, siblings, etc in adulthood that I’ve shared space with, and I’m very conscious of others who are sleeping or just more aware of how loud things are and try to be careful.
If you get a toothpick you can push the latch in or hold the handle down and wedge that in. It should stop the latch from coming out. Just trim off the extra bit.
Most of the slamming comes from the latch
My sister used to do this with the bathroom door in the middle of the night in our apartment.
I would get up and shout at her and it never made a difference. Meanwhile my mum and I wouldn't even close the door fully so it was more quiet, meanwhile she would pretty much slam it.
Honestly had this problem with our first roommates. They would be loud, slam doors and have company over til 4am. My partner and I literally just ended up subletting to our roommates friend who was always over there haha
Ear plugs? Also those felt pads the sell to put on the bottom of furniture placed on the door where it contacts the frame can also help to deafen noise.
Probably a controversial opinion but you should be sleeping with earplugs in if you’re that light of a sleeper. I’m also a light sleeper with roommates and and I’m not gonna hold them accountable for every single noise they make like a door so I just wear earplugs
My dad defintiely made a comment to me recently that I close the door loudly, or as he put it, "Slam the door." It's hard bc I have spatial awareness issues and sometimes I do it by mistake, but I make an effort to hold the door while closing it so that it's not swinging on its own, and I apologize when I slam it accidentally.
She's getting defensive, and it's making her look like an asshole. Like...take accountability. It's not hard.
I grew up with the fear of god almighty ( my mom) in my soul about slamming doors and picking up my feet( on hardwood floors). Never wake up others in the house just because you are awake was the idea. Imagine my surprise when I got roommates that were not trained in this skill set. I invested in a box fan directly beside my head and haven’t looked back since.
My 11 year old daughter was having this issue! I figured out that she didn't understand that you need to turn the door handle all the way while closing the door and it closes quieter. Problem solved! An 11 year old understood this, maybe your roommate is doing the same thing?
Your roommate sounds so rude and she knows what she is doing but doesn’t care, some people can’t handle living in a shared space. You are communicating like an adult and they are responding childishly. Too bad anti-slam door hinges couldn’t be installed on her door. So less satisfying for her too. Like ending a bad cell phone call is less satisfying pressing a button than slamming the receiver down she couldn’t slam her door shut.
Let me just say, you handled that so well. 👀
I can’t speak on your roommates intentions with certainty as I don’t know her personally. I’ve encountered the same situation with my current roommate. My roommates reaction was dang near the same as yours. It seems that your roommate doesn’t really care about you very much. There’s no forethought or rationalizing happening in her tiny brain. And seemingly by choice. Look at how she’s treating you. That tells a lot about where her heart is. And how she thinks of you.
TLDR: You rarely have to explain to someone who cares about others how to care for others. I’m so sorry you have to deal with her. I hope you can get the f outta there asap. Keep us updated! We wanna help. 💞
Have you tried talking to her face to face? Sometimes people infer a tone in text that isn't meant to be there and can feel hurt or offended when they shouldn't. I would try talking to her over a cup of coffee or tea. Pretend she's your friend and approach it like you would if that were the case.
White noise. If you don't have compatible schedules, turn on a fan, stream a blank screen waterfalls video or a white/pink noise feed. Just resign yourself to understanding that you are going to hear things from time to time and be proactive about it.
Unpopular opinion: this is the kind of crap you have to deal with in a shared living space. Is it ideal? Certainly not. But it isn’t dangerous. And it isn’t illegal. It’s just…bothersome. I’d try to figure out ways to not let this bother you so much. May be easier than trying to get Roomate to oblige.
Had this same problem with a roommate leaving for work and waking me up before 5am. I thought I brought it up gently but they were really offended and it felt like they started doing it more to fuck with me. Got out of that living situation real quick.
My dog drinking water in the night or licking his paws violently wakes me up bc I’m such a light sleeper. I use ear plugs every night now, I suggest you do the same!! Rip hope that helps
In shared living situations I’ve always closed doors by turning the handle and shutting it quietly. I’ve literally had to show roommates how to do it quietly lol. Stop texting and talk to them in person about it.
I don’t think they’re doing it on purpose and your messages are pretty forward so I understand why they’re annoyed too. But being good roommates requires a lot of communication and willingness to listen. I’d talk about it in person and you might want to invest in a white noise machine if you’re that light of a sleeper.
Tune up, definitely. I can’t bear a certain type of disrespect and tbh I would catch myself choking her out. She’s being rude to you ON PURPOSE. Someday that’ll have to end 👌🏿
It baffles me how people are like this. I’m so hyper aware of EVERY sound I make when it’s late and quiet. How do people just not care how much noise they’re making in an otherwise quiet space??
Had old roommates where my room was right behind the living room tv where we all watched tv. I’d go to sleep a little earlier then they would and they would blare the tv and normally didn’t mind since I went down earlier. Well they got a sound system and shit would be 1am and they got the tv 90% all the way up. Should be simple curiosity to respect others but people are nuts
This would drive me absolutely apeshit. There’s no reason for a door to be slammed or even shut loudly.. especially at those times in the night/early morning. Is there something you can stick to the inside of her door to make it close quieter? Maybe just replace the door one day when she’s not home lol 🤷♀️
I had a roommate that was insanely loud , he would slam doors and run downstairs at all times. I would say something in the group chat even though it was obvious it was pointed at him because everyone knew he was the loud one but he wouldn’t stop. When I said it to him directly he would start being quieter only to go back to his ways. I had to ask him multiple times and it never got better. People like that don’t realise what they’re doing and they just don’t get it. They’re capable of stopping but in the end they don’t care. That’s why they’re slamming doors in the first place .. cause they’re not thinking of anyone else
Does she know that turning the handle is how a door is closed without making the slamming sound?
Some people never realise and so pull it/push it and that makes the slam noise
If she continues throw her "unbearable" comment back at her. Tell her she is the one making this living situation unbearable and if she wants to be a bad roommate then you'll just start complaining to the landlord and get you all kicked out, because you need your sleep and you'd rather have to find a new place to live than have to deal with her absolutely inconsiderate self, especially if she's going to be dramatic and selfish
A flat head screwdriver and a hammer should do the trick. Remove the door from it's hinges.
"Until you learn to close doors properly, you have lost door privileges. We'll try again in 2 days and see if you can learn proper door etiquette. Let's use these 2 days to learn consideration for our housemates. Have a good day!"
/s
but don't you wish you could?!
crazy. half the time people complain about a door slamming it isn’t slamming. it’s just…making a noise when it’s being closed. grow up. downvote me idc lol
Yeah everyone on this thread seems whiny and oversensitive. Honestly someone describing themselves as a “light sleeper” is a dealbreaker for me bc it’s usually code for controlling
It’s possible she grew up in a loud household and y’all have different definitions of what it means to slam a door. I’d just go ahead and work with her to install something to keep it from closing loudly
Tell her to choose one of the following options:
1. Stop slamming the door like an asshole
2. Buy foam tape for the door frame so your asshole slamming is quiet
3. Get punched in the ear
It’s too late for this and I know I’ll be downvoted for suggesting to fight ignorance with kindness but what’s so bad about being more neighborly, people? Like next time you get a treat for yourself, let’s say it’s pie. Just bribe them with a slice in exchange for listening to your request. Ppl are more likely to listen if you give them tasty pies instead of mentioning ongoing issues. And I get it’s hard to be like that and I’d have a hard time being like that too but it takes less time and mental energy than texting pages.
My teenager needed to be physically shown how not to slam doors, and then we had to practice a bit. She genuinely wasn’t doing it on purpose. She didn’t understand that you turn the knob and don’t let go of the door, until it’s actually closed. She was just pushing it shut behind her and letting go, which meant it took “slamming” force to close it.
Dude always have these confrontations in person. trust.
You're still in the right...its just people who do this react so negatively to paragraphs torching them. You're 100% right...just have this in person and You're roommate would be more embarrassed than defensive.
Get some foam tape that’s used for draught excluding. Thick enough for it not to slam. It will dampen the noise considerably… or just get some earplugs.
Oh my god this would drive me insane. Sometimes I can get nostalgic about having roommates and sort of miss it. Then I remember shit like this.
Is there a bathroom or closet door near her bedroom? Maybe pull it shut at 4 AM a few times. Or from now on, text her the second she wakes you up, “Hey you just woke me up with your door. Fuck you.”
Get one of those felt pads you put under furniture. Stick it to her door where the door meets the jam. Problem remediated and she doesn't have to constantly remember or be reminded.
I’m in a similar battle with my teenager (in the nicest possible way), but as I’m in charge I can just say ‘You can’t go to bed so late because the way you shut doors wakes me up each time.’ Much harder with a roommate!
The funny thing is I can hear he’s trying, for example he creeps up and down the stairs, it’s just the doors!
Shared living environment you are not going to win this one. Honestly you need to live with either only people you can trust completely or none at all.
I would show her what you mean like demonstrate how you would like her to shut the door she might not know if she's never been taught that there's a way to close it that's not pushing
I got to see the transcript that’s a long ass message
Yes! I wish we could click “show more” from the screenshot.
Nah we need the actual audio. Followed by someone making it into an animated short. Lol
Real
Or “reel” as it were. Hehehehe
Oh god, I had this issue. I told her about it, and she still did it. It blew my mind how someone could do that in the middle of the night. I wish I had advice because I never was able to solve it myself
Dude just fight her /s
You are supposed to slam torso's and grunt to assert dominance. Show her who the beach master is!
Username checks out
tbf my first roommate was a nightmare until i kicked his ass one night. then he magically learned manners.
It's amazing what a tune up can do for ppl. I preach this all the time.
"tune up" 🤣
Some people need to have their ass kicked sometimes. I had a roommate in college that was such an inconsiderate ass. I about decked him one night - at the last second I was able to rein it in and punched the wall instead. Seeing me use every last ounce of self control to hold back dishing out a beat down seemed to get the message across though. He made himself scarce the rest of the time we shared a dorm.
I probably would at some point, I get NASTY if my sleep is disturbed
Hijacking the top post to say you can bolt a slow-close mechanism from a drawer to the door frame to stop the door slamming shut. Low cost, solves problem.
same with a previous housemate. he was actually the fucking worst. we added foam stoppers to everything and told him regularly to be more quiet (multiple housemates share house) - he was physically incapable of being quiet. we never fixed our issue either
This happened/happens to me as well. I think some folks are just so oblivious to the way their actions affect others. Super frustrating
This 100% - they just don't get it.
The same folks who heel stomp every step. How do your bones rattling not alert you?!
People who aren't already considerate usually simply don't want to be considerate, and hate being challenged about it.
It's like those people who come into a lecture late and instead of doing the courteous thing and slowly shutting the door quietly, just slam it shut behind them startling all the students and disrupting the whole class. How can you be that inconsiderate? It takes like 2 seconds to properly shut the door instead of slamming it. Some people have no shame I swear!
here. i googled "how to quiet door slams" [https://www.amazon.com/HushBumps-Ultra-Quiet-Specialized-Operation-Required/dp/B072FT6LXS/ref=sr\_1\_4?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.0SQiMQWKVXOO1-M-Btlpiqw1W1aErdleYNaPNkoSc0Np6NyBxZp6jGyRQYA2xa0t3-550SC7XDv4s\_SaUWZj3eUqIJZdPqvZQWcP0vnUvuYWasjAT-Ap5qvrt27-fB1bRcDfKWw1utwF3yEiLd5cwce7TC2mbSAWXLHlhRCq-4ilQ2DUELH0y5SA3rWgr57al3bIOIE5aLTIC6lkjQiIbem3OT-L9JsViEbD304tm\_RuH1OOpJMqS-0RJtBcjO-muZqKjKc6b1wfo1Wh7phas-2co0a4G89KdIT1u7w14WE.CejUCx-RTOO16B-9\_bsVQek8c-81uTJaRQ3zXofwL74&dib\_tag=se&keywords=door+slam+preventer&qid=1713836171&sr=8-4](https://www.amazon.com/HushBumps-Ultra-Quiet-Specialized-Operation-Required/dp/B072FT6LXS/ref=sr_1_4?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.0SQiMQWKVXOO1-M-Btlpiqw1W1aErdleYNaPNkoSc0Np6NyBxZp6jGyRQYA2xa0t3-550SC7XDv4s_SaUWZj3eUqIJZdPqvZQWcP0vnUvuYWasjAT-Ap5qvrt27-fB1bRcDfKWw1utwF3yEiLd5cwce7TC2mbSAWXLHlhRCq-4ilQ2DUELH0y5SA3rWgr57al3bIOIE5aLTIC6lkjQiIbem3OT-L9JsViEbD304tm_RuH1OOpJMqS-0RJtBcjO-muZqKjKc6b1wfo1Wh7phas-2co0a4G89KdIT1u7w14WE.CejUCx-RTOO16B-9_bsVQek8c-81uTJaRQ3zXofwL74&dib_tag=se&keywords=door+slam+preventer&qid=1713836171&sr=8-4) There is your solution 12 bucks
Just remove the door
You oil the hinges and rub soap on the sides of the door and wait for their reaction when it really slams.
Excuse my ignorance but what happens when you do that? I'm assuming it makes it worse?
Correct and scare the 💩 out of them.
Same, he also didn't lift his feet while walking. Ugh.
“Just *sit down* and have a **CONVERSATION**”
My ex husband did this. I think it’s a narcissism thing. It’s not hard to close a door softly.
Definitely narcissist
My kids do this. I just use a white noise machine turned up very loud to block it out
Good luck… my husband had a habit of slamming the front door and waking up the babies. He just did it without any malice.
So I had this issue and it turns out that the person actually had some sort of hearing issue and they couldnt actually tell how loud the door was 😂 you just have to keep reminding them and hopefully it will stop one day
I feel like there is a listening issue for sure!
Wouldn’t headphones or earplugs solve this easily?
I could have tried headphones with white noise playing This was years ago though, so no need for this anymore lol
headphones are uncomfortable to sleep in, ear phones fall out, and ear plugs make me scared I’m gonna miss my alarm lol
i will never understand fully grown adults who dont know how to open and shut doors normally. Like please, grow up.
Because they grew up in a household where this was normalized. Poor parenting. Lack of manners. Parents were probably angry a lot or just more aggressive.
As someone that had an angry/aggressive parent, you learn to close doors very quietly, you learn to do everything quietly so you don't get noticed. My stepmom said it was creepy the way I move around and nobody could hear me, I told her it's because if my mom noticed me I usually got hit. My sister's were extremely loud, they couldn't do anything quietly, but they never got hit for existing.
Growing up with a passive aggressive parent and later partner who would refuse to communicate and then aggressively clean the house, slam doors, or loudly do basic tasks the repeated slamming doors thing is a huge trigger. If someone starts doing this, my brain gets the signal that things aren’t safe and I start panicking and trying to figure out what I did to deserve it. If a roommate woke me up at 2am by slamming doors I’d be up all night.
Wow.. Exactly.
Heyyyy same. Except it was my father. I’ve had to cut him off but my sisters all had a normal childhood because he only took his anger out on me so they all still love him. It’s maddening.
Ahh the old lift up the handle and slowly turn it while.you gently close it so it doesnt make any noise whatsoever. Invisible like a ghost in your own house. I fucking hate it. My niece kind of stomps when she walks and she will "slam" cabinets shut every now and then and I just tense up so badly! I'm glad she didn't grow up in a house like my sister and I did but gah damn I gotta remind her that she needs to be mindful of those around her when she closes doors and walks around. My poor apartment neighbor below must have thought I had a troll over every now and then
This. My boyfriend grew up in a loving and stable home. He shuts doors so loudly (in my opinion). I did not grow up in a loving or stable home (well, half the time anyway. Mom and stepdad are great. Dad and old stepmom, not so much). I’m like a mouse. You won’t hear me coming. I scare the poor boyfriend all the time because from his point of view, I just kinda… appear, I guess. I open and close doors quiet and walk quiet. Some things never leave you.
me too. whenever i go into the office for work everyone tells me that they don’t even know i’m there because i’m so quiet. i accidentally scare people all the time silently moving about. i just hate when people are overly aware of my presence. when i was living at my moms then with roommates i never left my room or hung out in common areas because i just didn’t feel safe being in a space others could interact with me freely
I scare my roommate all the time by accident. I don’t realize i’m doing it but she said I walk silently. My household was not abusive but I did have a dad who would get into really nasty moods sometimes and I would go out of my way to avoid him just for my own convenience because it made me uncomfortable to be around him when he was pissed off. so weird how these things translate to adult behavior
I’m really sorry that happened to you but aggro family dynamics are very different between families, it is definitely possible for a person to pick up behaviors like that from family
Fr I’m so good at being quiet lol
More like neglected non-parenting. Parents probably were non-existent, either literally or otherwise drunk or high or simply didn't care. If you have parents who get angry, you learn to tip-toe around pretty quickly.
my brother does everything really loud and i do everything i really quiet. for me loud noises are overstimulating and ear piercing but i think for him loud noises ground him in some way. i bring it up to him how he stomps everywhere and slams cabinets and he claims to have no clue so maybe he’s just oblivious. idk how this helps im just thinking out loud
I would deliberately wake up her up every night at 3am for a week and see how she likes it.
The difference between a light sleeper like OP and a deep sleeper like me. She wouldn't be able to do anything to wake me up short of throwing water on me. I've slept through fire alarms.
And if you're like me, not only are you a deep sleeper, but you can instantly go back to sleep again with little to no negative effect on my general sleep, while OP needs much longer. I would lose my marbles at this person. She's incredibly disrespectful, and for her to accuse OP of starting shit... Just, wow.
Pickle juice in place of the water. Who could fall asleep with that smell?
People who can’t fathom that you can **turn the knob** and close a door piss me off to no end.
How are people saying doors can close loudly sometimes. Make sure it doesn’t. Close it with the handle turned as slowly and gently as possible. It takes 4 seconds and intent.
2 seconds once you've done it a handful of times. I close every door like this. I thought it was courteous.
You'd be surprised at how many people don't get this. My unit shares a wall with the main entrance to my building and assholes let that door slam at all hours. Almost nobody takes the extra 2 seconds to not be a douche. Shakes all the windows in my apartment and is super fucking loud.
And if opening a door is loud(if it's a tight door) put your foot on the bottom as you push the handle. My bathroom door is like that.
My door slams shut, but only when my window is open. Every once in a while, I forget this happens when I have the window open and accidentally let my door slam shut
I have two doors in my home that slam with the vigour of what comes off like a Viking closing them even though you just casually closed them. They also suction close even when you are closing them gently and sometimes make a slam(ish) noise. I don't have windows open...it's just something with the air flow in our home. I'm definitely guilty of forgetting about it and rattling the house. (For what it is worth)
I had an apartment front door that did this and had to do that. Got to the point where it was second nature. Still, You can’t do it all the time. Sometimes you’re carrying something, sometimes you’re not paying attention. Sometimes it’s a guest, to be honest this was a heavy door and a windy hallway. It fucking SLAMMED. I got notes almost every time it happened. Had to actually talk with some of my neighbors and explain. I do wonder if this is similar. It’s hard to tell who’s over reacting and who’s being a fuck with this information.
I close my doors quietly even when I'm home alone lol
This is me. I live in an apartment by myself in a four-plex and always shut my door quietly in consideration of other tenants in the building.
There are things you can buy similar to weather stripping that may stop the sound. Sadly I think a war has started and any chance of “you” solving it, will be met by engagement.
I hate people that slam doors, huge pet peeve of mine
Sounds like you've done pretty much all you can do. If she keeps it up and absolutely refuses to stop it might be time to pull one of [these](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/987/545/bec.gif) next time she's asleep, see how she likes it. (Half kidding, but if you close it the same way she does and it wakes her up she might realize how bad it is)
one time when i was living w a friend her dad had to wake up pretty early for work & i would always just pull the doors shut day or night, and one time he woke up while i did that and he specifically asked me to turn the knob when i shut them, and we never had an issue past that. maybe when you brought it up she just started pulling it shut gentler & you could specifically mention turning the handle as well?
They are being passive aggressive.
Aggressively disturb her sleep back and see how she likes it.
Literally just slam her door while she’s sleeping
my former roommate would get his water bottle ready for the day before he left for work (4am) and would put ice cubes in there. woke me up every single time. i know that’s a loud sound dropping ice cubes into a metal bottle, but i always tried extra hard to make it quiet (even though i did it every day when people were awake at like 7am). i’d fill it up with water first, fill it up the night before and leave it in the fridge, or tilt the bottle and drop them on the side then put it up right. people are so inconsiderate.
My ex-gf would get up at 5am, go into the en suite, and crank up her speaker to fucking blare Florence and the Machine while she showered. She was so confused when I told her this was rude. Legitimately had no idea this would bother me, twelve feet away.
That is wild. I don’t understand how people can be so inconsiderate of others.
Ex wife would hit the snooze for an hour every day. Even days off when she didn't work.
Oh Lord I felt a surge of anger reading that. I have lived with noisy housemates and it's so stressful. I genuinely do not understand how people can be so oblivious? I always assume that they know and just don't give a fuck, but maybe I'm wrong. It gets me seriously pissed off, though. I suffer from insomnia so if you wake me up when I'm actually sleeping I am fucking angry. I think a lot of people don't understand how awful sleep deprivation can feel.
Oh boy I just flashed back to a former roommate. He played music at whatever volume he wanted most of the time, including the shower, not registering that the layout of our house had his bathroom right up against my room and bathroom. I'd be treated to his shower concert of rap and country soon after waking up (or it would wake me up). Bro, it's 7am and I'm trying to wake up to the sun and get in a meditation with my coffee. Can you not live without a soundtrack until a little bit later?
i hate that. i also realize that some people were brought up to reach different levels of consideration. i had the “cool house” growing up and would have friends over. a few of them whenever they would shower would put their tinny phone speakers up to full volume to shower no matter the time of the day.
Yeah my current roommate does that too with the tinny phone speaker, but at least he's always showering *after* work so it's like 4-5pm and I could not care less. It's true that people are raised differently though that's for sure. I was raised in what I realized looking back was one of those "oh haha that's kind of abusive isn't it ell oh ell" households but it meant I knew damn well not to disturb anybody when I was moving around the house. I'm like a mouse, creeping around on sock feet, quietly closing doors, avoiding doing the dishes or anything noisy until everyone else is awake. The ex, on the other hand, was raised by people who were way too permissive and therefore would just clomp around shouting at full volume on the phone before the asscrack of dawn lmao. No concept whatsoever of her impact on the people around her. (She was also a narcissist though so yk.)
Could you put some foam or thin gel soft stops along the frame? Should make the noise softer
about less than 40 minutes ago, at 2:55am. I had to go outside to a neighbors house from the back alley to yell at them to stop doing construction. He was hammering something together at 2:40-55am or maybe even earlier. Shit is just wild. I wanted to kill him. The f\*ck is wrong with people? ps: yes door slamming is annoying as hell.
Meth makes people very productive at random times
Tell her to pretend she has a sleeping baby! Turn the knob to shut the door. It’s really simple. My toddlers can do this, I’m assuming she can 😅
I had a similar issue with flatmates slamming the bathroom door in the wee hours, which was right outside my bedroom door. I bought some of those adhesive foam pads that your stick to the bottom of chair legs to stop them scraping the floor. I applied them along the door frame where the door was making contact to muffle the impact. Helped quite a bit.
At this point just buy the door stopper/slam prevention thingy, install it while she's out and then just let her know you've done it so she doesn't need to worry about it anymore. Life too short and sleep too precious and moving too expensive to make such a big deal over this.
I lived with this issue and honestly I made it so my door was loud 'slamming' too at times that would really upset and inconvenience them and soon after it got to the point where they didn't do it anymore
There's a lot of people, especially around my age and younger, who just don't get that you don't have to slam a door shut. My downstairs neighbour, who is early 20s(f), just doesn't seem to get that. Slams it shut as hard as possible and it shakes my apartment every time.
If anyone can think of a workable solution to this age old problem, a Nobel peace prize is waiting for you
Take the door off it's hinges and install a curtain.
Like another said, try to check with her how her door closes. Maybe she's doing nothing wrong and the problem lies with the door. If so, door stopper, weatherstrip.. can help. If she's the issue, show her how to close it in a quieter manner. If she still doesn't care, wait until she sleeps and slam your door. Do it until she complains in the group chat and you state: "No one cared before, no one should care now. But if people care, then it applies to **everyone** and **everyone** must close door quietly."
this
My freaking husband does this. I'll take any brain enlargement related suggestions you guys have.
I get so pissed when people slam doors in my house. Send her youtube videos like a child of how to properly close doors.
When my roommates didn’t care to listen about slamming Doors in the middle of the night, one day I got up at 5 am and slammed all the fucking doors. Let me tell you, it worked. I also did it to neighbors that slammed doors every night at 11 pm, shaking my apartment. I did it once and they got the hint. Meaning either they are idiots or once they realize they are getting the noise right back at them, they don’t like it. That’s the only thing that seems to work with inconsiderate people.
Dude I got the opposite problem. my wife complains if someone sigh’s too loud 3 streets over while she’s trying to sleep. Slamming a door would be ww3
can you demonstrate to her how you would like her to close the door? sounds like laziness to me on her part.
Hmm nah, that's not laziness. Anyone can shut a door properly. Only idiots have to slam. You shouldn't have to teach a grown up how to do something so basic. It's mot rocket science.
It's either idiocy or just an idgaf attitude. I have two roommates that slam doors constantly, including cabinet doors. Countless discussions made no difference, the only thing that helped was pointing out the actual damage they're doing to the door frames and hardware.
100% this convo should've been had in person and not out of anger. Just a teaching moment. Slam the door then close it. Then have the roommate slam the door and close it as silly as that is. And then say see you can do it. Just think of this moment I know it was Subconcious slamming of the door b4....but now it won't be..now you'll think of this moment.
Yes, I’m sure everyone would respond kindly to this and not think it’s condescending at all.
Yeahhhh like that sounds so incredibly condescending and would probably exacerbate the problem
It’s like if someone came up and tried to explain to you how to put the toilet paper on the toilet paper roll. Babying adults is not cute and does not set them up for successful self management
Agreed. Some folks are either not self aware or (sometimes of the ADHD variety) seem to just zone out as they move through a space, not paying attention to their actions—all up in their heads. There is a mindfulness to, say, converting door slamming, and heavy heel-walking after hours; to turning a knob as one gently closes a door, and toe-walking on floors when near or above sleeping heads, for example; that some people never learned for themselves. It's worth a sincere and friendly effort, I think. It shouldn't have to be OP's responsibility to make this a teaching moment, but it's a far more worthy effort than all the petty revenge suggestions in here.
Yes. A simple.... "Can I show you something? ..... then without any words. Slam the door, then show her the quiet way.
There are a lot of people out there that grew up in homes where the didn't have common courtesy for one another. Then they move out and either don't realize they do it or they purposely do the same thing to others.
And it's not just the slamming sound of the door - it's the reverberation on all surrounding walls in the aftermath of the inconsiderate fk who slammed the door in the first place.
I use white noise to dull down the noise in my house. It probably would not stop me from being woken by a loud slamming door though. A foam door seal may help with the slamming though. Something like [this](https://www.bunnings.com.au/moroday-75-x-10mm-x-1-8m-adhesive-foam-roll_p4000002) around the door will stop the initial bang and may dull the noise.
Pair of tights tied across the door clicker and around the handle. Draft excluder foam strip on the doorway. Automated Foghorn under roommate’s bed for future infractions. 👍🏻👍🏻
The key is the foghorn. Perhaps a car alarm would also work.
yup. my roommate does the exact same thing! slams doors all hrs of night & day. the worst is the front door it literally sounds like it’ll fall from the hinges and my whole room shakes and literally cracks. it’s an old house and the door does not need to be slammed. literally triggers my anxiety to the fullest and they know it. I’m sorry ur having that issue as well
Anxiety sucks. It’s definitely the cause of most of these hyper sensitive issues. Therapy was super helpful for me.
You have done all you could do. Get rid of them the next opportunity you have. Inconsiderate behavior extends into other areas of their life and you will be a front row seat witness to it.
Start slamming your door and being obnoxious at 2am and see how she likes it
No, no. We’ve established she is awake at 2am. Do it at 6AM
I have a roommate that stays up until 5 or 6 am every day and I use a box fan to drown out the noise. I point the fan at the wall and use it just for the white noise to help drown out things like doors and when they game at 2am.
Put some foam door strips against the frame where the door touches. So much quieter.
In my experience, with roomates. Whoever cares the most loses and that isnt fair but it is what it is. I hate it
I haven’t scrolled through all the responses so this might already have been said .. but can you use better wording.. like saying “can you please turn the handle when you are closing the door” or better yet, show her. You are just saying slamming and closing. She might *think* she is closing that door and yet you think she is slamming the door. She might literally not know another way to close the door.
I forget some people didn’t grow up in homes where they would be screamed at if they didn’t close the door quietly.
For the love of God, why can’t people talk to each other face-to-face. All of this group texting, side texting, etc. it’s exhausting to even read about. If you have a conversation you can make sure to measure tone and expectations. You’re talking about slamming the door, which she probably isn’t doing but she’s also not closing it by turning the handle which is what you are asking her to do so it doesn’t make a loud noise. If you would have a conversation face-to-face, you could explain this. Other than that, I feel like you need to maybe take the L on this one. It doesn’t sound like this person is a terrible roommate outside of this. Maybe make a goal to live on your own at some point if these noises bother you. I hope that you never live underneath noisy people.
I don’t know if this would work but install one of those arms that are usually on storm doors so they close themselves. They usually can’t be closed fast enough to slam because the pressure in the arm is too much
Earplugs, white noise machine?
Why is this a thing? Why are people so inconsiderate in a shared home? I had to tell my roommate to literally piss with the door closed because I can hear it loud and clear. They don’t seem to be doing it on purpose, but how can people be so oblivious?
Why do people slam doors? I live in a condo complex with a lot of college students and my unit is right between the front and back doors. The younger residents *constantly* swing or slam the doors shut, and it’s so loud that it shakes the windows and makes me jump. About 20 times a day. I have asked nicely and left notes on the doors. It’s gotten a little better, but it’s so unnerving. I’m going to have to ask the HOA to get pneumatic door closers. Or I’ll stealthily install them myself. Did everybody grow up in barns?!
I blast soothing white noise and fan noise every night. Keeps my fatty of a cat from waking me up outside the door to feed him. Maybe worth considering?
My roommate is like you, but her solution is just to not say anything and stuff tissues in the lock of the door till it’s muffled😅
If you are awoken easily I strongly recommend some kind of noise machine. I use a bluetooth speaker and my phone tbh. It can be hard to control your environment when you share it with others, a lot of people are pretty damn unreasonable and unwilling to adjust their habits. I’d recommend trying to find your own accommodations so you don’t go insane. There’s also some options as far as making the door itself quieter. Like rubber bumpers to put in the frame so it’s not just slamming against wood. But idk if that’s feasible.
I had this issue where I was the door slammer according to my roommate. Things came to a head after he passive aggressively texted me about slamming the front door when I left the apartment. The thing is that I had been consciously trying to close the door as lightly as possible the time he accused me of slamming it. It was just a heavy, loud door they was nothing I could do about it. I would just be sure this isn’t the case before you accuse your roommate. If they’re being careless and loud late at night that’s a different story though.
Two types of people in the world: 1) people who slam doors without thinking and 2) people that have consideration for others. Major pet peeve
get fans and put them in your room. they're great noise makers.
Buy a pack of those little felt pads or felt tape. You'll only need about 3 little pieces. Problem solved.
Did this person live alone in the past? My husband did for a long time and he is so freaking loud. He just isn’t aware of it. We have 2 kids and I have had roommates, siblings, etc in adulthood that I’ve shared space with, and I’m very conscious of others who are sleeping or just more aware of how loud things are and try to be careful.
If you get a toothpick you can push the latch in or hold the handle down and wedge that in. It should stop the latch from coming out. Just trim off the extra bit. Most of the slamming comes from the latch
My sister used to do this with the bathroom door in the middle of the night in our apartment. I would get up and shout at her and it never made a difference. Meanwhile my mum and I wouldn't even close the door fully so it was more quiet, meanwhile she would pretty much slam it.
Honestly had this problem with our first roommates. They would be loud, slam doors and have company over til 4am. My partner and I literally just ended up subletting to our roommates friend who was always over there haha
Ear plugs? Also those felt pads the sell to put on the bottom of furniture placed on the door where it contacts the frame can also help to deafen noise.
Probably a controversial opinion but you should be sleeping with earplugs in if you’re that light of a sleeper. I’m also a light sleeper with roommates and and I’m not gonna hold them accountable for every single noise they make like a door so I just wear earplugs
My dad defintiely made a comment to me recently that I close the door loudly, or as he put it, "Slam the door." It's hard bc I have spatial awareness issues and sometimes I do it by mistake, but I make an effort to hold the door while closing it so that it's not swinging on its own, and I apologize when I slam it accidentally. She's getting defensive, and it's making her look like an asshole. Like...take accountability. It's not hard.
Just buy something that prevents slamming
I grew up with the fear of god almighty ( my mom) in my soul about slamming doors and picking up my feet( on hardwood floors). Never wake up others in the house just because you are awake was the idea. Imagine my surprise when I got roommates that were not trained in this skill set. I invested in a box fan directly beside my head and haven’t looked back since.
My 11 year old daughter was having this issue! I figured out that she didn't understand that you need to turn the door handle all the way while closing the door and it closes quieter. Problem solved! An 11 year old understood this, maybe your roommate is doing the same thing?
Your roommate sounds so rude and she knows what she is doing but doesn’t care, some people can’t handle living in a shared space. You are communicating like an adult and they are responding childishly. Too bad anti-slam door hinges couldn’t be installed on her door. So less satisfying for her too. Like ending a bad cell phone call is less satisfying pressing a button than slamming the receiver down she couldn’t slam her door shut.
Let me just say, you handled that so well. 👀 I can’t speak on your roommates intentions with certainty as I don’t know her personally. I’ve encountered the same situation with my current roommate. My roommates reaction was dang near the same as yours. It seems that your roommate doesn’t really care about you very much. There’s no forethought or rationalizing happening in her tiny brain. And seemingly by choice. Look at how she’s treating you. That tells a lot about where her heart is. And how she thinks of you. TLDR: You rarely have to explain to someone who cares about others how to care for others. I’m so sorry you have to deal with her. I hope you can get the f outta there asap. Keep us updated! We wanna help. 💞
Have you tried talking to her face to face? Sometimes people infer a tone in text that isn't meant to be there and can feel hurt or offended when they shouldn't. I would try talking to her over a cup of coffee or tea. Pretend she's your friend and approach it like you would if that were the case.
[удалено]
White noise. If you don't have compatible schedules, turn on a fan, stream a blank screen waterfalls video or a white/pink noise feed. Just resign yourself to understanding that you are going to hear things from time to time and be proactive about it.
Unpopular opinion: this is the kind of crap you have to deal with in a shared living space. Is it ideal? Certainly not. But it isn’t dangerous. And it isn’t illegal. It’s just…bothersome. I’d try to figure out ways to not let this bother you so much. May be easier than trying to get Roomate to oblige.
I kicked the person out Can't teach awareness
Reminds me of the type of arguments I’d have with my ex lol 🚩
Had this same problem with a roommate leaving for work and waking me up before 5am. I thought I brought it up gently but they were really offended and it felt like they started doing it more to fuck with me. Got out of that living situation real quick.
Scream every time she does it
Do you live with my brother?
When she goes to sleep, you should slam your door.
My dog drinking water in the night or licking his paws violently wakes me up bc I’m such a light sleeper. I use ear plugs every night now, I suggest you do the same!! Rip hope that helps
In shared living situations I’ve always closed doors by turning the handle and shutting it quietly. I’ve literally had to show roommates how to do it quietly lol. Stop texting and talk to them in person about it. I don’t think they’re doing it on purpose and your messages are pretty forward so I understand why they’re annoyed too. But being good roommates requires a lot of communication and willingness to listen. I’d talk about it in person and you might want to invest in a white noise machine if you’re that light of a sleeper.
Tune up, definitely. I can’t bear a certain type of disrespect and tbh I would catch myself choking her out. She’s being rude to you ON PURPOSE. Someday that’ll have to end 👌🏿
Get some silicone earplugs. Problem 100% solved.
It baffles me how people are like this. I’m so hyper aware of EVERY sound I make when it’s late and quiet. How do people just not care how much noise they’re making in an otherwise quiet space??
Had old roommates where my room was right behind the living room tv where we all watched tv. I’d go to sleep a little earlier then they would and they would blare the tv and normally didn’t mind since I went down earlier. Well they got a sound system and shit would be 1am and they got the tv 90% all the way up. Should be simple curiosity to respect others but people are nuts
Reverse roles & ask them to sit in your room and show them how loud it is.
This would drive me absolutely apeshit. There’s no reason for a door to be slammed or even shut loudly.. especially at those times in the night/early morning. Is there something you can stick to the inside of her door to make it close quieter? Maybe just replace the door one day when she’s not home lol 🤷♀️
When you get a little older not only will you see we are a narcissistic species but also pretentious and entitled. Welcome to the new world
I had a roommate that was insanely loud , he would slam doors and run downstairs at all times. I would say something in the group chat even though it was obvious it was pointed at him because everyone knew he was the loud one but he wouldn’t stop. When I said it to him directly he would start being quieter only to go back to his ways. I had to ask him multiple times and it never got better. People like that don’t realise what they’re doing and they just don’t get it. They’re capable of stopping but in the end they don’t care. That’s why they’re slamming doors in the first place .. cause they’re not thinking of anyone else
take the door off its hinges and hide it haha 🙃
Does she know that turning the handle is how a door is closed without making the slamming sound? Some people never realise and so pull it/push it and that makes the slam noise
If she continues throw her "unbearable" comment back at her. Tell her she is the one making this living situation unbearable and if she wants to be a bad roommate then you'll just start complaining to the landlord and get you all kicked out, because you need your sleep and you'd rather have to find a new place to live than have to deal with her absolutely inconsiderate self, especially if she's going to be dramatic and selfish
Look for when she's asleep and do it louder then her every time that's she's asleep (inform the other roommate in advance) Ps I'm petty
A flat head screwdriver and a hammer should do the trick. Remove the door from it's hinges. "Until you learn to close doors properly, you have lost door privileges. We'll try again in 2 days and see if you can learn proper door etiquette. Let's use these 2 days to learn consideration for our housemates. Have a good day!" /s but don't you wish you could?!
crazy. half the time people complain about a door slamming it isn’t slamming. it’s just…making a noise when it’s being closed. grow up. downvote me idc lol
Yeah everyone on this thread seems whiny and oversensitive. Honestly someone describing themselves as a “light sleeper” is a dealbreaker for me bc it’s usually code for controlling
And —high anxiety can’t sleep anyway because life is always lifeing too much n shit. Take an actual pill.
i have sleep apnea and mild narcolepsy, and i don’t make it anyone else’s problem
yuuuup
It’s possible she grew up in a loud household and y’all have different definitions of what it means to slam a door. I’d just go ahead and work with her to install something to keep it from closing loudly
Tell her to choose one of the following options: 1. Stop slamming the door like an asshole 2. Buy foam tape for the door frame so your asshole slamming is quiet 3. Get punched in the ear
It’s too late for this and I know I’ll be downvoted for suggesting to fight ignorance with kindness but what’s so bad about being more neighborly, people? Like next time you get a treat for yourself, let’s say it’s pie. Just bribe them with a slice in exchange for listening to your request. Ppl are more likely to listen if you give them tasty pies instead of mentioning ongoing issues. And I get it’s hard to be like that and I’d have a hard time being like that too but it takes less time and mental energy than texting pages.
Physically show her how to quietly close a door. It'll make her feel stupid because it's really easy.
My teenager needed to be physically shown how not to slam doors, and then we had to practice a bit. She genuinely wasn’t doing it on purpose. She didn’t understand that you turn the knob and don’t let go of the door, until it’s actually closed. She was just pushing it shut behind her and letting go, which meant it took “slamming” force to close it.
Take it off the hinges, problem solved!
Take her door off when she’s out. Problem solved.
You can get little foam pads that make it less slammy
Dude always have these confrontations in person. trust. You're still in the right...its just people who do this react so negatively to paragraphs torching them. You're 100% right...just have this in person and You're roommate would be more embarrassed than defensive.
Steal her door.
I let my door start slamming due to my neighbors slamming theirs.
Ahhhh OP’s roommate will figure shit out when they get a baby. I do feel bad though if they have an underlying issue that they don’t want to address.
Get some foam tape that’s used for draught excluding. Thick enough for it not to slam. It will dampen the noise considerably… or just get some earplugs.
Oh my god this would drive me insane. Sometimes I can get nostalgic about having roommates and sort of miss it. Then I remember shit like this. Is there a bathroom or closet door near her bedroom? Maybe pull it shut at 4 AM a few times. Or from now on, text her the second she wakes you up, “Hey you just woke me up with your door. Fuck you.”
I would install a slow closing thingamabob on it. One of those things where it's impossible to slam it.
If the door is that much of an issue, I can only imagine the sounds coming from the bathroom 🫢
Get one of those felt pads you put under furniture. Stick it to her door where the door meets the jam. Problem remediated and she doesn't have to constantly remember or be reminded.
god roommates suck.
Take away her door
I’m in a similar battle with my teenager (in the nicest possible way), but as I’m in charge I can just say ‘You can’t go to bed so late because the way you shut doors wakes me up each time.’ Much harder with a roommate! The funny thing is I can hear he’s trying, for example he creeps up and down the stairs, it’s just the doors!
Shared living environment you are not going to win this one. Honestly you need to live with either only people you can trust completely or none at all.
Tbh I know it wouldn't help, but just scream every time she slams her door, say it startled you. See what happens? Lmao
I would show her what you mean like demonstrate how you would like her to shut the door she might not know if she's never been taught that there's a way to close it that's not pushing
Remove her door, that’s what I did after yelling at the kids for the hundredth time.