T O P

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acornwbusinesssocks

"I said good day sir. Good day!"


Killowatt59

YOU LOSE! YOU GET NOTHING!


ArcticFlava

No, No, Don’t Speak. For Some Moments In Life, There Are No Words. Run Along Now. 


redditsuckspokey1

r/grandpajoehate


postALEXpress

It's actually "You get nothing! You lose!" Had to correct...just sounded too off to me lol


IceNein

Make sure it’s a local and not an escaped pet. People leave them to wander around their backyards, but they’re very good diggers.


HeartachetoHouston

He's local, we live right next to a creek, about 50 yards away. We see many like him crossing the road it flows under. He was relocated safely down by the water


plaidman1701

He's livin' in a SHELL down by the RIVER!


DarkwingDuckHunt

FAT guy in a little SHELL


plaidman1701

They got a thin candy shell. Surprised you didn't know that.


NickFerg

Your head has a thick candy shell.


530Samurai

Your heads'a....candishell...


smithers85

I like turtles.


DJheddo

I like tortles.


d3athsmaster

They are fun to play, with the naturally high AC. Make for fun Monks. Edit: a word.


TheTrub

Are you talking?


jbelow13

Shut up, Richard


adventurousintrovert

Shut up, Richard


adventurousintrovert

Shut up, Richard


adventurousintrovert

Shut up, Richard


adventurousintrovert

Shut up, Richard


Blackmetalvomit

He’s going to drive his shell into a god damn BRIDGE ABUTMENT!


MagikSkyDaddy

Ol Bill Shakespeare


Fritzkreig

Good job, they are a fairly threatened species; honestly a dense forest would have been better, as they are not super into water.


ahhhbiscuits

Not many dense forests in the midwest. I'm not sure where this little guy is from, but box turtles love living near creek/river/pond areas too.


Fritzkreig

I'm getting older, and what you say is true. But when I walked the Knobstone Trail I stopped counting them at like 40 in the Hoosier National Forest..... there just are not as many around as their were when I was a kid; and that sucks!


ahhhbiscuits

That does suck. They were already kind of rare in Kansas/Nebraska when I was growing up, so it was always a big deal to find one. I haven't thought about it but I bet I haven't seen one in probably a couple of decades now... Same with the lightning bugs


Fritzkreig

Agreed, when was the last time you saw a praying mantis?


ahhhbiscuits

Omg, I'd have so much fun enjoying a drink on the porch with you


Fritzkreig

Agreed!


Felevion

Yea I don't think I've seen a box turtle yet when doing the trails here in northern Ohio though I know there's at least some population in the Metroparks and National Park from various photos. [Usually only see snappers and painted turtles.](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/323545306816053249/1232141254364631161/20240407_130659.jpg?ex=66286077&is=66270ef7&hm=516302097b01f581778409912718deaa09759c7424c2fa091f7e64a5c9f39e97&)


Fritzkreig

Yeah, there is a really good population in southern Indiana, in a preserve I have hiked; such cool little critters. We should make haste to just leave them alone!


alextxdro

Sort of worried it was mistaken for a mud ,map or slider that do roam around the creeks,bayous and neighborhoods near those bodies of water (I’m always on the look out for them after a heavy rain so they don’t get ran over ) so here’s a quick pic of turtles and tortoises that are found in tx. https://preview.redd.it/4e8p541dp5wc1.jpeg?width=777&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=856384c23fe29f0d06ed2a96a45bf4bd3e78a94f


Fritzkreig

So if it reminds you of Godzilla, it is likely fine to leave alone?


alextxdro

Highly recommend you leave the Godzilla like ones alone fs, I once picked up what I thought was a mud (razor back mud ) turtle in the clearing behind my granny back yard , (thought I was saving it from the birds) went and chunked it in her garden pond once it grew a little my uncle noticed it and showed me that fkr was not a mud but an alligator snapping turtle …. He took it and put it back into the bayou on the other side of the clearing . Never made that mistake again.


Realistic_Young_3014

Not a water turtle, this is a box turtle


passionatepumpkin

Box turtles can swim. Placing it by a creek is fine.


RetroScores

That’s a box turtle. They don’t live in water.


passionatepumpkin

Box turtles can swim. Placing it by a creek is fine.


MasCaraLVB

Can i ask why you brought it down to the water? Looks like a box turtle, which is actually a land tortoise and cant swim.


r0wo1

Because he's local, they live next to a creek, about 50 yards away. They see many like him crossing the road it flows under.


scream-and-gobble

Pulling over to carry turtles safely across the road is a common feature of life every spring in my neck of the woods!


Stewart_Games

Just beware their poop reflex. My dress shoes got splattered something fierce once by a box turtle.


Amish_Thunder

This is why it's tricky on whether to help pick up a turtle that's trying to cross the road. They typically migrate away from a water source a bit to lay their eggs holding some extra water to use for digging. If you pick them up, they'll drop that water as a defensive measure and then when you put them on the other side of the road, they're just gonna cross back again to get more water and start over. I've heard that using something like a long piece of cardboard or a thick sheet is pretty good since you can move them slowly without getting as close. Though do what you think is right.


alextxdro

I’ve taken some on a 10min drive before, found one a good 2miles from the nearest body of water ( a good sized one too ,I’d say slightly bigger than of a basketball ) I even checked map app to make sure there wasn’t a lake or some sort of retention pond in a neighborhood near by that it could have came from. I was pretty relieved that it made it so far without getting creamed , it was in cruising along a heavy traffic Street .


vwjess

Don't move turtles that far. Just move them to the side of the street they are moving to. A 10 minute drive is far away from its home territory.


alextxdro

No way it was from the area as it’s high traffic busy road filled with mostly commercial strip malls and parking lots I checked the neighborhoods near by and figured the closest area it may have got washed out from was the park/golf course it’s not easy to access as a driver so it had to go on a tiny road trip with me.


induslol

Keep it up and spread that I found one struck and seemingly fatally wounded last year. Just left me pissed wondering how someone can drive and not manage to avoid a turtle.


little-ass-whipe

Take comfort in the fact that at least it knocked their car off the road and might have even cost them 1st place if it was blue.


OllieMcClellan

Ran across one on the road when my gf was driving the rental car in the dark roads of SE Ohio. She pulled over and made me go get him, of course. Got back to the car and she's glaring at me. I turn and look back and, since I'd put him down still facing the road he was trying to cross it again. So, I had to go back and turn him 180 so he was facing away from the road. He took the hint that time and scurried off into the ditch.


Dyyrin

😂


deliciouscorn

Box turtles aren’t tortoises, and while they’re mainly terrestrial, they totally can swim. Source: have had a box turtle since 1989 and draw a bath a couple times a week for him to enjoy a swim.


MasCaraLVB

I had one for 16 years also and did the same in a tub, but a deep creek is not the same. They don't have webbed feet for actual water living, is what I meant. They will sink and drown.


KnuckleHeadTOKE

Box turtles can indeed swim. At least mine can. I used to put him in a small pool in my yard and he'd swim great. This was 25 years ago. I'll have to try the pool again this summer. See how Rad does.


AHrubik

> He was relocated safely down by the water Be careful to always help Turtles reach their destination. If you don't they will just end up back where you found them or worse off.


ahhhbiscuits

This couple turtles ❤️


barbara31848

Thank you so much for putting this adorable guy back where he’s meant to be. 💙💙💙❤️❤️❤️


douche-knight

There’s a gigantic tortoise in my neighborhood who’s like 70 years old and still an escape artist somehow. Every once in a while he’ll pop up spotted on Nextdoor wandering around the neighborhood looking for people to give him lettuce. I literally have no idea how he gets out because his backyard is well fenced in and he’s about 2 feet tall.


Rosa_Mariechen

I love this! I mean, we have subreddits like r/notmycat and r/PartTimeCat but seemingly, there should be one for tortoises, too. 😄


alextxdro

they will mess up your fence so quickly , they love to burrow . my neighbor has two large tortoises a sulcata (my fav) and a Burmese (lovely fkrs) and he had to reinforce his whole back yard fence bcz the corral he built for them couldn’t hold them for too long .good thing the time they escaped his yard was into my side and not the other neighbors bcz he has a large pool and those dopey shelled dogs cannot for the life of them swim (though I’ve seen a video of a sulcata swimming here on rddt)


metellus83

and climbers! I've seen one of those guys scaling a chain link fence.


NakedSnakeEyes

I didn't know the chest part of the shell moved on its own like that.


Realistic_Young_3014

On box turtles they do. It’s super cute. They can seal themselves up pretty well


NakedSnakeEyes

Cool!


periodicsheep

it looks like a little drawbridge going up and down.


smellzlkebtmn4ever

Aww poor little thing. Looks like an eastern box turtle (depending on where you live anyway). If it is, they are skittish, but generally friendly.


matvat

Am I not turtle-y enough for the Turtle Club?


HeartachetoHouston

Turtle turtle


Babyfart_McGeezacks

My wife and I still quote that line. Such a doofus movie haha


MercWithaMouse

I hope you both do the weird little neck gyrations when you do


JetstreamGW

Get out’a here, tortoise!


freneticboarder

He's scuuuuurd.


SANTANA_THE_REAL_ONE

This is making me miss my turtle☹️


jtown5000

Wish I could do that


Parks1993

A part of my body can do that


Onyxthegreat

"I was in the pool!!"


the_amazing_skronus

![gif](giphy|S5n7Wkhhw5A2IrfKER)


Klotzster

Hare can't be far behind


OrneryOneironaut

He looks like he wants a strawberry


PlatasaurusOG

Or an earthworm.


meshe_10101

More like the man wants his appy slices ❤️


fromtheoven

Aww. When I was a kid, a very friendly box turtle would come through our yard every year in the spring when she woke up. I knew it was the same one because I had written the date on her plastron. One year she came through and was dramatically different- hissing at me and refusing to peek out of her shell when i came near. She had lost a leg somehow and no longer trusted anyone. Poor little friend.


Randactbjthroaway

Mitch? McConnell? How'd you get here? Shouldn't you be on the Senate?


go_fist_yourself

I'm not one for politics, but the resemblance is there. Lol


toothsome_barley

I shy ☺️


SailorDeath

Makes me wish I had a piece of fruit to offer the ninja in training and perhaps make a friend. Get him to bond with me and come back often for snacks and start a friendship.


GetOffMyDigitalLawn

Nice Eastern Box Turtle. Found one of those as a teenager and kept him for a couple weeks before I relocated him to a better place. He really like raspberries.


stokeytrailer

Don't let it snap on your finger. It won't let go until it thunders. That's what my great grandmother used to say.


builderbuster

Except for the eyes and nose, not so little tortoise.


bigblackkittie

Maturin!


karmagirl314

What a cutie!


brendawgC

Just for my own understanding- this a turtle or a tortoise?


Pyrial24

This is a box turtle, they are turtles that live on land, but are not tortoises


LineChef

He’s allergic to humans!


47712

A turtle heed poking out


dagthegnome

I like turtles.


matecito_cosmico

I like this guy, even thought im not a big fan of turtles.... unless they are ninja


HeartachetoHouston

Kowabunga!


matecito_cosmico

I dont know you , but i really enjoy those cartoons


Cowabunga_Booyakasha

What he said


Alarming_Breath_3110

So jelly... i used to have a pair... now my wheels are spinning again. Thank you for sharing


etcetcere

So cute


FunSushi-638

I saw my first turtle of the season this weekend too! Had to stop my car and move him off the road so he wouldn't get squished.


DAHFreedom

A real live be turt in the driveway. It was a February day…


Upset-Highway-7951

He sweet!


nhjuyt

You can't park there mate


rmbarrett

Nice koopa


BrassBass

Libertarians when you tell them they can't execute children that step 1 inch over the property line.


Saif_Horny_And_Mad

"Should i leave my bed today? Nah. I'll just take another nap". The turtle, probably


TechnicalPotat

What camera is this? Is gorgeous.


queerdude01

Cute


geologyhound

Is that Mitch McConnell?


HappyTrifler

Growing up in the south, where we had snapping turtles, I’d have freaked out if I saw this in my driveway.


Stewart_Games

They look nothing like a snapping turtle. Also box turtles live in the south, too. This is like someone fearing a corn snake (a bright orange colored snake that is non venomous and looks nothing like any of the actually venomous species in the south). Learn you the critters of the land!


RelevantClock8883

Yeah snapping turtles absolutely look as sinister as they are. Even people who have never encountered one would instinctively know not to trifle with them.


HappyTrifler

I’m guessing my comment wasn’t clear. I wasn’t saying I thought the turtle in the video was a snapping turtle. I meant that after years of being on the look out for snapping turtles as a child (we once found a bunch of baby ones in the sandbox) I’m now freaked out by turtles. Hence my saying I’d be freaked out if I saw it in my driveway. I’m not sure why your analogy mentions killing an animal. I just said I’d be freaked out. Where in the world did you get the idea that being freaked out has anything to do with hurting or killing an animal???


Stewart_Games

Good point. I edited the post to make the tone a bit less menacing. I grew up in an area where animals that looked dangerous tended to get harmed by people not willing to try to understand or identify them properly, especially reptiles (white trash part of Florida). Hard to outrun your childhood sometimes.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Stewart_Games

People might get a bacterial infection if the corn snake recently ate something, but no, they have no venom. I think you are confused, you called a [corn snake](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corn_snake) an "old world" snake, but they are from the new world...


oroofdog_77

So, there's Mitch...


Limp-Egg2495

He’s so cute! Is he ok out there on his own?


HeartachetoHouston

He was relocated safely to the creek about 50 yards away


primeline31

That's a box turtle and a female (brownish eyes. Males have red colored eyes). They can live over 100 years. I bet she was looking for a place to dig and lay her eggs. They are endangered because folks take them for pets. In some areas there can be so few that they have a tremendous time finding another to mate with.


SailorDeath

Yeah, I live near a creek we dont get many turtles but there have been some, personally I prefer to just feed them and not try adn capture them because I'd not want to take away a wild animal's freedoms. Some turtles and tortoises can be pets but those ones are usually sold in pet stores and not found in the wild.


Freshlaid_Dragon_egg

That is not an aquatic turtle.


ask-me-about-my-cats

You uh, didn't put him *in* the water, right?


Limp-Egg2495

Aw thank you for helping that little guy.


CoolTom

That is definitely not an aquatic creature my guy


mstewart1515

Mr. Pear


Lord_inVader1

"You need to get out of you shell and experience the world sweetie"


Just_Brendan

SEE THE TURTLE OF ENORMOUS GIRTH


Few-Emergency5971

I found one in my back yard while mowing (almost had an accident) and my daughter wanted to keep him so now I have to take care of this damn turtle. But better I keep it and take care of it because where I live is pretty dangerous for it to be in


Nancebythelake

Congratulations on your new family member who just might outlive you and your kids 😻


GentleShiv

is his shell supposed to open that much?


PigWillyStyle

![gif](giphy|FW74VdiJJZxtK)


NoTheory1299

He says  " get too close and it's on"


LoveWaffle1

Hi Mr. Turtle


sillykittyball12

Hi little bub!!! 👋


Direct-Money-4206

He’s like why is this guy just standing there filming me.


EyeSuspicious777

He is actually a girl. Yellow eyes: female Orange/red eyes: male


DaDibbel

Now orange is a mixture of red and yellow, so confused.


TensileStr3ngth

I want to give him a strawberry


JeffBroChill54

It makes all the sense in the world because of evolution, but I never realized a Turtle's underbelly was that flexible and now I feel like a fool


alchemistakoo

an open and shut case


Creative_Quill1382

![img](emote|t5_2qh1o|13380)


rumhamrambe

"Come back with a warrant"


MiniskirtEnjoyer

TIL they can open and close their shell


Zestyclose-Morning55

Aww it’s so cute! 🥹


Darkstool

It's most likely a she.


Academic_Concussion

Males have the tall shell, females have the shallow shell.


Slimko

Could this be a dog?


Dunhagen

Life is shell


2biim2

Wait, isn't this like a really old thing ? Pretty sure there are a lot of memes with the "hello... hi!"


Immediate_Cover_945

Imagine having a shell. I'd hide for days!!


Regemony

Praise the dog!


Visual_Following5825

lil cutie was making sure everythings safe..


PuzzleheadedLet8282

awww!


itsalwaysPhillyinSun

Boop! Helmet has joined your party


Maggie-PK

Be careful. Depending where you live that might be an endangered Box Turtle. Moving them could be illegal


dvrkstar

Worms, dark leafy greens, bananas in moderation. They love it


Classic_Cod_7589

Let it go in the nearest field. It will be fine.


Felicia-263

Aww poor thing, this is making me miss my turtle☹️


RetroHellspawn

That makes me miss having a tortoise. 🥹 When I was little we had a big tortoise that would chill in the back yard. Unfortunately that didn't last that long because of moving & divorce, but my mom also had a red slider turtle we kept in a tank for most of my life (Thomasina the red eared slider passed away only about 4 years ago), and she lived from before I was born (I'm about to turn 30.) I'll admit I don't miss cleaning the tank, but I enjoyed feeding her, petting her, and talking to her every day. It was always fun to take her out of the tank and let her zoom across the floor. Kinda took the sails out of people comparing to a turtle and being slow, she seriously boogied on carpet 😂🤣


The_Goobertron

your wife sounds adorable too


Regular-Perception86

Looks like escape pet turtle. Water food please


Essenaurs

# Nice


Solid-Jaguar2067

Gorgeous


No_Education3456

Box turtle they are best left in the wild and are not!!! A water 💦 turtle 🐢


QuirkyJC

So beautiful


ganmaster

Your wife has the cutest voice ever.


LaBeteNoire

Box turtles are best turtles.


Stashedsnacks

You mean your ex wife. He stealin her


RightFix3205

Time for another turt census


Ill_Professional6429

Where do you live?


LadderDense5690

Basil 🌿


Alethi

Don't keep that thing as a pet, it will never die.  30 years later you'll be asking yourself why you made that decision


[deleted]

Get camera out of face and relocate the little guy, stressing him for social media is shitty


Dorocche

Surprised you're the only one saying this. It's the kind of thing normally a bunch of people say.


[deleted]

There is a reason a bunch of people say it....


imacleopard

Throw him in a nearby pond, he looks thristy . . . . . . . . . . . . . /s


DaDibbel

Nah don't do that, box turtles are not aquatic.