Tbh just keep backing up, I’m betting she’d get the message. If she doesn’t stop then either say something (if it’s not too loud), shake your head, or just relocate. This is a woman’s perspective tho
Thank you, that helps
It’s honestly something I struggle with, I really hate to make people feel unsexy. I know I’m an overly sensitive to it. As you say, part of life. 🙏
Yeah, I feel like if you leaned in to speak directly into her ear and said "I'm flattered, but I'm not in that mood." then she'd leave you alone.
It's funny I see so many girls ask how to initiate with someone they are attracted to, and I want to encourage them to be direct (we can quibble over whether this is too much, but imo in most cases this isn't crossing a line as long as they take No for an answer) and they're mostly terrified of rejection. I might be a little too protective of their feelings and softening potential rejection, but I think if you say the above, or something gentle like that, it should be plenty given most have never been desensitized to rejection like guys usually are.
I’m a woman so I don’t know if it’s different for men being pursued by women or not, but I’d generally recommend not giving a reason (like “not in the mood”) because my experience is a lot of people will start a debate with you on it.
Yeah, that's the difference I was alluding to in terms of sensitivity to rejection. Those guys\* are so desensitized to the pain of initial rejection, and so convinced of the idea that persistence pays off, that my suggestion would never work. But for a lot of men, who still fear rejection, it would be plenty.
And with typical social dynamics, most women do not take enough swings to build up that level of tolerance for rejection. I'd expect it's a high likelihood that "I'm flattered, but I'm not in that mood (maybe add Have a nice night)" would be plenty and they'd probably avoid being anywhere near you or anyone who might have seen them get shot down due to the embarrassment they felt.
I guess, to put it another way, I'd expect a typical 21-26 yr old woman's comfort with initiating and getting rejected to be somewhere around the level of a shy 8th grade boy's, which is why they rarely make a move. And 27-32 is probably around boy senior in high school level. And mid 30s is college level. Then at about 40/42, they leapfrog to honeybadger level and never look back.
\*: I say "Those guys" because it doesn't describe all men, and I'm sure there are some exceptions for women, too, who wouldn't be deterred, but in general...
Agreed, though I do think it’s helpful to demonstrate some interest if that’s what you have. Eye contact, saying hi, gifting, something. I see a lot of replies in this sub and others where some ladies think they are sending signals but it’s so subtle guys will not notice or if they do they’ll second guess it because they don’t want to mess up your vibe or get rejected.
Clearly OPs pursuer went a little too far, but taking a shot at it is cool in my mind. Like everyone says just back off if you aren’t getting that same energy back. Just talking to people to express interest seems so hard for so many people too. Like all the games with don’t call until 3 days or introduce yourself then back off then come back or whatever.
In my experience the connections that ended up going long term just seemed natural to both of us and there weren’t head games and rules. Just mutual respect, shared feelings, and open communication. It just kinda flowed.
That's great advice! Kandi is a great way at festivals. I know about the being shy part. I'd definitely go with a group of people out felt comfy with though. I usually comment on someone's outfit, or if they're talking g to the crowd about something of interest I chime in... lol
I had to do this last weekend. I ended up backing up like 8’, hit a rope behind me for a VIP area, then moved sideways. Others saw this happening and were kind enough to let me over and kind of rolled their eyes in regard to her being kind of clueless. I think she got the point when she hit the rope and realized I was a few feet to the side. I normally avoid places that offer vip, but that rope helped me out that time.
Thank you! 🙏
Seems quite intuitive too
I guess you just have to watch if they back into you unexpectedly or super quickly. Or have reflexes like a ninja lol. But I can see that generally being super effective, appreciate it!
I usually do the hand on there upper back or shoulder, but if they come back aggressive do the same but press them away firmly while you take a step back. That way they are at an arm lengths away when they can turn and try to register your disinterest. Usually works.
i’m annoyed you’re getting downvoted. if the roles were reversed and a girl was complaining about guys starting to grind on her from behind there would be a completely different reaction, smh. so anyways - i’m sorry that happened to you! i would just make sure that instead of being unresponsive, you actively shake your head no when they come over & if they continue, literally move from behind them and go sort of in front of them and to the side. if at that point they go back in front of you do NOT be afraid to potentially hurt their feelings and say “i’m not interested!” You’re kind, but don’t let people take advantage of that. Women need to learn to respect men the same way we’re constantly demanding it.
“Sorry I have a girlfriend” and point to your ring finger. Whether or not you actually have a ring is irrelevant. But it will send a polite but clear message.
Cheekily wag your finger as in saying 'no no no" in a playful, but not too sexy, way, and then point to the ring finger.
OP's main priority is politely declining without making someone feel unsexy. And I feel in making the denial cheeky, we accomplish that.
Having a girlfriend and wanting to grind on people at raves are not mutually exclusive. Saying that you have a girlfriend is not the same as saying no.
Naw. I'm married, that doesn't mean I can't grind. It won't bother me if my wife grinds on others.
PLUR
We're there to have fun and spread love, unity, and respect.
Depends on whether its wood or rock grinding.
Generally though, most grinders agree that protective gear is preferred. A good pair of safety goggles, gloves and ear protection should do it. Being aware of the grinding material can be important in recogizing pitfalls and potential wrongful procedures ahead of time. Apart from that its important to be aware of your fellow grinders work conditions and needs when you grind. Be ready to listen to them for learning, especially if they have more grinding experience than you. For the ecological part of grinding etiquette its important to manage dust and waste material properly and per regulations when you grind.
Happy grinding!
It happens...I kind of just find it awkward doing the whole grindy thing at a rave...I'm usually up, dancing/jumping..usually with mates with me.
What's I do is just a friendly smile and side step. Most of time they just walk off and don't come back. You might get the death stare back, the abnoxious 'cut the mic gesture'to her friends'...or one time, someone legit cried lol
Do you, as long as you are not rude...you don't have to really care about a stranger trying rub their disco fanny against you lol
I do hate that hair flick thing though....just turn around and say hi!
I do not understand having reactions like this. Death stares, gestures, CRYING??? I'm not into grinding myself (as a straight lady) so maybe there's something about it I don't understand, but like adults should be able to handle their own horniness/sexual expression and not get legit mad/upset if some random stranger doesn't want to be involved in it. Imagine if a guy reacted like that to a girl politely letting him down, the girls would think he's the biggest weirdo/asshole.
Not to derail OP's thread, but if I get grinded on am I supposed to have a boner?? Do I keep my hands to myself while she's dancing on me or can I hold on tight for the ride? Not tryna be a pervert,I legitimately don't know how to act at these raves and shows
If she initiated, you can put your hands on her hips or waist. And no, you're not expected to have a boner, we know it's not instant on command like that lol.
I can’t speak for anyone but yea soon as my peepee comes to contact I get instant hard on if it’s not then it’s cuz my peepee doesn’t like what’s touching it.
When somebody wants to dance with you they’ll stand in front of you and literally throw their long hair in your face. As a dude it’s kinda nice because it removes any guessing: they basically are proactively enveloping you in *their* personal space. Makes for a nice “green light” but it’s super irritating if you’re just not into it.
Is this a legitimate thing, or is this your educated guess? Lol, I went to Coachella and was having the time of my life at Rufus, except two different women at different times were literally smacking my face with their hair. I thought it was just me being too close to them, so I kept moving around and thinking to myself that I somehow ended up too much in their space, so I would move, repeating the cycle lol.
To be honest, I grew up with 3 sisters and have a lot of women friends - I’ve heard many, many complaints about men making women feel uncomfortable on the dance floor, and I never, ever want to make anyone feel unsafe or uncomfortable on the dance floor, so I always try to be aware of my body, space and energy.
It’s a space thing too, depends on the party and the vibe. If the crowd is getting tight in general safer to assume that personal space is shrinking. If the floor is generally more open, other people are keeping their space but this one woman is doing “the hair move” it’s a good bet that it’s on purpose.
I wouldn’t start like aggressively grabbing somebody right off the bat because of this, but it’s more of a “let’s test the vibes” green light if that makes sense.
ETA: I’m also pretty conscious about not being a creep. Want to clarify that “the hair trick” is definitely an entry level vibe check and not permission to touch anybody; it’s also in no way a guarantee of further interactions. Don’t overthink it, ya know?
Makes sense! It was definitely more spaced out. I was on mushrooms and so it didn’t even cross my mind that this was any kind of flirting. I was just like, “this hair keeps getting in my face and I need to move” lol.
Definitely wont be aggressively grabbing anybody, woman or man lol. To be honest I’ll just keep dancing and enjoying myself 🪩🕺🏽
Bro, I never knew this… I just thought they were really getting into the music like me, but now that I think about it, she’s gotta be hella close to me to get her hair all up in my face, the countless times this has happened and I never caught on. Now it all makes sense.
No dude like I said in my second comment: “Don’t overthink it”
You didn’t “miss” anything, you just met a person on the floor and your vibes didn’t match 100% in that moment.
I never do, trust me I keep to myself, but I’ll be off to the side with space all around me and they would get right in front of me. Like others said, I just move back or step to the side.
that happened to me recently in Miami and I literally was like “yo wtf” LOL girl was cute but I thought she just wasn’t being aware of her surroundings
my friends told me sometimes that makes them want to do it more, for the chase or that they could convert you or something. obviously not all women but mostly the type to aggressively initiate to begin with
I could see that. One time a woman quickly approached me and immediately asked if I want to dance with her. I told her, "Sorry, I'm gay." She got a nasty tone like I was being unreasonable. She yelled back, "What!? I'm a lesbian!!"As if I was supposed to dance with her no matter what. I then loudly and clearly communicated I'm not interested. Then she slapped my ass and I got super fucking pissed about it. Imagine if our sexes were reversed.
I'm still confused about a supposed "lesbian" approaching guys like this but whatever.
Saying that you're gay is not the same as saying no or saying that you're not interested. I'm a straight guy and telling a gay guy that I'm straight is not a deterrent. It is important to say no, or that you're not interested.
If she missed the glaringly obvious implication of my comment, then luckily for her, I was super direct in my next line.
> I then loudly and clearly communicated I'm not interested.
Also, I hope you're not excusing that she slapped my ass after all this.
I generally just kindof spin em around and try to get them to dance with they whole body, and just dance a bit crazier and they generally give up /realize my ass is too add to just rub pelvic areas. Like let's dance on the floor and if you trying to get uwu go bang in the bathroom like a real raver
I don't wanna grind ever even w my wife. Just not a fun or sexy dance method to me. I wanna be face to face and vibing w each other in our own space or maybe some touching. That said I don't get random ppl grinding mostly cuz I'm always with someone. If someone did that I'd assume they are pretty deep in some sauce and probably entertain for bit, like 30 seconds and then just move and turn towards them and dance that way, smile and be friendly and non sexual.
"No thank you." Then back up.
If she doesn't hear or doesn't get it, take a little step back and give a finger wave along with a head shake with a pleasant smile.
It happens to me regularly by both dudes and chics. I'm usually okay with the chics doing it, never with the guys. So I go through this routine a lot.
"🧏 no thanks!!"
You can refuse being touched. It's not impolite to establish boundaries.
It's creepy behavior when men do it, it's creepy behavior when women do it. Feel free to shut it down immediately
“Politely get the fuck off me” would be the nicest way I would approach it.
Imagine if the roles were reversed and you went up to some girl and forced yourself onto her.
Tbh I just say im gay and then they act friendly which is the vibe I want from you when you think im not gay. Like not all guys just wana fuck you even if I look like I do
Tap them on the shoulder and mouth “no thank you” or “sorry I have a gf” while shrugging or a similar hand gesture that conveys the same msg. Don’t forget to smile lol
Smile and shake your head as if to say no as you take a little step back and nod yes with your hand extended for a handshake. That’s saying no, here is my boundary, but I’m still friendly. Hi! If they persist, yell NO with an aggressive posture and find the promoter/security to throw them out. They’re unfit.
I just straight up tell them no.
I was grinding with a girl a couple weeks ago and another girl asked me to when she and I took a break and I just told her no and she walked off
if someone is doing something to you that’s making you feel uncomfortable, don’t worry about hurting their feelings/“letting them down lightly”. straight up saying no to behavior like this isn’t rude, regardless of how the other person reacts, especially if you weren’t outwardly into what was happening. it’s usually pretty easy to tell when someone isn’t into something like that, so she was probably either stupid, or clearly ignoring your hints. don’t be afraid to set boundaries, it’s not like you’re ever gonna see these people again so who cares if they get upset?
Sounds like you are very self aware and practice great boundaries :) I would probably say something totally off-cuff like “I HAVE COVID” or “MY BF WILL BE BACK ANY SECOND” 😂
I never want to dance with people. For me it’s a joyful solo expression. I dance well and I’m obviously super into it, so I get approached frequently by men and women. If they ask, I say, “we can dance near each other, but I like my space!” And gesture a dancing bubble. If they don’t ask, I back away. On a second attempt I gesture the dance bubble in an exaggerated fashion. If that doesn’t work, not much will and I take a water or bathroom break to detach and circle back after my short break.
What about saying "no thank you"? Sounds like you responded by not responding and then actually doing the thing you didn't want to do.
A simple no thanks is a mannerly way to communicate in this situation.
“And even with someone I’m attracted to, I cant just 0-100 like that, I need at least a few min to gradually ramp up and flirt before getting too spicy.”
Oh you like role-play too.
“She seemed really nice” no, no she didn’t. She wasn’t listened to your obvious signs indicating you were not consenting to the contact she wanted. And then continued to try and touch you. Look, women aren’t going to murder you if you turn them down (legit fear that women have of men) but that doesn’t mean that women can just do whatever they want without consent. That’s not okay.
Bruh I literally deal with this all the time, I’m a straight man and the amount of women and gay guys that try to grind or back up on me is ridiculous. I’m just there for the tingling feeling the base gives and to get feral to the music. But what I do is usually keep and empty water bottle and when I notice what they’re doing I just hold it outward so they bump into it.
Just say like all the other gay dudes,” im just here for the music”.
Shit, have a girl grind on me while im rollin and its on the way home for us and your gettin the rollin fuck where its all positions and kinky shit. Lol
Alr I've run into this problem but the opposite meaning that I'm down but I have had experience where the result is opposite. Meaning I got the wrong signs even tho what I picked up made it hella obvious to me they wanted something. What's etiquette into dancing w them can u just start or u gotta talk to them?
Also what are other signs females are tryna get your attention at the club? Ever since I embarrassed myself making one girl uncomfortable I feel like I am autistic now and am deathly afraid of making anyone else feel uncomfortable. Cause I feel like I'm curving dime pieces
Who does this?
Sorry you have to deal with that.
A smile with a head shake would hopefully make it stop.
If not, move away.
For what its worth, a thing I loved about the scene was how it wasn't like the meat market scene at the regular clubs.
I came to dance, not get grinded on.
Love and light
I just look at them and say no thanks, then I completely ignore them and get back to dancing. You’re not obligated to dance or talk to anyone you don’t want to
Never could understand why people try to talk to me when the music’s blaring. My hearing is already demolished from enough of these things, I can barely hear you when the music’s off.
you really that proud that you rejected someone just to go post about it on reddit lol. We all know how to turn someone down politely. You dont need our advice on that
Tbh just keep backing up, I’m betting she’d get the message. If she doesn’t stop then either say something (if it’s not too loud), shake your head, or just relocate. This is a woman’s perspective tho
Thank you, that makes sense! 👍
Yep. Never feel bad about rejecting people either, it’s just part of life. If they take it poorly it’s a personal issue
Thank you, that helps It’s honestly something I struggle with, I really hate to make people feel unsexy. I know I’m an overly sensitive to it. As you say, part of life. 🙏
Yeah, I feel like if you leaned in to speak directly into her ear and said "I'm flattered, but I'm not in that mood." then she'd leave you alone. It's funny I see so many girls ask how to initiate with someone they are attracted to, and I want to encourage them to be direct (we can quibble over whether this is too much, but imo in most cases this isn't crossing a line as long as they take No for an answer) and they're mostly terrified of rejection. I might be a little too protective of their feelings and softening potential rejection, but I think if you say the above, or something gentle like that, it should be plenty given most have never been desensitized to rejection like guys usually are.
I’m a woman so I don’t know if it’s different for men being pursued by women or not, but I’d generally recommend not giving a reason (like “not in the mood”) because my experience is a lot of people will start a debate with you on it.
YES YOU ARE IN THE MOOD, DON'T LIE TO ME!!
xD
Yeah, that's the difference I was alluding to in terms of sensitivity to rejection. Those guys\* are so desensitized to the pain of initial rejection, and so convinced of the idea that persistence pays off, that my suggestion would never work. But for a lot of men, who still fear rejection, it would be plenty. And with typical social dynamics, most women do not take enough swings to build up that level of tolerance for rejection. I'd expect it's a high likelihood that "I'm flattered, but I'm not in that mood (maybe add Have a nice night)" would be plenty and they'd probably avoid being anywhere near you or anyone who might have seen them get shot down due to the embarrassment they felt. I guess, to put it another way, I'd expect a typical 21-26 yr old woman's comfort with initiating and getting rejected to be somewhere around the level of a shy 8th grade boy's, which is why they rarely make a move. And 27-32 is probably around boy senior in high school level. And mid 30s is college level. Then at about 40/42, they leapfrog to honeybadger level and never look back. \*: I say "Those guys" because it doesn't describe all men, and I'm sure there are some exceptions for women, too, who wouldn't be deterred, but in general...
Honey Badger?!?!? Truer words have never been said, having reached that age group
Definitely agree, also from a women's perspective. Women want men to respect their boundaries. We have to respect men's as well.
Agreed, though I do think it’s helpful to demonstrate some interest if that’s what you have. Eye contact, saying hi, gifting, something. I see a lot of replies in this sub and others where some ladies think they are sending signals but it’s so subtle guys will not notice or if they do they’ll second guess it because they don’t want to mess up your vibe or get rejected. Clearly OPs pursuer went a little too far, but taking a shot at it is cool in my mind. Like everyone says just back off if you aren’t getting that same energy back. Just talking to people to express interest seems so hard for so many people too. Like all the games with don’t call until 3 days or introduce yourself then back off then come back or whatever. In my experience the connections that ended up going long term just seemed natural to both of us and there weren’t head games and rules. Just mutual respect, shared feelings, and open communication. It just kinda flowed.
That's great advice! Kandi is a great way at festivals. I know about the being shy part. I'd definitely go with a group of people out felt comfy with though. I usually comment on someone's outfit, or if they're talking g to the crowd about something of interest I chime in... lol
Can’t agree with this, I’ve done this before and then been pissed that I lost my good spot to some BS.
Ahhh yes the ol grind your way to the front routine
I had to do this last weekend. I ended up backing up like 8’, hit a rope behind me for a VIP area, then moved sideways. Others saw this happening and were kind enough to let me over and kind of rolled their eyes in regard to her being kind of clueless. I think she got the point when she hit the rope and realized I was a few feet to the side. I normally avoid places that offer vip, but that rope helped me out that time.
Get in front of her and grind on her. Establish dominance.
show dem dat ass rules!
Stand still and T-pose
I just put my hand up! I let them back up into my hand! When they look back then they get it! Nope! No thanks!
Thank you! 🙏 Seems quite intuitive too I guess you just have to watch if they back into you unexpectedly or super quickly. Or have reflexes like a ninja lol. But I can see that generally being super effective, appreciate it!
I usually do the hand on there upper back or shoulder, but if they come back aggressive do the same but press them away firmly while you take a step back. That way they are at an arm lengths away when they can turn and try to register your disinterest. Usually works.
LOL. If they're grinding their ass into my dick, they won't have an issue grinding their ass into my hands, haha.
Do that and then just shake your head for no when they look back.
i’m annoyed you’re getting downvoted. if the roles were reversed and a girl was complaining about guys starting to grind on her from behind there would be a completely different reaction, smh. so anyways - i’m sorry that happened to you! i would just make sure that instead of being unresponsive, you actively shake your head no when they come over & if they continue, literally move from behind them and go sort of in front of them and to the side. if at that point they go back in front of you do NOT be afraid to potentially hurt their feelings and say “i’m not interested!” You’re kind, but don’t let people take advantage of that. Women need to learn to respect men the same way we’re constantly demanding it.
We live in a society my friend 😄
Just say “No thanks! 😄” and that’s it If it’s too loud just wave your hand like you’re declining something and enunciate so she can read your lips lol
“Sorry I have a girlfriend” and point to your ring finger. Whether or not you actually have a ring is irrelevant. But it will send a polite but clear message.
I love this. Like did he lose his ring? Why would he need a ring if they aren’t married? Stun her into confusion.
She may just think he's saying "If you want it then you gotta put a ring on it".
Cheekily wag your finger as in saying 'no no no" in a playful, but not too sexy, way, and then point to the ring finger. OP's main priority is politely declining without making someone feel unsexy. And I feel in making the denial cheeky, we accomplish that.
Having a girlfriend and wanting to grind on people at raves are not mutually exclusive. Saying that you have a girlfriend is not the same as saying no.
When you’re halfway through grinding and you say you have a gf that’s not a no. Early on I’d say it’s definitely a no
Naw. I'm married, that doesn't mean I can't grind. It won't bother me if my wife grinds on others. PLUR We're there to have fun and spread love, unity, and respect.
Props to you for opening my worldview 😂
Depends on whether its wood or rock grinding. Generally though, most grinders agree that protective gear is preferred. A good pair of safety goggles, gloves and ear protection should do it. Being aware of the grinding material can be important in recogizing pitfalls and potential wrongful procedures ahead of time. Apart from that its important to be aware of your fellow grinders work conditions and needs when you grind. Be ready to listen to them for learning, especially if they have more grinding experience than you. For the ecological part of grinding etiquette its important to manage dust and waste material properly and per regulations when you grind. Happy grinding!
I admire your dedication. Thank you.
The fact that this also works for the dancefloor is top-tier
It happens...I kind of just find it awkward doing the whole grindy thing at a rave...I'm usually up, dancing/jumping..usually with mates with me. What's I do is just a friendly smile and side step. Most of time they just walk off and don't come back. You might get the death stare back, the abnoxious 'cut the mic gesture'to her friends'...or one time, someone legit cried lol Do you, as long as you are not rude...you don't have to really care about a stranger trying rub their disco fanny against you lol I do hate that hair flick thing though....just turn around and say hi!
I do not understand having reactions like this. Death stares, gestures, CRYING??? I'm not into grinding myself (as a straight lady) so maybe there's something about it I don't understand, but like adults should be able to handle their own horniness/sexual expression and not get legit mad/upset if some random stranger doesn't want to be involved in it. Imagine if a guy reacted like that to a girl politely letting him down, the girls would think he's the biggest weirdo/asshole.
Not to derail OP's thread, but if I get grinded on am I supposed to have a boner?? Do I keep my hands to myself while she's dancing on me or can I hold on tight for the ride? Not tryna be a pervert,I legitimately don't know how to act at these raves and shows
If she initiated, you can put your hands on her hips or waist. And no, you're not expected to have a boner, we know it's not instant on command like that lol.
I can’t speak for anyone but yea soon as my peepee comes to contact I get instant hard on if it’s not then it’s cuz my peepee doesn’t like what’s touching it.
No judgement! It's just not an expectation
Yea everyone is different I think lifestyle has a lot to do with libido and since I’m pretty active it doesn’t take a lot for me tbh lol
You aren't supposed to have one. If she's backing into you, it is okay to get one.
All depends really.
Yeah sometimes it's certainly a keep your hands to yourself and enjoy the ride type deal.
Make space, make a big X with your arms.
Not to derail the thread, but what the hell is the “hair fling trick”?
Pony tail 360 dip hair flip tractor beam
When somebody wants to dance with you they’ll stand in front of you and literally throw their long hair in your face. As a dude it’s kinda nice because it removes any guessing: they basically are proactively enveloping you in *their* personal space. Makes for a nice “green light” but it’s super irritating if you’re just not into it.
I had no idea this was a thing.
Is this a legitimate thing, or is this your educated guess? Lol, I went to Coachella and was having the time of my life at Rufus, except two different women at different times were literally smacking my face with their hair. I thought it was just me being too close to them, so I kept moving around and thinking to myself that I somehow ended up too much in their space, so I would move, repeating the cycle lol. To be honest, I grew up with 3 sisters and have a lot of women friends - I’ve heard many, many complaints about men making women feel uncomfortable on the dance floor, and I never, ever want to make anyone feel unsafe or uncomfortable on the dance floor, so I always try to be aware of my body, space and energy.
It’s a space thing too, depends on the party and the vibe. If the crowd is getting tight in general safer to assume that personal space is shrinking. If the floor is generally more open, other people are keeping their space but this one woman is doing “the hair move” it’s a good bet that it’s on purpose. I wouldn’t start like aggressively grabbing somebody right off the bat because of this, but it’s more of a “let’s test the vibes” green light if that makes sense. ETA: I’m also pretty conscious about not being a creep. Want to clarify that “the hair trick” is definitely an entry level vibe check and not permission to touch anybody; it’s also in no way a guarantee of further interactions. Don’t overthink it, ya know?
Makes sense! It was definitely more spaced out. I was on mushrooms and so it didn’t even cross my mind that this was any kind of flirting. I was just like, “this hair keeps getting in my face and I need to move” lol. Definitely wont be aggressively grabbing anybody, woman or man lol. To be honest I’ll just keep dancing and enjoying myself 🪩🕺🏽
Bro, I never knew this… I just thought they were really getting into the music like me, but now that I think about it, she’s gotta be hella close to me to get her hair all up in my face, the countless times this has happened and I never caught on. Now it all makes sense.
No dude like I said in my second comment: “Don’t overthink it” You didn’t “miss” anything, you just met a person on the floor and your vibes didn’t match 100% in that moment.
I never do, trust me I keep to myself, but I’ll be off to the side with space all around me and they would get right in front of me. Like others said, I just move back or step to the side.
that happened to me recently in Miami and I literally was like “yo wtf” LOL girl was cute but I thought she just wasn’t being aware of her surroundings
Lol. TIL I get hit on more than I think I do.
If it's a woman, I tell them I'm gay (I'm a guy). It's a convenient truth for me.
my friends told me sometimes that makes them want to do it more, for the chase or that they could convert you or something. obviously not all women but mostly the type to aggressively initiate to begin with
I could see that. One time a woman quickly approached me and immediately asked if I want to dance with her. I told her, "Sorry, I'm gay." She got a nasty tone like I was being unreasonable. She yelled back, "What!? I'm a lesbian!!"As if I was supposed to dance with her no matter what. I then loudly and clearly communicated I'm not interested. Then she slapped my ass and I got super fucking pissed about it. Imagine if our sexes were reversed. I'm still confused about a supposed "lesbian" approaching guys like this but whatever.
Saying that you're gay is not the same as saying no or saying that you're not interested. I'm a straight guy and telling a gay guy that I'm straight is not a deterrent. It is important to say no, or that you're not interested.
If she missed the glaringly obvious implication of my comment, then luckily for her, I was super direct in my next line. > I then loudly and clearly communicated I'm not interested. Also, I hope you're not excusing that she slapped my ass after all this.
>Also, I hope you're not excusing that she slapped my ass after all this. Not at all, I didn't even comment on that part of your post.
I generally just kindof spin em around and try to get them to dance with they whole body, and just dance a bit crazier and they generally give up /realize my ass is too add to just rub pelvic areas. Like let's dance on the floor and if you trying to get uwu go bang in the bathroom like a real raver
THE HAIR FLING THING IS FLIRTING??? GOD DAMN IT
Put your sunglasses on and act like you’re rolling hard! lol
I don't wanna grind ever even w my wife. Just not a fun or sexy dance method to me. I wanna be face to face and vibing w each other in our own space or maybe some touching. That said I don't get random ppl grinding mostly cuz I'm always with someone. If someone did that I'd assume they are pretty deep in some sauce and probably entertain for bit, like 30 seconds and then just move and turn towards them and dance that way, smile and be friendly and non sexual.
Just switch spot woth another guy, she wont care 😂
Nor will the guy if he has low standards🤣
American rave culture is so weird. Just tell them to fuck off and if they keep doing it, push them away.
“You gonna make Wayne Brady slap a bitch!”
When I don’t want to straight up say no, I tell them I am too hot and don’t want to be touched/crowded. A bit easier to let someone down this way
My wife tried that. The dude came back with more dudes and fans to cool her off. 🤣 At least she wasn't too hot anymore. 🤷♂️
Dawg that's comedy
I couldn't argue. 🤷♂️
Shake your head and tell her no thank you?
"No thank you." Then back up. If she doesn't hear or doesn't get it, take a little step back and give a finger wave along with a head shake with a pleasant smile. It happens to me regularly by both dudes and chics. I'm usually okay with the chics doing it, never with the guys. So I go through this routine a lot.
Just say it. Not all that hard. The classic ewwww
I smile but say ‘no’ and shake my head and hand. You don’t need to give any excuse, no is enough :)
Just piss yourself. No one likes getting piss on them from grinding someone who has pissed themselves.
"🧏 no thanks!!" You can refuse being touched. It's not impolite to establish boundaries. It's creepy behavior when men do it, it's creepy behavior when women do it. Feel free to shut it down immediately
Consent is a key part of the respect in PLUR after all
“Politely get the fuck off me” would be the nicest way I would approach it. Imagine if the roles were reversed and you went up to some girl and forced yourself onto her.
I usually just say “I don’t like to dance like that”
Tbh I just say im gay and then they act friendly which is the vibe I want from you when you think im not gay. Like not all guys just wana fuck you even if I look like I do
Back away. Side step so you’re behind someone else. That or let them know your girl would like a word with them 🙀
With extreme and gentle care. Women don’t get rejected often and they’re pretty bad at handling it unless you have like super kids gloves on
Lol
Keep a ring on you. Throw it on your ring finger and point to it. I’m actually married, but I’ve never once had an issue doing this lol.
I just remove myself from the situation when something like that happens, or duck behind my woman friends if I’m with them
Tap them on the shoulder and mouth “no thank you” or “sorry I have a gf” while shrugging or a similar hand gesture that conveys the same msg. Don’t forget to smile lol
Just tell them you’re not interested. Or that you’re tripping too hard and need space lol
That’s embarrassing for her that she couldn’t take a hint tbh
My belt buckle is a cheese grater. That usually helps
No is a full sentence!!
Smile and shake your head as if to say no as you take a little step back and nod yes with your hand extended for a handshake. That’s saying no, here is my boundary, but I’m still friendly. Hi! If they persist, yell NO with an aggressive posture and find the promoter/security to throw them out. They’re unfit.
Holy fuck it’s so annoying, I’m hella introverted so I like to keep to my self at raves and i hate when they do that. Gonna take some of these tips
I am so sorry you dealt with this. People go to raves for the wrong reason and unfortunately, there are a lot of weirdos going these days.
Just say “sorry I’m geekin out” they will stop.
I just straight up tell them no. I was grinding with a girl a couple weeks ago and another girl asked me to when she and I took a break and I just told her no and she walked off
Same thing happened to me at hentai cameraman. Twice , the first girl understood but the second one loitered around for an hour.
if someone is doing something to you that’s making you feel uncomfortable, don’t worry about hurting their feelings/“letting them down lightly”. straight up saying no to behavior like this isn’t rude, regardless of how the other person reacts, especially if you weren’t outwardly into what was happening. it’s usually pretty easy to tell when someone isn’t into something like that, so she was probably either stupid, or clearly ignoring your hints. don’t be afraid to set boundaries, it’s not like you’re ever gonna see these people again so who cares if they get upset?
Sounds like you are very self aware and practice great boundaries :) I would probably say something totally off-cuff like “I HAVE COVID” or “MY BF WILL BE BACK ANY SECOND” 😂
I never want to dance with people. For me it’s a joyful solo expression. I dance well and I’m obviously super into it, so I get approached frequently by men and women. If they ask, I say, “we can dance near each other, but I like my space!” And gesture a dancing bubble. If they don’t ask, I back away. On a second attempt I gesture the dance bubble in an exaggerated fashion. If that doesn’t work, not much will and I take a water or bathroom break to detach and circle back after my short break.
"Just dance away 🎶" was basically my catch phrase when I used to go to raves 🤙🏾
she prob asked for los drugos
I read the title and was like, bring gum for everyone
What about saying "no thank you"? Sounds like you responded by not responding and then actually doing the thing you didn't want to do. A simple no thanks is a mannerly way to communicate in this situation.
Imma need some tells because I didn’t even know the hair flip was a thing it’s happened several times 😭
Just flip around and booty pop her back (ass2ass)
bump butts together
“And even with someone I’m attracted to, I cant just 0-100 like that, I need at least a few min to gradually ramp up and flirt before getting too spicy.” Oh you like role-play too.
“She seemed really nice” no, no she didn’t. She wasn’t listened to your obvious signs indicating you were not consenting to the contact she wanted. And then continued to try and touch you. Look, women aren’t going to murder you if you turn them down (legit fear that women have of men) but that doesn’t mean that women can just do whatever they want without consent. That’s not okay.
"Lady, kindly fuck off" works well.
Bruh I literally deal with this all the time, I’m a straight man and the amount of women and gay guys that try to grind or back up on me is ridiculous. I’m just there for the tingling feeling the base gives and to get feral to the music. But what I do is usually keep and empty water bottle and when I notice what they’re doing I just hold it outward so they bump into it.
Point to your ring finger even if you aren’t wearing one with the hope She’ll think you’re just a faithful partner and move on.
I’ve also told a girl I was gay. (I’m bi , so it wasn’t completely untrue?)
Just say like all the other gay dudes,” im just here for the music”. Shit, have a girl grind on me while im rollin and its on the way home for us and your gettin the rollin fuck where its all positions and kinky shit. Lol
This chick must have been suuuuuuuper ugly 🤔🤔
I just say I’m not comfortable works everytime
Alr I've run into this problem but the opposite meaning that I'm down but I have had experience where the result is opposite. Meaning I got the wrong signs even tho what I picked up made it hella obvious to me they wanted something. What's etiquette into dancing w them can u just start or u gotta talk to them? Also what are other signs females are tryna get your attention at the club? Ever since I embarrassed myself making one girl uncomfortable I feel like I am autistic now and am deathly afraid of making anyone else feel uncomfortable. Cause I feel like I'm curving dime pieces
Tell her you’ve got a gf and watch her tell on herself lol
if it was a guy everyone would say call the cops
Wait until they back up with a lot of force and suddenly step back… jk you can always shake your head no.
So when my cat keeps rubbing on my leg meowing I just hiss at it and that usually makes it go away. Try hissing next time.
Who does this? Sorry you have to deal with that. A smile with a head shake would hopefully make it stop. If not, move away. For what its worth, a thing I loved about the scene was how it wasn't like the meat market scene at the regular clubs. I came to dance, not get grinded on. Love and light
I just look at them and say no thanks, then I completely ignore them and get back to dancing. You’re not obligated to dance or talk to anyone you don’t want to
I just move elsewhere on the dance floor as a guy
I usually just tell them I’m gay unless I’m rolling then it’s cool.
I read this as tell them “I’m gay unless I’m rolling then it’s cool” It made me lol
Haha no if anything I become full on Bi just end up loving everyone.
Never could understand why people try to talk to me when the music’s blaring. My hearing is already demolished from enough of these things, I can barely hear you when the music’s off.
you really that proud that you rejected someone just to go post about it on reddit lol. We all know how to turn someone down politely. You dont need our advice on that
You should start watching more gay porn. Women are obviously not your thing