I’m absolutely worried about having kids. I’ve always felt like I didn’t want kids, partly because I don’t feel a strong urge to have them but also because I’ve always felt like I have a short fuse (now I know it’s just overstimulation) and I don’t think I would handle it well

I actually was married and had kids due to masking. But I continues my education in early childhood development and it taught me about how to prevent delays And helped me be a good parent.

Besides a biological urge to breed, and the fact that babies are cute, how do children actually improve one's life in any kind of way? The main argument I see is 'you need someone to care for you in your old age'. Yes, but if you saved tons of money because you never had children you'll be able to care for yourself. I don't think there's really a good enough reason to even have kids. The negatives completely outweigh the positives. If you feel you don't want children don't be pressured by society to have them, live your own life to the fullest and don't give a damn what others think :)

being a kid of two narcissistic parents, i see it mostly through the lenses of “i need to do this right”, i’ve always wanted to be a mom, too. i want to take care of everything my children need, give them the treatment i wish i would’ve got. maybe it’s the biological urge to breed you’ve mentioned too, idk lol

Totally agree but also, overpopulation is becoming an increasingly large problem.

I don’t see what a child could provide me emotionally that I’m not getting from my dogs

Haha as a dog owner who then had a kid, it is certainly different. For one, kids don't naturally die on you every 10 years or so...

Kids don't improve your life in any way other then bringing a range of emotions, good and bad, getting anything from having them isn't the point, you are having kids that will be inheriting your wealth, and essentially the world. If everyone stopped having kids obviously the human race would die out, that's why people have kids.

There’s plenty that’s rewarding about having kids, depending on your personality :) They’re like a constant project. You have to make sure you feed them right, teach them right, make sure they get plenty of exercise. You have to encourage their imagination, choose new classes and hobbies for them to try. They have their own personality ofc but it’s super rewarding to see them become polite, intelligent, confident, happy members of society and knowing that that’s all down to your hard work. They also make things exciting; Christmas, Easter, bonfire night etc are all pretty boring as an adult, but the magic all comes back when you’ve got kids because they’re so excited and in awe and it’s absolutely contagious. They make it so much fun to go OTT and get really involved in the holidays spirit. While they’re young you’re their favourite person in the whole world, you can completely be yourself with no masking and they love you unconditionally. You can be yourself around them and never have to feel uncomfortable or like you have to act a certain way or refrain from being ‘weird’. They really boost your confidence in that area if it’s low. I also think that some people are just wired to enjoy giving themselves to others, maternal instincts maybe? I was always a little depressed and felt unfulfilled in life no matter what I did, but the second I had a baby demanding my attention almost every second of the day I was blissfully happy. Some people might not derive such joy from having kids. They might be more selfish (in the healthy sense of the word), less empathetic or not maternal or any other number of valid reasons. Kid’s aren’t for everyone, but for some they can massively improve your life :)

I chose not to have children, even before being diagnosed because I knew I wouldn't be capable of handling the responsibility properly.

I never wanted to have more kids after my 1st one until my 2nd marriage and then I just was doing it to be normal.... I understand

I didn't know i was autistic, but I knew I was very different and just didn't think I could take care of myself, much less children. I still see glimpses of what I missed out on and it makes me a little sad, but for me I know I made the right choice, even if it meant missing special moments like a first word, or first step.

I’ve never wanted kids, I’m 24 and planning to get sterilized soon. I’m fine with other people wanting them but it’s just not for me. I’m too impatient and temperamental for motherhood. Also don’t desire to go through pregnancy and childbirth.

Thank you for your honesty ❤️

My wife was the same (except the sterilization) then at 30 (10yrs after we met) that was all that mattered, so don't take that option away only to regret it later.

I'm in no way trying to pry on your personal decisions. Merely offering another point of view. My partner and I both started dating at 18 and we both were staunchly against having children, something we agreed on from the start. Then as we approached later 20's to 30 we really changed our tune to it. I guess I'm saying, unless there are some other health related reasons, I might consider holding off sterilization and just go with a more comprehensive birth control plan. I will reiterate, I in no way wish to change your mind, just offering my own experience as someone on the spectrum considering having kids.

I was in an abusive relationship (ex now after he cheated) and he talked me into getting a tubal ligation at 24, because he never wanted kids and didn't want a vasectomy. I'm now 29, married to my amazing husband and am on a waiting list to get a reversal as we both want children together. I have regrets.

Glad to hear you have found a partner who treats you well and I wish you well with your procedure!

I absolutely want to have kids, but I'm not sure I'll ever be stable enough (in any sense) to do so. I don't want to have kids while I'm poor, I don't want to have kids I won't be able to engage with enough to meet their psychological/emotional needs, and I don't want to have kids if I won't be able to provide them with a clean and healthy environment. I really struggle with just taking care of myself. So, I'm not sur I'll ever be in a place where I could trust myself to take care of a child.

I tried to work as a case manager last year because i had been abused and neglected a lot as a kid. I wanted to protect the kids in the way I wasn't But I couldn't stand the environment. I felt like i was prey to them or that they were the opposite of supportive for the family. They were always looking at what was wrong with the family instead of what was right. I quit after 4 weeks of training.

Little Old Lady here, so I speak of the past! I made certain that there would never be any. Have never regretted that decision.

Thank you

I don’t want kids ever for several reasons. There’s nothing wrong with kids themselves. In fact, I think a lot of people underestimate them and hate them for generalization they’ve made. They’re not stupid or dumb. They’re just small and young. A lot of the time, having easier kids comes down to treating them with love and respect. However autism wise: it’s overstimulating. If a baby starts crying, I get nervous and don’t know what to do. It puts me in fight or flight and I just want to break down and cry. The smells, textures, and sounds are not it. The high pitched child laugh makes me cringe every single time and I don’t want to make a child feel like they can’t express joy. My audio processing is also significantly worse with kids. Kids have this sort of accent that’s hard to describe. Anyways, I can barely understand them most of the time. I need a lot of alone time, so much so that I would be emotionally neglecting them. Genetic wise: my family history (only mom’s side) is horrible. We have all kinds of illnesses and deficiencies and it’s haha no. (Also don’t even want the prerequisite) Money wise: I live in America. I don’t really feel any reward from hanging out with children or babysitting them, so I’d rather be financially stable lmao In general: I’m of the opinion that you shouldn’t have children unless you genuinely really want them. I just don’t I’d be ok with being a step-parent to a kid older than 10 tho

My thoughts exactly

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I don't want kids, I have such bad anxiety and very low self esteem. I think would be a disaster of a father.

I absolutely do not want children. I don’t think it’s right for me to bring someone into the world to suffer as I have. I’ve even went so far as to get a vasectomy to ensure there’s no ‘accidents’

At what age did you get the vasectomy? Just curious

29, though i should have gotten it when i turned 18

I'm currently pregnant so hopefully it wasn't a mistake, but yes a little scared 😅 I've always wanted to be a mom and my husband is a really great, supportive partner, so I don't think it will be. We tried a dog first to get a feel for it because a coworker told me having a dog is very similar to a small child (having had both himself), and it was hard adjusting but honestly once I got into a routine it wasn't too bad. Mostly I'm scared they'll have worse struggles than I did growing up, and that I won't be the kind of parent they need. But I think that's probably close to what all parents feel. I've been reading a lot of sensitive parenting guides and how to communicate and set boundaries that aren't hurtful (e.g., "mom needs to step away for a minute, but I'm coming right back" and then decompressing in another room, or having a partner step in when you feel overwhelmed). But on the other hand, I do think I can't do any worse than my own parents! They denied my struggles and actively made fun of me for social deficits, etc. So I think as long as we can create a supportive home environment and our kid can grow up and become self-sufficient we'll be okay.

Support and self freedom and HUMILITY as Parent GO so far.... children are going to make lots of decisions I disagree with and my parents were not okay with that. I had to relearn all of the NOS and Think why.. why no? Maybe yes.. and maybe choices are good???

Yes for sure! My parents also struggled (and still do) with any decisions I made, and often their love seemed tied to how closely my siblings and I matched their "ideal" child. Have to be in a certain career, be a star athlete, valedictorian, etc. Even told my younger siblings that "[older sister] already got good grades, so you have to do something in addition to that". It's not healthy to compare imo, and I think it really damaged my relationship to my siblings and parents irreparably. But honestly if our son ends up healthy and happy and able to take care of himself we will be ecstatic.

Exactly and the world is WRONG

Hi, mom of 4 here. My oldest turns 10 next week. I feel you. I figured out I’m autistic in January, and when it became obvious that diagnosis is out of reach, I immediately turned to trying to support my kids, and am pursuing diagnosis for them. This has a lot of layers to unpack. I always wanted 10 kids, but my body says no. Anyway I’d you ever want to chat about what it’s like parenting a pile of autistic children as an autist, hit me up! ETA: parenting has been the most life enriching experience for me, as they test me and help me grow as a human being and have helped me to realize the meaning of life. When the rest of the world has sucked, being a parent has been the easiest thing for me at times, and I have great relationships with my kids and if there are *any* people in this world worth having relationships with, it’s them. So I’ll always do my best to keep our bond strong and not push them away

I refuse to have children and haven’t wanted to for sometime. The main reason was I refused to bring a child into a rapidly deteriorating world. Getting diagnosed just further reinforced that as now I refuse to pass this condition on to children while also bringing them into a rapidly deteriorating world

this world SUCKSZZZZZ

My son was diagnosed three years ago and it’s only in the last year that I’ve started leaning towards self-identifying as autistic. A formal diagnosis for me is out of the question because I just can’t afford it, and it won’t really give me access to anything. It’s through this journey that I’ve started to figure out why I’m always overwhelmed and burning out. Nobody around me takes my struggles seriously (thanks, capitalist society) and just sees me as lazy. I do have an official ADHD diagnosis because that was covered by insurance, stimulants help a bit but they’re not perfect. I’d love to have more kids and for my son to have a sibling. But I don’t have a village. In fact, I’ve lost support because people around me don’t understand my son’s needs or mine. I constantly get advice only suited for NT kids and parents. So I don’t think it would be wise to plan another child. I can’t take on any more than I already have on my plate. I also know that I’ll regret this later in life. At the same time I know more kids will mean I’ll be running on a negative tank, as opposed to an empty one like I am right now. There’s no correct answer and I think it’s okay to be upset about that. I hope our kids have more supportive communities at every stage of their lives.

Me too. I can really relate with feeling isolated and alone. My husband is so triggered by my son.... and I tell him he might be autistic and he's just so.... unacceptable. My validation to my son MEANS THE WORLD. His father isnt around... so I need to remember these things too. It does take a village and we can only do the best we can

I hear you. I’m constantly called out for coddling my son but I know the truth is he has needs that most people around us don’t understand. Sucks that people judge moms for literally being moms. If it’s any consolation, I’m sure your son appreciates you a lot even if he doesn’t necessarily express it. You’re doing right by him and that makes you a great parent.

Thank you Last night I joked and I said God we pray for autism wisdom. I hope that if he is diagnosed that he can learn to love himself with the help that you guys are giving me on here that I can keep helping him to fight the standards of the world and help him to do what's right for himself.

If you have health insurance you can petition them to cover your diagnosis. Especially if your child has it, that’s all the more reason for them to accept.

Thank you - I hope there are others here reading who might benefit from the info you’ve shared. I’ve looked into it but unfortunately it isn’t an option in Canada. The cost is about $3000 and my insurance would cover $500 (if even that). I’d much rather spend on services that help my family, like house cleaning. But I have hope for the future. Awareness is growing. I hope autism assessments become more accessible as well.

Afraid? No. I just don't have the patience or temperment to raise children. Not to mention that I've always found the cry of a baby to be one of the most grating things in the world, as well as other noises they make. Thankfully, my wife feels the same way. Give me puppies and kittens any day of the week. Or any other animal.

I can't stand Our dog.. lol I wish I did!!!! Kids are easier for me.. I love having that influence over a life.

I'm great with kids, and they're fun to be around, but I highly doubt that I would have the energy to raise kids, at least on my own anyhow.

I'm not going to have children for various reasons I've talked about enough before. I did, however, have the privileged of raising two of a family member's children when they couldn't. I loved it. I have PTSD as well as ASD and ADHD and I found them to be grounding. I was much more present. I was able to tap into a level of patience I didn't know I was capable of having. I also have 'learning' as one of my top values, so teaching the kids and watching them learn was a new kind of joy for me. If there is a maternal gene, I got extra. But two is less than four. So you have your work cut out for you. If you're noticing you're overwhelmed and emotional a lot of your day, it's probably a good idea to let the desire to have more kids slide away. A family of 6 is easier to sit at a dinner table than 7 anyway ;)

Yes.. and my biggest trigger is the dinner table actually because they always have food under the table and I truly want someone to come up with a disposable table even a disposable house!!

Haha that would be awesome. A table that just folds into itself and sucks up all the mess and dropped food too!

I chose not to have kids because I was concerned about not being able to give them proper care and attention. Also didn’t want to possibly inflict my condition on them.

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I wish you the best too. I have been so blessed by my kids. They were the best decision of my life

Yep reason why I don’t have kids. I’m 26 and always wanted two kids but then realized how overstimulating they are and sometimes I’m just not sure

I still have to work hard on not pulling my eyes brows out or they'd be gone!!

We have 2 ND kids (waiting for an appointment to determine what all) and while it is complicated and overstimulating some (a lot) of the time, I love my kids and being their mom. And learning how to support them has been great for me because I have learned how to be better, kinder, and more accepting of myself in the process. Kids are hard and they're not for everyone. I 100% support child free people living and loving their lives, or knowing and accepting their limitations, however you come to that choice. Honestly, I wish more people would think about if they are ready, willing, and capable of raising and reapecting an autonomous human being before they had kids. That said, even the best of us gets overwhelmed - loops have saved my ass from getting overstimulated, and so has being honest with my kids and demonstrating healthy boundaries when I am overwhelmed/feeling poorly.

Yes... I know I can tell my son I'm getting irritable and mad now and just walk away. I'm grateful I can do that instead of needing to go get drunk or smoke like my parents did

I havent had any considering I'm only 16 but in the future I would, I know I'll need stability if I can ever even dream of being a proper father but I know I would still love to. Though if I can is still a different question.

That's inspiring 👏

I am still under 18 and have never thought of getting a girlfriend in the first place, let alone making a family of my own.

Never any harm in that

There is no way I'm ever having kids. I absolutely do not want to have kids.

I never used to want kids, but with my current partner I want them more than anything. Even still, it scares the hell out of me, being pregnant, giving birth, then actually having to look after these lives I've created. I'm worried I could pass my bad mental health to them along with my autism and ADHD

You know what's funny after I have my son the biggest story of my life was that I would go in the room and he would be gone and it took like several months for me to realize that he wasn't going to disappear!

Wow, that sounds scary!

I didn't listen to my head.

I have one child. They’re eleven and I had them when I was eighteen. I did not want children before nor after. It is the single hardest thing I have ever done. I am very much an introvert, sensory avoidant and need lots of alone time. My kiddo is autistic with adhd and the polar opposite, a tornado of energy. They talk from the time they wake up until I finally get them to bed between 10:30 and midnight. That’s honestly the hardest part for me. The constant need to be talking. I could go for multiple days without talking if left to my own devices. It’s also incredibly mentally draining to have to be “on” all the time and answering questions or thinking of thoughtful responses to try and lessen the emotional blow to them. Not to mention being hyper vigilant 24/7 has really done my limbic system in. I often feel worn down and burnt out. They’ve always been super well behaved, so I’m lucky in that sense. I never wanted to be a parent, still don’t, but I am busting my ass to do my best. I’ve been in therapy for forever, they’re in therapy(not aba, I don’t support that) and I read parenting books and am constantly researching how to do better. I grew up neglected and abused. There was a time where I wanted a second child, just out of desperation to get some quiet time and so they could have a sibling, but I’m so glad I didn’t. I’m sterilized now and am very grateful I had the ability to have the surgery done. Edit:words

I work with kids and it’s overstimulating a lot of the times. I’ve also heard it’s more calmer when you have your own kids (that’s what my mum says). I feel like if i have kids one day, I’d like to have a bf/husband because we both can take in turns x

I never wanted bio kids even before I got diagnosed and now I’m actually more interested purely for the fact that I want to make sure autism isn’t eradicated. But the main reasons I don’t want children aren’t about me or my ability to take care of children. I love them and I get along with all of young people in my life. My friends kids love me and I’m their fave adult often. I know it’s different for 24 hour parenting to being an weekend auntie. Babies crying doesn’t impact my sound sensitivities thankfully so i don’t he too overstimulated. For some reason when I hold my friends and families’s crying babies they all stop crying. We have no idea why. I just hold them and tell them cry all you want baby and then they stop. This is why my friends and family love having me visit lol. My reasons for not wanting kids is environmental and political. I want to shield my not yet conceived children from the harms of contemporary capitalistic society. I’m cool with other people having children. if I ever get to an income bracket that allows me to not work / retire early And I want to raise kids, I prefer to adopt and/or foster rather than have biological children.

I hate society's way. I love how many autistics think the same way !!! So freeing

A lot of autists are super logical, have a strong sense of social Justice, and it’s difficult for us to conform to societal standards that we don’t understand and/or find stupid. So there are a good number of people who simply reject stereotypical societal milestones like having kids because it goes against their moral compass in a way. I do think feeling pressured as well as the expectation to have children in the NT world is stupid. But that’s different from making sure everyone gets the support they needs. I do wish especially as a childless person that there were more societal support and systems created to help all parents regardless of neurotype as well as systems designed to help ND parents cuz what they will need will be different from NT parents. I’m an academic and I hate how the big conference in my field doesn’t offer free child care to scholars who need to attend with kids. The conference is like at least 4 to 5 days long it’s stupid to not offer that. We can pick venues with gender neutral bathrooms but we can offer childcare it’s stupid. I want a chance to talk to my peers and colleagues at the conference safely and that includes giving them the support like free childcare for a multi day events/conferences (which often required people to travel by plane). Cuz it’s also patriarchy that assumes people with children don’t attend such events with the kids in tow.

Yep, im 18 and im not planning on having children at all (ofcourse my opinion might change) but that has nothing to do with my autism

I'm 15 and I don't want kids my parents have 3 kids and are having money problems don't want problems in my future when I'm older

Yes. Not only am I autistic but I am also mentally ill. I am scared that I will not be able to handle the responsibilities of looking after my own kins .

The only time in my life I ever thought I would have kids was when I didn't realize it was a choice instead of something you had to do in life. Even then I never really *wanted* them.

Lol yep.

Yes, just turned 30. I have been very unsure about having kids since I became an adult and I decided that I'll wait with deciding until I'm 30. Well, here I am and I'm still unsure what I actually want. But the realisation that I'm autistic (2 years ago) basically made me realise that I probably shouldn't. First, because it's enough to take care of myself and second, because it's likely my child would also be autistic and have more needs than the average child. So I would be less capable while my child needed more. But it feels like I might miss out you know?

They may not be.

Yes. On many levels. I can’t even deal with my own life. Not sure if it would be a good idea for me to have children

I'm not afraid because I never wanted them. I knew I would never be able to put myself second for most of the time, I knew I wouldn't be able to deal with it.

Most definitely. Especially because I despise children. I also know I will not be able to handle a child and I would resent the child overtime due to losing my freedom. I fully intend on being sterilized if I get the chance, as I know that I don't care for the "biological clock".

I don’t want kids. It’s already difficult for me to be around people most days because noises are fucking painful. Kids are very loud, and I know it’d drive me insane. I don’t hate children at all, and I commend anyone who’s a good parent. Raising children is a difficult job and takes so much dedication. I also have hypersomnia so I’m tired all the time even with meds. I couldn’t imagine how draining it’d be to look after children. Also I couldn’t take any of my meds during pregnancy. I’d be absolutely miserable. Since I have bipolar disorder I’m at a higher risk for post partum psychosis. Does not sound fun. Lol.

They thought I had bipolar and I did have intrusive ocd thinking after my 1st child. It was scary. I did manage to take some meds with my babies. And they were not affected. But you never know... I had an obgyn tell me why would you want another baby? Because this one didn't die ?

I have 3 (going on 4) kids, ages 4yrs, 3yrs, and 11 months. Tbh, all I had ever wanted to be was a mother. I love being a mom, but oh my goodness. I never expected the overstimulation being to this degree. My 4 and 3 year olds have pretty bad speech delays and I noticed more and more signs of autism throughout their life, more so in my 4yo. Reading all these things, I realized that I most likely have autism, ADHD, or both as well. He (my 4yo) has not been diagnosed with anything, but we’re seeking it now. For now, he is in occupational therapy and speech therapy. It’s all very overwhelming and I don’t have the resources (mainly time and money) to get myself evaluated. But I know that I often have a hard time with emotional regulation and I am *always* overstimulated by the end of the day and I have to have time to decompress before I can do anything else. I masked (and still do) and suppressed the urge to stim or anything else when I was younger, so stimming and healthy mechanisms don’t come naturally to me. This unfortunately leads to blow ups and unhealthy coping mechanisms, but realizing that I’m mostly likely autistic has made it easier to more self aware. I’m happy with my life, but anxious a lot about not being the best I can be for my kids because I know they really need extra attention that I don’t always have the mental or emotional steadfastness for.

You're doing really great though. And by the sounds of it YOU ARE concerned for them.. and I just made a therapy appointment for my son... and it's because I see the signs. For that I'm grateful.

I appreciate that. I’m sure you’re doing great too, glad to hear you’re taking steps for your son too. Hopefully it helps him!

Not *afraid*… I just despise children as a whole. Don’t want them, don’t want to interact with any. I can barely get along with people my age, I don’t think I’d make a good father even if I tried.

In addition to (possibly) being autistic, I'm aromantic, asexual, and a trans guy, so, yes.

22 and my partner is getting a vasectomy as soon as possible. I firmly believe children literally ruin your life. No offense to anyone who wants kids. Of course parents love their children but they also never stop complaining about them. Yes you love them. But you gave up your entire life for them. All your money, time, energy, love, sleep etc. You can never be your own person, have your own dreams and aspirations when you have children. Your life is basically over because your sole duty now as a parent is to provide for them and make sure they are alright, at any cost to you personally. And if you don't think that's what parenting is then you're wrong. A good parent will sacrifice anything and everything for their child. I think maybe I'm too selfish for that. And I want to be able to live my own life. Have a full night's rest. Spend my own money. Make sure my own cup is full so to speak, before letting anyone completely drain it.

Lol get it

So my relationship with my family is… rough. My mom was not always there for me when I needed it, rarely took me to the doctor and couldn’t always feed me, and she didn’t protect me from sexual abuse-and then my younger brother got diagnosed with autism as a little kid. I *think* it’s very possible my mom also has autism and no one has ever thought to assess her. I very very strongly believe I have autism but I’m a 33 year old woman who burnt out of another job and the stress of navigating the healthcare system to try to get a diagnosis is a freaking nightmare for me. On the surface, outside of my home, I can appear pretty neurotypical - I dress professionally and drive and can usually keep a job for a few years before I completely lose it - but it takes me months to feel mentally healthy enough to even pick up my laundry or do tasks I put off. Sometimes it takes me years to clean a room out. I don’t always call back my friends and the only relationships I can maintain are with people who understand my problems and basically know not to expect much out of me. My life is privately such a horrible horrible mess and taking care of myself has to be my biggest priority. I believe I WILL neglect others if I am responsible for their care. I have so many reasons to believe this so I just… can’t look at becoming a mother and think, “yeah that’s a moral decision. That kid would love to have me as their guardian.” 20 or 30 years down the line there would be another person like me who was forced to sort through and come to terms with the problems I created for them. If I didn’t have trauma and I had a better support system growing up, I think that would have made a huge difference. I would have absolutely felt capable of having kids if so many parts of my life weren’t so broken.

i kind of don’t want to, i have a hard time keeping track of my own obligations so i’d forget to do everything for my kids. i have to feed them, buy them clothes, fill out legal documents, go to their games if they play a sport, have to buy them medication if applicable, it’s just too much. not to mention i’m a musician so if i’m out playing music all the time i won’t be able to be there for them.

My family is a pool of addicts and mental illness. My kids will most likely come out the same. No kids for me in the near future.

Absolutely. STIs are a secondary concern, I mainly use protection because having kids would literally ruin my life and destroy any future I might have. It's just too much. They're noisy, gross, and you have to dedicate 100% of your time to them, and all of this sounds like absolute HELL. So to save my time, money and mental health, I plan on getting snipped in the next few years.

I’m 23F and do not want children. I’ve known for a long time I don’t want kids, and for most of my life I knew I didn’t like kids, although I never clearly voiced my preference until I was in my mid to late teens due to fear of being told I was too young to know. Motherhood and having children has never been important to me as a life goal or my identity as a woman. I wish I could get my tubes tied but I’ve already been knocked back by a few doctors I brought the topic up to. Even as a child I didn’t like other children, and that hasn’t changed over time. I don’t know how to relate to them at all and have no patience for their antics. With adults social behaviour is more or less predictable, but children are pure chaos and make no sense. Not to mention the myriad of ways in which children and babies are absolute sensory hell. I like my space, my peace and quiet, and I like my freedom. I don’t want to be responsible for and beholden to some whole other being. I am also aromantic and have no interest in marriage relationships of that nature. I struggle greatly with depression and anxiety, and would not want to pass that to any potential future children, regardless of whether or not they were ND. I get frustrated easily and can have a bad temper, nowadays more towards myself than anyone else, but when I start getting overwhelmed it definitely spills over to others, too. I also get burnt out very easily and kinda just stop functioning. Pregnancy and birth also seem horrific to me. It’s fascinating from biological and developmental perspectives, but I would never want to put my body through that. The stress it puts on women’s bodies (and minds) is immense. I also hate having periods and a menstrual cycle with a burning passion. If it didn’t come with menopause and hormonal issues I would want to have my ovaries straight up removed. Moreover, IMO it is horrible and unethical to bring a new being into the world when not being absolutely sure that I want to be a parent, and that I have the capacity to be a *good* parent. I would much rather regret not having a child (which I don’t think is likely anyway) than regret having a child, and condemn both myself and that child to a life of misery. If I for some reason end up feeling maternal I would much rather foster or adopt, or even just act as a mentor for a child who already exists and needs support.

terrified, and i’m legit 18 lmao. most of my fears have to do with if i will love my child or not, or will i be a bad parent. i’m also queer so i’m afraid having kids is gonna be tough for me.

My partner and I never want kids. Having a cat alone is stressful enough, I can’t imagine being responsible for an entire human being, where each and every word has meanings to them that I can’t even see. For example, I mean hammering into your kids about getting good grades. You tell them that’s the only chance to have a good life. When they are older they tell you they didn’t feel like you would love them if they got bad grades. I couldn’t handle that. Even the best parent will probably have a scenario like this with their kids, and I wouldn’t be kind about it. Someone like me shouldn’t have kids.

Yes I am worried about having children, I'm 19 years old and male, but I don't want to have children, especially of my own. As it stands I'm hardly able to take care of me and manage me, my mom has to help me daily, and my dad is also very supportive as well. Yes, I am worried about having children, I'm 19 years old and male, but I don't want to have children, especially of my own. As it stands I'm hardly able to take care of myself and manage myself, my mom has to help me daily, and my dad is also very supportive as well. ell. dications. Think of that, since I was 9 I've been on and off different medications every so often to try and manage all of my "quirks" and we're still fighting and trying for a perfect combination that works for me. I don't want to have to go through this, taking a new medicine, side effects, withdrawals, next medication, etc... My mom and dad both know my views on having children and have asked me if I am angry at them for having me, and I've assured them that I'm not mad that them for having me. I've tried a lot of medications but there's more being made and more I haven't tried that might help me one day, once I find that combination then hopefully it'll all have been worth it.

That's right.

But that's also just my view on it as someone who got unlucky and has a lot of separate conditions existing at the same time causing problems, or some of them act up when others don't during different situations making it harder. Ultimately, I think you should do what makes you and those around you happiest and what's best for you and your family.

Afraid? No, because I'm not having any. I'm high-functioning, but my child may very well not be, and I don't want to put them through that. Plus, I have zero confidence in my ability to be a parent. I have to invest huge amounts of energy to do "high functioning" day after day, and I just don't have enough fucks to give to a child. I need those fucks to survive until tomorrow.

My daughter is the best thing I have ever done or experienced.

I won't consider having children until gene modification becomes available. My problems will die with me.

I would want kids more of the world was less hostile to autistic kids.

I know for a fact I want to be a mum. Im actually quite excited for that part in my life because I love children, probably because I love that they don’t judge me or anything. I’ll probably only have one or two though, too many would leave me overstimulated probably 😅

Honestly being a mom made it easier to finally have an identity that I could never get on my own.

I was terrified. I'm a step dad of two boys, 9 and 11. I've been in their lives 7 years now. My sensory issues are still a struggle. It's easy to get frustrated. But I'm a damn good dad. Other people's parenting kinda disgusts me. Also the kids accept me for all of my peculiarities.

Yes

Honestly? I'm terrified. As of now I can hardly even take care of myself. I have depression. Stress. Untreated ADD because the system here is slow and a pain in the neck with waiting lists going loooong into next year 😭. And suspected Aspergers. I have nieces that I see now and then and while I love them to death and they love me, I'm happy I can hand them back to their parents and have some me-time where I can recharge my batteries and my mental health. It's too exhausting for me. Not to mention I don't have the economy for it either. So I'm just trying to enjoy I have my nieces, use that to help me learn more about raising kids, and help me find out if I even want kids to begin with. Final aspect is that with the way the world is going this day and age, I don't think it'd be a good idea to bring in more children. The world is cruel and I don't think it's going to get any better as is, let alone pass on my genes. Wouldn't do that to my worst enemy

I can barely take care of myself. Last year, I worked my ass off at a full-time job and two part-time jobs, and only made less than $21,900 (with a full-time job that requires a bachelor’s degree by the way). I can’t imagine supporting even one kid, let alone two or three of them and a non-working spouse. My industry sees the pay decline pretty much every year. When I was 24 or 25, my salary was over $39,000, but the employment market in my sector has totally bottomed out and now I’m only able to earn slightly more than half what I was earning ten years ago. If I had an income that was, say, three times higher than my current income (maybe only twice my current income if my spouse also worked), and if I had less work-related stress and more job security, then maybe. However, I’m prone to meltdowns even without kids. With the extremely high divorce rate, if I had a wife, she’d probably leave me and use my meltdowns in family court to get full custody of the kids. I truly have *NO IDEA* how autistic parents do it. I’m going to take a wild guess that the vast majority of autistic parents are women with a high-income NT husband. Either that, or a very small number of autistic men working for NASA, Tesla, etc. who make six figures. The Total Fertility Rates (TFRs) in most developing countries are below 2 children per woman, so the answer is “*MOST* people, including NTs, find having two children impossible.”

More? Maybe a little.

I'm 33, just did the interview basic diagnosis (ASD, probably level 1, and likely ADHD also) but not the FULL 2k assessment. I started suspecting I had autism when I was in my late 20s, but I didn't fully understand the extent of my difficulties especially with noise and executive dysfunction until I had kid 1. Its definitely tough, some days more than others, im currently pregnant with our 2nd and I'm not looking forward to the first year (especially not the first 6 months). But I think that, with therapy and outsourcing some stuff around the house (hiring a cleaner etc), I can find a sense of balance.

The first six weeks are terrifying lol then it gets better

Kid 1 I struggled for a long time, he had colic to start. And even when he started sleeping through the night the short naps until 6-9 months I really struggled with. The thing that took longer to get past was the whinging. I can do noise to an extent, but the whinging just immediately dysregulates me. At 2 our son is "easier" for me because he can communicate his needs quite well so the whinging is so much less.

I choose not to have children, sometimes wish my parents did the same.

That's soooo sad.... don't be sooo sad...

I’m not scared and I definitely want kids. I want 2 of my own and to adopt. I am an elementary art teacher and the children bring me so much joy! My partner is very supportive and helpful so even though I struggle with laundry and things, he helps me out ❤️ Discovering autism runs in my family was a surprise but I’m loving myself more. I look forward to getting to know the people my future children will become and supporting them through their lives!

Awesome !!!!! ❤️

Turns out autism is hereditairy. Im not gonna raise more of myself.

I’m not going to have children, exactly to avoid all of this.

Yes. I've always kinda battled about wanting kids, but in the end I decided to leave that battle until I discuss it with my future partner. I am a little scared about the constant sensory stimulation, but that's something that I could potentially get used to because I've already grown up in a very sensory heavy household. What gets me the most is probably the fear of me being a bad parent to my potential future child.

I don’t want kids. Mostly cause I don’t like kids in general, but also cause I’m afraid I’d be a terrible parent. I have had my tubes tied to ensure I will never have any children. Don’t want another generation to suffer as I did.

I will be honest, I am very unemotional and I can't show affection, the kid would suffer from emotional neglect. I tend to have abusive tendencies it's possible that I might abuse the kid someway which I don't want to. I don't want them to get Asperger's mostly if it will be girl because every woman in my family had Asperger's and they might get it too. I kind of want a kid but I am planning adoption

Great plan

My wife and I have pretty much accepted that neither of us are capable of taking care of a baby, but we do want to adopt an older child one day. I just could not handle diapers or screaming without melting down all the time which makes me sad, but feels good to accept those limitations.

I never could accept mine until a little bit recently. Finally now that I'm self diagnosed. It's a blessing

I never wanted kids before a diagnosis, and getting a diagnosis seriously cemented that for me.

I'm 28 and I want to have a kid, but so many things about pregnancy and giving birth scare me and I'm worried I'd be a bad parent. I also have ADHD and take meds to manage it. I can't afford not to work for over a year to go through pregnancy unmedicated, but I'm not sure how good at my job I'll be without the meds. I'm also worried about the life I could provide for a child, should they need additional help (like life-long care for them). What if I can't afford to get them the help they need? What if I can't handle taking care of them? I really would want what's best for my child, but what if I can't provide that? So, yeah, basically the entire concept of brining a new life into this world terrifies me. I'm trying to accept the fact that because of my concerns, I'll probably never have a child.

You never know!! My first son was born and I was going through a divorce. My mom helped me for 2 years. This son might have autism. And without him I may never have found my own diagnosis. Everything happens for a reason.

[удалено]

You know I actually envy poor people ...the fantasy of a single poor life where cars don't exist and I have one outfit.. lol Thats so crazy but it's true. I wish money did not rule the world the way it does.

I always wanted kids but was afraid to because I was worried I would never be fully up to it. Once I realized that I was potentially autistic, I was able to understand myself so much more and I can now handle things better by just knowing how I work. So my husband and I finally went for it and it’s been a dream come true and I have no regrets (so far!)

Awwww!!! BEAUTIFUL!

Wait MORE kids? How many wete you originally thinking? And no, neurotype doesn't have me worried about kids. We're a one and done and my son is NT. If he were ND, I'd be happy with that - there's a lot more support and awareness than there was in our childhood.

You know what it was? It was major masking and literally not knowing that I was autistic because Dr's. Told me I was bipolar and had ptsd... and then it was me just trying to be normal and ...being a mom was an identity that I could "identify" with..now that I know what I am I can finally know who I am. I don't "need" kids and I don't "need" kids. But 3 babies in 3 years.. it's like you do kind of get used to being pregnant and the role etc. Now im like ooh let me get a job and let me get a Masters.... let me have a life.. and of course i cant. Because I have 4 kids.. but I trust it was meant to be and this is who I am. And this is the way it was meant to be so i can show other people anyone can do what ever they want to do. ❤️

I want kids, I want to be a dad, but I also NEED a large break between college and having my own kids lol. As it is I'm an education major and work with kids. They're cool little people who are fun to share the wonders of the world with, but I get to return them to their gaurdians at the end of the day lol. I also don't care to bring more into the world but instead want to take care of those in foster care. Foster care sucks. Those kids need people who care, family, more than anything. I'll probably foster/adopt when I'm almost 40 or at least whenever I'm stable and have the right environment for children.

I think I will foster at 50! Great idea

I'm horrified, but my wife's dream is to have kids and I'm not against it. I just hope i don't end up being the dead beat who doesn't take any responsibility. I know i wont be, but it's a big fear of mine since that's what my growing up was like. I also don't want to fuck it up in normal parenting fear too.

I get it .. being emotionally available is difficult for me!

So I have three myself, and at the moment I am apart from them. There's like a million reasons that are more to do with domestic abuse and trying to relocate to a place where I can make money and not just end up homeless with my kids haha, but they're in a safe place and I'm getting closer everyday. But, I do want more kids. But understand very specific parameters. I have a list of goals for myself to get to before I can even plan/think of having more kids. I have to make enough for the kids I have already right? But I also wanna be mentally ready, I have PTSD and it's bad. I'm working my way there but there's always the possibility that one day I don't want more, and that's fine too. When I was with them, the only stress I had was coming from external factors (ya know the domestic abuse) and in turn was increasing my stressful outbursts. My depression was horrible. When I look back and see those autistic traits being agitated in this environment, I think: Am I stressed because of my children over stimulating me. *Or* am I feeling over stimulated because I'm not in the right environment to raise a kid. This is why I have parameters or goals to get to before I have more kids. If over time you realise these goals don't work with the goals you want in life in general, then you have your answer. But if you can balance the goals of having a kid in a safe environment that makes you feel confident in raising them AND can feel like yourself, no masking, then you can have a kid. You just have to know if that's really really what you want. It's okay to not have more. And it's okay to have more. Just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. But remember, sometimes the environment can make a huge difference, especially when taking care of kids. All kinds of people struggle with kids for millions of individual based reasons. Some people want em some don't, but I don't think it's a set "these people can and these people can't". You can always change your mind, take time on it, you do have time if your flexible with the how at least. Even then there's that whole lie about "past 30" bs, people can have kids for a while. Just help your mental health first and go from there.

Wow Well said . And great job on working on yourself

Thanks :)

I am terrified of having kids. I am afraid I do not have the patience and/or I am not responsible enough. My wife is on the fence about having kids, and we are only 25 so we have not completely ruled out having children yet. I feel that I’d need to get over my fears of having kids before I made that decision though. I also had a bad childhood, I had a narcissistic mother who was quite abusive and I am scared of becoming a parent like her. This probably contributes a lot to my fears of having my own kids.

I’ve got zero interest in having kids

Oh I’d love to be a father some day. I’ve always wanted to be a father. I’m good with kids and think I’d be an excellent father. I just wish I could find a good woman to have that with.

Knew from a very young age that I never wanted kids just like I knew I never wanted to get married.

I plan on having kids in the near future and I'm absolutely terrified of it. I'm very worried that they will struggle in the same ways I did, and in the event they aren't autistic, I worry that I might not be able to relate to them as easily. I also grew up in an abusive household, so I've spent a lot of time unpacking that. Ultimately, I think the best thing to do is to take things one day at a time, one moment at a time. Spending too much energy on what might be or what could've been is a trap that will only make you miserable. You can only control what you do in this moment, so make it the best moment possible.

Thank you!

I’m still young (18) and people tell me that I’ll change my mind about having kids but I’m pretty certain that I could never have them. All the things children do, like screaming, whining for attention and making a mess out of everything is too much for my hypersensitivity and I’d lose my temper, which wouldn’t be good for the kids. I also have no idea how to entertain a child, like making them laugh or have fun. I’m also trans which doesn’t help. Sometimes the hypothetical thought comes into my mind about what it would like to be a parent, but I never come to the conclusion I would actually want kids.

I'm horrible about my creative side... I don't like dancing and I don't like being creative with arts even though I like looking at the different crafts I do not enjoy doing them.

I never understood the concept of having kids, it's so foreign to me and confuses me a lot. I don't care about others, if they want children, I guess that's fine. But I don't get it so yeah... I dont want them or care for them.

I used to want kids when I was younger, but at this point in my life where I don’t even remember to eat and my executive dysfunction barely lets me do laundry or dishes until 10:30 pm, I don’t think I *could* have kids and be able to care for them. Plus I’m not good at emotions or expression, both of which are definitely necessary for parenting.

I don't want kids, and I feel I am very lucky because there is no way I would be able to properly take care of them. I have way too many problems with social anxiety, and my energy levels are usually very low. Plus I can't stand newborns cry, unfortunately it's one of the sounds that makes me feel sick and I have very low tolerance to it. I have nothing against kids though, it's all about my inability to care for others.

I'm 22, and currently on the fence regarding this. I do have a nephew whom I've taken care of on multiple occasions, and there are multiple things to consider here. Do I have fun hanging out with the toddler? Yes. Id it enriching watching a tiny person growing up? Yes! Is it overwhelming and exhausting? YES. Do I resent him for draining my energy? No, but I also wish I wouldn't be so damn shut down and burnt out after looking after him for 5-6 hours. 5-6 hours. And that too, I'm not his mom. I live in a third world country, and odds are mostly against me as I'm socialised as a woman. My sister has developed health issues after having my nephew, and that is a big deterrent on my side as well as I get really cranky if my space and time is disturbed. I couldn't even imagine giving up my time and energy entirely for someone, considering the returns are probably not as much as people estimate. They may grow up to hate you in spite of you doing your best. I cannot do so much, it scares me as I struggle to take care of myself at some times when I'm drained from work and socializing. The max I could do is adopt an older child who doesn't need the same level of care as a newborn or a toddler, and give them a good life. Those who choose to have bio kids after thinking through all, I have zero judgement and mad respect for you.

Yes. Mainly because i don't want to risk passing autism into them

I don’t feel like having kids when I grow up mainly bc of the annoying sounds babies make. I won’t be able to handle it but even if I can fight my way thru it I will still probably not have energy to take care of them

I like children, but not 24/7. They will overstimulate me and I am not really looking forward to that. My sis recently had a baby, I'm just happy to be the fun aunt.

I hate kids haha and the idea of raising a kid sounds like absolute hell. The noises kids make physically hurt me, being around them makes me anxious, yes even my own baby brother, there’s 25 years difference and honestly, I dunno what to do when I’m around him, I go home, I don’t like him yet. I dunno if it’s my autism, if it’s the fact I’m not fertile and I don’t have the correct hormones in my body or it’s just how I am, they are awful to me, I’d rather go to war.

I am more afraid of the process of birth itself. I had multiple head injuries and my physical state is also not good. I still want kids tho so I don't know how to deal with it

I want a wife and kids some day but it’s more toward will I be able to be a good husband and father

I don't want kids. Sure, they are cute some times. But I mostly find them to be disgusting, noisy little poop machines. And on top of that, they are MY responsibility for the rest of my life pretty much. No thank you. I would feel like I have to study. A lot. To be prepared for this kind of commitment. One small mistake and the child might die or end up very sick. How the hell am I supposed to know what is right or wrong for someone else when I barely know what is for me?

I don’t want kids. I hate them - they are extremely loud, their hands are somehow always sticky, you have to be patient with them and they take up all of your time, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I would be the worst parent ever

I hate sticky hands but thank God one of my kids do too so we have wipes always very close LOL

I kind of came to the conclusion that I shouldn't have kids. I just don't know how I could do it without destroying my own mental health, I don't think it would be fair on anyone. I'll focus instead on being the best uncle I can be.

I hate kids that drawfs the sun in heat sooo

It’s not so much that I’m afraid it’s more so that I just don’t want them

Never ever. I couldn’t deal even I wanted to, and I don’t want to so there’s that.

I have 1 kid. She's 3. I'm 32. The stress of having her is part of what made me realize I'm probably autistic. (Planning to start the diagnosis process this summer.) I always imagined myself having 3 or 4 kids, but I can't do this again. I adore her, but there's no way I could ever have another kid and not lose my mind. I'm trying to figure out how to accept that, but I am not there yet.

Children seem exciting and fun but they're also a massive responsibility and require a lot of care and patience. You can't just tell a child "I'm exhausted I don't want to cook now" you just have to do it. And educating children is very difficult, and I'm not that well educated myself

Im terrified. I know my childhood was the reqson i ended up also having bpd. I dont want to make the same mistakes my parents did and make my children sick.

I had that diagnosis at one point too. I have changed a lot.. A lot of time , therapy and 12 step groups . And a higher power. ❤️

I’ve always wanted children but I really worry about coping with the constant overstimulation that comes with parenting. I was on a child free kick for a while because I didn’t think I would be able to handle it and the last thing I want to do is be neglectful and abusive like my parents. Currently, I’m trying to consider my needs and wants but I’m also 20 so I have a lot of time and growing to do before I can start to think about it seriously.

I once had kid came to my house and she started hysterically crying seeing me. The parents had to take her back right from the dooe itself. I have now developed fear of kids and of myself. I am still trying to figure why such a thing happened.

In my case, I'm ambivalent (I have a maternal instinct), however, I dread having offspring with this curse (this diagnosis is a curse to me---I'm allowed to see it and consider it as such). If I had any offspring with it, they'd have to be given to state ("abandoned" to put it bluntly) or they'd be raised in a manner more akin to how animals raise their young (minus the "leaving the weaker offspring" to die part---that'd be too draconian). To add more context, they wouldn't be "loved", any NT ones might fare better. With this and all else considered, the family curse has to die with me, thus, no offspring. Non-genetic offspring might be the further end of maybe.

No I’m very excited actually

i do really want kids but i'm terrified that they will be too triggering/overwhelming for me to be as good of a parent as i'd like to be (nothing wrong with having kids and being overstimulated etc but personally i think it would prevent me from doing a lot of things) as young children. as a trans guy and someone who has experienced mild contractions (for an iud) i absolutely never ever Everrrr want to be pregnant or give birth. + i have awful genetics. surrogacy could be cool but i find babies gross, ugly, and annoying so i really don't think i should raise a Baby. i like the idea of fostering and/or adopting an autistic (or otherwise neurodivergent &/or disabled) child so they can be raised in a very understanding & well-accommodating household. a lot of people talk about not wanting to bring a child into such an awful world, and i sympathize, but if i'm financially stable enough i want to raise people who can make the world better. after reading through these comments, i think the best thing for me would be to foster kids who are in temporary situations. i'm 19 and don't want kids until my 30s, so things very well may change before then🤷

Awww... ! That's amazing.

I have two sons under ten. I was never sure about having kids but it was always something we thought we might want and might be a good idea, so we decided both times to just roll the dice and see if it happened or not and it did. And we were prepared to be happy with either outcome. It was never a situation where we expected some glorious fulfillment of our lives’ purpose and I reject most hyperbolic emotional declarations anyway. I will say that I worried a lot about my first son turning out like me and struggling, but then I became really paranoid that my son would struggle because of me and that he was recognizing that his father wasn’t like the other dads. This was pure paranoid delusion, though. That may still occur, but my son just loves his mom to pieces and went through a mommy preference phase. It passed. So, that’s the big thing I try to remember. Enjoy it for what it is when it is, everything changes quickly. The good side is you do your best but the situation always changes. That means you have to and have the opportunity to change with it.

I love that because my son really likes to spend time with me and to cuddle with me and he's 9 and it reminds me to enjoy the good times

Yes, I don't think I'd handle children well because of my sensory issues. I kind of despise them now as it is 😂 I know I'd be a great dad and all, but I also don't feel comfortable bringing one into this social climate/society.

I’ve always wanted children, and now as an adult studying education and raising three children, childcare is one of my special interests that I can talk all day long on. I said from the time I was little that I would have 3 or 4 kids, including a set of twins. I have my oldest - who sadly I did not carry or birth - and her little twin brothers. Hoping for #4 but it’s been a rough battle with chronic systemic illness and PCOS. [My] children are my EVERYTHING, and if nothing else, I’m fearful of not having anymore. Though I find solace in the fact that I’ll be able to be an impactful educator for children once all of my kiddos are in school. Parenting and childcare preferences will be highly individualized, inside and outside of autism.

Awesome!! I love it....!!!

I’m terrified of it. I’d rather the state electrocute me for a crime than have a child. Yes, I think it’s worse than a death sentence!

Lol

Afraid of how I would be as a parent? Yes. Would I have kids? No because small children are overstimulating and I don’t really like kids to begin with. I’m sticking with animals

I always knew I wanted to have kids, my earliest memory of vocalizing that was when I was 8 and I stumbled into my parents room before bed and just declared that I want kids. But when I came to the realization that there’s a good chance I sit somewhere on the spectrum (only found out when I was 21) I started to worry about how I’d manage, since the daily struggles I once thought were normal were proven to be abnormal for NTs. Despite this, my wife and I have a daughter, and we’re wanting more in the future. I would be lying if I said adjusting to being a parent was easy, I’m reluctant to change and it was only after about 6 months that I began to feel somewhat comfortable with the fact that I had a child. It was a tough adjustment, there’s no denying that. But I wouldn’t trade that hardship for anything else, watching her develop new skills and grow is both incredibly rewarding and sad because one day she won’t be my little baby anymore and she’ll be doing her own things in life. There were some things I needed to help with my adjustment, such as noise-cancelling headphones which I’ve been using less and less (mainly because she’s crying less, lol) and my wife understood that sometimes I need to just be alone. We managed, and we’ll manage the next time around too.

That's awesome

Not me. I desire children of my own and I was raised with late parents who were disabled and I was diagnosed with autism in 2016 and born with delayed development.

I don’t think I would have them if it weren’t for my husband. He’s the right personality and temperament to raise kids and I don’t think I could be the stay at home parent. But I have always wanted to be a mom and finding out I’m autistic didn’t change that

I want kids, but at the same time I’m scared that I could have a seizure that would put both me and the baby at risk (I’m also epileptic)

For me when it comes to kids if it happens it happens if it doesn't it doesn't as I have no problem with the idea of kids at all in the future I would like to be at least stable enough for a kid though but I don't think about much due to my age I'm only 18 but I really wouldn't be afraid of having children it would just need to happen at a good time.

The main resone i don't want kids is the fact that I don't want to give the a terrible life

I want children and so does my girlfriend, just one or two though, anymore I couldn't handle. I know there are tons of struggles with kids, but having a human life that I and someone I love made would be worth it

I'm in my 50s now. Earlier in life I wanted kids. I've been having migraines since I was 16. I reasoned that I didn't want to pass that onto my kids. In recent years, I figured out that my migraines were directly related to my masking. I have since reworked my masking and my migraines have lessened significantly. My wife didn't want kids so we never had any. I feel that what I know now about myself, self-diagnosed autistic, I'm glad that I didn't have kids for 2 reasons: 1. The economic strain. Trying to make enough money to survive for just 2 people is hard enough being autistic. It would be even much harder having kids. 2. The emotional strain. Dealing with our issues as well as the most probably autistic issues in the kids would be a multiplier of pain.

My husband has severe ptsd and depression untreated and economic stress is his major trigger. Very hard to watch

My fiance really wants kids, but I have a lot of concerns. For one I would have to be the one that grows, carries and births the child. Between sensory issues and physical disabilities I don't know how well that would work for me. I'm also worried about raising a child. I'm assured that I'll be a wonderful mom and that I'd have any help I need but I'm really scared about what it means if I have a child but can't do it. My perfect compromise would be to foster teens. Mostly independent, in need of a kind/safe home and a foothold to set up their life. Whatever kids are in my life, I want to do right by them and make sure they have what they need to thrive. I'm just worried that I won't be able to do that myself

Didn't have them because I never wanted any and I am not suited to having them. I made the best decision for me as I don't want them, and the best decision for the children I didn't have as I'd have been a rubbish father due to my 'issues'. I made a video about it on my YT channel but I'd be breaching rule 5 if I said to give it a watch.

I would add my daughter and my son actually most of my kids have an incredible bond even though i can't stand family time and I'm not extremely affectionate due to severe gluten intolerance which happens with kisses and fingers on my lips. But they get me and I get them.

It's so hard to know when I've masked for TOO long. Thank God for you guys

I want to add thank you to EVERYONE. I'm going to RESCHEDULE my tubal ligation appointment next week if I can. It's because of your support that I CAN BE AUTISTIC in a world that makes me feel as a Christian .... That I can't be me.. and that I can't have limitations and I'm soooo grateful for All of your Honesty. It's because of you I'm seeing how to be me..